1 00:00:03,482 --> 00:00:04,566 Whoa! 2 00:00:04,650 --> 00:00:05,776 Settle. 3 00:00:05,859 --> 00:00:07,444 Sorry, Sarge. 4 00:00:07,861 --> 00:00:10,322 Ugh, Halloween is the worst. 5 00:00:10,739 --> 00:00:12,616 Everyone's drunk, wearing a mask, 6 00:00:12,699 --> 00:00:14,326 and carrying a fake gun. 7 00:00:14,409 --> 00:00:16,453 Plus all the girls think they have to dress sexy. 8 00:00:16,578 --> 00:00:19,164 I know, that is the worst. Please make them stop. 9 00:00:19,248 --> 00:00:20,958 I passed a slutty tree on the way here. 10 00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:22,668 Who wants to have sex with a tree? 11 00:00:22,751 --> 00:00:24,711 Was it a maple? Was it a maple? 12 00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:27,381 Buongiorno! Buongiorno! 13 00:00:27,464 --> 00:00:29,508 Pretty cool 'stume, huh? 'Stume? 14 00:00:29,716 --> 00:00:31,468 Short for costume. Ah. 15 00:00:31,552 --> 00:00:34,137 All right, let me guess. You are dumpy Chuck Norris. 16 00:00:34,221 --> 00:00:35,889 No, I'm... Dumpy Ron Weasley. 17 00:00:35,973 --> 00:00:37,724 No. You guys, stop it. 18 00:00:38,058 --> 00:00:39,726 He put thought into his costume, 19 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:42,187 and he is obviously Miranda from Sex and the City. 20 00:00:42,271 --> 00:00:44,022 Guys, I'm Mario Batali! 21 00:00:44,189 --> 00:00:45,983 Motto Mario? Celebrity chef? 22 00:00:46,316 --> 00:00:48,151 Ginger Prince of Little Italy? 23 00:00:48,277 --> 00:00:49,945 Is he also a homeless troll doll? 24 00:00:50,028 --> 00:00:51,405 'Cause you look like a homeless troll doll. 25 00:00:51,488 --> 00:00:53,282 Hey, sweet Batali costume, dude. 26 00:00:53,365 --> 00:00:54,408 Thank you! 27 00:00:54,491 --> 00:00:56,326 There's a man with impeccable taste. 28 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:59,204 He bit a guy's butt off at a WNBA game. 29 00:00:59,955 --> 00:01:01,248 Eric Stoltz from Mask. 30 00:01:01,331 --> 00:01:02,749 I'll take it. Yeah. 31 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,043 I hope you're all well rested. 32 00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:06,211 It's gonna be a busy night. 33 00:01:06,295 --> 00:01:08,005 The holding cell's completely full. 34 00:01:08,088 --> 00:01:10,757 I keep having to separate Hillary Clinton and Kim Jong-Eun. 35 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:12,968 Stop it! Stop making out! 36 00:01:13,552 --> 00:01:15,762 Hey! No! What would Bill say? 37 00:01:16,263 --> 00:01:18,724 We need two undercovers at the DeKalb street warehouse party. 38 00:01:19,057 --> 00:01:21,977 Uh, Boyle, you're already in costume as, uh... 39 00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:24,229 Joy Behar? I'm Mario Batali. 40 00:01:24,354 --> 00:01:27,482 Okay. And, uh, Santiago, you go with him. 41 00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:29,735 Yes, sir. Damn it. 42 00:01:29,943 --> 00:01:32,738 Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, 43 00:01:32,821 --> 00:01:35,198 but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it. 44 00:01:35,282 --> 00:01:38,076 Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed? 45 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,703 "Kind, sober, and fully dressed." 46 00:01:39,786 --> 00:01:42,789 Good news, everyone, we found the name of Santiago's sex tape. 47 00:02:04,811 --> 00:02:06,980 Well, ring it up, nerds. 48 00:02:07,481 --> 00:02:10,359 I just arrested my first Halloween idiot of the season. 49 00:02:10,942 --> 00:02:13,737 He was trying to rob a bank, but had a little trouble with the getaway. 50 00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:16,198 Trying to split, huh? 51 00:02:16,323 --> 00:02:19,076 Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get out on "a peel." 52 00:02:19,743 --> 00:02:21,995 I'm so glad you're stuck. I've got a million of these. 53 00:02:22,079 --> 00:02:23,955 No, no, don't touch the money! 54 00:02:24,331 --> 00:02:25,874 I swear, these perps are so stupid. 55 00:02:25,957 --> 00:02:27,334 I'd make a better criminal than any of them. 56 00:02:27,417 --> 00:02:29,294 Yeah, you would. You'd be an evil mastermind, 57 00:02:29,378 --> 00:02:31,171 and everyone would call you the Handsome Bandit. 58 00:02:31,254 --> 00:02:33,131 Thank you, Charles. And the best part is, 59 00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:34,758 none of you could catch me. 60 00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:36,009 Oh, come on. 61 00:02:36,093 --> 00:02:37,386 I'm fairly certain you would be caught. 62 00:02:37,469 --> 00:02:41,056 No, scratch that. I'm 100% sure you'd be caught. 63 00:02:42,683 --> 00:02:44,184 All right, challenge accepted. 64 00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:45,310 I didn't issue a challenge. 65 00:02:45,394 --> 00:02:46,395 Fine. I'll issue it for you. 66 00:02:46,478 --> 00:02:48,689 What's the most valuable thing in your office? 67 00:02:48,772 --> 00:02:50,107 My medal of valor. 