1 00:00:13,075 --> 00:00:14,076 Whoa! 2 00:00:14,159 --> 00:00:16,203 Okay, how about this one? 3 00:00:16,287 --> 00:00:18,957 BoJack swallowed a dozen pastries in the time it took 4 00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:20,666 the caterer to unwrap a fruit tray. 5 00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:22,794 When she asked where the pastries had gone, 6 00:00:22,877 --> 00:00:24,837 BoJack claimed he had no idea, 7 00:00:24,921 --> 00:00:27,256 spraying her with bits of buttery crust? 8 00:00:27,339 --> 00:00:29,884 I did that once. 9 00:00:29,968 --> 00:00:31,970 But with holiday cookies. 10 00:00:32,052 --> 00:00:34,096 I had sprinkles all over my sweater. 11 00:00:34,179 --> 00:00:36,014 See? People respond 12 00:00:36,097 --> 00:00:37,975 to the flawed portrait I painted of you. 13 00:00:38,057 --> 00:00:39,851 They see themselves in it. 14 00:00:39,935 --> 00:00:41,227 Why do you love Secretariat? 15 00:00:41,311 --> 00:00:42,646 Because he was awesome? 16 00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:44,522 No, because he was flawed. 17 00:00:44,606 --> 00:00:46,733 BoJack, when people find out that someone like you, 18 00:00:46,817 --> 00:00:49,945 who seems larger than life, is actually just as wounded 19 00:00:50,028 --> 00:00:53,072 and vulnerable as they are, it makes them feel less lonely. 20 00:00:53,156 --> 00:00:55,450 No! Maybe that's what flawed, 21 00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,452 sad fatties want from other celebrities, 22 00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:59,203 but for BoJack Horseman, 23 00:00:59,287 --> 00:01:01,790 they want a heroic horse-stud who is awesome 24 00:01:01,873 --> 00:01:04,626 and who can save them from their flawed, sad, fatty lives. 25 00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:06,469 - You're so wrong. - Actually, you know what? 26 00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:08,797 Now that I think about it, I think that you're so wrong! 27 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,091 Listen, we all agree Diane broke contract 28 00:01:12,175 --> 00:01:14,135 by leaking the first two chapters, 29 00:01:14,218 --> 00:01:16,595 but the response has been amazing! 30 00:01:16,679 --> 00:01:18,764 People want to read more, and we have to 31 00:01:18,848 --> 00:01:20,808 get this to the printers by the end of the week, 32 00:01:20,891 --> 00:01:22,518 because that's when the repo men are coming 33 00:01:22,601 --> 00:01:24,061 to take away our printers. 34 00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:25,479 The end of the week? No! 35 00:01:25,562 --> 00:01:27,314 Okay, what if I told you that I could have 36 00:01:27,397 --> 00:01:28,607 a new book for you by then? 37 00:01:28,691 --> 00:01:31,234 - What? - Yeah, a better one. 38 00:01:31,318 --> 00:01:33,236 Better stories, better told, by me... 39 00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:34,864 straight from the horse's mouth. 40 00:01:34,947 --> 00:01:37,240 You're gonna write a whole book in five days? 41 00:01:37,324 --> 00:01:39,035 When's the last time you even read a book? 42 00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:40,452 The Firm, by John Grisham? 43 00:01:40,536 --> 00:01:43,288 Do you think what you do is so hard? 44 00:01:43,372 --> 00:01:45,415 "I'm a writer. 45 00:01:45,499 --> 00:01:48,377 I go to coffee shops with my laptop and my notebook 46 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:51,005 and my dumb glasses that I have to wear, 47 00:01:51,088 --> 00:01:54,008 because I'm so important I need to see clearly." 48 00:01:54,091 --> 00:01:55,451 Well, I wish you the best of luck. 49 00:01:55,508 --> 00:01:56,926 You know what your problem is? 50 00:01:57,010 --> 00:01:58,928 You think you're so much smarter than everybody. 51 00:01:59,012 --> 00:02:00,013 Well, guess what. 52 00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:02,849 I spent as much time with you as you did with me. 53 00:02:02,932 --> 00:02:05,351 Why don't I write a book about how you married Mr. Peanutbutter 54 00:02:05,434 --> 00:02:08,730 because he's too dumb to see how much better you think you are? 55 00:02:08,813 --> 00:02:11,107 - Okay, I know you're upset... - I'm not upset. 56 00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:14,027 I'm just sick of nerd-girls like you beating up on stars like me. 57 00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:16,571 It's pathetic! I'm sorry no one wanted 58 00:02:16,654 --> 00:02:18,656 to date you in high school, Diane, 59 00:02:18,740 --> 00:02:20,575 but I don't see why I have to suffer just because 60 00:02:20,658 --> 00:02:23,828 you were never especially pretty or interesting. 61 00:02:23,912 --> 00:02:25,997 You really let me down, BoJack. 62 00:02:26,081 --> 00:02:27,832 You really let me down. 63 00:02:27,916 --> 00:02:30,376 I apologize for her outbursts. 64 00:02:30,459 --> 00:02:33,796 So, you really think you could write a better book by Friday? 