1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:04,606 sync & correction by f1nc0 - Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:14,962 - I know, I know. - I'm just glad you showed up. 3 00:00:15,045 --> 00:00:16,880 The waitstaff was starting to get suspicious. 4 00:00:16,964 --> 00:00:19,091 See? I'm not a liar! I do have a wife! 5 00:00:19,174 --> 00:00:22,803 - All right. You're trying to embarrass me. - And I did. And now I'm fine. 6 00:00:22,886 --> 00:00:24,888 - Hi, you. - Hi, you. 7 00:00:24,972 --> 00:00:26,347 Long day at the office? 8 00:00:26,348 --> 00:00:28,048 - I lost them, Indira. - No. 9 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:30,915 In all my years of corporate mediation, I've never been 10 00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:33,730 unable to resolve a dispute before it goes to arbitration. 11 00:00:33,814 --> 00:00:36,024 I'm Mary-Beth, the Mediating Maven. 12 00:00:36,108 --> 00:00:38,569 I'm sure you helped them in ways you'll never even know. 13 00:00:38,652 --> 00:00:42,447 - I... Don't therapize me. - But you're so easy! 14 00:00:42,656 --> 00:00:44,408 You make me feel like I'm actually good at it. 15 00:00:44,491 --> 00:00:45,658 What's going on with you? 16 00:00:45,659 --> 00:00:47,285 - It's been a tough week. - Tell me. 17 00:00:47,286 --> 00:00:48,202 Mm... 18 00:00:48,203 --> 00:00:51,890 - I shouldn't talk about my clients. - Come on. What if you changed 19 00:00:51,925 --> 00:00:53,917 all the names and identifying characteristics? 20 00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:57,170 Okay. This is a story about... 21 00:00:57,462 --> 00:01:02,884 Bo... Bo... BoBo, the Angsty Zebra. 22 00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:57,029 7x05 - INT. SUB 23 00:01:57,731 --> 00:01:59,691 So, it all started on Monday. 24 00:01:59,775 --> 00:02:01,526 I was in a session with Diane... 25 00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:02,902 a! Diana. 26 00:02:02,903 --> 00:02:04,863 Like Diana, Princess of Whales? 27 00:02:04,946 --> 00:02:06,113 Exactly. 28 00:02:06,114 --> 00:02:08,075 It's just so tough being Princess of Whales. 29 00:02:08,158 --> 00:02:10,118 Like, I can't be all things to all whales. 30 00:02:10,202 --> 00:02:11,452 - You're deflecting. - I'm not! 31 00:02:11,453 --> 00:02:13,153 Let's talk about the BoBo tape. 32 00:02:13,372 --> 00:02:14,372 What's the BoBo tape? 33 00:02:14,373 --> 00:02:16,958 She recently came into possession of an audiotape 34 00:02:17,042 --> 00:02:20,212 of her friend and co-worker, BoBo, the Angsty Zebra. 35 00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:24,591 On the boat. There was a girl. In New Mexico. 36 00:02:25,676 --> 00:02:28,887 And she trusted me. Also, I'm a zebra. 37 00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:31,348 - What girl is he talking about? - I don't know. 38 00:02:31,431 --> 00:02:35,727 "Girl" sounds young, right? Whatever it is, it's gotta be bad, 39 00:02:35,811 --> 00:02:38,480 because, otherwise, why wouldn't he tell me? 40 00:02:38,563 --> 00:02:41,108 Diana, you are not responsible for the dysfunction of others. 41 00:02:41,191 --> 00:02:43,026 I actually explore this in my book, 42 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:45,153 Are You Responsible For The Dysfunction of Others? 43 00:02:45,237 --> 00:02:46,862 Spoiler alert: You're not! 44 00:02:46,863 --> 00:02:50,242 I just wish I could talk to him about it, but he's like an open sore. 45 00:02:50,409 --> 00:02:54,079 Attention! As some of you might have heard, my mom died recently. 46 00:02:54,162 --> 00:02:55,413 I know you're very concerned, 47 00:02:55,414 --> 00:02:57,499 but I wanna let you know it will not affect my work. 48 00:02:57,582 --> 00:03:01,253 I'm here, and I'm doing fine. I just want to focus on the show. 49 00:03:01,336 --> 00:03:04,256 So, please treat this like any other day, and be extra-nice to me 50 00:03:04,339 --> 00:03:07,509 because I am a famous actor, not because my mom died. 51 00:03:10,137 --> 00:03:11,345 Thank you. Good. 52 00:03:11,346 --> 00:03:14,891 Yes, that's what I'm looking for. Just go about your business. 53 00:03:14,975 --> 00:03:17,060 That's good 'cause I don't want to talk about my mom. 54 00:03:17,811 --> 00:03:19,186 Hmm. 55 00:03:19,187 --> 00:03:22,983 - Hey. Did you hear my mom died? - Yeah. But you don't wanna talk about it. 56 00:03:23,066 --> 00:03:25,110 No. Pretty weird she died, though, huh? 57 00:03:25,193 --> 00:03:28,613 - Do you want to talk about it? - No. I'm just saying it's weird. 58 00:03:28,697 --> 00:03:32,200 - BoBo. I am so sorry. - And I so don't wanna talk about it. 59 00:03:32,284 --> 00:03:35,328 Obsessed with my mom much? You're the one with issues. 60 00:03:35,412 --> 00:03:36,704 Uh... 61 00:03:36,705 --> 00:03:39,541 I feel like he wants me to comfort him, but I'm still angry. 62 00:03:39,624 --> 00:03:42,002 Maybe you could both use some space from each other. 63 00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:44,379 Why don't you tell him you need to focus on your work? 64 00:03:44,463 --> 00:03:46,590 What work? Flippy won't let me do anything. 65 00:03:49,134 --> 00:03:51,428 Flippy? Are you okay? 66 00:03:58,018 --> 00:04:01,021 Hey, what are we filming today? Why is there a submarine set? 67 00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:04,858 Interior sub? 68 00:04:07,402 --> 00:04:09,102 Why didn't you just write "way"? 69 00:04:11,323 --> 00:04:15,243 Okay. So, now we just need to come up with a scene 70 00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:17,027 that takes place in a submarine. 