1 00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:14,849 If there's one thing I've learned 2 00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:17,226 from this crazy mambo called life, 3 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:19,772 it's that anyone can be a birthday father, 4 00:00:19,856 --> 00:00:22,189 but it takes a heart full of birthdays 5 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,191 to be a true Birthday Dad. 6 00:00:28,547 --> 00:00:29,782 Stop! Go back! 7 00:00:30,824 --> 00:00:31,824 There it is. 8 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,910 Please tell me you guys see that. 9 00:00:33,994 --> 00:00:36,037 Oh! Looks great! Uh, love it! 10 00:00:36,121 --> 00:00:37,455 What's wrong with your face? 11 00:00:37,539 --> 00:00:39,707 I just don't buy it, Director Flea Daniels. 12 00:00:39,791 --> 00:00:41,618 That just doesn't look like the honest, 13 00:00:41,702 --> 00:00:44,545 - trustworthy face of a Birthday Dad. - What? 14 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:47,089 This is clearly the face of a guy who did something terrible, 15 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:48,883 like, I don't know, cheat on his girlfriend 16 00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:50,553 with his ex-wife a couple of times 17 00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:52,098 and instead of confessing to his girlfriend, 18 00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,252 asked her to marry him, 19 00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:55,389 so now they're engaged, and she still has no idea. 20 00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:56,821 Can't you see he's racked with guilt? 21 00:00:56,905 --> 00:00:58,601 It's all over his very handsome face! 22 00:00:58,685 --> 00:01:00,770 Did Birthday Dad cheat on his girlfriend? 23 00:01:00,854 --> 00:01:03,028 No, I'm just saying he looks like he did. 24 00:01:03,112 --> 00:01:04,440 We have to re-edit the scene. 25 00:01:04,524 --> 00:01:06,569 No. You've been dragging this out 26 00:01:06,653 --> 00:01:08,527 with your ridiculous tweaks and demands 27 00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,113 for what is the stupidest premise I've ever seen. 28 00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:13,991 I gotta go prep my next film, "The Diary of Anne Frankenstein." 29 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:17,119 - "Birthday Dad" is over. - Huh? No, I'm over! 30 00:01:17,203 --> 00:01:19,997 Over the moon about continuing to work on this project! 31 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,457 Go home. 32 00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:25,169 Wha... Hey, do you wanna keep hanging out? 33 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,464 Let's go raid a greeting card aisle 34 00:01:26,548 --> 00:01:27,964 and come up with our next project! 35 00:01:28,048 --> 00:01:31,926 "Detective John GetWellSoon," "Officer Mike Condolences," 36 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,177 "President Blank Inside"! 37 00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,887 Uh, I should probably get home to my baby. 38 00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:37,348 Oh! Congrats on your new baby... 39 00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:39,892 is another great idea for a movie! 40 00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:43,063 Yeah. Sounds like fun. 41 00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:10,832 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 42 00:02:57,846 --> 00:02:59,638 Oh, Renata, I'm so sorry I'm late. 43 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:00,849 Third time this week. 44 00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:04,018 - I quit. - Oh! No! Renata! 45 00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:06,481 Who will take care of Natalie or Needles 46 00:03:06,565 --> 00:03:08,481 or whatever her name ends up being? 47 00:03:08,565 --> 00:03:09,982 Would you stay if I named her Renata? 48 00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:11,712 I understand you are very respected 49 00:03:11,796 --> 00:03:13,986 in your field, so I ask you this. 50 00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:16,822 Would you work for a client who has no regard for your time, 51 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:19,617 your personal boundaries, and your general well-being? 52 00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:21,410 Yes, that's all my clients. 53 00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:24,121 Well, she is your client now. 54 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,582 Good luck. 55 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,920 Oh. 56 00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,968 Come on. 57 00:03:38,011 --> 00:03:42,348 Ooh, there ya go. There ya go. 58 00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,336 Mommy's coming. 59 00:04:14,339 --> 00:04:16,799 Okay. Nanny quits. No sweat. 60 00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:19,677 It just so happens it's "National Take Your Infant Daughter To Work 61 00:04:19,761 --> 00:04:21,512 While You Desperately Try To Hire A New Nanny 62 00:04:21,596 --> 00:04:24,140 And Neither One Of You Has Slept A Wink Day!" 63 00:04:24,224 --> 00:04:26,684 That sounds fun. I gotta go to a bunch of meetings today. 64 00:04:26,768 --> 00:04:29,520 - Or as I call it, Todd-Day. - Todd-Day, yes, I'm aware. 65 00:04:29,604 --> 00:04:31,313 - What meetings? - After I got fired 66 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,151 from "What Time Is It Right Now," 67 00:04:33,235 --> 00:04:35,484 suddenly everyone else wanted to meet me. 68 00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:37,653 That's marvelous! Have fun failing upwards! 69 00:04:37,737 --> 00:04:39,906 I always do! 70 00:04:43,493 --> 00:04:46,162 Come on. 71 00:04:53,503 --> 00:04:55,880 Hey, there! Shh. Here ya go. 72 00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:57,639 Sorry, I can tell I'm interrupting 73 00:04:57,723 --> 00:04:59,084 your meeting with David O. Russell, 74 00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:00,259 so I'll make this quick. 