1 00:00:01,652 --> 00:00:04,789 sync & correction by f1nc0 - Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:20,937 What troubles you, Sister? 3 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:24,775 It's the woman who came from the water. She's been in our care for two years. 4 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,778 She hasn't spoken a word and spends her days in a fog. 5 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,030 Have you been steadfast in your prayers? 6 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:32,991 I have. And yet, her condition does not improve. 7 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,410 "And yet"? Is prayer but a bargain? 8 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:38,956 Is it for you to present terms to the Lord? 9 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,581 No, Mother. I just... 10 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:45,254 You seek a sign from God. Should He seek less from you? 11 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:49,174 Take the woman to the seaside tomorrow after Matins. 12 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:54,012 Prove your faith to Him that He might reveal His glory to you. 13 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,796 Yes, Mother. 14 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,593 Can you feel that on your feet? 15 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,231 That's water. Water. 16 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:09,736 This is hopeless! I want to help you, but I don't even know who you are! 17 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,950 I look at your face and think you could be literally anyone. 18 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,077 Are you a federal judge? A Russian spy? 19 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,371 A proud Southern matriarch? 20 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,165 Bo... BoJack! 21 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,949 - What? - BoJack! 22 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,921 - What are you saying? I don't... - BoJack! BoJack! BoJack! 23 00:02:20,076 --> 00:02:23,541 5x10 - Head in the Clouds 24 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,024 Agh, oh! 25 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,902 Gah! Bleh! Agh! 26 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,573 Ow...! 27 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,619 - Come on, get up. We're gonna be late. - How have I gained weight? 28 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,954 Spent two weeks in a hospital hooked up to a feeding tube. 29 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,873 You drank milkshakes. That's not a feeding tube. 30 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,656 It's basically a feeding tube. 31 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,544 How many do you take a day? Are you in that much pain right now? 32 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,381 - I'm about to be. Reviews are out. - Okay. 33 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,508 "Philbert is an astonishment, 34 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:58,095 with Horseman bringing surprising depth to the eponymous character." 35 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,098 "Surprising depth"? God, they always gotta slant it. 36 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,682 Why can't it just be "depth"? 37 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,685 I'd hate to see you after a bad review. 38 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,854 Oh, and I bet "eponymous" was supposed to be a pun on "pony." 39 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,397 Wait. There's a part about me. 40 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,234 "Gina Cazador also appears as Sassy Malone." 41 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:15,153 Wow, I've never been mentioned in a review before. 42 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:18,323 "Her restrained performance crackles with nuance and power." 43 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,242 Damn, look at me... in two sentences. 44 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:23,745 Well, don't let it go to your head. Probably just because you're a good actor. 45 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,831 Anyway, I got you something for the premiere party. 46 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,668 - These are beautiful, BoJack. - Well, don't let it go to your head. 47 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,837 It's because you visited me in the hospital every day, 48 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,798 and I got used to having you around, and it turns out I like you. 49 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,842 Uh-oh. I let them go to my head. 50 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,139 "What separates Philbert is the character's vulnerability. 51 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,392 This is not the sad man as suave and cynical anti-hero, 52 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,311 but a barely scabbed-over wound of a person." 53 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,148 "Barely scabbed-over." Congratulations. 54 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,400 You're the one who took a stock bad-boy detective 55 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,984 and made him into a wound. 56 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,318 Me? No. 57 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,572 - You're coming to the premiere party? - Already on my way. 58 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,532 My apartment is a two-hour drive from everywhere. 59 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,315 Seven miles, two hours. 60 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,745 - How is that possible? - Honk, honk! 61 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,528 Well, that'll give you plenty of time 62 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,249 to come up with a few spontaneous remarks for the red carpet. 63 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,043 - Oh, do I have to do that? - Look, I gotta go. You'll be great. 64 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:15,881 - Just be charmingly effusive. Be yourself. - I can't be both of those things at once! 65 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,175 - Can I help you? - Abel Ziegler. 66 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,552 I saw the trailer for your new show Philbert, 67 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:24,181 and I think you oughta see this. 68 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,978 "What did the clam say to the crab at the undersea ball?" 69 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,814 I think you know why I'm here. 70 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,307 Oh, fish. 71 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:41,239 Well, buddy, these past few months, you have been inappropriate 72 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,992 with every person who's come to our apartment. 