1 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,000 Mmm. Yum. 2 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,960 - Mmm. Hmm. - Mmm. 3 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,440 - Ah. Hey, Joan. - Mike. 4 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,120 How's the coffee? 5 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,240 If I'm honest… 6 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,720 - I'll tell 'em to look at the machine. - Thank you. 7 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,960 Oh, and Sandy's outside waiting for that 10:15. 8 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,680 Oh God. 9 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,800 I know. 10 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,840 Okay. Um, give me five. 11 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,400 I need to, like, psych up. 12 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,880 I'm so sorry. So sorry. 13 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,160 You're letting me go? 14 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,520 Um… Okay, but I'm still working on my audio compression algorithm. 15 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,680 Unfortunately, the board feel your compression algo isn't 16 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,040 a thing that they wanna pursue. 17 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,920 Uh, okay. Well, without it, we'll need more data servers. 18 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,840 I know. I know. 19 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,080 Which means a bigger carbon footprint. 20 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,840 We'll breach all of our environmental pledges. 21 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,680 I'm sorry. It's how the board feel. 22 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,240 I just put a deposit down on a new apartment. 23 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,280 I'm sure this hasn't been an easy decision for them. 24 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:41,800 Joan. 25 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,160 Please don't do this. 26 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,720 Please, not now. 27 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,640 I can't… I… I thought we were friends. 28 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,720 - Okay. - Joan! 29 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,000 I'm just gonna give you a minute to compose yourself. 30 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,080 I feel pretty composed. 31 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,720 I really… I am so sorry about this. 32 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,800 I invited you to the housewarming. Joan. 33 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,800 I've asked Brutus to escort her out. 34 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,880 Oh God. 35 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,600 I'll help you with your things, Sandy. 36 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,640 Joan, is that you? I know you're there. 37 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,400 Coward. You're a coward, Joan! 38 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,560 All right, Sandy. We gotta go. 39 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:02,760 Fuck! 40 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,600 Joan. Come on in. 41 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,760 Thank you. 42 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,080 So, where are we at? 43 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,400 - Not good? - Oh, no. 44 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,040 It used to be my dream to run my own coffee shop. 45 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,680 That would not have gone out with our name on it. 46 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,600 Neither would the coffee at my job. 47 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,640 How is your job? 48 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,040 Um… 49 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,000 I mean, on paper, it's… it's fancy, I guess. 50 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:48,320 But I'm just kind of the middleman between the board up in the clouds 51 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,000 and the staff below me. 52 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,800 So I just kinda feel like I'm going through the motions every day. 53 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,080 How are things at home? 54 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,320 Um… 55 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,240 I mean, I'm engaged to Krish. 56 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,760 - Yes. - So, good. Good. It's good. 57 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,840 Like, Krish is a great guy, and he's smart, and he cares. 58 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,720 But maybe he's just a little bit, like… 59 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,320 vanilla. 60 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,400 You know? Like, even the food he cooks is bland. 61 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,800 And I'm continuously like… 62 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,600 Mmm. 63 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,280 Sorry, I feel like such an asshole saying that. 64 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,640 When I was with my ex… 65 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,400 - Mac? - Mac, yeah. 66 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,385 Um… 67 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,800 I mean, it was just constant sex and craziness and… 68 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,320 I mean, the fights were… 69 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,240 But I never got over him. 70 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,600 Mm-hmm. And then you met Krish. 71 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:50,840 And then I met Krish. 72 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,880 And he was sweet and safe. 73 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,440 And so I just kinda went with the flow. 74 00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,480 But 75 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,120 I just feel like I never, 76 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,200 like, actively chose this. 77 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,360 Like, I feel like I'm just on autopilot. 78 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,840 You know how you are always talking about, like, the life story? 79 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:13,825 Mm-hmm. 80 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,800 I was thinking about it, and I… 81 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:21,360 I feel like I'm not the main character in my own life story. 82 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,600 And would you like that to change? 83 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,320 Hey. 84 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,200 Hey. 85 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,760 It's so good to see you. 86 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,480 I love your hair like that. The streaks, yowza. 87 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,520 It's not too much? 88 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,080 Phyllis at the salon kind of, like, talked me into it. 89 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,640 Well, Phyllis at the salon deserves a raise 90 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,200 'cause you look hot as shit. 91 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,440 - Okay. Okay. - I mean it. 92 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,880 Okay. 93 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,520 Um… 94 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,520 I mean, you… you came to see me. 95 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,800 To talk because you asked me to. 96 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,080 Oh, yeah. 97 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,400 Hey, how is… 98 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:50,800 Krish. 99 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,120 Yeah. Krish is good. 100 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,880 Wow. You sound like you're really crazy about him. 101 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,280 Okay. 102 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,400 We tried us for two years. 103 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,600 Remember how that… remember how that ended? 104 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,120 - Yep. - So, yeah, I am marrying Krish. 105 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,400 Oh God, you drive… 106 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,240 You broke us up, you broke my fucking heart, 107 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,000 and just when I'm picking up all of the pieces of my life, 108 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,120 you pop back up like a fucking… 109 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,600 Like an unflushed turd. 110 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,560 Well, yeah. It's not what I was getting at, but yeah. 111 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280 So, how can I trust you? 112 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,640 You're right. I get it. But 113 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,360 what you and I had was real. 114 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,440 You know it. 115 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,520 I wanna be with you. 116 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,480 I'm here for three days, and then I go back to San Jose. 117 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,680 Come with me. 118 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,400 I'm serious. 