1 00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:08,589 When we booked you for this show, 2 00:00:08,672 --> 00:00:12,050 you'd just won the Triple Crown, but then just this week, 3 00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:15,095 I open up the newspaper, and look at this... 4 00:00:15,178 --> 00:00:17,681 "Secretariat Under Investigation." 5 00:00:17,765 --> 00:00:19,140 What am I supposed to do with that? 6 00:00:19,224 --> 00:00:21,226 Maybe it's a different Secretariat. 7 00:00:21,351 --> 00:00:23,520 Ha ha ha ha. No, but seriously, folks, 8 00:00:23,604 --> 00:00:26,273 there is no truth to these allegations. 9 00:00:26,356 --> 00:00:28,776 I have never bet on horse racing, 10 00:00:28,859 --> 00:00:31,194 and I certainly did not bet on my own races. 11 00:00:31,278 --> 00:00:33,321 Although I did bet the network's gonna give your show 12 00:00:33,405 --> 00:00:34,698 back to Joey Bishop. 13 00:00:34,782 --> 00:00:36,491 O... ho ho... kay. 14 00:00:36,575 --> 00:00:39,369 We get letters here on the show, and one particular letter, 15 00:00:39,453 --> 00:00:42,623 for you, actually, struck a chord with our producers. 16 00:00:42,706 --> 00:00:45,709 This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old. 17 00:00:45,793 --> 00:00:47,962 BoJack writes, "Dear Secretariat, 18 00:00:48,044 --> 00:00:50,005 I am a horse just like you. 19 00:00:50,088 --> 00:00:52,549 I like to watch racing, and you are my favorite racer." 20 00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:54,092 Smart kid. 21 00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:55,844 "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, 22 00:00:55,928 --> 00:00:57,679 and I think I'm on the right track. 23 00:00:57,763 --> 00:01:00,599 Get it? Track, because horses run on tracks, 24 00:01:00,682 --> 00:01:02,350 and you are a horse, and I am a horse. 25 00:01:02,434 --> 00:01:04,812 Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?" 26 00:01:04,895 --> 00:01:06,814 Okay, there's a whole page of this. 27 00:01:06,897 --> 00:01:08,690 Should I write him back and tell him I get it? 28 00:01:08,774 --> 00:01:10,776 He goes on, "My question for you is, 29 00:01:10,859 --> 00:01:12,778 I am a good kid, and I like to play, 30 00:01:12,861 --> 00:01:16,114 and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. 31 00:01:16,197 --> 00:01:17,950 What do you do when you get sad? 32 00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:20,661 How do you not be sad? Sincerely, BoJack." 33 00:01:20,744 --> 00:01:22,412 That's a great letter. 34 00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:25,707 BoJack, when I was your age, I got sad. 35 00:01:25,791 --> 00:01:27,334 A lot. 36 00:01:27,417 --> 00:01:30,004 I didn't come from such a great home, 37 00:01:30,086 --> 00:01:33,507 but one day, I started running, and that seemed to make sense, 38 00:01:33,590 --> 00:01:35,759 so then I just kept running. 39 00:01:35,843 --> 00:01:39,513 BoJack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead 40 00:01:39,596 --> 00:01:41,932 and you keep running forward, no matter what. 41 00:01:42,016 --> 00:01:43,767 There are people in your life 42 00:01:43,851 --> 00:01:45,686 who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down, 43 00:01:45,769 --> 00:01:46,979 but you don't let them. 44 00:01:47,062 --> 00:01:49,439 Don't you stop running and don't you ever look behind you. 45 00:01:49,523 --> 00:01:51,775 There's nothing for you behind you. 46 00:01:51,859 --> 00:01:54,862 All that exists is what's ahead. 47 00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:58,949 Good morning, Louisville. It's August 22nd, 1973. 48 00:01:59,033 --> 00:02:01,368 A sad day for the sport of horse racing. 49 00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:04,663 Secretariat banned for life from competition. 50 00:02:04,746 --> 00:02:07,582 It's a disgrace is what it is. This is the '70s. 51 00:02:07,666 --> 00:02:09,668 You can't cheat in sports and get away with it. 52 00:02:09,751 --> 00:02:11,753 You know, I think it just goes to show you, 53 00:02:11,837 --> 00:02:14,172 you can be the fastest runner in the world, 54 00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:18,176 but you can't outrun the truth. 55 00:02:19,887 --> 00:02:22,305 And traffic is jammed today coming into Louisville. 56 00:02:22,389 --> 00:02:24,725 Looks like some idiot parked his car on the bridge. 57 00:03:21,281 --> 00:03:24,367 And the Golden Globe for Best Comedy or Musical 58 00:03:24,451 --> 00:03:27,955 goes to BoJack Horseman, my friend, 59 00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:30,457 for his book One Trick Pony. 60 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,127 This is a first win for BoJack Horseman 61 00:03:33,209 --> 00:03:35,045 and his first appearance at the Globe ceremony 62 00:03:35,129 --> 00:03:37,589 since his forced removal in 1992 63 00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:40,926 after he exchanged blows with Sir Paul McCartney. 64 00:03:41,009 --> 00:03:42,719 Wow, what an honor. 65 00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,721 I have to thank the Hollywoo Foreign Press. 66 00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:46,222 I feel like I should mention 67 00:03:46,306 --> 00:03:48,100 that my book was not a comedy or a musical. 