1 00:00:03,705 --> 00:00:05,442 I'm here! I'm here, I'm here. 2 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:07,890 You can start the meeting now. 3 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:08,857 The meeting is over. You're late. 4 00:00:08,892 --> 00:00:11,157 You missed roll call and the tutorial 5 00:00:11,192 --> 00:00:12,491 on using the new copiers. 6 00:00:12,526 --> 00:00:14,297 Six years, and no matter how hard I try, 7 00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:16,188 I still can't get you to understand the importance of being punctual. 8 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,904 Maybe you should just give up and accept me for who I am? 9 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:19,390 No, I will break you. 10 00:00:19,425 --> 00:00:20,442 - Right now. - Oh. 11 00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:21,781 While you were out being tardy, 12 00:00:21,816 --> 00:00:24,197 I was hard at work devising a special punishment. 13 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:27,061 I've crafted an intricate personal high five 14 00:00:27,097 --> 00:00:28,741 with everyone in this office except you. 15 00:00:28,777 --> 00:00:30,107 What? But you hate high fives. 16 00:00:30,142 --> 00:00:32,440 Yes, every minute of it was hell. 17 00:00:32,625 --> 00:00:34,971 But it'll be worse for you. Squad, dismissed. 18 00:00:35,525 --> 00:00:36,806 Good-bye, Diaz. 19 00:00:38,158 --> 00:00:39,456 Salute into a fanny waggle? 20 00:00:39,491 --> 00:00:42,189 - Good-bye, Boyle. - Oh, the snake charmer! 21 00:00:42,224 --> 00:00:43,412 Good-bye, Jeffords. 22 00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,556 - That's a butt bump. - Good-bye, Santiago. 23 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,773 Double fist bump reverse explosion 24 00:00:48,807 --> 00:00:50,606 into a Pete Townshend strum. 25 00:00:52,101 --> 00:00:54,673 All right, that was terrible, but it's over now, and I made it through. 26 00:00:54,708 --> 00:00:55,740 Good-bye, Leonard from Xerox. 27 00:00:55,775 --> 00:00:58,239 What? No, no, no. 28 00:00:58,274 --> 00:00:59,373 The copy guy? 29 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,818 So nice of you to stop by, Kevin. 30 00:01:20,854 --> 00:01:22,272 Enjoy your day. I hope it's productive. 31 00:01:22,307 --> 00:01:24,575 Thank you, Raymond. I hope your day is productive as well. 32 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,438 PDA in the office? My, my. 33 00:01:27,473 --> 00:01:28,872 - Couldn't help myself. - Hmm. 34 00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:31,925 Oh, may I please use the precinct facilities before I head to work? 35 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,393 Yes. Thank you for asking for permission. 36 00:01:33,429 --> 00:01:34,442 Thank you for granting it. 37 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:41,237 - Whoomp. - There it is! 38 00:01:41,423 --> 00:01:43,662 Got to say, I could have used a little more oomph on the whoomp. 39 00:01:43,698 --> 00:01:44,821 That's the oomphiest whoomp you'll get. 40 00:01:44,857 --> 00:01:46,262 So what's going on? Why'd you want to meet in private? 41 00:01:46,298 --> 00:01:47,337 I need your help with a case. 42 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:48,605 Three antique coins were stolen 43 00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:49,868 from my classics department at Columbia. 44 00:01:49,904 --> 00:01:51,755 So why not ask Captain Holt for help on the case? 45 00:01:51,791 --> 00:01:53,302 Wait, are you guys getting a divorce? 46 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:54,886 I can handle it. 47 00:01:54,922 --> 00:01:56,454 This doesn't bring up any weird issues for me. 48 00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:57,601 No, it's nothing like that. 49 00:01:57,637 --> 00:01:58,802 Raymond's a brilliant detective. 50 00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,324 It's just when a case involves me, 51 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,289 he can get a little overemotional. 52 00:02:02,325 --> 00:02:04,969 - You remember the safe house. - Oh, yeah, he went crazy. 53 00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,604 But I also remember you and me becoming best friends 54 00:02:06,639 --> 00:02:08,312 and watching every Nic Cage movie ever made. 55 00:02:08,348 --> 00:02:10,837 - Can you still quote them all? - No, I purged myself of that nonsense. 56 00:02:10,872 --> 00:02:11,960 - Oh, I bet it's still in there. - It's not. 57 00:02:11,996 --> 00:02:12,903 - We'll see. - We won't. 58 00:02:12,938 --> 00:02:14,005 - There's a chance it's in there. - Chance of zero. 59 00:02:14,041 --> 00:02:15,434 I'd put money that maybe it's there. 60 00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:17,158 - You're losing your money. - Okay. 61 00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:18,789 - So will you help me? - I don't know. 62 00:02:18,825 --> 00:02:20,158 I want to, but keeping a secret from Holt? 63 00:02:20,194 --> 00:02:21,216 - That's a lot of pressure. - Hmm. 64 00:02:21,252 --> 00:02:22,363 Am I remembering correctly? 65 00:02:22,399 --> 00:02:24,653 Don't you... eat pressure for breakfast? 66 00:02:24,807 --> 00:02:27,486 Nic Cage in "The Rock." 67 00:02:27,521 --> 00:02:29,586 We are best friends. I am so in! 68 00:02:29,621 --> 00:02:31,541 Oh, no, that's Raymond. 69 00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:32,536 That's how he opens a door. 70 00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:33,581 Kevin, are you still in here? 71 00:02:33,617 --> 00:02:35,309 Uh, yes, Raymond, I'm in the stall. 72 00:02:35,345 --> 00:02:36,656 Some tickets were just released 73 00:02:36,691 --> 00:02:38,912 for Mahler's Fourth Symphony this weekend. 74 00:02:38,948 --> 00:02:40,446 Great. That sounds great. Let's do it. 75 00:02:40,482 --> 00:02:42,568 Fantastic. Now, which section do you prefer? 