119 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,040 I ca… I can't. 120 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,120 Hey. 121 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,920 I have a great apartment, and your work has an office there. 122 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,560 I mean, you could get a transfer. 123 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,560 And there's an incredible sushi place around the corner, 124 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,480 and they have an unbelievable green dragon roll. 125 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,240 I can't leave Krish. 126 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,720 No, you can't leave Krish. 127 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:10,800 I can't, Mac. 128 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,840 Yeah, no. You can't leave Krish. 129 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,800 No. No, no, no, no. 130 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,960 - Well… Hey. - I shouldn't have come. 131 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,120 - I should not have come here. - Joan. 132 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,480 I'm in my usual suite, and I'll be here for three days. 133 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,440 Mm. 134 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,880 That you, baby? 135 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,600 Yep. 136 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,680 Hi. 137 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160 Whoa. Froggy's been a-drinking. 138 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,480 Yeah. It was a goodbye party. 139 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,920 Oh. Well, I hope you're hungry. 140 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,240 Mmm. 141 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,680 Amazing. 142 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Is that salt? 143 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,200 All right. 144 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,600 Hey. 145 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,920 - What do you wanna watch? - Oh, I'm easy. 146 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,880 - Let's see what's on Streamberry. - All right. 147 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,040 Mmm. 148 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,600 Um… 149 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,640 - Oh, how about Sea of Tranquility? - Eh. 150 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,840 Eric said it blows. 151 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,720 Oh. Well, if Eric said it blows… 152 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,200 - Okay. - Okay. 153 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,080 Loch Henry, the Scottish murder thing? 154 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,600 I can't really do another true crime. 155 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,240 - I'm sorry, just after Gacy, I… - Okay. 156 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,320 What about… 157 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,520 What… 158 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,560 Uh… Oh my God. 159 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,520 Uh… What? 160 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,600 "New drama. Joan Is Awful." 161 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,920 Is that Salma Hayek? 162 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,640 Uh, she even has your hair. 163 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,720 That's not my hair. 164 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:20,280 Well, it's a lot like your hair. And she's even called Joan. 165 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,240 Okay. What even is the show? 166 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,760 No clue, but… 167 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,040 - Well, we're watching it. - No, we're not watching Joan Is Awful. 168 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,400 Whatever the hell it is. 169 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,200 - Just hit play. - Mm. 170 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,600 Come on. Hit play. 171 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,320 Well, it's a lot like our bedroom. 172 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,320 That's not my hair. 173 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,760 - She uses the same toothpaste as you. - Okay, just… 174 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,000 This is just weird. 175 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,560 Yeah, it's a little spooky. 176 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,360 This Joan is shady. 177 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,440 Mmm… 178 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,400 Babe. 179 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,760 - Babe? - You should see this. 180 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:44,840 See what? 181 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,280 What is this? 182 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,840 It's called Joan Is Awful. 183 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,560 It's got Salma Hayek in it. 184 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,360 She looks like Joan. 185 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,880 That job sucked anyway. 186 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,880 Yeah, I guess. 187 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Joan Is Awful? What the fuck? 188 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,560 Uh… 189 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,440 Oh my God. 190 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,600 We're gonna watch a TV show in a bar? 191 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,480 Yeah, we're absolutely gonna watch a TV show in a bar. 192 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,360 Huh. 193 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,440 What the hell? 194 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,040 Holy shit. That's where you work. 195 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,880 Okay, how did you do this? 196 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,976 - How did I do this? - This is a prank. How did you do this? 197 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,080 - Well, I didn't… - I don't find it fucking funny. 198 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,200 I didn't do anything. 199 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,320 How's the coffee? 200 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,240 Dog shit. 201 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,000 I'll get the machine replaced. 202 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,080 Please do that. 203 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,040 - Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15. - Joan? 204 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,320 - Yeah. - What? 205 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,305 Oh God. 206 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,040 Oh… oh God. 207 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,560 Joan? Jo… Jo… Joan. 208 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,960 Joan? 209 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,720 I'm having a panic attack. 210 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,680 - Uh… All right, um… - I'm having a panic attack. 211 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,520 Okay, okay. Okay. All right, hey, whoa. 212 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,240 Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15. 213 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,520 - Is he still there? - He's still there. 214 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,680 - Just get it over with. - They made me the gayest man on earth. 215 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,320 Well, I like what he's wearing. 216 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,320 What the fuck is this? 217 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,720 - How the fuck is this? - Um… 218 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,760 - Give me five. - Oh. 219 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,400 Yeah. Sure. Thanks. 220 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,800 - Oh my God. Is that what I sound like? - Sh. Will you be quiet, please? 221 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,360 You think he's better looking than me? 222 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,080 Okay. All right. All right, hey. Let's slow our breathing down, right? 223 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,280 - Uh, feel the carpet beneath your feet. - I don't wanna feel the carpet! 224 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,440 All right, hey, whoa. 225 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,440 - Well, just feel the floor. - Uh… Fuck the floor! 226 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,520 You're firing me? 227 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,760 Correct. Your audio algorithm's not happening. 228 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,960 The board thinks it's vaporware. 229 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,160 But, um, 230 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,480 our carbon footprint. 231 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,040 Not their concern. 232 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,560 Well, I just put a deposit down on an apartment. 