1 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,691 BoJack! Beautiful day, huh? 2 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,985 Perfect day to go outside, not read the trades 3 00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:30,030 or talk to anyone in the industry or watch entertainment television 4 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:33,325 or have a gut feeling about the ratings for your television show last night. 5 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,370 - Princess Carolyn, I'm dying. - You read the trades. 6 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:39,122 My heart is in my stomach, my stomach is in my butt, 7 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,041 and my butt ran away with the spoon. 8 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:44,253 That makes sense because your butt is quite a dish. 9 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,088 Can you come over? I need you. 10 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,343 What the...? 11 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:56,723 I ordered a few feel-better pizzas to feel better. It did not work. 12 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,768 Then I sprinkled happy pills on them, and washed it all down 13 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:03,230 with a "Please, God, make my pain go away" vermouth and ice cream float. 14 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,524 - Somehow I feel worse. - That's a real mystery. 15 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,986 My show was terrible. Why did insist on a mockumentary format? 16 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,114 It's already an overused trope now, in 2007. 17 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:16,159 Hey! Mockumentary is not a trope, it's a device for storytelling. 18 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:19,871 And your show is daring and cutting edge. People just aren't ready. 19 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:22,332 Yeah. Yeah, people! It's not me. 20 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,376 It's the people that are the problem! 21 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,671 Everyone's dumb and I am great. Why do I always forget that? 22 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:28,839 That's the spirit. 23 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,883 I'm starting to think this show is the best thing that happened to me. 24 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:32,801 - Really? - Yeah. 25 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,721 It made me realize you're the best thing that happened to me, 26 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,348 with your sexy cat eyes and your cute little hair curl. 27 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,892 You look like a soft serve strawberry ice cream. 28 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,396 BoJack, we can't. I'm your agent. 29 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:48,025 You are so much more than that. You're my lighthouse, my Garmin. 30 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,652 You're the little plastic table they put in pizza boxes 31 00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:52,863 to keep the pizza from getting smushed. 32 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,364 You're Princess Carolyn. 33 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,748 Don't you break my heart, BoJack Horseman. 34 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,124 - What? - What? Nothing. 35 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,628 - Did you just say something to me? - No, I was just being wistful, I guess. 36 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,547 Well, can you be wistful a little quieter? 37 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,925 - Not everyone is interested in your wist. - Okay, BoJack. 38 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,347 - You smell nice. - Thanks, BoJack. 39 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:13,238 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com ... 40 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,832 Okay, gotta go. I'm about to meet my most important client. 41 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,751 - I know you're not really on the phone. - Bye, Mr. President. 42 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:33,088 Give my love to your basketball friends. You too. 43 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,590 Should we get dinner, or are you just thinking drinks? 44 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,968 - I'm not planning on staying long. - Okay. 45 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,763 I'm glad you wanted to meet, because I am so pumped to tell you 46 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:44,474 all about the exciting projects I'm lining up for you. 47 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,518 That won't be necessary. 48 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,562 Once you get your Oscar nom, we'll have our pick. That's the key. 49 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,064 You think Halle Berry would've been offered Catwoman 50 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,357 if she wasn't an Oscar winner? 51 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,609 We just gotta find you your Catwoman. 52 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,278 I'm not sure if a Catwoman 53 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:59,030 is really the best thing for my career right now. 54 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,783 Right, well, like I said, we are getting lots of offers. 55 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:02,951 Listen, Princess Carolyn... 56 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,163 Signore Horseman! Principessa Carolina! 57 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,206 Sandro, how you doing, you handsome devil? 58 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,710 To be honest I am, how you say, sweating bull's nets. 59 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,754 - You mean sweating bullets? - I don't think so. 60 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,506 Sweating bullets. How does that make the sense? 61 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,258 How does sweating bull's nets make sense? 62 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:22,137 I don't want to be caught in bull's nets. He may try to kiss me. 63 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:27,642 I prefer kissing cows. No judgment, just a preference. I love kissing cows! 64 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,519 Don't tell my wife. I'm kidding! 