1 00:00:00,340 --> 00:00:02,713 - Thank you for joining me for what promises to be 2 00:00:02,893 --> 00:00:06,106 The diggity-dopest tree lighting in the history of the nine-nine. 3 00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:07,778 - I don't understand. Where's the tree? 4 00:00:07,778 --> 00:00:10,080 - It was inside us all along. Brilliant, Jake. 5 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,282 - No, Charles, not everything was inside of us all along. 6 00:00:12,282 --> 00:00:15,025 The tree is right here. 7 00:00:15,025 --> 00:00:16,427 - Cool. Can we go now? 8 00:00:16,427 --> 00:00:18,258 - Obviously not. Behold, 9 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,932 The greatest inflatable tree that 'murica has to offer. 10 00:00:21,942 --> 00:00:24,875 And now, in the immortal words of saint nick, 11 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:26,306 Turn on the compressor. 12 00:00:28,288 --> 00:00:30,851 You hear that? It's the sound of Christmas. 13 00:00:30,851 --> 00:00:32,292 - It's deafening. 14 00:00:32,292 --> 00:00:34,064 - It's getting really big. 15 00:00:34,064 --> 00:00:35,426 What size tree did you get? 16 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,897 - It's a jumbo. 17 00:00:36,897 --> 00:00:38,939 - It says it's ten meters tall. 18 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,942 That's... - roughly 32.81 feet. 19 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,084 Someone unplug it, unplug it now. 20 00:00:44,084 --> 00:00:46,116 - We can't. It swallowed its own plug! 21 00:00:46,116 --> 00:00:48,218 - Everybody run! 22 00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:54,004 - Okay, the tree has been contained. 23 00:00:54,004 --> 00:00:55,335 - Wait, we left a man behind. 24 00:00:55,335 --> 00:00:57,808 - Jake! 25 00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,751 - Well, terry's trapped in the break room forever. 26 00:01:00,751 --> 00:01:02,312 Only thing we can do now is move on with our lives. 27 00:01:02,322 --> 00:01:03,454 It's what terry would've wanted. 28 00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:06,356 - Aah! 29 00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:12,172 - God bless us, every one? 30 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:13,243 - Yeah! 31 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:14,475 Yeah! 32 00:01:34,445 --> 00:01:37,588 - Ah, the Boyles are here. Good tidings. 33 00:01:37,588 --> 00:01:39,059 Genevieve, hello, you're looking... 34 00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:40,391 - Sexy as a minx. 35 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,092 - I was gonna say "festive," due to the scarf. 36 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,505 - The bra underneath is insane. 37 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:45,766 - It is. - Okay. 38 00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:47,037 Parenthood has not changed you two. 39 00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,178 Hey there, Nikolaj, my man. 40 00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:49,980 How you doing? - Hi, Jake, we made daddy 41 00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:52,252 Latvian Christmas cookies. Want one? 42 00:01:52,252 --> 00:01:54,184 - You bet I do. - The potato really 43 00:01:54,184 --> 00:01:55,586 Brings out the vinegar. - Neither of those 44 00:01:55,596 --> 00:01:57,257 Are cookie things. I'm just gonna put that back. 45 00:01:57,257 --> 00:01:58,999 So, you excited for Christmas, bud? 46 00:01:58,999 --> 00:02:01,201 - Yeah, I'm so excited. - This is Nikolaj's 47 00:02:01,201 --> 00:02:04,044 First Christmas because the orphanage kept cancelling it. 48 00:02:04,044 --> 00:02:07,017 Once it was blizzards, one it was fires, and once it was... 49 00:02:07,017 --> 00:02:08,549 - Famine. - That's right, famine. 50 00:02:08,549 --> 00:02:10,090 - Oh. - Papa promised me 51 00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:13,323 The best present ever: A captain Latvia action figure! 52 00:02:13,323 --> 00:02:16,266 - Whoa, captain Latvia? What's his superpower? 53 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,899 Can he talk to moose? - No, possums. 54 00:02:18,909 --> 00:02:20,411 - Worse. - It's a very difficult toy 55 00:02:20,411 --> 00:02:22,072 To get in America, so I was worried 56 00:02:22,082 --> 00:02:24,244 When Charles told Nikolaj he would get him one. 57 00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,246 I said, keep it a surprise, so you don't build up 58 00:02:26,256 --> 00:02:28,519 His expectations, but Charles said, "no way, 59 00:02:28,529 --> 00:02:30,591 I want to build expectations." - well, we all remember 60 00:02:30,591 --> 00:02:32,993 The conversation. Well, work time for daddy. 61 00:02:33,003 --> 00:02:35,666 I'll see you guys later. Okay, I love you guys so much. 62 00:02:35,676 --> 00:02:36,937 - Love you. - All right. 63 00:02:36,937 --> 00:02:39,179 - Bye. - Christmas is gonna be amazing! 64 00:02:39,179 --> 00:02:41,181 Christmas is gonna suck. I don't have the present. 65 00:02:41,181 --> 00:02:42,513 - What? But you promised Nikolaj. 66 00:02:42,523 --> 00:02:44,955 - I ordered it a month ago from a Latvian toy store, 67 00:02:44,955 --> 00:02:46,356 And it still hasn't arrived yet. 68 00:02:46,356 --> 00:02:48,298 The shipping company is giving me the runaround. 