75 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,504 I'm making a list of people I need to apologize to. 76 00:05:02,588 --> 00:05:03,637 - Oh? - Yeah. 77 00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,601 And I don't wanna waste your time with another apology. 78 00:05:05,685 --> 00:05:06,701 How thoughtful. 79 00:05:06,785 --> 00:05:08,311 But do you remember the name of that assistant 80 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,476 from, like, 20 years ago 81 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,396 who I screamed at for bringing me a room temp Capri-Sun 82 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,899 and told to quit the business? Whatever happened to that guy? 83 00:05:14,983 --> 00:05:16,609 Derek? I think he quit the business. 84 00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:18,194 So, I gave him good advice, then? 85 00:05:18,278 --> 00:05:20,779 Hey, what do you think of Riley for a girl's name? 86 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:23,115 No good. I slept with a Riley once. Didn't end well. 87 00:05:23,199 --> 00:05:24,783 - How about... - Maybe you should not ask me 88 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,160 about any women's names. 89 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:36,462 - Ooh! Loud baby. - Stuart! 90 00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:38,505 I need you to clear my schedule for the day. 91 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:41,342 My number-one priority is finding a new nanny. 92 00:05:41,426 --> 00:05:43,274 Uh-huh. Also, I was supposed to remind you 93 00:05:43,358 --> 00:05:45,095 about the "Manatee Fair" photo shoot 94 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,181 for the "Hollywoo Women Who Do It All" issue. 95 00:05:47,265 --> 00:05:48,891 Oh, yeah. When is that happening? 96 00:05:48,975 --> 00:05:50,017 - Right now. - What? 97 00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:51,990 I was supposed to remind you yesterday. 98 00:05:54,439 --> 00:05:56,941 Princess Carolyn, why am I not looking at your pretty kitty face 99 00:05:57,025 --> 00:05:59,902 at my photo shoot, so I can decide later which parts to retouch? 100 00:05:59,986 --> 00:06:01,594 I don't think I can make it, Amanda. 101 00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:04,281 Too bad. Vanessa Gekko's here. 102 00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:07,034 Gekko? Well, that's fine if Vanessa needs to get the word out 103 00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:09,620 about her struggling business, but I'm too busy doing it all 104 00:06:09,704 --> 00:06:12,039 to pose for a photo of "Women Who Do It All." 105 00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:13,584 Well, sure, I know that, and you know that, 106 00:06:13,668 --> 00:06:14,699 but does the industry? 107 00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:17,462 I've got two words for you, Karen Kitada. 108 00:06:18,046 --> 00:06:19,964 The creator of "Med School Nights"? 109 00:06:20,048 --> 00:06:21,551 Karen Kitada created 110 00:06:21,635 --> 00:06:23,342 the number-one show on network television, 111 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,029 and its spin-off, 112 00:06:25,113 --> 00:06:26,720 "Med School Nights: The Day Shift." 113 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,974 Everyone wanted to work with her, everyone! 114 00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:33,477 She had more overall deal offers than an OshKosh B'gosh outlet. 115 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,188 - Then a baby fell out of her! - Well, that's... 116 00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:38,107 She took three weeks off. Three weeks! 117 00:06:38,191 --> 00:06:40,776 And when she came back, "Tumbleweeds", "Crickets"... 118 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:43,570 And those are just two of the projects she wasn't offered 119 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:47,074 because the studios were dubious about her priorities. 120 00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:50,244 - Do you have the right priorities? - Of course I do! 121 00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:51,328 Then prove it! 122 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:54,790 Leave your work and get your picture taken for my magazine. 123 00:06:54,874 --> 00:06:57,543 If not for you, do it for Karen Kitada. 124 00:06:57,627 --> 00:06:59,420 Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 125 00:07:03,508 --> 00:07:04,633 Hello? 126 00:07:04,717 --> 00:07:06,427 Todd, I have to go to a photo shoot. 127 00:07:06,511 --> 00:07:08,470 I need you to take the baby for an hour or so. 128 00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,806 Well, you know how much I love hanging out 129 00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:13,810 with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project... 130 00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:16,186 Sure, I'd be happy to. 131 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,439 Great. I'll see you at VIM in 15 minutes. 132 00:07:18,523 --> 00:07:20,607 Um... okay? 133 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,944 Kitada, Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 134 00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:25,654 How do you do it all? 135 00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:26,926 I just think of myself 136 00:07:27,010 --> 00:07:29,074 as having multiple apps running at the same time. 137 00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:31,337 I have my mom app, and my career app, 138 00:07:31,421 --> 00:07:33,454 and my wife app, and my yoga body app, 139 00:07:33,538 --> 00:07:36,373 and they're all just constantly going, all the time. 140 00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,626 - Princess Carolyn. - Amanda! Vanessa! 141 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,129 You've met my oldest, Yancy Charlemagne? 142 00:07:42,213 --> 00:07:43,464 - 'Sup. - Charmed. 143 00:07:43,548 --> 00:07:45,758 And where is your little precious ball of wonderful? 