1 00:00:02,541 --> 00:00:03,584 Careful. 2 00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:05,586 You only get one shot at this, Peralta. 3 00:00:05,669 --> 00:00:07,629 Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. 4 00:00:07,713 --> 00:00:09,881 I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker. 5 00:00:09,965 --> 00:00:11,883 Hurry. The stench is too much. 6 00:00:11,967 --> 00:00:13,510 We gotta get those shoes out of here. 7 00:00:13,594 --> 00:00:15,053 How much time do we have? 8 00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,847 Scully ate his potpie 30 minutes ago. 9 00:00:16,930 --> 00:00:18,932 So we probably got 10 minutes left on this nap. 10 00:00:19,057 --> 00:00:20,517 Twelve if he's turkey-tired. 11 00:00:21,059 --> 00:00:22,853 All right, come to papa. 12 00:00:23,729 --> 00:00:25,272 It's trapped. Abort mission! 13 00:00:25,939 --> 00:00:27,065 I have an idea. 14 00:00:40,829 --> 00:00:42,831 Let's send these shoes to hell. 15 00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:46,877 Oh, wait. 16 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,587 Eh, it just smells worse than before. 17 00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:49,713 Oh! Ugh! 18 00:00:49,796 --> 00:00:50,797 Abort. 19 00:01:13,403 --> 00:01:15,364 Whoa. Why are you here before me? 20 00:01:15,447 --> 00:01:17,032 Am I asleep? Is this a dream? 21 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,118 I am early because Jimmy Brogan is here today. 22 00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:22,204 Why do you care so much about some old reporter? 23 00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:23,538 "Some old reporter"? 24 00:01:24,289 --> 00:01:27,376 Is the sky just some big blue hat that the world wears? 25 00:01:27,459 --> 00:01:29,378 No. And no one has ever thought that. 26 00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:30,754 My point exactly. 27 00:01:30,837 --> 00:01:35,175 Jimmy Brogan wrote The Squad about badass New York cops in the '70s. 28 00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:36,843 It's the best book I've ever read. 29 00:01:36,968 --> 00:01:38,553 And I've read 15 books. 30 00:01:38,637 --> 00:01:40,055 Fifty books is not a lot. 31 00:01:40,138 --> 00:01:41,139 Wait... 32 00:01:41,223 --> 00:01:42,391 You said 15? 33 00:01:44,226 --> 00:01:46,770 The Squad is what made me decide to become a detective. 34 00:01:46,853 --> 00:01:48,271 And it was my first book report. 35 00:01:48,605 --> 00:01:51,525 "The detectives wiped the mobster's blood off their boots 36 00:01:51,608 --> 00:01:53,193 "and found the scag." 37 00:01:53,276 --> 00:01:54,611 Scag is heroin. 38 00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:57,989 And the book says it's so good you can never stop doing it. 39 00:01:58,198 --> 00:01:59,783 See me after class, Jacob. 40 00:01:59,908 --> 00:02:03,787 Fun side note, I later lost my virginity to Mrs. Stratton's daughter. 41 00:02:04,037 --> 00:02:05,914 It was... Very fast. 42 00:02:06,331 --> 00:02:07,332 Nice! 43 00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:10,210 Mr. Brogan... Hmm. 44 00:02:10,293 --> 00:02:12,421 These are Detectives Santiago and Peralta. 45 00:02:12,504 --> 00:02:15,090 Mr. Brogan, I am a huge fan of your book. 46 00:02:15,173 --> 00:02:16,633 Would you mind signing my copy? 47 00:02:16,883 --> 00:02:17,884 I'd love to. 48 00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:19,177 It's always nice to meet a fan. 49 00:02:19,261 --> 00:02:21,012 You can just make it out to "Death Wish." 50 00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:23,223 That's what everyone calls me, because I'm always 51 00:02:23,306 --> 00:02:24,641 first through the door. 52 00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:28,103 You go through doors normally, and everyone calls you "Pineapples." 53 00:02:28,186 --> 00:02:30,939 My grandma calls me "Pineapples" and I regret telling you that. 54 00:02:31,231 --> 00:02:34,276 Those New York cops from the '70s you wrote about were my idols. 55 00:02:34,359 --> 00:02:36,403 I mean Gaminsky, Cavanaugh, Quigg... 56 00:02:36,778 --> 00:02:38,071 Those guys were the real deal. 57 00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:42,367 I once saw Gaminsky choke a hippy to death with his own ponytail. 58 00:02:42,451 --> 00:02:43,702 Illegal! Love that. 59 00:02:43,785 --> 00:02:45,412 Mr. Brogan is writing an article about 60 00:02:45,495 --> 00:02:47,205 how Brooklyn detectives have changed 61 00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:49,082 in the 35 years since The Squad. 62 00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:52,377 He'll be observing the two of you on your Internet identity theft case. 63 00:02:52,461 --> 00:02:54,504 I hope Mr. Brogan's presence doesn't prove to be a 64 00:02:54,588 --> 00:02:56,256 distraction to you, Peralta. 