1 00:00:02,477 --> 00:00:05,564 For the last time, the best cop movies, in order. 2 00:00:05,647 --> 00:00:08,525 Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Fargo. 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,068 End of discussion. Wrong. 4 00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:12,988 Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. 5 00:00:13,071 --> 00:00:14,948 One cop heroically saving the day 6 00:00:15,032 --> 00:00:16,825 while everyone else stands around and watches. 7 00:00:16,992 --> 00:00:18,285 It's the story of my life. 8 00:00:18,577 --> 00:00:22,623 I like Turner and Hooch. Tom Hanks, a reluctant friendship with a dog. 9 00:00:22,998 --> 00:00:24,750 That hits me where I live. No. 10 00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:27,836 RoboCop. It's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence. 11 00:00:29,379 --> 00:00:30,464 Oh, I thought you were listing things. 12 00:00:30,547 --> 00:00:31,757 I was. I'm done. Okay. 13 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,509 Let's talk Bad Boys. That's the perfect cop movie. 14 00:00:34,593 --> 00:00:36,386 Mr. Smith, looking fine. 15 00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:39,389 A hot cup of Tea Leoni. Come on. 16 00:00:40,015 --> 00:00:42,643 Francois Truffaut's Breathless. 17 00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:43,769 What? 18 00:00:43,894 --> 00:00:45,437 Terry likes foreign films. 19 00:00:45,729 --> 00:00:46,813 Okay. 20 00:00:46,938 --> 00:00:48,940 There is a correct answer to this question, though. 21 00:00:49,191 --> 00:00:52,069 So, gather round for the greatest cop film of all time. 22 00:00:52,194 --> 00:00:54,863 Please refrain from texting during our presentation. 23 00:00:55,614 --> 00:00:58,241 So, there's Hitchcock, and there's an old hooker. 24 00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,826 Come on, guys. 25 00:00:59,910 --> 00:01:01,870 That happened four years ago. Shh. This is the best part. 26 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,872 She comes back, takes the wallet, 27 00:01:04,039 --> 00:01:05,499 and here she goes! 28 00:01:05,582 --> 00:01:06,708 Oh! 29 00:01:29,398 --> 00:01:30,857 Hey. I love the sweater. 30 00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:32,901 Who you slaying tonight, Lady Killer? 31 00:01:32,984 --> 00:01:36,154 Well, we shall see what we shall see. 32 00:01:36,238 --> 00:01:38,782 No, you're dressed exactly like "The Lady Killer." 33 00:01:39,408 --> 00:01:40,450 Damn it. 34 00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:43,245 This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again. 35 00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,706 All right. Let's get started. 36 00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,875 Scully, where are you on digitizing the old case files? 37 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,837 As of yesterday, I am officially 1% done. 38 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,172 Why are you smiling? That's nothing. 39 00:01:54,631 --> 00:01:56,174 Well, there's thousands of cases. And for each one, 40 00:01:56,258 --> 00:01:59,469 I have to fill out 200 little box thingies on 50 different screens. 41 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,179 At least you get to sit on your butt all day. 42 00:02:01,263 --> 00:02:02,889 That's actually the worst part. 43 00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:04,933 My doctor said I have an anal canyon. 44 00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:06,143 Oh, God. 45 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,895 Scully, why are you always telling us about your disgusting body? 46 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:12,065 I don't see anything. That's because it's all wart. 47 00:02:15,819 --> 00:02:17,863 How are you married? Peralta. 48 00:02:17,988 --> 00:02:19,823 Where are we on the Adams Street burglary? 49 00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,450 We are very close, Captain. 50 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,995 Aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects, or leads. 51 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,038 So, in conclusion, not at all close. 52 00:02:27,372 --> 00:02:29,291 And the Vickers Street aggravated assault? 53 00:02:29,374 --> 00:02:30,751 Stalled out. 54 00:02:30,834 --> 00:02:32,711 And the Calloway robbery also remains unsolved, 55 00:02:32,794 --> 00:02:36,089 due to a lack of solving it, by me. 56 00:02:36,173 --> 00:02:38,675 Sounds like someone's in a little bit of a slump. 57 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,926 I'm not in a slump. 58 00:02:40,051 --> 00:02:42,137 You're not? Scoreboard. 59 00:02:42,220 --> 00:02:44,097 I don't slump, people. 60 00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:45,474 I opposite-slump. 61 00:02:45,724 --> 00:02:50,479 I pmuls. That's slump, backwards and it's what I do. 62 00:02:50,854 --> 00:02:53,899 I pmuls all over this bitch. 63 00:02:53,982 --> 00:02:54,983 Dismissed. 64 00:02:55,066 --> 00:02:56,651 Slump. Pmuls. 65 00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:00,238 Wait. 66 00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:02,991 Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. 67 00:03:03,074 --> 00:03:04,785 Someone died. No! 68 00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:05,994 You won a prize! 69 00:03:06,077 --> 00:03:07,204 I'm not getting better at this. 70 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,206 I'm concerned that the open-cases mound 71 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,332 of garbage on your desk 72 00:03:10,415 --> 00:03:11,625 has become so much higher 73 00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:13,376 than the closed-cases mound of garbage. 