1 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,000 1x04 - Zoes and Zeldas 2 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,681 And he says... he says, "Why the long face?" 3 00:00:13,765 --> 00:00:18,269 And I say, "Hey, buddy, I can't help it." 4 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,980 You get that? Long face. Horses have long faces. 5 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,524 I am a horse, my face is long. You get it, right? 6 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,150 Good, good. 7 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,402 What about the Rock Hudson stuff? 8 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:28,738 Felt like that flew over your heads. Did you get that? 9 00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,406 Keep this up, and the only thing we're gonna get 10 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,657 is our money back! 11 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,702 Okay, okay, it wasn't that funny. 12 00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:36,913 Maybe you didn't get it. 13 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,456 Uh, hey, guys, guys... 14 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:47,465 - Hey, let me buy you a drink. - Get cancer, jerk wad. 15 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,467 You've got some good material, you really do. 16 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,051 The Gorbachev stuff, it's killer. 17 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:54,096 But you gotta stop asking people if they get things. 18 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:57,308 - But then who do I know if they got it? - They'll laugh. 19 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,269 Why are you giving me advice? 20 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,563 Look, I've been doing stand-up for a year now, 21 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,399 and it's the responsibility of big shots like me 22 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,777 to always be looking out for the little guy. 23 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,404 - Let me buy you a drink. - Oh, I don't drink. 24 00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:13,741 - BoJack Horseman. - Herb Kazazz. 25 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:17,954 Oh, God! 26 00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:20,706 Goddamn it, Todd, clean up your shit. 27 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,124 What am I supposed to do, okay? 28 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,918 You don't give me any closet space. 29 00:01:24,002 --> 00:01:27,046 Not my problem. A better man than you once said, and I quote, 30 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,965 "It's the responsibility of little guys like you 31 00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:30,925 to be looking out for big shots like me." 32 00:01:31,009 --> 00:01:32,677 Who said that? 33 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,971 I don't know, Jesus, Ghandi, Malcolm-Jamal Warner. 34 00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:38,016 Clean up your shit! Oh! 35 00:02:34,906 --> 00:02:39,118 Gloria Steinem, one of the leading lights of modern feminism. 36 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:42,038 You will surely go down in the annals of history 37 00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:43,789 just as surely as Lisa Lampanelli 38 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:46,918 will go down in the locker room of the Houston Rockets. 39 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,589 Hey, BoJack, settle a bet. 40 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,633 - Are you a Zoe or a Zelda? - Don't know what that means. 41 00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:55,927 Well, I was talking to Wayne. 42 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,720 - Who's Wayne? - I'm Wayne. 43 00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,180 Wayne's writing an article about me for BuzzFeed. 44 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,975 BuzzFeed? What'll they think of next? 45 00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:05,978 Fun fact: Wayne is also my ex-boyfriend. 46 00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:07,312 Ha! You're funny. 47 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:08,940 Pretty cool, eh, BoJack? 48 00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,608 Diane's writing a book about you, 49 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,945 Wayne's writing an article about me. We're the same! 50 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,571 How could you think that that's the same? 51 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,740 My book will be in libraries for hundreds of years. 52 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,491 Your BuzzFeed article will be crammed 53 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,869 between an animated GIF of a cat falling asleep 54 00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:23,996 and a list of fun facts about Legally Blonde. 55 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,458 - Ha! Classic Zoe. - I still don't know what that means. 56 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,960 Well, are you familiar with Mr. Peanutbutter's House? 57 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,420 Do you mean his sitcom that coincidentally 58 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,881 had the exact same premise as my sitcom? 59 00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:36,842 Not the exact same. Mr. Peanutbutter's House 60 00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:39,137 featured a pair of twins, Zoe and Zelda. 61 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,973 Zelda was the sunny, fun-loving extrovert. 62 00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:45,559 - Look at my pumpkin, Mr. Peanutbutter. - Pretty smile, Zelly-belly. 63 00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:47,561 Aww... 64 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:49,313 Whereas Zoe was the smart, cynical introvert. 65 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,743 My pumpkin's throwing up because Halloween encourages excessive 66 00:03:52,744 --> 00:03:56,403 consumption of refined sugar at a time when obesity rates are sky high. 67 00:03:56,487 --> 00:04:00,365 Plus, Halloween costumes are a gateway to casual racism. 68 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,409 Why don't I keep the knife, Zo-bo? 69 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,668 Now, was the show's acting ham-fisted and the writing moronic? 