73 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,328 I want to be inside you. 74 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:50,415 Henry Fondle, you are inside of me. You always have been. 75 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,667 But there's nowhere else I can take you. 76 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,711 Let's get down to business. 77 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,130 You want me to take you to work? No way! 78 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,839 - Oh, yes! - No! 79 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,801 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 80 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,720 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 81 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,140 I need you to be on your best behavior today. 82 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,924 That is the stuff I like. 83 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,853 I also like clearly defined expectations. 84 00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:14,189 It seems we understand each other. 85 00:05:18,891 --> 00:05:20,227 Mmm-ch, mmm-ch! 86 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:25,659 So, tonight, are we, like, together-together at this thing? 87 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,034 Oh, uh, well... 88 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,120 I mean, I know we're together. I just meant publicly. 89 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,706 Like, are we gonna introduce the world to "BoJina"? 90 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:36,461 Well, yeah, I just... I'm not sure the world is ready for, um, BoJina. 91 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,839 Oh, yeah, you're probably right. 92 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,217 What do you want, Mr. Peanutbutter? 93 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:46,680 Gotcha! It's not Steven Spielberg. I changed my name in your contacts. 94 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,515 Pickles wants to say "hi." 95 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,932 - What pickles? - Hi, BoJack! 96 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,893 Uh, hello. Are you the pickles? 97 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,396 I don't know if I'm the Pickles, but maybe one day. 98 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,815 - Right now I'm just a waitress. - Oh, right. The waitress. 99 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,984 Well, I don't know if I'm the waitress. 100 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,237 She's being modest. She's a waitress-slash- 101 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,156 - aspiring Instagram influencer. - What? 102 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,615 Is that Gina? 103 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,158 - Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter. - Wow. 104 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:13,164 BoJack Horseman and Mr. Peanutbutter, and also Gina on the same phone call? 105 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,248 What is this? 106 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,126 I don't know what this is. Why did you call me? 107 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,710 Oh, yeah! 108 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,754 You wanna ride with me and Pickles to the premiere? 109 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:22,173 It'll be like this, but for 40 minutes. 110 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,050 - Hard no. - Hardly no? 111 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,303 - That sounds like a yes. - Okay, bye. 112 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,086 Well, anyway... hello? 113 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,973 Huh. He must have accidentally hung up, 114 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,309 right after he accidentally said, "Okay, bye." 115 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:39,190 As the clam said to the crab at the undersea ball... 116 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,266 "Shell we dance?" 117 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,362 There are some superficial similarities. 118 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:47,949 Superficial, shmuperficial! It's the same line! 119 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,733 - Doesn't mean I stole it! - Flip. 120 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:54,247 I spent months on that line. I slaved, finessed, crafted. 121 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,584 The world was a block of marble, and, like Michelangelo, 122 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,544 I chiseled it into my David, 123 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:05,300 as I did for each and every one of Crazy AZ's Frozen Funnies. 124 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,761 Mr. Ziegler, we have so much respect for your work. 125 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,555 Do you think I'm like a penny on a railroad track? 126 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,139 Prone to flattery? 127 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,515 We've got a premiere to get to. 128 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,811 How long do we have to listen to this guy do his Popsicle schtick? 129 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,813 It's pronounced "stick," idiot. 130 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:19,980 Play nice, Flip. 131 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,151 If this gets out, everyone will be talking about the stolen gag, 132 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,862 instead of all the great parts of the show that weren't stolen. 133 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:26,987 Fine. What do you want? 134 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,991 I want what every comedy writer wants. Respect! 135 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:33,119 Oh! What if I just let you come to the premiere party with us? 136 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,913 They have tiny tacos in soft shells 137 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,040 that are impossible to fold without making a big mess. 138 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,417 I accept your terms. Where do I sign? 139 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,661 - Can we go now? - Wait. 140 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,173 "Abel Ziegler ampersand"? What are you ampersanding? 141 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,426 - My former writing partner, Ziggy Abler. - What? 142 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,762 I can only give permission for the part I wrote. 143 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,221 I'm the set-up guy. 144 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,808 If you want the punch line, you gotta talk to Ziggy. 145 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,558 Can you ask him to sign the release? 146 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,187 I can't even ask him the best time to go to the dentist. 147 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,272 He hasn't talked to me for 30 years. 