233 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,280 - Also not their concern. - I mean, you see what she's like. 234 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,360 - Oh my God, she is cold. - Please. 235 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,360 Not… not now. 236 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,400 If not now, when? 237 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,280 - She did not say that. - Oh my God. 238 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,880 I did not say that like that. That is not what happened. 239 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,280 Baby, I believe you. 240 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,160 Jesus Christ. 241 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000 Oh my God. 242 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,240 What am I gonna do with my dog? 243 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,320 - Oh my God. - She's making me so uncomfortable. 244 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,400 I'm so sorry… 245 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,000 - Get Brutus to escort her out. - Why are you consoling Joan? 246 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,040 - Why am I consoling Joan? - Please just give me a second. 247 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,600 She was upset. 248 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,120 She's being a bitch. 249 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,200 Oh my God. They're making me look like a monster. 250 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,560 No. Hey, no, look. 251 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,760 Look, it's… Baby, it's Salma Hayek. 252 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,080 Look, people love Salma Hayek. All right? So, maybe it's not so… 253 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,000 So, maybe it's not so fucking bad? 254 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,520 So fucking insane? 255 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,440 - This is bad. - Okay, all right. 256 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,200 - Fucking insane! - All right, okay. 257 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,160 Hey, look. I was just trying to make you feel… 258 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,480 - Oh God. - Hey, okay. All right. Hey, you're right. 259 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:36,465 - Okay. - Yeah. 260 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,920 Ooh. 261 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,160 What? 262 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,240 Oh my God, my mom's seen it. 263 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,265 What? 264 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,640 Everybody can see this? 265 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,200 Can everybody that has Streamberry watch this? 266 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,840 My dad's seen it. 267 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,600 Marianne's seen it. 268 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,320 Jesus Christ. Oh fuck. 269 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,520 Oh God. 270 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,720 Oh my God. 271 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,480 Oh God. 272 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,000 - Honey. - What? 273 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,480 - Has Mac been texting you? - What? 274 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,720 No. No. 275 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,560 - All right. - You can come in now. 276 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,480 - Okay. I think we should turn this off. - What? 277 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,080 Well, actually, I wanna keep watching. No. No… 278 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,840 - Hey, whoa. - Krish, Krish, I want it off! 279 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,680 - No. - How's life at home? 280 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,200 - Joan! - With Krish? 281 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:32,280 - He's kind and smart and caring, but… - Where's this stupid fucking button? 282 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:34,960 Very vanilla. 283 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,320 Even his cooking is bland. 284 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,400 Hmm. 285 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,280 - I didn't say that. Krish, turn it off. - It's just that… 286 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,680 with my ex-boyfriend, Mac, 287 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:51,240 there was so much crazy, wild, imaginative, 288 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,200 constant sex. 289 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,560 Hey, hey, hey, hey. This isn't real. 290 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,440 Okay? This is the TV. I didn't say this. 291 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,960 - Fuck. - Krish? 292 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,120 - I haven't gotten over Mac. - Krish! 293 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,400 I think maybe 294 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,080 I don't want to. 295 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080 Oh Christ. 296 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,840 Hey. What she said on the show, that's not what I think. 297 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,160 - Okay? - No. 298 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,240 Some of the details… 299 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,840 The whole thing, it's blown out of proportion, okay? 300 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,920 I didn't say that to my therapist. 301 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:33,880 So, what did you say? 302 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:36,840 I… 303 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,265 Mm-hmm. 304 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,640 Krish. 305 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,000 Krish! Where are you going? 306 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,120 I don't know. 307 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,400 - I don't know. I gotta go. - Krish, come on. Please, please! 308 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,656 I'm here three days… 309 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,976 - Hey! - …then back to San Jose. 310 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000 I said… 311 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,560 I can't leave Krish. 312 00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,120 Can't you? 313 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,200 So, what do you wanna watch? 314 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,600 Sea of Tranquility. 315 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,320 Eh. 316 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,760 Eric says it blows. 317 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,560 Well, if Eric said… 318 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,600 I never liked Krish. 319 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,680 Babe, wait. Come on, sit down. Babe. 320 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,320 Joan Is Awful? 321 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,640 Is that Cate Blanchett? 322 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,400 - That's Cate Blanchett? - Oh no. 323 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,120 - That's Cate Blanchett! - That's good. 324 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,880 - That's not my hair. - She looks good! 325 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,000 Krish! It's a TV show. It's not real. 326 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,840 I don't know what's going on, but none of that happened. 327 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,840 Krish, hey! I haven't even seen Mac in so long. 328 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,080 Then show me your phone. 329 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,160 What? 330 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,160 In the TV show, Mac texted you, and you texted him back, so 331 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,680 show me your phone. 332 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,840 It's… 333 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,880 it's in the house. 334 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,920 That's convenient, Joan. 335 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,840 - Goodbye. - Krish. 336 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,000 Krish, please don't go. 337 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,680 Don't go. Please don't leave me by myself. This is fucking insane. Please don't… 338 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,000 Krish! Please! 339 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,200 Krish! 340 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,760 Krish, you're being childish. Come back, please. 341 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,760 You're being very melodramatic. It's uncalled for. 342 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,640 Oh my God. It's TV. It's not real! 343 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,680 My fidelity for you. My fidelity for you, that's real. 344 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,080 That's television. Fake, not real. 345 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,840 If you weren't texting Mac, show me your phone. 346 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,360 They're right about you, Joan. 347 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600 You're awful. 