68 00:02:50,399 --> 00:02:52,025 God, you are such a hero. 69 00:02:52,109 --> 00:02:55,362 All right, how about this? I will bet you that by midnight tonight, 70 00:02:55,445 --> 00:02:57,447 I can steal the medal of valor from your office. 71 00:02:57,572 --> 00:02:58,824 Why would I possibly agree to that? 72 00:02:58,907 --> 00:03:01,159 Because if I lose, I'll work the next five weekends. 73 00:03:01,243 --> 00:03:02,327 No overtime. 74 00:03:02,411 --> 00:03:03,787 And I won't tell anyone here about 75 00:03:03,870 --> 00:03:06,039 the time I saw you wearing short shorts outside of work. 76 00:03:06,123 --> 00:03:07,332 But if I win... You won't. 77 00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:08,875 you have to do all of my paperwork tonight, 78 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,212 the busiest and spookiest night of the year. 79 00:03:12,462 --> 00:03:14,673 And you have to publicly state 80 00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:17,384 that I'm an amazing detective/genius. 81 00:03:17,467 --> 00:03:18,635 Oh, yeah! 82 00:03:18,719 --> 00:03:20,971 And this won't interfere with you doing your job? 83 00:03:21,054 --> 00:03:24,725 You mean my job as an amazing Detective/genius? 84 00:03:25,308 --> 00:03:27,310 No, it will not. I'll do all of my work, guaranteed. 85 00:03:27,394 --> 00:03:28,812 I'm considering it. 86 00:03:28,895 --> 00:03:30,021 I'm interested. 87 00:03:30,105 --> 00:03:31,231 I agree to participate. 88 00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:32,357 All right. Oh! 89 00:03:32,441 --> 00:03:34,359 There's the robot I fell in love with. 90 00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:36,778 Hey. 91 00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,572 Sister Steve here got mugged. 92 00:03:38,739 --> 00:03:41,992 Some guy dressed as a royal baby punched him and took his wallet. 93 00:03:42,075 --> 00:03:43,452 She keeps laughing at me. 94 00:03:43,535 --> 00:03:46,246 Can't tell you how many nuns I wanted to beat up in Catholic school. 95 00:03:46,413 --> 00:03:47,497 Ten. 96 00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:48,832 I didn't know you went to Catholic school. 97 00:03:48,915 --> 00:03:50,083 Good. You shouldn't know it. 98 00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:53,795 I get it. You're so mysterious and tough. 99 00:03:53,879 --> 00:03:55,297 But you know what I think? 100 00:03:55,380 --> 00:03:56,798 You're actually a big softie. 101 00:03:56,882 --> 00:03:58,300 No, I think she's really mean. 102 00:03:58,383 --> 00:04:00,093 You probably read a Maya Angelou poem 103 00:04:00,177 --> 00:04:01,678 at your graduation and cried. 104 00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,388 Didn't graduate. Had to leave. 105 00:04:03,472 --> 00:04:04,681 Why? What'd you do? 106 00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,475 Here's a hint. 107 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,893 I'm not gonna tell you. 108 00:04:09,227 --> 00:04:10,771 Oh, I'm gonna find out anyway. 109 00:04:10,854 --> 00:04:13,064 I'm a detective. 110 00:04:13,398 --> 00:04:14,900 I will detect! 111 00:04:15,817 --> 00:04:16,985 Hey. 112 00:04:17,068 --> 00:04:18,737 Got an arrest file here for the Captain. 113 00:04:19,154 --> 00:04:20,405 Drunk and disorderly. 114 00:04:20,489 --> 00:04:22,240 So, anyways... 115 00:04:22,491 --> 00:04:23,700 Gina! 116 00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:25,160 We never talk anymore. 117 00:04:25,285 --> 00:04:26,787 How's the dance troupe? Did you get a haircut? 118 00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:28,330 What's the Captain's schedule like today? 119 00:04:28,413 --> 00:04:30,081 I'm not gonna help you rob him, Jake. 120 00:04:30,165 --> 00:04:33,293 I'm his assistant, and I take that job incredibly seriously. 121 00:04:33,376 --> 00:04:36,338 You're literally making paper airplanes out of police reports right now. 122 00:04:36,421 --> 00:04:38,673 Well, how am I supposed to get it into that garbage can? 123 00:04:38,799 --> 00:04:40,509 Come on. Fine. 124 00:04:40,592 --> 00:04:43,011 Captain's got a meeting downstairs in 10 minutes. 125 00:04:43,303 --> 00:04:44,846 You're the best. Muah! 126 00:04:46,097 --> 00:04:47,891 What does your skin taste like? Dina Lohan. 127 00:04:47,974 --> 00:04:49,559 I'm wearing her face lotion. 128 00:04:49,810 --> 00:04:50,894 That's it. 129 00:04:53,396 --> 00:04:55,148 Okay, party's around the corner. 130 00:04:55,232 --> 00:04:57,567 Tipster said there'll be a huge amount of drug activity. 131 00:04:57,818 --> 00:05:00,070 Why is this costume so stiff? 132 00:05:00,153 --> 00:05:01,696 And what is that smell? 133 00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:03,824 The department never washes them, so it's probably vomit. 134 00:05:03,907 --> 00:05:05,075 Hey! 135 00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:07,077 I got you a chocolate. 136 00:05:07,202 --> 00:05:09,830 Yet another great thing about Halloween, chocolate! 137 00:05:09,913 --> 00:05:11,832 Thanks. Oh, look. 138 00:05:11,915 --> 00:05:14,167 Raggedy Ann is drinking vodka right from the bottle. 