71 00:04:22,626 --> 00:04:24,326 Okay. 72 00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,704 - Ah! - Did you hear my mom died? 73 00:04:28,089 --> 00:04:29,966 How about this? If he wants to talk, 74 00:04:30,050 --> 00:04:31,467 and you aren't can't confront him, 75 00:04:31,468 --> 00:04:33,804 tell him your therapist says you need space. 76 00:04:34,137 --> 00:04:37,682 That's where I went wrong. I inserted myself into her story. 77 00:04:37,766 --> 00:04:40,852 Don't beat yourself up. Remember what Doctor Janet said? 78 00:04:44,356 --> 00:04:47,359 Tell me about your day. You had a tough workplace mediation? 79 00:04:47,442 --> 00:04:51,321 Whoo! The problem with these two is they don't just work together. 80 00:04:51,404 --> 00:04:53,104 They also live together. 81 00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,409 What a beautiful morning! 82 00:04:57,410 --> 00:04:59,078 Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. 83 00:04:59,079 --> 00:05:03,542 If your story can have Princess Diana, why can't mine have Emperor Finger-Face? 84 00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:06,920 It's not actually Princess Diana. She's just named Diana. 85 00:05:07,003 --> 00:05:08,703 I've been picturing Princess Diana. 86 00:05:08,713 --> 00:05:11,967 Okay, fine. Tell me what happened with Emperor Finger-Face. 87 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:17,138 He lived in the same apartment as a Tangled Fog of Pulsating Yearning 88 00:05:17,222 --> 00:05:18,889 in the shape of a woman. 89 00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:20,391 Good morning, Emperor Finger-Face! 90 00:05:20,392 --> 00:05:24,104 Good morning to you, Tangled Fog of Pulsating Yearning! 91 00:05:24,187 --> 00:05:25,855 - See you tonight? - Afternoon. 92 00:05:25,856 --> 00:05:28,608 I wanna talk to you, so I set a meeting through your assistant. 93 00:05:28,692 --> 00:05:31,194 - Have you seen my keys? - Butter tray in the fridge. 94 00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:34,114 I think I put them there during one of my night terrors. 95 00:05:34,197 --> 00:05:37,158 I don't have time to go to the kitchen. I'll just hotwire my car. 96 00:05:37,242 --> 00:05:40,620 - Hey, did you eat breakfast? - No time for meals. 97 00:05:40,704 --> 00:05:42,831 I just grab whatever I can, whenever I can. 98 00:05:42,914 --> 00:05:43,914 Hold on. 99 00:05:43,915 --> 00:05:45,332 I know you're a gal on the go, 100 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,587 but even tangled fogs of pulsating yearning need to eat right. 101 00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:50,254 I'll get something on set. 102 00:05:50,255 --> 00:05:52,841 Pinky swear? Ow! I poked my face! 103 00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:55,135 I feel I'm having a hard time following the story 104 00:05:55,218 --> 00:05:57,095 because of how weird you made the characters. 105 00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:59,931 The important thing is that these two have been living together 106 00:06:00,015 --> 00:06:02,434 for almost a year with virtually no drama. 107 00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:05,979 In some ways, it's the most functional relationship either have ever been in! 108 00:06:06,062 --> 00:06:08,231 Oh, okay. I guess that's not that weird. 109 00:06:08,315 --> 00:06:10,942 Great! Now, back to the story of the fog and the hand! 110 00:06:11,359 --> 00:06:14,696 - So. What can I do you for? - I have no workspace on set. 111 00:06:14,779 --> 00:06:18,867 I was hoping we could allocate some money to get me an office. 112 00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:22,579 Oh, look, here's the exact paperwork you need all filled out and ready to go. 113 00:06:22,662 --> 00:06:24,204 - Okay. - Just needs your signature. 114 00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:26,666 - Let me retrieve my pen. - Marvelous! 115 00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:30,462 Yep, I am currently gripping my pen inside my jacket. 116 00:06:30,545 --> 00:06:34,341 Now to just pull it out and sign this document. 117 00:06:34,424 --> 00:06:35,507 Just goes to show, 118 00:06:35,508 --> 00:06:37,802 you get what you need if you pull the right strings. 119 00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:39,261 Strings? 120 00:06:39,262 --> 00:06:41,723 - It was you! - What was me? 121 00:06:41,806 --> 00:06:46,227 The last string cheese in the apartment, I was saving it. And you took it! 122 00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:48,855 And now you want me to give you an office? 123 00:06:48,939 --> 00:06:50,815 What? I didn't take your cheese. 124 00:06:50,899 --> 00:06:54,527 Uh-oh, are we having a work-related conflict? 125 00:06:54,611 --> 00:06:58,823 This feels like more of a you-crashing-on-my-couch-related conflict. 126 00:06:58,907 --> 00:07:01,242 When I started here, I signed a contract that said, 127 00:07:01,326 --> 00:07:05,288 all intra-office disputes must be resolved via mediation, 128 00:07:05,372 --> 00:07:08,708 or failing that, forced arbitration. 129 00:07:09,292 --> 00:07:10,709 Ugh! 130 00:07:10,710 --> 00:07:12,587 So, then I... You're not eating. 131 00:07:12,671 --> 00:07:15,632 I just... I keep thinking about BoBo the Zebra. 132 00:07:15,715 --> 00:07:18,218 Okay, what happened next with BoBo? 133 00:07:18,301 --> 00:07:19,802 Well, he wanted to get back to work, 134 00:07:19,803 --> 00:07:23,139 but since Flippy had writer's block, there was nothing for the actors to do. 135 00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:25,015 How is there nothing to shoot? 