1 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,845 And that's the end of a sexist, fatphobic anecdote 2 00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,930 in which I was so desperate to get out of the rain, 3 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,559 I slept with a plus-sized woman. 4 00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:18,935 Hold the door. 5 00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:22,105 - Oh! Did I miss a meeting? - No, Angela. 6 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:25,358 We took Davey here out for a big '90s-style birthday party, 7 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,735 it being the '90s and all... 8 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:30,030 I would have come! I love the '90s, and it being them. 9 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:33,450 Come on, the president of the network shouldn't fraternize with the board. 10 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,952 Let your number two handle that stuff. 11 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,666 I don't like you going to birthday parties behind my back, Teddy. 12 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,418 I was doing reconnaissance for you! 13 00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:44,562 You didn't hear it from me, 14 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:47,297 but there's some concern that as a single career gal, you're, 15 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,507 - well, a single career gal. - And? 16 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,926 ABC's supposed to be a family network. 17 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,179 I understand families. 18 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,555 Uh-huh. 19 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,638 Does he? 20 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,018 Oh, Herb. 21 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,563 I'm sorry, okay? 22 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,065 It's called discretion, Herb. 23 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,233 We're trying to sell the network to Disney. 24 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,445 Disney? You think Michael Eisner gives a hoot who I go to bed with? 25 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,697 We don't need to bring Eisner into this. 26 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,991 Obviously, Michael Eisner is a compassionate 27 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,659 and progressive individual. 28 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,952 This isn't about him. 29 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,580 - So, it's you. Just say it's you. - No. You're the one... 30 00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:23,166 If you're going to fire me, at least have the balls to fire me. 31 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,809 - You're fired. - Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 32 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,645 You think you can do "Horsin' Around" without me? 33 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:29,130 We could do it without anybody. All we need is the horse. 34 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,509 And that horse is just gonna go along with you canning his best friend? 35 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:36,096 You want BoJack to betray me, you're gonna need one hell of a pitch. 36 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,263 Okay. 37 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,995 - Mr. Horseman, you're invited to set? - Thank you. 38 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,747 - The set of "Horny Unicorn"? - Yes, I'm aware. 39 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,767 To shoot a scene in which the titular horny unicorn 40 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,231 gets his penis stuck in a saxophone, 41 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,336 because he was hoping to "get blown"? 42 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,046 I know the scene, thank you. 43 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:57,676 Ah. 44 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:01,347 Hello? 45 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,142 - BoJack, this is Angela Diaz. - Huh? 46 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,393 We met once before. 47 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,273 I remember. 48 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:15,069 I saw your interview several months back. It made me nostalgic. 49 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,822 Me too. Nostalgic for the day before I did the interview. 50 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,741 Oh, yes, humor. 51 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:24,120 If you're free tonight, you could come by the house, watch the fire, reminisce. 52 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,164 There's something I've been meaning to ask you. 53 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,917 - What? - Wouldn't you love to find out? 54 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,793 Uh... 55 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:37,300 So, the Stephen King musical opened right next door to the Sondheim revival. 56 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,445 We have clients in both. I was worried there'd be tension, 57 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,846 but it turns out Misery loves Company. 58 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,514 Judah, are you in a band? 59 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:44,598 Why do you ask that? 60 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,435 I've always wondered if you were in a band ever since this afternoon 61 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,979 when I overheard Juniper tell Stuart that you were in a band. 62 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,333 You're playing a gig tonight, and the whole office is going. 63 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,835 I was planning to invite you, but didn't want you to feel obligated. 64 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,736 We're not good. 65 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:58,738 Lenny! How the shell are you? 66 00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,864 I got trouble, PC! 67 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,866 You know Teddy Buttons, my head of production? 68 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,576 I'm familiar with Teddy. 69 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:07,455 I somehow missed that Teddy has spent the last 20 years showing women his... 70 00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,165 I'm familiar. 71 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,851 See, that's why I love you. You're discreet. 72 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,962 - You're tough. You're Teflon. - That's me, an old frying pan. 73 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,172 I could use someone who can handle the heat over here. 74 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,676 Someone who can be more professional and less... Moonves. 75 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,010 What are you saying? 76 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:24,931 I want you to run Turteltaub's new female-focused studio division, 77 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,683 - Girtletaub! - I didn't sneeze. 