- Good morning, everyone. - Oh. My. Goodness.
Sarge.
What. Are. The. Chances?
- I say zero? - Ugh!
I mean, when Genevieve got me these suspenders,
I thought I'd lean into it and go for the whole look,
but I didn't want to step on your toes.
That being said, you know what this means.
- Don't do this, Charles. - Oh, it's already done.
Gather round, y'all.
It's time to play
"Who Wore It Best?"
- I'd really rather not.
- Because you're a wittle chicken?
Who wore it best? Who wore it best?
Who wore it beeest?
- Terry. - What?
- Come on! - You should change, Boyle.
- Fine. - Not here!
- Hey, Peralta. - How's it going, man?
- Pretty good.
Thanks for asking.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- So how's it going? - I'm still pretty good.
- Nothing has changed. - I hadn't heard about that.
- All right, you're clearly not listening to me.
- I can say whatever I want. - Tell me about it.
- I murdered Charles this weekend.
- I feel you.
- Now that I have the taste for blood,
- I can't stop murdering. - Been there.
- Okay, Sarge. Sarge?
- Jake. - When'd you get here?
- Wow. - I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to see if Captain Holt
is done with his meeting yet.
So, how's it going?
- Okay. We've been over this. - I'm pretty good.
Why are you acting so weird?
- I'm nervous. - I'm gonna talk to Captain Holt
about getting me more responsibility.
Well, got to go.
"Die Hard." Explosions. Whatever.
- Wait, no!
Just when the conversation was getting interesting!
- Hello, Captain Raymond Holt,
it is I, Sergeant Terrance Jeffords,
your friend, but more importantly, your employee.
- I've never heard you speak like this, Sergeant.
I like it.
Each sentence so rife with information.
- Go on, please. - Thank you.
I can do more, sir.
I'd like to take on additional responsibilities.
- Good. I like seeing you take initiative.
Let's see what there is.
One Police Plaza is looking for a City Council liaison.
That's a rewarding but challenging opportunity,
but I think you'll do a great job.
- That sounds perfect. - Thank you, Captain.
- My pleasure. The application is due tomorrow.
- Okay. - It's 96 pages.
- Okay. Okay. - Not including
a 4,000-word personal essay.
- Okay. Okay. Okay. - Will that be a problem?
- No!
Not a problem for Terry.
Terry does not have a problem at all.
Terry's got a big problem!
- Ooh! Math or real life?
- Why would I have a big math problem?
- I've seen it happen. - I'm supposed to pick up
Cagney and Lacey from day care in 30 minutes,
but I have to stay late to work on an application
I just got from Holt.
- They're six. - They can take the subway.
- Rosa, that's crazy. - They're babies.
Terry, just call them an Uber.
- Or just have your sitter pick 'em up.
- Scully actually has the most reasonable idea.
These truly are strange days.
- Sharon can't pick 'em up
'cause she's out of town with Ava,
and the sitter doesn't get to my house till 6:30.
- Jake and I can pick them up. - Absolutely.
Couple of issues... I don't have any car seats,
and my rear window is technically a "shower curtain."
- Really? Why? - Mm.
- You know what? - Doesn't matter.
- Just take my minivan. - You got it.
- Thanks, guys. - I appreciate it.
- Mm, mm-mm-mm-mm!
Mm-mm!
- Why are you doing that with your face?
- I'm smiling at Mommy and Daddy.
- Ugh. - Gross.
- Picking up Cagney and Lacey.
One taste of practice parenting,
and you two will be so hot to have sex.
The kind that make babies.
- Walk away, Charles. - Okay.
But I'll be back in nine months.
- How ridiculous is Charles? - Pssh.
- So ridiculous. Pssh.
- Pssh. - Pssh.
- Hey, girls!
Who's the coolest person
you've ever met in your entire lives?
You are!
- And who's the most handsome dude in all the land,
even objectively more than Idris Elba?
You are!
- Man, kids are awesome.
You can tell them literally anything,
and they'll just say it.
- I know, right? - Check it out.
Who was the first female congresswoman?
Jeannette Rankin!
- Oh. That's fun. - They won't get teased for that.
Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.
- Oh, uh, maybe don't play with the windows?
Jake, tell them to stop.
- But playing with the windows is fun.
