1 00:00:05,625 --> 00:00:08,625 1x03 - Prickly Muffin 2 00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:12,997 Who wants chocolate chip pancakes? 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,540 I do! I do! 4 00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:17,085 Ethan, didn't you already eat your pancakes? 5 00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:20,046 As Oliver North would say, "I do not recall." 6 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:23,465 Hey, where's Sabrina? 7 00:00:23,549 --> 00:00:26,552 Not hiding under the table, that's for sure. 8 00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:28,096 Aww... 9 00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:31,140 Why don't you guys leave this one to me? 10 00:00:31,223 --> 00:00:33,392 Why aren't you dressed for school, prickly muffin? 11 00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:35,352 I'm scared. Olivia told me 12 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,813 sometimes, at school they have pop quizzes. 13 00:00:37,897 --> 00:00:40,357 I don't want to pop! 14 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,902 That's too much, man. 15 00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:48,240 Sabrina, nobody's popping on my watch. 16 00:00:48,323 --> 00:00:50,576 You stick with me, and I promise you, 17 00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,954 everything's gonna be just fine. 18 00:00:53,037 --> 00:00:56,331 - Cut, boom in the shot. - What? I'll be in my trailer. 19 00:00:57,666 --> 00:00:59,668 Nah, I'm just horsin' around. 20 00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:03,881 You folks enjoying the show? 21 00:01:03,965 --> 00:01:07,051 And how about Sara Lynn as Sabrina? Isn't she wonderful? 22 00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:10,096 Oh. Thank you. 23 00:01:10,179 --> 00:01:12,556 Sarah Lynn. You remember that name. 24 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,891 Back to one, everybody. 25 00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:15,810 - Hey, you see those people? - Yeah. 26 00:01:15,893 --> 00:01:17,269 Well, those boobs and jerk wads 27 00:01:17,352 --> 00:01:18,854 are the best friends you'll ever have. 28 00:01:18,938 --> 00:01:20,815 Without them, you're nothing. Remember that. 29 00:01:20,898 --> 00:01:23,151 Let's take it back to "prickly muffin." 30 00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:24,777 Your family will never understand you, 31 00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:26,988 your lovers will leave you or try to change you, 32 00:01:27,071 --> 00:01:29,991 but your fans, you be good to them, and they'll be good to you. 33 00:01:30,074 --> 00:01:32,034 We are rolling. Sound speed. 34 00:01:32,118 --> 00:01:34,495 The most important thing is, you got to give the people 35 00:01:34,578 --> 00:01:36,622 what they want, even if it kills you, 36 00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:39,500 even if it empties you out until there's nothing left to empty. 37 00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:41,877 No matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts, 38 00:01:41,961 --> 00:01:45,089 you don't stop dancing, and you don't stop smiling, 39 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,758 and you give those people what they want. 40 00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,468 And action. 41 00:01:49,551 --> 00:01:52,471 Why aren't you dressed for school, prickly muffin? 42 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,226 You might remember her as adorable Sabrina 43 00:01:57,309 --> 00:02:00,395 from Horsin' Around, but on her new dance pop album, 44 00:02:00,479 --> 00:02:03,732 Sarah Lynn wants you to know that she is hot to trot. 45 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:22,210 What is the message behind your music? 46 00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:25,379 America needs to know that I'm not that little girl anymore. 47 00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:28,412 I'm a grown up, sophisticated woman now, 48 00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:31,010 and I have sex, and I do sexy things. 49 00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:36,724 People like sex, okay, and since I'm sexy right now, they like me. 50 00:02:36,807 --> 00:02:38,893 Are you at all worried that audiences will grow bored 51 00:02:38,976 --> 00:02:40,936 and abandon you for the next sexy thing? 52 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:43,647 Are you kidding? I'm Sarah freaking Lynn. 53 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,150 I'm gonna be sexy forever! 54 00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:50,238 Pop star and child actress, Sarah Lynn, 55 00:02:50,362 --> 00:02:52,698 celebrates her 30th birthday this month, 56 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:54,575 raising the question, "does anyone care 57 00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:57,995 about Sarah Lynn anymore?" After all, she is 30. 58 00:02:58,079 --> 00:02:59,747 Here to answer that question, 59 00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:03,542 sexy, 14-year-old dubstep wunderkind, Sextina Aquafina. 60 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:05,377 Hey! 61 00:03:05,460 --> 00:03:07,129 Sextina, what's your take? 62 00:03:07,213 --> 00:03:09,965 I love Sarah Lynn. I grew up on her music, okay, 63 00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:12,593 and she's, like, an inspiration, but now, she is old, 64 00:03:12,676 --> 00:03:14,887 and shriveled, and gross, and nobody want her no more, okay? 65 00:03:14,970 --> 00:03:19,100 - They want Sextina Aquafina, baby! - Ha ha! You're delightful. 66 00:03:19,183 --> 00:03:21,643 So where does Sarah Lynn go from here? 67 00:03:21,727 --> 00:03:23,520 Oh, you know where she should go? 68 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,347 She should go wherever famous people go when they're 69 00:03:26,348 --> 00:03:29,193 done being famous, and nobody cares if they live or die. 70 00:03:31,195 --> 00:03:33,906 Who could that be? 71 00:04:29,086 --> 00:04:32,047 Who-o-o wants chocolate chip pancakes? 