65 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,396 She knows. She's a cow! 66 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,066 And I only kiss her. 67 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,401 Okay, very good. 68 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,445 Haven't you lived in America for 30 years? 69 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,698 Ignore him. Why are you sweating bullets and/or nets? 70 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:46,953 Ah. Because there is a restaurant critic here tonight. 71 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:50,791 Very interesting. 72 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,502 Critics are the worst. That's my review of critics. 73 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,587 Two thumbs down! Four percent fresh! 74 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,215 One star! You all eat a flat butt! 75 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,259 Did you not know there was a critic here? You own this place. 76 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,595 I never see you do anything to help run it. 77 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,347 This place runs itself. Right, Sandro? 78 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:09,267 Well, my wife and children and therapy man may not agree so much, 79 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,061 but if you say so, Signore Horseman. 80 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,605 Even his wife and kids and therapy man agree. 81 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:18,151 Well, as the Black Guy Pete say, "Tonight's gonna be a good night." 82 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,820 Please. Enjoy. 83 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:22,906 I know you're not happy about what happened with the Kelsey project. 84 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,284 I pushed a little too hard to get you the money you deserve. 85 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:30,163 What can I say? Sometimes I'm too good of an agent, so deals fall apart. 86 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,541 That's a thing that happens when agents are really good. 87 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:33,917 - That's not... - Moving forward! 88 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,503 I know you're not happy with how I handled Ethan Around. 89 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,088 - Or didn't handle it. - Bygones! 90 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:41,007 It was because I was busy getting you the Pegasus movie, 91 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,723 which I know you did not get, but 92 00:05:42,748 --> 00:05:44,307 trust me, you'll see not getting 93 00:05:44,331 --> 00:05:47,162 these movies was the best thing that ever happened to you. 94 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:50,225 Onwards and upwards! Tally ho! To the stars! 95 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,477 Okay, you're forcing me to use the cards. 96 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:59,359 "Princess Carolyn, clear throat, I have been very disappointed..." 97 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,027 Ring! Hello, Your Highness. 98 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,780 It's a king, I have to take this. In the bathroom. 99 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,492 Oh, fish, oh, fish! 100 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,536 Who's out there? Are you talking to me? 101 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,204 No. 102 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,123 All right, Pink Lady, think. 103 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,542 - Are you talking to me? - Are you a pink lady? 104 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,503 I was a Pink Lady in my high school's production of Grease. 105 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:21,298 - Were you Rizzo? - No, Jan. 106 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,008 Then don't waste my time. 107 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,849 Now, let us bow our heads and bray. 108 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,070 Yes, right away! 109 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:50,368 So back to what you were... 110 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,787 - Oh, my goodness, what is this? - Yeah, what is this? 111 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:01,671 You're making this up. 112 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,018 Okay, cool. 113 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:19,522 Can you believe it, BoJack? It's been almost a quarter of a century. 114 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,816 Talking on the phone pretty much every day, 115 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,985 sharing our deepest dreams and secrets, 116 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,988 being there for each other through all of it, bosom friends, 117 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,531 Anne of Green Gables style. 118 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,409 Let's toast to another 23 years. What do you say? 119 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,912 - You're fired. - Uh... Oh. 120 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:36,790 I can't believe this. You're firing me? 121 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:37,958 - Me? - What? No. 122 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,961 You have no idea, everything I do around here! 123 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,338 - Half the kitchen staff is my family. - No. 124 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,215 - Honestly, just... - I detest you! 125 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,550 I hope you rot in the hell! 126 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:51,012 - We're headed down a road that... - You washed-up has-been no-good joke! 127 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,264 You are the opposite of an onion, 128 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:57,018 because if I cut you, I am no gonna cry. 129 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,436 Well, now you are fired. 130 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,649 Good luck finding another charming first-generation Italian immigrant 131 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:07,612 with this kind of darling accent, who makes equally delightful malapropisms! 132 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:10,490 You, sir, have just cut off your nose 133 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,284 and thrown Sprite in your face! 134 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:18,039 I am a classic stereotype that is tough to come by nowadays, 135 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:21,501 because Italians don't emigrate so much to America no more. 136 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,795 Botticelli, Barbarelli, Beetle Bailey! 