1 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:11,050 - We're live in five minutes, folks. - Make way. 2 00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:14,180 Someone find out the average rainfall in Bora Bora. 3 00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:15,800 Thank you so much for doing this. 4 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:19,520 Hey, there are a lot of advantages to being the girlfriend of a big celebrity. 5 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,810 It's more than being an elbow 6 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:23,280 they couldn't crop out of a red-carpet shot in US Weekly. 7 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,070 - I've been that elbow. - Hello, what have we here? 8 00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:28,070 So you know how the game's played, right? 9 00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,150 I'm sure I'll pick it up. How hard could it be? 10 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,240 You didn't read the treatment? I faxed it to you. 11 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,910 My bad, our fax machine isn't plugged in. 12 00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,740 BoJack, this is our first show 13 00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:39,670 and it is very important that things run smoothly tonight. 14 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,710 I mean, do you even care about this at all? 15 00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:45,370 Sweetie, no. I think this is stupid and a waste of everybody's time. 16 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:47,750 But you're my girlfriend and I care about you. 17 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,170 - So I'm here. - Okay. Break a leg. 18 00:00:50,260 --> 00:00:53,850 Me, me, me. My, my, my. Bow-wow-wow-wow. 19 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:56,050 Good boy, good boy. 20 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,720 Okay, this is it, everybody. Moment of truth. 21 00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,430 Now it's in the hands of god. 22 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,690 And for the next 30 minutes, I am that God. 23 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:05,940 - I got you an iPad, ma'am. - Oh, no thanks, Mia. 24 00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:09,020 I'm still working my way through the last 30 years of technology. 25 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:10,400 Right now I'm on Palm Pilot. 26 00:01:10,490 --> 00:01:13,040 But you can use our second screen app to see what viewers say 27 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,370 about the show as it airs. 28 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:18,200 Oh, cool, I love stupid bullshit like this. Ooh. 29 00:01:18,290 --> 00:01:19,420 Oh, you just touch it. 30 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:24,510 Hello, I am Mustache Todd. Like regular Todd, but with a mustache. 31 00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:28,630 Listen boo-boo, I didn't graduate first in my class from a prestigious university, 32 00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:31,300 rise through the ranks at an elite news organization, 33 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:34,010 win a well-known award, never ever be sick at sea 34 00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:38,050 and also my name is Mia McKibben, so that I could deal with your nonsense. 35 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,140 —Todd, stay out of Hair and Makeup. 36 00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:41,350 But I like it there. 37 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:44,220 They brush my hair and tell me stories about their weekends. 38 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:47,480 Big-nosed Todd wasn't funny, Zombie Todd wasn't funny, 39 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,230 Pretty Lady Todd wasn't funny, 40 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,530 and this isn't funny. No more tomfoolery. 41 00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:54,190 When it's me, we call it "Todd-foolery." 42 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,490 We certainly do not call it that. 43 00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:57,570 Listen up, everyone. 44 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,820 What you are part of tonight is bigger than you. 45 00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,200 It's bigger than any of us. 46 00:02:01,290 --> 00:02:03,050 I expect all of you to work together. 47 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,250 But I also expect that one of you will tower above the rest. 48 00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:11,750 And that outstanding individual will receive this pen. 49 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,210 It was through this pen that I bled 50 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,800 Raise High The Roof Beam, Carpenters upon the page. 51 00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:19,520 Also, it has four different colors. 52 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,310 Black, red, blue and for some reason, green. 53 00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:23,640 By the end of tonight, 54 00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:27,490 this pen will be bestowed upon the person most deserving. 55 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,190 Because nothing is more important than television, 56 00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:34,070 and no one more important than the people who make that television. 57 00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:38,150 - Now, let's get to work. - And five, four, 58 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,660 - three, two... - Showtime. 59 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,390 Live from the historic Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, 60 00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:43,800 J.D. Salinger Presents: 61 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,810 Hollywoo Stars And Celebrities, What Do They Know? 62 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:49,730 Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out! 63 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,900 Ah. All right! Here we go. 64 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,020 Listen to that crowd. 65 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,150 If they lose it this much for Mr. Peanutbutter, 66 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,960 can you imagine what they're going to do for a real celebrity? 