78 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,060 No, Girtletaub is the studio. 79 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,580 I wanna announce a slate before the Teddy story hits the trades. 80 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,040 You think you can throw one together? 81 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,900 You want me to pitch my dream movie studio? 82 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,504 I need it tomorrow morning. We gotta hit the ground running with this thing. 83 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,697 You don't wanna go slow and steady? 84 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,448 What am I, a tortoise? 85 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,367 Hmm. 86 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,576 Get me box office numbers. 87 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,704 We need firm financial figures to frame 88 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,123 how fans flock to flicks that flex chicks, 89 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:53,209 woman films, like Pretty, Wonder, Little. 90 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,961 Diary of a Mad Black. I'll get my laptop. 91 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,462 Oh, wait! Your gig. 92 00:04:56,546 --> 00:05:00,216 I have time. This is important. When a Man Loves a... 93 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,819 - What? - That's another film title, 94 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,177 as we were discussing previously. 95 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,887 Oh, of course. 96 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,433 Mm. 97 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,565 - Hey, Guy, I'm about to... - Diane. 98 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,961 Am I wearing a T-shirt right now that says "Treat me like I'm some kind of asshole"? 99 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,738 I can't see you right now, but I'm guessing by your tone, no? 100 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:24,615 Then why is my ex-wife treating me like I'm some kind of asshole? 101 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,343 Did you tell her you weren't wearing the shirt? 102 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,910 Lady got a job in Houston. 103 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,413 She's taking Sonny out of school and moving to Texas. 104 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:31,497 She can't do that! 105 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,791 Well, she can, because she has full custody. 106 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,836 And this is her dream job, and I'm really happy for her. But this sucks! 107 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:42,008 Well, they must need cameramen in Houston, and I can write anywhere... 108 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,177 I... couldn't ask you to do that. 109 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,678 I wouldn't ask you to ask. 110 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,931 If Sonny's going to Houston, then we're going. 111 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:53,102 Okay. Okay. All right. Houston. Uh, g-go, Astros! 112 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,562 Go... rodeos! 113 00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:55,813 Hope you like barbecue! 114 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,650 I hope I don't need another abortion because they are hard to get there! 115 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,861 - Wait, what? - Just trying to think of Texas things. 116 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,780 Sorry. Houston! 117 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:09,285 All day at the airport, I watch people pull suitcases. 118 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,746 Why do we suffer that extra weight dragging us down? 119 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,206 Because we need clean clothes. 120 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:15,124 The point is: helium luggage. 121 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,794 Why pack light when you can pack lighter than air? 122 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:21,172 All right, so Mom's too sick to come out of her room 123 00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,883 but not too sick to make her famous Frito pie? 124 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,134 Well, she wanted to see you. 125 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,845 She was fine all day and then suddenly ill with a stomach bug. 126 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,055 I wanna see her. 127 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:32,141 No, no, no, no, she's not there! She's at the Zumba. 128 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,935 Is she at Zumba or is she sick? 129 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:37,313 She is sick but was hoping the Afro-Latin fusion beats 130 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,232 would make her feel better. 131 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,900 This was a mistake. 132 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,820 Hmm. 133 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:49,033 Todd, I must confess to you, your mother is not at Zumba. 134 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,701 I can see her in the window. 135 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,871 Oh! That's a mannequin so I can test out my outfits. 136 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,416 You're lying again! 137 00:06:56,499 --> 00:07:00,128 Okay. She didn't come to dinner because she's ashamed. 138 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,839 She can't say hello? The woman has my kidney! 139 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,590 And that's why she's ashamed. 140 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,218 A mother shouldn't owe her child her life. 141 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:10,596 If she could turn it around somehow, save your life... 142 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,765 - But, alas, she cannot. - Huh. 143 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:17,103 But maybe if she could... but no, you're obviously healthy. 144 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:19,147 But if you weren't... 145 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,106 - But you are. - Hmm. 146 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:23,443 - Clearly there is nothing to be done. - Hmm. 147 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,243 Ugh. 148 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,501 - Hey. - Wha... 149 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,045 Aren't you the horse from "Horsin' Around"? 150 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,715 Mm. 151 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:54,140 Look at this thing. I fell down one time and I'm an invalid. 152 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:57,935 - Word to the wise, BoJack, don't get old. - I'll see what I can do about that. 153 00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:01,647 My 40-year-old companion treats me like a fragile antique. 154 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,817 I've got a Lamborghini Miura and she won't even let me drive it. 155 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,985 I'm sorry to hear that. 156 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,113 Anyway, I wanted to say I'm sorry. 