65 00:02:56,339 --> 00:02:58,008 Distracted? Me? No, sir. 66 00:02:58,508 --> 00:02:59,843 Evil would love that. 67 00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,637 But I'm not giving evil the satisfaction. 68 00:03:03,096 --> 00:03:04,222 Not today. 69 00:03:05,182 --> 00:03:07,017 Where's the can? I gotta unload. 70 00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:09,019 Unload. Great choice of words. 71 00:03:09,102 --> 00:03:10,979 It'd be an honor to show you, sir. 72 00:03:12,272 --> 00:03:14,149 All right. Everyone's here. 73 00:03:14,524 --> 00:03:16,443 Today we're going to work on our courtroom demeanor. 74 00:03:16,526 --> 00:03:17,527 Pass! 75 00:03:17,611 --> 00:03:19,738 This seminar is not optional, Diaz. 76 00:03:20,572 --> 00:03:23,408 You're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow. 77 00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:26,703 The DA is worried about how you present yourself on the stand. 78 00:03:26,787 --> 00:03:28,538 Why? I'm fine on the stand. 79 00:03:28,872 --> 00:03:31,792 Look, I'll make this real simple, so even these dum-dums can understand. 80 00:03:32,417 --> 00:03:33,877 Man did crime. 81 00:03:34,503 --> 00:03:37,923 I'm sorry. Can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face? 82 00:03:38,423 --> 00:03:39,549 Crying? 83 00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:42,552 And when this is over, I'm going to find you, 84 00:03:42,636 --> 00:03:44,930 and I'm going to break those little fingers. 85 00:03:45,013 --> 00:03:48,266 Miss Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer. 86 00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,727 This is an important case. 87 00:03:50,811 --> 00:03:51,812 You need to do well. 88 00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:53,772 Fine, I'll take your dumb-ass seminar. 89 00:03:54,481 --> 00:03:55,774 That's the spirit! 90 00:03:58,068 --> 00:04:00,362 Someone has placed tiny scanners inside ATMs 91 00:04:00,445 --> 00:04:03,657 to steal card numbers and PINs, which they sell on the Internet. 92 00:04:04,074 --> 00:04:06,618 Oh, good God! Why do you smell like an ashtray? 93 00:04:06,743 --> 00:04:08,328 Oh, sorry, Mom. 94 00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,956 It's the only way I can cope with the stress of the job. 95 00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:18,088 Anyway... 96 00:04:18,171 --> 00:04:20,590 We're running an algorithm to comb through the transactions, 97 00:04:20,674 --> 00:04:23,677 looking for a pattern, which will lead us to the perp's IP address. 98 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,012 Got it. Boring mumbo-jumbo. 99 00:04:26,096 --> 00:04:28,640 Well, you could think of the algorithm as a boot 100 00:04:28,723 --> 00:04:31,852 and the IP address as some poor slob's skull. You know? 101 00:04:31,977 --> 00:04:33,854 We used to call guys who bragged about 102 00:04:33,937 --> 00:04:36,273 sitting around all day "Hair Bags." 103 00:04:38,024 --> 00:04:39,776 Except for Detective Finaldi. 104 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,028 You know, he had to sit around all day. 105 00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:45,448 A mafia thug pried both his kneecaps off with a crowbar. 106 00:04:45,615 --> 00:04:46,992 Gah, so lucky. 107 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,745 This kind of data-driven police work has reduced crime by over 70%. 108 00:04:50,996 --> 00:04:53,373 I know hair bag work when I see it. 109 00:04:53,456 --> 00:04:55,959 Do me a favor, wake me when your shift is over. 110 00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:00,505 No way. 111 00:05:03,466 --> 00:05:05,051 That is amazing. 112 00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:07,429 All you need is for a jury to like you. 113 00:05:07,512 --> 00:05:09,347 If they like you, they'll trust you. 114 00:05:09,431 --> 00:05:11,558 Fine. How do I get these morons to like me? 115 00:05:14,436 --> 00:05:15,437 Don't call them morons. 116 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,521 Good instinct! 117 00:05:16,605 --> 00:05:17,606 Okay. 118 00:05:17,731 --> 00:05:19,900 Sit up straight. All right, be aware of your hands. 119 00:05:19,983 --> 00:05:21,276 Okay? Don't be afraid to smile. 120 00:05:21,359 --> 00:05:23,069 And if you need to buy time you can always just say, 121 00:05:23,153 --> 00:05:24,821 "To be perfectly candid." 122 00:05:24,905 --> 00:05:26,489 "To be perfectly candid." 123 00:05:27,198 --> 00:05:28,241 I like that. 124 00:05:28,325 --> 00:05:30,160 And always make good eye contact. 125 00:05:30,493 --> 00:05:32,078 But don't stare at people. Yeah. 126 00:05:32,162 --> 00:05:33,163 You got to blink. 127 00:05:33,246 --> 00:05:34,706 But don't blink too much. Or too fast. 128 00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:36,207 I think the bigger worry is slow blinks. 