72 00:04:32,131 --> 00:04:34,216 I do! I do! 73 00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:37,077 - Why are you talking to me? - I thought maybe if I said that, 74 00:04:37,078 --> 00:04:38,929 you'd make me chocolate chip pancakes. 75 00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:42,516 Oh, come on, buddy. 76 00:04:42,599 --> 00:04:45,102 It's a beautiful morning, the sun is shining, 77 00:04:45,186 --> 00:04:47,062 - birds are chirping... - Hey, BoJack, 78 00:04:47,146 --> 00:04:49,148 - any plans for the weekend? - Still hate the troops, Boj? 79 00:04:49,231 --> 00:04:52,276 - Why don't you refill your bird feeder, huh? - Yeah, who's a bird got to blow 80 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,153 - to get some seed around here? - Good one. 81 00:04:54,236 --> 00:04:56,280 Let's do something fun today. 82 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,325 - Like what? - Like a cannonball! 83 00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:05,039 Like a "buying you a new bed"? 84 00:05:06,748 --> 00:05:08,625 Wow, everything in this store is made 85 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:11,003 out of old train tracks and a reclaimed pier. 86 00:05:11,086 --> 00:05:13,630 Oh, great, for ten grand, I can sleep like a hobo. 87 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:14,882 Do we need letter openers 88 00:05:14,965 --> 00:05:16,967 made out of Confederate bayonets? 89 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:18,927 It says they're stained with authentic Yankee blood. 90 00:05:19,011 --> 00:05:20,679 O-M-G. O-M-G! 91 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:25,684 O-M-M-F-C-S-D-V-R-Q-Q-P-Q-F-G! 92 00:05:25,767 --> 00:05:28,103 - I know. - Ugh. 93 00:05:28,187 --> 00:05:30,314 Yeah, it's me, straight off your TV screens 94 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:31,899 and into your shitty lives. 95 00:05:31,982 --> 00:05:34,568 It's Sarah Lynn and Andrew Garfield. 96 00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:37,487 Huh? What the... ? 97 00:05:38,864 --> 00:05:42,951 - And what's your name, darling? - I... mm... 98 00:05:43,035 --> 00:05:44,995 I'll just make it out to "Evelyn." 99 00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:46,247 Uh... 100 00:05:46,330 --> 00:05:50,845 - Um, hi. Sarah Lynn, hi. - BoJack? Hey. 101 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:54,213 Andrew, this is BoJack, my TV dad. 102 00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:56,340 Oh, hello, I'm Andrew Garfield. 103 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:59,885 Andrew's my boyfriend. We're a celebrity power couple. 104 00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,303 It's no big deal. 105 00:06:01,387 --> 00:06:03,180 It's a really big deal. 106 00:06:03,264 --> 00:06:05,599 Sarah Lynn, I actually wanted to talk to you about that. 107 00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:07,809 When we started dating, you were the biggest star 108 00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:10,562 in the world, but your last few albums tanked, 109 00:06:10,645 --> 00:06:14,191 so now, I don't even know what you are anymore. 110 00:06:14,275 --> 00:06:17,986 Are you... Are you breaking up with me? 111 00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:21,656 - Oh, bother. - Um, are those candy pills, 112 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,575 'cause if so, that is a lot of sugar. 113 00:06:23,658 --> 00:06:25,286 Why are you doing this to me? 114 00:06:25,369 --> 00:06:27,996 Do you like seeing me suffer? 115 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,292 Because you know I'll bleed for you. 116 00:06:31,375 --> 00:06:32,542 Ugh! 117 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:33,794 - Oh! - Damn! 118 00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:36,505 - Oh, dear. - Whoa-oh-oh. Um... 119 00:06:36,588 --> 00:06:38,757 Darling, please, I wanted to do this in a public place 120 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,426 so you wouldn't make a scene. 121 00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:43,595 You think I won't make a scene, you limey bastard? 122 00:06:43,678 --> 00:06:47,181 Then you really don't know me at all. Hey, everyone! 123 00:06:47,216 --> 00:06:51,561 Who wants to see me take a dump on that sofa? 124 00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:54,482 And then she took a dump on a sofa 125 00:06:54,564 --> 00:06:55,816 made out of a reclaimed propeller. 126 00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,692 Where's Sarah Lynn now? 127 00:06:57,776 --> 00:07:00,362 I checked her into Promises. 28 days, she'll be good as new. 128 00:07:00,446 --> 00:07:03,073 How did it feel to check the girl you raised on television into rehab? 129 00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:06,076 It was tough. I would have liked to reconnect with her. 130 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,287 At least we got to bond a little on the drive to Malibu. 131 00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:10,414 I can see my organs. 132 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,917 Oh, whoa! She is losing a lot of blood, BoJack. 133 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,836 Beautiful day for a drive, though, huh? 134 00:07:15,919 --> 00:07:17,463 Well, maybe the two of you 135 00:07:17,546 --> 00:07:19,381 can catch up some more when she gets out of rehab. 136 00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:22,092 People don't usually want to hang out with me after rehab. 137 00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:24,553 I'm really more of a before-rehab friend. 138 00:07:24,636 --> 00:07:27,264 I think it's gonna be a long time before I see Sarah Lynn again. 139 00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:30,934 Who could that be? 140 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,397 Look, BoJack, I appreciate what you were trying to do, 141 00:07:35,481 --> 00:07:39,193 but I don't need rehab. Look, good as new, huh? 142 00:07:39,276 --> 00:07:41,778 Oh, great, well, that's a relief. 143 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,780 Uh, should you be taking all those pills? 