157 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,490 Uh... 158 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,407 Yeah? 159 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:16,537 I'm sorry that at the '94 upfronts we made you do that stupid BoJack dance. 160 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,540 Oh. Is that why you wanted to see me tonight? 161 00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:22,960 No. You're tall. I need you to reach a box. 162 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:29,592 "Melanie, good luck with your braces. I think they look cool." 163 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,345 Huh? 164 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,640 Mr. Peanutbutter? 165 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,350 Oh. 166 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,395 Uh... 167 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,193 - Diane! - You wrote a memoir? 168 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:51,405 Oh, yeah! I had the idea a few months ago, then one weekend it just fell out of me. 169 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,533 - What? - From the way people talk about writing, 170 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,743 I always assumed it was very difficult, 171 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:59,038 but it turns out it's not at all, literally anyone can do it! 172 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,791 Yes, that's always been my experience. 173 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,793 I loved your new book, by the way. 174 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,962 - Thanks. - I'm happy for you, Diane. 175 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,805 Even though it's really easy to write a book, 176 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,299 it's still an accomplishment to be proud of. 177 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,385 - I am. - And how's Chicago? 178 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,388 Are you a Chicagoan yet? You know, I went to school in Chicago. 179 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:18,266 You went to Northwestern. That's not in Chicago. 180 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,268 Ah! You are a Chicagoan! 181 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,145 I'm actually about to move to Houston. 182 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,357 In New York? Oh, I think there they pronounce it "Hose-town." 183 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,819 No, Texas. My boyfriend and I are going. 184 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,697 Oh, wow! Boyfriend. 185 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,157 - Yeah. - That's fantastic. 186 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,244 I wanna hear all about him. I assume he's a good guy? 187 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,997 He's actually the best Guy. 188 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:46,627 His girlfriend looks nice. He seems healthy. 189 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,753 What... What's his job? 190 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,171 I think he runs a daycare, 191 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,008 but he talks about the babies as if they're his co-workers, 192 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,385 so it's impossible to know for sure. 193 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,554 - I should have been there. - We'll try again. 194 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:57,638 Oh! 195 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,517 - Hello? - Listen up, Helen. 196 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,353 I've kidnapped your son and I demand a ransom or I will... 197 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,355 Next card? 198 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,439 "Murder him!" 199 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:10,901 Oh, no! Todd's gonna get murdered by a fearsome stranger 200 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:14,697 whose sage, buttery voice simultaneously comforts me and fills me with dread. 201 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,699 Sounds like a lot of range for a kidnapper. 202 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,743 Who are you and what do you want? 203 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:24,874 "I'm your worst nightmare and I want one hundred of your famous Frito pies." 204 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,500 Yes. Anything! 205 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,754 "Under the Hyperion Street Bridge in one hour." 206 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,256 That was perfect! Thank you, Margo! 207 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,758 It's the least I can do. 208 00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,135 Getting you to buy that addictive video game 209 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:40,640 was the act that set me down this ruinous path so many years ago. 210 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,725 If I can make things right by you, 211 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:46,187 maybe there's hope yet for this wretched soul. 212 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,606 Okay! 213 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,570 Open it. 214 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,033 - Whoa. - The studio went all-out. 215 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,577 They even found your original screen test. 216 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,745 That's incredible. 217 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,538 Too bad no one will ever see it. 218 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,333 After your interview, we couldn't give these things away. 219 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,168 Oh, right. Sure. 220 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:10,920 It was a great show. 221 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,673 It would be a shame for it to be forgotten now. 222 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:14,965 Maybe it's for the best. 223 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,302 I just feel so bad for Sarah Lynn. She was so good. 224 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,805 It's tragic she won't be remembered for it. 225 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,057 Well, nothing we can do about it now, right? 226 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,982 I've completed a projection for female-led films over five years. 227 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,695 It's encouraging but vague until I get the specifics of your dream slate. 228 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,739 I don't know what that is! I don't remember my dreams. 229 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,242 Did I ever even have dreams? 230 00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:44,161 If you leave now, you can still make your show. 231 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,705 My job is to be here when you are. 232 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,624 No. Don't give your whole life to this job, 233 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:52,294 because if you do, someday someone will finally ask you what you want 234 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,548 and you'll realize you don't even know anymore. 