1 00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:08,340 This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old. 2 00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:12,010 "When I grow up, I want to be like you. I'm on the right track. 3 00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:15,850 Get it? Track? Because horses run on tracks and you are a horse. 4 00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:19,310 And I am a horse. Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?" 5 00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:22,980 - There's a whole page of this. - Should I write him, tell him I get it? 6 00:00:23,060 --> 00:00:25,020 He goes on. "My question for you is: 7 00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:27,410 I am a good kid and I like to play, 8 00:00:27,530 --> 00:00:30,490 and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. 9 00:00:30,570 --> 00:00:33,320 What do you do when you get sad? How do you not be sad?" 10 00:00:33,410 --> 00:00:36,460 Oh, big stud, running off to gallivant with your fillies. 11 00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:40,410 Is that to impress me? I can smash a dinner plate, too. 12 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,210 That's a salad plate. 13 00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:44,250 I thought these were salad plates. 14 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:47,420 Those are saucers. Why do we even have saucers? 15 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:48,960 We don't drink tea. 16 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,470 Those saucers are for entertaining! 17 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:54,720 Oh, yeah? Well, I'm exit-taining. 18 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,090 Do you get it? 19 00:00:57,350 --> 00:01:00,520 But, uh, seriously, folks. Right? 20 00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:06,860 Don't sit so close to the TV, it'll make you cruel. 21 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,480 You know, I was beautiful 22 00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:13,740 - before I got pregnant. - I know. 23 00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:17,950 - You ruined me, BoJack. - I know. 24 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:22,010 You better grow up to be something great to make up for all the damage you've done. 25 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:23,920 I will. 26 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,330 and I just kept running. BoJack... 27 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,130 Okay, enough me being a great mom. 28 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,460 I'm gonna go hide your father's heart medication. 29 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,380 Enjoy your dumb little TV show. 30 00:02:30,770 --> 00:02:35,320 The first thing is, you gotta believe that change is possible. 31 00:02:35,450 --> 00:02:37,750 You have to tell yourself every day: 32 00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:40,740 "I can change and I will change." 33 00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:44,170 - I can change and I will change. - Louder. 34 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:46,460 I can change and I will change. 35 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:49,540 - Still can't hear you. - You're an audiobook. 36 00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:51,840 "I've got a new attitude." 37 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,960 That's what your face should be saying to everyone you pass on the street. 38 00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:58,720 We call that the PANTS approach. 39 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,300 P-A-N-T-S. 40 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,350 People all need to see. 41 00:03:03,430 --> 00:03:05,850 People all need to see. 42 00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:08,400 Yeah, a little to the right. No, house right. 43 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,480 That's an acting term. It means left. I'm an actor. 44 00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:16,290 No. 45 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:21,320 - BoJack, why did I wake up in an alley? - I had to get rid of the old couch, Todd. 46 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,910 While I was sleeping on it? 47 00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:25,200 The couch was a metaphor for my old attitude. 48 00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:28,920 My audiobook told me I had to let go of the burdens of my life sofa. 49 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,540 Oh, you know what? Maybe it was "my life so far." 50 00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:33,840 I feel like you could've woken me up first. 51 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:37,340 Todd, no one can wake anybody else up. You need to wake yourself up. 52 00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:42,060 I don't know if I trust this new guy. I'm just gonna go sleep in your car. 53 00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:44,800 - Uh-oh. I think someone needs a FAB. - A FAB? 54 00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:46,930 FAB, stands for fresh active BNA. 55 00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:50,110 - BNA? - Brand-new attitude. Try to keep up. 56 00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:51,990 ATTITUDE stands for attention to— 57 00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:54,770 Did you also get rid of my stuff? Where's my duffel bag? 58 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,650 I value you. Hashtag "thank you for being a friend." 59 00:03:57,740 --> 00:03:59,240 Hashtag "PANTS." 60 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,410 You got to conquer that hill. 61 00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:05,280 The hill is a metaphor. 62 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,740 Everything is a metaphor. 