1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,170 Sir, you can't send me to Vietnam. 2 00:00:12,260 --> 00:00:14,010 I can do whatever I want. 3 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:17,820 I'm president of the goddamn United States of America. 4 00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:19,430 Isn't that right, Checkers? 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,770 That's what it says on your business cards. 6 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,690 There are going to be riots in the streets. 7 00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:27,120 I'm Secretariat. 8 00:00:27,190 --> 00:00:29,320 You think I'm afraid of a few rioting hippies? 9 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,240 Don't make me laugh. Ha-hoo. 10 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,360 Or whatever a laugh sounds like. 11 00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:36,200 Please, I'll do anything. 12 00:00:36,290 --> 00:00:38,380 You gotta send someone else in my place. 13 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:44,370 Hmm. Perhaps an arrangement can be... arranged. 14 00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:51,270 I'm just an athlete. I'm no hero. My brother Jeffretariat is the hero. 15 00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:53,380 He's fighting the Reds over in 'Nam, 16 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,390 which is necessary to protect our way of life. 17 00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:59,600 And another hero is President Nixon. 18 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:03,020 He is one groovy dude. 19 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,400 Groovy. 20 00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:12,070 What the hell are you doing? 21 00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:13,240 Sorry, Mommy! 22 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,820 Don't you dare put that out. 23 00:01:14,910 --> 00:01:18,920 That is a perfectly good cigarette, and you are going to finish it. 24 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,090 But I don't wanna. 25 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,370 And I don't want to be the mother of a quitter. 26 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:24,090 Finish it. 27 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,920 Jesus Christ, you can't even smoke a cigarette right. 28 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,300 Don't you dare cry, don't you ever cry. 29 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:32,460 You wanted this. 30 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,970 Are you punishing me for smoking or for stealing? 31 00:01:36,050 --> 00:01:38,470 I'm punishing you for being alive. 32 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:45,230 Ugh. 33 00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:48,350 Uh, BoJack? You really shouldn't throw a lit cigarette off the— 34 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,030 Fine. I'll call 911. 35 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,710 The fire department got everything under control, 36 00:02:50,790 --> 00:02:52,630 but the cable's out for the neighborhood. 37 00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,800 I don't understand what started the fire. 38 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,670 Nobody knows where fires come from, it's a mystery. 39 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,470 Anyway, I am fired up about my first day back on set. 40 00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:02,390 We're gonna finish that big Nixon scene. 41 00:03:02,470 --> 00:03:05,060 We were just one shot away before we went on hiatus. 42 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,140 Yeah, I know. You told me at breakfast. 43 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,150 Why did you call me? 44 00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:10,100 Usually I talk to Diane on the way to work, 45 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,020 but she abandoned me to teach piano in Cordovia or something. 46 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:16,610 Oh. Well, glad you settled for me because Diane wasn't available. 47 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:19,580 You bet. Oh, man, I'm gonna kill in this Nixon scene. 48 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,280 BoJack gonna be in "da" house. 49 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,000 In da White House. 50 00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:27,870 What happened to da house set? Da White House set? 51 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,300 - Things changed a little. - You cut the Nixon scene? 52 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,590 The Nixon scene is the core of the whole movie. 53 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,090 Where we see Secretariat be morally corrupted 54 00:03:35,170 --> 00:03:37,500 and get to look into the real darkness of his soul. 55 00:03:37,590 --> 00:03:39,840 It's still all that, except now it happens 56 00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:41,980 while you give a Christmas present to your nieces 57 00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:44,300 and they hug you while your butt is stuck in a chimney. 58 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,100 Is one of the nieces Nixon? 59 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:47,890 Over hiatus, we ran a focus group. 60 00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:50,190 People don't want all that controversial stuff. 61 00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:53,350 But we were supposed to make a gritty movie about the real Secretariat. 62 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,020 - Warts and all. - Kid, "warts and all" don't pay bubkes. 63 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,530 That's why they took the gay stuff out of A Beautiful Mind. 64 00:03:58,610 --> 00:04:00,690 Know that guy who spent 12 years as a slave? 