76 00:02:42,604 --> 00:02:43,708 The first tier, 77 00:02:44,504 --> 00:02:46,878 the second tier, the third tier... 78 00:02:46,914 --> 00:02:47,858 The first tier. 79 00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:49,525 Now, which section of the first tier? 80 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:54,356 Right, left, right center, center... 81 00:02:54,392 --> 00:02:55,401 Just any section is fine. 82 00:02:55,486 --> 00:02:56,829 Any section, wow. 83 00:02:56,865 --> 00:02:58,418 Someone had pepper on their eggs this morning. 84 00:02:58,453 --> 00:03:00,385 I'll buy the tickets. 85 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,952 Any section. 86 00:03:03,303 --> 00:03:04,741 Guys, horrible news. 87 00:03:04,777 --> 00:03:06,705 The fridge broke this morning. Everything's warm. 88 00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,039 Doesn't seem like that big a deal. 89 00:03:08,075 --> 00:03:09,608 - Your yogurt's spoiled. - Who did this? 90 00:03:09,643 --> 00:03:11,517 Okay, everyone calm down. 91 00:03:11,553 --> 00:03:13,362 I will put a request in for a new fridge. 92 00:03:13,417 --> 00:03:14,435 Good luck getting that approved. 93 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:15,739 Commissioner Kelly's already slashed our budget 94 00:03:15,775 --> 00:03:16,827 within an inch of its life. 95 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,844 Yeah, the toilet paper's only one ply now. 96 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,624 - My butt hurts all the time. - The AC is broken. 97 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:21,858 My butt hurts all the time. 98 00:03:21,894 --> 00:03:23,293 Scully's butt hurts all the time. 99 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,340 All right, guys, we get it. 100 00:03:24,426 --> 00:03:26,103 It's just that lunch is the one part of the day 101 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,571 Commissioner Kelly hadn't ruined. 102 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,516 People are pissed. Morale's really taken a hit. 103 00:03:29,552 --> 00:03:31,008 Okay, I got this. 104 00:03:31,767 --> 00:03:33,656 Hey, squad. Lunch is on me today. 105 00:03:33,692 --> 00:03:35,166 Taking everyone out for pizza. 106 00:03:36,851 --> 00:03:38,416 And that's how you improve morale. 107 00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:40,716 Okay. You're not the only sergeant around here. 108 00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:41,758 Let me help. 109 00:03:42,217 --> 00:03:44,449 This side of the room, lunch is on me, 110 00:03:44,484 --> 00:03:46,620 and we're getting something better than pizza. 111 00:03:46,884 --> 00:03:47,916 Sushi! 112 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,149 Are you trying to outdo me? 113 00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:52,289 No, no, no. 114 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,854 Just trying to raise morale. 115 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,033 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 116 00:03:57,068 --> 00:03:59,601 Morale, morale, morale. Okay. 117 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,365 Wow, so this is your classroom. 118 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,531 What's today's lecture about? 119 00:04:03,566 --> 00:04:05,198 I know you don't care about that. 120 00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:06,332 Just ask me what you want to ask me. 121 00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:07,661 Can I play with your laser pointer? 122 00:04:07,697 --> 00:04:09,963 You know, the laser pointer is a bit of a misnomer. 123 00:04:10,386 --> 00:04:12,883 It is simply a laser. The pointer is you. 124 00:04:13,782 --> 00:04:15,315 - That was awesome. - Take it for a spin. 125 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:17,548 Don't mind if I do. Good afternoon, class. 126 00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:20,415 Allow me to make my first... point. 127 00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,647 - Very impressive. - Thank you very much, Kevin. 128 00:04:22,682 --> 00:04:24,614 But I do have five additional points to make. 129 00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:27,482 Chair, chair, wall, chair, 130 00:04:27,616 --> 00:04:29,890 Captain Holt. Captain Holt? No. 131 00:04:30,577 --> 00:04:33,729 Yes, that was a delicious lunch, Gary! 132 00:04:33,764 --> 00:04:35,896 And I agree, our group does seem happier 133 00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:37,201 than it was before. 134 00:04:37,237 --> 00:04:38,481 Oh, the pizza was that good? 135 00:04:38,517 --> 00:04:41,432 Pizza? Right, that's what I said we were getting 136 00:04:41,468 --> 00:04:43,964 before we decided to uh-snazz it up. 137 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,563 Oh, you guys snazzed? 138 00:04:45,598 --> 00:04:48,364 Yeah, we snazzed all the way to La Petite Creperie. 139 00:04:48,399 --> 00:04:50,030 I thought we couldn't say "snazz." 140 00:04:50,215 --> 00:04:52,546 Oh, no, I was thinking of. 141 00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:53,813 We can't say. Carry on. 142 00:04:53,848 --> 00:04:55,514 Tell 'em how good it was, Rosa. 143 00:04:55,548 --> 00:04:57,534 Tell 'em how high our morale is. 144 00:04:57,748 --> 00:04:59,546 - High. - Oh, stop gushing, girl. 145 00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:01,085 I think it's so interesting 146 00:05:01,121 --> 00:05:03,147 you guys didn't stick to your original plan, 147 00:05:03,182 --> 00:05:04,931 because neither did we. 148 00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:06,355 What? Why? 149 00:05:06,391 --> 00:05:08,227 Oh, you don't think we knew you were gonna snazz? 150 00:05:08,263 --> 00:05:11,246 We saw your snazz coming a mile away. 151 00:05:11,281 --> 00:05:13,046 That's why I took my team out 152 00:05:13,081 --> 00:05:15,513 for some big, juicy steaks, and... 153 00:05:20,381 --> 00:05:21,781 - Thank you, Heather. - Mm-hmm. 154 00:05:21,817 --> 00:05:23,214 Well, that doesn't sound better than crepes. 