68 00:03:48,183 --> 00:03:49,977 Do you guys actually watch the movies you give awards to? 69 00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,770 'Cause I kind of get the sense that... 70 00:03:51,853 --> 00:03:53,772 Also, my book was not a movie. You do know that, right? 71 00:03:53,855 --> 00:03:55,607 We're friends. 72 00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:57,818 Anyway, the response to this book has been incredible. 73 00:03:57,901 --> 00:04:00,570 These last three months have been really amazing. 74 00:04:00,654 --> 00:04:02,030 You know, a lot of people said to me, 75 00:04:02,114 --> 00:04:03,824 "You sure you want to publish this book? 76 00:04:03,907 --> 00:04:05,533 It's pretty personal." 77 00:04:05,617 --> 00:04:07,577 And I said, "If I can make just one person out there 78 00:04:07,661 --> 00:04:10,246 feel a little less alone, then it's all worth it." 79 00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,499 And they said, "That's really brave." 80 00:04:12,582 --> 00:04:15,169 And I said, "Well, I'm not one to call myself brave, 81 00:04:15,251 --> 00:04:17,337 but since you said it, yeah, I am." 82 00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:20,465 - After-party at my restaurant! 83 00:04:20,548 --> 00:04:22,009 Why did I say after-party at my restaurant? 84 00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:24,011 I do not want to throw a party. 85 00:04:24,094 --> 00:04:26,596 It did seem unlike you. I'm gonna go get some cotton candy. 86 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,849 - You want some? - No. 87 00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:32,352 - Yes. - There he is, man of the hour. 88 00:04:32,435 --> 00:04:34,646 - Hello, other grown up. - Ugh. 89 00:04:34,729 --> 00:04:37,357 Oh, cheer up, dummy. Your book is a huge success. 90 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,027 Everybody loves you. You just won a Golden Globe. 91 00:04:40,110 --> 00:04:41,695 If you can't be happy tonight, 92 00:04:41,778 --> 00:04:43,780 maybe you'll never be happy again. 93 00:04:43,864 --> 00:04:45,448 I'm sorry, is that supposed to be encouraging? 94 00:04:45,532 --> 00:04:47,868 - Because it's super-bleak. - Vincent Adultman... 95 00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:50,204 how are things at the old nine to five? 96 00:04:50,286 --> 00:04:52,539 Good. I went to the stock market today. 97 00:04:52,622 --> 00:04:54,208 I did a business. 98 00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,084 I keep telling him he works too hard. 99 00:04:56,168 --> 00:04:58,545 Come on, Vincent, let's get away from the rat race. 100 00:04:58,628 --> 00:05:01,756 Take a cruise someplace wet and Latin. 101 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,051 I mean, can you imagine this body in a swimsuit? 102 00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:06,469 - I literally cannot. - Vincent, let's do a lap. 103 00:05:06,553 --> 00:05:08,013 Have you met Brendan Fraser? 104 00:05:08,096 --> 00:05:10,015 I feel like you two would love each other. 105 00:05:10,098 --> 00:05:11,391 Whoa. Easy, easy. 106 00:05:11,474 --> 00:05:13,227 I got to hand it to Diane. 107 00:05:13,268 --> 00:05:15,520 This book has been everything she said it would be. 108 00:05:15,603 --> 00:05:17,397 Yeah, she knows what she's doing. 109 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,233 How is Diane? I haven't seen her since... 110 00:05:19,315 --> 00:05:21,442 Well, I haven't seen her in a while. 111 00:05:21,526 --> 00:05:23,486 Oh, well, the book's been huge for her, too. 112 00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:25,572 She's practically as famous as I am now. 113 00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:27,991 - We're like the Brangelinas. - Well, I'm happy she's happy. 114 00:05:28,075 --> 00:05:30,785 - And how are you? - Well, it's been really hard... 115 00:05:30,869 --> 00:05:34,289 Erica, is that you? Who let you out of the burn ward? 116 00:05:34,372 --> 00:05:36,374 - Get over here, you. - Uhh. 117 00:05:36,457 --> 00:05:40,045 Excuse me. I just have to tell you how much I love your book. 118 00:05:40,128 --> 00:05:43,590 It's so naked and honest and revealing. 119 00:05:43,673 --> 00:05:45,092 It is? Uh-oh. 120 00:05:45,175 --> 00:05:46,843 I love the part about how you became famous 121 00:05:46,927 --> 00:05:49,137 so you could be constantly surrounded by distraction 122 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:51,098 and wouldn't have to be alone with yourself. 123 00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:53,100 I thought that was a really profound observation. 124 00:05:53,183 --> 00:05:54,726 Oh, yeah, definitely. So profound. 125 00:05:54,809 --> 00:05:56,644 - Do you want to get out of here? - What? 126 00:05:56,728 --> 00:05:58,230 Come back to my place, maybe get a little more naked, 127 00:05:58,313 --> 00:06:01,775 - honest and revealing? - Oh, no. No, thanks. 128 00:06:01,858 --> 00:06:03,651 - What about you? - Yeah, okay. 129 00:06:07,363 --> 00:06:10,533 - Oh... Whoa. 130 00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:12,368 Huh. 131 00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:16,290 - Hey, Diane. - You still friends with BoJack? 