1 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,350 What you got there? 2 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,061 I think it's a hydrangea. 3 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,272 Does she even like that kind of plant? 4 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,649 Probably not. She doesn't like anything. 5 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,443 Hello, BoJack. 6 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,944 Thanks for having me, Mom. 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,612 You're the guest of honor. 8 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,073 Everyone, BoJack is here. 9 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,451 Hey, buddy! Get in here! 10 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,703 - For you. - Oh, a plant. 11 00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:40,665 Dirt for inside. Goody. 12 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,726 You got here just in time, BoJack. 13 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,394 A bird flew in through the window 14 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,456 and we're having trouble getting her out of the house. 15 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,108 Yeah, call yourself early and go get a worm! 16 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,985 Golly, she's more coy than a coyote claiming a cottontail. 17 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,196 Ahem. Phone for you, Mrs. Horseman. 18 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,405 Thank you, butler. 19 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,157 - Is that Zach Braff? - Who? 20 00:01:56,241 --> 00:02:00,537 Zach Braff. Actor, independent filmmaker, real-life friend of Donald Faison? 21 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,747 - You mean my butler? - At your service! 22 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,999 I actually was friends with Donald in real life. 23 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,334 He's a spectacular man... 24 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,711 - Butler! - Sorry! Phone call for you. 25 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:09,963 I'll take it in the kitchen. 26 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,633 BoJack, make yourself useful for a change and help, will ya? 27 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,009 With the bird? 28 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,471 Hello? Oh, it's you. 29 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,850 All right. That does it! Son of a...! 30 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:22,976 With a drop like that, 31 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,520 you'd think she was the ratings for Veronica's Closet 32 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:26,646 when it moved to Mondays. 33 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,607 Ugh. Comedy poison. Who wants to laugh on a Monday? 34 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:33,027 BJ! Finally made it to our little soirée, huh? 35 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,363 Yeah, I kept having this dream where I was having dinner 36 00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,783 with all the people who were gone and I thought, "I should do that!" 37 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,743 So, here I am. 38 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,413 - We've got to flank her from the left. - Huh? 39 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,039 Hello. Crackerjack? 40 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,375 That's what it says on my underpants! 41 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:50,461 The uncle I never met and yet could never live up to! 42 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:55,300 All right, soldier. Ready, aim... 43 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,593 Huh? 44 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,052 Hey! What's up, man? 45 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,847 Hey, Corduroy. Good to... 46 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,367 Still weirded out because the last time you saw me I was naked, 47 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:06,352 hanging from my iPhone charger, holding a lemon, with a very erect penis 48 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,480 despite being deceased in my trailer for over an hour? 49 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,565 Yep. 50 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,567 You're gonna have to get over that, buddy. 51 00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,986 Hmm. Mm. Ooh. 52 00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,238 - What are you...? Stop that. - Oh! Oh, sorry. 53 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,948 Forgot where I was for a second. 54 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,201 - Think this'll help? - Kid's got the right idea. 55 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:24,454 We can chuck the choker and spook her with this poker! 56 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,057 - Show her who's boss! - Ruffle her feathers! 57 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,541 Get her to the kitchen! 58 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,127 And that! 59 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:33,755 - All right! - Go! 60 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:34,881 Ha-cha! 61 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:43,181 Yes, yes, BoJack bullied a bird. Bully for him. 62 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,474 Speaking of useless, 63 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:47,237 my husband is running late, so we're gonna start dinner without him. 64 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,079 He'll be here before the show starts, won't he? 65 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:50,021 He'd better be. 66 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:52,482 In the meantime, let's adjourn to the dining room 67 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:56,361 before our dinners get as cold as my parenting style. 68 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,406 I think mine would be 69 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,909 the first time someone asked for my autograph. 70 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,118 - Really? - Oh, wow! 71 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,870 I didn't even know how to write my name! 72 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,330 I just drew a squiggle! 73 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,790 - Water? - Thank you, Zach Braff. 74 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:11,459 You only get to give your first autograph once, you know. 75 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,963 The second time it becomes an obligation, the third time a chore. 76 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,132 - But the first time... - The first time... 77 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,469 - Hey. What is that? - Ah, ah, ah. 78 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:23,137 Shh. 79 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,140 - Mm. - Okay. My turn. 80 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,060 Mine was also when I signed on a dotted line to enlist. 