1 00:00:01,382 --> 00:00:02,714 Okay, great. 2 00:00:02,839 --> 00:00:06,006 I'll see you tomorrow... 3 00:00:02,839 --> 00:00:06,006 Thanks, doctor. 4 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,672 Have a good one. 5 00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:10,589 Hey there, Sarge. 6 00:00:10,714 --> 00:00:12,090 Not to pry 7 00:00:10,714 --> 00:00:12,090 but I couldn't help but overhear 8 00:00:12,215 --> 00:00:14,549 you're going to the doctor? 9 00:00:12,215 --> 00:00:14,549 Everything okay? 10 00:00:17,215 --> 00:00:18,839 I'm getting a vasectomy. 11 00:00:18,964 --> 00:00:22,549 My ears are burning. 12 00:00:18,964 --> 00:00:22,549 Did someone say "vasectomy"? 13 00:00:22,672 --> 00:00:24,215 I got snipped. No big deal. 14 00:00:24,340 --> 00:00:26,257 Just numbs you out 15 00:00:24,340 --> 00:00:26,257 from trunk to skunk for a year. 16 00:00:26,382 --> 00:00:27,630 It's not supposed to. 17 00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:28,756 "Trunk to skunk"? 18 00:00:28,881 --> 00:00:30,756 Hold it up. 19 00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:32,257 You're gonna let 20 00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:32,257 some quack doctor 21 00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:33,672 just knife around down there? 22 00:00:33,797 --> 00:00:36,589 You are blessed 23 00:00:33,797 --> 00:00:36,589 with a great power. 24 00:00:36,714 --> 00:00:39,756 And you should never snip 25 00:00:36,714 --> 00:00:39,756 its wings. 26 00:00:39,881 --> 00:00:41,507 You should let it soar. 27 00:00:41,630 --> 00:00:44,548 Thanks guys, that's enough. 28 00:00:41,630 --> 00:00:44,548 I don't need anymore input. 29 00:00:44,672 --> 00:00:46,839 Neither does your wife, I guess. 30 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,756 Look, you guys, 31 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,756 if the sergeant wants 32 00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:50,507 to chop off his penis, 33 00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:50,507 that is his choice. 34 00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:52,548 That's not what a vasectomy is. 35 00:00:52,672 --> 00:00:54,006 If you guys 36 00:00:52,672 --> 00:00:54,006 don't get back to work, 37 00:00:54,131 --> 00:00:55,465 I'm gonna start firing 38 00:00:54,131 --> 00:00:55,465 detectives. 39 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:56,797 And blanks! 40 00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,881 Sorry. 41 00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,881 I just never think of jokes. 42 00:00:59,006 --> 00:01:01,714 Anybody else? 43 00:00:59,006 --> 00:01:01,714 This is your last chance. 44 00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:04,340 Oh, god. 45 00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:04,340 No need to be so testes. 46 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,881 Guess you won't be manning 47 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,881 the "tip line." 48 00:01:07,006 --> 00:01:09,382 Sergeant, is this gonna go 49 00:01:07,006 --> 00:01:09,382 on your "sperm-anent record"? 50 00:01:09,507 --> 00:01:11,672 Now playing: Scrotal Recall! 51 00:01:32,298 --> 00:01:33,630 Hey Sarge, great news. 52 00:01:33,756 --> 00:01:36,839 I just got assigned 53 00:01:33,756 --> 00:01:36,839 such a dope stabbing. 54 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,923 Sorry, the stabbing part is bad. 55 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,923 But here's the dope part: 56 00:01:40,048 --> 00:01:43,215 The guy survived and he owns 57 00:01:40,048 --> 00:01:43,215 a chocolate milk restaurant. 58 00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:44,630 - Seriously? 59 00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:44,630 - I know, right? 60 00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,257 Finally, 61 00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,257 a dumb Brooklyn hipster trend 62 00:01:46,382 --> 00:01:47,839 my mouth and I can get behind. 63 00:01:47,964 --> 00:01:49,756 Wanna hop on the case with me? 64 00:01:47,964 --> 00:01:49,756 We're a killer team. 65 00:01:49,881 --> 00:01:52,340 Jeffords and Peralta. 66 00:01:49,881 --> 00:01:52,340 Jake and Terry. 67 00:01:52,465 --> 00:01:53,714 Chocolate and milk. 68 00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:55,714 I'm the chocolate 69 00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:55,714 and you're the milk 70 00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:57,173 'cause you're 71 00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:57,173 so full of protein! 72 00:01:57,298 --> 00:01:59,048 Don't be mad! Just do the case! 73 00:02:00,215 --> 00:02:02,340 Okay, 74 00:02:00,215 --> 00:02:02,340 but I have my vasectomy today. 75 00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:03,839 So I need to be back 76 00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:03,839 in a few hours 77 00:02:03,964 --> 00:02:05,298 to catch my ride 78 00:02:03,964 --> 00:02:05,298 to the doctor's. 79 00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:06,797 My neighbor's driving me 80 00:02:06,923 --> 00:02:08,589 because my wife's out of town 81 00:02:06,923 --> 00:02:08,589 with the girls. 82 00:02:08,714 --> 00:02:10,215 Why don't I drive you? 83 00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:12,215 I don't know. I guess 84 00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:12,215 I didn't really think of you 85 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,630 as that kind of friend. 86 00:02:13,756 --> 00:02:15,382 Sarge, I'm every kind of friend. 87 00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,589 I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler, 88 00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,589 I'm Rachel, 89 00:02:17,714 --> 00:02:21,048 - I'm... who's the dinosaur guy? 90 00:02:17,714 --> 00:02:21,048 - Ross, bro! Ross! 91 00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:23,672 Sorry, I forgot you 92 00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:23,672 were such a Ross-head. 93 00:02:23,797 --> 00:02:25,173 So look, 94 00:02:25,298 --> 00:02:26,382 we'll work this thing together 95 00:02:25,298 --> 00:02:26,382 and afterwards, 96 00:02:26,506 --> 00:02:27,881 I will be your friend chariot 97 00:02:28,006 --> 00:02:30,090 to the penis-removal 98 00:02:28,006 --> 00:02:30,090 of the century. 99 00:02:32,173 --> 00:02:33,797 The new NYPD commissioner 100 00:02:32,173 --> 00:02:33,797 is planning 101 00:02:33,923 --> 00:02:35,630 a complete reorganization 102 00:02:33,923 --> 00:02:35,630 of the force. 103 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,340 But first, he'll be sending 104 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,340 a deputy chief to every precinct 105 00:02:38,464 --> 00:02:40,298 to conduct 106 00:02:38,464 --> 00:02:40,298 a top to bottom evaluation. 107 00:02:40,424 --> 00:02:42,340 What, when? 108 00:02:40,424 --> 00:02:42,340 Are we gonna be graded 109 00:02:42,464 --> 00:02:44,298 or is this just 110 00:02:42,464 --> 00:02:44,298 some pass/failgarbage? 