67 00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:04,280 Hey, this is Mr. Peanutbutter's show, so be nice. 68 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,420 When you say nice, do you mean kind? 69 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,340 Or, like, delivering a lot of sick burns, 70 00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:10,870 so that people in the audience go, "Nice." 71 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,580 The first one. Obviously the first one. 72 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,000 Tonight we answer the age-old question: 73 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,960 "Hollywoo stars and celebrities, what do they know? 74 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,420 Do they know things? Let's find out!" 75 00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,440 And now our first-ever guest. 76 00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:27,970 You know him from his years on Horsin' Around, 77 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,770 his drunk appearance on The View, 78 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:34,150 and his bestselling book, it's BoJack Horseman. 79 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,020 There you are. How are you doing? 80 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,280 - BoJack, welcome. - It is great to be here. 81 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,990 Sorry, no time for idle chit-chat, because we've entered 82 00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:45,160 - the Small Talk Round. - The what now? 83 00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:50,620 Thirty seconds on the clock. BoJack, how are you? 84 00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:53,090 - Uh, fine? - Correct. 85 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,180 - Did you see the game last night? - No, I don't follow— 86 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,420 - Oh. 87 00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,090 Oh, so sorry. It says here you did see the game. 88 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:01,720 - What game? - Ready camera one? Camera one. 89 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,470 You tell me. You're the one who saw it. 90 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:04,810 —I don't— 91 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,860 - God, no! 92 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,260 - What the—? - That noise means 93 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:11,930 it's time for your first General Knowledge question. 94 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,770 Audience, does BoJack know things? 95 00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:17,240 Let's find out! 96 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,990 BoJack, what is the average annual rainfall in Bora Bora? 97 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:24,740 - Uh, this is general knowledge? - It's just an average we're asking for. 98 00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:28,330 - I don't know, seven? - Wrong! So wrong. 99 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,080 Wow, when it comes to Bora Bora, 100 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,540 maybe this celebrity should have studied more-a more-a. 101 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:36,460 Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter. Go for the kill. 102 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,960 - That doesn't really seem— - They're all dead! 103 00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:41,060 I watched them die! 104 00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:42,760 - What is—? - Oh-ho. That sound means 105 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,550 it's time to pick your category. 106 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:50,510 "Trigonometry."Advanced Physics," and "At the Movies With Mr. Peanutbutter." 107 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,390 At the Movies With Mr. Peanutbutter. 108 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,820 Good choice. After seeing J.J. Abrams' Star Trek reboot, did I call it: 109 00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:59,070 A, "A visual feast for the senses," 110 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,980 B, "A zestful lark through time and space," 111 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,190 C, "The best Zachary Quinto movie of all time," 112 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,490 or D, "All of the above"? 113 00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:11,660 - I'll say D? - Ouch, the answer was A and B. 114 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,250 Though I would also agree with C. 115 00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:16,410 So I told Mr. Peanutbutter I'd drive him here, 116 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,370 and next thing I know, I'm an Associate Producer. 117 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,750 Stupid me. I went to Stanford. 118 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,550 Next time I'll just try that thing where I'm a huge dumb-ass 119 00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,800 who happens to be friends with Mr. Peanutbutter. 120 00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:27,810 - Yup. - Cool. 121 00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:29,730 Well, have fun watching me win that pen. 122 00:06:29,810 --> 00:06:30,850 I don't need a pen. 123 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:35,680 I can walk into any Chili's with a child under 12 and get crayons for free. 124 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,020 You don't get it. 125 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,850 If Salinger gives you his pen, that means you're worth something. 126 00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,730 It means you're a serious person who's going places. 127 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:46,690 Actually, you know what? Don't worry about it. It's not for you. 128 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,530 I'm gonna go with nuclear fusion. 129 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:53,040 —Oh, the answer is Egypt. 130 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,830 Turn up the directional heat lamps. Oh, yeah. 131 00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:57,330 Let's really make him sweat. 132 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:00,120 Surprised you didn't get that one, 133 00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:03,920 since you're an expert when it comes to de-Nile. 134 00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:06,770 Quick impression. "I'm not an alcoholic." 135 00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,020 You love it. 136 00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:13,140 Oh, yeah, pretty good one from King Mutt over here. Am I right? 