81 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,939 Are you ready to sing "The Lollypop Song" in the big show later? 82 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,066 No, Mom. You know I never make it to the show. 83 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:38,820 I didn't know then that enlisting would lead to my two worst parts. 84 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,631 You have two? I didn't know we could pick two. 85 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,907 Corduroy, it's a conversation, not an assignment. 86 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,552 - In that case, I have three. - Three is way too many. 87 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,453 My worst parts were saying goodbye to my mother 88 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,818 and seeing a bullet go straight through my general's face, 89 00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,124 right before it hit my own. 90 00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:54,294 At least your death was instantaneous. 91 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,715 I can still hear the loud drips of my IV from when I had cancer. 92 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,842 - Drip. Drip. - Ooh. 93 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:02,719 - What about you, BoJack? - What? 94 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,429 Best part, worst part, what about you? 95 00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,265 Well, I guess my worst part has to be, um... 96 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,853 Right before I got here, I think? Uh... 97 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,480 I went to Angela Diaz's house. 98 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,940 Ugh! 99 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,234 Does anyone else's water taste like chlorine? 100 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,486 Hey, Braff, can I get some different water over here? 101 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,654 Right away, Mr. Horseman. 102 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,115 Crackerjack, do you think your death meant something 103 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,868 because it was in the service of a greater cause? 104 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,679 - Aw, shucks. - Of course it meant something. 105 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,307 I think questions like that are too big for a little soldier like me. 106 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,374 My brother gave the ultimate sacrifice. 107 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,186 - Because sometimes I wonder... - But see, this is where I get hung up, 108 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:39,047 because when we valorize the idea of sacrifice, 109 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,799 - of loss, of suffering... - BoJack, don't start with this again. 110 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,427 When we grow up in a house that does that, 111 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:48,348 we internalize this idea that being happy is a selfish act, 112 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,058 but sacrifice doesn't mean anything. 113 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,741 - Yes, it does. - Sacrifice? 114 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:55,229 In the service of something greater, maybe, but just in and of itself? 115 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,773 - What's the good in that? - A lot. 116 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,191 Sacrifice is good. 117 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:02,779 It has to be because I sacrificed a ton, and I was freaking awesome. 118 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,822 Oh, and what did you ever sacrifice? 119 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,199 I gave everything. 120 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,533 I gave my whole life. 121 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,744 You died in a hedonistic bender. 122 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,412 I'm not talking about my death. 123 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,750 I'm talking about my life. I gave my whole life. 124 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,354 If we get into everyone's whole life, we're gonna be here all night. 125 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,218 It's called "Best Part/Worst Part," not "Everything That Ever Happened." 126 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,507 Okay, worst part: 127 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:25,927 the 2007 "Sexually Confident Virgin Tour." 128 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,013 My manager leaked nudes to get more tour dates added, 129 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:33,017 my mom pointed out every carb I ate, it was hell. 130 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:37,438 But it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget. 131 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,023 And that is worth something. 132 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,817 No, that's a high you chase. 133 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,194 - It was not. - You think you singing songs on stage 134 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,822 is the same thing as this guy who died liberating the camps? 135 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,282 We don't need to compare apples to Auschwitzes. 136 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:52,787 Herb, tell 'em. It means something... the work we do, the joy we bring. 137 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,372 It has to, right? 138 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:57,875 Boy, I sure thought so. I-I used to really believe in it. 139 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,045 I mean, I was one "trapped in an airport during a snowstorm 140 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:04,024 on the eve of the dance championship guest starring Gregory Hines" episode 141 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,383 away from an Emmy. 142 00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:06,676 Then I lost it all. 143 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,053 Ow! Seriously, is no one noticing this leak? 144 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,304 Fine, we'll get a bucket. 145 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,723 - The drips are hitting me! - Then you'll hold the bucket. 146 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:13,724 But the funny thing is, 147 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,978 it wasn't until I got fired that I actually became myself. 148 00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:21,232 I was out of the closet. I was free. I was authentically me. 149 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,235 What does being authentic have to do with anything? 150 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:27,864 Well, when I wasn't hiding behind some facade, I could be at peace. 151 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,116 That's when I really got into philanthropy. 152 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:32,743 - Can I ask you something, Herb? - Why do people say that? 153 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:36,330 If you're asking it, then yes, you can and you will and you just did. 154 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,583 Yeah, why are we announcing our questions? 