70 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:15,631 - N-n-no? - Yes, but the Zoe/Zelda paradigm rang true. 71 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,134 I believe everyone's either a Zoe or a Zelda. 72 00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:22,304 For example, Nixon was a Zoe and Kennedy, a Zelda. 73 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,390 Al Gore, Zoe. George W. Bush, total Zelda. 74 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,978 It's R2-D2 and C-3PO, Zooey and Emily Deschanel. 75 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,437 So Zooey's a Zoe? 76 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:33,191 No, Zooey's a Zelda. Emily's the Zoe. 77 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,608 What a crazy world. 78 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:38,362 - So which one are you, BoJack? - I think I'm... above this. 79 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,905 Said the Zoe. 80 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,825 Well, I think I'm a Zelda. 81 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,618 Or maybe you're the third kind of person, 82 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,996 whose only function is to drain the energy and life force 83 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,874 - from his host organism. - Come on, BoJack. 84 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,709 Nah, he's right. I'm pretty much worthless. 85 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,585 See? You say something to someone enough times, 86 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,129 and eventually, he internalizes it. 87 00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:56,964 The system works. 88 00:04:57,048 --> 00:04:59,217 I don't have a job, I don't have any prospects. 89 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,511 I probably won't ever finish the rock opera I'm working on. 90 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:03,888 What? 91 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,266 Since when are you working on a rock opera? 92 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,101 Oh, no. Why'd I ask that? 93 00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:12,312 Basically, it's Tommy by way of Cirque du Soleil 94 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,107 set in space, with heavy erotic overtones, 95 00:05:15,191 --> 00:05:17,193 and the gripping psychodrama of a thriller 96 00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:20,529 with plenty of heart and more than a little humor. 97 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:24,200 I call it Newtopia Rising, Book 1: 98 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:28,037 - The Search for a New Utopia. - Book 1? 99 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,955 You've got me thinking sequel here. 100 00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,207 Ugh. 101 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,589 - I'm in. - I'm out. 102 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:53,229 - Loam? "Rich with loam?" - Yeah, it's a kind of soil. 103 00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,314 These people are simple, agricultural types. 104 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,982 On a spaceship? 105 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,340 "Slaves." Just say "slaves." 106 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,144 That was... and I don't say this lightly... 107 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,062 worse than a hundred September 11ths. 108 00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:37,731 Yeah, you're right. This was stupid. 109 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,233 I don't know what I was thinking. 110 00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:42,361 - Well, guess I'll give up forever. - That's the spirit. 111 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,200 Now, you have to understand that as a port city, 112 00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:51,996 Liverpool had unique access to all aspects of American culture, 113 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:55,082 especially Blues music and its unruly nephew, Rock and Roll. 114 00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:57,342 I thought this story was about running into Paul McCartney 115 00:06:57,343 --> 00:06:58,794 in the bathroom at the Golden Globes. 116 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,839 It is. I thought you would appreciate some context. 117 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,465 Let's skip that one for a minute. 118 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,468 - Tell me about Todd. - Todd? What's to tell? 119 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,216 Five years ago, he found his way into 120 00:07:08,217 --> 00:07:09,972 one of my house parties and never left. 121 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,308 And you've never asked him anything about himself? 122 00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,393 I've asked him to get a job, I've asked him to move out. 123 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:17,313 With a little encouragement, I'll bet he could really flourish. 124 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:18,814 I mean, didn't you have anyone who helped you 125 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,359 - when you were just starting out? - Um, actually, no. 126 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,319 Todd clearly thinks the world of you. 127 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,154 Todd thinks the world of Pop-Tarts. 128 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:28,199 Look, I get that helping other people is not your thing, but... 129 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,617 What? I let Todd live rent-free in my stately manse. 130 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,536 I am his own personal Mother Teresa. 131 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,705 But do you let him stay here because you're kind 132 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,665 or just because you're terrified of being alone? 133 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,625 That is insane! 134 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:42,129 I would love to be alone. That is all I want. 135 00:07:42,213 --> 00:07:44,131 Mmm... if that were really true, 136 00:07:44,215 --> 00:07:46,091 I don't think you'd be clipping Todd's wings all the time. 137 00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:47,634 What? That's unbelievable. 