1 00:00:02,829 --> 00:00:03,872 Hey Jake, can I show you 2 00:00:02,829 --> 00:00:03,872 something over here? 3 00:00:03,913 --> 00:00:05,165 Sure thing, bud. 4 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,207 I'm trying to send 5 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,207 Genevieve a sexy pic. 6 00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:07,876 Does this make 7 00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:07,876 my bubble butt pop? 8 00:00:07,917 --> 00:00:08,960 Nope. 9 00:00:07,917 --> 00:00:08,960 I'm out. 10 00:00:12,172 --> 00:00:15,508 Who's that? 11 00:00:12,172 --> 00:00:15,508 I don't know. 12 00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:18,762 Um, excuse me, pal. 13 00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:18,762 Think you're at my desk. 14 00:00:18,803 --> 00:00:20,013 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 15 00:00:20,055 --> 00:00:21,097 Drop it! 16 00:00:20,055 --> 00:00:21,097 Drop the weapon! 17 00:00:21,139 --> 00:00:22,265 Don't be a dum-dum. 18 00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:24,851 Squad, meet 19 00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:24,851 Detective Adrian Pimento. 20 00:00:24,893 --> 00:00:26,770 He's been deep undercover 21 00:00:24,893 --> 00:00:26,770 for the last 12 years, 22 00:00:26,811 --> 00:00:30,106 but he's just resurfaced, and 23 00:00:26,811 --> 00:00:30,106 he's rejoining the Nine-Nine. 24 00:00:30,148 --> 00:00:32,859 That... is... 25 00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:34,194 awesome! 26 00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:56,216 Some of you just met 27 00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:56,216 Detective Pimento, 28 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,885 and, of course, some of you knew 29 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,885 him before he went undercover. 30 00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:02,222 Hitchcock and Scully. Ha. 31 00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:02,222 You guys still work here? 32 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,849 The only way they're getting 33 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,849 rid of us is in a body bag. 34 00:01:04,891 --> 00:01:07,936 It actually happened once, 35 00:01:04,891 --> 00:01:07,936 but it was a false alarm. 36 00:01:07,977 --> 00:01:10,271 Detective Pimento will be 37 00:01:07,977 --> 00:01:10,271 returning to his old desk. 38 00:01:10,313 --> 00:01:12,565 Peralta will temporarily be 39 00:01:10,313 --> 00:01:12,565 moved to the break room. 40 00:01:12,607 --> 00:01:13,608 Questions? 41 00:01:13,651 --> 00:01:14,818 What'd you do undercover? 42 00:01:14,859 --> 00:01:16,277 I worked for 43 00:01:14,859 --> 00:01:16,277 Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis. 44 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,030 That is an A-list mobster. 45 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,030 Tell me literally everything. 46 00:01:19,072 --> 00:01:20,115 Everyone, shut up! 47 00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,409 Pretty much just 48 00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,409 a bagman for him. 49 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,327 I mean, 50 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,327 I did some other stuff. 51 00:01:31,835 --> 00:01:35,088 Um, we usually try to tell 52 00:01:31,835 --> 00:01:35,088 funnier little stories. 53 00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:36,506 Well, there's nothing 54 00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:36,506 funny about what I did 55 00:01:36,548 --> 00:01:37,590 for The Butcher. 56 00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:39,134 I've had to learn 57 00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:39,134 not to blink, 58 00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:41,845 because every time I close 59 00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:41,845 my eyes, I see a fresh horror. 60 00:01:41,886 --> 00:01:42,929 Ooh, dark. 61 00:01:42,971 --> 00:01:43,930 But how do you keep 62 00:01:42,971 --> 00:01:43,930 your eyes moist? 63 00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:45,473 Actually, I have 64 00:01:45,515 --> 00:01:47,685 a very funny story 65 00:01:45,515 --> 00:01:47,685 about keeping my eyes moist. 66 00:01:55,024 --> 00:01:56,568 Come on... 67 00:01:56,609 --> 00:01:57,569 Nope. 68 00:01:57,610 --> 00:01:58,987 Still not getting 69 00:01:57,610 --> 00:01:58,987 that vibe, man. 70 00:01:59,028 --> 00:02:00,238 - Really? 71 00:01:59,028 --> 00:02:00,238 - Mm-mm. 72 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,365 I'll get there. 73 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,365 That's my bad, everybody. 74 00:02:02,407 --> 00:02:03,825 Dismissed. 75 00:02:05,076 --> 00:02:08,329 Sir, can I partner with 76 00:02:05,076 --> 00:02:08,329 Pimento on my B&E? 77 00:02:08,371 --> 00:02:09,330 That guy is awesome. 78 00:02:09,372 --> 00:02:10,957 He's like a real life 79 00:02:09,372 --> 00:02:10,957 Donnie Brasco. 80 00:02:10,999 --> 00:02:13,960 Isn't Donnie Brasco a really 81 00:02:10,999 --> 00:02:13,960 sad movie that ends terribly? 82 00:02:14,002 --> 00:02:15,295 Yeah, but he's got 83 00:02:14,002 --> 00:02:15,295 that cool jacket, 84 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,630 and he's always 85 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,630 down at the docks. 86 00:02:16,672 --> 00:02:18,089 I'm not sure I want 87 00:02:16,672 --> 00:02:18,089 you working with Pimento. 88 00:02:18,131 --> 00:02:19,132 He's a little unstable. 89 00:02:20,759 --> 00:02:22,636 Machine! 90 00:02:22,678 --> 00:02:25,597 Psychologically, this could be 91 00:02:22,678 --> 00:02:25,597 a very difficult transition. 92 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,223 Yeah, I know, 93 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,223 I went undercover. 94 00:02:27,265 --> 00:02:29,267 63 days, no big deal. 95 00:02:27,265 --> 00:02:29,267 You probably forgot. 96 00:02:29,309 --> 00:02:30,977 No, it's your outgoing 97 00:02:29,309 --> 00:02:30,977 voice mail message. 98 00:02:31,019 --> 00:02:32,061 Hey, it's Jake. 99 00:02:32,103 --> 00:02:33,396 Can't get to the phone 100 00:02:32,103 --> 00:02:33,396 right now. 101 00:02:33,438 --> 00:02:36,650 I might be undercover again, 102 00:02:33,438 --> 00:02:36,650 like I was for 63 days. 103 00:02:36,692 --> 00:02:37,942 Bye! 104 00:02:37,984 --> 00:02:40,320 Look, I know what 105 00:02:37,984 --> 00:02:40,320 he's going through. 106 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,322 Let me be the man that 107 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,322 brings him in from the cold. 108 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,240 All right, he can work 109 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,240 the B&E with you. 110 00:02:44,282 --> 00:02:46,367 Just make sure 111 00:02:44,282 --> 00:02:46,367 you take it easy. 112 00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:48,787 Uh, sir, I was 20 minutes late 113 00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:48,787 for work today. 114 00:02:48,828 --> 00:02:51,122 I don't think you need to 115 00:02:48,828 --> 00:02:51,122 tell me about taking it easy. 116 00:02:51,164 --> 00:02:53,291 Are you bragging 117 00:02:51,164 --> 00:02:53,291 about being a bad employee? 