137 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,756 Modigliani, Masaccio, Marmaduke! 138 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,675 Avanti, all of you! Andiamo! 139 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,512 So that was weird, huh? 140 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,932 Please stop looking at me. 141 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,184 Too bad about Sandro, huh? 142 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:41,021 You're the one who's fired, obviously. 143 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:43,773 Right. 144 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,610 Ryan Murphy is doing are-imagining of The Life and Times of Harriet Tubman. 145 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,363 But in this version, she's a tub-man, 146 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,074 with the comparative strength and agility of a tub! 147 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,701 - PC. - He's looking for someone 148 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,120 to play the Underground Railroad conductor. 149 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,122 Great, but you don't represent me anymore. 150 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,416 Okay, I get it. I'm fired. Sheesk. 151 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,002 You're gonna spend a couple days being mad at me, 152 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:07,922 then I'll get you another gig, and you'll be my client again, just like every time. 153 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,508 Can we get past the part where you're mad at me 154 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,261 and get to the part where you're stealing General Lee's plutonium 155 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,056 to fuel your subterranean steam-punk slave-tram? 156 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,808 "It's best, for both of us, 157 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,103 if we end this relationship once and for all." 158 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,939 I'm sorry I screwed up, you don't have to read off the... 159 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:28,401 "You take me for granted, made decisions that were against my wishes, 160 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:32,072 and worst of all she's got my globes a-warming!" 161 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,491 - How did that get in there? - What is that? 162 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,826 A punch line to a joke from the roast of January Jones. 163 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,621 - A global warming joke? - It's an important issue. Here we go. 164 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,498 "Our relationship no longer has any..." 165 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,917 "January has only gotten hotter and hot..." Nope. 166 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,810 Were you at the roast of January Jones? 167 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,236 No, but I wrote some jokes 168 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,172 in case someone got sick and they needed a backup. 169 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,217 Do you even know January Jones? Why would they call you? 170 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,097 I guess I thought that my agent 171 00:09:54,122 --> 00:09:56,787 could get me in the mix if Jason Sudeikis... 172 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,723 How did these get out of order? 173 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,892 So in the joke, are the globes your balls? 174 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,144 And they get warm when you see January Jones? 175 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,479 Is that how balls work? 176 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,397 I don't know. It's a work in progress. 177 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:07,857 Professional integrity! 178 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,610 "Our relationship no longer has any professional integrity. 179 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,695 So it's gotta end. Stand to leave." 180 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,197 Shouldn't have read that part. 181 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,117 "When you reflect on this, you'll see it's best for both of us. 182 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,244 Exit restaurant." Goddamn it. 183 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,080 Wow, that was... I don't know what that was. 184 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,665 Hey! Where are you going? 185 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,295 - Who gave you this idea? Spanakopita? - This has nothing to do with Ana. 186 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,880 Here you go, sir. 187 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,299 - I'll get it! - You two are b'thumping. 188 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,884 Now you do whatever she says? 189 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,248 - Is that what's happening? - No. 190 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,180 No, you're not b'thumping or no, you're not doing whatever she says? 191 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,933 - I'm not doing whatever she says. - So you are b'thumping. 192 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,138 I understand from context what you mean, 193 00:10:44,163 --> 00:10:46,336 but there's no way b'thumping is a thing. 194 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,230 I'll get it! 195 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,316 You don't have to do everything your little falafel pocket tells you to. 196 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,154 - You screwed up! - Once! In 23 years! 197 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,071 I'll get 'em. 198 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,283 All these years I carried you, when no one wanted to work with you. 199 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,285 I still managed to get you jobs. 200 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,370 And then you would flake, or sabotage them, 201 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:06,249 or get wrapped up in some crisis or emergency or vague sadness. 