65 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,214 Damn right I can, so you can throw this turd of a book 66 00:02:36,297 --> 00:02:38,592 in the garbage and then light the garbage on fire. 67 00:02:38,675 --> 00:02:41,302 In fact, you can burn all books, because my book, 68 00:02:41,386 --> 00:02:44,598 written by me, is gonna kick your dick off. 69 00:03:36,276 --> 00:03:40,276 Sync and corrections by caioalbanezi www.addic7ed.com 70 00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:44,323 Okay, chapter one. 71 00:03:46,575 --> 00:03:48,494 Not quite right. 72 00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:54,541 What? 73 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,542 Why are you rewriting the book, bozo? 74 00:03:56,626 --> 00:03:58,336 Diane's version is great. 75 00:03:58,419 --> 00:04:00,338 You're gonna lose gems like this one... 76 00:04:06,178 --> 00:04:08,888 Ahem. "The only longstanding relationship 77 00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:12,350 in BoJack's life is with his agent, Princess Carolyn. 78 00:04:12,433 --> 00:04:14,644 Her loyalty must come from a deep-rooted faith 79 00:04:14,727 --> 00:04:17,563 that she's talented enough to sustain the career of a man 80 00:04:17,647 --> 00:04:19,732 society perceives as a joke." 81 00:04:19,816 --> 00:04:22,443 Yeah, I would say that I'm not such a fan of that one. 82 00:04:22,527 --> 00:04:24,278 Look, all publicity is good publicity. 83 00:04:24,362 --> 00:04:26,698 That guy who killed all those teachers and ate their fingers? 84 00:04:26,781 --> 00:04:29,283 He just got married in jail, and when this book comes out, 85 00:04:29,367 --> 00:04:30,576 you could be that guy. 86 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:32,245 Don't you get it? 87 00:04:32,370 --> 00:04:34,330 This is my last chance to make people love me again. 88 00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:36,453 If this goes out, everybody's gonna see the real me. 89 00:04:36,498 --> 00:04:38,583 Now, I spend a lot of time with the real me, 90 00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,669 and believe me, nobody's gonna love that guy. 91 00:04:40,752 --> 00:04:42,213 - Okay. - Now if you'll excuse me, 92 00:04:42,295 --> 00:04:43,335 I need to go take a shower 93 00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:45,216 so I can't tell if I'm crying or not. 94 00:04:48,219 --> 00:04:50,637 All right, let's get to work. 95 00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:54,599 I feel like we can beat this font. 96 00:04:54,683 --> 00:04:58,812 Copperplate, a font for the truly modern man. 97 00:04:58,896 --> 00:05:00,064 Ha. No. 98 00:05:00,147 --> 00:05:01,899 There you are, Verdana. 99 00:05:01,982 --> 00:05:04,151 Thought you could hide at the end of the alphabet, did ya? 100 00:05:04,235 --> 00:05:07,112 Comic Sans, you drunk, go home. 101 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:09,156 3:10? I just spent six hours 102 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,116 playing with fonts? Holy shit! 103 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,701 Okay, focus BoJack, focus. 104 00:05:12,784 --> 00:05:15,287 Here comes the focus. 105 00:05:19,749 --> 00:05:21,375 Well, this can't be that hard. 106 00:05:21,876 --> 00:05:23,086 BoJack often felt the need 107 00:05:23,169 --> 00:05:25,546 to impress me with material items. 108 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,715 You can see from the teeny, tiny brush strokes, 109 00:05:27,798 --> 00:05:29,926 that this is very expensive. 110 00:05:30,009 --> 00:05:32,887 The color is, um... This one they don't even have a name for, 111 00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:34,430 that's how exclusive it is, and this... 112 00:05:34,513 --> 00:05:35,890 I wondered where this came from. 113 00:05:35,973 --> 00:05:37,683 There were two obvious suspects. 114 00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:39,185 His mother Beatrice, 115 00:05:39,269 --> 00:05:41,271 heiress to the Sugarman Sugar Cubes fortune 116 00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:43,273 and used to certain comforts, 117 00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:45,858 and his working-class father, Butterscotch Horseman, 118 00:05:45,942 --> 00:05:48,694 who struggled, and often failed, to provide those comforts. 119 00:05:48,778 --> 00:05:50,613 Or, maybe it was something even... 120 00:05:52,907 --> 00:05:54,742 Puuuhhhh! 121 00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:01,164 Puuuhhhh! 122 00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:06,586 - Hey, Todd, Todd! - What? What? 123 00:06:06,669 --> 00:06:08,046 - Todd! Todd! - What? What? 124 00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:09,923 Eyeballs here... Look at me. Look at me! 125 00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:12,008 I need to work. I can't afford to be distracted. 126 00:06:12,092 --> 00:06:13,843 - Don't distract me. - Fine. 127 00:06:16,471 --> 00:06:18,014 Jesus, Todd! 128 00:06:18,098 --> 00:06:20,475 - Read louder much? - Sorry. 129 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,813 Sure, just drop Toaster Strudel crumbs 130 00:06:24,896 --> 00:06:26,564 all over the floor, why don't you? 131 00:06:26,648 --> 00:06:30,360 Guess I'll just clean them up myself, like always. 