118 00:02:55,168 --> 00:02:57,045 No. 119 00:02:57,086 --> 00:02:58,672 Dismissed? Me? 120 00:02:58,714 --> 00:03:00,840 I figured out the best way 121 00:03:00,882 --> 00:03:02,967 to welcome Pimento 122 00:03:00,882 --> 00:03:02,967 to the Nine-Nine. 123 00:03:03,009 --> 00:03:05,470 Stay out of his way, 124 00:03:03,009 --> 00:03:05,470 maybe buy him a drink, 125 00:03:05,512 --> 00:03:07,096 not do anything weird? 126 00:03:07,138 --> 00:03:08,598 I'm making him a goat stew. 127 00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:10,475 Huh... all right. 128 00:03:10,517 --> 00:03:13,353 Yeah, now, 129 00:03:10,517 --> 00:03:13,353 this Turkmenistani dish 130 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,690 is traditionally made from an 131 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,690 animal that's been so overfed 132 00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:18,483 it can no longer stand. 133 00:03:18,525 --> 00:03:19,901 That's the dream. 134 00:03:19,943 --> 00:03:21,402 Everything is authentic. 135 00:03:21,444 --> 00:03:23,279 I even ordered 136 00:03:21,444 --> 00:03:23,279 the pressure cooker 137 00:03:23,321 --> 00:03:24,447 from Turkmenistan. 138 00:03:24,489 --> 00:03:25,824 So you're on a terrorist 139 00:03:24,489 --> 00:03:25,824 watch list now? 140 00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:28,284 Oh, yeah, Homeland Security's 141 00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:28,284 been in my house, yep. 142 00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:31,496 Now, this just needs to cook for 143 00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:31,496 another 11 hours, 32 minutes, 144 00:03:31,538 --> 00:03:34,374 and 6... 145 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,878 What the hell, Boyle! 146 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,878 You almost killed me! 147 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,256 I'm not going out 148 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,256 in a stew-making accident! 149 00:03:41,297 --> 00:03:43,466 Terry's gonna die 150 00:03:41,297 --> 00:03:43,466 saving the President, 151 00:03:43,508 --> 00:03:45,301 or Terry's never gonna die! 152 00:03:45,343 --> 00:03:48,221 There's no way we can 153 00:03:45,343 --> 00:03:48,221 clean this up by ourselves. 154 00:03:48,263 --> 00:03:49,389 We're gonna need help. 155 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,057 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 156 00:03:51,099 --> 00:03:52,141 What are you saying? 157 00:03:52,183 --> 00:03:54,519 You know what 158 00:03:52,183 --> 00:03:54,519 she's saying, man. 159 00:03:54,561 --> 00:03:56,479 Oh, no. 160 00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:58,022 Mean Marge. 161 00:03:58,064 --> 00:04:00,108 So we're supposed to come 162 00:03:58,064 --> 00:04:00,108 running to clean up your mess 163 00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:02,443 every time you snap 164 00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:02,443 your fat little fingers? 165 00:04:02,485 --> 00:04:03,862 Oh, no, no, I actually 166 00:04:02,485 --> 00:04:03,862 can't snap my fingers, 167 00:04:03,903 --> 00:04:05,029 they're always too wet. 168 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:06,489 And I just thought, 169 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:06,489 since it's your job... 170 00:04:06,531 --> 00:04:08,199 Oh, I see. 171 00:04:08,241 --> 00:04:10,786 You cops think you're too good 172 00:04:08,241 --> 00:04:10,786 to clean up after yourselves? 173 00:04:10,828 --> 00:04:12,663 Uh... no, I can do it myself, 174 00:04:10,828 --> 00:04:12,663 I'll just... 175 00:04:12,705 --> 00:04:14,205 That's union work! 176 00:04:14,247 --> 00:04:17,333 How dare you try 177 00:04:14,247 --> 00:04:17,333 to steal our jobs. 178 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:19,419 So where do we go from here? 179 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,379 Well, 180 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,379 you know the old saying, 181 00:04:21,421 --> 00:04:24,549 "The only way to unclog a toilet 182 00:04:21,421 --> 00:04:24,549 is to let it sit." 183 00:04:24,591 --> 00:04:26,593 You're a janitor. 184 00:04:24,591 --> 00:04:26,593 You should know that's not true. 185 00:04:26,635 --> 00:04:28,469 Boys, take out the trash. 186 00:04:28,511 --> 00:04:30,346 Oh, great! 187 00:04:28,511 --> 00:04:30,346 So you will do it? 188 00:04:30,388 --> 00:04:31,514 Oh! 189 00:04:30,388 --> 00:04:31,514 I'm the trash, I get it. 190 00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,182 Okay, that makes more sense 191 00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,182 with your tone. 192 00:04:34,267 --> 00:04:36,645 Oops! Oh... 193 00:04:34,267 --> 00:04:36,645 Love you, Marge. 194 00:04:36,687 --> 00:04:38,563 You wanted to see me, sir? 195 00:04:38,605 --> 00:04:40,315 Yes, I have a special 196 00:04:38,605 --> 00:04:40,315 project for you. 197 00:04:40,356 --> 00:04:41,566 Okay, but I'll have 198 00:04:40,356 --> 00:04:41,566 you know right now 199 00:04:41,608 --> 00:04:43,401 I only fly first class. 200 00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:44,737 I'm not flying you anywhere. 201 00:04:44,778 --> 00:04:47,196 I made an application to 202 00:04:44,778 --> 00:04:47,196 the M.C. Guffin Foundation 203 00:04:47,238 --> 00:04:49,073 for a grant to upgrade 204 00:04:47,238 --> 00:04:49,073 our office equipment. 205 00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:51,869 Unfortunately, they require 206 00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:51,869 a video submission. 207 00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:53,912 I understand you have 208 00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:53,912 some filmmaking experience. 209 00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:56,456 Well, you know, I've been 210 00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:56,456 re-Vined by Rob Kardashian, 211 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,626 so, yeah, I'm a director. 212 00:04:58,667 --> 00:04:59,710 Here's what I'm picturing: 213 00:04:59,752 --> 00:05:02,921 I enter, in, like, 214 00:04:59,752 --> 00:05:02,921 a Fellini-style getup. 215 00:05:02,962 --> 00:05:04,632 Rosa's dressed 216 00:05:02,962 --> 00:05:04,632 like a porcupine... 217 00:05:04,673 --> 00:05:06,591 Oh, no, no. 218 00:05:04,673 --> 00:05:06,591 We're just gonna do a simple, 219 00:05:06,634 --> 00:05:08,593 straightforward tour 220 00:05:06,634 --> 00:05:08,593 of the precinct 221 00:05:08,636 --> 00:05:09,969 featuring 222 00:05:08,636 --> 00:05:09,969 Detective Diaz and me. 223 00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:11,179 Are you sure? 224 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:14,599 You're not our most dynamic 225 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:14,599 screen presences. 226 00:05:14,642 --> 00:05:15,809 I can be dynamic. 227 00:05:15,851 --> 00:05:17,268 Exclamation point. 228 00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,520 Well, Diaz and I have 229 00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,520 that kind of easy chemistry 230 00:05:19,562 --> 00:05:21,356 - where we finish each other's... 231 00:05:19,562 --> 00:05:21,356 - Sentences. 232 00:05:21,397 --> 00:05:23,399 Please, don't interrupt me. 233 00:05:23,441 --> 00:05:26,444 That kind of nonsense 234 00:05:23,441 --> 00:05:26,444 won't happen on camera. 235 00:05:26,486 --> 00:05:27,946 Hey, hey, Pimento. 236 00:05:27,987 --> 00:05:28,947 Hey! 237 00:05:28,988 --> 00:05:30,658 This is my desk, okay? 238 00:05:30,699 --> 00:05:33,827 Okay, well, now that 239 00:05:30,699 --> 00:05:33,827 that's out of the way, 240 00:05:33,869 --> 00:05:35,704 I was just coming to let you 241 00:05:33,869 --> 00:05:35,704 know we're gonna work 242 00:05:35,746 --> 00:05:37,956 a B&E together; 243 00:05:35,746 --> 00:05:37,956 we're gonna be partners. 