132 00:06:16,372 --> 00:06:17,958 Heard you two were on the outs. 133 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:19,584 You gonna write another book about it? 134 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,253 Oh, you looking at some oranges? 135 00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:23,213 You gonna write a book about those oranges, huh? 136 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,883 - Hello. - Diane. 137 00:06:26,967 --> 00:06:28,593 Sebastian St. Claire here, 138 00:06:28,676 --> 00:06:30,845 famed billionaire philanthropist/adventurer. 139 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:32,931 Please, hold your applause. 140 00:06:33,014 --> 00:06:35,350 - Okay. - You can applaud a little. 141 00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:37,269 Okay. 142 00:06:37,352 --> 00:06:39,479 I got your number from Pinky Penguin. 143 00:06:39,562 --> 00:06:41,606 I'm looking for a journalist to follow me around 144 00:06:41,689 --> 00:06:44,109 for a few months and document my daring exploits 145 00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:47,237 aiding ravaged communities and displaced people. 146 00:06:47,321 --> 00:06:50,531 - Ssss. - Wow, that sounds amazing. 147 00:06:50,615 --> 00:06:53,827 But that's not usually the kind of thing I write about. 148 00:06:53,910 --> 00:06:58,290 Diane, if you can make people care about BoJack Horseman, 149 00:06:58,373 --> 00:07:01,417 surely you can make them care about emaciated orphans 150 00:07:01,501 --> 00:07:02,919 with missing limbs. 151 00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,421 We need to wake people up. 152 00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:07,215 Well, I am a morning person. 153 00:07:07,299 --> 00:07:09,384 I hope you mean mourning with a "u," 154 00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:12,720 because, Diane, this is deadly serious. 155 00:07:12,804 --> 00:07:14,389 Oh, yes, of course. 156 00:07:16,808 --> 00:07:19,353 You want to spend three months in Sudan? 157 00:07:19,435 --> 00:07:21,771 Not just there. We're also going to Haiti and Thailand 158 00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:23,898 and Uganda and Chechnya. 159 00:07:23,982 --> 00:07:25,608 Can't you do all that in L.A.? 160 00:07:25,692 --> 00:07:27,485 I want to do something important. 161 00:07:27,568 --> 00:07:30,571 I want to help people and do good work 162 00:07:30,655 --> 00:07:33,783 and sleep on the ground and poop in a bucket. 163 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:36,161 Honey, nobody wants to poop in a bucket. 164 00:07:36,244 --> 00:07:39,122 Maybe I do. Maybe I want to poop in a bucket. 165 00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:41,666 If you want to poop in a bucket, we can get you a bucket. 166 00:07:41,749 --> 00:07:43,793 You don't have to go all the way the Chechnylavakia. 167 00:07:43,877 --> 00:07:45,170 Am I saying that right? 168 00:07:45,253 --> 00:07:47,047 It's not just the pooping in a bucket. 169 00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:49,049 I think it might be good for me to get out of L.A. 170 00:07:49,132 --> 00:07:50,300 for a little bit. 171 00:07:50,384 --> 00:07:53,053 Sweetie, you know I support you, whatever you want to do, 172 00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:54,971 but you're not gonna find what you're looking for 173 00:07:55,055 --> 00:07:57,015 in these awful made-up places. 174 00:07:57,098 --> 00:07:59,934 The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. 175 00:08:00,018 --> 00:08:02,354 The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. 176 00:08:02,437 --> 00:08:05,565 It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, 177 00:08:05,648 --> 00:08:07,692 and eventually, you'll be dead. 178 00:08:07,775 --> 00:08:11,363 Well, I guess I can keep my options open. 179 00:08:11,446 --> 00:08:12,447 Great. 180 00:08:14,782 --> 00:08:17,411 Hey, can I ask you something? 181 00:08:17,493 --> 00:08:21,164 Did Vincent seem extra weird to you last night? 182 00:08:21,248 --> 00:08:23,958 Well, he's still three kids in a trench coat, so, no. 183 00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:26,502 We're going through a rough patch. It's hard, you know. 184 00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:28,504 He's works a full time job at the business factory, 185 00:08:28,588 --> 00:08:30,131 so when he gets home, 186 00:08:30,215 --> 00:08:32,342 he just wants to unwind by watching R-rated movies. 187 00:08:32,426 --> 00:08:34,635 Ahh, I thought I was ready for a real adult relationship, 188 00:08:34,719 --> 00:08:36,054 - but... 189 00:08:36,137 --> 00:08:38,681 Enough about me. BoJack, you are on fire. 190 00:08:38,765 --> 00:08:40,725 Oh, are we talking about me again? 191 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,228 We have an offer on the table for you to play the bad guy 192 00:08:43,311 --> 00:08:44,687 in the new James Bond. 193 00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:47,023 - Ehh. - I agree. Total garbage. 194 00:08:47,107 --> 00:08:49,734 But this, it's a new drama from the Coen Brothers. 195 00:08:49,817 --> 00:08:52,279 A western about a one-horse town and you're the horse. 196 00:08:52,362 --> 00:08:54,781 Hello, Oscar. What do you think? 197 00:08:54,864 --> 00:08:57,158 I think now's the time to finally make "Secretariat." 