144 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,407 It's dexitriathylphenolbarbatol. 145 00:07:45,491 --> 00:07:48,618 - I got it from a doctor. - Your doctor or just a doctor? 146 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,620 I don't know, some doctor, okay? 147 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,873 I met him at Adam Levine's Halloween party. 148 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:56,210 - I think he said his name was Dr. Who. - Yeah, I don't think that was... 149 00:07:57,586 --> 00:07:59,087 Ohh, God damn. 150 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:01,631 Uh, are you supposed to be snorting it like that? 151 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,343 Ugh! What are you, the paramedic who restarted 152 00:08:04,344 --> 00:08:06,636 my heart at Adam Levine's Halloween party? 153 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,847 Okay, so before we put to bed the whole 154 00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:11,350 - you going to rehab thing... - BoJack, all my life, 155 00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:14,061 I've never been forced to confront my problems head on. 156 00:08:14,144 --> 00:08:18,773 No one has ever said "no" to me, ever, so is it cool 157 00:08:18,857 --> 00:08:20,901 if instead of confronting my problems head on, 158 00:08:20,984 --> 00:08:23,404 I just hide out here for a little bit? 159 00:08:23,487 --> 00:08:24,738 Sarah Lynn, I hear what you're saying, 160 00:08:24,821 --> 00:08:26,323 and I think I know what you need. 161 00:08:26,407 --> 00:08:29,958 You just need a strong, responsible adult to say: 162 00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:32,648 "Yes. Yes, you can move in with me." 163 00:08:32,683 --> 00:08:34,540 This is gonna be fun. Hey, everyone, 164 00:08:34,623 --> 00:08:36,166 the old gang's getting back together. 165 00:08:39,503 --> 00:08:43,173 Who-o-o wants chocolate chip pancakes? 166 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:46,510 - I do! I do! - Uh, what's going on in here? 167 00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:49,304 Morning, sleepy-pooh, you want pancakes? 168 00:08:49,388 --> 00:08:51,181 Yeah, that sounds great. 169 00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:53,058 Ooh, tough break, champ. I just gave the last one 170 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:55,394 to Sarah Lynn. Early bird gets the worm. 171 00:08:55,477 --> 00:08:58,021 More like early turd gets the sperm. 172 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:01,442 Wha... "Early turd gets the sperm," nice one, Sarah Lynn. 173 00:09:01,525 --> 00:09:03,235 You should do a Shouts and Murmurs. 174 00:09:03,318 --> 00:09:04,861 Help yourself to some cold wheat bran, sport. 175 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,614 Ugh. 176 00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:08,156 Thanks for letting me crash here, BoJack. 177 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,200 The guest room is yours as long as you want. 178 00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:11,868 You have a guest room? 179 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,622 Why have I been sleeping on the couch for five years? 180 00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:16,540 You'll get the guest room when you've earned the guest room. 181 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:19,084 These pancakes are so good. 182 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,463 All Andrew ever wanted to eat was stupid lasagna. 183 00:09:22,588 --> 00:09:26,716 - Andrew Garfield loves lasagna? - I don't want to talk about him! 184 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,094 BoJack, can you drive me to the mall today? 185 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:32,347 I really want to go shopping, but I'm not allowed to drive 186 00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:35,350 because somebody got a DUI. 187 00:09:35,434 --> 00:09:38,479 Uh, that somebody was you, right? 188 00:09:38,562 --> 00:09:41,431 I don't have to answer your questions! What are you, the 189 00:09:41,432 --> 00:09:44,401 cop that pulled me over after Adam Levine's Halloween party? 190 00:09:44,485 --> 00:09:47,696 Honey, do you really think going to the mall's a good idea? 191 00:09:47,779 --> 00:09:49,573 I seem to recall another time you went shopping 192 00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:52,742 when things got pretty out of control. 193 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:56,538 Oh, that's too much, man! 194 00:09:58,457 --> 00:10:01,251 Oh. Really? Not the time when she gored herself 195 00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:03,420 with a bayonet and shat on a floor model? 196 00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:05,005 Hey, I'm not the crazy one. 197 00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:06,923 Andrew's the one who flies off the handle 198 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,718 whenever his agent sets up an audition on a Monday. 199 00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:14,222 Andrew Garfield hates Mondays and loves lasagna? 200 00:10:14,306 --> 00:10:15,599 I said I don't want to talk about it! 201 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,058 - She said drop it, Todd! - Whatever, 202 00:10:17,142 --> 00:10:18,810 I don't want to go to the stupid mall. 203 00:10:18,893 --> 00:10:20,395 I'll just tell my friends to come here. 204 00:10:20,479 --> 00:10:22,356 Muffin, I've got to work on my book today, 205 00:10:22,439 --> 00:10:25,859 and I can't have a bunch of folks over making a lot of noise. 206 00:10:25,942 --> 00:10:29,112 Oh, I see. I'm a burden to you. 207 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,615 No, no, no, no, no. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. 208 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:35,369 I'm no longer cute, so I have nothing to offer this world. 209 00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:37,996 Honey, of course your friends are always welcome here. 210 00:10:38,079 --> 00:10:40,040 Cool. Bye. 211 00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:42,000 - Can I invite a frien... - No. 212 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,687 You let that basket case into your house? 