74 00:03:13,502 --> 00:03:15,629 All right. Sir, let me hit you with a little analogy. 75 00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:16,838 Are you familiar with race cars? 76 00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:18,215 Formula One or stock? 77 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,300 That's already way more than I know about it. 78 00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:22,302 The point is, I am a super awesome race car, 79 00:03:22,385 --> 00:03:24,095 who's hit a couple of unlucky speed bumps. 80 00:03:24,179 --> 00:03:25,388 There are speed bumps on a race track? 81 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,557 Is that not a part of car racing? It should be. 82 00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:29,726 All I'm saying is, it's open road again. 83 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,561 I'm about to close a case. 84 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,688 Missing grandma, Helen Sterrino. 85 00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:35,649 Last Sunday, her grandson, Judd, 86 00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:38,026 reported she went out for bagels and never came back. 87 00:03:38,109 --> 00:03:39,110 This morning, 88 00:03:39,194 --> 00:03:41,780 we picked up an old lady matching her description exactly. 89 00:03:41,905 --> 00:03:44,825 I showed her pictures of Judd, and she said, and I quote, 90 00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:48,245 That's my grandson. 91 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,288 What did I say about doing voices? 92 00:03:50,372 --> 00:03:52,541 I'm a storyteller, sir. It's my craft. 93 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,001 Anyways, grandson's coming in, 94 00:03:55,085 --> 00:03:58,338 they reunite, and I throw another case on the old "solved it" pile. 95 00:04:01,716 --> 00:04:03,176 Hey, my croissant. 96 00:04:08,723 --> 00:04:10,058 You wanted to see me, Captain? 97 00:04:10,308 --> 00:04:12,227 Yes, the DA wanted me to personally thank you 98 00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:13,979 for your work on the Jay Street drug bust. 99 00:04:14,396 --> 00:04:15,772 That's why we do this, sir. 100 00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:16,982 For praise? 101 00:04:17,274 --> 00:04:18,275 Uh... 102 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,694 There's a community outreach program that's very important to me. 103 00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,571 I was wondering if you'd like to head it up. 104 00:04:23,071 --> 00:04:24,614 Absolutely, sir. 105 00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:28,076 I won't just head it up, I will head and shoulders it up. 106 00:04:28,159 --> 00:04:31,204 I will dive in, swim around it, and just be 107 00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:33,915 all together good with it. 108 00:04:34,291 --> 00:04:36,459 Be more articulate when you speak to the children. 109 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,336 Yes, sir. I will make better mouth. 110 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:41,840 Hey, Sarge? 111 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:43,174 I need someone to fill out a lineup. 112 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:44,676 Will you be Scary Terry? 113 00:04:44,926 --> 00:04:46,928 Oh, I love being Scary Terry. 114 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,763 He says what regular Terry's thinking. 115 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:50,724 This is taking too long! 116 00:04:51,016 --> 00:04:52,726 I'm going to miss the farmer's market! 117 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:54,394 But I'm too busy. 118 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,521 I've got a special case I'm working on. 119 00:04:56,605 --> 00:04:57,772 Uh, Hitchcock, 120 00:04:57,856 --> 00:04:59,149 Boyle needs you to fill out a lineup. 121 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,901 Oh, great. I'll take my shirt off. 122 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,569 No one asked you to take your shirt off. 123 00:05:02,652 --> 00:05:04,571 Stop volunteering to take your shirt off. 124 00:05:04,654 --> 00:05:06,531 I can't hear you. Shirt's over my ears. 125 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:08,742 Hi, Rosa. 126 00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:11,161 Oh, I like your shoes. They're a really pretty... What do you need? 127 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,412 Color. Okay. 128 00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:14,831 You know how, every year, the precinct does that 129 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,166 Junior Police Program seminar? 130 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,959 That thing where we try to get a bunch of loser kids 131 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,294 to become student snitches? 132 00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:22,297 Mmm. No. The thing where we try to get at-risk kids... 133 00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:24,466 Losers. To sign up to become Junior Police Officers. 134 00:05:24,549 --> 00:05:25,800 Snitches. What about it? 135 00:05:25,884 --> 00:05:28,219 Captain specifically asked me to run it this year. 136 00:05:28,303 --> 00:05:29,888 And I signed you up to do it with me. Here's the info. 137 00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:31,556 Now, I've got to read something? 