1 00:00:01,403 --> 00:00:03,111 The muggings were 2 00:00:01,403 --> 00:00:03,111 confined to Cabot Street. 3 00:00:03,236 --> 00:00:04,320 They began over two months ago... 4 00:00:04,445 --> 00:00:05,902 Just like this briefing did. 5 00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:07,654 Please go to charisma class. 6 00:00:07,779 --> 00:00:09,320 I'm here. I'm here. 7 00:00:07,779 --> 00:00:09,320 Sorry, Charles. 8 00:00:09,445 --> 00:00:10,902 No, Jake. 9 00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:12,860 Never apologize for 10 00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:12,860 making an amazing entrance. 11 00:00:12,986 --> 00:00:14,986 My power went out last night, 12 00:00:12,986 --> 00:00:14,986 and my alarm didn't go off. 13 00:00:15,111 --> 00:00:16,902 Your alarm is power-dependent? 14 00:00:17,027 --> 00:00:18,612 You brought this on yourself, 15 00:00:17,027 --> 00:00:18,612 son. 16 00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:19,860 The point is, 17 00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:21,236 it will not happen again. 18 00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:21,236 Carry on. 19 00:00:22,278 --> 00:00:24,320 Sorry I'm late, Sarge. 20 00:00:22,278 --> 00:00:24,320 No hot water this morning. 21 00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:26,902 But I'm here, ready to go. 22 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,944 Will cause 23 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,944 no further distractions. 24 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,487 - Sorry, sorry, sorry. 25 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,487 - Seriously? 26 00:00:31,612 --> 00:00:32,819 What is your excuse today? 27 00:00:32,944 --> 00:00:34,944 More bad luck. 28 00:00:32,944 --> 00:00:34,944 My car ran out of gas, 29 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,737 and then my clothes 30 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,737 disappeared from the Laundromat. 31 00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,194 I had to beg one of my neighbors 32 00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,194 to loan me some of his. 33 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,069 You never told us Sinbad 34 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,069 lives in your building. 35 00:00:41,194 --> 00:00:42,403 If Sinbad lived in my building, 36 00:00:42,528 --> 00:00:43,860 I would have a tattoo 37 00:00:42,528 --> 00:00:43,860 on my forehead 38 00:00:43,986 --> 00:00:45,278 that said 39 00:00:43,986 --> 00:00:45,278 "Sinbad lives in my building." 40 00:00:46,236 --> 00:00:48,027 I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, 41 00:00:48,153 --> 00:00:49,778 and I'm a half an hour early. 42 00:00:49,902 --> 00:00:51,403 That's right, 43 00:00:51,528 --> 00:00:52,860 my string of bad luck 44 00:00:51,528 --> 00:00:52,860 has finally come to an end. 45 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,612 Peralta, 46 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,612 you failed your drug test. 47 00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:56,361 There were traces of cocaine 48 00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:56,361 and methamphetamines found 49 00:00:56,487 --> 00:00:58,612 - in your urine. 50 00:00:56,487 --> 00:00:58,612 - What? 51 00:01:19,153 --> 00:01:20,860 Captain, this is insane. 52 00:01:20,986 --> 00:01:22,153 I don't do drugs. 53 00:01:22,278 --> 00:01:23,695 I mean, a couple 54 00:01:22,278 --> 00:01:23,695 of my teeth are loose, 55 00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,736 but that's from dental neglect, 56 00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,736 not meth. 57 00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:27,153 Those tests are unreliable. 58 00:01:27,278 --> 00:01:28,944 Okay, let's not blame "tests." 59 00:01:29,069 --> 00:01:30,278 I believe in you, Jake, 60 00:01:30,403 --> 00:01:31,818 but come on, 61 00:01:30,403 --> 00:01:31,818 he's going after tests. 62 00:01:31,944 --> 00:01:33,111 Sir, listen: 63 00:01:33,236 --> 00:01:34,570 the missing laundry, 64 00:01:33,236 --> 00:01:34,570 the hot water, 65 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,695 the power, the gas, now this? 66 00:01:36,818 --> 00:01:38,570 This is not bad luck, 67 00:01:36,818 --> 00:01:38,570 it's a pattern. 68 00:01:38,695 --> 00:01:39,902 Someone's trying to sabotage me. 69 00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:41,612 And who would want to do that? 70 00:01:41,736 --> 00:01:43,111 Probably someone I put away. 71 00:01:41,736 --> 00:01:43,111 It's the only explanation. 72 00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:44,695 Or you didn't pay your bills 73 00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:46,612 and you put a quarter gallon 74 00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:46,612 of gas in your tank 75 00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:47,778 'cause you wanted to spend the 76 00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:47,778 rest on mini-mart beef jerky. 77 00:01:47,902 --> 00:01:49,612 Wrong, I buy my jerky online 78 00:01:49,736 --> 00:01:51,361 from the world's top 79 00:01:49,736 --> 00:01:51,361 jerkmasters, 80 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,194 so it looks like you need 81 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,194 to update your jerk rolodex, 82 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,819 which is not 83 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,819 as dirty as it sounds. 84 00:01:54,944 --> 00:01:56,278 Anyway, I can prove 85 00:01:56,403 --> 00:01:57,528 that I filled up my tank, 86 00:01:56,403 --> 00:01:57,528 all right? 87 00:01:57,654 --> 00:01:58,778 I even have a receipt, 88 00:01:58,902 --> 00:02:01,612 because... 89 00:01:58,902 --> 00:02:01,612 I keep all my receipts 90 00:02:01,736 --> 00:02:03,194 like a mature adult person. 91 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,736 Laser tag, 92 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:05,944 wheelie shoes, 93 00:02:06,069 --> 00:02:07,944 remote control monster truck. 94 00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:09,236 Aha! 95 00:02:09,361 --> 00:02:11,487 Gas station. 96 00:02:09,361 --> 00:02:11,487 Someone drained my tank. 97 00:02:11,612 --> 00:02:13,069 Okay, I know you don't do drugs, 98 00:02:13,194 --> 00:02:14,819 so maybe there is something 99 00:02:13,194 --> 00:02:14,819 to what you're saying. 100 00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:16,902 I'll talk to One Police Plaza 101 00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:16,902 and arrange an appeal. 102 00:02:17,027 --> 00:02:19,860 I'll also put someone 103 00:02:17,027 --> 00:02:19,860 on this sabotage theory. 104 00:02:19,986 --> 00:02:21,153 I got it. 105 00:02:21,278 --> 00:02:22,860 Jake, when I find 106 00:02:21,278 --> 00:02:22,860 who did this to you, 107 00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:24,278 I'm gonna rip out their eyeballs 108 00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:24,278 and fill their sockets... 109 00:02:24,403 --> 00:02:25,944 I think 110 00:02:24,403 --> 00:02:25,944 you might be too close to this. 111 00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:28,111 - Copy that. 112 00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:28,111 - Santiago, Diaz: look into it. 113 00:02:28,236 --> 00:02:29,528 Nice. 114 00:02:29,654 --> 00:02:31,153 In the meantime, Peralta, 115 00:02:29,654 --> 00:02:31,153 you're suspended. 