65 00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:03,660 They don't talk about the 60 years he spent as a jerk. 66 00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:05,530 - Kelsey, you're okay with this? - Eh... 67 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,660 That's showbiz. 68 00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:09,250 See, BoJack, that's the shrug of a pro who gets it. 69 00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:10,960 Good shrugging, kid. 70 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,420 Yo! Care-to-the-O-to-the-Lyn-to-the... 71 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,250 That's the end of your name. We need to talk. 72 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,760 We'll meet in the supply closet in one minute. Break! 73 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,090 Oh, okay. 74 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:22,730 Ooh, ow. 75 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,720 Carolyn, when you're in the throes of a very ugly divorce such as I am, 76 00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:30,780 along with all that pain and degradation comes a certain perfect clarity, 77 00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:35,940 and right now that clarity is telling me that you and I should get out of here. 78 00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:38,450 Well, what do you mean, "get out of here"? 79 00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:43,040 Beautiful, I'm starting my own agency, and I want you to be my partner in crime. 80 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,210 What? But I can't just leave Vigor. 81 00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:46,830 I've been here 20 years. 82 00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:48,410 Who's gonna water the plants? 83 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,090 Um, I'm sorry. You water the plants? 84 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,700 I started doing it as an intern, 85 00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:54,620 but then no one told me to stop, so it's still kind of my job. 86 00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,290 Carolyn, you are my gritty, witty city kitty. 87 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,380 I want you with me, fifty-fifty. 88 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,760 Things are so crazy for me right now. I— 89 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:05,510 Don't give me that, you want crazy. "Crazy" is your favorite Patsy Cline song 90 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,690 and your second favorite Gnarls Barkley song. 91 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,800 I don't want crazy. 92 00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:12,390 I've got five episodes of The Good Wife piled up on my DVR, 93 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,900 and I just want a night off to enjoy them. 94 00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:18,770 Well, if that's how you feel, I guess I could just go to Vanessa Gekko. 95 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:22,280 - Gekko? - But I'd rather look at you all day. 96 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,240 You're an amazing agent. And you're bright, and you're fun. 97 00:05:26,370 --> 00:05:29,920 And I think we could make something really special. 98 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,170 We weren't doing anything! We were just looking for closet supplies. 99 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,620 Are you the person to talk to about unclogging the toilet? 100 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:38,170 Stuart, I'm your boss. 101 00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:41,380 Okay, but you're the one in the janitor's closet, so... 102 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,880 - What, I'm the idiot? 103 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,930 The first thing you notice about Sebastian St. Clair 104 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,610 is that he speaks in paragraphs. 105 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,140 Even I can't believe how much good we've done here, 106 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,730 and I'll believe almost anything. 107 00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:58,690 In the last six weeks, we dug a new well, built a school, 108 00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:01,690 and next month the community center is doing Seussical. 109 00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:02,910 There we go. 110 00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:04,830 In his previous life, Sebastian owned 111 00:06:04,910 --> 00:06:06,540 a chain of high-end department stores. 112 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:08,290 I want to stock up on muffs. 113 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,780 We're going to sell a lot of muffs this winter. Huzzah! 114 00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:15,000 Diane, I lived a life of power and luxury, 115 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,960 and then my picture was in the newspaper. 116 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,750 - A real-life newspaper! - Uh-huh. 117 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,640 But I knew my life was empty. 118 00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,630 At night I heard the cries of children sick and dying. 119 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,430 And I would scream into the night. 120 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,010 Shut up! Shut up, children! 121 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,980 But the phantom cries would not abate. 122 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:32,730 And so I began my travels, 123 00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,220 with little more than a compass, a yearning for adventure, 124 00:06:35,310 --> 00:06:37,100 and several crates full of unsold muffs. 