138 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:50,388 - Todd! - What? Clean up my shit? 139 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,515 Yes, but also, I would like to... 140 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,475 help you with your dumb-ass rock opera. 141 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:59,313 - What? - I am... supporting you. 142 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,274 I-I don't understand. Oh, my God, are you dying? 143 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:05,908 No. I... think you have great depth of untapped 144 00:08:05,909 --> 00:08:09,531 potential and I wish to mentor you in your... art. 145 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,283 - Really? - Yes. 146 00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:13,744 Wait, is this going to be like that time 147 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,204 you promised to take me ice skating, 148 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,164 and I got really excited about the ice skating, 149 00:08:17,248 --> 00:08:19,208 but then instead of ice skating, you left me at home 150 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:20,625 so you could go to the strip club 151 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,836 and then you took the strippers ice skating? 152 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,047 - No. - Then hooray! 153 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,927 Let's dig in. Where to start? 154 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,970 Okay, well, the headline is, I hate it. 155 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,555 I hate everything about it. 156 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,599 The premise is bad and the execution is also bad. 157 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,684 It's an irredeemable jumble of shit. 158 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,187 - Tough but fair. - Ahem. 159 00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:44,024 That said, I don't see why we can't make something really great here. 160 00:08:44,108 --> 00:08:46,568 Okay, thank you. I'll work on that. 161 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:50,155 - Are you close? - No! 162 00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,365 - How 'bout now? - No! 163 00:08:51,449 --> 00:08:53,909 - Now? - You're not even inside of me. 164 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,412 Oh, God! 165 00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:57,788 Did you get there? 166 00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:01,652 Okay, so you know in the second act closer when the 167 00:09:01,653 --> 00:09:03,877 seekers of Newtopia are in the Turbidians' dungeon 168 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,045 and they learn their ship 169 00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:06,671 - has been destroyed? - No. 170 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,549 Well, what if we move that to the fourth act? 171 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,344 I have no idea what you're talking about, but that idea is terrible. 172 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:14,430 I hear the note. Let me see what I can do. 173 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,818 - So? - How can I put this? 174 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,987 Imagine if the Holocaust happened 175 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,156 every four years like the Olympics. 176 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,451 I would rather that happened than your rock opera. 177 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:37,702 That's not really a note. 178 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,664 In fact, none of your notes have been notes. 179 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,333 I feel like you're not even listening. 180 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,042 Yeah, well, you know what? Maybe I would listen 181 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,877 if the Turbidians had some reason 182 00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,609 to enter the Cave of Swollen Dreams that 183 00:09:47,610 --> 00:09:49,340 didn't break the pact they made in act one 184 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,176 - with Queen Darneesa. - You have been listening. 185 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,469 This just doesn't make sense. 186 00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,137 The Turbidians are a loyal people. 187 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:59,975 They... they wouldn't betray their queen. Unless... 188 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,103 They were working for Queen Darneesa, 189 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,564 who gave them a potion that would counteract 190 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,732 the effects of the Elixir of Failed Remembrance 191 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:10,163 so they could bring the secret knowledge from 192 00:10:10,164 --> 00:10:12,612 the cave back to her, and then establish Newtopia 193 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,407 as a vassal state to the Craterman kingdom! 194 00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:18,536 Well, don't just sit there! Get this down! 195 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,246 Oh, you like that. 196 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:24,124 - You like daddy's good stuff? - Not especially. 197 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,086 Did you get there? 198 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:32,508 Okay, what if there isn't a robot army? 199 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:35,177 I think you just blew this thing wide open. 200 00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,359 That was great! This train is moving. 201 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,194 Let's take a break and get lunch. 202 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:56,198 - Wait, you want to get lunch with me? - Yeah, that's right. 203 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,617 Is this like the time you invited me to lunch, 204 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,827 but then, when I got to the restaurant, 205 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,163 you texted me to tell me you weren't coming 206 00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:07,501 because you were at a strip club "eating stripper" for lunch, 207 00:11:07,585 --> 00:11:10,879 - and also, it was my birthday? - No. 208 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,631 Then hooray! 