69 00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,460 - All right, so just get him a different present, 70 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,331 Like a jet ski or... A hammer. 71 00:02:51,341 --> 00:02:52,433 I don't know what kids are into. 72 00:02:52,443 --> 00:02:53,974 - Genevieve and I worked so hard 73 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,306 To get Nikolaj to trust us when we brought him home. 74 00:02:56,316 --> 00:02:58,178 that's gonna be destroyed, 75 00:02:58,188 --> 00:03:00,120 The way dry rot destroyed his orphanage. 76 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,152 - Trust me, it's gonna be fine. - Really? 77 00:03:02,162 --> 00:03:04,625 'cause you said that about "die hard 5," Jake. 78 00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:07,398 - Oh. 79 00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:09,269 It's not gonna be fine. 80 00:03:09,269 --> 00:03:11,742 - Finally, let's talk about community outreach. 81 00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,343 Does anyone have any ideas about... 82 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,761 - Who are these golden-throated dorks? 83 00:03:20,761 --> 00:03:22,332 - It's the MTA. - That's right. 84 00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,264 The metropolitan transit authority. 85 00:03:24,264 --> 00:03:26,407 - I assumed you've climbed out of your rat tunnels 86 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:29,139 To taunt us about tonight's charity caroling competition. 87 00:03:29,149 --> 00:03:30,551 - No, no, no, of course not. 88 00:03:30,551 --> 00:03:32,783 We're here to wish you luck, since every year we... 89 00:03:36,096 --> 00:03:38,499 - Enough. You may have bested us before, 90 00:03:38,499 --> 00:03:40,571 But throttle back your ambitions. 91 00:03:40,571 --> 00:03:42,332 Our voices are... 92 00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:47,418 - That was terrible. 93 00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:48,679 I hope you're more prepared tonight, 94 00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,320 Or else we'll have to file a missing persons report. 95 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,222 First name: "your." 96 00:03:52,222 --> 00:03:53,394 Last name: "dignity." - mm. 97 00:03:53,394 --> 00:03:55,325 - Come on, crew, let's hit the rails and buses. 98 00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:57,267 Both great ways to get around the city. 99 00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,600 - I hate that we lose to those 100 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:01,341 Pasty-assed mole people every year. 101 00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:02,843 - Oh, there's no point in mincing your words. 102 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,284 They're knaves! 103 00:04:04,284 --> 00:04:06,417 - Captain, you kiss Kevin with that mouth? 104 00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:08,258 - You bet I do. And tonight, 105 00:04:08,258 --> 00:04:09,760 I'm gonna sing with it. 106 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,593 We're taking down the MTA. 107 00:04:17,808 --> 00:04:19,580 - Charles, what are you doing? - Jah-nakeh. 108 00:04:19,580 --> 00:04:21,602 - What? - Jah-keh. 109 00:04:21,602 --> 00:04:23,614 - No idea what you're saying. Why aren't you wearing a jacket? 110 00:04:23,624 --> 00:04:25,225 Oh, jacket, got it. 111 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,459 Aw, it's freezing. What are you doing out here? 112 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,871 - I'm on the phone with Melvin's import-exports, 113 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,733 The bastards who lost my captain Latvia. 114 00:04:32,743 --> 00:04:34,575 Now wrap me in your arms, I need body heat. 115 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,906 - All right. 116 00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:37,848 - And you're nestling. - Ugh, first those jerks said 117 00:04:37,848 --> 00:04:39,850 They lost my package, then they said they found it, 118 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:41,522 Then they had me on hold for three hours. 119 00:04:41,522 --> 00:04:43,353 This is the only place I get reliable reception. 120 00:04:43,363 --> 00:04:45,466 - I'm unwrapping for a sec. - No, why? 121 00:04:45,466 --> 00:04:47,768 - 'cause I need my fingers to save the day 122 00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:49,500 Like a fricking hero. 123 00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:52,673 And... Boom. Melvin's import is in queens. 124 00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,445 Let's just go there right now. - Oh, so they could just 125 00:04:54,445 --> 00:04:56,587 Walk all over me in person instead of on the phone? 126 00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,689 Face it, Jake, I'm weak. - What? Don't talk like that. 127 00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,231 You're very strong, all right? And you're a parent now, 128 00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:02,262 Which makes you even stronger. 129 00:05:02,262 --> 00:05:03,534 I mean, think about all those moms 130 00:05:03,534 --> 00:05:05,566 Who literally lift buses off their kids every day. 131 00:05:05,576 --> 00:05:07,478 - Oh, so you're saying I should 132 00:05:07,478 --> 00:05:08,909 Tap into my mommy strength. 