125 00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:40,490 I knew there were people out there just waiting for my help. 126 00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:42,530 Diane, this is Kinko. 127 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,690 I am Kinko. 128 00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:45,120 In his language, it means, 129 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,870 orphan whose parents were murdered by rebels and will die young, 130 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,400 probably from malaria. 131 00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:51,070 Hi, Kinko. I'm Diane. 132 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,870 It means, my parents liked the show Cheers. 133 00:06:53,950 --> 00:06:58,250 Cheers! Oh, you're good. You're very good. 134 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,290 When Sebastian St. Clair says you're good, 135 00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:02,180 you want to believe that you really are. 136 00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:05,800 That you, like Sebastian, are part of something bigger than just yourself. 137 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,220 And for a moment, you feel like you are. 138 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:11,050 Oh, Kinko made a mess. 139 00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:17,610 Now I finally realize that a triple hug is way more valuable than a Triple Crown. 140 00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:19,650 And cut. Neat. 141 00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,770 - Let's break for lunch. - Oh! 142 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,190 Kelsey, this is a nightmare. 143 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,250 I had to touch three children today, and one of them was sticky. 144 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,570 Yeah, it was you. Wash your damn hands, you gremlin. 145 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,420 - BoJack, there's nothing we can do. - No, this isn't you. 146 00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,090 I've seen everything you've done. 147 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,660 Your films are challenging and gritty, and they're great. 148 00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:40,050 I'm not just saying that because they're full of lesbians. 149 00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:42,550 Look, even if I wanted to finish that Nixon scene, 150 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,680 we don't have an Oval Office set. 151 00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,670 There's one at the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda. 152 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,640 Why on earth do you know that? 153 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,020 In season three of Horsin' Around, the horse got elected president 154 00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:52,390 and we shot on location. 155 00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:55,350 We can sneak into the library and get the shot, guerilla-style. 156 00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:56,930 Once Turteltaub sees it, he'll love it, 157 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,480 and we can make the movie we both want to make. 158 00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:03,820 - Okay, I'm in. Let's do it. - All right! 159 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,270 Did they really make your character president? 160 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,360 Only for season three. 161 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,740 In season four, it turned out it was all a dream. 162 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,990 They called my airplane Air Horse One. 163 00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,740 And the vice president was a hip-hop zebra named Zebro. 164 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,620 - Come on. - It wasn't our best season. 165 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,990 But on the bright side, was not our worst. 166 00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,870 Step one, we go to the Nixon Library... 167 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,920 and steal the scale model. 168 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,090 Welcome to my library. 169 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,340 I'm Nixon. . 170 00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:33,050 Yeah, you know, some people say I look like Nixon. 171 00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:36,860 Not because he's my dad or anything. That's crazy. Nixon's not my dad. 172 00:08:36,930 --> 00:08:40,430 But if you have any questions about Nixon, I'd be happy to answer them. 173 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,020 Yeah, I have a question. Um... 174 00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:46,660 Is that the lighted exit sign from Nixon's boyhood home? 175 00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:49,480 Uh, no, that's just an exit sign. 176 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,900 - Is that... - Here we go. 177 00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:54,080 the handicapped drinking fountain he used in the White House? 178 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,830 No, just a normal drinking fountain. 179 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:56,990 - Hang on. - One more. 180 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,450 - Is that the smoke alarm—? - No. 181 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:05,300 So the Oval Office is right here, next to the men's room. 182 00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:08,390 I remember because season three of Horsin' Around was a big cocaine year. 183 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,170 All the pressures of being president. 