198 00:08:57,242 --> 00:09:00,661 Really? Now? Aren't you a little, um, very too old? 199 00:09:00,745 --> 00:09:02,705 You asked me what I wanted to do. That's what I want. 200 00:09:02,789 --> 00:09:05,083 That's all I've ever wanted, and if I can't get it now, 201 00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:07,419 then all of this has been for nothing. 202 00:09:07,502 --> 00:09:09,129 Oh, fish. Of course! 203 00:09:09,212 --> 00:09:11,047 Why would you ever make things easy for me 204 00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:13,758 when instead you could make things incredibly difficult? 205 00:09:13,841 --> 00:09:15,885 Laura, clear out the rest of my day. 206 00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:17,762 I have to push a boulder up a hill, 207 00:09:17,845 --> 00:09:20,056 and then have it roll over me time and time again 208 00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,058 with no regard for my well-being. 209 00:09:22,142 --> 00:09:23,143 Attagirl. 210 00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:27,439 All right, Todd. PB Livin' needs a new project. 211 00:09:27,522 --> 00:09:30,817 Bi-Monthly Curated Box of Snacks has been an enormous success, 212 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,194 but I got into this game to make movies, 213 00:09:33,278 --> 00:09:34,821 so let's make a movie. 214 00:09:34,904 --> 00:09:36,656 Well, I got a stack of great scripts here. 215 00:09:36,739 --> 00:09:38,283 Any one of them would make a wonderful movie. 216 00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:39,909 Fantastic. 217 00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:44,038 But I also have this other non-movie-related idea. 218 00:09:44,122 --> 00:09:45,540 Ooh, let's hear the other idea. 219 00:09:45,623 --> 00:09:47,292 Okay. I was heading down Wilshire, 220 00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:50,420 and I saw this empty store front, and I thought, 221 00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:52,422 "You know what this world needs?" 222 00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:54,090 Edge of my seat over here. 223 00:09:54,174 --> 00:09:57,802 A store where people can buy Halloween stuff. 224 00:09:57,885 --> 00:10:00,680 Halloween store. Feel like that's been done. 225 00:10:00,763 --> 00:10:02,598 Yeah, in October, 226 00:10:02,682 --> 00:10:06,144 but how come your never see a Halloween store in January? 227 00:10:06,227 --> 00:10:08,438 - It's an untapped market. - Yeah. 228 00:10:08,522 --> 00:10:10,815 A Halloween store that's open year-round. 229 00:10:10,898 --> 00:10:13,318 - No, no. Just January. - Brilliant. 230 00:10:13,401 --> 00:10:16,363 That's the kind of idea that wins Golden Globes. 231 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,368 I actually think the time is right for "Secretariat," 232 00:10:21,451 --> 00:10:23,661 so what do you want to play, like, Secretariat's dad 233 00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:26,414 or his grandfather, maybe like an elderly witch doctor 234 00:10:26,498 --> 00:10:28,416 who puts a curse on him or something? 235 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,668 Lenny, look, I know I'm a little long in the tooth, 236 00:10:30,751 --> 00:10:32,462 but I think that you more than anyone 237 00:10:32,546 --> 00:10:34,839 would know not to count out an old pro. 238 00:10:34,922 --> 00:10:36,674 Don't play the ageism card with me, kid. 239 00:10:36,757 --> 00:10:39,093 I've laid farts that lasted longer than your entire career. 240 00:10:39,177 --> 00:10:42,347 But Secretariat was dead at 27, so who we kidding here? 241 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:44,307 Just set the project up and give me an audition. 242 00:10:44,391 --> 00:10:45,808 - That's all I ask. - All right. 243 00:10:45,892 --> 00:10:47,310 You got yourself a "go" picture, kid. 244 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:49,312 And by you, I mean me. And by "go" picture, 245 00:10:49,396 --> 00:10:51,565 I mean I'll make some phone calls, we'll see what I can do. 246 00:10:51,647 --> 00:10:54,859 And by kid, I mean middle-aged adult. 247 00:10:56,903 --> 00:10:58,905 Shh. No, no, no. Put it here. Put it here. 248 00:10:58,988 --> 00:11:01,241 - Okay, I'll do it. - Ahem. 249 00:11:01,324 --> 00:11:04,536 - Has this ever happened to you? - Has what ever happened to me? 250 00:11:04,619 --> 00:11:07,581 - Todd? - Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter? 251 00:11:07,663 --> 00:11:09,583 What's going on? Why are you talking like that? 252 00:11:09,665 --> 00:11:11,543 Todd, I just got a phenomenal idea 253 00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:13,253 for a Halloween costume. 254 00:11:13,336 --> 00:11:15,380 Why don't you and I dash over to the store right quick 255 00:11:15,463 --> 00:11:17,757 and spend some hard-earned American money? 256 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,718 Oh, but, Mr. Peanutbutter, didn't you hear? 257 00:11:20,801 --> 00:11:23,721 It's January, and the Halloween store won't open 258 00:11:23,804 --> 00:11:26,349 for another nine months. 