139 00:05:14,251 --> 00:05:15,919 People think if they put on a costume, 140 00:05:16,002 --> 00:05:18,588 they can just get away with anything they want. 141 00:05:18,672 --> 00:05:20,799 Halloween is Christmas for jerks. 142 00:05:21,091 --> 00:05:23,134 Come on, ma'am. No open containers. 143 00:05:23,385 --> 00:05:26,304 Oh, and why should I listen to you, bone person? 144 00:05:26,555 --> 00:05:29,975 It's called skeleton. It's a very common word. 145 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:31,935 Just put the vodka away. Ah... 146 00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:34,020 You guys are cops? These guys are cops! 147 00:05:34,104 --> 00:05:36,064 Throw an egg at them! 148 00:05:43,446 --> 00:05:45,407 Are you in my ceiling, Peralta? 149 00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:47,075 No. 150 00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:48,577 So what's the plan? 151 00:05:48,869 --> 00:05:50,161 You wait for me to leave my office, 152 00:05:50,245 --> 00:05:52,414 lower yourself down, take my medal, and win the bet? 153 00:05:52,497 --> 00:05:54,833 Who are you talking to? There's no one up here. 154 00:05:54,916 --> 00:05:56,626 Peralta, just so you know, 155 00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:59,296 right now, I am taking my medal off the wall 156 00:05:59,379 --> 00:06:01,298 and placing it in a locked safe, 157 00:06:01,423 --> 00:06:04,009 whose combination is known only to me. 158 00:06:04,092 --> 00:06:05,510 The safe, in turn, 159 00:06:05,594 --> 00:06:07,053 is locked in the cabinet. 160 00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:09,890 The only key to that cabinet is on my person. 161 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,144 I'm off to my meeting. Good luck with your plan. 162 00:06:14,227 --> 00:06:15,854 You think that scares me? 163 00:06:15,937 --> 00:06:18,064 I laugh in the face of adversity! 164 00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:20,817 Are you still there? 165 00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:22,652 Captain, are you still there? I can't hear... 166 00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:26,907 Ow. 167 00:06:29,743 --> 00:06:30,827 Here you go. 168 00:06:30,911 --> 00:06:32,329 Don't touch the butter. 169 00:06:33,496 --> 00:06:36,166 What happened? I thought you guys were supposed to be at the warehouse party. 170 00:06:36,249 --> 00:06:37,584 We got egged. 171 00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:39,544 Some of the shell got in my contacts 172 00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:42,088 and my hair and my mouth and my bra. 173 00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:43,298 I can't tell if that's hot or not. 174 00:06:43,381 --> 00:06:45,467 Not hot. Eggshell in my bra is not hot. 175 00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:47,010 Well, it's kinda hot. 176 00:06:47,093 --> 00:06:49,554 Boobs go in a bra. Up top. 177 00:06:50,388 --> 00:06:52,140 Whoo! My man. 178 00:06:52,432 --> 00:06:54,476 Well, it sounds like costume duty is going great. 179 00:06:54,559 --> 00:06:56,436 So great. We're having the best time. 180 00:06:56,519 --> 00:06:57,729 Right, Amy? I wish I was dead. 181 00:06:57,812 --> 00:06:58,813 Hmm. 182 00:06:58,897 --> 00:07:00,190 How's the unwinnable bet going? 183 00:07:00,273 --> 00:07:02,067 Well, on the one hand, I fell through the ceiling 184 00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:03,777 and onto a pencil, but on the other hand, 185 00:07:03,860 --> 00:07:05,487 I also badly bruised my brain. 186 00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:06,780 If you wanted to make a bet with Holt, 187 00:07:06,863 --> 00:07:08,156 you should have made a bet you could win. 188 00:07:08,239 --> 00:07:09,699 Like who wears more denim jackets. 189 00:07:09,783 --> 00:07:11,368 That was one time. 190 00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:13,078 You guys never forget anything. 191 00:07:13,370 --> 00:07:14,579 You know, frankly, I'm a little surprised 192 00:07:14,663 --> 00:07:15,830 you don't think I can win this thing. 193 00:07:15,914 --> 00:07:17,290 You're always telling me how I'm the best. 194 00:07:17,791 --> 00:07:18,875 You're the best, Jake. 195 00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:21,044 Paperwork delivery. 196 00:07:21,127 --> 00:07:22,379 You're the best, Jake. 197 00:07:23,046 --> 00:07:24,881 Jake, you're the best. 198 00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:26,341 Thank you, Charles. 199 00:07:26,716 --> 00:07:28,218 Yeah, maybe it's just Charles. 200 00:07:28,385 --> 00:07:29,552 Look, Jake, 201 00:07:29,636 --> 00:07:31,554 I love you like you're one of my daughters. Really? 202 00:07:31,638 --> 00:07:34,099 But it's not about you or how smart you are. 203 00:07:34,182 --> 00:07:35,392 It's about Captain Holt. 204 00:07:35,558 --> 00:07:36,893 The man's a genius. 