144 00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:47,593 I didn't know we were supposed to bring our kids. 145 00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:50,137 It's a photo shoot for "Women Who Do It All." 146 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:51,515 The kids are part of the "All," 147 00:07:51,599 --> 00:07:53,349 otherwise we'd just be "Women Who Do." 148 00:07:56,936 --> 00:07:59,021 - Hello? - Todd. Change of plans. 149 00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:00,481 Kitada, Kitada... 150 00:08:00,565 --> 00:08:03,192 Come on. Shh. Please, not now. 151 00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:05,277 And who is this adorable pin cushion? 152 00:08:05,361 --> 00:08:07,821 I haven't even had a spare minute to think of a name. 153 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:08,989 It's a lot of pressure. 154 00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:11,283 I don't want my daughter to resent me for the rest of her life 155 00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:13,410 because I named her something stupid like... 156 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,037 Light Socket. 157 00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,164 - Aw... - Don't listen to her, Light Socket. 158 00:08:17,248 --> 00:08:19,416 - She's just jealous. - Uh-oh. Sorry! 159 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,944 And what have you been working on 160 00:08:21,028 --> 00:08:22,211 that's been keeping you so busy? 161 00:08:22,295 --> 00:08:25,130 We just locked picture on "Birthday Dad" with Mr. Peanutbutter. 162 00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:27,466 That sounds awfully masculine. 163 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,426 - Dad, mister... - Nut? 164 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:32,179 - Pean? - Right, but I'm producing it, so... 165 00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,556 Strong independent woman. Doing it all. 166 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,809 Oh, it sounds like you're doing it all for yourself, 167 00:08:36,893 --> 00:08:40,479 but the new doing it all is doing it all for other women. 168 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:44,483 Oh, yeah, well, the twist about "Birthday Dad" is the women 169 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,485 have equal screen time to the men in the movie, 170 00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,362 and the same number of birthdays! 171 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,532 - Very subversive. - Less man. More Leslie Mann. 172 00:08:51,616 --> 00:08:53,826 Cut out what you need to. If it makes sense, that's a bonus. 173 00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:54,910 Gotta go! 174 00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:57,955 Ladies, we have got to find time to connect like this more often. 175 00:08:58,039 --> 00:08:59,706 This is so empowering. 176 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,167 We could put together a kind of low-key salon 177 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,787 where women exchange ideas and support each other. 178 00:09:04,871 --> 00:09:05,879 With bagels! 179 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,383 I'd be more than happy to host, 180 00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:09,842 and take care of the caterer, and emcee. 181 00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:11,135 You know, it all! 182 00:09:11,219 --> 00:09:13,387 - I'll co-host! - In that case, why not blow it out? 183 00:09:13,471 --> 00:09:14,847 - Let's make it an event. - Oh, well... 184 00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:17,785 Princess Carolyn, VIM has that massive foyer 185 00:09:17,869 --> 00:09:19,268 that never has anyone waiting in it. 186 00:09:19,352 --> 00:09:20,866 You could finally put it to use! 187 00:09:20,950 --> 00:09:22,104 We could. 188 00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:23,915 Move that. That's too close to the wall. 189 00:09:23,999 --> 00:09:25,455 And I happen to know The Fugees 190 00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:28,777 have been looking for the right time to do a reunion concert. 191 00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,904 Should I call Lauryn? Hill? I call her Lauryn. 192 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,887 A concert? Well, that'll take some time to put together. 193 00:09:33,971 --> 00:09:35,077 Bring it on a little bit. 194 00:09:35,161 --> 00:09:37,204 Move it up a quarter of an inch. Do you mind? 195 00:09:37,288 --> 00:09:40,122 Since it's on your turf, I'll focus on the big-picture stuff 196 00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:42,624 and leave all the organization and planning to you. 197 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,294 - I wouldn't wanna step on your toes. - We wouldn't want that. 198 00:09:45,378 --> 00:09:47,125 Thanks for stepping up, Princess Carolyn. 199 00:09:47,209 --> 00:09:48,213 Uh-huh... 200 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:51,467 Okay! Watch the birdie! One, two, three! 201 00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:01,977 Kitada, Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 202 00:10:02,061 --> 00:10:05,981 Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 203 00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:09,360 Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 204 00:10:10,069 --> 00:10:12,905 Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 205 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,449 Do it for Karen Kitada... 206 00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:16,533 Ah! 207 00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:36,553 Hello? 208 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,347 Just wanted to give you a super quick update 209 00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:41,058 on all the dietary restrictions for the "Do It All Ball." 210 00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:42,935 It's a ball now? 211 00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:44,645 A ball, a gala, whatever you wanna call it. 212 00:10:44,729 --> 00:10:46,480 It was just supposed to be a bagels. 213 00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:47,788 Bagels. Balls. 