1 00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,091 Oh, right. 2 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,969 Well, just tell whoever, then. 3 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,219 - Haaah! 4 00:00:09,303 --> 00:00:11,305 Ooh! 5 00:00:13,223 --> 00:00:15,517 - Asshole! 6 00:00:15,601 --> 00:00:18,020 Anyway, I'm off to Malibu to see Herb Kazzaz. 7 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:20,355 He has cancer, which, as you know, is a whole thing. 8 00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:22,566 Plus, he hates me, so I could really use 9 00:00:22,650 --> 00:00:24,276 some good news at the end of the day. 10 00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:25,945 Oh, my God. You're going to see Herb? 11 00:00:26,028 --> 00:00:27,989 You must be really... Nope. 12 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:30,491 - Don't care. Not interested. 13 00:00:30,574 --> 00:00:32,493 Okay, Good talk. 14 00:00:33,035 --> 00:00:34,453 Hey. 15 00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,246 - Ready for this? - Listen. 16 00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:37,331 I want to make sure I don't spend 17 00:00:37,414 --> 00:00:39,124 any time alone with Herb. 18 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,835 I'm bringing you along as my buffer. 19 00:00:40,918 --> 00:00:42,085 And your memoirist. 20 00:00:42,169 --> 00:00:43,170 I should meet your old best friend 21 00:00:43,253 --> 00:00:44,546 before he dies of cancer. 22 00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:45,631 Fine, I guess. 23 00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:46,882 Just don't abandon me. 24 00:00:46,966 --> 00:00:48,175 No bathroom breaks. 25 00:00:48,258 --> 00:00:49,677 And don't slip out of the room 26 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,888 to text your fiancé a bunch of winky smileys 27 00:00:52,972 --> 00:00:55,474 with hearts next to them... Gross. 28 00:00:55,557 --> 00:00:57,434 Congratulations on the whole being engaged thing, 29 00:00:57,518 --> 00:00:58,727 - by the way. - Thanks. 30 00:00:58,811 --> 00:01:00,145 It's just starting to hit me. 31 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,856 I'm getting married. 32 00:01:01,939 --> 00:01:03,649 Thank God I don't have to die alone. 33 00:01:03,732 --> 00:01:04,859 - No offense. - None taken. 34 00:01:04,942 --> 00:01:06,485 Till you said, "No offense." 35 00:01:06,568 --> 00:01:08,696 So what's the deal with you and this guy? 36 00:01:08,779 --> 00:01:10,113 You never talk about him. 37 00:01:10,197 --> 00:01:13,534 Well, I kind of, maybe stabbed him in the back. 38 00:01:13,617 --> 00:01:16,161 Yeah, it's a bit of a story. 39 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:21,124 A story of power, betrayal, and ambitious hairstyles. 40 00:01:21,208 --> 00:01:22,710 The year? 198... 41 00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:25,046 - Movie's over. - Watch the next one. 42 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:28,799 Aw, I'm tired of watching movies. 43 00:01:28,883 --> 00:01:30,718 - Do you want to play a game? - Sure. 44 00:01:30,801 --> 00:01:33,470 I spy with my little eye someone who needs 45 00:01:33,554 --> 00:01:34,805 to shut the hell up. 46 00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:36,891 - Is it me? - It's always you. 47 00:01:36,974 --> 00:01:38,392 - Now, where was I? - You were about to tell 48 00:01:38,475 --> 00:01:39,977 a story about you being a shitty friend, 49 00:01:40,061 --> 00:01:42,270 but then, we got interrupted by you yelling at Todd. 50 00:01:42,354 --> 00:01:44,565 Oh, yeah. Shut up, Todd. 51 00:02:52,883 --> 00:02:56,219 Why do we need a kitchen and a bathroom? 52 00:02:56,303 --> 00:02:58,139 Pipes are pipes, people. 53 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:01,100 Do we really need a toilet and a sink 54 00:03:01,183 --> 00:03:03,685 and a bathtub and... Wait, hold on... 55 00:03:03,769 --> 00:03:06,313 A whole 'nother room with another sink? 56 00:03:06,396 --> 00:03:07,606 They're all just holes to the ocean, lady. 57 00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:08,899 I mean, come on. 58 00:03:10,484 --> 00:03:11,902 BoJack, you're late. 59 00:03:11,986 --> 00:03:13,612 Here. I got you a beer. It's on the house. 60 00:03:13,695 --> 00:03:15,197 Don't tell my boss. 61 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,991 Thanks, Charlotte, but one beer gets me tipsy. 62 00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:18,617 I got to be clear-headed for my set. 63 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,161 Looks like Herb's killing. 64 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,537 Yeah, and the suits from ABC are here. 65 00:03:23,705 --> 00:03:25,166 Look. They're nodding. 66 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,959 That's the executive version of laughing. 67 00:03:27,042 --> 00:03:29,586 Wow. They must be serious about Herb. 68 00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,546 That's Angela Diaz. 69 00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:33,465 She's the woman who made pantsuits a thing. 70 00:03:33,548 --> 00:03:34,549 Oh, before I forget. 71 00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:36,093 Herb and I are gonna see 72 00:03:36,177 --> 00:03:37,260 Back to the Future again this weekend. 73 00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:38,595 - Want to come? - I'm in. 74 00:03:38,679 --> 00:03:40,181 That movie was amazing, 75 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,932 except for all the lame time period jokes. 76 00:03:42,016 --> 00:03:43,809 We get it. The '50s were different. 77 00:03:43,892 --> 00:03:45,644 I'll have a New Coke, please. 78 00:03:45,727 --> 00:03:48,355 Listen, you guys don't need to include me on your dates. 79 00:03:48,438 --> 00:03:50,858 Sometimes, it makes me feel like a third wheel. 80 00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:51,942 BoJack, stop. 81 00:03:52,026 --> 00:03:53,152 Without the third wheel, 82 00:03:53,235 --> 00:03:54,695 how would you ride a tricycle? 83 00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:56,030 Wouldn't that make it a bicycle? 