1 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,243 Guys, I think we could use another phone jack over here. 2 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:38,121 Cabracadabra. We wanna reach out and grab you. 3 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,749 - No, we're a cab company. - Can you toss me the thing? 4 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,795 - Sorry. The other thing. - Okay. Watch the couch. 5 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,923 Hey. Goddammit! 6 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,841 I apologize for... I understand. 7 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,802 Mind if I put you on hold one second? 8 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,845 Don't put me on hold. Do you know who I am? 9 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:56,473 I just won a Baby's Choice Award, the winner of which 10 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,685 has gone to take home the Oscar seven of the last 15 years. 11 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,187 So, yeah, that BoJack Horseman. 12 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,871 Otherwise known as the guy you keep sending your dumb newspaper to 13 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,525 even though I never subscribed to it. 14 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,068 I'm putting you on hold. 15 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,078 - We have a situation, sir. - Talk to me. 16 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,789 Guy's name is BoJack Horseman. He's pretty steamed. 17 00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:24,126 I've tried everything, but we might need to bring the Closer in on this one. 18 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:27,504 Calm down. We can sort this out without having to get the Closer involved. 19 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,299 Did you offer 26 weeks at 50 percent off the newsstand price? 20 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,635 I went through the entire checklist, sir. Even offered him a free tote bag. 21 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:37,055 What kind of monster says no to a tote bag? Good work, rep. 22 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:40,559 You've done all that could be expected of you. I'll take it from here. 23 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,689 Yeah, Got it. Right. I understand. I'll take it from here. 24 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,649 God help us... 25 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:51,194 Is what I'd say if we needed God's help. Fortunately, we got one better. 26 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:54,031 Morning. Good morning. How was your weekend? How are you? 27 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,658 Good work yesterday. Get out of my way, please. 28 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,914 We have a situation on line two. Name's Horseman. BoJack Horseman. 29 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,625 Thank you. I'll take it from here. 30 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:10,005 Hello, good morning, and I say this with 100 percent sincerity... 31 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,549 How can I help you? 32 00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:06,527 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com ... 33 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:10,649 I never subscribed to the L.A. Gazette. I do not read the L.A. Gazette. 34 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:14,111 I have called this number so many times to stop sending it to me. 35 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,531 Yet every morning, I open my door on a new edition of the L.A. Gazette. 36 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,075 It's like I'm in a boring episode of The Twilight Zone. 37 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,369 Sir, we are going to unravel this mystery. 38 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:26,373 But before we dig in, is there anything I can get you? 39 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,333 A glass of ice water perhaps? 40 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,836 Yeah, sure, I'd love a glass of ice water. 41 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:35,257 Fabulous. Johnny will get that to you in three, two, one... 42 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,760 Uh... huh. 43 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:42,139 I see you've been receiving our paper for six months, 44 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:46,184 but there's no record of you ever registering a complaint. 45 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,687 From whence the hostility, counselor? 46 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,773 It wasn't a problem until recently, because up until a week ago 47 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:55,193 the boy who lives with me used the paper to make a giant paper-mâché Todd head. 48 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,738 - What was that? - I live with my best friend, Todd. 49 00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:00,157 Good kid, but sometimes he gets ideas to do things. 50 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:07,247 - Pretty scary, right? - Yes. What the hell is that? 51 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,749 Giant Todd Head, of course. 52 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:11,126 I've been working on him for the last six months. 53 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,169 What? Why? 54 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,213 It all started when a rustling from the kitchen 55 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,799 jostled me from tender slumber. 56 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,262 Uh... 57 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,391 What was that? 58 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,399 If there's a ghost present, please do not scream 59 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:39,070 or have a skull face or be wearing a tattered white satin gown. 60 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:46,912 Someone or something is stealing our food. 61 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:50,999 I made a giant papier-mâché Todd head to scare it away. Think it'll work? 62 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:54,002 If I made a giant papier-mâché me head, would you stop eating my food? 63 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,671 You should take this seriously. We might have an infestation. 64 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,634 We do have an infestation, of Todds. Look at that, they're getting bigger. 65 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:04,805 And? Did the head help to ameliorate your pest peccadillo? 