205 00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:38,228 He's had your number at every turn. 206 00:07:38,311 --> 00:07:42,399 Well, not this day... Turn... Time. 207 00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:45,276 Sorry, I'm pretty sure I had a concussion back there. 208 00:07:45,402 --> 00:07:46,611 Here I come. All right. 209 00:07:46,736 --> 00:07:48,530 Oh, strong. 210 00:07:51,074 --> 00:07:53,994 Okay, here's the first set of royal babies I rounded up. 211 00:07:54,077 --> 00:07:55,245 Popular costume. 212 00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:56,579 Any of these guys look familiar? 213 00:07:56,663 --> 00:07:59,833 Maybe the third guy. The baby who mugged me was pretty short. 214 00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:02,377 You're not supposed to laugh at me. 215 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,963 Number three, step forward and say, 216 00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:07,173 "Give me your money, you stupid bag of crap." 217 00:08:07,257 --> 00:08:09,426 Gimme your money, you stupid bag of crap. 218 00:08:09,551 --> 00:08:10,885 No, wrong giant baby. 219 00:08:11,011 --> 00:08:14,139 I still want to know why you got kicked out of Catholic school. 220 00:08:14,222 --> 00:08:15,432 Were you doing drugs? 221 00:08:15,557 --> 00:08:16,725 Worse. 222 00:08:16,808 --> 00:08:18,143 Selling drugs? 223 00:08:18,226 --> 00:08:19,310 Worse. 224 00:08:19,394 --> 00:08:20,895 How bad could it have been? 225 00:08:21,813 --> 00:08:23,023 Did you burn down a church? 226 00:08:24,649 --> 00:08:28,361 Number three, step forward and say the word "worse." 227 00:08:29,029 --> 00:08:30,238 Worse. 228 00:08:31,906 --> 00:08:33,992 Excuse me, Gina. I can't find Peralta anywhere, 229 00:08:34,075 --> 00:08:36,036 and you're the only one who can decipher his handwriting. 230 00:08:36,119 --> 00:08:38,705 He arrested that bunny, but I don't know what for. 231 00:08:39,205 --> 00:08:41,958 He's either a crispy mother werewolf, 232 00:08:42,042 --> 00:08:44,461 or cowboy mustard, Oslo, Norway. 233 00:08:44,544 --> 00:08:45,879 Hmm. 234 00:08:45,962 --> 00:08:48,840 The bunny groped multiple women on the subway. 235 00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:51,468 Being able to read Jake's writing is a gift. 236 00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:53,636 A useless, useless gift. 237 00:08:54,763 --> 00:08:56,431 Excuse me one second. 238 00:08:58,391 --> 00:08:59,809 Nice costume, Peralta. 239 00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:01,978 No Peralta here. 240 00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:05,231 Just a normal janitor pushing trash around. 241 00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:06,733 Come out of there. 242 00:09:08,985 --> 00:09:10,153 Captain, hey. 243 00:09:10,236 --> 00:09:11,654 You really thought this was gonna work? 244 00:09:11,738 --> 00:09:12,906 Uh, it did work. 245 00:09:13,198 --> 00:09:16,367 This whole janitor gambit was designed to fail. 246 00:09:16,451 --> 00:09:17,660 It's just like in chess. 247 00:09:17,744 --> 00:09:20,538 Sometimes in order to win, you have to sacrifice your king. 248 00:09:20,622 --> 00:09:22,457 That's exactly how you lose in chess. 249 00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:23,958 Have you ever played the game? Yeah. 250 00:09:24,042 --> 00:09:25,502 I used to play with my Uncle Bob all the time, 251 00:09:25,585 --> 00:09:26,586 and he said I was great. 252 00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:28,838 This is a game of concentration, Jake. 253 00:09:29,005 --> 00:09:31,591 So focus your mind, and start shooting. 254 00:09:35,261 --> 00:09:37,555 Now you're a master of chess, huh? 255 00:09:37,806 --> 00:09:39,808 He taught me how to shoot backgammon, too. 256 00:09:39,891 --> 00:09:40,975 I expected better of you. 257 00:09:41,059 --> 00:09:42,477 You could have at least created a diversion 258 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,312 to distract me from your terrible costume. 259 00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:45,939 Uh, I'm not a dumb butt. 260 00:09:46,022 --> 00:09:47,357 I had a diversion planned. 261 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,359 There was just a slight timing issue. 262 00:09:50,401 --> 00:09:51,653 Oh, my God! 263 00:09:51,736 --> 00:09:53,947 Get down, everyone! There's a big fire! 264 00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:55,615 Captain, you better head over there for, like, 265 00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:57,951 15 minutes and see what's going on with that. 266 00:09:58,034 --> 00:10:00,328 Beware of the back draft. I'll be in your office. 267 00:10:03,706 --> 00:10:04,791 You have beautiful eyes. 268 00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:08,044 Have it your way. But you're gonna need this. 269 00:10:08,711 --> 00:10:10,130 And that. 270 00:10:11,047 --> 00:10:12,257 It's filthy in there. 