155 00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:24,346 It is. Terry wins. 156 00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:26,330 We know. We were at both lunches. 157 00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:28,595 How? They were simultaneous and two miles apart. 158 00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:30,430 It was free food. Life finds a way. 159 00:05:30,465 --> 00:05:31,662 Okay, but you can't win 160 00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:33,096 because it wasn't a competition. 161 00:05:33,131 --> 00:05:34,129 So let's make it a competition. 162 00:05:34,164 --> 00:05:35,512 Same groups tomorrow? 163 00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:37,314 Okay, but let's agree at the end of this 164 00:05:37,350 --> 00:05:38,880 - that we'll still be friends. - No deal. 165 00:05:38,916 --> 00:05:40,414 Good! 'Cause I didn't mean it anyway. 166 00:05:40,651 --> 00:05:42,211 Hello, sir. How'd you find us out? 167 00:05:42,247 --> 00:05:43,412 Mahler's Fourth Symphony. 168 00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:45,094 He'd never sit in just any section. 169 00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:46,495 I might. I'm flexible. 170 00:05:46,530 --> 00:05:49,064 Oh, really? You'd sit center left? 171 00:05:49,596 --> 00:05:50,986 In timpani alley? 172 00:05:51,022 --> 00:05:52,773 I'll purchase those tickets right away. 173 00:05:58,380 --> 00:05:59,778 No, don't! Fine. 174 00:05:59,863 --> 00:06:01,195 Jake is helping me with a burglary 175 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,339 here at the university, 176 00:06:02,375 --> 00:06:04,229 and I asked him not to tell you. 177 00:06:04,314 --> 00:06:06,445 - Is this about St. Augustine? - Yes. 178 00:06:06,479 --> 00:06:07,711 - What's going on? - He's embarrassed of me. 179 00:06:07,746 --> 00:06:08,964 Last Christmas, 180 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,687 the classics department threw a holiday party. 181 00:06:10,723 --> 00:06:14,528 I had one drink too many and utterly humiliated myself. 182 00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:16,412 And that was the point St. Augustine was making 183 00:06:16,447 --> 00:06:17,611 in "Consolation of Philosophy." 184 00:06:18,028 --> 00:06:19,687 Yeah, sounds super humiliating, 185 00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:20,688 saying something smart. 186 00:06:20,874 --> 00:06:23,294 Smart? I confused St. Augustine with Boethius. 187 00:06:23,329 --> 00:06:24,627 I might as well have stepped on a rake 188 00:06:24,662 --> 00:06:26,127 and bonked myself on the forehead. 189 00:06:26,162 --> 00:06:27,194 The problem wasn't what you said. 190 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,287 It was that Dean Allister pointed out your mistake, 191 00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:30,585 and you lost your damned mind. 192 00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:33,326 I misremembered it because I'm reading both simultaneously. 193 00:06:33,362 --> 00:06:35,128 One book is too few for me. 194 00:06:35,163 --> 00:06:36,128 Where is everyone going? 195 00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:39,144 It was quite the kerfuffle. 196 00:06:39,179 --> 00:06:41,443 The problem is, is that I get flustered and defensive 197 00:06:41,578 --> 00:06:43,735 because I know how they all see me: 198 00:06:44,179 --> 00:06:47,344 as Kevin's working-class bimbo. 199 00:06:47,379 --> 00:06:48,877 I can't imagine that's what they think. 200 00:06:48,913 --> 00:06:50,016 - It is. - Really? 201 00:06:50,052 --> 00:06:51,384 Obviously I know that they're wrong, 202 00:06:51,797 --> 00:06:53,129 but they put you in your own head, 203 00:06:53,165 --> 00:06:54,238 and you're not yourself around them. 204 00:06:54,274 --> 00:06:55,871 I'm sorry, I was just trying to protect you. 205 00:06:55,907 --> 00:06:58,075 Yes, of course, thank you for saving me from myself. 206 00:06:58,111 --> 00:06:59,143 Now, if you'll excuse me, 207 00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:01,667 I'll just go sit by the pool and read some fiction... 208 00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:04,396 like the bimbo that I am. 209 00:07:06,761 --> 00:07:08,726 There's a pool here? 210 00:07:12,555 --> 00:07:13,852 Sir, wait. 211 00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:16,517 Oh! Wasn't expecting to catch up to you so fast. 212 00:07:16,553 --> 00:07:18,019 I don't know what to say now. I thought I was gonna have 213 00:07:18,055 --> 00:07:20,187 more running time to formulate it. Oh, I know! 214 00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:21,887 I'm sorry that we kept the case a secret from you. 215 00:07:21,922 --> 00:07:23,188 Oh, I understand why you did. 216 00:07:23,223 --> 00:07:24,854 The truth is, ever since I met Kevin, 217 00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,687 I've felt insecure in his world. 218 00:07:26,722 --> 00:07:29,854 I can't compete with these highly educated academics. 219 00:07:29,889 --> 00:07:31,020 I worry every day 220 00:07:31,055 --> 00:07:33,986 that I'll make one St. Augustine slip too many, 221 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,228 and he'll realize... 222 00:07:37,038 --> 00:07:38,605 - I'm beneath him. - This is insane. 223 00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:40,172 You're the smartest person I know. 224 00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:42,370 I'll explain it to you. Among Kevin's peers, 225 00:07:42,555 --> 00:07:44,220 - I'm a Jake. - No, no, no, no, no. 226 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,720 I refuse to live in a world where you're the Jake, 227 00:07:45,755 --> 00:07:48,114 because if you're the Jake, what does that make me? 228 00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:49,514 - The Charles? - The Hitchcock. 