132 00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:33,446 I can't work like this. 133 00:06:36,991 --> 00:06:39,868 Come on, come on, come on, pick it up, you dumb vacuum. 134 00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:42,079 I do not have time for this. 135 00:06:42,163 --> 00:06:43,664 I need to write. 136 00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:48,710 What the... Come on! 137 00:06:48,794 --> 00:06:51,005 Seriously? You cannot be seriou... 138 00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:54,591 God, why are you keeping me from writing? 139 00:07:07,813 --> 00:07:10,107 My parents loved me so much, it was crazy. 140 00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:13,485 I remember one Sunday afternoon, my mother said, 141 00:07:13,568 --> 00:07:16,988 "Your father and I want to spend quality family time together. 142 00:07:17,071 --> 00:07:19,490 All the kids in school envy your intelligence 143 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,201 and kickball ability. 144 00:07:21,284 --> 00:07:22,994 Here's an ice cream sundae." 145 00:07:23,077 --> 00:07:25,579 - No, wait. - "An ice cream sandwich." 146 00:07:25,663 --> 00:07:28,791 - No. - "A dreamsicle." 147 00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:30,626 No. I don't know. This is dumb. 148 00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:33,754 Nice writing, Shakespeare. 149 00:07:33,838 --> 00:07:35,298 What did I do? 150 00:07:37,425 --> 00:07:39,510 Just need something to help me focus. 151 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,845 Coffee. 152 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,847 No, no. Cigarettes. 153 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,224 No, tequila! 154 00:07:44,307 --> 00:07:47,018 No, I just need the right music... 155 00:07:49,229 --> 00:07:50,730 to do drugs to. 156 00:07:52,899 --> 00:07:55,402 Sarah Lynn, I know things got kind of out of hand 157 00:07:55,484 --> 00:07:58,362 last time when I tried to make you stop doing drugs. 158 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,822 So I just want to thank you for coming over this time 159 00:08:00,906 --> 00:08:02,199 to give me drugs. 160 00:08:02,324 --> 00:08:04,284 Well, you can't go wrong with Dr. Hu's drugs. 161 00:08:04,368 --> 00:08:06,036 They're from another dimension. 162 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,288 These are gonna help me focus and get work done, right? 163 00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:10,665 Yes. These are what I give college students 164 00:08:10,749 --> 00:08:13,710 so when they come to, their term papers have written themselves. 165 00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,462 That's exactly what he needs. 166 00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:17,964 Also, I should probably do another one. 167 00:08:19,841 --> 00:08:22,261 It's "Hu." Dr. Hu. 168 00:08:22,344 --> 00:08:24,388 That's right, Dr. Hu. Dr. Allen Hu. 169 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:27,057 No, no, no, but I thought it was "Who," like Doctor Who. 170 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,641 Yes, that's exactly what it's like. 171 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:32,562 No, not H-U, but, "who," like, "Hello, who is it?" 172 00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,481 I don't know. Who is it? 173 00:08:34,564 --> 00:08:36,233 I'm sorry, is this a joke? Is he telling a joke 174 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,109 - that I just don't... - Hard to tell. 175 00:08:38,192 --> 00:08:41,070 Sometimes I just laugh after he talks so he'll leave me alone. 176 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:43,906 Seriously? Am I the only one who knows the extremely popular 177 00:08:43,989 --> 00:08:46,409 BBC science fiction show about the time traveling doctor 178 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,494 - who saves civilizations? - Yeah. 179 00:08:48,577 --> 00:08:50,417 I know what you're talking about... Doctor Who. 180 00:08:50,455 --> 00:08:51,830 - Yes? - No. 181 00:08:51,914 --> 00:08:53,665 - Yes, thank you. Doctor Who. - Yes? 182 00:08:53,749 --> 00:08:56,294 I saw the one where she goes to the Wild West. 183 00:08:56,377 --> 00:08:58,421 The Cheyenne called her Medicine Woman. 184 00:08:58,504 --> 00:09:00,465 What? No, that's Dr. Quinn. 185 00:09:00,547 --> 00:09:02,591 - Who's Dr. Quinn? - I most certainly am not. 186 00:09:02,674 --> 00:09:05,344 Hu's not Dr. Quinn. Hu's Dr. Hu. 187 00:09:05,428 --> 00:09:07,346 - I don't know. - Third base! 188 00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:08,973 When are these drugs going to kick in? 189 00:09:09,056 --> 00:09:10,682 Any minute now, if they haven't already. 