1 00:00:02,307 --> 00:00:04,058 Everyone, 2 00:00:02,307 --> 00:00:04,058 check your email. 3 00:00:04,184 --> 00:00:06,685 The greatest thing that could 4 00:00:04,184 --> 00:00:06,685 ever happen has just happened. 5 00:00:06,811 --> 00:00:08,021 The girl who beat you 6 00:00:08,146 --> 00:00:09,481 for high school 7 00:00:08,146 --> 00:00:09,481 valedictorian died? 8 00:00:09,606 --> 00:00:11,483 No, "Kevin Cozner 9 00:00:09,606 --> 00:00:11,483 requests your presence 10 00:00:11,608 --> 00:00:13,234 at Raymond's birthday party." 11 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,735 Who's Kevin Cozner? 12 00:00:14,861 --> 00:00:17,656 Is he the star 13 00:00:14,861 --> 00:00:17,656 of "Danzes with Wolvez?" 14 00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:20,283 He's Captain Holt's husband. 15 00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:20,283 Captain Raymond Holt. 16 00:00:20,408 --> 00:00:22,160 We're invited 17 00:00:20,408 --> 00:00:22,160 to the captain's birthday party. 18 00:00:22,285 --> 00:00:24,037 Oh, the captain's party 19 00:00:22,285 --> 00:00:24,037 and whatnot. 20 00:00:24,162 --> 00:00:26,373 I can't wait to see the inside 21 00:00:24,162 --> 00:00:26,373 of Raymond's house. 22 00:00:26,498 --> 00:00:28,667 I'm gonna learn everything 23 00:00:26,498 --> 00:00:28,667 there is to know about him. 24 00:00:28,791 --> 00:00:32,086 I bet it's really fancy, 25 00:00:28,791 --> 00:00:32,086 like Beauty and the Beast fancy. 26 00:00:32,212 --> 00:00:35,590 No, it's probably just an empty, 27 00:00:32,212 --> 00:00:35,590 white cube with a USB port in it 28 00:00:35,715 --> 00:00:38,218 for him to plug his finger in 29 00:00:35,715 --> 00:00:38,218 when he's on sleep mode. 30 00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:40,803 Apparently, my husband Kevin 31 00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:40,803 has invited you all to my party. 32 00:00:40,928 --> 00:00:42,430 There is very little 33 00:00:40,928 --> 00:00:42,430 street parking, 34 00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:44,349 no gifts, no singing 35 00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:44,349 of "Happy Birthday." 36 00:00:44,474 --> 00:00:45,933 Should be fun. 37 00:00:46,059 --> 00:00:47,310 Sounds fantastic. 38 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,315 Did you hear that? 39 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,315 His husband invited us, not him. 40 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,234 - He so doesn't want us there. 41 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,234 - Yes, he does. 42 00:00:54,359 --> 00:00:57,778 Mm, it was kind 43 00:00:54,359 --> 00:00:57,778 of a last-minute invite. 44 00:00:57,904 --> 00:00:59,280 Just stirrin' the pot. 45 00:00:59,406 --> 00:01:00,657 Why wouldn't Holt want us there? 46 00:01:00,781 --> 00:01:02,450 Because he thinks 47 00:01:00,781 --> 00:01:02,450 we'll embarrass him 48 00:01:02,576 --> 00:01:05,786 in front of his husband, 49 00:01:02,576 --> 00:01:05,786 which, frankly, is insulting! 50 00:01:05,912 --> 00:01:07,288 Oh, man. 51 00:01:07,414 --> 00:01:09,708 All the orange soda spilled out 52 00:01:07,414 --> 00:01:09,708 of my cereal. 53 00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:33,273 Happy birthday, 54 00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:33,273 you sly, old fox. 55 00:01:33,398 --> 00:01:35,567 How many spankings 56 00:01:33,398 --> 00:01:35,567 is it this year? 57 00:01:35,692 --> 00:01:37,818 Peralta, please. 58 00:01:35,692 --> 00:01:37,818 Save some charm for the party. 59 00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:40,029 You mean the party that you 60 00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:40,029 begrudgingly invited us to 61 00:01:40,154 --> 00:01:41,864 at the last minute 62 00:01:40,154 --> 00:01:41,864 'cause you don't want us there? 63 00:01:41,989 --> 00:01:43,408 I couldn't be happier 64 00:01:41,989 --> 00:01:43,408 you're coming. 65 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:45,619 And it shows. 66 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:45,619 I can't wait to meet Kevin. 67 00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,746 I assume he's the fun one 68 00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,746 in the relationship. 69 00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:49,830 I'm not sure you and Kevin 70 00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:49,830 will get along. 71 00:01:49,956 --> 00:01:51,916 Really? Well, I disagree. 72 00:01:52,041 --> 00:01:54,502 In fact, I will guarantee you 73 00:01:52,041 --> 00:01:54,502 that by the end of the night, 74 00:01:54,628 --> 00:01:56,421 Kev and I will be best friends. 75 00:01:56,546 --> 00:01:58,506 - He hates being called "Kev." 76 00:01:56,546 --> 00:01:58,506 - Or does he? 77 00:01:58,632 --> 00:02:00,258 Yes. 78 00:02:00,383 --> 00:02:02,343 Bam! 79 00:02:02,469 --> 00:02:04,763 Behold, my secret weapon 80 00:02:02,469 --> 00:02:04,763 for winning over Kevin. 81 00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:07,014 In this box 82 00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:07,014 is every grisly crime 83 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,100 the Nine-Nine has worked 84 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,100 in the past eight years. 85 00:02:09,225 --> 00:02:10,769 Civilians love 86 00:02:09,225 --> 00:02:10,769 juicy cop stories. 87 00:02:12,061 --> 00:02:13,730 I call that murder 88 00:02:12,061 --> 00:02:13,730 where they strung fishing wire 89 00:02:13,854 --> 00:02:14,855 through three guys. 90 00:02:14,981 --> 00:02:16,190 Hey, we solved that together. 91 00:02:16,316 --> 00:02:18,151 Well, tough Tetris. I called it. 92 00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:19,486 Also, I've loaded all 93 00:02:19,611 --> 00:02:20,820 of my favorite 94 00:02:19,611 --> 00:02:20,820 karaoke backing tracks 95 00:02:20,945 --> 00:02:22,447 onto my phone. 96 00:02:22,572 --> 00:02:24,783 Kevin and I will be duetting 97 00:02:22,572 --> 00:02:24,783 "Rolling in the Deep!" 98 00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:26,701 That's it, 99 00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:26,701 emergency squad meeting, 100 00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:28,745 briefing room, two minutes. 101 00:02:31,205 --> 00:02:32,624 Uh, adult parties? 102 00:02:32,749 --> 00:02:35,126 Sergeant, I believe 103 00:02:32,749 --> 00:02:35,126 they're called orgies. 104 00:02:35,251 --> 00:02:36,461 No-look five. 105 00:02:36,586 --> 00:02:38,463 I met my wife at an orgy. 106 00:02:38,588 --> 00:02:40,047 Well, she was leaving an orgy 107 00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:42,550 and we bumped into each other 108 00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:42,550 on the street. 