136 00:07:25,016 --> 00:07:28,186 So, what, I just have to wait around, and be alone with my thoughts? Gross. 137 00:07:28,269 --> 00:07:30,939 When I was on The Murder-Stoppers. we had to shut down production 138 00:07:31,022 --> 00:07:33,191 because Nick Nolte wouldn't come out of his trailer. 139 00:07:33,274 --> 00:07:35,485 He wasn't even on the show! He was in one of our trailers, 140 00:07:35,568 --> 00:07:38,154 - and we couldn't get him out! - Is it hard to write a script, Gino? 141 00:07:38,238 --> 00:07:40,490 "Oh, I'm Philbert, bang, bang. I'm a tough guy. 142 00:07:40,573 --> 00:07:43,243 My wife is dead! Did I kill her? Who knows? I'm cool." 143 00:07:43,326 --> 00:07:45,245 That was pretty good. Can we just roll on that? 144 00:07:45,328 --> 00:07:47,080 When there's something to shoot, we'll shoot. 145 00:07:47,163 --> 00:07:50,250 Meanwhile, you wanna go bang one out in your trailer? I'll get my diaphragm. 146 00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,669 Nah, I'd just be thinking about my dead mom the whole time, 147 00:07:52,752 --> 00:07:54,169 which would either ruin it or... 148 00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:56,673 Oh, God, what if it makes it better? I don't wanna know that. 149 00:07:56,756 --> 00:07:58,800 - You want me to just get you some pie? - No. 150 00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:01,176 - Yes. - Okay, big guy. 151 00:08:02,262 --> 00:08:05,557 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, Mr. Chocolate-Hazelnut-Spread. 152 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,307 Really sorry about your mom. 153 00:08:07,308 --> 00:08:09,436 No, it's fine. I'm fine. It's really fine. 154 00:08:09,519 --> 00:08:13,023 It must be so hard to lose a loved one. I, for one, never have. 155 00:08:13,106 --> 00:08:14,606 You've never lost a loved one? 156 00:08:14,607 --> 00:08:17,235 - When my mom got old, she moved to a farm. - What? 157 00:08:17,318 --> 00:08:19,863 In the country, where she could have plenty of room to run free. 158 00:08:19,946 --> 00:08:21,781 Why would she wanna run around if she's old? 159 00:08:21,865 --> 00:08:23,825 You know, I never really questioned the logic. 160 00:08:23,908 --> 00:08:26,244 My brother set it up. I haven't been able to visit, 161 00:08:26,327 --> 00:08:28,663 but everyone in my family goes to that farm eventually. 162 00:08:28,747 --> 00:08:32,125 - Oh, dude, your mom's dead. - What? No. She's at a farm. 163 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:34,627 After a prolonged bout of Parkinson's. A farm. 164 00:08:34,711 --> 00:08:37,505 Where they don't have telephones, or the internet, and... Oh, my God. 165 00:08:37,589 --> 00:08:39,841 She's dead. My mom is dead! 166 00:08:39,924 --> 00:08:41,383 Whoa! 167 00:08:42,552 --> 00:08:43,802 Oh, there... There, there. 168 00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,557 - What's going on with this submarine? - My therapist doesn't want me 169 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:48,640 talking to you! 170 00:08:48,641 --> 00:08:51,227 - What? - My therapist, Dr. Indira, 171 00:08:51,311 --> 00:08:53,813 says it would be good if you gave me some space. 172 00:08:53,938 --> 00:08:56,191 - Why would she say that? - Don't know. I'm just the client. 173 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,651 - Her call, not mine. I should go. - Uh... 174 00:08:58,735 --> 00:09:02,155 Everybody? My dear mother has transcended this plane. 175 00:09:02,238 --> 00:09:03,938 - Aw. - I am incredibly fragile 176 00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:05,950 and could use all the support I can get, 177 00:09:06,034 --> 00:09:08,286 so if everyone could pay a lot of attention to me, 178 00:09:08,369 --> 00:09:10,455 and ask me a lot of questions about my mother, 179 00:09:10,538 --> 00:09:12,290 and maybe tell me stories about your mothers, 180 00:09:12,373 --> 00:09:14,501 I think that would really make me feel a lot better. 181 00:09:14,584 --> 00:09:16,168 Sure, Mr. Chocolate-Hazelnut-Spread! 182 00:09:16,169 --> 00:09:19,130 - So sorry for your loss. - This is a very healthy way to grieve. 183 00:09:19,214 --> 00:09:20,914 Ugh. 184 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,469 So, a brief recapitulation: 185 00:09:24,552 --> 00:09:27,722 this is not a room for repudiation or condemnation 186 00:09:27,806 --> 00:09:30,558 over string cheese appropriation accusations. 187 00:09:30,642 --> 00:09:34,354 Mediation is an invitation for open conversation, 188 00:09:34,437 --> 00:09:37,857 frustration de-escalation, and exchange of information, 189 00:09:37,941 --> 00:09:39,399 which, in summation, 190 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,404 removes any justification for litigation involving this corporation. 191 00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:45,615 Nobody was going to litigate anything. 192 00:09:45,698 --> 00:09:48,493 That's fabulous, because you legally cannot. 193 00:09:48,576 --> 00:09:51,704 Now, tell me about your journey into the woods of conflict. 194 00:09:51,788 --> 00:09:55,250 Well, this very Wednesday, October 24th, 195 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:59,838 I was excited to come home to some string cheese. The very last one. 196 00:09:59,921 --> 00:10:01,756 I'd been saving it all week. 197 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,175 - All week until Wednesday? - That is correct. 198 00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,594 I measure my weeks Thursday to Wednesday. 