116 00:02:31,278 --> 00:02:32,736 I'm gonna need you to hand in 117 00:02:31,278 --> 00:02:32,736 your badge and gun. 118 00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,194 Fine, you can have 119 00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,194 my badge and gun, 120 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,612 but we're doing it 121 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,612 in your office 122 00:02:35,736 --> 00:02:36,986 so I can slam them down 123 00:02:35,736 --> 00:02:36,986 on your desk 124 00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:38,778 and yell out, 125 00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:38,778 "The system stinks!" 126 00:02:38,902 --> 00:02:40,403 Actually, the procedure is 127 00:02:38,902 --> 00:02:40,403 to bring your gun and badge 128 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,654 down to the equipment room 129 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,654 on the second floor, 130 00:02:41,778 --> 00:02:43,986 fill out form 452-underscore-J, 131 00:02:44,111 --> 00:02:45,944 hand said form in 132 00:02:44,111 --> 00:02:45,944 to the inventory clerk, 133 00:02:46,069 --> 00:02:48,570 and then receive a claim check 134 00:02:46,069 --> 00:02:48,570 through interoffice mail. 135 00:02:48,694 --> 00:02:50,320 The system stinks! 136 00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:51,653 Hey, Boyle, 137 00:02:51,778 --> 00:02:53,320 any progress 138 00:02:51,778 --> 00:02:53,320 with that extortion case 139 00:02:53,445 --> 00:02:54,778 you and Jake 140 00:02:53,445 --> 00:02:54,778 have been working on? 141 00:02:54,902 --> 00:02:56,818 No, I've just been going 142 00:02:54,902 --> 00:02:56,818 over his notes. 143 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,902 Look how cool and illegible 144 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,902 his handwriting is. 145 00:03:00,027 --> 00:03:01,445 Oh, I wish I could be that free. 146 00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,320 But you know me, 147 00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,320 ever the calligrapher. 148 00:03:03,445 --> 00:03:06,986 Yeah, well, I thought you might 149 00:03:03,445 --> 00:03:06,986 need a little more manpower. 150 00:03:07,111 --> 00:03:08,320 Okay. 151 00:03:08,445 --> 00:03:09,612 So I'm assigning you 152 00:03:08,445 --> 00:03:09,612 a new partner. 153 00:03:09,736 --> 00:03:11,570 Actually, partners. 154 00:03:12,236 --> 00:03:14,361 Yep, there's definitely 155 00:03:12,236 --> 00:03:14,361 something in there. 156 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:16,944 - Looks like a peanut. 157 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:16,944 - Bet it's a cashew. 158 00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:18,111 You're on. 159 00:03:18,236 --> 00:03:20,194 No, Sarge, come on! 160 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,694 They're terrible. 161 00:03:21,818 --> 00:03:24,736 Stop exaggerating, Boyle. 162 00:03:21,818 --> 00:03:24,736 They're good detectives. 163 00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:26,069 They're fine. 164 00:03:26,194 --> 00:03:27,986 Oh, no. 165 00:03:26,194 --> 00:03:27,986 I pushed it in deeper. 166 00:03:29,403 --> 00:03:30,445 They're all we got. 167 00:03:30,570 --> 00:03:31,902 Sir, 168 00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:34,860 Gina's dance concert 169 00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:34,860 was last night. 170 00:03:34,986 --> 00:03:36,611 Right. 171 00:03:36,736 --> 00:03:38,611 The Dancy Reagan performance. 172 00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:40,570 I've been so preoccupied 173 00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:40,570 with Peralta's drug test, 174 00:03:40,694 --> 00:03:42,986 - it totally slipped my mind. 175 00:03:40,694 --> 00:03:42,986 - Me too. 176 00:03:43,111 --> 00:03:44,278 But don't worry. 177 00:03:44,403 --> 00:03:45,528 I told her we were there. 178 00:03:45,653 --> 00:03:47,986 Was your favorite move 179 00:03:45,653 --> 00:03:47,986 "The Gull"? 180 00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:49,694 Or was it "Space Bubbles"? 181 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:53,403 Oh, I loved them both! 182 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:53,403 I'm a bubble man 183 00:03:53,528 --> 00:03:54,944 and a gull man! 184 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,361 - You lied to her? 185 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,361 - Like a pro. 186 00:03:58,487 --> 00:03:59,694 I couldn't hurt her feelings. 187 00:03:59,819 --> 00:04:01,361 She really wanted us 188 00:03:59,819 --> 00:04:01,361 to be there. 189 00:04:01,487 --> 00:04:04,236 I wish you hadn't involved me 190 00:04:01,487 --> 00:04:04,236 in your deception. 191 00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:06,986 I maintain 192 00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:06,986 a strict code of integrity. 193 00:04:07,778 --> 00:04:09,361 Come on, Captain. 194 00:04:09,487 --> 00:04:11,320 You never told a white lie 195 00:04:09,487 --> 00:04:11,320 to make a person feel better? 196 00:04:11,445 --> 00:04:14,736 I only lie 197 00:04:11,445 --> 00:04:14,736 when someone's safety is at risk 198 00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:16,694 or if a juvenile aged 199 00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:16,694 eight years or younger 200 00:04:16,819 --> 00:04:18,278 asks about Santa Claus. 201 00:04:18,403 --> 00:04:19,403 In which case... 202 00:04:19,528 --> 00:04:21,111 I feed them some reassuring pap 203 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:23,736 about the logical impossibility 204 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:23,736 of proving a negative. 205 00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:25,528 It's sentimental drivel, 206 00:04:25,653 --> 00:04:27,361 but they eat it up. 207 00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:28,736 So... 208 00:04:29,611 --> 00:04:32,487 does this mean 209 00:04:29,611 --> 00:04:32,487 you're gonna blow up my spot 210 00:04:32,611 --> 00:04:34,069 and tell Gina the truth? 211 00:04:34,194 --> 00:04:35,860 If she asks me, then yes, 212 00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:40,194 I suppose I will have to blow 213 00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:40,194 your spot right up. 214 00:04:41,403 --> 00:04:43,194 Okay, this is everyone 215 00:04:41,403 --> 00:04:43,194 I could think of 216 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,611 who would want to mess 217 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,611 with my life. 218 00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:46,027 Perps, 219 00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:46,027 people I've testified against, 220 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,569 the old guy 221 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,569 who lived underneath me 222 00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:48,944 when I was learning 223 00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:48,944 the Gangnam Style dance. 224 00:04:49,069 --> 00:04:50,694 Wow, you've pissed off 225 00:04:49,069 --> 00:04:50,694 a lot of people. 226 00:04:50,819 --> 00:04:52,527 Well, that's what happens 227 00:04:50,819 --> 00:04:52,527 when you live out loud, Rosa. 228 00:04:52,653 --> 00:04:54,860 We need to look into the power 229 00:04:52,653 --> 00:04:54,860 outage and hot water. 230 00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:56,111 Do you have proof 231 00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:56,111 you pay your bills? 232 00:04:56,236 --> 00:04:57,569 Are you serious? 233 00:04:57,694 --> 00:04:59,361 Guys, this is not my fault. 