244 00:05:37,997 --> 00:05:39,875 Nope. 245 00:05:37,997 --> 00:05:39,875 I work alone. 246 00:05:39,917 --> 00:05:42,085 Plus, The Butcher says 247 00:05:39,917 --> 00:05:42,085 he has spies in the NYPD: 248 00:05:42,126 --> 00:05:44,379 so I trust 249 00:05:42,126 --> 00:05:44,379 none of these dildos. 250 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,214 Listen, you can trust me. 251 00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:48,299 - I'm, like, obsessed with you. 252 00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:48,299 Fine. 253 00:05:48,341 --> 00:05:51,135 Tell me something you've never 254 00:05:48,341 --> 00:05:51,135 told another living soul. 255 00:05:51,177 --> 00:05:52,470 Um... 256 00:05:52,512 --> 00:05:53,931 Ooh, here's one. 257 00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:56,684 I'm actually not strong enough 258 00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:56,684 to lift a water cooler jug, 259 00:05:56,725 --> 00:05:58,101 so I always find a way 260 00:05:56,725 --> 00:05:58,101 to make Terry do it. 261 00:05:58,142 --> 00:05:59,560 Here's mine. 262 00:05:59,602 --> 00:06:01,062 Jimmy "The Butcher" made me 263 00:05:59,602 --> 00:06:01,062 drive a croquet wicket 264 00:06:01,104 --> 00:06:04,190 through a guy's eyes 265 00:06:01,104 --> 00:06:04,190 into his brain. 266 00:06:04,232 --> 00:06:07,485 Brain leaked out his eyes 267 00:06:04,232 --> 00:06:07,485 like he was crying his own mind. 268 00:06:07,527 --> 00:06:09,028 My goodness. 269 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:10,530 Now that I've heard yours, 270 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,323 I feel like 271 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,323 my water cooler thing 272 00:06:12,365 --> 00:06:13,951 could have been 273 00:06:12,365 --> 00:06:13,951 a little more juicy, but... 274 00:06:13,992 --> 00:06:16,620 No. 275 00:06:13,992 --> 00:06:16,620 That was embarrassing for you. 276 00:06:16,662 --> 00:06:17,871 A bond has been made. 277 00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:21,541 Feels good to trust again, 278 00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:21,541 brother. 279 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,501 Wow, either you are a cyborg 280 00:06:23,543 --> 00:06:26,462 or you're carrying 281 00:06:23,543 --> 00:06:26,462 so many weapons in this jacket. 282 00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:28,799 Hey. 283 00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:28,799 Kitchen, now. 284 00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:29,925 Okay. 285 00:06:29,967 --> 00:06:31,175 What's up? 286 00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:32,886 Something's not right 287 00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:32,886 about that guy. 288 00:06:32,928 --> 00:06:34,680 Why, just because he keeps 289 00:06:32,928 --> 00:06:34,680 threatening to kill me 290 00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:36,932 in the middle of a police 291 00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:36,932 precinct? Uh, grow up. 292 00:06:36,974 --> 00:06:38,182 Because I'm physically 293 00:06:36,974 --> 00:06:38,182 attracted to him. 294 00:06:38,224 --> 00:06:39,935 And that's bad? 295 00:06:39,977 --> 00:06:42,020 I'm only attracted to creeps: 296 00:06:39,977 --> 00:06:42,020 the Vulture, the ShamWow guy, 297 00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:43,229 and when I was a kid, 298 00:06:43,271 --> 00:06:44,982 I had a major crush 299 00:06:43,271 --> 00:06:44,982 on the evil Gremlin. 300 00:06:45,023 --> 00:06:46,692 Stripe? 301 00:06:45,023 --> 00:06:46,692 Are you crazy? 302 00:06:46,734 --> 00:06:47,943 Yeah, well I'm not 303 00:06:46,734 --> 00:06:47,943 gonna bone Gizmo. 304 00:06:47,985 --> 00:06:50,069 - I would. 305 00:06:47,985 --> 00:06:50,069 - Careful with Pimento. 306 00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:52,656 It's gonna be fine. 307 00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:57,326 Hey, partner. 308 00:06:57,368 --> 00:06:59,370 - Oh! 309 00:06:57,368 --> 00:06:59,370 - I've been waiting for you. 310 00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:03,082 Sorry if I surprised you. 311 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,794 It's just when I was undercover, 312 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,794 the middle of the night 313 00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:06,920 was the only time 314 00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:06,920 I could do actual police work. 315 00:07:06,962 --> 00:07:08,881 Uh, how'd you get 316 00:07:06,962 --> 00:07:08,881 in the apartment? 317 00:07:08,922 --> 00:07:10,214 Oh, it was easy. 318 00:07:10,256 --> 00:07:11,633 I just seduced 319 00:07:10,256 --> 00:07:11,633 the old lady upstairs, 320 00:07:11,675 --> 00:07:14,678 came down the fire escape, 321 00:07:11,675 --> 00:07:14,678 jimmied the window open. 322 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,221 Bing-bang-boom, I'm inside 323 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,221 your living quarters. 324 00:07:17,263 --> 00:07:18,807 Totally. 325 00:07:18,849 --> 00:07:21,267 Course, next time you could just 326 00:07:18,849 --> 00:07:21,267 give me a call, you know. 327 00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:22,853 Two ways to pop in on a friend. 328 00:07:22,895 --> 00:07:23,854 I didn't kill 329 00:07:22,895 --> 00:07:23,854 the old lady upstairs, 330 00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:25,104 if that's what 331 00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:25,104 you're worried about. 332 00:07:25,146 --> 00:07:26,481 Well, I am now. 333 00:07:26,522 --> 00:07:27,649 Oh, wait a minute. 334 00:07:27,691 --> 00:07:29,860 You think I'm being weird. 335 00:07:29,902 --> 00:07:31,820 Oh, I shouldn't have come here. 336 00:07:29,902 --> 00:07:31,820 This is your apartment. 337 00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:35,741 I'm so sorry, Jake! 338 00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:35,741 Stupid, Paul! 339 00:07:35,783 --> 00:07:37,659 Stupid! 340 00:07:35,783 --> 00:07:37,659 You idiot, Paul! 341 00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:39,160 - Hey! Pimento! 342 00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:39,160 - Huh? 343 00:07:39,202 --> 00:07:41,663 - Who's Paul? 344 00:07:39,202 --> 00:07:41,663 - Whoa. 345 00:07:41,705 --> 00:07:43,289 Paul Sneed 346 00:07:41,705 --> 00:07:43,289 was my undercover name. 347 00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:44,917 'Kay? 348 00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:44,917 Damn it, Jake. 349 00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,250 I don't know who I am 350 00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,250 anymore. 351 00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:47,961 You could have chose 352 00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:47,961 any name to go undercover, 353 00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:48,962 and you picked Paul Sneed? 354 00:07:49,004 --> 00:07:49,963 Seems kind of crazy. 355 00:07:50,005 --> 00:07:50,923 I shouldn't have come here. 356 00:07:50,964 --> 00:07:52,423 This was a mistake. 357 00:07:50,964 --> 00:07:52,423 I'm not ready. 358 00:07:52,465 --> 00:07:54,760 I knew I wasn't ready 359 00:07:52,465 --> 00:07:54,760 to go back to being police. 