199 00:10:06,678 --> 00:10:08,930 - Why would you... - Tangled Fog of Pulsating Yearning? 200 00:10:09,013 --> 00:10:10,849 Emperor Finger-Face has the floor. 201 00:10:10,932 --> 00:10:12,099 I was gonna melt it down 202 00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:14,727 and then sculpt it into a Mozzarella Cinderella! 203 00:10:14,811 --> 00:10:18,064 But when I got home, my string cheese was gone! 204 00:10:18,148 --> 00:10:19,439 Doesn't mean I took it. 205 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,651 Tangled Fog, watch yourself. Or I'll turn on this fan. 206 00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:25,613 Well, this morning you said yourself that when it comes to eating, 207 00:10:25,697 --> 00:10:29,450 - you just grab whatever you can. - Can we use "I" statements? 208 00:10:29,534 --> 00:10:31,536 Ai, ai, ai! You took my cheese! 209 00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,289 You probably ate it yourself during one of your night terrors! 210 00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,791 We know you opened the fridge. You put my keys in there. 211 00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,575 I can't eat while I'm terrified. 212 00:10:38,585 --> 00:10:42,672 That's why I'll never know the delicious crunch of Count Chocula. 213 00:10:42,755 --> 00:10:44,841 That still doesn't mean I took it. 214 00:10:44,924 --> 00:10:46,759 - You will both have a chance to... - Come on! 215 00:10:46,843 --> 00:10:50,388 We both know you drift around the apartment like you own the place. 216 00:10:50,471 --> 00:10:53,016 - It's my apartment! - And it's my cheese! 217 00:10:53,099 --> 00:10:54,558 Oh, boy. 218 00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:58,938 - Who do you think you are? - Uh... 219 00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:00,722 - I'm Dr. Indir... - I know who you are! 220 00:11:00,773 --> 00:11:02,942 You know how many therapists there are named Indira? 221 00:11:03,026 --> 00:11:05,153 Google filled in your last name for me. 222 00:11:05,236 --> 00:11:07,405 Why did you tell Diana that she needed space from me? 223 00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:08,864 Would you like to have a seat? 224 00:11:08,865 --> 00:11:11,451 No, I don't wanna "have a seat," and here's why. 225 00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,494 Therapists are manipulative leeches... 226 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,500 So, when Jerry Lewis mistook me for the valet, 227 00:11:19,584 --> 00:11:22,712 he was carrying so much pain I could never fathom. 228 00:11:22,795 --> 00:11:24,213 - Mm... - And that realization 229 00:11:24,214 --> 00:11:28,176 allows me to forgive. Not for his sake, but for mine. 230 00:11:28,259 --> 00:11:30,261 - Mm-hmm. - Wow. How long was I talking? 231 00:11:30,345 --> 00:11:33,348 I hope that was cathartic for you. You wanna come back same time tomorrow? 232 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:38,519 Wait a minute, I see what's going on here. Are you... my new best friend? 233 00:11:38,728 --> 00:11:40,428 Uh...? 234 00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:44,150 Ugh, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm hogging all the conversation. 235 00:11:44,234 --> 00:11:46,486 There's definitely more to your story than mine. 236 00:11:46,569 --> 00:11:50,240 Mine's more like a secondary story. A B-story, if you will. 237 00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:52,784 I have a feeling it will continue to offer a light alternative, 238 00:11:52,867 --> 00:11:54,869 as my story gets increasingly serious. 239 00:11:54,953 --> 00:11:57,747 Let's continue to switch back and forth between our stories, 240 00:11:57,830 --> 00:11:59,707 pausing at their most interesting moments. 241 00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:02,210 That feels like the most natural way to have a conversation. 242 00:12:02,293 --> 00:12:04,087 Well, while I was talking to BoBo, 243 00:12:04,170 --> 00:12:05,964 Diana was trying to keep things together 244 00:12:06,047 --> 00:12:07,747 - on set. - I thought it was my turn. 245 00:12:07,799 --> 00:12:11,511 - Oh, my God! Oh, my God. - Okay, cut? 246 00:12:11,594 --> 00:12:14,389 Why is Sassy saying "Oh, my God?" 247 00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,307 I just figured, we've got all these people here, 248 00:12:16,391 --> 00:12:17,891 we might as well film some stuff. 249 00:12:17,892 --> 00:12:20,687 Presumably something shocking will happen, and then if it does, 250 00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:23,231 we have a shot of you saying, "Oh, my God!" 251 00:12:23,314 --> 00:12:25,233 - Makes sense. - Diana, can I talk to you for a sec? 252 00:12:25,316 --> 00:12:27,735 I know you're going through something, and need boundaries, 253 00:12:27,819 --> 00:12:29,236 but this isn't personal, 254 00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:30,779 - it's about the show. - Ah! 255 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:32,197 What is it? 256 00:12:32,198 --> 00:12:33,657 I lied. It's a 100% personal. 257 00:12:33,658 --> 00:12:35,410 - What? - But it's good! You're gonna like this. 258 00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,193 - Remember you said you needed space? - Yes. 259 00:12:37,245 --> 00:12:39,247 When you told me that, I didn't take it well. 260 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:40,831 - Uh... - But I made a new friend, 261 00:12:40,832 --> 00:12:43,042 - so everything is good now. - Oh. Well, that's great. 