213 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,399 That girl is a PR hurricane that you don't need right now. 214 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,610 She has nowhere else to turn. She broke up with her boyfriend. 215 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,071 She stabbed herself and closed the wound with duct tape. 216 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,322 - She fired her agent. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 217 00:10:55,406 --> 00:10:56,907 Back it up, horsey. 218 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,700 Did you say Sarah Lynn doesn't have an agent? 219 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,911 Laura, hold my calls, cancel everything! 220 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,300 Ahab's got a white whale to catch, baby! 221 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:09,275 Uh, hello? Still there? 222 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,135 Oh, th... that's... that's fragile. 223 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,512 Uh, no, oh, no, wait. 224 00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:19,763 Careful. Careful. Careful. 225 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,640 Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! 226 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,435 Ah! Lemur! 227 00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:40,618 Great party, Sarah Lynn. 228 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,745 Hi, what it is, banana bread? 229 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,705 I'm not looking for a new agent right now. 230 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,917 Oh, whoa, whoa. Who says I'm looking for a new client? 231 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,877 Slow your roll, Speed Racer. 232 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:54,172 We're just two single ladies having a no-presh rap sesh. 233 00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,800 I'm not one of those agents who can't turn it off. 234 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,970 Your Ari Emanuels and Vanessa Geckos and what have you. 235 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:03,557 Vanessa Gecko is actually Andrew's agent, and she's really great. 236 00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:06,768 Is she? I've heard that. 237 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,149 I didn't realize you were so into house music. 238 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,235 Look, I asked her to turn it down, but apparently, 239 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:17,237 this volume was prescribed by Dr. Who 240 00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:20,658 to treat something called "uptight dickhead disease." 241 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,160 What do you... What do you think about Sarah Lynn? 242 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,579 Oh, I don't really think about her all that much. 243 00:12:25,663 --> 00:12:27,998 I mean, obviously, I'm a fan of her early work 244 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,602 which both satirized and celebrated youth culture's 245 00:12:30,603 --> 00:12:33,462 obsession with sex, but I do wonder as a third-wave feminist 246 00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:36,214 if it's even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality 247 00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:38,258 in this deeply entrenched patriarchal society, 248 00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:41,219 or if claiming to do so is just a lie we tell ourselves 249 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,180 so we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze. 250 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,015 - Uh, what? - But you know, 251 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,767 on the other hand, I worry that conversations like this one 252 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,894 often dismiss her as a mere puppet of the industry... 253 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,730 - That's my same worry. - ... incapable of engaging 254 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,065 - in these discussions herself... - Obviously. 255 00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,443 and infantilization, which is itself a product 256 00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:57,777 - of the deeply misogynistic... - So deep. 257 00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,863 society we live in. But like I said, 258 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,657 I don't really think about her all that much. 259 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,034 Okay, well, that is very interesting, 260 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,494 but I was more asking, 261 00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:07,245 like, what do you think about her living here? 262 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:11,500 Oh, right. Well, what was your relationship like 263 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,377 with her when you were working on the show? 264 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,295 It was very good, very professional. 265 00:13:15,579 --> 00:13:18,716 BoJack, where did you go to college? 266 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,301 - Don't bother him, honey. - Oh, it's no problem. 267 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:24,513 Honey, college is for ugly people who can't tap dance. 268 00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:27,807 - I want to be an architect. - Sweetheart, 269 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,794 Mommy didn't do what Mommy did to that Star Search 270 00:13:30,795 --> 00:13:32,730 producer so that you could be an architect. 