229 00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,709 The Hitchcock? Oh, my God. 230 00:07:51,745 --> 00:07:54,219 You dropped down so many more levels than I was expecting. 231 00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:56,120 Okay, you know what? Screw this. 232 00:07:56,155 --> 00:07:57,196 You are so smart, 233 00:07:57,232 --> 00:07:58,529 and we're gonna prove it to those professors. 234 00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,730 You're gonna work this case, 235 00:07:59,766 --> 00:08:01,299 and you're gonna find those coins. 236 00:08:02,255 --> 00:08:04,619 Well, I suppose it would be nice to show them 237 00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:07,019 I'm more than just a hot, dumb piece of ass. 238 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,519 Yes! That's the spirit. 239 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:09,886 Now get that hot ass moving, 240 00:08:09,921 --> 00:08:11,119 'cause we've got a crime to solve. 241 00:08:11,154 --> 00:08:12,752 Peralta, please, have some decorum. 242 00:08:12,787 --> 00:08:14,219 What? I was just using your words. 243 00:08:14,254 --> 00:08:15,952 Look, you teach people the way you want to be treated. 244 00:08:15,987 --> 00:08:17,108 That's what Dr. Phil says. 245 00:08:17,654 --> 00:08:20,210 Okay, lunchtime starts in ten minutes. 246 00:08:20,246 --> 00:08:22,218 Whichever team wins gets recorded 247 00:08:22,254 --> 00:08:23,786 on the Whiteboard of Victory. 248 00:08:23,821 --> 00:08:25,219 The winner will be decided by our judges, 249 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,653 Hitchcock and Scully. 250 00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:28,285 Oh, my God, are we high status, Hitchcock? 251 00:08:28,321 --> 00:08:30,085 - I think so. - What a world. 252 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,186 Ah, well, good luck. 253 00:08:31,222 --> 00:08:32,823 I'm sure you know all the best places to eat 254 00:08:32,859 --> 00:08:34,730 since you've reached Elite status on Yelp. 255 00:08:34,802 --> 00:08:36,074 Oh, wait, that was me. 256 00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:37,141 Oh, because Yelp reviewers 257 00:08:37,177 --> 00:08:38,746 are sane people with great taste? 258 00:08:38,782 --> 00:08:41,490 Oh, sorry, couldn't hear you over GourmetGlen12 saying 259 00:08:41,526 --> 00:08:43,491 that my review of the duck skin at the Hearth and Feather 260 00:08:43,527 --> 00:08:44,927 was helpful. 261 00:08:44,963 --> 00:08:47,995 Come on, Team Jeffords. It's chow time. 262 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,219 We have a cool thing to say too. 263 00:08:51,254 --> 00:08:53,837 Team Santiago, let's lunch-a-bunch! 264 00:08:53,873 --> 00:08:56,012 - No, I don't say that. - Come on, Rosa, please? 265 00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:57,202 Let's lunch-a-bunch. 266 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,401 Aha, Rosa said it! 267 00:08:58,436 --> 00:08:59,902 Did you hear that? Did you hear it? 268 00:08:59,937 --> 00:09:02,833 - Ah, Dean Allister? - Policeman Raymond. 269 00:09:03,332 --> 00:09:05,331 Good to see you. 270 00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:07,399 Read any interesting magazines lately? 271 00:09:07,435 --> 00:09:08,967 This again? I was waiting for Kevin, 272 00:09:09,003 --> 00:09:11,168 I had finished my book, and I happened to glance 273 00:09:11,204 --> 00:09:14,035 at an issue of "The Economist" that someone left lying about. 274 00:09:14,071 --> 00:09:16,070 All I remember is you becoming unhinged. 275 00:09:16,106 --> 00:09:18,037 The only reason I picked it up was to swat a fly. 276 00:09:18,073 --> 00:09:19,239 I mean, I'm not crazy. 277 00:09:19,274 --> 00:09:21,372 Why are there always flowers here? 278 00:09:21,408 --> 00:09:24,241 So is policeman Raymond joining the case? 279 00:09:24,276 --> 00:09:25,741 Actually, he's leading it. 280 00:09:25,777 --> 00:09:27,575 Captain Holt is the finest investigator 281 00:09:27,611 --> 00:09:28,913 I've ever worked with. 282 00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:30,773 Sir, tell him our plan of action. 283 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,768 - Clues. - Okay, you're freezing up. 284 00:09:38,803 --> 00:09:40,268 I'm just gonna take the wheel for now. 285 00:09:40,303 --> 00:09:41,668 There were no signs of forced entry, 286 00:09:41,703 --> 00:09:43,401 the only people with access to the archives 287 00:09:43,436 --> 00:09:44,701 were the professors in the department, 288 00:09:44,736 --> 00:09:47,132 and they all have alibis, which means... 289 00:09:48,138 --> 00:09:49,650 I don't know what you want me to say. 290 00:09:49,686 --> 00:09:51,174 Okay, that's my fault for throwing it to you again. 291 00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:52,868 Which means we need to examine the crime scene. 292 00:09:52,904 --> 00:09:54,163 It is there that we will find 293 00:09:54,199 --> 00:09:57,100 what Captain Holt has so eloquently described as... 294 00:09:58,912 --> 00:09:59,943 Clues? 295 00:09:59,979 --> 00:10:01,301 Sir, you just said it. 296 00:10:02,061 --> 00:10:03,767 Cupcakes up, everyone. 297 00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,582 Heather, you already ate yours? 298 00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:07,283 The point is to eat it in their faces. 299 00:10:10,469 --> 00:10:12,400 - Honk, honk, bitches. - What the hell? 300 00:10:12,435 --> 00:10:14,719 We rented a party limo, drove to Coney Island for hot dogs, 301 00:10:14,755 --> 00:10:16,365 and then did karaoke the entire time. 302 00:10:16,401 --> 00:10:18,582 I sang "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy. Crushed it. 303 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,001 But that's not even about lunch! 304 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,388 - It's... - An experience. 305 00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:22,788 - Team Amy wins. - What? 306 00:10:22,824 --> 00:10:24,723 How did you get there? You were just with us. 307 00:10:24,759 --> 00:10:26,790 - Scully was with them. - Free food. 308 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,825 Great cupcake, Sarge. 