This nightclub
is the home base
for the Maric
crime syndicate.
I've been tracking
the club owner,
Vladimir Drogic,
aka The Dragon,
aka my first perp
with a cool nickname.
What about El Baboso,
The Dagger?
Yeah, turns out Rosa
was lying about that.
El Baboso
actually means "the slug."
Ha ha, tonto.
That means "dumb-dumb."
It was very cruel.
I referred to myself
as El Baboso
to several beautiful
Latina ladies.
Oh, that's your type,
isn't it, Jakey?
Like Sophia and Sa...
Anyway, The Dragon
is involved
in several counts
of human trafficking
as well as...
I'm sorry, what's going on?
Who are you?
Drexel
with the Organized Crime unit.
I'm here
for the Maric case materials.
Oh, are you?
Well, we'll see what my captain
has to say about this.
Thank you for taking
the materials.
Make sure you also
pick up the files
that are on Peralta's desk.
Wow, that is not
how I saw it playing out.
Sir, I thought you said
this was my case.
I gave you two weeks.
I'm done fending off
the Organized Crime unit.
Squad, since Peralta's briefing
was cut short,
you can all use this time
to clean up your desks.
Look at this place:
half-eaten food,
crumpled tissues,
pictures of your families.
What's wrong
with pictures?
If you love someone,
you'll remember
what they look like.
What is this?
Rubber band ball.
Keep your bands
in a box or a bag.
Since you all apparently
have time to play throw,
I'm canceling overtime
for the month,
effective immediately.
Get to work!
And de-ball these bands.
What is going on?
Holt's been
in a bad mood all week.
Did somebody do something
to set him off?
Jake, are you seriously
asking why Captain Holt is mad?
What do you mean?
The Wednesday incident.
Hey, hey, just closed
my tenth felony of the month,
and I thought
we could celebrate.
Might I remind you
that this is a police precinct
and it's 10:00
in the morning?
Thought you might say that.
That's why this is
nonalcoholic sparkling cider.
There's absolutely nothing
you could be mad about.
Uh-oh.
No, no, no, look, I was
the first one in on Wednesday.
This story's
already full of holes.
He was in a bad mood before
those sprinklers went off.
Something must have
happened at home.
Dude, just admit
that you ruined everything
and you turned our lives
into a living hell.
No biggie.
You guys,
this is not my fault.
Boyle,
you believe me, right?
Don't make me
do this, Jake.
Betrayed!
All right, you know what?
Fine.
I'm gonna prove to all of you
that something else
is responsible
for his bad mood.
It's probably Boyle.
Don't worry about it.
Don't open it.
No personal calls.
What the hell?
That was Marcus.
He's gonna think
I hung up on him.
Leave him wanting more.
That's basic seduction stuff,
Diaz.
Captain Holt
has been in a bad mood,
and I'm not letting it
get any worse on my watch.
I need overtime back.
Ladies and gentlemen,
six banks robbed
in three weeks,
$250,000 stolen,
citizens trembling in fear.
Well, no more.
Boyle, you got
your bank robber.
Went home last night...
no overtime.
Just me and some brie,
and I cracked it.
So here he is,
the thug that's been
terrorizing the city.
Say hello, Marvin.
Hello.
Oh, my God,
he's so old.
He's not that old.
His nurse isn't even full-time.
He couldn't pull off
a bank job.
He couldn't pull off
the cap on his medicine.
I can hear you.
Sorry.
Hey, this guy
is a ruthless criminal.
I'm sorry, sir.
Is this gonna take long?
'Cause I was hoping to buy
some slacks this afternoon.
I like corduroy.
You like corduroy?
I love corduroy.
He likes corduroy.
You sure you have
the right guy?
Wasn't the robber
strong and fast?
And able to eat
solid foods?
Nobody saw him eat.
The guy wore
a rubber mask,
and his voice was disguised.
My system
is a little unsettled.
Could I trouble you
for a ginger ale?
Oh, of course, sir.
We'll get that and a comfy chair
for you to sit in.
Yeah.
I robbed those banks.
I don't even
need the money,
but I like to see
the tellers squirm.
I get off on violence.