109 00:02:42,676 --> 00:02:44,385 Real Meet Cute. 110 00:02:44,511 --> 00:02:47,263 Thank you for exhibiting exactly 111 00:02:44,511 --> 00:02:47,263 why this meeting is necessary. 112 00:02:47,388 --> 00:02:49,599 Everyone here needs 113 00:02:47,388 --> 00:02:49,599 some instruction 114 00:02:49,724 --> 00:02:51,559 on interacting with grown-ups. 115 00:02:51,685 --> 00:02:52,893 Sergeant, why am I here? 116 00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:55,021 I'm always incredibly 117 00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:55,021 appropriate. 118 00:02:55,146 --> 00:02:57,273 In high school, 119 00:02:55,146 --> 00:02:57,273 I was voted "most appropriate." 120 00:02:57,398 --> 00:02:59,484 Ooh, self burn. Those are rare. 121 00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:01,860 I shouldn't be here either. 122 00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:01,860 I'm fine at parties. 123 00:03:01,986 --> 00:03:03,363 I just stand in the middle 124 00:03:01,986 --> 00:03:03,363 of the room 125 00:03:03,488 --> 00:03:04,905 and don't say anything. 126 00:03:05,031 --> 00:03:06,991 Here are the rules: 127 00:03:05,031 --> 00:03:06,991 No staring at your phones, 128 00:03:07,116 --> 00:03:08,409 no rolling in two hours late. 129 00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:11,329 No sweatpants, no jeans, 130 00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:11,329 and no shorts. 131 00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:12,831 What about dress-up shorts? 132 00:03:12,955 --> 00:03:14,666 For instance, 133 00:03:12,955 --> 00:03:14,666 the kind Jen Aniston might wear? 134 00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:18,545 No, those are still shorts. 135 00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:18,545 No shorts. 136 00:03:18,670 --> 00:03:20,338 And everyone bring 137 00:03:18,670 --> 00:03:20,338 a bottle of wine. 138 00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:21,922 Why are there so many rules? 139 00:03:22,048 --> 00:03:23,675 Next thing you're gonna say 140 00:03:22,048 --> 00:03:23,675 is we can't be late. 141 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,093 Yeah, that's, like, 142 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,093 the first thing I said. 143 00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:27,762 Ohh. 144 00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:31,140 This neighborhood's amazing. 145 00:03:31,265 --> 00:03:33,934 Class just seeps outta 146 00:03:31,265 --> 00:03:33,934 every vestibule. 147 00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:36,312 Keep it in your pants, Santiago. 148 00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:39,148 Scully, I specifically said 149 00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:39,148 no shorts. 150 00:03:39,273 --> 00:03:40,817 Sarge, it's not my fault. 151 00:03:40,941 --> 00:03:43,152 You said so many things 152 00:03:40,941 --> 00:03:43,152 about shorts, I got confused. 153 00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:44,571 Man, did I screw the pooch. 154 00:03:44,696 --> 00:03:46,656 - Ahh. 155 00:03:44,696 --> 00:03:46,656 - Peralta, where have you been? 156 00:03:46,781 --> 00:03:48,282 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know, 157 00:03:48,408 --> 00:03:51,870 I am three... 158 00:03:48,408 --> 00:03:51,870 ty-five minutes late. Yikes! 159 00:03:51,994 --> 00:03:54,205 But I had to stop 160 00:03:51,994 --> 00:03:54,205 and get some wine. 161 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:55,665 Hello, good sir, 162 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,500 I'd like your finest 163 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,500 bottle of wine, please. 164 00:03:57,625 --> 00:03:59,836 That will be $1,600. 165 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,548 Great, I'd like your $8-est 166 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,548 bottle of wine, please. 167 00:04:03,673 --> 00:04:06,426 It's from the finest vineyard 168 00:04:03,673 --> 00:04:06,426 in Arkansas. 169 00:04:08,219 --> 00:04:09,763 Ah, samesies! 170 00:04:13,558 --> 00:04:14,893 Wow. 171 00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:16,561 Wow. 172 00:04:16,686 --> 00:04:17,937 Ah, welcome. 173 00:04:18,062 --> 00:04:20,565 Captain! 174 00:04:18,062 --> 00:04:20,565 Raymond! 175 00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:22,358 Those slacks are a knockout. 176 00:04:23,150 --> 00:04:24,402 Come on, Amy. 177 00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:26,112 I trust you found 178 00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:26,112 my home easy to locate 179 00:04:26,237 --> 00:04:27,530 and thank you all for wearing 180 00:04:26,237 --> 00:04:27,530 appropriate footwear. 181 00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:29,532 Wow, you really let 182 00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:29,532 your hair down 183 00:04:29,657 --> 00:04:31,200 when you're not at the office. 184 00:04:31,325 --> 00:04:33,453 Ah, detectives, 185 00:04:31,325 --> 00:04:33,453 meet my husband, Kevin. 186 00:04:33,578 --> 00:04:34,871 Nice to meet you. Hi. 187 00:04:34,995 --> 00:04:36,915 Evening, so glad 188 00:04:34,995 --> 00:04:36,915 you could make it. 189 00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:39,125 Ah, and look, he brought us 190 00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:39,125 some wine. 191 00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:43,087 drink. This is legally called 192 00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:43,087 "wine drink." 193 00:04:43,212 --> 00:04:44,964 Hmm, how very thoughtful. 194 00:04:43,212 --> 00:04:44,964 Thank you. 195 00:04:45,089 --> 00:04:47,216 It's red... like blood. 196 00:04:47,341 --> 00:04:48,676 You know, 197 00:04:47,341 --> 00:04:48,676 I worked a double homicide 198 00:04:48,802 --> 00:04:50,303 on this block 199 00:04:48,802 --> 00:04:50,303 a couple years ago. 200 00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:52,597 - The details will astound you. 201 00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:52,597 - Yes, I am sorry. 202 00:04:52,722 --> 00:04:54,140 Perhaps Raymond 203 00:04:52,722 --> 00:04:54,140 didn't say anything. 204 00:04:54,265 --> 00:04:56,100 Our home has 205 00:04:54,265 --> 00:04:56,100 a "no shoptalk" policy. 206 00:04:56,225 --> 00:04:57,477 I don't bring home Beowulf, 207 00:04:57,602 --> 00:04:59,437 and he doesn't bring home 208 00:04:57,602 --> 00:04:59,437 cop stories. 209 00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:03,274 So may I pour you some of this 210 00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:03,274 wine drink you brought us? 211 00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:05,401 Perhaps all of it? 212 00:05:05,526 --> 00:05:06,820 All of it sounds good. 213 00:05:08,780 --> 00:05:10,448 Actually, Ray and I met 214 00:05:08,780 --> 00:05:10,448 over the phone. 