1
00:00:03,408 --> 00:00:04,952
I'm so glad we could
finally do this.

2
00:00:05,035 --> 00:00:07,746
I know. Kylie says you're
always stuck at the precinct.

3
00:00:07,829 --> 00:00:09,540
Yeah. Oh.

4
00:00:09,623 --> 00:00:12,125
Speaking of. This
is work. Sorry.

5
00:00:13,252 --> 00:00:14,336
What's up, Peralta?

6
00:00:14,419 --> 00:00:16,171
Captain
called. He needs everybody back.

7
00:00:16,255 --> 00:00:17,965
There's a lead on the
Nightingale Strangler.

8
00:00:18,048 --> 00:00:22,302
We're looking for a white male,
5'10", medium build, brown hair.

9
00:00:22,386 --> 00:00:24,346
Small scar on
his right cheek.

10
00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:25,973
Okay.

11
00:00:26,056 --> 00:00:30,686
His MO is, he finds lonely women
with no friends, poisons their food,

12
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,521
and then guts them
in his van.

13
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,106
It's pretty gnarly.

14
00:00:34,231 --> 00:00:37,150
Last seen wearing a
salmon shirt, gray blazer.

15
00:00:37,568 --> 00:00:41,154
And witnesses have said he has
trouble fitting lettuce in his mouth.

16
00:00:41,238 --> 00:00:43,240
Okay. Where are you?

17
00:00:43,323 --> 00:00:45,993
Apparently, he has the world's smallest
penis and doesn't know how to use it.

18
00:00:46,076 --> 00:00:48,203
Hi, there. I'm Jake Peralta,
Amy's boss.

19
00:00:48,412 --> 00:00:49,997
That's not true.
What are you doing here?

20
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,957
I am here on a date,

21
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,709
who is now leaving.

22
00:00:53,917 --> 00:00:55,502
Worth it.
Have a great night.

23
00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:56,962
Oh. Your boss seems
really nice.

24
00:00:57,045 --> 00:00:58,755
He's not my boss.
Yes, I am.

25
00:01:21,236 --> 00:01:24,906
And with a record five
felonies solved in one week,

26
00:01:25,365 --> 00:01:26,450
Peralta pulls ahead.

27
00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:28,619
Did you guys hear that I
solved five felonies in one week?

28
00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:30,454
We heard.
Really? How?

29
00:01:30,621 --> 00:01:34,124
Five felonies in one week.
Light them up, Boyle!

30
00:01:39,421 --> 00:01:41,173
That's the sweet
taste of triumph.

31
00:01:41,465 --> 00:01:42,716
You should shower more.
Yep.

32
00:01:42,799 --> 00:01:44,885
Updates on open cases?

33
00:01:45,218 --> 00:01:46,970
I just got a DOA
on Bessemer Street.

34
00:01:47,054 --> 00:01:49,890
You're the primary. You're in
charge. Take Diaz and Peralta.

35
00:01:50,057 --> 00:01:52,225
Yes. My fantasy
threesome.

36
00:01:53,602 --> 00:01:54,645
Of cops on a case.

37
00:01:54,728 --> 00:01:56,605
Detectives, our monthly
crime statistics are due.

38
00:01:56,688 --> 00:01:59,232
I want all paperwork on your
closed cases by tomorrow.

39
00:01:59,524 --> 00:02:01,818
Scully, you can just write "I didn't
close any" on a piece of paper.

40
00:02:01,902 --> 00:02:02,944
You got it.

41
00:02:03,028 --> 00:02:04,404
I already got my
paperwork in, Captain.

42
00:02:05,155 --> 00:02:06,990
Then, I guess this little
reminder isn't for you.

43
00:02:07,491 --> 00:02:09,868
Wow. Looks like he hates
you even more than me.

44
00:02:09,951 --> 00:02:12,162
No,
he doesn't. We have a good relationship.

45
00:02:12,579 --> 00:02:13,664
We're on the same page.

46
00:02:13,747 --> 00:02:15,791
Something to share with
the rest of us, Santiago?

47
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:19,044
No, sir. I wasn't... Peralta
was the one that was talking.

48
00:02:19,961 --> 00:02:22,130
God, you must have been
the worst fourth grader ever.

49
00:02:22,214 --> 00:02:24,174
Joke's on you.
I skipped fourth grade.

50
00:02:24,257 --> 00:02:25,884
Santiago. Anything else?

51
00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:27,177
No.
No?

52
00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:28,387
Mmm-mmm.

53
00:02:28,804 --> 00:02:29,805
Dismissed.

54
00:02:30,347 --> 00:02:33,350
Hey, Boyle. I know you haven't
had Peralta as a secondary in a while.

55
00:02:33,433 --> 00:02:35,102
Be careful.
It could be rough.

56
00:02:35,185 --> 00:02:37,104
Hey, saboteur.

57
00:02:37,187 --> 00:02:39,898
That's not true. I happen to
be a very good secondary.

58
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:43,568
So, you were just
borrowing those cars?

