1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,427 fucker! 2 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:18,101 - So, we have some options. - Yeah, a lot of options to discuss. 3 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,562 - You know I love you. - That's not what this is about. 4 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:23,232 We always agreed we didn't want kids, unless... 5 00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,108 A streetwise but soulful teen needed somewhere to live 6 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,610 as he waited for his Juilliard audition. 7 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,488 We'd support his dancing and let him stay in the guest room, right. 8 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,157 - But a baby? Are you...? - It's not about me. 9 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:34,868 There's no "I" in uterus, there's only "us." 10 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,246 And "U," and another "U," 11 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,457 but that's the "U" that's in "us," so I already said that "U." 12 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,752 The point is, I'm going to be here for you, 24/7. 13 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:47,965 Two hundred and forty-seven percent, that's how "there for you" I'll be. 14 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,842 - Whatever you decide... - What we decide, because this is... 15 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:54,012 Definitely. This is a conversation. 16 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:58,475 Let's both say what we want at the same time on three. 17 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,978 - Okay. - One, two... 18 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,354 On three or after three? 19 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,357 How could I say it "on three"? I'll be saying "three." 20 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,485 - Okay. Okay. - One, two, three... 21 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,778 - Abortion. - Get an abortion. 22 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,364 Oh, no. We said different things. 23 00:02:02,761 --> 00:02:06,555 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com ... 24 00:02:07,810 --> 00:02:10,213 The Oscar race is heating up, 25 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,799 and all the hot stars came out to sizzle 26 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,635 at the Golden Snowflake Awards. 27 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:19,765 Step one on the 48 awards show gauntlet that is The Exhausting Road To Oscar. 28 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:26,438 The nominees for best actor in a motion picture or Vine are... 29 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,982 Mitt Dermon for Midnight Hole... 30 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,152 Bread Poot for City Of AIDS... 31 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:37,574 Lernernerner DiCarpricorn for The Haberdasher's Peanut... 32 00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:42,496 Jurj Clooners for The Nazi Who Played Yahtzee... 33 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,750 and BoJack Horseman for Secretariat. 34 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,710 Oh, my God. 35 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:52,589 And the Golden Snowflake is... Jurj Clooners. 36 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,216 Oh, my goodness. 37 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,884 You have to be kidding me. 38 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,140 Don't worry, they'll call your name next time. 39 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,644 My clients have won Oscars nine out of the last ten years. 40 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,561 Nine out of ten? 41 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,231 If you were an airline and landed nine out of ten planes, 42 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,525 you wouldn't exactly brag about that in your commercial. 43 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,486 Everyone loves Secretariat. Your time will come. 44 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:19,282 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell A.O. Scott how great you are. 45 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,201 Hey, yo, Scott! 46 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,036 Hey, Diane. 47 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,373 - Diane, Diane, Diane. - I'm doing my job, BoJack. 48 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,656 Young people and their phones. 49 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,210 There could be a beautiful rainbow in this room right now 50 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,503 and you would have no idea. 51 00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:32,838 Really makes you think, huh? 52 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,631 Can you look at rainbows on your phone? 53 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,341 Shut up, BoJack. 54 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:37,551 Shit. 55 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,095 I just tweeted "Shut up, BoJack," as Cynthia Nixon. 56 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,347 I'd buy it. She is not a fan, and for good reason. 57 00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,373 We were up in the Poconos, she and I... 58 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,416 BoJack, not now. 59 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,686 - What's up your butt tonight? - You really wanna know? 60 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,188 I would seriously like to know what crawled up your butt, 61 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,107 made a home for itself in your butt, 62 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,193 started a family, lived a fruitful life, and then died up your butt. 63 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,570 I'm getting an abortion. 64 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,530 Whoa, that takes me back. 65 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,991 I had more than my share of abortions in the '90s. 66 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,784 I didn't get them, I paid for them. 67 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,162 I really hope all those women actually got the abortions, 68 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,330 and didn't just keep my money. 69 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,917 Diane, are you tweeting for pop starlet Sextina Aquafina right now? 70 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,252 I'm trying to. Why? 71 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:15,797 Because her account just tweeted out to 40 million followers, 72 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,340 "I'm getting an abortion." 