234 00:04:59,487 --> 00:05:02,194 My reputation is being sabotaged 235 00:04:59,487 --> 00:05:02,194 by some guy. 236 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,153 Or girl, you know. 237 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,153 Monsters can be women too. 238 00:05:05,278 --> 00:05:06,445 Super progressive attitude, 239 00:05:05,278 --> 00:05:06,445 Jake. 240 00:05:06,569 --> 00:05:07,902 Look, we are on your side. 241 00:05:08,027 --> 00:05:09,194 But you're not 242 00:05:08,027 --> 00:05:09,194 the most responsible person. 243 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,653 We have to do our job. 244 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,069 All right, fine. 245 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,069 You can see my bank records. 246 00:05:12,194 --> 00:05:13,778 But I always pay my power bill. 247 00:05:13,902 --> 00:05:15,236 Often late. 248 00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:17,445 One time in person 249 00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:17,445 with Canadian pennies. 250 00:05:17,569 --> 00:05:18,860 Oh, my God, 251 00:05:17,569 --> 00:05:18,860 talking about your finances 252 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,111 makes me sweat behind the knees. 253 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,403 Nice. 254 00:05:21,527 --> 00:05:22,694 Hey, speaking of funky smells, 255 00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:23,819 should we start 256 00:05:22,819 --> 00:05:23,819 this investigation 257 00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:25,194 at the urine analysis lab? 258 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,403 Hmm? Take a trip 259 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,403 to the old pee factory? 260 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:28,819 Jake, you're suspended. 261 00:05:28,944 --> 00:05:30,236 Just go home, have a beer, 262 00:05:30,361 --> 00:05:31,694 and smash something. 263 00:05:30,361 --> 00:05:31,694 That's what I'd do. 264 00:05:31,819 --> 00:05:32,944 Or take advantage 265 00:05:31,819 --> 00:05:32,944 of this amazing city. 266 00:05:33,069 --> 00:05:34,278 Go sightseeing. 267 00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:35,694 MoMA has an exhibit 268 00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:35,694 I'm dying to see. 269 00:05:35,818 --> 00:05:37,153 It's all about 270 00:05:35,818 --> 00:05:37,153 office chair design. 271 00:05:37,278 --> 00:05:38,818 Oh! 272 00:05:38,944 --> 00:05:41,153 Look, I know technically 273 00:05:38,944 --> 00:05:41,153 I'm not supposed to help out, 274 00:05:41,278 --> 00:05:42,944 but rules are made to be broken. 275 00:05:43,069 --> 00:05:44,278 They were made to be followed. 276 00:05:43,069 --> 00:05:44,278 Nothing is made to be broken. 277 00:05:44,403 --> 00:05:45,736 Uh, pinatas. 278 00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:47,278 - Glow sticks. 279 00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:47,278 - Karate boards. 280 00:05:47,403 --> 00:05:48,694 Spaghetti 281 00:05:47,403 --> 00:05:48,694 when you have a small pot. 282 00:05:48,818 --> 00:05:50,111 Rules. 283 00:05:50,236 --> 00:05:51,361 Look, someone's messing 284 00:05:50,236 --> 00:05:51,361 with my life here. 285 00:05:51,486 --> 00:05:52,153 I thought you guys had my back. 286 00:05:52,278 --> 00:05:53,527 We do. 287 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:54,986 But seriously, 288 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:54,986 you can't come with us. 289 00:05:55,111 --> 00:05:56,527 Okay. 290 00:05:56,653 --> 00:05:58,278 Fine. I get it. 291 00:05:58,403 --> 00:05:59,944 Protocol's protocol. 292 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,278 I'm gonna go check out 293 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,278 that office chair design exhibit 294 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:03,818 at the MoMA. 295 00:06:06,818 --> 00:06:08,278 Rosa? Amy? 296 00:06:08,403 --> 00:06:09,694 What are you guys doing here? 297 00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:11,069 Our non-suspended jobs. 298 00:06:11,194 --> 00:06:12,653 You're not supposed to be 299 00:06:11,194 --> 00:06:12,653 investigating. 300 00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:15,444 I'm not, I'm sightseeing, 301 00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:15,444 just as Amy suggested. 302 00:06:15,569 --> 00:06:17,027 At Brooklyn Urine and Blood? 303 00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:18,444 Oh, yeah, the internet says 304 00:06:18,569 --> 00:06:19,860 this is the number-one 305 00:06:18,569 --> 00:06:19,860 urine analysis lab 306 00:06:19,986 --> 00:06:20,986 in all of New York. 307 00:06:21,111 --> 00:06:22,194 Fun tourist selfie! 308 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,027 Boink! Not your best. 309 00:06:24,153 --> 00:06:26,403 Anyways, I'm gonna take 310 00:06:24,153 --> 00:06:26,403 a "walking tour" in here 311 00:06:26,527 --> 00:06:28,069 while you guys ask 312 00:06:26,527 --> 00:06:28,069 a couple of questions, 313 00:06:28,194 --> 00:06:29,361 and also, I've been waiting 314 00:06:28,194 --> 00:06:29,361 for 20 minutes. 315 00:06:29,486 --> 00:06:30,818 Where have you been? 316 00:06:30,944 --> 00:06:32,486 We had to find the addresses 317 00:06:30,944 --> 00:06:32,486 of all 78 people 318 00:06:32,611 --> 00:06:34,069 you said might want to hurt you. 319 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,486 Uh-huh. And was there 320 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,486 another stop along the way? 321 00:06:36,611 --> 00:06:38,902 - We got coffee. 322 00:06:36,611 --> 00:06:38,902 - Those are cappuccinos. 323 00:06:39,027 --> 00:06:40,444 You know how long it takes 324 00:06:39,027 --> 00:06:40,444 to foam that milk? 325 00:06:40,569 --> 00:06:42,194 Time you could have spent 326 00:06:40,569 --> 00:06:42,194 on my case, 327 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,361 but I guess it's just froth 328 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,361 over friends with you two. 329 00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:46,818 - Anyways, let's do this. 330 00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:46,818 Jake... 331 00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:48,611 I can't believe 332 00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:48,611 I'm about to say this. 333 00:06:48,736 --> 00:06:51,278 I really wish you could come 334 00:06:48,736 --> 00:06:51,278 look at urine with us, 335 00:06:51,403 --> 00:06:52,444 but you can't. 336 00:06:52,569 --> 00:06:54,027 You're suspended. Go home. 337 00:06:54,153 --> 00:06:55,860 All right, fine. 338 00:06:54,153 --> 00:06:55,860 If you guys won't help me, 339 00:06:55,986 --> 00:06:58,527 I guess 340 00:06:55,986 --> 00:06:58,527 I'll just get myself off. 341 00:06:58,653 --> 00:07:00,902 Context. Context was important 342 00:06:58,653 --> 00:07:00,902 on that one. 343 00:07:01,027 --> 00:07:02,361 I get Greek yogurt, 344 00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:04,569 'cause there's heritage there, 345 00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:04,569 but Iceland? 346 00:07:04,694 --> 00:07:07,486 No, no, no! 347 00:07:07,611 --> 00:07:09,111 Hey, Gina! 348 00:07:09,236 --> 00:07:11,320 What are you guys talking about? 349 00:07:09,236 --> 00:07:11,320 Yogurt? Me too. 350 00:07:11,444 --> 00:07:12,527 Let's keep talking about that. 351 00:07:12,653 --> 00:07:14,736 Whoo! Terry's out of breath. 352 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,027 Cool. I was just dropping off 353 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,027 some files. 354 00:07:17,153 --> 00:07:18,819 Great, 355 00:07:17,153 --> 00:07:18,819 let's just go out to your desk 356 00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:20,486 and let's talk about 357 00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:20,486 how that went. 358 00:07:20,611 --> 00:07:21,819 Okay, Terry. 