1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:04,607 sync & correction by f1nc0 - Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,553 I don't know what's real anymore. 3 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:14,806 And I don't know if I care. 4 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,231 - Talk to me, Philbert. - Don't tell her a thing. 5 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,857 What did you do to your wife? 6 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,695 - She was gonna get us all killed. - So you took care of it, huh? 7 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:30,863 I tried to stop him! 8 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,492 - Who? - Fritz! He was hopped up on goof-berries. 9 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,909 Agh! 10 00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,610 - I think I shot him. - Agh! 11 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,164 What are you doing, Philbert? Oh-hh! 12 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:40,957 You shot your partner? 13 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,293 Ugh! 14 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:48,173 Cut! We're turning around for BoJack. 15 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,384 All right! That was acting. 16 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,220 Hey, so, this has been real, but since it's our last day, 17 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:56,306 it feels like maybe we should call it on the whole us sleeping together thing. 18 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,934 I don't usually keep dating co-stars once we've wrapped. 19 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,717 Would you say we're co-stars? 20 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:04,314 I mean, I'm Philbert. I'd say we're more like both in the cast? 21 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,483 Yeah, let's definitely pump the brakes on this. 22 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,610 And we're set. Action! 23 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,727 I had no choice. He was strangling my wife! 24 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,196 What did you do with the bodies? 25 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,533 I... It's all a blur. It feels like a dream. 26 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,828 - Where are the bodies, Philbert? - I buried them. 27 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,081 In the same place I'm gonna bury you. 28 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,208 - Right here. - Oh! 29 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:25,794 Kiss me, you smart, handsome renegade. 30 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,672 There's no time for that now. The nuclear missiles are coming. 31 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,467 Cut! That's a wrap on Philbert Season One! 32 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,593 Great work, everyone! 33 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:37,472 I want you all to know I'm proud of what I've done here. 34 00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:40,225 - See ya at the Peabody Awards! - Great working with you. Thank you. 35 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,227 Terrific job. Seriously... 36 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,354 What the hell are goof-berries? 37 00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:38,669 5x09 - Ancient History 38 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,572 Oh! 39 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,961 - I love the sign. - You better. 40 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,381 I basically had to go through a whole pen on that thing. 41 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,166 - Uh... - Hey, I'd help you with your bag, 42 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,220 - but you know, my back. - Yeah. 43 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,722 It's cool that you came through Los Angeles on your way home. 44 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,139 Yeah, I guess we got lucky. 45 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:06,478 The only flight from Connecticut to Kansas had a one-night layover in California. 46 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,523 - Really? - No, dummy. I wanted to see you. 47 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,612 Emily is here to see you. 48 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,073 - Blunt? - Well, she is a little curt. 49 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,534 That's my Emily! Send her in! 50 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,704 - Hey, Todd. - You okay? 51 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,206 - I broke up with my fireman. - Not Steve! 52 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,375 No, no, no, not Steve. It was Doug. 53 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,169 Not Doug! Forgot there was a new one! 54 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:35,006 I am so done with these sexy noble hero hunks. 55 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,340 The sex is great, 56 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,052 but the emotional connection just is not there. 57 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,846 It was the same with me and Yolanda. 58 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:44,641 No emotional connection, but the no-sex was amazing. 59 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,560 None of the best sex I ever had. 60 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,187 You know, I was actually thinking about that. 61 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:53,150 Remember that idea you had about the dating app for asexuals? 62 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,506 - Nope! - Yeah, here we go. 63 00:03:56,695 --> 00:04:00,344 - "All About That Ace"? - You should get yourself out there. 64 00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:02,325 You were the best boyfriend I ever had. 65 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,704 If only there was a version of you I could have sex with, I'd be all set. 66 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:10,333 - Whoa, Emily. I just got a crazy idea. - What? 67 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:14,087 A restaurant where the menus are printed on garlic bread, 68 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:18,091 so after you order, the first course is the menu! 69 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,300 Oh. 70 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,558 So, ever since Philbert wrapped earlier today, 71 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,810 the question on everybody's mind is, 72 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,730 "What's Mr. Peanutbutter going to do next?" 73 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,964 You're a serious actor now, so I guess, 74 00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:36,276 narrate a documentary about global warming, 75 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,361 and then take a private jet to the premiere? 