73 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,258 What? No... 74 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,551 She... 75 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:20,552 Oh, balls. 76 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,680 The tweet heard round the world. 77 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,892 Sextina Aquafina says, "I'm getting an abortion." 78 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:30,103 And the world says, "Whaaa?" 79 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,980 If it's happening, we're gonna talk about it. 80 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,940 It's time for Tom's Rant. 81 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,943 Is Twitter an appropriate forum 82 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,321 to be discussing a sensitive issue like abortion? 83 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,157 Wouldn't a better forum be nowhere? 84 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,495 Wait, does that say "Tom Srant"? Why does that say Tom Srant? 85 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,579 I clearly said... 86 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,248 Randy, don't look at Jessica. This is on you. 87 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:56,546 Diane, VIM is hanging on by a thread and only barely scraping by 88 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,173 because of clients like Sextina. 89 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:01,468 Hey! Heard you pulled the trigger on the Big Bear condo. 90 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,429 Great investment. We are not on the edge of complete ruin. 91 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,723 We are on the edge of complete ruin. 92 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,935 I think if I explain it to her and apologize, she'll understand. 93 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:13,438 Because she's so understanding? This is a teenage pop star. 94 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,649 Literally the two least compassionate entities 95 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,109 combined into the supernova of not understanding 96 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,737 that is Sextina Aquafina. 97 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,699 Ugh. So imagine my surprise 98 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:28,620 when I'm in the middle of a performance for Gaddafi's cousin on his yacht 99 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:32,791 and I'm in a giant champagne flute singing "Left Titty" 100 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,585 and everyone starts to look at their phones and look at me, 101 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,047 because I am apparently aborting a baby I do not have. 102 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:44,177 So I had them turn their boat into a car and drive me here to fire someone. 103 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:47,305 - I think that's me. - Great. You're fired, Glasses. 104 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:52,978 I'll put out a statement explaining the whole mess. I am so sorry. 105 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,104 Oh. Oh! 106 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,939 What "oh?" Who said you could "Oh?" 107 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,776 Taylor Swift just tweeted that you were "brave." 108 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,654 Nicki Minaj tweeted at you a face with heart eyes. 109 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,657 And BuzzFeed just posted a list of top 15 celebrities 110 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,617 who should have had abortions like Sextina. 111 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:11,162 - You're trending like crazy. - I'm trending? 112 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,582 Most women who go through this never talk about it 113 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:14,916 because it's so stigmatized. 114 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,586 The fact that you're coming out like this is huge. 115 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,796 It would be, if you were actually getting an abortion. 116 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:24,259 So what you're saying is, maybe I am getting an abortion? 117 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,636 Well, no, because you're not. 118 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,681 Yeah, but if you did, this would make you a cultural icon. 119 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:33,310 Glasses, you're un-fired. I'm getting an abortion. 120 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,020 - Well... - I gotta go on talk shows. 121 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:38,273 If I can make one woman feel a little less alone, 122 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,941 then it's all worth it, right? 123 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,067 Yeah... 124 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:44,029 And if I can make a million women buy my album, 125 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,739 then it's definitely all worth it. 126 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:46,656 Um... 127 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,658 - Diane, take the yes. - Okay. 128 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:53,038 Sextina Aquafina, you are now the face of the pro-choice movement. 129 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,541 - Now let's get you informed. - Hey! Uh, what? 130 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,212 So, before the procedure, 131 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:04,007 you'll need to look at an ultrasound and listen to the heartbeat. 132 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,925 Or heartbeats, if you're having a litter. 133 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,677 Why does she have to listen to the heartbeat? 134 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:11,181 It's the law. Also, by law, I have to tell you that at one month, 135 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,559 your puppies have a favorite color and that color may be blue. 136 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,562 - That can't be true. - By law, I have to tell you that. 137 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:18,813 Also, before your procedure, 138 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,316 you'll need to watch 20 hours of cute puppy videos 139 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,319 as Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You" plays softly. 140 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,322 Don't worry, Diane, I will watch the cute puppy videos for you. 141 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,617 - It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. - No, she has to watch the videos. 