215 00:05:10,573 --> 00:05:11,616 Oh, they've all heard the story. 216 00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:13,409 No, we haven't, and we need to. 217 00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:15,202 Well, Ray was a source 218 00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:15,202 for an article 219 00:05:15,328 --> 00:05:17,079 I was writing 220 00:05:15,328 --> 00:05:17,079 for The New Yorker. 221 00:05:17,204 --> 00:05:19,165 I asked him a series of dry 222 00:05:17,204 --> 00:05:19,165 questions about police work 223 00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:21,208 and his answers had me 224 00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:21,208 in stitches. 225 00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:23,043 There's no one funnier 226 00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:23,043 than Ray Holt. 227 00:05:23,169 --> 00:05:24,253 - Amen. 228 00:05:23,169 --> 00:05:24,253 - There isn't? 229 00:05:24,378 --> 00:05:25,505 We met for a drink that night 230 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:27,256 and we've been together since. 231 00:05:27,381 --> 00:05:29,467 So, Kevin, I hear you're 232 00:05:27,381 --> 00:05:29,467 a professor at Columbia? 233 00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:31,886 That's right, yes. 234 00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:31,886 I head the classics department. 235 00:05:32,011 --> 00:05:33,847 Ah, interesting, classics. 236 00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:37,851 Zeppelin, Hendrix, Die Hard. 237 00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:37,851 Total classics head over here. 238 00:05:39,268 --> 00:05:42,271 I'm joking, obviously. 239 00:05:39,268 --> 00:05:42,271 I know what the classics are. 240 00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:45,692 The Odyssey and... the one you 241 00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:45,692 said when we got here, 242 00:05:45,817 --> 00:05:46,985 the wolf one. 243 00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:48,903 Kevin, why don't we go mingle 244 00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:50,864 and let the detectives 245 00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:50,864 settle in? 246 00:05:53,115 --> 00:05:54,909 Boyle, what happened 247 00:05:53,115 --> 00:05:54,909 to your shirt? 248 00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,035 I spilled a wonderful 249 00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,035 winter salsa. 250 00:05:57,161 --> 00:05:59,121 Here, wear my shirt. 251 00:05:57,161 --> 00:05:59,121 I was gonna take it off anyway. 252 00:05:59,246 --> 00:06:00,540 Hitchcock, no! 253 00:06:00,665 --> 00:06:02,834 Boyle, take my sweater. 254 00:06:04,585 --> 00:06:07,045 Fits really well. 255 00:06:04,585 --> 00:06:07,045 We have similar physiques. 256 00:06:07,171 --> 00:06:08,798 We've been here 257 00:06:07,171 --> 00:06:08,798 all of four minutes, 258 00:06:08,923 --> 00:06:11,592 and you guys have already 259 00:06:08,923 --> 00:06:11,592 forgotten everything I said! 260 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:13,344 Party huddle, stat! 261 00:06:13,469 --> 00:06:15,930 Okay, gang, we need 262 00:06:13,469 --> 00:06:15,930 a new strategy. 263 00:06:16,054 --> 00:06:17,891 Totally. 264 00:06:16,054 --> 00:06:17,891 What is going on out there? 265 00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:20,476 We can't tell cop stories, 266 00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:20,476 Kevin doesn't find me charming, 267 00:06:20,601 --> 00:06:21,853 and a native English speaker 268 00:06:21,978 --> 00:06:23,730 referred to Captain Holt 269 00:06:21,978 --> 00:06:23,730 as "hilarious." 270 00:06:23,855 --> 00:06:25,398 I am flummoxed! 271 00:06:25,523 --> 00:06:27,567 That's a word I learned 272 00:06:25,523 --> 00:06:27,567 for this party and I am it! 273 00:06:27,692 --> 00:06:29,694 - Well, I'm doing fine. 274 00:06:27,692 --> 00:06:29,694 - Really? 275 00:06:29,819 --> 00:06:31,738 "Raymond, those slacks 276 00:06:29,819 --> 00:06:31,738 are a knockout." 277 00:06:31,863 --> 00:06:34,032 - Do you think he heard that? 278 00:06:31,863 --> 00:06:34,032 - Only 'cause you yelled it. 279 00:06:34,156 --> 00:06:37,284 Shut up. From now on, 280 00:06:34,156 --> 00:06:37,284 we play to our strengths. 281 00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:39,370 Charles, you know everything 282 00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:39,370 about food. 283 00:06:39,495 --> 00:06:40,872 That's all you talk about. 284 00:06:40,997 --> 00:06:42,832 I mean, I don't think 285 00:06:40,997 --> 00:06:42,832 anyone will ever know 286 00:06:42,957 --> 00:06:44,000 everything about food. 287 00:06:44,124 --> 00:06:45,668 It's an evolving discipline. 288 00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:48,046 That's great stuff. 289 00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:48,046 It's so boring. Don't waste it. 290 00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:51,215 Amy, you studied art history. 291 00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:51,215 That's interesting. 292 00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:53,342 Scully, opera. 293 00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:56,596 Hitchcock, nothing. 294 00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:56,596 Talk about nothing. 295 00:06:56,721 --> 00:06:58,598 Rosa, stick with Gina. 296 00:06:58,723 --> 00:07:00,016 Make sure she doesn't say 297 00:06:58,723 --> 00:07:00,016 anything insane 298 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,059 or steal anything. 299 00:07:01,183 --> 00:07:02,852 Too late. 300 00:07:02,977 --> 00:07:05,980 Don't worry, it's just, like, 301 00:07:02,977 --> 00:07:05,980 hats and scarves and stuff. 302 00:07:06,104 --> 00:07:08,106 She will put those back. 303 00:07:06,104 --> 00:07:08,106 I will handle the chitchat. 304 00:07:08,232 --> 00:07:09,692 That just leaves you, Peralta. 305 00:07:09,817 --> 00:07:11,360 What's your cultural specialty? 306 00:07:11,485 --> 00:07:13,613 Easy, Kevin mentioned 307 00:07:11,485 --> 00:07:13,613 The New Yorker 308 00:07:13,738 --> 00:07:15,406 and I've totally read that. 309 00:07:19,911 --> 00:07:23,081 Keep a low profile, 310 00:07:19,911 --> 00:07:23,081 chuckle at anecdotes. 311 00:07:23,205 --> 00:07:24,749 Try not to start 312 00:07:23,205 --> 00:07:24,749 any conversations. 313 00:07:24,874 --> 00:07:26,125 Got it. 314 00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,628 Wait a minute, 315 00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,628 you're hitchcocking me? 316 00:07:28,753 --> 00:07:30,671 Well, not surprising. 317 00:07:28,753 --> 00:07:30,671 We're practically twins. 