348 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720 Krish. I'm not that awful. It's not real. 349 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,160 Come back. 350 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,680 Krish! Don't leave me. 351 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,600 You know I can't be on my own. 352 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,320 - You can't leave me! - Mac. 353 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,320 Krish! 354 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,720 Shame on you. 355 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,600 Oh fuck. 356 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,840 Oh God. 357 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,320 - Sorry I'm late. - Uh-huh. 358 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,800 Did you see it? 359 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,520 Everybody saw it. 360 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,160 It's all anyone can talk about. 361 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,000 How'd it come across? 362 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,760 Fair. Yeah. I just don't know what this is. 363 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,560 My lawyer's looking into it. 364 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,200 - Krish is so mad at me. - Joan. 365 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,960 - He walked out last night. - Hey, Joan. 366 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,080 Everyone's looking at me like I'm an actual monster. 367 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,200 Joan, just… just try and keep it together for, like, the next few minutes. 368 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,600 Why is Brutus here? 369 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,240 You let slip about the whole algorithm, data server, carbon footprint thing 370 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,920 in the scene where you fired Sandy. 371 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,920 Technically, you broke your NDA. 372 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,360 What? That's not fair. That was… 373 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,640 That was Salma Hayek! 374 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,120 The board wants you out. 375 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,480 Now. 376 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,800 I'm here to help you pack. 377 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,760 Right on. 378 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,200 Sayonara, queen. 379 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,120 Mona. 380 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,400 "I'm in a pantsuit." 381 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,200 Well, I've checked it over, 382 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,560 and I have to say that actually, 383 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,600 legally, the Streamberry Corporation can do this. 384 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,600 What? 385 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:29,960 How? 386 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,040 Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are. 387 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,960 But the show is using my life. It's… it's my name. It's my career. 388 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,640 It's me. They're… they're using me, so… 389 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,200 And you assigned them the right to exploit all of that. 390 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,320 What? When? 391 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:47,520 Terms and conditions. 392 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,720 I have never seen this before. 393 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,800 You have. You just haven't seen it printed out before. 394 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,560 All of that would have popped up on your phone or whatever 395 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,280 when you first signed up to Streamberry. 396 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,280 And you clicked "accept." 397 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,920 What? I mean, I had… 398 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,760 I had no… How was I supposed to know this? 399 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,080 I know. But you did accept it, and so they're in the clear. 400 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,680 No, no. No, no, no. They can't… they can't do this to me. 401 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,800 There are only so many ways for me to tell you they absolutely can. 402 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,800 Okay, well, Salma Hayek. 403 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,360 Yeah, pretty cool. 404 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,120 No. No, I'm gonna sue Salma Hayek. 405 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,105 For what? 406 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,240 For, like, passing herself off as me. 407 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,560 She has no right to do that. 408 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,920 It's not really Salma Hayek. 409 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,840 Yes, it is. 410 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:46,600 No. Technically, uh, the show deploys a digital likeness of Miss Hayek. 411 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,120 They don't film her. 412 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,360 She licensed her image to them. 413 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,120 The entire show is CGI. 414 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,520 It's generated by some kind of super-advanced, deepfake, 415 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,280 quantum computer mumbo jumbo. 416 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,960 They could make Salma Hayek blow an orangutan if they wanted to. 417 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,320 Oh, whoa. 418 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,760 I'm guessing Miss Hayek might object to that, but you get my point. 419 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,640 Right. So it's all… it's all computers? 420 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,120 That's how they get it on the service so fast. 421 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,520 But how do they… 422 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,800 how do they even know what I'm doing? It's the same… it's the same day. 423 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,680 Well, you know when you got your phone face down on the table, 424 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,440 and you're in your kitchen, and you're talking to your friend about, 425 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,400 I don't know, shoe deodorizers, 426 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,520 and then, you know, you go on your computer and what pops up? 427 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,520 A shoe deodorizing ad. 428 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,240 Then you get an email, and it's all about shoe deodorizing. 429 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,416 Then you're walking down the street, shoe deodorizing. 430 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,000 You can't escape it. And it's… 431 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,640 Yeah, so? 432 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,080 Uh, that's how they know. 433 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,040 Okay, but… 434 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:54,200 …but the show makes stuff up about me. Right? 435 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,800 It embellishes things. 436 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,200 It makes me look worse than I really am. 437 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,640 So… defamation. 438 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,400 Yeah, page 53, paragraph 12. 439 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,920 There's something about creating characters and dialogue 440 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,440 for dramatic purposes. 441 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:12,680 Fuck! 442 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,440 I agree. 443 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,920 Uh, I hate to say it, but this thing is… is watertight. 444 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,040 Oh my God. 445 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,800 They got you every which way and then some. 446 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,000 My advice is to try and ignore it. 447 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,800 What the fuck kind of advice is that? 448 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,640 It's the only kind I got. 449 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,240 Oh my God. 450 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,040 Okay. 451 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,880 Hi, guys! 452 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,000 Hey, how you doing out there? 453 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,800 Cool! Fuck! 454 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,840 Sorry, do I know you? 455 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,840 This show, it is using my life, my name, my career. 456 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,720 You assigned them the right to exploit all of that. 457 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,480 When? How? 458 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,120 Terms and conditions. 