Oh, my God.
Here you go.
Oh, thank you so much.
You're such a doll.
I must pay you.
No, no, no, I insist.
I insist.
Right here.
You remind me
of my granddaughter.
Oh, you are so sweet.
I haven't got
a granddaughter.
What are you doing here?
You're not scheduled
to work today,
and overtime is canceled.
Yeah, well,
remember about a week ago
when I came in here with
a bottle of sparkling cider?
Setting off my sprinklers,
drenching my office,
destroying a paper crane
folded for me by Kevin.
Right, I forgot
how that ended.
The point is,
that was all just
regular cop stuff.
There's no way
that can be the reason
you've been
in such a bad mood.
Bad mood... I'm sorry,
haven't I been bursting
into song enough
for you lately?
Would you like me
to click my heels together
or skip like
a schoolchild?
Yes to all of that.
But for reals,
what non-me thing
is bothering you?
Is there trouble
at home?
Peralta, I'm not gonna discuss
my home life with you.
We're not friends.
We're not family.
You're not my husband.
Oh, that's hurtful.
I thought we had
a special bond.
I was your secret Santa
last year.
And I already thanked you for
the "Who Farted?" baseball cap.
But you never wear it.
So Holt won't tell me
if something happened at home
because I'm not
his husband.
But you know
who is his husband?
His husband.
I was just
a little slow.
Yeah, Kevin's
not gonna talk to you
'cause he can't
stand detectives.
Yes, but he can
stand yous.
Nuh-uh, I spent
a lot of time cultivating
a good relationship
with Kevin.
He finally calls me Gina
instead of Ms. Linetti.
All right, fine.
Then I'm calling in my chit.
You kiss your mother
with that mouth?
No, ch-it.
What?
Remember when
I got you this job?
You said, "OMG, Jake.
I owe you one."
I said "OMG"?
That was before
other people started saying it.
I was an originator.
You said I could ask
for anything,
and for six years,
I've been sitting on that chit.
Well, now
I'm cashing it in.
A receipt for almonds?
Yeah, I just thought
it would be more dramatic
to slide something
across the table.
It wasn't, but since
I made that promise, fine.
Hey, Kevin.
Gina, good to see you.
Jake's here too.
Yo.
Gina, I know
you like champagne
with a drop
of pomegranate juice.
I like to say
it's nature's classiest alcohol
mixed
with its narst-iest fruit.
And, Peralta,
I hope this will do.
It's a can
of orange soda
from when
some other children visited.
It's perfect.
Thank you for inviting us in.
Yes, I invited Gina in.
You were with her.
Okay.
Look, everyone's blaming me
for the captain's horrible mood
because of a small thing
that happened Wednesday morning.
When you flooded
his office with cider?
Well, the water
actually flooded it.
The cider just caused it.
But I swear he was already upset
when he got to work.
He was anger articulating.
Coat, coat,
jacket, coat.
Is this a police precinct
or a Turkish bazaar?
Mm, yes, I dread
those annunciated denunciations.
Yeah, I hate
those de-bunce-ebations...
But so my question is,
could something
have happened at home
before he left for work?
Well, I remember
that morning.
He left this house at 7:00
and was in a great mood.
In fact,
he was still chuckling
about the previous night's
Charlie Rose.
Fine, so your marriage
might not be the problem,
but he didn't get to work
until 10:00.
That means
whatever ruined his mood
happened in those three hours.
We have to retrace
his steps.
We?
I'm not going
to investigate my own husband.
Uh-huh, totally.
Well, that was
a great chitchat.
Don't you think, Gina?
Seemed like it went
real bad for you.
Chit-chat.
Oh.
You know, Kevin,
maybe if we figure out
what caused Raymond's bad mood,
we could fix it.
Good idea, Gina.
I suppose
we could look into it.
Yes, great!
Let's go right now.
No time to lose.
Don't look, just run.
You're trying to get me
out of here before I see
the orange soda you spilled
on the chair, aren't you?
I'm already out the door.
It worked!
What the hell?
Are you throwing
a tea party for this monster?
He was sitting in processing,
and he just looked so lonely.