318 00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:34,383 "Be appropriate," on three... 319 00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:34,383 Quietly. 320 00:07:34,508 --> 00:07:35,718 One, two, three. 321 00:07:35,843 --> 00:07:37,511 Be appropriate. 322 00:07:38,554 --> 00:07:39,889 Now, break it up. We look weird. 323 00:07:40,014 --> 00:07:41,265 Right. 324 00:07:45,436 --> 00:07:48,022 Don't move as a group. 325 00:07:45,436 --> 00:07:48,022 You're not gazelles. 326 00:07:53,486 --> 00:07:57,197 - No, no, I said, "millimeters." 327 00:07:57,323 --> 00:07:58,491 What? 328 00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:01,201 Oh, Ray, I'm gonna choke 329 00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:01,201 from laughter. 330 00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:02,536 You're too funny! 331 00:08:04,246 --> 00:08:07,500 Yes, great humor words, Raymond. 332 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:09,585 I reminds me of a 333 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:09,585 very interesting article I read 334 00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:11,253 about human trafficking 335 00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:11,253 in The New Yorker. 336 00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:12,588 No, it doesn't. 337 00:08:12,713 --> 00:08:14,340 Oh. The one written 338 00:08:12,713 --> 00:08:14,340 by David Remnick. 339 00:08:14,465 --> 00:08:16,175 I loved that piece, 340 00:08:14,465 --> 00:08:16,175 from four weeks ago. 341 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:19,512 Or was it three weeks? No, four. 342 00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:23,307 Anyways, I was riveted. 343 00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:23,307 I'm a huge New Yorker guy. 344 00:08:23,432 --> 00:08:25,101 I could talk 345 00:08:23,432 --> 00:08:25,101 about that article for hours. 346 00:08:25,225 --> 00:08:26,477 - Great. 347 00:08:25,225 --> 00:08:26,477 - That's unnecessary. 348 00:08:26,602 --> 00:08:29,188 - Let's do that right now. 349 00:08:26,602 --> 00:08:29,188 - Let's do. 350 00:08:29,313 --> 00:08:32,025 Ah, there they are. 351 00:08:29,313 --> 00:08:32,025 Kevin, let's greet our guests. 352 00:08:32,150 --> 00:08:34,110 Oh. Mm-hmm. Duty calls. 353 00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:38,698 - To be continued. 354 00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:38,698 - Totes! Can't wait! 355 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,617 I can wait. 356 00:08:41,742 --> 00:08:43,452 All I remember 357 00:08:41,742 --> 00:08:43,452 about that article is the title. 358 00:08:43,577 --> 00:08:46,246 I was hopped up on nitrous. 359 00:08:43,577 --> 00:08:46,246 We gotta find that magazine. 360 00:08:46,372 --> 00:08:47,623 It's gotta be in here somewhere. 361 00:08:47,748 --> 00:08:49,834 This place is like a candy store 362 00:08:47,748 --> 00:08:49,834 for nerds. 363 00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:51,878 Stop eating crab wrong! 364 00:08:55,339 --> 00:08:58,885 Ah, pepper relish 365 00:08:55,339 --> 00:08:58,885 on your arancini. 366 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:00,594 Very playful. 367 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:00,594 Cut through the richness, 368 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,680 add a little levity. 369 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,680 I love that. 370 00:09:02,805 --> 00:09:04,264 You really know your food. 371 00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:05,808 You could say 372 00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:05,808 it's the only thing 373 00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:07,143 I'm allowed to talk about. 374 00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:09,645 I'm Charles. 375 00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:09,645 I work with Captain Holt. 376 00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:12,023 I'm Vivian Ludley. 377 00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:12,023 I work with Kevin. 378 00:09:12,148 --> 00:09:14,608 No! The Vivian Ludley? 379 00:09:14,734 --> 00:09:16,610 Author of 380 00:09:14,734 --> 00:09:16,610 Stone Fruits and Stone-Stones: 381 00:09:16,736 --> 00:09:19,488 Food of the Paleolithic Era? 382 00:09:16,736 --> 00:09:19,488 I'm a huge fan! 383 00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:22,575 It's got the best recipes 384 00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:22,575 for making salads out of moss. 385 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,870 The trick is, you have 386 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,870 to lean into the dirt taste. 387 00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:28,706 - Aha. 388 00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:28,706 - Mm-hmm. 389 00:09:28,831 --> 00:09:32,585 Chickpeas, tahini, 390 00:09:28,831 --> 00:09:32,585 smoked paprika... 391 00:09:33,377 --> 00:09:34,837 They make their own hummus. 392 00:09:34,962 --> 00:09:37,339 - Santiago? 393 00:09:34,962 --> 00:09:37,339 - Sergeant! 394 00:09:37,464 --> 00:09:39,133 I'm learning so much. 395 00:09:39,258 --> 00:09:42,220 We both have blue hand towels, 396 00:09:39,258 --> 00:09:42,220 we have the same microwave, 397 00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:45,139 and once I buy coasters 398 00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:45,139 made out of geodes, 399 00:09:45,264 --> 00:09:46,224 we'll both have those. 400 00:09:46,348 --> 00:09:48,267 Yeah. 401 00:09:48,392 --> 00:09:50,103 No, hey! My notes! 402 00:09:50,228 --> 00:09:52,980 This is a birthday party, 403 00:09:50,228 --> 00:09:52,980 not a recon mission. 404 00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:55,441 You can get this back 405 00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:55,441 at the end of the night. 406 00:09:56,817 --> 00:09:59,112 All right. Let's go 407 00:09:56,817 --> 00:09:59,112 interact with these dummies. 408 00:09:59,237 --> 00:10:00,863 Wait here. 409 00:10:02,115 --> 00:10:03,616 What do you teach? 410 00:10:03,741 --> 00:10:04,992 Comparative historiography 411 00:10:05,118 --> 00:10:06,702 of the French 412 00:10:05,118 --> 00:10:06,702 and American revolutions. 413 00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:09,455 - Nope. How 'bout you? 414 00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:09,455 - Molecular biology. 415 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,373 Worse. What do you study? 416 00:10:11,498 --> 00:10:13,209 Abnormal psychology. 417 00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,086 So, like, weirdos and freaks. 418 00:10:15,836 --> 00:10:17,463 You should meet my friend. 