259 00:11:26,433 --> 00:11:28,809 But I want satisfaction now. 260 00:11:28,893 --> 00:11:31,187 Has this ever happened to you? 261 00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:33,231 Not to anyone ever at any time. 262 00:11:33,314 --> 00:11:36,984 Ahem. We give you Halloween in January, 263 00:11:37,068 --> 00:11:40,113 a truly immersive Halloween experience 264 00:11:40,196 --> 00:11:42,240 for the rest of us. 265 00:11:42,323 --> 00:11:44,951 Halloween in January? Please elaborate. 266 00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:47,203 Okay, but before I do, tell the audience. 267 00:11:47,287 --> 00:11:49,539 - Have we ever met before? - Never. 268 00:11:49,623 --> 00:11:53,293 Well, according to facts, there's more suicides in January 269 00:11:53,376 --> 00:11:55,878 - than any other month. - I'm getting pretty close over here. 270 00:11:55,962 --> 00:11:59,966 Also, there's less Halloween stores. Coincidence? 271 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:03,595 Wow, I'm convinced. This store could save lives. 272 00:12:03,678 --> 00:12:05,472 Unbelievable. When your powers combine... 273 00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:09,058 you are somehow even more stupid than the sum of your stupids. 274 00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:10,851 - Thank you. - Go on. 275 00:12:10,935 --> 00:12:13,313 You stop encouraging him and you stop encouraging him. 276 00:12:13,396 --> 00:12:15,106 The two of you are playing with fire. 277 00:12:15,189 --> 00:12:17,400 A fire called Having a Good Idea. 278 00:12:17,484 --> 00:12:20,153 Or maybe a fire called Friendship. 279 00:12:20,236 --> 00:12:23,072 - Fires aren't called things. - What about the Chicago fire? 280 00:12:23,156 --> 00:12:24,449 Or Fire Island. 281 00:12:24,532 --> 00:12:26,200 - Or Gabe. - Who's Gabe? 282 00:12:26,284 --> 00:12:28,161 Just a fire I met once. Named him Gabe. 283 00:12:28,244 --> 00:12:30,163 - He sounds delightful. - He was. Good guy. 284 00:12:37,128 --> 00:12:40,006 Business, business, business. Is that all you ever think about? 285 00:12:40,089 --> 00:12:41,299 I don't know. 286 00:12:41,382 --> 00:12:43,301 What's under that coat, Vincent? 287 00:12:43,384 --> 00:12:46,012 - You need to let me in. - Not right now. 288 00:12:46,095 --> 00:12:47,888 I have to call the guy at the office 289 00:12:47,972 --> 00:12:49,932 and take the car to the place. 290 00:12:50,016 --> 00:12:51,685 It's always guys in places with you. 291 00:12:51,809 --> 00:12:53,978 You know, I thought I wanted to date a real adult, 292 00:12:54,061 --> 00:12:56,063 but I'm actually young at heart. 293 00:12:56,147 --> 00:12:58,399 I need to feel the grass between my toes. 294 00:12:58,483 --> 00:13:00,943 I want to wear jeans. I want to dance. 295 00:13:01,027 --> 00:13:03,154 - That's baby stuff. - No, Vincent. 296 00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:05,865 There's more to being an adult than just work and business 297 00:13:05,948 --> 00:13:08,951 and the tall-person rides at Disneyland. I want to have fun. 298 00:13:09,035 --> 00:13:12,038 There has to be a difference between monogamy and monotony. 299 00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:14,457 What's mahumanunny? 300 00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:16,459 Well, clearly we had a different understanding 301 00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:18,461 of what this was. 302 00:13:18,545 --> 00:13:21,422 I'd like to be an adult about this, but frankly, I'm hurt. 303 00:13:21,506 --> 00:13:25,134 I think you should just go, just git. Get out of my life. 304 00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:26,802 Okay. 305 00:13:26,886 --> 00:13:28,388 Okay. 306 00:13:28,471 --> 00:13:31,474 Could I have another soda? 307 00:13:33,851 --> 00:13:37,480 BoJack, you know Kelsey Jannings, our director. 308 00:13:37,564 --> 00:13:39,733 I really appreciate you giving me this opportunity. 309 00:13:39,815 --> 00:13:41,275 Yeah. 310 00:13:41,359 --> 00:13:44,028 Secretariat was kind of my hero as a kid. 311 00:13:44,111 --> 00:13:46,030 Yeah, he was a lot of people's hero. 312 00:13:46,113 --> 00:13:48,908 Well, you know, here was a guy who had everything... 313 00:13:48,991 --> 00:13:50,993 Yeah, I know the story. I'm the director. 314 00:13:51,077 --> 00:13:52,912 Kelsey, be nice. 315 00:13:52,995 --> 00:13:54,955 She's just cranky because she's already seen 30 people 316 00:13:55,039 --> 00:13:57,792 read for this today, and we are all so goddamn sick 317 00:13:57,875 --> 00:14:00,002 of seeing auditions, so whenever you're ready. 318 00:14:00,086 --> 00:14:01,379 Just jump right in. 319 00:14:01,462 --> 00:14:03,506 Great. Let's get to it. 320 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,800 Hey, ain't you that horse 321 00:14:05,883 --> 00:14:08,469 - that won all them races? - Not today, ma'am. 322 00:14:08,553 --> 00:14:11,889 Today I'm just a customer who wants a warm slice of pie. 323 00:14:11,972 --> 00:14:13,725 Can I ask you a question? 324 00:14:13,808 --> 00:14:15,727 When you're out there on that there racetrack, 325 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,978 - what are you running from? - You want to know the truth? 326 00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:19,606 Nothing. 327 00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:21,857 Everyone's running from something, sugar. 328 00:14:21,941 --> 00:14:25,945 No, I'm running from nothing. I'm terrified of nothing. 