309 00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,747 - But Amy still wins. - Eat snazz, losers! 310 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,600 Okay, so there were no witnesses, 311 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,618 no cameras, and no prints. 312 00:10:36,654 --> 00:10:38,285 In other words, we have nothing. 313 00:10:38,534 --> 00:10:40,433 That's what you get when you put a bimbo on the case. 314 00:10:40,468 --> 00:10:42,600 Okay, well, let's not give up all hope just yet. 315 00:10:42,635 --> 00:10:43,749 We do know some things. 316 00:10:43,785 --> 00:10:45,583 For example, the perp entered using a key, 317 00:10:45,619 --> 00:10:47,085 which means they probably work here. 318 00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:48,685 And they knew enough to skip past 319 00:10:48,721 --> 00:10:50,368 all these expensive-looking artifacts. 320 00:10:50,404 --> 00:10:52,036 They walked straight up to this shelf 321 00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:53,669 and grabbed the coin case from up there. 322 00:10:53,705 --> 00:10:54,859 It's too high. You can't reach it. 323 00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:56,793 Exactly. So now we know that the thief 324 00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:58,043 was taller than me. That's a good lead. 325 00:10:58,079 --> 00:10:59,810 Also, we know they were a little bit of a freak, 326 00:10:59,846 --> 00:11:02,666 since I am above average height according to the 1940 census. 327 00:11:02,702 --> 00:11:04,134 I didn't realize you had a thing about your height. 328 00:11:04,169 --> 00:11:06,565 I don't! Because I'm above average. 329 00:11:06,601 --> 00:11:07,918 Why would I have a thing about my height 330 00:11:07,954 --> 00:11:09,340 when I'm above average? It doesn't make any sense. 331 00:11:10,731 --> 00:11:12,732 Anyways, we're looking for an insanely tall perp, 332 00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:13,956 a real Shaq type. 333 00:11:13,992 --> 00:11:16,566 Maybe the thief stood on something, like... 334 00:11:16,601 --> 00:11:18,833 one of these drawers. 335 00:11:19,488 --> 00:11:20,750 Turn off the light. 336 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,641 Maybe something will show up under UV. 337 00:11:25,454 --> 00:11:27,319 - Bingpot! - A footprint. 338 00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:29,096 You did it, you brilliant bimbo. 339 00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:31,297 Oh, there you are. Why are you in the dark? 340 00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:32,814 Were you not able to find the light switch? 341 00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:35,432 Ha-ha, very funny, but I'll actually have you know 342 00:11:35,468 --> 00:11:37,390 Captain Holt just found a very promising lead. 343 00:11:37,426 --> 00:11:38,846 Oh, how fun, a lead. 344 00:11:38,882 --> 00:11:40,347 Meanwhile, we actually found the thief. 345 00:11:40,383 --> 00:11:41,465 - You did? - What? 346 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,150 Well, technically our janitor found him. 347 00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:44,290 Come on in, Randy. 348 00:11:44,326 --> 00:11:45,491 Tell them how you did their jobs. 349 00:11:45,527 --> 00:11:47,664 Well, um, I was emptying the trash 350 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,136 in Professor Port's office. 351 00:11:49,172 --> 00:11:51,997 I saw something shiny sticking out from underneath a notepad. 352 00:11:52,209 --> 00:11:53,908 It was one of the missing coins. 353 00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:55,474 Great police work. 354 00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:57,575 Perhaps you might want to hire Randy, or... 355 00:11:57,611 --> 00:11:59,944 Randy, you could hire them. 356 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,444 It seems like you all have basically the same skill set. 357 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,655 We're actually all staffed up in maintenance. 358 00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,916 We don't want your job, Randy. 359 00:12:11,174 --> 00:12:12,849 I know Dean Allister humiliated us, 360 00:12:12,885 --> 00:12:14,349 but we can still have our revenge. 361 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:17,309 I watched a ton of horny '80s comedies when I was a kid, 362 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,488 and they're filled with ways of getting back at mean deans. 363 00:12:19,524 --> 00:12:21,789 So we are gonna throw the wildest party 364 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,857 - this campus has ever seen. - No. 365 00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:25,257 Okay, then we'll have a bikini car wash. 366 00:12:25,293 --> 00:12:26,859 No, no, save your schemes. 367 00:12:26,995 --> 00:12:29,060 I know exactly how to get back at the dean. 368 00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:30,994 - By arresting him. - For what? 369 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:32,361 It seems pretty obvious that Port did it. 370 00:12:32,397 --> 00:12:33,933 No, no, that makes no sense. 371 00:12:33,969 --> 00:12:35,128 Why would someone steal something valuable 372 00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:36,315 and then leave it in their desk? 373 00:12:36,351 --> 00:12:37,685 I feel like this is a veiled shot at me 374 00:12:37,721 --> 00:12:38,842 for leaving the crown in my desk 375 00:12:38,878 --> 00:12:39,810 during the third Halloween Heist. 376 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:40,827 - It is. - Oh. 377 00:12:40,863 --> 00:12:41,995 Allister planted the coin 378 00:12:42,031 --> 00:12:43,775 in Professor Port's desk. 379 00:12:43,811 --> 00:12:45,155 - They're rivals. - Mm. 380 00:12:45,191 --> 00:12:47,556 Did you see the book Allister was holding back there? 