184 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:13,600 - I don't see how we'll pull this off. - We're gonna need a crack team. 185 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,600 First, we gotta get the best lock-pick in the city. 186 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,180 - Not interested. - Okay. 187 00:09:19,270 --> 00:09:21,070 The second best lock-pick in the city. 188 00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,020 - No way I'm doing that. - Got it. 189 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,150 A lock-pick. 190 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,560 Todd, can you pick locks? 191 00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:27,660 - Kind of. - Great. You're in. 192 00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:29,270 We'll need an expert cat burglar. 193 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,570 All right, Good Wife, let's see what you got. 194 00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:33,190 Hey, Princess Carolyn! 195 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,990 Kelsey and I are gonna break into the Nixon library 196 00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,660 to steal a shot for our Secretariat movie. 197 00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:43,670 It's a super-sneaky, kooky caper that stands to benefit you in no way. 198 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,830 Are you in? 199 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,680 Hey! Shut up down there! 200 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,250 - You shut up! - Make me! 201 00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:50,760 Hey, you got a problem? Take it up with my agent, 202 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,840 your downstairs neighbor Princess Carolyn. 203 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,510 We'll need someone to play Checkers. 204 00:09:56,590 --> 00:09:59,220 Hey, Chicago! Al Capone, deep dish. 205 00:09:59,310 --> 00:10:02,690 What does Ethan Hawke know? We'll find out tonight. Da Bears. 206 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,440 BoJack, I'd love to help you out, 207 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,270 but I'm super-busy recording promos 208 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,490 for television's highest-rated new game show. 209 00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:11,700 - We can probably do it without you. - This next one's for Seattle. 210 00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:14,870 Hey, Seattle! Space Needle, Starbucks. 211 00:10:14,950 --> 00:10:18,420 What does Ethan Hawke know? We'll find out tonight. Rain. 212 00:10:18,490 --> 00:10:21,780 It's too bad though because I could really bring a lot to this project. 213 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:25,080 The more I think about it, Checkers wouldn't even be in the shot. 214 00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:26,760 It's just a single on Secretariat. 215 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:30,670 Hey, Waco, Texas! Terrible tragedy. What does Ethan Hawke know? 216 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:34,130 - We'll find out tonight. So sorry. - You know what? Forget I even asked. 217 00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,810 - Twist my arm, why don't you? I'll do it. - Okay. 218 00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:39,430 Finally, we'll need a criminal mastermind. 219 00:10:39,510 --> 00:10:42,800 Character actress Margo Martindale, you've been a model prisoner. 220 00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:44,600 I'm glad I served my time. 221 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,640 But now I'm ready to move on with my life 222 00:10:46,770 --> 00:10:48,440 and get back to doing small roles 223 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,060 in critically-acclaimed films and television shows. 224 00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,980 Watch, purse, lipstick, 225 00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,780 Emmy Award for Best Guest Actress. 226 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:05,200 I need your help with a break-in. 227 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,210 BoJack, I've been out of prison for two minutes. 228 00:11:08,290 --> 00:11:10,000 What took you so long? 229 00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:16,630 Kelsey, Mr. Peanutbutter and I are gonna break into the library. 230 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,730 But the problem is, the place is crawling with cops. 231 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,130 They're on high alert 232 00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:24,390 because some idiot stole this model last night. 233 00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:26,720 Yeah, nice work, Todd. 234 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:30,850 Who am I kidding? I can't stay mad at you. You're adorable. 235 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,730 Look at your big saucer eyes. I can go swimming in them! 236 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:37,290 - Totally. - Now, we need to lose the cops. 237 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,190 The rest of you will create a diversion 238 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,280 by breaking into the only other place in Yorba Linda of cultural significance: 239 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,780 the Discount Fine Art Gallery in the strip mall, 240 00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:48,200 between the tanning salon and the adult bookstore. 241 00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,790 Once you set off the alarm, all the cops will go there. 242 00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:57,550 Now, things could get ugly. One of you is very likely to die. 243 00:11:57,630 --> 00:12:00,380 - Possibly Alan. - Why possibly Alan? 244 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,640 Well, you are the guy none of us knows that well. 245 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,470 I just came to fix your cable. 