Hey, Gina, you got that file
I needed Captain Holt to sign?
Uh-huh.
Mm.
Gina hasn't taken her eyes
off her phone in two hours.
First person to make her
look up wins the pot.
I'm in. A bet which improves
someone's manners? Double score.
Sorry, guys.
I got this in the bag.
I used to have to distract her
from her phone
all the time
when we were smooshin' booties.
- Ugh.
- Yeah.
Hey, girl...
- Catch you later.
Mid-morning dance party.
She's dancing even better
than normal.
Oh, my God, did you hear
that George W. Bush died?
Who dat?
Ooh.
Gina may never look at another
real human being again.
She's unbeatable.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Terrence Jeffords,
are you kidding me?
Changed my relationship
status to "it's complicated."
Pony up, y'all!
Whoo!
It's my wife.
Hey, baby.
No! No, no. It was a mistake.
My thumb slipped and...
I have to go home.
Ladies and gentlemen,
today is the greatest day
of my life.
Guess who just got murdered!
That's right, it's Carl Mather.
What? I'm the only one gasping?
Guys, Carl Mather?
Did 25 years in Attica...
Sorry. Just point at me
when you want me to gasp.
Will do.
Mather is part
of the Fulton Street Four.
Oh!
They stole 21 million dollars
from an armored car depot.
Feds caught them
but they never found the money.
- Until now.
- You found 21 million dollars?
Oh, God no. Not yet.
I can see how that
would be confusing though.
I'm sorry. But I'm going to.
Over the past six months,
all four of these guys
have been released,
and now one of them
shows up dead.
Someone's after that money,
and they're
willing to kill for it.
You're getting
ahead of yourself.
You don't know
that Mather's death
is connected to the money yet.
Don't turn this into something
bigger than it is,
not with Madeline Wuntch
watching us at all times.
Ew.
When'd they put that in?
Right after Wuntch
got promoted.
She had it installed
at that height so she'd,
I quote, "always be looking
down at me," unquote.
Treat this like a regular case.
Sir, with all due respect,
this is an epic case.
It's the reason I became a cop.
I mean, hunting down a murderer,
recovering millions in stolen
money,
rappelling out of a chopper
with a knife between my teeth.
Why would you jump
out of a helicopter
with a knife in your mouth?
It's called a chopper,
and the knife is in my mouth
because both of my hands
are holding giant machine guns.
And that's how it's going down.
Okay, reminder,
tomorrow we are hosting
a field trip for
the Brooklyn Park Magnet School.
Sorry, Sarge,
I can't be around magnets.
Pacemaker.
I'm actually not gonna correct
you on that.
Guys,
I really need this to go well.
My girls are on the wait list
for their preschool
and it's twice as tough
to get in with twins.
Why don't you just get
one of them in
and then let them take turns
going to school every other day?
Diaz, that's crazy.
I asked my wife and she said no.
This field trip has to go well.
This is my chance
to impress the principal.
Sarge, you're in luck.
I went to a magnet school
where I was voted
"most likely to befriend
a school administrator."
Oh, Amy.
Preteens are my people.
I speak their language.
They are gonna have
an amazing time.
Thanks, guys. That's great.
I can show them
some of the cool stuff
we have in the evidence locker.
I'm pretty sure
there's a bag of hands in there.
Whoa! No. No.
We got to make this place
kid-friendly.
No crime scene photos
lying about.
That's not a crime scene.
That's a boudoir photo
I'm having framed for my wife.
That's me underneath the mask.
Oh, God!
Let's get statements
from the neighbors.
Ah, hello, Captain.
Quick update: another one
of the Fulton Street Four
was murdered here this morning.
I'm surprised
you're not celebrating
inappropriately.
This is a crime scene
and I'm a professional.
- You did it before I showed up?
- Yeah, that is exactly correct.
So two of these guys murdered
in the past two days?
It has to be tied
to the missing money.
Admit I was right.
Circumstances do suggest
a connection.
Admit it with more gusto.
- You were right.
- Yes! Did you get it, Boyle?