381 00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:50,485 A biography of Macedonian general Parmenion. 382 00:12:50,619 --> 00:12:51,717 He was taunting us. 383 00:12:51,753 --> 00:12:53,047 Again, I'm the Hitchcock here. 384 00:12:53,082 --> 00:12:54,531 You're gonna have to connect the dots for me. 385 00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:57,094 Parmenion was a close advisor to Alexander the Great. 386 00:12:57,130 --> 00:12:59,128 Alexander suspected that Parmenion 387 00:12:59,164 --> 00:13:01,496 was trying to supplant him, so he executed him. 388 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,264 He was getting rid of his rival. 389 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,141 Sir, you cracked it! You and your big hard brain. 390 00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:07,182 - Hard? - Yes! 391 00:13:07,218 --> 00:13:08,916 You have the biggest, hardest brain on Earth, 392 00:13:08,952 --> 00:13:10,105 and I want you to say it. 393 00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:12,469 Say "I am Raymond Holt, and my brain is rock hard." 394 00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:13,726 A brain shouldn't be hard. 395 00:13:13,762 --> 00:13:15,226 If anything, I'll say, "I am Raymond Holt, 396 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,894 and my brain is soft and wet." 397 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,694 No, don't say that. It's gross and I hate it. 398 00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:19,985 All right, let's go do some cop stuff. 399 00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:24,175 Wait, why does Terry's team have four wins? 400 00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:27,009 He only won steaks, bowling, and the mobile escape room. 401 00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:28,775 You're forgetting about our breakfast 402 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,009 at the Empire State Building. 403 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,710 It was so cold up there. 404 00:13:31,746 --> 00:13:34,144 It sounds a lot better than our indoor skydiving lunch. 405 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,479 Speaking of which, are we gonna get reimbursed for that? 406 00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:39,041 How dare you complain about the Funtastic FlyZone. 407 00:13:39,077 --> 00:13:40,976 That was funtastic fun for everyone. 408 00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:42,477 So what are you guys planning for today? 409 00:13:42,513 --> 00:13:43,779 Oh, nothing much. 410 00:13:43,815 --> 00:13:44,880 We're just gonna keep it "caszh." 411 00:13:44,916 --> 00:13:46,947 Us too. Super "caszh." 412 00:13:46,983 --> 00:13:49,381 Super duper "caszh." 413 00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,314 We all know you're both planning 414 00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:53,783 something insanely complicated and annoying. 415 00:13:53,819 --> 00:13:56,218 Your teammates are turning against you, Terry. 416 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,067 - I'm on your team. - Who cares? 417 00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:00,596 We're gonna win. Team Lunch-a-Bunch forever. 418 00:14:01,593 --> 00:14:03,457 Sir, why are we still doing this? 419 00:14:03,492 --> 00:14:04,758 We've been following him for days, 420 00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:06,357 and he hasn't done anything suspicious. 421 00:14:06,392 --> 00:14:07,555 Let's just confront him. 422 00:14:07,591 --> 00:14:10,107 He only hid one of the stolen coins in Port's desk. 423 00:14:10,143 --> 00:14:11,424 He'll probably try to sell the others. 424 00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:12,543 I want to catch him in the act. 425 00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:13,983 Shh. Here he comes. 426 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,758 These college kids. 427 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:21,892 I used to wear long-sleeve T-shirts 428 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,142 under my short-sleeve T-shirts. 429 00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:24,244 Wait a minute, I still could. 430 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,476 Hang on. He's stopping. 431 00:14:25,512 --> 00:14:26,704 Oh, no, he forgot his phone. 432 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,283 He's gonna turn around and see us. Come on. 433 00:14:28,843 --> 00:14:31,107 - Sorry, sorry. - Oh, hey, guys, what's up? 434 00:14:31,143 --> 00:14:32,566 You want to join our a cappella jam circle? 435 00:14:32,602 --> 00:14:33,573 Oh, no. 436 00:14:33,609 --> 00:14:34,441 Are you guys Harry Potter fans? 437 00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:35,691 I do not like where this is going. 438 00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:36,934 Three, four. 439 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,331 This is actually pretty funny. 440 00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,177 You got to know Harry Potter. 441 00:14:55,571 --> 00:14:57,673 Wait a minute. Where'd Allister go? 442 00:14:58,738 --> 00:15:00,423 He was standing right here. 443 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:01,913 It's like he vanished without a trace. 444 00:15:01,948 --> 00:15:04,247 Wrong, Peralta. He vanished with a trace. 445 00:15:04,283 --> 00:15:06,448 Check it out. His footprint. Gotcha. 446 00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:08,205 I am Raymond Holt and my brain is rock hard. 447 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,272 - I'm not going to say that. - Smart. 448 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,828 Saving it for a bigger moment in front of a bunch of people. Can't wait! 449 00:15:11,999 --> 00:15:14,299 Okay, squad, hope you ate lunch already, 450 00:15:14,335 --> 00:15:16,534 because it's lunchtime! 