137 00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,600 You know, like King Tut? 138 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,930 Because we're talking about Egypt? And Mr. Peanutbutter's a mutt, so... 139 00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,440 You suck. 140 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,020 I'm a yellow lab, BoJack. 141 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,030 - You could get one thing right tonight. 142 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:29,070 Anyway, let's take a moment to look at the great comments 143 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,200 we've been getting on our second screen app, 144 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,570 now available for download. 145 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,080 And we're out. Fifteen seconds, everybody. 146 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,490 - Hey, how am I doing? - You're kind of being a dick. 147 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,450 Hey, are we at Tony Roma's right now? 148 00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,710 Because there's a lot of ribbing going on here. 149 00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:43,790 I'm not ribbing you. I'm telling you, you're— 150 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,710 - And we're back in three, two... 151 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:48,840 Welcome back. 152 00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:52,850 Will BoJack Horseman go down in show history as our worst contestant ever? 153 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,640 So far, yes. 154 00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:58,440 Wow. J.D., people are loving this show. 155 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:03,150 Wait till they see this. Mia, get ready to drop the bomb. 156 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:05,270 Death from above! 157 00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:09,740 Uh-oh. That sound means it's time to drop "da" bomb. 158 00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:11,990 And yes folks, I said "da," not "the." 159 00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,410 What I'm trying to say is, it's a positive bomb. 160 00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,120 Audience, let's... 161 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,580 Drop da bomb! 162 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:21,460 Did you guys all practice before the show, because— 163 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,210 Ladies and gentlemen, we've had some fun with our little celebrity. 164 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,470 But now, let's meet our big celebrity. 165 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,880 - Big celebrity? - Say hello to... 166 00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:34,600 - Daniel Radcliffe! - Hi, I'm Daniel Radcliffe. Hello. 167 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,390 - Oh, my God! It's Daniel Radcliffe! 168 00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:41,390 We'll find out what our big celebrity knows right after this break. 169 00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:46,730 And we're out. Oh, we're cooking now. 170 00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:49,690 Hey, you, you're doing great. 171 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,650 I'm not 100 percent watching 172 00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,700 because I'm so engrossed in the second screen experience, 173 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,780 but according to the second screen experience, 174 00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:57,630 other people are loving the show. 175 00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,740 You didn't tell me there would be another celebrity. 176 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,370 Well, I had no idea that was coming 177 00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:05,180 but some guy named Dong-Slinger-420 loved the surprise. 178 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:07,170 He said, "Two dongs way up." 179 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:10,590 There was no mention of another bigger celebrity in the document you faxed? 180 00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:13,340 I couldn't read it. My fax machine cut it into little strips. 181 00:09:13,430 --> 00:09:16,400 - That sounds like a shredder. - Well, I guess I shredded it to you. 182 00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:17,760 —I gotta deal with this. 183 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:20,190 If I don't interact with this app every 80 seconds, 184 00:09:20,270 --> 00:09:22,900 it charges my credit card five dollars. Love you. 185 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,390 Ehh... you, too. 186 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,400 Could you get the base a little less pale? 187 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,150 - Hey, Daniel, good to see you. - Always nice to meet a fan. 188 00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:33,320 - No, sorry, I'm not a, uh— I'm an actor. - Oh, good for you. 189 00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:35,710 It's a dreadful business but hang in there. 190 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:38,240 No, I already did hang in there. I'm BoJack Horseman? 191 00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,540 We've actually met before. 192 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,830 At Chris Martin's holiday party? We stepped outside for a smoke? 193 00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,660 - To get away from Chris Martin? - Huh. 194 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,790 You opened up about your fear of success? 195 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,090 I gave you some advice? 196 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:51,590 You said I was a true friend and you would never forget me? 197 00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,260 And you said your name was Chadwick Boseman? 198 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,300 - BoJack Horseman. - Oh, I'm sorry. 199 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:59,520 When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people. 200 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,270 Sorry, we need you guys back on set. 201 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,180 You were the second hairdresser's assistant on The Ellen Show 202 00:10:04,310 --> 00:10:06,140 about five years ago. Veronica, right? 203 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:09,020 - Yeah, that's right. - How was your mother's party in the end? 204 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:13,120 And we're back in five, four, three, two... 205 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,790 So you never say one, huh? 206 00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:17,900 - Welcome back, America. - We love you, Daniel. 