This guy is guilty.
He confessed to me,
but now he's pretending
that he didn't.
You must have
misheard me.
I didn't do anything,
except being charmed
by these two lovely ladies.
Oh, cut it
with the sweet-old-coot routine.
You're going to jail,
my friend,
in a trolley named Charles.
A trolley?
Trolleys are cool.
They have the bells.
You know what?
Just take your tea
and leave my perp alone, please.
Thank you, ladies,
for bringing a little sunshine
into my gray life.
You want to know
what I'm gonna do
with the money I stole?
Hmm.
Prostitutes.
Huh!
Amy, you heard him.
Tell me you heard him.
What?
Son of a bitch!
Well, this is where Raymond
eats breakfast every morning.
Yes, I know.
He's always raving about
how they don't have specials.
Diane, hello,
this is my friend Gina,
and this is
Detective Peralta.
They work
with my Raymond.
Oh, Peralta, you are so old
to behave the way you do.
Oof.
What?
I'm sure he vents
about everyone on the squad.
Nope, just you.
Damn it, Diane,
what are you doing after this?
So did anything
unusual happen
when Raymond was here
last Wednesday?
Did he mention anything?
No, he had
his regular breakfast:
room-temperature water
and one hard-boiled egg yolk.
Hmm, well,
that is his good-mood food.
So, Peralta, we know
he was fine through breakfast.
Looks like
you're still on the hook.
No, there was still
plenty of time
before he got to work.
Gina, what'd he
do next?
Well, according
to his sched,
his next stop
was his weekly painting class.
Painting class?
Can I guess what he paints?
Pictures
of pie charts.
Multiple still lifes
of this gray rock.
That's even more boring.
So, Gerald, did anything
happen to Raymond last week?
Did he seem
like something
or someone had him
in a bad mood?
It was his day
to pick the music,
and he chose Haydn.
So he was in a good mood
or a bad mood?
A great mood, Jake.
Oh, you're Jake.
Damn it.
What are you doing
after this, Gerald?
What is wrong
with our Internet?
I like to back up my data
every 15 minutes,
and it's taking 17 minutes
per backup!
I'm in a data backup deficit.
We are in the same boat.
I've been trying
to load this video all day.
You're watching videos
during work?
I told him to do it, sir.
It's case-related.
"Turtle humps
computer mouse."
Yeah, Turtle's the name
of a local pervert
we're chasing.
Come on, Hitchcock.
Get it together.
So did anything
strange happen
when you and Raymond
sparred last week?
No, as usual,
Raymond was the king
of the croisÃ©,
and I got in
a few good raddoppios.
So just a bunch
of normal words.
Are you sure we're talking
about last Wednesday?
Positive.
Haven't seen him since.
You haven't?
Mm-mm.
I'm sorry.
I need to leave.
Excuse me.
Kevin.
Kev.
What's going on?
Raymond has been
lying to me.
Three mornings
this week,
he told me
he was fencing with Dan.
Why would he do that?
Why would he lie to me?
I don't know.
Maybe it's connected
to his bad mood.
My husband
does not lie to me.
This investigation of yours
was a bad idea.
I'm going home.
I have to sort this out
with Raymond.
Good-bye, Peralta.
Linetti.
Linetti?
No.
We were
on a first-name basis.
Gina, this is bad.
Kevin's upset.
Holt's gonna be angry.
We're both
gonna get fired,
and I'm gonna
die alone.
Jake, why don't you
just do the right thing
and jump out a window?
Captain Holt
will never fire me
if he knows I'm mourning
the death of a close friend.
Or we could try plan B
and just fix it.
You never even tried
plan A, though.
Hey, how'd it go
with Kevin?
Are you willing to admit
everything's your fault?
No, Amy, because none of this
is my fault.
Except for how you meddled
in the captain's life today,
possibly causing
repercussions
in his marriage
that could last a lifetime.
Yes, that is
completely on me,
but, Amy, you didn't know that,
so you were still wrong.
You two need to go.
You're not supposed
to be here,
and the captain's
at a new level of anger:
constant smiling.
It's horrible.
All smiling's horrible.
This is worse.