190 00:09:10,766 --> 00:09:12,893 I want you to take three of these every hour 191 00:09:12,977 --> 00:09:15,354 and take two of these every 1/2 hour. 192 00:09:15,438 --> 00:09:17,647 Whatever you do, don't take more than four of these 193 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:19,899 every 90 minutes, and take the first two of the three 194 00:09:19,983 --> 00:09:22,527 before you take the second two of the four. 195 00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:24,695 And don't expose yourself to bright light or get wet. 196 00:09:24,779 --> 00:09:27,240 - So... Gremlin rules? - Exactly! 197 00:09:27,324 --> 00:09:29,784 Well, I'm off to perform child heart surgery. 198 00:09:29,867 --> 00:09:31,869 Wish me luck. 199 00:09:34,705 --> 00:09:36,333 All right, team, focus up. 200 00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:38,835 We got a book to write. 201 00:09:38,918 --> 00:09:40,753 Yeah, yeah. My God, this is so good. 202 00:09:40,837 --> 00:09:42,297 It's good. 203 00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:44,757 So good, so good. 204 00:09:44,841 --> 00:09:48,678 Okay, Todd, how is it going with the heartwarming anecdotes? 205 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,514 Great! I'm writing about that time 206 00:09:50,596 --> 00:09:52,474 we officially became best friends. 207 00:09:52,557 --> 00:09:55,059 Nice! Can you change best to pretty good? 208 00:09:55,143 --> 00:09:57,644 Sarah Lynn, how's it coming with the Horsin' Around years? 209 00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:00,147 Almost done with the story where Hulk Hogan guest starred 210 00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,606 and told us to say no to drugs. 211 00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:04,360 Great. Keep typing, monkeys. 212 00:10:04,485 --> 00:10:06,820 If only Hulk Hogan could see us now, right? 213 00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:08,572 What? 214 00:10:08,655 --> 00:10:11,200 Because Sarah Lynn said the thing about Hulk Hogan? 215 00:10:11,283 --> 00:10:13,618 That was like four hours ago. 216 00:10:13,702 --> 00:10:15,412 Right. 217 00:10:15,496 --> 00:10:17,206 - How we doing now? - Sending. 218 00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:19,416 - Just about to send. - Nice. 219 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:20,876 Okay, this is great. 220 00:10:20,959 --> 00:10:23,086 That puts us at 216 pages? 221 00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:26,256 Holy shit, that's almost as long as The Firm by John Grisham. 222 00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:28,258 And we just needed to get to 200, right? 223 00:10:28,342 --> 00:10:29,634 I'm just gonna keep writing. 224 00:10:29,718 --> 00:10:32,429 I got a lot of synapses firing right now. 225 00:10:32,513 --> 00:10:35,682 It's surprisingly literate and insightful, but still fun. 226 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:38,226 It's a beach read you can thumb through in a wing chair. 227 00:10:38,309 --> 00:10:40,269 Can't believe Diane thought this was so hard. 228 00:10:40,353 --> 00:10:43,022 "My fingers are cramping from all this typing. 229 00:10:43,105 --> 00:10:45,483 It's like they're having their period." 230 00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:47,109 Did Diane really say that? 231 00:10:47,193 --> 00:10:49,404 No, but my fingers are cramping. 232 00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:52,948 It's like they're having their period, am I right? 233 00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:56,327 Are you just laughing so I'll leave you alone? 234 00:10:57,828 --> 00:10:59,163 Good one. 235 00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:01,207 We just need a way to end this thing. 236 00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:03,084 What should the ending be? 237 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:06,003 Maybe it was Earth all along. 238 00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:08,005 Not that, but something like that. 239 00:11:08,089 --> 00:11:09,465 Keep thinking. 240 00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:20,058 I got it! 241 00:11:20,141 --> 00:11:22,269 Did you guys switch clothes? 242 00:11:22,352 --> 00:11:23,520 No. 243 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,066 - What... - I don't know. 244 00:11:28,191 --> 00:11:29,651 I like your idea better, BoJack. 245 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,194 - What? - Your idea for the ending. 246 00:11:31,278 --> 00:11:32,571 - What'd I say? - About Maine. 247 00:11:32,654 --> 00:11:34,364 About how you end up in Maine. 248 00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:36,824 I like the part where you swim in the lake in the summers. 249 00:11:36,908 --> 00:11:39,953 Yeah, right, and when I get too old to take care of myself, 250 00:11:40,036 --> 00:11:41,622 I go for one last swim. 251 00:11:41,704 --> 00:11:43,248 I know I can't make it back to shore. 252 00:11:43,331 --> 00:11:44,832 I'm too weak, too tired. 253 00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:47,252 So I just let the water take me under. 254 00:11:47,335 --> 00:11:50,046 Eesh! Downer ending. 255 00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,215 - You got something better? - Wait a minute. 