214 00:10:47,872 --> 00:10:50,025 Is this really the Lauryn you want to die on? 215 00:10:50,109 --> 00:10:52,299 - What? - Sorry, I meant hill. 216 00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:54,011 I call her Lauryn. 217 00:10:54,095 --> 00:10:56,198 Maybe I should call you back when I can write this down. I'm... 218 00:10:56,282 --> 00:10:57,817 The Fugees are in, and they love fruit, 219 00:10:57,901 --> 00:11:00,369 especially Fuji apples, but they're not fans of Fiji water. 220 00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,663 - Fuji for The Fugees, but no Fiji. - Got it. 221 00:11:02,747 --> 00:11:05,126 Marian is a vegetarian, Meagan is vegan, 222 00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,750 and Carrie and a few other luminaries, 223 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,120 like Gerwig and Larson, won't eat dairy. 224 00:11:09,204 --> 00:11:11,713 Cloister the oysters, say "ta-ta" to the tartare, 225 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,007 make sure there's no feta for Greta, or brie for Brie! 226 00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,969 Perfect. Is that a fussy baby I hear? 227 00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:19,388 Here's a little trick I learned. 228 00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,772 Kitada, Kitada, Kitada... 229 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,859 Diane, hey! Look, now isn't really the best time. 230 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,820 I came up with a bunch more great baby names 231 00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:36,738 while I was interviewing this boring senator. 232 00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,240 - Huh? - Okay, but... 233 00:11:38,324 --> 00:11:40,200 Jacinda, like the New Zealand prime minister 234 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,577 who had a baby while in office. 235 00:11:41,661 --> 00:11:44,955 Or what about Ravital, which is Hebrew for an abundance of dew. 236 00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:47,124 Is it weird I haven't picked a name yet? 237 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,333 Ah! Don't worry about it. 238 00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,096 My parents didn't name me until I was four 239 00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:52,005 and I turned out great, right? 240 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,715 - Right? - Listen, I gotta go. Bye! 241 00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,842 Wait! What about Lucretia? 242 00:11:56,926 --> 00:11:59,970 So, you were saying your wife went missing in this wheat field? 243 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:02,931 Oh, there she is! 244 00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:05,476 Move the vase over there. Those flowers are dead. 245 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,273 Princess Carolyn, the band changed their mind about the apples. 246 00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:13,152 They'd prefer sweeter ones for this event. 247 00:12:13,236 --> 00:12:14,735 But they're okay with Fiji if it's frigid. 248 00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:16,069 Okay, I follow so far. 249 00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,073 For this gala, Gala apples over Fuji 250 00:12:18,157 --> 00:12:20,241 for the Bee Gees... I mean, Fugees. 251 00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:22,367 But we have to keep their Fujis frigid. 252 00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,244 - Got it. - No, their Fijis frigid. 253 00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,495 Right. That's what I meant. 254 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,125 Also, it turns out Marian is pescatarian, 255 00:12:28,209 --> 00:12:29,666 and Meagan is no longer vegan, 256 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,294 but she is refusing to sit next to Chrissy Teigen. 257 00:12:32,378 --> 00:12:34,212 And now Carrie eats just dairy. 258 00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:36,840 Okay. Marian, pescatarian. Meagan, not vegan, 259 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:37,966 but does hate Teigen. 260 00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:40,302 Carrie loves dairy. Got it. 261 00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:43,597 Gala for the gala, but Fugees like Fiji and frigid Fuji... 262 00:12:43,681 --> 00:12:46,350 Fiji! Fish! 263 00:12:46,434 --> 00:12:48,810 Oh, you think that's funny? 264 00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,565 And how's my favorite client? 265 00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:55,525 It's me. I stole Mr. Peanutbutter's phone. 266 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,278 I had to... Wait. Is Mr. Peanutbutter your favorite client? 267 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,155 Let's circle back on that. What's goin' on? 268 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:03,283 Your "favorite client" just showed up at my rehab 269 00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:05,118 - for the "Friends and Family Meeting." - The what? 270 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:06,346 Not important. But can you please 271 00:13:06,430 --> 00:13:08,246 come collect your "favorite client"? 272 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:10,540 Yeah. Hang tight. 273 00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,754 - Okay. - Thanks. 274 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,507 Fuji koojee koojee, Greta feta, Brie brie. 275 00:13:18,591 --> 00:13:20,884 Oh, hi, Brie... I-I mean, Flea. 276 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,429 - What did you do to my film? - We had to make some edits. 277 00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:27,307 You mixed all the flashbacks together with the present-day scenes, 278 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:29,561 the relationships are incomprehensible, 279 00:13:29,645 --> 00:13:32,521 we don't even know how Birthday Dad dies! 280 00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:34,147 Audiences are sophisticated. 