84 00:03:56,113 --> 00:03:57,239 Herb Kazzaz, ladies and gentlemen. 85 00:03:58,532 --> 00:04:00,117 - Hey-ooh! - Great set, man. 86 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:01,827 It's like everything you said was something 87 00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:04,205 I've thought before but never had the balls to say. 88 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:05,831 Thanks, BJ. I set 'em up. 89 00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:07,290 Now, you knock 'em down. 90 00:04:07,374 --> 00:04:09,835 Let's give it up for BoJack Horseman. 91 00:04:09,918 --> 00:04:12,504 - Well, thank you, Bubbles. 92 00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,548 I love L.A. Don't you guys? 93 00:04:14,631 --> 00:04:17,051 The prettiest girls in the world flock to this city, 94 00:04:17,134 --> 00:04:18,677 and they end up with total knobs. 95 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,012 Take this couple, for example. 96 00:04:21,388 --> 00:04:23,265 Excuse me, miss. Is that your date? 97 00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:24,808 He's my husband. 98 00:04:24,892 --> 00:04:26,643 That's your husband? You can do better. 99 00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:28,187 Give me a call after the show. 100 00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:31,106 - I'm just kidding around. 101 00:04:31,273 --> 00:04:33,692 I'm not kidding around. 102 00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:38,321 Ugh. 103 00:04:38,405 --> 00:04:39,948 Maker's Manhattan? 2:00 P.M.? 104 00:04:40,032 --> 00:04:41,491 Not judging. 105 00:04:41,575 --> 00:04:43,326 That guy tipped me a quarter. 106 00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:45,954 That's barely enough money to buy three gallons of gas. 107 00:04:46,038 --> 00:04:47,873 - You want a slug? - No, I got to stay sharp. 108 00:04:47,956 --> 00:04:49,666 I got another audition this afternoon. 109 00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:51,252 God, I can't wait till I'm finally up 110 00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,795 for real jobs instead of these dumb commercials. 111 00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:56,715 "Here's the thing about most long-distance plans." 112 00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:58,592 Ugh. I hate when people say that. 113 00:04:58,675 --> 00:05:00,802 - "Here's the thing." - It's so stupid. 114 00:05:00,886 --> 00:05:02,429 Just say the thing. 115 00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,681 You don't need to introduce the concept 116 00:05:04,765 --> 00:05:06,767 that there's going to be a thing. 117 00:05:06,850 --> 00:05:08,393 I don't expect to be offered Secretariat 118 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,187 right away, but when am I gonna be up 119 00:05:10,271 --> 00:05:11,646 for real roles? 120 00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:13,440 We'll get there, BJ. We both will. 121 00:05:13,523 --> 00:05:15,234 In fact, if I play my cards right, 122 00:05:15,317 --> 00:05:16,484 I might get there real soon. 123 00:05:16,568 --> 00:05:17,569 Wait. 124 00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,863 - Did the guys from ABC call? - Uh-huh. 125 00:05:19,947 --> 00:05:21,907 They invited me to some hotshot event 126 00:05:21,990 --> 00:05:23,825 at LACMA this weekend. 127 00:05:23,909 --> 00:05:26,287 I'm gonna pitch 'em a TV show while they're drunk. 128 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,997 An off-the-clock, non-work-related social event? 129 00:05:29,081 --> 00:05:30,999 That's the perfect time to pitch a TV show. 130 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:32,209 You're brilliant. 131 00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:34,086 These people are so fancy. 132 00:05:34,169 --> 00:05:35,754 Look, look, look. Hey, hey, look. 133 00:05:35,837 --> 00:05:37,380 That's Joyce DeWitt, isn't it? 134 00:05:37,464 --> 00:05:39,507 That's Joyce DeWitt. And that's Angela Diaz. 135 00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:41,468 And that's Ubu, the guy who sits. 136 00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:43,971 - He is a good dog. 137 00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:46,056 Guys, don't take your eyes off the prize. 138 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:48,516 We need to fill Charlotte's bag with these mini quiches. 139 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,977 This is our breakfast for June. 140 00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,478 - Herb Kazzaz. - Shit, we're busted. 141 00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:53,230 - Pretend you don't speak English. 142 00:05:53,314 --> 00:05:55,274 Buongiorno. Bon Jovi. 143 00:05:55,357 --> 00:05:57,525 Salutations. Crap, that's English. 144 00:05:57,609 --> 00:05:59,611 Hey, you mind if I steal this superstar for a second? 145 00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:01,613 Okay, yeah. I'll catch you two later. 146 00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:02,739 Stay out of trouble. Oh, ho. 147 00:06:02,823 --> 00:06:04,116 Well, there he goes. 148 00:06:04,199 --> 00:06:05,492 Herb's about to hit the big time, 149 00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:07,077 and I'm just gonna be a small-fry 150 00:06:07,161 --> 00:06:09,579 doing tiny commercials and eating mini quiches. 151 00:06:09,663 --> 00:06:10,789 You're dead wrong. 152 00:06:10,872 --> 00:06:12,082 You're gonna be a big success. 153 00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:13,792 Herb says that to me all the time. 154 00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:15,961 - He thinks the world of you. - He does? 155 00:06:16,044 --> 00:06:18,588 Yeah, I'm not worried about if you'll become a star. 156 00:06:18,672 --> 00:06:21,383 I'm more worried about how you'll change when it happens. 157 00:06:21,466 --> 00:06:22,843 Like, you think I'll get fat? 158 00:06:22,926 --> 00:06:25,012 No, that's not what I'm talking about. 