271 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,231 - Aw. - All right, 272 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,525 - take it sleazy, everybody. - Wait, BoJack, 273 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,152 um, what are you doing this weekend? 274 00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,718 I don't know. I'll probably just go to the amusement park, 275 00:13:41,719 --> 00:13:44,199 maybe the circus, fly a kite on the beach, watch the sunset, 276 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:45,743 then I'll head back to my place 277 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,369 to watch any number of Disney princess movies 278 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,413 while eating ice cream straight from the tub. 279 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,666 Whoa, that sounds like so much fun. Can I come? 280 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,168 Yeah, like I want to spend my weekend 281 00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:58,630 hanging out with a little girl. Good one! 282 00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,549 You should write for the Shouts and Murmurs. 283 00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:01,800 See you Monday! 284 00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,901 So the makeup they were putting on you was 285 00:14:03,902 --> 00:14:06,012 not for the show, it was just for the weekend? 286 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:09,266 - Why does that matter? - I'm just trying to understand the story. 287 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,309 Do you think it's possible that you inviting Sarah Lynn 288 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:14,062 into your house now is your way of compensating for not... 289 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,231 No, Diane, I'm just helping out a friend. 290 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,942 I'm not trying to play out some weird, sick dad fantasy, 291 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,612 or resolve a deep guilt for past neglect, 292 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,322 or even try to retroactively fix my own childhood 293 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,366 by recreating someone else's, 294 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:29,661 and I'm especially not doing all those things at once! 295 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:30,912 Okay. 296 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,706 What happened? 297 00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:34,874 Did somebody hurt my precious baby? 298 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,419 Sarah Lynn! Ah! What the... ? 299 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:39,170 Oh, hey, BoJack. 300 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:40,964 I told my friends they could tear this wall out to build 301 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,133 a sweet cocaine booth/sex closet. 302 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,302 - Is that cool? - No, that's not cool. 303 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,387 Oof. Way to harsh the vibe, Kissinger. 304 00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:50,307 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize. 305 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,810 I thought this was a place where Sarah Lynn 306 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,688 could finally be Sarah Lynn, but I guess... 307 00:14:56,814 --> 00:15:01,568 - that's too much, man. - I always loved that catch phrase. 308 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:04,112 Can your friends at least take the artwork off the wall first? 309 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:08,158 Ooh. I want to say yes, but no. 310 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:12,287 - Okay, good talk. - Wha... Are you serious? 311 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,252 The reason I have called this house meeting is... 312 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,254 Todd, how many times have we been over this? 313 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,757 You don't have the authority to call house meetings. 314 00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,655 Only I can call a house meeting. 315 00:15:25,656 --> 00:15:27,469 You can propose a house meeting. 316 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,471 All right, fine, fine, fine, but the reason I propose 317 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,055 - this house meeting... - Your proposal has been 318 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,308 submitted and is under board review. 319 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,769 - Proposal denied. - BoJack, this Sarah Lynn thing 320 00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:39,189 is getting out of control, okay? She's taking advantage of you. 321 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,900 What? No she's not. We have a special relationship. 322 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,652 You couldn't possibly understand. 323 00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,904 Oh, my God. Look at what she's done to your house. 324 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,989 All right, look, I mean, I stepped on a needle earlier. 325 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,574 I think I'm addicted to heroin now, 326 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,035 so now, that's probably gonna be a whole thing. 327 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,953 I have to say, I agree with Todd. 328 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,580 You're not this girl's father, and you're not doing her 329 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,833 any favors by refusing to set boundaries. 330 00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,210 Look, I played a dad for nine years on TV, 331 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,212 so I think I know a little bit more about parenting 332 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,381 than you two jokers. The kids on Horsin' Around 333 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,007 didn't need boundaries. 