138 00:05:31,723 --> 00:05:33,558 Greetings. Fine. 139 00:05:33,642 --> 00:05:35,810 I guess I can help you with those at-risk kids. 140 00:05:35,894 --> 00:05:37,354 I don't need your help. 141 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:38,980 It's nothing personal, it's just 142 00:05:39,147 --> 00:05:41,441 you're not a cop, so I'm not really sure you can help. 143 00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:44,444 Mmm-kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. 144 00:05:44,527 --> 00:05:46,071 Not joking. Bye. 145 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:48,949 Ah. 146 00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:50,909 Mr. And Mrs. Sterrino, I'm glad you're here. 147 00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:53,370 May I present to you... 148 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,915 Oh, my darlings. Thank God I found you. 149 00:05:56,998 --> 00:05:59,876 Oh, look at those beautiful cheeks. 150 00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:01,544 I have no idea who this lady is. 151 00:06:02,087 --> 00:06:03,755 I've never seen her before in my life. 152 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,966 What? No, she recognized you. 153 00:06:06,049 --> 00:06:08,093 This is Helen. Who is Helen? 154 00:06:08,176 --> 00:06:09,219 Oh! 155 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,263 There's my husband. Solomon. 156 00:06:12,514 --> 00:06:14,099 I'm, I'm not really her husband. 157 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,060 You're so much shorter than you used to be. 158 00:06:17,185 --> 00:06:19,354 What did the Japanese do to you? 159 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,189 Different generation. 160 00:06:21,439 --> 00:06:25,318 Okay. This is Ethel Musterberg from the Prospect Heights Senior Center. 161 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,445 There was an ID card in her back pocket. 162 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,489 Why was your hand in her back pocket? 163 00:06:29,739 --> 00:06:31,992 Well, she told me she didn't have any ID. 164 00:06:32,075 --> 00:06:35,161 And unlike Boyle, my first instinct was not to caress her butt. 165 00:06:35,370 --> 00:06:37,372 Frisked. I frisked her butt. 166 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:40,542 It looks like this case remains unsolved, Peralta. 167 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,293 Oh, my God. 168 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,129 I'm in a slump! 169 00:06:48,967 --> 00:06:51,094 Oh, cool. You're all here in the break room. 170 00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,887 You asked us to come in here. What? 171 00:06:52,971 --> 00:06:54,556 Here's a hypothetical question. 172 00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:56,141 Let's say I knew someone that, 173 00:06:56,224 --> 00:06:57,517 for the first time in their career 174 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,270 was experiencing, like, a minor slump. 175 00:07:00,395 --> 00:07:02,564 What do you think you would suggest to that person 176 00:07:02,647 --> 00:07:03,732 if they were going through that? 177 00:07:03,815 --> 00:07:05,984 Well, I haven't really been in a slump since my divorce. 178 00:07:06,276 --> 00:07:08,611 So, I'd tell this person to maybe get divorced. 179 00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:10,030 He'd have to get married first. 180 00:07:10,113 --> 00:07:13,366 Okay. So, the suggestion to beat is, "Get married and then divorced." 181 00:07:13,450 --> 00:07:14,534 Rosa? 182 00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:16,369 Fly to Montreal, hit a classy hotel bar, 183 00:07:16,453 --> 00:07:17,787 bone a stranger. Slump over. 184 00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:19,247 Wow, that sounds amazing. Yeah. 185 00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:20,373 That's a good one. 186 00:07:20,457 --> 00:07:21,583 Sarge, what would you do? 187 00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,917 Ten thousand sit-ups. 188 00:07:23,126 --> 00:07:26,337 Okay. Do you have a backup plan in case my hypothetical person 189 00:07:26,421 --> 00:07:28,882 can only do 9500? Or three? 190 00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:30,717 What's going on in here? Oh, no. 191 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,677 We're helping Jake's friend get out of a slump. 192 00:07:32,761 --> 00:07:34,846 Or try working a case until it's solved, Peralta. 193 00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:38,433 I always find that closing cases is the best way to end a slump. 194 00:07:39,934 --> 00:07:42,020 Thank you, Captain. He's right. 195 00:07:42,312 --> 00:07:43,438 You just need a win. 196 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:46,066 Pick your easiest, no-brainer case, and work it until it's done. 197 00:07:46,149 --> 00:07:47,150 Fine. 198 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,903 Right after I do Rosa's Montreal sex thing. That sounds fun. 199 00:07:49,986 --> 00:07:51,071 Yeah. 200 00:07:52,363 --> 00:07:53,406 Okay. 201 00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:56,868 This is the Junior Police Program, a.k.a. 202 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,328 "Mission Possible." 203 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,918 Your mission, should you choose to accept it, 204 00:08:05,043 --> 00:08:07,253 is to get your life back on track. 