59
00:02:43,735 --> 00:02:45,278
Ask about his bank account.

60
00:02:45,362 --> 00:02:46,947
Ask about his bank account!

61
00:02:47,406 --> 00:02:48,699
Ask him about his bank...

62
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,535
account.

63
00:02:51,618 --> 00:02:53,203
You should ask him
about his bank account.

64
00:02:53,286 --> 00:02:55,330
Captain,
Santiago broke the glass. What?

65
00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:59,668
You can't give up control. You're
terrible at taking your primary's orders.

66
00:02:59,751 --> 00:03:01,670
You just do whatever you want.

67
00:03:01,753 --> 00:03:03,213
I could go on and on and on.

68
00:03:03,296 --> 00:03:06,216
Is something no lover of
yours has ever said. Blammo!

69
00:03:06,466 --> 00:03:09,261
Look, I can be an amazing secondary,
and I'll prove it.

70
00:03:09,386 --> 00:03:10,637
I know you will,
Jake-in-the-box.

71
00:03:10,721 --> 00:03:13,432
Okay. Don't ever call me that again.
I'm driving. We should leave now.

72
00:03:13,515 --> 00:03:14,683
Carry my bag.

73
00:03:15,684 --> 00:03:18,186
But you should
pick the music, primary.

74
00:03:20,063 --> 00:03:23,066
Consider yourself
part of the furniture

75
00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:26,194
There isn't a lot
to spare

76
00:03:26,695 --> 00:03:30,490
Who cares,
whatever we got, we share

77
00:03:32,492 --> 00:03:34,244
It's a great picture, sir.

78
00:03:34,578 --> 00:03:35,787
I hate it.

79
00:03:35,871 --> 00:03:36,913
Me, too.

80
00:03:39,249 --> 00:03:41,877
So, I have an eyewitness
in the purse-snatcher case.

81
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,129
Only problem is the sketch
artist is out sick.

82
00:03:44,421 --> 00:03:45,630
How do you want me
to proceed?

83
00:03:45,714 --> 00:03:47,549
Figure it out, Santiago.
It's your case.

84
00:03:47,924 --> 00:03:49,926
Yes. I will do that.

85
00:03:50,552 --> 00:03:51,845
Thank you.

86
00:03:51,928 --> 00:03:53,221
Are you bowing?

87
00:03:54,181 --> 00:03:57,017
No. This is how I walk.

88
00:04:01,354 --> 00:04:02,689
What do you need,
Quasimodo?

89
00:04:02,773 --> 00:04:03,899
I got to go meet
Boyle and Peralta.

90
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:05,734
Is there something wrong
with the captain?

91
00:04:05,817 --> 00:04:07,027
It seems like he's
in a bad mood.

92
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:08,236
I don't know.
Who can tell?

93
00:04:10,572 --> 00:04:12,741
You all right, Captain?
Tough weekend?

94
00:04:13,408 --> 00:04:15,452
I went to Barbados
with my husband.

95
00:04:15,535 --> 00:04:19,581
We wove hats out of palm
fronds and swam with the stingrays.

96
00:04:20,415 --> 00:04:21,875
I've never been happier.

97
00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:25,337
Guy's impossible to read.

98
00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:26,421
Don't even try.

99
00:04:26,588 --> 00:04:29,257
That is, without question,
the funniest story I've ever heard.

100
00:04:33,261 --> 00:04:36,223
Wow. This guy must have
weighed 500 pounds.

101
00:04:36,515 --> 00:04:37,849
I think we have an idea
what killed him.

102
00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:39,893
Spoiler alert, it was
not starvation.

103
00:04:40,852 --> 00:04:41,895
What do we got?
What do we got?

104
00:04:41,978 --> 00:04:44,606
Sorry. Sorry. You're the
primary. You're in charge.

105
00:04:45,774 --> 00:04:49,528
Frank Patterson. 58 years old,
married, no children.

106
00:04:49,778 --> 00:04:51,696
Wife found him this
morning and called it in.

107
00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:53,907
Okay. Any signs of forced
entry or a struggle?

108
00:04:54,324 --> 00:04:55,325
No.

109
00:04:55,408 --> 00:04:56,618
Are you sure
about that?

110
00:04:56,701 --> 00:04:59,079
Looks like maybe his belt had a
pretty epic struggle with his stomach.

111
00:05:00,413 --> 00:05:01,665
What are you thinking,
Boyle? For a guy...

112
00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:04,835
I'm calling natural causes. We
got heart medicine over here,

113
00:05:04,918 --> 00:05:07,921
home defibrillator,
and a frequent customer gift basket

114
00:05:08,004 --> 00:05:09,798
from the cardiac wing of
Brooklyn Methodist.

115
00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:11,424
This case is
open and shut.

116
00:05:12,092 --> 00:05:13,927
Just like his mouth
was constantly.

117
00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:16,346
That was my last
fat joke. Okay?

118
00:05:16,721 --> 00:05:18,557
Diaz, check and see if there's
any more meds in the bathroom.