129 00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:38,293 Don't blink too fast or too slow, or too much or too little. 130 00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:39,794 I know how to blink! 131 00:05:40,879 --> 00:05:41,922 Quick question, sir. 132 00:05:42,005 --> 00:05:43,715 You know how we've been trading favors back and forth 133 00:05:43,798 --> 00:05:44,966 and it's your turn to give me one? 134 00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:46,092 None of that is true. 135 00:05:46,176 --> 00:05:47,177 Yeah, I know. 136 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:49,429 Please, can I jump onto a sweet mob-related homicide? 137 00:05:49,512 --> 00:05:52,641 There are no "sweet" mob-related homicides on which to jump. 138 00:05:52,974 --> 00:05:54,017 Boom. 139 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,560 There's one at the Seven-Three. 140 00:05:55,644 --> 00:05:57,354 Maybe I should roll over there, help out. 141 00:05:57,437 --> 00:05:59,522 Brogan could tag along, maybe write some stuff down. 142 00:05:59,606 --> 00:06:00,941 Why do you idolize that man? 143 00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:02,233 And the time he wrote about? 144 00:06:02,317 --> 00:06:03,526 Because the '70s were amazing. 145 00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:05,528 I mean, everyone had thick, juicy mustaches. 146 00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:07,822 And all the clothes were orange and flammable. 147 00:06:07,906 --> 00:06:11,034 The '70s were not a good time for the city or for the department. 148 00:06:11,117 --> 00:06:13,036 Corruption, brutality, sexism. 149 00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:14,955 Diaz or Santiago never would have made detective. 150 00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:17,624 And an openly gay man like me? I never would have been given a command. 151 00:06:17,749 --> 00:06:19,376 There were very few black detectives. 152 00:06:19,459 --> 00:06:21,378 Did I ever tell you what my first day on the job was like? 153 00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:26,466 Hello. I'm Raymond Holt. 154 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,718 Are you here to turn yourself in? 155 00:06:30,804 --> 00:06:32,347 Oh, yeah, that's really messed up. 156 00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:34,849 But the guys that Brogan wrote about, they were great detectives. 157 00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:35,934 I mean, they were legit. 158 00:06:36,017 --> 00:06:37,060 Some of them were legit. 159 00:06:37,143 --> 00:06:39,104 Some of them were just Brogan's drinking buddies. 160 00:06:41,022 --> 00:06:42,524 Sir, that is a brilliant idea. 161 00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:45,527 It wasn't an idea. It was a scathing indictment of your personal hero. 162 00:06:45,610 --> 00:06:46,903 Eh. Six of one. 163 00:06:48,196 --> 00:06:49,239 This is the best. 164 00:06:49,322 --> 00:06:51,199 Drinking with Jimmy Brogan. 165 00:06:51,658 --> 00:06:52,784 So tell me more about Quigg. 166 00:06:52,867 --> 00:06:54,411 Could he really light a matchstick on his face? 167 00:06:54,494 --> 00:06:57,998 One time during a drug bust, he got one of his fingers shot off. 168 00:06:58,081 --> 00:06:59,207 He didn't even flinch. 169 00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:03,294 He just picked it up and used it to flip off every Puerto Rican in the place. 170 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,880 And that's my cue. It's late. 171 00:07:05,964 --> 00:07:06,965 Are you kidding? 172 00:07:07,048 --> 00:07:08,425 The old guard drank till dawn, 173 00:07:08,508 --> 00:07:11,761 ate some coffee grounds and started the whole day all over again. 174 00:07:12,429 --> 00:07:13,972 I eat coffee grounds! 175 00:07:14,055 --> 00:07:15,390 Sure you do, Pineapples. 176 00:07:15,473 --> 00:07:16,808 How about another round? 177 00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:19,644 Are you kidding me? I want to hang with you till one of us dies. 178 00:07:19,728 --> 00:07:22,814 Look, I'm tired of talking. Why don't you tell me some of your stories? 179 00:07:22,939 --> 00:07:23,982 Great. 180 00:07:24,065 --> 00:07:27,736 Because I got some stories that'll make Training Day look like Super Troopers. 181 00:07:29,112 --> 00:07:31,698 It's not... Bartender? Two scotches. 182 00:07:31,781 --> 00:07:32,949 You got it. 183 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:34,826 No, no. He meant two bottles. 184 00:07:35,035 --> 00:07:36,036 What? 185 00:07:36,202 --> 00:07:37,287 I mean, yeah. 186 00:07:37,495 --> 00:07:38,705 Here you go. 187 00:07:38,913 --> 00:07:40,749 All right. 188 00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:46,254 You'll never get me! You'll never get me! 189 00:07:46,504 --> 00:07:47,964 We already got you, idiot. 