1 00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:14,340 Thank you, Billy Crystal, for that impression of a black person. 2 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,730 - I'm Scott Wolf. - And I'm Matthew Fox. 3 00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,850 We may be a group of five on TV, 4 00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:22,610 but any of these next nominees would be welcome 5 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,730 to join our party any day. 6 00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:31,290 The nominees for Male Animal in a Comedy, Drama or Variety Show are: 7 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:34,200 BoJack Horseman, Horsin' Around. 8 00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:37,450 Now that's what I call horsin' around. 9 00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:39,910 Uh... Yeah. 10 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,370 Mr. Peanutbutter, Mr. Peanutbutter's House. 11 00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:46,710 Now that's what I call doggin' around. 12 00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:51,800 And finally, my personal favorite, 13 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,380 Hank Hippopopalous, Hank After Dark! 14 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,720 Oh, boy, get it off, get it off. 15 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,220 Hiya! 16 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,600 And the animals' choice is... 17 00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:07,020 Hank Hippopopalous, Hank After Dark! 18 00:01:08,030 --> 00:01:08,870 Oh, yeah. 19 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,320 No, no, no, no. It's because we're on a show 20 00:01:13,410 --> 00:01:16,120 called Party of Five. Get it? 21 00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:18,210 Hey, buddy, pass me that bottle of vodka? 22 00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:21,370 - That's not really how this works. - It's open bar, don't be a dick. 23 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,750 - BoJack Horseman? - Do I know you? 24 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,790 This is my better half, Katrina Peanutbutter. 25 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,710 - Katrina, BoJack. - I don't watch TV. 26 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,010 Can I get another drink now or will that quote, unquote "embarrass" you? 27 00:01:32,090 --> 00:01:36,760 - Uh, uh, no, I would never be— - Erica! Throw me a raft. I'm dying. 28 00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:38,680 My friends told me to get a prenup, 29 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:42,140 but I was like, "Hey, marriage lasts forever." 30 00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:43,980 Listen, I'm doing my own thing here. 31 00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:46,110 Can you believe two guys like us 32 00:01:46,310 --> 00:01:49,810 were even in the same category as Hank Hippopopalous? 33 00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:51,240 That's Uncle Hanky. 34 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,190 Listen, Peanutbottle, there is no "guys like us." 35 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,900 I'm BoJack Horseman. 36 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,540 You're just some other guy I'll probably never talk to again. 37 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:02,200 Hey, boys. What is this, a crossover episode? 38 00:02:03,370 --> 00:02:06,080 That is the funniest thing I have ever heard. 39 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:09,290 Uncle Hanky. Sir, I am your biggest fan. 40 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:12,290 I used to watch Hank Hippopopalous's Dance-Pop Cosmopolis 41 00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:13,810 every day after school. 42 00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:16,880 - Hey, can I get a picture with you? - Of course, kid. 43 00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:21,550 Here, let me advance this. And we probably got it. 44 00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:23,320 And we'll find out in four to six weeks. 45 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:24,650 Yeah, I can't wait. 46 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:26,930 Okay, I gotta go. My wife's hand just disappeared 47 00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:28,360 into that busboy's pants. 48 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,690 Treasure? Sweetheart? We're in public. 49 00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:33,020 Hey, kid, listen. 50 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,700 Don't beat yourself up too bad. 51 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,650 I've seen your show. You're really funny. 52 00:02:37,870 --> 00:02:40,370 - Yeah? - Yeah. But I'm Uncle Hanky. 53 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,130 You can't beat Uncle Hanky. 54 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:45,210 That's just the way it is. 55 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,950 Oh. 56 00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:49,460 This suit needs more flasks. 57 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,100 - Diane! - Aah! 58 00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:57,400 Will you bring me one of those big Toblerone bars? 59 00:03:57,610 --> 00:04:00,860 Well, sure. But, you know, I won't be out there for another month. 60 00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:04,570 Yes, I know, but I always forget to write these things down. 61 00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,540 Tell me, how's your little movie? 62 00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:09,840 Actually one of the stars just died. It's really sad. 63 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,370 Oh, really? One person died? Just one? 64 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:15,040 Yeah, well, that's a real tragedy. Meanwhile, Diane, 65 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:18,500 here in Cordovia, I'm stitching children's arms back on. 66 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,390 Oh, that's backwards, isn't it? 67 00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:24,010 Are you giving me a thumb's up or a thumb's down? I can't tell. 68 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,100 Well, now the production's on hiatus 69 00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,020 so BoJack and I are going on a book tour 70 00:04:28,230 --> 00:04:30,990 to promote the new paperback edition of One Trick Pony. 71 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,520 Please get here soon, Diane. 