209 00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:18,345 And that was a last time I worked with David O. Russell. 210 00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:19,930 What's that old expression? 211 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,225 "Fool me once, shame on me, but fool me twice... 212 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,518 fiddle-dee-dee." 213 00:11:24,602 --> 00:11:26,686 I do believe that is the expression. 214 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,855 Ooh, hold on. I gotta take this. 215 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,274 Erica, I don't have time 216 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,692 to be charmed to death right now. 217 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,487 So how long have you been dating Mr. Peanutbutter? 218 00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:37,989 Is it serious? I'm only asking for the article. 219 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,909 Better question: How long does it take to write a BuzzFeed article? 220 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:43,138 - I want to be thorough. - What? 221 00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:44,580 Diane, Diane, Diane, Diane! 222 00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,415 - Do you know what today is? - Sunday? 223 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:50,419 It's "burritos as big as your head" day at El Taco Loco! 224 00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,045 We gotta go right now! 225 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:53,547 I thought we were going to see the Diane Arbus show 226 00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:55,715 at LACMA today. You know I love Diane Arbus. 227 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,594 I see what's happening here. 228 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:02,847 Her name is Diane, and your name is Diane. 229 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,266 That's not what's happening. 230 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,601 I can go to the Arbus show with you, Diane. 231 00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:08,728 - What? - I've actually been meaning to go myself. 232 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,897 Oh, man, you guys are perfect for each other. 233 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,732 Why did you ever break up? 234 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,194 Okay, less yakking, more snacking. 235 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,948 Let's go ride in the car! 236 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,366 Here's your steak. 237 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:24,244 - Uh, sorry. - Mm-hmm. 238 00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:27,502 You mean to tell me that for a full year you were on the run 239 00:12:27,503 --> 00:12:31,042 - from the Russian mafia? - Well, a Russian mafia. 240 00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,961 I can't believe you never told me any of this stuff. 241 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,546 I just thought you were a dumb freeloader 242 00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:36,423 who ate all my food and played video games all day. 243 00:12:36,507 --> 00:12:38,634 You should have seen me in high school. 244 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:41,970 - There was this one game, Decapathon. - I remember that game. 245 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,306 I was up for Dr. Decapitator in the movie version. 246 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,765 They said they wanted someone hipper, 247 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,392 but the part ended up going to Robert Downey. 248 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:48,977 - Junior? - If it was Junior, 249 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,646 I would have said, "Junior." 250 00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:53,482 That game basically destroyed my life. 251 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,817 I flunked out of school, my girlfriend left me. 252 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,653 I mean, I didn't stop playing 253 00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,531 until my mom threw me out of the house. 254 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,575 I mean, that's when I first realized, you know, 255 00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:06,995 - I'm a total screw-up. - You're not a screw-up anymore, Todd. 256 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,873 You're about to have a hit rock opera on your hands. 257 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,125 I'm really glad you think that. 258 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:14,752 I got Princess Carolyn to invite Virgil Van Cleef 259 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:17,756 - to our next rehearsal. - Who in the what Van? 260 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,800 Virgil Van Cleef is the biggest name in rock opera. 261 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,969 Okay, think of all the great rock operas 262 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:26,765 - from the last 20 years. - Okay. 263 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,767 He had a piece of all of them. 264 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,810 Wow, Todd, are you sure we're ready for that? 265 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,688 Hey, you said yourself the train is moving, 266 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,315 but if you think we're not ready, I mean, I'll listen to you. 267 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,108 Hey, you've done enough listening, buddy. 268 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,027 Maybe it's about time I start listening. 269 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,404 Well, I feel like... 270 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,697 Gotta take this. Hello? 271 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,990 Hello? BoJack Horseman? 272 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,076 We have some very delicate pictures you might 273 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,495 have an interest in not getting into the wrong hands. 274 00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:49,996 I am very happy with my current 275 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,666 - long distance provider, thank you. - What? 276 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,460 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm having lunch with my friend. 