1
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:14,973
Whoa.

2
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,684
So, that was weird.

3
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,229
Yeah. Wait.
Why did you think that was weird?

4
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,564
You know, you and me together, weird.

5
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,359
So it's not because
I did that talking penis thing, right?

6
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:28,362
Just the general concept of us
sleeping together that's weird, right?

7
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,363
Yeah.

8
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:35,244
Good morning, Hollywood.
It's a beautiful morning in sunny 2007.

9
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,705
Oh, my God, 2007?
Is that what time it is?

10
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:41,124
I gotta get my Uggs on and get to work.

11
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,378
Well, you sure you don't want
to just hang around for a little bit?

12
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:48,006
- I got no plans.
- No, sadly, I have to go to my job,

13
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,592
to help my boss find gigs
for you to turn down.

14
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,970
If Marv brought me something good,
I would do it.

15
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,597
Besides, I'm still decompressing
from my last gig.

16
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:58,267
Horsin' Around?
That ended 11 years ago.

17
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,103
Really? Where does the time go?

18
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:04,231
What, you're just gonna stay at home
and get drunk all day?

19
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:08,277
Don't climb up my ass. I invited you
to play hooky and hang out with me.

20
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,029
I got a new HD DVD player.

21
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,531
Let's get wrecked and get Shreked.

22
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,826
BoJack, last night was fun
and you're sweet, sort of.

23
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,454
- I don't want to make a thing of this.
- We agree. It's not a thing.

24
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:21,123
- Not a thing.
- Definitely not a thing.

25
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:24,293
No, this is not a thing.

26
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,128
Yeah.

27
00:02:16,808 --> 00:02:20,096
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -

28
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,909
Hey, Todd, I think you just got a text.

29
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,662
"Who do you like,
question mark, colon, bracket"?

30
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:43,955
That's a smiley face, homeslice.

31
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,999
- Who do you like?
- I don't like anyone.

32
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,169
That's ridonkulous.
You have to like someone.

33
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,964
If I have to, I guess, uh... Kimber?

34
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:56,176
Everyone likes Kimber.
That's like saying you like Fergie.

35
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,762
- Who do you like?
- I'm not allowed to like anyone.

36
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,974
My dad is real strict.
Do you know The Sopranos?

37
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:06,061
The show, or that weird saxophone
that Kenny G plays?

38
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:10,065
The show, about the guy in the mob?
That's what my dad does.

39
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,234
Whoa! Hey, speaking of mobs,

40
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:15,445
we gotta bounce if we're gonna make
that flash mob at the Grove.

41
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,114
Man, I love flash mobs.

42
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,573
And I love you...

43
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:21,827
Ubisoft's "Assassin's Creed".
It's a new video game.

44
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,621
- Okay, let's go flash mob.
- Whoo! Flash mobs.

45
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,627
I just don't know
how I feel about my husband

46
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,213
doing a bunch of wacky commercials
overseas.

47
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,674
Not overseas, underseas.

48
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,885
You're looking at the new face
of Seaborn's Seahorse Milk.

49
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,762
What the hell is seahorse milk?

50
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,932
Beats me, but you better believe
I'm trusting Seaborn's.

51
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,059
For all my seahorse milk needs.

52
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:49,604
- It just seems a little cheesy.
- Hey, I'm not too big for anything.

53
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,357
And my flip phone
is blowing up with opportunities.

54
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,818
Michael Vick made me
a very strange offer.

55
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,529
But I'm gonna hear him out.
Always take the meeting.

56
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,030
Ahem. Can I help you?

57
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,200
I'll have an Americano
with steamed milk instead of water.

58
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,744
One latte?

59
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,787
For you, my second and final wife?

60
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,498
Oh, I usually like a cool drink
when it's hot outside

61
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,500
and a warm drink when it's cold outside.

62
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,879
But today is a perfect day, so...

63
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,465
One lukewarm coffee
for my gorgeous spouse.

64
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,382
Name?

65
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:20,135
Jessica, obviously. I'm Jessica Biel?

66
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,638
- Mmm... uh...
- From Stealth? Summer Catch?

67
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,682
Rules Of Attraction? Nothing?

68
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:29,394
Girl from Seventh Heaven who
took her clothes off for that magazine?

69
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:32,439
- Oh, yeah.
- Thank you, Blarn?