72 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:38,320 The people of Cordovia need you and I need that Toblerone. 73 00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:40,080 Okay, listen, you big dummy. 74 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,700 You need to be on your best behavior for this tour. 75 00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:45,330 Don't do that BoJack thing where you go off-script 76 00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,170 and get a lot of people mad at you. 77 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,040 What? I don't do that. 78 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:50,210 You're a movie star now. 79 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,710 Any bad press you get can hurt Secretariat. 80 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,840 Now boarding, Flight 422 to Juneau. 81 00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,800 Please. We're going to Alaska. 82 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:01,770 How am I gonna offend a bunch of inbred Eskimo blubber-munchers? 83 00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:04,270 You're right. What was I thinking? 84 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,510 The Republic of Cordovia's Prince Gustav 85 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,230 visiting Los Angeles this week 86 00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:11,390 while his country rests on the brink of civil war. 87 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,390 Prince Gustav is a ruthless despot, 88 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,440 but I'd still rather share a bed with him than my ex-wife. 89 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,770 Shannon, I didn't mean that. 90 00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:26,450 Listen. With Hey, I Think You Can Dance as a lead-in, 91 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,160 we are expecting big things for Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities: 92 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,710 What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out, 93 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:36,670 or H.S.A.C.W.D.T.K.D.T.K.T.L.F.O. for short. 94 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,430 - Mm. - Why don't we get Hank in here? 95 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,290 You guys can get some pictures together. 96 00:05:40,510 --> 00:05:41,930 Hank is coming here? 97 00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:44,300 That old guy from Hey, I Think You Can Dance? 98 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,840 - What's the big deal? - You don't understand. 99 00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:50,010 When I was a kid, this guy was the guy. 100 00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:53,770 I even bought his novelty rap album, The Hank Hippopopalous Hip-Hop Hypothesis. 101 00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,990 You shouldn't meet your hero on an empty stomach. 102 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,980 - Want me to go get you some chili? - Good call. 103 00:05:58,190 --> 00:05:59,650 Chili is nature's chillaxative. 104 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,320 Hiya, folks! Howdy! 105 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,410 - Hank Hippopopalous. - Oh, we've met. 106 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,950 Oh, oh, yeah. I remember that. 107 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,660 Okay, so, I thought for the ad, 108 00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,330 you guys could stand back to back. 109 00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:14,330 And then on the billboard it'll say: 110 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:19,540 "Hank and Mr. Peanutbutter are back to back. Thursdays on MBN." 111 00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:22,250 So, what should I do with my arms? Like akimbo? 112 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,500 - You're fine. - Reverse akimbo? 113 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,810 - No, that— - King Tut? Mashed Potato? Windmill? 114 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,840 Uh-oh, I'm windmilling. Got a momentum going. 115 00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:29,680 - Can't stop windmilling now. - Hey, hey. 116 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,390 Why don't we just do what feels natural? 117 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,390 Guys like us? We're pros. 118 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:35,720 "Guys like us"? 119 00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:37,530 You think I'm a guy like us? 120 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,940 Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. 121 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,770 Excuse me, would you get a picture of us? 122 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,230 Yeah, that's kind of the idea. 123 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:48,870 Now we open the floor to questions from the audience. 124 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:53,620 BoJack, your book talked a lot about how much you love apple fritters. 125 00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:55,330 Yeah, thanks for that, Diane. 126 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:56,620 So, my question is: 127 00:06:56,710 --> 00:06:59,090 Do you think Israel has a right to defend herself? 128 00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:00,920 - Uh... - And what part should the U.S. play 129 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:01,830 as an ally? 130 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:05,500 Well, the thing about that... 131 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,100 Uh... It's a shame that Arafat walked away from the table in 2000. 