63 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:11,250 - You are literally a metaphor. - Oh, my God. 64 00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:12,920 Oh, my God, this is the worst. 65 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,500 This feels awful. 66 00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:15,890 Why does anybody run? 67 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960 On your right. 68 00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:25,090 And she had no idea that her boyfriend was the strangler. 69 00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:28,180 I guess some people just see what they wanna see, right, Vincent? 70 00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:29,400 Um... 71 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,690 - Yeah. - Hey, Princess Carolyn. 72 00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:33,980 I gotta go. One of my dumb-ass clients is here. 73 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:37,310 Just out for a jog, thought I'd say hello. I jog now. 74 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,070 You jogged here from Laurel Canyon? 75 00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:42,360 I drove, but I moved my arm a bunch, so the Fitbit counted the miles. 76 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:46,290 Uh, someone named BoJark Hoseman is here? 77 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:49,370 - Thank you, Stuart. - Also, your coffee is coming late. 78 00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:52,040 - Just like you ordered. - I said "latte." 79 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,370 Ah. Well, I wrote down "late," so that's what it's gonna be. 80 00:04:56,290 --> 00:04:59,500 - What happened to Laura? - Assistants are like Belushi brothers. 81 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:02,010 Good ones leave too soon, bad ones never go away. 82 00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:05,430 It's a beautiful day, though, right? Every morning is a miracle. 83 00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:07,470 Hashtag "miracle." Hashtag "every morning." 84 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,440 Hashtag "every morning is a miracle." Hashtag "BoJack thoughts." 85 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,570 I'm glad you found your bliss, but are you ready for your first day on set tomorrow? 86 00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:17,870 You mean, am I amped? Because I am so pumped. 87 00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:20,070 This Secretariat movie is a big deal. 88 00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:22,190 Please do not blow it. 89 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,280 Why would I blow it? I have a brand-new attitude. 90 00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:29,420 You know, when I won that Golden Globe last month, I went to a very dark place. 91 00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:30,700 I was in a hole. 92 00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:34,380 And I realized, "I can wallow in this hole or I can change." 93 00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:38,390 While I was tempted to go with the former, sometimes the only way out of a hole 94 00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:39,710 is a latter. 95 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,180 - No pun intended. - You clearly intended that pun. 96 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:46,180 Princess Carolyn, you gotta believe in the AHP of TPE. 97 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,130 Huh. 98 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:50,010 - Uh-uh. I'm not asking. - The awesome healing power— 99 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,350 - I am not asking. —of total positive energy. 100 00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:55,480 You should leave because I'm about to pretend to get a phone call. 101 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,310 Hello? No, he's still here. 102 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,810 - No, he's not taking the hint somehow. - Mm-hm. 103 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,320 Honey, where's my bandana? 104 00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,830 You chewed it up, we had to throw it away, remember? 105 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,160 No, not that one. 106 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:12,800 The one with the bones on it. 107 00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:15,500 With the meat juice stains? The one I wore to the Emmys. 108 00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:18,620 I don't know. I gotta go. BoJack's gonna be here any minute. 109 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,330 Did you check the hall closet? 110 00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:23,340 I can't see anything in this stupid thing. 111 00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:25,090 I know, Mr. Peanutbutter. 112 00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:27,520 But you gotta keep it on for one more week. 113 00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:33,110 I look like an idiot. 114 00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:35,270 You look very responsible. 115 00:06:35,350 --> 00:06:37,600 Is the bandana doing anything? 116 00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:42,150 Hey, work buddy, first day on the job, huh? 117 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:46,000 Hashtag "great day to start fresh at a new job, sincerely, BoJack." 118 00:06:46,070 --> 00:06:48,400 - @Diane. - Can't believe you wanted to carpool. 119 00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,700 - Gotta save the planet, Diane. - Hey, is that BoJack Horseman? 