70
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,065
That's my name.

71
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,029
So she kissed a girl, huh?

72
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,365
And she liked it? This I gotta see.

73
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,742
Talk to you later.

74
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,411
P.C., where are you hiding?

75
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,831
Right out here, Marv, same place
I've been for the last 14 years.

76
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:53,084
Get in here and tell me
what scripts I read this weekend.

77
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,003
We have three standouts here.

78
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,464
A feature called
No Country For Old Men.

79
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,758
It's about a hunter who...

80
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:04,179
Sorry, I fell asleep for a second.
Because that title's too long.

81
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,182
No Country For Old Men
It's About A Hunter Who?

82
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,391
Pass.

83
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,603
- Aaah!
- Titles should be two words.

84
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:14,022
Pretty Woman. Beautiful Girls.

85
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,232
Private Parts.

86
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,318
Then you might not like this next one,
There Will Be Blood?

87
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,195
There will not be blood.

88
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:23,532
I would have accepted
There Will, or Be Blood.

89
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,992
- Firm pass.
- Oh!

90
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,911
This last one is really special.

91
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:32,874
It's a TV pilot from a veteran sitcom
writer named Cuddlywhiskers called...

92
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:37,003
- Hmm... Mitch's Life.
- Now there's a title.

93
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,340
I think if we attach the right talent,
this could be a hit.

94
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,425
You know who'd be great?
BoJack Horseman.

95
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:47,305
Don't make me laugh, because I have
a heart condition and it could kill me.

96
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,850
Every little thing I bring that guy,
he turns down.

97
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,852
I think with the right project,
BoJack could...

98
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:57,482
Bup, bup, bup! P.C., do I get you coffee
and pick up your dry cleaning

99
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,443
and buy you peek-a-boo negligees
for strange women

100
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,613
- you saw at the train station once?
- No.

101
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:07,492
Then how about I don't do your job
and you don't do my job?

102
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,495
You know,
I would like to be an agent someday.

103
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,747
Yeah, yeah, someday, sure.

104
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,292
But for now,
you're learning from one of the greats.

105
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,043
Mark my words.

106
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:22,173
The best agent in the world
couldn't get that joker off his ass.

107
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,383
Hmm...

108
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,096
BoJack, I brought you Four Loko.

109
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:32,100
I brought four Four Lokos.
That's 16 Lokos.

110
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,644
Finally someone brings me
an adequate amount of Lokos.

111
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,521
Are you trying to get me drunk?

112
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,357
You were trying to get me drunk.

113
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,318
Where are you taking me,
what am I wearing?

114
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,861
To a meeting, and your clothes.

115
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,905
Is this a fedora?
What am I, Jason Mirzizzerzaz?

116
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,365
- I don't know.
- You know who.

117
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,327
I knew you wouldn't take this meeting
if I didn't trick you into it.

118
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,121
Cuddlywhiskers has a great script
and wants to meet you.

119
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,249
I have a script for you. It's called
"The BoJack Says No Chronicles".

120
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,709
Fade in, Princess Carolyn's car.

121
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:02,422
Princess Carolyn: "Hey, BoJack, you want
to do this dumb-ass thing?" Act break.

122
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,924
Act two.
BoJack turns to Princess Carolyn.

123
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,011
"No, thank you." End of episode.

124
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,764
Hey! Aren't you the horse
from Horsin' Around?

125
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:14,434
You see, this is why I don't
go out amongst the not-famouses.

126
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,603
Just do me a favor
and take this meeting.

127
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,313
If you're a good boy,

128
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,942
we can do that weird French thing
you saw in that Internet video.

129
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,234
Ooh, parkour?

130
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,323
This show came to me
when I was in rehab.

131
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,952
I realized I'm only here on this earth
for a bit, why not dig deeper?

132
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,578
- Huh.
- Don't get me wrong.

133
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,706
I'm proud of the seven years
I spent on Krill & Grace.

134
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,876
That show did so much
for the way society views krill people.

135
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,419
That show didn't make me happy.

136
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,838
The awards, the money
didn't make me happy.

137
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,924
Did you try spending the money on things?

138
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:49,719
I started to feel like I was trapped
in a giant plastic ball.

139
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,931
BoJack, meet my lovely assistant,
Jill Filipowicz.

140
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:53,848
- Hey.
- Hi.