111 00:02:44,424 --> 00:02:45,797 Scale of one to five. 112 00:02:45,923 --> 00:02:47,506 That's how many letter grades 113 00:02:45,923 --> 00:02:47,506 there are. 114 00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:48,839 Feels like 115 00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:48,839 they're just being weird 116 00:02:48,964 --> 00:02:50,257 using numbers 117 00:02:48,964 --> 00:02:50,257 instead of letters. 118 00:02:50,382 --> 00:02:51,923 Yeah, 119 00:02:50,382 --> 00:02:51,923 they're being weird right now. 120 00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:53,588 Boyle, Diaz, 121 00:02:53,714 --> 00:02:55,588 I want the evidence room 122 00:02:53,714 --> 00:02:55,588 organized beyond reproach. 123 00:02:55,714 --> 00:02:57,382 Santiago, 124 00:02:55,714 --> 00:02:57,382 when I greet the deputy chief, 125 00:02:57,506 --> 00:03:00,630 I want you there by my side 126 00:02:57,506 --> 00:03:00,630 to make a good impression. 127 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:04,298 No offense, but you are 128 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:04,298 something of a teacher's pet. 129 00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:07,048 None taken! 130 00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:07,048 People love their pets. 131 00:03:07,173 --> 00:03:09,923 Good news is 132 00:03:07,173 --> 00:03:09,923 our evaluation will be done 133 00:03:10,048 --> 00:03:11,506 by Deputy Chief Brandt. 134 00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:13,839 We have a good rapport. 135 00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:13,839 He was once my captain. 136 00:03:13,964 --> 00:03:16,964 So he's kind of 137 00:03:13,964 --> 00:03:16,964 like our grand-captain. 138 00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:20,340 That is amazingly funny. 139 00:03:22,548 --> 00:03:24,298 Well, I was closing up 140 00:03:22,548 --> 00:03:24,298 at around 11:00. 141 00:03:24,423 --> 00:03:25,630 I heard the door open. 142 00:03:25,756 --> 00:03:27,797 I just figured 143 00:03:25,756 --> 00:03:27,797 it was some milkers. 144 00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:29,797 That's what we call 145 00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:29,797 our regulars. 146 00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:30,923 Do ya? 147 00:03:31,048 --> 00:03:32,173 Anyway, next thing I know, 148 00:03:32,298 --> 00:03:33,714 the guy stabs me 149 00:03:32,298 --> 00:03:33,714 in the back like... 150 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,423 like right here! 151 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,423 Like some kind of psycho wuss! 152 00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:38,630 Can you think of anyone 153 00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:38,630 who might wanna harm you? 154 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:40,340 Yeah. 155 00:03:40,464 --> 00:03:42,381 You don't get into this line 156 00:03:40,464 --> 00:03:42,381 of business to make friends. 157 00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:43,964 Really? 158 00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:43,964 I'd think making chocolate milk 159 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,589 is a great way to make friends. 160 00:03:45,714 --> 00:03:47,423 I don't have proof, 161 00:03:45,714 --> 00:03:47,423 but the guy who did this to me 162 00:03:47,548 --> 00:03:49,797 is my business partner, 163 00:03:47,548 --> 00:03:49,797 Gregory Phillips. 164 00:03:49,923 --> 00:03:51,340 He's still pissed at me 165 00:03:49,923 --> 00:03:51,340 because I banned him 166 00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:52,714 from my 'straunt. 167 00:03:52,839 --> 00:03:54,173 He was supposed to be 168 00:03:52,839 --> 00:03:54,173 my silent partner, 169 00:03:54,298 --> 00:03:55,464 but he wasn't silent. 170 00:03:55,589 --> 00:03:57,215 He was trying to control 171 00:03:55,589 --> 00:03:57,215 everything. 172 00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,839 Here, try this. 173 00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:01,714 - All right, here we go. Finally! 174 00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:01,714 All right. 175 00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:04,340 - Oh! 176 00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:04,340 - Ugh! 177 00:04:04,464 --> 00:04:05,672 It's so bitter! 178 00:04:05,797 --> 00:04:07,131 What's wrong 179 00:04:05,797 --> 00:04:07,131 with this chocolate milk? 180 00:04:07,257 --> 00:04:08,839 DRK MLK isn't chocolate milk. 181 00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,756 This is 182 00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,756 teat-to-mouth raw cow's milk. 183 00:04:11,881 --> 00:04:13,672 The bitterness of the chocolate 184 00:04:13,797 --> 00:04:15,756 brings out 185 00:04:13,797 --> 00:04:15,756 the sourness in the milk. 186 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,672 That's the worst part 187 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,672 of both of those things! 188 00:04:18,797 --> 00:04:20,797 Uh, time for 189 00:04:18,797 --> 00:04:20,797 my appointment, Jake. 190 00:04:20,923 --> 00:04:22,215 Yup, got it. 191 00:04:22,339 --> 00:04:24,339 We'll look into this 192 00:04:22,339 --> 00:04:24,339 and get back to you. 193 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:25,589 Okay, Sarge. 194 00:04:25,714 --> 00:04:27,714 Hate to be 195 00:04:25,714 --> 00:04:27,714 "that kind of a friend," 196 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:31,131 but let's go chop off 197 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:31,131 that penis. 198 00:04:31,257 --> 00:04:32,797 Where were you? This is chaos. 199 00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:35,589 Gina's been filing evidence 200 00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:35,589 by "perp hotness." 201 00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:37,630 I'm so sorry, 202 00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:37,630 I just got some bad news. 203 00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:39,714 My sister was gonna go with me 204 00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:39,714 to an engagement party 205 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:41,215 but she had to cancel. 206 00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:43,464 So go alone. 207 00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:43,464 Maybe you'll meet some new bag. 208 00:04:43,589 --> 00:04:45,589 It's my ex-wife Eleanor's 209 00:04:43,589 --> 00:04:45,589 engagement party. 210 00:04:45,714 --> 00:04:47,006 I can't go alone. 211 00:04:47,131 --> 00:04:48,630 I'm worried it might seem 212 00:04:47,131 --> 00:04:48,630 a little pathetic. 213 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,090 Yeah, if only you could've gone 214 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,090 with your sister. 215 00:04:51,215 --> 00:04:52,589 Dude, why are you going 216 00:04:52,714 --> 00:04:54,839 to your ex-wife's engagement 217 00:04:52,714 --> 00:04:54,839 party at all? 218 00:04:54,964 --> 00:04:58,215 She and her fiancé, Hercules, 219 00:04:54,964 --> 00:04:58,215 are also my landlords. 