262 00:12:43,126 --> 00:12:44,961 I'm glad you think so because, fun twist, 263 00:12:45,044 --> 00:12:46,295 - it's Dr. Indira. - What? 264 00:12:46,296 --> 00:12:49,090 I'm seeing Dr. Indira now, as a friend. Dr. Indira's my new friend. 265 00:12:49,173 --> 00:12:50,215 - No. - What? 266 00:12:50,216 --> 00:12:53,094 It's great that you would wanna talk to someone, and you should! 267 00:12:53,177 --> 00:12:56,139 But she's mine. I really need her to just be mine. 268 00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:59,017 - Can you understand that? - Yeah. 269 00:13:01,644 --> 00:13:05,940 Diana asked me not to be friends with you, so out of respect for her, 270 00:13:06,024 --> 00:13:10,236 I think it's best that I continue seeing you behind her back. 271 00:13:10,445 --> 00:13:13,197 We can still do our lunchtime hang outs, but to cover our tracks, 272 00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:15,199 I'll compensate you for your time on the books. 273 00:13:15,283 --> 00:13:16,742 Ιt'll seem as if you have a client. 274 00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:19,579 And, to be safe, we should invoke a therapist-to-friend confidentiality. 275 00:13:19,662 --> 00:13:21,362 How's that sound? 276 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:26,544 So, in my dreams, I'm Philbert, and sometimes when I wake up, 277 00:13:26,627 --> 00:13:28,838 I don't know if I'm Philbert or if I'm me, 278 00:13:28,921 --> 00:13:30,757 or if I'm still dreaming. 279 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,509 Oh, that's our time of friendship hour. 280 00:13:33,593 --> 00:13:37,138 I'm just so glad that I can help break up your day of listening to whiny babies 281 00:13:37,221 --> 00:13:39,182 with some entertaining lunchtime convo. 282 00:13:39,515 --> 00:13:41,726 Should I have told him what we were doing was therapy? 283 00:13:41,809 --> 00:13:43,978 On some level, he must have known what was going on. 284 00:13:44,062 --> 00:13:45,312 What I don't understand is, 285 00:13:45,313 --> 00:13:47,815 if you knew Diana asked him not to see you... 286 00:13:47,899 --> 00:13:51,152 I'm a therapist. A doctor heals. A DJ spins. 287 00:13:51,235 --> 00:13:54,781 Jessica Chastain takes whatever gig Amy Adams says no to. 288 00:13:54,864 --> 00:13:56,239 My job is to listen. 289 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,368 And at that moment, BoBo needed someone to listen. 290 00:13:58,451 --> 00:13:59,951 I know the feeling. 291 00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:03,456 Okay, we've been going back and forth for two hours. 292 00:14:03,539 --> 00:14:06,834 Can we take a break? I gotta use the bathroom. If I even can! 293 00:14:06,918 --> 00:14:10,088 Maybe it's just another hand down there! Guess I'll find out! 294 00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:12,632 Why not just say you took the cheese? 295 00:14:12,715 --> 00:14:14,801 - Because I didn't. - You want an office, right? 296 00:14:14,884 --> 00:14:18,096 There's nothing wrong with telling a small lie to avoid a fight. 297 00:14:18,179 --> 00:14:21,891 I do it all the time with my wife, Doctor, uh, Underwear. 298 00:14:22,266 --> 00:14:25,269 - Heh? - I love your new hairstyle, honey. 299 00:14:25,978 --> 00:14:30,191 - Did you not like my new hairstyle? - Oh! Um... Back to my story... 300 00:14:30,441 --> 00:14:32,819 All you have to do is tell Emperor Finger-Face 301 00:14:32,902 --> 00:14:34,194 what he wants to hear. 302 00:14:34,195 --> 00:14:37,740 Fifty-nine cents worth of edible string for a brand-new office? 303 00:14:37,824 --> 00:14:39,366 Wouldn't you take that deal? 304 00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:43,996 So, turns out I can use the bathroom, but it comes out in tiny cubes! 305 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,707 Hey. I took the string cheese. 306 00:14:46,791 --> 00:14:48,543 Ha, ha! I knew it! 307 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:52,713 Wonderful. So, she can replace the cheese and you'll give her an office. We did it! 308 00:14:52,797 --> 00:14:54,799 Great! Let me just grab my pen. 309 00:14:54,882 --> 00:14:59,053 - But even if I did take the cheese... - Which you just admitted you did! 310 00:14:59,137 --> 00:15:00,178 Would I be in the wrong? 311 00:15:00,179 --> 00:15:03,141 I mean, it is kind of a "fair game food," don't you think? 312 00:15:03,224 --> 00:15:05,059 - What? - It's not like it's a sandwich. 313 00:15:05,143 --> 00:15:07,478 Some foods are just widely understood to be up for grabs. 314 00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,146 - No. You guys. - Okay. 315 00:15:09,147 --> 00:15:12,024 Well, then let's make a list of fair game foods. 316 00:15:12,108 --> 00:15:17,321 Grapes. Fair game. Eggs. Fair game. An unsliced pie. Not fair game. 317 00:15:17,405 --> 00:15:21,951 A sliced pie. Fair game. The last slice. Not fair game. 318 00:15:22,034 --> 00:15:25,329 Then let's also make a list of what's fair game to me in my apartment. 319 00:15:25,413 --> 00:15:28,624 Oh, that's right, everything, you literal knucklehead. 320 00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:33,254 Oh, ho-ho! That's a solid diss coming from a gas. 321 00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:35,590 Please, you two, we can still reach an agreement. 322 00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:38,718 I don't know. I think this might go beyond simple mediation. 323 00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:41,137 - No! - Damn it, we're going to arbitration! 324 00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:44,015 Noooooo! 