133 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,711 - Yeah, or daddy strength, but whatever. 134 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,454 - Right, time to put some daddy into my mommy. 135 00:05:13,454 --> 00:05:15,526 - Gotta be a better way to phrase that, let's go. 136 00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:17,357 - Okay, let's review our simple harmonies. 137 00:05:17,357 --> 00:05:19,830 When I point at you, hit your note. 138 00:05:29,319 --> 00:05:31,351 - Okay. That was horrible. 139 00:05:31,351 --> 00:05:32,923 - Because I didn't get a chance to rap. 140 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,798 - No, Hitchcock, there's no rapping. 141 00:05:37,798 --> 00:05:39,600 You've grossly misread the situation. 142 00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:41,071 - Maybe we just need to practice more. 143 00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:43,444 I, for one, felt like I was a teeny bit off. 144 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:44,545 - Don't fool yourself, Santiago. 145 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,086 You were the most off of everyone. 146 00:05:46,086 --> 00:05:48,689 - That's enough. Sure, we're untrained. 147 00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:51,432 Yes, our voices sound like garbage, 148 00:05:51,432 --> 00:05:53,904 And, yes, the MTA has a huge head start on us, 149 00:05:53,904 --> 00:05:55,566 And it's embarrassing. 150 00:05:55,576 --> 00:05:56,807 But you know what? 151 00:05:56,807 --> 00:05:59,039 We're the nine-nine. 152 00:05:59,049 --> 00:06:01,852 And nothing can stand in our way. 153 00:06:01,852 --> 00:06:02,953 - She's right. 154 00:06:02,953 --> 00:06:04,685 We're gonna beat their butts tonight. 155 00:06:04,685 --> 00:06:05,686 - Oh, tonight? 156 00:06:05,696 --> 00:06:06,687 Tonight, tonight? 157 00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:08,399 Yeah, I can't. 158 00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,100 I have "Hamilton" tickets. Oh, well. 159 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,131 Good luck. Peace. 160 00:06:11,131 --> 00:06:12,773 - I'm out too. 161 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,475 I mean, if we're just gonna be humiliated, I don't s... 162 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,746 Wait, shut up. - Did you just tell 163 00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,978 Yourself to shut up? - Yeah, now you shut up too. 164 00:06:19,790 --> 00:06:22,423 - You hear that? - It's an angel 165 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,024 Who will save us. 166 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,468 - It's coming from the bullpen. 167 00:06:31,542 --> 00:06:32,743 - Who's singing? 168 00:06:32,743 --> 00:06:34,144 Is it one of the uniformed officers? 169 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,946 - No, it is not. 170 00:06:39,129 --> 00:06:42,032 - Our angel's a criminal. - And our angel is drunk. 171 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,537 The angel puked. 172 00:06:46,537 --> 00:06:49,540 - Hey, you Melvin? - I am, who are you? 173 00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:53,013 - I'm Charles, from being on hold, and I want my package. 174 00:06:53,023 --> 00:06:55,025 - Yeah, I already told you, that package isn't here. 175 00:06:55,025 --> 00:06:57,027 - Well, I made a sacred promise to my son, and you're not 176 00:06:57,027 --> 00:07:00,200 Gonna make a liar out of me, so why don't you take another look? 177 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:04,475 We'll wait. 'cause we've got all... 178 00:07:04,475 --> 00:07:08,018 Night... Long. 179 00:07:08,018 --> 00:07:09,650 - Damn. - Oh, I don't know 180 00:07:09,650 --> 00:07:11,592 If you knew this, but... I'm a cop. 181 00:07:11,592 --> 00:07:13,894 So maybe this time, don't lie to me. 182 00:07:13,894 --> 00:07:15,566 - Hey, I didn't know you guys were police. 183 00:07:15,566 --> 00:07:18,198 - Well, now you do, genius. 184 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,271 - How do you keep doing that? - I don't know. 185 00:07:21,271 --> 00:07:23,143 - All right, all right, hold on. Look, there's a Latvian gang, 186 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,586 Okay, the Gals Skepu. They smuggle guns 187 00:07:25,586 --> 00:07:26,917 In containers that come from Latvia. 188 00:07:26,917 --> 00:07:28,759 Sometimes there's other packages that get lost 189 00:07:28,759 --> 00:07:30,891 In the process, okay? If you want to find yours, 190 00:07:30,891 --> 00:07:33,163 You gotta find them. - Gun-running gangsters, huh? 191 00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:35,836 - Well, looks like we're gonna take down the Latvian mob. 192 00:07:35,836 --> 00:07:38,078 - Hell yeah, we are. 193 00:07:38,078 --> 00:07:41,552 is it bleeding? 194 00:07:41,552 --> 00:07:42,753 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - Charles, is it bleeding? 195 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,234 - Thanks, Melvin. - I want a band-aid. 196 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:48,058 - Hey. - Hey. 197 00:07:48,058 --> 00:07:49,730 - I just talked to Crawford from organized crime. 