360 00:07:54,802 --> 00:07:56,970 It's the only job I've ever had 361 00:07:54,802 --> 00:07:56,970 except for bagging groceries 362 00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:59,848 at the supermarket at the corner 363 00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:59,848 of Atlantic and Clinton. 364 00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,892 I guess I could go back 365 00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,892 to that again. 366 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,184 "Paper or plastic?" 367 00:08:03,226 --> 00:08:04,728 Yeah, still got it. 368 00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:06,562 Listen to me, 369 00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:06,562 I was undercover. 370 00:08:06,604 --> 00:08:10,108 63 days with the Mafia. 371 00:08:06,604 --> 00:08:10,108 I saw some messed-up stuff. 372 00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:12,110 I know what your struggle is. 373 00:08:12,151 --> 00:08:16,073 And I can bring you home, 374 00:08:12,151 --> 00:08:16,073 but you've got to trust me. 375 00:08:16,114 --> 00:08:18,659 Okay. Yeah. 376 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,202 Great. Now, I've got 377 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,202 to get some sleep. 378 00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:23,789 You're welcome to stay here 379 00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:23,789 and work the case if you want. 380 00:08:23,831 --> 00:08:24,832 Thanks, partner. 381 00:08:24,873 --> 00:08:27,500 I promise I won't 382 00:08:24,873 --> 00:08:27,500 disturb you at all. 383 00:08:28,501 --> 00:08:31,630 Whuuuhhhh. 384 00:08:31,672 --> 00:08:34,842 Whuuuhhhh. 385 00:08:34,883 --> 00:08:36,342 - Hey, Pimento. 386 00:08:34,883 --> 00:08:36,342 - Huh? 387 00:08:36,384 --> 00:08:38,095 I thought you were just gonna 388 00:08:36,384 --> 00:08:38,095 be looking through the files 389 00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:39,428 - or something, man. 390 00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:39,428 - Sorry, brother. 391 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,556 Tai chi helps 392 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,556 keep the demons at bay. 393 00:08:41,597 --> 00:08:42,975 Right. 394 00:08:43,016 --> 00:08:44,893 And... 395 00:08:44,935 --> 00:08:46,061 Do you have to do it 396 00:08:44,935 --> 00:08:46,061 in your underwear? 397 00:08:46,103 --> 00:08:47,729 I can't take them off, 398 00:08:47,771 --> 00:08:50,439 'cause then you'd be looking 399 00:08:47,771 --> 00:08:50,439 right at my penis and testicles. 400 00:08:50,481 --> 00:08:53,276 Can't argue with that logic. 401 00:08:50,481 --> 00:08:53,276 Mm-kay. 402 00:08:55,863 --> 00:08:58,031 Why is there 403 00:08:55,863 --> 00:08:58,031 so much garbage in here? 404 00:08:58,073 --> 00:09:00,491 Mean Marge 405 00:08:58,073 --> 00:09:00,491 won't clean up the stew. 406 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:03,120 And also, she suspended 407 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:03,120 our trash service. 408 00:09:03,161 --> 00:09:04,245 What happened? 409 00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:06,164 You didn't grovel enough, 410 00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:06,164 did you? 411 00:09:06,205 --> 00:09:08,750 Seriously, Amy, 412 00:09:06,205 --> 00:09:08,750 you're gonna ask Charles Boyle 413 00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:10,961 if he groveled enough? 414 00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:10,961 Come on! 415 00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,503 This is the grossest thing 416 00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,503 I've ever seen, 417 00:09:12,545 --> 00:09:14,131 and I have three kids 418 00:09:12,545 --> 00:09:14,131 under the age of four. 419 00:09:14,172 --> 00:09:15,841 I live in a house of fluids. 420 00:09:15,883 --> 00:09:17,550 Look, I have a plan, okay? 421 00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:19,343 We're just gonna go over 422 00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:19,343 Mean Marge's head 423 00:09:19,385 --> 00:09:20,344 and we're gonna tell Holt. 424 00:09:20,386 --> 00:09:21,638 Tell me what? 425 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,181 Oh, well, I don't know 426 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,181 if you noticed, 427 00:09:23,222 --> 00:09:25,100 but there was an accident 428 00:09:23,222 --> 00:09:25,100 in the break room yesterday. 429 00:09:25,142 --> 00:09:28,729 Oh, yes, shattered windows, 430 00:09:25,142 --> 00:09:28,729 bones everywhere. 431 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:31,439 It's very "New York in the 70s." 432 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:31,439 Clean it up. 433 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,734 The, uh, problem... 434 00:09:33,775 --> 00:09:37,236 is Marge in facilities 435 00:09:33,775 --> 00:09:37,236 is refusing to help. 436 00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:39,530 We were actually hoping 437 00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:39,530 maybe you could ask her. 438 00:09:39,572 --> 00:09:40,531 Excuse me? 439 00:09:40,573 --> 00:09:42,408 I'm the captain 440 00:09:40,573 --> 00:09:42,408 of this precinct. 441 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:45,203 I don't have time to mediate 442 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:45,203 your petty squabbles. 443 00:09:45,244 --> 00:09:48,247 I've taken a sacred oath 444 00:09:45,244 --> 00:09:48,247 to protect this community, 445 00:09:48,289 --> 00:09:51,043 and that is a job 446 00:09:48,289 --> 00:09:51,043 I take seriously. 447 00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:52,251 So you're afraid of her, too, 448 00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:52,251 huh? 449 00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:53,377 Terrified. 450 00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,550 Yeah, perp knew 451 00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,550 where the camera was. 452 00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,094 Must have cased the joint 453 00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,094 ahead of time. 454 00:10:01,136 --> 00:10:02,888 We're gonna need all your 455 00:10:01,136 --> 00:10:02,888 footage from the past week. 456 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:05,641 Ha-ha-ha. 457 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:05,641 This is an amateur job. 458 00:10:05,682 --> 00:10:07,308 Everybody knows you break in 459 00:10:05,682 --> 00:10:07,308 when the owner's there. 460 00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,352 That way you have guaranteed 461 00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,352 access to the safe, 462 00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,270 and you can kick his teeth in 463 00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,270 to send a message. 464 00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:12,773 Okay, why don't you just... 465 00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:14,232 Oh, sure, you could 466 00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:14,232 slit his throat, but then 467 00:10:14,273 --> 00:10:15,651 what are you going to do 468 00:10:14,273 --> 00:10:15,651 with all the blood? 