205 00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:09,130 Narc! 206 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:10,840 Hey, Gina. 207 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,383 What are you doing? Oh, hi, Amy. 208 00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:14,677 Since I have nothing to offer, since I'm not a cop, 209 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,721 I thought I'd just show up and learn. 210 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,181 You want to help me out here? 211 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,432 No, I think I'm good. 212 00:08:20,892 --> 00:08:23,770 I know you think getting in trouble is cool. 213 00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:25,522 But let me show you what can happen 214 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,357 if you continue down this path. 215 00:08:27,816 --> 00:08:31,319 Hey, yo. I'm an at-risk kid, and I think it's cool to sell drugs. 216 00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:34,447 Hold up. Why does the kid selling drugs sound like he's black? 217 00:08:34,531 --> 00:08:36,032 He's not. Well, why not? 218 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,868 Are you saying that black people can't sell drugs? 219 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,245 No, I'm not saying that. 220 00:08:40,328 --> 00:08:43,081 If we have a black president, why can't black people sell drugs? 221 00:08:43,414 --> 00:08:44,666 I'm so confused. 222 00:08:44,749 --> 00:08:46,751 Black people can sell drugs. 223 00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:49,003 Black people can sell drugs! 224 00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:53,091 Black people can sell drugs! Black people can sell drugs! 225 00:08:53,258 --> 00:08:55,385 Black people can sell drugs! 226 00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:57,637 Black people can sell drugs! 227 00:09:01,224 --> 00:09:02,976 Don't make me hit you again. 228 00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:08,273 Um, I'm building this doll house for my girls. 229 00:09:08,398 --> 00:09:09,607 It's their birthday tomorrow. 230 00:09:09,691 --> 00:09:11,109 I told my wife I'd get it done. 231 00:09:11,276 --> 00:09:12,819 I had the same exact one when I was a kid. 232 00:09:14,112 --> 00:09:16,739 Mom! Charles is hogging my doll house! 233 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,741 Grandma bought it for the both of us! 234 00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:20,618 You want some help, big man? No. 235 00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,036 I can do this. 236 00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,081 It's just driving me a little crazy. 237 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,750 Where do I affix the princess tower, Boyle? 238 00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:29,586 Where do I affix it? 239 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,629 On the side of the turret. Not now, Boyle. 240 00:09:32,589 --> 00:09:33,673 Let a brother breathe. 241 00:09:34,883 --> 00:09:36,217 Let a brother breathe. 242 00:09:38,136 --> 00:09:39,679 Why would I swap cases with you? 243 00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:42,432 I got multiple calls that a guy in the Sackett Towers 244 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,268 is dealing meth out of his apartment. It's a guaranteed arrest. 245 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,562 And, therefore, will have a ton of paperwork, 246 00:09:47,645 --> 00:09:48,938 which I know you hate. 247 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,858 I have a murder here with no leads and no evidence. 248 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,234 It's unsolvable. 249 00:09:53,568 --> 00:09:55,945 And thus, shall have no paperwork. 250 00:09:56,946 --> 00:09:58,615 You had me at "no paperwork." 251 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,241 That was the very end of the sentence. 252 00:10:00,825 --> 00:10:02,785 All right, Boyle. Let's hit it. 253 00:10:02,952 --> 00:10:04,495 So, where are you going, Peralta? 254 00:10:04,579 --> 00:10:06,497 I am on my way to ending the slump. 255 00:10:06,623 --> 00:10:08,416 I got a dunker, Captain. Nothing but net. 256 00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:11,294 Hey, Slump. You're about to get nailed by the Jake-hammer. 257 00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,379 So, you haven't solved any of your old cases 258 00:10:13,463 --> 00:10:14,923 and yet, you've taken on a new one. 259 00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:16,633 I mean, shouldn't you at least solve this 260 00:10:16,758 --> 00:10:18,259 Helen Sterrino missing-grandmother case first? 261 00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,178 Or I could solve this super easy one, 262 00:10:20,261 --> 00:10:22,597 get my mojo back, and move on to catching the Zodiac killer. 263 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,557 Am I getting ahead of myself? No, you are not, Jake-rabbit. 264 00:10:24,641 --> 00:10:26,601 I like Jake-hammer better. Let's go. Ah. 265 00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:32,440 I did not think getting these kids to sign up would be this hard. 266 00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,400 These kids don't want to listen to you. 267 00:10:34,525 --> 00:10:36,653 You're, like, smart and articulate. 268 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,113 So are you. Why am I offended by that? 269 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,116 They don't identify with you because you're not from the streets. I am. 270 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,868 Follow. Watch. Learn. 