76 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,238 I've been looking for new projects. 77 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,741 Seems like everything's based on books these days, 78 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,660 so I went to the book store to scout some material. 79 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,330 - Mm-hmm. - But all the books are so long now. 80 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,789 - Yeah? - Who has the time? 81 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,167 I'll just wait 'til the movie comes out, then see the movie, 82 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,295 and decide if the book the movie is based on would make a good movie. 83 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,754 Oh, that's a good strategy. 84 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,091 Anyway, I was heading to the door in book-length-related frustration... 85 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,720 when I saw one of those circular greeting card racks. 86 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,432 Spotted a card that looked interesting, and it's a super-quick read. 87 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,216 Eh...? 88 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,521 - "Happy Birthday, Dad." - Pretty cool dad, huh? 89 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,190 You want to option this greeting card for a movie? 90 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,610 - We'll call it Birthday Dad. - But what is it? 91 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:22,489 Hmm? Mmm... it's... "Birthday Dad." 92 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,532 Oh. Okay. 93 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,952 - You think we can get the film rights? - I'll look into it. 94 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,583 So, then Joby was like, 95 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,253 "Uh, nice scrunchie, Professor." 96 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,003 It was literally a thing. 97 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,798 Joby is the guy in your dorm who plays guitar? 98 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:43,468 Yeah, he's really funny, but like soulful funny, you know? 99 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,971 - That's great. - Oh...! 100 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,185 You know, I always thought I would make a good college person. 101 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,185 Roaming the campus, 102 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,481 sticking it to the crusty old dean with my rowdy 'tude, 103 00:05:56,565 --> 00:06:00,902 having friends, and learning things, and just, uh, being young. 104 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,194 You okay? 105 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:05,824 You look as if you saw Ghost in the Shell and you're Scarlett Johansson's publicist. 106 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,201 It's weird to be back in this house. 107 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,412 This is where it all happened with your mom. 108 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,873 Oh, my God, this is so weird. 109 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,125 Hollyhock, whoa. It's okay. That's ancient history. 110 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:19,170 My mom is dead, so nobody is going to drug you with secret pills. All right? 111 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:23,758 Now, how about we make new, fun, memories to cancel out the old ones? 112 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:27,512 - Can the new memories be pizza-related? - No doy! 113 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,309 Ah, thank you for meeting me on such short notice. 114 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,517 It's nice to see you. 115 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,729 I'm sure Fridays must be a big night for you. 116 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,441 You were probably planning on going out to a nice dinner with your new girlfriend? 117 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,902 Or seeing a movie with your new girlfriend? 118 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,945 Or staying in and watching cable... 119 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:47,157 I get what you're asking. The answer is, no, I don't have cable anymore. 120 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,240 Oh! 121 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,941 Or a new girlfriend. 122 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,496 I'm not seeing anyone either. I've just been so busy with my Philbert. 123 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,624 Philbert? You have a Philbert? 124 00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,959 Oh, I'm sorry. It's a show I'm producing. 125 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,587 Not the baby we really wanted but never had. 126 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,547 Oh, well, that's great, too. 127 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:06,551 Anyway, Mr. Peanutbutter wants to option this card as a movie. 128 00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,137 - Birthday Dad. - How is it a movie? 129 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:13,600 - Hmm. It's "Birthday Dad." - Oh. Okay. 130 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,383 Oh! 131 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,187 - I'm sorry. - Yeah. Sure. 132 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,396 Hello? 133 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,776 Can you get to the St. Bernard Medical Center in like, a half hour? 134 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,559 Uh, I think so. Why? 135 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,905 I just got my tonsils taken out, 136 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,907 - and I need a ride home. - What? 137 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,202 Nah, I'm just messing with you. A pregnant lady doesn't want the baby. 138 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,162 If you can get there tonight, the baby's yours. 139 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,332 Tonight? That's so... she doesn't even know me. 140 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,793 Hey, man. You don't say no to free baby. 141 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,576 Okay. 142 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,586 Is everything okay? 143 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,756 I have to drive my hospital to the car right now! 144 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,092 I'm a baby, and there's adopting on the way! 145 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,509 - You're adopting? - Vroom-vroom! 