155 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,086 Yeah, what are these questions, royalty? 156 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,548 Announcing King and Queen Query of the Interrogative Isle. 157 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,717 May I ask you how do you do? 158 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,470 - Very well, thanks. - Ah, bup, bup, bup! 159 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:54,140 I didn't ask you yet. I asked if I could ask you. 160 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:55,975 Did you get pleasure from your charity work? 161 00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:57,602 Like real, deep pleasure? 162 00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,896 It dwarfed every other joy in my life. 163 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,815 Doesn't count then. If you got pleasure, it wasn't selfless. 164 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,901 And it's only good if it's selfless. 165 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,903 Who made up that rule? I helped people. 166 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,322 Who cares if it made me feel good, too? 167 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,073 Feeling good is inherently selfish. 168 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,868 If I'd given myself to Christ, truly went down the path... 169 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:17,955 I don't care for this talk of religion in my house. 170 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,958 If I wasn't constantly trying to feel good, get it better, 171 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:24,962 always looking for maximum pleasure... That was my worst part. 172 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:28,341 Well, one of the three worst parts. Wait, actually, can I have four? 173 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:31,677 Discovering you in your trailer definitely cracks my top five. 174 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:32,761 This is bullshit! 175 00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:36,307 I did a lot for a lot of people! I was not a bad person. 176 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:39,018 No one is accusing you of being a bad person, Sarah Lynn. 177 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,311 You are! You all are 178 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:45,483 with your "being authentic" and "charity work" and "killing Nazis." 179 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:48,110 I actually never killed a Nazi. All my kills were friendly fire. 180 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,031 I also never liberated any camps. I'm honestly not sure what I did. 181 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,742 Here you go. Your husband just pulled up, ma'am. 182 00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:57,370 Wait, Dad's here? He's never made it to dinner before. 183 00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,998 - Hey, here's a question. - Another question has arrived! 184 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:04,919 Did any of you have a song of yours played in outer space? 185 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,129 Anyone? No. Just me? Oh. 186 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,214 That's what I thought. 187 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:13,219 My hit single "No, No, No" is making its way to Mars! 188 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,513 That means something. I will be remembered. 189 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,599 That has to mean something. I will be... 190 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,268 Sorry I'm late. Did I miss the show? 191 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,787 - Hey! - There he is! There's our guy! 192 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:22,645 - Dad! - I... 193 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,648 Oh, you didn't miss a thing. It's not like we have anywhere to be. 194 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,442 Why shouldn't we all bend ourselves to your schedule? 195 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,444 I already apologized. I was running. 196 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,905 Yes. As always, running late, 197 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,367 while I was running myself ragged trying to get dinner on the table. 198 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,202 Yes, you helped. 199 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:41,247 And now I'm running out of patience for you running your mouth. 200 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,166 And I'm running out the clock until we both... 201 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,502 Well. Here we are. 202 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,046 I'll just squeeze in here. 203 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:54,385 - Get yourself something nice. - Ooh! Thank you, Mr. Secretariat. 204 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,596 - What'd I miss? - We're playing Best Part/Worst Part. 205 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,556 Ooh! I got one! Machu Picchu. 206 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:02,810 When I left "Horsin' Around," I honestly thought about killing myself. 207 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,270 Shit, Herb. Really? 208 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,522 Yeah. But the Knicks were having a good season 209 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,065 and I wanted to see what happened. 210 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,349 Wait, you didn't kill yourself 211 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,569 because the Knicks were having a good season? 212 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,946 What would you have done if they were having a bad season? 213 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,823 I don't know. Gotten into baseball? 214 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,409 Oh, for the love... Where's your follow-through? 215 00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,369 It's like you didn't even wanna kill yourself! 216 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,704 And I'm so glad I didn't. 217 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:25,166 Because there I was ten years later at Machu Picchu 218 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:30,004 and I realized there was so much more I could do in a life. 219 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:30,963 Okay, my turn. 220 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:36,010 August 22nd, 1973, I was banned from running ever again. 221 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,854 And running, well, that was the only thing that ever made sense to me, 222 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:42,099 so if I couldn't do that I was nobody. 223 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,852 - This is your worst part? - Best part: jumping off that bridge. 224 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,647 - Jesus. - What did I say about the Jesus talk? 225 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,024 It was my choice. I got to go on my own terms. 