1 00:00:03,028 --> 00:00:06,397 Ah, Captain. You're at my desk. 2 00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:08,160 Just what I wanna see first thing in the morning. 3 00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:10,069 You're three minutes late, Peralta. 4 00:00:10,070 --> 00:00:12,671 Not my fault. I had a plumbing problem. 5 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,319 Which reminds me, I'm gonna need 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,955 a new departmentally issued phone. 7 00:00:20,989 --> 00:00:22,924 Oh, come on, really? I'm a few minutes late, 8 00:00:22,925 --> 00:00:24,343 so you're gonna call me out in front of everyone? 9 00:00:24,361 --> 00:00:26,387 Good idea. Everyone? 10 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,142 Gather round, so I can call out Peralta in front of you. 11 00:00:29,176 --> 00:00:32,354 Okay, fine. I was three minutes late. 12 00:00:32,355 --> 00:00:34,092 I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong. 13 00:00:34,126 --> 00:00:36,605 - Oh, it's more than one thing. - Uh-oh. 14 00:00:36,629 --> 00:00:37,731 Let's start with the Kristov murder. 15 00:00:37,732 --> 00:00:39,035 It was an amazing solve. 16 00:00:39,036 --> 00:00:40,305 I got him to confess in 20 minutes. 17 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:41,742 You also mislabeled the evidence, 18 00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:43,782 so that confession is worthless 19 00:00:43,816 --> 00:00:45,555 if the sergeant hadn't caught your mistake. 20 00:00:45,556 --> 00:00:47,458 Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork. 21 00:00:47,493 --> 00:00:49,262 Here are two pictures. 22 00:00:49,263 --> 00:00:50,898 One is your locker. 23 00:00:50,933 --> 00:00:53,941 The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. 24 00:00:53,942 --> 00:00:58,683 Can you tell which is which? 25 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:01,087 - That one's the dump? - They're both your locker. 26 00:01:01,121 --> 00:01:02,656 Gah, I should've guessed that. He's good. 27 00:01:02,657 --> 00:01:06,059 This folder is labeled "undies, dirty." 28 00:01:06,094 --> 00:01:08,095 So I won't confuse it with "undies, clean." 29 00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:09,932 Also, who cares about all these rules? 30 00:01:09,968 --> 00:01:12,503 I have more felony arrests than any other Detective here. 31 00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:15,106 You also have more mice living in your desk 32 00:01:15,107 --> 00:01:17,108 than any other Detective. 33 00:01:19,144 --> 00:01:21,147 You guys, Algernon's back. 34 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:24,384 Get rid of the mouse, and get your act together now. 35 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,356 He's grumpy. 36 00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:35,644 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers. 37 00:01:51,031 --> 00:01:52,833 Okay, detectives, let's get started. 38 00:01:52,867 --> 00:01:55,970 Santiago, where are we with the Jay street drug bust? 39 00:01:56,004 --> 00:01:58,072 There are 12 keys of coke unaccounted for, 40 00:01:58,073 --> 00:01:59,874 but we just got a warrant to search the dealer's apartment. 41 00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:01,675 Good. Take Boyle and Diaz. 42 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:03,444 Dream team. 43 00:02:03,445 --> 00:02:06,514 Peralta, brief us on the vandalism case. 44 00:02:06,515 --> 00:02:08,248 Well, there's no easy way to put this, sarge, 45 00:02:08,249 --> 00:02:11,185 but someone has been painting wieners on squad cars. 46 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,355 And apparently, they won't stop 47 00:02:14,389 --> 00:02:16,091 until there's a penis drawn on every cop car in Brooklyn. 48 00:02:16,125 --> 00:02:18,928 Oh, that's what he's been drawing. 49 00:02:18,929 --> 00:02:21,264 But what are those little round things at the bottom? 50 00:02:21,265 --> 00:02:22,265 That's the butt. 51 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:24,035 The butt? 52 00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,872 I assume you have a plan to catch this gentleman. 53 00:02:26,873 --> 00:02:28,908 Did you just say "genital-man"? 54 00:02:28,909 --> 00:02:31,413 Because if so, kudos, and yes, I have a plan. 55 00:02:31,414 --> 00:02:33,885 I'm gonna plant a decoy squad car as bait. 56 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,889 Meanwhile, I'll be waiting in an undercover vehicle here. 57 00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:40,593 He's already tagged three U/C vehicles. 58 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,298 He can clearly spot 'em. You should take my minivan. 59 00:02:43,299 --> 00:02:45,170 - A minivan? - A-ha! 60 00:02:46,573 --> 00:02:50,076 You all got a problem with my minivan? 61 00:02:50,077 --> 00:02:52,479 'Cause my wife doesn't like it either. 62 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,580 She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. 