146 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,804 There's so much food in my lap! Doesn't matter! It's fine! 147 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,181 - All part of being a mother! - You are really freaking out. 148 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,642 Am I freaking out too much? Or not enough? 149 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,103 - Let me drive you. - But I have the car seat in my car. 150 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,772 They won't let you go home without one. It's the only rule, really. 151 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:03,274 There should be more rules, but who am I to judge? 152 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,817 Hey, breathe. 153 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,820 I'll get the car seat. Let's go. 154 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,657 Ugh. I ate too much. 155 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,909 I need ice cream to smoosh the rest of it down. 156 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,693 Oh, I don't keep junk food in the house, 157 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,830 ever since last night when I ate all of my ice cream. 158 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:20,417 Hey, why do you have a vodka bottle for every day of the week? 159 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,294 Oh, that's just my new system I'm trying. I'm down to one bottle a day. 160 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:26,172 - Is this like an AA thing? - No, I don't need AA. 161 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,550 - Would you get outta there? - I want ice cream. 162 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,092 - Give me your keys. - What? No. 163 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:33,304 - Come on. Let me drive the Tesla. - With your greasy pizza fingers? 164 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,890 - Forget it. - Come on! 165 00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,516 - Hey. - Ooh! 166 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,059 What the hell are these? 167 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,436 What? Oh, those... 168 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,605 Why was this in your pocket? Are these for me? 169 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,772 No, Hollyhock. God, no. 170 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,900 Oh God, did you put this in my pizza? 171 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,821 What? Of course not. Hollyhock. No. Give me the... no! 172 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,323 - Oops. - Hollyhock, those were for my back! 173 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,325 - Wait, for real? - Yes. 174 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,995 Oh, then actually, oops. 175 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:04,586 - Hey, Todd. Is everything okay? - I need to talk to someone, 176 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,881 and you're the only person I knew would be available on a Friday night, 177 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,925 - with nothing to do. - Hey, I almost went to the movies tonight! 178 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,303 It's not my fault there's never anything in the 8:00 hour. 179 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,890 9:15 is too late. 7:00 is too early. When am I supposed to eat dinner? 180 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:21,019 Uh, sneak in a bag of mashed potatoes like the rest of us? 181 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,855 - Is this your whole apartment? - It's a studio. 182 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,024 I ate lunch with a studio head just yesterday. 183 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,568 - This is not a studio. - What do you need, Todd? 184 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,529 Well, my friend, Emily, did something really nice for me, 185 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,946 and I wanna pay her back. 186 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:37,243 - Thought you could help me brainstorm. - Okay. What kind of things does she like? 187 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,120 Well, sex, for one. 188 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,498 Good for her! A woman needs to know her own body 189 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,458 before she expects someone else to know her body. 190 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,125 - What? What are we talking about? - What? 191 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,212 I think sex, for one? 192 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,590 Oh! Diane, you sad-homed genius. 193 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:51,799 - You've cracked it! - What? 194 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,677 To the junkyard behind the engineering school! 195 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:57,514 Always happy to contribute! 196 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:03,103 - Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I freaked out. - It's not your fault. 197 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:05,939 Your generation's been brainwashed by McGruff the Crime Dog. 198 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:09,359 Who, by the way, I met at a party once? Didn't ask me a single question about me. 199 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,737 Yeah, and also because of the time I overdosed on pills. 200 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,614 Right, well, these were good pills. 201 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,493 I told you I'm on a system now. I'm not "doing drugs." This was medicine. 202 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,576 Can you get more? 203 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,496 Oh, sure. I'll just call the pharmacy and say, 204 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,456 "Hey, girl, you know that highly-addictive opioid 205 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,459 I'm supposed to take every three hours? Well, I kind of misplaced them, 206 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,754 so could I just get some more? I'm totally not a drug addict." 207 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,840 - I'm really sorry. - No. It's fine. 208 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,509 Let's enjoy our time together, even though I'm in tremendous pain. 209 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,592 I'll try to forget it, 210 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,804 but the whole time we might be thinking about it. 211 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,473 I do not blame you, but if you blame yourself, that is okay with me. 212 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,434 You must know a place you can get more painkillers. 