226 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,335 Not a lot of people can say that. 227 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:52,693 - No. - That's true. 228 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,403 The view from up there. 229 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,114 Eh, you wouldn't believe it. 230 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,533 Oh, my. 231 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,372 - It must've been from swimming earlier. - Oh, you were swimming? 232 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,415 Yeah. I, um... 233 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,185 - When was I swimming? - Don't think about that. 234 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,795 - Do you have a best part? - Oh, uh, I don't know. 235 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,546 This past year I took a teaching job. 236 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,216 And I had this one student who was really struggling, 237 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:16,759 just couldn't get over this hump. 238 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,638 And what, you helped him do good in a scene? For your class? 239 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,682 That's the best part of your whole life? 240 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,433 I don't know, I was just spitballing. 241 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,411 I didn't know you were gonna put me on the spot like this! 242 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,063 Come on, buddy. What was so special about that moment? 243 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:31,649 It felt good to help someone do something. 244 00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,359 See? Helping someone, like I said! 245 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,946 But he liked it because it felt good, like I said! 246 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:41,075 I liked it because it reminded me of when I was young, just starting out. 247 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,244 You and me, screwing around, hitting up open mics. 248 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,037 Trying to figure it out. I think... 249 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,581 - I think that was the best part. - Really? 250 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,000 Well, are we ready to start the show? 251 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,336 - Let's do this! - Okay, nice seeing you all! 252 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,420 You're not coming? 253 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,298 This is always the part where I wake up. You all go to the show. 254 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,050 Zach Braff says "Pardon my reach" 255 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,511 even though he can clearly get my plate from another angle. 256 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,722 - Then I wake up. - Oh, okay. 257 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:06,892 Next time then. 258 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,394 Pardon my reach. 259 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,605 Hmm. 260 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:20,573 Hello, everyone! Please take your seats. 261 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:26,912 Tonight's show is in honor of BoJack Horseman! 262 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,040 What do you say, huh? Should we get this show started? 263 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,002 Yeah! Tonight's opener needs no introduction, 264 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,462 but I'm gonna give her one anyway. 265 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:38,507 Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Sarah Lynn! 266 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,177 Thank you, thank you! 267 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:47,099 I'd like to dedicate tonight's performance to the man of the hour, BoJack Horseman! 268 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:52,104 Sarah Lynn, I'm so sorry for everything that happened with you. 269 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,939 With us. I should have protected you... 270 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,233 Ah, ah, ah. BoJack. This is my time. 271 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,444 Yes. Of course. Sorry. 272 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,163 Sarah Lynn? Sarah Lynn! 273 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,792 Okay, performing an interpretive aerial routine, 274 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,753 your friend and mine, and a killer hang... 275 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:44,258 Corduroy Jackson-Jackson! 276 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,801 - Where did Sarah Lynn go? - Shh. 277 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,803 - Try to enjoy the show. - Ha! 278 00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:51,307 - Where does this door go? - Sit down, buddy. You'll get your turn. 279 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,350 - No, I need you to tell me... What? - Watch out! 280 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,275 That's a series wrap on Corduroy Jackson-Jackson! 281 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,902 Down in front, please? 282 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,665 All right, let's keep this show going, huh? 283 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,196 Next up, you know him, you love him, 284 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,657 please a give a warm, warm, burning hot welcome to... 285 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,243 - Hey. You wanna grab a smoke? - ... Zach Braff! 286 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,038 Yes. Yeah, let's get out of here. 287 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,458 Oh-ho, whee! I'm honored. Honored, honored. 288 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,377 So, what's on the other side of that door? 289 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,838 The nerve of that guy. With the beard. Herb? 290 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,006 Yeah. Herb. 291 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,926 What, he says he's at peace? 'Cause why, Machu Picchu? 292 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,303 - I don't buy it. - I don't know. I... I believe him. 293 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,226 I promise you, every single person in that room 294 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,723 would go back if we could. 295 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,351 Peace? That's someone trying to convince himself of something. 296 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,979 - Of what? - That life has meaning or purpose, that... 297 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,190 that if you check the right boxes and do the dance, 298 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,043 then you get a little parting gift at the end, 299 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,987 a framed certificate that says, "Congratulations, you've got peace." 