63 00:02:54,581 --> 00:02:56,349 They roll! 64 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,983 That's a good idea, sergeant. We'll take the van. 65 00:02:57,984 --> 00:02:59,617 We? You're coming with me? 66 00:02:59,618 --> 00:03:02,420 Sir, with all due respect, I don't need backup. 67 00:03:02,421 --> 00:03:05,087 It's not backup. It's babysitting. 68 00:03:05,122 --> 00:03:08,354 - Babysitting. - A-ha! 69 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,757 Oh, look at this. 70 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,858 The drug dealer got a B.A. in art history 71 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,526 from Brooklyn college. 72 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,527 Interesting, huh? 73 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,360 How's that interesting? 74 00:03:17,361 --> 00:03:19,831 Well, it's surprising because you would think 75 00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:22,538 he had studied... drugs. 76 00:03:22,539 --> 00:03:24,376 I studied art history too. 77 00:03:24,377 --> 00:03:26,277 - Also not interesting. - Excuse me. 78 00:03:26,278 --> 00:03:28,610 I know I'm just a lowly civilian administrator, 79 00:03:28,611 --> 00:03:30,544 but I couldn't help overhearing 80 00:03:30,545 --> 00:03:33,112 you're looking for some missing drugs? 81 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:35,280 As it turns out, my friend here, Carlene, 82 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:38,683 is a psychic, and she's ready to help you. 83 00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:40,284 I do palms, tarot, 84 00:03:40,285 --> 00:03:42,722 and I have a degree in numerology from the Internet. 85 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,492 - Ugh. - Really, Gina? 86 00:03:44,493 --> 00:03:46,559 - A psychic? - What? She's the real deal. 87 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,693 E.G., last week, she predicted 88 00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:51,330 I would have a sensuous encounter 89 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:52,966 with a guy named Mark. 90 00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,205 And I did. 91 00:03:58,343 --> 00:04:01,512 Is anyone here named Mark? 92 00:04:01,513 --> 00:04:02,847 You're good. 93 00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:05,585 Okay, she's had visions which, frankly, 94 00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:07,320 science cannot account for. 95 00:04:07,321 --> 00:04:09,922 Also, she can get you amazing deals 96 00:04:09,923 --> 00:04:11,657 on ladies' footwear. 97 00:04:11,658 --> 00:04:14,858 She's assistant manager at Leonard's designer shoes. 98 00:04:14,859 --> 00:04:18,395 Vision. The drugs are in a location. 99 00:04:18,396 --> 00:04:20,264 I see the color blue... She sees blue. 100 00:04:20,265 --> 00:04:21,832 And yellow. 101 00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:25,368 And I see the letter "L", "R", "S", "T", "W", "E", 102 00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:27,068 and "B." 103 00:04:27,069 --> 00:04:29,168 So basically, everyone's first eight guesses in hangman? 104 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,001 Thank you, Carlene. 105 00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:34,172 Your entire life is garbage. 106 00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:36,041 So Holt's coming on my stakeout now? 107 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,442 I made a mixtape with some very explicit rap on it, 108 00:04:38,443 --> 00:04:40,345 and now I can't sing along. You made a mixtape? 109 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:41,712 Yes, I still listen to cassettes. 110 00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,211 This guy is all over me. 111 00:04:43,212 --> 00:04:44,878 I mean, a Captain on a minor vandalism case? 112 00:04:44,879 --> 00:04:46,180 It's insane. 113 00:04:46,214 --> 00:04:48,116 What's insane is how you refuse 114 00:04:48,117 --> 00:04:49,451 to get with the program. 115 00:04:49,452 --> 00:04:50,919 There is a new sheriff in town, Jake. 116 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,785 Well, I like the old sheriff. 117 00:04:52,786 --> 00:04:54,585 I mean, McGintley wouldn't care about a messy desk 118 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,152 or all these stupid rules. 119 00:04:56,186 --> 00:04:58,954 (All) Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase... Hey! 120 00:04:58,955 --> 00:05:00,355 What the hell's going on here? 121 00:05:00,356 --> 00:05:01,923 Science experiment. 122 00:05:01,924 --> 00:05:03,892 I wanna see what happens if I taser this cantaloupe. 123 00:05:03,893 --> 00:05:05,295 Okay. 124 00:05:05,296 --> 00:05:07,032 (All) Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase... 125 00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:08,634 Ah! 126 00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:13,911 Yeah! 127 00:05:13,912 --> 00:05:16,114 And McGintley wouldn't care if I was three minutes late 128 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:19,050 'cause he was always an hour late and hungover, 129 00:05:19,051 --> 00:05:20,819 and he would let you do literally anything you want 130 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,121 if you gave him a hamburger. 