159 00:06:25,095 --> 00:06:26,096 So you're saying I definitely 160 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:27,348 - won't get fat? - No. 161 00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:28,890 Well, make up your mind, lady. 162 00:06:28,974 --> 00:06:31,559 Look over there. See those tar pits? 163 00:06:31,643 --> 00:06:33,103 Hollywood's a real pretty town 164 00:06:33,187 --> 00:06:35,730 that's smack on top of all that black tar. 165 00:06:35,814 --> 00:06:37,065 By the time you realize you're sinking, 166 00:06:37,149 --> 00:06:38,359 it's too late. 167 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,277 Wait, is this a science lesson? 168 00:06:40,361 --> 00:06:42,154 No, BoJack, it's a metaphor. 169 00:06:42,237 --> 00:06:45,366 - Ugh, that's worse. - BoJack, I'm moving to Maine. 170 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,908 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Really? 171 00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:49,077 - Does Herb know? - Yeah. 172 00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:51,788 I don't think I'm the person Herb's looking for. 173 00:06:51,872 --> 00:06:53,874 I'm going to miss you, Charlotte. 174 00:06:53,957 --> 00:06:56,210 Hey, do you ever wonder what would have happened 175 00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:58,045 if you'd met me before Herb did? 176 00:06:58,128 --> 00:06:59,629 Would you have made a move on me? 177 00:06:59,713 --> 00:07:01,756 - Charlotte... - I don't think you would have. 178 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:02,966 You know why? 179 00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:05,093 I think you're a coward. 180 00:07:05,177 --> 00:07:07,095 Now go stuff some prosciutto in your pants 181 00:07:07,179 --> 00:07:08,889 before that Webster kid takes it all. 182 00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:13,352 I love this town. 183 00:07:13,435 --> 00:07:15,187 Why did you bring me to Griffith Park? 184 00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:16,604 Are we gonna get in a knife fight 185 00:07:16,688 --> 00:07:18,023 like in Rebel Without a Cause? 186 00:07:18,106 --> 00:07:20,650 - I hate that title. - He had several causes. 187 00:07:20,734 --> 00:07:22,444 I wanted to give you this. 188 00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:24,279 Look out at that city. 189 00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:25,822 What do you see? 190 00:07:25,906 --> 00:07:27,032 Wow, I didn't realize 191 00:07:27,115 --> 00:07:28,367 there were so many day hookers. 192 00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:30,327 I see a city that you and I 193 00:07:30,411 --> 00:07:32,787 will run someday, and when we're both famous 194 00:07:32,871 --> 00:07:34,873 and have everything we've ever wanted, 195 00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:37,625 we'll come back here together and high five. 196 00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,920 I'm not fully on board with this new high five thing. 197 00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:41,422 What ever happened to the low five? 198 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:43,090 Give me some skin. 199 00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:45,508 BJ, listen. I got a call from ABC today. 200 00:07:45,592 --> 00:07:46,885 They bought my TV pitch. 201 00:07:46,968 --> 00:07:48,178 What? That's amazing. 202 00:07:48,262 --> 00:07:52,140 - What's the show? - It's called Horsin' Around. 203 00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:53,934 Well, good luck on your rocket ship 204 00:07:54,017 --> 00:07:55,436 to the top without me. 205 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,062 No, BoJack, the show's about a horse, 206 00:07:57,145 --> 00:07:59,564 and I told those suits if they want my show, 207 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,025 then that horse is gonna be BJ Goddamn Horseman. 208 00:08:02,109 --> 00:08:04,445 - Oh, my God. - And they said, "No." 209 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,405 - Oh. - And I said, "Please?" 210 00:08:06,488 --> 00:08:07,655 And they said, "Okay." 211 00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:09,616 So, what do you say? 212 00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:11,493 - Want to be my star? - Seriously? 213 00:08:11,576 --> 00:08:13,370 Of course I do. Of course, Herb. 214 00:08:13,454 --> 00:08:15,414 Jesus Christ, thank you. 215 00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:17,082 Mm-hmm... Whoa, whoa. 216 00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:18,959 I think you got the wrong idea here. 217 00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,585 - Yeah, no, man. Whoa. - Herb, I'm not... 218 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,170 Me either. No, I just... You know, 219 00:08:22,254 --> 00:08:24,965 - I caught up in the moment. - Yeah, no, I gotcha. 220 00:08:25,048 --> 00:08:26,591 BJ, can you believe it? 221 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,303 We're gonna make an actual TV show! 222 00:08:29,386 --> 00:08:31,263 One that takes an unflinching look 223 00:08:31,346 --> 00:08:35,183 at the gritty reality of the American family. 224 00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,018 Just kidding. Let's get rich! 225 00:08:37,102 --> 00:08:38,353 Yeah. 226 00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:54,577 Why would I say, "You'll never get me 227 00:08:54,661 --> 00:08:56,330 in that sweater" in this scene 228 00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:58,290 and then, in the very next scene, 229 00:08:58,373 --> 00:08:59,833 I'm wearing the sweater? 230 00:08:59,916 --> 00:09:01,543 Did my character suddenly forget 231 00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:03,003 that he didn't want to wear the sweater? 232 00:09:03,086 --> 00:09:04,379 No, see, that's actually the joke. 233 00:09:04,463 --> 00:09:05,839 Don't explain the joke to me. 234 00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:07,299 I just don't understand how it's a joke. 235 00:09:07,382 --> 00:09:09,634 So you do want me to explain it to you? 236 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,219 I want you to add a scene showing 237 00:09:11,303 --> 00:09:12,804 how I changed my mind about the sweater 238 00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:14,473 so the goddamn episode makes sense. 