We're here
so I can activate
the Holy Network
of Administrative Assistants,
acronym HNAA:
We high-level assistants
keep track
of what's going on
with all the bosses.
Jealous, Amy?
Yeah, I'd tap that.
Network.
I'd tap that network.
That's a thing
people say.
Yeah?
No.
I've answered
all your questions, young man.
What more do you want
from me?
I'd like you tell Santiago
about the banks you robbed
and how you get off
on violence.
What?
Boyle, oh, my God.
What are you doing?
Why are you being
so weird about this?
Marvin Miller
is guilty,
and he thinks
he can get away with it.
He also thinks
the subway should be horses.
He's old,
is what I'm saying.
He knows exactly
what he's doing.
He's messing with me
because I'm not intimidating
like Terry
or dignified like Jake
or model-handsome like Jake
or funny like Jake.
Yeah, I might buy my shoes
at a kids store,
and, yeah, I might
be scared of geese,
but I am a damn good cop,
and I will not be
made a fool of.
So I'm gonna go
into that room,
and I'm gonna get
that lousy old geezer
to admit on camera
that he robbed those banks.
He just died.
What?
Okay, here's
what I learned.
The chief's assistant, Ryan, was
only pretending to have Mono.
Okay, Gina, about Holt.
Fine.
Apparently he was
supposed to meet
Deputy Chief Ash
near his fencing club at 9:30,
but he canceled
at the very last minute
with no explanation.
HNAA does it again.
Okay, so something happened
between fencing and coffee.
We just have
to figure out what.
Totes, but first,
let's check in with Ryan
on how to fake mono,
'cause if I can nail that...
Ooh, game changer.
Okay, so Captain Holt
leaves fencing and heads north.
If we really
want to do this,
we got to get
in his head.
We have to be
Captain Holt.
Hello, Gina.
How does this sound?
Captain Holt,
is that you?
Oh, no, it's Jake
nailing your voice exactly.
Right?
The trick is to find
a key phrase
you know exactly
how he'd say.
Mine is, "Peralta,
that's enough."
Seriously, Jake,
this is getting scary.
Come with me,
young, wise assistant.
Let us walk
in this direction.
Oh, a hot dog.
Would I stop?
Not for one of those,
I wouldn't.
Damn it,
it's morphing into British.
Do your catchphrase.
Peralta, that's enough!
And I'm walking with purpose.
And bingo.
A door.
It's a Narnia situation.
No, but I love that.
It's a security camera.
If something happened to Holt
when he walked past here,
we'll be able
to see it.
Peralta, you genius.
Mm, that does not
sound like him.
Okay, personal photos
are down,
kitchen is spotless,
and I got the silver-painted
break-dancer outside
to move his very loud boom box
elsewhere.
You beat him
in a dance-off?
No, I destroyed him.
There's absolutely nothing here
that will set off Holt.
Oh, oh!
I was trying to cook
my oatmeal with a road flare,
but it caught on fire.
Why are you using
a road flare?
You said the kitchen
was off-limits.
Yeah, this is
your fault, Sarge.
Give me that.
I'm just holding
a road flare,
stepping on
some oatmeal.
Just doing me.
I can't believe that you,
of all people,
are my biggest problem today,
Jeffords.
Kevin,
is the captain home?
No.
Good, I figured out
what happened to him.
He was mugged.
What?
He told you this?
No, I used
my detective skills
as well as my spot-on Holt
impression to figure it out.
I retraced his steps
and found security footage.
After he left fencing,
three shady guys
followed him into an alley.
One of them
had a knife.
That's why he's been
in such a bad mood.
He's a police captain
that got mugged.
He's embarrassed.
Oh, my goodness.
Peralta.
There he is.
What are you doing
in my house?
Raymond,
you were mugged?
What?
What did you say to him?
Captain, it's okay.
There's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
I'm not embarrassed,
and I wasn't mugged.
Three men tried to mug me,
but I fought them off,
injuring two of them.
Wait, so you heroically
fought off three guys,
and that put you
in a bad mood?
If I did that, I would literally
write a song about myself.
It would be like...
Why would you
keep this from me,
and why would you lie
about going to fencing?