419 00:10:17,588 --> 00:10:18,881 Hey. 420 00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:22,760 Gina, what are you thinking 421 00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:22,760 about right now? 422 00:10:22,885 --> 00:10:26,180 I was thinking how I would make 423 00:10:22,885 --> 00:10:26,180 the perfect American president, 424 00:10:26,305 --> 00:10:31,560 based upon my skill set, 425 00:10:26,305 --> 00:10:31,560 dance ability, and bloodlust. 426 00:10:31,685 --> 00:10:34,480 That is fascinating. 427 00:10:34,605 --> 00:10:37,066 Ah-shan-ti. 428 00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:46,325 Oh, man, it's black Tom Selleck 429 00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:46,325 and white Sidney Poitier. 430 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:49,411 Come on. 431 00:10:50,329 --> 00:10:51,705 All books and no magazines? 432 00:10:51,831 --> 00:10:54,000 What kind of crappy library's 433 00:10:51,831 --> 00:10:54,000 full of books? 434 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,376 A crap library... 435 00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:58,420 All of the magazines 436 00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:58,420 are in the bathroom. 437 00:10:58,545 --> 00:10:59,964 Great solve, Peralta. 438 00:11:00,089 --> 00:11:01,423 Ah! 439 00:11:01,548 --> 00:11:03,801 - Can I help you? 440 00:11:01,548 --> 00:11:03,801 Captain. 441 00:11:03,926 --> 00:11:05,970 I didn't hear you 442 00:11:03,926 --> 00:11:05,970 silently sneak up on me. 443 00:11:06,095 --> 00:11:07,805 Oh, that reminds me, 444 00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:09,890 tell Kevin that I am available 445 00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:09,890 for brunch on Sunday the 17th. 446 00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,350 The 17th is a Tuesday. 447 00:11:11,475 --> 00:11:13,644 Why are you talking 448 00:11:11,475 --> 00:11:13,644 about The New Yorker 449 00:11:13,769 --> 00:11:14,728 all of a sudden? 450 00:11:14,854 --> 00:11:16,105 I always talk about smart stuff. 451 00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:18,983 You know, the jazz age, 452 00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:18,983 what's in a name, 453 00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:22,360 the 1950s movies 454 00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:22,360 that are from the '50s. 455 00:11:22,486 --> 00:11:24,362 Those were the categories 456 00:11:22,486 --> 00:11:24,362 on Jeopardy last night. 457 00:11:25,447 --> 00:11:27,867 Don't try so hard 458 00:11:25,447 --> 00:11:27,867 to impress my husband. 459 00:11:27,992 --> 00:11:29,367 Yes, sir. 460 00:11:31,954 --> 00:11:33,122 To the crap library. 461 00:11:33,873 --> 00:11:38,836 April 13, May 2... Come on! 462 00:11:38,961 --> 00:11:41,088 Why doesn't my life 463 00:11:38,961 --> 00:11:41,088 always work out perfectly? 464 00:11:42,506 --> 00:11:45,134 Uh, just a second! 465 00:11:42,506 --> 00:11:45,134 I'm halfway done! 466 00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:47,094 I'm halfway there, 467 00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:47,094 I'm halfway done... 468 00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:50,014 - with what's happening in here. 469 00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:50,014 Okay. 470 00:11:51,015 --> 00:11:55,728 Una furtiva lagrima 471 00:11:55,853 --> 00:11:57,855 This song gets to me every time. 472 00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:00,440 It's beautiful. 473 00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:00,440 You must be so proud. 474 00:12:00,566 --> 00:12:01,775 I sure am. 475 00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:03,277 How long have 476 00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:03,277 you two been together? 477 00:12:03,401 --> 00:12:04,987 We've been partners 478 00:12:03,401 --> 00:12:04,987 for almost 30 years. 479 00:12:05,112 --> 00:12:07,740 So do you two ever 480 00:12:05,112 --> 00:12:07,740 get harassed at work? 481 00:12:07,865 --> 00:12:09,742 Harassed? For what? 482 00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:12,953 For being a gay couple 483 00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:12,953 who works together in the NYPD: 484 00:12:13,079 --> 00:12:16,749 Bu-u-u-ooh... 485 00:12:16,874 --> 00:12:19,168 Peralta. Hey, 486 00:12:16,874 --> 00:12:19,168 don't you one-minute me. 487 00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:21,670 I will break that finger off. 488 00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:21,670 Hang up that phone. 489 00:12:21,795 --> 00:12:23,547 I'm talking 490 00:12:21,795 --> 00:12:23,547 to my credit card company. 491 00:12:23,672 --> 00:12:25,758 I tried to get an online 492 00:12:23,672 --> 00:12:25,758 subscription to The New Yorker 493 00:12:25,883 --> 00:12:27,134 and they declined me. 494 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,262 Apparently based 495 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,262 on my previous purchases, 496 00:12:29,387 --> 00:12:32,056 they assumed it was fraud. 497 00:12:29,387 --> 00:12:32,056 That's crazy. I'm fancy. 498 00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:34,392 One time, I had 499 00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:34,392 coffee-flavored ice cream. 500 00:12:34,516 --> 00:12:36,018 - Shut up! 501 00:12:34,516 --> 00:12:36,018 - Okay. 502 00:12:36,143 --> 00:12:37,728 Hang up now. 503 00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:39,730 If you're that desperate, 504 00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:39,730 the first two paragraphs 505 00:12:39,855 --> 00:12:41,732 of the article 506 00:12:39,855 --> 00:12:41,732 are on the free site. 507 00:12:41,857 --> 00:12:43,359 You have one minute 508 00:12:41,857 --> 00:12:43,359 to look it up, 509 00:12:43,483 --> 00:12:46,237 and then if I catch you 510 00:12:43,483 --> 00:12:46,237 on that phone again... 511 00:12:47,405 --> 00:12:49,073 - Oh, my. 512 00:12:47,405 --> 00:12:49,073 - Don't worry. 513 00:12:49,198 --> 00:12:51,575 I'm due for an upgrade, 514 00:12:49,198 --> 00:12:51,575 and my babies are on the cloud. 515 00:12:53,911 --> 00:12:55,453 He is so strong. 516 00:12:58,665 --> 00:13:00,793 Thank you. Lovely party, Kevin. 517 00:13:00,918 --> 00:13:03,629 These tiny pickles 518 00:13:00,918 --> 00:13:03,629 are hilarious. 519 00:13:03,754 --> 00:13:05,423 They're called cornichon. 520 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:09,093 So that New Yorker article 521 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:09,093 about human trafficking 522 00:13:09,218 --> 00:13:11,137 - we were discussing... 523 00:13:09,218 --> 00:13:11,137 - Yes, so interesting, 524 00:13:11,262 --> 00:13:13,431 especially the first 525 00:13:11,262 --> 00:13:13,431 two paragraphs. 