66 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,452 No. Todd abandoned the project as 67 00:05:06,477 --> 00:05:08,499 soon as he started working on Cabracadabra. 68 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,644 - What's Cabracadabra? - That's what I said. 69 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,063 - What's Cabracadabra? - That's what I said. 70 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,274 - What's Cabracadabra? - That's what we want you to say. 71 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,736 If I didn't know any better, you were about to pitch an idea. 72 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:24,407 - We are about to pitch you an idea. - I did not know better. 73 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,994 Has this ever happened to you? Hey, where you headed? 74 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,956 Oh, yes. That happens to me all the time. 75 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,917 - We're not at the main part yet. - I'm so sorry. Please continue. 76 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,253 - To the opera, good sir. - Okay. 77 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,047 Am I watching to see if the whole thing has happened to me? 78 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,633 - Or looking for one specific thing? - Kind of both. 79 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:46,471 So I just keep watching until I see something that has happened to me? 80 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,014 - Yes. - What if we get to the end, 81 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,808 none of it has ever happened to me? 82 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,477 Maybe just try to put yourself in Emily's shoes right now. 83 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,601 Got it. Sorry for the interruption. Please continue. 84 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,274 - So, is this where you live? - Yes, it is. 85 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:01,903 - Alone or are you in a relationship? - This hardly seems appropriate. 86 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,990 Driver, you're starting to make me feel uncomfortable. 87 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,575 Yeah, Todd. What are you doing? 88 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,496 Has a creepy driver ever given you his number 89 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:15,083 or told you that you reminded him of his dead girlfriend? 90 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,837 Or repeated your address slowly, like he was trying to memorize it? 91 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,923 - No, never. - Unfortunately, if you are a woman 92 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:25,760 all those things would happen to you every day. 93 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,346 That's right, Todd. According to my own research, 94 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:32,142 nine out of ten men are total dirtbag creeps, just the worst. 95 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,395 But what if there was a ride-share service that could guarantee 96 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:40,025 no creepy men drivers because there are no men drivers at all? 97 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,693 What are you saying, robot drivers? 98 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:45,155 What if they become sentient and try to murder us, or unionize? 99 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,615 That could be a real headache. 100 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:49,951 No, not murderous robots. Women. 101 00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,287 Todd, you have done it again. 102 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,956 Actually, Emily and I came up with it together. 103 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,835 Todd and Emily, you've done it again for the first time. 104 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:02,339 And that's why we're setting up shop at your house. 105 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,007 Why does it have to be my house? 106 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,176 There's no room at Mr. Peanutbutter's house. 107 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,178 It's full of spaghetti strainers. 108 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,096 - Why? - Who can recall? 109 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,724 I figure the longer they're there, the bigger the payoff. 110 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,060 And they've been sitting there for months now. 111 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:19,064 So you can bet the payoff's going to be pretty huge. 112 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,859 So, why did you let them use your house? 113 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,611 Hey, Todd, where do you want this...? 114 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,029 Uh... 115 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,739 - I felt guilty. - About what? 116 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:31,201 Todd had this old girlfriend. I met her a couple weeks back. 117 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,745 - Hey. - Hey. 118 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:41,086 - What are you still doing up? - I got thirsty. 119 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,254 Then you came to the right place. 120 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,508 Should we call Todd, see if he wants to join us? 121 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,469 I'm tired of trying to figure out what Todd wants. 122 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,554 And what do you want? 123 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,349 - I'll start with a whiskey. - My kind of girl. 124 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,685 - So then we had sex. - What? Why? 125 00:07:56,768 --> 00:08:00,021 I was lonely? She was there? Why does anyone have sex with anyone? 126 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:04,818 Intimacy, affection, a deep need to connect to the world at large. 127 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:08,488 The same reasons three million people subscribe to the L.A. Gazette. 128 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,490 - What? - I'm getting ahead of myself. 129 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,409 Please, continue your story. 130 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,786 - You should go. - Yeah. 131 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,037 That was a mistake. 132 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:19,416 Agreed. A wonderful, sexy mistake for you and a regular mistake for me. 133 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,835 No, it was a regular mistake for me, too. 134 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,921 - What are we gonna tell Todd? - Nothing, obviously. 