220 00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:01,257 It's not like I can avoid them. 221 00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:01,257 I live in their basement. 222 00:05:02,048 --> 00:05:03,756 Hey! 223 00:05:03,881 --> 00:05:05,423 Are you thinking 224 00:05:03,881 --> 00:05:05,423 what I'm thinking? 225 00:05:05,548 --> 00:05:06,839 - No. 226 00:05:05,548 --> 00:05:06,839 - You could go with me. 227 00:05:06,964 --> 00:05:08,714 Can't. 228 00:05:06,964 --> 00:05:08,714 I have a date tomorrow night. 229 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,257 Okay. 230 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,257 I will figure something out. 231 00:05:12,548 --> 00:05:15,215 I know! Maybe 232 00:05:12,548 --> 00:05:15,215 if I pay my neighbor Joann, 233 00:05:15,339 --> 00:05:19,006 she'll ditch her wife 234 00:05:15,339 --> 00:05:19,006 for the night! 235 00:05:19,131 --> 00:05:20,797 Captain, 236 00:05:19,131 --> 00:05:20,797 I don't know if this is too much 237 00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:23,339 but I got Deputy Chief Brandt 238 00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:23,339 this little basket of pears. 239 00:05:23,464 --> 00:05:27,381 They look ripe and crispy. 240 00:05:27,506 --> 00:05:29,381 Hello, Raymond. 241 00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:36,464 Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. 242 00:05:36,588 --> 00:05:40,173 But if you're here, 243 00:05:36,588 --> 00:05:40,173 who's guarding Hades? 244 00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,173 It's Deputy Chief Wuntch now. 245 00:05:42,297 --> 00:05:45,090 Unsurprisingly, 246 00:05:42,297 --> 00:05:45,090 I've been promoted above you. 247 00:05:45,215 --> 00:05:46,630 And now I'm here 248 00:05:45,215 --> 00:05:46,630 to evaluate you. 249 00:05:46,756 --> 00:05:48,048 What happened to Brandt? 250 00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:49,923 He retired 251 00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:49,923 and moved to Charleston 252 00:05:50,048 --> 00:05:51,672 to be closer 253 00:05:50,048 --> 00:05:51,672 to his grandchildren. 254 00:05:51,797 --> 00:05:53,714 So much for dying at your desk 255 00:05:51,797 --> 00:05:53,714 with a little dignity. 256 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:55,048 Interesting. 257 00:05:55,173 --> 00:05:57,256 I will attempt 258 00:05:55,173 --> 00:05:57,256 to cooperate with you 259 00:05:57,381 --> 00:05:59,839 under these new circumstances. 260 00:05:59,964 --> 00:06:01,964 Don't sweet-talk me, Holt. 261 00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:06,006 I gave it my best shot. 262 00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:06,006 Let's begin. 263 00:06:08,256 --> 00:06:09,381 Hey, hey! 264 00:06:09,506 --> 00:06:10,672 How'd it go? 265 00:06:10,797 --> 00:06:11,714 Is his voice 266 00:06:10,797 --> 00:06:11,714 all high-pitched now? 267 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,339 What? No, of course not. 268 00:06:13,464 --> 00:06:15,048 - Of course not. 269 00:06:13,464 --> 00:06:15,048 - Jake! 270 00:06:15,173 --> 00:06:18,006 The doctors made me 271 00:06:15,173 --> 00:06:18,006 into a superhero! 272 00:06:18,131 --> 00:06:20,672 I am so strong! 273 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,672 And they made me black! 274 00:06:23,797 --> 00:06:25,131 He's on a lot of medication. 275 00:06:25,256 --> 00:06:26,964 We weren't able 276 00:06:25,256 --> 00:06:26,964 to do the procedure. 277 00:06:27,090 --> 00:06:28,714 - Your friend is so large... 278 00:06:27,090 --> 00:06:28,714 - That you needed a bigger saw 279 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:30,297 to get through his dingus? 280 00:06:31,006 --> 00:06:33,339 No, his body is 281 00:06:31,006 --> 00:06:33,339 so physically massive 282 00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:35,881 that we didn't have 283 00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:35,881 enough anesthesia on hand. 284 00:06:36,006 --> 00:06:37,131 He needs a much larger dose. 285 00:06:37,256 --> 00:06:39,090 - Psst... psst... Jake. 286 00:06:37,256 --> 00:06:39,090 - Hmm? 287 00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:42,297 Sometimes I can't tell 288 00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:42,297 my twin baby girls apart, 289 00:06:42,423 --> 00:06:45,506 so I call them both "boo-boo." 290 00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:48,214 Wow. So he has 291 00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:48,214 no filter whatsoever? 292 00:06:48,339 --> 00:06:49,506 None. 293 00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:50,923 I'm gonna take ya home now, 294 00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:50,923 Sarge. 295 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,214 Hey, what do you think 296 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,214 of Captain Holt? 297 00:06:53,339 --> 00:06:55,881 - He needs to smoke some weed. 298 00:06:53,339 --> 00:06:55,881 - Yes! 299 00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:57,714 Thank you, Dr. Penis-off! 300 00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:00,756 - Okay, in ya go. 301 00:07:00,881 --> 00:07:03,172 - You're okay. 302 00:07:00,881 --> 00:07:03,172 - Whoo-hoo! 303 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:07,839 Dude, your head is so small! 304 00:07:07,964 --> 00:07:09,214 Like a... 305 00:07:09,339 --> 00:07:12,881 No, no, it is so small! 306 00:07:13,006 --> 00:07:15,506 - All right. 307 00:07:13,006 --> 00:07:15,506 - Where do you keep your brains? 308 00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:19,714 - Good. 309 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,256 All right, got your PJs on, 310 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,256 read you a story, 311 00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:24,297 checked under the bed 312 00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:24,297 for monsters. 313 00:07:24,423 --> 00:07:25,672 Check again! 314 00:07:25,797 --> 00:07:27,548 And now it's sleepy-time, 315 00:07:25,797 --> 00:07:27,548 so here we go... 316 00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:29,881 Wait, wait, wait... 317 00:07:30,714 --> 00:07:32,506 You gotta promise me 318 00:07:32,630 --> 00:07:35,506 you won't let them 319 00:07:32,630 --> 00:07:35,506 give me the operation. 320 00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:39,339 I wanna have more kids. 321 00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:39,339 I don't want the vasectomy. 322 00:07:39,464 --> 00:07:42,130 Promise me, 323 00:07:39,464 --> 00:07:42,130 tiny head! Promise me! 324 00:07:42,256 --> 00:07:43,881 All right, I promise! I promise. 325 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:48,881 Good because I'm not done 326 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:48,881 with my testicles yet. 327 00:07:49,006 --> 00:07:50,464 Okay. 328 00:07:50,589 --> 00:07:54,756 I'm gonna let 'em sing! 329 00:07:59,506 --> 00:08:02,881 Uh-oh, walk of shame! 330 00:07:59,506 --> 00:08:02,881 Same clothes as yesterday. 331 00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:05,381 I slept at the sarge's. 332 00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:05,381 It was horrible. 