202 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,627 Everyone told me to dump you... my bosses, film execs, directors, 203 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,505 they all told me you were washed up, a nobody, a has-been, 204 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:15,884 - a joke, too portly for TV. - Too portly for TV? Who said that? 205 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,719 - It doesn't matter. - It does. Who said it? 206 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:18,876 Luis Guzman. 207 00:11:18,901 --> 00:11:22,122 Luis Guzman said I'm too portly for TV? 208 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,517 You're right, BoJack. This is for the best. 209 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,849 I no longer have to lug your 210 00:11:25,874 --> 00:11:27,878 talentless, self-centered, self-sabotaging, 211 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,023 dead-weight carcass of faded talent around my neck. 212 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,733 - Hey. - Thank you for firing me. 213 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,319 I'm gonna go pour myself a little celebratory potato juice, 214 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:37,238 because this is the best goddamn thing that's ever happened to me. 215 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,908 Hey! Hey! Hey! 216 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,746 Ha, ha! I'll get it. 217 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,373 You do not talk to me like that and walk away. 218 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,042 Oh, no? What's happening? 219 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:52,670 This is so weird. I'm walking away, even though you told me not to. 220 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,589 Right, I don't work for you anymore. 221 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,841 - Hey! - Excuse me, Mr. Horseman? 222 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:57,634 Not now. 223 00:11:57,659 --> 00:11:59,785 We have a slight problem in the kitchen. 224 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,180 - Where is everybody? - That's the problem. They all quit. 225 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,599 The kitchen's backed up with orders. No one's getting food. 226 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,322 And the critic is growing very impatient. 227 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,979 Writing that down... 228 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,440 - Just do what you normally do. - But there's no chef. 229 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,401 Tonight's your lucky night. You just got promoted. 230 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:22,158 Kidding. I'm actually just happy being a waiter. I'm not my job. 231 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:25,787 - A lot of people think that... - You're the chef! Start cheffing! 232 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:26,704 Oh. 233 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:35,505 What? Fifty teeth? Get out of here. Let me see. 234 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,590 - Ahh... - Would you look at that. 235 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,592 You're thrilled to have me out of your life? 236 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:43,096 - I was such a burden all those years. - Can I close my mouth now? 237 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,014 - Know what I think? - Don't wanna hear it. 238 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,641 You like being there to rescue me. 239 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,435 - I close my mouth, okay? - Nobody cares! 240 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,229 - Okay... - Nope, I'm still counting. 241 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,147 You like it when I'm a mess. 242 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,108 Because it makes you feel good about yourself. 243 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,068 Guess what? I never asked for that. 244 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,695 You ask all the time. 245 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,197 You have never not been asking me to rescue you. 246 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,074 "Princess Carolyn, help me! 247 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,452 I slept with the gaffer's wife and now he's not lighting me properly. 248 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:10,039 Princess Carolyn, I threw up on Elle Fanning in a bounce house. 249 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,959 Princess Carolyn, why am I such a big stupid asshole?" 250 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,420 Okay, great, more abuse. Right on schedule. 251 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,546 Oh, that's abuse? 252 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,589 "BoJack, you're such a big, stupid asshole. 253 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,259 BoJack, why were you even in the bounce house, dummy? 254 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,387 BoJack, you wasted my thirties!" 255 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,764 I never said you wasted my thirties. 256 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,599 Didn't have to, you're always saying it. 257 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:33,146 And I don't like being around you, because I feel bad. 258 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,857 You make me feel bad. 259 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,901 So this isn't about me being a bad agent. 260 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,903 It's about a lot of things. 261 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,072 - Where are you going? - Away. 262 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,741 Hey, listen, man. 263 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,994 I don't wanna get in the middle of this, it's none of my business, 264 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,663 but I just have to say I love that sweater. 265 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,582 - Can you give it to me? - What? No. 266 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,792 I held my mouth open a really long time. 267 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,420 - What does that have to do...? - You're not being fair, 268 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,172 to me or Princess Katniss. 269 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,423 - Who? - Your friend. 270 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:03,509 You've forgotten her already? Typical BoSchwack. 271 00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:04,844 That's enough out of you. 272 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,388 It's all right, you're gonna get through this. 273 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,849 - You're gonna get through this. - Are you okay? 274 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,268 Are you okay? You've been in there a long time. 275 00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,228 I left for a while and came back. 276 00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:17,023 Just so you know, this wasn't an easy decision. 