1 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,220 Look alive, bright eyes. 2 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:19,320 It's the morning and somebody loves you. 3 00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:20,850 Right back at you, buddy. 4 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,640 - Oh, my God. He's here. - There he is. 5 00:00:22,730 --> 00:00:26,360 - I love you, Mr. Peanutbutter. - I love you, too. 6 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:31,820 Idea for a new Pixar movie: what are pizza boxes thinking about? 7 00:00:31,910 --> 00:00:34,670 - And Leland Stanford? - Transcontinental Railroad. 8 00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:36,780 - Transcontinental Railroad? - That is correct. 9 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:41,080 Next question, what is my favorite kind of berry? 10 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,500 - Barry Bostwick. - Raspberry? 11 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:46,540 I'm so sorry, the correct answer, of course, was Barry Bostwick. 12 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,210 - How was I supposed to know? - He also likes Franken Berry. 13 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,550 - We would have accepted Franken Berry. - What? 14 00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,880 - I'm sorry, you lose. - What the...? 15 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:57,180 That's our show, but before we go I wanna send out a quick message. 16 00:00:57,260 --> 00:01:03,100 Diane, if you're watching this, I love you and I know you're doing great things. 17 00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:08,780 Idea for a new app: an undo button that could undo long amounts of time. 18 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:15,450 - Hey, is everyone having a good time? Ha! - Three months. A year. A life. 19 00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:20,530 Erica, where did that tooth come from? All right, let's keep this party going. 20 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:24,200 One click and everything could just go back to the way it was. 21 00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:31,800 - Hey. - Hey. 22 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:36,760 - You're still here? - Yup. Still here. 23 00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,530 - Stop it. - Wake up, captain dumbshit. 24 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:42,380 I've been trying to get in touch with you for two months. 25 00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:45,160 Ow. Okay. I'm awake, I'm awake. 26 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,460 Aah! What is it? 27 00:02:47,540 --> 00:02:52,540 If the studio wants to sue me, tell them to take my house. I belong to the sea now. 28 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:56,170 - Are you drunk? - Only on adventure. And gin. 29 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,800 And vodka. And gin. 30 00:02:57,890 --> 00:03:00,600 They're not gonna sue you. They finished the movie. 31 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,510 - What? How? Explain yourself, land wench. - I don't know, ask Turteltaub. 32 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,520 That's not why I'm here. I thought you were in Cordovia. 33 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,140 You've been here this whole time? 34 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:13,900 Idea for a thing Princess Carolyn should do... Shut up. 35 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,690 Get dressed. We're going to the orphanage. 36 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:16,820 What orphanage? 37 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:19,860 Remember at Herb's funeral, I asked you what you wanted me to do 38 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:23,160 - with your Horsin' Around residuals? - I do... not remember that. 39 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,590 You said, "Give it to an orphanage or something." 40 00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:28,160 - What? - It turns out you made enough money 41 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:32,670 to build a brand new one. So congratulations. You're a hero. 42 00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,210 A hero? 43 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,130 That's right, a hero. 44 00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:39,600 Or is it pronounced "gyro?" I just call them subs. 45 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,850 Anyway, enjoy the sandwich, you're a great man. 46 00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:46,010 Welcome to The BoJack Horseman Orphanage. 47 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,930 Or, as we call it, The BoJack Horsephanage. 48 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,430 You cannot call it that. 49 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:55,230 A, because I am not a great man and B, because that is a really stupid name. 50 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:59,370 - The name was Molly's idea. - Stop pissing off the orphans. 51 00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:02,080 A lot of them grow up to be serial killers. 52 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,090 Thank you for that lovely song. But I'm not a good person. 53 00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:23,600 This is the only good thing I've ever done and I did it by accident. 54 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,510 And it just goes to show you life is just... Ah, what am I saying? 55 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,350 I don't have to tell you how hard life is. You're the ones with the dead parents. 56 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,320 - My parents are dead? - No. No. Not necessarily. 