148 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,067 Now, you mentioned a party? 149 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,363 Wow! 150 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,740 A real Hollywoo premiere party. 151 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,368 Can we get our pictures taken, and drink specialty cocktails, 152 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,578 and form life-long bonds with other fancy celebrities, 153 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,580 and read in magazines, "Who wore it better?" 154 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,125 And then people vote, and then 78 percent of readers say, 155 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,419 "Pickles did!" 156 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,010 Hey, BoJack, can we get some of just you? 157 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,679 - Oh, uh, yeah. - Mm-hmm. I'll see you in there. 158 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:36,474 FYI, you're gonna want pictures of her after you see what she does in Philbert. 159 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:40,061 Let me tell you something, that 39-year-old actress is going places. 160 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,689 - Oh. Hey. - What happened to your arm? 161 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:47,694 - Oh, just some asshole got T-boned by me. - Oh, my God. When? 162 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:52,032 Uh... couple weeks ago? Or months? 163 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,285 As Philbert says, "Time is like a woman; 164 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,579 completely impossible to comprehend." 165 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,246 I think we ended up cutting that line 166 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,374 because the network was worried it would be offensive 167 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,585 to people who didn't know what time it was. 168 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,087 This you call a tip? 169 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,757 I haven't seen a tip this measly since my bris. 170 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,510 You must be Ziggy Abler. Oh, thank you so much for coming. 171 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,261 Darling, you're wasting your time. 172 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,766 I love to sign documents. In fact, that's my signature move. 173 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,684 But if Abel signed it, I won't. 174 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,103 I guess you could say I'm willing, but not Abel! 175 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,064 - Oh...! - Now where are those tiny tacos? 176 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,105 Oh! 177 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,942 Cuckoo. 178 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,864 Chicka-chicka, oh, yeah. 179 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,990 Mmm-ch, mmm-ch! 180 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,569 Oh, is it five o'clock already? 181 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,748 If you've poured me a drink, you must want something. 182 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,167 - Out with it. - I want to be on top of you. 183 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,504 There's no one on top of me. I'm CEO of this company. 184 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:51,424 - That's my favorite position. - Well, you can't have it. It's mine. 185 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,208 Give it to me. 186 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,762 You want to be tantamount to this catamount? 187 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,059 You've got balls, I'll give you that. 188 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,812 I am a horny robot. 189 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:06,689 For my job, yes, you've been quite clear. 190 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,067 But if you were CEO, what would I do? 191 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,820 Take a portraiture class at the Learning Annex? 192 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:16,282 While away the hours, painting canvas after canvas of my wife, 193 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,407 and, through this act, 194 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:20,912 rediscover the woman I fell in love with those many years ago? 195 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:24,582 No, such a realization would only crush my too-feeble heart. 196 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:28,711 After all, what benefit is it to love without the words to express it? 197 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:32,841 What could I possibly say to articulate my deep devotion to this woman, 198 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,176 who has become but a stranger to me now? 199 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:40,265 I am powerless in the face of your mesmerizing sexual energy. 200 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:45,103 Such a brain for business, yet such a tongue for poetry. 201 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:49,899 So, I am resigning from my post, effective immediately. 202 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944 I leave you in the good hands of Henry Fondle. 203 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:56,906 - Henry, would you like to say a few words? - Henry] You will submit to my desires. 204 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,492 - Very impressive. - He's leaning in and I respect that. 205 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:04,914 - Uh... guys, are you sure about this? - I've never been more sure about anything. 206 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,417 Todd, why don't you show your new boss around the premises? 207 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,420 I'm actually about to head out to the Philbert premiere party. 208 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,131 - I'm coming. - Brilliant! You'll take him with you! 209 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,383 Oh, no, no. He doesn't need to come. 210 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:18,428 I'm coming, I'm coming. Oh, God, I'm coming. 211 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,930 Whatever you say... boss. 212 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,391 Hello, everyone. 213 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,644 Thank you for attending the premiere of my opus. 214 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,480 I hope you all enjoy it because that means you are smart. 215 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,692 If you don't get it, that means that my genius wasn't appreciated 216 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,819 in my own time, and that's okay, too. 217 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,199 Why are you laughing? Please do not laugh during the screening. 218 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,409 This episode contains no intentional humor. 