120 00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:55,420 I don't know because I have no peripheral vision. Going off of smell here. 121 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,510 Mr. Peanutbutter, how the hell are you? 122 00:06:57,580 --> 00:07:01,000 - Loving it, buddy. Loving life. - Brother, I am right there with you. 123 00:07:01,090 --> 00:07:03,680 I got a brand-new attitude and I am also loving life. 124 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:04,600 Uh... 125 00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:07,590 Diane, look at us. A couple life-lovers over here. 126 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,480 - Uh... - Is that a new cone? Looking sharp, PB. 127 00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:13,350 It is a new cone. Is it obvious I'm wearing a cone? 128 00:07:13,430 --> 00:07:15,850 Didn't notice. You've got the smile of a winner. 129 00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:18,100 - What's going on? - I have to wear the cone 130 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:22,240 so I don't gnaw on the stitches I had to get when I punched a mirror last week. 131 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,530 I got drunk and thought my reflection was another dog. 132 00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:27,940 I was so mad at that other dog. 133 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,700 He was wearing my clothes. 134 00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:32,780 - We've all been there. - I don't understand what's happening. 135 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:35,830 Did someone say something to the left? Diane, is that you? 136 00:07:35,910 --> 00:07:38,750 Hey, why don't we just us two schedj a hang for this 'kend? 137 00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:40,370 "'Kend" is how I say weekend now. 138 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,880 Uh, I love that. And I got a pair of tix to the 'Stones show this 'kend. 139 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,710 - Wanna go? - The Rolling Stones? 140 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,590 What? Oh, no, no, no. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. 141 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,270 I'm not really familiar with that outfit, but I do love trying new things. 142 00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:56,850 - Who are you? - Anyway, we gotta get to work. 143 00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:59,470 It was really great talking to you, Mr. Peanutbutter. 144 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,980 All right, break a leg, good buddy. Diane, BoJack's ready to go. 145 00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:06,240 Where are you, sweetheart? Are you ready? 146 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,150 The house is a metaphor for a home. 147 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,360 Happiness is a metaphor for change. 148 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,240 Happiness is a metaphor— 149 00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,710 - Where are we going? - Oh, my God. 150 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,960 BoJack, this is Corduroy Jackson-Jackson, your costar. 151 00:08:25,050 --> 00:08:28,010 - Hey, man. - Corduroy Jackson-Jackson. 152 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,840 Oh, right, the underwear guy. 153 00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:35,060 Underwear model/actor/dancer/dreamer. 154 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:39,010 Also, you know, I'm a huge fan. I'm so excited/amped/pumped 155 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,480 to be working with you. Yeah. 156 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:45,900 Hey, man, that's fantastic/great/I-ran-out-of-things. 157 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:48,570 - Hi. Kelsey Jannings? - That depends. 158 00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,980 - Are you my ex-wife's lawyer? - I'm Diane. 159 00:08:51,070 --> 00:08:53,530 I'm here to be a character consultant. 160 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,620 - What? - I got a call from the studio. 161 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:59,870 Okay. Why don't you stand over there and make sure no one trips over that cable? 162 00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:02,420 - This cable? - Do you have a thousand dollars? 163 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,040 - What? - Because each minute 164 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:07,090 I spend talking to you, that's how much money I'm wasting. 165 00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:08,750 - Oh. Sorry. - Hey, who's this guy? 166 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,340 - Who let this guy in? - I just— 167 00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:12,380 He's got a funny face. I like your face. 168 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:14,430 - Thank you. - What a cute funny face. Cookie? 169 00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,220 Can someone get this guy a cookie? 170 00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:18,610 He's got a soothing face and I like looking at it. 171 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,560 - Like a Matisse painting. - Whoa. 172 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,810 Guys, could I get everyone's attention, please? 173 00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:25,560 Oh, watch out for the cable. Don't trip over the cable. 174 00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:28,570 I just want everyone to know what an honor it is to be here. 175 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:31,780 Secretariat has always been a personal hero of mine. 176 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:34,950 A complex role that requires a precise touch and a deft hand 177 00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:37,820 and I just can't wait to tackle it head-on. 178 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,530 It's truly an honor. 179 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,370 Namaste. 