57 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,360 Maybe they just didn't want you. 58 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,570 My point is, I don't understand how people live. 59 00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,030 It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning 60 00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:46,820 and say, "Yeah, another day, let's do it." How do people do it? 61 00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:48,200 I don't know how. 62 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,450 Yay. 63 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:02,920 So you see, Todd, the nimble improviser must navigate the most sensitive of areas. 64 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:05,680 - And I'm not just talking about the butt. - Ha. 65 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,890 Copernicus, how do you always come up with these amazing butt jokes? 66 00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:14,240 When you're a Level Nine, as I am, you don't come up with butt jokes. 67 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:18,400 You live truthfully in the moment and the butt joke comes to you. 68 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,480 So true. So wise. 69 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,690 Listen, I need to "shove off," as we sailors say, 70 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:27,570 on my comedy cruise line, the Giggleship. I shan't be returning. 71 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,990 - Shan't you? - I shannot. 72 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,700 I'd like you to join me on the high seas, as my Number Two 73 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,580 and I don't mean that kind of number two. 74 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,720 What, number two, how do you do that? 75 00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:44,810 If it isn't the furshlugginer putz who cost me 50 grand. 76 00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:48,100 I'm sorry I bailed in the middle of production. If there's anything I can do. 77 00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:50,010 Do? What do? Movie's finished. 78 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,220 - We fixed the whole thing in post. - Really? 79 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,680 Remember your first week, these nerds made a computer scan of your head 80 00:05:55,770 --> 00:05:57,600 so we could finish if something happened? 81 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,190 Please don't call us nerds, sir. 82 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,240 Something happened to you, so these nerds finished the movie. 83 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,780 Look what Computer BoJack can do. 84 00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:07,700 - Help you out of that tree, ma'am? - Look at him save that cat. 85 00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:09,740 Now there's a protagonist we can root for. 86 00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:12,130 - You did all that in the computer? - Not just that. 87 00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:16,760 Computer BoJack had so much charisma and screen presence we ended up going back 88 00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:19,880 - and replacing you in every scene. - I'm not in the movie at all? 89 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,630 Not technically, but computer you is giving the performance of your career. 90 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,680 When people see what you do in this movie, 91 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,840 they are gonna storm Daniel Day-Lewis's house, 92 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,430 schlep him out into the street, shoot him in the head. 93 00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:32,220 That's how good your performance is. 94 00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,470 It's gonna make Daniel Day-Lewis look like shit. 95 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,730 - They're gonna hate Daniel Day-Lewis. - But it's not my performance. 96 00:06:37,810 --> 00:06:41,400 Explain that the widow Day-Lewis. She'll be devastated. Kaput. Kapleshky. 97 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,690 Are you Jewish? Because I feel some of these you're just making up. 98 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,740 We got a screening this weekend. 99 00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:49,860 Come see the movie, we'll schmooze, we'll kibitz, 100 00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:52,240 schlemiel, schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. 101 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:58,620 Just think, Carolyn, in one week, all of this will be ours. 102 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:01,250 We should a put a social-media desk there. 103 00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:04,180 If we hire someone to micromanage our clients' online personas 104 00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:07,310 and new media outreach, they'll seem more grounded down to earth. 105 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:10,220 Smiling poop emoji, I love everything about that. 106 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,930 I wanna make sure the couches we get are really comfortable. 107 00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:18,030 - Just in case we have some late nights. - Mr. Rabitowitz. 108 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,520 This is a place of business. 109 00:07:20,610 --> 00:07:23,570 Ugh, can we just freeze in this moment for a second? 110 00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:26,980 I just wanna remember this instant where for once in my life, 111 00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:29,030 - everything was going— - Hold that thought. 112 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:30,070 What is it? 113 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,250 Ugh. My wife and I are going to the ballet tonight, 114 00:07:32,330 --> 00:07:34,130 there's a real ish with the restaurant. 