198 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,702 Apparently, the Gals Skepu are major gun-runners 199 00:07:51,702 --> 00:07:53,033 On the east coast. Their leader's got 200 00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:55,275 An office in the back. Also, great chest hair. 201 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,778 - Ah, Genevieve calls it "the plume of Boyle." 202 00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,179 - Aww, that's so yucky. 203 00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:01,291 Hey, do you think this shirt is offensive? 204 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:03,153 I'm just not sure how it fits into my ensemble. 205 00:08:03,163 --> 00:08:04,164 - Come on, focus, Jake. 206 00:08:04,164 --> 00:08:06,126 My boy's happiness is at stake. 207 00:08:06,136 --> 00:08:08,068 I mean, read the email Genevieve just sent me. 208 00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:09,370 Skip the part about her bra. 209 00:08:09,370 --> 00:08:11,171 - Impossible, it's in all caps, bolded. 210 00:08:11,171 --> 00:08:12,973 - Oh. - Here we go: "nik-nik is so 211 00:08:12,983 --> 00:08:14,815 Excited you're getting him captain Latvia." 212 00:08:14,815 --> 00:08:16,947 And then there's a photo of him karate chopping a cat. 213 00:08:16,957 --> 00:08:19,820 - Oh, yeah, that's captain Latvia's move, the Riga hammer. 214 00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,762 You hit a guy here, he goes down instantly. 215 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,363 - Sounds a little far-fetched. - Okay, well, tell that 216 00:08:23,363 --> 00:08:25,666 To captain Latvia's enemies. Oh, wait, you can't 217 00:08:25,676 --> 00:08:27,908 Because they're unconscious. - Okay, the door is guarded 218 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,710 By the mob. You wanna figure out our plan? 219 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,111 - Already did. 220 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,384 Mommy's gonna talk her way in. 221 00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:37,828 Hey there, jokers. I got a joke for you: 222 00:08:37,828 --> 00:08:41,872 What did one Estonian farmer say to the other? 223 00:08:41,872 --> 00:08:44,745 Our crop yields are so much smaller 224 00:08:44,745 --> 00:08:47,307 Than that of mighty Latvia. 225 00:08:55,025 --> 00:08:57,698 - Okay. Come on in. 226 00:08:57,698 --> 00:09:00,340 - Oh, laughing is fun. 227 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:03,173 - The question on the table is, do we add a velvet-voiced 228 00:09:03,183 --> 00:09:06,847 Drunkard to our caroling group, or do we lose miserably like 229 00:09:06,857 --> 00:09:09,159 A bunch of miserable losers? 230 00:09:09,159 --> 00:09:11,361 I say we do it, and I'm the boss. 231 00:09:11,361 --> 00:09:13,363 Therefore, meeting adjourned. 232 00:09:13,363 --> 00:09:16,407 - I can't believe you're even considering this, captain. 233 00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:17,908 The guy's a criminal. 234 00:09:17,908 --> 00:09:20,040 - Barely. It was public intoxication. 235 00:09:20,050 --> 00:09:22,312 All he did was pee on a couple snowmen. 236 00:09:22,322 --> 00:09:23,514 And one regular man. 237 00:09:23,524 --> 00:09:25,786 - Plus, it'll count toward his community service. 238 00:09:25,796 --> 00:09:28,058 In a certain way, we'll be furthering 239 00:09:28,058 --> 00:09:29,400 The cause of justice. 240 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,832 - Santiago, breaking the rules makes you all sweaty. 241 00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:34,174 You can't be okay with this. 242 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,477 - These pits are bone-dry. The drunk sings. 243 00:09:36,477 --> 00:09:39,019 - The drunk sings. 244 00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:42,152 - Thank you very much. Did you unbutton another button? 245 00:09:42,162 --> 00:09:44,294 - Eyes up here, Jake. So, did you learn anything, 246 00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:46,827 Or were you just staring at my body the whole time? 247 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,099 - Weird, but I did find out who the manager is, 248 00:09:49,109 --> 00:09:50,811 And I'm almost positive she's got a key to 249 00:09:50,811 --> 00:09:51,972 The back office on her right now. 250 00:09:51,972 --> 00:09:53,043 Her name is Svetlana. 251 00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:55,115 - Thanks. I'll take it from here. 252 00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:56,947 - Wait, Charles, she doesn't speak any English, 253 00:09:56,957 --> 00:09:58,358 And we don't wanna blow our cover. 254 00:09:58,358 --> 00:10:00,461 Do you speak any Latvian? - Well, I learned a few phrases 255 00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:04,334 For Nikolaj, but I'm not gonna use words with Svetlana. 256 00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:05,906 - Don't say you're gonna use your musk. 257 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,238 - I'm gonna use my musk. - Okay. 258 00:10:11,952 --> 00:10:13,384 It's a pretty juicy crowd out there. 259 00:10:13,384 --> 00:10:15,125 Okay, everyone, remember your role. 260 00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:17,558 Patrick, solos. Scully, mouth percussion. 261 00:10:17,558 --> 00:10:19,960 Rosa, mouth percussion. Amy, silent mouth percussion... 262 00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:21,101 - I can't even mouth percuss? 