526 00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:15,182 Right, but what did you think 527 00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:15,182 of the thesis, 528 00:13:15,308 --> 00:13:16,558 vis-a-vis modern slavery 529 00:13:16,683 --> 00:13:18,476 and its undeniable role 530 00:13:16,683 --> 00:13:18,476 in the economy? 531 00:13:18,602 --> 00:13:20,271 Good. 532 00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:23,149 If you ask me, the whole thesis 533 00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:23,149 was way off base, 534 00:13:23,274 --> 00:13:25,025 vis-a-vis the rest 535 00:13:23,274 --> 00:13:25,025 of the article... 536 00:13:25,151 --> 00:13:28,528 vis-a-vis... America. 537 00:13:29,822 --> 00:13:31,240 The article was antislavery. 538 00:13:31,365 --> 00:13:33,033 Are you saying 539 00:13:31,365 --> 00:13:33,033 that slavery is good? 540 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:34,952 I think you're missing 541 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:34,952 the point of the article. 542 00:13:35,077 --> 00:13:36,536 You must not remember it right. 543 00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:38,289 I just read it last night 544 00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:38,289 as I got in bed. 545 00:13:38,414 --> 00:13:40,458 - It's quite fresh in my memory. 546 00:13:38,414 --> 00:13:40,458 - Ah. 547 00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,500 I would like to hear 548 00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,500 more of your thoughts. 549 00:13:42,626 --> 00:13:44,295 And I would love 550 00:13:42,626 --> 00:13:44,295 to give them to you, 551 00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,797 but unfortunately, I have got 552 00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,797 to hit the crap library. 553 00:13:46,922 --> 00:13:48,382 Excuse me one second. 554 00:13:49,467 --> 00:13:52,052 - My last meal on earth? 555 00:13:49,467 --> 00:13:52,052 - Mm. 556 00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:53,762 That's a great question. 557 00:13:53,887 --> 00:13:56,974 I'd go classic French... 558 00:13:53,887 --> 00:13:56,974 Ortolan. 559 00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:59,185 Tiny songbird, 560 00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:59,185 eaten in a single bite, 561 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:01,895 bones and all 562 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:01,895 in open defiance of God. 563 00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:04,273 It's illegal to consume ortolan, 564 00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:07,234 but I actually got academic 565 00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:07,234 dispensation to eat one once. 566 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,653 Ohh. The beak, very crunchy. 567 00:14:09,778 --> 00:14:13,282 That is literally the sexiest 568 00:14:09,778 --> 00:14:13,282 thing anyone has ever said. 569 00:14:13,949 --> 00:14:15,826 How are you single? 570 00:14:15,951 --> 00:14:17,370 You're not seeing anyone? 571 00:14:20,747 --> 00:14:24,168 No. There is nobody in my life. 572 00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:27,713 Sort of a sad thing 573 00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:27,713 to wink about, 574 00:14:27,838 --> 00:14:29,256 I realize now. 575 00:14:29,382 --> 00:14:31,258 Aren't you supposed 576 00:14:29,382 --> 00:14:31,258 to be babysitting Gina? 577 00:14:31,384 --> 00:14:33,093 Doesn't need my help. 578 00:14:31,384 --> 00:14:33,093 She's over there, 579 00:14:33,219 --> 00:14:34,512 dazzling some psychologists. 580 00:14:34,636 --> 00:14:37,139 All men are at least 581 00:14:34,636 --> 00:14:37,139 30% attracted to me. 582 00:14:37,264 --> 00:14:39,141 My mother cried 583 00:14:37,264 --> 00:14:39,141 the day I was born 584 00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:42,186 because she knew she would never 585 00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:42,186 be better than me. 586 00:14:42,311 --> 00:14:44,730 At any given moment, 587 00:14:42,311 --> 00:14:44,730 I'm thinking about one thing: 588 00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:48,108 Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over, 589 00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:48,108 eatin' dog food. 590 00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:51,529 I feel like I'm 591 00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:51,529 the Paris of people. 592 00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:53,780 Complete overlap 593 00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:53,780 of ego and id. 594 00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:56,992 It's been theorized, 595 00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:56,992 but I never thought I'd see it. 596 00:14:57,117 --> 00:14:58,077 I'm exquisite. 597 00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:06,377 I can't believe I'm frenching 598 00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:06,377 in the closet. 599 00:15:06,502 --> 00:15:07,836 I feel like a teenager! 600 00:15:07,961 --> 00:15:09,671 I feel like I'm 40 again. 601 00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,549 Chew on this shiso leaf. 602 00:15:11,673 --> 00:15:13,592 It'll give our kissing 603 00:15:11,673 --> 00:15:13,592 umami flavor. 604 00:15:21,183 --> 00:15:22,935 - Delicious. 605 00:15:24,478 --> 00:15:26,646 Time to put my newfound 606 00:15:24,478 --> 00:15:26,646 knowledge to the test. 607 00:15:28,065 --> 00:15:32,403 So, sir, popcorn setting, 608 00:15:28,065 --> 00:15:32,403 always too short, am I right? 609 00:15:32,528 --> 00:15:33,904 I'm sorry? 610 00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:36,031 On our microwave. 611 00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:36,031 We have the same microwave. 612 00:15:36,156 --> 00:15:39,034 Oh, I didn't buy it. 613 00:15:36,156 --> 00:15:39,034 It came with the house. 614 00:15:39,910 --> 00:15:42,455 Hummus... Thoughts? 615 00:15:42,580 --> 00:15:46,041 I have no thoughts about hummus. 616 00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:48,961 - If you'll excuse me. 617 00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:48,961 - Yeah. 618 00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:53,299 Blink twice if you want me 619 00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:53,299 to mercy kill you. 620 00:15:53,424 --> 00:15:55,468 I thought I had done 621 00:15:53,424 --> 00:15:55,468 enough recon, but clearly, 622 00:15:55,593 --> 00:15:57,428 I have only scratched 623 00:15:55,593 --> 00:15:57,428 the surface. 624 00:15:57,553 --> 00:15:59,012 If I'm gonna bond with him, 625 00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:02,433 I have to massively violate 626 00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:02,433 his privacy. 