246 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:07,730 Alan, you already know too much. You're a part of this now, like it or not. 247 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,270 - But— - Hey, you think you could keep it down? 248 00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:13,190 I'm reading a script and I'm having trouble focusing, 249 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,520 so now my notes are gonna be confusing and vague. 250 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,440 We're almost done. 251 00:12:16,530 --> 00:12:18,410 I know you're having fun with your police cars, 252 00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:21,790 I just wish you would have asked before you invited these people over. 253 00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:24,110 - I live here, too. - You're right. I'm sorry. 254 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,950 And can you at least let Alan fix the cable before he dies? 255 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,550 I can't die. I'm endangered! 256 00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:34,180 "And the truffle-infused gnocchi was the star dish 257 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:37,290 at this up-and-comer that will please the pickiest of Brooklynites 258 00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,000 and the less discerning Staten Islander." 259 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,880 When I grow up, I can be food critic for New Yorker? 260 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,010 You can do anything you want in life. 261 00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:45,770 Not everyone can write for The New Yorker, 262 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,760 but there's always The Atlantic. 263 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,140 Diane, 264 00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:52,700 I'm concerned you're spending a lot of time with this sickly child. 265 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,770 Remember, you're supposed to be writing about me. 266 00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:58,620 Sure, but isn't this why we're here? To help these people? 267 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,570 I'm here to help these people. 268 00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:04,030 You're here to help me help them by writing a book about me 269 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,250 so people back home will give money to my foundation. 270 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:08,540 Great. 271 00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:14,210 Okay, come on. Over here. Get it. 272 00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:19,500 We're in. It's too late to turn back now. 273 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:23,380 One of us isn't going to come out of this alive. 274 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,180 Why do you all keep saying that? 275 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:28,600 Why can't we all assume we're gonna make it out alive and go from there? 276 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:32,100 Alan, we've got enough problems without worrying about your imminent death. 277 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:33,990 Can't we just all shut up and do this? 278 00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:37,350 Why does everything have to be a big, complicated mess? 279 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,480 Like, look at this Thomas Kinkade painting. 280 00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:40,940 It's simple. 281 00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:44,620 And serene. And... pleasant. 282 00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,240 I think that the vest makes me look kind of chunky. 283 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,620 I don't do CrossFit five days a week to not look sweet in this uniform. 284 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,620 I swear to God, if you don't shut up about CrossFit— 285 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,580 Break-in at the Discount 286 00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,210 Fine Art Gallery at the strip mall. 287 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,930 Let's roll! That's a thing we say at CrossFit. 288 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,080 Remember when my character on Mr. Peanutbutter's House was 289 00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:25,320 - elected president? - Let me guess, it was all a dream? 290 00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:27,580 No, I served half a term, then resigned 291 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:29,830 because when Zachary had a bad time with peer pressure, 292 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:32,080 I realized I was spending too much time being president 293 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,790 and not enough time being a dad. 294 00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:35,750 It's like you didn't even watch my show. 295 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,500 Okay, I'd like you here. 296 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:40,760 And then you are going to be over here. 297 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,720 - Freeze! - I'm union. 298 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,670 - Playing dead. - Breaking and entering? 299 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,170 That is against everything Nixon stood for. 300 00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:50,390 We didn't mean to cause trouble. We're trying to make a movie about Nixon. 301 00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:53,970 Yeah? What, another leftist screed about how corrupt he was? 302 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,350 - Uh... - Or is it about how he had 303 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:56,400 an illegitimate son, 304 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,020 and the son never knew who his dad was, but always had a hunch it was Nixon, 305 00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:03,830 and then that son grew up to be the security guard at the Nixon Library? 