333 00:08:05,506 --> 00:08:08,672 Come... here... phone! 334 00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:11,589 All right, let's get going 335 00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:11,589 and interview that suspect. 336 00:08:11,714 --> 00:08:14,172 I have my make-up vasectomy 337 00:08:11,714 --> 00:08:14,172 this afternoon so... 338 00:08:14,297 --> 00:08:15,714 I'm sorry, 339 00:08:14,297 --> 00:08:15,714 your what-what vasectomy? 340 00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:17,464 Last night you told me 341 00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:17,464 you didn't want that. 342 00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:19,006 Then you fell on top of me 343 00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:20,881 and changed the shape 344 00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:20,881 of my skeleton forever. 345 00:08:21,006 --> 00:08:22,839 No, I definitely want one. 346 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:26,714 That was the drugs talking. 347 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:26,714 I was high as a kite. 348 00:08:30,339 --> 00:08:32,172 Did I do this 349 00:08:30,339 --> 00:08:32,172 and call you "tiny head?" 350 00:08:32,297 --> 00:08:34,297 Yes. 351 00:08:34,423 --> 00:08:35,797 Some things 352 00:08:34,423 --> 00:08:35,797 are coming back to me now. 353 00:08:35,923 --> 00:08:37,672 Oh, that's great. 354 00:08:37,797 --> 00:08:39,423 Tiny head. 355 00:08:39,548 --> 00:08:41,089 Jake, I am so scared 356 00:08:41,214 --> 00:08:43,089 that man is about 357 00:08:41,214 --> 00:08:43,089 to make a huge mistake, 358 00:08:43,214 --> 00:08:44,839 re: his vas deferens. 359 00:08:44,964 --> 00:08:47,756 I know, he made me promise 360 00:08:44,964 --> 00:08:47,756 to not let him get that surgery. 361 00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:50,839 And it wasn't just the drugs. 362 00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:50,839 He doesn't want this. 363 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,006 As his friend, 364 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,006 it's my job to stop him. 365 00:08:57,756 --> 00:09:01,172 Sorry, Terry turned my spine 366 00:08:57,756 --> 00:09:01,172 into a loose stack of pebbles. 367 00:09:01,297 --> 00:09:04,797 And since my arrival, 368 00:09:01,297 --> 00:09:04,797 violent crime has gone down 369 00:09:04,923 --> 00:09:08,589 by 17.3%, as you can see here. 370 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,756 Two-toned graphs? 371 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,756 You think you can distract me 372 00:09:11,881 --> 00:09:15,172 from this precinct's problems 373 00:09:11,881 --> 00:09:15,172 with a flashy presentation? 374 00:09:15,297 --> 00:09:16,881 Same old Ray Holt. 375 00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:22,630 All sizzle, no steak. 376 00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:22,630 I'm off to do some spot-checks. 377 00:09:22,756 --> 00:09:25,130 Oh, my god. 378 00:09:22,756 --> 00:09:25,130 She's totally gonna flunk us. 379 00:09:25,256 --> 00:09:26,423 I haven't gotten an "f" 380 00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:28,089 since I failed recess 381 00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:28,089 in second grade. 382 00:09:28,214 --> 00:09:30,256 "Teachers need a break too, 383 00:09:28,214 --> 00:09:30,256 Amy." 384 00:09:30,381 --> 00:09:33,297 We were doomed the minute 385 00:09:30,381 --> 00:09:33,297 she slithered into the precinct. 386 00:09:33,423 --> 00:09:37,714 It's funny. When we first met, 387 00:09:33,423 --> 00:09:37,714 we had some good times. 388 00:09:40,089 --> 00:09:41,839 Looks like we both 389 00:09:40,089 --> 00:09:41,839 want that stapler. 390 00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:44,130 Seems that way based on 391 00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:44,130 what happened. 392 00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:49,756 So when did it all go south? 393 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,172 1989. I was up for 394 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,172 a big promotion, 395 00:09:52,297 --> 00:09:54,589 which would've fast-tracked 396 00:09:52,297 --> 00:09:54,589 my career. 397 00:09:54,714 --> 00:09:56,548 Wuntch offered to write 398 00:09:54,714 --> 00:09:56,548 a letter on my behalf 399 00:09:56,672 --> 00:09:59,297 but instead she torpedoed me 400 00:09:56,672 --> 00:09:59,297 because of something 401 00:09:59,423 --> 00:10:02,089 that happened the night 402 00:09:59,423 --> 00:10:02,089 before she was to turn it in. 403 00:10:03,256 --> 00:10:04,672 Madeline. 404 00:10:06,881 --> 00:10:08,756 - Would you care for a drink? 405 00:10:06,881 --> 00:10:08,756 - I'd love one. 406 00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:11,172 I'm sure 407 00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:11,172 you can tell I'm quite drunk. 408 00:10:11,297 --> 00:10:13,506 I've had a couple 409 00:10:11,297 --> 00:10:13,506 to build up the nerve. 410 00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:17,214 I think we both know 411 00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:17,214 what I'm about to say. 412 00:10:17,339 --> 00:10:18,839 Raymond... 413 00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:21,214 I don't think 414 00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:21,214 we need to say anything. 415 00:10:25,047 --> 00:10:26,172 I'm gay. 416 00:10:26,297 --> 00:10:28,423 That's what 417 00:10:26,297 --> 00:10:28,423 I was going to tell you. 418 00:10:28,548 --> 00:10:29,881 Well, then. 419 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:35,589 She sabotaged my career 420 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:35,589 because I refused to bed her. 421 00:10:37,172 --> 00:10:40,047 He thinks 422 00:10:37,172 --> 00:10:40,047 I stabbed him? That's crazy. 423 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:41,506 He said you were furious at him 424 00:10:41,630 --> 00:10:43,005 because he banned you 425 00:10:41,630 --> 00:10:43,005 from the restaurant 426 00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:45,130 and called 427 00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:45,130 your business plans terrible. 428 00:10:45,256 --> 00:10:46,630 The text reads: 429 00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:49,005 "Your ideas are dumb-dumb batter 430 00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:50,256 in a stupid pancake, 431 00:10:50,381 --> 00:10:53,339 you steaming pile 432 00:10:50,381 --> 00:10:53,339 of human fences." 433 00:10:53,464 --> 00:10:55,881 I assume that was auto-corrected 434 00:10:53,464 --> 00:10:55,881 from "feces." 435 00:10:56,005 --> 00:10:57,548 Look, partners fight. 436 00:10:57,672 --> 00:10:59,130 He's difficult to work with, 437 00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:01,047 but I would never try 438 00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:01,047 and kill him. 439 00:11:01,172 --> 00:11:03,297 Where were you 440 00:11:01,172 --> 00:11:03,297 on Monday around 10 pm? 441 00:11:03,423 --> 00:11:04,839 Me and my business 442 00:11:03,423 --> 00:11:04,839 school buddies 443 00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:05,881 get together every Monday 444 00:11:06,005 --> 00:11:07,130 and have a couple beers. 