131 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,324 Did he let you play your mixtape? 132 00:05:23,325 --> 00:05:25,060 Okay. That's very funny. 133 00:05:25,061 --> 00:05:27,495 Get an iPod, man. 134 00:05:27,496 --> 00:05:28,729 Mixtape. 135 00:05:28,730 --> 00:05:30,263 I just want to apologize 136 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,398 for my fellow Detective's behavior. 137 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:36,902 Okay, my granny also had the gift. 138 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:40,168 I feel that I will die soon. 139 00:05:40,169 --> 00:05:43,238 She was right. She died two years later. 140 00:05:43,239 --> 00:05:47,074 Your sincere belief in my gift means a great deal. 141 00:05:47,109 --> 00:05:49,008 Vision. 142 00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:51,209 The woman you love, the one you work with, 143 00:05:51,243 --> 00:05:53,144 the scary one with the black hair... 144 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,546 - Rosa. - Yes? 145 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:55,947 She doesn't love you back. 146 00:05:55,982 --> 00:05:57,983 She will never love you back. 147 00:05:57,984 --> 00:05:59,251 Say "thank you," Charles. 148 00:05:59,252 --> 00:06:00,919 She just told you your future. 149 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,321 Thank you. 150 00:06:09,429 --> 00:06:11,965 You left without me. You were late again. 151 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,869 Well, I had to put on my undercover minivan disguise. 152 00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:17,271 Say hello to Harvey Norgenbloom, 153 00:06:17,272 --> 00:06:20,309 CPA, recently divorced father of two 154 00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:23,444 with a dark sexual secret. 155 00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:25,780 - What's your cover? - Angry Captain. 156 00:06:25,815 --> 00:06:29,051 Okay, so you do not like my ensemble. 157 00:06:29,052 --> 00:06:31,018 I'm just concerned that you may find it hard 158 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:33,554 to pursue a criminal on foot while wearing man sandals. 159 00:06:33,555 --> 00:06:35,960 But the sandals define Harvey. 160 00:06:35,961 --> 00:06:39,065 He's a sandals guy. 161 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,666 Captain, why the babysitting? Why are you micromanaging me? 162 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,565 You think I wanna be sitting here with you 163 00:06:44,566 --> 00:06:45,800 instead of running my precinct? 164 00:06:45,801 --> 00:06:47,470 Yes. It was a rhetorical question. 165 00:06:47,471 --> 00:06:49,173 I've spent the last 12 years 166 00:06:49,174 --> 00:06:50,743 fighting for my first command, 167 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,314 and I'm not gonna let you screw it up 168 00:06:52,315 --> 00:06:54,150 because you refuse to take your job seriously. 169 00:06:54,151 --> 00:06:56,552 Hey, I do take my job seriously. 170 00:06:56,553 --> 00:06:58,387 I put away bad guys. That's what matters. 171 00:06:58,388 --> 00:06:59,922 Well, so does doing your paperwork, 172 00:06:59,923 --> 00:07:01,555 showing up on time, wearing proper footwear. 173 00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:03,324 That's on Harvey. That's not me. 174 00:07:03,325 --> 00:07:04,725 Well, so here's the deal. 175 00:07:04,726 --> 00:07:06,226 You're gonna have a superior officer 176 00:07:06,227 --> 00:07:08,329 babysitting you on every one of your cases. 177 00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,764 And when you show me that you can do your job... 178 00:07:09,765 --> 00:07:12,937 Every part of your job... Perfectly, 179 00:07:12,938 --> 00:07:15,510 then I'll back off. 180 00:07:15,511 --> 00:07:18,745 Okay. Counteroffer. 181 00:07:18,746 --> 00:07:22,545 I give you 50 bucks, and you let me do whatever I want. 182 00:07:23,782 --> 00:07:25,584 Fine. We'll do it your way. 183 00:07:25,585 --> 00:07:26,852 From this point on, I'll do 184 00:07:26,853 --> 00:07:29,288 every part of the job perfectly, 185 00:07:29,289 --> 00:07:31,025 perfecter than perfectly. 186 00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:33,863 It's "more perfectly." You said that imperfectly. 187 00:07:33,864 --> 00:07:37,130 I was testing you. You did perfectly. 188 00:07:37,131 --> 00:07:39,029 Quick update on the tagger situation... 189 00:07:39,030 --> 00:07:42,096 He is currently spray-painting our van right now. 190 00:07:42,097 --> 00:07:44,399 Police, freeze! 191 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,300 Ow, ow, ow. 192 00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:47,901 Sandal down. 193 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,268 Lost a sandal. freeze! 194 00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:52,702 I'm here. 195 00:07:52,703 --> 00:07:54,200 You're busted. 