329 00:14:26,028 --> 00:14:28,030 People come up to me, they want my autograph, 330 00:14:28,114 --> 00:14:29,449 they want my picture. 331 00:14:29,532 --> 00:14:32,243 They think they recognize something in me, 332 00:14:32,326 --> 00:14:35,329 and I want to be that person they think I am, but I'm not. 333 00:14:35,413 --> 00:14:37,915 They see a greatness in me, and they mistake it for goodness, 334 00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:40,960 but I... I know there's nothing there. 335 00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:46,090 As fast as I run, I can't get way from that. 336 00:14:46,173 --> 00:14:47,675 - Oh. - Wow. 337 00:14:47,759 --> 00:14:51,095 BoJack, I think I speak for everyone when I say... 338 00:14:51,178 --> 00:14:55,141 Oh, my God, Andrew Garfield said yes. 339 00:14:55,224 --> 00:14:57,977 - We have our Secretariat. - We got Andrew Garfield? 340 00:14:58,060 --> 00:14:59,437 Oh, my God, it's the best day of my life. 341 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,063 You don't say no to Spider-Man. 342 00:15:01,147 --> 00:15:02,315 This movie is gonna be amazing. 343 00:15:02,398 --> 00:15:03,524 Andrew... 344 00:15:03,608 --> 00:15:06,653 Garfield! 345 00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:09,614 Now, the pills will give you nightmares... 346 00:15:09,697 --> 00:15:10,906 I mean, just horrifying... 347 00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,908 but the malaria will give you death, 348 00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:15,286 so you're going to want to take the pills, Diane. 349 00:15:15,369 --> 00:15:16,912 - Uh-huh. - Hold on. 350 00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:21,250 A mosquito got into my tent. What do you want? 351 00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:23,503 - Hello? 352 00:15:23,586 --> 00:15:25,839 Diane, it's Princess Carolyn, BoJack's agent. 353 00:15:25,921 --> 00:15:27,465 Yeah, I know who you are. 354 00:15:27,548 --> 00:15:29,550 I'm the pink cat, the one who used to date BoJack. 355 00:15:29,634 --> 00:15:32,345 We've met a lot of times. You came to my wedding. 356 00:15:32,428 --> 00:15:33,847 Listen, the Turteltaub Company 357 00:15:33,929 --> 00:15:35,849 is making a movie about Secretariat. 358 00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:37,725 And since you're such an expert, 359 00:15:37,809 --> 00:15:40,895 they want to bring you on board as a character consultant. 360 00:15:40,978 --> 00:15:42,647 What does that mean? 361 00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,273 Oh, it's the cushiest job in the world. 362 00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:46,192 You sit in a fancy chair and eat pastries all day. 363 00:15:46,275 --> 00:15:49,153 And then once a week, you say, "Secretariat wouldn't do that." 364 00:15:49,236 --> 00:15:51,280 I don't know. I've already been offered this other thing. 365 00:15:51,364 --> 00:15:53,533 And did you know there are orphans in Sudan... 366 00:15:53,616 --> 00:15:55,535 You take this job, you can buy all the orphans you want. 367 00:15:55,618 --> 00:15:57,370 No, I don't want to buy them. 368 00:15:57,453 --> 00:15:59,372 Look, if you really want to help people, 369 00:15:59,455 --> 00:16:01,499 it doesn't hurt to have a little money in your pocket. 370 00:16:01,582 --> 00:16:03,710 Take the job now, help the orphans later. 371 00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:06,045 - There's always later. - Hmm. 372 00:16:06,128 --> 00:16:07,421 Okay, talk it over with your husband. 373 00:16:07,505 --> 00:16:09,215 I got to go get my whiskers trimmed. 374 00:16:09,298 --> 00:16:12,468 I run into walls for days, but I look hot. 375 00:16:14,846 --> 00:16:16,472 - How's the pie here? - Not good. 376 00:16:16,556 --> 00:16:18,098 Well, I'll take all you got. 377 00:16:18,182 --> 00:16:19,893 Screw it. Throw it in a bowl with some bourbon 378 00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:22,144 - and bring me a ladle. - Mm-hmm. 379 00:16:22,228 --> 00:16:25,981 BoJack, we notice you've been pretty down in the dumps lately, 380 00:16:26,065 --> 00:16:29,861 but we have something that we think is going to cheer you up. 381 00:16:29,944 --> 00:16:31,905 It's an exciting new business venture 382 00:16:31,987 --> 00:16:34,281 that's equal parts new and exciting. 383 00:16:34,365 --> 00:16:36,992 Another one? What happened to your Halloween store? 384 00:16:37,076 --> 00:16:38,494 - What now? - Oh, right. 385 00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:40,371 The Halloween store. 386 00:16:40,454 --> 00:16:42,289 We took the floor out 387 00:16:42,373 --> 00:16:44,918 because Mr. Peanutbutter kept scratching up the hardwood, 388 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,795 and then... Did we ever get the new floor installed? 389 00:16:47,879 --> 00:16:49,213 Uh... 390 00:16:49,296 --> 00:16:50,965 Halloween? In January? 391 00:16:51,048 --> 00:16:53,551 What a great ide... Aah! 392 00:16:55,094 --> 00:16:57,638 Anyway, now we're all about smoodies. 393 00:16:57,722 --> 00:16:59,807 - What? - Smoodies. 394 00:16:59,891 --> 00:17:01,517 You're saying smoothies, right? Smoothies. 395 00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,102 No. Smoodies. 396 00:17:03,185 --> 00:17:05,855 It's a mood that you drink like a smoothie. 