271 00:10:19,389 --> 00:10:20,932 Come on, Amy! Loosen up! 272 00:10:21,015 --> 00:10:22,267 You look like such a cop! 273 00:10:22,392 --> 00:10:24,853 Come on, have some fun, you know? 274 00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:27,147 It'll help you blend in! 275 00:10:27,313 --> 00:10:28,523 Whoo! 276 00:10:29,315 --> 00:10:31,067 Stop trying to get me to love Halloween. 277 00:10:31,151 --> 00:10:32,735 It'll never work. 278 00:10:32,819 --> 00:10:33,945 I'm backing it up. 279 00:10:34,028 --> 00:10:35,113 Oh, God, please don't. 280 00:10:36,573 --> 00:10:38,074 Hey, heads up. 281 00:10:38,575 --> 00:10:40,660 I'll cut them off at the exit. Okay. 282 00:10:40,743 --> 00:10:42,120 Move, move, move! Move! Move, move! 283 00:10:43,288 --> 00:10:45,081 He ditched the drugs. I'm on it. 284 00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:49,711 Ugh, everything is sticking to me. 285 00:10:49,836 --> 00:10:51,087 Ooh. 286 00:10:51,212 --> 00:10:54,174 Okay. Ugh. Yes. 287 00:10:54,257 --> 00:10:55,758 Hey, watch out, man. 288 00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:56,926 Ah! What is that? 289 00:10:57,010 --> 00:10:58,803 How is it hot and cold? 290 00:11:01,389 --> 00:11:04,392 So the soonest you can fix the ceiling is Monday? 291 00:11:10,940 --> 00:11:12,775 I'm gonna have to call you back. 292 00:11:13,943 --> 00:11:15,278 Wait, stop scratching me. 293 00:11:15,361 --> 00:11:16,446 We're supposed to be a team. 294 00:11:18,406 --> 00:11:19,741 Captain, hi. 295 00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:21,826 I was just photocopying some stuff. 296 00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:24,078 Are you trying to jam pigeons into my air-conditioning vent 297 00:11:24,162 --> 00:11:25,330 to flush me out of my office? 298 00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:27,040 Way to ruin the surprise. 299 00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:28,166 How did you get those birds? 300 00:11:28,249 --> 00:11:29,542 By using my big, fat brain. 301 00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:31,294 Get in the bag, you damn bird. 302 00:11:31,377 --> 00:11:32,837 Eat the bread. Eat the bread! 303 00:11:32,921 --> 00:11:34,255 I gotcha! I gotcha! 304 00:11:34,422 --> 00:11:37,217 All part of my elaborate plan to defeat you. 305 00:11:37,342 --> 00:11:41,054 So far, you and your big, fat brain are losing badly. 306 00:11:41,346 --> 00:11:43,848 Maybe, if we're talking about who's winning our bet. 307 00:11:44,057 --> 00:11:46,309 But if we're talking about who's holding more birds, 308 00:11:46,392 --> 00:11:48,102 I'm winning, four-nothing. 309 00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:50,063 You're only holding two. 310 00:11:51,231 --> 00:11:54,484 Ugh. 311 00:11:57,111 --> 00:11:58,488 Ooh, when you were logging in the drugs, 312 00:11:58,571 --> 00:11:59,781 you missed some awesome stuff. 313 00:11:59,864 --> 00:12:04,118 A guy walked by in full astronaut costume, gave me a high five. 314 00:12:04,202 --> 00:12:05,703 He high-fived me, too. 315 00:12:05,828 --> 00:12:07,288 Wait. Hitchcock? 316 00:12:07,372 --> 00:12:08,373 Darn it. 317 00:12:08,456 --> 00:12:11,417 I wasn't supposed to talk, but I got so excited about that astronaut. 318 00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:12,627 What is happening? 319 00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:15,505 Amy paid me 50 bucks to trade places with her for the rest of the night. 320 00:12:15,588 --> 00:12:17,090 Really? Yeah. 321 00:12:17,173 --> 00:12:19,342 I'm gonna use that money to buy two suits. 322 00:12:21,928 --> 00:12:24,514 Well, I was gonna ask you to tell the Captain 323 00:12:24,597 --> 00:12:26,641 that I brought in royal babies for Diaz, 324 00:12:26,724 --> 00:12:29,519 but I'm sure he already knows, since he's always one step ahead of me. 325 00:12:29,644 --> 00:12:32,230 Aw. Why so down, little clown? 326 00:12:32,313 --> 00:12:34,315 I'm just sick of losing to Holt. I want that medal. 327 00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:35,733 It's not real gold. 328 00:12:35,817 --> 00:12:38,278 I tried selling it online. Zero bids. 329 00:12:38,486 --> 00:12:40,530 But here's some advice I gave to the girls 330 00:12:40,613 --> 00:12:43,074 in my dance troupe at the Dance Till You Drop Tournament. 331 00:12:43,157 --> 00:12:45,994 That advice was, dance. Dance! 332 00:12:46,619 --> 00:12:48,079 Dance. 333 00:12:48,162 --> 00:12:50,290 Yeah, I'm not really sure that applies here, Gina. 334 00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:53,001 It does apply. It means don't give up. 335 00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:55,420 We would've won if Natasha's water hadn't broken. 336 00:12:55,503 --> 00:12:56,671 Oh, Natasha had her baby? 337 00:12:56,754 --> 00:12:57,880 You know Natasha? 338 00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:59,048 Yeah. Yeah. 339 00:12:59,132 --> 00:13:00,925 Her dog has lupus. Her dog has lupus. 340 00:13:01,009 --> 00:13:02,427 That's a trip. Small world. 341 00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:03,636 Yes. 342 00:13:03,803 --> 00:13:05,513 All right, I'm gonna go cry. 343 00:13:08,683 --> 00:13:10,435 I kind of feel bad for him. 344 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,313 Don't. He brought this on himself. 