Oh, the camera
was in selfie mode,
- but I look super proud of you.
- Ok.
Unfortunately, because this case
has turned out to be important,
that she-skunk Madeline Wuntch
has her hindquarters
pointed right at it.
She wants to see us
in her office,
no doubt to give the case
to Major Crimes.
No. We can't let that happen.
Sir, we have to do something.
Fine. I'll seduce her.
I'll just put on my bike shorts
and give her a glimpse
of the quad cities.
No. No.
That's not what I meant.
I meant we have to fight her.
We're not gonna fight her.
She's the devil.
And you don't dance
with the devil,
because you get burned.
Because in Madeline's case,
she has no rhythm
and her hands
are like little rat claws.
If she wants the case,
it's hers.
For the record,
you're turning this murder scene
into a real bummer-scape.
Tell me you got that zinger.
The camera was
in selfie mode again,
- but I was really laughing hard.
- Okay.
Okay, kids, this is where my
detective squad solves crimes.
- Wow.
- This is my desk.
You can tell by the framed
200-piece puzzle
my three-year-old
put together on their own.
That's very advanced,
Sergeant Jeffords.
Is it? I wouldn't know
what milestones are impressive
to a school admissions officer.
They can count to 20
in English and Mandarin.
Hi. Detective Santiago,
magnet school alumna.
Well, I appreciate that you used
the proper declension
of alumnus.
Well, some say
Latin is a dead language,
but I say
it's just taking a long nap.
Okay, you two are
obviously the alphas.
Let me guess.
You're dating the blond kid
and you like Filipino Bieber
but you're worried he's still
into Little Miss
Side Braid Janky Purse.
How did you know?
I know so much.
Hi, I'm Gina.
Hey.
Hello, Raymond.
How do you like
my new office? 20th floor.
I never thought
I'd see you this high
without a broom under you.
Enough niceties. Have a seat.
Thanks,
but I'm actually fine standing.
I could stay
in these bad boys all day.
So two members
of the Fulton Street Four
have been murdered.
Sounds like a big case.
No, it's actually the opposite.
Pretty much an NBT sitch.
No big thang.
The word is "thing,"
and the thing is big.
We believe someone is after
the missing 21 million,
and solving this murder
could lead us to the money.
Sure, but that money's,
like, 25 years old.
It's probably
not even good anymore.
Sorry. Cramped up.
This is a very important case,
Raymond,
to me,
and to the city of New York.
I'm not sure the Nine-Nine
has the resources
to deal with something
of this magnitude.
I understand the politics.
This is a high-profile case.
Do what you must.
What I was going to say is,
since you don't have
the resources,
I'll give you anything you need.
The case is yours.
You have my full support.
What?
He meant that more excited.
Like, "What!"
Okay, two of the Fulton Street
Four are dead.
My hunch, one of them
is killing off his co-scums
so he can keep the money
for his scum-self.
We'll start with Reggie Bludsoe.
He listed a Brooklyn address
with his parole officer.
We're gonna nail
this son of a bitch.
Unless he's innocent,
then we're gonna save him.
Either way,
this case is gonna be awesome.
Peralta, I'm putting myself
on this investigation with you.
- What? Why?
- Wuntch is up to something.
There's only one reason
why she would let us
keep this case.
She took one look at me
and said,
"That's the guy
I want flying my chopper."
You know
how to fly a chopper?
How hard could it be?
It's just a big fan
that goes in the sky.
She let us keep this case
because she wants us to fail.
I'm coming along
so that you don't waste
time and resources
turning this investigation
into another Ron McClane movie.
Oh, you know it's John McClane.
I've made my decision.
End of discussion.
All right, fine.
But you're gonna have
to take your own car.
I signed out that drug dealer's
Lamborghini from the impound.
It only has two seats.
I saw that you'd made
that request.
I changed it
to a sensible Sedan.
Okay,
but the sunroof stays open.
There is no sunroof.
Why did you even become a cop?
Oh, great job, kids.
Don't solve too many crimes
and put me out of business.