213 00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:44,434 I do know a guy, 214 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,813 but he's somewhat "south of Pico," if you know what I mean. 215 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,149 I don't. Why do Los Angeles people think 216 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,943 everyone else understands your local references? 217 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,726 Okay, okay, let's go. 218 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,772 I can't believe you're adopting. 219 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,617 I just realized it was the right thing for me. 220 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:03,288 I just remember you were so adamant about having the baby yourself, 221 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,999 even when I said we should talk about other options. 222 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,834 - Yeah, but the way you said it... - I'm not mad. 223 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,045 I just think it's funny you had that change of heart after we broke up. 224 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:15,425 I'm sorry. This is not about me. 225 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,760 You'll be a great mom, and I'm really happy for you. 226 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,544 - Yeah? - Of course. 227 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,973 Well, one day, you're gonna be a great dad. 228 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,767 Hopefully as cool as Birthday Dad! 229 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,814 - Why are we at the pediatrician? - Trust me. 230 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:34,027 This doctor is the sleaziest, dopiest, scurviest of the scurvy. 231 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,945 - Who is he? - Exactly. 232 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,615 Hu... wants to par-tay? 233 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,867 Dr. Hu! Thank you for squeezing us in! 234 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,994 You always gotta make time for your friends. 235 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,371 And I haven't seen you since Sarah Lynn's funeral. 236 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,413 Oh, right. 237 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,375 That was a huge wake-up call for me. 238 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:53,213 Next morning I looked in the mirror, and you know who I saw staring back at me? 239 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,504 - Who? - Exactly. 240 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,505 - What? - No. Hu. 241 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:59,135 I spent 30 days at Pastiches Malibu and now I'm sober. 242 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,722 It's like I completely regenerated as a brand-new doctor. 243 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:03,805 Congratulations. 244 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,726 You'd have to be a real lost cause not to seek help 245 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,937 after losing Sarah Lynn like that, don't you think? 246 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,813 Oh, deffo. I mean, you know, get help 247 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,149 or, you know, work out a system on your own. 248 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,068 Even, you know, whatever's right for you. 249 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,862 Anyway, I'm trying to get my hands on some Feelbetterin? 250 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:18,862 Feelbetterin? 251 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,366 BoJack, have you been taking oxypraxylcortizoid? 252 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,577 Yeah. I know what you're thinking, but I legitimately have a herniated disc. 253 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,786 He's telling the truth! 254 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:29,415 I threw out his pills because of my trauma from when I got drugged by his mama. 255 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,876 - You got drugged by your own mother? - No, my mother. 256 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,295 Her mother was a maid who got knocked up by my dad, 257 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,464 but she got adopted by eight other dads. 258 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,676 Okay, do you know how many times I hear this story every week? 259 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,928 This story, specifically? Even the "eight dads" part? 260 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:46,599 I don't know who you think you're fooling, but this Hu won't get fooled again. 261 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,144 Thank you for coming, Emily. 262 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,983 What's with all the candles? Why are you wearing a robe? 263 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:58,528 Oh, I blew a fuse earlier, so I had to light candles. 264 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,780 That took a while, and then I didn't get to change. 265 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,865 - Oh. - Hold that thought. 266 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,784 - The thought of "Oh"? - That's right. 267 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:08,037 Because you're gonna need it when you meet your new best friend... 268 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,788 Uh... 269 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,874 - Whoa! - Henry Fondle! 270 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,169 - What? What? - He's a sex robot! 271 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,756 So, you can stop dating all those boring guys and still have sex! 272 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,093 - Stop me if you've heard this one. What? - And guess what? 273 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:25,054 I even recorded dozens of sexy robot phrases 274 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,098 for it to say at random intervals! 275 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,435 I am Henry Fondle. Insert me into genitals! 276 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,813 - Why did you do this? - To show you that I care about your needs. 277 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,357 My prime directive is to pleasure you. 278 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,902 Todd, I'm not sure you understand how sex works. 279 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,363 That is so condescending. 280 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,116 I know what sex is. I am not a child. 281 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,577 I'm just not great at building robots. 282 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,079 This is my first one, and frankly, 283 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,458 I think it's pretty impressive I put it together in one afternoon. 