219 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,495 Okay. That's... that's always a good sign, 220 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,790 when you have to clarify that. Look, folks, Herb is being modest. 221 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,082 - "Herb"? - I'm sorry. 222 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,337 Flip. Did I say Herb? 223 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:56,424 Herb is being modest, but he put together a tremendous show 224 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,384 that I think that you guys are really gonna love. 225 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,887 That's right. It all came out of this brain. 226 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:05,099 - Ha! That brain, he says? - That brain? Double-ha! 227 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,099 Shh! 228 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,436 And the most amazing thing about this show 229 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,397 is that I'm sure we all have Philberts in our lives, 230 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,065 or we are Philberts. 231 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,778 You know, we've all done terrible things that we deeply regret. 232 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,906 I've done so many... unforgivable things. 233 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,283 And I think that, that's what this show says. 234 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:26,996 Is that... is that we're all terrible, so therefore we're all... okay. 235 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:27,996 What? 236 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,000 And I think that's a really powerful message. 237 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:34,254 Okay, well, without further ado, the first chapter, 238 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,339 and notice I said "chapter" not episode 239 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:40,093 because I think of this show as more of a novel than a TV show... 240 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,428 of Philbert! 241 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,308 Nothing's lonelier than a party. 242 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,097 Barf me a river! 243 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,864 Hey, Pickles, where have you been? You left after, like, ten minutes. 244 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,240 I'm sorry. 245 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:06,452 My friend Ilana, not my best friend Ilana, but another Ilana who is my friend, 246 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,455 was having a crisis, and I needed to text her "LOL." 247 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,123 Well, you missed the whole episode. 248 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,127 I saw the first ten minutes! I just couldn't get into it. 249 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,502 And you kept saying, 250 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,089 "Do you love it? Are you loving it? How did you like that scene?" 251 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,217 Well, did you love it? Were you loving it? How did you like that scene? 252 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,428 Every time you showed up on screen, I kept thinking, 253 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,431 "That's not a dirty cop, that's my boyfriend! 254 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,100 The sweetest, cutest dog in the whole world!" 255 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,686 And then you'd shoot someone, and I was like... eww! 256 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,147 - Fritz is the hardest I've ever acted. - Oh. 257 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,982 Harder than the ice bucket challenge, 258 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,109 but it was fake ice. I wanted you to see it. 259 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:40,570 I'm going to fix this. You stay here and party. 260 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,156 I'll go home. I'll watch the entire season of your show. 261 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,740 You don't have to do that. 262 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:49,203 And you don't have to like every one of my Instagram posts, but you do. 263 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,539 The least I could do is watch your TV show, 264 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,001 even if it kills me because I hate it so much. 265 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:58,629 - Well, don't watch it if you hate it. - I'm going to do this for us. 266 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,413 - But... - I love you! 267 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:06,429 I've been to dozens of these things and I've never heard applause like that. 268 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,971 We might actually get a season two. 269 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,099 - That's never happened to me before. - That's incredible. 270 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,186 Excuse me, can I borrow you for a few minutes? 271 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,605 - Oh, sure. Gina, do you mind if I, um...? - Yeah, go ahead. 272 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,399 Oh, no, I was actually talking to Gina. 273 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,777 Me? I'm being borrowed for a few minutes? 274 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,321 Oh! Well, yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Sure. 275 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,104 Wow. Oh, my God. 276 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,533 Hey, how you doing? Hey, you came! 277 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,328 Flip, I screwed up. I didn't know it would feel like that. 278 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:33,790 To be in that room. To hear people cheering for Philbert! 279 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,667 - What are you talking about? - When I first started on this job, 280 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,711 I wanted to make Philbert more well-rounded, 281 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,505 so the audience could relate to him better. 282 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:41,922 And now you're upset 283 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,509 because I didn't mention you in my introduction. 284 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:48,679 Diane, the whole point of television is it's a collaborative medium, 285 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,933 - where one person gets all the credit. - No, it's not about that. 286 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,269 I made him more vulnerable, and that made him more likable, 287 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,063 which makes for a better TV show. 288 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,191 But if Philbert is just a way to help dumb assholesrationalize 289 00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,525 their own awful behavior, 290 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,320 well, I'm sorry, but we can't put this out there. 