207 00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:21,870 So do I. So let's watch our celebrities go... Audience? 208 00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:24,370 Head to head! 209 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:26,170 How could they possibly know that? 210 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,420 - This is the first episode, right? 211 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:32,250 The puppets clap when the puppetmaster pulls the strings. 212 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,590 Hello. Serious, Going-Places Todd at your service. 213 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,770 Hey, look at you, all dressed up for the Dipshit Awards. 214 00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:41,020 You know you're not allowed in Hair and Makeup. 215 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,940 - Are you wearing roller skates? - I'm wearing Heelys. 216 00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:46,780 They're shoes with wheels, for efficiency purposes. 217 00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:50,810 - Now I can be serious faster. - You can also go nowhere faster. 218 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,360 Seeing as I am a professional— 219 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,400 No! 220 00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:57,330 —Oh, BoJack. 221 00:10:57,450 --> 00:10:59,580 Another embarrassingly wrong answer, 222 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:03,840 bringing your score down by 80 points and 12 dollars. 223 00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:05,990 Why are we playing for both points and dollars? 224 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,660 - Oh, tough break, B.J. Novak! - My name is— 225 00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,540 Our next question is to Mr. Radcliffe. 226 00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:14,850 "What color comes from the combination of blue and yellow?" 227 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,130 I actually know this one. 228 00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,640 When I was growing up, my neighbor was a painter. 229 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,090 I remember visiting his flat and watching him work. 230 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:24,220 Sometimes he would mix together blue paint with yellow paint 231 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:26,150 and it made an entirely new color. 232 00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:28,860 And that man was Banksy. And that color was green. 233 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:31,110 - Final answer. - Correct! 234 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,150 You've earned the chance to go for a spin 235 00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:35,520 in our Kia Sportage Cash Grab Booth. 236 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,320 Oh, splendid. 237 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:42,740 And while Daniel's in the booth, BoJack, you have an essay question. 238 00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:45,000 - What? - You'll find a blue book on your podium. 239 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,040 "To what extent was feudalism a cause of the French Revolution?" 240 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,700 - Wait, are you ser— Oh! - And go! 241 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,870 While BoJack works, let's check out the action 242 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,670 - on our Kia Sportage Cash Grab Booth Cam. 243 00:11:56,010 --> 00:11:57,720 - Hey, champ. - What are you doing here? 244 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,960 I'm trying to write an essay. 245 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:00,720 I came to ask you how you were doing 246 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,010 and then to tell you you're not doing so well. 247 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:04,730 Why am I getting the hard questions, 248 00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,980 while Boy Wizard over there just has to know colors 249 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,970 and literally grab cash out of thin air? 250 00:12:09,190 --> 00:12:11,950 A five! This is so easy! 251 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:15,480 I think I might be able to help you out. Let me tell you a story. 252 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:17,490 The year was 2003 253 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,860 and for some reason, everyone was playing poker all of a sudden. 254 00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:25,420 A then-relevant Wilmer Valderrama used to host a weekly how-do-you-do 255 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:28,750 and all the stars came out to show off their tricks. 256 00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:33,170 There was Lucy Lawless, Lucy Liu, Lori Laughlin, Lisa Loeb, 257 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:36,080 the dog from Frasier, and at the head of the table? 258 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:39,800 Big Money himself, Mr. Peanutbutter. 259 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,210 Whoops. Woh-oh. 260 00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,350 I thought, "Here's a rube." 261 00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:48,310 But Lady Luck had other plans. 262 00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:49,850 You know what, I got an essay to write, 263 00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:52,690 so if this isn't about the precipitous fall of the French ruling class— 264 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,730 But then I saw, the kid had a tell. 265 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:01,190 I feel like that story had a lot of unnecessary details in it. 266 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,700 Listen. You have to pay close attention, it's subtle, 267 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:10,200 but when he gets excited, his ears ever so slightly flop up and give him away. 268 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,660 Well, that's no surprise. Guy's been flopping upwards his whole career. 269 00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,580 Mm-hm. Watch the ears. 270 00:13:18,510 --> 00:13:20,510 Time's up, Daniel. 271 00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:24,050 Whoa, looks like D to the R to the Ad to the Cliffe 272 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:27,100 just won 54,000 bonus dollars. 273 00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:31,060 And BoJack barely got beyond his thesis statement. 274 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,560 "A continent ravaged by war, 275 00:13:34,650 --> 00:13:37,410 coupled with the retreat of the church from secular life..." 276 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,440 - And then it just stops? 