359 00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:23,486 But first, 360 00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:23,486 I want to ask the captain 361 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,653 for his impresh of my show. 362 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,819 Got any feed-b, or was it just 363 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,819 love, love, love? 364 00:07:28,944 --> 00:07:30,361 Well, actually... 365 00:07:30,486 --> 00:07:32,194 I thought it was amazing! 366 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,902 You were like a swan 367 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,902 who went to Juilliard. 368 00:07:35,027 --> 00:07:36,486 - It was so good. 369 00:07:36,611 --> 00:07:39,569 Terry, I have already 370 00:07:36,611 --> 00:07:39,569 received your praise. 371 00:07:39,694 --> 00:07:42,069 I'm clearly fishing 372 00:07:39,694 --> 00:07:42,069 in another pond right now. 373 00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:43,444 I'm putting an end to this. 374 00:07:43,569 --> 00:07:44,694 Sergeant Jeffords 375 00:07:43,569 --> 00:07:44,694 and I were unable 376 00:07:44,819 --> 00:07:46,402 to attend your performance. 377 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,444 Oh. 378 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,653 But you were so spot-on 379 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,653 with your compliments. 380 00:07:51,778 --> 00:07:53,486 Terry is a practiced liar. 381 00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:55,320 I'm sorry 382 00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:55,320 we missed the show. 383 00:07:55,444 --> 00:07:58,194 I know that dancing 384 00:07:55,444 --> 00:07:58,194 is an important hobby to you. 385 00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:59,527 Hobby? 386 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:00,944 You think my dancing is a hobby? 387 00:08:01,069 --> 00:08:02,278 Oh, yes. 388 00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,069 Like me 389 00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,069 and antique globe collecting. 390 00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:07,027 Thrilling, but nobody is ever 391 00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:07,027 going to pay me for it. 392 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,194 Ergo, a hobby. 393 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,569 I get paid... 394 00:08:09,694 --> 00:08:11,236 in applause. 395 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,860 But apparently not yours. 396 00:08:15,944 --> 00:08:18,360 I know that maintaining 397 00:08:15,944 --> 00:08:18,360 integrity can be difficult, 398 00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:21,653 but in the long run, 399 00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:21,653 everyone is better for it. 400 00:08:24,778 --> 00:08:26,402 Attention everyone. 401 00:08:26,527 --> 00:08:29,653 The tragic sound you hear 402 00:08:26,527 --> 00:08:29,653 is the shredding of my spandie. 403 00:08:29,778 --> 00:08:32,944 Gina Linetti 404 00:08:29,778 --> 00:08:32,944 will never dance again. 405 00:08:35,319 --> 00:08:39,027 So those threatening phone calls 406 00:08:35,319 --> 00:08:39,027 were being made to Tim Orsk 407 00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:40,360 of Tim O's Limos. 408 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,027 That's interesting. 409 00:08:42,153 --> 00:08:44,153 This Orsk guy's name keeps 410 00:08:42,153 --> 00:08:44,153 cropping up in this case. 411 00:08:44,278 --> 00:08:45,736 'Cause he's the victim. 412 00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:47,153 You know, he's the guy 413 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,778 whose window 414 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,778 was smashed with this rock. 415 00:08:49,902 --> 00:08:52,360 Okay? 416 00:08:49,902 --> 00:08:52,360 He's being extorted for $10,000. 417 00:08:52,486 --> 00:08:54,736 Sure, 418 00:08:52,486 --> 00:08:54,736 but what do they want from him? 419 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,736 $10,000. I just said that. 420 00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:00,527 We're trying to figure out 421 00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:00,527 who's doing the threatening. 422 00:09:00,653 --> 00:09:02,236 Wait. I have a theory. 423 00:09:03,236 --> 00:09:05,236 I think 424 00:09:03,236 --> 00:09:05,236 "limousine" and "magazine" 425 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,653 come from the same word. 426 00:09:06,778 --> 00:09:07,944 Just focus! 427 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:09,486 Sorry for snapping. 428 00:09:09,611 --> 00:09:11,902 - I interviewed Orsk... 429 00:09:09,611 --> 00:09:11,902 - Orsk! There it is again. 430 00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:13,111 Oh, you're useless! 431 00:09:13,236 --> 00:09:14,778 Completely useless! 432 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:17,069 You are without a doubt the most 433 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:17,069 incompetent detectives 434 00:09:17,194 --> 00:09:18,486 I've ever seen. 435 00:09:18,611 --> 00:09:20,236 And I'm including 436 00:09:18,611 --> 00:09:20,236 that bomb-sniffing dog 437 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,736 who humps all the bombs! 438 00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:25,027 You know 439 00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:25,027 your turning signal has been on 440 00:09:25,153 --> 00:09:26,444 for 30 seconds. 441 00:09:26,569 --> 00:09:28,069 I like to announce 442 00:09:26,569 --> 00:09:28,069 my turning intention. 443 00:09:28,194 --> 00:09:29,736 This isn't the Indy 500. 444 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,153 Well, when you finally change 445 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,153 lanes an hour from now, 446 00:09:32,277 --> 00:09:33,360 we should go talk 447 00:09:32,277 --> 00:09:33,360 to Jake's super, 448 00:09:33,486 --> 00:09:34,444 see if there was a power outage. 449 00:09:34,569 --> 00:09:36,111 - What? 450 00:09:36,236 --> 00:09:38,444 Oh! Why would you do that? 451 00:09:38,569 --> 00:09:39,694 I just broke into your car 452 00:09:39,819 --> 00:09:41,111 and then popped up 453 00:09:39,819 --> 00:09:41,111 without warning. 454 00:09:41,236 --> 00:09:42,153 Not cool. 455 00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:43,569 What the hell are you doing? 456 00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:45,319 I thought 457 00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:45,319 I was hitching a ride to Rikers 458 00:09:45,444 --> 00:09:47,153 so we could interview 459 00:09:45,444 --> 00:09:47,153 some convicts I put away, 460 00:09:47,277 --> 00:09:49,444 but apparently you're still 461 00:09:47,277 --> 00:09:49,444 wasting time investigating me. 462 00:09:49,569 --> 00:09:51,111 Hey, it's your fault 463 00:09:49,569 --> 00:09:51,111 we have to check 464 00:09:51,235 --> 00:09:52,860 up on your power outages. 465 00:09:52,986 --> 00:09:54,611 You have three mini-fridges 466 00:09:52,986 --> 00:09:54,611 plugged in to the same outlet. 467 00:09:54,736 --> 00:09:56,860 Three mini-fridges are cheaper 468 00:09:54,736 --> 00:09:56,860 than one regular one. 469 00:09:56,986 --> 00:09:59,319 We're just doing our jobs. 470 00:09:56,986 --> 00:09:59,319 Why don't you trust us? 471 00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:00,819 How can I? 472 00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:00,819 You didn't even know a man 473 00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:02,486 was lying in the backseat 474 00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:02,486 of your car. 475 00:10:02,611 --> 00:10:04,986 And while you two were busy 476 00:10:02,611 --> 00:10:04,986 lolly-gargling, 477 00:10:05,111 --> 00:10:06,569 I'm not familiar 478 00:10:05,111 --> 00:10:06,569 with the expression, 479 00:10:06,694 --> 00:10:08,778 I was investigating. 