180 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,830 Neat. So, in this scene, Secretariat's at his lowest. 181 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,210 He just lost his first race, his father was sent to the glue factory. 182 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,850 It's a dark moment. 183 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:56,260 - You got it. - Scene 22 alpha, take one. 184 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,720 - Action! - Hey, Secretariat. 185 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,980 What are you doing here? 186 00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:19,740 - Hello? - Diane! 187 00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:22,000 I can't tell you how disappointed I am 188 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,120 you're not here with me in Northern Cordovia. 189 00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:27,340 I'm incredibly disappointed. Boo! 190 00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:29,970 I didn't think I could do it, but I did it. 191 00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:31,930 I'm amazing. 192 00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:34,350 Sebastian, I know you're doing important work. 193 00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:37,220 I couldn't just drop everything and fly to the Third World. 194 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,470 - I just got married, and— - Diane. 195 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,650 People are dying, and I'm witnessing it. 196 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,930 And I need people to witness me witnessing it. 197 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:49,100 I know, and I'll be there in three months, as soon as I'm done on the movie. 198 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,350 This is also important. 199 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:52,770 In a way. 200 00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:55,900 Well, lucky for you, there'll still be just as much famine 201 00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:58,910 and war and devastation in three months. 202 00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:00,320 I'm not dead yet. 203 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,870 - Yep. Lucky me. - We're still rolling, people. 204 00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:07,160 So, BoJack, in this scene, Secretariat is sad, right? 205 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,080 Afraid he's gonna lose his scholarship. 206 00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,890 Oh, sure. Yeah, sad. Of course. Duh. 207 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,040 Okay, here we go. Action. 208 00:11:14,130 --> 00:11:15,340 Hey, Secretariat. 209 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,630 What are you doing here? 210 00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:21,800 That was bad. I know that was bad. Let's keep it rolling. 211 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,800 - I'll say when to keep rolling. - Okay. 212 00:11:23,890 --> 00:11:27,930 What are you doing here? Did we get it? I can tell by your face that we didn't. 213 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,440 All right, let me try again. What are you doing—? 214 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,400 I am having trouble with the words. Is it okay if I play around with it a bit? 215 00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:38,160 When did you get here? Sorry, no. Got it. Got it. Got it. 216 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,070 Man, these lights are bright, huh? 217 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,580 Can we kill these lights at all? Is that a—? 218 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,240 - No. - Okay, I'm sad. 219 00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,040 I'm sad. Acting sad. 220 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,250 Secretariat is sad. 221 00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:49,500 Okay, here we go. 222 00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,210 I'm sad! 223 00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:52,500 Sorry, what was the line? 224 00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:56,630 I don't know if this helps or not, but when Secretariat was a kid 225 00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:58,340 - he actually— - Aah! 226 00:11:58,590 --> 00:11:59,840 - My face! - Hey, hey. 227 00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:01,640 - Whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God. 228 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,010 Watch out! Hey. 229 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:05,060 Whoa, whoa! 230 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,680 Oh, my God. My face. 231 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,440 My beautiful face. 232 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,560 Why didn't someone tell me not to trip over that cable? 233 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:16,900 It was such an important job, but no one was there to do it 234 00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:19,830 and now my face is in ruins. 235 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:22,530 We're gonna need a couple of days to rebuild this set. 236 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:25,790 So, let's all just use this time to regroup 237 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:29,580 and really figure out what we're doing 238 00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:32,010 and why we're here. 239 00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:41,140 So, let me get this straight. Bad means good? 240 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:44,980 Maybe you should leave the teen-talk to me. Jeezy Kableezy. 241 00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:52,320 Well, it wasn't Ibsen. 