196 00:07:54,201 --> 00:07:55,602 Already got him. We got him. 197 00:07:59,676 --> 00:08:02,510 Oh, hey, Captain. 198 00:08:02,511 --> 00:08:06,547 Hi, so I was able to procure that $50 after all, 199 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:08,348 and my offer still stands. 200 00:08:08,349 --> 00:08:10,283 Let me do whatever I want, and the $40... 201 00:08:10,284 --> 00:08:12,519 That's how much I actually have... is yours. 202 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,125 No? Fair enough. I only had 30 anyway. 203 00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:16,693 Well, I guess in order to get you 204 00:08:16,694 --> 00:08:18,328 to stop micromanaging me, I'm gonna have to get back 205 00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:20,630 to the most important piece of police work there is: 206 00:08:20,631 --> 00:08:22,031 Writing a perfect report. 207 00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:23,766 Good, I'm anxious to read it. 208 00:08:23,801 --> 00:08:27,306 And I'm anxious to restore my status as a lone wolf. 209 00:08:30,712 --> 00:08:32,046 Anything else, Detective? 210 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,514 Yeah, I'm gonna do one more. 211 00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:38,052 Lone wolf. 212 00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:41,655 He's digging me. 213 00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:45,490 Hey, sarge, do you know where we keep the glitter? 214 00:08:45,524 --> 00:08:47,490 Just wanna make sure this report for the Captain 215 00:08:47,524 --> 00:08:48,656 is extra sparkly. 216 00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:49,990 What are you doing, Peralta? 217 00:08:50,025 --> 00:08:51,758 Look, if I have to do things his way, 218 00:08:51,759 --> 00:08:53,093 I'm gonna do them my way. 219 00:08:53,094 --> 00:08:55,061 Okay, man. 220 00:08:55,062 --> 00:08:57,231 It was nice working with you. 221 00:08:57,263 --> 00:08:58,963 I'm not scared of him, okay? 222 00:08:58,998 --> 00:09:01,601 I'm not scared of anyone. 223 00:09:01,602 --> 00:09:03,402 Oh, also, the tagger drew a penis on your minivan. 224 00:09:03,403 --> 00:09:05,236 I'm sorry. Please don't chase after me. 225 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,783 What? There's a penis on my minivan? 226 00:09:08,907 --> 00:09:11,342 High ceilings, three bedrooms. 227 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,747 Why does every perp have a nicer place than I do? 228 00:09:13,778 --> 00:09:15,880 You know what they don't teach you at the academy? 229 00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:17,002 It's better to be a criminal. 230 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:20,387 Oh, no. The cabinets are blue. 231 00:09:20,388 --> 00:09:22,191 Tacky. Not a deal breaker, though. 232 00:09:22,192 --> 00:09:23,560 I'd just repaint it. 233 00:09:23,594 --> 00:09:25,429 The psychic predicted the drugs 234 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:26,710 would be found in something blue. 235 00:09:26,731 --> 00:09:29,866 I see the color blue. 236 00:09:29,867 --> 00:09:31,869 She also made this really depressing prediction 237 00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,204 about my life. 238 00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:36,241 She will never love you back. 239 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,980 And if she's right about where we find the drugs, 240 00:09:38,981 --> 00:09:40,181 that means she's right about the other thing. 241 00:09:40,215 --> 00:09:42,450 - Uh-huh. - Kitchen. 242 00:09:45,421 --> 00:09:47,591 - Whoa. - Jackpot. 243 00:09:47,592 --> 00:09:49,796 There's way more than 12 keys in here. 244 00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:50,964 Where was it? 245 00:09:50,998 --> 00:09:52,733 Baseboard, behind the hamper. 246 00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:54,568 What color was the hamper? 247 00:09:54,569 --> 00:09:55,568 - Green. - Yes. 248 00:09:55,569 --> 00:09:56,902 The clothes hamper was green. 249 00:09:56,903 --> 00:09:59,974 The clothes hamper was green! 250 00:10:00,008 --> 00:10:01,776 Drinks on me. 251 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,710 You're weird. 252 00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:08,248 Sorry this is taking so long. 253 00:10:08,249 --> 00:10:09,449 Still writing up my report. 254 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,152 Pretty detailed. 255 00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:13,354 Hey, Gina, can you look up what the humidity was 256 00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:15,757 about an hour ago and also what moon cycle we're in? 257 00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:19,062 No, sorry. Don't feel like it, no. 258 00:10:19,097 --> 00:10:22,265 Thanks, Gina. 259 00:10:22,266 --> 00:10:24,101 And now to you. What's your name? 260 00:10:24,102 --> 00:10:25,970 My name is banana fartman, md. 261 00:10:26,005 --> 00:10:27,339 I don't believe you. 262 00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:29,474 Come on, man. Just tell me who you are. 263 00:10:29,475 --> 00:10:30,808 I need to fill this thing out perfectly, 264 00:10:30,809 --> 00:10:32,577 so my boss will get off my back. 265 00:10:32,612 --> 00:10:33,913 Are you a minor? How old are you? 266 00:10:33,947 --> 00:10:35,848 I'm 610. I'm a highlander. 