263 00:10:21,101 --> 00:10:22,873 - No. Terry, mouth percussion. 264 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:25,345 Hitchcock... Stay backstage. - You got it. 265 00:10:25,345 --> 00:10:28,248 - We walk out one by one, bum-bum-bumming, 266 00:10:28,248 --> 00:10:30,350 Then Patrick sings us to victory. 267 00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:32,322 - Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for 268 00:10:32,322 --> 00:10:33,994 "the 99th precinct." 269 00:10:46,086 --> 00:10:48,018 - Now, Patrick. Now. 270 00:10:48,018 --> 00:10:50,521 - Mm-mm. Mm-mm, no, too many people. 271 00:10:50,531 --> 00:10:52,232 Too many. 272 00:10:53,964 --> 00:10:55,466 - Sir, say something. 273 00:10:55,466 --> 00:10:59,209 - I'm sorry, but there's been a police emergency. 274 00:10:59,209 --> 00:11:01,051 There's a bomb. 275 00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:05,556 Not here, far away, but they still need us. 276 00:11:05,556 --> 00:11:07,528 So... Merry Christmas. 277 00:11:07,528 --> 00:11:11,001 And... Don't think about the bomb. 278 00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:12,172 Bye. 279 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:16,046 - That sounded great. - Not now, Hitchcock. 280 00:11:16,046 --> 00:11:17,448 What the hell happened out there, Patrick? 281 00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:19,650 - I'm really sorry. There were so many people. 282 00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:21,351 I-I got stage fright. - I don't get it. 283 00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:23,694 You had no problem singing in front of the entire precinct. 284 00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:24,995 - I was drunk. 285 00:11:24,995 --> 00:11:26,697 Alcohol gives me the courage to sing. 286 00:11:26,697 --> 00:11:28,569 - And the courage to pee on snow people. 287 00:11:28,569 --> 00:11:30,701 - Well, well, well. 288 00:11:30,711 --> 00:11:32,112 I made a couple calls, 289 00:11:32,112 --> 00:11:34,014 And imagine my surprise when I found out 290 00:11:34,014 --> 00:11:36,687 That the only bomb out there was you guys. 291 00:11:36,687 --> 00:11:39,159 - Yeah, well, it looks like the only train in here 292 00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:41,131 Is the train. - Tell him, Amy. 293 00:11:41,131 --> 00:11:44,435 - Train, training, training wheels. 294 00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,336 - You're circling, find it, find it. 295 00:11:46,336 --> 00:11:48,379 - Wheels! You are wheels. 296 00:11:48,379 --> 00:11:49,510 - Nope. 297 00:11:56,226 --> 00:11:58,499 - Fantastic dancer. 298 00:12:01,772 --> 00:12:04,645 Wow, Boyle, you got more moves than bobby Fischer 299 00:12:04,645 --> 00:12:06,477 Who I saw a documentary about last week. 300 00:12:06,477 --> 00:12:08,278 - Flattery will get you everywhere, Jake. 301 00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,220 Follow me. I figure we got 15 minutes 302 00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:11,492 Before the pheromones wear off, 303 00:12:11,492 --> 00:12:12,853 And she realizes I took the key. 304 00:12:12,863 --> 00:12:15,225 I was spraying 'em like a skunk out there. 305 00:12:15,225 --> 00:12:16,497 - Ugh. 306 00:12:16,497 --> 00:12:18,338 I got nothing. No shipping records, 307 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:19,840 No addresses, nothing about illegal guns, 308 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,271 And nothing about captain Latvia. 309 00:12:21,271 --> 00:12:22,643 - Well, they're obviously not gonna broadcast 310 00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:24,375 What they did with captain Latvia. 311 00:12:24,385 --> 00:12:26,036 They're not fools. - We should go. 312 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,688 We've been here too long. This is getting dangerous. 313 00:12:27,688 --> 00:12:29,820 - Well, danger is my maiden name. 314 00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,662 - Middle name. - So you better keep looking, 315 00:12:31,662 --> 00:12:33,794 Because I'm not gonna let my kid down, not tonight. 316 00:12:33,804 --> 00:12:35,406 - Ugh. 317 00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:36,667 Crap, we've got company. 318 00:12:36,677 --> 00:12:37,838 I told you we had to leave. 319 00:12:37,838 --> 00:12:40,411 - I found a tablet. This could be something. 320 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,383 - Hey, thank god you're here. 321 00:12:42,383 --> 00:12:43,654 Do you think this shirt is offensive? 322 00:12:44,925 --> 00:12:45,926 - Do the Riga hammer. 323 00:12:45,926 --> 00:12:47,257 - But that's not a real thing. 324 00:12:47,257 --> 00:12:48,499 Ahh! 325 00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:49,830 - Jake! 326 00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:53,834 - Oh, you wanna do this in Latvian? 327 00:12:53,844 --> 00:12:54,945 Fine. 328 00:13:01,892 --> 00:13:03,754 - oh! 329 00:13:06,697 --> 00:13:07,738 - What were you guys talking about? 330 00:13:07,738 --> 00:13:09,059 Did he think the shirt was racist? 331 00:13:12,242 --> 00:13:13,874 - so, pretty crazy how you 332 00:13:13,884 --> 00:13:15,486 Took out that Latvian mob guy back there. 