242 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:56,280 That's your takeaway? That your son's TV show wasn't Ibsen? 243 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,770 I'm sorry. Did you need a compliment? 244 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:02,440 Oh, I loved the part where you got your head caught in the banister. 245 00:13:02,530 --> 00:13:04,490 - Yeah— - And what's this letter I have? 246 00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:07,570 It's from the government saying, "I'm proud of you." 247 00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:10,660 - Are you—? - No, what I'm holding is nothing. 248 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:13,380 Can you check on our drinks? I would love some gin. 249 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:17,130 I wouldn't drink anything out of an open container. This town is full of AIDS. 250 00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:19,460 - That's not— - You're a clown, you know that? 251 00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,510 You've always been a pillar of support. 252 00:13:21,590 --> 00:13:23,220 Gin, please? Is there gin coming? 253 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,880 I'm here, aren't I? I suffered through that ordeal. 254 00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:28,680 You know, the man sitting next to me was wearing a T-shirt? 255 00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:31,480 A T-shirt, BoJack, in the theater. 256 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,680 Yes, a T-shirt. 257 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,440 Worst thing that's happened to anyone in a theater. 258 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,690 - The T-shirt told me to "just do it." - Here we go. 259 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:41,200 I don't know to what "it" the T-shirt referred 260 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,280 but I won't be spoken to in that tone by an article of clothing. 261 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,610 Vodka? Triple sec? Looking for any alcohol. 262 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,490 You don't know how lucky you are. 263 00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:52,380 I hope you die before I do so you never know what it's like to lose a mother. 264 00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:54,590 As long as one of us dies, that's good enough. 265 00:13:54,670 --> 00:13:59,300 Can we please get some alcohol into my mouth? 266 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,670 The past is past. 267 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,220 That's why it's called the past. 268 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,720 Tomorrow is an opportunity. 269 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,550 You can be big and proud and bang on your tom-tom drum 270 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,020 or you can get in your boat and row. 271 00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:16,230 Tom or row. 272 00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:17,770 Tomorrow. 273 00:14:17,860 --> 00:14:20,700 - Hey, do you wanna talk? - Talk? Why? Why would we do that? 274 00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:23,660 So you can put everything in a book and sell a million copies? 275 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,040 Wow. Uh... 276 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,990 That's what the old me would have said. The new me doesn't hold a grudge. 277 00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,740 - No. - I gotta say, 278 00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:33,170 the new you seems a little on edge. 279 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,880 What? Me? I'm as cool as The Fonz in a meat locker. 280 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,510 That's a metaphor, Diane. 281 00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:39,000 - It's a simile. - Goddamn it. 282 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,750 Oh, okay. Hello? 283 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,460 Small talk, small talk, small talk. Are you blowing it? 284 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:48,010 - I heard you're blowing it. - What? Who told you that? Was it Todd? 285 00:14:48,090 --> 00:14:50,720 You gotta turn this ship around, BoJ. If you don't— 286 00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,570 Hey, can you hold on a second? I'm getting another call. 287 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:58,890 Well, if it isn't my friend, Rutabaga, the boy prince of the 26th floor. 288 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:02,770 Carolyn. How are things all the way up on 27? 289 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,940 Stomp once for good, twice for killing it. 290 00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,900 Killing... 291 00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,320 Give me some gossip. 292 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,870 My wife is making me go to the opera tonight. 293 00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:15,700 I need something to distract me from the thought of D-bags 294 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,080 singing songs in German about their boners. 295 00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:20,300 Okay, you gotta keep this close to the vest 296 00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:23,390 but I am inches from getting Emily VanCamp 297 00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:27,380 the lead in Goose Van Sant's new movie about Jackie O. 298 00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:32,520 My clients would f-l-ip if I got them parts like that. 299 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,150 You're killing it in the department of kicking ass 300 00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,600 in regards to you being an agent and being good at it, crushing it. 301 00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:41,860 You're not so bad yourself, Rutabaga, for a 26er. 302 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:45,360 You're the only one in this building who isn't a total snooze-cooze. 