281 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,233 We don't need to spell everything out for them. 282 00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:40,153 It's 42 minutes long and it ends in the middle of a sentence! 283 00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:42,864 - Leaving room for a sequel! - I ain't got time for this. 284 00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:44,741 I'm prepping a sensitive coming-of-age movie 285 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,034 about a young girl in hiding, 286 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:49,204 built out of the reanimated corpses of other young girls in hiding. 287 00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:54,584 In spite of everything, me still believe people good, fire bad! 288 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,461 Not now, Chloë Grace. 289 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,130 So, "Birthday Dad" needs another pass. 290 00:13:58,214 --> 00:14:00,549 - You can still... - No. Deuces. I'm outta here. 291 00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:02,428 As the Nazi scientists learn in my new film 292 00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:03,969 that I'm just now realizing 293 00:14:04,053 --> 00:14:06,638 is in possibly poor taste, there are only so many times 294 00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:09,225 you can take something apart and put it back together. 295 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,936 Put it back together, put it back together... 296 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,604 Gala for the gala. Fuji... 297 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:17,399 - So here I am, digging a hole... - Fiji... Oh, excuse me. 298 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,193 I have to pick up my Peanutbutter at Pastiches 299 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,446 and get back to Fiji for the Bee Gees... 300 00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:24,281 I mean Fuji for the "Mujis." 301 00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:27,743 Your arm looks pretty ripped up. Is that all from needles? 302 00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:29,286 Yeah, my baby's needles. 303 00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:32,372 Uh, listen, we're about to go have some chamomile tea 304 00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:35,375 and do a little guided meditation. Why don't you join us? 305 00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:38,253 Well, I guess a quick break couldn't hurt. 306 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,600 Hey. 307 00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:52,999 Hey. 308 00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:54,155 Hey, you okay? 309 00:14:54,239 --> 00:14:55,896 You've been asleep for a really long time. 310 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,105 Huh? What? 311 00:14:57,189 --> 00:15:00,192 Why am I here? Mr. Peanutbutter? 312 00:15:03,279 --> 00:15:06,198 - "Birthday Dad" is over. - Huh? No, I'm over! 313 00:15:06,282 --> 00:15:09,075 Over the moon about continuing to work on this project! 314 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,119 Go home. 315 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:13,872 And I was like, "Ilana, you have to be my maid of honor." 316 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:14,998 Um... 317 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,751 And then my other friend Ilana was like, "Were you talking to me?" 318 00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:19,213 Typical Other Ilana, 319 00:15:19,297 --> 00:15:21,713 always assuming she's the Ilana I'm talking about. 320 00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,924 Okay. 321 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:25,550 Hello, darling! 322 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,595 He's home, he's home, he's home, he's home, he's home! 323 00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,263 Say hi to the Pickle Pack, Mister! 324 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:31,723 Hello, internet! 325 00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:34,226 Keep up the good work with all those charming memes! 326 00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:36,686 I love the one where the boyfriend is looking at the other lady. 327 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,111 And his girlfriend turns to him 328 00:15:38,195 --> 00:15:40,692 with this expression of tremendous pain. 329 00:15:41,025 --> 00:15:42,082 How could this man, 330 00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:44,653 who claims to love her, betray her so flagrantly? 331 00:15:44,737 --> 00:15:46,488 That is a very sad meme. 332 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,449 Uh... okay. Bye, Pickle Pack! 333 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:51,701 - What is going on? - What do you mean? 334 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:52,786 You've been acting different. 335 00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:54,913 I first noticed it the night of the "Philbert" premiere, 336 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,415 when you came home late, smelling like Diane, 337 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,459 and then after a while, things went back to normal. 338 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:02,003 But then you got real weird again right around that time 339 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,296 BoJack went to rehab. 340 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,982 Right before you proposed that day, 341 00:16:05,066 --> 00:16:07,425 you also smelled like Diane. 342 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,143 - Oh, my God. I get what's happening. - Pickles... 343 00:16:09,227 --> 00:16:11,388 - You feel guilty. - You're right. 344 00:16:11,472 --> 00:16:12,900 I feel so guilty because I chea... 345 00:16:12,984 --> 00:16:15,820 - Because your good friend's in rehab. - Chiefly feel guilty... 