459 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,320 I've never even seen this. 460 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,640 - I would've known if I signed it. - This is brutal. 461 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,640 I would've known I'd signed something I didn't read. Who has time to read that? 462 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,440 You did accept it though. 463 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,880 - What? - Yeah, they're in the clear. 464 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,696 - They can't do this to me. - Oh, hey. 465 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,480 - Can I come in? - Yeah, yeah. 466 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,280 Hey, uh… 467 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,640 They cannot… 468 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,080 There. Sorry. 469 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,800 Oh, baby. 470 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,600 Honey. 471 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,320 You're okay. 472 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,520 No… 473 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,520 What's wrong? 474 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:25,960 Um, 475 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,400 I can't get hard. 476 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,560 Sure you can. 477 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,280 Hey, you want me to do that horrible thing you love? 478 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:37,200 It's, um… 479 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,000 It's… This is so public. 480 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:41,960 What do you mean? 481 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,320 This is gonna be on the show. 482 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,720 Okay, but it's not us. It's… it's computer people. 483 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,080 - It's Salma Hayek and… - Well, yeah, I know. 484 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,840 So, I mean, like, I'm gonna be the guy who can't get it up for Salma Hayek? 485 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,520 I mean, it's like… 486 00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,720 You know, it's one thing to not be able to get it up for, like, you, 487 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:01,800 but Salma Hayek? 488 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920 I mean, look, people are gonna laugh at me. 489 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,440 The show is called fucking Joan Is Awful. How do you think I feel? 490 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,680 Hey! Look, when I said I wanted to get back together with you… 491 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,360 When you basically begged me to get back together with you. 492 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,960 But I didn't agree to be a public figure. 493 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,000 Neither did I! 494 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,160 Except you did. 495 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,600 Page 58 of the terms and conditions. 496 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,840 They just said so on the show! 497 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,920 Joan, I always said you gotta read the terms and conditions. 498 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,120 I can sue Cate Blanchett. 499 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,240 Uh, for what? 500 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,600 For passing herself off as me. 501 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,520 That isn't the real Cate Blanchett. 502 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,880 The show just deploys a digital likeness of Miss Blanchett. 503 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,280 The whole show is CGI. 504 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,080 It's generated by a quantum computer. 505 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:10,000 They could… make her blow an orangutan if they wanted. 506 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,440 Although I am guessing the real Miss Blanchett might object to that, 507 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,760 but you get my point. 508 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,880 Oh God. 509 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:24,640 Okay. 510 00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:38,080 Anyone knows a reason why these two may not be wed, 511 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,040 let him speak now. 512 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,960 Merry Christmas, one and all! 513 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,280 Oh my God! 514 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,800 What are you doing? 515 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,320 Stop! 516 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,800 - Get the kids out of here! - Get out of here! 517 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:12,800 What's so funny? 518 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,200 Salma Hayek's gonna fucking hate this. 519 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,000 Why? 520 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,520 Have you not seen Joan Is Awful? 521 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,000 No, but it's on my list. 522 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,920 Just wait till episode four. I hear it's gonna be a blast. 523 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,400 Her lawyer's here. Posted bail. 524 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,840 - Uh… - You're free to go. 525 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:34,960 Oh. 526 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,000 For now. 527 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,400 You're disgusting. 528 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:44,425 Thank you. 529 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,440 …these two should not be wed, let him speak now. 530 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,600 Merry Christmas, one and all! 531 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,160 What are you doing? 532 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,960 Never in my wildest nightmares 533 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,440 I thought I'd see myself defecating in a church. 534 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:25,080 Well, technically, that's the Joan character, not you. 535 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,840 So this character, whose face do they have? 536 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,680 Do they have your face or my face? 537 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,120 Your face. 538 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,960 Salma Hayek's face. 539 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,600 So, then, whose anus is doing the shitting? 540 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:39,680 Uh, 541 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,600 Salma Hayek's anus? 542 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:44,960 Bingo. 543 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,520 I am Roman Catholic. 544 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,360 My grandmother Rosa was going to be a nun. 545 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,280 She might die when she sees this. 546 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,760 What right do they have to kill my abuela 547 00:36:56,360 --> 00:37:00,760 with this deepfake heretic abomination? 548 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,240 Uh, page 39, paragraph eight. 549 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:07,440 Paragraph eight can suck my dick. I don't even know what it says anyway. 550 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,120 Uh, your image rights agreement with Streamberry. 551 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,640 It's page 39, paragraph eight. 552 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:18,840 Specifically covers any acts or behaviors Joan may exhibit 553 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,320 up to, including, and beyond defecation. 554 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,160 Beyond defecation? 555 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,760 Beyond. That's what it says. 556 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,840 You know I don't read this crap. 557 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,720 I am a dyslexic, talented actress with questionable English. 558 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,120 - That's why I overpay you to protect me. - Okay. 559 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,400 I mean, doesn't my asshole have any rights? 560 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,680 - Okay. All right. - Okay, okay. 561 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,360 Okay. 562 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960 Okay. 563 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:48,320 Let's collect ourselves, and, uh… 564 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,400 Good. 565 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,840 …brainstorm so we can do some damage control. 566 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,800 So, what can you do 567 00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,240 to erase this image from every machine in the world? 568 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:03,920 Nothing. 569 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,040 Okay. 570 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,760 Then I guess I'm just gonna have to settle for a huge lawsuit against them. 571 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,040 Um, I've looked up and down and researched, 572 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,000 and there is no legal basis. 