300 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,282 - I wouldn't mind that. - But guess what? 301 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,909 All the time those people spent, 302 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:55,245 trying to do good or help people or be something? 303 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:58,791 I did none of that shit, and yet here I am, same as them. 304 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:02,169 You were the fastest runner in the world. You inspired millions. 305 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,713 And yet, here I am, same as you. 306 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,800 So, if you could go back, do it again, what would you do different? 307 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,886 What would I do? I wouldn't have cared so much. 308 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,930 Cared about what? Racing? 309 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,348 About everything. 310 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,101 I know this part is confusing because I'm Secretariat 311 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,269 and also your dad for some reason, 312 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:23,649 but speaking as your dad, it's important that you know that I cared. 313 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,193 No. You never cared. You cared about your book. 314 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,420 You cared about getting drunk 315 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:28,922 and telling everyone how miserable you were, 316 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,114 but that's not caring. 317 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,741 You think I didn't care because I put up walls, 318 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,618 but I cared so much, BoJack. 319 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,329 About you, about your mother. 320 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,083 I wanted you to respect me. I wanted you to love me. 321 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,419 I was so afraid that you would know that. 322 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,255 I cared so much. 323 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,676 It's a shame that we could never talk like this in real life. 324 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,261 All the good it would have done. 325 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,888 Least we got the chance this time, before I wake up. 326 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,517 Wake up? Oh, you're not getting it, are you? 327 00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,768 Getting what? 328 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,819 Loss is a collaborative art, 329 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,947 between the people who leave us and those who remain. 330 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,409 We dance with the shadows of their absence. 331 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:18,746 - With that in mind, I present to you... - Stop the show! 332 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,456 - Excuse me. - What's happening? 333 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:24,501 You're being very rude. I was about to do my roller-dance routine. 334 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:28,088 - Calm down, son. - Yes, why don't you sit down, and... 335 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,965 - No! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Please! 336 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,718 I'm not ready. I never got to direct my Backdraft remake: 337 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,386 "Zach Braff's Backdraft"! 338 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,721 I never finished my memoir: 339 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:38,640 "I Started A Zach Which Started The Whole World Braffing!" 340 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,767 I never got to license 341 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,644 the Zach Braff Short Stack Breakfast Attack at Shake Shack! 342 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,731 Cash-strapped hash brown fans who hashtag "Zach's snacks" 343 00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:49,860 get cash back fast with the Braff Bucks app! 344 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,072 I need to wake up. I can't be here. 345 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,783 Of course. Everything's always about you. 346 00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,786 - BJ, buddy... - Herb! How did I get here? 347 00:17:58,869 --> 00:17:59,995 How the hell should I know? 348 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,373 I broke into my house. But it wasn't my house anymore. 349 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,542 I was... I was watching the "Horsin' Around" Blu-ray. 350 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,170 Yes. Yeah, and I drank some more and I found some pills. 351 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,922 And then I went swimming... 352 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,591 No! No! No! No, wait, wait, wait! I got out of the pool. 353 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,009 Yes! And I called Diane! 354 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,844 BoJack, we're trying to do a show here. 355 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,929 But I called Diane. 356 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,074 I couldn't have drowned if I got out of the pool to call Diane! 357 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,015 So, I shouldn't be here. 358 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,143 If I could just finish the conversation. Where's a phone? 359 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,733 All right, ladies and gentlemen, we have a real treat for you next. 360 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:30,651 A real treat. 361 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,820 Come and see him before he makes a run for it. 362 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,115 - No! Stop! - It's Secretariat! 363 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,826 Stay calm. Flyin' off the handle won't change a thing. 364 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,286 This was gonna happen to you one of these days. 365 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,831 A poem. Original, obviously. 366 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:47,793 It's called "The View from Halfway Down." 367 00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:51,755 "The weak breeze whispers nothing The water screams sublime 368 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:55,843 His feet shift teeter-totter Deep breath, stand back, it's time 369 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:59,304 Toes untouch the overpass Soon he's water bound 370 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:03,559 Eyes locked shut but peek to see The view from halfway down" 371 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:09,481 I'm not done. Hold on. I'm not done. I'm not done. 372 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:14,611 "A little wind, a summer sun A river rich and regal 373 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:18,699 A flood of fond endorphins Brings a calm that knows no equal 374 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,033 You're flying now 375 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,578 You see things much more clear Than from the ground 376 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:27,166 It's all okay, it would be Were you not now halfway down 377 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,044 Thrash to break from gravity 378 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,173 What now could slow the drop? 379 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:37,801 All I'd give for toes to touch The safety back at top" 380 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,762 I change my mind. I change my mind. I don't wanna... 