303 00:15:45,490 --> 00:15:49,580 Yes, Natasha, I'm talking about you. I know you're listening. 304 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,370 Ugh. I gotta go. I made Natasha cry. 305 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,370 I don't think she's coming back. 306 00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:59,670 Could we keep it down in the front, please? 307 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,620 - Thank you. - What am I gonna do? 308 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:05,920 Well, you were an actor for nine years on Horsin' Around. How did you do that? 309 00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:07,100 Uh... 310 00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:10,230 - Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? - Of course, buddy. 311 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:13,220 I always have time for you, my good friend BoJack 312 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,010 in this, the year 1988. 313 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:15,940 Have a seat. 314 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:20,680 Hey, enough with the stomping already! 315 00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:24,940 - Am I— Am I a clown? - Oh, brother. 316 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:27,650 Didn't I tell you not to invite your mom to the taping? 317 00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:32,250 As Max Headroom would say, "Your m-m-mom is a b-b-bitch." 318 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,280 But I am a good actor, right? 319 00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:38,340 BJ, I don't know. Look— You know what you're good at? 320 00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:42,290 Hitting your mark, saying your lines, loudly with good diction. 321 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,840 Should I be doing more? To capture the character 322 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,130 - and make the audience connect? - This is a situation comedy. 323 00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:52,380 No one watches this show to feel feelings. Life is depressing enough already. 324 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,680 You bring joy to millions of people. 325 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,850 Maybe someday later, you'll need to learn how to act for real. 326 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:02,560 But for now, don't worry about it. 327 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,020 Oh, shit. I'm not an actor. 328 00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:09,700 All this time, I assumed there was more to me than everyone thought 329 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,190 but maybe there isn't. 330 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,610 That's the part where you're supposed to disagree with me. 331 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,160 Oh, right. 332 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:20,160 Well, you got the part, didn't you? What did you do in the audition? 333 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:22,300 Well, how should I know? That was the old me. 334 00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:25,370 Now I've got a brand-new attitude. 335 00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:28,420 Oh, God. Okay. Okay. What should I do? 336 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,340 Make a break for it? Drive to Mexico? 337 00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:33,210 Start a new life there? Meet a local girl? Fall in love? 338 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,470 Talk my way into a job at a textile plant? 339 00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,390 Work my way up until I own the place? 340 00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:39,890 What am I talking about? I can't run a textile plant. 341 00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:43,320 Too much responsibility. What am I gonna do? The walls are closing in! 342 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:46,190 BoJack, breathe. You can do this. 343 00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:49,480 You have two days. Maybe you could hire an acting coach. 344 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,770 - Yeah? - Yeah. 345 00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:53,230 Plus, you can watch old Secretariat videos. 346 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,860 I've got a hard drive full of research. 347 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,820 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I can do this. 348 00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:00,330 I've got two whole days. 349 00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:03,120 And when the pressure's on, that's when I shine. 350 00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:07,010 Yeah. Two days. I can do all those things. 351 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,180 Oh, shit. I didn't do any of those things. 352 00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:16,130 - What are you doing here? - Ah! 353 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,090 That was it. Say that again. 354 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,470 What are you doing here? 355 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:21,860 - Okay. - No? 356 00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:23,310 BoJack, before we get started 357 00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:25,140 - I wanted to show you this. - What? 358 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:27,900 This is the machine that's gonna make you a good actor. 