334 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,468 All they needed was some good, old-fashioned love. 335 00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:11,054 BoJack! This is not a TV show, okay? 336 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,972 This is real life. 337 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:16,226 Ah! Lemur on fire! Lemur on fire! 338 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,190 Some good, old-fashioned love, and I'm gonna give it to her. 339 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:26,737 I'm gonna give it to her so... hard. 340 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,113 You know, I feel like we don't ever hang out. 341 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,868 Here you are, milady, 342 00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:35,995 a gin and nutmeg just like you asked. 343 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,956 Ugh. Too much nutmeg. 344 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,250 Well, you know what would taste even better? 345 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,836 An endorsement for a Slovakian yogurt. 346 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,963 Could Vanessa Gecko get you that? 347 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,926 Vanessa Gecko got Andrew The Social Network, 348 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,386 and she has skybox seats at the Staples Center. 349 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,054 - What do you have? - Well, I've got a table 350 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,765 at the Comedy Central roast of Gloria Stein... 351 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,934 Hey, Sarah Lynn, what say we spend the day together, 352 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,477 just you and me, away from all the haters? 353 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,898 - I want to say yes, but... - Great, let's go. 354 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,583 You know, Sarah Lynn, I got a feeling 355 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:25,169 - everything's gonna be okay. - Uh-huh. 356 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,047 Hey, did you hear Kazaz got cancer? 357 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,967 What? Herb Kazaz has cancer? 358 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,303 Yeah, in the butt. He's got, like, six months I think. 359 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,680 Well, that's horrible. Why would you tell me that now? 360 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,224 I don't know. The sun setting over those two hills 361 00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,101 made me think of a big ass, and that made me think 362 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,853 of ass cancer, and that made me think 363 00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:45,106 of Herb Kazaz's ass cancer. You really didn't know? 364 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,900 No, Herb and I aren't on the best... 365 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,152 Look, I'm trying to have a moment here. I can't... 366 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,529 Hey, I want to give you something. 367 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:55,993 - Is this your TV Guide award? - It's the most prestigious award I ever won. 368 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,702 I always thought if I ever had kids of my own, 369 00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,497 I'd give it to them one day. I want you to have it. 370 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,750 Oh, wow. BoJack, thanks. You're sweet. 371 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,882 - What are you doing? - Shh. 372 00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,467 Just let the credits roll, let the credits roll. 373 00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,643 "Sit, Ubu, sit." "Good dog."Arf." 374 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,228 - Can we go home now? - Yeah, okay, we're done. 375 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,114 - Hello? - BoJack Horseman. 376 00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,116 Did you get rid of your old TV Guide award? 377 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,952 This pawnshop on La Cienega was selling one 378 00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:40,328 - with your name on it. - What? 379 00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,330 Wait, why were you at a pawnshop? 380 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:43,915 Oh, I just have a guy there who calls me 381 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:46,125 whenever TV awards come in so I can buy 'em. 382 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,086 I put my name on, it's like I won it myself! 383 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,713 I have two Golden Globes 384 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,923 and a People's Choice forTemple Grandin. 385 00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:53,591 Sarah Lynn! 386 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:56,053 Hello? You still there? 387 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,390 Okay, party's over. Everybody out. 388 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,017 - Aw! - Not you. 389 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,728 You are in big trouble, young lady. 390 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,813 I can't believe you pawned my award. 391 00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:09,733 It wasn't personal. I just thought your award was stupid, 392 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,568 and I already have a billion other awards, 393 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,361 and I wanted to get money for drugs. 