271 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,746 All right, listen up. 272 00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:49,123 I know you think you're badasses. Ow. 273 00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:50,583 But deep down, you're scared. 274 00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,168 How do I know? 275 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,420 Because I've been that same scared kid. 276 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,714 And if you don't get your crap together, 277 00:10:56,881 --> 00:10:59,467 I'm going to end up busting you and throwing you in jail. 278 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:00,760 Got it? 279 00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:03,596 Remix, yo. 280 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,265 Throwing you in jail 281 00:11:05,348 --> 00:11:06,391 Throwing you in jail 282 00:11:08,476 --> 00:11:10,144 Throwing you in jail Throwing you in jail 283 00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:12,272 What's happening? I think they're laughing at you. 284 00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:13,773 That's never happened before. 285 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:16,442 I don't like it. 286 00:11:16,526 --> 00:11:17,652 Got it? 287 00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:21,531 Okay. 288 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,741 Freeze! NYPD Hands where I can see them. 289 00:11:23,825 --> 00:11:26,035 Hands! Don't shoot! I was just practicing my minuets, 290 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,245 but I'll hold it down. 291 00:11:27,328 --> 00:11:28,871 All right, flute man. Who else is in this apartment? 292 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,081 Where's the dealer? 293 00:11:30,248 --> 00:11:32,041 I live here alone with my birds. 294 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,501 What, you don't think I know this MO? 295 00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,837 These are mules. They're drug mules. 296 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,422 They're bird mule drugs. 297 00:11:37,505 --> 00:11:38,840 Drug-bird mules. 298 00:11:38,923 --> 00:11:39,966 Apartment's clear. 299 00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:41,592 We got multiple calls about a dealer here. 300 00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,220 I bet it's the silly kids down the hall. 301 00:11:44,345 --> 00:11:45,680 They love prank calling me. 302 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:48,599 The only drugs in this apartment are for my heart, 303 00:11:48,725 --> 00:11:50,059 my liver, my kidney, 304 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,561 my salivary glands, 305 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,229 And my penis, and my feet. 306 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,025 Oh. The bird pooped on your shoulder. 307 00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:01,279 No, wait. It pooped on your head, then dripped onto your shoulder. 308 00:12:03,406 --> 00:12:04,907 I'm telling you, it's good luck. 309 00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:06,743 No, it isn't. Okay? 310 00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:09,162 That's just something people say when a bird poops on you 311 00:12:09,245 --> 00:12:10,913 to make you feel better because it's terrible. 312 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,790 Four coming in! 313 00:12:12,915 --> 00:12:14,459 Oh, come on. 314 00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:16,002 I was at the crime scene. 315 00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:18,713 This guy comes up out of nowhere, confesses. 316 00:12:18,921 --> 00:12:20,381 Well, he says he's got to make things right, 317 00:12:20,465 --> 00:12:22,967 so he helps me track down his accomplices. 318 00:12:23,051 --> 00:12:24,594 That is so great, man. 319 00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,764 Looks like everything's coming up Hitchcock. 320 00:12:29,932 --> 00:12:32,226 Hey, Jake, you busy? 321 00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:34,604 Yes, I very clearly am busy. 322 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,023 The medical examiner's office just called, 323 00:12:37,106 --> 00:12:38,858 they mishandled some evidence, 324 00:12:38,941 --> 00:12:41,861 so the DA is going to have to dismiss your last two busts. 325 00:12:41,944 --> 00:12:43,237 Great. 326 00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:44,781 And the slump gets worse. 327 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,117 I don't think it's a slump. Honestly, you are straight-up cursed. 328 00:12:48,451 --> 00:12:49,619 Good to know. 329 00:13:00,421 --> 00:13:02,590 Can you hand me a paper towel, please, Gina? 330 00:13:04,342 --> 00:13:05,593 There's no more left. 331 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,345 Yeah, that sounds right. 332 00:13:08,763 --> 00:13:10,223 Uh. 333 00:13:10,306 --> 00:13:11,349 Hey. 334 00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:13,184 You're dripping on my carpet. 335 00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:15,269 Oh, don't worry, sir. It's just urinal water. 336 00:13:16,187 --> 00:13:17,438 Clean urinal water. 337 00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:18,856 You could eat off his shirt. 338 00:13:19,107 --> 00:13:20,775 Why would I ever eat off his shirt? 339 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,070 Look. Sir, I don't know what's going on, but I think I'm cursed. 