142 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:34,454 Don't worry, Diane, we will watch the cute puppy videos together. 143 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:38,458 - No, she has to watch them alone. - Diane, I have some terrible news. 144 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:45,840 Tomorrow, our exclusive interview with the irrepressible provocateuse 145 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,759 Sextina Aquafina. 146 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:52,222 But first, one thing that isn't the road to Oscar. 147 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,349 Tonight, the Leonard Maltin Awards. 148 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,685 Handing out trophies to all the performances this year 149 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,104 that Leonard Maltin thought were pretty good. 150 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:04,901 And the Malty for Pretty Good Actor goes to Bread Poot. 151 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,237 Whoo! 152 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,913 You need another drink? 153 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,417 Why? Because I lost, I'm a loser, so I have to drown my sorrows in scotch? 154 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,086 No, I just meant because of thirst. 155 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,295 I could use a scotch. 156 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:27,007 Oh, look. Jurj Clooners. 157 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,800 There he is, Jurj Clooners. 158 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,635 Hey, how are you? Thank you. 159 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,762 Jurj sucks. What does everyone love about him? 160 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,974 He's not a god. He's just an old guy who loves pranks. 161 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,726 Sure sounds like God. 162 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,395 - Jurj, hey, man. - BoJack, right? 163 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,480 Yeah, good to see you. 164 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:47,277 Hey, Jurj, my name's Todd, and my friend Keith sleeps on your couch. 165 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,821 Oh, you know Keith? Tell him to clean up his shit. 166 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,656 Oh. 167 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,241 That is so Keith. 168 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:56,703 Todd, why don't you do the grown-ups a favor and go find your own shadow? 169 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,122 It was here a second ago. 170 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,333 Jurj, I loved you in The Nazi Who Played Yahtzee. 171 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,794 How do you get in the head of a war criminal? 172 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,422 You know, I don't think of him as a war criminal. 173 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:10,467 I just think of him as a person who had a funny accent. 174 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,094 Totally. I think I'm getting the hang of all this now. 175 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:17,724 You won last night, the other guy won tonight, maybe I'll win next time. 176 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:21,269 Yikes. Look, man, you're not gonna be next. 177 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:24,022 This will sound dumb coming out of my mouth, but it's true. 178 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:29,027 So Jurj, Bread, Mitt, those are names. Like real names. 179 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,654 Lernernerner DiCarpricorn, that's a name. 180 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,698 - BoJack, not a name. - Huh. 181 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,076 I figured they would, like, tell you this stuff. 182 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,495 You're the Fifth Man. You get it, right? 183 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,789 - Well... - Yeah, you get it. Put her there. 184 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,873 Oh! 185 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:45,085 Joy buzzer. You just got Jurjed! 186 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,961 All right, I'll see you later. 187 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:51,841 Vivica. Now I know why they call you A. Fox. 188 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,552 Excuse me, you gonna stay here long? 189 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,138 We got the OCD Image Awards tomorrow, 190 00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,433 and those guys really like a clean after-party. 191 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,606 So, let me get this straight, Sextina. 192 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:09,067 Someone put a baby in your belly and now you're like, 193 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,528 "Awooga! Is there an undo button around here? 194 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,071 Leggo my preggo." 195 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,116 - Is that right? - That is exactly correct, A Ryan, 196 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:20,578 but I am very excited for this opportunity to put a face on this important issue. 197 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,790 One out of three women will have an abortion in her life. 198 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,501 That sounds crazy high to me, I don't buy it. 199 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,921 I wanted to destigmatize the experience for all women out there, 200 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,173 so I'm dropping a new single. 201 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,802 - New single? - Just relax. 202 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:39,097 Crack an egg on your head, feel the yolk drip down. 203 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,474 America, get your uteruses turnt, 204 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,602 'cause this song is called "Get Dat Fetus Kill Dat Fetus." 205 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:45,728 Oh, dear. 206 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,154 No, stop. 207 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,326 Christ, stop the tape. 208 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:04,330 Glasses, you did this. You empowered me to tell my story. 209 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:08,960 I think the tone might be a little severe? 210 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:12,881 Look, when you get an abortion, you can express yourself however you want, 211 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:15,508 but this is about my body and my choices, 212 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,596 and my choice is to be a totally insane badass. 