359 00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,810 - Really? - No. We need to make a scan of your face 360 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,480 so that if you die, we can finish the movie. 361 00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:37,110 Standard procedure. When a star is assessed to be of a certain liability, 362 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,280 like if there was a whole book written about what a reckless jackass he is, 363 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:45,660 you make a digital replica so you're not screwed if he goes all Belushi on you. 364 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,250 - Wait, which Belushi? - Hold still, please. 365 00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:53,640 - Terrific. We got it. - One day, that's gonna be the job. 366 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,310 Sit for five seconds while a machine scans his face. 367 00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,550 Six months later, plugging a movie on Kimmel. 368 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,730 I gotta go on Kimmel now? What if he makes me read a mean tweet? 369 00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:03,270 I'm not emotionally prepared. 370 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,600 Don't worry so much. If you can't do this part 371 00:19:05,690 --> 00:19:09,780 we'll just fire you and get someone else who can. Either way, I'll be fine. 372 00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:12,860 — What do you need, BoJack? 373 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:16,900 I don't know. I thought I wanted this, but now I'm feeling all this pressure. 374 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:20,410 - Think you made a mistake, hiring me? - I don't make mistakes, BoJack. 375 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:23,910 I do the crossword in Sharpie, I never learned the shortcut for undo. 376 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,130 - Command-Z. - Don't need it, won't use it. 377 00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:30,260 I'm trying to have this new attitude, be this better, more positive guy. 378 00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:33,630 I keep thinking about how this movie is my last shot at happiness. 379 00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:35,590 Well, BoJack, I hope this helps: 380 00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:39,130 I don't care if you are happy or not. 381 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,340 You have a job to do. 382 00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:46,270 This guy again? I'm in love with this kid. I wanna put you in my pocket. 383 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,930 - You're adorable. - Aw. 384 00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:53,490 - Hey, Diane, you're a writer, aren't you? - Yes. 385 00:19:53,570 --> 00:19:56,620 Yes. I am a writer. What do you need? 386 00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:58,950 Can you write on a sign "watch out for cable"? 387 00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:01,860 You were telling people, but it's a really important job 388 00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,950 and a sign is less likely to get distracted. 389 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,130 Oh. Yeah. Okay. 390 00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:08,830 What are you doing here? 391 00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:10,380 What are you doing here? 392 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,460 What are you doing here? 393 00:20:12,540 --> 00:20:15,330 - What are you doing here? - So, I went a little overboard 394 00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:17,210 and I made you two mixes. 395 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,050 The first CD is all Mighty Mighty. 396 00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:22,680 The second CD is all of the Bosstones' side projects and solo singles. 397 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,640 Listen to it and imagine the band never took that hiatus 398 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,720 in the mid-aughts when America briefly lost interest in ska. 399 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,560 I don't have time. I don't wanna listen to your music. 400 00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:33,700 I don't wanna hang out. Get out of here. 401 00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:37,520 All right. You don't wanna listen to Bosstones together. 402 00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:39,480 That's the impression that I get. 403 00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:43,360 - Is it the impression that I get? - Yes. That's the impression that you get. 404 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:48,910 I see. Way to go, Mr. Peanutbutter. What a stupid move. Why did you—? 405 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:57,090 BoJack, listen, I know you're scared, but it's gonna be okay. 406 00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:59,300 - You gotta be strong. - Yeah, but— 407 00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:03,590 You gotta rise to the occasion, okay? So what if the new couch is weird? 408 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,010 - Or lumpy? - Uh, what? 409 00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:08,310 What are you gonna do? Just sleep in BoJack's car forever? 410 00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:12,730 - Are you talking to me, or you—? - Damn it, time to stop being a coward. 411 00:21:12,810 --> 00:21:18,480 It's time to go home and sleep on BoJack's couch. Hurray! 412 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,610 Happy ending for Todd! 413 00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:33,450 Charley Witherspoon, 28th floor agent. 