325 00:15:44,849 --> 00:15:49,896 Hey, Flippy. I got everyone saying, "Oh, my God." How's it going in here? 326 00:15:50,021 --> 00:15:55,318 "Interior sub. Philbert. Philbert. Flap, flap, flippy, flap. Fart. Barf. 327 00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:56,818 Barf me a river, fartbag." 328 00:15:58,404 --> 00:16:00,406 What's going on in here? 329 00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:05,285 If it relieves any pressure, 330 00:16:05,286 --> 00:16:07,747 I don't know that everyone thinks you're a brilliant genius. 331 00:16:09,582 --> 00:16:10,790 I think we need to simplify. 332 00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:13,711 Let's start with Fritz. Is he a ghost or is he not a ghost? 333 00:16:14,795 --> 00:16:16,881 Can't he just be a ghost? 334 00:16:18,007 --> 00:16:22,178 So, why is Philbert seeing a ghost? Maybe he feels haunted? 335 00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:25,473 And Fritz represents that? What is haunting Philbert? 336 00:16:26,516 --> 00:16:30,853 That's great. But also... Maybe something involving a submarine? 337 00:16:33,147 --> 00:16:34,847 You keep thinking. 338 00:16:34,982 --> 00:16:36,525 Hey, are we about to shoot something? 339 00:16:36,526 --> 00:16:38,736 I'm meeting a friend for lunch. You don't know her. 340 00:16:38,819 --> 00:16:39,986 It's gonna be a while still. 341 00:16:39,987 --> 00:16:43,616 Flippy is working through his "process." And I am helping. 342 00:16:43,699 --> 00:16:44,950 Sounds good. Just remember, 343 00:16:44,951 --> 00:16:47,370 you are not responsible for the dysfunction of others. 344 00:16:47,662 --> 00:16:48,578 What? 345 00:16:48,579 --> 00:16:50,279 I'm just saying don't let him get you down. 346 00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:52,708 Where did you hear that? About the dysfunction of others? 347 00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:55,169 I don't know. Just around. It's a thing people say. 348 00:16:55,253 --> 00:16:56,253 Mm... 349 00:16:56,254 --> 00:16:58,381 Hey, are we gonna get new pages today or what? 350 00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:00,841 W-w-wait, did you say "Princess Carolyn"? 351 00:17:00,925 --> 00:17:03,803 I'm sorry, "Priscilla Crustacean." 352 00:17:04,053 --> 00:17:05,888 Vamanos, on the pages, okay? 353 00:17:05,972 --> 00:17:08,975 I've been here all day today, Wednesday, October 24th, 354 00:17:09,058 --> 00:17:12,311 waiting for something to shoot. Andele, andele, andele! 355 00:17:12,562 --> 00:17:16,107 I think your Priscilla Crustacean is the same person 356 00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:19,860 as my Tangled Fog of Pulsating Yearning in the shape of a woman! 357 00:17:19,944 --> 00:17:22,863 And if she was on set all day Wednesday, that means... 358 00:17:22,947 --> 00:17:25,241 Bu... Hold on, I'm getting to the juicy part. 359 00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:28,160 As soon as I get the thing, I don't want it anymore. 360 00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:31,414 It feels cheap. So, no, I wouldn't like a bottle of water. 361 00:17:31,539 --> 00:17:33,239 Emotionally naked! 362 00:17:33,249 --> 00:17:34,949 - I knew it! - Diana! Let me explain. 363 00:17:34,959 --> 00:17:37,169 How long has he been your client? 364 00:17:37,253 --> 00:17:38,211 - Not a client. - Three... 365 00:17:38,212 --> 00:17:40,256 Days. Friends for three days. 366 00:17:40,339 --> 00:17:42,383 I asked you not to see her. 367 00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:45,428 I asked for one part of my life that I could have to myself. 368 00:17:45,511 --> 00:17:47,638 News flash, you're not the only one going through shit. 369 00:17:47,722 --> 00:17:49,222 Maybe if I could talk to you, 370 00:17:49,223 --> 00:17:51,058 I wouldn't need to be looking for other friends. 371 00:17:51,142 --> 00:17:54,145 Diana, is there anything you'd like to discuss with BoBo? 372 00:17:54,228 --> 00:17:56,439 We can do it right here. This is a safe space. 373 00:17:56,522 --> 00:17:59,191 No. This doesn't feel like a safe space anymore. 374 00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:02,361 I can't keep coming here if I know you're also seeing him. 375 00:18:03,613 --> 00:18:06,949 Then it sounds like our time together is done. 376 00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:07,949 What? 377 00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:09,660 You're setting a boundary.It is good. 378 00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:11,579 Go forth with the tools I've given you. 379 00:18:11,662 --> 00:18:14,248 Live your life, Diana. Like a candle in the wind. 380 00:18:14,332 --> 00:18:17,251 - I can't believe this is happening. - I think BoBo needs me more. 381 00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:19,170 - Would you like validation? - No. 382 00:18:19,253 --> 00:18:22,632 Your validation is worthless to me now. You two deserve each other. 383 00:18:24,759 --> 00:18:27,219 Oh, you meant parking validation. I actually would like that. 384 00:18:27,887 --> 00:18:31,807 Wow, I can't believe you chose BoBo over your client of seven years. 385 00:18:31,891 --> 00:18:32,807 At a certain point, 386 00:18:32,808 --> 00:18:35,936 I can't hold myself responsible for other people's dysfunction. 387 00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:38,189 I mean, that is kind of your job. 388 00:18:38,272 --> 00:18:40,900 But at least now you can help the Angsty Zebra, right? 