277 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,484 - This is the ladies' room! - What's going on out there? 278 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,361 Are you watching a movie? 279 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,154 I agonized over this. Ask Ana. 280 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:26,824 - Oh. So you did talk about it with Ana. - Yeah. I respect her opinion. 281 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,830 Paws not claws! Paws not claws! 282 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:35,124 Hey! Ow! God, you're strong. 283 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:47,220 This is exactly the kind of unprofessionalism I'm talking about. 284 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:51,015 - You want to talk about professionalism? - Yes, I do. 285 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:55,686 But not here. 286 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,109 You say you want professionalism? Bullshit. 287 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,945 You want a mommy you can slide your dick in. 288 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:06,322 I can want that and also want professionalism. 289 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,200 A sex-mommy who keeps her boundaries, is that too much to ask? 290 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,619 Is there a single woman you've worked with 291 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:14,872 who you haven't tried to groggily thrust yourself into? 292 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,583 Is it any wonder I don't want to be around you? 293 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,919 All you do is tell me I'm a terrible person. 294 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,922 Please, you're such a self-pitying masochist, 295 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,550 I could say ten nice things and one mean thing, 296 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,343 you would only hear the one mean thing. 297 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,679 I'd love it if you said ten nice things to me. 298 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,682 - I can say nice things. - Ready when you are. 299 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,726 Does self-pitying masochist count, or are we starting from scratch? 300 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,271 Okay, one... I'm freezing my whiskers off. 301 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,524 - You have a natural charisma. - You hesitated, that means it's a lie. 302 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,526 Two, you are loved by millions. 303 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,446 That's not a compliment. So is Kim Jong Un and Teri Hatcher. 304 00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,030 I got this. I got this. 305 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,116 Pre-heat oven? Where's the pre-heat button? 306 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,993 Excuse me? Waiter? 307 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,370 Where are my family's double-fudge cheese pies? 308 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,747 I'm not your waiter anymore. I'm the chef. 309 00:15:56,831 --> 00:16:00,626 - Then who's our waiter? - Uh, you're the waiter now. Ta-da! 310 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:01,961 I can't be a waiter. 311 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,464 I have a very important business meeting tomorrow. 312 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:08,050 You get someone else to do it. I'm the chef and whatever I say goes! 313 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,470 Okay. Who gets these soy balls and onion cubes? 314 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,054 Table eight. Deliver those soy balls, soldier. 315 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,473 You got it, boss. 316 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,517 Number six. You know how to make me laugh. 317 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:19,270 So I'm a clown to you? Like Joe Pesci in Home Alone? 318 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,856 You recognize you're being impossible, right? 319 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:26,444 - I don't know how you put up with me. - I didn't put up with you, BoJack. 320 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,947 I liked being with you. And I don't regret it. 321 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,617 I don't regret the trip to the Bahamas. 322 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,286 Or the bracelet you bought me for my 38th birthday. 323 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,537 Or when my dad died 324 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,457 and you came to the funeral with me and held my hand. 325 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,418 I'm doing this for both of us. You understand? 326 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,963 - Did you ever love me? At all? - I don't... I'm not... 327 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,801 You know that I don't do the whole love thing. 328 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:55,139 Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So, what's the point? 329 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,390 Yeah. 330 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:59,101 Ugh. This sucks. Ow. 331 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,104 I did this to myself. I do this to myself. 332 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,524 - Why do I do this to myself? - I don't know. 333 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,567 Maybe if you're good at putting out fires, 334 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,778 you just run from fire to fire and don't really think about... 335 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:13,407 Oh, God, I don't wanna be a chef! I want to be not on fire! 336 00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:17,078 - We gotta put out that fire! - I hate Mondays! 337 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,666 I figured out how to pre-heat the oven. 338 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,544 This night has been a disaster. 339 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:27,838 The good news is I got my kid to prep my important meeting at work. 340 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,299 The bad news is all the customers went home. 341 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,634 They didn't like the screaming 342 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,303 and felt like their food was a little too "on fire". 