132 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:13,810 I mean, obviously there's no panacea, but a two-state solution 133 00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,860 with an emphasis on human rights feels like a place to begin. 134 00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:20,520 - Brilliant insight. - Very good. 135 00:07:20,770 --> 00:07:22,810 - My question is for Diane Nyu— Nyu— - Oh. 136 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,900 - Nyu— - You won't get it. Ask the question. 137 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,650 Your book went to some revealing places. 138 00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,440 Were you worried at all that it would hurt BoJack or his career? 139 00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:30,830 That's a great question. 140 00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:33,200 I'd also like to know the answer to that, Diane. 141 00:07:33,410 --> 00:07:37,120 Well, I think the truth is worth pursuing, no matter what. 142 00:07:37,370 --> 00:07:39,500 BoJack's not perfect. There are other celebrities 143 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,920 who have done much worse things and it hasn't hurt their careers. 144 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,460 - Like who? - I don't know, like Mike Tyson 145 00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:50,550 or... Sean Penn, or Josh Brolin, or Christian Slater, Woody Allen, 146 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,390 Hank Hippopopalous, Bill Murray... 147 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,940 Wait, wait, what about Hank Hippopopalous? 148 00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,140 Well, all of his former assistants have made the same allegations. 149 00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:01,560 - I feel like we're getting off track. - Do you not know that? 150 00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:04,190 Any questions about me, the handsome, famous horse with a book? 151 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,940 What do you have against Uncle Hanky? 152 00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,070 I'm not saying anything not on the public record. 153 00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:10,570 You can just Google "Hank Hippopopalous allegations" and I— 154 00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:12,410 Oh, you don't have to Google it right now. 155 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,240 Dear God. 156 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,450 Stanky Hanky? Allegations vile and ranky. 157 00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:21,420 But first, the visiting Cordovian Prince Gustav 158 00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:23,290 went missing briefly this afternoon, 159 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:26,790 but he was quickly found buying chili in Beverly Hills. 160 00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:31,310 His official statement was, "Uh, yeah, I'm the Prince of Cordovia. 161 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,470 Hooray, being a prince." 162 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,640 Our main story, ominous and anomalous accusations 163 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,390 against Hank Hippopopalous. 164 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,390 Who is this anonymous Diane Nguyen 165 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,940 and what does she have against our beloved hippopotamus? 166 00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:44,990 Joining me now is Hippopopalous apologist 167 00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:47,560 and armchair sociologist, Cardigan Burke. Cardigan, 168 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:49,030 what are these allegations? 169 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,080 These allegations are so crazy, I can't even say them on TV 170 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,950 or I'll sound like a crazy person. 171 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,580 What I want to know is why we're letting a national treasure 172 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:59,840 face the same kind of smear tactics used by the Viet Cong. 173 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,830 Are you calling attention to the fact 174 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,470 that Ms. Nguyen is Vietnamese? 175 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,010 I'd like to think that's a coincidence. 176 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,090 You gotta see this set they're building! 177 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,800 There's a giant replica of my head, 178 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,590 and every episode, the eyes light up with dollar signs, 179 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,850 confetti shoots out of the ears, then I somersault out the mouth. 180 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,110 We're bringing class back to primetime. 181 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,640 - Sounds amazing. - And I'm really getting along 182 00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:25,020 with J.D. Salinger. 183 00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:28,310 - Did you know we both hate phonies? - I did know that. 184 00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:31,620 So... listen. Some website called "Tit Puncher" 185 00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:35,110 is saying you said some stuff about Hank Hippopopalous. 186 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,780 Oh, my God, Mr. Peanutbutter, I didn't mean for that to happen. 187 00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:40,870 Hey, do me a favor. Please don't make a big thing out of this. 188 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,000 It's really not a good time, you know, with my show about to launch. 189 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:47,300 - Hey, we are on the same page. - Oh, are you also on "Tit Puncher"? 190 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,210 Because you should not read the comments. 