333 00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:17,688 - I know, I felt like a superhero, like the hulk's mom. 334 00:13:17,688 --> 00:13:19,890 - Why the mom? - Hey, is there anything 335 00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:21,732 On that tablet that will lead us to his toy? 336 00:13:21,732 --> 00:13:23,564 - I don't know, it's locked, but don't worry. 337 00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:25,265 Our tech guys will get it open in no time. 338 00:13:25,265 --> 00:13:26,767 - Pssh, I don't have time for those dorks. 339 00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,379 - What? But you love ted and Craig. 340 00:13:28,379 --> 00:13:29,610 You fly kites with them every weekend. 341 00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:30,881 - They're good guys. Give me the damn tablet! 342 00:13:30,881 --> 00:13:32,352 - What? No, Charles, you're driving. 343 00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:34,755 - Ugh. 1234? Nope. 344 00:13:34,755 --> 00:13:36,727 5555? Damn it. - Stop. 345 00:13:36,727 --> 00:13:38,028 If you keep getting it wrong, we're gonna get 346 00:13:38,028 --> 00:13:41,432 Locked out forever. - That's a risk I have to take. 347 00:13:41,432 --> 00:13:44,375 Boom, did it, 5683. Fifth most common 348 00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:45,906 Pass code this year. It spells... 349 00:13:45,906 --> 00:13:47,608 "love." - "fart." yep, "love." 350 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,219 - Now find me something I could use. 351 00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:50,821 - Never thought I'd have to say "a please would be nice," 352 00:13:50,821 --> 00:13:52,553 But okay. Oh, here we go. 353 00:13:52,553 --> 00:13:53,794 There are a bunch of messages 354 00:13:53,794 --> 00:13:55,325 About a warehouse in crown heights. 355 00:13:55,325 --> 00:13:56,667 - Crown heights, that's where we're going. 356 00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,539 - hey, Charles, 357 00:13:58,539 --> 00:14:01,712 That was a yellow light! - I proceeded with caution. 358 00:14:05,646 --> 00:14:08,659 - Those MTA jerks just texted us a gif of a cartoon 359 00:14:08,659 --> 00:14:11,632 Subway train mooning a cop. They sent it from the stage. 360 00:14:11,632 --> 00:14:13,494 - We cannot let this stand. 361 00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:14,765 But there's no way we can beat them. 362 00:14:14,765 --> 00:14:15,866 What do we do? 363 00:14:15,866 --> 00:14:16,937 - My rapping's still on the table. 364 00:14:16,937 --> 00:14:18,679 - It's not even in the dining room. 365 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:20,541 We need a new singer. 366 00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:21,882 - I hate to say this, 367 00:14:21,882 --> 00:14:23,854 But I think we should withdraw from the competition. 368 00:14:23,854 --> 00:14:25,626 - Smart, then we can sit in the audience 369 00:14:25,626 --> 00:14:27,588 And throw batteries at those mta-holes. 370 00:14:27,598 --> 00:14:30,100 - Guys, personally, I think we should go out there 371 00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:31,502 And just sing our best. 372 00:14:31,502 --> 00:14:32,933 Caroling isn't about competing. 373 00:14:32,943 --> 00:14:34,475 It's about having fun together. 374 00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:35,646 - Well, now that you put it that way, Scully, 375 00:14:35,646 --> 00:14:38,118 It makes me realize Rosa and terry are right. 376 00:14:38,118 --> 00:14:39,880 I say we quit the competition 377 00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:41,852 And hurl projectiles at the MTA. 378 00:14:41,852 --> 00:14:42,993 - What's up, y'all? 379 00:14:42,993 --> 00:14:44,925 Guess who just saved your asses? 380 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,817 That's right. 381 00:14:46,817 --> 00:14:48,699 Miss not good enough to audibly percuss. 382 00:14:48,699 --> 00:14:51,041 - Who? - Me! I saved the flipping day. 383 00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:52,643 Got Patrick drunk, listen. 384 00:14:54,585 --> 00:14:56,517 - Are you serious, Santiago? 385 00:14:56,517 --> 00:14:58,158 That is ethically questionable. 386 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:00,791 Ugh. 387 00:15:00,791 --> 00:15:03,494 It's a bus pooping on a police car. 388 00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:05,205 Let's beat those bastards. 389 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,167 - Okay, this looks like the place. 390 00:15:07,177 --> 00:15:09,039 Now, let's get in there and take down some bad boys. 391 00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,811 - Hell yes, let's do that, in 10 minutes 392 00:15:10,811 --> 00:15:12,653 After backup arrives, and not until then. 393 00:15:12,653 --> 00:15:15,526 - Look, I want this to be a very special day for Nikolaj. 394 00:15:15,526 --> 00:15:17,057 - There's a gang of armed men in there, 395 00:15:17,057 --> 00:15:18,529 And we've done zero recon. 396 00:15:18,529 --> 00:15:19,900 I won't let you go in, I mean it. 397 00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,473 - all right. 398 00:15:22,473 --> 00:15:24,234 We'll wait for back up. 399 00:15:24,244 --> 00:15:25,606 - Great, thank you. 400 00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:36,066 - Only I'm not waiting. 401 00:15:36,066 --> 00:15:38,769 - What? Charles, no. 402 00:15:38,769 --> 00:15:42,613 Charles, stop scooching. 