277 00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:42,370 Oh, that's gonna cost you some serious pesos. 278 00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:45,460 But first, it's time for our Multiple Choice Buzz-In Round. 279 00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:47,200 A buzz-in round? All right. 280 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,700 In is my favorite direction in which to buzz. 281 00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:52,210 Tell me, "How many oak trees are needed 282 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:56,790 to build an 18th century triple-decker Royal Navy battle ship? 283 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,300 A, 75? B, 1000? 284 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,420 Or C, 3500?" 285 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,560 C! 3500! 286 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,720 - Um, correct. - Uh, what? 287 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,720 - Uh, wow. That's, uh... 288 00:14:08,810 --> 00:14:10,400 That's actually correct. 289 00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:13,930 How the hell did he know that? What else does he know? Does he know things? 290 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:14,930 Let's find out. 291 00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:20,020 Quantum tunneling. King Magnus the Second. 292 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,520 Miss Scarlet in the library with the lead pipe. 293 00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:25,530 Sassafras. Butterscotch! Argyle. 294 00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:28,410 - Because seven eight nine. 295 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:32,080 What an amazing run. It looks like we've got a tied game. 296 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,080 Which is an exciting surprise. 297 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,040 - Goddamn it, throw to commercial. - We'll be right back. 298 00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:44,810 - Hey. Horshack. What's going on? - What's going on is I'm kicking your ass. 299 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,880 Yeah, you know, you're doing great, but I'm supposed to win. 300 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,550 That was the deal. Plug my movie, win money for charity. 301 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,640 Well, tell Charity she can kiss my ass. 302 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,390 By the way, your girlfriend has a stripper name. 303 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,610 It's not my girlfriend, it's charity. 304 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:03,730 BoJack, according to this app, you're almost tied. 305 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,690 Oh, you are tied, there's a lag. Congratulations. 306 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,450 Thanks. It was touch and go— 307 00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:09,900 But I'm a little concerned 308 00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:12,570 because it seems like you might actually win, 309 00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:15,240 but everyone on the app is really rooting for Daniel. 310 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,410 People love him. 311 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:20,580 I guess he was in some movie about a potter or a Pottery Barn or something? 312 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,880 - Are you asking me to throw the game? - You don't care about this game. 313 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,420 The only reason you're here is for me, so maybe you could help me out? 314 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,470 - Okay. - You know what? 315 00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:32,720 You're the best, no matter what everybody on this app says. 316 00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:37,980 They say you're the worst. Especially Queefburglar69. He's their leader. 317 00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:44,570 And we're back. Contestants, I've got a history question for both of you. 318 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:50,400 "You may or may not be familiar with a famous racehorse named Secretariat. 319 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:53,530 In what year did Secretariat win the Triple Crown?" 320 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,780 —BoJack. 321 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,370 Piece of cake. 322 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,120 Hmm? 323 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,960 Um, 1492? 324 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,670 —What? No, not even close. 325 00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:07,670 BoJack, aren't you in a movie about Secretariat? 326 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,270 - How could you not know that? - Let's just move on. 327 00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:13,300 Maybe instead, he should be in a movie 328 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:16,810 about a guy who doesn't know anything about Secretariat. 329 00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,390 That would not be a good movie. 330 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,700 I mean, more like Secre-terrible. 331 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,600 Damn, Bojangles, you got served. 332 00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:28,400 Do you know anything about Secretariat? You know he was a horse, right? 333 00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:30,790 Oh, wait, did I just spoil it for you? 334 00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:33,820 No wonder my wife had to write your book for you. 335 00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:38,030 Hey, yeah, you know, while we're talking about your wife, I've got a question. 336 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,200 How come your wife flew all the way to war-torn Cordovia 337 00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,660 just to get away from you? 338 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:46,130 That's not what happened. She went to help people. 339 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:49,630 Or maybe she went to help herself get away from her awful marriage. 340 00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:54,730 - Oh, was that too far? - Oh-ho, you want to get into things? 341 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,140 - Well, I mean— - No, no, no, let's get into things. 342 00:16:57,220 --> 00:17:01,100 Let's get real. Everybody, BoJack wants to get real. 343 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:05,110 Cancel the Bubble Round. Because we're getting real. 344 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,150 Should we cut to commercial? 