469 00:10:15,692 --> 00:10:18,195 Uh, we'd leave it in his body, 470 00:10:15,692 --> 00:10:18,195 where blood lives, 471 00:10:18,236 --> 00:10:19,445 because we're cops. 472 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:21,657 Oh, right, we're cops. 473 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:21,657 And don't worry, sir. 474 00:10:21,698 --> 00:10:23,407 We're gonna 475 00:10:21,698 --> 00:10:23,407 catch these bastards, 476 00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:26,244 - or my name isn't Paul Sneed. 477 00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:26,244 - Adrian Pimento. 478 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:28,412 Adrian Pimento. 479 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:28,412 So, what'd they take? 480 00:10:28,454 --> 00:10:30,414 About $15,000 worth of stuff. 481 00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:33,292 TVs, cameras, 482 00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:33,292 bunch of pre-paid cell phones. 483 00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,336 Ooh, you sell burner phones? 484 00:10:35,378 --> 00:10:37,005 What kind of deals 485 00:10:35,378 --> 00:10:37,005 you got on those? 486 00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:38,297 Why do you want 487 00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:38,297 to know about the deals? 488 00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:40,341 Just gathering evidence 489 00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:40,341 for the case, 490 00:10:40,383 --> 00:10:42,010 'cause I'm a cop, remember? 491 00:10:42,052 --> 00:10:44,387 - Detective Paul Sneed. 492 00:10:42,052 --> 00:10:44,387 - Adrian Pimento. 493 00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:48,474 Adrian Piment... I... I know who I 494 00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:48,474 am... you know what... forget this! 495 00:10:48,516 --> 00:10:49,475 Ah... okay. 496 00:10:51,728 --> 00:10:54,355 Hey, hey, hey, come on, man. 497 00:10:54,397 --> 00:10:57,358 Look, I get it... 498 00:10:54,397 --> 00:10:57,358 you're still tense. 499 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,277 When I came back 500 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,277 from being undercover, 501 00:10:59,318 --> 00:11:00,654 they made me see a shrink. 502 00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:02,488 But then he told me I had 503 00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:02,488 dad issues, and I was like, 504 00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:04,032 "You know what, 505 00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:04,032 you can't tell me what to do, 506 00:11:04,074 --> 00:11:06,076 you're not my dad," 507 00:11:04,074 --> 00:11:06,076 so he was a moron. 508 00:11:06,118 --> 00:11:07,995 No, you know what, that's good 509 00:11:06,118 --> 00:11:07,995 advice... thanks, man, thanks. 510 00:11:08,036 --> 00:11:10,122 I... I'll be right back, 511 00:11:08,036 --> 00:11:10,122 I just left something inside. 512 00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:14,710 Hey, give me one of those. 513 00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:18,255 Why are you buying 514 00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:18,255 a burner phone? 515 00:11:18,296 --> 00:11:20,048 Cue smoke machine. 516 00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:22,466 And... action Holt. 517 00:11:24,427 --> 00:11:27,305 Welcome to the Nine-Nine. 518 00:11:24,427 --> 00:11:27,305 I'm Captain Raymond Holt. 519 00:11:27,346 --> 00:11:29,307 And I'm 520 00:11:27,346 --> 00:11:29,307 Detective Rosa Diaz. 521 00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:31,268 I don't understand why 522 00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:31,268 I'm on a wheelchair. 523 00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:32,894 Cut! 524 00:11:32,936 --> 00:11:36,355 For the last time, Rosa, through 525 00:11:32,936 --> 00:11:36,355 the magic of special effects, 526 00:11:36,397 --> 00:11:38,942 the wheelchair 527 00:11:36,397 --> 00:11:38,942 will turn into a horse, 528 00:11:38,984 --> 00:11:41,069 but I need you to work with me. 529 00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:43,238 Give me a little "hee-yah!" 530 00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:43,238 Hee-yah! 531 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,530 This is idiotic. 532 00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:46,490 Maybe because you didn't 533 00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:46,490 karate chop your way 534 00:11:46,532 --> 00:11:48,660 through the smoke, as scripted. 535 00:11:48,702 --> 00:11:49,870 I'm out. 536 00:11:48,702 --> 00:11:49,870 Scully. 537 00:11:49,911 --> 00:11:51,204 Rosa! 538 00:11:51,246 --> 00:11:53,290 Hee-yah, hee-yah. 539 00:11:53,331 --> 00:11:54,332 I wanted a simple, 540 00:11:53,331 --> 00:11:54,332 straightforward 541 00:11:54,373 --> 00:11:56,001 video tour of the precinct, 542 00:11:56,043 --> 00:11:58,586 and you've added the one 543 00:11:56,043 --> 00:11:58,586 ingredient I didn't want: 544 00:11:58,628 --> 00:11:59,587 pizzazz. 545 00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:02,174 Pizzazz is who I am. 546 00:12:02,215 --> 00:12:05,052 Would you tell the sky 547 00:12:02,215 --> 00:12:05,052 to stop being so blue? 548 00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:06,720 - Yes. I wish it were tan. 549 00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:06,720 - What? 550 00:12:06,762 --> 00:12:09,097 It's my favorite color. 551 00:12:06,762 --> 00:12:09,097 It's no-nonsense. 552 00:12:09,139 --> 00:12:11,224 Hey, I've been 553 00:12:09,139 --> 00:12:11,224 tailing Pimento, 554 00:12:11,266 --> 00:12:12,684 and I think you were right. 555 00:12:12,726 --> 00:12:14,393 There's something weird 556 00:12:12,726 --> 00:12:14,393 going on with that guy. 557 00:12:14,435 --> 00:12:15,812 I knew it. Ugh! 558 00:12:15,854 --> 00:12:17,647 I can't believe 559 00:12:15,854 --> 00:12:17,647 I'm gonna sleep with him. 560 00:12:17,689 --> 00:12:19,733 Well, you don't have to. 561 00:12:19,775 --> 00:12:21,109 No, I'm gonna. 562 00:12:21,151 --> 00:12:23,153 He secretly 563 00:12:21,151 --> 00:12:23,153 bought a burner phone, 564 00:12:23,195 --> 00:12:24,487 he broke into my apartment 565 00:12:24,528 --> 00:12:25,781 and he keeps forgetting 566 00:12:24,528 --> 00:12:25,781 he's a cop 567 00:12:25,822 --> 00:12:27,615 and calling himself 568 00:12:25,822 --> 00:12:27,615 by his alias, Paul Sneed. 569 00:12:27,657 --> 00:12:28,950 Paul Sneed? 570 00:12:28,992 --> 00:12:30,827 He said Figgis has spies 571 00:12:28,992 --> 00:12:30,827 in the NYPD: 572 00:12:30,869 --> 00:12:33,537 Rosa, what if he's one of them? 573 00:12:30,869 --> 00:12:33,537 What if he turned? 574 00:12:33,579 --> 00:12:35,456 Oh, here he comes. 575 00:12:35,498 --> 00:12:37,583 Oh, man, bolt cutters? 576 00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:38,919 Bolt cutters have literally 577 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,586 never been used by 578 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,586 an innocent person. 579 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:41,880 I use them all the time 580 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:41,880 when I make jewelry. 581 00:12:41,922 --> 00:12:43,506 What? 582 00:12:41,922 --> 00:12:43,506 Oh, my God. 583 00:12:43,547 --> 00:12:44,674 Follow-up questions later. 584 00:12:44,716 --> 00:12:45,801 All right, I got to 585 00:12:44,716 --> 00:12:45,801 keep following him. 586 00:12:45,842 --> 00:12:47,551 All right, but be careful. 587 00:12:47,593 --> 00:12:50,138 Oh, don't worry about me. 588 00:12:47,593 --> 00:12:50,138 I'll be invisible. 