389 00:18:40,983 --> 00:18:42,317 Well... 390 00:18:42,318 --> 00:18:45,196 - Okay. Now for the real work to begin. - Real what now? 391 00:18:45,279 --> 00:18:47,531 You did the hard part, admitting you need help. 392 00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:48,531 Did I admit that? 393 00:18:48,532 --> 00:18:51,202 And now comes the even harder part, getting the help. 394 00:18:51,285 --> 00:18:54,455 - Let's talk about your mother. - You know what? This has been great. 395 00:18:54,538 --> 00:18:56,582 I got what I wanted and I made so much progress! 396 00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,249 So, I think I'm done? 397 00:18:58,250 --> 00:18:59,334 - Yes. You did it! - I... 398 00:18:59,335 --> 00:19:02,338 You changed my stripes! Dr. Indira, you're great at your job! 399 00:19:02,421 --> 00:19:04,632 - Goodbye forever. - W-w-w-wait! 400 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,635 I can't believe I lost two clients in one day. 401 00:19:07,718 --> 00:19:09,302 You're focusing on the negative. 402 00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:12,598 I'm sure you helped them in ways you'll never know. 403 00:19:15,851 --> 00:19:18,979 This area's all mine. This is fair game. Ya see the line? 404 00:19:19,063 --> 00:19:20,480 What about popcorn? 405 00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:23,484 Popped is mine. Unpopped is fair game. 406 00:19:24,985 --> 00:19:26,152 - Hello? - Todd. 407 00:19:26,153 --> 00:19:29,865 Princess Carolyn was on set all day, the day of the string cheese theft. 408 00:19:29,949 --> 00:19:32,076 She was not home when the cheese went missing, 409 00:19:32,159 --> 00:19:36,789 rendering any arbitration agreement made under those conditions null and void. 410 00:19:36,872 --> 00:19:39,041 Whoa! Thanks a lot, Mary-Beth. 411 00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:42,795 Just doing my job, kid. A doctor heals. A DJ spins. 412 00:19:42,878 --> 00:19:46,590 Bryce Dallas Howard takes the gigs, Jessica Chastain says no to. 413 00:19:46,674 --> 00:19:48,634 And Mary-Beth mediates. 414 00:19:49,093 --> 00:19:52,054 So, it sounds like you didn't take my string cheese. 415 00:19:52,138 --> 00:19:53,596 That's what I've been saying! 416 00:19:53,597 --> 00:19:56,809 I don't even know why we had to go through corporate mediation in the first place! 417 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,520 I guess I just wanted it to be a workplace dispute, 418 00:19:59,603 --> 00:20:02,314 because I thought if you knew it was a roommate dispute, 419 00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:03,732 you might kick me out. 420 00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:06,444 I'm not gonna kick you out. I like having you around. 421 00:20:06,527 --> 00:20:07,819 Oh, really? 422 00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,864 Who else would I get to keep my keys cold? 423 00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:12,199 You know, I have this job now. 424 00:20:12,283 --> 00:20:17,246 Maybe I could start paying, I believe it's pronounced "roaunnt?" 425 00:20:17,329 --> 00:20:19,498 Rent? Well. That's a great idea. 426 00:20:19,582 --> 00:20:23,627 But I also need my own space. Which is why I wanted that office. 427 00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:27,798 Well, then, let's get you that office. I just need to grab my pen. 428 00:20:29,091 --> 00:20:31,260 - Hey! - Ugh! 429 00:20:33,012 --> 00:20:38,962 Hey. I want to apologize... for my behavior at Dr. Indira's. 430 00:20:39,351 --> 00:20:40,977 - Don't worry about it. - She was right. 431 00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:44,565 You need her more than I do. And I think she can really help you. 432 00:20:44,648 --> 00:20:45,648 Help with what? 433 00:20:45,649 --> 00:20:47,902 I was looking for someone to hang out with during my lunch. 434 00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,029 I didn't want some psycho-babbling quack job 435 00:20:50,112 --> 00:20:52,156 telling me to get in touch with my feelings. 436 00:20:52,239 --> 00:20:54,492 - Who needs that? - I do. I need that. 437 00:20:54,575 --> 00:20:57,328 You don't anymore! She said it herself, you're fixed! 438 00:20:57,411 --> 00:20:58,912 And then after you left, I was like, 439 00:20:58,913 --> 00:21:01,332 "Hey, if Diane doesn't need this, I don't need this." 440 00:21:01,415 --> 00:21:02,332 Wait, you quit? 441 00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:05,044 Yeah, I'm not someone therapy works on. I might be too smart. 442 00:21:05,127 --> 00:21:07,922 Oh, my God. You haven't changed at all. 443 00:21:08,005 --> 00:21:10,090 Whoa, whoa. Diane, no, no. I'm not the problem here. 444 00:21:10,174 --> 00:21:12,760 None of this would have happened if I felt like I could talk to you, 445 00:21:12,843 --> 00:21:14,553 my friend, after my mother died. 446 00:21:14,637 --> 00:21:17,056 So, would you like to talk about your mother? 447 00:21:17,139 --> 00:21:19,016 No, I'm just saying as an example. 448 00:21:19,099 --> 00:21:20,799 Why do you bring things back to my mother? 449 00:21:20,851 --> 00:21:22,551 I can't keep playing this game with you. 450 00:21:22,561 --> 00:21:25,231 You say you wanna get better and you don't know how. 451 00:21:25,314 --> 00:21:29,193 Well, here's me, your friend, telling you how: get therapy. 