306 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,360 The second one? 307 00:15:05,450 --> 00:15:09,120 Well, if that's true, how come you don't have an actor here to play Nixon? 308 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,820 Because... 309 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:15,120 we couldn't find anyone who could appropriately capture his magic. 310 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,200 You know, I do a pretty good Nixon. 311 00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,210 You? No way. 312 00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:20,750 Hello, I'm Nixon. 313 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,970 I can't be at your soccer game, but I am your father and I love you very much. 314 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,560 Oh, my God. He's perfect. 315 00:15:26,630 --> 00:15:28,090 We've found our Nixon. 316 00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:30,140 I can be ready in five. 317 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,590 Uh. Did we get the shot? 318 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,890 It's so peaceful. 319 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,520 - Okay, folks. - Aah! 320 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,100 Party's over. That's something we say at CrossFit. 321 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,560 Ugh. Wait a sec— I know you! 322 00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:46,070 You were in Justified. You were amazing. 323 00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:47,400 Okay, you caught me. 324 00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:50,210 I am kind of a well-known character actress. 325 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,200 I am such a huge fan, Miss, uh— 326 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,490 What—? What's your name? 327 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,330 Sure, of course. 328 00:15:56,410 --> 00:15:58,910 Everyone loves my work, but apparently not enough 329 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,330 to watch the credits and find out what my name is. 330 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:04,720 The important thing is that we enjoy your great performances, right? 331 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,890 - How about you enjoy this? Aah! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 332 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,300 Margo, I thought we agreed, no guns. 333 00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:13,560 Oh, is that what we agreed to? I thought we said "no gum." 334 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,600 But you're also chewing gum. 335 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,760 I'm a wild card. 336 00:16:18,730 --> 00:16:20,360 - Aah! - Return fire! 337 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,740 Watch out! 338 00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:24,350 Oh, no! Alan's dead! 339 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,020 No, I'm fine. The bullet hit my cell phone. 340 00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:30,240 Oh, no! Alan's cell phone is dead! 341 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,450 Nope, phone's fine, too. Oh, hey, I got a text from my wife. 342 00:16:33,530 --> 00:16:36,370 She's going into labor. Guys, I'm gonna be a dad! 343 00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:37,830 See you later! 344 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,550 Die, you chunky assholes! 345 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,840 See, Jeff? This is what I'm talking about. 346 00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:50,840 Shoot! 347 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,560 Oh. 348 00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:05,310 - How could this be any more perfect? - Yoo-hoo. 349 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,810 Vanessa Gekko. How did you get in this painting? 350 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,320 I'm your servant, of course. 351 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,150 In your infinite generosity, you gave me this job 352 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,740 when it became clear that I don't have what it takes 353 00:17:14,820 --> 00:17:16,740 to be a "Hollywoo" power-agent. 354 00:17:16,830 --> 00:17:18,250 Also, my husband left me. 355 00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:21,840 And my children married each other in an unholy incestuous union. 356 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,510 Plus, I have, like, colitis or something. 357 00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:27,220 How appropriate! Fetch me drink, wench. 358 00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,180 - Right away, ma'am. - Ah. 359 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:31,880 Diane... 360 00:17:31,970 --> 00:17:35,020 The second thing you notice about Sebastian St. Clair 361 00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:37,090 is how much he talks about himself. 362 00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:38,680 This way is the library I built. 363 00:17:38,770 --> 00:17:41,360 And over there is the statue of me building the library. 364 00:17:41,430 --> 00:17:44,560 And on that wall is a painting of me posing for the statue. 365 00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,910 - Put a chapter in your book about that. - Uh-huh. 366 00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:51,610 The only respite from his constant bombast is sleep, 367 00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:53,400 and even then, sometimes... 368 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,160 Everybody— Those of you who can walk, I mean. 369 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:04,630 —let's drag these corpses to the mass grave behind the playground. 370 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,540 We need to make room for my new hospital. 