256 00:11:52,299 --> 00:11:54,217 Maybe we don't know the ending yet 257 00:11:54,301 --> 00:11:56,094 because you haven't lived it. 258 00:11:56,177 --> 00:11:58,304 Yeah, I mean, if you want to, like, finish 259 00:11:58,387 --> 00:12:01,557 finish the book, then you'd have to, like, die tonight. 260 00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:04,726 I know! I should murder you. 261 00:12:06,728 --> 00:12:08,397 I'm serious. 262 00:12:08,481 --> 00:12:09,523 Think about it. 263 00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:12,318 If the little girl you raised on television 264 00:12:12,401 --> 00:12:14,153 killed you in real life... 265 00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:18,282 people would eat that shit up. 266 00:12:18,365 --> 00:12:20,867 I love it. It's perfect. We'll sell so many books. 267 00:12:20,951 --> 00:12:24,288 Yeah. Yeah, kill BoJack! 268 00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:29,126 - I'm gonna kill you! - Yes! 269 00:12:29,209 --> 00:12:30,836 There it is! Yeah, gonna get you! 270 00:12:30,919 --> 00:12:31,920 No, no, no, no... 271 00:12:38,426 --> 00:12:39,678 Okay, so what did we learn? 272 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,887 We learned that if we're going to do drugs 273 00:12:41,971 --> 00:12:44,765 we should do them at home where it's safe to do them together, 274 00:12:44,849 --> 00:12:45,975 right, Todd? 275 00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:47,059 No! 276 00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:48,561 Don't worry, guys. 277 00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:50,855 I have this gun to keep us safe from intruders. 278 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,482 - And each other. - Wait, wait, wait. 279 00:12:52,565 --> 00:12:53,941 Is that just your gun-shaped lighter, 280 00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:55,276 or your lighter-shaped gun? 281 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,403 Busted! It's just a lighter. 282 00:12:57,487 --> 00:12:58,738 Aah! 283 00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,156 Shit, I guess it's my gun. 284 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:01,700 Then what'd I do with my lighter? 285 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,409 And what did I give to that baby? 286 00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:05,828 Ha, I have a gun, too. 287 00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:09,165 Don't be a Silly Billy. That's a broom. 288 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:11,668 Wait, am I holding a gun? 289 00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:14,379 Todd, are you holding a gun or a broom? 290 00:13:14,462 --> 00:13:17,173 I can't tell anymore! 291 00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:19,717 I guess we'll just have to shoot them at each other 292 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,761 at the same time to find out! 293 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,429 Okay! 294 00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:26,724 Todd, sh... Can I just say... Todd, Todd, I need you... 295 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,684 I need you to shh. Listen, listen, Todd. 296 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,228 Okay, just to be totally clear, we're shooting each other 297 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,689 to determine whether we're holding guns or brooms, right? 298 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,492 Not because you're still mad about the whole 299 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:36,900 me sabotaging you with the rock opera 300 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,402 and your live stream and suchety-such? 301 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,195 BoJack, shh, shh, okay, Bo? 302 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,905 Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. 303 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,532 As you know, I was hurt, 304 00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,576 but then I realized that's just how you are. 305 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,203 You know, and maybe I just need to stop expecting you 306 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,038 to be a good person, 307 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,874 so that way, I won't get hurt when you're not. 308 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,918 O... Okay. 309 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,587 Hey, this isn't fair. 310 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,920 I don't have a gun. 311 00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,797 Sarah Lynn is right. 312 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,007 You know, if we all had guns, then no one would need a gun, 313 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,092 and we would all be safe. 314 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,719 My God. 315 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,763 I think we just solved the gun crisis in America. 