135 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,257 - I don't want to hurt him. - Neither do I. 136 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,301 - That's why we won't tell him. - I feel like we should tell him. 137 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,846 That feeling is you selfishly trying to assuage your guilt. 138 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,724 If you cared about Todd, you would keep this a secret forever. 139 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:36,975 I'm not good at lying. 140 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:41,146 Ask me if when I was a little girl, did I ever used to put a stuffed animal 141 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,231 in my underpants and rock back and forth on it. 142 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,900 When you were a little girl, did you ever do that thing you said? 143 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,486 What? Get... No! 144 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,240 I think it's gonna be fine. Why would it even come up? 145 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,367 Not like there's any reason the three of us 146 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,327 would ever be in a room together again. 147 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,288 BoJack, you remember Emily, right? 148 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,249 - I've never seen you before in my life. - No. 149 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,085 - You don't remember BoJack? - Oh, yeah. BoJack. 150 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:07,338 What... why... What are you here? Why are you doing at Todd's house? 151 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,923 Todd's house? This is my house. 152 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:12,594 It's cool if we set up shop here, right? That's not gonna be weird? 153 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,220 What? Why would that be weird? 154 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,222 - What are you implying? - Nothing. 155 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:19,309 It's not weird for me either, if we're keeping track of weirdnesses. 156 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:23,688 - Okay, what is going on here? - Why would you? I don't even... 157 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,012 - Literally nothing going on. - No, something's going on. 158 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,650 I've got a nose for news. 159 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,528 In this case, Nu is the Greek letter representing the variable 160 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,946 for "What Is Going On?" 161 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,240 So let's solve for Nu, shall we? 162 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:39,079 I think someone's not saying something to someone else about something. 163 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:42,457 - That's crazy. - I know what it is. 164 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,334 Cabracadabra's going to be huge. 165 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,462 No one wants to say it out loud because we're afraid we'll jinx it. 166 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,006 Yeah. That is exactly what it is. 167 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,675 Yes. Your stupid business is gonna be very successful. 168 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,260 - Yes. - Glad that's out in the open. 169 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,888 We all know what everyone was thinking, we don't need to ask 170 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,131 any more questions or do any wondering about mysteries. 171 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,016 Nope. 172 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,228 If you'll excuse me, I need to go watch a sport. 173 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,479 Great idea. 174 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,649 The worst part is things have actually been going really well with Todd. 175 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,734 Our friendship is in a really good place. 176 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:10,777 Last week he said, 177 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,613 "Did you know the wiener dog is neither a wiener nor a dog?" 178 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,574 Instead of saying, "Shut up, Todd," I said, "Okay." 179 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,827 So, why did you sleep with Emily? 180 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,604 Do you think that part of you was 181 00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:22,771 getting uncomfortable with that closeness? 182 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,500 You felt like you didn't deserve Todd's friendship 183 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:29,546 and you wanted to somehow externalize that feeling into action? 184 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:33,174 No, man, I think I'm just a dumb asshole. Can't it just be that? 185 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:34,717 When you do bad things, 186 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,471 you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. 187 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,308 It's not you, you tell yourself, it's that bad thing you did. 188 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:44,727 Do you often keep people at arm's length? 189 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:48,523 Are you afraid of being known and knowing others? 190 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,484 Yeah, you know, I think that you're definitely hitting on something real 191 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,570 that I would love to drill down into, 192 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,030 but I gotta go to this marketing meeting now. 193 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,200 Which is so annoying because I totally want to keep talking 194 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,952 about that thing you're talking about. 195 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,537 But marketing meetings, right? 196 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,290 I mean, they're so important. Can I call you back tomorrow? 197 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,208 - Of course. - Great. Bye. 198 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,255 - So, how was your marketing meeting? - Weird. 199 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,466 - Sorry I'm late. - It's fine. We're just getting started. 200 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,093 I had the worst morning. 201 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,845 Hanging on every word. Don't tell us. 202 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,263 So I drove here, right? 