394 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:16,447 Look, things have been tough for you, and I understand that. 395 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,282 I know what you're going through right now. 396 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,327 Oh, you know what I'm going through? Why? 397 00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,122 Because you were on some dumb kids show a million years ago? 398 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,332 - Hey, now. - I had my own fashion line 399 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,794 when I was ten. By 20, I was packing stadiums. 400 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:32,756 I get letters every day from boys telling me 401 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,174 that I was the first girl they masturbated to. 402 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:38,136 Literally, someone tells me that every day. 403 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:41,098 - That is gross. - Oh-ho, I know! 404 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,307 You sit up here in your little house 405 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:46,436 and feel sorry for yourself? Oh, guess what, Bo-J, 406 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,521 in order to be a has-been, you have to have actually, 407 00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,315 - you know, been. - You are way out of line! 408 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,693 You're not my dad. You're just a rugged, older man 409 00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,862 who provided me with a strong, masculine presence 410 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,447 during my formative years. 411 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,365 I'm not your dad, and you're not my child. 412 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,035 We're just a man and a lady living in a house together, 413 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,537 and we're both adults, and we're both a little drunk. 414 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,671 Who-o-o lit my ottoman on fire? 415 00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:19,302 - Seriously, you seriously don't know? - I'm a bad "widdle" girl. 416 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,554 Yeah, you are bad, very bad! 417 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:25,809 You want me to put it out with my boob? 418 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,644 - Uh, what? - Your boob 419 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:31,773 is a very impractical way to put out a fire. 420 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,150 What is happening? 421 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,276 I think you have a serious drug problem. 422 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,571 The only drug I need is horse. 423 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,198 Guys, guys, what are you doing? 424 00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,532 Please don't do this. 425 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,785 No, no. Why are you... 426 00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,662 This is a very bad idea. 427 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,371 Can I at least get my blanket... 428 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,957 let me get my blanket out from under... 429 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,667 Oh G... Oh, my God, my arm. 430 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,335 - You got my arm. - Ow! Ow! 431 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,754 I'm in it now. Oh, God, no! I'm a part of it. 432 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:01,511 I still haven't regained the feeling in my fingers. 433 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,513 That was the longest two minutes of my life. 434 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,224 Um, I think it was a little longer than two minutes. 435 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:07,809 It was longer than two minutes. 436 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,854 How do you not get that this is terrible? 437 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,605 Oh, you mean from a P.R. standpoint? 438 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:15,525 Yeah, 'cause if this got out, oh, I would get flayed! 439 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,736 Oh, I'm done being the voice of reason. 440 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:22,448 It's exhausting. I got to take an angry nap. 441 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,868 Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. 442 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,328 I know. I know. She's taking advantage of me. 443 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,080 Actually, it kind of feels like you're the one 444 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:30,790 taking advantage of her. She's the one 445 00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:33,292 with substance abuse problems and daddy issues. 446 00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,086 Hey, we both have substance abuse problems 447 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:37,255 - and daddy issues. - Yeah, but she came 448 00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:40,299 to you for help. 449 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,302 Hey, notice how I've been ignoring you, 450 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,763 playing hard to get? Only makes you want me more. 451 00:21:45,847 --> 00:21:47,473 Ugh. Go stand on the other side of the room. 452 00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:49,475 - Okay. - Sarah Lynn, get your coat. 453 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,686 - I'm taking you to rehab. - Nah, 454 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,938 I was gonna keep hanging out here if that's all right. 