141
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:57,227
- Did I say you could speak, wench?
- You can't talk to me like that.

142
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,940
- Clean up that mess this instant!
- No. I'm a dirty girl.

143
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,693
- Uh...
- I'm filthy.

144
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:08,029
- You are being very bad.
- You'll have to punish me later.

145
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,909
Jill and I have a very...
special relationship.

146
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,453
Want to tell me about the show?
I hear it's great.

147
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,706
I've worked on great shows
my whole career.

148
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,082
Great shows are easy.

149
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,919
I didn't become president of the Lampoon
so I could make "great" shows.

150
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,422
- Harvard Lampoon.
- Yeah, I got it.

151
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,549
I'm trying to do something different here.

152
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,759
- Something that lasts.
- Huh.

153
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,677
Think about it.

154
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,389
If you're ready to finally stop being
"The Horse" from Horsin' Around,

155
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:38,018
send me an e-mail:
Cuddlywhiskers@harvard.edu.

156
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,811
- That's H-A-R...
- I got it.

157
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,191
You got some mail, babe.

158
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,987
Mwah! You understand I'm using
that pet name ironically, right?

159
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,071
Yes, Wayne.

160
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:54,534
Oh, my God, check it out,
a rejection letter from The New Yorker.

161
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:59,289
That magazine is for white people.
White people are the worst, right, guys?

162
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:00,665
Yup.

163
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,334
"Dear Diane.
We are sorry to say that your piece,

164
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:06,004
'An Open Letter to Open Letters',
wasn't right for us,

165
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,507
despite its evident merit."
Do you know what this means?

166
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,927
Caring leads to disappointment?
Trying is stupid and so is having dreams?

167
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,930
Someone gave my piece a read
and decided against it.

168
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:19,267
Their journalistic style
couldn't be more outmoded.

169
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:23,229
- Satire? More like "sa-tired."
- I never even thought they'd read it.

170
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:27,525
"Talk of the Town"?
More like "Schlock of the Clown".

171
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:31,112
Then they typed me a letter
that said it had "obvious merit".

172
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:34,074
"Shouts and Murmurs"?
More like "Louts and..."

173
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,617
What rhymes with murmurs?

174
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,702
For two people
who don't like The New Yorker,

175
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,663
you know a lot about the different
sections of The New Yorker.

176
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,374
And then Cuddlywhiskers said:

177
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,503
"What if we stopped thinking of TV
as a conduit to tell stories

178
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,880
and thinking of it
as a conduit to tell truth?"

179
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:52,300
And I was like: "Damn, this guy
must have gone to Yale or something."

180
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,260
Sounds like you two really hit it off.

181
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,513
We were like Heidi and Spencer
up in there.

182
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,223
So you're gonna do the show?

183
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,183
Nah. Timing's really off right now.

184
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,186
iPhone's coming out this year,
I need to gear up for that.

185
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,564
I'm done. That's it, I'm tired
of bending over backwards for you.

186
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,942
I mean this in all seriousness,
professionally or in bed?

187
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,736
Why won't you do this?
Give me one good reason.

188
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:17,367
Because his show sounds incredible.
And what if... I'm not?

189
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,787
What if there's a reason the only thing
I'm known for is Horsin' Around?

190
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,832
BoJack, you are amazing.

191
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:27,418
You're bright and you're funny
and you're handsome and you're talented.

192
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,504
But if you can't see that,

193
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,715
then you're the biggest,
dumbest piece of shit in the world.

194
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,392
How long do we have to stay in here?

195
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,727
- It's called Seven Minutes in Heaven.
- Uh...

196
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,437
We don't have to kiss.

197
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,731
I know you'd rather be in here
with Kimber.

198
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,609
That's not true. It's just that, Emily...

199
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,404
- What?
- I've never kissed anyone before.

200
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,948
That's okay.
Maybe we can try with each other?

201
00:10:57,031 --> 00:11:00,702
That way, when you're in here with Kimber
one day, you'll know exactly what to do.

202
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:06,124
Okay, so how should we do it?
French style, Eskimo, Butterfly?

203
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:09,627
I'll tell you. I know exactly what to do
because I practice all the time

204
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,754
with a picture of Adam Brody...
No, I don't!

205
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:16,718
Just close your eyes,
and we move our faces toward each other.