239 00:09:14,556 --> 00:09:16,350 Look at me, doing your job for you. 240 00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:17,892 Way to go, Shakespeare. 241 00:09:17,976 --> 00:09:19,894 BJ, you're doing the scene as written. 242 00:09:19,978 --> 00:09:21,980 What happened to the stories I requested? 243 00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:24,399 Where's my rap? You said you'd write me a rap. 244 00:09:24,483 --> 00:09:25,984 We're working on it. 245 00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,153 We just need a rhyme for "and I'm here to say." 246 00:09:28,236 --> 00:09:29,737 Well, what about giving me Rollerblades? 247 00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:31,656 How are people gonna know that my character is hip 248 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,534 if he doesn't roll the blade? 249 00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,202 Just get out there and do your job. 250 00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:37,745 Every one of your ideas is stupid or racist. 251 00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:39,247 That was one pitch, 252 00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:40,457 and I didn't say they're all thieves. 253 00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:42,167 But if you're too scared to start 254 00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:44,085 a national dialogue, maybe I'll take my ideas home. 255 00:09:44,169 --> 00:09:46,547 Good luck making Horsin' Around without the horse. 256 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,298 BoJack, hon. 257 00:09:48,382 --> 00:09:50,551 That audience out there traveled from all over 258 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:53,178 the country just to taste some of your magic. 259 00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:54,721 Do you really want to disappoint them? 260 00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:56,431 Okay, Sharona. 261 00:09:56,515 --> 00:09:59,518 I'll go out and jerk this limp script 262 00:09:59,601 --> 00:10:00,852 until it gets hard, 263 00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:02,312 but I'm not doing it for Herb. 264 00:10:02,396 --> 00:10:03,771 I'm doing it for the fans. 265 00:10:03,855 --> 00:10:05,399 And your 30K an episode. 266 00:10:05,482 --> 00:10:07,526 Let's give it up for BoJack Horseman! 267 00:10:07,609 --> 00:10:09,861 And there better be some Zimas 268 00:10:09,944 --> 00:10:11,821 in my dressing room after the show. 269 00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:16,618 Wait a minute. This isn't the bar. 270 00:10:16,701 --> 00:10:18,495 I got to fire my assistant. 271 00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:22,249 You guys sound like you're ready for a show. 272 00:10:24,459 --> 00:10:26,378 Oh, gross. Why do I keep trying to like Zima? 273 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:31,174 - Talk to me, world. - BoJack, it's Princess Carolyn. 274 00:10:31,258 --> 00:10:32,551 How are you doing today? 275 00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,968 Well, I'll tell you my problem. 276 00:10:34,052 --> 00:10:36,555 - I just keep getting handsomer. 277 00:10:36,638 --> 00:10:38,139 Good problems to have. 278 00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:39,474 Hold for a sec. 279 00:10:39,558 --> 00:10:40,767 I've got your agent on the line. 280 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:43,937 BoJack Goddamn Horseface. 281 00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:48,358 I got some news so good, you'll goddamn kiss me. 282 00:10:48,442 --> 00:10:49,734 Put it here. Put it here. 283 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,319 What's the role you've been dying 284 00:10:51,403 --> 00:10:52,987 to play your whole life, 285 00:10:53,071 --> 00:10:55,949 besides Kathy Ireland's bathing suit? 286 00:10:56,032 --> 00:10:58,619 Ha-ha. She is attractive. 287 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:03,957 Good God, when I die, bury me in Kathy Ireland. 288 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,917 Uh, Marv? Marv? 289 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,461 What's the big news? 290 00:11:07,544 --> 00:11:08,753 Secretariat! 291 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,256 It's happening, and it's down 292 00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:13,967 to you and Val Kilmer for the title role. 293 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:15,343 That's amazing. 294 00:11:15,427 --> 00:11:16,928 Thank you. Thank you. 295 00:11:17,011 --> 00:11:18,472 Now, listen. 296 00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:20,515 I don't want to see you in any more tabloids. 297 00:11:20,599 --> 00:11:23,644 Keep your head down and your nose clean. 298 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:24,936 Now, I gotta go. 299 00:11:25,019 --> 00:11:27,855 I got a lunch with MC Skat Kat. 300 00:11:29,566 --> 00:11:31,318 Scandal breaking today 301 00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:33,903 surrounding the family sitcom, Horsin' Around. 302 00:11:33,987 --> 00:11:35,656 Oh, God. What did I do this time? 303 00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,658 Herb Kazzaz, the show's creator, 304 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,327 was caught tonight in an LAPD sting 305 00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:41,995 - on public indecency. - Wha... 306 00:11:42,078 --> 00:11:43,705 Police say Mr. Kazzaz was caught in the middle 307 00:11:43,788 --> 00:11:45,957 of lewd acts with another man. 308 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,168 Conservative groups have been quick to organize. 309 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:50,587 Horsin' Around is a show for kids. 310 00:11:50,671 --> 00:11:53,298 My family should be able to watch those nubile preteens 311 00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:55,758 without men like perv Kazzaz flaunting 312 00:11:55,842 --> 00:11:58,094 their alternative lifestyles and ruining America. 313 00:11:58,178 --> 00:12:03,684 Sheeeiiiiit. 