115 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,240 - This is the wife you're divorcing, right? - You know how it is. 116 00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:40,500 You say you want a divorce and she says, "No, we can make this work." 117 00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:43,420 You go to counseling and remember why you fell in love with her 118 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,840 in the first place and then, blah, blah, it's a whole thing. 119 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,050 We've been sleeping together for three months. 120 00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:51,800 - We're about to start a company together. - None of that has to change. 121 00:07:51,890 --> 00:07:55,690 I am definitely going to divorce her probably, it's just... 122 00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:58,530 Ugh. It's hard to explain to someone who's never been married. 123 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,890 - Listen, this is— - Oh! 124 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,980 Sorry, Katie just said something funny. 125 00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:05,110 - What? - I gotta hop. I love you, though. 126 00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:14,660 Ha, ha. Okay, keep the engine running, I'll be back in a— Oh. 127 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,280 - Hey. - Hey. 128 00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:21,160 Um, I'm just here to pick up some stuff. I'm going away for a while. 129 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,580 - Oh, where? - The Giggleship. 130 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,210 It's the comedy cruise line People magazine 131 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:30,430 - once called "a comedy cruise line." - Comedy cruise line? 132 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,720 Oh right, your improv thing. How was your, uh, graduation show? 133 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,390 - It was two months ago. You missed it. - Sorry. 134 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,780 - No, you're not. - Well... 135 00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:44,440 Hey, do you remember the morning after my first night here? 136 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,690 I don't know why everyone keeps asking if I remember things. I don't. 137 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,790 Just as a general rule, if your question begins, "Do you remember" 138 00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:54,280 and doesn't end with "how much you hated Moulin Rouge," the answer's no. 139 00:08:54,370 --> 00:08:58,170 I was so happy to have a place to stay that I made pancakes. 140 00:08:58,290 --> 00:09:00,550 And you kept eating them so I kept making them. 141 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:04,160 And then you got mad at me for letting you eat so many pancakes. 142 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:07,250 You tried to chase me around the pool, but you were too hungover 143 00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:12,180 and also full from the pancakes so instead... you took a nap. 144 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:17,220 And when you woke up, you said, "Thanks for the pancakes. 145 00:09:17,310 --> 00:09:20,820 - Now get out of my house." - I don't remember any of that. 146 00:09:20,890 --> 00:09:25,350 Well, anyway, I'm finally moving out, just like you wanted. 147 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,900 Good. Honestly, you'll probably be better off without me. 148 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,910 Yeah. But we had some good times, though, right? 149 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:38,950 - Did we? - Right. Well, um, take care. 150 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,670 Hey, I hope you can find a way to be happy, BoJack. 151 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:46,210 - I really do. - Yeah, okay. 152 00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:48,210 Hey, Todd? 153 00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:53,640 You need to get your shit together. 154 00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:57,640 - Ugh. - Rutabaga and I are starting a new agency. 155 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,140 I want you to come on board and write celebrity tweets. 156 00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,640 - I don't know how to do that. - You're a ghost-writer. 157 00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:06,820 It's the same as writing a book, they're just a lot shorter 158 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,320 and more people read them. 159 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,400 All right, but why are you helping me? 160 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:14,950 Because my life is a mess right now and I compulsively take care of other people 161 00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:16,820 when I don't know how to take care of myself. 162 00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:20,130 Oh. I was hoping it was because you believed in me. 163 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,200 I don't. 164 00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,870 Welcome to my Giggleship. 165 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,580 For us, it's a place to realize our higher selves. For the paying public, 166 00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:34,670 it's a place to watch improv and drink watered-down margaritas for 8.99. 167 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,730 Wow, we must all make a lot of money. 168 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:42,220 No, no, you just get paid in experience and stage time. 169 00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:45,980 - Which in a way is even better than money. - Say what? 170 00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,310 Look, We've arrived at your living quarters. 171 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:54,740 Wow. No more couch-sleeping for this guy. He gets a mattress. 172 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:55,820 That's the spirit. 