397 00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:08,691 I don't understand it. How do you drink a mood? 398 00:17:08,775 --> 00:17:10,985 - Like a smoothie. - So it is a smoothie. 399 00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:14,822 No, it's a smoodie... A mood that you drink. 400 00:17:14,906 --> 00:17:18,534 - How do you drink a mood? - Like a smoothie. 401 00:17:18,618 --> 00:17:21,788 But do you buy it in a store? What're the physical attributes? 402 00:17:21,871 --> 00:17:23,790 We haven't worked out all the kinks yet, 403 00:17:23,873 --> 00:17:25,792 but the important thing is we've gone public, 404 00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:27,961 and we want you to get in on the ground floor. 405 00:17:28,043 --> 00:17:29,879 See, that's the problem with all your ideas... 406 00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,965 they don't have ground floors. 407 00:17:32,047 --> 00:17:36,135 Finally, a Halloween store for the rest of... Aah! 408 00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:39,597 Hello. 409 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,182 Anyway, our launch party's tonight, 410 00:17:42,266 --> 00:17:44,894 - and we'd love it if you came. - We spared no expense... 411 00:17:44,978 --> 00:17:47,146 that's how confident we are in our product. 412 00:17:47,229 --> 00:17:48,731 - Your product... Smoodies. - Yes. 413 00:17:48,815 --> 00:17:51,525 Wait, did you say smoodies or smoothies? 414 00:17:51,609 --> 00:17:53,653 Because we only make... Which one do we make? 415 00:17:53,736 --> 00:17:56,113 I'd like to think the smoodies make us. 416 00:17:56,196 --> 00:18:00,326 Ahh, I can tell by your tone that that was something smart. 417 00:18:03,746 --> 00:18:05,957 - Smoodie keychain? - Smoodie cozy? 418 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,374 Smoodie bottle opener? 419 00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,627 It's a mood that you drink like a smoothie. 420 00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,629 Todd, it is all happening. 421 00:18:11,712 --> 00:18:15,174 Hooray. And you know I don't throw that word around lightly. 422 00:18:15,257 --> 00:18:17,635 All right. Now we just got to make sure we focus 423 00:18:17,718 --> 00:18:19,595 and actually follow through on this. 424 00:18:19,679 --> 00:18:22,222 I'd feel awful if this great idea fell apart 425 00:18:22,306 --> 00:18:24,517 because we got distracted by something else, 426 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,060 as we are often wont to do. 427 00:18:26,143 --> 00:18:29,897 Wait, did you say you feel awful or falafel? 428 00:18:29,981 --> 00:18:31,649 I said, "Feel awful," 429 00:18:31,732 --> 00:18:34,819 but tell me more about this falafel idea. 430 00:18:34,902 --> 00:18:37,947 Falafel or fawaffle? 431 00:18:38,031 --> 00:18:39,323 What? 432 00:18:45,371 --> 00:18:49,500 BoJack, isn't this exciting? Smoodies, right? 433 00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:52,045 Do you even know what a smoodie is? 434 00:18:52,127 --> 00:18:54,047 I think it's some kind of an adult onesie. 435 00:18:54,129 --> 00:18:56,173 Whatever it is, I'm trying new things. 436 00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,801 I'm single again, and I'm loving it. 437 00:18:58,885 --> 00:19:01,804 - Let me repeat... - Princess Carolyn. 438 00:19:01,888 --> 00:19:05,016 Vincent. Well, you've got some nerve showing your face. 439 00:19:05,099 --> 00:19:08,394 - I've got half a mind to... - No, let me talk. 440 00:19:08,477 --> 00:19:11,355 I had a attitude problem, 441 00:19:11,438 --> 00:19:13,524 but then I took a timeout, 442 00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:15,442 and I thought about what I did. 443 00:19:15,526 --> 00:19:17,570 I wanted to be a big man. 444 00:19:17,653 --> 00:19:22,909 But sometimes the biggest thing a man can do is tell the truth. 445 00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:26,328 And the truth about me is, I... I... 446 00:19:26,412 --> 00:19:28,039 - Okay, here we go. - I love you. 447 00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:30,165 - What? - Oh, Vincent. 448 00:19:30,249 --> 00:19:33,293 Let's go feel grass between our toes. 449 00:19:33,377 --> 00:19:35,254 - What? - All right. 450 00:19:35,337 --> 00:19:37,423 You're a better man than I could ever be. 451 00:19:37,506 --> 00:19:39,216 I wish my boyfriend was that mature. 452 00:19:41,385 --> 00:19:43,345 - Hello? - BoJack, it's Kelsey Jannings. 453 00:19:43,429 --> 00:19:45,098 I got some news about "Secretariat." 454 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,474 - What's up? - Garfield's out. 455 00:19:47,558 --> 00:19:49,268 He got into some sort of accident. 456 00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:51,478 An All Hallows' Eve store in January? 457 00:19:51,562 --> 00:19:54,774 How fiendishly droll. Aah! 458 00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:57,860 Oh, bother. 459 00:19:57,944 --> 00:19:59,987 The clumsy bastard broke every bone in his body, 460 00:20:00,071 --> 00:20:01,864 and now we got to find a new lead. 461 00:20:01,948 --> 00:20:04,033 Studio wants to go young, but I was thinking we'd get 462 00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:06,994 someone a little more BoJack Horseman. 