452 00:21:29,276 --> 00:21:31,028 Otherwise, don't waste my time. 453 00:21:31,111 --> 00:21:34,532 Uh, you heard Dr. Indira. She said we don't need her. 454 00:21:34,615 --> 00:21:35,865 She said I don't need her! 455 00:21:35,866 --> 00:21:37,827 I know, but you're just as screwed up as I am. 456 00:21:37,910 --> 00:21:40,788 - So, if... - I am not as screwed up as you are. 457 00:21:40,871 --> 00:21:43,207 Diane, it's me. Come on. We're the same. 458 00:21:43,290 --> 00:21:46,544 We are not the same! 459 00:21:47,294 --> 00:21:48,336 Whoa. 460 00:21:50,464 --> 00:21:51,381 Whoa. 461 00:21:51,382 --> 00:21:55,719 That's good stuff. We're doing it, Diane. We're doing it! 462 00:21:57,137 --> 00:21:59,682 I wanna thank everyone for being so kind this week. 463 00:21:59,807 --> 00:22:01,507 Losing a mother is not easy, 464 00:22:01,517 --> 00:22:05,646 but I am so lucky to have the support system of my Philbert family. 465 00:22:05,729 --> 00:22:07,815 You know who I really feel bad for is my dad. 466 00:22:07,898 --> 00:22:12,236 He's out on that farm all by himself, and... Oh, my God. My dad is dead! 467 00:22:12,319 --> 00:22:14,280 - Aw. - Cheer up, everyone! 468 00:22:14,363 --> 00:22:16,490 - We got new pages! - All right! 469 00:22:16,574 --> 00:22:19,410 We're gonna film in the living room with Philbert and Sassy Malone first. 470 00:22:19,493 --> 00:22:21,495 We're moving into the submarine for the flashback. 471 00:22:21,579 --> 00:22:23,914 No time to learn lines. We gotta make up for the lost days, 472 00:22:23,998 --> 00:22:26,417 so we're gonna put the whole thing on cue cards. Let's go! 473 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,210 All right, everybody stand back. 474 00:22:30,379 --> 00:22:31,921 We need lights on the living room! 475 00:22:31,922 --> 00:22:33,590 And action! 476 00:22:33,591 --> 00:22:35,509 Tell me what happened in the submarine, Philbert. 477 00:22:35,593 --> 00:22:39,179 We were doing a routine submarine sting operation. 478 00:22:39,263 --> 00:22:40,471 Things got outta hand. 479 00:22:40,472 --> 00:22:44,685 - Hey. Who do you work for? - Well, I sure as hell don't work for tips. 480 00:22:46,145 --> 00:22:48,105 Okay. Hey, Fritz. Be cool. Everybody cool. 481 00:22:48,188 --> 00:22:52,192 We are in a pressurized submarine in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. 482 00:22:52,484 --> 00:22:53,651 Mm. 483 00:22:53,652 --> 00:22:55,352 Easy... 484 00:22:59,783 --> 00:23:02,453 - Oh, my God! You killed them all? - We had to. 485 00:23:02,661 --> 00:23:03,786 These poor guys. 486 00:23:03,787 --> 00:23:06,916 I wonder if they had kids, families who will never know... 487 00:23:06,999 --> 00:23:08,709 Can you just say the lines, please? 488 00:23:09,001 --> 00:23:10,627 Barf me a river, fartbags. 489 00:23:10,628 --> 00:23:12,328 We gotta make this look like an accident. 490 00:23:12,379 --> 00:23:14,798 You grab the contraband, I'll set up the explosives. 491 00:23:14,882 --> 00:23:17,259 I went to the room where they were keeping the stuff. 492 00:23:18,969 --> 00:23:21,639 - Only there was no stuff. - Oh, my God! 493 00:23:21,722 --> 00:23:25,434 There was a girl there. She couldn't have been older than 17. 494 00:23:25,517 --> 00:23:26,434 Bring in the girl! 495 00:23:26,435 --> 00:23:27,560 What? What is this? 496 00:23:27,561 --> 00:23:29,647 Keep going! We gotta get this tonight! 497 00:23:30,147 --> 00:23:31,105 A girl? 498 00:23:31,106 --> 00:23:34,526 They weren't smuggling drugs. They were smuggling... her. 499 00:23:34,610 --> 00:23:37,321 - Hey. Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. Just do the scene. 500 00:23:37,404 --> 00:23:39,104 I told her it was going to be okay. 501 00:23:39,156 --> 00:23:40,908 And... she kissed me. 502 00:23:40,991 --> 00:23:42,033 Wha...? 503 00:23:42,034 --> 00:23:43,869 What did you do to her, Philbert? 504 00:23:43,953 --> 00:23:45,653 Nothing. Like I said, she kissed me. 505 00:23:46,413 --> 00:23:47,830 - Kiss her back. - What? 506 00:23:47,831 --> 00:23:49,541 We need to get you kissing her back. 507 00:23:49,625 --> 00:23:51,042 - What? - Kiss me, you idiot. 508 00:23:51,043 --> 00:23:52,001 Kiss her! 509 00:23:54,129 --> 00:23:56,548 This whole thing is gonna blow. We gotta bounce, friendo. 510 00:23:56,632 --> 00:23:59,176 If Fritz hadn't come, what would you have done with the girl? 511 00:23:59,259 --> 00:24:01,387 Part of me is sure I couldn't go through. 512 00:24:01,470 --> 00:24:03,222 But another part knows that's a lie. 513 00:24:03,305 --> 00:24:04,973 We can't just leave her. 514 00:24:04,974 --> 00:24:06,432 Use your brain, Philbert! 515 00:24:06,433 --> 00:24:08,769 Malone, you gotta believe me. I'm a good guy. 516 00:24:08,852 --> 00:24:10,771 If I'd known she was there, I never would've... 517 00:24:10,854 --> 00:24:12,564 - Tell me what happened. - I'll be back. 518 00:24:12,648 --> 00:24:14,733 - You wait right here. - Come on, loverboy. 519 00:24:15,985 --> 00:24:19,321 You kissed a young girl and then left her to die. 520 00:24:19,405 --> 00:24:21,991 I'm a good guy. I didn't know that she was... 521 00:24:22,074 --> 00:24:23,784 You have to understand, I'm a good guy. 522 00:24:23,867 --> 00:24:26,161 - She trusted you. - How do you make something right 523 00:24:26,245 --> 00:24:29,957 when you've made it so wrong, you can never go back? 524 00:24:30,124 --> 00:24:31,959 How did you come up with all this? 525 00:24:32,042 --> 00:24:35,254 It's a story I heard once. I just changed all the names. 526 00:24:35,421 --> 00:24:37,339 I'll never forget that night on The... 527 00:24:38,382 --> 00:24:40,134 U.S.S. New Mexico. 528 00:24:40,217 --> 00:24:41,917 Why are you telling me all this? 529 00:24:41,969 --> 00:24:43,929 It's just good to have someone to talk to. 530 00:24:44,555 --> 00:24:45,555 Cut! 531 00:24:45,556 --> 00:24:48,142 Amazing! I'm a genius! 532 00:24:52,938 --> 00:24:57,506 sync & correction by f1nc0 - Addic7ed.com ~