203 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,372 I'm sitting at the entrance to the garage 204 00:11:22,397 --> 00:11:24,374 when I realize I don't have my key card. 205 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,519 I gotta drive all the way home to get it. 206 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,272 When I got there, I couldn't find it anywhere. 207 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,525 Suddenly, I remember, I put it in the glove compartment. 208 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,652 It was in my car the entire time. 209 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,904 Okay. 210 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:39,198 Because I was driving back and forth so much, I ran out of gas. 211 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,742 I pulled into a 76. 212 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,870 I was about to pump the gas, I realized I didn't have my credit card, 213 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,122 when I remembered it was on my desk at home 214 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,708 because I used it to contribute to my friend's dumb Kickstarter campaign. 215 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:49,626 Diane... 216 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,337 Have you donated to Virginia's dumb Kickstarter yet? 217 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,340 - Oh, shit. - Throw her 50 bucks. You can afford it. 218 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,051 Yeah, but I don't like feeling like I have to, Roxy. 219 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,386 Does the world need a stop-motion short film 220 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,263 about a pig who goes to circus school? 221 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:05,141 Think of it like you're doing a nice thing for your friend. 222 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,643 Mmm... okay. 223 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,562 I called a cab to take me home to get my credit card. 224 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:13,066 Then back to the gas station, get my car, fill it up and come here. 225 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,193 So that's why I'm late. 226 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,154 - Why did you tell us that whole story? - I don't know. 227 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:22,325 - Why did you tell me that whole story? - I don't know. 228 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:27,038 Anyway, I had the ad agency whip up some options for the new Secretariat ads. 229 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:30,041 Good news is the movie is killing out there. Everyone loves it. 230 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,669 If everyone loves it, why do we need a new ad campaign? 231 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,046 These are the "For Your Consideration" ads. 232 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,841 They're a reminder to the Academy, "Have you considered this yet?" 233 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,427 The Academy doesn't always consider everything. 234 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,972 So they need constant consideration reminders. 235 00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:46,182 - That's very considerate. - This one tested the best. 236 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,434 That's a good one. The rest of these suck. 237 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,812 Dumb. Dumb. Stupid. Offensive. 238 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,939 Ugly. Boring. Typical. Stupid. 239 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,608 Bad. Hideous. Disgusting. Gross. Cliché. 240 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,694 - I am really good at this. - Huh. 241 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,823 - I kind of like this one. - How'd that piece of crap get in there? 242 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,074 We ruled that one out. 243 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,575 It's actually really powerful. 244 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:07,537 What spoke to you about that particular ad? 245 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,913 I don't know. 246 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,582 All the pictures of me, they looked backwards. 247 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:15,211 When I looked at the mirror ad, I was seeing me as I see myself 248 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,797 and I thought there was something beautiful about that. 249 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,382 Intimate, almost. 250 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,634 Of course you like this ad. When you look at it 251 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,678 you see Secretariat, I see an old turtle. 252 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:27,098 "Hello, old turtle. Are you Secretariat? No? You're just some old turtle? 253 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,012 What the hell? You've aged terribly." 254 00:13:29,037 --> 00:13:30,959 But you've got the heart of a champion. 255 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,396 I got a team of cardiologists at Cedars who say different. 256 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,528 Isn't that the point of the 257 00:13:34,553 --> 00:13:36,223 movie, that anybody could be Secretariat? 258 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,527 The point of the movie is to make a lot of money and win awards. 259 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,779 If anyone who looks at this ad is Secretariat, 260 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,406 why should you win the Oscar? 261 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:47,869 He's right, BoJack. Why don't you leave this to the experts, okay? 262 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:53,082 Yes. You're a star. 263 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,252 So, you also had sex with your publicist? 264 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,921 Yeah, couple times. We have a very complicated relationship. 265 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,214 It's complicated. 266 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:04,093 If our relationship was a Meryl Streep movie, it would be Doubt. 267 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,888 Don't forget, you have Ellen tomorrow. 268 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,514 Don't wear that sweater I hate. 269 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:11,350 Yes. You're in charge. 270 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,979 Okay, you know, I gotta say I don't feel like I'm in charge. 