414 00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:37,500 Charley. Listen, I wanted to touch base about Emily's start date on Jackie O. 415 00:21:37,590 --> 00:21:39,390 Oh, yeah. Uh... 416 00:21:39,460 --> 00:21:42,380 Well, we got some new screen tests 417 00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:46,270 and, uh, Goose decided to go in a different direction. 418 00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:49,480 Are you saying the Van Sant camp wants to recant on VanCamp? 419 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,020 Because they can't. 420 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,140 Uh... 421 00:21:52,230 --> 00:21:54,860 Charley, you better get your client to change his mind 422 00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:58,530 - or I'll walk up to the 28th floor and— - Just kidding. 423 00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:01,450 - I can't get to the phone right now. - What? 424 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:06,320 This is one of those answering machines that sounds like it's Charley talking 425 00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:08,920 but it's actually just an answering machine. 426 00:22:08,990 --> 00:22:11,280 - I know you're there, Charley. - Leave a message. 427 00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:13,330 - I'm not gonna leave a message. - Beep. 428 00:22:13,410 --> 00:22:15,750 Hey, Charley, Princess Carolyn again. Listen— 429 00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:18,540 - Mailbox is full. - What? Mailbox full? 430 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:20,720 - Error. Message deleted. - Wait— No— 431 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:21,930 Gotta go. Bye. 432 00:22:26,090 --> 00:22:28,220 Carolyn. 433 00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:30,180 Rutabaga, this is not a good time. 434 00:22:30,270 --> 00:22:33,480 Okay. Can I please just tell you about the opera, though? 435 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,480 - How did you like the opera? - I loved it. 436 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,150 Loved Tristan, loved Isolde, cried like a bunny. 437 00:22:40,230 --> 00:22:42,320 Listen, my brain has been a-buzzing 438 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,320 for the past few days thinking about that Jackie O movie. 439 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,950 I know it's your baby, but I did make a few calls 440 00:22:48,030 --> 00:22:50,450 and got my Rooney a screen test. 441 00:22:50,530 --> 00:22:52,740 I put that movie together for my client. 442 00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:55,490 No, no, no, don't freak out. It's just a screen test. 443 00:22:55,580 --> 00:22:58,040 But, honestly, how fantaj would my Rooney be 444 00:22:58,130 --> 00:22:59,590 as a young Jackie Bouv? 445 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:04,340 Stomp once for so fantaj, twice for stupid-fantaj. 446 00:23:04,420 --> 00:23:07,470 Carolyn? I only heard one stomp. 447 00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,560 Oh. Carolyn, I heart you. You're beautiful. 448 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,470 I wish I met you before I got married. 449 00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,640 You can do it. 450 00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:18,240 Only you hold the keys to the house that is you. 451 00:23:18,770 --> 00:23:21,190 The house is at the top of a hill. 452 00:23:21,270 --> 00:23:23,520 The hill is also you. 453 00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:25,900 Five minutes, Mr. Horseman. 454 00:23:25,990 --> 00:23:28,330 When you get your new attitude, 455 00:23:28,410 --> 00:23:31,420 you're gonna wave goodbye to the old— 456 00:23:35,750 --> 00:23:36,880 What do you want, Mom? 457 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,670 Look who finally decided to pick up the phone. 458 00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:42,130 - Do you need more blood? - I don't need blood. 459 00:23:42,210 --> 00:23:44,960 - I read your book, BoJack. - Oh. 460 00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:48,560 It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. 461 00:23:48,630 --> 00:23:50,800 You know how I feel about Anne Frank. 462 00:23:50,890 --> 00:23:53,400 - That was a diary. - I read the parts about me. 463 00:23:53,470 --> 00:23:56,510 The things I said to you. 464 00:23:56,850 --> 00:23:58,810 You must think I'm a real monster. 465 00:23:59,150 --> 00:24:01,570 - Mom— - I don't wanna fight you, BoJack. 466 00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:04,660 I just wanted to tell you I know. 467 00:24:04,730 --> 00:24:07,780 I know you wanna be happy, but you won't be, and— 468 00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:11,070 - I'm sorry. - What? 469 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,670 It's not just you, you know. 470 00:24:13,740 --> 00:24:15,370 Your father and I, we— 471 00:24:15,450 --> 00:24:20,960 Well, you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you. 472 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:24,840 You were born broken, that's your birthright. 473 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,000 And now you can fill your life with projects 474 00:24:28,090 --> 00:24:31,420 your books and your movies and your little girlfriends 475 00:24:31,510 --> 00:24:34,300 but it won't make you whole. 476 00:24:34,810 --> 00:24:36,810 You're BoJack Horseman. 477 00:24:36,890 --> 00:24:39,310 There's no cure for that. 478 00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:44,110 Anyway, do you remember who directed The Philadelphia Story? 479 00:24:44,190 --> 00:24:45,980 Five letters, second letter U? 480 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:51,900 - Lubitsch? - No, BoJack. Goodbye. 481 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,160 You need to visualize it 482 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,450 flying out the window, over the— 483 00:25:05,790 --> 00:25:07,630 What are you doing here? 484 00:25:07,710 --> 00:25:10,550 Great. We got it. Let's move on. 485 00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:58,050 Boxer versus Raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.