589 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:52,182 Now you see me, now you... 590 00:12:52,224 --> 00:12:54,226 - Ah... 591 00:12:55,727 --> 00:12:57,854 - We're cool, we're cool. 592 00:12:57,896 --> 00:12:59,815 Everything's still cool. 593 00:12:57,896 --> 00:12:59,815 He didn't hear me, we're cool. 594 00:13:07,906 --> 00:13:08,865 Rosa. 595 00:13:08,907 --> 00:13:10,283 Pimento just put on a ski mask 596 00:13:10,325 --> 00:13:12,202 and broke into a creepy 597 00:13:10,325 --> 00:13:12,202 abandoned warehouse. 598 00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:13,203 Mm, that's hot. 599 00:13:13,245 --> 00:13:14,663 It is? 600 00:13:14,704 --> 00:13:15,914 Oh, wait, he's coming back out. 601 00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:17,415 Did he do something 602 00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:17,415 super shady? 603 00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:18,582 Are his eyes all wild? 604 00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,210 - Rosa, focus. 605 00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,210 - Sorry. 606 00:13:20,252 --> 00:13:21,711 Send a pic. Bye. 607 00:13:21,753 --> 00:13:23,713 Okay, 608 00:13:21,753 --> 00:13:23,713 guess we're done talking. 609 00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:28,844 Well, they still haven't 610 00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:28,844 cleaned up in there, 611 00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:31,595 but the good news is 612 00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:31,595 I got a new plan. 613 00:13:31,638 --> 00:13:34,141 I let one of the perps 614 00:13:31,638 --> 00:13:34,141 accidentally get out of holding, 615 00:13:34,182 --> 00:13:36,517 then I take him down 616 00:13:34,182 --> 00:13:36,517 to the break room. 617 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:38,687 Oopsie. 618 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:38,687 Now it's a whole crime scene. 619 00:13:38,728 --> 00:13:40,897 And then we can get 620 00:13:38,728 --> 00:13:40,897 crime scene cleaners. 621 00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:42,983 - Boom. 622 00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:42,983 - Not so fast. 623 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,402 That room gets clean 624 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,402 when I say it gets cleaned. 625 00:13:45,443 --> 00:13:47,112 You can't stop us now. 626 00:13:47,154 --> 00:13:48,905 You ever heard 627 00:13:47,154 --> 00:13:48,905 the old saying, 628 00:13:48,947 --> 00:13:51,615 "Know the garbage, 629 00:13:48,947 --> 00:13:51,615 know the man?" 630 00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:52,701 That's not a saying. 631 00:13:52,742 --> 00:13:55,829 Yes, it is. 632 00:13:52,742 --> 00:13:55,829 I know all your secrets. 633 00:13:55,871 --> 00:13:57,455 Boyle. 634 00:13:57,496 --> 00:13:59,082 You got a taste for fast food. 635 00:13:59,124 --> 00:14:00,709 Those aren't mine. 636 00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,585 I only eat 637 00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,585 locally-sourced meats. 638 00:14:02,627 --> 00:14:03,962 They could be Terry's. 639 00:14:02,627 --> 00:14:03,962 He was fat once, you know? 640 00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:05,504 What the hell, Boyle? 641 00:14:05,546 --> 00:14:06,589 Speaking of Jeffords, 642 00:14:06,631 --> 00:14:08,383 maybe your daughters 643 00:14:06,631 --> 00:14:08,383 would like to know 644 00:14:08,425 --> 00:14:11,052 that their daddy throws away 645 00:14:08,425 --> 00:14:11,052 all their drawings? 646 00:14:11,094 --> 00:14:13,512 They just draw so many, 647 00:14:11,094 --> 00:14:13,512 and they're all so bad. 648 00:14:13,554 --> 00:14:15,514 And you, Santiago, 649 00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:17,475 maybe the world would like to 650 00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:17,475 see that draft of a memo 651 00:14:17,516 --> 00:14:21,730 you wrote where you used 652 00:14:17,516 --> 00:14:21,730 T-H-E-I-R instead of T-H-E-R-E? 653 00:14:21,771 --> 00:14:23,606 Oh, you sick son of a bitch. 654 00:14:23,648 --> 00:14:24,774 Why do you hate us 655 00:14:23,648 --> 00:14:24,774 so much? 656 00:14:24,816 --> 00:14:26,860 I know you call me 657 00:14:24,816 --> 00:14:26,860 Mean Marge. 658 00:14:26,902 --> 00:14:28,695 Do you even know my last name? 659 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,197 Hmm? 660 00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:33,033 - Mop-Bucket? 661 00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:33,033 - Scully, don't guess. 662 00:14:33,074 --> 00:14:34,242 - Please. 663 00:14:33,074 --> 00:14:34,242 - No. 664 00:14:34,284 --> 00:14:35,827 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 665 00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:38,705 "Mop-Bucket," Scully? 666 00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:40,373 It was a educated guess. 667 00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:43,877 Thanks for coming. 668 00:14:43,919 --> 00:14:45,921 Pimento put the duffel in his 669 00:14:43,919 --> 00:14:45,921 trunk, parked around the corner, 670 00:14:45,962 --> 00:14:47,797 and went home; he's been doing 671 00:14:45,962 --> 00:14:47,797 shirtless tai chi 672 00:14:47,839 --> 00:14:48,757 in his window ever since. 673 00:14:48,798 --> 00:14:50,008 Which window is that? 674 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:55,180 - Mm-hmm. 675 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:55,180 - Okay. 676 00:14:55,222 --> 00:14:56,555 Look, I got to 677 00:14:55,222 --> 00:14:56,555 get into that trunk. 678 00:14:56,597 --> 00:14:57,974 And you need me 679 00:14:56,597 --> 00:14:57,974 to break into the car for you? 680 00:14:58,016 --> 00:14:58,975 What? 681 00:14:58,016 --> 00:14:58,975 No, I can do it. 682 00:14:59,017 --> 00:15:00,559 Why would you say that? 683 00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:02,771 Because one time you lost your 684 00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:02,771 keys and you called a tow truck. 685 00:15:02,812 --> 00:15:04,648 My mom pays for 686 00:15:02,812 --> 00:15:04,648 roadside assistance. 687 00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:08,068 Why wouldn't I call it? 688 00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:08,068 I'm doing this. 689 00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:14,699 Okay, great take! 690 00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:14,699 You guys are finally getting it. 691 00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:18,161 All right, let's go again. 692 00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:18,161 Action Holt! 693 00:15:20,914 --> 00:15:24,251 Welcome to the Nine-Nine. 694 00:15:20,914 --> 00:15:24,251 I'm Captain Raymond Holt. 695 00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:27,420 And I'm Detective Rosa Diaz. 696 00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:27,420 Hee-yah. 697 00:15:27,462 --> 00:15:28,922 The hell is this? 698 00:15:28,964 --> 00:15:31,883 You had a pizzazz problem, 699 00:15:28,964 --> 00:15:31,883 so you've been recast, sweetie. 700 00:15:31,925 --> 00:15:33,385 Welcome to Hollywood. 701 00:15:33,426 --> 00:15:36,137 You know, David here 702 00:15:33,426 --> 00:15:36,137 really connected with the role. 703 00:15:36,179 --> 00:15:38,848 The key is to invent 704 00:15:36,179 --> 00:15:38,848 a backstory for your character. 705 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:42,560 Now, my Raymond Holt is addicted 706 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:42,560 to pills, but no one knows. 