271 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,648 If you're gonna throw a tantrum, forget the whole thing. 272 00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,610 I'm not throwing a tantrum... Why are we having sex in my car? 273 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,196 - Can we at least go back to your place? - No, BoJack. 274 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,864 I don't know where you live. 275 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,992 You control every part of my life, I don't know anything about you. 276 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,621 - You don't want to know me, BoJack. - No, I do. 277 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,457 - I want to be known and know others. - You don't. 278 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:40,004 I know you and I know what you want. This is exactly what you want. 279 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,465 What do you think she meant by that? 280 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,259 Better question, why am I still getting the L.A. Gazette? 281 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:50,431 Do you think getting the paper every day is a reminder of Todd's papier-mâché head? 282 00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:54,352 The project he abandoned to make time for the old girlfriend 283 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,562 you spent an intimate night with? 284 00:14:56,646 --> 00:15:00,066 Could that be why you want to cancel your subscription? 285 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:03,528 No. I want to cancel my subscription because newspapers are dumb. 286 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,446 I feel I'm very clear on this point. 287 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,740 Every morning, someone knocks on my door and says, 288 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,367 "Throw away this garbage for me." 289 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,453 So you don't feel any guilt about your tryst with Emily? 290 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,289 Well, I have had trouble sleeping. 291 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,459 - You're silly. - No, you're silly. 292 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,460 Oh, God. 293 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,380 - Okay, your turn, truth or dare. - Truth. 294 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:27,093 What is the worst recent thing you did to someone who cared about you? 295 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,805 - The worst thing? Or the most recent? - Both. 296 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,641 Can you keep it down, please? Some people are trying to sleep. 297 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,852 - We are keeping it down. - We've been really quiet. 298 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,395 - You're basically shouting. - Sorry. 299 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:41,858 - Do you want me to whisper? Like this? - Yeah, we can be real whispery. 300 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,068 No, because then I'll hear the "psst, psst, psst." 301 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,779 And I'll be up all night wondering what you're talking about. 302 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,615 - Uh, what would we be talking about? - Yeah, BoJack. 303 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,659 What would we be talking about? 304 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,327 I don't know. Dumb stuff. 305 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,205 Forget it. Can't sleep here. I'm gonna go sleep in my boat. 306 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,181 Freeze, candy ass. 307 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,766 - Character Actress Margo Mart...? - I said, "Freeze." 308 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:19,145 Hold on. Are you telling me esteemed character actress 309 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:23,983 and fugitive from the law Margo Martindale has been living in your boat? 310 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:27,236 Is this one of those situations where everything we discuss is confidential, 311 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,155 due to customer service rep-client privilege? 312 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,531 Of course. 313 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,700 Then yes, Margo Martindale is living in my boat. 314 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,073 How long have you been in here? 315 00:16:35,098 --> 00:16:37,729 Well, after the incident in Yorba Linda. 316 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,338 Eh... 317 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,881 Well, Margo, old gal, 318 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,258 looks like you've bought yourself another day of freedom. 319 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,177 But at what cost? 320 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:54,430 I knew I had to lay low. Go off the grid, disappear. 321 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,182 I know what "lay low" means. 322 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,310 So, I disappeared for a little bit. 323 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,104 Mm-hmm. 324 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:05,691 Somewhere I knew I had no chance of being discovered... 325 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,985 regional theater. 326 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:12,573 I did a run at the La Jolla Playhouse in an obscure Tennessee Williams play. 327 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,742 I have ambition, sir. 328 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,871 Dreams that don't incorporate the concerns of cynics like you. 329 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:22,291 Cynic. Always laughing that terrible laugh. 330 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,585 - Ramona... - Well, go ahead and laugh. 331 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:27,296 Laugh your life away. I can laugh, too. 332 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,133 Ramona, I'm telling you... 333 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,856 She's dead. 334 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,028 I was good. Too good. 335 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:54,448 The San Diego Union-Tribune called me, "A talent to watch." 336 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,367 I knew I had to get out of there. 337 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,536 And you've been living here ever since? 338 00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:01,080 That's right. I also did an arc on The Good Wife. 339 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,791 - Other than that, laying low. - The Good Wife? 340 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:07,044 How did you go on a nationally broadcast TV show with no one catching you? 341 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:11,424 I disappeared into the role, BoJack. It's called acting. Try it sometime. 