451 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,751 - What's with the getups? - Oh, nothing much. 452 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:20,085 We just turned the parking garage 453 00:15:20,121 --> 00:15:21,620 into an elaborate paintball arena. 454 00:15:21,656 --> 00:15:24,253 It's zombie-themed. We hired 60 actors. 455 00:15:24,289 --> 00:15:25,488 That sounds pretty expensive. 456 00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:27,198 Nah, New York actors are desperate. 457 00:15:27,234 --> 00:15:28,700 For ten bucks, you can shoot 'em right in the face. 458 00:15:28,736 --> 00:15:30,635 Wow, that's amazing. 459 00:15:30,875 --> 00:15:33,705 I don't know how anybody could ever beat that... 460 00:15:33,741 --> 00:15:37,039 except maybe an in-office teppanyaki grill. 461 00:15:37,074 --> 00:15:38,272 Moshi moshi, losers! 462 00:15:38,307 --> 00:15:40,336 We got shrimp. We got lobster. 463 00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:42,237 Heather, I know you're allergic to shellfish. 464 00:15:42,273 --> 00:15:43,692 You're just gonna have to not eat. 465 00:15:44,088 --> 00:15:47,020 Where's Heather? Where is everybody? 466 00:15:47,056 --> 00:15:48,713 They're on the roof by Gina's statue. 467 00:15:49,476 --> 00:15:51,575 - What the hell, guys? - Oh, God, they found us. 468 00:15:51,611 --> 00:15:53,576 - Don't let them take me. - Why are you hiding from us? 469 00:15:53,612 --> 00:15:56,071 This lunch competition has gotten out of hand. 470 00:15:56,107 --> 00:15:57,505 No one is having fun. 471 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,969 I keep having panic dreams 472 00:15:59,005 --> 00:16:00,972 about Sergeant Santiago shooting down my lunch ideas. 473 00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:04,005 Historic walking tours don't win lunch, Gary. 474 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,339 No one cares about winning lunch. 475 00:16:06,374 --> 00:16:08,271 Please, just leave us alone. 476 00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:11,004 Gary, wait. Look... 477 00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:12,738 - Oh! - Ow! 478 00:16:12,773 --> 00:16:15,404 - Why did you do that? - Oh, my God, it was an accident. 479 00:16:15,439 --> 00:16:16,738 This thing doesn't have a safety. 480 00:16:16,773 --> 00:16:17,732 Ow! 481 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,799 Ow, stop! Help! 482 00:16:20,835 --> 00:16:23,366 And a big round of applause for Janitor Randy 483 00:16:23,402 --> 00:16:25,534 for recovering our precious coin. 484 00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,636 Don't applaud for that man. 485 00:16:27,672 --> 00:16:28,637 What's going on? 486 00:16:28,673 --> 00:16:29,738 What's going on is, 487 00:16:29,774 --> 00:16:31,505 Captain Holt just solved this case. 488 00:16:31,541 --> 00:16:33,372 What's there left to solve? We found the coin 489 00:16:33,408 --> 00:16:35,140 in Professor Port's desk. He's the thief. 490 00:16:35,176 --> 00:16:36,407 Oh, you'd like everyone to believe that, 491 00:16:36,443 --> 00:16:37,542 wouldn't you, Dean Allister? 492 00:16:37,578 --> 00:16:40,375 Or should I say, General Parmenion? 493 00:16:40,487 --> 00:16:42,252 Raymond, are you causing a kerfuffle? 494 00:16:42,288 --> 00:16:44,453 Yes. Sometimes a moment calls for a kerfuffle. 495 00:16:44,489 --> 00:16:46,287 No. No moment calls for a kerfuffle. 496 00:16:46,323 --> 00:16:48,222 You know my feelings on this. 497 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,790 Dean Allister framed Professor Port 498 00:16:49,825 --> 00:16:51,023 to get rid of a rival, 499 00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:53,736 just as Alexander got rid of Parmenion. 500 00:16:53,772 --> 00:16:56,037 Preposterous. Do you even have a shred of evidence 501 00:16:56,072 --> 00:16:57,143 to back up that claim? 502 00:16:57,179 --> 00:16:58,278 Oh, we've got more than a shred. 503 00:16:58,314 --> 00:16:59,361 Look at these photos. 504 00:16:59,397 --> 00:17:01,647 Here, a footprint from the scene of the crime 505 00:17:01,683 --> 00:17:03,135 left by the thief. 506 00:17:03,171 --> 00:17:06,703 And here, another print made yesterday by you. 507 00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:08,903 - You've been caught, Allister! - Is it happening? 508 00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:10,403 - Caught by me. - It is happening. 509 00:17:10,438 --> 00:17:13,306 - Me and my rock hard brain. - It happened! 510 00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:15,281 Oh, Raymond. Look around. 511 00:17:15,552 --> 00:17:18,850 These shoes I'm wearing with their "unique footprint"... 512 00:17:18,886 --> 00:17:20,097 we all have them. 513 00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:22,160 They were the departmental gift this Christmas. 514 00:17:22,196 --> 00:17:23,497 They're actually very funny. 515 00:17:23,533 --> 00:17:25,364 They have Achilles printed on the heel. 516 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,499 I don't know if I would call that "very" funny. 517 00:17:27,535 --> 00:17:28,600 I'm surprised you didn't know about them. 518 00:17:28,636 --> 00:17:30,336 Kevin must have gotten a pair. 519 00:17:30,372 --> 00:17:32,237 Oh, I remember what happened. 520 00:17:32,273 --> 00:17:33,504 You had to leave the Christmas party 521 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,039 before they were handed out. 522 00:17:35,075 --> 00:17:37,683 Why was that again? Oh, yes. The kerfuffle. 523 00:17:37,719 --> 00:17:39,550 But what about the autobiography of Persimminons 524 00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:40,791 you were taunting us with? 525 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,492 I suppose I can see how holding any book 526 00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,060 would seem like a taunt to you. 527 00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,576 - I own a book. - But I don't think Raymond 528 00:17:45,612 --> 00:17:46,738 is remembering the story correctly. 