345 00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:10,320 Would Homer cut away from Odysseus's journey 346 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,360 just as he was being enticed by the sirens' song? 347 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,950 No? 348 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,490 Well, there you are. 349 00:17:16,580 --> 00:17:19,630 Things are getting real out here. Really real. 350 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:22,410 Really, really, really real! 351 00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:26,830 - Uh, I'm not sure where you're going— - Oh, no? 352 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,840 You knew where you were going with my wife 353 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,170 that time you pulled over by the side of the road. 354 00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,560 - You know, a week before we got married? - Uh... 355 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,730 You want to talk about that, BoJack? 356 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:40,720 You want to talk about the time when you, my "good friend," kissed my wife? 357 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,100 - No! - Yes. 358 00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,640 Did something exciting just happen? 359 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,270 Because people on the app are, and I quote, "losing their tits." 360 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,490 Oh, no, no, I've stumbled on to a cancer support message board. 361 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,820 Okay, how do I...? 362 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,190 How did you know about that? 363 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,030 Well, there are roadside cameras all along the PCH, 364 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,120 I have a few friends in the highway patrol, 365 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,330 and she told me, of course! We're married! 366 00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:03,620 Wait, so you've known all this time? 367 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:06,630 Now this is television. Turn on the rain. 368 00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,130 Um, don't you think you're pushing them too far? 369 00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:12,590 I'll tell you when it's too far. This is my art, goddamn it. 370 00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:17,590 I'm J. goddamn D. goddamn Salinger, and I want rain! 371 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:23,020 All I ever wanted was to be your friend. 372 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,390 And you treat me like a big joke. 373 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,810 You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me? 374 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,020 - Mr. Peanutbutter— - No, tell me. 375 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,150 - Because... I'm jealous. - Oh. 376 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,500 - Of what? Diane? - No. 377 00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:40,780 Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you. 378 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,370 Oh, and it doesn't for you? 379 00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:45,620 You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, 380 00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:49,430 acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? 381 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,750 What else could the universe possibly owe you? 382 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,670 I want to feel good about myself. 383 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,300 The way you do. And I don't know how. 384 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,930 I don't know if I can. 385 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:05,190 Whoa, guys, this is getting a little heavy, don't we think? 386 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,440 I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. 387 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,730 I can't tell you how sorry I am. 388 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:14,770 Wow, um, I don't know if I can forgive you. 389 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:18,240 But I guess we'll find out right after this break. 390 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,370 - Damn. - Shut up. 391 00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:28,370 I knew it. I knew this show would bring us to the heights of human drama 392 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,840 more powerfully than literature ever dreamed. 393 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,090 Now somebody go out and get me a Red Bull and a banana fish sandwich. 394 00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:37,550 On it. It's a perfect day for a Red Bull. 395 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:38,840 Whoa-oh! 396 00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:41,510 - Mr. Peanutbutter! - Oh, hey Wanda. 397 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,730 I'm only half paying attention to whatever you two are arguing about 398 00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:47,650 but it's killer. Now all we need is a happy ending. 399 00:19:47,730 --> 00:19:50,780 I don't think we can just resolve everything cleanly in a half-hour. 400 00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:52,610 Uh, this is network television. 401 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:56,900 So resolving everything cleanly in a half-hour is kind of what we do. 402 00:19:56,990 --> 00:20:00,000 You want to host a game show where everyone feels bad at the end? 403 00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:03,660 You can get in your little car, drive to Santa Monica and pitch it to AMC. 404 00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,500 But these people want resolution, okay? 405 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:10,660 So you get your little butt back on that stage and you resolve. 406 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,290 - Uh... 407 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,130 And we're back. 408 00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:18,550 You know, I did some thinking over the break. BoJack— 409 00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:21,840 - What's going on? - Oh, my God. 410 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,550 No! No! What's happening? 411 00:20:23,850 --> 00:20:25,190 —Oh. 412 00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:33,350 Someone unplugged the main power line and plugged in a George Foreman Grill. 