119
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,893
Boyle, see what you can find in
the bedroom. I'll take the kitchen.

120
00:05:23,562 --> 00:05:26,147
Yep. That's exactly
what I was going to say.

121
00:05:26,231 --> 00:05:29,025
It's so weird. He's so good at knowing
what I'm going to tell him to do.

122
00:05:29,109 --> 00:05:31,319
He just does it.
It's weird.

123
00:05:34,739 --> 00:05:38,201
Hey, Sergeant. You know how
you're really good at, um, doodling?

124
00:05:38,285 --> 00:05:39,911
I know you think you're
complimenting me,

125
00:05:39,995 --> 00:05:42,247
but calling them doodles
is an insult.

126
00:05:42,914 --> 00:05:44,708
You a big fan of
Picasso's doodles?

127
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,961
Sorry. Can you please
draw a perp for me?

128
00:05:48,044 --> 00:05:51,006
The sketch artist is out sick and the
captain wants this done right away.

129
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,008
He's in a bad mood.
Is he?

130
00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:54,092
I can never read him.

131
00:05:55,385 --> 00:05:57,554
You look chipper, Captain.
You have a fun weekend?

132
00:05:57,888 --> 00:05:59,806
There was a small fire
in my home.

133
00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:02,350
I lost many photo albums
of treasured memories.

134
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:05,103
I'm devastated.

135
00:06:05,937 --> 00:06:07,981
I'm telling you.
He and I have a connection,

136
00:06:08,064 --> 00:06:09,816
and there is something
bothering him.

137
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:11,151
Can you help me out?

138
00:06:11,776 --> 00:06:12,903
Great.

139
00:06:12,986 --> 00:06:15,989
Ma'am, can you please describe
the perp to Sergeant Jeffords?

140
00:06:16,072 --> 00:06:19,534
Uh, yeah. He had, um, dark,
curly hair and a neck tattoo.

141
00:06:19,618 --> 00:06:23,121
Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Uh,
let's start with the eyes.

142
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,707
Were they desperate?
Lonely?

143
00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:27,792
Did they betray heartache?

144
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:29,169
They were brown.

145
00:06:29,711 --> 00:06:31,296
Do you even want your
purse back?

146
00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:37,344
So far, you've managed to tell three fat
jokes and completely bulldoze Charles.

147
00:06:37,427 --> 00:06:38,970
Is that your idea of being
a good secondary?

148
00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:42,766
First off, I've told four.
And second, I'm helping.

149
00:06:42,849 --> 00:06:44,935
I mean, I started cataloging
the contents of the fridge,

150
00:06:45,018 --> 00:06:46,436
but it turns out there's
not enough paper on Earth.

151
00:06:46,519 --> 00:06:48,021
Five fat jokes.

152
00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:50,273
Thanks, Arnie. See?
Arnie thinks I'm doing great.

153
00:06:50,357 --> 00:06:51,608
Arnie, shut up.

154
00:06:51,691 --> 00:06:56,154
Jake, for once,
just hang back and let Boyle do his job.

155
00:06:56,446 --> 00:06:57,906
Fine.

156
00:06:58,448 --> 00:07:00,408
Unless I get a direct order
from Boyle,

157
00:07:00,492 --> 00:07:04,079
I will stand here motionless
like a wise old oak tree.

158
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:07,082
You look like an idiot.

159
00:07:08,124 --> 00:07:10,835
I'm so sorry for your loss,
Mrs. Patterson.

160
00:07:10,919 --> 00:07:13,004
Can you talk about what
happened after breakfast?

161
00:07:13,088 --> 00:07:15,924
I took the dog for a walk.
When I came back, he was dead.

162
00:07:16,257 --> 00:07:19,886
I'm just in shock. We were going
on a cruise together next week.

163
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:22,555
He had pre-purchased
the unlimited soda package.

164
00:07:22,889 --> 00:07:25,016
I'm sure the soft drink
industry mourns his passing.

165
00:07:29,646 --> 00:07:31,940
Motion reactivated.

166
00:07:34,484 --> 00:07:36,277
Hey.
I'm Detective Jake Peralta.

167
00:07:36,361 --> 00:07:38,613
Dr. Rossi. I'm the new
medical examiner.

168
00:07:38,697 --> 00:07:40,573
Don't let me get in your way.
I'm sure you have a lot to do.

169
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:43,702
Actually, I've been given a
direct order to do nothing. So...

170
00:07:44,744 --> 00:07:46,079
What brings you here?

171
00:07:46,162 --> 00:07:49,916
Okay. I'm all right.
Sorry. Sorry.

172
00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:52,460
You all right?
What's up?

173
00:07:57,549 --> 00:07:58,800
How's the
Patterson case looking?

174
00:07:58,883 --> 00:08:00,385
Uh, it looks like
natural causes,

175
00:08:00,468 --> 00:08:03,304
but I'll know for sure once I
get the autopsy results tomorrow.

176
00:08:03,388 --> 00:08:05,598
Jake volunteered to
follow up with the ME.