206
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:20,680
- Okay.
- Until we...

207
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,353
Oh!

208
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:31,149
Well, the elusive BoJack Horseman.

209
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:36,863
You do, huh? Hey, Princess Carolyn,
guess who just got BoJack a job.

210
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:41,618
You... are the secretary
of a wonderful agent.

211
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:45,330
Now go pick up
a pair of satin crotchless undies.

212
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,207
I saw a stewardess
at the Yum Yum Donuts.

213
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,668
We did not make eye contact.

214
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,546
Good morning, Los Angeles.

215
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:56,883
It's two months later in 2007.

216
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,427
Two months later?
Two months later than what?

217
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,803
Did I say two months later?

218
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,140
Cookie chartreuse brontosaurus,
I think I'm having a stroke.

219
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,266
Aaah!

220
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,894
- Jeez, sleep much?
- Jeez, watch me sleep much?

221
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,312
Well, I couldn't sleep.

222
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,314
I kept thinking about
today's first read-through.

223
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,066
These things
are always so nerve-wracking,

224
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:16,319
to sit there and perform
for all these people like some kind of a...

225
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,738
- Professional actor?
- Very funny.

226
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,574
Before I forget, I got you a present.

227
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:26,079
It's a box...
with crinkly tissue paper inside it.

228
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,455
How did you know?

229
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,374
Thank you
for putting this whole thing together.

230
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,794
Even though I still can't believe
I let you talk me into this.

231
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,712
Promise me
everything's going to be okay?

232
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:36,923
I promise it's gonna be great.

233
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,384
If you get scared,
look for me in the audience.

234
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:43,221
I'll be there the whole time,
laughing and cheering louder than anyone.

235
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,723
- Mmm...
- Mm-mmm-mm.

236
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,979
"Mitch tosses the vodka bottle
into the garbage. Thud."

237
00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,522
"Goodbye, old friend."

238
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,942
"Mitch turns off the light
and closes the door as we...

239
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,528
Fade to black. End of episode."

240
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,574
Thank you.

241
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,620
Let's see what the suits say.

242
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,623
Bet they're gonna want to bland it up,
make it appeal to middle America.

243
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,875
That's the worst part of America.

244
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,461
Other than the bottom,
the top and most of the sides.

245
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,756
BoJack, Cuddlywhiskers,
what can we say?

246
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,010
This is why you guys are the pros
and we're just the schmoes.

247
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:25,930
I think what my husband
is trying to say is, "Great job."

248
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,390
Enough with the torture.

249
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,851
Don't have to feed me to finger me.
Just lay on the notes.

250
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,562
Our only note? No notes.

251
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,023
- No notes?
- We love this show.

252
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,983
BoJack, I'm calling it right now.

253
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:40,319
This show is gonna be as big
as Horsin' Around.

254
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,322
Huh.

255
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:49,245
And then Justin said, "Jessica Biel?
You are un-Jessica-Bielievable."

256
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,122
- It was so funny.
- Wow.

257
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,375
It seems like you're really
in sync with this Justin guy.

258
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,211
You should do all the things
with him that I can't do.

259
00:13:57,295 --> 00:14:01,424
Like eat chocolate,
or enjoy fireworks, or watch tennis.

260
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,261
Why, tennis makes me so mad.
Why doesn't anyone ever catch the ball?

261
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,264
Hello? Can we please get
some service in this place?

262
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:12,685
I'm famous actress Jessica Biel.
I'm one of the Jessicas.

263
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,354
Mom, I'm finally gonna be
a published writer.

264
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:18,775
My "Open Letter to Open Letters"
is going to be published in McSweeney's.

265
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,985
Mc-What? Who's that? Some Irish?

266
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,113
No, Mom. It's a very popular website.

267
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,824
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not falling for that scam.

268
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:30,286
Website? We gotta print it out
on our own paper with our own ink?

269
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,704
- I don't think so.
- Mom.

270
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:35,249
And my Blockbuster original series
has been keeping me very busy.

271
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,752
I still don't get how that's gonna work,
at all.

272
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,587
Babe, it makes total sense.

273
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,131
They make the whole season,
put it on six DVD's.

274
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,217
People go to their local Blockbuster Video

275
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,053
and rent it out one disc at a time
for five days each.

276
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,180
What if someone already rented
the episodes they want?