291 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,779 Uh, it's out there. 292 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,449 The whole season's dropping at midnight all over the world. 293 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,576 I can't be here. 294 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,413 Come on, fellas. I know we can find a solution here. 295 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,413 I doubt it. 296 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,916 We have the same problem as a hematology lab 297 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,210 that goes a week without electricity! 298 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:20,993 Too much bad blood! 299 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,340 But you obviously work together so well. What went wrong? 300 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,175 It was a long time ago. 301 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,011 My wife Harriet always had a sneaker for Ziggy. 302 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,389 Oh, and the unspoken resentment crept in? 303 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,599 Unspoken? It was shouted! 304 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,769 Nevertheless, me and Harriet ended up having a fling. 305 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,186 Eventually, we got married. 306 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,773 - And that killed the partnership? - No, we got over that. 307 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,776 But at their tenth anniversary, I had a few too many... 308 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,485 And what, you took a swing at him? 309 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,989 I said I always felt he had the easier job, 310 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,614 coming up with the punch lines. 311 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,315 And then what? What led to the rift? 312 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:55,371 Led? That's the whole rift! He besmirched my craft. 313 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,373 I still haven't forgiven the son of a bitch! 314 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,419 I said it then, and I stand by it now! 315 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,921 All the pressure's on the punch line! 316 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,505 Pressure? Please! 317 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:09,135 Set-ups need context, mise-en-scène, flavor! 318 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,930 I carried us to the top of the Popsicle stick game! 319 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,766 You wrote the part they let you try before you buy! 320 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,560 I had to deliver the money line! 321 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,727 Ugh! 322 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,022 So, you both think you had the harder job? 323 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,397 - Of course! - Indubitably! 324 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,525 Well, what if you tried switching roles? 325 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,695 - You mean, I tag his set-ups? - Why not? 326 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,823 I don't know. I'm a punch line guy my whole life. 327 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,159 How do I come up with straight lines? 328 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,746 - You could try using a ruler. - Oh! 329 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,751 - Oh, I missed you, Abel! - You, too, Zig! 330 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,753 All right, so we have a deal? 331 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:47,465 What did the terminally ill man say to Dr. Kevorkian? 332 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,967 "Give me that sweet release!" 333 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,638 Hey. 334 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,183 Did you really mean what you said, before the screening? 335 00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,686 About how Philbert made you feel okay, about yourself? 336 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:01,770 Oh, I don't know... 337 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:04,023 Because, you know, that's not the point of Philbert... 338 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,150 for guys to watch it and feel okay. 339 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,653 Diane, it's a compliment. You did a good job. Relax. 340 00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,436 I don't want you, or anyone else, 341 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,823 justifying their shitty behavior because of the show. 342 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:13,907 What is your problem? 343 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,118 Why can't you accept that something you did is successful? 344 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,120 It's connecting to people, and that's good. 345 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,665 You're right, sorry. I don't know why I thought you would care. 346 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,459 - Excuse me? - What is going on with you? You're a mess. 347 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,963 - Am I? - I feel like I barely know you anymore. 348 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,547 Oh, bullshit. Don't give me that. 349 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,634 - It's true. I don't know you. - No. You know me. You do. 350 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,511 Then what the hell happened in New Mexico? 351 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,637 Look, I... 352 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,338 I don't know what you think that you know... 353 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,515 I don't know anything! 354 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:41,852 I mean, I know something happened with a girl in New Mexico, 355 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,105 and I know it resulted in you coming home in a boat. 356 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,522 - Well, that's... - I also know... 357 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,567 that your old friend Charlotte lives in New Mexico 358 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,194 because you used to leave her business card lying around the house, 359 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,780 and I know her daughter is a senior at Oberlin. 360 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,782 - How...? - And I know you went to Oberlin 361 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,283 during your bender three years ago 362 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,744 because a bunch of students posted pictures of you on Facebook. 