403 00:15:42,613 --> 00:15:44,074 - I am going to scooch. You don't tell me 404 00:15:44,084 --> 00:15:46,186 When to scooch. - I can't get by. 405 00:15:46,186 --> 00:15:48,959 Curse my beautiful bubble butt. - See, all Boyle men are blessed 406 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:51,261 With a flat ass, which is perfect for scooching. 407 00:15:51,261 --> 00:15:53,193 - Why are you acting this way? - 'cause I made a promise 408 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,835 To my son. You can't understand 'cause 409 00:15:54,835 --> 00:15:56,607 You're not a father. You never will be. 410 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,238 - Hey, yes, I will! - When, Jake? 411 00:15:58,238 --> 00:15:59,239 We're all waiting. 412 00:15:59,239 --> 00:16:00,581 - What are we even arguing about now? 413 00:16:00,581 --> 00:16:02,653 - It's about me saving Christmas, duh. 414 00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:04,655 Oh, damn it, my pants are snagged, 415 00:16:04,655 --> 00:16:06,687 - Ha-hah! Now you have to wait for backup. 416 00:16:06,697 --> 00:16:08,088 - No, I don't. 417 00:16:08,098 --> 00:16:11,131 I'm gonna shimmy them off. 418 00:16:11,131 --> 00:16:14,134 - Oh, god, the eye contact is the worst part. 419 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,808 - Ah. 420 00:16:17,818 --> 00:16:19,349 I told you, Jake. 421 00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,321 I'll do anything to perk up my little man. 422 00:16:21,321 --> 00:16:24,324 - You gotta know how gross that sounds in your underwear. 423 00:16:24,324 --> 00:16:26,767 - Thank you for allowing us to return. 424 00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,168 Turns out there wasn't a bomb. 425 00:16:28,168 --> 00:16:31,271 It was a clock made by an over-achieving minority student. 426 00:16:31,271 --> 00:16:32,713 What a world we live in. 427 00:16:32,713 --> 00:16:34,114 Now let's sing. 428 00:16:58,859 --> 00:17:01,772 Yeah, I said it. New york city sucks. 429 00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:03,934 Hoboken for life! Whoo! 430 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,879 - Can't talk right now, Jake. I'm a busy little bee. 431 00:17:08,879 --> 00:17:10,050 - Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up. 432 00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:11,452 Just tell me what's going on 433 00:17:11,452 --> 00:17:13,253 So I know where to send backup when it arrives. 434 00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:15,025 - Uh, I'm north of the loading bay. 435 00:17:15,025 --> 00:17:17,167 I have eyes on the shipment. There are only ten guys. 436 00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:18,869 - Only? That's too many guys. 437 00:17:18,869 --> 00:17:20,070 - They're removing guns. 438 00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:21,712 All right, they're taking the other boxes... 439 00:17:21,712 --> 00:17:23,013 Oh, no, they're burning them. They're gonna 440 00:17:23,013 --> 00:17:25,045 Burn captain Latvia. I have to go right now. 441 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,017 - It's too risky. They have a ton of weapons. 442 00:17:27,017 --> 00:17:28,348 - Doesn't matter. I'm going in there, 443 00:17:28,358 --> 00:17:30,320 And no one can stop me. 444 00:17:32,162 --> 00:17:34,264 The Riga hammer. It works. 445 00:17:37,337 --> 00:17:38,479 - Ugh, where am I? 446 00:17:38,479 --> 00:17:40,210 Why the hell am I wearing pants? 447 00:17:40,210 --> 00:17:43,253 - Oh, I put 'em back on you after I Riga hammered you. 448 00:17:43,253 --> 00:17:45,125 - yeah, it works. 449 00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:46,387 Insane. - Oh... 450 00:17:46,387 --> 00:17:48,799 - Look, I couldn't let you go in there solo. 451 00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:50,901 I'm sorry, I feel terrible for saving your life. 452 00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:52,332 - Enough of your dumb apologies, Jake. 453 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:54,274 Swat's here, we have to move on these guys now. 454 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,806 - No, Charles, you know what I realized 455 00:17:55,806 --> 00:17:56,877 When I saw you standing over there 456 00:17:56,877 --> 00:17:58,048 In your underwear? 457 00:17:58,048 --> 00:17:59,380 - That my butt is like a sexy piece of drywall? 458 00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:01,121 - What? No, eww. 459 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,953 - You guys gonna be much longer? It's Christmas eve. 460 00:18:02,953 --> 00:18:04,795 - Just give us one sec, Marv. 461 00:18:04,795 --> 00:18:06,196 No, what I realized is, the best gift 462 00:18:06,196 --> 00:18:08,399 You can give Nikolaj is not captain Latvia. 463 00:18:08,399 --> 00:18:10,401 - What? - It's you, being there 464 00:18:10,411 --> 00:18:13,073 With him, alive. - But I promised him... 465 00:18:13,073 --> 00:18:14,855 - Yeah, but you also promised him 466 00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:16,637 You were gonna be his father. - I'm worried 467 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,419 We're gonna lose tactical. - Back off, Marv, we get it. 468 00:18:18,419 --> 00:18:20,020 - Come on, Marvin. - Look, we can handle this 469 00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:22,393 Without you... just go home. - Thanks, Jake. 470 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,264 And I'm sorry I said you'll never be a dad. 471 00:18:24,264 --> 00:18:26,507 You will be, and you can make it happen tonight. 