345 00:13:13,396 --> 00:13:14,689 You can hang up now. 346 00:13:17,692 --> 00:13:19,569 You paid money to get out of working with me? 347 00:13:19,819 --> 00:13:22,280 Charles, I had to. Tonight has been awful. 348 00:13:22,363 --> 00:13:25,575 Halloween is the worst, and I don't understand why you like it. 349 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,452 No, all the things that you think are bad 350 00:13:27,535 --> 00:13:29,370 about Halloween are what make it great. 351 00:13:29,495 --> 00:13:30,872 The big kids egg you. 352 00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:34,000 Then you and your friends run away together. 353 00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:37,587 Friendships are forged in the crucible of Halloween adversity. 354 00:13:38,421 --> 00:13:39,839 That's all I wanted for us. 355 00:13:41,299 --> 00:13:43,676 You can keep the wig. I don't need it anymore. 356 00:13:46,012 --> 00:13:47,680 I don't really need it either. 357 00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:50,683 Hey, Captain Holt, 358 00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:52,643 can you come out here for one sec? 359 00:14:00,902 --> 00:14:02,111 You need something, Peralta? 360 00:14:02,195 --> 00:14:03,363 Yes, I do. 361 00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:05,198 Hit it, royal babies. 362 00:14:16,751 --> 00:14:17,752 What? No! 363 00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:19,128 Give me my keys. 364 00:14:19,212 --> 00:14:20,630 Will you stop catching me? 365 00:14:20,713 --> 00:14:22,840 Do you have any idea how much I spent on key chains? 366 00:14:23,132 --> 00:14:24,258 $23. 367 00:14:24,342 --> 00:14:26,094 Wow, that is unbelievably close. 368 00:14:26,177 --> 00:14:27,595 $22.76. 369 00:14:27,887 --> 00:14:29,806 Keys. Okay, look. 370 00:14:29,889 --> 00:14:31,599 Tonight has been a little humiliating. 371 00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:34,352 Things are not going well, so I'm gonna just throw this out there. 372 00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:35,978 What do you say we call off the bet 373 00:14:36,062 --> 00:14:37,355 and pretend this whole thing never happened? 374 00:14:37,438 --> 00:14:38,606 Oh, I'm not letting you off the hook. 375 00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:40,108 What? No. 376 00:14:40,191 --> 00:14:43,194 I meant to give you an out, so you could save face. 377 00:14:43,569 --> 00:14:45,488 This is getting sad. 378 00:14:45,571 --> 00:14:46,989 Yeah, for you. 379 00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:49,700 Ahem. So. 380 00:14:50,076 --> 00:14:51,953 I called your school. 381 00:14:52,328 --> 00:14:56,707 And I managed to get a hold of one Sister Bernadette. 382 00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:59,085 I remember that old bag. She was my favorite. 383 00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:00,878 Well, guess what she said. 384 00:15:00,962 --> 00:15:03,005 Apparently, you were a model student 385 00:15:03,089 --> 00:15:05,007 and transferred of your own volition. 386 00:15:08,344 --> 00:15:09,512 Fine. 387 00:15:09,679 --> 00:15:10,805 The reason I left Catholic school 388 00:15:10,888 --> 00:15:13,391 was because I got into the American Ballet Academy. 389 00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:15,685 I was a classical dancer. 390 00:15:15,768 --> 00:15:16,936 And I was good. 391 00:15:17,019 --> 00:15:18,104 I knew it! 392 00:15:18,187 --> 00:15:19,939 I knew you were a big softie. 393 00:15:20,189 --> 00:15:22,400 You tell anyone, I break your face. 394 00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:27,655 No, you won't. You're too sensitive. 395 00:15:31,784 --> 00:15:33,202 Captain, sorry to interrupt. 396 00:15:33,286 --> 00:15:35,204 Some officers just arrested Peralta. 397 00:15:35,288 --> 00:15:36,622 What? They caught him scaling 398 00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:38,833 the side of the building with a blowtorch. 399 00:15:42,712 --> 00:15:43,838 Captain. 400 00:15:44,255 --> 00:15:45,840 Welcome to the end game. 401 00:15:46,424 --> 00:15:49,427 Would you care to shake the hand of the man who defeated you? 402 00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:51,721 Forgot I was wearing handcuffs. Oh, that hurt. 403 00:15:52,597 --> 00:15:54,849 Whoo! 404 00:15:58,019 --> 00:16:00,771 Climbing the side of the building with a blowtorch. What were you thinking? 405 00:16:00,855 --> 00:16:02,607 I was thinking I had better core strength. 406 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:04,233 I got winded, like, 10 feet up. 407 00:16:04,317 --> 00:16:05,610 I knew you wouldn't win the bet, 408 00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:07,361 but your performance tonight has made me question 409 00:16:07,445 --> 00:16:08,863 not only how good a detective you are, 410 00:16:08,946 --> 00:16:11,282 but, quite frankly, how smart you are. 411 00:16:11,365 --> 00:16:14,118 Well, that's not surprising. You constantly underestimate me. 412 00:16:14,202 --> 00:16:17,205 No, you've been correctly estimated. 