277 00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,504 But if you just listen... 278 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,467 All right, gang, when Virgil Van Cleef gets here, look alive. 279 00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,302 This could be Todd's big break, 280 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,846 so clap really hard and laugh at all the jokes, 281 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,807 even if they're not funny, but also, be careful, 282 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,684 because a lot of things you might think are jokes 283 00:14:10,768 --> 00:14:13,311 are not jokes, so, you know, look out. 284 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,357 - That was not a joke. - That was not a real laugh. 285 00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:19,234 I hope you don't mind I brought Wayne along. 286 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,944 - Who's Wayne? - I'm Wayne. 287 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,654 I just wanted to make sure he had everything he needs 288 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,156 for the big BuzzFeed cover story. 289 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,158 BuzzFeed is a website. There is no cover. 290 00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:28,577 Eh, "tomato,"tomato." 291 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:29,828 It's "tomato,"to-mah-to." 292 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,997 You say, "tomato,"to-mah-to," I say, "tomato,"tomato." 293 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,293 Oh, hey, Diane, I got you something. 294 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:40,046 - Oh, plane tickets? - Yep, to San Francisco. 295 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,132 That's where the Arbus exhibit is heading next. 296 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,218 Oh, my God. Thanks, Mr. Peanutbutter. 297 00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:51,433 Gentlemen, dazzle me. 298 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,769 What you're about to see is rough, very rough. 299 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,354 It's a vomit pass at what might become a rock opera. 300 00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:59,065 Right now, it's set mostly in space, but we're not married to that. 301 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:01,735 Todd is neither a singer nor a trained musician. 302 00:15:01,819 --> 00:15:03,445 In fact, he never even graduated high school, 303 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,071 he told me in confidence. 304 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,324 Keep all that in mind as you give it up for Todd. 305 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:14,038 Okay, so we start in 1887 306 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,541 with a young Emma Goldman. 307 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:35,143 - It needs a third act showstopper. - I had the same note. 308 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:38,104 But in all, it's spellbinding. 309 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:41,107 - All right! - Whoo! 310 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,234 You know, I run a small theater in North Hollywood. 311 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:46,321 We were supposed to mount a J.C. Superstar revival 312 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,931 next month, but of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber 313 00:15:48,932 --> 00:15:51,242 has to be a real hot penis about everything. 314 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:54,078 Oh, Andy. Fool me once, shame on you, 315 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,539 but teach a man to fool me, 316 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,041 and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life. 317 00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:01,294 Anyway, could this show be ready to debut in six weeks? 318 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:04,840 Six weeks? Uh, damn. Yeah, I guess so. 319 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:08,635 Marvelous! We'll schedule an investor showcase posthaste. 320 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,762 In the meantime, libations! 321 00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:13,056 Ah! 322 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,808 - Popping, what? - This is great. 323 00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:16,852 You know, just when you think you have a person pegged, 324 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:19,062 he can still find ways to surprise you. 325 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,439 Yeah, Todd really rose to the occasion, didn't he? 326 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:24,484 - I was talking about you. - Ah, well, it was nothing. 327 00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:27,070 Maybe the Zoe has a little Zelda in him after all. 328 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,989 I appreciate the sentiment, but I still think that game is stupid. 329 00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:32,283 Hey, BoJack, do you realize what this means? 330 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,495 I mean, if this thing's a hit, I could finally move out. 331 00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:37,915 Oh, uh, you're gonna move out? 332 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,661 You won't have to yell, "Hey, Todd, clean up your shit!" 333 00:16:40,696 --> 00:16:43,086 Or, "Todd, why haven't you cleaned up your shit yet?" 334 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,089 Or, "Todd, what was the name of that guy from Perfect Strangers? 335 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,717 Not Bronson Pinchot, but the other one?" 336 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,887 Good, that's great. That's great and good. 337 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,013 So good, so great. 338 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:57,100 - Just great, and also good. - Mm-hmm. 339 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,442 And as you can see, progress has been swift. 340 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,110 For tomorrow's investor showcase, 341 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,447 we'll have choreography and pyrotechnics for you. 342 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,323 This is all just happening so fast. 343 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,576 I don't... I don't think Todd is ready for this. 344 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,870 Todd's not ready or you're not ready? 