371 00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:10,760 - Where's Kinko? Is he okay? - Oh, no, no, he's certainly dead. 372 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,170 See, Diane, I told you not to make friends. 373 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,640 Jesus, you don't care about any of these people. 374 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,970 You're just using them as props for your big-shot superhero act. 375 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:21,650 Diane, the dead will not benefit from our grief, 376 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:26,270 but the survivors need a new hospital and we need to build it. 377 00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:27,480 This is too much. 378 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,600 If you're going to survive, you'll need to harden up. 379 00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:32,520 I asked you to join me because I thought you could handle it. 380 00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,940 - But if you can't, you can go home. - I... 381 00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:36,990 I can handle it. 382 00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:40,240 Great! Let's drag some bodies! Kinko! Oh, never mind. 383 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,000 Hey, um, how come Nixon gets a line and I don't get a line? 384 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,120 We only gave him a line so he wouldn't call the police. 385 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:51,710 - If I call the police, will I get a line? - No, we won't use it in the movie. 386 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,430 We only need the one-shot of me. 387 00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:56,020 I just think if he gets a line, I should get a line. 388 00:18:56,090 --> 00:19:00,130 - Ugh. Actors. - Okay, positions everyone. And... action. 389 00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:01,260 I'm Nixon. 390 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:04,110 The way you're feeling about your dead brother is how I feel 391 00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:06,350 about the son I'll never know. 392 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:11,740 But I look at the moon and so does he. That's how I know we're connected. 393 00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:13,200 And I'm Checkers. 394 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,780 All right, so, BoJack, 395 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:17,190 you've been told that your brother, Jeffretariat, 396 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,820 the one Nixon sent to Vietnam in your place, is dead. 397 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,870 You're feeling the weight of that guilt. 398 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:25,330 And the tears start to flow. 399 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,710 And the tears start to flow. 400 00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:30,040 Oh. I don't cry in front of other people. 401 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,470 Well, you need to. This is the emotional climax of the movie. 402 00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:36,930 Yeah, okay, but I don't cry in front of other people. I can't. 403 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,210 Really, never? Come on. 404 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:40,510 What if someone tells you they'll take you to the park, 405 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,190 and they keep talking about the park and all the fun you'll have, 406 00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:44,430 but then... 407 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,610 But then they don't take you to the park. I need a second. 408 00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:51,610 Well, I'm sorry, I can't do it. I didn't know you wanted me to cry. 409 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,560 Can you give us the room, please? 410 00:19:55,030 --> 00:19:57,200 There's a park right outside we can hang out at. 411 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,950 - Oh! - Oh, we can't, the sprinklers are on. 412 00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:01,070 Ah. 413 00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:08,090 Well, another beautiful, serene day in magical fantasy-painting world. 414 00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:12,710 Queen Princess Carolyn, if I may, I have some exciting news. 415 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,430 I just landed a new client. 416 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,840 - The mill owner! - Huh? 417 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,420 We're doing a three-picture deal about his waterwheel. 418 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,480 - Wait, you're making deals here? - I'll say. 419 00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:24,470 I'm now the biggest agent in the entire idyllic New England village. 420 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,730 It's like you don't even read the idyllic New England village trades. 421 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:28,970 What? No! 422 00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:32,600 You're polluting my perfect serene dream life. Why is this happening? 423 00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,190 I don't know. It's your fantasy. 424 00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:37,150 But if you ask me, I don't think you want perfect and serene 425 00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,440 and enough time to catch up on The Good Wife. 426 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,360 Stop kidding yourself, Princess Carolyn. 427 00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:45,370 If you really wanted the simple life, you'd have a simple life. 428 00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:47,780 Oh, my God. I gotta get out of here. 429 00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,950 Bye! 430 00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:53,670 Hey. Yeah, I got rid of her. Now this place is all mine. 431 00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:55,500 Get your demo guys together. 