- Jake. - And...
it could spark a lifelong interest
in mechanical engineering.
But sure. If you want, I'll tell these young girls
that you don't think science is a good fit for them.
- Play with those windows, ladies.
Yay!
- That was actually really cool with Cagney and Lacey.
I think we rocked it.
- Right? I don't see what the big deal is
about being a parent... That was so easy.
- Yeah, anyone who's ever complained
about parenting has no idea what they're doing.
Mm.
Hey, it's the sarge.
Probably calling for some child-rearing tips.
Parent of the year speaking.
Terry, baby, talk to me.
- Where the hell is Moo Moo?
- Oh, no. I think Terry has a child named Moo Moo,
and we forgot to pick her up.
- It's not a baby, Jake.
It's Cagney's blankie.
She calls it that because it has a little cow head.
She said she had it in the minivan.
Where is it now?
- Uhhh...
Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.
- Never let 'em play with the windows.
That's Parenting 101.
And Santiago, I can't believe you didn't stop it.
- I'm sorry, sir.
I knew it was wrong, and I did nothing,
which is ultimately worse.
- Cagney can't sleep without Moo Moo,
and if Cagney doesn't sleep, then Lacey doesn't sleep,
and if Cagney and Lacey don't sleep...
- Terry doesn't sleep.
- No. Jake doesn't live.
- Oh, my God. - Where did you start
letting them play with the windows?
- Uh, on Eighth. - It was close to the house.
- It better be.
The sitter leaves in ten minutes,
and this is the last thing I need!
- Okay. - So sorry about this, Sarge.
Oh, and one more thing.
I love you.
- I love you too, Jake.
Moo Moo? Moo Moo!
- What's going on, buddy?
- Oh, hey. - Whoa, whoa, don't move.
- Oh, I was just... - Step back.
Keep your hands where I can see 'em.
Drop that.
- Hey, Sarge.
We felt really bad about Moo Moo,
so we got you a new one.
- She's called New Moo. - I don't want it.
- Oh, the liaison application got you down?
- I finished that. - I know. There's nothing sadder
than finishing a nice, long juicy application.
It's like, why can't there be another essay
or even a short answer?
- No one is relating to you right now. What's wrong?
- I got stopped by a cop last night.
- Stopped for what? - Stopped for walking.
- That makes zero sense unless...
Oh, crap. I see what happened.
- Yeah. - Sarge, that's terrible.
- That's so messed up.
- Oh, jeez. - I have no idea what's going on.
- He got stopped for being black.
- Get woke, Scully. - What happened?
- It was right after I found Moo Moo.
- What're you doing in this neighborhood,
- buddy? - I live here. Listen...
- Whoa. You need to lower your voice.
- Lower my voice?
- You know what? - Put your hands on your head.
Turn around. Don't make any sudden movements.
- I didn't do anything. - Also, I'm a...
- Keep talking. - See what happens next, huh?
Big guy.
- Well, did you tell him you're a cop?
- I tried to,
but things escalated so quickly,
and I didn't have my badge on me.
I eventually told him,
and he finally looked me up in the system
and let me go.
- I can't believe this... - I mean, nothing like that
has ever happened to me, and I've done
some pretty suspicious things in the street.
- Hey, hey, hey, there. - What are you doing?
- I'm just playing a prank on my buddy.
- Sounds fun. - Carry on.
- It was a very good prank.
I totally thought I was gonna die.
- I mean, I've had run-ins with officers before,
but this one really stings.
It was right outside my home.
- So what are you gonna do? - Slash his tires?
You shouldn't do that, but just out of curiosity,
what kind of car does he drive, and where does he park it?
- You could file an official complaint.
I mean, Captain Holt would wield that
like a hammer and crush the guy.
- I don't want to start a whole hullaballoo, all right?
I mean, I think I just need to sit down with the guy
and have a direct conversation,
just to make sure he doesn't ever do anything
like this again.
- That makes sense. - You think you two
can handle watching the kids
while I meet with Officer Maldack?
- Oh, they can handle it.
- Calm down, Charles. - Ugh.
- But yes, Terry, we can watch the kids.
Trust me. There's nothing those little munchkins
can throw at us that we can't handle.
- Why was Daddy in trouble with the policeman?
- Uh... that's complicated.