191 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,040 Believe me, nothing would make me happier 192 00:09:51,130 --> 00:09:52,960 than for this to just go away. 193 00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:56,100 - Great. I love you, too. - Hello. 194 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,140 - Oh, my God! - Is chili you ask for. 195 00:09:58,260 --> 00:09:59,970 I am peasant boy Todd from village. 196 00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:03,680 Friend of Peanut Man, and lover of federated American states. 197 00:10:03,890 --> 00:10:06,850 No reason for suspicions. Come on! 198 00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:10,230 Wait a second, something's different. 199 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,030 I am... digging this new cologne! 200 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,910 You smell like a fancy cabbage. 201 00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:18,320 Is so great to be in meager trash city Los Angeles 202 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:21,070 with no pressures of royal life. 203 00:10:21,290 --> 00:10:24,420 What? Royal life? Why I'm saying? I am no royal. 204 00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:26,040 Look at me. Normals. 205 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,420 There's that classic self-deprecating Todd wit. 206 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,010 I'd know it anywhere. 207 00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:37,670 - We will now begin our Q and A. - Fire when ready. 208 00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,940 What you got against Uncle Hanky, you uppity cooze? 209 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,560 Diane, I believe this question is for you. 210 00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:44,650 If anyone here has any questions about the book, 211 00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:46,100 I'd be happy to answer those. 212 00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:47,430 As would I, BoJack Horseman, 213 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,850 Golden-Globe winning star of the book. 214 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:53,580 If Hank did anything wrong, they wouldn't let him on TV, right? 215 00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:55,620 I'm really not here to talk about that. 216 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,530 You women are all the same. 217 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,280 - Excuse me? - Yeah, you make these 218 00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:01,370 broad accusations to get attention for yourself, 219 00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:04,750 and when you don't have proof to back it up, you just slink away. 220 00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,290 I'm not slinking away. 221 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:08,250 I just wanted to say one thing about me. 222 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,500 I text and drive like all the time. What? 223 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,960 Isn't that what happened with all those assistants? They took his money, 224 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,670 and they don't even care they could be ruining a man's life. 225 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,300 What? They ruined his life? 226 00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:23,300 - You should probably just drop this. - Oh, I'm gonna drop it, all right. 227 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,440 They don't even know how much I'm gonna drop it. 228 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,970 The way you said that made it sound like you won't drop it. 229 00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:30,980 How dare you spread a narrative that— 230 00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:32,270 Don't tell me what to spread. 231 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,440 I'll spread whatever I want. It's called one of the amendments. 232 00:11:35,650 --> 00:11:37,650 Ladies, please! Don't get hysterical! 233 00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:39,530 - This is completely— - Yeah, hi. 234 00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:41,120 I'm Diane's friend, BoJack. 235 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,120 I came with her. I gotta say I'm opposed to child labor, 236 00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,710 like as a rule, but there are some kinds of labor 237 00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:48,290 that children are just better at. 238 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,040 You ever try to fit into a mine shaft? 239 00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,970 That is a tight squeeze. What? 240 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,380 Oh, man, probably gonna get some letters about that, huh? 241 00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,050 I'm so incorrigible. 242 00:11:57,130 --> 00:11:59,550 Everyone's paying attention to me now! 243 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,340 Okay, I'm gonna go get a snack. 244 00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,640 Anyone else want a snack? 245 00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:07,230 No? That's a no? On the snacks? Okay. 246 00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:09,180 What do you have against Hank Hippopopalous? 247 00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:11,520 Everyone says he's a really nice guy. 248 00:12:11,610 --> 00:12:12,490 Good point. 249 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,650 That's exactly the problem. Because he's so nice, 250 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,030 people don't wanna think he's capable of awful things 251 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,400 so they let him off the hook. 252 00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:21,530 We don't know what happened. It's a classic "he said, she said." 253 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:25,160 "He said, they said." It's eight different women. 254 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,580 - Are they all lying? - I mean, probably. We do that. 255 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,750 At this point, we just don't know enough to judge. 