190 00:07:48,089 --> 00:07:49,799 Look who's here. 191 00:07:49,883 --> 00:07:52,927 How was your night of old school drinking? Hmm? 192 00:07:53,261 --> 00:07:54,262 Pretty hungover? 193 00:07:54,345 --> 00:07:55,346 Shh. 194 00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:57,015 Turn off your mouth, siren. 195 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,809 Here are the texts I got from you last night. 196 00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:01,061 "Best night ever." 197 00:08:01,603 --> 00:08:03,563 "Why Scotch burn so good?" 198 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:06,191 "Was his name in Serpico?" 199 00:08:06,316 --> 00:08:08,359 "Who's the friend of yours with the ping pong?" 200 00:08:08,651 --> 00:08:10,653 And, lastly, a picture of you 201 00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:13,990 on the subway platform eating Chinese chicken salad with no shirt on. 202 00:08:14,115 --> 00:08:15,200 Ha! 203 00:08:15,283 --> 00:08:17,619 Well, last night was awesome. 204 00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:21,414 We had an epic night of bonding that I will never forget. 205 00:08:21,873 --> 00:08:23,750 Do it! I believe in you! 206 00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:27,879 Throw it! 207 00:08:28,254 --> 00:08:30,048 I believe in you! 208 00:08:30,465 --> 00:08:31,591 Man, I wonder if Brogan's okay. 209 00:08:31,674 --> 00:08:34,010 He's 65 and he drank two bottles of Scotch. 210 00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:35,095 He might be dead. 211 00:08:35,178 --> 00:08:36,179 He looks fine to me. 212 00:08:36,262 --> 00:08:37,347 Morning, kid! 213 00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:38,431 How you doing? 214 00:08:38,515 --> 00:08:40,809 Oh, hey. So good. 215 00:08:41,184 --> 00:08:44,229 I feel great and I definitely don't think it's burning hot in here. 216 00:08:44,312 --> 00:08:45,396 Well, I'm around. 217 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,357 Grab me if anything develops in your case. 218 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,150 You got it. 219 00:08:49,234 --> 00:08:50,401 That hurt so bad. 220 00:08:50,485 --> 00:08:53,029 Let me know when he's gone so I can slide onto the nice cool floor. 221 00:08:53,113 --> 00:08:54,572 He's gone. Great. 222 00:08:54,739 --> 00:08:55,907 Mmm. 223 00:08:59,077 --> 00:09:00,120 Ooh! 224 00:09:00,203 --> 00:09:01,830 My whole body has dry-mouth. 225 00:09:04,791 --> 00:09:06,251 Why are we meeting in the ladies room? 226 00:09:06,334 --> 00:09:08,503 It's the perfect place for our second lesson. 227 00:09:08,586 --> 00:09:09,754 Courthouse wardrobe. 228 00:09:09,838 --> 00:09:11,256 What's wrong with the way I dress? 229 00:09:11,381 --> 00:09:13,174 You know, some people might say 230 00:09:13,258 --> 00:09:16,594 that all the black leather kind of makes you look like a evil villain. 231 00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:20,265 Not me. I think you look like a sexy motorcycle. 232 00:09:21,599 --> 00:09:23,309 Boyle. Pull it together. 233 00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:24,477 Yeah. 234 00:09:24,561 --> 00:09:25,937 We need to soften up your look. 235 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:28,731 My wife and Charles' mom donated some clothes. 236 00:09:29,816 --> 00:09:31,901 Your wife and Boyle's mom are both blind? 237 00:09:34,779 --> 00:09:36,698 I look like Arsenio. 238 00:09:37,073 --> 00:09:38,616 So it's perfect? 239 00:09:40,785 --> 00:09:42,162 That's actually my wedding suit. 240 00:09:42,245 --> 00:09:43,246 No. 241 00:09:44,247 --> 00:09:45,415 Yes. 242 00:09:45,623 --> 00:09:46,624 No. No. 243 00:09:48,668 --> 00:09:50,295 That is great. Perfect. 244 00:09:51,254 --> 00:09:54,090 You look beautiful-ly appropriate for court. 245 00:09:57,635 --> 00:09:59,095 Scully? Hey, Jake? 246 00:09:59,262 --> 00:10:00,722 You've been alive forever. 247 00:10:01,097 --> 00:10:02,682 How did you used to cure hangovers? 248 00:10:02,765 --> 00:10:03,975 Oh, I didn't drink. 249 00:10:04,058 --> 00:10:07,353 I was, however, extremely into cocaine for most of 1986. 250 00:10:07,687 --> 00:10:10,023 I got to tell you the truth, Hitchcock, can I tell you the truth? 251 00:10:10,106 --> 00:10:12,108 You and me, man, we're going to be co-Captains. 252 00:10:12,192 --> 00:10:13,985 But first I'm taking you to Japan! 253 00:10:14,277 --> 00:10:15,612 I'm already packed! 254 00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:18,823 I had three heart attacks that year and declared bankruptcy. 255 00:10:18,907 --> 00:10:20,408 Hitchcock turned out just fine. 256 00:10:22,243 --> 00:10:23,995 My grandpa was an old school cop. 257 00:10:24,078 --> 00:10:25,830 This was his hangover cure. 258 00:10:25,914 --> 00:10:26,956 Raw egg yolks. 