381 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,264 It's okay. 382 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,267 "But this is it, the deed is done 383 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,561 Silence drowns the sound 384 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,814 Before I leaped I should have seen The view from halfway down 385 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:55,569 No! I really should have thought About the view from halfway down" 386 00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:58,906 Find your peace, big guy. Find it. 387 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,659 "I wish I could have known About the view from halfway down..." 388 00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,371 I need to get out of here! 389 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,922 - Wha... - BJ, where do you think you're going? 390 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,419 Nothing you do in here matters, pal. 391 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,797 Yelling and struggling isn't gonna pull your body out of that pool, 392 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:19,801 - so you might as well just... - Sit down! 393 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,802 But I... 394 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:24,306 Look, BJ, it's possible that someone is going to find you and save you, 395 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,808 and it's also possible that someone won't. 396 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,143 We don't get to know. 397 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,353 Can I ask you a question? 398 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,024 Has anyone ever come back from this place? 399 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,070 BJ, there is no place. 400 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:42,491 It's just your brain going through what it feels like it has to go through. 401 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:46,370 All you can do right now is sit back and enjoy the show. 402 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,582 Folks, here is Beatrice Horseman 403 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,919 with her younger older brother, Crackerjack! 404 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:12,688 Hoo! 405 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:23,573 This is the hard part. 406 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,076 Golly. 407 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:31,123 And now the easy part. 408 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,708 Over and out! 409 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,640 Wow. Beatrice Horseman, huh? 410 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,559 You know, she was gonna sing for us tonight, 411 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,978 but apparently, she was a little "horse." 412 00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:57,107 Okay. You ready for the headliner? 413 00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,483 No. 414 00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:00,610 Please welcome to the stage... 415 00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:01,694 No. Please. 416 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,947 The star of "Horsin' Around" 417 00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:09,536 and "The BoJack Horseman Show"! "Philbert"! "Secretariat"! 418 00:22:09,619 --> 00:22:11,872 The upcoming "Horny Unicorn"! 419 00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:14,374 Son of Butterscotch and Beatrice! 420 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:19,629 Husband to no one! Father to none, that we know of! 421 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,840 Stand-up comedian, actor, 422 00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:23,759 crippling alcoholic! 423 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:29,639 A talented charmer and a stupid piece of shit. 424 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:33,643 It's... BoJack Horseman! 425 00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:41,860 Is it terrifying? 426 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,196 No. I don't think so. 427 00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:46,114 It's the way it is, you know? 428 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:50,869 Everything must come to an end, the drip finally stops. 429 00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,246 See you on the other side. 430 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:57,584 Oh, BoJack, no, there is no other side. 431 00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,461 This is it. 432 00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:07,427 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 433 00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:11,431 I... I need to make a phone call. 434 00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:17,729 Hello? 435 00:23:18,605 --> 00:23:20,774 Someone? Anyone? 436 00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:30,325 I'm looking for a phone. 437 00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:46,758 Diane! Diane! Are you there? Diane! I need you! 438 00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,593 - BoJack? - Diane! Thank God! 439 00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:51,721 Thank God, Diane. Okay, Diane. Diane, you're gonna save me, right? 440 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,405 I called you and you're coming to get me? 441 00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:57,602 BoJack, why did you call me? I live in Chicago. I can't save you. 442 00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:00,063 - You didn't pick up. - Right. 443 00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:02,732 - It went to voicemail. - Yeah. 444 00:24:03,066 --> 00:24:06,278 And then... I went back in the pool. 445 00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:13,201 - It's too late. What's done is done. - No. 446 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:18,206 There's nothing I can do, BoJack. I'm not real. None of this is. 447 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:22,169 - So, what do I do now? - BoJack, it doesn't matter. 448 00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:26,381 Well, if it doesn't matter, can I stay on the phone with you at least? 449 00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,008 Okay. 450 00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:30,760 How was your day? 451 00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:33,847 - Good. - Yeah? 452 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:38,059 Yeah. My day was good.