480 00:10:06,694 --> 00:10:08,778 I'll send you some selfies. 481 00:10:08,902 --> 00:10:10,444 Look, we're gonna get 482 00:10:08,902 --> 00:10:10,444 to your list. 483 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,194 We just have to rule out 484 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,194 other possibilities first. 485 00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:14,902 You know, there is a real chance 486 00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:14,902 that no one is after you. 487 00:10:15,027 --> 00:10:16,194 Yeah, but I'm telling you 488 00:10:16,319 --> 00:10:17,860 that someone is. 489 00:10:16,319 --> 00:10:17,860 That should be enough. 490 00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:19,860 And we told you to trust us. 491 00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:19,860 That should be enough. 492 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,194 All right, fine. 493 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,194 You don't want my help? 494 00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:22,194 You're not gonna get it. 495 00:10:22,319 --> 00:10:24,194 Dude... 496 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,986 In fact, I'm deleting 497 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,986 your numbers from my phone. 498 00:10:27,111 --> 00:10:29,819 - Just let us take you home. 499 00:10:27,111 --> 00:10:29,819 - See you never. 500 00:10:29,944 --> 00:10:31,277 Fine. 501 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,569 Where am I? 502 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,319 Hello, Peralta. 503 00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:51,069 Geoffrey Hoytsman? 504 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,778 You're the one 505 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,778 who's been sabotaging me? 506 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,402 I'm just ruining your life 507 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,402 like you ruined mine. 508 00:10:56,527 --> 00:10:58,027 You never 509 00:10:56,527 --> 00:10:58,027 should have arrested me. 510 00:10:58,153 --> 00:11:00,153 But I basically got 511 00:10:58,153 --> 00:11:00,153 your cocaine charges dropped. 512 00:11:00,277 --> 00:11:02,111 You only had to do 40 hours 513 00:11:00,277 --> 00:11:02,111 of community service. 514 00:11:02,235 --> 00:11:04,736 Right, but I wanted 515 00:11:02,235 --> 00:11:04,736 to get them all done at once, 516 00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:08,027 so for energy, I did way too 517 00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:08,027 much cocaine and meth. 518 00:11:08,152 --> 00:11:09,986 Went on a prolonged 519 00:11:08,152 --> 00:11:09,986 psychotic episode 520 00:11:10,111 --> 00:11:12,111 involving assault, 521 00:11:10,111 --> 00:11:12,111 public fornication, 522 00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,235 and, apparently, 523 00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,235 the touching of my scrotum 524 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,069 to every doorknob 525 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,069 in a synagogue. 526 00:11:16,193 --> 00:11:17,402 And you know what happened then? 527 00:11:17,527 --> 00:11:18,611 They thoroughly 528 00:11:17,527 --> 00:11:18,611 cleaned the synagogue, 529 00:11:18,736 --> 00:11:20,277 you landed on your feet 530 00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:21,152 and pursued your true passion 531 00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:21,152 of selling ice cream? 532 00:11:21,277 --> 00:11:22,486 None of that. 533 00:11:22,611 --> 00:11:25,193 I lost my job 534 00:11:22,611 --> 00:11:25,193 and my wife and my home. 535 00:11:25,944 --> 00:11:27,611 An ex-client lent me this truck. 536 00:11:27,736 --> 00:11:29,360 He likes me because I got him 537 00:11:27,736 --> 00:11:29,360 off on a strangle-and-mangle. 538 00:11:29,486 --> 00:11:30,818 You have a phrase for that? 539 00:11:30,944 --> 00:11:33,193 I used to, 540 00:11:30,944 --> 00:11:33,193 when I was an awesome lawyer. 541 00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:35,569 Now I'm just another idiot 542 00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:35,569 living in an ice cream truck. 543 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,527 So that's 544 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,527 why you put drugs in my urine. 545 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,611 Hey, that was my urine. 546 00:11:39,736 --> 00:11:41,193 Your urine is in there. 547 00:11:41,319 --> 00:11:42,694 Why would you keep my pee? 548 00:11:42,818 --> 00:11:44,360 I need belongings, Jake, 549 00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,736 to feel like a man. 550 00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,277 Look, this is a bad idea, 551 00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,277 Hoytsman. 552 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,486 People are gonna notice 553 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,486 if I disappear. 554 00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,402 See? Someone's already looking 555 00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,402 for me. 556 00:11:51,527 --> 00:11:53,694 - You're in big trouble, buddy. 557 00:11:53,818 --> 00:11:56,069 Your e-coupon 558 00:11:53,818 --> 00:11:56,069 for Big Mike's Calzones 559 00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,611 expires today. 560 00:11:57,736 --> 00:11:59,736 You're damn right. 561 00:11:57,736 --> 00:11:59,736 And if I don't redeem that, 562 00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:02,069 Big Mike 563 00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:02,069 is gonna get real suspicious. 564 00:12:02,193 --> 00:12:03,694 Big Mike is a cartoon 565 00:12:03,818 --> 00:12:05,444 with pizzas for eyes. 566 00:12:05,569 --> 00:12:06,902 All right, fine. 567 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,110 Maybe not Big Mike, 568 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,110 but someone will. 569 00:12:09,235 --> 00:12:10,818 Shut up, Peralta! 570 00:12:10,944 --> 00:12:12,152 Oh, boy. 571 00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:14,110 Captain Holt, 572 00:12:14,235 --> 00:12:16,778 here's your CompStat report. 573 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,611 This is how I move now. 574 00:12:18,736 --> 00:12:22,860 Walking is too close to dancing, 575 00:12:18,736 --> 00:12:22,860 and there's no more dance in me. 576 00:12:22,986 --> 00:12:25,527 Plus I'm hoping 577 00:12:22,986 --> 00:12:25,527 my leg muscles will atrophy 578 00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:28,027 so I won't be tempted 579 00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:28,027 to use them. 580 00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:36,527 I bet you feel real good about 581 00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:36,527 calling her dancing hobby, huh? 582 00:12:36,653 --> 00:12:38,944 Sarcasm... the coward's lie. 583 00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:41,818 I don't get it. Gina's always 584 00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:41,818 so sure of herself. 585 00:12:41,944 --> 00:12:43,068 She usually doesn't care at all 586 00:12:43,193 --> 00:12:44,402 what people say or think 587 00:12:43,193 --> 00:12:44,402 about her. 588 00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:46,736 Maybe not 589 00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:46,736 with most people, Captain. 