277
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:53,101
They can just get something else,
like The Illusionist or The Prestige.

278
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,895
- Whichever one you were in.
- Do you know which one?

279
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,398
Do you?

280
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:03,111
- Why do you say yes to everything?
- I get excited by the possibilities.

281
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:06,280
Look, a CD, at a coffee shop?
That is crazy.

282
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,241
- Buying it.
- Eh-eh eh-eh! No.

283
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,201
Drop it. Drop it.

284
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,494
Good boy.

285
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:16,666
Buzz-buzz-buzz buzz buzz-buzz!

286
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,252
- You heard what the network said.
- Heard they loved it.

287
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,920
Yoo-hoo! I also heard that.

288
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,047
Exactly. The network loved it.

289
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,924
Obviously, we're playing it too safe.

290
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,344
If you want my opinion, fellas,
you hit oil, stop drilling.

291
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:32,348
"I am an oil man.
I drink your milkshake."

292
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,810
- That'll be funny in a year or so.
- Before that got sad and weird,

293
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,271
you said, "If you want my opinion,"
and we don't.

294
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,107
Cuddlywhiskers, you told me
you wanted to do something different.

295
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,735
Now we're doing something that's gonna be
"just as good as Horsin' Around."

296
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:47,071
Is that what you wanted?
That's not why I'm here.

297
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,782
- I know.
- I really think you're making a mistake.

298
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,284
I'm not taking career advice

299
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,786
from somebody who's been
an assistant the last 14 years.

300
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,581
Is that how you think of me?
As your agent's assistant?

301
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,125
- What do you think you are?
- I don't know.

302
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,210
Here's some free advice:
you should know.

303
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,171
Why don't you leave this to the grown-ups?

304
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,131
Somebody needs coffee,
I'll give you a ring.

305
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,008
Okay, best of luck.

306
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,053
Cuddlywhiskers,
let's give ourselves one night

307
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:15,725
to stick our dicks in this script
and go balls deep into the universe.

308
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,018
I'm in.

309
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,899
What's that, you say?
There's a panic? At the disco?

310
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,901
I gotta go. What do you want, Toots?

311
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,570
I want to be an agent. I think I'm ready.

312
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,573
Again with this
"I wanna be a female agent" thing.

313
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,994
They don't even have a word for it.
Uh, agentess, agentrix.

314
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:38,331
- It's just called "agent", Marv, agent.
- Okay, okay!

315
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:42,251
You're an agent, all right?
I dub thee agent.

316
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,046
You can even take my office,
because I quit.

317
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,881
- What?
- Who needs the headache?

318
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:53,221
Thirty years I threw into this job
and it destroyed me from the inside out.

319
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:57,016
I never fell in love,
I never had a family.

320
00:16:57,099 --> 00:17:00,269
I never even got to give that lacy teddy

321
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,481
to the mean woman who worked at the DMV.

322
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:07,735
All I have is regrets.

323
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:13,282
Oh, my God, I'm an agent!
I'm gonna make it after all.

324
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,036
Whaah!

325
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,081
First thing I'm gonna do
is get rid of that ceiling fan.

326
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,503
How do we make it clear
that this isn't Horsin' Around?

327
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,589
What if in the very first scene,
we show my character

328
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:33,844
literally taking a massive dump
on a VHS copy of Horsin' Around?

329
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,179
What? That's insane.

330
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:38,140
Let's just put it in,
we can always take it out later.

331
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,643
I want this character to be really edgy,

332
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,437
the kind of character Denis Leary
would be offered and then say:

333
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,189
"This character's too edgy for me."

334
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,733
What if he had a catchphrase
that was an anti-catchphrase?

335
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:51,654
Like if every time he entered the room
he was like, "Whassup, bitches?"

336
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,991
Not that, because that's horrible.
But something like that.

337
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:55,950
Whassup, bitches?

338
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,202
- That is so dumb.
- But kind of brilliant, right?

339
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:01,581
Yes, put that in.
Put all this in, this should be the show.

340
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,292
This should be the show.

341
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,211
I haven't felt this alive
since the head of the Charles Regatta.

342
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,839
- That's a Harvard thing.
- Yes. This is brilliant.

343
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,925
What if we had five minutes of him
reading a book to himself?

344
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,302
Oh, my God, yes.

345
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:17,471
Just him turning the page.
A close-up of my eyeball.