235 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,384 - Okay. - I'm sorry to miss it. 236 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,970 You missing it will make eye contact easier tomorrow. 237 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:09,854 Gronkle has been re-cutting old episodes of The Cosby Show 238 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,273 to take out all the Cosby scenes. 239 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,358 - They call it "The Show." - Huh. 240 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,361 They wanna try something similar with "Horsin' Around." 241 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,363 So, it'll just be "Around"? 242 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,116 It'll just be around eight minutes an episode, 243 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:25,828 which is perfect for today's ADD-addled youth. 244 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,205 It's about three precocious orphans 245 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,207 living without any adult supervision, 246 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,878 who learn that wisdom and guidance can be found everywhere. 247 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,421 It's all "around." 248 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,633 Well, sounds like you got it all figured out. 249 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,594 - What do you need me for? - Your backend. 250 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,012 Nobody's going to watch the show 251 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,889 if they think you're still profiting off it. 252 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,017 - I need that money now more than ever. - We want to buy you out. 253 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,687 A one-time payment and then you're divorced from the show forever. 254 00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,566 Oof. 255 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,527 Do it for Sarah Lynn. 256 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,571 Doesn't she deserve more 257 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,240 than to be remembered as the girl you killed? 258 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,251 Have you seen the episodes without me in them? 259 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,829 - Mm-hmm. - And they're good? 260 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:12,958 If you sign that document, you won't need to worry about that ever again. 261 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,550 Good, let's drink. 262 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,927 I'm fine with my water, thanks. 263 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,387 You're not fooling anyone with that water bottle. 264 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,057 Let me fix you a real drink. 265 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,599 One. 266 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:35,815 Wow, this is a huge crowd for us. Is everyone from your office here? 267 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,192 Not everyone. 268 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,654 Judah, obviously I was speaking figuratively. 269 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,264 Hi, we are Spectrum of Enchantment. 270 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,266 Our lead singer had to go back to work... 271 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,600 - What? - ... so we'll be playing 272 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:15,771 all of the instrumental versions of our songs. So... 273 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,189 Whoo! 274 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:20,067 Instrumentals! 275 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,161 - Uh-oh! - Whoo! 276 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,042 Brilliant! 277 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,671 Yeah, but no one wants to do the BoJack now. 278 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,134 It's funny. I remember a time when I was scared you'd leave the show. 279 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,261 Who'd have thought one day I'd be asking you to? 280 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,015 When were you scared that I'd leave the show? 281 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:54,351 Oh, Herb was gay and I had to convince you to let us fire him. 282 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,563 - Let you? - You probably don't even remember, 283 00:14:57,646 --> 00:15:00,649 but I had this whole speech I practiced in the mirror. 284 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,402 I was terrified you were going to call my bluff. 285 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:06,246 Bluff? All this time, I thought there was nothing I could have done... 286 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,115 I guess I bluffed good! 287 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:11,535 - I'm not taking your stupid deal. - No! You signed! 288 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:15,039 - Stop, you idiot! - No. 289 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:18,375 No! Why should I give you what you want? You took everything from me. 290 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,045 My job was on the line. You have no idea... 291 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:24,965 Every stupid decision I made, every bad thing that has ever happened, 292 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,551 - it all started because of you. - Grow up. 293 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:31,221 You play these games, "if I hadn't done this, if I wasn't so that," 294 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,766 but you did and you were and here we are. 295 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:34,850 I can't... I... 296 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,354 Here we are! Because we did what we had to do. 297 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:41,398 So, what do you have to do now? 298 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,696 Oh, God. 299 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,740 That's right. 300 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,284 Now, another drink? 301 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,754 Please! Don't hurt him! 302 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,757 Boy dies if you don't got the pies. 303 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,634 We have them. Jorge? Go! Go! 304 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,222 Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey! We should have boxed them! 305 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,766 No! 306 00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:19,103 Please don't hurt him. I never got to make it right. 307 00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,312 I've ruined my chance... 308 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,898 Spare me the deets. I just want the freets. 309 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,942 - Frito pies, that is. - Oh! 310 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:28,112 No! Stop! 311 00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:29,947 - Mom! Mom! - Helen? Are you all right? 312 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:33,325 It's okay. It's not real. I'm fine! It's a classic Todd shenanigan! 