445 00:11:07,256 --> 00:11:09,423 Also, there's a pilates studio 446 00:11:09,548 --> 00:11:11,130 with a huge window 447 00:11:09,548 --> 00:11:11,130 across the street 448 00:11:11,256 --> 00:11:14,297 so it's a pretty sweet view. 449 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,172 I guess that's not as bad 450 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,172 as stabbing someone... 451 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:18,881 I left around 10:00, 452 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:18,881 took the subway home, 453 00:11:19,005 --> 00:11:20,797 got off at York Street 454 00:11:19,005 --> 00:11:20,797 around my house, 455 00:11:20,922 --> 00:11:22,297 puked on a statue, went to bed. 456 00:11:22,423 --> 00:11:23,630 Classy. All right, 457 00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:25,339 we've taken up enough 458 00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:25,339 of your time, 459 00:11:25,464 --> 00:11:27,588 enjoy the rest of your day 460 00:11:25,464 --> 00:11:27,588 and go back to your life 461 00:11:27,714 --> 00:11:29,214 as a "pile of human fences." 462 00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:31,672 Okay, let's see if any 463 00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:31,672 of DRK MLK's neighbors 464 00:11:31,797 --> 00:11:33,214 saw the pilates perv 465 00:11:33,339 --> 00:11:34,548 or anyone else fleeing 466 00:11:33,339 --> 00:11:34,548 the scene of the crime. 467 00:11:34,672 --> 00:11:36,089 Copy that. 468 00:11:34,672 --> 00:11:36,089 We'll do some cop stuff, 469 00:11:36,214 --> 00:11:37,588 have a heart-to-heart 470 00:11:36,214 --> 00:11:37,588 about your vasectomy, 471 00:11:37,714 --> 00:11:39,214 cancel your vasectomy, 472 00:11:37,714 --> 00:11:39,214 grab some drinks, 473 00:11:39,339 --> 00:11:41,339 laugh about the time 474 00:11:39,339 --> 00:11:41,339 you almost got a vasectomy. 475 00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:43,423 Stop worrying 476 00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:43,423 about my vasectomy, man. 477 00:11:43,548 --> 00:11:45,381 Maybe you should focus 478 00:11:43,548 --> 00:11:45,381 on your own body. 479 00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:47,297 When's the last time 480 00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:47,297 you had a carrot? 481 00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,797 Well, it's my least favorite 482 00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,797 type of cake, so rarely. 483 00:11:49,922 --> 00:11:52,172 If I absolutely have to, 484 00:11:49,922 --> 00:11:52,172 I'll just eat the frosting. 485 00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:54,172 Hey! Cut it out, cake boy. 486 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,423 You're making health insurance 487 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,130 more expensive 488 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,130 for everyone else! 489 00:11:57,256 --> 00:11:59,297 Yeah, well you know what else 490 00:11:57,256 --> 00:11:59,297 drives up premiums? 491 00:11:59,423 --> 00:12:01,005 Unwanted genital removal! 492 00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:04,630 Thank you for coming. 493 00:12:04,756 --> 00:12:06,089 I wasn't sure 494 00:12:04,756 --> 00:12:06,089 if you'd get my message. 495 00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:07,714 Charles, 496 00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:07,714 it was kinda hard to miss. 497 00:12:09,506 --> 00:12:11,005 Oh, god! 498 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,172 I didn't know what to do. 499 00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:13,588 You said 500 00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:13,588 we weren't allowed to talk 501 00:12:13,714 --> 00:12:15,548 at work now 502 00:12:13,714 --> 00:12:15,548 that we're knocking boots. 503 00:12:15,672 --> 00:12:17,381 Ew, gross. 504 00:12:17,506 --> 00:12:19,130 Listen, my ex-wife's throwing 505 00:12:17,506 --> 00:12:19,130 an engagement party this weekend 506 00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:23,381 and I was wondering if you 507 00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:23,381 wanted to go... as friends. 508 00:12:23,506 --> 00:12:26,963 No, Charles, just because 509 00:12:23,506 --> 00:12:26,963 we have secret, shameful sex 510 00:12:27,089 --> 00:12:28,672 does not mean we are friends. 511 00:12:28,797 --> 00:12:30,756 Forget friends. 512 00:12:28,797 --> 00:12:30,756 Let's go as bone bros. 513 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,423 Ugh! 514 00:12:32,548 --> 00:12:34,797 I didn't strike you 515 00:12:32,548 --> 00:12:34,797 when you said "knocking boots," 516 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:39,005 but "bone bros"? I cannot abide. 517 00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:41,922 Have you seen 518 00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:41,922 this man around DRK MLK? 519 00:12:42,047 --> 00:12:43,172 Oh, I don't go there. 520 00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:45,172 They don't allow babies 521 00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:45,172 in there. 522 00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:46,756 What is wrong with them? 523 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,588 All I drank when I was a baby 524 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,588 was chocolate milk. 525 00:12:49,714 --> 00:12:51,089 Well, thank you for your time. 526 00:12:51,214 --> 00:12:52,672 And thank you, 527 00:12:51,214 --> 00:12:52,672 adorable little baby, 528 00:12:52,797 --> 00:12:54,047 who's probably giving my partner 529 00:12:54,172 --> 00:12:56,172 some mixed feelings 530 00:12:54,172 --> 00:12:56,172 right about now. 531 00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,714 "Don't get the operation, Sarge! 532 00:12:57,838 --> 00:12:59,714 Instead, 533 00:12:57,838 --> 00:12:59,714 make a tiny muscular friend 534 00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:00,922 for me to play with!" 535 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,506 - That's enough. 536 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,506 - I'm with you. 537 00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:04,256 That's enough, baby. 538 00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:04,256 Mind your own business. 539 00:13:05,339 --> 00:13:06,672 I haven't heard of DRK MLK 540 00:13:06,797 --> 00:13:09,381 and I've never seen 541 00:13:06,797 --> 00:13:09,381 this man before. 542 00:13:09,506 --> 00:13:12,089 This is your lead? 543 00:13:09,506 --> 00:13:12,089 Why are we here? 544 00:13:12,214 --> 00:13:13,464 Well, according to the Internet, 545 00:13:13,588 --> 00:13:15,005 Dr. Mindel 546 00:13:13,588 --> 00:13:15,005 is the best couples counselor 547 00:13:15,130 --> 00:13:16,464 in the Park Slope area, 548 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,172 who accepts same-day walk-ins. 549 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,963 Couples counseling! 