455 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,107 - No, it's not all right. - What? 456 00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:57,942 This place isn't good for you. 457 00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,820 You need to go where you can get help, real help. 458 00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:03,073 But I thought you were always gonna be there for me 459 00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,323 like you said. 460 00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:07,035 I will always be there for you. 461 00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:08,745 Cut, let's take ten. 462 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,664 That's ten, everyone. Let's make it a tight ten. 463 00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:12,916 These pages are shit. 464 00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,500 you understand? Shit. 465 00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,169 I wouldn't wipe my ass with these pages. 466 00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:17,921 It would defeat the whole purpose of wiping my ass. 467 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,756 - Phone for you. - Uh-huh. 468 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,382 You get me points on the back end? 469 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:24,135 Well, I told you I'm not gonna do it unless I get points. 470 00:22:24,219 --> 00:22:25,720 Oh, they can't find any? 471 00:22:25,803 --> 00:22:27,013 Well, maybe they could suck some out of my dick! 472 00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:28,389 I'm on the phone. 473 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:31,350 You're being very rude. 474 00:22:31,434 --> 00:22:33,561 You promised me you would always be there. 475 00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:35,980 Sarah Lynn, this is for your own good. 476 00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:37,648 You can't stay here anymore. 477 00:22:37,732 --> 00:22:40,377 Okie-doke. I guess I'll just move out and find one of 478 00:22:40,378 --> 00:22:43,071 the billion people who will let me party at their house. 479 00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:45,907 Uh, well, you should not do that. 480 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,618 Oh, I know. I know, but I can, so I will. 481 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,536 I'm at a place right now where I never need 482 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,456 to grow as a person or rise to an occasion 483 00:22:53,539 --> 00:22:56,042 because I can constantly just surround myself 484 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:58,628 with sycophants and enablers until I die tragically young. 485 00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:03,591 - Wh-What? - Yeah, it's pretty much too late for me. 486 00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:06,510 Well, them's the breaks. Take it sleazy, everybody. 487 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:09,264 Oh, by the way, I called Vanessa Gecko, 488 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:10,932 and I'm meeting with her tomorrow. 489 00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:13,643 - Thanks for the suggestion. - No! No, no, no, no, no! 490 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:16,854 Hey, you guys want to hear my new catchphrase? 491 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:20,650 Suck a dick, dumb shits! 492 00:23:22,777 --> 00:23:25,529 Laura, the dummy took the bait. Now for phase two. 493 00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:29,326 Is she gone? Is it safe to come out? 494 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,410 Leak to the trades that Andrew Garfield's agent 495 00:23:31,494 --> 00:23:34,413 is taking meetings with his ex, get it all over town, 496 00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,333 wait an hour, then get me lunch with Andrew 497 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:40,044 on the books for this weekend, someplace Italian. 498 00:23:40,128 --> 00:23:41,796 I really blew it, didn't I? 499 00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:44,257 I mean, maybe you could have been a better role model 500 00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:47,260 when she was young, but also, she never really had a chance. 501 00:23:47,344 --> 00:23:49,387 This is what our celebrity culture does to people. 502 00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:51,158 So what you're saying is: 503 00:23:51,159 --> 00:23:54,118 Everything is society's fault, and we as individuals 504 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,686 never need to take responsibility for anything? 505 00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:59,356 Uh, no. Not exactly. I was just saying that... 506 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,941 Yeah. I like that. I didn't do anything wrong 507 00:24:02,025 --> 00:24:03,609 because I can't do anything wrong 508 00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:05,403 because we're all just products of our environment, 509 00:24:05,486 --> 00:24:06,696 bouncing around like marbles 510 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:08,156 in the game of Hungry Hungry Hippos 511 00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:09,866 that is our random and cruel universe. 512 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,575 Wait, no, that's not even what I'm saying... 513 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:14,204 Yeah, It's not my fault. It's society. 514 00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:16,789 Everything is because of society! 515 00:24:16,873 --> 00:24:19,083 - BoJack, that... - Dude, just let him have this. 516 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:21,502 Hooray! Everything is meaningless! 517 00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,339 Nothing I do has consequence! 518 00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:30,803 - So what'd you get, anything good? - Oh, I got everything. 519 00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:24,023 Boxer versus raptor.