313 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,452 But how would you know what that is? 314 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,329 I think my wife is having a heart attack. 315 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,164 That's Margo Martindale, the actress! 316 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,457 I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 317 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:45,045 I was too convincing! Oh, if only I wasn't so good at acting! 318 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:52,469 It's funny, isn't it? The things that matter? 319 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,513 The truth is none of it matters 320 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:58,017 and the truth is it all matters tremendously. 321 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,061 It's a wonder any of us ever get out of bed at all. 322 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,772 And yet, we get out of bed. 323 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:05,733 I'm going home. 324 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,529 - What are you doing? - I'm taking your car. 325 00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,072 - What? - You're not using it. 326 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,659 Someone should get some pleasure out of something in this sad, stupid world. 327 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:16,994 Consider it a signing bonus. 328 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,162 Ugh. 329 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,445 And I'm taking these. 330 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:28,005 But the lazy Susans turned out to be very problematic. 331 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,340 - Why? - Offensive to Susans. 332 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:33,469 There was a protest organized by Susan Sarandon. 333 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:34,678 Oh, no! 334 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,848 Not that many Susans showed up. You know what they say about Susans. 335 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,516 They're lazy? 336 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,240 Suddenly you're desperately seeking them. 337 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,104 Anyway, I don't know how we got talking about me for so long. 338 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,166 You were gonna tell me about your boyfriend. It's good? 339 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,317 It's really good. When I'm with him, 340 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,444 I feel like I'm part of an "us," you know? 341 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:54,615 Like, every other relationship, I always felt like a "me" in a relationship. 342 00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:55,574 Does that make sense? 343 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,868 Uh, yeah. That makes sense. 344 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,412 Sorry. I-I didn't realize I was doing that. 345 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,206 I've always tried to be an "us" with people 346 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:04,458 even when I could see it wasn't a good idea. 347 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,711 Now that I'm single, I feel like I'm finally learning how to be a "me." 348 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:08,629 That's great. 349 00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,982 I know there were times you would try to tell me something 350 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,859 and instead of listening, I just tried to fix it 351 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,676 or convince you there wasn't a problem. 352 00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:16,678 I shouldn't have done that. 353 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,472 We're all doing our best. 354 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,849 - I wanna know now. - Know what? 355 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,185 Tell me what it's like to be Diane. 356 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,438 Okay. When you're Diane, 357 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:31,360 you can live your whole life like it's a puzzle, 358 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,071 put together from the pieces of different sets. 359 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,240 Like a crossover puzzle? 360 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,616 Exactly. 361 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,702 Your whole life is full of these pieces that don't quite fit. 362 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,079 Sounds like a hard puzzle. 363 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:45,040 But at some point, you start to think it's you. 364 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,377 You're the piece that doesn't quite fit. 365 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:55,217 And you spend so long with that feeling that the feeling becomes your home. 366 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,095 And it can be jarring when you discover one day 367 00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:01,140 that you suddenly don't feel that way anymore. 368 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,308 At first, you don't trust it. 369 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:06,854 But then, gradually, you do. 370 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,565 I'm sorry. That was a weird thing to be telling my ex-husband. 371 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:10,732 No. 372 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,652 - I'm really happy for you, Diane. - It's funny. 373 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:17,656 I feel like if we met each other as the people we are now, 374 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,616 things would be totally different with us. 375 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,703 Yeah, but if we hadn't met each other until now, 376 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,164 we wouldn't be the people we are now. 377 00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,166 Yeah. 378 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,252 Two equally accomplished book writers. 379 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,588 Uh-huh. 380 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,176 You suffered an anxiety attack. 381 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:41,305 I'd encourage you to avoid stressful situations like, uh, 382 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,016 fake kidnappings under abandoned bridges. 383 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,475 Okay, paperwork time. 384 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:49,062 You seem like a fellow who enjoys unnecessary bureaucracy. 385 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,606 I do, Doctor. 386 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:55,235 Mm, was that the bridge where they shot Grease? 387 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,362 - Yeah! - That's neat. 388 00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,324 Todd, I'm so sorry! 389 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,576 Oh, no, I know you didn't mean to... 390 00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:05,412 I thought kicking you out was the right thing. 