573 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,840 There's no way we can sue these guys. 574 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,680 Then I'm gonna sue you. 575 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,320 You sold me out. 576 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,440 You useless, overrated maggot. 577 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,560 You take your paragraph eight 578 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,440 and shove it up your ass! 579 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,920 And I hope that you get paper cuts in your hemorrhoids and die! 580 00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,960 You're fired! 581 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:14,760 What the fuck? 582 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,680 I… 583 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,680 I didn't, uh, actually think that you would come to… 584 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,240 Welcome to my home. 585 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,680 - I understand that you're mad. - Oh, do you? 586 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,400 Please don't kill me, Salma Hayek. 587 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,560 You're lucky I'm a humanitarian. 588 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,000 Let's have a talk. 589 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:41,920 What the fuck? 590 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,080 - Come on! - Coming! 591 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,800 Oh my goodness me. 592 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,680 Oh my God. 593 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,920 Now it all makes sense. Look at all this shit! 594 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,280 What's wrong with you, girl? 595 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,640 I mean, must you be so disgusting? 596 00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:03,400 I mean, the last few days have been pretty rough, so… 597 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,200 Rough enough to take a dump in the house of God? 598 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,280 If you don't have any self-respect, that's your thing. 599 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,120 But to disrespect the church, 600 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,640 and frankly, to disrespect my image… 601 00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,320 - Mm-hmm. - …I don't wanna be associated with you. 602 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,600 Well, I don't wanna be associated with me either. 603 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:24,480 They took my life. They turned it into a CGI fucking drama. 604 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,040 I lose my fiancé. 605 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,360 I lose my job. 606 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,560 They put my entire existence out there for everyone to watch, 607 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,600 and you signed up to be the face of it. 608 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,920 You're a fucking enabler. I should be yelling at you. 609 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,240 - You are yelling at me. - Well, I need to yell at someone! 610 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,320 Well, it's not fair that you're taking it all out on me. 611 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,800 I am sorry that I shat in a church. 612 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,360 Okay? 613 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,680 But I was trying to get your attention 614 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,960 so that you'd get in touch with Streamberry 615 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,120 and have them pull the plug on the show. 616 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,560 I already made that call. 617 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,360 - And? - They told me to go fuck myself. 618 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:04,505 They did? 619 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,000 Can you believe it? 620 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,840 So, you can't stop this? 621 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,520 I thought for once I was gonna have control over my own image. 622 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,920 But those fuckers lied about everything. 623 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,520 First, they told me this was gonna be a prestige show, right? 624 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,160 Look, I didn't think it was gonna be like my movie Frida, 625 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,080 but I couldn't imagine that it was gonna be this. 626 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:31,000 And then they said that they were closing the pay gap. 627 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:32,465 Bullshit! 628 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,400 They are paying me one-tenth of what they're paying George Clooney. 629 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,360 Sorry, George Clooney is gonna be in this show? 630 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,280 No, they're sticking his head on a Thomas the Tank Engine reboot. 631 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,960 Wait. 632 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,600 How much are they paying you? 633 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:50,680 Oh, 634 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,600 nothing. 635 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,080 - Nothing? - Nothing. 636 00:41:56,240 --> 00:41:59,280 That is so fucked up. 637 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:00,265 Yeah. 638 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,720 Well, they're screwing us both. 639 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:03,800 Yeah. 640 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,720 I mean, how do you think Cate Blanchett feels about this? 641 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:07,920 Fuck her. 642 00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:10,480 This is the bad guy. 643 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,640 Mona Giovanni. 644 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,800 - Javadi. - Whatever. 645 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,000 And the whole Strawberry machine. 646 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,320 It's Streamberry. 647 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,320 They have taken 100 years of cinema 648 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,040 and diminished it to an app. 649 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:30,200 I wanna go and take that computer 650 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,400 and rip the cables out of it 651 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,520 and stick them up its ass. 652 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,280 Let's bring down the system. The quamputer thing. 653 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,480 Oh yeah, let's. 654 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,960 Are you a hacker? 655 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,280 No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, physically. 656 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,760 So it says the server's outside of Mona Javadi's office. 657 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,720 So we just get in there and fucking… 658 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,280 - You know? - Her office is all the way at the top. 659 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,200 We can't crawl on the side of the building like Spider-Mans. 660 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,120 No, no, no, we don't have to. 661 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,520 'Cause you can just walk in the front door. 662 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,840 We can't just do that. 663 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:07,865 You can 664 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:11,440 because you're Salma fucking Hayek. 665 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,240 Thank you. 666 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,480 You're right. 667 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,920 Yeah. 668 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,840 I am Salma fucking Hayek. 669 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:45,360 Good morning. 670 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,000 Hi. Hello. Miss Hayek. 671 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,600 I have an appointment with Mona Javadi. 672 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,400 Of course. Let me just… 673 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,800 Uh, I can't, um… 674 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,760 - It should be in the system. Please do… - Excuse me, is there a restroom I can use? 675 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,800 Of course. Right over there. 676 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,160 I'm afraid that's too public. 677 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,520 Thanks to your show, 678 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,840 every time people see me go into one of those, 679 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,400 all they can think about is hot birria coming out of my bottom. 680 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,320 Of course. 681 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,360 Can we swipe Miss Hayek through? 