550 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,963 Sorry for wasting your time. 551 00:13:21,089 --> 00:13:22,381 Wait, please don't leave. 552 00:13:22,506 --> 00:13:24,464 - This cost me so much money. 553 00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,548 I am so sorry. 554 00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:31,214 He's walking out... 555 00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:31,214 Just like your father did. 556 00:13:31,339 --> 00:13:33,130 Wait a minute, 557 00:13:31,339 --> 00:13:33,130 I didn't tell you about that. 558 00:13:33,256 --> 00:13:35,005 Didn't have to. 559 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,630 You are good! 560 00:13:37,714 --> 00:13:41,047 Sarge, wait up! 561 00:13:37,714 --> 00:13:41,047 Come on, don't be mad! 562 00:13:41,172 --> 00:13:42,922 Look, 563 00:13:41,172 --> 00:13:42,922 I'm only trying to protect you 564 00:13:43,047 --> 00:13:44,464 from your very stupid self. 565 00:13:44,588 --> 00:13:46,506 That is enough, Jake! 566 00:13:46,630 --> 00:13:47,963 Look, I'm sorry, okay? 567 00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:49,256 But the things you said 568 00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:50,714 when you were whacked-out 569 00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:50,714 were real. 570 00:13:50,838 --> 00:13:52,796 You made me promise. 571 00:13:50,838 --> 00:13:52,796 And as your friend... 572 00:13:52,922 --> 00:13:53,963 I told you, Jake. 573 00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:56,005 We're not that kind of friends. 574 00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,922 - Not what kind of friends? 575 00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,922 - "Friend" friends. 576 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,963 You and I are work friends. 577 00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,256 Now, if you will excuse me, 578 00:14:02,381 --> 00:14:04,506 I'm going 579 00:14:02,381 --> 00:14:04,506 to the doctor's office. 580 00:14:06,588 --> 00:14:08,256 Not good enough. 581 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,214 Prepare to be 582 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,214 physically overpowered 583 00:14:10,339 --> 00:14:11,256 by a "friend" friend. 584 00:14:11,381 --> 00:14:12,630 Argh! 585 00:14:13,339 --> 00:14:15,214 Cancel the appointment! 586 00:14:13,339 --> 00:14:15,214 I've got you! 587 00:14:15,339 --> 00:14:17,214 You can't move. 588 00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:19,005 Concede defeat, sir. 589 00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:21,256 You have been conquered. 590 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,214 Spot-checks are done. 591 00:14:24,339 --> 00:14:27,256 Needless to say, 592 00:14:24,339 --> 00:14:27,256 I'm thoroughly underwhelmed. 593 00:14:27,381 --> 00:14:28,672 Huh. From your expression, 594 00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:31,672 I would've guessed 595 00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:31,672 constipated or chilly. 596 00:14:31,796 --> 00:14:33,130 Excuse us, Captain, 597 00:14:33,256 --> 00:14:35,423 I don't want to say 598 00:14:33,256 --> 00:14:35,423 that I've saved the day, 599 00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:37,506 but I will because I did. 600 00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:40,672 So... 601 00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:40,672 The letter of recommendation 602 00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:43,672 she wrote for you 25 years ago. 603 00:14:44,464 --> 00:14:45,630 Where'd you get this? 604 00:14:45,755 --> 00:14:47,089 I just went down 605 00:14:45,755 --> 00:14:47,089 to One Police Plaza 606 00:14:47,214 --> 00:14:49,796 and applied some 607 00:14:47,214 --> 00:14:49,796 of my signature Amy charm. 608 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,548 And then when you wouldn't stop, 609 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,548 they just gave it to you? 610 00:14:52,672 --> 00:14:56,256 More or less. The point is, 611 00:14:52,672 --> 00:14:56,256 the letter's very positive. 612 00:14:56,381 --> 00:14:58,423 You thought 613 00:14:56,381 --> 00:14:58,423 she wrote mean stuff about you 614 00:14:58,548 --> 00:15:01,005 because of the... night before. 615 00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:03,755 But she didn't. 616 00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:03,755 It was all a misunderstanding. 617 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,089 Wait a minute... 618 00:15:05,214 --> 00:15:06,838 You thought 619 00:15:05,214 --> 00:15:06,838 I cost you that promotion 620 00:15:06,963 --> 00:15:08,796 because you're gay? 621 00:15:08,922 --> 00:15:11,506 That's what you've been mad 622 00:15:08,922 --> 00:15:11,506 about all these years? 623 00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:13,755 It's... one reason. 624 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,922 I don't care that you rejected 625 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,922 my advances. 626 00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:18,005 Your sexual identity 627 00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:18,005 is the one thing 628 00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:19,548 I actually respect about you. 629 00:15:19,671 --> 00:15:21,671 Then what are you mad about? 630 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,548 I'm mad because you tried 631 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,548 to get me thrown off the force. 632 00:15:24,671 --> 00:15:26,214 Yeah, because you shot me. 633 00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:29,005 I shot you because you were 634 00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:29,005 in the wrong position. 635 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:30,671 You weren't following orders. 636 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,172 What about the time 637 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,172 you destroyed my personnel file 638 00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:33,464 while I was undercover? 639 00:15:33,589 --> 00:15:34,838 What if there had been a mole? 640 00:15:34,963 --> 00:15:36,339 You were trying 641 00:15:34,963 --> 00:15:36,339 to make me disappear. 642 00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:37,922 You embarrassed me 643 00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:37,922 in front of Derek Jeter! 644 00:15:38,047 --> 00:15:43,297 You embarrassed yourself 645 00:15:38,047 --> 00:15:43,297 in front of Derek Jeter. 646 00:15:48,464 --> 00:15:52,838 Hey, Rosa! Better file me 647 00:15:48,464 --> 00:15:52,838 under "e" for "edgy." 648 00:15:52,963 --> 00:15:55,005 - What? 649 00:15:52,963 --> 00:15:55,005 - Cornrows! 