256 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,370 Who are these women? Have they ever shoplifted perhaps? 257 00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:34,640 Do they wear short shorts? 258 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,010 Do they drink alcohol? All these things are possible. 259 00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,670 We don't know the facts. 260 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,300 See, this is part of the problem. 261 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:41,880 You're supposed to be a journalist. 262 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,260 You won't even tell your audience what he's accused of. 263 00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:46,010 You're an expert. Why don't you tell us? 264 00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:47,300 I'm not afraid to say it. 265 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,110 Eight different women, all former assistants, 266 00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:52,930 claim that Uncle Hanky took them to a— 267 00:12:53,150 --> 00:12:54,360 What is Diane doing? 268 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:57,440 I know. It's supposed to be my book tour and she's upstaging me. 269 00:12:57,650 --> 00:12:59,150 Like how it was supposed to be my book. 270 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,040 Actually, this might be a thing she does. 271 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,080 She knows that Hippopopalous is the only thing 272 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,870 keeping my network afloat, right? 273 00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:07,120 The same network that employs her husband. 274 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:08,670 Why would she do this? 275 00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,660 Sometimes she just whips herself into a frenzy 276 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:13,550 and she loses all perspective. Goddamn it, honeydew? 277 00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:16,580 Jesus, why does cantaloupe think every time it gets invited to a party, 278 00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:18,460 it can bring along its dumb friend honeydew? 279 00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:20,500 You don't get a plus-one, cantaloupe! 280 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:21,890 You need to talk to her. 281 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,840 Huh. 282 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:27,520 Wanda, I just got back from a set visit on Contemporary Family. 283 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,690 It's a disaster! 284 00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,560 - What? - The kids have gone through puberty. 285 00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,900 They are rubbing themselves on everything. 286 00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:35,690 If it isn't one thing, it's ano— Just get a hose! 287 00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:45,290 Aha! I went to house to pick up mail for you like real American Johnny. 288 00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,290 - Hey, man. - Whoa! 289 00:13:47,490 --> 00:13:50,160 You know it's a federal crime to go through someone else's mail? 290 00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:55,870 I do not know your customs, for I am dirt-poor servant child. 291 00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,720 Oh, don't worry about it. Now walk me through that mail. 292 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:02,300 Death threat for wife, death threat for wife, once more death threat, 293 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:05,890 and here many monies off for Bed Bath Beyond. 294 00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:09,180 Seems like great U.S.A. dream castle! 295 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,050 Good Lord, that's graphic. 296 00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:12,970 How would she even fit one of those in there? 297 00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:15,810 Some sort of funnel. Oh, I see, there's actually an illustration. 298 00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:21,270 Excuse, Dog Dog Peanut Man? This wife, she poke bear, yes? 299 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,440 Yeah, I guess she kind of did. 300 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:27,110 They have a saying where I am from, which is here. 301 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,110 Bear not like to be poke. 302 00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:31,630 - Bear get angry... - Right. 303 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,620 and destroy peasant rebel army 304 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:39,500 with fist of fire of which make many, many nightmares 305 00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,630 to children and men! 306 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,380 Todd, I can always count on you to give me the straight dope. 307 00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:47,340 Please don't ever change. 308 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,890 Okay, just kill the whole feature. Replace it with— Oh, I don't know. 309 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,510 What's Gwyneth doing for Purim? 310 00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:56,570 Diane? I want you to meet Amanda Hannity, 311 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,560 editor-in-chief here at Manatee Fair. 312 00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:00,770 The pleasure's yours. Walk with me, squawk with me. 313 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:04,110 That woman can knock a drink back like a Kennedy at a wake for another Kennedy, 314 00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:06,650 but damn if she doesn't get shit done. 315 00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,900 No. Yes. Turtleneck. You're fired. 316 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:12,380 Um, okay, I wanted to pitch you an exposé on Hank Hippopopalous. 