213 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,599 Ugh! I am getting an abortion. You're not even really pregnant. 214 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,477 So? This is show business. "Brrap brrap. Pew pew." 215 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,690 "Brrap brrap. Pew pew." 216 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,319 A daring battle cry from the self-appointed New Voice of Choice. 217 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:37,906 But has the concept of women having choices gone too far? 218 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,783 We've assembled this diverse panel of white men in bow ties 219 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,660 to talk about abortion. Gentlemen? 220 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,246 Tom, this is not just a woman's issue. 221 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,415 I'm a man, but if I got pregnant, 222 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:51,461 would I put my life on hold for a child I didn't want? Yes, I would. 223 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:52,837 I can say that with confidence, 224 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:56,007 because I will never have to make that decision, so I'm unbiased. 225 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,677 - Does this video glamorize abortion? - Very possibly, Tom. 226 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,972 Millennials today think everything is NBD. 227 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:07,101 NBD of course stands for No BD, referring to B.D. Wong, 228 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:09,437 who teens think is a very big deal. 229 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:14,233 So if something's not BD, it means it's not a big deal. 230 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:19,447 - These days, abortions are not BD. - Are abortions even necessary? 231 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:23,034 I heard a theory that if a woman really has an unwanted pregnancy, 232 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:26,120 the body has a way to break the fetus down into gas particles 233 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,122 and then she can just fart it out. 234 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:31,459 Where did you hear this intriguing "fart it out" theory? 235 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:35,296 - I don't remember. Maybe the Bible? - Thank you for clarifying. 236 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:38,549 Next up, Jurj Clooners is making audiences cry 237 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:42,512 in his new film, but his latest prank might make you... think? 238 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:45,264 Jurj. He likes pranks, huh? 239 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,934 I'll prank him. I'll prank him real good. 240 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,436 We'll need to draw him out. What do A-list actors like? 241 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,563 Stretch limos? Nannies? 242 00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:56,859 Flying their private jets to disaster areas so they can "help out"? 243 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,403 Yeah, limos. We'll get a limo. 244 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,655 I'll need one of those caps, I'll be the driver. 245 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,282 I'll pick him up, and he'll be all like, "I'm Jurj, I suck," 246 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:06,160 and then I'll be all, "Surprise," and hit him with a bat. 247 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,328 Pranked! 248 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:11,624 It really doesn't seem like a prank as much as you hitting him with a bat. 249 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:15,336 Yeah, it's a bad prank on purpose to show how stupid pranks are. 250 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,672 - That's the point. - Is that the point? 251 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,508 I'm working on levels here, man. To the limousine repository. 252 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,930 Good afternoon, Mr. Clooners. 253 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,808 Hey, man, just one sec, my publicist is right behind me. 254 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,477 Of course. Bring the publicist. 255 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,856 - Oh, shit. - What's that, driver? 256 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:39,068 I said, "Auschwitz." You're the Nazi who played Yahtzee. 257 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:43,031 Right, well, anyway, we're going to the AOL-Time-Warner-PepsiCo-Viacom 258 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:46,075 Halliburton-Skynet-Toyota-Trader Joe's Auditorium 259 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,910 for the Image Choice Spirit Awards. 260 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:52,790 Uh... okay, yes, ma'am. Here I go. Driving, driving. 261 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,293 You don't need to talk, you can just drive. 262 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,170 Actually, can we make a couple stops? 263 00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,840 I am totally out of toilet paper, so if you could find a Rite Aid. 264 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:05,928 You have to go in and buy the TP for me. I'll get mobbed by fans if I go in. 265 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,264 Just pick out something extra soft for my tushy. 266 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,892 - I don't know - Do as he says, driver. 267 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,644 - Chop chop. - Okay. 268 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,442 My concern is that you're actually giving the pro-life movement 269 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,486 something to latch onto as an example of... 270 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,905 Oh, my God, you are so boring. 271 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,491 Can I abort talking to you right now? Abort. 272 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,827 - You need to stop and think... - Or what? You gonna sic Fido on me? 273 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,497 I am just here for emotional support. 274 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,416 Can you let it go? I don't want to have to ask you again. 275 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,835 I really think we have the chance to say something here, 276 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,339 and all we're saying is "Pshew pshew pow." 277 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,862 - What is that? - What are you doing? 278 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,509 That's the gun sounds, from the song. 279 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,095 Uh. Do you mean, "Brrap brrap pew pew"? 