173 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:59,240 And you can use improv to make this room anything you want it to be. 174 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,030 My cabin is exactly like yours, but when I use my imagination, 175 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:06,660 it becomes a rich stateroom with a treasure chest full of booty. 176 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:10,540 I like a big booty, if you know what I mean. And I don't mean a butt. 177 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:16,800 You really are the master of spontaneous witticisms. 178 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:24,520 All right, you ready? This is go time. There's no turning back now. 179 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,310 - Oh, I am ready. - Great. 180 00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:30,140 Now let's get out there and tell all those garbage rat bastard sons of bastards 181 00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:32,730 what we really think of them, once and for all. 182 00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:35,280 Everyone. We have an announcement. 183 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,320 —Guys, we have an announcement. 184 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,610 - What's going on? - Mr. Witherspoon's in the hospital. 185 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,200 - He had a stroke. - Oh. 186 00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:46,170 Well, you know what you rat bastards can stroke? 187 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:48,500 - Uh... Oh. - My big, hairy... 188 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:52,420 Well, we burned that bridge. 189 00:11:57,590 --> 00:12:02,300 Todd, you should be up a magician's sleeve because you are a card. 190 00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:06,390 Hey, Bryan. What's going on here? 191 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,570 - He refused to scrub the floors. - Oh, Bryan. 192 00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:12,400 Please. My knees were cramping so I needed to stand. 193 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:16,570 But I'm real good at cleaning windows. Look. 194 00:12:16,650 --> 00:12:20,570 That's solid space-work. Bryan, don't worry. 195 00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:23,000 I'm gonna go to Copernicus and get this sorted out. 196 00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:27,780 Copernicus? Uh, Copernicus? 197 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,450 Huh? 198 00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:32,380 Huh. 199 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,210 Whoa. 200 00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:42,880 One Hundred and One Butt Jokes? 201 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:47,510 "No parking in the rear?" Aah! 202 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,770 - Copernicus is a fraud! - A fraud? Me? Ow. 203 00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,390 - Aah. - I had such high hopes for you, Todd. 204 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,020 Normally, I'd make a perfectly timed butt joke here, 205 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,940 but as you can see, I don't have my book. 206 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,530 - Oh! - Guards, take this subversive 207 00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,280 to the Yes And room. 208 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:07,170 - No. - Hey, what are you doing? 209 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:11,910 No. Shame on all of you! Just wait till you see my Trip Advisor review. 210 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,370 This cruise is getting three stars. 211 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:18,170 Because I have very mixed feelings about it. 212 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,680 - Carolyn, we are free. - Yeah. 213 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,840 Real quick, kiss me once. Then kiss me twice. 214 00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,890 I don't want to do that anymore. 215 00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:32,220 - I told you, we can make this work— - No. I don't want— 216 00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,770 Carolyn, you're a single woman in your 40s. 217 00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,160 - Can you really afford to be picky? - What? 218 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:40,900 I'm just saying, what, you think you're gonna find some perfect unattached guy 219 00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:42,700 who's gonna love you like I do? 220 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,400 Who's gonna make you laugh and feel good about yourself? 221 00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:47,450 This is it, Carolyn, this is what you get. 222 00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,530 If you're holding out for something better, 223 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:53,120 well, I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna be alone for a long time. 224 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,710 I'm not afraid of being alone. 225 00:13:57,380 --> 00:13:59,680 And you might wanna find someplace else to work 226 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,180 - because you're not coming with me. - Wait, wait, wait, what? 227 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,720 It's my company. My name is on all the paperwork. 228 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,340 I think I can do it without you. Good luck. 229 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:14,640 - Whoa, Carolyn, we just— Come... Carolyn. - My name is Princess Carolyn. 230 00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:19,190 And as I held that baby in my arms, 231 00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:21,650 I knew I had been given a second chance. 