Terry's got to pay the rent.
Dr. Susman wants
a private chat with me.
Thanks for warming her up,
Santiago.
They didn't give
eighth grade Amy
the key to the teacher's lounge
just for nothing.
I stocked their fridge
and cleaned up after them.
Great. So can you take over
with the kids for a minute?
They're done with this activity.
Of course.
I am amazing with kids.
Okay.
I am terrible with kids.
I haven't listened to rap music
in three years.
I don't know the lingo.
You have to do this.
I can't, McKenzie is
in the bathroom right now
freaking out because Kelsey S.
made out with Hayes
even though she knows
Brianna's into him.
Unless you want the spring dance
to be a total drama fest,
- I have to be there for her.
- I don't...
Honestly, you should show them
a picture of a dead body.
No! Rosa, Terry said
to keep it kid-friendly.
Okay, I'll just show them
the stuff that I was into
when I was their age.
- I'm done.
- What do we do now?
- What's next?
- Hello, friends.
Who here would like to see
a presentation
about crime statistics
as a function
of demographics and time?
Who wants to see
a picture of a dead body?
Me!
Bludsoe lives
at the end of this hall.
Hmm, I would have preferred
an abandoned lighthouse
or a dilapidated barn,
but I can embellish in my
memoirs.
I can't wait to read that book.
What are you gonna call it?
"Go Ahead, Jake My Day."
No, yours is much better.
"Case Closed, Jake Open."
- Wow.
- I know.
I said yours was better.
Whatever. Let's just do this.
NYPD: Open up.
Hey, check it out.
Half-packed suitcase.
Looks like Bludsoe
was planning a trip
until he got interrupted
by someone.
- Or something.
- Like what?
I don't know, I just thought
it would help the intrigue.
- It did.
- That's enough chitchat already.
Come on, how many people
have to get killed
before you start having fun?
You do know it's our job
to stop the killing, right?
Wait a second.
I think I smell a dead body.
Nope. My mistake.
Wait! Don't close that.
Look. Handprint.
That's a fake wall.
Come out with your hands
on your head.
Don't shoot!
Don't shoot.
He's trying to kill me.
So I guess,
if I had to sum them up,
Cagney is the intellectual one,
whereas Lacey is more
of your traditional prodigy.
Well,
your daughters sound great.
You know, I'm gonna look over
their applications again.
Oh, no, that's not necessary.
It's Jeffords with two Fs.
But what really matters
is that your students
have an amazing
experience here today.
They are.
Look, Rosa. Sarge is here.
Oh, my God.
Children, get out
of this room immediately.
Let's go.
What the hell, guys?
They're 12 years old.
I would've killed to have seen
a bag of hands at that age.
I'm so sorry, I tried
to be myself and they hated it.
- Where were you?
- Saving the day.
Hayes is out of the picture.
The McKenzie/Kelsey S. beef
is squashed,
and Brianna's going
to the dance with Aidan,
who's a much better match
for her anyway, BT-dubs.
How does any of that help me?
- Dr. Susman.
- Good-bye, Sergeant Jeffords.
I think this experience has been
more than enough.
We're done here.
I was walking home
from the coffee shop.
I have a job
bussing tables there.
Anyway, the next thing I know,
Mikey D has a gun in my back.
Michael De Angelo,
the other member
of the Fulton Street Four.
Yes, believe it or not,
I familiarized myself
with the names
of all two suspects
in this high-profile homicide
we're investigating.
I fought him off,
but he got my key.
What's the key for?
Each of us had one,
and you needed all four
to open the safe.
And what's in the safe?
The $21 million.
Bing... pot!
Nope, I was gonna say bingo,
but then I was like,
"Jackpot's better,"
but then it was too late;
I was halfway through the word.
Bingpot works It's taking off.
It's taking off.
Captain, De Angelo
has a place upstate.
The local sheriff says there's
a car in the driveway right now.
He must be there.
Okay, they're gonna have
to raid the place without us.
It'll take us two hours
to get up there.
Or we could take...
