SO, AGAIN: YOUR ALIBI IS
IF YOU SAY IT
IT DON'T SOUND BELIEVABLE.
OH, HEY, CAPTAIN:
ON THE FINLEY MURDER?
GOOD.DAD.
STARING AT ME?
CAPTAIN HOLT "DAD."
"THANKS, DAD."
WHAT? NO, I DIDN'T.
"THANKS, MAN."
DO YOU SEE ME AS
PERALTA?
NO.I SEE YOU
AS A "BOTHER" FIGURE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS
HEY, SHOW YOUR FATHER
I DIDN'T CALL HIM DAD.
NO, NO, NO, NO, JACOB:
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
I CALLED VIVIAN "MOM" ONCE,
AND SHE'S MY FIANCEE.
JUMP ON THAT!
(Amy)
BUT YOU CALLING HOLT "DADDY"...
HEY, "DADDY" IS NOT
"DAD," DUDE.
YOU'VE DONE NOTHING
AHA!
SON.
OVER A GAME OF CATCH?
I'D LIKE THAT.
I KNOW YOU'D ALL RATHER BE
OH! I JUST STARTED
SIR, I THINK I SPEAK
SHE DOESN'T.
WHEN I SAY THAT WE CAN'T WAIT
FOR YOU TO SIT
OH, THESE WILL BE
WHY... SE.
SIR.
OUT OF THE WAY
MY "R" KEY
ABOUT THE "GUESOME MUDE."
I'M PUMPED FOR THESE
SIR.
I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR WHAT YOU
I THINK THEY'VE HAD
YO.
HE'S BEGUN TAKING HIS JOB.
AN 80% CLEARANCE RATE:
NOW, I HAVE A QUESTION
I CAN BORROW $430,000?
THAT MUCH MONEY?
I'VE BEEN LIVING
AT MY NANA'S PLACE
'CAUSE IT'S RENT-CONTROLLED,
BUT NOW THE BUILDING'S
UH, SO SHOULD WE DO
IS EASIER?
LET'S JUST DO CASH.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE ASKING
FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY?
LIKE A BANK?
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE
NANA'S APARTMENT.
THAT'S RIGHT, BECAUSE THERE WAS
AND...
WE DIDN'T HAVE FATHERS
CAN I GO WITH HIM?
A GRANDMA'S INFLUENCE ON YOU.
I'M SORRY, GINA.
I DON'T KNOW
UM, THESE ARE HER NOTES
SO FAR.
"EMPANADAS, ATLANTIC CITY,
BIRTH CONTROL."
NO, THAT'S MY TRAVEL JOURNAL.
I HAVEN'T STARTED
THANK YOU:
HOW ABOUT THIS?
GRAZIOLO'S,
IT'S A CULINARY TOUR
OF A PIG'S DIGESTIVE TRACK.
ANYONE?
UH-OH, HEADS UP:
LOHANK'S
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HIM
TO STOP SHAVING AT HIS DESK?
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM
HE DENIES DOING IT?
OH, YEAH, YOU COULD BE RIGHT:
OH, WOW.
REMEMBER WHEN NANA GOT CABLE?
WE WATCHED HOUSE PARTY 2
I'M PSYCHED TO BE HANGING
"STYLEZ" WITH A "Z".
OH, I COULD TELL:
WHERE'S ALL
YOUR BANK STATEMENTS?
HUP, HUP, BEFORE WE GET
IN AN ICE-COLD FOH-DY?
A'IGHT.
HOW WE LOOKIN'?
WE'RE TRYING TOO HARD.
WE'RE TRYING,
BUT IT'S ALMOST EFFORTLESS.
NO,
OH. MY FIRST IMPRESSION
THEY DON'T MAKE
OOH, YEAH!
I'M LEARNING HOW TO SPIN.
[chaotic klezmer
music playing]
ALL I HAVE ARE MY GRANDMA'S
AND I STILL HAVEN'T
BUT IT'S NOT BAD, RIGHT?
IT'S AWFUL!
FOR YOU TO FOLLOW?
NO, JUST WATCHED IT A LOT:
IN ORDER TO KEEP THIS PLACE?
YOU'RE BANKRUPT, KIDDO.
IT IS BAD.