232 00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:27,250 A chance to finally make things right. And this time, I was gonna win... 233 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,110 the race of life. 234 00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:38,120 - Whoa. That was actually good. - We're doing a full awards push. 235 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,460 You should clear your schedule for the next year. 236 00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:42,850 Buckle up, buddy, this is the year of Secretariat. 237 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,880 But it wasn't Secretariat. And it wasn't me. It was a computer. 238 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,800 What difference does it make? Smile and collect your trophies. 239 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,230 - You know Ana Spanikopita? - Hello. 240 00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:54,070 - Aah! - They call her the Oscar whisperer. 241 00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:56,850 - Ana Spanikopita. Big fan. - Thank you, it's— 242 00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:59,360 I meant you are going to be a big fan of me 243 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,770 because I am going to win you an Oscar. 244 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,020 Ana is the best there is. 245 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:06,280 - You better start writing your speech. - I don't have to thank my parents, do I? 246 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,150 You're funny. I am literally laughing out loud. 247 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,860 - Uh... - We gotta get you on a talk show. 248 00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:13,830 You have any weird history with Kelly Ripa I should know about? 249 00:15:13,910 --> 00:15:17,330 - No. Well, define "weird." - You look doughy. Do you run? 250 00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:20,050 - Cardio? Anything? - I mean, occasionally. 251 00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:23,600 Excuse me? That was such a beautiful performance. 252 00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:25,750 - So brave. - Thank you. 253 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,050 Everyone here loves you. Do you feel that? 254 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:29,920 - Feel that energy! - They don't love me. 255 00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:32,340 - They don't know me. - That's why they love you. 256 00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:36,180 He's right. Our research shows America likes to think they know you, 257 00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:39,280 and then they like learning more about you, but at a certain point 258 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:43,730 they pass a threshold where they actually know you and then they find you weird 259 00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:44,950 and off-putting. 260 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:48,080 Are you saying that nobody who really knows me could ever love me? 261 00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:50,700 - No, no, no. Not nobody. No. - No. 262 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,870 What am I doing here? 263 00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:56,700 I don't know where you're going, but if you could run there. 264 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:13,180 Sextina, hi. Thanks for meeting me here. I'm really excited to be working with you. 265 00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:16,970 Listen, chitch, if you're going to tweet for Sextina Aquafina, 266 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,770 you need to capture the essence of my personal brand, okay? 267 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:23,780 All upper caps, no punctuation, lots of cryptic bullshit about the Illuminati 268 00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:26,370 and make sure to mention my preferred brands, okay? 269 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:32,570 Beats by Dre, Abercrombie and Fitch and brand fin polish. 270 00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:36,250 - Can you spell that last one? - No. 271 00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,590 I gotta go get my blowhole bleached. 272 00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:44,380 Hey, thank you so much. You people are the real stars. Huh? 273 00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:51,720 Hi. I'm Sarah Koenig. 274 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,300 This is one ringtone told over the course of several rings. 275 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:59,140 And the story it's telling you is to answer your phone. 276 00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:01,990 - Hello? - Hey, Diane. 277 00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:03,520 Hey. Uh... 278 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:09,400 So... How's Cordovia? 279 00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:11,790 It's... hard. 280 00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:17,910 - Do you know where the batteries are? - What? 281 00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:22,290 - The batteries in the remote died. - Did you check the junk drawer? 282 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,380 Yeah, I looked in the junk drawer. 283 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,580 I'm gonna take them out of the smoke detector. 284 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,750 - No, don't do that. - Well, I'm out of options. 285 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:35,260 Listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I think maybe you should get back here 286 00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:39,140 - so you can help me find the batteries. - Yeah? 287 00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:42,470 I know you're doing important work and it's a long way to travel, 288 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:46,270 but I need you here and I think you should come home. 289 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:51,120 - Is that really what you want? - Of course it is. 290 00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:57,160 Well, okay, I'm looking at this website right now 291 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:01,870 and it says if I leave immediately, I can still make it home tonight. 