363 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,289 Jesus Christ, why are you so obsessed with me? 364 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,998 I am not obsessed. 365 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,209 I wanted to know what happened, and you wouldn't tell me. 366 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,920 - You never asked! - Okay, so I'm asking now. 367 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,214 What happened in New Mexico? 368 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,843 Hallo! Smile for Yahoo, Finland! 369 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,552 What I don't understand is why you feel 370 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,055 like you deserve to know every shitty thing I ever did. 371 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,556 I don't deserve anything. 372 00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:22,184 I would like to know when you've done shitty things. 373 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,351 Why is that your business? 374 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,355 Because I'm your friend, and I care about you, 375 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,608 and I wrote a book about you, 376 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:32,278 and now I wrote this show for you, and I am very publicly your friend, 377 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,781 so if it gets out that you're doing creepy stuff, that makes me look bad. 378 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,367 Oh! So you're worried about things that I may have done 379 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,329 because you think that it reflects badly on you? 380 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,539 Hurts your brand? That's your moral high ground? 381 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,374 This is not about "moral high ground." 382 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,666 Wanna know about New Mexico? 383 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,462 You want to know about the one little thing that I did in New Mexico, 384 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,297 which, by the way, wasn't even really a thing? 385 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,549 - You know what? Spare me. - No, I'm gonna tell you. 386 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,883 I'll tell you what you want. 387 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,887 And while I'm at it, you wanna hear about what happened at the MTV beach house? 388 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,680 Or why I'm not allowed to fly United anymore? 389 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,266 Or what happened with Sharona, the makeup lady on Horsing Around? 390 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,602 - What? - Or the dozens of other shady things 391 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,605 that may or may not have occurred in my life that I can barely even remember 392 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,066 'cause I was high or drunk or it was 30 years ago? 393 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,318 And you don't feel bad, about any of this stuff? 394 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,529 Yeah, of course I do! I've spent so much time feeling bad. 395 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:19,075 By the way, most of these women... don't even remember, I bet. 396 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,951 Well, that's really convenient for you. 397 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,787 I'm the one who has to live with this shit. 398 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,581 I'm the one who has to feel the guilt all day, every day. 399 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,416 So, you're the victim here? 400 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,710 Yeah, and I know that's not the woke, progressive, 401 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,963 intersectionally appropriate thing to say, but I would say, yeah! 402 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:36,175 I'm the one who has suffered the most because of the actions of BoJack Horseman. 403 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,958 - You've suffered? - Yeah, I have! 404 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,710 - The most? - The most! 405 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,099 Really? More than, say, Sarah Lynn? 406 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,058 Don't talk to me about her. 407 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:49,021 No, I wanna know how you're the victim of the Sarah Lynn story. 408 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,522 - I'm serious. - Explain to me... 409 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,776 how Sarah Lynn's overdose was really rough for you. 410 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,695 - Shut up. - You feel a lot of guilt about that? 411 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:59,073 You feel a lot of guilt because you were the only father figure she ever had, 412 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,908 and when she came to you for help, you... 413 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,077 - Hey, how you doing? - You folks having a good time? 414 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,870 You look great. Thanks for coming. 415 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,914 - You had sex with her? - That's... ! No. 416 00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:10,543 And then when she was sober, you took her on a month-long bender? 417 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:14,755 And then she died. And she is dead now. And you're still alive. 418 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:17,550 With a girlfriend, who is also alive, and a TV show. 419 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:21,721 And that's been really hard for you, the main character in this story. 420 00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:24,181 Why are you bringing this shit up? Is this fun for you? 421 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,965 - To really rub in... - It's not fun. 422 00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:28,644 You win! You scored all the points in the argument! 423 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,231 According to facts, you are right and I am wrong, like always. 424 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:35,276 But you know what? I don't care. Because I'm trying to move forward. 425 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,776 You haven't changed at all. 426 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,739 Yes! Congratulations! You are the last person to get that. 427 00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:43,868 I'm not gonna change. I don't need your help for changing, 428 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,828 so you can stop trying to make me your project. 429 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,997 - That's not... - When I met you, I was depressed 430 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,581 because I didn't like myself. 