- Is it because he's black?
Uh...
- What do we do? - We can't call Terry.
We told him we could handle anything.
I've got it. We just leave.
We go home. Never speak of this.
- No! We can't leave the children that are in our care.
- Right. - Let me call Charles.
He's a parent.
He'll know what to do.
- Smart. - Mm.
A parental crisis.
This is the good stuff right here.
You are knee-deep in the thick, rich broth of parenthood.
- Well, that was a nightmare.
Who else can we call?
- I'm already ahead of you. - Calling Rosa.
- Make 'em go to bed. - It's 6:30 p.m.
They're not tired.
- Make. Them.
- Okay. Hang up. - I'll call Gina.
- Ugh. Come on, Jake.
Just explain the deep-rooted institutionalized racism
that remains pervasive in this country
to this day.
- Gina, they're children.
- So put it in a song, Jake.
Watch this.
- I'm hanging up. ♪ Racism
- Gina, I'm hanging up. ♪ Racism, baby
- That's a great song. - I'm hanging up.
Okay. So Gina was a bust as well.
Looks like we're out of options.
Unless.
- No. - It's all we have.
- Hey, Jakey.
Yeah, I'd love to chat, but I can't.
Hitchcock and I are eating cake for dinner
and watching a movie.
- Ask Amy if she wants to come over.
- I'm hanging up.
Why're you smiling?
- That was useless. - Are you kidding me?
Hitchcock and Scully just handed us a gem.
- Who wants cake?
Me!
- And who wants to watch "101 Dalmatians"
and not ask any hard-to-answer questions
about your father and race?
- Me! Me! Me! - Nice.
- Officer Maldack. - Thanks for coming.
- Hey.
I'm really glad you set this up.
I'm so sorry for what happened.
- Oh. Wow.
I am really happy to hear that.
I was thinking this conversation was gonna go a lot differently.
- No, no. - It was an honest mistake.
I mean, if I had known you were a cop,
I never would've treated you that way.
- So you're sorry for not knowing I was a cop sooner?
- Yeah. - And that's it?
- Yeah. - But you shouldn't have
treated me that way whether I was a cop or not.
- What do you mean?
- I was just walking down the street.
There's nothing suspicious or illegal about that.
- Okay, but you and I both know
that you don't exactly look like you belong in that neighborhood.
- I live there. - Look.
Nine out of ten times I get called to that neighborhood,
it's about a guy that looks like you.
- Were you responding to a call?
- No, but you're missing the point.
- No, you're missing the point.
I just want you to admit
you only stopped me because I'm black
and to apologize and say you won't do it again!
- Hey, look.
We wouldn't even be having this conversation
if you had your badge on you.
Next time, don't forget it.
- Oh, so this is all my fault?
- I'm not apologizing for doing my job.
- That's not the job, man.
- Whoa. I can't believe it went down like that.
- Should we maybe revisit some of our earlier ideas
vis-à-vis tires and slashing?
- I should've known there was no talking to a guy like that.
I don't see any other option.
I'm submitting an official complaint with Holt.
- I know it might feel weird to report another officer,
but it's the right move.
- Holt's gonna eat him for breakfast.
- Maldack has no idea what's about to hit him.
- I'm not gonna submit this.
- What? Why not?
- Because I think it's a mistake.
- Hey, Sarge? - Everything okay?
Only ask 'cause you haven't moved in the last 58 minutes.
- He doesn't want me to file the complaint.
- Well, of course Officer Maldack doesn't want you
to file the complaint.
He's the one being complained about.
I just realized you meant Captain Holt.
- Yeah. - What?
Did you mess up the grammar
- or something? - Did you dangle a participle?
Ugh, Terry, Holt hates a dangler.
- Grammar was fine.
He said he thought filing it was a mistake.
- Wow. Well, look.
Captain Holt cares about you more than anything.
I'm sure he's got a good reason.
Maybe you should go talk to him about it, you know?
Go to his house.
- Yeah. That's a good idea. - I'm gonna do that.
- And while you're talking to him,
Jake and Amy can babysit your kids.
Unless they're too busy making babies of their own.
- Shaka-daka-dow. - Get out of us.
But yes, we are happy to look after the kids again.
- Thanks, guys. - I appreciate your support.