590 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,360 But she cares what you think. 591 00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,902 Fine. I regret what I said. 592 00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:55,235 But now, I don't know how 593 00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:55,235 to make it right with her. 594 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,527 Lie! 595 00:12:56,653 --> 00:12:58,818 Look, yesterday I told my twins 596 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,569 there were baby bunnies 597 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,569 in their stomachs 598 00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:01,818 to get them to eat lettuce. 599 00:13:01,944 --> 00:13:03,527 - And that worked? 600 00:13:01,944 --> 00:13:03,527 - Yeah, 601 00:13:03,653 --> 00:13:05,527 but then they refused 602 00:13:03,653 --> 00:13:05,527 to drink their milk 603 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,193 because they thought 604 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,193 the bunnies would drown. 605 00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:10,319 So I bought a couple rabbits 606 00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:10,319 and told the girls 607 00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:12,277 that they hopped out of their 608 00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:12,277 mouths while they slept. 609 00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:13,944 I've lost track of your point. 610 00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:15,902 They ate their lettuce, 611 00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:15,902 I'm stuck with two bunnies, 612 00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:17,611 and lying works! 613 00:13:24,527 --> 00:13:25,778 Pretty good gag, huh? 614 00:13:25,902 --> 00:13:26,860 A prostitute taught me 615 00:13:25,902 --> 00:13:26,860 how to make it. 616 00:13:26,986 --> 00:13:28,653 Ugh. Where were you? 617 00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:30,319 You were gone for three hours. 618 00:13:30,444 --> 00:13:32,902 I know because I sang "This Is 619 00:13:30,444 --> 00:13:32,902 How We Do It" 143 times. 620 00:13:33,026 --> 00:13:34,068 Okay, well, I had to grab 621 00:13:33,026 --> 00:13:34,068 a few things 622 00:13:34,193 --> 00:13:35,694 at the art supply store. 623 00:13:35,818 --> 00:13:37,694 Kidnapping is 90% crafting. 624 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,944 Jake, you're gonna help me 625 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,944 get my life back. 626 00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,402 You're gonna confess, on video, 627 00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,402 to framing me 628 00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:43,944 for everything 629 00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:43,944 that got me in trouble. 630 00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:45,611 And why would I do that? 631 00:13:45,736 --> 00:13:47,944 Because I'm high on bath salts, 632 00:13:45,736 --> 00:13:47,944 emotionally unstable, 633 00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:49,068 and pointing a gun at you. 634 00:13:49,193 --> 00:13:50,778 Let's make a movie! 635 00:13:51,944 --> 00:13:53,193 Hey, Boyle, 636 00:13:53,319 --> 00:13:54,902 guess who caught 637 00:13:53,319 --> 00:13:54,902 the Tim O's Limos perp. 638 00:13:55,026 --> 00:13:56,527 Jake? 639 00:13:56,653 --> 00:13:58,235 - Is Jake back? 640 00:13:56,653 --> 00:13:58,235 - No, we did. 641 00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:59,778 Scully and Hitchcock. 642 00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:01,527 Signed confession. 643 00:14:01,653 --> 00:14:04,193 You called us useless. 644 00:14:01,653 --> 00:14:04,193 You called us incompetent. 645 00:14:04,319 --> 00:14:05,694 You called us zeros in the sack. 646 00:14:05,818 --> 00:14:07,068 Never happened. 647 00:14:07,193 --> 00:14:08,985 Well, someone said it 648 00:14:07,193 --> 00:14:08,985 to me last night. 649 00:14:09,110 --> 00:14:10,694 Oh, uh, must have been my wife. 650 00:14:11,527 --> 00:14:12,818 How did you solve the case? 651 00:14:12,944 --> 00:14:14,527 We listened 652 00:14:12,944 --> 00:14:14,527 to those voicemails again 653 00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,402 and noticed the sound 654 00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,402 of parrots in the background. 655 00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:18,277 Got a list of employees, 656 00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:18,277 did door duty 657 00:14:18,402 --> 00:14:20,444 asking neighbors 658 00:14:18,402 --> 00:14:20,444 if any of them kept pet birds. 659 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,778 We finally found one 660 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,778 who did, and guess what. 661 00:14:23,527 --> 00:14:26,402 The landscaping in front of his 662 00:14:23,527 --> 00:14:26,402 building was covered with these. 663 00:14:26,527 --> 00:14:27,736 Same type of rock 664 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:28,944 that was thrown 665 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:28,944 through the window. 666 00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,277 I can't believe it. 667 00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:31,611 You don't think 668 00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:31,611 it could break one? 669 00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:32,694 Watch. 670 00:14:34,736 --> 00:14:36,611 I meant I can't believe 671 00:14:34,736 --> 00:14:36,611 you solved the case. 672 00:14:36,736 --> 00:14:38,402 Well, 673 00:14:36,736 --> 00:14:38,402 you were wrong on that too. 674 00:14:41,026 --> 00:14:43,653 Hi. My name is Jake Peralta, 675 00:14:44,402 --> 00:14:45,819 and this is my confession. 676 00:14:45,943 --> 00:14:48,235 I destroyed the good name 677 00:14:45,943 --> 00:14:48,235 of an American hero... 678 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:49,736 Geoffrey Hoytsman. 679 00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:53,653 I framed him 680 00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:53,653 for drug possession, 681 00:14:53,778 --> 00:14:57,026 I got him fired from his job, 682 00:14:53,778 --> 00:14:57,026 and I planted his scrotal prints 683 00:14:57,152 --> 00:14:58,527 on the synagogue doorknobs. 684 00:14:58,653 --> 00:15:00,902 Great, now just eighty more 685 00:14:58,653 --> 00:15:00,902 confessions to go. 686 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,193 You've been very naughty. 687 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,985 I threatened to blow 688 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,985 Mr. Hoytsman's head off 689 00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:07,653 if he didn't, quote-unquote, 690 00:15:07,778 --> 00:15:10,235 "really cheap out 691 00:15:07,778 --> 00:15:10,235 on his dad's funeral." 692 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,026 And while he slept, 693 00:15:12,152 --> 00:15:14,193 I logged in 694 00:15:12,152 --> 00:15:14,193 to Hoytsman's computer 695 00:15:14,319 --> 00:15:16,444 and flooded it with Thai 696 00:15:14,319 --> 00:15:16,444 pornography. 697 00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:17,819 Starts crying. 698 00:15:17,943 --> 00:15:19,152 "Starts crying" 699 00:15:17,943 --> 00:15:19,152 is a stage direction, 700 00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:20,985 you imbecile! 