707 00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:46,231 You see, he really 708 00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:46,231 understands the craft, 709 00:15:46,273 --> 00:15:49,442 whereas you and Rosa just sort 710 00:15:46,273 --> 00:15:49,442 of flop around 711 00:15:49,484 --> 00:15:51,444 like a couple 712 00:15:49,484 --> 00:15:51,444 of boring normals. 713 00:15:51,486 --> 00:15:52,988 I'm sorry, 714 00:15:51,486 --> 00:15:52,988 but we're detectives, 715 00:15:53,029 --> 00:15:54,990 not professional actors. 716 00:15:55,031 --> 00:15:56,157 We were trying our hardest. 717 00:15:56,199 --> 00:15:58,326 - "We were trying our hardest." 718 00:15:56,199 --> 00:15:58,326 - Stop it. 719 00:15:58,368 --> 00:16:01,913 Gina, this is a disgrace. 720 00:15:58,368 --> 00:16:01,913 I'm removing you as director. 721 00:16:03,081 --> 00:16:04,207 There he goes. 722 00:16:04,249 --> 00:16:06,126 Off to take more pills. 723 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,295 Oh, yeah. 724 00:16:08,336 --> 00:16:10,839 Suck it, roadside assistance. 725 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,048 Well, well, well. 726 00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:13,550 Hello, Jake. 727 00:16:13,591 --> 00:16:16,136 Adrian, what a coincidence 728 00:16:13,591 --> 00:16:16,136 bumping into you here. 729 00:16:16,177 --> 00:16:17,137 Well, see you tomorrow. 730 00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:19,347 You know what, 731 00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:19,347 let's hang out now. 732 00:16:19,389 --> 00:16:20,598 I was thinking 733 00:16:19,389 --> 00:16:20,598 the exact same thing. 734 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:23,268 What are you doing here, 735 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:23,268 partner? 736 00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:24,269 Pimento's still in the window. 737 00:16:24,311 --> 00:16:25,854 Come on, Jake. 738 00:16:25,895 --> 00:16:28,106 You honestly didn't assume 739 00:16:25,895 --> 00:16:28,106 I would hire a look-alike 740 00:16:28,148 --> 00:16:30,275 to wear a fake beard 741 00:16:28,148 --> 00:16:30,275 and do tai chi in my window? 742 00:16:30,317 --> 00:16:32,027 No, I definitely 743 00:16:30,317 --> 00:16:32,027 didn't assume that. 744 00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:33,945 And plus, you seriously 745 00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:33,945 thought that was me? 746 00:16:33,987 --> 00:16:35,405 I mean, you've seen me 747 00:16:33,987 --> 00:16:35,405 in my underpants. 748 00:16:35,447 --> 00:16:37,240 My butt is rock hard. 749 00:16:37,282 --> 00:16:38,867 That guy's got 750 00:16:37,282 --> 00:16:38,867 a pancake butt. 751 00:16:38,908 --> 00:16:40,493 I can't believe you're still 752 00:16:38,908 --> 00:16:40,493 working for Figgis. 753 00:16:40,535 --> 00:16:42,078 That's why you've been 754 00:16:40,535 --> 00:16:42,078 acting so weird. 755 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,705 Breaking into my apartment, 756 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,705 buying a burner phone, 757 00:16:43,747 --> 00:16:45,248 grabbing this duffel. 758 00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,083 I broke into your apartment 759 00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,083 'cause I didn't feel safe 760 00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:48,543 - at my home. 761 00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:48,543 - Okay. 762 00:16:48,585 --> 00:16:50,045 And a burner phone is 763 00:16:48,585 --> 00:16:50,045 the only kind of phone I can get 764 00:16:50,086 --> 00:16:51,796 because I disappeared 765 00:16:50,086 --> 00:16:51,796 for 12 years, 766 00:16:51,838 --> 00:16:53,882 - and now have terrible credit. 767 00:16:51,838 --> 00:16:53,882 - Makes sense. 768 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,717 You want to know 769 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,717 what's in the duffel? 770 00:16:55,759 --> 00:16:57,427 Open it up, tough guy. 771 00:16:59,179 --> 00:17:01,139 Oh, look at that. 772 00:17:01,181 --> 00:17:04,726 A bunch of old family photos 773 00:17:01,181 --> 00:17:04,726 and personal belongings. 774 00:17:04,768 --> 00:17:06,019 Pimento's mementos. 775 00:17:06,061 --> 00:17:07,187 I know you have a gun on me. 776 00:17:07,228 --> 00:17:09,272 I just couldn't 777 00:17:07,228 --> 00:17:09,272 resist the rhyme, sorry. 778 00:17:09,314 --> 00:17:11,191 I stashed it all 779 00:17:09,314 --> 00:17:11,191 when I became Paul Sneed. 780 00:17:11,232 --> 00:17:13,026 I couldn't have them 781 00:17:11,232 --> 00:17:13,026 finding anything 782 00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:14,027 that could 783 00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:14,027 trace back to my family. 784 00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:15,403 I get it, all right? 785 00:17:15,445 --> 00:17:17,197 I went through the exact 786 00:17:15,445 --> 00:17:17,197 same thing when I came back... 787 00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:20,116 You have no clue 788 00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:20,116 what I've been through! 789 00:17:20,158 --> 00:17:22,494 You know what? 790 00:17:22,535 --> 00:17:24,245 I can't believe 791 00:17:22,535 --> 00:17:24,245 I trusted you. 792 00:17:25,789 --> 00:17:27,082 Okay. 793 00:17:27,123 --> 00:17:29,167 Just get out of here, Jake. 794 00:17:29,209 --> 00:17:31,169 Oh, my God, this guy's 795 00:17:29,209 --> 00:17:31,169 got a pancake butt. 796 00:17:31,211 --> 00:17:33,421 It's not Pimento. 797 00:17:31,211 --> 00:17:33,421 Get out of there, Jake! 798 00:17:33,463 --> 00:17:34,964 Thanks, Rosa. 799 00:17:36,508 --> 00:17:38,343 So Detective Pimento 800 00:17:36,508 --> 00:17:38,343 didn't show up for work today. 801 00:17:38,385 --> 00:17:39,552 Any idea why? 802 00:17:39,594 --> 00:17:41,054 Oh, yeah, I straight up 803 00:17:39,594 --> 00:17:41,054 drove him off. 804 00:17:41,096 --> 00:17:42,847 Big screw-up on my part. 805 00:17:42,889 --> 00:17:44,724 I'm trying this new thing 806 00:17:42,889 --> 00:17:44,724 where I just own my mistakes. 807 00:17:44,766 --> 00:17:46,476 - I like it. Do you? 808 00:17:44,766 --> 00:17:46,476 - I did. 809 00:17:46,518 --> 00:17:48,186 - Until you bragged about it. 810 00:17:46,518 --> 00:17:48,186 - Yeah. 811 00:17:48,228 --> 00:17:49,396 Pimento left his gun 812 00:17:48,228 --> 00:17:49,396 and badge on my desk, 813 00:17:49,437 --> 00:17:51,981 along with a note reading, 814 00:17:49,437 --> 00:17:51,981 "I can't do this. 815 00:17:52,023 --> 00:17:53,817 I'm better off as a bagman." 816 00:17:53,858 --> 00:17:55,193 Oh, no. 817 00:17:55,235 --> 00:17:56,654 You think he went back 818 00:17:55,235 --> 00:17:56,654 to work with Figgis? 819 00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:57,655 Worse. 820 00:17:57,696 --> 00:17:59,572 Fine, single bag it. 821 00:17:59,614 --> 00:18:01,491 It's your funeral, 822 00:17:59,614 --> 00:18:01,491 you dumb son of a bitch. 823 00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:03,910 Get out of here. 824 00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:04,953 Idiot. 825 00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:07,288 Hey, partner. 826 00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,581 Bag boys don't have partners. 827 00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:09,916 Actually, 828 00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:09,916 cashiers and bag boys 829 00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,418 need to be totally in sync... 830 00:18:11,459 --> 00:18:12,836 Shut up, Maggie. 