177
00:08:05,682 --> 00:08:06,933
My man is all over it.

178
00:08:07,392 --> 00:08:09,519
I'm really glad you could
sneak away from your case.

179
00:08:09,644 --> 00:08:12,147
Well, it's technically
not really my case.

180
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:15,984
But on the plus side,
I have all the time in the world.

181
00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:17,402
Oh.

182
00:08:17,485 --> 00:08:20,739
To you. And to the ginormous dead
fat man who brought us together.

183
00:08:28,663 --> 00:08:30,915
Hey, Jake. Have you
heard anything from the ME?

184
00:08:30,999 --> 00:08:32,375
She hasn't sent the
autopsy report.

185
00:08:32,459 --> 00:08:33,752
Oh, that's strange.

186
00:08:33,835 --> 00:08:36,671
Maybe probably a bunch more
people died and she got super busy.

187
00:08:36,755 --> 00:08:38,256
That's definitely
what happened.

188
00:08:38,339 --> 00:08:39,799
Okay. Just let me know
when she calls.

189
00:08:39,924 --> 00:08:41,259
You got it.

190
00:08:43,136 --> 00:08:45,764
Hey. Can I ask you guys
something? Can you keep a secret?

191
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:47,015
Do you know anything
about my life?

192
00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:48,391
No, I do not.
Good point.

193
00:08:48,475 --> 00:08:50,310
Okay. So, you know the
new medical examiner?

194
00:08:50,393 --> 00:08:52,270
I kind of had sex
with her last night.

195
00:08:52,729 --> 00:08:53,730
What?

196
00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,774
Oh. Sorry. I forgot
who I was talking to.

197
00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:57,901
Sex is something that two
adults do with their bodies

198
00:08:57,984 --> 00:08:59,152
when they're attracted
to each other.

199
00:08:59,486 --> 00:09:00,945
He's right, Santiago.
Do you not know that?

200
00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:03,615
I meant, what were
you thinking?

201
00:09:04,074 --> 00:09:07,327
She was supposed to be doing an
autopsy for your primary, Charles.

202
00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:09,704
The guy died of natural
causes. What's the big deal?

203
00:09:09,788 --> 00:09:12,082
Anyways, back to last night.
As you would imagine,

204
00:09:12,165 --> 00:09:14,334
I'm normally up for pretty
much anything in the bedroom.

205
00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:17,003
But I can't tell if what
happened was weird or sexy.

206
00:09:17,629 --> 00:09:19,714
Wait. Close your eyes.

207
00:09:19,798 --> 00:09:21,007
Oh, okay.

208
00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:25,345
Ah!

209
00:09:28,181 --> 00:09:29,265
What are you doing?

210
00:09:29,349 --> 00:09:30,892
I like them cold.

211
00:09:31,643 --> 00:09:32,811
Okay.

212
00:09:33,228 --> 00:09:34,729
Not that weird.
Cold?

213
00:09:34,813 --> 00:09:36,606
Like a dead guy?
You're reading into that.

214
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:37,690
Am I?

215
00:09:38,149 --> 00:09:39,651
You have a really nice chest.

216
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:41,111
Thank you.

217
00:09:41,194 --> 00:09:45,115
I'd love to crack it open and get
my hands all over your organs.

218
00:09:45,198 --> 00:09:47,575
Okay. I wonder how much
your appendix weighs.

219
00:09:47,659 --> 00:09:50,870
Oh. It's inflamed.

220
00:09:50,995 --> 00:09:53,164
All right. Wait.
That's bad, right?

221
00:09:53,248 --> 00:09:54,749
Yeah, it is.
Oh, no.

222
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:57,585
Ew. Please tell me you
ran out of there.

223
00:09:58,086 --> 00:10:02,173
No. For some reason,
I kind of started getting into it.

224
00:10:02,924 --> 00:10:04,968
Oh. What do we have here?

225
00:10:05,301 --> 00:10:09,097
A 34-year-old Caucasian
male who is dead. Very dead.

226
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:11,057
Mmm. Cause of death?

227
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:14,102
Initial assessment,
blunt force trauma.

228
00:10:14,519 --> 00:10:16,729
But what do I find when
I probe a little farther?

229
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,608
Bruising around the neck
and ocean water in the lungs.

230
00:10:20,692 --> 00:10:23,069
Ooh. How long have you
been dead, body?

231
00:10:23,153 --> 00:10:25,738
Four days.
Gross. Bloating. Odors.

232
00:10:25,822 --> 00:10:28,158
Oh. Uh, 24 hours.

233
00:10:28,241 --> 00:10:29,951
Perfect.

234
00:10:30,952 --> 00:10:31,995
Here we go.

235
00:10:32,412 --> 00:10:34,581
Stop, stop, stop.
Weird, weird, weird.

236
00:10:34,664 --> 00:10:36,374
Rosa, what's your call?
Weird or sexy?

237
00:10:36,541 --> 00:10:38,168
Weird.
I knew it!