267 00:10:35,849 --> 00:10:37,716 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna put that in there. 268 00:10:37,717 --> 00:10:39,952 And then you're gonna be tried as an adult highlander. 269 00:10:39,953 --> 00:10:42,154 And they're gonna cut your head off. 270 00:10:42,155 --> 00:10:43,356 Is that what you want? 271 00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:45,627 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, 272 00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:47,798 but your psychic friend's predictions 273 00:10:47,799 --> 00:10:49,468 about the drug case were wrong, 274 00:10:49,469 --> 00:10:51,540 which means all of her predictions are wrong. 275 00:10:51,574 --> 00:10:54,642 Mm-mm. No way. She's never wrong. 276 00:10:54,643 --> 00:10:56,676 We found the cocaine behind a green hamper. 277 00:10:56,677 --> 00:10:58,714 Never said green or the letter "H." 278 00:10:58,748 --> 00:11:01,821 Mm-hmm, she said "blue" and "yellow," Charles. 279 00:11:01,822 --> 00:11:04,056 I don't know if there's any kindergarteners present, 280 00:11:04,057 --> 00:11:06,492 but those two colors combined make green. 281 00:11:06,493 --> 00:11:10,297 She also mentioned the letters "L" and "B," 282 00:11:10,331 --> 00:11:13,636 and another name for a hamper is... 283 00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,673 Lady bin? 284 00:11:16,674 --> 00:11:17,775 Laundry basket. 285 00:11:17,776 --> 00:11:19,512 Oh, little boo-boo. 286 00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:21,916 Can you go be depressed over there? 287 00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,418 You're bumming out my whole area. 288 00:11:24,452 --> 00:11:26,652 Baby, I've got some bad news. 289 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:31,524 Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan. 290 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,293 No, you cannot have an SUV now. 291 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,696 Those things roll, baby. They roll! 292 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,866 Hey, look at this. 293 00:11:38,867 --> 00:11:40,770 Your prints were on file. 294 00:11:40,771 --> 00:11:43,944 Nice to meet you, Trevor Podolski. 295 00:11:43,945 --> 00:11:49,216 Oh, Podolski, just like deputy police commissioner Podolski. 296 00:11:49,217 --> 00:11:53,289 Your father is deputy police commissioner Podolski. 297 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,759 I'm not sure how things work here, 298 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,830 but does that mean that your career is in my hands? 299 00:11:58,831 --> 00:12:01,568 Okay, you know what? 300 00:12:01,569 --> 00:12:02,737 Yes. 301 00:12:07,304 --> 00:12:09,438 20.2 kilos. 302 00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:10,739 I feel like we could round up to 21. 303 00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:14,143 Or we could round down to 20, 304 00:12:14,144 --> 00:12:17,813 take the extra 0.2, sell it to our friends. 305 00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:23,822 I'll call the D.A. Rosa, you log this in. 306 00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:25,424 Charles, maybe watch Gina. 307 00:12:26,627 --> 00:12:27,793 So what are you doing tonight? 308 00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:30,764 Nothing. What about you... 309 00:12:30,765 --> 00:12:32,100 Are doing tonight? 310 00:12:32,134 --> 00:12:34,940 Nothing. 311 00:12:34,974 --> 00:12:36,308 Carlene. 312 00:12:38,077 --> 00:12:40,812 Whelp, I hope you find something to do. 313 00:12:42,616 --> 00:12:45,985 I'm gonna pee. That's what I'm doing tonight. 314 00:12:45,986 --> 00:12:48,421 No. 315 00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:52,459 Deputy commissioner's son, huh? 316 00:12:52,494 --> 00:12:55,294 His decision to target cop cars makes a lot more sense now. 317 00:12:55,295 --> 00:12:56,661 We gotta let him walk, right? 318 00:12:56,696 --> 00:12:58,295 He defaced nine police vehicles, 319 00:12:58,296 --> 00:12:59,595 and you caught him red-handed. 320 00:12:59,596 --> 00:13:01,627 Why would you let him walk? 321 00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:04,529 Captain, I did all the work on this perfectly. 322 00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:07,598 I mean, my report has over 25 pages 323 00:13:07,599 --> 00:13:10,436 of meticulous research, diagrams, and maps. 324 00:13:10,437 --> 00:13:13,342 I even put an "about the author" section on the back. 325 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,812 I did everything you asked me to do, 326 00:13:15,846 --> 00:13:17,280 but this is above my pay grade. 