284 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,127 I love it when you call me "Father." 285 00:13:57,295 --> 00:14:00,882 Oh, no! My wacky scheme backfired as always! 286 00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,136 - I'm really sorry. - It's fine. 287 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,430 We're spending time together, that's all that matters. 288 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,557 You're not super-mad at me, still? 289 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,893 When this is done, maybe it'll make a great story 290 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,853 you can tell that kid you have a crush on. 291 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,606 Who, Joby? I don't have a crush on him. 292 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,650 Get out of here. His jawline is, like, dumb. 293 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,611 - Oh, okay. - Where are we going now? 294 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,031 There's this actress I was kind of seeing while we were working together 295 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,949 and I might have left some pills at her place. 296 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:30,411 She made it clear she doesn't want to see me again but she's not home now. 297 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,622 - Why do I know Gina's schedule? - Where is she? 298 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,334 She has a book club with dumb Nicole who keeps picking very long Italian books 299 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:39,754 that Nicole doesn't even read. Why do I know about Gina's friends? 300 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,173 - Do you have a key? - I have my ways. 301 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,010 - Well, I'm out of ways. - I'll go around back 302 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,929 and see if there's a window I can climb through. 303 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,931 Ooh, good thinking! I'll stand guard. 304 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,974 Ugh. 305 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,300 Oh, shit. 306 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,352 BoJack? 307 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,355 Oh, my God! What happened to book club? 308 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,524 We switched it to Thursdays to confuse Nicole. 309 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:03,194 - Why are you here? - I just wanted to check on you. 310 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,283 Wait, Gina. No, stay outside. 311 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,536 I just... I need to talk to you. 312 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,786 Slowly. 313 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,206 Is this about our relationship? What is there to talk about? 314 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,989 Well, I just been thinking that... 315 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,711 we should keep looking at this relationship. 316 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:23,047 Like all parts of this relationship. 317 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:26,759 Like even in the junk drawer, in the kitchen of this relationship. 318 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,638 - Or the bathroom cabinet. - I told you I didn't want to see you. 319 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,182 I want you to know that you are top-shelf, Gina. 320 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:37,145 - Know what I mean? Top shelf. - So, what, you wanna get back together? 321 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,478 - Eh...? - Yes! 322 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,563 Wait, really? 323 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,897 - Okay, I gotta run. - BoJack. 324 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:44,694 I have had 28 on-set flings, and no guy has ever come to my house 325 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,155 after shooting was over to try to have a real relationship. 326 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,407 - Well... - I guess I sort of internalized the idea 327 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,657 I didn't deserve that? 328 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,358 Yeah, but like I said, I really gotta run. 329 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,954 But maybe I do deserve it. Maybe we both do. 330 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:58,040 BoJack, is it possible that we're the ones we've been waiting for? 331 00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,793 Uh, yes. I totally think that is possible, 332 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,004 which is why I can't wait to talk about this tomorrow! 333 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,173 - What? Where are you going? - I'll call you! 334 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,842 Whoa! 335 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,428 Think I need to call her, or did I leave things open enough 336 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,211 - where I can kinda ghost? - What? 337 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,141 Kidding! I'll call her. I'm very fond of that woman. 338 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,101 And I'm sure that things are gonna work out fine, 339 00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,854 and we can find a way to be happy together and I won't hurt her 340 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,315 in a way that she carries with her for the rest of her life. 341 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,609 - Uh, okay. - Lemme get them pills. 342 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,820 - What the hell? These aren't my pills! - Sorry! 343 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,990 Not your fault. It's just... my back. 344 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,159 - I got another idea. - Okay. 345 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:38,122 - Do you think Gina needed those? - She'll be fine. Nobody needs pills. 346 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,127 - You could've just dropped me off. - I wanted to be here. 347 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:45,880 - Hope that's okay. - It's actually nice you're here. 348 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,633 All the times I imagined us taking home a baby from the hospital, 349 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,091 I never pictured it like this. 350 00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,470 You mean, you never pictured it would happen on a Friday? 351 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,515 Yeah, exactly. That's the main difference. 352 00:16:56,390 --> 00:17:00,269 How come you never called me after I kicked you out of my apartment? 