413 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,520 Panini time. Hey, who unplugged— 414 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,280 Todd! Goddamnit, step aside! 415 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,450 Mia, good work. You saved the show. 416 00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:45,820 You earned my respect... and this pen. 417 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,710 - Oh, thank you. 418 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:50,960 Aww. 419 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:54,930 Oh, are we back? We're back! Live television, folks. 420 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,000 You know, during the break, my producers told me 421 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,880 I had to forgive BoJack live on the air. 422 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,090 But I'm my own dog. 423 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,800 And as my own dog, I decided 424 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,720 to forgive BoJack live on the air! Bring it in, buddy! 425 00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:11,850 - What? - Really? 426 00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:14,400 Mr. Peanutbutter, I applaud your forgiving nature, 427 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,020 but this guy kissed your wife. 428 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,190 Wait, BoJack kissed Diane? 429 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:23,580 The only way to even the score is if you get to kiss him. 430 00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:26,170 - Wait, what? - You're right, it makes perfect sense. 431 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,990 - Yeah, absolutely. - No, it doesn't. 432 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,590 That way Diane and I will have had the same experience. 433 00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,910 It's the only way we can move past this. 434 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,090 Well, if it helps us move past this, I guess... 435 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:40,710 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 436 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,090 Cue the Kiss Cam. 437 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,680 Oh, if only I'd had a Kiss Cam for Catcher In The Rye. 438 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:56,060 Well, just one more regret on a long list of many. 439 00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,980 Todd, there you are. You're missing a pretty big moment out there. 440 00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:06,360 I don't care. You said it yourself. Without that pen, I'm totally worthless. 441 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:09,950 Not for nothing, but you were worthless before you didn't get the pen. 442 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:16,330 I really tried this time. I guess I'll never really amount to anything. 443 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:20,340 Well, maybe you just need someone to believe in you. 444 00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:24,010 Wow, no one's ever fallen for that! 445 00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:26,590 - What? - You're so stupid! 446 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,310 You had the pen and you just gave it to me? 447 00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:32,760 Oh, I can't believe that worked. 448 00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:36,230 Oh, my God, look at your stupid face. 449 00:22:36,310 --> 00:22:37,940 The pen is just a symbol. It doesn't— 450 00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:41,440 Yeah, said the girl who doesn't have a pen right now. 451 00:22:41,530 --> 00:22:45,620 Unbelievable. You are the most annoying, immature, aggravating, 452 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:47,580 irritating, crazy-making... 453 00:22:47,660 --> 00:22:51,130 Oh, she was mad, all right. But kids? 454 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,990 That's the story of how I met... this pen. 455 00:22:56,330 --> 00:22:59,120 Hey, get out of Hair and Makeup and give me back my pen! 456 00:22:59,210 --> 00:23:02,380 I got your pen. That means you respect me. 457 00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:05,090 - No it does not. - Viva Todd-foolery! 458 00:23:05,170 --> 00:23:06,880 Suck a dick, dumbshits. 459 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,760 - Hey! Hey, hey! 460 00:23:11,810 --> 00:23:14,900 Well, that stern but supple kiss puts you over the top. 461 00:23:14,980 --> 00:23:17,440 BoJack Horseman is tonight's winner. 462 00:23:19,150 --> 00:23:21,410 - Well played, Jock-jam Door-slam. 463 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,610 You've earned $500,000 for charity. 464 00:23:24,690 --> 00:23:29,570 You can walk away right now or, and remember, this is for charity, 465 00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:32,580 you can risk it all in our Double or Nothing round. 466 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,830 I wanna risk it all! 467 00:23:36,910 --> 00:23:40,170 All right. Now that's $500,000. 468 00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:42,540 If you get this question right, you double that, 469 00:23:42,630 --> 00:23:44,420 a million dollars for charity. 470 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,760 But if you get it wrong, the charity gets nothing 471 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:51,550 and all the money will be set on fire live here on our studio soundstage. 472 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,230 BoJack, for all the marbles: 473 00:23:54,310 --> 00:23:57,110 "Which famous actor played the titular role 474 00:23:57,190 --> 00:24:00,740 in the popular Harry Potter film franchise?" 475 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:02,980 - Oh. - Huh. 476 00:24:03,070 --> 00:24:05,490 Yeah. I don't know. 477 00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:08,330 When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people, 478 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,570 it's impossible to remember them all. 479 00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:13,040 Okay, I get what you're doing. Very funny. 480 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,330 Yeah. Oh, what is that guy's name? 481 00:24:16,410 --> 00:24:18,830 You know, it's on the tip of my tongue? 482 00:24:18,910 --> 00:24:21,290 Are you serious right now? Dude, this is for charity. 483 00:24:21,380 --> 00:24:24,050 - BoJack, we need an answer. - Yeah, I don't know. 484 00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:25,880 Gosh, I wanna say... 485 00:24:28,970 --> 00:24:30,850 - Elijah Wood? - What? 486 00:24:32,010 --> 00:24:33,550 Elijah Wood? 487 00:25:20,890 --> 00:25:24,100 Boxer versus raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.