345 00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,122 Don't make this about me. I've seen what happens 346 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,875 when baby birds get pushed out of the nest too soon. 347 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:23,919 It's not your fault. 348 00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:26,755 I thought he was ready. He seemed ready. 349 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:30,675 It's not... your... fault. 350 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,385 You're right. In these heady times, 351 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,096 what Todd needs is an agent. Ha! Ha! 352 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,056 - I just need you to deliver... - Hoo! Ha! 353 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,225 - That third act showstopper... - Ha! 354 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,478 and then we'll be fully financed! 355 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,648 Todd can do it! Todd can do anything! 356 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,899 - Can I get your autograph? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 357 00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:47,150 And another autograph, 358 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,819 and initial here, here, here, and here. 359 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,069 - Right here? - And the last four digits 360 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,655 - of your social. - Okay. 361 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:55,450 So I think the big third act number Virgil wants 362 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,620 - might be a big anthem that... - Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, buddy, 363 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,831 I'm not gonna let you start on this until we stock up 364 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,332 on snacks and Red Bull. 365 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:06,127 I do get snacky. You think of everything. 366 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,674 'Scuse me, young man. 367 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,926 Can you hand me that Ronnie Milsap cassingle 368 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:17,014 - in the 10-cent bin? - Sure thing, lady. 369 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:23,061 Oh, my God. Decapathon VII? This just came out. 370 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:26,356 - Todd, put it down. - Is this really only a dime? 371 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,399 If it's in there, that's the price. 372 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,986 Todd, this is no time for a relapse. 373 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,571 Look, okay, I'll buy it now, but I won't play it 374 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,782 till after I've written the new song. 375 00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:37,993 Todd, this is a bad idea! 376 00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,286 - Whoa! - All sales are final. 377 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:45,083 Okay, let's see here. 378 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,418 I wonder if it still smells the same. 379 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,047 I assure you, it still smells like cheap plastic and child labor. 380 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,341 Okay, here we go. Song time. 381 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,803 Or should I just play one game now, 382 00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:59,097 just to get the creative juices flowing? 383 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,932 We both know that if you play that game tonight, 384 00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,767 you'll never leave this couch! 385 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,895 Ah, no, you're right, of course. 386 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:08,314 - Thank you. - Good night. 387 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,236 Come on, Decapathon, come on. 388 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,280 Oh, come on, Decapathon. 389 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,575 Oh. 390 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,703 Wake up! It's the morning! 391 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:25,164 Damn it, Todd, the investor showcase is in half an hour. 392 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,000 - Did you work on the song? - Huh? 393 00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:29,335 Pull yourself together, man! 394 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,923 Ugh! Why did the water have to come out of your mouth? 395 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:36,801 Well, I'm awfully sorry to have wasted your time. 396 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,387 I don't think our man is going to show. 397 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,099 Wait! 398 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,767 Good God, what's happened? 399 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,937 He looks like he was up all night playing some sort of 400 00:19:46,938 --> 00:19:50,023 videographic game. He's in no condition to debut a song. 401 00:19:50,107 --> 00:19:52,650 Give the kid a chance, Van Cleef. 402 00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:16,466 Rock opera? More like "schlock flop-era." 403 00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,343 Ugh! 404 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,181 - Enough! - Clearly, Van Cleef has shown 405 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,767 a rare lapse in taste and judgment. 406 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,146 I apologize for wasting your time with this talentless imp. 407 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,940 Hey, Van Cleef, Todd may not be ready 408 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,317 for the high-flying world of rock opera 409 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,278 or the larger world outside of my living room couch, 410 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,990 but you know what? He's a good friend. 411 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,908 I don't see how that's relevant. 