472 00:18:26,507 --> 00:18:29,039 Just go to Amy and make sure afterwards that she holds 473 00:18:29,039 --> 00:18:30,110 Her knees to her chest for at least... 474 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,382 - All right, I think I'm good on this. 475 00:18:31,382 --> 00:18:33,384 - Okay. - Yeah. 476 00:18:36,857 --> 00:18:38,629 All right, Marv, 477 00:18:38,629 --> 00:18:39,630 Be honest with me. 478 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:40,961 What do you think of this shirt? 479 00:18:40,971 --> 00:18:42,202 - It's a little inappropriate. 480 00:18:42,202 --> 00:18:43,634 - I knew it. All right, 481 00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,446 Let's just go on three. Ready? 482 00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:48,509 One, two, go, go, go, go, go, go. 483 00:18:48,519 --> 00:18:50,921 - Once again, the MTA has bested us. 484 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,053 We should never have trusted a Hoboken drunk. 485 00:18:53,053 --> 00:18:57,428 - "Hamilton" was amazing! 486 00:18:57,438 --> 00:18:59,299 How is no one talking about this musical? 487 00:18:59,299 --> 00:19:01,071 It's so good. 488 00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:05,215 Wow, you guys look more upset than Aaron burr, sir. 489 00:19:05,215 --> 00:19:06,517 That's from the musical "Hamilton," 490 00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,288 Which I just discovered, basically. 491 00:19:08,288 --> 00:19:09,990 - We lost the caroling competition. 492 00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,221 - And now we hate singing. 493 00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:13,163 - Almost as much as we hate the MTA. 494 00:19:13,163 --> 00:19:14,995 - Yeah, so we should prank call their tip line 495 00:19:15,005 --> 00:19:16,607 With a series of well-crafted insults. 496 00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:19,139 - We should toilet paper their houses. 497 00:19:19,139 --> 00:19:21,712 - With rocks. - Come on, guys. 498 00:19:21,712 --> 00:19:24,455 Getting back at people isn't what Christmas is all about. 499 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,457 It's about being together, as a family. 500 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,229 So you can plot your petty revenge, but I, for one, 501 00:19:29,229 --> 00:19:32,232 Am gonna carol my heart out. 502 00:19:32,232 --> 00:19:33,974 - I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you just said. 503 00:19:33,974 --> 00:19:36,146 That stain on your pants looks exactly like Bryan Cranston. 504 00:19:36,146 --> 00:19:37,978 - That's who it is. - Ooh, that's right. 505 00:19:37,978 --> 00:19:38,979 - Yeah, been staring at it for an hour. 506 00:19:38,979 --> 00:19:39,980 - That's it. - Oh. 507 00:19:41,752 --> 00:19:44,354 - Hey. - Jake, what happened? 508 00:19:44,364 --> 00:19:46,026 - Well, we arrested 12 guys, 509 00:19:46,026 --> 00:19:47,728 Confiscated 35 automatic weapons, 510 00:19:47,738 --> 00:19:49,239 And I found captain Latvia. 511 00:19:49,239 --> 00:19:51,221 - You did? Oh, my god! 512 00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:53,213 - Uh, melted. I found him extremely melted. 513 00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:54,545 And grotesque. Probably should've 514 00:19:54,545 --> 00:19:57,317 Strung that together faster. - Well, that's okay. 515 00:19:57,317 --> 00:19:59,259 You taught me that Christmas isn't about presents. 516 00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:01,422 - No, forget all that crap. Presents rule. 517 00:20:01,432 --> 00:20:04,435 Here, give him this. From you. 518 00:20:04,435 --> 00:20:07,408 - It's a police man, just like you, papa. 519 00:20:07,408 --> 00:20:09,179 This is the coolest present ever. 520 00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:11,311 "I'm detective papa, and I'm going to go 521 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:14,284 To the farmers market. I hope they have aged Gouda." 522 00:20:14,284 --> 00:20:17,127 - Oh, my god, I'm melting. 523 00:20:17,127 --> 00:20:18,829 I'm literally turning into a puddle. 524 00:20:18,829 --> 00:20:20,060 Genevieve, hold me. 525 00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:22,072 - I got you, babe. 526 00:20:22,072 --> 00:20:25,706 Oh, honey, that flat ass is perched right on top of my Ute. 527 00:20:25,706 --> 00:20:27,107 - I'm gonna pretend none of that was said 528 00:20:27,117 --> 00:20:28,208 For the sake of the child. 529 00:20:29,580 --> 00:20:32,393 Wait a minute, is that... Scully? 530 00:20:43,514 --> 00:20:45,486 Hey, guys, thought I'd spread the Christmas cheer. 531 00:20:45,486 --> 00:20:47,888 - Cool, so you're just out here caroling solo? 532 00:20:47,888 --> 00:20:49,259 - Yeah, I guess you could say that. 533 00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:51,492 - No, you can't. He's not solo. 534 00:20:51,492 --> 00:20:53,594 - You guys came. - Damn right we did. 535 00:20:53,604 --> 00:20:56,366 - A one, a two, a one, two, three... 536 00:21:01,882 --> 00:21:04,455 - They're really bad singers, papa. 537 00:21:04,455 --> 00:21:07,458 - Yes, they are. They're horrible. 538 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,635 - Not a doctor. - Shh.