627 00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:04,435 But Truffaut wrote Breathless 628 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,104 and I've always considered 629 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,104 movies a writer's medium. 630 00:16:07,229 --> 00:16:10,232 I can't agree. 631 00:16:07,229 --> 00:16:10,232 It's Godard's film. 632 00:16:10,357 --> 00:16:11,567 Come on! 633 00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:13,693 I mean, 634 00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:13,693 Truffaut is also important. 635 00:16:13,819 --> 00:16:16,447 Seriously? Hold this, 636 00:16:13,819 --> 00:16:16,447 I gotta go. 637 00:16:18,824 --> 00:16:21,118 Wow. Maybe it is 638 00:16:18,824 --> 00:16:21,118 Truffaut's film. 639 00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:24,580 Mighty DVR, 640 00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:24,580 tell me the captain's secrets. 641 00:16:24,704 --> 00:16:26,457 Unveil yourself to me. 642 00:16:26,582 --> 00:16:28,959 Ooh, How It's Made: 643 00:16:26,582 --> 00:16:28,959 "Contact Lenses." 644 00:16:29,084 --> 00:16:30,794 Bingo! 645 00:16:32,921 --> 00:16:35,007 - What are you doing here? 646 00:16:32,921 --> 00:16:35,007 - I... what? I'm not. 647 00:16:35,132 --> 00:16:36,716 What are you doing here? 648 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,302 I need to find a New Yorker 649 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,302 that Kevin left by the bed, 650 00:16:38,427 --> 00:16:40,471 so I can justify 651 00:16:38,427 --> 00:16:40,471 this whole proslavery stance 652 00:16:40,596 --> 00:16:41,680 I've backed myself into. 653 00:16:41,805 --> 00:16:43,516 - Detectives! 654 00:16:44,391 --> 00:16:46,352 Sarge! I see that you, like I, 655 00:16:46,477 --> 00:16:49,146 came up here 656 00:16:46,477 --> 00:16:49,146 to chastise Santiago. 657 00:16:49,271 --> 00:16:51,023 Amy, this is low, even for you. 658 00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:53,942 I cannot believe you 659 00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:53,942 would both violate 660 00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:55,944 the "please stay downstairs" 661 00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:55,944 rule, 662 00:16:56,069 --> 00:16:57,779 which was prominently posted! 663 00:16:57,904 --> 00:16:59,657 Get outta here! 664 00:16:59,781 --> 00:17:01,200 I don't know why we have 665 00:16:59,781 --> 00:17:01,200 to have this discussion again. 666 00:17:01,325 --> 00:17:04,328 - What do we do? 667 00:17:01,325 --> 00:17:04,328 - Bathroom! Bathroom. 668 00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,583 Why are you upset with me? 669 00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,583 Your employees are the ones 670 00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:12,127 putting a damper on the party. 671 00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:12,127 They are acting terribly. 672 00:17:12,252 --> 00:17:13,712 You're the one who's 673 00:17:12,252 --> 00:17:13,712 been acting terribly tonight. 674 00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:15,714 You've been curt and snobby 675 00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:15,714 with my guests. 676 00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:17,633 You've been needling 677 00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:17,633 poor Peralta so much, 678 00:17:17,757 --> 00:17:19,218 you've practically 679 00:17:17,757 --> 00:17:19,218 made him a new suit. 680 00:17:19,343 --> 00:17:20,844 Needled him a new suit. 681 00:17:20,969 --> 00:17:24,056 Even when we're fighting 682 00:17:20,969 --> 00:17:24,056 you're hilarious. Stop it. 683 00:17:24,181 --> 00:17:27,351 Oh, no! 684 00:17:24,181 --> 00:17:27,351 Dog, allergies, sneezing. 685 00:17:27,476 --> 00:17:28,394 No! Get away! 686 00:17:28,519 --> 00:17:29,562 Shh. 687 00:17:29,687 --> 00:17:31,063 Grab the dog! 688 00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:39,946 Look at me... 689 00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:39,946 Do not blow this for us. 690 00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:41,240 I knew this 691 00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:41,240 wasn't going to work. 692 00:17:41,365 --> 00:17:42,908 It never has. 693 00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,784 We should've gone out for dinner 694 00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,784 like we do every year. 695 00:17:44,910 --> 00:17:46,995 Why did you make me invite them? 696 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,414 Because I like them. 697 00:17:48,539 --> 00:17:49,789 They're good people. 698 00:17:53,627 --> 00:17:55,879 Santiago, are you 699 00:17:53,627 --> 00:17:55,879 hiding in my bathroom 700 00:17:56,004 --> 00:17:58,798 with a dog you're 701 00:17:56,004 --> 00:17:58,798 deathly allergic to? 702 00:17:58,924 --> 00:18:00,133 No. 703 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:05,889 Occupied? 704 00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:11,895 Well, this has 705 00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:11,895 been a stinky 12 hours. 706 00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,980 My computer bag got 707 00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,980 a hole in the bottom 708 00:18:14,106 --> 00:18:15,691 and my power cord fell out. 709 00:18:15,815 --> 00:18:17,651 Last night was such a disaster. 710 00:18:17,776 --> 00:18:19,445 I wheeze-cried myself to sleep. 711 00:18:19,570 --> 00:18:21,780 Well, at least 712 00:18:19,570 --> 00:18:21,780 Captain said he liked us, 713 00:18:21,905 --> 00:18:23,073 right before he kicked us out 714 00:18:23,198 --> 00:18:24,533 of his house 715 00:18:23,198 --> 00:18:24,533 for violating his trust. 716 00:18:24,658 --> 00:18:26,326 Why didn't Kevin 717 00:18:24,658 --> 00:18:26,326 want to invite us? 718 00:18:26,452 --> 00:18:28,787 We could have been really 719 00:18:26,452 --> 00:18:28,787 cool people. 720 00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,956 We weren't, 721 00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,956 but we could've been. 722 00:18:31,081 --> 00:18:33,417 Well, as soon as he unveiled 723 00:18:31,081 --> 00:18:33,417 his "no cop talk" policy, 724 00:18:33,542 --> 00:18:35,001 I was sunk. 725 00:18:35,127 --> 00:18:36,545 Gruesome murders are 726 00:18:35,127 --> 00:18:36,545 the cornerstone of my charm. 