316 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:09,932 Let them eat guns! 317 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,518 Bang, bang, pow, pow, yeah, wow! 318 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,271 Let's celebrate... by taking more drugs. 319 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:22,069 Now we just have to solve the drug crisis in America. 320 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,613 Easy! We'll take them all. 321 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,072 Yes! 322 00:14:41,671 --> 00:14:42,672 BoJack? 323 00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:48,595 Hey, sorry. You okay? 324 00:14:48,678 --> 00:14:49,763 Yeah... 325 00:14:49,846 --> 00:14:52,599 Listen, I've thought about it, and you're right. 326 00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:55,226 Your memoir should be a representation of you. 327 00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,937 It's only fair you're happy with how you're portrayed. 328 00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,606 - Really? - Yeah. 329 00:14:59,689 --> 00:15:02,734 And I want to help write a book we can both be proud of. 330 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,987 My God. Thank you. 331 00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,697 Thank you. 332 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:13,369 Wha... Ooh! 333 00:15:13,453 --> 00:15:15,455 - Are you okay? - No! 334 00:15:15,538 --> 00:15:17,457 Not this again! 335 00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,291 Gaaaaahhhh! 336 00:15:19,374 --> 00:15:21,960 What is happening! 337 00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:27,007 I ate too many pancakes! 338 00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:29,259 Shit, I'm still tripping. 339 00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:39,144 - Kiss me. - Go... 340 00:16:00,623 --> 00:16:04,960 You abandoned me, and I will never forgive you for that. 341 00:16:05,044 --> 00:16:07,213 I'm Mr. Peanut... I'm Mr. Peanut... 342 00:16:07,296 --> 00:16:08,715 I'm Mr. Peanutbutter. 343 00:16:08,798 --> 00:16:10,508 My God! 344 00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:13,177 What? 345 00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,847 Hoo hoo hah hah hah... 346 00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,100 Whoa. 347 00:16:21,644 --> 00:16:22,645 What the... 348 00:16:22,729 --> 00:16:24,772 Whoa! Okay, stay calm. 349 00:16:24,856 --> 00:16:27,400 I don't have outlines anymore. That's okay. 350 00:16:27,483 --> 00:16:29,985 There's no boundary between me and space. 351 00:16:30,069 --> 00:16:32,154 This is a thing that happens. 352 00:16:37,577 --> 00:16:38,911 Shouldn't we help him? 353 00:16:38,993 --> 00:16:40,829 No, he loves treading water. 354 00:16:40,913 --> 00:16:43,164 God. 355 00:16:48,127 --> 00:16:50,839 My God. My God. My God. 356 00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:58,847 Why is everyone laughing? What's so funny? 357 00:16:58,931 --> 00:17:00,098 Cut! Get your head 358 00:17:00,181 --> 00:17:01,767 out of your ass, B.J. 359 00:17:01,934 --> 00:17:06,605 Your line is, "This is all I am and all I'll ever be." 360 00:17:06,688 --> 00:17:08,774 This is all I am and all I'll ever be. 361 00:17:08,857 --> 00:17:11,735 You can say that again, old man. 362 00:17:20,868 --> 00:17:23,161 - Horse, horse, horse! - What is it? 363 00:17:23,245 --> 00:17:26,916 Will you make me a penis butter and va-jelly sandwich? 364 00:17:26,999 --> 00:17:28,626 What? 365 00:17:28,709 --> 00:17:32,880 I said, make me a penis butter va-jelly sandwich, bitch. 366 00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,299 No, no. 367 00:17:35,382 --> 00:17:37,468 No? 368 00:17:37,551 --> 00:17:40,972 Well, isn't it too late to say no, BoJack? 369 00:17:41,054 --> 00:17:43,474 This is the road you chose. 370 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:47,478 I'm sinking, somebody help. 371 00:17:47,561 --> 00:17:49,229 The floor is tar. 372 00:17:49,313 --> 00:17:51,565 Why don't you come with me? Come to Maine. 373 00:17:51,649 --> 00:17:53,191 I can't, I'm stuck. 374 00:17:53,275 --> 00:17:55,027 Do they have Pinkberry in Maine? 375 00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,528 I can't! 376 00:17:56,612 --> 00:17:59,030 - Go out there. - I can't. 377 00:17:59,113 --> 00:18:01,240 Can't lives in a house on Won't Street. 378 00:18:01,324 --> 00:18:04,285 You will not embarrass me in front of the entire Supper Club. 379 00:18:04,368 --> 00:18:08,039 I told them you were going to sing the "Lollipop" song. 380 00:18:08,122 --> 00:18:09,707 But I don't feel like singing. 