650 00:15:55,130 --> 00:15:56,671 Why? 651 00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:59,214 My ex-wife and her fiancé 652 00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:59,214 go to Jamaica all the time. 653 00:15:59,339 --> 00:16:01,589 The theme of their party is: 654 00:15:59,339 --> 00:16:01,589 "Jamaican me marry you." 655 00:16:01,713 --> 00:16:03,172 So good! 656 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,880 So... I still don't have a date. 657 00:16:06,589 --> 00:16:09,172 Unless this sweet maize-head 658 00:16:06,589 --> 00:16:09,172 has changed your mind. 659 00:16:09,297 --> 00:16:10,464 I think we both know it hasn't. 660 00:16:10,589 --> 00:16:12,796 We do. 661 00:16:10,589 --> 00:16:12,796 Fair enough. 662 00:16:14,796 --> 00:16:16,297 Why do you look so terrible? 663 00:16:16,423 --> 00:16:18,464 I tried to stop Sarge 664 00:16:16,423 --> 00:16:18,464 from getting his tubes tied. 665 00:16:18,589 --> 00:16:21,005 But he somehow managed 666 00:16:18,589 --> 00:16:21,005 to sneak off to the hospital. 667 00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:22,838 Zip that lip! He's doin' it? 668 00:16:22,963 --> 00:16:25,172 He wouldn't listen to me. 669 00:16:22,963 --> 00:16:25,172 He said I was a "work friend." 670 00:16:25,297 --> 00:16:28,381 Ah, that chills me. 671 00:16:25,297 --> 00:16:28,381 And it reminds me of a story. 672 00:16:28,506 --> 00:16:30,796 I had this sweater, 673 00:16:28,506 --> 00:16:30,796 and it was a work sweater 674 00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:32,671 cause 675 00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:32,671 it only seemed work aprope, 676 00:16:32,796 --> 00:16:35,506 but one time, 677 00:16:32,796 --> 00:16:35,506 I wore it out to dinner 678 00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:37,589 and I was like, "Oh, dang! 679 00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:39,922 This sweater 680 00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:39,922 is cute everywhere." 681 00:16:40,922 --> 00:16:43,506 - I get it. I'm the sweater. 682 00:16:40,922 --> 00:16:43,506 - No. 683 00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,089 And I have to show the sarge 684 00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,089 I can be a good friend to him 685 00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,130 - outside of work too. 686 00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,130 - No! 687 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,381 Thank you, Gina. 688 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,381 I'm gonna stop him. 689 00:16:49,506 --> 00:16:51,339 Jake, I have no idea 690 00:16:49,506 --> 00:16:51,339 what you're talking about, 691 00:16:51,464 --> 00:16:53,047 but good luck! 692 00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:54,838 Well, good-bye, Raymond. 693 00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:57,880 Anything you'd like to say to me 694 00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:57,880 before I complete my evaluation? 695 00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:00,214 Something 696 00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:00,214 in the form of groveling? 697 00:17:00,339 --> 00:17:02,963 Never. Fail me if you must. 698 00:17:07,339 --> 00:17:08,963 You're just gonna 699 00:17:07,339 --> 00:17:08,963 let her fail us? 700 00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:10,880 I'm sorry about 701 00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:10,880 your precious grade, Santiago, 702 00:17:11,005 --> 00:17:12,880 but this isn't about you. 703 00:17:13,005 --> 00:17:14,963 Don't "this isn't about you" me! 704 00:17:15,089 --> 00:17:17,381 I'm "this isn't 705 00:17:15,089 --> 00:17:17,381 about you"-ing you! 706 00:17:17,506 --> 00:17:20,256 That grade is the only thing 707 00:17:17,506 --> 00:17:20,256 standing between me and a future 708 00:17:20,381 --> 00:17:21,963 where you're not 709 00:17:20,381 --> 00:17:21,963 my captain anymore. 710 00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:24,214 Wuntch failed the Nine-Oh 711 00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:24,214 and their captain was fired. 712 00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:27,464 I attempted to cajole her 713 00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:27,464 but she rebuffed me. 714 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,214 I'm not a man 715 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,214 of unlimited cajoling. 716 00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:34,588 Well, you better become one 717 00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:34,588 because I need you in command. 718 00:17:34,713 --> 00:17:37,713 This precinct 719 00:17:34,713 --> 00:17:37,713 needs you in command. 720 00:17:37,838 --> 00:17:39,755 Cajole up, Captain. 721 00:17:46,713 --> 00:17:48,547 Sarge, hey! 722 00:17:48,671 --> 00:17:53,047 What the hell 723 00:17:48,671 --> 00:17:53,047 are you doing here, tiny head? 724 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,547 You better not be trying 725 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,547 to talk me out 726 00:17:55,671 --> 00:17:57,047 of my surgery again. 727 00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:58,588 Look, I'm not trying to talk you 728 00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:58,588 out of anything. 729 00:17:58,713 --> 00:18:00,130 I'm just here 730 00:17:58,713 --> 00:18:00,130 to give you a ride home 731 00:18:00,256 --> 00:18:01,755 and to prove to you 732 00:18:00,256 --> 00:18:01,755 once and for all 733 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,130 that I'm more 734 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,130 than just a work friend. 735 00:18:04,256 --> 00:18:06,505 Thank you, microscope head. 736 00:18:06,629 --> 00:18:08,796 Hey, a little bit of good news! 737 00:18:06,629 --> 00:18:08,796 I figured out the case! 738 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,963 Remember Gregory said he got off 739 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,963 at the York Street station 740 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,047 the night of the stabbing? 741 00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:13,297 Well, I took the subway here 742 00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:14,796 and it's closed 743 00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:14,796 for construction. 744 00:18:14,922 --> 00:18:19,464 So what you're saying is... 745 00:18:14,922 --> 00:18:19,464 I stabbed him. 746 00:18:19,588 --> 00:18:20,922 I did it. 747 00:18:21,047 --> 00:18:23,047 You know what? 748 00:18:21,047 --> 00:18:23,047 We'll talk about it tomorrow. 749 00:18:23,172 --> 00:18:24,713 See you on the other side. 750 00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:30,629 Jake, you were right! 751 00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:33,005 I don't want the surgery, 752 00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:33,005 tiny head! 753 00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:34,713 NYPD! Put down the scalpel 754 00:18:34,838 --> 00:18:37,089 and step away from my work 755 00:18:34,838 --> 00:18:37,089 friend's weiner-tubes! 756 00:18:40,089 --> 00:18:41,423 Looking good, Boyle! 