431 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,501 And when you wrote that book and sold a bajillion copies, 432 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,005 you taught me that as screwed up as I am, that's okay. 433 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,133 You did that. And now I'm okay. 434 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,417 I don't believe that's true. 435 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:04,555 And I don't think you believe it's true. 436 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:08,058 I think you want me to tell you that you can be better. 437 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:12,271 And even though you're being a total asshole right now, 438 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,813 I still believe it. 439 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,514 If all you've gotten out of this friendship, 440 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:19,028 is the idea that you should be okay with yourself, as you are, 441 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,655 then I don't think this is a good relationship... 442 00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:22,822 for either of us. 443 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,523 - Diane, come on. - I'm going home. 444 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:28,329 No, Diane, we're saying things, but let's just go back to the party. 445 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,331 I'm done... with all of this. 446 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,458 I went to New Mexico to see Charlotte. 447 00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:35,201 She was married with a daughter. 448 00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,962 But it wasn't like... what you're thinking. 449 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,965 She was 17, which is the legal age of consent in New Mexico, 450 00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:43,427 and she wasn't drunk, so, not that I wanted to, I never... I didn't. 451 00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,222 That's the dumbest part of all of this! I didn't do anything. 452 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,849 I mean, the fact that this has turned into such a thing for you... 453 00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:51,644 you know, maybe I didn't tell you because there was nothing to tell. 454 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,979 Did you ever think of that? She was my friend's daughter, 455 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,106 and she wanted it, and I was... 456 00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,776 I was in a bad place because Charlotte had just... 457 00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:01,570 So, then she came onto my boat, Charlotte, I mean, 458 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,572 and she walked in, and I was with her daughter. 459 00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,491 But again, nothing had happened yet. 460 00:22:06,116 --> 00:22:07,816 - "Yet?" - Nothing happened. 461 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:09,244 Goodbye, BoJack. 462 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,411 - Diane, no! - Hey... Aah! 463 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,665 You wanted me to tell you. I told you. You know everything. 464 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,625 - Please let go of me. - Diane, please. 465 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:17,419 You're hurting me, and I would like you to let go now. 466 00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:40,317 - So, what'd you think of the show, boss? - More, more. 467 00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:42,152 Well, all ten episodes 468 00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:44,822 - will be on our website at midnight. - More. 469 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:48,284 - You want more episodes? - Give it to me. 470 00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:52,913 Ooh! Flip! They're picking us up for more episodes! 471 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,792 Wow. And my mother said I'd never last as long as Hung. 472 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:58,711 Well, who's Hung now, Mom? 473 00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,536 Uh, right. 474 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:04,164 Ugh. 475 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:06,927 Ow! Oh, ah! 476 00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,716 Uh... 477 00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:16,145 - Oh. Hey! - Hey. 478 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,606 - You're leaving? - Yeah. You? 479 00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,148 I'm just getting some air. 480 00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,985 No, wrong Prius. I'm sorry I lost my ticket! 481 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:26,529 Want me to drive you home? 482 00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:28,230 You can come back and get your car tomorrow? 483 00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:29,574 You don't have to do that. 484 00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:31,785 Of course not. I don't have to do anything. 485 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,624 Gina, I know it's early, 486 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,169 but have you started writing your acceptance speech for the Emmys? 487 00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:43,672 Oh, stop. I'll probably just repurpose whatever I say at the SAG Awards. 488 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,456 Is that gonna read as cocky? 489 00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:48,802 Can you explain to your readers that I'm being charmingly self-effacing? 490 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:51,472 - Excuse me. - Oh, hey, hot stuff! Whoa! 491 00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:04,984 Thanks. 492 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:08,948 And, great job, by the way. You're really good on the show. 493 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:12,618 Yeah? No. Me? No. Yeah? 494 00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,914 Yeah! You're a good actor. I never knew that about you. 495 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,707 Well, I'll see you back on set, right? 496 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,626 Did you hear we got picked up for more episodes? 497 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,409 I'm not going back. 498 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:25,089 Oh. Well, then, I guess I'll see you around. 499 00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:27,633 I hope so. 500 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,719 I can't believe I finally got you to leave a party early. 501 00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:33,305 Come on, you know I'd do anything for you. 502 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:37,935 - Why? I'm such a disaster. - You're not a disaster. 503 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,312 You're Diane. You're amazing. 504 00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:47,476 Do you wanna come in? 505 00:24:48,979 --> 00:24:52,990 sync & correction by f1nc0 - Addic7ed.com ~