314 00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:08,355 BoJack, I gotta tell ya. 315 00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:10,857 - I'm gay. - No doy. 316 00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:14,194 I know we haven't been close for the past couple years. 317 00:12:14,277 --> 00:12:15,570 Okay, I'm gonna hold back my "No doys" 318 00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:16,697 because there might be a lot. 319 00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,072 But you know me, right? 320 00:12:18,156 --> 00:12:19,700 You know that I'm a good guy. 321 00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:21,451 They're gunning for me at the network, 322 00:12:21,535 --> 00:12:23,995 and if I get kicked off this, I won't recover. 323 00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:25,830 I need to know that you've got my back. 324 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,875 If you threaten to walk, they'll listen to you. 325 00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:31,127 Herb, you picked the worst possible time to... 326 00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:34,339 Hey, you know I wouldn't ask if I didn't need it. 327 00:12:34,422 --> 00:12:36,341 Come on, BoJack. 328 00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:38,510 How'd we get so far apart, huh? 329 00:12:40,762 --> 00:12:43,640 You know what? You can count on me, Herb. 330 00:12:43,724 --> 00:12:45,850 I mean, I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. 331 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,311 I knew it! I knew you'd come through. 332 00:12:48,395 --> 00:12:50,146 And when this is all over, we're going 333 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:51,814 to drive back up to Griffith Park. 334 00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:54,067 I still owe you that high five, right? 335 00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:55,694 Hey, this is a dumb question, 336 00:12:55,777 --> 00:12:57,654 but do you guys ever, like, all link up together 337 00:12:57,738 --> 00:12:59,698 and do, like, a party train or a fun circle? 338 00:12:59,781 --> 00:13:01,199 'Cause I feel like I'd be doing that all the... 339 00:13:01,282 --> 00:13:02,534 Never mind. Stupid question. 340 00:13:02,617 --> 00:13:04,160 Feel stupid for asking that. 341 00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:09,290 Go right ahead. 342 00:13:09,374 --> 00:13:11,418 And then it goes, "I like healthy gums 343 00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:12,877 in a major way." 344 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,254 See, that's what I'm talking about. 345 00:13:14,337 --> 00:13:15,838 That's great. 346 00:13:15,922 --> 00:13:17,799 We just gotta make sure that we work in the phrase 347 00:13:17,882 --> 00:13:20,427 "toothbrush rap" early, so they know I'm rapping. 348 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,682 BoJack, can we chat for a second? 349 00:13:25,766 --> 00:13:29,394 Ugh. Here we go. It's the big one. 350 00:13:29,477 --> 00:13:31,854 I'm not gonna waste your time with small talk 351 00:13:31,938 --> 00:13:34,023 because you work for me, and your time is my time. 352 00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:35,734 We're letting Herb go. 353 00:13:35,817 --> 00:13:37,402 - You can't do that. - "I can't do that." 354 00:13:37,485 --> 00:13:39,320 I'm not asking you. It's nothing personal. 355 00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:41,406 I like Herb. I think he's a good guy. 356 00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:43,032 But this is a business, and every day 357 00:13:43,116 --> 00:13:44,576 we don't fire him, we're flushing money 358 00:13:44,659 --> 00:13:46,411 - down the crapper. - Well, if he goes, I go. 359 00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:47,704 "Well, if he goes, you go." I wouldn't do that. 360 00:13:47,788 --> 00:13:49,414 BoJack, I think you're a star, 361 00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:52,542 and sometimes being a star means making tough choices. 362 00:13:52,626 --> 00:13:54,795 You can storm out, make a big show out of 363 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,170 what a "good" friend you are, 364 00:13:56,254 --> 00:13:58,089 or you could be the guy who does his job. 365 00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,549 - Angela... - I'll tell you when 366 00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:01,342 it's your turn to talk again. 367 00:14:01,426 --> 00:14:03,470 Look, you're a star, but this is really just 368 00:14:03,553 --> 00:14:05,764 the beginning of the BoJack Horseman story. 369 00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:08,182 You can choose whatever path you want, 370 00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:09,726 but I'll tell you right now. 371 00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:11,394 You don't win awards and you don't 372 00:14:11,478 --> 00:14:13,313 get to be on the covers of magazines 373 00:14:13,396 --> 00:14:15,148 and you don't get to play the lead role 374 00:14:15,231 --> 00:14:17,984 in the Secretariat movie by being a good friend. 375 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,695 What's that old expression about how the show must go on? 376 00:14:20,779 --> 00:14:23,531 Oh, right. It's "Don't be an idiot." 377 00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:26,827 So what do you think, BoJack? That's a courtesy question. 378 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,454 I already know what you think because I have conversations 379 00:14:29,537 --> 00:14:31,122 like this one five times a day. 380 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:33,082 I know who you are, and I know 381 00:14:33,166 --> 00:14:34,167 you've already made your decision. 382 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,836 But if you want to surprise me, 383 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,295 now's the time to do it. 384 00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:39,130 That's what I thought. 