I ONLY SAID "KIDDO"
I'VE LIVED IN THIS BUILDING
15 YEARS:
THEY DECIDE THEY'RE GOING CO-OP
WITH ZERO WARNING?
THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU
IT'S POSSIBLE
OOH, LET'S CHECK
MAIL TUB?
NO.
SEE? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS,
YOU'D MAKE
I'D MAKE AN AMAZING PROSTITUTE.
HE'S KINDA SKEEVY, BUT HE WILL
SO HE'S A LOAN SHARK.
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT
SAYS THE WOMAN WHO'S BEEN
UH, BUT NEVER MARRIED ONCE:
GAME, SET, MATCH...
IT'S THE ONLY CHOICE
SO LET'S GO.
SIR, I KNOW WE GOT OFF
I'D LIKE TO BRING IN
SHE'S HAD A GREAT YEAR.
SIRS?
THE SERGEANT'S LIPS
"BRING IN SANTIAGO NEXT,"
FOR YOUR SELF-EVALUATION?
I AM.
YES,
FLAW?
MY BIGGEST FLAW?
WORKING TOO HARD?
BEING TOO THOROUGH?
CARING TOO MUCH?
LOOK!
both, in slow-NOOOO!
I'M GONNA DO
DO YOU CHARGE?
I'M NOT A BANK.
IT'S MY OWN PERSONAL MONEY.
20 POINTS:
A "VIG." SO COOL.
I DON'T NEED MUCH.
$430,000.
I'M HAPPY
UH, WE DO HAVE TO GO NOW:
HOW ABOUT $20,000?
TWO BAGS OF ZITI?
"BAGS OF ZITI?"
HOW AWESOME IS THAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE
OH, LITTLE MERMAID:
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
OH, YEAH:
WOW.
EMILIO'S GIANT BAG OF HAIR.
OH, THIS IS DISGUSTING:
IT'S PERFECT.
UGH.
OOH, CHECK...
I'M TOM SELLECK.
I'M A BILLY GOAT.
OH!
OH, I THINK I SWALLOWED
UGH!
HEY.
MR.
IT'S JUST I'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
I KNOW THERE'S BEEN
OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S $20,000 RIGHT THERE,
WHERE DID YOU GET THIS MONEY?
YOU'VE BEEN
SIR,
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WE LEFT YOU 15 VOICEMAILS
AH, VOICEMAILS:
I'M ONLY 33, SO...
WE'RE IN THE SAME GENERATION.
I'M 31.
31?
MM-HMM.
BUT I CALL YOU "MISTER."
AND...
AT MY BALD SPOT?
NO.
WE'RE PUTTING THE APARTMENT
NEXT FRIDAY'S
EIGHT YEARS FROM NEXT FRIDAY?
UN-
AW, THAT BAD?
I'M GONNA BE HOMELESS.
IT'S LIKE A MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
BECAUSE I WON'T HAVE
BECAUSE I'LL BE HOMELESS.
LIL' PUP.
THIS ISN'T THE ONLY
WE'LL FIND YOU A NEW ONE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE WE'LL FIND
THAT'S RIGHT, GIRL.
MAYBE I'LL EVEN HAVE
(Amy)
I KNOW WHY YOU WEREN'T HAPPY
YOU DIDN'T WANT ME
ALWAYS SAYS IT'S BAD
WHY THE DRIVE-BY?
BUT THAT'S NOT RIGHT,
SO WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FLAW?
I'M TOO COMPETITIVE,
"BIT OF A KILLJOY,
"FOLLOW RULES TO A FAULT,
"DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX,
I SMOKE A CIGARETTE."
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
OH, NO.
"SANTIAGO" IN "B" FLAT.
YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED.
I'M GOING TO GO
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
IS THIS A PRE-WAR?
AH, VERY GOOD EYE:
IT'S ALSO PET-FRIENDLY.
REALLY?
DO THEY ALLOW CATS?
I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE
GET A BED IN HERE?
OH, MURPHY BED:
I THINK IT'S SEXY.
AAH!
SO WHEN'S THIS GOING DOWN?
SO LET'S SEE WHEN HE PLANS
SO, LOHANK:
YOU GOING TO THE GYM TODAY?