317 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,380 I would love to take down Hippopopalous 318 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,500 and finally topple the acropolis of monstrous hypocrisy 319 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:18,540 that ensconces us. 320 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,540 Hey, wouldn't your readers prefer something more relevant? 321 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,930 Like, uh, what to do with all those extra buttons that come with your shirts. 322 00:15:25,130 --> 00:15:29,380 Amanda, I am so glad you're throwing your weight behind this. 323 00:15:29,590 --> 00:15:31,340 - Oh, I didn't mean— - That dress is hideous. 324 00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:33,050 Go home, burn it and come back. 325 00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:35,310 When we know what we know about a monster like that 326 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,980 and we still put him on TV every week, 327 00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:39,140 we're teaching a generation of young boys and girls 328 00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,020 that a man's reputation is more important 329 00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:43,020 than the lives of the women he's ruined. 330 00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:44,820 Yes, exactly! I feel like I've been alone 331 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,830 in a crazy alternate universe these last few days. 332 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,530 Well, you know I got your back, right? 333 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,530 We women have got to stick to— Hey, fruit plate. 334 00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:55,530 No, people don't want articles about that. People want life-hacks. 335 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:57,630 Diane, you need to be strong. 336 00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:01,210 Everyone is gunning for you. You're a woman talking out of turn about a man. 337 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:04,850 We're not supposed to have opinions. We're supposed to smile and look pretty. 338 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,970 No, this model doesn't look as pretty as the other one. Can we kill it? 339 00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:10,670 Scarves, not just for necks anymo— 340 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:13,900 We need to sit you down with someone who's willing to go on the record. 341 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,940 I already reached out to all eight of Hank's former assistants. Nothing. 342 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,350 - What about his current assistant? - You think she'd talk? 343 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,600 I don't know. What do you think, answering machine? 344 00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:27,110 Hi, my name's Nicole. I work for Mr. Hippopopalous and, um... 345 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,230 I really need to talk to someone. 346 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:34,540 Are you kidding me? With this honeydew right now? Ugh! 347 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:46,540 - Nicole? - Mm-hm. 348 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,090 Hello, Diane. 349 00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:54,340 Thank you, Nicole. 350 00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:03,100 Prince Gustav today startled the international community 351 00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:06,020 when he gave his royal fortune to charity. 352 00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:07,810 What? Oh, no! 353 00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:10,870 And fired his chief advisor, who can be seen in this file photo 354 00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:12,580 looking vaguely suspicious. 355 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:13,820 Oh, you idiot! No! 356 00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:16,030 Big reforms which could lead to sweeping change 357 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:20,080 in the embattled region, or a precipitous economic collapse. 358 00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:26,790 But back to our main story, what is Diane's problem? 359 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,500 I'll say it once, for your article. 360 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:36,980 I didn't do any of those things that you're accusing me of. 361 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,140 I wanna be very clear. 362 00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:41,720 I'm not meeting you here because I'm scared of you. 363 00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:43,360 This is me doing you a favor. 364 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,060 - I think you are scared of me. - I'm not a bad guy, Diane, 365 00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:47,730 and I truly do believe that. 366 00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:49,440 Twenty-four hours from now, 367 00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:52,450 the news cycle will move on to something else. 368 00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,240 I'll go back to hosting my dance show, 369 00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:57,620 which employs hundreds of nice, good, hardworking people. 370 00:17:57,830 --> 00:18:01,130 You, on the other hand, are pretty much done. 371 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,120 People love me and they're not gonna forgive you for this. 372 00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,410 - This isn't about me. - If you keep pushing this, 373 00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:09,220 you're gonna drag down the people close to you. 374 00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:11,000 Look, you had your fun. 375 00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:14,300 So, why don't you call it a day and go home to your husband? 376 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,550 I know who you are. 377 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,340 Sweetheart, everyone knows who I am. 378 00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:20,970 I'm Hank Hippopopalous. 