327 00:13:17,281 --> 00:13:18,815 You gotta make the call. 328 00:13:18,816 --> 00:13:22,284 You're the arresting officer. It's your call. 329 00:13:22,285 --> 00:13:24,486 I told you to do every part of your job, 330 00:13:24,487 --> 00:13:26,956 and making this call is part of your job. 331 00:13:26,957 --> 00:13:30,461 - Yeah, but you think I should process him. - Mm-hmm. 332 00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:32,196 Well, if I do, the deputy commissioner 333 00:13:32,197 --> 00:13:33,731 could ruin my career, and I'll end up on the streets 334 00:13:33,732 --> 00:13:35,634 selling my beautiful body for a can of beans. 335 00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:37,337 Mm-hmm. 336 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:40,475 Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like a statue? 337 00:13:40,476 --> 00:13:41,843 Yes. 338 00:13:41,844 --> 00:13:45,547 Man, you were totally right about the cocaine, 339 00:13:45,548 --> 00:13:47,483 and you were also right about Rosa. 340 00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:49,218 Who's Rosa? The woman I... 341 00:13:49,252 --> 00:13:51,186 The woman who doesn't love him back. 342 00:13:51,187 --> 00:13:52,654 Oh. Yes, that woman. 343 00:13:52,655 --> 00:13:54,422 You know, it can be a burden to always know 344 00:13:54,423 --> 00:13:55,923 what's gonna happen in the future. 345 00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:57,491 Don't get out of the chair. 346 00:13:57,492 --> 00:13:59,895 I just had a vision of you leaving this chair 347 00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,530 and getting seriously injured. 348 00:14:01,564 --> 00:14:03,064 Oh, my God. 349 00:14:03,099 --> 00:14:05,198 I should probably wheel you back to your desk. 350 00:14:05,232 --> 00:14:07,333 That is a great idea. Wheel you off a bridge. 351 00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:08,834 I'm kidding. 352 00:14:13,672 --> 00:14:15,675 So here are my options. 353 00:14:15,676 --> 00:14:18,277 One, I process Podolski's kid, 354 00:14:18,278 --> 00:14:20,045 he fires me, and I spend the rest of my career 355 00:14:20,046 --> 00:14:22,883 as a Detective, third grade, which is literally pathetic. 356 00:14:22,884 --> 00:14:25,656 No offense, Hitchcock. None taken. 357 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,860 Option two, I let him walk, 358 00:14:27,861 --> 00:14:29,095 and I spend the rest of my life with Holt 359 00:14:29,096 --> 00:14:31,030 as my babysitter. 360 00:14:31,031 --> 00:14:32,865 Honestly, when I think about spending the rest of my life 361 00:14:32,866 --> 00:14:34,366 with a babysitter, 362 00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:36,802 she's kind of a cute blonde named Erica, 363 00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:38,272 and she always has pizza money 364 00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:39,641 and lets me stay up as late as I want. 365 00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:41,245 How old are you in this scenario? 366 00:14:41,246 --> 00:14:43,315 Anyway, the point is Holt cares more 367 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,884 about whether I "do my job right" 368 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,587 than whether I have a job at all. 369 00:14:47,588 --> 00:14:48,956 So I'm taking suggestions. 370 00:14:48,957 --> 00:14:50,826 I say piss off Holt, 371 00:14:50,827 --> 00:14:52,828 so we get to watch your career end right in front of us. 372 00:14:52,829 --> 00:14:54,663 Okay, thank you for that, Santiago. 373 00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,132 I'm gonna put you down for "don't arrest," 374 00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:57,634 and I'm also going to put your phone number 375 00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:59,137 on every urinal in Rikers. 376 00:14:59,138 --> 00:15:01,607 Don't arrest him. Just smack him. Hard. 377 00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:03,075 With a phone book on a body part 378 00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,574 no one can see, you know what I'm saying? 379 00:15:04,575 --> 00:15:06,476 So you're suggesting police brutality? 380 00:15:06,477 --> 00:15:08,679 Ha, ha, I guess so, yeah. Why? 381 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,681 - Hey, Scully. - Yeah? 382 00:15:10,682 --> 00:15:12,252 You want this collar? Paperwork's all done, 383 00:15:12,253 --> 00:15:14,921 and it's perfect. The Podolski kid? 384 00:15:14,922 --> 00:15:16,756 Are you kidding? I just gave him my lunch. 385 00:15:16,757 --> 00:15:19,625 Okay. Boyle, what do you think? 386 00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:21,760 I don't know, man. I'm lost. 387 00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:23,860 The universe is a cruel and vexing puzzle. 388 00:15:23,861 --> 00:15:26,193 I-I'm at the whim of the cosmos. 389 00:15:26,194 --> 00:15:28,931 All right, I'm gonna put you down for "bummer," 390 00:15:28,932 --> 00:15:33,468 and you can hang out in that category all by yourself. 391 00:15:33,469 --> 00:15:35,169 Hey, everyone. 