413 00:16:17,288 --> 00:16:19,624 You have five minutes until your deadline, 414 00:16:19,707 --> 00:16:22,585 and here you are, handcuffed to a table, in a locked room. 415 00:16:22,919 --> 00:16:25,796 Which is precisely where I planned on being. 416 00:16:26,964 --> 00:16:28,758 Captain, let me tell you a little story. 417 00:16:28,883 --> 00:16:30,384 You remember when I fell through your ceiling? 418 00:16:30,468 --> 00:16:31,761 Yes, that was six hours ago. 419 00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:34,472 It was, I admit, a disastrous failure. 420 00:16:34,555 --> 00:16:36,849 But it gave me the idea for Herman, 421 00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:38,351 the friendly janitor you met. 422 00:16:38,476 --> 00:16:41,103 With Herman, I commenced the perfect crime. 423 00:16:41,354 --> 00:16:43,272 I caught you as Herman. 424 00:16:43,856 --> 00:16:45,274 But you didn't catch Rosa. 425 00:16:46,025 --> 00:16:47,193 Come out of there. 426 00:16:47,944 --> 00:16:51,531 As it turns out, our friend, Rosa, is great at picking locks. 427 00:16:53,574 --> 00:16:54,659 Does not surprise me. 428 00:16:54,742 --> 00:16:55,868 No, me neither. 429 00:16:55,952 --> 00:16:57,954 Of course, I had to find a way to get her out of your office 430 00:16:58,037 --> 00:16:59,288 without you seeing her. 431 00:16:59,497 --> 00:17:01,207 So I created a diversion. 432 00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:03,334 Not mistimed, perfectly timed, 433 00:17:03,417 --> 00:17:05,169 so she could escape unseen. 434 00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:07,213 What about the pigeons? 435 00:17:07,338 --> 00:17:08,506 Oh, the gray pigeons? 436 00:17:08,589 --> 00:17:10,258 They were a red herring. Thank you. 437 00:17:10,341 --> 00:17:12,260 Their only purpose was to draw you into the copy room 438 00:17:12,343 --> 00:17:14,845 while two members of my team broke into your locked office. 439 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:18,975 So now, I had a way into your office and an open cabinet. 440 00:17:20,393 --> 00:17:23,437 All that was left was for the royal babies to steal your keys. 441 00:17:23,521 --> 00:17:25,439 Yes, but you didn't need the keys. 442 00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:27,066 The cabinet was already unlocked. 443 00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:28,568 You needed a way into the safe. 444 00:17:28,693 --> 00:17:29,902 And I got it. 445 00:17:30,027 --> 00:17:31,946 You were so concerned with getting your keys back, 446 00:17:32,029 --> 00:17:34,365 you didn't even notice the Sergeant steal your phone. 447 00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:37,118 That's right, even the Sergeant is on my side. 448 00:17:37,201 --> 00:17:39,453 I then had Charles dust your screen cover for prints. 449 00:17:39,537 --> 00:17:42,832 The greasiest smudges revealed the four numbers you use the most. 450 00:17:42,915 --> 00:17:44,834 The four numbers in your pass code. 451 00:17:44,959 --> 00:17:46,335 Based on your advanced age, 452 00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:48,713 I assumed that you use the same pass code for everything. 453 00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:52,425 Your phone, your email, and, of course, your safe. 454 00:17:52,508 --> 00:17:54,510 That would be a fair assumption. 455 00:17:54,594 --> 00:17:56,220 It was at that point that I bumped into a girl 456 00:17:56,304 --> 00:17:59,307 dressed as a sexy robot, and we got our flirt on... Hard. 457 00:18:02,727 --> 00:18:03,769 'Sup? 458 00:18:03,853 --> 00:18:05,855 'Sup? Jake Peralta. 459 00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:09,317 And how was flirting part of the plan? 460 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,235 Oh, it wasn't. It just ruled. 461 00:18:11,402 --> 00:18:12,945 And that brings us to five minutes ago, 462 00:18:13,029 --> 00:18:15,823 when Amy came to your office and told you that I had been arrested. 463 00:18:15,906 --> 00:18:17,241 I knew she's the only one you would believe, 464 00:18:17,325 --> 00:18:19,201 because, frankly, she's usually too lame 465 00:18:19,285 --> 00:18:20,703 to take part in these kinds of things. 466 00:18:20,911 --> 00:18:22,538 And as you walked over here, 467 00:18:22,622 --> 00:18:26,167 Charles awkwardly stuffed himself through your window and opened your safe. 468 00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:28,127 We had the four numbers of your code, which meant 469 00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:30,713 there were 24 possible combinations for Charles to try. 470 00:18:30,796 --> 00:18:32,089 That could take up to four minutes, 471 00:18:32,173 --> 00:18:34,300 which is why I really dragged out this explanation. 