353 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,772 You were so mad at me. I didn't think you wanted me to. 354 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,483 I didn't. But you still should have called. 355 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,944 - Well, you could have called me. - Yeah. 356 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,447 - I wish you'd stayed with me that night. - You told me to leave. 357 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,659 Yeah. I guess the lesson is, don't listen to me, right? 358 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,326 Mm-hmm. 359 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:19,664 Is that really what you're gonna wear for the first time your new baby sees you? 360 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,625 - Yes? - Oof! Okay. 361 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,048 I'm supposed to be back at the airport in, like, two hours. 362 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,175 Is this really how you want to spend this time? 363 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,844 Again, and... I hate to keep harping on this, 364 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:36,597 we wouldn't be here if someone hadn't dumped my medicine. 365 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,475 I know, but this place is super sketchy. 366 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,436 It looks like where they did the drag race in Grease. 367 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,397 It is where they did the drag race in Grease. 368 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,732 - Where do you think they make movies? - Ooh! 369 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:51,571 - You a cop? - What? No. Oh, shit. 370 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,115 No, it's a costume. I just finished filming a show. 371 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,201 Normally, people return the costume. 372 00:17:57,285 --> 00:18:00,204 Hello, drug merchant. Is it lit under here? 373 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:01,204 What? 374 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,791 Are there illegal pharmaceuticals available for purchase? 375 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,710 And please, talk into my lollipop. 376 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,588 - Okay, this guy's a cop. - I assure you I am not. 377 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:11,424 He's just saying that because earlier I said he was a cop. 378 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,969 No. You can see the outline of his badge under his tee-shirt! 379 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:18,556 - Yeah, no, he's definitely a cop. - Seems cool to me. 380 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,339 Listen. If I were a cop, 381 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,725 I'd have pancake breath 382 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,353 from the precinct's weekly Friday night pancake dinners. 383 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,773 - But I do not. So clearly, not a cop. - Uh... 384 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:31,569 Unless, I somehow had an Altoid, or a Tic-Tac after, 385 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:35,031 which again, no. I am a gum guy. 386 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,325 That all tracks for me. Here are your drugs. 387 00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:39,243 - Aha! We got the package! - Whoa! 388 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,162 Run! 389 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,945 They're getting away! 390 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,957 Go, go, go! 391 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,128 - Oh, no! - Here, get up. 392 00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:57,011 - Eh...? - Come on! We have to keep moving! 393 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,515 Ooh! 394 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,351 - Thanks, Doug. - I'm not here for you. 395 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:06,354 I'm here because I respect the art of putting out fires. 396 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:09,231 - I'm really sorry, Emily. - It was a sweet idea. 397 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,734 I guess I just thought you waste so much time 398 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:14,195 with these boring firemen just for the sex. 399 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,155 - Eh? - Doug, some privacy, please? 400 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,238 Okay. 401 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:21,202 Maybe I figured if you had some other way to satisfy yourself sexually, 402 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,913 then you could spend more time with me. 403 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,249 - Like we did in high school. - Todd, we were dating in high school. 404 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:30,795 Do you ever think about what it would be like if we dated now? 405 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,506 I don't know. What would it be like? 406 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,883 I guess we'd hang out together, like we already do. 407 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,761 And you would be my favorite person, like you already are. 408 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:42,682 And when something good happened to me, like if I got a promotion at work, 409 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,809 you'd be the first person I'd tell, 410 00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:48,312 and you'd smile and say, "That's my boyfriend." 411 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:51,774 Well, that could be cool. But then I would have sex with the robot? 412 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,776 Boop, boop, boop! Oh! 413 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,402 Uh-hh! 414 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,613 - Hooray. - I guess it's not ideal. 415 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,324 You know, when I was putting the app together, 416 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:03,619 I learned that some asexuals actually do have sex. 417 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:07,915 - Do you... think that there's a chance? - Um-umm. 418 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:12,461 - Okay. Well, you got any other ideas? - Hmm. 419 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:17,800 What about if marbles were cube-shaped, so they don't roll away as much? 420 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,344 No dice. 421 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,807 Oh, he's beautiful. 422 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,768 Do you think I'm terrible for giving him away? 423 00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,436 What? Of course not. 424 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,355 I don't know the first thing about being a parent. 