412 00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:44,368 No, of course you don't. Maybe Todd's worse off today, 413 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,081 but you're worse off in the long run, because you're 414 00:20:47,082 --> 00:20:49,958 gonna die alone and unloved, you pompous, affected asshole! 415 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:53,878 Mon dieu! Never have I ever! 416 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,131 Hey, maybe don't burn the bridge. 417 00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:59,801 - I could still beg for a second chance. - Shut your mouth, Todd. 418 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,512 And you shut yours, Van Cleef, or I will buck it shut. 419 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,515 Suck a dick, dumb shits! 420 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,687 Oh, that damn video game. 421 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:14,315 No, it's not the video game's fault. I blew it. 422 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,609 For a second, I actually convinced myself 423 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:19,154 I was more than just a worthless screw-up. 424 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,355 Fool me once, fool me twice, 425 00:21:21,356 --> 00:21:23,700 fool me chicken soup with rice. 426 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,619 I guess there's a reason they don't call it "the rock opera fun." 427 00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,997 They call it "the rock opera business." 428 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,333 Guess I won't be needing this piece of junk anymore. 429 00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,752 Hey, no. Hold on to that. 430 00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:36,295 Why don't you just put it in the living room closet? 431 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,673 - Really? - In fact, from now on, 432 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,633 you can keep all your stuff in the living room closet. 433 00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:46,472 - Thanks, BoJack, for everything. - This, I will get rid of. 434 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:50,935 - What the... - Don't look at those! 435 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:53,104 - Those are private! - Are these the notes 436 00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:56,233 you've been taking on Mr. Peanutbutter? It's gibberish! 437 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,860 Have you just been mashing keys this whole time? 438 00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:00,195 It's a... it's a work in progress. 439 00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:02,321 What's really going on here? 440 00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:04,825 Look, I've been following you two around for the 441 00:22:04,826 --> 00:22:07,244 last couple weeks, and I think it's pretty obvious 442 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,746 to everyone that you shouldn't be with Mr. Peanutbutter. 443 00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:13,250 - You should be with me. - No, I've dated you. 444 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:17,212 Sure, you're smart and sophisticated and cool, 445 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:18,880 but you're also mean. 446 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,382 What's your article on Mr. Peanutbutter called? 447 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,718 The working title is, "Nine Jokes From the '90s 448 00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:25,095 We Haven't Stopped Laughing at." 449 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,804 - I knew it! - Come on! 450 00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:29,182 Like you're not gonna tear BoJack apart in your book. 451 00:22:29,266 --> 00:22:31,642 I'm not "tearing him apart." 452 00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:34,938 I'm writing a nuanced portrait of a complicated man. 453 00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:37,648 Well, then, we might be doing different things. 454 00:22:37,732 --> 00:22:39,984 Mr. Peanutbutter is nice to me! 455 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:43,654 He's kind and he's generous and he's loyal. 456 00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:46,532 You know what your problem is? You're trying 457 00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:49,202 to be a Zelda but you're so obviously a Zoe. 458 00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:51,412 Ugh! Don't label me. You don't know who I am. 459 00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:55,041 You can live your happy Zelda life in this happy Zelda town 460 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:57,335 and pretend you're a happy Zelda, 461 00:22:57,418 --> 00:23:01,505 but I know you, and this isn't you. 462 00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,800 People don't change, Diane, not really. 463 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:05,343 Mr. Peanutbutter's a Zelda. 464 00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:06,970 He's happy and he's carefree 465 00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:10,848 and he's loving, but you and me, we're Zoes. 466 00:23:10,932 --> 00:23:14,185 Yeah, I bought this earlier, and I'd like to return it. 467 00:23:14,269 --> 00:23:15,686 I don't know where the receipt went. 468 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:18,022 I remember you. You came in yesterday. 469 00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,358 No problem. 470 00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:22,235 We're Zoes, Diane. 471 00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:25,155 We're cynical and we're sad and we're mean. 472 00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:29,367 Thanks for your help, character actress Margo Martindale. 473 00:23:29,450 --> 00:23:32,329 I don't feel good about what we did here, BoJack. 474 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:36,833 I don't know what you're talking about. This never happened. 475 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:39,794 There's a darkness inside you, 476 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:43,464 and you can bury it deep in burritos as big as your head, 477 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:46,301 but someday soon, that darkness is gonna come out, 478 00:23:46,384 --> 00:23:49,720 and when it does, I want you to call me. 479 00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:54,475 I like that guy. 480 00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:59,063 Ahh. 481 00:25:01,667 --> 00:25:02,835 Boxer versus raptor.