280 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,639 Yeah, that's what I did. "Pshow, kapow." 281 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,682 - That's not what a gun sounds like. - Prrow! 282 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,434 - Pshow, kapow! - Bop! 283 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,228 - Brrap brrap pew pew! - Ppew, ping! 284 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,563 Can everyone please stop making gun sounds? 285 00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,232 It is really freaking me out. 286 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,734 My point is, everyone's listening to you now. 287 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,570 Soon people are gonna get bored and move onto the next thing 288 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,115 and you'll hate yourself that you weren't able to make a difference 289 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,408 when you had the chance. 290 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,868 Believe me, it happens sooner than you think. 291 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,412 Oh... 292 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,164 Hi. I'm A Ryan Sea... 293 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,460 Okay, we're here, finally. Get out. 294 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,421 Ooh, can we make one more stop? 295 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,090 I just remembered we left my wife back at the house. 296 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,050 Can we go back? Pwease? 297 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,302 Driver? The man said, "Pwease." 298 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:32,807 That's it. Enough. I am not your driver. It is I, BoJack. 299 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,601 BoJack? What are you doing? 300 00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,396 I was gonna prank Jurj by hitting him with this bat, 301 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:42,024 but you got into the car because, apparently, you are a two-timing liar. 302 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,734 What's the thing with the bat? 303 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,028 BoJack, this is not a good look on you. 304 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,030 All this time, I thought you believed in me. 305 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,741 This is why your clients win every year. You represent everyone. 306 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:53,385 It has nothing to do with whether you're a good publicist or not. 307 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,371 I am a marvelous publicist. 308 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,541 Not to me. You're doing great work for this asshole who loves pranks. 309 00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,876 You're pranking him right now. 310 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:03,045 Yeah, with a bad prank to show how stupid pranks are. 311 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,006 Seems a little convoluted, 312 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,633 which is actually a trademark of a great prank. 313 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,051 Well played, sir. 314 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:12,013 No, it's a bad prank. That's my point. Pranks are dumb. 315 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,391 We're late, and I won't keep going round and round with you on this. 316 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,185 Publicists have many clients. 317 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:18,978 Not my publicist. You're fired. 318 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:21,522 Are you kidding? Who fires Ana Spanakopita? 319 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,690 I do. I just did. 320 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:25,651 Who's gonna set up your press appearances? 321 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,029 Your hopeless agent? Your idiot sidekick? 322 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,323 Not your problem. Get the hell out of my limo. 323 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,493 'Cause I gotta pick up a bachelorette party in 30 minutes. 324 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:38,748 Sextina, welcome to the program. Can I get a "pew pew" for the fans? 325 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:43,169 - Tom, abortion is a very serious subject. - Yes, very serious, I agree. 326 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,463 I want to tell the real story about abortion, 327 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,298 show America what it's really about, 328 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,343 which is why your girl Sextina Aquafina 329 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,971 is gonna have her abortion live on television. 330 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,097 What what? 331 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,683 Pay-per-view, chitches. 332 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:58,893 - What? - What? 333 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:02,480 "Pay-per-view, chitches." Brrap brrap, pew pew, ka-ching ka-ching. 334 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,233 How are you going to have an abortion on live TV 335 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,943 when you're not even really having an abortion? 336 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,737 - Duh, we'll just Argo that shit. - What does that mean? 337 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:13,533 Yeah, yeah. Fake abortion. Movie magic, like in Argo. 338 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,409 That is not what happened in Argo. 339 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:18,079 If we're gonna do this, we got to be real tasteful. 340 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,791 Yeah, only the best for my abortion. All class. 341 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,709 John Carpenter can do the practical effects. 342 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,419 - He owes me a favor. - What? 343 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,797 We'll book Eddie Redmayne as the fetus. 344 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,173 Are you hearing yourselves? 345 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:32,635 We're not going to fake an abortion on live TV. 346 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,220 Obviously, we'll pre-tape it. 347 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,306 Then put a little box in the corner of the screen that says "Live." 348 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,976 You don't think this is incredibly disrespectful 349 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,144 to the women who actually get abortions? 