We are not taking a helicopter.
You know
I was gonna say chopper.
Look, Peralta,
I know you're having fun,
but a helicopter
is exactly the kind
of wasteful expenditure
that Wuntch will use
to bury me
if something goes wrong.
- Okay, sir...
- Or...
It's the kind of thing
she'll crucify me
for not getting.
"You could've had a chopper,
Raymond.
Why didn't you take advantage?
Just a minute,
my cauldron's boiling over."
Yeah, but what
she actually said was,
"Chopper's yours, Peralta."
Your impression was better.
What did you do?
She may have called me
and I may have briefed her
and she may have said yes
to the chopper
because it's definitely
on its way now!
I call middle seat!
Whoo! This is awesome!
Okay, just so we're clear,
from this point forward,
my call sign
will be Death Blade.
And I'll be Rum Tum Tugger.
No, Boyle.
No characters from Cats.
Dig deep.
Think of something scary.
- Adolf Hitler.
- No!
You will be... Sidewinder.
All right,
but I'm more scared of Hitler.
How about you, Captain?
What's your call sign?
I will be Captain Raymond Holt.
Uh-huh, I knew
you wouldn't play ball.
And that is why your call sign
is Wet Blanket.
Sidewinder, this is Death Blade.
Do you copy, Sidewinder? Over.
This is Sidewinder, Death Blade.
I read you loud and clear. Over.
Do you have a 20 on Wet Blanket,
Sidewinder? Over.
- I do have a visual...
- Over.
All right, look, Captain,
Wuntch said that we could have
anything we needed
to solve this case.
Yes, but why?
To catch a murder
who stole 21 million dollars.
No, it's so that
when we do fail,
it'll be
that much more spectacular.
If we don't get De Angelo,
my career is over.
But if we do catch him,
your career
will really take off.
Chopper pun!
Dr. Susman, I am so, so sorry.
Please don't hold this
against my daughters.
I would never do that.
Preschool admissions are based
on what we think of the parents.
Oh, no.
Dr. Susman... Nancy, if I may...
- You may not.
- Okay.
Look, our methods may have been
a little unorthodox,
and perhaps a little...
Graphic and disgusting.
I was gonna go with yucky...
But these kids had fun today.
And they learned a lot.
Tricia, what's Luminol?
It's used to look for blood
in a crime scene.
Even if a criminal
tried to clean it up,
the iron in blood
makes the chemical glow.
And, Bobby, what's enucleation?
It's when someone
pops your eyeball out.
Probably should've used
a less gross example.
The point is,
this is exactly the kind
of educational experience
I loved about my magnet school.
Well, there's something
to be said for that.
Also, and more importantly,
I got McKenzie and Brianna
to stop hitting on Kelsey S.
and now they're best friends,
you're welcome.
Wow, that's actually impressive.
Thank you.
So, Dr. Susman,
let's just call
this field trip what it was...
a huge success.
It was... interesting.
I saw a prostitute.
- Not helping, kid.
I'm Death Blade.
De Angelo's place
is just beyond those trees.
No one's gone in or out.
Good thing we got here in time.
Flew in on a chopper.
Bell 412 or the A119 Koala?
It's classified.
Actually, it was the 350B2.
Nice.
No, don't give him the "nice."
We haven't seen any movement
in the house,
but there are lights
on in the barn.
There's a barn?
What is your fascination
with barns?
It's where all the awesome
stand-offs happen.
Rusty farm equipment, light
shining through bullet holes.
I'll bet you at least one dove
takes flight in slo-mo.
I will take that bet,
because that's impossible.
We've got a team
on the back entrance,
a team watching the house,
and a marksman on that hill.
Okay, tell your men
if they find the money first,
that I get to riffle it
next to my ear and go,
"It's all here."
- Already told them, Jake.
- Love you, bud.
All right, let's lock and load.
Dope.
Moved faster than expected,
but still cool.
I don't see him.
Oh, he's here. I can feel it.
He is. He's dead.
- What?
- The body is right here.
Damn it!