340 00:13:24,153 --> 00:13:25,238 Cursed, huh? 341 00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:26,781 The freakiest things have been happening to me. 342 00:13:26,864 --> 00:13:28,199 I mean, I can't solve a case to save my life, 343 00:13:28,282 --> 00:13:30,034 birds are unloading on me left and right, 344 00:13:30,118 --> 00:13:31,577 and two seconds ago... 345 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,788 Hey, Sarge, do we have any old T-shirts in here? 346 00:13:39,669 --> 00:13:40,670 Cursed. 347 00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:42,755 Yeah, I've seen this kind of thing before. 348 00:13:43,214 --> 00:13:45,007 It happened to a friend of mine back in the One-Eight. 349 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,217 Detective Smith. 350 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:47,468 We called him Smitty. 351 00:13:47,635 --> 00:13:50,763 He thought he was cursed and, because cops are superstitious, 352 00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:52,432 the whole precinct thought he was cursed. 353 00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:54,267 But then, he found a case and he solved it, 354 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,768 and now he's married to Kate Upton. No. 355 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,186 No one would go out on calls with him. 356 00:13:57,353 --> 00:13:59,856 He responded to a riot at a gym without backup 357 00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,607 and got beaten up by a girls' volleyball team. 358 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:05,111 It was actually quite violent. Man! 359 00:14:05,361 --> 00:14:06,821 Girls are so scary. 360 00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:09,407 I don't want you out in the field again, Peralta. 361 00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:10,741 I'm pulling you from case work. 362 00:14:10,825 --> 00:14:13,202 You can digitize old files with Scully. You're benching me? 363 00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:15,037 No, no, no. Look. I've got a plan. 364 00:14:15,163 --> 00:14:16,747 Give all my open cases to Hitchcock, 365 00:14:16,873 --> 00:14:19,000 who's suddenly on a roll, and assign me 20 fresh ones. 366 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,376 Eventually, my luck will turn. 367 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,670 No, I don't think that's what's best for you or the squad. 368 00:14:22,753 --> 00:14:25,006 Not until this blows over. And how long will that be? 369 00:14:25,089 --> 00:14:27,091 Could be a week, could be a month. 370 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,260 Could be a year, could be a decade. 371 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,971 Sorry, we were just saying bigger and bigger numbers. 372 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,266 I don't know how to connect with these kids. 373 00:14:35,391 --> 00:14:38,186 They're mean and shallow, and respect nothing. 374 00:14:38,394 --> 00:14:40,104 I mean, what kind of person would they even listen to? 375 00:14:40,188 --> 00:14:41,355 Hitchcock, 376 00:14:41,856 --> 00:14:43,858 stop bringing your food in little Tupperware containers. 377 00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:45,943 It hurts my fingers when I'm trying to open it. 378 00:14:46,027 --> 00:14:47,069 Sorry. 379 00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:52,700 Hey, Gina. That's a super cute... 380 00:14:52,783 --> 00:14:54,827 What do you want? sweater. Okay. 381 00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:58,289 Rosa and I think it would be great if you'd talk to the kids. 382 00:14:58,372 --> 00:15:00,583 Mmm. I thought only cops could help. 383 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:03,044 In this case, not being a cop might actually be better. 384 00:15:03,127 --> 00:15:04,670 Mmm. That's true in all cases. 385 00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:06,714 Cops are the worst. 386 00:15:09,091 --> 00:15:10,885 "Enter the numbers from this report 387 00:15:10,968 --> 00:15:12,637 "Into the corresponding boxes on this screen. 388 00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:15,431 "Then, fill out these fields." And I'm in a coma. 389 00:15:15,973 --> 00:15:17,141 Hey, Hitchcock. 390 00:15:17,225 --> 00:15:18,684 Help me out, man. I'm so bored. 391 00:15:18,768 --> 00:15:20,061 Let me jump back on that murder with you. 392 00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:21,854 No, I got it. 393 00:15:21,979 --> 00:15:23,731 Come on, man. Let me just see the file. No, don't touch it! 394 00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:25,650 You're contagious. Everything could fall apart! 395 00:15:25,942 --> 00:15:27,276 Peralta, leave Hitchcock alone. 396 00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:28,486 Come here. 397 00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:31,614 Now, I got in touch with Smitty. 398 00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:34,575 He says that you should rub this rabbit's foot with your left forefinger 399 00:15:34,659 --> 00:15:37,036 and your pinky like this for good luck. 400 00:15:37,411 --> 00:15:39,121 Okay? Now, you try it. 401 00:15:39,747 --> 00:15:40,915 Okay. 402 00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:42,792 Yep. 403 00:15:43,417 --> 00:15:45,419 It's definitely helping. I can feel it. 404 00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,214 The curse is lifting off of me. 405 00:15:48,297 --> 00:15:49,507 Ah, hand cramp. 406 00:15:49,590 --> 00:15:51,175 Rub, rub, rub. 407 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,764 You okay? 408 00:15:57,515 --> 00:16:00,101 The Fairy Princess Castle has defeated me. 409 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:01,978 I'm a grown man 410 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,480 with man-hands and a man-brain. 