432 00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:59,260 Let's tear this old Tudor down and put up some condos! 433 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,460 Okay. 434 00:21:04,390 --> 00:21:05,900 This isn't just for me. 435 00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:08,890 It's for John Carroll Lynch, C.C.H. Pounder, 436 00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:13,400 and all the other character actors who live in lucrative obscurity. 437 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,020 The blood I spill today is for us all! 438 00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:20,200 I'm character actress Margo Martindale! 439 00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:24,900 Yeah, I'm going to go with Princess Carolyn. 440 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,290 Hmm. 441 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,920 - Hello? - Hey. 442 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,540 There you are! I've been trying to call you all week. 443 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:38,130 - Yeah, the coverage in Cordovia is— - Diane, Diane. 444 00:21:38,210 --> 00:21:39,750 Listen, I gotta tell you: 445 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,550 I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about your trip. 446 00:21:42,630 --> 00:21:45,970 The truth is, I really am so proud of you. 447 00:21:46,050 --> 00:21:47,590 A lot of people talk big, 448 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,930 but you're actually out there helping people. 449 00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:51,400 You're the real deal, Diane. 450 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,940 - Yeah... - How is it there? Is it amazing? 451 00:21:54,020 --> 00:21:56,060 It's... good. 452 00:21:56,690 --> 00:22:00,190 It's hard, but it's good. 453 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,280 I miss you. 454 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,440 I miss you, too, but I promise, 455 00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,990 these six months are gonna fly by. 456 00:22:06,070 --> 00:22:08,740 Yeah. How's the game show going? 457 00:22:08,830 --> 00:22:12,670 Oh, shit, I completely forgot I'm supposed to be hosting a game show right now. 458 00:22:20,550 --> 00:22:21,550 I gotta go. 459 00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:23,720 And that's when you realize 460 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,380 that the book you've been writing in your head 461 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:30,760 is never actually going to be a book, so you stop— 462 00:22:34,350 --> 00:22:35,770 I know what you're gonna say. 463 00:22:35,850 --> 00:22:39,100 I'm a dumb sitcom actor who's in over his head. 464 00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:41,810 I'm sorry that I thought I could do this. 465 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:43,860 And I'm sorry I made you come here. 466 00:22:43,950 --> 00:22:46,540 I'm sorry for everything. I don't know what I'm doing. 467 00:22:46,610 --> 00:22:48,240 BoJack, sit down. 468 00:22:50,030 --> 00:22:53,910 You've just been told your brother is dead and that it's your fault. 469 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,670 But this moment is bigger than that. 470 00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:59,000 This is the moment that Secretariat stops running. 471 00:22:59,090 --> 00:23:01,640 Because this is the moment you realize 472 00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:07,260 something inside you is broken, and it can never be fixed. 473 00:23:09,970 --> 00:23:10,970 We got it. 474 00:23:11,060 --> 00:23:12,480 Really? I didn't cry. 475 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,150 You didn't have to. Turteltaub's gonna love this. 476 00:23:15,230 --> 00:23:18,780 - Oh. All right. - Thanks for talking me into this. 477 00:23:18,850 --> 00:23:23,360 Just so you know, I'm really glad we're making this movie together. 478 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,320 - Didn't know I had it in me, did you? - No, I knew. 479 00:23:27,780 --> 00:23:28,860 Huh. 480 00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:49,010 - Hold the elevator, please. - Coming in? 481 00:23:49,550 --> 00:23:51,510 - I'm all in. - Whoa! 482 00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:58,690 Mommy, it's nearly Christmas. Where's Uncle Secretariat? 483 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,770 He had to go win a race against the Russians. 484 00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:04,870 But maybe, if he runs really fast... 485 00:24:04,940 --> 00:24:07,190 - Hey, where's Kelsey? - Oh, yeah, funny story. 486 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,610 Turns out you two knuckleheads snuck out last night 487 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:12,120 and got that shot I told you not to get for the scene 488 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,070 - that's not in the movie anymore. - Uh... 489 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,910 Silly me, I didn't like that. So I fired her ass. 490 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,840 - What? - We got a movie to finish, okay? 491 00:24:18,910 --> 00:24:20,210 So, go get in costume, 492 00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:22,540 get your butt up that chimney, and do your thing, Hamlet. 493 00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:27,600 Just maybe, all we have to do is believe! 494 00:24:37,230 --> 00:24:38,400 What are you doing here? 495 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,360 Hey, is it cool if I crash here for a couple nights? 496 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,270 I didn't know where else to go. 497 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:34,450 Boxer versus raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.