425 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,816 - Bridget, it's okay. - Your baby's in excellent hands. 426 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,277 I'm just so glad he's going to a good home, 427 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,738 - with a mother and a father. - What's this, now? 428 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:42,491 I mean, if my boyfriend was still in the picture, maybe I could be a parent, 429 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:46,162 but as is, I think the baby's probably better off with you two. 430 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,912 - Oh, no, Ralph's not... - That's right! 431 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,957 We're gonna make a wonderful family together. 432 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,501 - Ralph, don't lie to her. - I'm not lying. 433 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,712 A year ago, we wanted to have a family together. 434 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,465 - I still want that. - Ralph, no. You should go. 435 00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:00,217 I hear you say that, but I'm not making the mistake I made last time. 436 00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,259 I don't want this. 437 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,471 This seems like a subject you should have agreed on 438 00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,180 before you came to the hospital. 439 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,266 We can do this. Nothing has changed. 440 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:10,394 I changed! I have plans now, and you're not in them. 441 00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:14,356 - You don't need to do this by yourself. - I never needed to. I want to. 442 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,358 I'm not afraid of how hard it's gonna be. 443 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:21,363 I already love this baby. And that gives me so much power. 444 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,240 I don't need anything else. 445 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,951 Oh, my God, I just realized something. 446 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:29,747 If you can do it by yourself, maybe that means I can do it by myself. 447 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,291 - Uh... - No, no, Bridget, you definitely can't. 448 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:36,378 I thought I couldn't. But that speech you gave was so inspiring. 449 00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:40,549 It made me realize that all I need to be a good mother is love. 450 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:44,762 Actually, you need so much more than that. I was wrong when I said that a second ago. 451 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:49,099 Okay. But for real, give me my baby boy. 452 00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:51,101 - Oh-hh... - Coochie-coochie-choo... 453 00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:54,230 Princess Carolyn, you are amazing. 454 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,690 - Can you be my mom? - Oh-hh! 455 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:03,197 There's gotta be another way to get pills. 456 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,741 How about calling this Joby? He sounds like a druggie. 457 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,868 - I thought your back hurts. - Yeah. 458 00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:11,622 - How did you lift me over the fence? - Well, the adrenaline kicked in. 459 00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:14,542 - Do you really need these pills? - Hollyhock, how many times... 460 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,836 I'm just saying, is it possible maybe you don't... 461 00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:20,214 Okay. You go to college and suddenly you're so sophisticated, 462 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,591 - and I'm a dumb junkie, is that it? - What? No! 463 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:23,925 You don't understand anything! 464 00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:26,303 - I am in pain. - No, I get that. 465 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:28,472 All the time. My whole life. And you have no idea. 466 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:31,016 So, sorry that you had one bad experience with my mom, 467 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:34,645 but I have been in pain my whole life. 468 00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:39,692 I think you should take me to the airport. 469 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,059 Okay. 470 00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:49,410 - You're sure I can't drive you home? - No, Ralph. 471 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,871 Can I at least wait with you for the cab? 472 00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:54,331 Okay. 473 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,261 So, I guess I'll see you later. 474 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:10,389 - Hollyhock, I'm sorry. - Me, too. 475 00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:13,434 Maybe, it's possible that I don't... 476 00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:17,605 100-percent need-need the pills. 477 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,648 I thought I did, but... yeah. 478 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:22,860 So, thank you for... caring about me. 479 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:25,279 - Are you gonna be okay? - Yeah. 480 00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:27,781 I could take a semester off, if you need someone... 481 00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:31,577 No. God, no. Stay... stay in school. 482 00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:35,581 And take your classes, and kiss boys, and do the college thing. 483 00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:38,375 I'm gonna be fine. I get it. Drugs are bad. 484 00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:40,159 Not all drugs. 485 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,672 Obviously, if you get hurt again, and a doctor, a real doctor 486 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,216 prescribes you painkillers, you can take them. 487 00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,802 - But only if you get hurt again. - Okay. 488 00:23:48,886 --> 00:23:51,430 - You promise? - Yes. I promise. 489 00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:55,851 - Okay. I love you. - Hmm. 490 00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:59,980 Okay. Bye. 491 00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:29,676 Whew. 492 00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,554 Ugh! 493 00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:50,571 Uh... 494 00:24:56,542 --> 00:25:00,730 sync & correction by f1nc0 - Addic7ed.com ~