381 00:18:09,791 --> 00:18:11,626 Nobody gives a damn what you feel. 382 00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:13,252 You've got an audience out there, 383 00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,129 and they want to hear you sing. 384 00:18:15,212 --> 00:18:17,007 Now, you want your mommy to love you? 385 00:18:17,089 --> 00:18:20,384 You go out there and you do the only thing you're good for, 386 00:18:20,468 --> 00:18:24,388 which is singing the goddamn Lollipop song. 387 00:18:24,514 --> 00:18:26,098 And let me tell you somethin'. 388 00:18:26,182 --> 00:18:28,726 The secret to living forever is... 389 00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:34,315 No. 390 00:18:34,398 --> 00:18:35,399 Hey. 391 00:18:38,402 --> 00:18:40,362 What seems to be the problem? 392 00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:42,364 Good grief. I'm so depressed. 393 00:18:42,447 --> 00:18:44,033 I just want everyone to love me, 394 00:18:44,115 --> 00:18:45,742 but I don't know how to make them do it. 395 00:18:45,826 --> 00:18:47,536 You can't force love, you blockhead. 396 00:18:47,619 --> 00:18:49,538 All you can do is be good to the people in your life, 397 00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:50,956 and keep your heart open. 398 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,165 I screwed it all up. 399 00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:53,291 It's too late for me, isn't it? 400 00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:54,376 I don't know. 401 00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:55,669 I'm just a crazy drug hallucination. 402 00:18:55,752 --> 00:18:57,087 I'll say whatever you want me to. 403 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,089 Then tell me it's not too late. 404 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,299 Well, it's not too late. It's never too late. 405 00:19:01,383 --> 00:19:02,801 - Yeah, that's right. - It's never too late 406 00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:04,845 to be the person you want to be. 407 00:19:04,928 --> 00:19:07,097 You need to choose the life you want. 408 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,726 That'll be 5ยข please... 409 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:23,863 BoJack. 410 00:19:23,946 --> 00:19:25,114 Yes, dear? 411 00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:26,699 Supper's ready. 412 00:19:28,158 --> 00:19:29,577 Ran into Ed at the hardware store. 413 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:31,037 He said we're in for some weather. 414 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,880 What the hell does that mean? "Some weather." 415 00:19:32,955 --> 00:19:34,373 We're always in for some weather. 416 00:19:34,456 --> 00:19:36,208 Guess what, Ed? There's never not weather. 417 00:19:37,919 --> 00:19:40,170 BoJack, don't. 418 00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:42,006 Come on, I can't help it. 419 00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:43,930 It's just so cute how they do it automatically. 420 00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:45,509 How do they know? 421 00:19:45,593 --> 00:19:48,054 Man, can we just stay exactly like this 422 00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:49,931 for the rest of our lives, please? 423 00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:54,351 Yeah, okay, sure, or we could do the opposite of that, 424 00:19:54,435 --> 00:19:56,311 because I'm pregnant. 425 00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,355 What? That's amazing. 426 00:19:58,439 --> 00:20:00,941 Yeah, and I'm 80% sure it's yours. 427 00:20:04,111 --> 00:20:06,404 Is it weird that I want to make love to you right now? 428 00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:08,364 Why would that be weird? 429 00:20:08,448 --> 00:20:10,867 I don't know, it's... I don't want to spook the baby. 430 00:20:10,951 --> 00:20:12,953 Maybe we should just do mouth and hand stuff 431 00:20:13,036 --> 00:20:14,996 for the next nine months. 432 00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:25,214 I think someone's awake. 433 00:20:25,298 --> 00:20:27,425 Dada coming? Dada coming? 434 00:20:27,508 --> 00:20:29,636 Yes, Gooby Girl, Dada's coming. 435 00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:31,387 Dada. 436 00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:32,931 I'm gonna eat your finger. 437 00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:34,057 Yum, yum, num, num. 438 00:20:38,436 --> 00:20:40,228 - Daddy? - Harper? 439 00:20:40,729 --> 00:20:41,939 Where do the stars go? 440 00:20:42,022 --> 00:20:43,649 They're still there. 441 00:20:43,732 --> 00:20:46,318 We just can't see them because the sun is shining. 442 00:20:46,401 --> 00:20:48,528 - Daddy? - Harper? 443 00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:52,240 Do you think if you were a little kid, we would be friends? 444 00:20:52,324 --> 00:20:54,076 Well, that depends. 445 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,703 Do you love cookies, and the color green, and braids? 446 00:20:56,787 --> 00:20:58,914 Yes, I love all those things. 447 00:20:58,998 --> 00:21:01,125 Well, then, your application has been submitted 448 00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:03,293 and is pending board approval. 