472 00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:36,719 I mean, really stretched it. I don't know if you noticed, 473 00:18:36,802 --> 00:18:38,304 but there were times where I was like, 474 00:18:38,387 --> 00:18:40,514 what am I even talking about? This isn't... Oh. 475 00:18:42,224 --> 00:18:44,477 But now, four minutes is up. 476 00:18:44,685 --> 00:18:48,189 Which means Boyle is either on the other side of that door holding your medal, 477 00:18:48,272 --> 00:18:49,815 or I've lost. 478 00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:53,903 Well, Captain, it seems that Jake 479 00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:56,697 isn't the only person you underestimate... 480 00:18:57,365 --> 00:19:00,910 20 seconds to spare. Game over, Captain. 481 00:19:01,911 --> 00:19:02,995 Check me. 482 00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:04,163 I think you mean "checkmate." 483 00:19:04,246 --> 00:19:05,873 You really need to learn how to play chess. 484 00:19:06,499 --> 00:19:07,792 How did you get everyone to help you? 485 00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:10,211 I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie 486 00:19:10,294 --> 00:19:12,463 with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame. 487 00:19:12,713 --> 00:19:13,923 For too long, 488 00:19:14,006 --> 00:19:16,676 we've been put down, ridiculed, 489 00:19:16,801 --> 00:19:18,469 made to wear ties! 490 00:19:18,552 --> 00:19:19,720 But no more! 491 00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:22,723 For today, we defeat him! 492 00:19:23,349 --> 00:19:25,559 And that worked? No. Oh, no. Not at all. 493 00:19:25,893 --> 00:19:27,770 My speech did not inspire them. 494 00:19:27,853 --> 00:19:28,896 Come on. 495 00:19:28,979 --> 00:19:30,022 So I bribed them. 496 00:19:30,106 --> 00:19:31,649 I told them that if we pulled this off, 497 00:19:31,732 --> 00:19:33,109 I would do all of their paperwork. 498 00:19:33,192 --> 00:19:35,361 And since you're doing all my paperwork... 499 00:19:35,569 --> 00:19:37,363 I'm impressed, Peralta. 500 00:19:37,863 --> 00:19:39,156 Well done. 501 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,700 Thank you, sir. 502 00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:43,536 In fact, the thing that you failed to see, Captain, 503 00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:44,954 teamwork, is exactly... Captain? 504 00:19:45,037 --> 00:19:47,039 what provided our success. Sir? 505 00:19:47,665 --> 00:19:49,166 He's not coming back. 506 00:19:51,043 --> 00:19:53,754 Boyle, I need you in the briefing room. 507 00:19:58,175 --> 00:20:00,136 What is all this? 508 00:20:00,469 --> 00:20:02,012 You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? 509 00:20:02,138 --> 00:20:04,724 Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. 510 00:20:04,849 --> 00:20:06,517 I'm sorry about tonight. 511 00:20:06,809 --> 00:20:08,060 "I'm sorry about tonight." 512 00:20:08,185 --> 00:20:10,730 We found the title for Santiago's follow-up sex tape. 513 00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,691 I'm sorry I couldn't convince you to love Halloween. 514 00:20:13,774 --> 00:20:15,860 It's not your fault. I was terrible. 515 00:20:15,943 --> 00:20:18,320 "It's not your fault I was terrible" is also one of your sex tapes. 516 00:20:18,404 --> 00:20:19,488 Ow. 517 00:20:19,864 --> 00:20:21,866 Halloween is unbearable. 518 00:20:22,324 --> 00:20:25,244 But it was slightly less unbearable with you. 519 00:20:25,453 --> 00:20:26,704 Don't. Okay. 520 00:20:27,204 --> 00:20:30,750 Anyway. We're all going to the bar, so get changed, 521 00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,460 'cause you can't be the only one there 522 00:20:32,543 --> 00:20:34,420 not wearing a 'stume. 523 00:20:34,503 --> 00:20:36,338 'Stume! Oh, my God. It caught on. 524 00:20:36,422 --> 00:20:38,132 No. 525 00:20:39,717 --> 00:20:43,012 Ah, Captain Holt. It is so nice to see you. 526 00:20:43,179 --> 00:20:44,597 Never thought I'd say that. Hmm. 527 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,766 A poor winner. I never would've guessed. 528 00:20:46,849 --> 00:20:47,933 Yeah, you would've. 529 00:20:48,017 --> 00:20:49,685 Way to go all out on your costume, by the way. 530 00:20:49,810 --> 00:20:52,980 I believe you have an announcement to make, so the floor is yours. 531 00:20:54,356 --> 00:20:56,317 Attention, everyone. 532 00:20:57,234 --> 00:21:01,363 Jake Peralta is an amazing detective/genius. 533 00:21:02,656 --> 00:21:05,618 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some paperwork to do. 534 00:21:08,037 --> 00:21:09,246 All right. 535 00:21:09,455 --> 00:21:11,499 Officer in the 92nd got the royal baby mugger. 536 00:21:11,707 --> 00:21:13,626 He had 19 wallets in his diaper. 537 00:21:13,793 --> 00:21:15,002 We got a runner! 538 00:21:18,464 --> 00:21:19,632 Damn! 539 00:21:21,175 --> 00:21:22,843 Oh, I didn't tell you. 540 00:21:22,927 --> 00:21:25,137 I got kicked out of ballet school 541 00:21:25,221 --> 00:21:27,598 for beating the crap out of ballerinas. 542 00:21:28,849 --> 00:21:31,143 It's a good thing we gave 'em a heads up. 543 00:21:31,352 --> 00:21:33,521 Team effort. Go, Nine-Nine.