346 00:16:15,904 --> 00:16:17,978 because my good friend's in rehab, like you said. 347 00:16:18,062 --> 00:16:19,271 Why don't you go visit him, 348 00:16:19,355 --> 00:16:21,398 if this is the thing that's been weighing on you. 349 00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:23,525 It is. The one thing. 350 00:16:27,071 --> 00:16:28,321 BoJack Horseman... 351 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,614 and Mr. Peanutbutter 352 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:30,907 - in the same room? - Oh, God, no. 353 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,373 - This can't be happening. - What is this? 354 00:16:32,457 --> 00:16:34,333 Hello! Are you here for the "Friends and Family Meeting"? 355 00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:36,252 You're the first friend that BoJack's invited. 356 00:16:36,336 --> 00:16:37,699 I don't even remember getting invited. 357 00:16:37,783 --> 00:16:39,392 - I did not invite... - I'm proud of you, BoJack. 358 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,084 - Hey, I'm Doctor Champ. - Mr. Peanutbutter. 359 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,602 Hey! Your name's Mister? 360 00:16:42,686 --> 00:16:44,421 - My name's Doctor! - How about that! 361 00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,219 Wait, is Doctor Champ just your name? 362 00:16:46,303 --> 00:16:47,549 Are you not a doctor? 363 00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:49,134 Five-minute warning everyone. Five minutes. 364 00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:51,136 Come on, BoJack, let's get some good seats! 365 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,554 We're sitting in a circle. 366 00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:54,348 They're all good seats. 367 00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:59,520 How can I make up for all the lies, the stealing, the cheating? 368 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:03,974 She says we can make a fresh start, but is that even possible? 369 00:17:04,058 --> 00:17:05,180 Hmm... 370 00:17:05,264 --> 00:17:06,723 I'm sorry, can we go back to the cheating? 371 00:17:06,807 --> 00:17:07,903 Did you tell her about that? 372 00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:10,488 Oh, Mr. Peanutbutter, we don't interrupt when others are sharing. 373 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,157 Just looking for a little context. 374 00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:14,534 Why don't you go looking in your car? Maybe you left it there. 375 00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,786 BoJack, don't interrupt Mr. Peanutbutter, he's sharing. 376 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,169 - No. But he... - But, but, but. 377 00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,206 - Butts are for cigarettes. - Thank you, Doctor Champ. 378 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:23,710 As I was saying, I think Doug needs to be honest with his wife 379 00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:25,150 before they can move forward. 380 00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:27,756 - Ah. - You're right. I need to tell her. 381 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,302 But on the other hand, maybe that's just your guilt talking. 382 00:17:30,386 --> 00:17:32,844 Isn't it sometimes better to let sleeping dogs lie? 383 00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:34,304 I-I assume your fiancée is a dog? 384 00:17:34,388 --> 00:17:36,264 She's my wife, and she's human. 385 00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:40,060 Okay, so your fiancée. Let's say her name is... Pickles. 386 00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:41,211 - Wait, uh... - She doesn't know, 387 00:17:41,295 --> 00:17:42,479 and she's happy not knowing. 388 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,231 Wouldn't telling her now just cause additional pain? 389 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,068 - Uh-huh. - So, it's better not to tell her? 390 00:17:48,152 --> 00:17:51,112 Oh, well, that's really convenient for you, Doug! 391 00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:53,657 - No, I didn't... - Hey, everyone, look at "Doug" 392 00:17:53,741 --> 00:17:55,116 deciding that the best option 393 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,792 just happens to be the one where he doesn't get in trouble! 394 00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,196 - Mr. Peanutbutter... - But that's just 395 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,705 Doug all over, isn't it? 396 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:04,250 Classic, stupid, selfish, inconsiderate Doug! 397 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,231 Wow. Those are harsh words. 398 00:18:09,315 --> 00:18:12,634 But I needed to hear them. Thank you. 399 00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:14,511 Uh... 400 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:21,142 Look, I don't know what's going on with you, 401 00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:24,062 although I'm pretty sure either you or Doug cheated on Pickles. 402 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:28,608 But I understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt, 403 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:29,818 not burden other people with it. 404 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,320 - Yeah? - You think you're protecting them 405 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,657 from your toxicity, 406 00:18:33,741 --> 00:18:36,783 you convince yourself that you're being selfless, but... 407 00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:41,246 it comes out in other ways and it infects everything. 408 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,958 I could use a drink. Is there a bar in here? 409 00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,278 So, then I said, "No. It's rehab." 410 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,172 And then he left. That was two days ago. 411 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,842 Two days ago? Oh, my God, the gala! 412 00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:57,053 Yeah, and you're probably worried about your baby, too, right? 