292 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,550 - That sounds great. - I love you. 293 00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:09,720 I love you, too, Diane. You know, it's the funniest thing. 294 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,640 There is a woman in this restaurant who looks just like you. 295 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,480 I guess I just have one of those faces. 296 00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:23,390 Okay, party people, we have time for one more suggestion. 297 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,650 - Todd. - Did someone say movie theater? 298 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,190 I heard movie theater. 299 00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:31,110 I'm Abe Lincoln and I'm gonna wear my giant hat to the movies. 300 00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:35,110 Who's this sitting behind me? John Wilkes Booth. Uh-oh. 301 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,960 - Todd, it's me, BoJack. - BoJack? 302 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:42,030 - Todd, I'm getting you out of here. - I can't leave. 303 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,450 I need to take suggestions. 304 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:47,000 Okay, well, here's a suggestion, your name is Todd. 305 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:53,960 You're 24, you live on my couch and you've always seen the good in me somehow. 306 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,760 You've been brainwashed into thinking 307 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,550 that you belong here, but you don't. You belong back home. 308 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,480 If you're any kind of improviser, you'll take that suggestion 309 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,860 and you'll run with it. 310 00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:04,010 Huh. 311 00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:07,180 Let's get out of here. 312 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:10,730 I'm afraid that getting out of here is not an option. 313 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:14,160 - You've seen too much. - What the hell are you gonna do about it? 314 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,580 - Stop you. With these. - Oh, no. 315 00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:20,210 - Don't do anything crazy, guys. - You can't be serious. 316 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,620 - Just get behind me, BoJack. - No sudden moves. 317 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:25,450 Be reasonable. You wouldn't wanna puncture the hull. 318 00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:28,910 Especially not when I have this smoke bomb. Ka-pow! 319 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,290 - I've lost them. Where did they go? - Seriously? 320 00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:35,180 Now feel the wrath of my flamethrower. 321 00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,340 Too bad we're wearing sunscreen 322 00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:42,270 with SPF a million which protects against flamethrowers. 323 00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:43,770 Oh, no. 324 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,680 Now we finish this with our strangle machine. 325 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,020 Beep, boop, boop. Machine? 326 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:52,400 - Strangle those guys. - Ugh! BoJack, help. 327 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,150 There is literally nothing happening to you. 328 00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:01,370 You don't understand, if you die in improv, you die in real life. 329 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:05,030 So stupid. Fine. I guess I have a guard killing machine? 330 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,700 Beep, boop, beep. 331 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,700 No. I have a wife and children. 332 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,330 Well, they're improvised, but they're real to me. 333 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:19,510 - Can this be the end? - This whole ship is full of idiots. 334 00:20:20,090 --> 00:20:21,340 Beep, boop. 335 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,470 Come on, come on, come on. 336 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,850 Come on, come on, Todd. Almost there. 337 00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:32,860 Wait. Where are you going? 338 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,730 Sorry, improv is fun and great and everything, 339 00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:40,580 but you guys are really into improv. I'm gonna go with my friend. 340 00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:43,290 Your friend? I didn't realize this man was your friend. 341 00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:46,380 Well, then, by all means, go with him, Todd. 342 00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:50,200 But, see, I thought this was the man who sabotaged your rock opera. 343 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,420 The one who constantly abuses you and makes you shower with a hose in the yard. 344 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,000 I invited him to. 345 00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:00,760 The one who's never said a kind word to you the entire time you've known him. 346 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:05,930 - Is this your friend, Todd? - It's more complicated than that. 347 00:21:06,010 --> 00:21:10,350 - Is it? We're your friends, Todd. - More than that, we're a family. 