391 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:08,123 You were 18. You had dropped out of high school. 392 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,500 You were always high. You only wore flip-flops. 393 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,961 - You never showered. - You don't have to list everything. 394 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,423 I wanted you to grow up, not leave forever. 395 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:19,968 Then more and more time passed and I didn't know how to make it right. 396 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,722 Truth is, I did grow up. Your plan worked. 397 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:28,435 I haven't had a mom for so long, I... I don't really need one anymore. 398 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:31,146 Oh. So, what do we do now? 399 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,066 Well, I do have one idea. 400 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:37,486 - What? - A big robot suit like in Aliens, 401 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,614 but for babies so they can do grown-up things! 402 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:45,244 - That sounds dangerous. - Yeah, I guess it is. 403 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:48,080 But maybe the robots could be powered 404 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:51,208 by energy generated from sucking on pacifiers. 405 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:57,005 That is so smart! Babies love sucking and right now it's just wasted energy! 406 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,759 And so you see, the circle had become complete. 407 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:05,055 All the twists and turns had all been part of a beautiful tapestry, 408 00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:10,060 a grander mission to bring this boy and his mother together again. 409 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:13,730 That's quite a story. But you've killed a lot of people. 410 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:17,359 - Margo Martindale, you're going to pris... - Wait! 411 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:21,655 You can't send her to jail before she gets to act in one of my movies! 412 00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:23,949 Indie filmmaker Nicole Holofcener? 413 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:27,953 I find it hard to believe Margo Martindale has never appeared in your work. 414 00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:31,540 It's true! And I need her to play the mother of the poetry student 415 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:35,627 Catherine Keener has an affair with in my new film, "Classroom Warfare." 416 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,255 Ooh! Can I, Mr. Judge? Please? 417 00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:41,258 Damn, that does sound good. 418 00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:43,468 Okay, you're free to go. 419 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,013 Yee-haw! 420 00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:54,521 Come on. Open. Open! Open up! 421 00:21:54,604 --> 00:21:56,231 God. Where's my stupid... 422 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:03,530 Why is everything so difficult? 423 00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:06,241 Have it your way, door. 424 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,287 Todd! How come we never go swimming? 425 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,081 This is terrible. 426 00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,626 Well, hello. 427 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,297 Who put pills in my house? 428 00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:30,974 Judah, you were supposed to have the night off! Your hair is so long! 429 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:33,560 I'd rather be here. 430 00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:34,770 I know. 431 00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:38,774 Would you think I was an idiot if I didn't go work for Turteltaub? 432 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:40,859 I would never think you were an idiot. 433 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:43,737 This slate we're putting together... 434 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:47,449 We could get some financiers and do it ourselves, right? 435 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,534 If there's one thing I know about this business, 436 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,704 it's never underestimate what Princess Carolyn can do by herself. 437 00:22:52,788 --> 00:22:55,123 Well, not all by myself. 438 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,625 Well... 439 00:22:56,708 --> 00:23:00,879 I've got the babysitter 'til 11:00. We might as well keep working, right? 440 00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:04,174 - How can I help? - Why don't you play me one of your songs? 441 00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:57,978 I love you, Princess Carolyn. 442 00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:01,064 Mm. 443 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,702 What are you so happy about? 444 00:24:15,203 --> 00:24:18,707 - BoJack Horseman. Six-foot-five. - All right. Whenever you're ready. 445 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:19,958 A mustard sandwich? 446 00:24:20,041 --> 00:24:22,419 We may be orphans but leave us our dignity. 447 00:24:22,502 --> 00:24:24,045 Uh, BJ, that's Ethan's line. 448 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,338 Oh, right. Uh... 449 00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:26,339 Orphans, huh? 450 00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,133 What am I supposed to feed you? 451 00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:29,968 - All right, stop. You're nervous. - Oh. 452 00:24:30,051 --> 00:24:31,261 - Forget the script. - Okay. 453 00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:34,514 We're gonna do that movie that you're always making me watch. You know... 454 00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:37,642 You have to answer for the chimpanzee, Tino. 455 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,311 No, Mickey, you got it all wrong! 456 00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:41,688 So, where'd all the bananas go? 457 00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:44,649 The chimp's dead, Tino. So's the bonobo. 458 00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:46,568 Who you been monkeyin' around with? 459 00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,695 I can't do it anymore! It was the marmoset! 460 00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:51,823 Good. Perfect. Now look at the red dot. Go! 461 00:24:51,907 --> 00:24:54,784 What am I supposed to feed you? I have mustard. 462 00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:56,286 A mustard sandwich? 463 00:24:56,369 --> 00:24:58,997 We may be orphans but leave us our dignity. 464 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,832 Well, I can't fix you a martini. 465 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:03,043 Hey, wait! I have olives! 466 00:25:03,126 --> 00:25:04,920 Nope. Not olives. 467 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,589 - Perfect! - Yeah? You, you think we got it? 468 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:10,800 Buckle up, buddy, your life is about to start.