259 00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,252 You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river. 260 00:10:31,336 --> 00:10:34,714 Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who OD'd in his own pool. 261 00:10:34,797 --> 00:10:35,798 Big difference. 262 00:10:35,882 --> 00:10:38,051 I told you not to let Jimmy Brogan distract you from your work. 263 00:10:38,134 --> 00:10:41,137 So I assume you're not too hung over to do said work? 264 00:10:41,221 --> 00:10:42,222 Nope. 265 00:10:42,305 --> 00:10:43,932 It's like I never even drank. 266 00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:45,266 And that's not a hangover cure? 267 00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:47,477 What, that? Nah, it's just some... 268 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:48,728 Protein... 269 00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:51,898 For my guns. I drink one every morning before I lift. 270 00:10:52,857 --> 00:10:53,858 So... 271 00:10:57,820 --> 00:10:58,947 Ugh! 272 00:11:00,949 --> 00:11:02,033 So good. 273 00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:05,536 You can barely even tell it's a chicken embryo. 274 00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:07,497 You should drink it all. 275 00:11:07,914 --> 00:11:09,374 For your guns. 276 00:11:12,543 --> 00:11:13,544 Yeah. 277 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,095 It's just like, fitness, right? 278 00:11:22,178 --> 00:11:23,263 Mmm-hmm. 279 00:11:25,932 --> 00:11:27,392 Oh, why did I do this? 280 00:11:27,517 --> 00:11:29,811 According to your text, you were having 281 00:11:29,894 --> 00:11:31,771 "the beef light of my loaf." 282 00:11:31,854 --> 00:11:34,399 What? No, no, why did I use this algorithm? 283 00:11:34,482 --> 00:11:36,609 We're only tracking people who used the stolen cards. 284 00:11:36,693 --> 00:11:38,528 They might not be the same as the ones who stole them. 285 00:11:38,611 --> 00:11:40,280 Here, switch seats with me. 286 00:11:43,491 --> 00:11:44,826 Oh, wow. 287 00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:45,994 Your butt's really warm. 288 00:11:46,077 --> 00:11:48,454 My butt's normal. Your butt's the weird one. 289 00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:50,164 Don't get mad. It's nice. 290 00:11:50,248 --> 00:11:53,835 All right, so if we ignore all these fraudulent purchases and go back far enough... 291 00:11:53,918 --> 00:11:55,003 Here. 292 00:11:55,086 --> 00:11:58,548 Someone posted the stolen card numbers online from this IP address. 293 00:11:59,007 --> 00:12:00,758 Not bad. You found the pattern. 294 00:12:00,842 --> 00:12:02,885 All right. Let's aspirin up and roll out. 295 00:12:08,224 --> 00:12:10,310 I'm glad you could be here for this. 296 00:12:12,729 --> 00:12:13,980 Hello. Mike Halbrook! 297 00:12:14,063 --> 00:12:15,273 NYPD! Open up! 298 00:12:15,356 --> 00:12:17,108 Put your head through the door. 299 00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:18,651 My head? 300 00:12:19,027 --> 00:12:20,570 We got a runner! 301 00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:22,739 Stop! NYPD. Hands in the air! 302 00:12:22,822 --> 00:12:23,865 Oh, wow. 303 00:12:28,953 --> 00:12:31,664 Ooh! Yeah. Good job. 304 00:12:31,748 --> 00:12:33,291 Oh, I'm never drinking again. 305 00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:35,668 Hey. 306 00:12:35,752 --> 00:12:37,837 You know, I was going to take him out myself, but, 307 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,505 ladies first, so... 308 00:12:39,589 --> 00:12:42,675 Relax, kid. Being too hungover to chase a perp, 309 00:12:42,759 --> 00:12:44,469 that's a classic old school move. 310 00:12:45,553 --> 00:12:47,972 You know, you are one of the last few good cops 311 00:12:48,056 --> 00:12:50,433 fighting against the rising tide of hair bags. 312 00:12:50,558 --> 00:12:51,934 Is what you're going to say in your article? 313 00:12:52,018 --> 00:12:54,937 Ah, don't worry. You're going to come out looking real good. 314 00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:57,482 Especially after our talk in the bar. 315 00:12:57,690 --> 00:13:00,610 So many good quotes, especially about Holt. 316 00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:04,781 Cops are usually afraid to go after their captains like that, 317 00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:07,241 but you, sir, are old school. 318 00:13:08,868 --> 00:13:09,911 You know it. 319 00:13:11,079 --> 00:13:12,497 Oh, Pineapples. 320 00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:14,665 What did you do? 321 00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:18,669 Your witness, Counselor. 322 00:13:18,878 --> 00:13:19,921 Detective Diaz. 323 00:13:20,004 --> 00:13:21,547 It's always a pleasure to see you. 324 00:13:21,631 --> 00:13:24,509 It's not good. The lawyer's that slime ball Grundhaven. 