343 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,707 - It's called a char, dumbshits. - The critic's still here. 344 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,225 Oh, oh, oh! 345 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,561 She still wants her mushroom risotto. 346 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,565 I don't know how to make risotto. 347 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,691 I know how. 348 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,609 What are you doing? No, go home. 349 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,279 You're right. What am I doing? 350 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:52,613 All right. 351 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,325 Good luck. 352 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,471 Ugh. Who do they write these songs for? 353 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:26,939 Ugh. 354 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,943 Goddamn it. 355 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:34,655 How should I know? Do I look like an expert in cooking oils? 356 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,325 We have to choose! We're running out of time. 357 00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:40,494 - Olive. You wanna use olive oil. - What are you doing? 358 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,872 Let me do this. You'll burn the place to the ground. 359 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:46,083 Fine. This isn't one of those things where you save my ass 360 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,419 so I feel obligated to give you your job back. 361 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:51,130 I know you have no sense of obligation to me. 362 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:55,343 Ooh, slam. I'm sorry, I'd rather not get involved. 363 00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:57,511 - Can I get you some more water? - Mmm. 364 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,597 You look lovely. It's a great blouse. 365 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,641 Mom, I wanna go home. 366 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,893 This is a very important night for the restaurant. 367 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,341 How are we coming on the sales 368 00:19:05,366 --> 00:19:07,504 meeting? Did you get the big conference room? 369 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:11,442 Winslow wants the big conference room for his presentation to corporate. 370 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:14,528 You get back on that phone and you get me that big room. 371 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,405 Okay, Mom. 372 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,659 The secret is stirring continuously. 373 00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:22,161 Right, so that's the secret. 374 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,706 I'm gonna go roll some more soy balls. 375 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,209 - Thanks for your help. - Sure. 376 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,169 How do you know how to do this? 377 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,296 Mom was a live-in maid for a rich family. 378 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,466 She had a little trouble bending her elbow too much. Glug, glug. 379 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:39,929 So unless I wanted us to be on the street, I had to cover for her, a lot. 380 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,766 That rich family loved Italian food and champagne fountains. 381 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,061 And cocaine. And private jets. And screaming at each other. 382 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,647 "Who threw my cocaine in the champagne fountain?" 383 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,316 - So standard rich people stuff? - I guess. 384 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,820 - How come you never told me that? - I did. 385 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:56,737 Oh. 386 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,823 It's okay. I know you never remember anything. 387 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,867 That's not true. I remember the first time we met. 388 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:05,121 I went to see Marv. You were at the desk in front of his office. 389 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,582 I thought you were cute and you said, "It's good to see you again." 390 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:13,254 - Oh. So I guess we'd met before. - That was the third time we met. 391 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,001 The first time was when I was an 392 00:20:15,026 --> 00:20:17,365 intern. I delivered a script to your house. 393 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,137 You were passed out in the yard, covered in tapioca pudding. 394 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,973 I hosed you down, dragged you inside, covered you with a blanket. 395 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,600 - Really? I don't remember that. - Shocker. 396 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:30,020 So you've gone from daughter of a maid to head of your own company. 397 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:32,314 Well, the company's not doing so hot. 398 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,775 - Don't try to guilt me. - It's not your fault. 399 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,123 Turns out being an agent and 400 00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:38,178 running an agency are two different skills. 401 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,866 It's like asking a really delicious tomato to make you a tomato sandwich. 402 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,744 How's a tomato gonna make you a sandwich? He's got no arms. 403 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,538 You'll figure it out. Princess Carolyn always lands on her feet. 404 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,916 But I don't even know why I'm doing it. Does any of it matter? 405 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,003 Why are you an agent at all if it makes you so miserable? 406 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,254 Because I'm good at it. 407 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,006 I mean, stuff hasn't been hitting 408 00:20:57,031 --> 00:20:59,240 lately. But, usually, I'm really good at it. 409 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,664 Just 'cause you're good at something 410 00:21:00,689 --> 00:21:01,868 doesn't mean you have to do it. 411 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,847 I'm good at driving sober, but I don't relish the opportunity. 