WE'VE BEEN HAVING
'CAUSE OF YOUR HYGIENE?
WHAT? NO, I WISH:
NO, ABOUT A YEAR AGO:
OH, NO.
NOW SHE'S ADDICTED
WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING A LOT.
MM.
'CAUSE I WANT TO HELP HER,
YOU KNOW?
BUT SHE'S REFUSING TREATMENT.
OH, NO.
I'M SORRY.
I-
CAN I SEE YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
YEP.
THIS SELF-EVALUATION TOGETHER?
SCULLY DOESN'T HANDLE
UM...
OF 14 ARRESTS:
WOULD'VE BEEN 20,
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH ARRESTS.
IT'S A SELF-EVALUATION.
I'M TRYING TO HURRY,
UGH.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
I'M SURE THERE'S A REASONABLE
SIR.
UH, WE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED
SO WE'RE CLEANING IT OUT.
HASN'T DETECTIVE LOHANK
BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?
NOW.
YES, SIR.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?
I'VE LOST CONTROL
SHOULD WE TURN SOME LIGHTS ON?
I'M POOR.
I'M NOT A SAVAGE.
MAN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
THE APARTMENT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT?
THIS PLACE?
DEALING DRUGS?
NO, I'M THRIFTY.
I EAT SCULLY'S LUNCH
I'VE RENTED THE SAME
CRAP BOX SINCE I WAS 20
'CAUSE IT'S SO CHEAP.
I'VE SAVED UP MONEY,
AND I'M LOOKING FOR
EW. A REAL ESTATE
OPPORTUNITY?
ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?
WE WERE DRINKING 40's
I'M SAYING I COULD
YOU BE MY LANDLADY?
YOU'RE GINA.
YOU CALL GUM "THE DENTIST."
SO WHAT?
I'M ECLECTIC.
YOU'RE NOT BETTER
OKAY?
AND I'M GLAD
"GROW UP, JAKE."
OH, MY GOODNESS:
I TAKE BACK THE "Z"!
YOU OKAY?
YEP.
OH, GOOD:
10 MILLION BUTTS:
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
TO BECOME AN ADULT?
THANKS?
TO BUY NANA'S APARTMENT
AND BECOME MY "LANDLADY."
BUT WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER
YOU KNOW?
AND NOW I FIND OUT SHE'S BEEN
SAVING ALL THESE YEARS?
THE PERSON THAT I'M
AMY.
DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,
DON'T WANT CREDIT
THAT'S SMART,
THINKS MY BIGGEST FLAW IS?
WHO CARE WHAT HOLT THINKS?
WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT
OH, MY GOD.
ALTHOUGH I'M PRETTY SURE
HEY, YOU WANNA GRAB A DRINK?
OH, SHOOT, I WOULD:
BUT I'M MEETING VIVIAN
I HAVEN'T BEEN MUCH FUN
MM-HMM.
BUT YOU'RE PRETTY COOL
NOW THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE
OH, WE WILL:
SERGEANT?
I'M GOING TO YELL AT YOU,
AND I DON'T WANT SANTIAGO
EXCUSE ME?
BUT THAT'S 8 MORE
6 PEOPLE LAST YEAR?
AND HE'S GROWN UP A HECK
I'M GOING TO DO
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE A GOOD LEADER.
THAT YOU'RE WILLING
UM,
UM, WHAT WAS IT
YOU SAID THIS MORNING?
SIR.
JAKE?
I'M WATCHING OPRAH'S
I WAS MAD AT YOU
AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S OKAY TO FORGIVE.
NANA'S PLACE.
IT'S A GREAT INVESTMENT.
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA LIVE?
I'LL SUBLET FROM YOU.
I'D KEEP PAYING
IT'S A STARTER APARTMENT,
AND IT'S MY FAULT
FOR STARTING WHEN I'M 33.
YES!
YOU'RE INTERRUPTING ME
MID-SOUP?
YES.
I'M READY FOR MY
"WHO CARES
WHAT HOLT THINKS?"
THAT'S NOT SURPRISING.
HE'S VERY DISRESPECTFUL.
BUT HE'S NOT WRONG.
I DON'T EVEN CARE
IF YOU THINK I'M RIGHT.
- SHH.