238
00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:40,920
But also kind of sexy?
No. Weird.

239
00:10:41,004 --> 00:10:42,422
But more importantly,
that's what you were doing

240
00:10:42,505 --> 00:10:44,591
while Charles was grinding
through paperwork?

241
00:10:44,674 --> 00:10:46,634
Told you. Worst
secondary in the unit.

242
00:10:46,718 --> 00:10:47,927
Oh, what do you guys
want from me?

243
00:10:48,011 --> 00:10:50,138
You know, I take over a crime scene,
I'm a bad secondary.

244
00:10:50,221 --> 00:10:53,016
I blow off work to have sex with a
hot coroner, I'm a bad secondary.

245
00:10:53,099 --> 00:10:54,976
I can't win. What are
you guys talking about?

246
00:10:55,059 --> 00:10:57,645
Um, just weird sex stuff that
has nothing to do with work.

247
00:10:57,729 --> 00:11:01,316
I once had sex on a futon.
And it was in couch mode.

248
00:11:03,318 --> 00:11:04,319
Hmm.

249
00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:11,743
Sarge, all of these are fine. How much
longer are you going to work on this?

250
00:11:11,826 --> 00:11:14,829
It's questions like that that
made Van Gogh cut off his ear.

251
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,831
You can't put a clock on art.

252
00:11:18,499 --> 00:11:19,542
Ten minutes.

253
00:11:19,626 --> 00:11:22,253
Great. Let's catch this guy so
we can give Holt some good news.

254
00:11:22,754 --> 00:11:23,755
I want to cheer him up.

255
00:11:23,838 --> 00:11:25,381
Well, how do you even
know he's in a bad mood?

256
00:11:25,465 --> 00:11:27,300
I mean, it's impossible
to read that guy.

257
00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:32,222
This the most incompetent, worthless
report I have ever read in my life!

258
00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:34,641
Get your act together,
or so help me God,

259
00:11:34,766 --> 00:11:36,726
you won't live
to see retirement!

260
00:11:37,518 --> 00:11:40,021
It's like, "What's that
guy thinking?" You know?

261
00:11:40,772 --> 00:11:44,567
I can read him. And if anyone can figure
out what's bothering him, it's me.

262
00:11:44,984 --> 00:11:46,736
He and I are
exactly the same.

263
00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:50,406
Except that I'm younger, Cuban,
female, single, and straight.

264
00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:51,824
Captain Holt's not gay.

265
00:11:53,159 --> 00:11:54,369
Captain Holt's gay?

266
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,204
Seriously, man.
Just retire.

267
00:11:58,831 --> 00:12:00,708
Boyle, where's my paperwork
on that DOA?

268
00:12:00,792 --> 00:12:02,377
Still waiting on
the autopsy report.

269
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,753
It was supposed to come
in first thing this morning,

270
00:12:03,836 --> 00:12:04,837
but so far, nothing.

271
00:12:04,921 --> 00:12:06,089
This is unacceptable.

272
00:12:06,172 --> 00:12:07,882
I'll call the ME
and find out what happened.

273
00:12:07,966 --> 00:12:10,134
Buh, buh, buh, buh,
buh, buh, buh.

274
00:12:10,593 --> 00:12:12,136
That's not necessary, sir.

275
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,722
For the record,
I think it's natural causes, anyway.

276
00:12:14,806 --> 00:12:17,767
But I'm also the secondary on
this case. It's my responsibility.

277
00:12:17,850 --> 00:12:19,644
So, I will head on down there
and pick up the report.

278
00:12:19,978 --> 00:12:22,522
Good. But don't ever "buh,
buh, buh, buh" me again.

279
00:12:22,605 --> 00:12:23,690
Right. I don't know what...

280
00:12:23,773 --> 00:12:25,858
Buh, buh, buh,
buh, buh, buh.

281
00:12:25,942 --> 00:12:27,068
Just go.

282
00:12:27,652 --> 00:12:30,029
Yep. I am going to regret
teaching him that one.

283
00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:33,658
Rosa, can I show you
something?

284
00:12:34,158 --> 00:12:35,201
What's up?

285
00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:38,454
Patterson's wife told me that they were
going on a cruise together next month,

286
00:12:38,538 --> 00:12:40,707
but her credit card bill
shows only one ticket booked.

287
00:12:41,874 --> 00:12:44,335
Either she's lying,
or she knew he was going to die.

288
00:12:44,669 --> 00:12:46,337
Huh. Nice find, Boyle.

289
00:12:46,754 --> 00:12:48,089
This could be a murder.

290
00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:51,426
Where is that autopsy? Jake went
down to the ME an hour and a half ago,

291
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:52,635
he still hasn't got
back to me.

292
00:12:52,719 --> 00:12:54,053
Jake went to get the
autopsy report?

293
00:12:54,137 --> 00:12:56,472
I know.
Isn't he the best?

294
00:12:56,681 --> 00:12:58,891
I mean, he's really coming
into his own as a secondary.

295
00:12:58,975 --> 00:13:00,768
I want to get him
something nice.