411 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:07,149 I should be able to put together a doll house in less than four hours. 412 00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:09,944 Why does it have to be so hard? 413 00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:12,029 Look. 414 00:16:12,113 --> 00:16:14,240 This screw has three pointy sides 415 00:16:14,657 --> 00:16:16,617 and nowhere to screw it in! 416 00:16:18,119 --> 00:16:19,662 And there's wheels. 417 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:23,124 What kind of castle has wheels? 418 00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:25,543 Ahhh! 419 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,507 117A. Yes. 420 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,842 117B. Yes. 421 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,218 18A. 422 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,847 Wait a minute. 423 00:16:42,351 --> 00:16:43,352 Hey. 424 00:16:43,477 --> 00:16:44,604 Just heading to the can. 425 00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:46,105 Take the rabbit's foot. 426 00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:48,774 Roger that. 427 00:16:53,696 --> 00:16:54,989 Hey. Hey. What's going on? 428 00:16:55,072 --> 00:16:56,532 Well, I'm not allowed to leave my desk, 429 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:57,867 so we have to meet in here. 430 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,328 So, what you're saying is that this is kind of a... 431 00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,580 No. For the last time, Charles, we don't need a clubhouse! 432 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,707 Clubhouse! 433 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,501 Clubhouse. 434 00:17:08,002 --> 00:17:10,087 You know what I'm thinking. No clubhouse. 435 00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:13,591 I need you to make these calls for me. Don't let Holt see you. 436 00:17:13,716 --> 00:17:15,468 But if my hunch is right, the slump is over. 437 00:17:15,843 --> 00:17:17,762 Come through for me, Boyle. All right. You know I will. 438 00:17:17,928 --> 00:17:19,847 I'm just saying, put a couple of leather chairs in here. 439 00:17:19,930 --> 00:17:20,973 Go! 440 00:17:23,768 --> 00:17:24,769 Children. 441 00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:28,397 Your problem is not that you're troubled or at-risk 442 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,858 or bad dressers. Is that a trucker hat? 443 00:17:31,275 --> 00:17:32,818 Still? Come on. 444 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:36,947 Your problem is that you don't have passion for anything. 445 00:17:37,406 --> 00:17:41,243 My life turned around when I found my passion. 446 00:17:41,869 --> 00:17:45,164 And today, well, I hope to inspire you with it. 447 00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:50,753 Mmm-mm-mm 448 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:57,468 You are beautiful no matter what they say 449 00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:01,847 Words can't bring you down 450 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:04,392 No, no 451 00:18:05,101 --> 00:18:07,186 You are beautiful 452 00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:09,980 in every single way 453 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,025 What are we thinking? 454 00:18:13,484 --> 00:18:14,694 Yes, in the denim. 455 00:18:14,777 --> 00:18:16,070 I think I speak for everyone 456 00:18:16,153 --> 00:18:18,531 when I say your weird dancing was just weird. 457 00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:19,990 Fine. 458 00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:23,494 Cops make $52,000 a year, you never have to stop at a red light, 459 00:18:23,786 --> 00:18:26,497 and you get to carry a gun. Who wants in? 460 00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:29,041 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yes. 461 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,711 Oh, my God. You got eight kids to sign up. 462 00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:32,920 How did you know that would work? 463 00:18:33,003 --> 00:18:34,839 That's what made me sign up when I was a kid. 464 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,049 You did this program? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 465 00:18:37,174 --> 00:18:38,843 It does not work. 466 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,638 They're here. 467 00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:45,599 Fantastic. Too dramatic? No. 468 00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:47,560 Hi. Why are we in the bathroom? 469 00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:50,020 I thought you might ask that, and I will answer in due time. 470 00:18:50,104 --> 00:18:53,149 But first, I know what happened to your grandma. Nothing. 471 00:18:53,274 --> 00:18:54,442 What are you talking about? 472 00:18:54,525 --> 00:18:56,986 The reason I couldn't find her is because she never existed. 473 00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:58,946 I had Detective Boyle make some calls, 474 00:18:59,029 --> 00:19:01,073 and it turns out you've done this before. 475 00:19:01,532 --> 00:19:04,285 Five missing persons reports in five different states. 476 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,495 Recognize this? What are you accusing us of? 477 00:19:06,662 --> 00:19:09,457 Probably insurance fraud. Definitely filing a false report 478 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:10,666 and obstruction of justice. 