Because he couldn't go,
because he's injured.
I wasn't injured.
I was lightly stabbed.
I'm sorry.
You were stabbed?
Lightly stabbed.
I didn't want to frighten you.
You are my husband.
I want you
to tell me everything,
especially things
that might frighten me.
How can you not
know that?
Raymond,
you are unbelievable.
Hey, Captain,
you look so tall.
What you have done
is beyond unprofessional.
You cannot muck around
in people's private lives.
Get out of my house.
But get into your car?
I'll go.
Sir.
Detective.
So how was your night?
Of work.
I'm not asking
about your personal life.
I don't care
about you personally.
I mean, I'm neutral.
I mean, who are you?
Floundering
is worse than silence.
Oh, cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Cool, cool, no doubt.
No doubt, no doubt.
Man, this elevator's slow,
huh?
That's because you haven't
pressed the button.
That's why
you're the captain.
So smart.
I'm gonna just...
zip.
No more talk-y.
Hmm.
Eek, blast of cold air
coming out of that box.
Name of Amy's sex tape.
Hey, man, come on.
Not cool.
I'm going through something.
Just let me have this one.
I'm sorry you wasted
your chit, Jake.
It's all right.
I want to apologize to Holt,
but it seems personal,
and I'm not supposed to talk
to him about personal stuff.
Oh, boo, I guess you need to
think of some professional way
to make it up to him.
Wait a minute.
Gina, that's it.
I just had an idea.
Peralta, you're a genius.
Who was that, ScarJo?
It was Holt,
and I think you know that.
I thought
it was ScarJo.
I can't believe
that bastard beat me.
Whoa, he's dead.
It's kind of hard to see
how he's the winner in this.
He made me
look like an idiot.
No, Amy and I
were the idiots,
because we let
that ancient windbag fool us.
He robbed the banks.
He gave me money
for the ginger ale.
After you insisted
he was guilty,
I went back
and checked his dollar.
Serial numbers
match the stolen bills.
You brought in
the right guy.
You're a damn good cop, Boyle.
I know.
No one listens.
Except when you threw water
in his dead face.
That was rough.
I thought
he was faking it.
I wanted to splash
the lies out of him.
All right, Detective,
what's this all about?
You have 70 seconds.
Why 70?
Do you really want
to waste your time
while I explain
my algorithm?
Right, all right,
so I pulled a still
from the security footage
of your attempted mugging
and sent it
to the nearby precincts.
We ID'd one of the mopes,
and that's his apartment.
I thought maybe you would
want to do the honors.
And you think this will make
everything you did better?
Well, maybe.
It was Gina's idea, so...
It will.
Gina had nothing
to do with it.
You want to know why
I was so angry all week?
When those men came at me,
I acted like
I was a 20-year-old.
I took a stupid risk,
and I got myself stabbed.
I was in pain
and frustrated about lying
to the man I love.
Kevin.
Yes.
Obviously Kevin.
Obviously.
What I'm trying to say is,
you were right all along.
I wasn't mad at you.
I was mad at myself,
and I took it out
on the squad.
Peralta,
you're a genius.
Oh, my God.
You said it.
I heard you practicing
in the men's room.
Yeah, that makes
more sense.
Attention, squad,
quick announcement.
Overtime
is reinstated,
and you are each allowed
two personal photographs,
two trinkets,
and three assorted knickknacks.
You know what?
Just follow
Sergeant Jeffords' lead.
He always knows how to keep
this place running smoothly.
Nice, so rubber band balls
are back.
Oh, no, it's bad
for the bands.
Ah, Kevin.
Let me just get my coat.
Hello, Peralta.
Gina.
Oh, sweet lords of dance,
thank you.
We're back
on a first-name basis.
Kevin, I am unable
and unwilling
to discuss personal matters
with you.
I'm aware of that, yes.
In any case,
thank you for you help.
I brought you both gifts:
original Raymond Holts.
I will treasure
this painting of a rock
for all times.
Ah, Rock 59 and 367.
Those are good rocks.
367 paintings
of one rock?
This guy parties!
(man)
Not a doctor.
Shh.