325 00:13:24,592 --> 00:13:25,968 Rosa hates him. 326 00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:28,388 She's just right. We coached her. She'll be okay. 327 00:13:28,554 --> 00:13:31,599 Would you please state your name for the record? 328 00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:33,810 To be perfectly candid, 329 00:13:33,893 --> 00:13:35,603 my name is Detective Rosa Diaz. 330 00:13:35,728 --> 00:13:38,564 Well, thank you for your candor regarding your own name. 331 00:13:40,525 --> 00:13:42,819 Detective Diaz, would you please tell the court 332 00:13:42,902 --> 00:13:44,695 exactly how you're involved in this case? 333 00:13:44,779 --> 00:13:48,116 I caught Mr. Ladd physically beating his boss with a fax machine. 334 00:13:48,199 --> 00:13:49,826 Most of his cheek was caved in. 335 00:13:49,909 --> 00:13:52,203 His head was basically a blood fountain. 336 00:13:52,703 --> 00:13:55,039 I'm sorry, is this amusing to you, Miss Diaz? 337 00:13:57,917 --> 00:13:59,627 Are you all right, Detective? 338 00:14:02,422 --> 00:14:03,714 Oh, no. 339 00:14:03,798 --> 00:14:05,758 Brogan just sent me the quotes he's going to run. 340 00:14:05,842 --> 00:14:07,468 I slammed Holt like 50 times. 341 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:08,761 Listen. 342 00:14:08,845 --> 00:14:11,347 "Holt would rather I wear a tie than solve a case." 343 00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:14,976 "Holt cares more about catching clerical errors than catching bad guys." 344 00:14:15,393 --> 00:14:17,687 "Holt is way too verticulis." 345 00:14:17,979 --> 00:14:19,230 That's not even a word. 346 00:14:19,313 --> 00:14:20,440 What were you thinking? 347 00:14:20,523 --> 00:14:22,483 We were just hanging out, being old school. 348 00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:25,820 He wasn't supposed to quote me. I was off the record the whole time. 349 00:14:26,362 --> 00:14:27,405 Oh, no, wait. 350 00:14:27,864 --> 00:14:29,157 I'm going on the record. 351 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,534 Jake Peralta can dance! 352 00:14:33,202 --> 00:14:35,913 Whoo! Whoo! 353 00:14:36,414 --> 00:14:38,082 Jimmy Brogan! 354 00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:40,835 Look, you need to fix this, okay? 355 00:14:40,918 --> 00:14:42,336 Those quotes cannot run. 356 00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,005 It would be devastating for Holt. 357 00:14:44,088 --> 00:14:45,298 And the department. 358 00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:46,382 I'll fix it. 359 00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:47,675 Brogan's a cool guy. 360 00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:49,302 We're friends now. I'll just talk to him. 361 00:14:49,385 --> 00:14:51,137 Awesome dude to awesome dude. 362 00:14:51,846 --> 00:14:53,723 I should brush my teeth first, though, right? 363 00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:55,308 Mmm-hmm! Yeah, it's terrible. 364 00:14:57,768 --> 00:14:59,854 Great advice, dummies! I look like a psycho up there. 365 00:14:59,937 --> 00:15:01,439 Yes. You have to pull it together. 366 00:15:01,522 --> 00:15:02,523 That's not helping. 367 00:15:02,607 --> 00:15:04,650 It's what Sarge says to me when I'm nervous. 368 00:15:04,734 --> 00:15:06,486 Rosa, I think you're nervous. 369 00:15:06,569 --> 00:15:07,778 Of course I'm nervous. 370 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,071 What did you think was the problem? 371 00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:12,116 We just assumed you were a terrifying human being with a short fuse. 372 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,285 But if the problem is that you're nervous, 373 00:15:14,368 --> 00:15:17,205 that's where Charles Boyle lives, baby. I can help. 374 00:15:17,288 --> 00:15:18,998 You just need to go to your happy place. 375 00:15:19,081 --> 00:15:20,082 What's that? 376 00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:21,167 It sounds stupid. 377 00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,710 Oh, everyone's happy place is different. 378 00:15:22,793 --> 00:15:24,504 For me, I just imagine I'm slurping up 379 00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:26,964 the world's longest piece of linguini. 380 00:15:27,048 --> 00:15:29,008 It just keeps going and going. 381 00:15:29,091 --> 00:15:31,761 Every 20 feet of noodle, there's a sauce change. 382 00:15:32,345 --> 00:15:34,055 I'm in my happy place right now. 383 00:15:34,222 --> 00:15:35,890 Mmm. Pesto! 384 00:15:36,057 --> 00:15:38,184 Mmm. Carbonara! 385 00:15:38,684 --> 00:15:40,269 Great. Now I'm starving. 386 00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,652 Hey, hey. Jimmy Brogan. 387 00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:49,195 Thanks for meeting me. 388 00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:51,155 Welcome to the schvitz, kid! 389 00:15:51,572 --> 00:15:53,324 The most comfortable place on Earth. 