392 00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:38,939 Hey, Jake, there is a very sexy, angry official here, 393 00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:40,774 deputy commissioner Podolski. 394 00:15:40,775 --> 00:15:43,545 He's asking for you. Very angry. 395 00:15:43,546 --> 00:15:47,348 Elderly, sexy, furious. 396 00:15:47,382 --> 00:15:50,684 Well, my career is over. 397 00:15:50,685 --> 00:15:53,284 See you at the bottom, Hitchcock. No offense. 398 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,383 No, none taken. 399 00:15:57,850 --> 00:15:59,117 Deputy commissioner. 400 00:15:59,118 --> 00:16:00,217 Where's my son? 401 00:16:00,218 --> 00:16:01,886 He is at my desk, 402 00:16:01,887 --> 00:16:04,391 enjoying a nice glass of bubbly water 403 00:16:04,392 --> 00:16:06,628 and some chocolate I was saving for a special occasion. 404 00:16:06,629 --> 00:16:08,299 Hey, Peralta, when you're done, 405 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,470 can you help me wrap up this massive cocaine bust 406 00:16:10,471 --> 00:16:13,072 I just pulled off? Thanks. 407 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,641 Oh, deputy commissioner, didn't see you there. 408 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,242 Sorry for interrupting. 409 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:18,910 Amy Santiago. 410 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,648 Trevor, what'd you do this time? 411 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:23,883 Nothing. 412 00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:26,119 There you have it. He said he did nothing. 413 00:16:26,154 --> 00:16:28,754 So I caught him red-handed doing nothing? 414 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:29,754 I'm saying maybe it's a possibility 415 00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,220 you made a mistake. 416 00:16:31,254 --> 00:16:32,688 You know, normally, I would agree with you, 417 00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:34,591 but I've been pretty detail-oriented 418 00:16:34,592 --> 00:16:35,693 the last few hours. 419 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,230 You might not understand this, 420 00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:39,668 but Trevor is a special kid. 421 00:16:39,669 --> 00:16:42,402 He makes straight "A's. He's going to Duke next year. 422 00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:44,504 Lacrosse scholarship. Oh. 423 00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:47,275 Sometimes, boys just need to be boys. 424 00:16:47,276 --> 00:16:50,381 You do realize he did thousands of dollars 425 00:16:50,382 --> 00:16:52,416 worth of property damage, though, 426 00:16:52,417 --> 00:16:54,051 to police vehicles. 427 00:16:54,052 --> 00:16:56,019 Look, I think we can all agree 428 00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:58,122 that I'm ordering you to let this slide 429 00:16:58,123 --> 00:16:59,759 because nothing happened. 430 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,763 This is officially out of your hands. 431 00:17:01,764 --> 00:17:05,203 Would you actually mind just checking out my report? 432 00:17:05,204 --> 00:17:06,404 It's pretty thorough, 433 00:17:06,405 --> 00:17:08,905 and I spent over an hour on fonts. 434 00:17:08,906 --> 00:17:10,072 Kinda snazzy, so... 435 00:17:10,073 --> 00:17:11,872 Oh, thank you. 436 00:17:11,873 --> 00:17:13,039 I'll get right to it. 437 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,208 Thanks. Trevor, let's go. 438 00:17:15,209 --> 00:17:17,911 Have a good one. 439 00:17:25,355 --> 00:17:27,356 Choo. 440 00:17:27,357 --> 00:17:28,457 Yes. 441 00:17:28,492 --> 00:17:30,092 What's up with the chair? 442 00:17:30,093 --> 00:17:33,561 Um, Carlene predicted if I get out of this chair, 443 00:17:33,562 --> 00:17:35,897 I'd get badly hurt, so I'm not chancing it. 444 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:39,833 Oh, man. There's no pudding cups left. 445 00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:42,035 Ah! What'd you do that for? 446 00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:45,403 There. Now you're hurt in this chair. 447 00:17:45,404 --> 00:17:46,871 You can get hurt anywhere, Boyle. 448 00:17:46,872 --> 00:17:48,707 And if you do, it won't be 449 00:17:48,708 --> 00:17:52,646 because some shoe salesman predicted it. 450 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,686 You make your own destiny. 451 00:17:59,923 --> 00:18:03,057 Well, we don't have to worry about Podolski's son anymore. 452 00:18:03,092 --> 00:18:04,959 The case is officially out of my hands. 453 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,126 No charges filed. 454 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,730 Why is there yogurt on this? 455 00:18:07,764 --> 00:18:09,465 The deputy commissioner threw my report 456 00:18:09,466 --> 00:18:11,200 in Terry's trash can, 457 00:18:11,201 --> 00:18:12,866 and he'd been eating yogurt earlier. 458 00:18:12,901 --> 00:18:15,834 Terry loves yogurt. 