479 00:19:10,958 --> 00:19:13,002 Now, you were wondering why we did this in the bathroom. 480 00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:14,211 It's because you're full of crap. 481 00:19:14,295 --> 00:19:15,796 Blammo. Jake-hammer strikes again. 482 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,715 Jake-hammer strikes again. 483 00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:19,049 Detectives. 484 00:19:19,175 --> 00:19:21,594 I see we got eight recruits for the Junior Police Program? 485 00:19:21,677 --> 00:19:23,012 Outstanding. 486 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,305 Thank you, sir. 487 00:19:24,388 --> 00:19:26,557 But as important as your praise is to me, 488 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,225 it should actually go to Gina. 489 00:19:28,309 --> 00:19:29,602 She's the one that got through to the kids. 490 00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:31,312 Yes. I am amazing. 491 00:19:31,645 --> 00:19:33,773 And I only ask for one thing in repayment. 492 00:19:34,482 --> 00:19:35,775 A 600% raise. 493 00:19:35,858 --> 00:19:38,152 Or I could give you a 0% raise 494 00:19:38,235 --> 00:19:41,030 and make you my personal assistant, which is what I'm doing. 495 00:19:41,238 --> 00:19:42,615 I think you have hidden talents, 496 00:19:42,698 --> 00:19:44,366 which will make you surprisingly good at the job. 497 00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:47,286 No. I have no talents. You start Monday. 498 00:19:48,162 --> 00:19:49,163 Ugh. 499 00:19:49,663 --> 00:19:52,082 Constantly getting Holt's approval is the worst. 500 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,251 Yes. I can only imagine. 501 00:19:54,835 --> 00:19:57,671 Well. The curse is over. The slump is done. 502 00:19:57,755 --> 00:19:58,756 Jake is back. 503 00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:01,383 Permission to take a selfie of the two of us, sir? Permission denied. 504 00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,676 Too late. 505 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,220 Ah. That was a good one. 506 00:20:05,012 --> 00:20:06,722 So, the rabbit's foot worked, huh? 507 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:07,932 Ah, maybe. 508 00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:09,517 All I know is, my mind was so numb 509 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,101 from doing all that boring data entry 510 00:20:11,185 --> 00:20:13,437 that my brain kind of rebooted and I had an inspiration 511 00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:14,855 about one of my old cases. 512 00:20:16,398 --> 00:20:18,734 And I now see that that was your plan all along. 513 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,110 And that you're capable of smiling. 514 00:20:20,277 --> 00:20:23,322 All talented detectives have their ups and downs, Peralta. 515 00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:25,908 So, you think I'm talented. You said it, no take-backs. 516 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,701 You know why Boyle doesn't slump? 517 00:20:27,785 --> 00:20:28,994 Because his whole life is a slump? 518 00:20:29,078 --> 00:20:30,955 Because he doesn't let adversity get him down. 519 00:20:31,038 --> 00:20:32,748 He keeps grinding. 520 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,667 If I had given you those new cases, 521 00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:37,127 the second you hit a snag, you would have spiraled again. 522 00:20:37,294 --> 00:20:39,380 You need to stay out of your own head. Okay. 523 00:20:39,547 --> 00:20:41,257 But, sir, I don't get it. If that was your plan, 524 00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,925 why bother with Smitty and the rabbit's foot? 525 00:20:43,050 --> 00:20:44,385 Well, there's a very good reason for that. 526 00:20:44,468 --> 00:20:45,803 I was, uh... 527 00:20:45,886 --> 00:20:49,223 I believe the term is, uh, "messing with you." 528 00:20:49,932 --> 00:20:51,183 Oh. 529 00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,018 I see what's going on here. 530 00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:55,187 We're becoming homies. 531 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,315 Office Christmas card candidate, right here. 532 00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,109 Me and Holt are homies! 533 00:21:01,235 --> 00:21:02,528 Hey, Sarge. 534 00:21:02,778 --> 00:21:04,363 I assembled the castle for you. 535 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:05,906 Here it is. 536 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,242 What? What happened to all 537 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:09,410 the princess flourishes? 538 00:21:09,493 --> 00:21:10,661 Well, they were destroyed, 539 00:21:10,911 --> 00:21:12,580 so I turned it into a princess police station. 540 00:21:12,746 --> 00:21:14,206 You know, some jobs take brains, 541 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,875 some jobs take muscles, 542 00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:18,878 some jobs take dainty little fingers. 543 00:21:19,169 --> 00:21:21,130 Did I ever tell you I had to wear a woman's wedding ring? 544 00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:23,716 Thank you, Boyle. I appreciate it. 545 00:21:23,966 --> 00:21:25,092 You're a good dad. 546 00:21:25,175 --> 00:21:26,635 Don't put so much pressure on yourself. 547 00:21:27,428 --> 00:21:28,679 Oh, check this out. 548 00:21:28,762 --> 00:21:30,598 Working siren. 549 00:21:30,681 --> 00:21:32,516 I'll fix that! I'll fix, I'll fix that.