682 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,880 There is a private restroom down the corridor on the right. 683 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:25,520 Thank you. 684 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,720 And don't worry, I'm just gonna pee. 685 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,120 Okay. 686 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:32,880 Cool. 687 00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:35,360 Thank you. 688 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,160 All right, just one sec. Yeah. We're good. 689 00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:47,185 - You rolling? - Yeah. 690 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,105 Great. 691 00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:49,760 - So, Miss Javadi. - Mm. 692 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,000 A lot going on here at Streamberry. Loads of heat around your new show. 693 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,600 I know, right? 694 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,376 - Bet you've got a heap of questions. - Yeah. 695 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,080 - Lucy, I'm in the middle of an interview. - I think it might be important. 696 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:02,920 Sorry. 697 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,280 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes? 698 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,800 Apparently, Salma Hayek's downstairs asking to see you. 699 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,200 - Didn't we tell her to go fuck herself? - Maybe that's why. 700 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,400 Just get security to chuck her out. 701 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,600 Sorry, sorry. She's new. 702 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,480 - Yeah. - Don't know how long she'll last. 703 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,240 Anyway, where were we? 704 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,560 - Joan Is Awful. - Joan Is Awful. 705 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,160 - What are you wearing? - It's a disguise. 706 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,560 Take it off. They're gonna think you're kidnapping me. 707 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:42,640 Okay. 708 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,280 - Hurry up! - Okay! 709 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:49,920 Come on! 710 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:59,760 So, here at Streamberry, we are passionate about creating new forms of entertainment. 711 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,440 This whole floor is dedicated to content generation R&D. 712 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,280 Experimental entertainment, computer-generated material. 713 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:09,720 Like Joan Is Awful. 714 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:10,800 Exactly. 715 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,800 Shut up, shut up. 716 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:16,480 And that is made by this, the quamputer, 717 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,880 which is actually just down that corridor on the left. 718 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,800 A kind of quantum computer. 719 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,680 Yeah, hence the name. 720 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,240 An infinite content creator 721 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:30,080 capable of willing entire multiverses into existence, right? 722 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,320 And within those rendered worlds, 723 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,840 shooting, packaging, and editing fully-edited programs 724 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,680 that would normally take months to make, such as… 725 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,560 Joan Is Awful. 726 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,520 I wish they'd stop saying that. 727 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,560 - Correct. - I like the picture. 728 00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,080 And the role Salma's depicting is based on a real Joan, right? 729 00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,800 Mm-hmm. Yep. 730 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,840 Why that particular woman? What's so special about her? 731 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,160 Absolutely nothing. 732 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,320 We were looking for a totally average, nobody person, 733 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,040 just… just to test the system. 734 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,240 The point is, Joan Is Awful is just the beginning. 735 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,400 The aim here is to launch unique, tailored content 736 00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,080 to each individual in our database, all 800 million of them, 737 00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:15,920 created on the fly by our system. The most relatable content imaginable. 738 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,320 Actually, there's one for you. 739 00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,240 I couldn't resist. Yeah. 740 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,800 This is actually real and will be available to stream from Friday. 741 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,160 Uh, why "awful"? 742 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,520 Why is it all so negative? 743 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,080 Yeah. No, that's a great question, Fatima. 744 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:39,000 Um, we did try more affirmative content in the test cell, 745 00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120 but we found that, um, our subjects just didn't buy it. 746 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,360 It didn't chime with their neurotic view of themselves. 747 00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,520 What we found instead was when we focused on their more weak 748 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,440 or selfish or craven moments, 749 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,160 it confirmed their innermost fears 750 00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:57,120 and put them in a state of mesmerized horror. 751 00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,680 Which really drives engagement. 752 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,040 They literally can't look away. 753 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,480 Let's kill this quam-puta. 754 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,640 - Wow. Great, thanks. - Did you get everything you need? 755 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,360 Okay. Where is she? Hi, where is she? Where's Salma? 756 00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:11,760 I let her go to the toilet. 757 00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,000 How hard is it to find someone? Most walls are glass. 758 00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:15,240 Can you guys do something? 759 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,480 - Is that it? - It's locked. 760 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:24,560 There. 761 00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:31,305 There it is. 762 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,920 Holy Christ! Hey, no one's allowed in here! 763 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,160 I'm calling security! 764 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,080 If you call security, I will break your arm. 765 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,560 Don't think I won't, because I will, understood? 766 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:44,760 Yes, Miss Hayek. 767 00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:47,080 Okay. 768 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:48,600 How do we get in here? 769 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,480 What's that? 770 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,080 Joan Is Awful. 771 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:54,880 No, but that's me. That should be 772 00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:56,865 her, right? 773 00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,520 That's the variant of Joan Is Awful that the Joan below you sees 774 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,440 when she watches the show. 775 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,800 What? The Joan below me? 776 00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:08,040 You're not the original Joan. That's Source Joan. 777 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:09,680 We need a code for this, Joan. 778 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:10,800 Wait, sh. 779 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:12,720 "Source Joan"? 780 00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,680 Yeah, you're just a Joan. 781 00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,065 Who's Source Joan? 782 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,360 The real Joan. 783 00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,760 Look, there. Source Joan. 784 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,600 Source Joan? 785 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,040 I'm not the real Joan? 786 00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,080 You're a version of Joan 787 00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,720 played by a digital likeness of Annie Murphy. 788 00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,720 - Who's Annie Murphy? - The actress. 789 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,080 There. Look familiar? 