296
00:13:00,852 --> 00:13:03,896
Does he come across more as a pinot guy,
or more of a syrah?

297
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:06,941
You know what? We better go
down there. See what's holding him up.

298
00:13:07,692 --> 00:13:08,860
Good call.

299
00:13:12,238 --> 00:13:13,990
Detectives.
Hello.

300
00:13:14,073 --> 00:13:15,867
Your shirt's buttoned wrong.

301
00:13:15,950 --> 00:13:18,745
Ha. So it is. Well.

302
00:13:18,828 --> 00:13:19,829
How can I help you?

303
00:13:19,912 --> 00:13:21,664
Uh, we came by to get
that autopsy report.

304
00:13:21,789 --> 00:13:23,499
Hmm.
Is Detective Peralta here?

305
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,084
I haven't seen him.

306
00:13:25,668 --> 00:13:26,753
Thanks for coming by.

307
00:13:26,836 --> 00:13:28,254
Hold on.

308
00:13:32,258 --> 00:13:33,259
Found him.

309
00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:36,846
Ah. Thank goodness
you're here. I am so lost.

310
00:13:37,722 --> 00:13:40,099
Do you know where
the vending machines are?

311
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:44,979
Look, it's not what
it seems like.

312
00:13:45,063 --> 00:13:46,314
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.

313
00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:49,692
Here's what happened. I came
down here to get the autopsy report.

314
00:13:49,776 --> 00:13:51,694
And in conclusion,
here we are.

315
00:13:52,111 --> 00:13:53,196
Now, if you'll excuse me.

316
00:13:53,279 --> 00:13:54,572
Cut the crap, Peralta.

317
00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:56,616
Look, I'm sorry I slowed
down the autopsy results.

318
00:13:56,699 --> 00:13:58,326
But everyone knows it's
natural causes.

319
00:13:58,409 --> 00:14:00,119
Not anymore. We think it
could be a murder.

320
00:14:00,203 --> 00:14:01,412
Wait. Like,
a "murder" murder?

321
00:14:01,496 --> 00:14:04,707
Or, like, his mouth murdered him by making
him eat so much food that his heart exploded?

322
00:14:04,791 --> 00:14:07,126
"Murder" murder. We need
the autopsy to be sure.

323
00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:08,920
I have not gotten
to that yet.

324
00:14:09,003 --> 00:14:11,089
You guys have been down
here for two hours.

325
00:14:11,172 --> 00:14:12,882
What, did you have
sex 40 times?

326
00:14:13,216 --> 00:14:16,344
40 times? No. Charles.
Look, I'm sorry.

327
00:14:16,427 --> 00:14:17,678
We didn't know
it was a homicide.

328
00:14:17,762 --> 00:14:20,681
Well, it shouldn't matter. I'm your
primary and I asked you to do something.

329
00:14:20,765 --> 00:14:23,226
So, if it's okay,
I'd like to be upset with you.

330
00:14:23,518 --> 00:14:25,770
It's more than okay.
It's okay times two.

331
00:14:26,104 --> 00:14:29,941
Now, Dr. Rossi, will you please
perform the autopsy for us right now?

332
00:14:30,525 --> 00:14:33,152
Actually, with a body this size,
I'd need my assistant.

333
00:14:33,236 --> 00:14:36,197
And I gave him the rest of the
afternoon off when Jake showed up.

334
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,032
Guilty.

335
00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:42,662
Okay, fine.
I will act as your assistant

336
00:14:42,745 --> 00:14:44,622
because I am
a wonderful secondary.

337
00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:46,624
How gross could it be?

338
00:14:46,791 --> 00:14:49,877
I'm just going to need you to
hold open this chest cavity for me.

339
00:14:49,961 --> 00:14:52,964
Oh. Wow. Okay.
I can do that.

340
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:56,634
It's no big deal. Just like holding
open some slimy elevator doors.

341
00:14:57,718 --> 00:14:59,679
For a family of aliens.
Oh, my God.

342
00:15:00,138 --> 00:15:04,100
Yep. There are some signs of stress
on the heart, but that's not surprising.

343
00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:06,853
Ah, will you look at
that stomach lining?

344
00:15:06,936 --> 00:15:08,479
God, that is just a beaut.

345
00:15:08,563 --> 00:15:09,689
Ugh.

346
00:15:09,772 --> 00:15:12,358
All right. I'm going to need you
to go ahead and take your hand.

347
00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:16,237
Yep. Get it down there.

348
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,448
Get it on in. There you go.

349
00:15:18,531 --> 00:15:19,615
Oh, that is so big.

350
00:15:21,868 --> 00:15:23,494
Caught him?
Yes, sir.

351
00:15:23,619 --> 00:15:26,706
He was easy to pick up. He
looked just like the sergeant's sketch.

352
00:15:26,789 --> 00:15:29,917
You could be a professional artist,
boss. Like on the boardwalk.

353
00:15:30,001 --> 00:15:33,588
You think I should draw
caricatures? That's garbage art.