346
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,558
The real shit, they never show that.

347
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,852
Wow, we did it.

348
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:27,106
We stayed up all night, but we really made
something new and different and daring.

349
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,774
We've changed everything but the title.

350
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:31,319
Well, then, how about
we give it a new title?

351
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,529
The BoJack Horseman Show.

352
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,948
Oh, Cuddlywhiskers,
I don't know what to say.

353
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,368
Well, then why don't you just say,
"Whassup, bitches?"

354
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,203
But, you know, not that.

355
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,581
- Something like that.
- We'll figure it out.

356
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:50,880
Seriously, can I hear 400 dollars?
Let's not forget why we're here tonight.

357
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,132
To raise money
for the John Edwards campaign.

358
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,426
I was talking
to one of the volunteers earlier

359
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,596
and she was just gushing
about how John Edwards touched her.

360
00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:02,725
I say, let's make this man president
so he can touch whoever he wants.

361
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,353
- Four hundred dollars.
- I don't know what's cheesier,

362
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,897
this three-cheese risotto
or that dude's patter.

363
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:08,856
Seriously.

364
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:13,319
This fundraiser should have a fundraiser
for a better host of this fundraiser.

365
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:14,278
Totes McGotes.

366
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,989
I'll post that to my Twitter page.
You should follow me.

367
00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:20,701
I'm A with a circle around it,
"insWayne in the membWayne".

368
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,286
What's a Twitter page?

369
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:26,749
Erica, you know you're not
allowed to vote in national elections.

370
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,090
You sure it's okay
to be in your parents' bedroom?

371
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:38,010
Todd, so we've been together
for months now.

372
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:42,181
Um, I was thinking maybe that we try sex?

373
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:43,099
Uh...

374
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,935
We don't have to.
I don't wanna peer pressure you.

375
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:50,189
No. I'm ready for sexual situations.

376
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,943
- Um...
- Hooray. Um, taking your virginity.

377
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,861
Yeah, sure. That's how I would say it.

378
00:19:55,945 --> 00:20:01,117
Okay, here we... Here I go.
Uh, this is Todd doing sex.

379
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,577
Did you hear that?

380
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:07,248
Oh, snap. My dad's home early.
You gotta get out of here.

381
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,874
Your dad, the mobster?

382
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,459
What? My dad's not a mobster.

383
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,878
You said he was like that guy
from The Sopranos.

384
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,589
I said he works on The Sopranos.
He's an editor.

385
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,591
Oh, God, oh, God! Even worse.

386
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,969
He must be so desensitized to violence

387
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,972
and nihilistic ruminations
on the banality of evil.

388
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,224
Here, out the window.
You love shimmying, right?

389
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:29,061
You know I love shimmying,
but that's a two-story drop.

390
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,604
Use this.

391
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,066
- Go, get out. Go, go!
- Uh, okay.

392
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,777
Oh, shit.

393
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,654
Sorry.

394
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,745
Whoa, whoa, Tony marries Dr. Melfi?

395
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:48,080
Mamma mia!

396
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,921
- So, the island's purgatory, right?
- What's really happening...

397
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,339
Hold that thought.

398
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,967
Hey, Princess Carolyn, you came.

399
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:03,846
I figured since I'm your agent, I should
at least show up to your premiere party.

400
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,682
I know I haven't called in a while.
I've been really busy.

401
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,101
I figured you'd call me
if you needed a coffee.

402
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,020
Ouch.

403
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,439
Hey, big premiere tonight.
Very exciting.

404
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:14,356
Yeah.

405
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,568
After tonight, it's no more "Aren't you
the horse from Horsin' Around?"

406
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,529
From now on it'll be,
"You're BoJack Horseman."

407
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,406
I'm happy for you, BoJack.

408
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:25,075
- How about a kiss for good luck?
- No, BoJack.

409
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:28,746
I'm your agent and your friend,
and I will always support you.

410
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:33,000
But I'm 33 years old, and I want
to have a family by the time I'm 40.

411
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,629
I don't want to spend the next seven years
in and out of love with you.

412
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,590
I've wasted too much time
waiting for things to happen.

413
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,342
And I'm not gonna wait anymore.

414
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,055
And for what it's worth, I always liked
the horse from Horsin' Around.

415
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,350
- You did?
- Yeah. Everybody did.