Now, I'm gonna go find out
what the hell is going on with Captain Holt.
- Are you two sure you should be babysitting?
You seemed real freaked when you called me last night.
- Yes, but then we figured out how to be good parents.
TV and cake.
- TV and cake were my parents.
- It's okay.
- Sergeant Jeffords.
- That's right.
It's me, Sergeant Jeffords,
from the precinct.
I'm the guy whose damn complaint
you don't want to submit,
and I can't think of one damn reason why!
- Everyone.
This is Sergeant Jeffords.
- Hi!
I'm sorry for interrupting your dinner party.
- No problem at all. - This is important.
Also, Kevin's friend Margo is here,
and she's a real class-A drip.
- Sir, I can't get why you don't want me to file the complaint.
I thought you of all people would support me.
- First of all, let me say, what that officer did to you
was wrong, deeply wrong, and I'm furious about it.
- Okay. - So why don't you back me up?
- Because that complaint could backfire.
Cops who blow the whistle on other cops
almost always face a backlash,
just like people who socialize with Margo
invariably hear about her trip to Scottsdale.
- You're real worked up about Margo.
- Sorry.
She's horrible.
Listen, I don't want to see your career derailed
because you were besmirched
for reporting on another officer.
- But what he did was wrong.
He should be besmirched!
- Yes, but is that besmirching worth
the greater besmirching of your career?
You have to balance besmirchings.
There's politics to being a cop.
- But I wasn't harassed for being a cop.
I was harassed as a black man.
- I'm not saying do nothing.
I'm saying the most powerful action
you can take is to rise through the ranks
so that you can make large-scale changes.
I've had to pick my battles,
and it hasn't always been easy,
but now I have my own precinct,
a precinct whose officers would never do to you
what Officer Maldack did.
- I understand what you're saying, but...
- Shh.
I hear Margo's squeaky shoes in the hallway.
One guess as to where in Arizona she brought them. Scottsdale.
- Oh. Ray. - There you are.
I'm about to start my Scottsdale slideshow.
It has all the highlights.
- There are no highlights in Scottsdale, Margo.
- That's what you think, Raymond.
- Okay, we got chocolate-chocolate,
chocolate-vanilla, and my personal favorite,
a bowl full of cake batter.
- And loads o' movies. - Eh?
- We don't want to do that.
- Uh, maybe you didn't
hear us correctly.
We've got cake.
We've got movies.
It's time to party!
- Is being black bad? - We're black.
Are we gonna get in trouble like Daddy?
- Jake, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yes, please.
- We have a problem. - I know.
What kind of kids don't want to eat cake?
Should we call Child Services on Terry?
- Jake, I think we have to face the music
and talk to them for real.
- I know. - You're right.
But I'm gonna munch the cake batter while we do it.
If you don't eat the raw egg fast,
it makes you even more sick.
- Never mind, let's go. - Okay.
- Okay, girls.
There's something called prejudice,
which comes from the Latin words "pre," or "before,"
and "judicium," which means "to judge."
Are you with me so far?
- No. - No.
- Okay. Um,
you know how it's tougher in this world to be a woman?
It is?
- No. No, no, no. - That's not what I meant.
- Then I don't want to be a woman.
- Me neither. - You don't have to be
if that's who you are... You know what?
That's a whole other conversation.
Uh...
Okay. Here we go.
A cop did a bad thing
and tried to get your daddy in trouble,
but your daddy didn't do anything wrong.
- Because Daddy's black?
- Yeah.
- That's scary.
- It is scary.
But that cop was wrong, and what he did was bad.
- And the most important thing is your daddy's okay,
and he's not in trouble,
and he loves you both more than anything in the world.
- Okay? - Okay.
- Yeah. Okay.
Well, that wasn't so bad.
Well, if you guys have any other questions, we're here for you.
- What's an orgasm? - Come on!
- Terry, I know you're upset,
but this is the right thing to do.
You're this close to the City Council position,
and that's just the beginning.
It would be a shame to jeopardize that.
- Look, I get that the guys in our precinct
wouldn't profile me,
but it still happened
only one precinct over.
- Which is why you need to keep pushing forward in your career,
so that you can change the system.
Terry, you're a great cop.
You could become a chief or higher.
- How long will it take to make change that way?