354
00:15:33,796 --> 00:15:36,090
I don't draw giant-head
people on surfboards.

355
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:37,800
I'm saying you could.
You're that good.

356
00:15:38,384 --> 00:15:41,220
Captain, the credit really
goes to Sergeant Jeffords.

357
00:15:41,596 --> 00:15:43,347
Without his refined
artistic skills...

358
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:46,476
Finish the paperwork by noon. I
want it included in the crime stats.

359
00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:49,854
I got to say,
I always hate how I look in pictures.

360
00:15:49,937 --> 00:15:53,774
But that is so flattering. Also,
I'm innocent. You got the wrong guy.

361
00:15:53,858 --> 00:15:55,860
Shut up.
Sarge,

362
00:15:55,943 --> 00:15:57,612
I need you to do
one more drawing for me.

363
00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:58,696
What?

364
00:16:03,242 --> 00:16:05,995
It will cheer the captain up.
He'll be over the moon.

365
00:16:06,078 --> 00:16:09,207
He may even lean back in
his chair a little and nod slightly.

366
00:16:09,415 --> 00:16:13,002
This is a lot of pressure. If I'm going
to do this, it has to be done right.

367
00:16:13,628 --> 00:16:15,087
Scully.
Yeah?

368
00:16:15,505 --> 00:16:17,298
Get me my oils.

369
00:16:17,924 --> 00:16:19,175
Paint or massage?

370
00:16:21,511 --> 00:16:22,595
I'll get both.

371
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,932
You know, this is one of the most
unhealthy people I've ever seen.

372
00:16:26,015 --> 00:16:28,601
It's like cutting into a
big, overstuffed ravioli.

373
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:31,729
You sure you want me
to keep digging?

374
00:16:31,938 --> 00:16:35,066
Unfortunately, yes. The primary
on this case says it's a murder.

375
00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:36,943
We have to treat it
like a murder.

376
00:16:37,026 --> 00:16:38,569
Okay. Here we go.

377
00:16:39,111 --> 00:16:41,030
Oh. Want to see
something cool?

378
00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:42,615
No.
Here it is.

379
00:16:42,782 --> 00:16:45,243
Ah, that's what I'm talking
about. Listen.

380
00:16:46,953 --> 00:16:49,372
Goosh.
Mmm-hmm.

381
00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:50,998
You know what that was?

382
00:16:51,082 --> 00:16:54,585
That was the air releasing
from the large intestine.

383
00:16:55,002 --> 00:16:57,838
Ah. In the biz, we call that
the "death bubble."

384
00:16:57,922 --> 00:17:00,091
Pretty cool. Here,
you want to hold it? Nope.

385
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:04,345
Knock,
knock. You can knock with your hands.

386
00:17:04,428 --> 00:17:06,055
Saying it is ridiculous.

387
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:10,142
Okay. Well, I know you're
having a bad day.

388
00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:14,021
I think you're
having a bad day.

389
00:17:14,438 --> 00:17:19,068
So, to cheer you up,
I had Terry do this painting

390
00:17:19,151 --> 00:17:20,736
to replace the photo
you hated.

391
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:25,616
I threw away the photo because I think it's
ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself,

392
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,369
especially when you haven't
earned a place on the wall.

393
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,162
Oh.

394
00:17:30,246 --> 00:17:32,206
But you would have me hang
a baroque oil painting of myself,

395
00:17:32,290 --> 00:17:34,125
like I'm a
North Korean dictator.

396
00:17:34,292 --> 00:17:36,127
What, no ornate gold frame?

397
00:17:36,627 --> 00:17:39,922
Why am I not astride my noble steed,
clad in armor?

398
00:17:41,465 --> 00:17:42,675
We could add a horse.

399
00:17:42,925 --> 00:17:45,845
You just wasted your time,
Terry's time, and now my time on this,

400
00:17:45,928 --> 00:17:48,598
when you should have been filing
the report on the purse-snatcher.

401
00:17:48,681 --> 00:17:50,433
Oh, I did. It's already
in the system.

402
00:17:50,891 --> 00:17:52,893
Oh. Good.

403
00:17:54,270 --> 00:17:55,521
Thank you. Dismissed.

404
00:17:58,941 --> 00:18:01,068
Here are the contents
of his stomach.

405
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:02,903
Oh. That's where
they went.

406
00:18:02,987 --> 00:18:04,196
And here's the
really cool part.

407
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,657
Get in here. Look at the
scarring on this liver.

408
00:18:06,949 --> 00:18:09,952
Cause of death, poison.
Ingested.

409
00:18:11,412 --> 00:18:13,247
Boyle was right.

410
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,042
All right. I'm going
to go tell him.

411
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:17,293
Yeah, you could.

412
00:18:17,752 --> 00:18:21,297
Or you could stay
for a post-mortem.

413
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:24,008
Nope. Sorry.
The spell has worn off.

414
00:18:24,508 --> 00:18:26,761
No more weird dead guy sex
for me ever again.