412 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,309 But what else would I do? Who else would I be? 413 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,729 I do love you, by the way. 414 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:15,357 I mean, as much as I'm capable of loving anyone. 415 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,486 Which is never enough. I'm sorry. 416 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,450 Ta-da! 417 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:33,501 Well, it is truly... 418 00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:37,338 how should I put this? Wonderful. 419 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,632 So you'll give Elefante a good review? 420 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:44,762 Oh, no, I can't do that. I waited over two hours to be served. 421 00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:48,349 The ambience was terrible. You two were screaming all night. 422 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:51,727 At one point, a waiter ran through the restaurant on fire. 423 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,356 Unfortunately, you will be receiving my lowest rating: 424 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:59,026 four hundred and twelve stars, out of a possible a billion. 425 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,194 A billion stars? 426 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:04,323 Yes, that's the rubric I use on SamanthaGoesToRestaurants.tumblr.com. 427 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,742 Oh, God, get out. 428 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,453 I assure you the animated GIFs 429 00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:13,290 with which I describe this encounter shall be scathing. 430 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:16,669 Mom! I just touched base with Rooney, re, Winslow. 431 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:20,172 He's out, we're in. The conference room is ours. 432 00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:23,592 Perfect! This is the meeting where we finally convince the big boys 433 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,636 to let us get babies addicted to vaping! 434 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,430 Yes! Corporation! 435 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,812 - How about a drink? - I could drink. 436 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,897 I don't think I can. I'm heading out. 437 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,733 I got pretty badly burnt earlier and in a lot of pain. 438 00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:42,236 I should probably go to the ER. Have a great night. 439 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:46,824 Ha, ha! 440 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,160 What's the second time we met? 441 00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:53,706 - A taping of Horsin' Around. - Which episode? 442 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,959 The one where Olivia put too much detergent in the washing machine. 443 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,128 Nancy Reagan was the guest star. 444 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,672 That woman was the real actor in the family. 445 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:03,925 I just started working for Marv. 446 00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:05,867 I went backstage to introduce myself. 447 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:07,553 And then what happened? 448 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:10,472 You told me you were too tired pretending to be nice all night, 449 00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:13,058 - and I needed to leave you alone. - Oh. 450 00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:14,643 I'm a real jerk, huh? 451 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:17,021 Yeah, but you're honest, straightforward, 452 00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:19,315 not fake nice and don't beat around the bush. 453 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,942 Your heart is tender, so you protect it from people, 454 00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:26,030 but sometimes you open up a wall and it's incredible. 455 00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:28,403 You're doing the best you can, considering 456 00:23:28,428 --> 00:23:29,599 your asshole parents. 457 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,076 You have great taste in art, 458 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,079 and that pink spot on your nose is just adorable. 459 00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:36,081 How many nice things was that, about ten? 460 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,584 - Yeah, just about. - Okay, one more. 461 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:41,712 You let me help you tonight because you knew I needed it. 462 00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:44,632 You did it for me, which was very sweet. 463 00:23:44,715 --> 00:23:47,843 Thanks. You're a good friend to me. 464 00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,554 - BoJack... - Yeah? 465 00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:51,889 Are we friends? 466 00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:54,350 Yeah. I mean, I think we are. 467 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,393 Or I think we can be. 468 00:23:56,477 --> 00:23:59,938 Okay, then as a friend, I'm asking you... 469 00:24:00,022 --> 00:24:01,690 Please don't leave me. 470 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,275 - Princess Carolyn... - Please. 471 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,070 I can turn this around, I just need more time. 472 00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:08,405 We're in a fragile period, still finding our feet. 473 00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:10,991 Just give me six months and then you can go. 474 00:24:11,075 --> 00:24:14,244 I promise, I'll never ask anything from you again, 475 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:17,247 but please, give me six months. 476 00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:19,500 Sorry, I left my coat here. 477 00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:26,965 I got it. 478 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:36,517 So? What do you think? 479 00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:38,102 No. 480 00:24:49,932 --> 00:24:53,380 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com ...