342 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,634 And you're the one who's been stealing our food. 343 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,344 You already know too much. 344 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,762 Smoke bomb. Hi-yah! 345 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:21,809 - Why did you throw a plum on the floor? - Thought it was a smoke bomb. 346 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,227 Where are my smoke bombs? 347 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,187 I'm gonna go sleep by the pool. 348 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,733 - Hey. BoJack's back. - Yup. 349 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,944 My two favorite people in a room together with me. 350 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,071 - You bet. - Isn't this great, BoJack? 351 00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,990 - The three of us under one roof? - Yeah. 352 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,034 It's like Three Men and a Baby. 353 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,454 But there's only two men, and the baby's a lady. 354 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,788 Uh-huh. 355 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,600 With all this turmoil and upheaval, 356 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,394 sure would be nice to have something you can depend on. 357 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,230 Something that arrives every day at your doorstep, 358 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,732 with a robust arts section. 359 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,984 Let me tell you something about the L.A. Gazette. 360 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,695 I don't think you finished the story about your publicist. 361 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:18,115 What happened when you told her you wanted to know her? 362 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,367 Oh, right. Well... 363 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:22,536 If we're gonna work together and also have weird kinky car sex, 364 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,080 I wanna know something about you. 365 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,247 What do you wanna know? 366 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,209 I was married once. I have a son I'm not allowed to see. 367 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,087 - My favorite fruit is honeydew. - Gross, is that true? 368 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,046 Does it matter? 369 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,131 Listen, I've been with guys like you before, 370 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:37,468 and I know this thing works better if we keep a little distance. 371 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:38,511 And... 372 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:39,836 Well, that worked. 373 00:19:39,861 --> 00:19:41,830 Okay, we're done. I'll see you tomorrow. 374 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,850 So, that's how you left things? 375 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,687 That's how she left things. But then I followed her home. 376 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,063 You did what? 377 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,607 She lives in this tiny apartment in the Valley. 378 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:56,070 I could see her through the window and I just watched her being... normal. 379 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,364 Oh! 380 00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,740 There's something very intimate 381 00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,201 about watching a person be herself. 382 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,079 But it wasn't good intimate, like when you see your mom cry. 383 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,247 It was bad intimate, 384 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,457 like when your dad writes a poem about Lena Horne's nipples, 385 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,085 makes you read it out loud so he can hear if it scans. 386 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:13,546 She warned you that you wouldn't want to know her. 387 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,789 Yeah. She was right. 388 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,818 It's so sad that when you see 389 00:20:16,843 --> 00:20:19,909 someone as they really are, it ruins them. 390 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,097 - Do you have someone you can talk to? - About what? 391 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:27,226 These feelings you have, your self-destructive behavior. 392 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:30,104 You know that old joke about how many psychiatrists 393 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:33,399 does it take to screw in a light bulb? The answer is just one, 394 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,860 but the light bulb has to want to change? 395 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,988 - I don't know that joke. - That's it. That's the whole joke. 396 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,073 The light bulb has to want to change. 397 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,744 Yeah. Psychiatrists are idiots. 398 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,829 That's actually not the point of the joke. 399 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,415 - Hey. I need to talk to you. - What the... I'm on the phone. 400 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:54,003 I got nominated for the Craig Noel Award from the San Diego Theatre Critics Circle. 401 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,546 Oh, it's too much heat. 402 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,673 I'm taking your boat out to international waters. 403 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,341 You never saw me. 404 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,801 On the phone. 405 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,553 I don't want to talk to anybody. 406 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,889 What I want is to have control over my own life. 407 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,479 Which is why I'm begging you 408 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,981 to please cancel my delivery of the L.A. Gazette. 409 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,692 - I don't think you want to do that. - I promise you I do. 410 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,319 No, because that's just theater. 