463 00:20:07,078 --> 00:20:08,913 What? Are you serious? 464 00:20:08,996 --> 00:20:10,957 You're the only one with enough grit to play the part, 465 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,417 and we can age you down in post, but I'm gonna tell you now, 466 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,711 not gonna put up with any woe-is-me bullshit 467 00:20:15,795 --> 00:20:17,337 or diva histrionics. 468 00:20:17,421 --> 00:20:19,006 I get enough of that from my ex-wife 469 00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:21,383 along with newspaper clippings about gluten. 470 00:20:21,467 --> 00:20:23,803 God, we get it, Marla. Gluten. 471 00:20:23,886 --> 00:20:26,221 But if you want to make a movie, and you're ready to work... 472 00:20:26,305 --> 00:20:28,599 I am. I will. I can. I do. 473 00:20:28,682 --> 00:20:30,184 Great. You got one month to get in shape. 474 00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:32,478 You need to lose 50 pounds and then gain back 20. 475 00:20:32,561 --> 00:20:34,105 - And, BoJack... - Yeah? 476 00:20:34,188 --> 00:20:35,940 Don't ever call this number. 477 00:20:36,023 --> 00:20:37,566 If I want to talk, I'll call you. 478 00:20:41,988 --> 00:20:44,115 - Hey. - Hey. 479 00:20:44,198 --> 00:20:45,783 Not big on parties, huh? 480 00:20:45,866 --> 00:20:48,035 Nah. I never know what to do with my hands. 481 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,537 I think I just got cast in Secretariat. 482 00:20:50,621 --> 00:20:53,666 - That's amazing. - It's everything I ever wanted. 483 00:20:53,749 --> 00:20:56,961 - Yeah, you seem super-jazzed. - What do I do now? 484 00:20:57,044 --> 00:20:59,546 Well, that's the problem with life, right? 485 00:20:59,630 --> 00:21:02,049 Either you know what you want, and you don't get what you want, 486 00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:04,635 or get what you want, and then you don't know what you want. 487 00:21:04,718 --> 00:21:07,387 - Well, that's stupid. - Yeah. 488 00:21:07,471 --> 00:21:09,431 I don't know if this makes you more or less excited, 489 00:21:09,515 --> 00:21:12,143 but I actually decided to take a job on the Secretariat movie 490 00:21:12,226 --> 00:21:14,187 as a character consultant. 491 00:21:14,228 --> 00:21:17,106 Wow, so we're gonna be working together again. 492 00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:19,108 Yeah. I hope you don't get sick of me. 493 00:21:19,192 --> 00:21:20,901 I don't think that's gonna happen. 494 00:21:20,985 --> 00:21:23,570 - Is it weird I took this job? - Why would it be weird? 495 00:21:23,654 --> 00:21:26,032 You literally wrote the book on Secretariat. 496 00:21:26,115 --> 00:21:29,743 Yeah, I know. I just... When I first moved to L.A... 497 00:21:29,827 --> 00:21:32,705 I thought I was gonna be doing really important work. 498 00:21:32,788 --> 00:21:35,041 You know, writing stuff that makes a difference. 499 00:21:35,124 --> 00:21:38,252 But then you kind of fall into one thing and then another... 500 00:21:38,335 --> 00:21:40,504 Well, you've got time. There's always later, right? 501 00:21:40,587 --> 00:21:42,464 Yeah, I guess there's always later. 502 00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:44,591 Do you remember the last time I saw you? 503 00:21:44,675 --> 00:21:47,386 You asked me if I thought you were a good person deep down? 504 00:21:47,469 --> 00:21:50,264 Do I remember that? Yeah, vaguely. 505 00:21:50,347 --> 00:21:52,808 You caught me off guard. I didn't know what to say. 506 00:21:52,892 --> 00:21:56,812 Well, do you think I'm a good person... deep down? 507 00:21:56,896 --> 00:21:59,439 That's the thing. I don't think I believe in deep down. 508 00:21:59,523 --> 00:22:02,943 I kind of think all you are is just the things that you do. 509 00:22:03,027 --> 00:22:06,072 - Well, that's depressing. 510 00:22:06,155 --> 00:22:07,907 For what it's worth, 511 00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:09,825 I think your writing does make a difference. 512 00:22:09,909 --> 00:22:11,368 Thanks. 513 00:22:11,451 --> 00:22:13,787 I really wanted you to like me, Diane. 514 00:22:13,871 --> 00:22:15,622 I know. 515 00:23:15,599 --> 00:23:19,353 Sorry we didn't get you a birthday present. 516 00:23:19,436 --> 00:23:21,438 I got so distracted by trying to get tickets 517 00:23:21,521 --> 00:23:23,482 to the New Kids On The Block concert, 518 00:23:23,565 --> 00:23:26,193 I completely lost sight of what's important. 519 00:23:26,277 --> 00:23:29,196 And I got so swept up in my campaign for class president, 520 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,116 I forgot why I was running in the first place. 521 00:23:32,199 --> 00:23:34,118 And I was boy crazy. 522 00:23:34,201 --> 00:23:36,245 Kids, kids, I don't need a present. 523 00:23:36,329 --> 00:23:38,455 I got everything I need right here. 524 00:23:38,538 --> 00:23:39,623 Aww. 525 00:23:39,706 --> 00:23:42,668 - Macaroni. - Sabrina. 526 00:23:42,751 --> 00:23:44,878 Come here, you goofball. 527 00:23:58,184 --> 00:24:01,061 - Aha. - Whoa. 528 00:24:01,145 --> 00:24:02,813 - Can you make it out to Blake? - Uh-huh. 529 00:24:02,896 --> 00:24:05,316 Thanks, man. You're, like, my hero. 530 00:24:05,399 --> 00:24:07,609 Really? 531 00:24:07,693 --> 00:24:08,694 Huh. 532 00:25:23,185 --> 00:25:24,603 Boxer versus raptor.