385 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:41,090 You're doing the right thing. I know it's hard. 386 00:14:41,174 --> 00:14:43,259 But if Herb's really your friend, he'll understand. 387 00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:45,303 Now, you've got a show to put on, 388 00:14:45,386 --> 00:14:46,763 so I'll let you get ready. 389 00:14:46,847 --> 00:14:49,140 This was a good conversation. Productive. 390 00:14:49,223 --> 00:14:52,935 If you're lucky, I'll never talk to you again. 391 00:14:57,315 --> 00:14:59,275 You folks ready for a show? 392 00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:02,445 'Cause I think a certain someone 393 00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:04,614 might show up any second. 394 00:15:11,746 --> 00:15:13,080 - Wait a minute. 395 00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:14,749 This isn't the bar. 396 00:15:14,833 --> 00:15:16,751 I gotta fire my assistant. 397 00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:23,341 So what ended up happening with Secretariat? 398 00:15:23,424 --> 00:15:24,967 Went into turnaround. 399 00:15:25,051 --> 00:15:26,636 I don't totally know what "turnaround" means, 400 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,597 - but they never made the movie. - Whoa. 401 00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:32,809 This house is way bigger than yours. 402 00:15:32,893 --> 00:15:35,812 Herb's done really well for a guy you dicked over. 403 00:15:35,896 --> 00:15:37,438 - Oh, no. Ah. - That's enough out of you. 404 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:39,023 Stay out here and turn this car around 405 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,901 in case we need to leave in a hurry. 406 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:42,861 Hooray. A task. 407 00:15:47,532 --> 00:15:49,492 BoJack! Well. 408 00:15:49,576 --> 00:15:51,202 Jesus, you look shitty. 409 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:53,830 Have you been eating your guilt this whole time? 410 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,293 Yeah, you don't look so hot yourself, Herb. 411 00:15:59,377 --> 00:16:02,589 I have cancer. 412 00:16:02,672 --> 00:16:04,925 And hello. Who's this stunning creature? 413 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,467 And what string of bad decisions 414 00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:08,010 has placed you in BoJack's orbit? 415 00:16:08,094 --> 00:16:09,554 - Uh... - This is Diane. 416 00:16:09,637 --> 00:16:11,055 She's writing a book about me. 417 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,766 Pleasure to meet you. 418 00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:14,976 Is your book called, Portrait of an Asshole? 419 00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:16,728 I kid. 420 00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,646 It's funny, because he ruined my life. 421 00:16:18,730 --> 00:16:20,064 I joke. It's what I do. 422 00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:21,441 Please, come in. 423 00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:22,525 You're letting out all the cancer. 424 00:16:22,609 --> 00:16:23,902 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 425 00:16:25,612 --> 00:16:26,947 Ha ha... 426 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,531 Almost. Ah... 427 00:16:28,615 --> 00:16:30,825 Almost there. 428 00:16:30,909 --> 00:16:32,953 Come on... ah. 429 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:35,246 - Oh, thanks. Thanks. 430 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:38,082 BoJack, how are your utensils? 431 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,793 - Uh, they're fine. - Are you sure? 432 00:16:39,876 --> 00:16:41,586 Because if that knife ain't sharp enough, 433 00:16:41,669 --> 00:16:44,464 I got another that you left in my back 20 years ago. 434 00:16:44,547 --> 00:16:45,966 - Could have seen that coming. 435 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,341 Who asks about utensils? 436 00:16:47,425 --> 00:16:48,551 I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 437 00:16:48,635 --> 00:16:50,344 Nope. No, you are not. 438 00:16:50,428 --> 00:16:51,972 Uh. 439 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,974 Oh. Ow. Almost. 440 00:16:56,142 --> 00:16:58,060 - Drive, drive, drive! - Oh. Oh, no. 441 00:16:58,144 --> 00:16:59,896 I can't turn the car around. 442 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,106 I've been trying to do this three-point turn forever. 443 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,484 I mean, it's more like a 300-point turn. 444 00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:06,068 - Am I right, huh? - Hee hee hee hee! 445 00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:07,570 Hey, we've got two sacks 446 00:17:07,654 --> 00:17:09,363 of Kardashian swag and the fuzz on our heels. 447 00:17:09,447 --> 00:17:11,992 You think this is Driver's Ed, you hat-wearing pussy? 448 00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:15,495 Drive the goddamn car! 449 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,374 Hey, Herb, 450 00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:22,002 is that your Vitamix? 451 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,294 BoJack has one, too. 452 00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:24,754 I wonder if you guys have 453 00:17:24,838 --> 00:17:28,049 strong opinions about it one way or the other. 454 00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:29,843 Well, the stupid thing was like 600 bucks. 455 00:17:29,926 --> 00:17:31,928 I have used mine a grand total of zero times. 456 00:17:32,012 --> 00:17:34,221 I got it a month before I was diagnosed with cancer. 457 00:17:34,305 --> 00:17:36,016 I don't give a shit about being healthy anymore. 458 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,767 I don't even have cancer, and I don't use it. 459 00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:39,185 - So who's it for? - Exactly. 460 00:17:39,268 --> 00:17:41,062 What is so great about liquids? 461 00:17:41,145 --> 00:17:44,190 Every article I read now is "juice this" and "juice that." 462 00:17:44,273 --> 00:17:46,484 You know why? Juice controls the media. 