449 00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:04,920 Approved! 450 00:21:05,004 --> 00:21:07,840 Wah! 451 00:21:07,923 --> 00:21:10,258 Whoa! 452 00:21:10,342 --> 00:21:12,011 No splashing! 453 00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:13,887 No. It's rough, don't. 454 00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:15,347 You're tickling. 455 00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:17,141 I got you! 456 00:21:17,224 --> 00:21:18,725 She grew up so fast. 457 00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:20,893 I don't like that he drives a motorcycle. 458 00:21:20,977 --> 00:21:22,937 Honey, a Vespa is not a motorcycle. 459 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,273 Okay, okay. 460 00:21:26,357 --> 00:21:28,193 What are you thinking about? 461 00:21:28,275 --> 00:21:30,820 Just how nice things could've been 462 00:21:30,903 --> 00:21:32,697 if you had chosen this life. 463 00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:42,707 What? Where? 464 00:21:42,790 --> 00:21:44,291 Hello? 465 00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:46,293 BoJack, I read the pages you sent me last night, 466 00:21:46,377 --> 00:21:49,797 and I have to tell you, your book is absolutely, 467 00:21:49,881 --> 00:21:51,883 without a doubt, the most... 468 00:21:51,966 --> 00:21:53,218 gibberish. 469 00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:55,220 - It's gibberish. - What day is it? 470 00:21:55,261 --> 00:21:57,013 Let's see what you got here. 471 00:21:57,096 --> 00:21:59,056 You got 20 pages of Doctor Who erotic fan fiction, 472 00:21:59,098 --> 00:22:01,474 a recipe for soup, five different theories 473 00:22:01,558 --> 00:22:03,018 about how 9/11 happened, 474 00:22:03,101 --> 00:22:04,978 and a bunch of embedded YouTube videos 475 00:22:05,062 --> 00:22:07,355 that can't possibly be printed in book form. 476 00:22:07,438 --> 00:22:09,691 Okay, I gotta go. 477 00:22:13,486 --> 00:22:15,530 Any questions, at all, 478 00:22:15,613 --> 00:22:18,116 for our panel of ghostwriters? 479 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,161 Um, yeah, I have a question for Tori Spelling. 480 00:22:21,245 --> 00:22:25,082 Again, Tori Spelling is not here, as I already explained. 481 00:22:25,165 --> 00:22:27,959 Tori Spelling's ghostwriter is here. 482 00:22:28,043 --> 00:22:29,878 This is a ghostwriter convention. 483 00:22:29,961 --> 00:22:31,421 How do you not... 484 00:22:32,630 --> 00:22:34,049 Okay, next question? 485 00:22:34,132 --> 00:22:36,634 Yeah, this is for the whole panel. 486 00:22:36,718 --> 00:22:39,637 What's your favorite kind of ghost to write for? 487 00:22:39,721 --> 00:22:42,472 What? No, they don't write for ghosts. 488 00:22:42,556 --> 00:22:45,684 That's not wha... Why did I think this would be a good idea? 489 00:22:45,768 --> 00:22:49,272 Does anyone have an actual question 490 00:22:49,354 --> 00:22:51,356 for someone on this panel? 491 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:55,360 An actual question, or a gun, so I can shoot myself? 492 00:22:55,444 --> 00:22:56,486 Yeah, I got a question. 493 00:22:56,570 --> 00:22:58,155 Thank God. 494 00:22:58,239 --> 00:23:00,657 My question is for Diane. 495 00:23:00,741 --> 00:23:03,869 Look, I'm sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier. 496 00:23:03,953 --> 00:23:05,704 We can publish the book you wrote. 497 00:23:05,788 --> 00:23:07,581 You're obviously a better writer than I am, 498 00:23:07,664 --> 00:23:10,209 and I don't actually even really care 499 00:23:10,293 --> 00:23:12,211 what the world thinks about me anymore. 500 00:23:12,295 --> 00:23:14,046 I just hated reading that book 501 00:23:14,130 --> 00:23:16,465 because I hated feeling like that's how you saw me. 502 00:23:16,548 --> 00:23:19,093 Because I guess you know me better than anybody, 503 00:23:19,176 --> 00:23:21,469 and if you think that... 504 00:23:21,552 --> 00:23:24,180 Um, I guess my question is, do you... 505 00:23:24,264 --> 00:23:26,308 Do you think it's too late for me? 506 00:23:26,390 --> 00:23:28,101 What? 507 00:23:28,184 --> 00:23:30,728 I mean, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? 508 00:23:30,812 --> 00:23:32,772 The... The person in that book? 509 00:23:32,855 --> 00:23:35,775 It's not too late for me, is it? It's... It's not too late... 510 00:23:35,858 --> 00:23:38,236 Diane, I need you to tell me that it's not too late. 511 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,322 - BoJack, I... - I... I need you to tell me 512 00:23:40,404 --> 00:23:41,864 that I'm a good person. 513 00:23:41,948 --> 00:23:43,741 I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic 514 00:23:43,825 --> 00:23:45,743 and self-destructive, but underneath all that, 515 00:23:45,827 --> 00:23:47,411 deep down, I'm a good person, 516 00:23:47,495 --> 00:23:49,914 and I need you to tell me that I'm good, Diane. 517 00:23:51,082 --> 00:23:54,085 Tell me, please, Diane. Tell me that I'm good. 518 00:24:09,183 --> 00:24:12,769 Hey, aren't you the horse from Horsin' Around? 519 00:24:57,521 --> 00:24:58,814 Boxer versus raptor.