411 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:23,532 It allows you to think you're in control, but the whole idea of control is a myth. 412 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,951 The universe is a wild beast. 413 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:30,706 You can't tame it. All you can do is try to live inside it. 414 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,042 Live inside the beast? That's a mixed metaphor. 415 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,795 - But... you're right. - Great. 416 00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:38,380 I'm going to sign you up for another six months. 417 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:42,343 Since you've been such a sport, I'm throwing in a tote bag. 418 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,054 Thanks. You've given me a lot to think about. 419 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,183 Okay, so I'm a passenger. 420 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:52,978 drive safely, drive efficiently, 421 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,105 and don't harass the passenger. 422 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:59,527 - Todd, can I talk to you for a second? - Sure. Driver, pull over, please. 423 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,491 - Can I talk to you alone? - Of course. 424 00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:07,910 Driver, put up the partition, please. 425 00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:14,583 I've been thinking, and you should do this without me. 426 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,127 What? But the whole point is we're doing it together. 427 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:18,879 But you don't need me anymore. 428 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,631 You have a whole team of coders, 429 00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:23,717 and I don't think that I can work in this house. 430 00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:25,681 - What's wrong with the house? - Todd, I just... 431 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:27,888 I need to go. 432 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,598 I don't understand. 433 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,892 Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable? 434 00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:36,230 No. You are great. It's me and... BoJack. 435 00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:39,233 BoJack? What did he do this time? 436 00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,905 I don't think I've been a very good friend to you. 437 00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:47,366 Things happened and... 438 00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:51,287 I don't think BoJack's been a very good friend to you either. 439 00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:56,208 - Oh, okay. - You should buy me out of the company. 440 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:58,210 No, no, no, keep your share. 441 00:22:58,294 --> 00:23:00,462 Who knows? It might be worth something someday. 442 00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:01,755 You're sweet, Todd. 443 00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:04,341 You shouldn't waste that on people who don't deserve it. 444 00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:07,970 Hey, you want this plum? I found it in the kitchen. 445 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:09,013 Sure. 446 00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:10,598 Whoa! 447 00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:14,435 Weird plum. 448 00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:19,648 How did you know where I live? 449 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:20,983 - Ana... - You need to leave. 450 00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:23,777 No, I know that it's exciting to remain mysterious and in control, 451 00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:25,112 but control is a myth. 452 00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:27,656 That's a conclusion I came to recently by myself. 453 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:28,824 I can't do this now. 454 00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:31,702 I don't want to go home tonight. I want to sleep in your bed, 455 00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:33,787 I wanna see what you look like waking up. 456 00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:37,249 You are a beautiful, sexy, fascinating, terrifying woman. 457 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:40,085 And I want to know you. I'm not afraid of that. 458 00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,920 And you don't have to be, either. 459 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:45,299 Okay. 460 00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:49,011 And I want to go with the mirror ads for Secretariat. 461 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:50,387 - BoJack, no, listen. - Ana. 462 00:23:50,471 --> 00:23:52,389 This is my campaign, I know what I'm doing. 463 00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:55,434 Call up Turteltaub and tell him I won't be pushed around on this. 464 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,394 I'm the star and what I say goes. 465 00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,189 Okay. 466 00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:04,193 Hmm... 467 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,945 It kind of just looks like a billboard for the sky. 468 00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:09,114 - I didn't think this part through. - No kidding. 469 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:12,910 The sky is Secretariat? The sky wants you to nominate it for an Oscar? 470 00:24:12,993 --> 00:24:14,828 It is eerily beautiful. 471 00:24:14,912 --> 00:24:17,456 Like an art piece that resists interpretation. 472 00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:21,126 Oh, good. Yeah. Wouldn't want the ad for my movie to be interpretable. 473 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:22,628 If you stand where I'm standing, 474 00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:25,089 you see a reflection of the KIIS-FM billboard. 475 00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:28,634 Beautiful. So we spent half a million dollars on an Oscar campaign for KIIS-FM. 476 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:30,427 I'd hate to drive here at rush hour. 477 00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:33,097 When the sun goes down and hits that billboard, 478 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:36,809 that's gonna... That's gonna be a real problem. 479 00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:39,978 Well, the good news is BoJack got what he wanted. 480 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:45,067 Ugh. 481 00:25:01,369 --> 00:25:05,500 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com ...