757 00:18:41,547 --> 00:18:43,629 Ugh, that's not a good sign. 758 00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:45,381 Hey, man. 759 00:18:45,505 --> 00:18:48,047 Rosa... You changed your mind! 760 00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:49,588 I blew off my date 761 00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:51,089 and instead I'm going to spend 762 00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:51,089 a hellish evening 763 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,838 in a Jamaican torture chamber 764 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,838 with you. 765 00:18:52,963 --> 00:18:54,505 - Really? 766 00:18:52,963 --> 00:18:54,505 - Yeah. 767 00:18:54,629 --> 00:18:55,963 Here's what's about to happen. 768 00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:57,339 We're gonna go 769 00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:57,339 to this terrible party, 770 00:18:57,463 --> 00:18:58,755 I'm gonna laugh 771 00:18:57,463 --> 00:18:58,755 at all your jokes, 772 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,629 gonna talk 773 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,629 about your medal of valor, 774 00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:01,880 and I'm gonna make you look 775 00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:01,880 like a Jamaican god of rhythm. 776 00:19:02,005 --> 00:19:03,463 Sebastian from Little Mermaid. 777 00:19:03,588 --> 00:19:04,880 Also, tomorrow, 778 00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:07,172 I'm gonna help you 779 00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:07,172 find a new apartment. 780 00:19:07,297 --> 00:19:09,172 Can't live in your ex-wife's 781 00:19:07,297 --> 00:19:09,172 basement anymore. 782 00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:10,463 Wow! 783 00:19:10,588 --> 00:19:12,339 Respect, man. 784 00:19:12,463 --> 00:19:14,339 I'm gonna read you 785 00:19:12,463 --> 00:19:14,339 my toast in the car. 786 00:19:14,463 --> 00:19:15,713 You're giving a toast? 787 00:19:15,838 --> 00:19:18,005 - More like we're giving a toast. 788 00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:20,463 There we go. 789 00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:22,588 Jake, 790 00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:22,588 I have to tell you something. 791 00:19:22,713 --> 00:19:24,172 Oh, boy. 792 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,047 I am a little conflicted 793 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,047 about having a vasectomy. 794 00:19:27,172 --> 00:19:30,047 Really? Is that why you threw 795 00:19:27,172 --> 00:19:30,047 an EKG machine at the doctor? 796 00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:33,339 I'm sorry I thought 797 00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:33,339 of you as a work friend. 798 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,089 You're here, man. 799 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,089 You're a "friend" friend. 800 00:19:36,214 --> 00:19:40,713 You made Terry get real 801 00:19:36,214 --> 00:19:40,713 with himself and his genitals. 802 00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:46,172 Your tiny head 803 00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:46,172 has a big heart inside it. 804 00:19:47,339 --> 00:19:49,339 I know that's 805 00:19:47,339 --> 00:19:49,339 scientifically wrong, but... 806 00:19:49,463 --> 00:19:50,838 thanks, Sarge. 807 00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:53,505 I'm gonna talk to my wife 808 00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:53,505 when she comes home. 809 00:19:54,505 --> 00:19:57,713 You're a huggy good friend. 810 00:19:57,838 --> 00:19:59,629 No! Not again. 811 00:20:00,963 --> 00:20:04,005 Santiago, we received our grade. 812 00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:07,547 Oh, my god. Is this good-bye? 813 00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:09,629 There's still so much 814 00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:09,629 I have to say to you. 815 00:20:09,755 --> 00:20:12,838 2.7. Mediocre. 816 00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,297 But enough for you 817 00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,297 to stick around. 818 00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,505 How did you get her 819 00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,505 to change her mind? 820 00:20:17,629 --> 00:20:19,922 I had to compromise 821 00:20:17,629 --> 00:20:19,922 everything I stand for. 822 00:20:20,047 --> 00:20:21,963 You are now, 823 00:20:20,047 --> 00:20:21,963 and always have been, 824 00:20:22,089 --> 00:20:23,963 the superior police officer. 825 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:25,422 And? 826 00:20:27,256 --> 00:20:29,256 The Derek Jeter thing 827 00:20:27,256 --> 00:20:29,256 was my fault. 828 00:20:30,422 --> 00:20:32,214 Sorry you had to go 829 00:20:30,422 --> 00:20:32,214 through that. 830 00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:34,380 No, you were right. This 831 00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:34,380 is the best job I've ever had 832 00:20:34,505 --> 00:20:36,047 and it would be foolish 833 00:20:34,505 --> 00:20:36,047 to give it up 834 00:20:36,172 --> 00:20:37,463 over a petty feud. 835 00:20:38,463 --> 00:20:40,089 Here, this is for you. 836 00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,339 It's a grade 837 00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,339 for your performance 838 00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:43,671 these past few days, 839 00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:43,671 a letter grade, 840 00:20:43,796 --> 00:20:45,838 so as to not be 841 00:20:43,796 --> 00:20:45,838 "weird" about it. 842 00:20:46,588 --> 00:20:49,214 Oh, my god. 843 00:20:46,588 --> 00:20:49,214 You really shouldn't have. 844 00:20:50,172 --> 00:20:51,629 An A. 845 00:20:52,505 --> 00:20:53,963 Thank you. 846 00:20:54,089 --> 00:20:55,713 Just curious, 847 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:59,130 does your system have pluses in 848 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:59,130 it or is A the highest? 849 00:21:01,963 --> 00:21:03,629 How'd the interrogation go? 850 00:21:03,755 --> 00:21:06,005 Gregory confessed 851 00:21:03,755 --> 00:21:06,005 to the stabbing. 852 00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,838 Nice work. 853 00:21:07,963 --> 00:21:09,422 I just talked to my wife. 854 00:21:09,547 --> 00:21:11,922 We're waiting on the operation, 855 00:21:09,547 --> 00:21:11,922 everything's cool. 856 00:21:12,047 --> 00:21:13,671 Did you tell her 857 00:21:12,047 --> 00:21:13,671 we slept together twice? 858 00:21:13,796 --> 00:21:16,130 Thanks for taking care of me. 859 00:21:16,256 --> 00:21:17,629 I got you a present. 860 00:21:18,629 --> 00:21:20,588 Do you know 861 00:21:18,629 --> 00:21:20,588 what a present is, Terry? 862 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:21,963 I care about my friends. 863 00:21:22,755 --> 00:21:26,256 Now eat your carrots 864 00:21:22,755 --> 00:21:26,256 or I'll rip your tiny head off. 865 00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:28,505 - No! No! No! 866 00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:28,505 - Come here. 867 00:21:30,005 --> 00:21:32,214 I hate being friends with you! 868 00:21:34,089 --> 00:21:35,463 Not a doctor. Shh.