415
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:29,680
It's nothing personal. I
just think sex is for the living.

416
00:18:29,764 --> 00:18:32,350
Isn't that right, buddy?
Oh, my God. He has no eyes.

417
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:33,934
Oh, that is terrifying.

418
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,568
What now, Santiago?

419
00:18:43,194 --> 00:18:44,612
I figured out why
you've been so tense.

420
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,781
You're worried about the
monthly crime statistics.

421
00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:48,783
That's not your concern.

422
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:51,327
I just checked the
stats myself.

423
00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:53,412
Our arrest numbers haven't
improved since you got here.

424
00:18:53,496 --> 00:18:55,414
They're exactly the same
as last month.

425
00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:57,667
If this is your strategy to
cheer me up, it's backfiring.

426
00:18:58,042 --> 00:19:01,212
Sir, I don't think you realize
how good flat numbers are.

427
00:19:01,295 --> 00:19:03,130
I went back 12 years.

428
00:19:03,214 --> 00:19:06,300
A precinct's numbers almost always
get worse under new leadership.

429
00:19:06,384 --> 00:19:08,719
But ours didn't.
That's a win.

430
00:19:09,428 --> 00:19:11,055
It's just your first month.

431
00:19:11,138 --> 00:19:13,391
Morale is much higher.
People are working harder.

432
00:19:13,474 --> 00:19:15,851
You're well on your way to
earning a place on that wall.

433
00:19:16,811 --> 00:19:18,562
Thank you, Santiago.

434
00:19:19,605 --> 00:19:22,441
You know. We're birds of a feather,
you and I.

435
00:19:22,692 --> 00:19:24,610
I hate cliches.
Cliches are the worst.

436
00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:26,404
Okay.

437
00:19:37,123 --> 00:19:38,416
We know you killed
your husband.

438
00:19:38,541 --> 00:19:40,167
That cruise you
planned was for one.

439
00:19:40,251 --> 00:19:42,169
Plus, the autopsy showed
clear signs of poison.

440
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:45,297
And for the record,
the inside of his body was very gross.

441
00:19:45,381 --> 00:19:47,842
Noted. My only question is,
why did you do it?

442
00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:52,138
Hmm. He drove me to it.
He had affair after affair.

443
00:19:52,221 --> 00:19:53,889
He was a real Don Juan.

444
00:19:54,056 --> 00:19:55,641
Permission to make
a fat joke? Go ahead.

445
00:19:55,725 --> 00:19:57,643
Are you sure you didn't
mean Don Flan? Thanks.

446
00:19:57,727 --> 00:20:00,813
Nice. Mrs. Patterson, you are under
arrest for the murder of your husband.

447
00:20:03,858 --> 00:20:05,735
Sarge, that painting is tight.

448
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:09,864
It's terrible. The brushwork is
sloppy. It's poor use of negative space.

449
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:11,741
I'm a fraud.
Not at all.

450
00:20:13,743 --> 00:20:15,286
I'd like to take
this home for my husband.

451
00:20:15,453 --> 00:20:17,371
He'll be glad you made
me look so happy.

452
00:20:19,206 --> 00:20:21,041
I was trying to make him
look serious.

453
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:23,085
I still can't read him.
No one can.

454
00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:25,588
I can. He likes it.

455
00:20:29,383 --> 00:20:31,177
Nice job, Boyle.
You nailed it.

456
00:20:31,427 --> 00:20:34,138
Hear, hear. Of course he
did. He's a great primary.

457
00:20:34,221 --> 00:20:36,599
And I'm sorry I was such
a bad number two.

458
00:20:36,891 --> 00:20:40,227
I may, for the first time have
been a bit of a jerk. And I'm sorry.

459
00:20:40,728 --> 00:20:42,229
What a wonderful moment.

460
00:20:42,438 --> 00:20:43,981
I agree. It is
a wonderful moment.

461
00:20:44,064 --> 00:20:45,733
What a wonderful moment.
Rosa, you agree?

462
00:20:45,816 --> 00:20:47,276
It's all right.
It's all right.

463
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,320
Wonderful moment ... ment

464
00:20:49,612 --> 00:20:52,531
Between two guys
Between two guys

465
00:20:54,408 --> 00:20:56,452
Oh. The DA wants to set
bail for Patterson's wife.

466
00:20:56,535 --> 00:20:58,621
They need me to send them
all the files.

467
00:20:59,246 --> 00:21:02,458
I'm the secondary. I'll go back
there and do the busy work.

468
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:04,919
You guys stay here
and keep celebrating.

469
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:07,421
You sure you're not just sneaking
off for more weird dead guy sex?

470
00:21:07,797 --> 00:21:10,925
We will never
speak of that again. Never.

471
00:21:12,343 --> 00:21:13,552
Okay, bye.

472
00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:16,430
God.
Crazy day, huh?

473
00:21:16,514 --> 00:21:18,808
I hate small talk.
Let's drink in silence.

474
00:21:20,392 --> 00:21:21,519
Perfect.