Bludsoe played us.
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
- Hello?
- Hey, it's Peralta.
Is Bludsoe still in custody?
Yeah, we got him. He's in his...
Ooh.
So... good news first.
We're gonna be flying back
past a beautiful sunset.
Bad news, Bludsoe escaped
from the hospital
and we're all screwed.
- But... Pretty sunset.
Man, look at the captain.
He's pacing slowly.
For him, that's like a full-on,
rage-fueled freak out.
The only thing worse is when
he stands perfectly still.
Oh, no,
he's standing perfectly still.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
Mm, no I'm not. Yep, I am.
No, I'm not gonna do it.
- Okay, I am. I'm gonna go.
- Okay. Be careful.
- You're so brave.
- Thanks.
Hey, Captain.
What you thinking about?
Mostly about how Madeline Wuntch
will destroy me
because you wanted a helicopter
to play action movie.
I needed the helicopter
because I was chasing a bad guy
because I'm a cop.
Really? It wasn't just
to make this case epic?
This case is epic.
You're just too wrapped up
in the politics to see it.
Sir,
we're tracking a triple murderer
who stole 21 million dollars,
and all you can think about
is Madeline Wuntch.
- You're right.
- What's that now?
Before I came to the Nine-Nine,
I was rotting away behind a desk
in the public relations
department.
All I wanted was the chance
to do good police work again.
I just got it,
and I blew it
thinking about that devil toad.
I'm tired of politics.
Let's get that punk! Bludsoe.
This is amazing.
Of course, we have no idea
where he is,
but I love where your head's at.
He has no family.
Maybe there was a girlfriend
or someone he worked with
at the coffee shop.
The coffee shop.
Why would someone
who knows they have
21 million dollars coming
take a minimum wage job?
Because he needed
access to that building.
Because that's where
the money's hidden.
All right,
we got to get there quick.
Maybe we should
take the chopper.
You said chopper.
Death Blade, Sidewinder,
it's go time!
Roger that, Wet Blanket.
No, from now on, call me...
Velvet Thunder.
Okay.
Hey, Cagney and Lacey
got off the wait list.
Thank you, guys, for helping me.
Rosa,
I should've listened to you.
Everyone should listen to me
all the time about everything.
It was pretty fun.
The kids actually liked me.
I wish I could go back
to middle school
knowing what I know now.
I'd be so cool.
And I'd get
to retake all the tests.
And update some book reports.
Oh, un, Gina, Dr. Susman said
you had
a real impact on those kids.
Apparently, you were just named
Spring Dance Princess somehow.
Mm-hmm, what am I always
telling you guys?
I'm royalty.
Listen up. We go in
strong and we go in fast.
Evans, you're on door breach.
Patterson, flashbang.
Boyle, stop squatting like that.
Sorry, I thought it looked cool.
- It didn't.
- On the count of three.
It's Bludsoe!
- NYPD!
- Go, go, go!
Facedown, flat on the ground!
Hey, over here, over here.
Bingpot!
This rules.
Did you know that my dream
has always been to have
my picture taken with a mountain
of recovered cash?
It's always been my dream
to take that picture of you.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Yeah!
21 million dollars, Raymond.
I have to admit, I'm impressed.
Sorry to disappoint you.
I know you'd hoped we'd fail.
Oh, no, I couldn't be happier.
Wait... Why would you say that?
And why aren't you clenching
your little rat hands in anger?
You didn't want me to fail.
You wanted me to succeed.
That's right.
I was looking for an excuse
to promote you to a desk job,
and you handed it to me
on a silver platter
with your little rat hands.
Oh, no.
Say good-bye
to the Nine-Nine, Raymond.
I'm making you head
of NYPD Public Relations.
Captain, get in here with me.
Go ahead.
Smile for the cameras, Raymond.
That's your new job now.
Hey!
Okay, quick,
let's pose back-to-back
with our arms crossed
and a cocky smirk.
You doing it? Your arms crossed?
No, arms down. That's good.
Not a doctor. Shh!
Fremulon.