413 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,722 Oh, my God, my baby! 414 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,643 Come on, Todd. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. 415 00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:06,563 Hey! I was wondering if I'd hear from you Todd-Day. 416 00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:11,234 Yes-Todd-Day, I thought, "Maybe I'll hear from her Todd-Morrow!" 417 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,278 Is Untitled Princess Carolyn Project okay? 418 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:15,155 - She sure is. - Oh, thank God. 419 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:18,533 Wait, you're talking about Untitled Princess Carolyn Project, 420 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:19,951 the baby, right? 421 00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:21,786 Who else would I be talking about? 422 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:22,870 Well... 423 00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,417 - Mr. Knickerbocker will see you now. - Great! 424 00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:29,573 Oh, hold on one second. 425 00:19:29,657 --> 00:19:30,700 Hello? 426 00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:32,422 Todd, I have to go to a photo shoot. 427 00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,507 I need you to take the baby for an hour or so. 428 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,845 Well, you know how much I love hanging out 429 00:19:36,929 --> 00:19:39,095 with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project, 430 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,486 but I can't Todd-Day 431 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,223 because of all these meetings I have. 432 00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:45,853 But if my schedule weren't so busy, I'd say... 433 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,551 "Sure, I'd be happy to." 434 00:19:48,635 --> 00:19:51,149 Great. I'll see you at VIM in 15 minutes. 435 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,401 Um... okay? 436 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,321 - I'll be right back. - Sorry about that. 437 00:19:58,490 --> 00:19:59,949 - Hello? - Todd, change of plans. 438 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,660 Bring the baby over to me at SmashFox Studios. 439 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,748 Okay, he had to cancel another meeting but he will see you now. 440 00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:08,750 I'll be right back. 441 00:20:08,834 --> 00:20:10,543 I'm going to level with you, Todd. 442 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:14,214 You making me wait made me angry, and that made me respect you. 443 00:20:14,298 --> 00:20:16,014 Sorry, things have just been a little hectic 444 00:20:16,098 --> 00:20:17,217 since I've been helping out 445 00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,344 with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project. 446 00:20:19,428 --> 00:20:22,597 "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"? I'm intrigued. 447 00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:26,518 - You think the project has legs? - Yeah, she has legs. 448 00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:28,436 I'm thrilled to meet you. 449 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,201 The whole town is buzzing about 450 00:20:30,285 --> 00:20:31,940 "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project." 451 00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:33,817 Weird, but okay. 452 00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:35,193 We need something big. 453 00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:36,736 Is "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project" 454 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,488 the kind of thing that makes a lot of noise? 455 00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:39,656 She sure does! 456 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,282 I'm in. Name your price. 457 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:42,534 Um... 458 00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:44,035 Jonathan? 459 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,955 We took a big swing with Dick Wolf's Milwaukee shows. 460 00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:48,472 Turns out audiences are not interested 461 00:20:48,556 --> 00:20:49,833 in a whole night of Milwaukee, 462 00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:51,584 so now we've got some slots to fill. 463 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:54,379 Do you think "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project" 464 00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:56,047 could live for several seasons? 465 00:20:56,131 --> 00:20:58,165 I don't see how those things are related, 466 00:20:58,249 --> 00:21:00,176 but I certainly hope so! 467 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,387 - Well, how can I help? - You wanna help? 468 00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:04,722 Let's start with a two-season pick up. 469 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:08,601 Yeah, sure, pick-up, drop-off, whatever works best for you. 470 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,311 - That would be great. - Great! 471 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:14,482 Well, here she is. What time do you want me to pick her up? 472 00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:16,234 Wait, it's a baby? 473 00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,987 And she has legs! 474 00:21:19,071 --> 00:21:21,531 I already canceled "Milwaukee Waste Management." 475 00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:24,200 I told the shareholders this was gonna save the network! 476 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,661 We designed the poster! 