348 00:21:10,430 --> 00:21:14,190 - I, uh... - Hash browns. 349 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,520 - What? - I heard hash browns. 350 00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:20,040 - Martha, did you see my hash browns? - Oh, my God, do you ever turn it off? 351 00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:24,700 It was hash browns, not pancakes. The first morning you stayed with me. 352 00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:28,280 You kept making them and I kept eating them and then I threw up in the pool. 353 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:32,330 That made you throw up in the pool. Then I got mad at you for throwing up in my pool. 354 00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:35,760 - But, you said, "I'll clean it up." - And did I clean it up? 355 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,340 No. You didn't. I had to call the pool cleaner. 356 00:21:38,420 --> 00:21:40,130 - Ha, ha. - And you said, 357 00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:41,680 "Thank you for letting me stay here. 358 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,390 I don't have anywhere else to go." And I remember when you said that, 359 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:49,430 "I don't have anywhere else to go," because I felt good about myself. 360 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,980 And I don't feel that way a lot. 361 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,520 Letting you stay with me was the best thing I ever did on purpose. 362 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,310 I don't think I ever told you that. But I should have. 363 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,150 Because you're my best friend, Todd. 364 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:06,150 I'm not gonna lie, if you just made all that up, that was some really good improv. 365 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,320 Game recognize game. 366 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,660 - Why do you have a boat? - Uh, I don't remember. 367 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,300 - Hello? Prince? - Listen, bozo, I keep getting calls 368 00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:24,260 from this New York playwright, she really wants to talk to you. 369 00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:27,300 - She says you know her, Jill Pill? - Jill Pill? 370 00:22:27,390 --> 00:22:30,270 Ring any bells? Apparently, she worked on your TV show. 371 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:33,280 - Horsin' Around? - No, actually. The other TV show. 372 00:22:33,350 --> 00:22:36,520 Other TV show? Oh, shit. Jill. 373 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,650 I'm moving into the new office and I got Herb's ashes here. 374 00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:42,020 I really don't know what to do with this thing. 375 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,980 - Do you want it? - Yeah. 376 00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:47,700 Why did I take you with me? 377 00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:52,240 Herb loved orphans. 378 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,120 Mostly as a delivery apparatus for hackneyed punchlines 379 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:56,960 and mawkish sentimentality, but still. 380 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,920 And we will do our part to honor his legacy. 381 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,880 - Hey, who's Jerb? - What? 382 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,630 Jerb Ka— Why does it say "Jerb Kazzaz?" 383 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,140 Your e-mail said "Jerb." I forwarded it to the plaque guy. 384 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,800 - Is it not—? - No, obviously that was a typo. 385 00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:14,510 Why would I want to dedicate the orphanage to the memory of Jerb Kazzaz? 386 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,810 Kind of sounds like something you'd get at a Mediterranean restaurant, 387 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:18,950 but wouldn't finish. 388 00:23:19,020 --> 00:23:22,520 And the waiter would say, "You want me to box up this jerb kazzaz for you?" 389 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:25,280 - And you'd say, "No." - You gotta fix this. 390 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:28,690 Really? We spent a lot of money on this plaque, you know? 391 00:23:28,780 --> 00:23:31,160 - And on the t-shirts. - Jerb's kids? 392 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,570 No, there's no Jerb. It's Herb. 393 00:23:33,660 --> 00:23:36,950 T-shirt's say Jerb so I'm going by the t-shirts. 394 00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:42,670 You know, Herb would probably think that this is pretty funny 395 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:46,920 - that you couldn't even get this right. - Yeah. He would. 396 00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:51,050 - So, in a way... - Yeah. 397 00:23:51,140 --> 00:23:52,850 You wanna get some Mediterranean food? 398 00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:55,890 You read my mind. 399 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,770 Oh, God. Lungs on fire. 400 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:11,580 Ow. Crap. I hate this. Running is terrible. 401 00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:13,380 Everything is the worst. 402 00:24:18,910 --> 00:24:20,870 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 403 00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:25,430 - It gets easier. - Huh? 404 00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:27,840 Every day, it gets a little easier. 405 00:24:28,630 --> 00:24:31,050 - Yeah? - But you gotta do it every day. 406 00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:35,100 That's the hard part. But it does get easier. 407 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,140 Okay. 408 00:25:25,310 --> 00:25:28,360 Boxer versus raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.