459 00:18:15,869 --> 00:18:18,237 Something wrong? Kinda, yeah. 460 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,974 I called six precincts about this kid. 461 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:21,777 He's been brought in a dozen times. 462 00:18:21,778 --> 00:18:23,814 Theft, vandalism, drunken disorderly, 463 00:18:23,815 --> 00:18:25,248 but he's never been processed. 464 00:18:25,249 --> 00:18:28,081 His daddy comes in and bails him out every time. 465 00:18:28,082 --> 00:18:29,448 He's a lucky little jerk. 466 00:18:29,449 --> 00:18:31,081 No, I wouldn't say he was lucky. 467 00:18:31,082 --> 00:18:32,649 I feel bad for this kid. 468 00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:34,617 I mean, what kind of father 469 00:18:34,618 --> 00:18:35,985 cares so little for his son 470 00:18:35,986 --> 00:18:39,290 that he lets him get away with everything? 471 00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,258 Well, he's someone else's problem now. 472 00:18:41,259 --> 00:18:45,060 Like you said, it's out of your hands. 473 00:18:45,061 --> 00:18:46,061 All right, I see what you're trying to do, 474 00:18:46,062 --> 00:18:47,726 but it's not gonna work. 475 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,562 I'm not going to arrest him. I'm going to arrest him! 476 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,932 - You want backup? - Yes. 477 00:18:57,088 --> 00:18:59,325 What is this? You can't do this. 478 00:18:59,326 --> 00:19:00,793 Get that thing outta here. 479 00:19:00,827 --> 00:19:02,161 Excuse me, sir. 480 00:19:02,162 --> 00:19:04,197 Trevor Podolski, you're under arrest 481 00:19:04,198 --> 00:19:05,933 for vandalism and destruction of property. 482 00:19:05,934 --> 00:19:07,368 What... dad! What are you doing? 483 00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:08,571 I told you to back off, Peralta. 484 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:10,743 First off, the name's Santiago, 485 00:19:10,744 --> 00:19:12,780 Detective Amy Santiago. 486 00:19:12,781 --> 00:19:14,681 Second, I'm arresting your son, 487 00:19:14,716 --> 00:19:19,283 which, as I say it aloud, seems like an unwise choice, 488 00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,119 but it's the one I'm making. 489 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,322 Once again, my name is Amy Santiago. 490 00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:25,594 You're being stupid, Peralta. Don't be stupid. 491 00:19:25,595 --> 00:19:27,430 I can make your life miserable. 492 00:19:27,464 --> 00:19:30,201 Commissioner, please don't talk to my Detective in that Tone. 493 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:31,768 If you have a complaint, you can take it up with me. 494 00:19:31,802 --> 00:19:35,403 You just made yourself a very powerful enemy, Holt. 495 00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:38,138 I'm gonna be watching you, both of you, like a hawk. 496 00:19:38,139 --> 00:19:39,239 You're gonna have to try a little harder 497 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,775 if you wanna scare me. 498 00:19:40,776 --> 00:19:43,077 I've been an openly gay cop since 1987, 499 00:19:43,078 --> 00:19:46,146 so you're not the first superior officer to threaten me. 500 00:19:46,147 --> 00:19:47,981 You know how I'm still standing here? 501 00:19:47,982 --> 00:19:49,883 'Cause I do my job, 502 00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:52,487 and I do it right. 503 00:19:52,488 --> 00:19:53,890 Damn, son! 504 00:19:53,891 --> 00:19:55,858 Don't say "son." Sorry. 505 00:19:55,893 --> 00:19:57,593 Deputy commissioner, if you wanna pick Trevor up, 506 00:19:57,627 --> 00:20:00,462 he'll be at the nine-nine. 507 00:20:00,463 --> 00:20:02,827 Let's go, fartman. 508 00:20:04,563 --> 00:20:06,264 Carlene was wrong, Gina. 509 00:20:06,265 --> 00:20:08,968 Rosa said it herself... I'm in charge of my own destiny. 510 00:20:08,969 --> 00:20:10,638 That means she wants me to make a move. 511 00:20:10,673 --> 00:20:12,808 Mm, but Carlene was also right. 512 00:20:12,809 --> 00:20:15,244 You did get hurt 'cause Rosa punched you. 513 00:20:15,245 --> 00:20:16,911 And the fact that Rosa punched you 514 00:20:16,912 --> 00:20:18,312 means she does not like you. 515 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:21,079 No, no, she punched me to prove Carlene wrong. 516 00:20:21,114 --> 00:20:23,080 Move. 517 00:20:23,081 --> 00:20:24,448 Oh, wait, I take it back. 518 00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:26,249 She definitely is into you. 519 00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:29,387 So much chemistry. I know, it's crazy. 520 00:20:29,421 --> 00:20:30,923 All right, let's get this meeting started. 521 00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,092 I'm not late. I'm here. 522 00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:42,176 Right on time. 523 00:20:42,177 --> 00:20:44,112 You're out of uniform, Peralta. 524 00:20:44,113 --> 00:20:46,182 Baby steps, Captain. 525 00:20:46,183 --> 00:20:49,002 Baby steps. 526 00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:59,875 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.