379 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,350 Who the hell are you? 380 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:32,770 - So, you got nothing. - I'm not giving up. 381 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,400 There's gotta be someone who will talk. 382 00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:37,460 Oh, listen. I had a conversation with my bosses 383 00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:40,540 at AOL-Time Warner-Pepsico- Viacom-Halliburton-Skynet- 384 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,370 Toyota-Trader Joe's, and we agreed 385 00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:46,290 these kind of stories, they don't sell magazines. 386 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:49,680 - Are you seriously killing this? - It's just not a good time. 387 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,720 So, this has nothing to do with the fact 388 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,130 that AOL-Time Warner-Pepsico- 389 00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:57,050 Viacom-Halliburton-Skynet-Toyota- Trader Joe's also owns MBN, 390 00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:00,890 and is currently profiting off of Hank Hippopopalous's good reputation? 391 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,480 I know you're upset. 392 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,690 Would you like a Joe-Joe? 393 00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:05,980 It's just like an Oreo, but Trader Joe's style. 394 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:07,890 No, I don't want a Joe-Joe. 395 00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:09,520 Because you're mad at me, right? 396 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:13,150 Not because Joe-Joes taste like garbage? 397 00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,820 So, help me to understand... 398 00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:23,620 Dog friend's program is to find what celebrities know? 399 00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:26,210 - Yep. - So, is torture? 400 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,960 We don't torture people in America, Todd. 401 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,120 That's called one of the amendments. 402 00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:32,880 No, of course. 403 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,000 In America, you do not know to suffer. 404 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:39,940 You eat your cheesy pizza, you drink your ade of gator. 405 00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:44,100 This life is nice for visit but no way for live. 406 00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,940 I go now. Back to palace! 407 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,190 Sounds great, Todd. See you tomorrow. 408 00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:57,490 So, they hated the skorts idea, huh? 409 00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:59,530 No, I didn't pitch your skorts idea. 410 00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:00,530 Hey, Diane! 411 00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,830 Why don't you shut your stupid ugly face? 412 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,160 Don't you talk to her like that! 413 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,080 Yeah, don't listen to that guy, Diane. 414 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,450 I say you should shut your stupid pretty face. 415 00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:13,370 - This is not over. When people hear what— - Give it a rest. It's over. You lost. 416 00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:15,790 - How could you say that? - What are you doing here? 417 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,000 I mean, what is your endgame in all of this? 418 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:22,380 You don't actually believe Hank's innocent, do you? 419 00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:24,510 Of course not, but that doesn't matter. 420 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,940 You're not gonna beat this guy. 421 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:26,930 I— 422 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:29,530 - What? - Todd? 423 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,640 BoJack! Thank God you found me. 424 00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,390 I thought I would never see you again. 425 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:37,480 - We're in the middle of something. - I got mixed up in some bad stuff 426 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,530 and a genocide may or may not have been perpetrated in my name. 427 00:20:41,610 --> 00:20:43,160 Maybe you heard about it on the news? 428 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,950 No, most of the news has been about Diane and Hank Hippopopalous. 429 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,490 What? Why? This is really serious. 430 00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:51,120 Oh, of course your thing is serious 431 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,550 and my thing is just a dumb feminist trying to get attention 432 00:20:53,630 --> 00:20:55,720 by attacking a famous man, is that it? 433 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,250 Uh, what? No. 434 00:20:57,420 --> 00:20:59,460 - Eat shit, Diane! - You eat shit! 435 00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:01,970 Diane, obviously Todd doesn't know what you're talking about. 436 00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:04,760 He spent the last few days at Burning Man or whatever getting high. 437 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,680 No! That's not what happened at all. 438 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,060 A stranger just told me to eat shit. 439 00:21:09,140 --> 00:21:11,520 I don't understand why you can't be on my side about this. 440 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:12,640 I am on your side. 441 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:15,190 And I'm telling you you're not gonna win this thing. 442 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:18,770 Also, P.S., when have you ever been on my side? 443 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,900 - I am always on your side. - Really? 