416
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,105
Unbelievable.
Un-Jessica-Bielievable.

417
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:57,274
Can we not fight while I'm at a gig?

418
00:21:57,358 --> 00:22:00,569
There are a lot of big producers,
this could be my next big break.

419
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,947
This podunk benefit is below us.

420
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:07,076
I'm about to be in what I've been told
is a very important gay rights movie,

421
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,869
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

422
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:12,957
I now pronounce me very impressed,
but I'm not getting those kinds of offers.

423
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,795
- As Justin would say, "Cry me a river."
- Hey, if you like Justin so much,

424
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,589
maybe you should just continue
to be really good friends with him.

425
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,424
Fine, maybe I will marry Justin.

426
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,009
Uh, I didn't say that.

427
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:27,846
I now pronounce this marriage over.
Biel with it.

428
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:33,602
- You wanted water?
- Thanks.

429
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:37,231
Wait. Blarn, right?
Yeah, from the coffee shop.

430
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:40,401
What are you doing here?
Is there coffee to "bariste"?

431
00:22:40,484 --> 00:22:43,362
I also do cater waiter gigs
to make ends meet.

432
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:47,533
You "bariste" and cater and waiter?
Triple threat.

433
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,451
I should be bringing you the water.

434
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:54,081
You know, just for the record, I think
it's cool that you put yourself out there.

435
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:56,625
A lot of guys in your position
wouldn't take gigs like this.

436
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,919
They'd be afraid people
would make fun of them.

437
00:22:59,003 --> 00:22:59,878
That's dumb.

438
00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:03,090
If you care about what other people think,
you're never gonna do anything.

439
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:06,427
- Yeah, you're right.
- Oh, my God, I'm so glad you agree.

440
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:09,513
I was like, "Why did I say that?
That was so dumb."

441
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:12,683
Then you were like, "That's right."
And I was like, "Ooh! Validation."

442
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:15,561
- Hey, mind if I change out of this shirt?
- Go ahead.

443
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,813
This monkey suit is killing me.

444
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:20,274
Oof! Hey there, Delilah.

445
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:24,236
Sweet hang, Blarn.
You're one in a million.

446
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,614
- Actually, my name isn't Blarn.
- What?

447
00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:28,991
I put that on my nametag as a dumb joke

448
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,493
to subvert the idea
of co-opting personal identity

449
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:35,164
to further corporate branding which,
as I'm saying it, isn't much of a joke.

450
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,085
"Blarn." That is very funny.
You should be a writer.

451
00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:42,087
Thanks. I'm Diane.

452
00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:43,922
- Mr. Peanutbutter.
- Yeah, I know.

453
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:45,633
- Add me on MySpace, okay?
- Sure.

454
00:23:45,716 --> 00:23:50,054
All right.
Guess I'll see you around, Diana.

455
00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:52,181
It's Diane.

456
00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:56,226
Hey, buddy, slight change of plans.

457
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,312
Call it off.
Call the whole thing off.

458
00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,689
What do you mean?
We premiere in two minutes.

459
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:02,399
Call the network,
cancel the whole thing.

460
00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:04,860
Nobody wants to see me take a dump
on a Horsin' Around VHS.

461
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:08,739
BoJack, it's going to be fine.
This is what we wanted, remember?

462
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:11,116
Easy for you to say.
It's my name on the show.

463
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,578
This is why I didn't want to do
another TV show. Everything was perfect.

464
00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:17,831
BoJack, this shit is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

465
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,917
I can't promise everyone
will love this show.

466
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,752
No matter what, people will remember it.

467
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:25,297
Five, ten years from now, this is the show
people will associate you with,

468
00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:27,132
and you'll be glad they do.

469
00:24:27,216 --> 00:24:30,094
Because this show is real,
it's edgy, it's different.

470
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:32,554
A lesser talent
couldn't have pulled it off.

471
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:35,015
But I'm willing to bet
on BoJack Horseman.

472
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,643
- Are you?
- Yes, I am.

473
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:42,189
Great. Because the show is starting
and your life is about to change forever,

474
00:24:42,272 --> 00:24:44,817
in three, two, one.

475
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,777
Whassup, bitches?

476
00:24:46,801 --> 00:24:47,485
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -

477
00:25:31,572 --> 00:25:35,492
Boxer versus Raptor,