463 00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:49,904 - Hey-ooh. 464 00:17:49,988 --> 00:17:51,781 Can't this thing go any faster? 465 00:17:51,865 --> 00:17:54,158 Uh, I'm going as fast as I can. 466 00:17:56,995 --> 00:17:58,496 Do you want me to get out? Try to guide you? 467 00:17:58,579 --> 00:17:59,914 No, I think I'm almost there. 468 00:17:59,998 --> 00:18:01,290 You're doing a great job. 469 00:18:01,374 --> 00:18:03,501 Kenzie, stop talking to him. 470 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,586 Why? He's being nice. 471 00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:06,796 Remember the number one rule 472 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,422 of the Celebrity Stealing Club... 473 00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:10,341 - "No falling in love." - Ugh. 474 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,510 That's your rule for every club. 475 00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:14,387 It's a good rule. 476 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:16,556 Whoa. Whoa, guys. 477 00:18:16,639 --> 00:18:18,933 I'm sensing a lot of hostility here. 478 00:18:19,017 --> 00:18:22,520 Maybe we should take our masks off and actually talk. 479 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,023 You want me to take my mask off? Fine. 480 00:18:25,106 --> 00:18:27,274 Happy? I took my mask off. 481 00:18:27,358 --> 00:18:28,776 Did you? 482 00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:32,030 Because I think you're still wearing a mask. 483 00:18:32,113 --> 00:18:34,615 Oh. 484 00:18:34,699 --> 00:18:37,077 Oh, my God, Herb, you met President Clinton? 485 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,578 Oh, yeah. Many times. 486 00:18:38,661 --> 00:18:40,038 Did you think that I spent the last 20 years 487 00:18:40,121 --> 00:18:41,956 on my couch just feeling sorry for myself? 488 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,125 I mean, I did do that, but I also started... 489 00:18:44,208 --> 00:18:46,210 a charity to bring clean water 490 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,170 to millions of children in Sub-Saharan Africa. 491 00:18:48,254 --> 00:18:49,547 Oh, wow. 492 00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,132 I presented at the Teen Choice Awards. 493 00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:53,051 Wait, is that Charlotte? 494 00:18:53,134 --> 00:18:54,343 Yeah, yeah. We kept in touch. 495 00:18:54,427 --> 00:18:55,970 You should actually give her a call. 496 00:18:56,054 --> 00:18:57,805 I'm sure she'd love to hear from you. 497 00:18:57,889 --> 00:18:59,557 She looks good for someone so old. 498 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,808 She's three years younger than you. 499 00:19:00,892 --> 00:19:02,894 - Exactly! 500 00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:04,729 - Er? 501 00:19:04,812 --> 00:19:06,647 Well, guys, I'm pretty beat. 502 00:19:06,731 --> 00:19:08,024 I think I need to head off to bed, 503 00:19:08,108 --> 00:19:09,525 and I hope I actually wake up later. 504 00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:15,156 And it was actually nice to see you, BoJack. 505 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,323 You can see yourselves out. 506 00:19:18,159 --> 00:19:20,078 "Juice controls the media." 507 00:19:20,161 --> 00:19:22,830 I love it. 508 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,000 So I guess in a sense 509 00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:27,627 I'm running away from the cops, 510 00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:30,880 but I feel like in another, truer sense, 511 00:19:30,964 --> 00:19:32,966 I'm running away from myself. 512 00:19:33,049 --> 00:19:35,259 - Truth. Truth. - Whoa. 513 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,553 Kenzie, do you have anything to share? 514 00:19:37,637 --> 00:19:39,513 Just how amazing it feels to finally 515 00:19:39,597 --> 00:19:40,640 be honest for once. 516 00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:42,224 I could live a million lives, 517 00:19:42,308 --> 00:19:44,144 and I'd never forget this one afternoon. 518 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,394 Word. 519 00:19:45,478 --> 00:19:46,687 You know, I act all cool 520 00:19:46,771 --> 00:19:48,648 and sophisticated on the outside, 521 00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:51,985 but on the inside, I'm just Todd, you know? 522 00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:54,112 But thanks to you guys, I think I'm finally 523 00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:55,822 - ready to let my guard down. - Do you hear that? 524 00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:57,991 - He's letting his guard down. - Let's get him! 525 00:19:58,074 --> 00:19:59,492 - Oh! 526 00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,828 Celebrity Stealing Club strikes again. 527 00:20:06,457 --> 00:20:09,752 This... This just doesn't feel right. 528 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,712 I should have brought a bottle of wine. 529 00:20:11,796 --> 00:20:13,923 That's what adults do. BoJack, damn it. 530 00:20:14,007 --> 00:20:15,549 Is that what's bothering you, 531 00:20:15,633 --> 00:20:17,593 - that you didn't bring wine? - You're right. 532 00:20:17,677 --> 00:20:19,012 I just would have drunk it on the way here. 533 00:20:19,095 --> 00:20:20,972 This isn't about wine, BoJack. 534 00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:23,975 If you have something you need to say to someone, 535 00:20:24,058 --> 00:20:26,644 you should do it while you have the chance 536 00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:29,689 because before you know it, it'll be too late. 537 00:20:29,814 --> 00:20:31,398 Is this one of those things where we're talking 538 00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:33,818 about Herb but we're actually talking about something else? 539 00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:36,696 - No, I was talking about Herb. - Okay, good. Yeah, me, too. 540 00:20:36,779 --> 00:20:39,365 Hey, buddy! 