444 00:21:20,990 --> 00:21:23,790 Like when you wrote that book? Was that you being on my side? 445 00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:25,620 You're not still mad about the book. 446 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:28,030 You manipulated me and completely took advantage of— 447 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,490 Guys? There is a very fragile alliance 448 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:32,830 between the Cords and the Ovians. 449 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:33,970 If we don't do something— 450 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,710 - Todd, nobody cares. - Nobody cares, Todd. 451 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,470 Everything I did was to help you tell the story 452 00:21:38,550 --> 00:21:40,890 I knew you wanted to tell. 453 00:21:41,090 --> 00:21:43,130 You got everything you wanted because of that book. 454 00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:46,050 You were a joke, now people take you seriously. 455 00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:49,020 You were out of work, now you got your dream role. 456 00:21:49,180 --> 00:21:50,510 Okay, yes. All of that is true. 457 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:54,560 But also, you were my friend and you hurt my feelings. 458 00:21:54,650 --> 00:21:57,700 And it's weird that you never apologized for that... 459 00:21:57,770 --> 00:21:58,770 and that you still won't. 460 00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:03,110 Well... I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. 461 00:22:04,030 --> 00:22:08,030 - Are you? - Yes, actually. I am. 462 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,330 I didn't want to do that 463 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:11,990 and I probably could have handled things better. 464 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,080 I definitely should have. I'm sorry. 465 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,170 Okay. 466 00:22:18,340 --> 00:22:19,890 But this is bigger than you and me. 467 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,670 And I need you in my corner now because I don't have anybody else. 468 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,470 Well, okay. 469 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,020 - Yeah? - Yeah. 470 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,140 I'm in your corner. 471 00:22:32,230 --> 00:22:37,240 Guys, earlier, some general asked me if it was "a go" 472 00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:39,020 on "that thing we talked about"? 473 00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:43,280 And I said, "Yes." And he said, "God help us all" and left the room. 474 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,150 Now I'm not sure that was the right answer. 475 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,330 So, then I called Wayne to see 476 00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,740 if I could write a story for Buzzfeed. Here's the good news: 477 00:22:51,830 --> 00:22:53,040 They'll publish anything. 478 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,040 Hey, um... 479 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,250 Can I talk to you? 480 00:22:56,420 --> 00:22:57,800 Yeah, of course. What's up? 481 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:03,390 I asked you, really nicely, not to make a big thing out of this. 482 00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:07,770 - Yeah, I know, but someone— - Had to say something, right? 483 00:23:07,890 --> 00:23:10,440 And that someone had to be you? 484 00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:12,600 Because... why? 485 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,430 I really don't get it. 486 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:18,190 What is accomplished by you being the one to take a stand on this? 487 00:23:18,270 --> 00:23:19,730 - Uh... 488 00:23:19,810 --> 00:23:20,810 Mr. Peanutbutter— 489 00:23:20,980 --> 00:23:23,940 This game show is a really big deal for me. 490 00:23:24,030 --> 00:23:27,410 And I know that sounds stupid to you, and small. 491 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:31,240 But I need this to go well, and I can't... 492 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:32,700 Those are death threats. 493 00:23:32,790 --> 00:23:34,790 People want to murder my wife 494 00:23:34,870 --> 00:23:36,580 because of what she's saying on the news 495 00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:39,660 about something that she has nothing to do with. 496 00:23:39,830 --> 00:23:42,420 "You can't. You stupid, ugly can't." 497 00:23:42,590 --> 00:23:44,680 - Yeah, that doesn't say "can't." - Oh. 498 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:49,480 God, you know, you'd almost be safer in Cordovia. 499 00:23:49,930 --> 00:23:51,600 Yeah, maybe I should go to Cordovia. 500 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,390 I'm obviously not making a difference here. 501 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,820 Actually, maybe you should. 502 00:23:55,890 --> 00:23:59,060 Go feel good about yourself and do your important work. 503 00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:04,230 And maybe some space might be good for us. 504 00:24:04,690 --> 00:24:08,150 You don't really want me to go, do you? 505 00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:11,570 Why does it suddenly matter what I want? 506 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,710 Flight 57, Cordovian Airlines, now boarding. 507 00:24:21,790 --> 00:24:24,830 Hank, I have to ask, did you do it? 508 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,000 No, I did not. 509 00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:28,710 Well, that's good enough for me. 510 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:33,470 Coming up, Kanye West claims to hate Thin Mints. Our panel is outraged. 511 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,260 Hating Thin Mints? Is he legally insane? 512 00:24:36,430 --> 00:24:38,850 You can bet we'll get into this further in the next hour. 513 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:42,020 This is the only thing I care about now. 514 00:24:43,730 --> 00:24:44,560 Hey. 515 00:24:45,980 --> 00:24:47,320 Smile. 516 00:25:37,290 --> 00:25:40,380 Boxer versus raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.