701 00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:23,901 Also, I fathered two children 702 00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:23,901 with Hoytsman's cleaning lady, 703 00:15:24,026 --> 00:15:25,819 and it was I, 704 00:15:24,026 --> 00:15:25,819 disguised as Geoffrey, 705 00:15:25,943 --> 00:15:28,819 who spoke against her 706 00:15:25,943 --> 00:15:28,819 at her political asylum hearing. 707 00:15:28,943 --> 00:15:31,193 - God. 708 00:15:28,943 --> 00:15:31,193 - You did it, not me. 709 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:35,193 I am a horrible person 710 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:35,193 who has done horrible things 711 00:15:35,319 --> 00:15:37,319 to a truly decent man, 712 00:15:37,444 --> 00:15:40,694 which is why I've decided 713 00:15:37,444 --> 00:15:40,694 to take my own life. 714 00:15:40,819 --> 00:15:42,152 Wait, no, I didn't decide that. 715 00:15:42,277 --> 00:15:43,985 Spoiler alert! 716 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,527 Decided to take my own life. 717 00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:49,694 That last take sounded great. 718 00:15:49,819 --> 00:15:51,819 You really brought 719 00:15:49,819 --> 00:15:51,819 my words to life. 720 00:15:51,943 --> 00:15:54,360 You know, I should write more. 721 00:15:51,943 --> 00:15:54,360 What a rush! 722 00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,319 Hoytsman, 723 00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,319 you don't have to do this. 724 00:15:56,444 --> 00:15:57,819 Your life's not so bad. 725 00:15:57,943 --> 00:15:59,859 Living in an ice cream truck? 726 00:15:57,943 --> 00:15:59,859 Never showering? 727 00:15:59,985 --> 00:16:01,110 That's my childhood dream. 728 00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:02,611 I had everything. 729 00:16:02,736 --> 00:16:06,110 I had friends, a wife, 730 00:16:02,736 --> 00:16:06,110 two beautiful children... 731 00:16:06,235 --> 00:16:07,277 out of three total. 732 00:16:07,402 --> 00:16:08,527 Not a bad ratio. 733 00:16:08,653 --> 00:16:10,486 And now I have nothing 734 00:16:08,653 --> 00:16:10,486 and no one. 735 00:16:10,611 --> 00:16:11,653 Look, I get it. 736 00:16:11,778 --> 00:16:13,026 I know what that feels like. 737 00:16:13,152 --> 00:16:14,901 You've only lived 738 00:16:13,152 --> 00:16:14,901 in an ice cream truck 739 00:16:15,026 --> 00:16:16,068 for part of one day! 740 00:16:16,193 --> 00:16:17,527 How could you possibly know? 741 00:16:17,653 --> 00:16:19,611 Well, I know 742 00:16:17,653 --> 00:16:19,611 no one's coming to rescue me. 743 00:16:19,736 --> 00:16:22,193 I was so concerned with saving 744 00:16:19,736 --> 00:16:22,193 myself and my reputation 745 00:16:22,319 --> 00:16:23,569 I pushed all my friends away. 746 00:16:24,736 --> 00:16:26,026 Wow. 747 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,943 Sounds like you're having 748 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,943 a breakthrough. 749 00:16:28,068 --> 00:16:29,277 You should act on this. 750 00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:31,819 You still have time 751 00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:31,819 to make it right. 752 00:16:31,943 --> 00:16:33,277 Really? 753 00:16:31,943 --> 00:16:33,277 You're not gonna kill me? 754 00:16:33,402 --> 00:16:34,444 Oh, jeez. 755 00:16:34,569 --> 00:16:36,068 I totally forgot. 756 00:16:36,193 --> 00:16:37,985 Thanks for reminding me. 757 00:16:36,193 --> 00:16:37,985 Of course I'm gonna kill you. 758 00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:40,402 Drugs make me say 759 00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:40,402 such silly things. 760 00:16:40,527 --> 00:16:41,818 Drugs are so silly. 761 00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:44,778 Ooh, I'm gonna do some 762 00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:44,778 right now. 763 00:16:44,901 --> 00:16:46,026 - Hoytsman. 764 00:16:44,901 --> 00:16:46,026 - What? 765 00:16:46,152 --> 00:16:47,235 - Hyah! 766 00:16:46,152 --> 00:16:47,235 - Oh! 767 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,152 God! That's my nose! 768 00:16:49,277 --> 00:16:50,444 That's where I put the drugs in! 769 00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:52,569 - Gyah! 770 00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:52,569 - Oh! 771 00:16:54,736 --> 00:16:56,486 So long, Hoytsman. 772 00:16:56,611 --> 00:16:58,110 - Hyah! 773 00:16:58,235 --> 00:17:01,569 I can't move! 774 00:16:58,235 --> 00:17:01,569 I'm turtling. I'm turtling! 775 00:17:01,694 --> 00:17:03,444 Nice try, Jake. 776 00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:04,611 Get up! 777 00:17:04,736 --> 00:17:05,859 I can't. 778 00:17:05,985 --> 00:17:07,152 Oh. 779 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,901 Yeah. Okay. My bad. 780 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,068 What's this? 781 00:17:12,193 --> 00:17:15,901 I'm selling my smoke machine, 782 00:17:12,193 --> 00:17:15,901 glitter cannon, and castanets. 783 00:17:16,026 --> 00:17:17,402 I would've put my soul on there, 784 00:17:17,527 --> 00:17:19,859 but that was shredded 785 00:17:17,527 --> 00:17:19,859 along with my spandies. 786 00:17:19,985 --> 00:17:21,653 Gina, 787 00:17:19,985 --> 00:17:21,653 I want to tell you something. 788 00:17:21,777 --> 00:17:24,486 Dancing is more 789 00:17:21,777 --> 00:17:24,486 than just a hobby for you. 790 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,818 It's a profession. 791 00:17:25,943 --> 00:17:27,653 Oh, so you're a liar 792 00:17:25,943 --> 00:17:27,653 like Terry now? 793 00:17:27,777 --> 00:17:30,026 No, I'm no bunny-buying coward. 794 00:17:30,152 --> 00:17:31,859 You are a professional dancer, 795 00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,235 because I'm paying Dancy Reagan 796 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,985 to perform two shows at our 797 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,985 at-risk youth program. 798 00:17:38,110 --> 00:17:39,486 Congratulations. 799 00:17:39,611 --> 00:17:42,152 Thank you, Captain. 800 00:17:42,277 --> 00:17:44,110 You just made me 801 00:17:42,277 --> 00:17:44,110 the happiest, prettiest, 802 00:17:44,235 --> 00:17:45,486 most talented girl in the world. 803 00:17:45,611 --> 00:17:47,777 This is the best $8,000 804 00:17:45,611 --> 00:17:47,777 you ever spent. 805 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,235 It's $200. 806 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,402 I'm sure 807 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,402 you're good for the rest. 808 00:17:51,527 --> 00:17:53,985 Captain loves my dancing. 809 00:18:00,402 --> 00:18:02,068 This is why you're alone, Jake. 810 00:18:02,193 --> 00:18:04,735 We were bonding, 811 00:18:02,193 --> 00:18:04,735 talking about our pain, 812 00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:06,486 and you pull a stunt like that? 813 00:18:06,611 --> 00:18:07,611 You were gonna kill me. 814 00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:08,985 Deflect, deflect, deflect. 815 00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:11,444 This is why everyone hates you. 816 00:18:11,569 --> 00:18:13,026 You open? 817 00:18:13,152 --> 00:18:15,068 Okay. You keep it shut. 818 00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:16,777 I really need this sale. 819 00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:21,444 Hello, ma... whoa! 820 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,360 Don't hurt me! 821 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,360 I'm someone's little boy. 822 00:18:25,486 --> 00:18:27,152 Geoffrey Hoytsman, 823 00:18:25,486 --> 00:18:27,152 you're under arrest. 