390 00:15:53,491 --> 00:15:55,576 It's like crawling back into your mother. 391 00:15:55,743 --> 00:15:57,036 Is that something people want to do? 392 00:15:57,286 --> 00:15:58,829 What'd you want to talk to me about? 393 00:15:58,955 --> 00:16:01,749 Ah, so, I read those quotes you sent me. 394 00:16:01,832 --> 00:16:03,000 And you... 395 00:16:03,084 --> 00:16:04,293 Wrote them so good! 396 00:16:04,377 --> 00:16:05,920 The thing is... 397 00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:09,090 I know I hid it incredibly well, but I was pretty drunk when I said that stuff. 398 00:16:09,549 --> 00:16:11,509 So, any chance you wouldn't print it? 399 00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:14,303 Wait. You said you were going on the record. 400 00:16:14,470 --> 00:16:16,097 I was clearly not in control. 401 00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:18,516 Maybe you should learn to handle your brown. 402 00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,101 Ew! 403 00:16:20,476 --> 00:16:24,272 Look, you know that I think you're like the number one hero of the 20th century. 404 00:16:24,814 --> 00:16:27,066 But I kind of feel like you're being unfair here. 405 00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:28,150 Feel like? 406 00:16:28,234 --> 00:16:31,821 Listen to her. Suzanne Somers over here. Talk like a man. 407 00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:34,949 All right. I will talk like a man. You got me drunk and took advantage of me. 408 00:16:35,032 --> 00:16:36,284 Oh, come on. God. 409 00:16:37,243 --> 00:16:38,869 Look, I'm asking you nicely. 410 00:16:38,953 --> 00:16:40,288 Please don't print the quotes. 411 00:16:40,371 --> 00:16:42,748 And I'm telling you nicely, I'm printing them. 412 00:16:42,957 --> 00:16:44,041 No, you're not. 413 00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:46,794 What are you going to do about it? 414 00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:53,092 Hey, how'd it go with Brogan? 415 00:16:53,175 --> 00:16:54,176 Perfect. 416 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,679 Except I punched him in the face and made it a billion times worse. 417 00:16:56,762 --> 00:16:57,763 What? 418 00:17:05,313 --> 00:17:06,522 Yeah. 419 00:17:07,273 --> 00:17:10,443 So, Detective Diaz. You saw my client struggling with his boss. 420 00:17:10,526 --> 00:17:12,194 But you don't know who initiated the fight. 421 00:17:12,278 --> 00:17:15,156 To be perfectly candid, I was pretty sure it was the defendant. 422 00:17:15,239 --> 00:17:16,782 Well, to be perfectly candid, 423 00:17:16,866 --> 00:17:18,701 "pretty sure" is not definitive. 424 00:17:18,784 --> 00:17:20,328 I think I know what happened. 425 00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:21,954 Well, to be perfectly candid, 426 00:17:22,038 --> 00:17:23,372 no one cares what you think. 427 00:17:23,456 --> 00:17:25,708 Do you actually know anything or are you just guessing? 428 00:17:29,962 --> 00:17:32,006 Your client instigated the fight. 429 00:17:32,089 --> 00:17:33,758 I am certain. 430 00:17:33,841 --> 00:17:35,426 And I'm happy to tell you why. 431 00:17:36,719 --> 00:17:37,928 Yes. She went to her happy place. 432 00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:39,263 I know that, Boyle. 433 00:17:39,639 --> 00:17:41,724 You punched Jimmy Brogan? 434 00:17:42,224 --> 00:17:43,225 What were you thinking? 435 00:17:43,434 --> 00:17:46,312 I was thinking that I needed to protect this precinct 436 00:17:46,395 --> 00:17:48,314 from things that I said about this precinct 437 00:17:48,397 --> 00:17:51,317 to a reporter, while drunk and insisting he record me! I shouldn't have done it. 438 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,401 Unbelievable. 439 00:17:52,485 --> 00:17:54,153 Every time I think you might make a decent detective 440 00:17:54,236 --> 00:17:55,237 you go and pull something like this. 441 00:17:55,321 --> 00:17:57,239 I thought I could handle my brown. 442 00:17:58,949 --> 00:18:00,660 I know, I'm sorry. That's gross. 443 00:18:00,785 --> 00:18:01,911 Go home. 444 00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:04,914 You've got the rest of the day to put your head on straight. 445 00:18:11,754 --> 00:18:13,631 Got Halbrook to cop to every charge. 446 00:18:13,714 --> 00:18:14,715 Nice work, Santiago. 447 00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:16,217 Thank you, sir. 448 00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:19,762 Peralta figured out the pattern, though, so he should get credit for the collar. 449 00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:21,514 Have you seen him? I sent him home. 450 00:18:21,597 --> 00:18:23,015 He assaulted Jimmy Brogan. 451 00:18:23,099 --> 00:18:26,143 Yeah, but that caveman kind of had it coming, don't you think? 