831 00:18:12,877 --> 00:18:15,088 Look, man, you sacrificed 832 00:18:12,877 --> 00:18:15,088 12 years of your life 833 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:17,298 for the police department; 834 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:17,298 you're a hero. 835 00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:19,342 I'm sorry that 836 00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:19,342 I didn't trust you. 837 00:18:19,384 --> 00:18:21,553 Yeah. Me too. 838 00:18:21,594 --> 00:18:25,140 Look, can I tell you something 839 00:18:21,594 --> 00:18:25,140 I've never told anyone before? 840 00:18:25,181 --> 00:18:29,602 My time undercover in the Mafia 841 00:18:25,181 --> 00:18:29,602 was actually kind of lame. 842 00:18:29,645 --> 00:18:31,604 I mean, I wanted it 843 00:18:29,645 --> 00:18:31,604 to be badass, 844 00:18:31,647 --> 00:18:33,732 but I'm good at computers, 845 00:18:31,647 --> 00:18:33,732 so I mostly just helped them 846 00:18:33,773 --> 00:18:34,899 switch over from AOL. 847 00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:38,069 I have no idea 848 00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:38,069 what you're going through. 849 00:18:38,111 --> 00:18:40,905 And I want to tell you that it's 850 00:18:38,111 --> 00:18:40,905 all gonna go back to normal, 851 00:18:40,947 --> 00:18:42,866 but honestly, I have no clue. 852 00:18:45,703 --> 00:18:47,746 Anyways, the footage came back 853 00:18:45,703 --> 00:18:47,746 on that B&E, 854 00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:49,289 and we've got a suspect. 855 00:18:49,330 --> 00:18:51,667 I'm going to bust him right now 856 00:18:49,330 --> 00:18:51,667 if you want to come with me. 857 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,295 Why don't you 858 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,295 give me those eggs? 859 00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:56,588 I'll put them on top here. 860 00:18:57,881 --> 00:18:59,507 Okay. 861 00:18:59,549 --> 00:19:01,259 What was that about? 862 00:18:59,549 --> 00:19:01,259 What happened to you? 863 00:19:01,301 --> 00:19:02,761 Maggie, butt out! 864 00:19:02,802 --> 00:19:04,763 Okay? 865 00:19:02,802 --> 00:19:04,763 This is my life! 866 00:19:04,804 --> 00:19:05,972 So I just received word 867 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,683 from our friend 868 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,683 at the Guffin Foundation. 869 00:19:07,725 --> 00:19:10,185 Apparently they loved 870 00:19:07,725 --> 00:19:10,185 our video submission. 871 00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:11,729 What did you send them? 872 00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:13,731 A cinematic masterpiece 873 00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:13,731 is what I sent them. 874 00:19:13,772 --> 00:19:15,315 Did it feature pizzazz? 875 00:19:15,356 --> 00:19:17,192 No, none at all, sir. 876 00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:19,695 First, I couldn't wrap my head 877 00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:19,695 around that concept, 878 00:19:19,737 --> 00:19:21,237 but then I realized: 879 00:19:21,279 --> 00:19:23,615 do you know which dogs get 880 00:19:21,279 --> 00:19:23,615 the most likes on the internet? 881 00:19:23,657 --> 00:19:25,033 Anatolian Shepherds. 882 00:19:25,074 --> 00:19:27,620 No, ugly little runts 883 00:19:27,661 --> 00:19:31,581 with wonky eyes and tongues that 884 00:19:27,661 --> 00:19:31,581 won't stay in their mouths. 885 00:19:31,624 --> 00:19:32,750 But the Anatolian Shepherd 886 00:19:32,791 --> 00:19:34,542 is unrivaled 887 00:19:32,791 --> 00:19:34,542 for protecting livestock. 888 00:19:34,584 --> 00:19:36,169 I was trying to wow them, 889 00:19:36,211 --> 00:19:40,006 and I should have just been 890 00:19:36,211 --> 00:19:40,006 showcasing our wonk-eye. 891 00:19:41,717 --> 00:19:44,803 We were trying our hardest, 892 00:19:41,717 --> 00:19:44,803 but this is a disgrace. 893 00:19:44,844 --> 00:19:47,013 Disgrace, disgrace. 894 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,973 Help us. 895 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,973 Stop it. 896 00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:54,145 And that's real audio of 897 00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:54,145 your very-real diva meltdown. 898 00:19:54,187 --> 00:19:57,232 You might just make it 899 00:19:54,187 --> 00:19:57,232 as an actor after all. 900 00:19:57,273 --> 00:19:58,608 Well done, Linetti. 901 00:19:58,651 --> 00:19:59,735 Sergeant Linetti. 902 00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:02,028 I had the fake Holt 903 00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:02,028 give me a promotion. 904 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,947 He signed the papers 905 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,947 and everything. 906 00:20:05,532 --> 00:20:06,742 What do you want? 907 00:20:06,784 --> 00:20:09,327 To tell you that we will 908 00:20:06,784 --> 00:20:09,327 officially be renaming 909 00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:15,041 the fourth-floor break room 910 00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:15,041 "The Marge Bronigan Break Room." 911 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,209 Well. 912 00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:17,795 Looks like somebody 913 00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:17,795 did their homework. 914 00:20:17,836 --> 00:20:19,170 It was me. 915 00:20:17,836 --> 00:20:19,170 I did it. 916 00:20:19,212 --> 00:20:20,171 So what's the catch? 917 00:20:20,213 --> 00:20:22,257 The ceremony 918 00:20:20,213 --> 00:20:22,257 starts in two hours. 919 00:20:22,298 --> 00:20:25,093 Now, I know our squad 920 00:20:22,298 --> 00:20:25,093 is not in the janitor's union, 921 00:20:25,134 --> 00:20:26,886 but it'd sure be nice 922 00:20:25,134 --> 00:20:26,886 if we were allowed 923 00:20:26,928 --> 00:20:29,138 to clean the place up 924 00:20:26,928 --> 00:20:29,138 before then. 925 00:20:30,932 --> 00:20:32,810 We cleaned up the stew, 926 00:20:32,851 --> 00:20:38,356 which means the Marge Bronigan 927 00:20:32,851 --> 00:20:38,356 Break Room is open for business! 928 00:20:38,398 --> 00:20:41,234 Okay, we'll take out your 929 00:20:38,398 --> 00:20:41,234 trash, do normal cleaning, 930 00:20:41,276 --> 00:20:42,653 but no big messes. 931 00:20:42,695 --> 00:20:44,612 Great! 932 00:20:42,695 --> 00:20:44,612 Time for the christening. 933 00:20:48,283 --> 00:20:50,159 Oh, crap. 934 00:20:54,038 --> 00:20:55,791 Congratulations. 935 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:59,085 Perp is on the third floor. 936 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:59,085 Everyone know your assignment? 937 00:20:59,127 --> 00:21:00,253 Mind if I tag along? 938 00:21:00,295 --> 00:21:01,630 Pimento? 939 00:21:01,672 --> 00:21:02,840 I thought about it. 940 00:21:02,881 --> 00:21:04,424 If you say things 941 00:21:02,881 --> 00:21:04,424 will get back to normal, 942 00:21:04,465 --> 00:21:07,051 then I trust you. 943 00:21:07,093 --> 00:21:08,344 All right. 944 00:21:08,386 --> 00:21:09,345 Let's do this. 945 00:21:09,387 --> 00:21:12,181 You're with me, partner. 946 00:21:12,223 --> 00:21:14,225 NYPD! You're under arrest! 947 00:21:14,267 --> 00:21:16,185 You're gonna die! 948 00:21:16,227 --> 00:21:17,896 No, Pimento! 949 00:21:16,227 --> 00:21:17,896 No! 950 00:21:17,937 --> 00:21:19,898 - Not a doctor. 951 00:21:17,937 --> 00:21:19,898 - Shh. 952 00:21:19,939 --> 00:21:21,399 Fremulon.