790 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,480 Schitt's Creek. No? Great show. 791 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,120 - You're playing an adaptation of Joan. - No, no. 792 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,760 Look. Source Joan lives in reality. 793 00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:48,560 When Source John watches the TV show Joan Is Awful, she sees you playing her. 794 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,320 That show is the fictive level we're on right now, here. 795 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,120 - The fictive level? - Yes, fictive level one. 796 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,880 Like I said, this is an adaptation of Joan's life. 797 00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:00,240 - You're in a show right now. - I'm in a show right now? 798 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,120 Come on. Have you seen where you live? 799 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,920 Uh, who could afford a place like that? It's a TV show house. 800 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,400 I mean, look at me. Michael Cera licensed his face, 801 00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,400 just like Annie Murphy licensed her face to play Joan on level one, 802 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,360 and Salma Hayek licensed her face to play Joan on level two 803 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,120 and to play herself here on level one. 804 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,560 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 805 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,440 I'm not playing myself. 806 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:23,720 I am myself. 807 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,440 Yeah, but it tracks that you believe that 808 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,920 because you're coded to play yourself on this level. 809 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:29,505 - What? - What? 810 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,200 We're not in reality right now. This is fictive level one. 811 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,920 If I'm not here, then where am I? 812 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,280 I don't know where the real Miss Hayek is. I don't have eyes on her. 813 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,760 She's probably in Zurich or on a beach somewhere. 814 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,440 - I don't know where she is. - Zurich? 815 00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:43,425 This is not called 816 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,800 Salma Hayek Gets Everything Explained To Her But Doesn't Understand It Still. 817 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,120 - It's called Joan Is Awful. Her story. - What the fuck? 818 00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:50,560 By which I mean the real her. 819 00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:54,520 Not Annie Murphy, Source Joan. The Joan that lives… 820 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,280 Oh, thank God! 821 00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,120 He was so boring. 822 00:50:58,640 --> 00:50:59,800 Jesus! 823 00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:04,840 Annie Murphy, you're my hero. 824 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,440 You guard the door. 825 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,320 I'm gonna kill that fucking computer. 826 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,520 - She wasn't in the schedule. - I know that. I was working… 827 00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:22,800 S3? Check S3. 828 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,760 Come on! Come on! Just kill that quam-puta! 829 00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,560 Okay, just wait a second. Wait a second. 830 00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,920 So, inside this computer, there's a version of you playing me 831 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,120 who thinks she's real? 832 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:39,600 Yeah. 833 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,640 - They're coming! Do it! Do it! - Stop! 834 00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:45,680 If you destroy that, you destroy everybody inside every fictive universe above this. 835 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,880 - You! - Billions of simulated souls 836 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,160 who consider themselves to be real will die. 837 00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,280 Do you really want all that blood on your hands? 838 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,640 I mean, define "blood" for me here. 839 00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:57,960 Okay, this is a quantum computer, right? We barely know how it works. 840 00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:59,360 It's basically magic. 841 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,680 The reality we're in will cease to exist. 842 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:03,785 Would I die? 843 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:05,040 Instantly. 844 00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,720 Put the fucking axe down, Annie Murphy, now. 845 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,856 - Listen to her. Do as you're told. - Put it down! 846 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:11,880 I can't. 847 00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,960 Because the fact that I'm standing here right now 848 00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,640 means that Source Joan already stood here in reality. 849 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,480 - It doesn't matter what I want… - Get in. 850 00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,840 …because the events that this is based on have already happened. 851 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,440 It's not my decision. 852 00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,080 - It's Joan's. - Okay. 853 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,120 - It's happening. - All right, Joan. 854 00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,960 - She's doing it. Joan's doing it. - Joan, put the axe down. 855 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,680 No! The quamputer! 856 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,160 Joan! Fucking Jesus! 857 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,840 I think we're done. 858 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,320 - What's your name, please? - Annie Murphy. 859 00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:09,560 Miss Murphy, what do you… 860 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:27,680 So, where are we at? 861 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,040 - Uh, I'm dating again. - Mm-hmm. 862 00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,680 Just taking it slow, you know. 863 00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,920 And trying to make some time for myself. 864 00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,320 Well, how does that make you feel? 865 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,440 It feels good, you know? 866 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,880 It feels good to be okay on your own. 867 00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:47,120 And work? 868 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:51,960 Yeah. I mean, my job is far less corporate. 869 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,080 But I'm my own boss. 870 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,520 I… I treat my staff well. 871 00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,200 Uh, and I'm actually… 872 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,840 I'm actually proud of what I do. So… 873 00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,400 - It's good to hear. - Yeah, thanks. 874 00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,120 So, maybe now, do you feel… 875 00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:11,880 Yeah, uh, like the main character in my own life? 876 00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:12,960 Mm-hmm. 877 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,680 Yeah, I… I think I do. 878 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,400 And you don't feel too confined? 879 00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,400 - Oh, the house arrest? - Mm-hmm. 880 00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,040 You know, there's good days and bad days. 881 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:29,960 I guess that's to be expected. 882 00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,360 You're supposed to encourage me. 883 00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,680 - What is that? - Yeah, it's not good. I know. 884 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,160 Hi, Joan. 885 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,280 Hi, Annie! 886 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:05,536 - How you doing? - Good. 887 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,240 - The usual? - The usual, please. 888 00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:08,320 Okay. 889 00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,520 - Missed you. - I missed you. How are you? 890 00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:12,560 I'm good. 891 00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,840 Merry Christmas, one and all! 892 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,520 Yeah, yeah. 893 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,360 Sorry. I know. I know. 894 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:39,040 Get out! Get out! 895 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,960 Yeah. I'm sorry.