541 00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,575 You come back for that Vitamix, you... 542 00:20:43,786 --> 00:20:45,246 Ooh, you should get that looked at. 543 00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:47,748 Yeah. I've been meaning to see a doctor. 544 00:20:47,832 --> 00:20:51,085 Hey, I wanted to talk to you about... you know. 545 00:20:51,169 --> 00:20:55,715 I feel bad about what happened. 546 00:20:55,798 --> 00:20:57,884 So you're apologizing. 547 00:20:57,967 --> 00:21:00,178 Yes. I'm sorry. 548 00:21:00,261 --> 00:21:02,222 Okay. I don't forgive you. 549 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:03,681 Herb, I said I'm sorry. 550 00:21:03,764 --> 00:21:06,475 Yeah, and I do not forgive you. 551 00:21:06,559 --> 00:21:09,520 Uh... not sure you get what's happening here. 552 00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:11,689 This could be the last time that you... 553 00:21:11,814 --> 00:21:14,108 No. I'm not gonna give you closure. 554 00:21:14,192 --> 00:21:15,568 You don't get that. 555 00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:17,237 You have to live 556 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,821 with the shitty thing you did 557 00:21:18,905 --> 00:21:20,240 for the rest of your life. 558 00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:22,116 You have to know that it's never, 559 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,659 ever going to be okay. 560 00:21:23,743 --> 00:21:25,745 I really think that we'd both 561 00:21:25,828 --> 00:21:27,371 - feel better if we just... - I'm dying. 562 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,082 I'm not gonna feel better, 563 00:21:29,165 --> 00:21:31,375 and I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better. 564 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:33,211 You have to believe me. 565 00:21:33,294 --> 00:21:34,837 - I did everything I could. - Yeah? 566 00:21:34,921 --> 00:21:36,964 Then why didn't you call me? Huh? 567 00:21:37,048 --> 00:21:39,383 20 years... You didn't call me. 568 00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:41,969 Look, I... I wanted to, but I didn't think... 569 00:21:42,053 --> 00:21:43,263 You know what it was like for me? 570 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,472 I had nobody. Everybody left. 571 00:21:45,556 --> 00:21:47,267 I knew all those showbiz phonies would turn on me. 572 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:48,684 Sure. But you? 573 00:21:48,768 --> 00:21:50,352 It's not my fault you got fired. 574 00:21:50,436 --> 00:21:52,438 I don't care about the job! 575 00:21:52,521 --> 00:21:55,608 I did fine. I had a good life. 576 00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:57,735 But what I needed then was a friend, 577 00:21:57,818 --> 00:21:59,904 and you abandoned me. 578 00:21:59,987 --> 00:22:03,241 And I will never forgive you for that. 579 00:22:03,324 --> 00:22:06,911 Now, get the fuck out of my house. 580 00:22:06,994 --> 00:22:08,621 I... 581 00:22:12,792 --> 00:22:14,501 Hey, this is a dumb question, but the gay thing 582 00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:16,129 and the rectal cancer thing aren't related, are they? 583 00:22:16,212 --> 00:22:17,463 - Get out of here! - Never mind. 584 00:22:17,546 --> 00:22:19,757 Stupid question. Forget I brought it up. 585 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,302 - Huh. - Hey, BJ. 586 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:24,804 - Put that back, asshole! - No, you gave this to me. 587 00:22:24,887 --> 00:22:26,013 - No! 588 00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:30,226 BoJack? 589 00:22:30,310 --> 00:22:33,062 What are you doing? Get off him. 590 00:22:33,146 --> 00:22:35,397 The show was never the same after I left. Admit it. 591 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:37,817 Some people prefer the later years. 592 00:22:39,319 --> 00:22:41,862 - BoJack. Come on. 593 00:22:41,946 --> 00:22:44,490 - Thank you for inviting us. 594 00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:46,659 You have a lovely home. 595 00:22:46,742 --> 00:22:48,202 You know what your problem is? 596 00:22:48,286 --> 00:22:50,537 You want to think of yourself as the good guy. 597 00:22:50,621 --> 00:22:52,498 Well, I know you better than anyone, 598 00:22:52,581 --> 00:22:54,834 and I can tell you that you're not. 599 00:22:54,917 --> 00:22:58,129 In fact, you'd probably sleep a lot better at night 600 00:22:58,212 --> 00:22:59,922 if you just admitted to yourself 601 00:23:00,006 --> 00:23:02,258 that you're a selfish goddamn coward 602 00:23:02,342 --> 00:23:05,219 who takes whatever he wants and doesn't give a shit 603 00:23:05,303 --> 00:23:06,720 about who he hurts. 604 00:23:06,804 --> 00:23:10,057 That's you. That's BoJack Horseman. 605 00:23:10,141 --> 00:23:13,311 I don't know why I came here. 606 00:23:13,394 --> 00:23:16,897 Yeah. You do. 607 00:23:18,983 --> 00:23:21,235 You said you wanted a job. 608 00:23:21,319 --> 00:23:24,238 It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. 609 00:23:24,322 --> 00:23:26,324 Wow. What happened in Malibu? 610 00:23:26,407 --> 00:23:28,534 - I gotta go. 611 00:23:28,617 --> 00:23:30,661 Hey, bright side. 612 00:23:30,744 --> 00:23:32,663 At least now you have a good story to tell 613 00:23:32,746 --> 00:23:34,707 at his funeral. 614 00:23:34,790 --> 00:23:36,792 Ugh, God. 615 00:23:48,512 --> 00:23:50,764 I'm not trying to kill the vibe here, 616 00:23:50,848 --> 00:23:53,393 but I've had to pee for, like, three hours. 617 00:23:55,186 --> 00:23:56,687 Look, I won't put what happened today 618 00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:58,439 in the book if you don't want me to. 619 00:23:58,522 --> 00:23:59,857 No, it's okay. 620 00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:01,942 Full truth like we agreed. 621 00:24:02,026 --> 00:24:03,110 Warts and all. 622 00:24:03,194 --> 00:24:04,653 It doesn't matter anyway. 623 00:24:04,737 --> 00:24:06,822 I don't even care what anybody thinks anymore. 624 00:24:06,906 --> 00:24:08,366 Well, for what it's worth, 625 00:24:08,449 --> 00:24:09,909 I think it took a lot of guts 626 00:24:09,992 --> 00:24:11,411 to do what you did back there. 627 00:24:14,163 --> 00:24:15,415 - Mmm... - Mm! 628 00:25:19,395 --> 00:25:21,272 It's a Kazzaz-trophe.