350 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,729 Not if we do it tasteful. 351 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,066 Diane, this is what the client wants. Stop making it about you. 352 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,693 I'm not making it about me. 353 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:51,904 - I am so tired of you creating problems. - I'm not... 354 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,739 I'm sorry you're so fertile 355 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,409 and in a sexually active, loving relationship 356 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,119 and now you don't want a family. 357 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,955 - I'm sure that's really hard for you. - What? 358 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:04,917 Uh... if this is not about me anymore, then I'mma go. 359 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,378 Y'all figure your shit out and get back at me. 360 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,380 Where's that ZZ Top mofo at? 361 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,466 Can a chitch get a parking validation or what? 362 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,677 Is there something you want to say to me? 363 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,361 I have given everything to get where I 364 00:18:18,386 --> 00:18:21,417 am, and I am not about to throw all that away. 365 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:24,020 She wants an abortion? I'm getting her an abortion. 366 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,064 - You know this is bullshit. - It's all bullshit, Diane. 367 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:31,861 That's the gig. And you're not good enough at this job to be too good for this job. 368 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,613 I won't be a part of this. 369 00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,075 Yo, Beardo, where did you go? 370 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:41,120 I need to get my parking validation did, or I cannot leave. 371 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,539 Y'all's trippin' if you think Sextina Aquafina 372 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,042 is paying $15 for parking. 373 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,505 All right, new publicist. What do you got for me? 374 00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:56,218 Secretariat was an athlete, right? And you used to be an athlete. 375 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,428 What? No, I didn't. 376 00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:01,223 You didn't play baseball and football? Oh, um... 377 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,434 You know, I think I Googled the wrong guy. 378 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:07,772 - Did you think I was Bo Jackson? - This idea I know you're going to like. 379 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,732 You know that car wash on Alvarado? 380 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:15,071 They need someone to dress up like a gorilla and spin a sign. 381 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,364 Why would I do that? 382 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:18,741 Anything that gets your face out there, right? 383 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,535 How does it get my face out there dressed like a gorilla? 384 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,995 Maybe that one's a dud, 385 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,831 but hey, you think Lou Bega knocked it out of the park 386 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,583 with "Mambo Number One"? 387 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:31,337 No, but he kept at it. 388 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:38,719 I'm making things all about me? I'm the one who's having an abortion. 389 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:42,139 - It's ridiculous. - They're completely morally bankrupt. 390 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,600 I agree with you, 247 percent. 391 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,936 I just wrote "morally bankrupt" on this form. 392 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,564 You were right to do that. This form is being very nosy right now. 393 00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,108 Why did I even take that job? 394 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,579 You were going through a rough 395 00:19:53,604 --> 00:19:55,593 time, Princess Carolyn wanted to help you 396 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,363 and she offered you the job. 397 00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:01,200 Which she should not have done. So morally bankrupt. 398 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,244 Okay, yeah, that was nice. 399 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,788 But still, she is putting her company's bottom line 400 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,958 before the very real damage that bottle-nosed maniac 401 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,127 is doing every time she gets on the news and... 402 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,295 That's it, the news. 403 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:16,674 I gotta take the high road, go on the news and rat those suckers out. 404 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,884 Is that really a good idea? 405 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,428 It is if you think it is, 406 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,805 because I am here to support you no matter what, 407 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,808 but maybe it isn't the best idea? 408 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:30,396 Like, if that idea were a Dillon brother maybe it's a Kevin, not a Matt? 409 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:34,066 Someone has to tell the world that Sextina is a total fraud. 410 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,985 You know Sextina Aquafina? 411 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:40,990 - Oh. Yeah, I mean, I work with her. - Oh. She is so cool. 412 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:45,703 Sextina's music makes me feel strong, like I can do anything. 413 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:46,996 It doesn't offend you? 414 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,622 What about the part where she says, 415 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:51,417 "I hope and pray to God my little fetus has a soul 416 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:55,045 'cause I want it to feel pain when I eject it from my hole"? 417 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:58,007 It's a joke. You get that it's a joke, right? 418 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,050 Well, obviously. 