Maldack is on the street now.
You know why I became a cop?
- Please share.
- Because when I was a kid,
I always wanted to be a superhero.
- Stop it! - Stop bothering little Terry!
- Or what? - Or I will defeat you!
Whoa.
- I wanted to help people like that cop helped me.
But right now,
I don't feel like a superhero.
I feel the opposite.
When I got stopped the other day,
I wasn't a cop.
I wasn't a guy who lived in a neighborhood
looking for his daughter's toy.
I was a black man, a dangerous black man.
A threat.
And I couldn't stop thinking about my daughters.
And their future.
And how years from now,
they could be walking down the street,
looking for their kids' Moo Moo,
and get stopped by a bad cop.
And they probably won't get to play the police card
to get out of trouble.
I don't like that thought,
and I'm gonna do something about it.
So I don't care if it might hurt my career.
I'm filing that report.
Even if I have to go over your head to do it.
- Kind of seemed like you were gonna
get up and leave after saying all that.
- I was, but I think I hear Margo.
- Thanks for babysitting last night.
The girls told me what you talked about,
and it couldn't have been easy.
- I'm sorry I told them
orgasms was another word for oranges.
I panicked.
- Yeah, it did make it awkward
when they asked for orgasm juice this morning,
but I was more talking about the other stuff.
- Yeah. We didn't really know what to say.
At one point, I'm pretty sure I sang
all of En Vogue's "Free Your Mind."
- Well, they had fun, and you made 'em feel safe.
You did good.
Oh. They made you a "thank you" card.
- Aww.
Pretty sure my nose isn't quite this big,
especially with all the racial sensitivity talk,
but I appreciate the effort.
- Sergeant Jeffords.
A moment of your time, please.
I came to a realization
after you stormed out last night.
- I wouldn't say I stormed out.
I shook hands with both you and Kevin before I left.
- And Kevin and I agreed that you squeezed
significantly tighter than necessary.
- I guess I was a little worked up.
- With good reason.
I thought a lot about our conversation.
When I was a young police officer
and things like this would happen to me,
I felt very alone.
I wanted to call out every bad cop I encountered,
and there were a lot, but as a black gay man,
I never had a superior who was on my side,
so the advice I offered you,
that came from a different place at a different time.
I put all my energy towards rising to a rank
where I could make a difference.
Well, I'm there now, and I realize
that if I don't back you up on this,
I would be betraying the very thing
that I worked so hard for,
so I filed the complaint.
- I appreciate that, Captain.
- Are you still upset? - No. Not at all.
- You should consider modifying your handshake.
It's sending the wrong message.
- Copy that.
- Whew. I am so glad we don't have to do
any more babysitting for a while.
- I know. - It was so stressful.
- So stressful.
But, like, actually kind of rewarding too.
- Shaping young minds like that felt so powerful.
- Yeah. - But, like, so exhausting.
- Oh, yeah. Can you imagine doing that every night?
Forget it.
But also, their little shoes are so cute.
They're like little circles.
- I know, and everything they hold
looks so big because their hands are so tiny.
- Yeah, and they have to hold a cup of water with both hands
- 'cause they're so weak. - I know!
- Whoo-whee!
That's what I'm talking about!
- Boyle. - Lucky for you,
Amy, I am an unlicensed doula.
I've delivered three of my cousins
and one of my uncles... Long story.
- Go away! - Yes, Papa.
- Please close the blinds.
We're about to violate several departmental regulations.
- Ho, ho! - All right!
- It's been a very long week,
and as of right now,
we're both off duty.
I think we've earned a drink.
- I can get behind that.
- I heard from City Council about the liaison position.
- Is that right?
- You didn't get it.
- Oh.
Oh, this is a sad drink.
Was it the complaint?
- We'll never know for sure, but, uh, I think it's likely.
However, this is not a sad drink.
We're celebrating
to doing the right thing.
- I don't know.
Maybe we shouldn't have filed the complaint.
Maybe I could've done more if I had gotten the liaison job.
- Maybe.
But one thing's for certain.
Maldack will think twice
before making another bad stop like that again.
That's a win.
- Yeah.
It's tough.
- It is.
So if Sharon's still out of town,
who's, uh, looking out for Cagney and Lacey?
- Not a doctor. - Shh.