452 00:18:27,061 --> 00:18:28,229 Oh. 453 00:18:28,354 --> 00:18:29,814 He didn't tell you. Tell me what? 454 00:18:30,106 --> 00:18:31,107 Never mind. 455 00:18:31,315 --> 00:18:34,151 If Jake didn't tell you, he must've had a reason. It's not my place. 456 00:18:34,235 --> 00:18:36,278 I'm disappointed in you, Santiago. 457 00:18:36,737 --> 00:18:38,489 I thought you and I were close. 458 00:18:40,199 --> 00:18:41,909 I know you're manipulating me. 459 00:18:42,451 --> 00:18:44,829 But I love it, and I will tell you anything. 460 00:18:45,037 --> 00:18:47,331 So Jake went to the schvitz to talk to Brogan... 461 00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:50,418 What are you going to do about it? 462 00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:56,340 There's nothing I can do. 463 00:18:56,424 --> 00:19:01,053 Except to ask you nicely, as a fan of you, your work, and the guys you wrote about, 464 00:19:01,137 --> 00:19:02,346 please don't print the quotes. 465 00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:05,474 Sheesh. I didn't realize you were going to get your panties all in a pretzel. 466 00:19:05,558 --> 00:19:08,060 That's actually not technically possible, I'm not wearing underwear. 467 00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:10,521 It is swampy in here! And my butt's like the Everglades. 468 00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:13,399 Look, I know you're trying to be legit in a hair bag world 469 00:19:13,482 --> 00:19:15,860 so I will not print your quotes. 470 00:19:15,943 --> 00:19:19,113 Oh. Thank you. Thank you. That means the world to me. 471 00:19:19,196 --> 00:19:20,823 And for the record, 472 00:19:20,906 --> 00:19:23,659 I know that Holt is a stickler, but he's actually a really good cop. 473 00:19:23,743 --> 00:19:25,536 Don't worry about it. We're friends. 474 00:19:25,619 --> 00:19:27,747 You don't have to stick up for that homo. 475 00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,001 I really wish you hadn't just said that. 476 00:19:32,084 --> 00:19:33,085 What, homo? 477 00:19:34,754 --> 00:19:36,464 Thank you, Santiago. That'll be all. 478 00:19:41,177 --> 00:19:42,303 There she is. 479 00:19:44,096 --> 00:19:45,264 Diaz, you did it. 480 00:19:45,347 --> 00:19:46,849 They found him guilty on all charges. 481 00:19:47,141 --> 00:19:48,559 Huh. Boyle's advice worked. 482 00:19:51,061 --> 00:19:53,272 So, where's your happy place? 483 00:19:53,731 --> 00:19:54,940 I'm in a cabin, 484 00:19:55,024 --> 00:19:56,108 in the middle of nowhere. 485 00:19:56,192 --> 00:19:59,904 Inside it's just me and that stupid, slimy defense attorney. 486 00:20:00,571 --> 00:20:02,573 And I'm beating the hell out of him. 487 00:20:02,865 --> 00:20:04,992 I break a dining room table over his head. 488 00:20:05,075 --> 00:20:06,368 Then I rip off his arm 489 00:20:06,452 --> 00:20:08,412 and shove it where the sun don't shine. 490 00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:12,416 Then I reach down his throat and shake his hand. 491 00:20:16,504 --> 00:20:17,963 Yeah. Okay. 492 00:20:18,339 --> 00:20:20,758 I'm going to go ahead and schedule you for a psych eval. 493 00:20:22,551 --> 00:20:25,095 I owe you one, Boyle. Thank you dinner. Tomorrow night. 494 00:20:25,262 --> 00:20:27,431 Gribaldi's. It's all-you-can-eat linguini. 495 00:20:28,766 --> 00:20:29,809 Yes! 496 00:20:29,892 --> 00:20:31,268 Oh, my boyfriend's coming, too. 497 00:20:31,352 --> 00:20:32,895 Your what friend now? 498 00:20:36,273 --> 00:20:38,359 All right, let's hear it. 499 00:20:38,609 --> 00:20:40,569 Oh! It's even worse than I imagined. 500 00:20:41,362 --> 00:20:43,280 "The new face of the NYPD 501 00:20:43,364 --> 00:20:46,075 "is perfectly embodied by Brooklyn's own Jake Peralta." 502 00:20:46,158 --> 00:20:47,159 That's not so bad. 503 00:20:47,243 --> 00:20:50,746 "Who cowers behind his desk all day, like the true hair bag that he is." 504 00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:51,831 There it is. 505 00:20:51,914 --> 00:20:54,917 "The old guard would've eaten a guy like Peralta for breakfast 506 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,669 "and unloaded him by lunch." 507 00:20:56,752 --> 00:20:58,295 Well, that's very colorful. 508 00:20:58,587 --> 00:20:59,630 And hurtful. 509 00:20:59,713 --> 00:21:01,423 You can ignore that garbage, Santiago. 510 00:21:02,758 --> 00:21:04,385 Jimmy Brogan wouldn't know a legit cop 511 00:21:04,468 --> 00:21:06,178 if he punched him in the face. 512 00:21:11,392 --> 00:21:13,894 Well. Guess I'm done with this. 513 00:21:16,522 --> 00:21:17,940 Not good enough. 514 00:21:18,732 --> 00:21:21,235 Three, two, one. 515 00:21:24,905 --> 00:21:27,032 Welcome to the party, pal. 516 00:21:28,325 --> 00:21:30,035 God, I love that movie. 517 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:31,245 It's Die Hard.