824 00:18:27,277 --> 00:18:28,527 Ow. 825 00:18:28,653 --> 00:18:31,777 Oh, I am so relieved 826 00:18:28,653 --> 00:18:31,777 you guys found me. 827 00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,235 Wait, how did you find me? 828 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,985 You hadn't done anything 829 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,985 super annoying to us 830 00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:36,527 for, like, five hours, 831 00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:36,527 so we knew something was wrong. 832 00:18:36,653 --> 00:18:38,152 Oh, that's very insulting 833 00:18:38,277 --> 00:18:39,901 but dead on. 834 00:18:40,026 --> 00:18:41,859 We looked through those 835 00:18:40,026 --> 00:18:41,859 irritating selfies you sent us, 836 00:18:41,985 --> 00:18:43,193 and in the background 837 00:18:41,985 --> 00:18:43,193 of three of them 838 00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:44,527 was an ice cream truck. 839 00:18:44,653 --> 00:18:46,235 We ran the plates 840 00:18:44,653 --> 00:18:46,235 and put out an APB. 841 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,068 I'm sorry we doubted 842 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,068 anybody was sabotaging you. 843 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,026 No, I'm the one 844 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,026 who should apologize. 845 00:18:50,152 --> 00:18:51,569 For some reason, 846 00:18:50,152 --> 00:18:51,569 I have trouble believing 847 00:18:51,693 --> 00:18:54,026 people actually have my back. 848 00:18:51,693 --> 00:18:54,026 I don't know why. 849 00:18:54,152 --> 00:18:56,444 Probably my dad abandoning me. 850 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,859 Maybe something I should work 851 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,859 out in therapy, but... 852 00:18:58,985 --> 00:19:00,193 who has an hour to spare 853 00:19:00,319 --> 00:19:01,818 once every two weeks, 854 00:19:00,319 --> 00:19:01,818 right? 855 00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:03,611 Anyways, 856 00:19:03,735 --> 00:19:05,319 I'm sorry I acted 857 00:19:03,735 --> 00:19:05,319 like a jackass. 858 00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,277 Wow, Jake, you're so sincere 859 00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,277 since you got off coke. 860 00:19:07,402 --> 00:19:09,110 And meth. 861 00:19:07,402 --> 00:19:09,110 That was the hard one to kick. 862 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,486 No, the hard one to kick 863 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,486 is angel dust, 864 00:19:11,611 --> 00:19:14,193 which is why I am 865 00:19:11,611 --> 00:19:14,193 locked in for life. 866 00:19:16,026 --> 00:19:18,152 Hey. 867 00:19:16,026 --> 00:19:18,152 I double checked your evidence. 868 00:19:18,277 --> 00:19:20,735 Everything looks good. 869 00:19:18,277 --> 00:19:20,735 I got to say... 870 00:19:21,486 --> 00:19:22,777 you guys are good cops. 871 00:19:22,901 --> 00:19:24,611 Yeah, no doy! 872 00:19:24,735 --> 00:19:26,402 How do you think we got to be 873 00:19:24,735 --> 00:19:26,402 the oldest guys here? 874 00:19:26,527 --> 00:19:27,859 By never being promoted 875 00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:29,402 and losing all your 876 00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:29,402 money to divorces? 877 00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:30,777 And bad investments. 878 00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:33,277 Anyway, I'm sorry 879 00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:33,277 for calling you useless. 880 00:19:33,402 --> 00:19:34,693 I'm gonna make sure 881 00:19:33,402 --> 00:19:34,693 everyone knows you did good. 882 00:19:34,818 --> 00:19:36,735 - Boyle, please don't. 883 00:19:34,818 --> 00:19:36,735 - Don't? 884 00:19:36,859 --> 00:19:38,110 The last thing we need 885 00:19:38,235 --> 00:19:39,444 is to suddenly be 886 00:19:38,235 --> 00:19:39,444 on everyone's A list. 887 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,527 The ones to watch. 888 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,527 The golden boys. 889 00:19:41,652 --> 00:19:42,901 Pair of red hot dicks. 890 00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:44,235 No one calls detectives 891 00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:44,235 that anymore. 892 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,527 People call detectives that? 893 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:46,652 All that investigating 894 00:19:46,777 --> 00:19:48,360 was exhausting. 895 00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:50,193 Besides, we did our share 896 00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:50,193 of that in the '70s and '80s. 897 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,943 Now we like to do paperwork 898 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,943 in our comfy chairs. 899 00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,818 If we're away 900 00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,818 from our desks for too long, 901 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,193 they'll update our computers, 902 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,193 and we'll lose Minesweeper. 903 00:19:58,235 --> 00:19:59,859 So please, 904 00:19:58,235 --> 00:19:59,859 don't tell anyone 905 00:19:59,985 --> 00:20:01,777 about the amazing work 906 00:19:59,985 --> 00:20:01,777 we did today. 907 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,527 I never said "amazing." 908 00:20:03,652 --> 00:20:05,611 You kind of just did your jobs. 909 00:20:05,735 --> 00:20:07,068 There you go. 910 00:20:07,193 --> 00:20:09,360 No, really. 911 00:20:07,193 --> 00:20:09,360 I mean, you also broke a window. 912 00:20:09,486 --> 00:20:11,068 Now you get it. 913 00:20:14,652 --> 00:20:16,193 Your suspension 914 00:20:14,652 --> 00:20:16,193 has been lifted, Peralta. 915 00:20:16,319 --> 00:20:17,735 Well, that's great news, sir. 916 00:20:17,859 --> 00:20:19,360 And now it is time 917 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:20,901 for the traditional 918 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:20,901 handing back of gun and badge 919 00:20:21,026 --> 00:20:22,235 to the vindicated hero ceremony. 920 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:23,569 Everyone in! 921 00:20:23,693 --> 00:20:25,444 I don't have your gun 922 00:20:23,693 --> 00:20:25,444 or your badge. 923 00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:28,735 Just take form 891-underscore-J 924 00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:28,735 down to the equipment room 925 00:20:28,859 --> 00:20:30,068 and retrieve your things there. 926 00:20:30,193 --> 00:20:31,818 I'm sorry, 927 00:20:30,193 --> 00:20:31,818 but that's unacceptable. 928 00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:34,319 Come on, Captain. I need this. 929 00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:34,319 We all need this! 930 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,985 Fine. Fine. 931 00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:39,859 If this will make you happy... 932 00:20:41,777 --> 00:20:44,527 I believe these belong to you. 933 00:20:44,652 --> 00:20:45,901 Congratulations. 934 00:20:48,402 --> 00:20:49,693 That's very nice. Thank you. 935 00:20:49,818 --> 00:20:51,943 But as I've said before, 936 00:20:49,818 --> 00:20:51,943 the system stinks, 937 00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:53,235 and this isn't over. 938 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,652 I say 939 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,652 we march down to city hall! 940 00:20:55,777 --> 00:20:57,568 - Get out of my office. 941 00:20:55,777 --> 00:20:57,568 - Yup. 942 00:20:57,693 --> 00:20:59,610 - Not a doctor. 943 00:20:57,693 --> 00:20:59,610 - Shh.