727 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:38,672 He spent the last 30 years 728 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:38,672 with a cop, 729 00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:40,549 maybe he's sick 730 00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:40,549 of hearing about it. 731 00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:43,885 Wait. Maybe that's not 732 00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:43,885 what he's sick of. 733 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:48,140 Santiago, you brilliant bastard, 734 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:48,140 you figured it out! 735 00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:55,230 Hello again, 736 00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:55,230 Professor Kevin Cozner. 737 00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:56,649 What do you want? 738 00:18:56,774 --> 00:18:58,484 I'd like to tell you 739 00:18:56,774 --> 00:18:58,484 about a case I solved. 740 00:18:58,609 --> 00:19:00,110 Thank you, but just 741 00:18:58,609 --> 00:19:00,110 as with my home, 742 00:19:00,235 --> 00:19:02,529 my office has a strict 743 00:19:00,235 --> 00:19:02,529 "no cop talk" policy. 744 00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:04,657 I figured, but the case 745 00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:04,657 that I have solved 746 00:19:04,782 --> 00:19:06,992 is the case 747 00:19:04,782 --> 00:19:06,992 of the "no cop talk" policy. 748 00:19:07,117 --> 00:19:09,828 There were three things that 749 00:19:07,117 --> 00:19:09,828 bothered me about last night: 750 00:19:09,953 --> 00:19:11,371 You didn't want the Nine-Nine 751 00:19:09,953 --> 00:19:11,371 at your party 752 00:19:11,497 --> 00:19:13,081 even though you'd never met us, 753 00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:14,583 your friends immediately 754 00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:14,583 asked Hitchcock and Scully 755 00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:16,168 if they were harassed, 756 00:19:16,293 --> 00:19:17,961 and there was 757 00:19:16,293 --> 00:19:17,961 something interesting 758 00:19:18,086 --> 00:19:19,797 about that photo 759 00:19:18,086 --> 00:19:19,797 in your library... 760 00:19:19,921 --> 00:19:22,174 you and the captain 761 00:19:19,921 --> 00:19:22,174 were shunted off to the side. 762 00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:24,176 I don't think 763 00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:24,176 you dislike cop talk. 764 00:19:24,301 --> 00:19:25,678 I think you dislike cops. 765 00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:27,220 I'm married to one. 766 00:19:27,346 --> 00:19:29,097 I know and I can't imagine 767 00:19:27,346 --> 00:19:29,097 it's been fun 768 00:19:29,222 --> 00:19:30,932 watching the man you love 769 00:19:31,057 --> 00:19:33,727 marginalized, underappreciated, 770 00:19:31,057 --> 00:19:33,727 and disrespected by the NYPD: 771 00:19:33,852 --> 00:19:35,895 Because he's gay, Raymond 772 00:19:33,852 --> 00:19:35,895 has been put through hell 773 00:19:36,021 --> 00:19:37,648 by his colleagues, many of whom, 774 00:19:37,773 --> 00:19:39,941 quite frankly, 775 00:19:37,773 --> 00:19:39,941 look exactly like you. 776 00:19:40,066 --> 00:19:42,027 Devastatingly handsome? 777 00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:43,862 I'm sorry, 778 00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:43,862 I'm uncomfortable with emotions. 779 00:19:43,987 --> 00:19:45,656 So yes, I decided 780 00:19:43,987 --> 00:19:45,656 a long time ago 781 00:19:45,781 --> 00:19:47,282 that just because I love Raymond 782 00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:49,993 doesn't mean I have to love 783 00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:49,993 the people he works with. 784 00:19:50,118 --> 00:19:51,829 Good solve, Detective. 785 00:19:51,953 --> 00:19:53,413 Nice cop lingo. 786 00:19:53,539 --> 00:19:56,500 Look, I'm really sorry 787 00:19:53,539 --> 00:19:56,500 that we ruined your party. 788 00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,960 I'd like to make it up to you. 789 00:19:59,085 --> 00:20:00,962 Captain, 790 00:19:59,085 --> 00:20:00,962 thank you for joining us. 791 00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:03,716 - What's going on? 792 00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:03,716 - A proper birthday dinner. 793 00:20:03,841 --> 00:20:05,217 Amy chose the restaurant. 794 00:20:05,342 --> 00:20:06,926 Captain. 795 00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:09,638 Ah, perfect. 796 00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:09,638 I've always wanted to come here. 797 00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:12,474 Boyle picked the menu. 798 00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:12,474 - Vivian helped. 799 00:20:12,599 --> 00:20:14,727 Terry chose the champagne. 800 00:20:15,602 --> 00:20:17,563 I'm sorry about your party, sir. 801 00:20:17,688 --> 00:20:20,106 I tried to keep them in line, 802 00:20:17,688 --> 00:20:20,106 but I failed. 803 00:20:20,232 --> 00:20:21,734 That's not your job. 804 00:20:21,859 --> 00:20:23,402 I'm sorry you didn't get 805 00:20:21,859 --> 00:20:23,402 a chance to enjoy yourself. 806 00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:25,487 Gina has brought back 807 00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:25,487 all the silverware 808 00:20:25,612 --> 00:20:27,155 that she stole from your house. 809 00:20:29,282 --> 00:20:30,992 - What? 810 00:20:29,282 --> 00:20:30,992 - Also, this clock. 811 00:20:32,244 --> 00:20:34,162 - Good heavens. 812 00:20:32,244 --> 00:20:34,162 - This isn't ours. 813 00:20:34,287 --> 00:20:36,164 And my contribution 814 00:20:34,287 --> 00:20:36,164 will be to refrain 815 00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:39,334 from discussing The New Yorker 816 00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:39,334 for the rest of my living days. 817 00:20:40,293 --> 00:20:41,920 - Enjoy. 818 00:20:40,293 --> 00:20:41,920 - Thank you, Jake. 819 00:20:42,045 --> 00:20:43,672 - You're welcome, Kevin. 820 00:20:42,045 --> 00:20:43,672 - Call me "Kev." 821 00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:45,507 - Oh. 822 00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:45,507 - What? 823 00:20:45,632 --> 00:20:47,217 Oh, he told you to say that, 824 00:20:45,632 --> 00:20:47,217 didn't he? 825 00:20:47,342 --> 00:20:49,469 Well, you are always playing 826 00:20:47,342 --> 00:20:49,469 pranks on me, Raymond. 827 00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:51,304 Just once, let me 828 00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:51,304 be the funny one. 829 00:20:52,723 --> 00:20:54,266 And finally, it 830 00:20:52,723 --> 00:20:54,266 is my great pleasure 831 00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:56,894 to introduce the Nine-Nine 832 00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:56,894 Zone Detective Scully 833 00:20:57,018 --> 00:20:58,270 to serenade you. 834 00:21:10,908 --> 00:21:12,033 This part always gets me. 835 00:21:19,999 --> 00:21:21,460 Not a doctor. Shh!