419 00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:03,220 Do you think she actually wants to shoot her fetus with a gun? 420 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,640 - No, I get it. - Getting an abortion is scary. 421 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,350 With all the protesters out front, 422 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,644 how you have to listen to the heartbeat and all that. 423 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:14,315 When you can joke about it, it makes it less scary, you know? 424 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,650 Yeah. 425 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,027 Diane? 426 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:27,995 Ana? 427 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,040 I won't be working with Jurj anymore. 428 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,210 I let him know this morning. 429 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,587 First he thought I was doing a really good prank, 430 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,547 but eventually I think he understood. 431 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:40,049 You dropped Jurj? 432 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,928 Jurj Clooners? Sexiest Man in America Jurj Clooners? 433 00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:47,223 Jurj is easy. Everyone loves him. 434 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,684 I've got a master's degree in Publicist, it's time to put that to use. 435 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,771 I dropped all my other clients. You're the underdog. 436 00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:58,067 I want to put all my attention on you and get you that Oscar. 437 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,069 So nobody else, huh? Good. 438 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,947 Just all your hopes and dreams pinned on me. 439 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:04,490 Somehow beating the odds 440 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:07,993 and winning the highest possible accolade in an actor's career. 441 00:22:08,077 --> 00:22:10,371 - I know we can do it. - Just me, huh? 442 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,790 Wow, that's actually. That... 443 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,834 Is someone standing on my windpipe? 444 00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:17,002 Let's just get Jurj on the phone so we... 445 00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,380 No, BoJack. I believe in you, okay? 446 00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,048 Okay. 447 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,258 Whoa, Ana, what are you...? 448 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:25,094 - Oh, boy. - Shh... It's okay. 449 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:29,265 - When you fired me, it was thrilling. - Oh. Ana... 450 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,183 Nobody talks to me like that. 451 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:35,854 It reminded me that I work for you, and I liked that. 452 00:22:35,938 --> 00:22:36,981 Okay, but... 453 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:41,944 Do you like that? Being in control? Being the star? 454 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,028 Yes. 455 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:46,240 You're my star, BoJack. My shining star. 456 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,367 - But don't you ever... - Ow, too tight. 457 00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,744 - try to screw me again. - Ouch! Oh, please. 458 00:22:50,828 --> 00:22:53,080 - Do you understand? - Yes. God, yes. 459 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:54,456 Good. 460 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:59,420 I'll see you tomorrow bright and early. You have my undivided attention now. 461 00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,756 Uh... 462 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,051 How are you feeling, Sextina? 463 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:09,096 A little queasy but on the whole, wonderful. 464 00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:11,557 Good. Now, I do accept tips. 465 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,686 - That was surprisingly tasteful. - And educational, right? 466 00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,605 Yeah. Weirdly educational. 467 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:22,860 I actually learned a lot about abortion, and I just had an abortion. 468 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:25,070 - How are you feeling? - I feel shitty. 469 00:23:25,154 --> 00:23:26,614 I mean, physically. 470 00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:30,451 I'm glad I did it, but mostly I just felt old. 471 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,662 There were all these teenagers there. Twenty-somethings. 472 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:37,541 I know from the outside, it might seem like I should be ready for kids, 473 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:38,709 but I can't... 474 00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:42,963 Diane, you don't need to explain anything to anyone. 475 00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:50,679 - Sextina. Great job, we did it. - Yeah, so, little wrinkle. 476 00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:53,182 I've been having a lot of sex, you know, 477 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:56,977 'cause I'm a sexual creature and dolphins do have sex for pleasure. 478 00:23:57,061 --> 00:23:59,480 I just found out I got knocked up for real. 479 00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:02,483 - What? - And I think I want to keep it. 480 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:05,569 But that might be a little confusing to my fans, 481 00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:09,031 since they just saw me get the old scoopity doopity? 482 00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,868 Okay, we're gonna handle this. Meet us at the office in 20 minutes. 483 00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:16,955 First thing is we gotta get her out of town before she starts to show. 484 00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:20,584 Yeah, we'll send her to that farm where celebrities go to disappear, 485 00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:22,878 where Chad Michael Murray and Thora Birch went. 486 00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:25,381 Film a bunch of music videos now, and then... 487 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:28,926 Release them over the next year so it seems like she's still around. 488 00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:32,262 Then when she comes back, we'll say she adopted a baby. 489 00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:34,801 People are going to love that. 490 00:24:34,826 --> 00:24:37,041 Yeah. Everyone loves a baby. 491 00:24:40,914 --> 00:24:45,314 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com ...