477 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,749 Todd, we need a show. 478 00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:30,170 We can't air a baby! 479 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:34,836 So, long story short, Pinky canceled the baby, 480 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,546 but now we owe him a TV show. 481 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,130 Huh? 482 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,093 So, the show is called "Birthday Dad." 483 00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:44,598 The pilot was directed by Flea Daniels, 484 00:21:44,682 --> 00:21:47,307 and the show will be run by Karen Kitada. 485 00:21:47,391 --> 00:21:48,893 The creator of "Med School Nights"? 486 00:21:48,977 --> 00:21:50,476 And "Med School Nights: The New Class, 487 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,061 Med School Nights Goes to Law School"? 488 00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:53,605 - Uh... - This show's about a dad 489 00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,064 who died on his birthday, 490 00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:58,234 and every episode, his spirit visits a different 491 00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,279 intersectionally representative person on their birthday 492 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,489 to help them work through their own issues. 493 00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,494 But how are all these characters related? 494 00:22:05,578 --> 00:22:06,910 When does the show take place? 495 00:22:06,994 --> 00:22:08,411 How does Birthday Dad die? 496 00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,747 Those are mysteries we'll tease all season! 497 00:22:10,831 --> 00:22:12,709 - Uh-huh. - "Birthday Dad," you'll laugh, 498 00:22:12,793 --> 00:22:15,544 - you'll cry, you'll Birthday Dad! - What do you think? 499 00:22:16,412 --> 00:22:18,956 Yeah, like I said, we'll take anything. 500 00:22:24,428 --> 00:22:25,595 - Yeah? - Hey. 501 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,139 Um, so, I don't wanna waste any more of your time. 502 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:30,475 I just wanted to say that I know you're really busy 503 00:22:30,559 --> 00:22:32,521 and I'm sorry for making your life more difficult 504 00:22:32,605 --> 00:22:35,047 this week and also always. 505 00:22:35,482 --> 00:22:37,250 Also, I know that my apologies 506 00:22:37,334 --> 00:22:39,317 are pretty much meaningless at this point, 507 00:22:39,401 --> 00:22:40,569 and I'm sorry for that, too. 508 00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:44,656 Why didn't you tell me about the "Friends and Family Meetings"? 509 00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:47,408 I don't know. You got so much goin' on, I didn't wanna bother you. 510 00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:49,119 I would have come. 511 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,040 Okay. Thank you. 512 00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:59,212 Did I miss it? Is the "Do It All Ball" all done? 513 00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:01,881 Yes. We did it all. Good of you to show up, by the way. 514 00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:05,260 Oh, yeah? Well, it's good of you to, uh... 515 00:23:05,344 --> 00:23:06,720 Shut up! 516 00:23:09,027 --> 00:23:10,183 Are you okay? 517 00:23:10,267 --> 00:23:12,308 You're not your usual medium-clever self. 518 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,478 Can I ask you something? 519 00:23:15,145 --> 00:23:18,856 So, there's work, right? I mean, work makes sense to me. 520 00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:20,025 And I'm good at it. 521 00:23:21,193 --> 00:23:25,155 I don't feel that way about my baby. 522 00:23:25,489 --> 00:23:29,534 I don't think I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel. 523 00:23:29,618 --> 00:23:31,286 What I thought I would feel. 524 00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:33,955 I mean, I love her, of course I do. 525 00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:37,584 Of course I love my daughter. But... 526 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:42,505 But I don't know if I love her. 527 00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:45,800 I know I'm a terrible person for even thinking it, 528 00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:49,429 but... what if it never happens? 529 00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:54,475 Do you love all your clients' projects? 530 00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:56,686 - Of course. - No, you don't. 531 00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:58,604 But you take care of them and you keep them alive 532 00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,773 - because that's your job, right? - Yeah. 533 00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:02,400 So, now you've got a new job. 534 00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:05,695 And it is a ruthless one, and I mean ruthless. 535 00:24:06,113 --> 00:24:08,698 You don't have time to waste second-guessing how you feel about it. 536 00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:11,200 You just have to do it the best that you can, 537 00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:12,911 and know that that's the best you can do. 538 00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:17,623 You know, we have so much in common. 539 00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:20,752 I don't know why we've spent so many years hating each other. 540 00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:22,962 I never hated you. Did you hate me? 541 00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:24,881 Uh... no. 542 00:24:28,260 --> 00:24:32,013 Hey. Hey. Please. Listen. 543 00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:34,682 Did you get the Fijis for the Fugees? 544 00:24:34,766 --> 00:24:37,185 Yeah. Is that silly? 545 00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:41,022 The Fugees were egregious when they got interviewed by Regis. 546 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,069 Isn't that right... 547 00:24:46,695 --> 00:24:47,863 Ruthie? 548 00:24:47,947 --> 00:24:50,281 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com