529 00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:48,915 Alexander didn't see Parmenion as a rival. 530 00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:50,916 He killed him over a dispute about his son. 531 00:17:50,952 --> 00:17:53,428 Oh, no, it's Boethius all over again. 532 00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:55,021 At least you got one thing right. 533 00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:58,089 You do have a rock hard brain. Because that's bad. 534 00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,628 Everyone knows that a brain should be soft and wet. 535 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,595 I wanted to say that, but Jake told me not to. 536 00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:05,118 Yeah, because it's gross. 537 00:18:08,952 --> 00:18:10,076 There you are. 538 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,628 - You okay, sir? - I'm fine. 539 00:18:13,663 --> 00:18:15,294 I have decided to stop fighting it 540 00:18:15,329 --> 00:18:16,827 and lean in to the fact that I'm an idiot. 541 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:18,327 Look at me, playing a video game. 542 00:18:18,362 --> 00:18:19,827 - Oh, which one? - "Times" crossword app. 543 00:18:19,862 --> 00:18:21,061 Not a video game. 544 00:18:21,096 --> 00:18:23,197 It plays a little song when you solve it, 545 00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:24,665 as if you've just learned to potty. 546 00:18:26,429 --> 00:18:28,194 Yes, yes, play me my dunce's tune. 547 00:18:28,229 --> 00:18:31,827 Okay, so those guys look down on you. So what? 548 00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,627 I mean, Amy's parents look down on me. 549 00:18:33,663 --> 00:18:35,486 They talk about me right in front of my face in Spanish 550 00:18:35,522 --> 00:18:36,770 because they don't think I'm smart enough 551 00:18:36,806 --> 00:18:37,863 to learn another language, 552 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,427 but I've been taking classes, 553 00:18:39,462 --> 00:18:40,994 and now I can understand 554 00:18:41,029 --> 00:18:42,826 all the hurtful things they've been saying. 555 00:18:42,861 --> 00:18:44,356 And how did that help? 556 00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:45,841 Well, now I know they think I'm short 557 00:18:45,877 --> 00:18:47,276 and I was able to do some research 558 00:18:47,311 --> 00:18:48,609 and find that 1940s census 559 00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,176 that proves I'm above average in height. 560 00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:51,509 - For 1940. - Yeah, I'm taller 561 00:18:51,544 --> 00:18:53,176 than the greatest generation. It doesn't matter. 562 00:18:53,211 --> 00:18:55,543 The point is, you can use this. 563 00:18:55,578 --> 00:18:57,565 There are benefits to being underestimated. 564 00:18:58,777 --> 00:19:01,158 My goodness. You're right. 565 00:19:01,395 --> 00:19:03,622 There are benefits to being underestimated. 566 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,879 You can get away with anything. 567 00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:09,093 Sir? Are you going to kill the dean? 568 00:19:09,128 --> 00:19:11,959 No. What if the thief was someone we dismissed 569 00:19:11,994 --> 00:19:13,526 because they didn't have a classics background? 570 00:19:13,561 --> 00:19:15,393 Someone who wasn't a professor? 571 00:19:15,428 --> 00:19:16,559 But what about the footprints? 572 00:19:16,594 --> 00:19:18,364 The shoes were only given to faculty. 573 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,524 There was one pair that was unaccounted for: Kevin's. 574 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,225 They were left at the party... 575 00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,691 to be cleaned up. 576 00:19:23,726 --> 00:19:25,259 By Janitor Randy! 577 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,309 My story solved it. I'm tall. 578 00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:30,425 Hey, everyone, we would like to say we're sorry 579 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,525 for letting this competition get the best of us, 580 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:33,969 and to make it up to you, 581 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,358 we figured out what to do for lunch. 582 00:19:35,393 --> 00:19:36,592 Please, whatever your new idea is, 583 00:19:36,627 --> 00:19:38,125 I just don't want to get shot again. 584 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,292 Ugh, Gary, it was a paintball. Suck it up. 585 00:19:40,327 --> 00:19:41,925 Isn't this supposed to be an apology? 586 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,458 Yes. You're right. I'm sorry. 587 00:19:44,927 --> 00:19:47,058 I mean, I shot my husband with a real bullet two years ago, 588 00:19:47,093 --> 00:19:49,058 - and it comes up way less than this. - Way less than this. 589 00:19:49,093 --> 00:19:50,514 - Guys! - Right. 590 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:53,091 What we're trying to say is that we lost sight 591 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:55,891 of what this was all really about: building morale. 592 00:19:55,926 --> 00:19:58,057 So we bought two-ply toilet paper for the whole squad. 593 00:19:58,092 --> 00:19:59,524 - I call shotgun! - Shotgun! 594 00:19:59,559 --> 00:20:02,291 Also, I sold the teppanyaki grill 595 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,524 and used the money to turn the briefing room into... 596 00:20:05,559 --> 00:20:07,124 the lunch zone. 597 00:20:07,159 --> 00:20:08,787 Oh, no. What's the lunch zone? 598 00:20:08,823 --> 00:20:11,357 Is it someplace we have to put on a harness and not eat lunch? 599 00:20:11,392 --> 00:20:13,196 There are no harnesses. 600 00:20:13,725 --> 00:20:17,191 There are phone chargers and noise-canceling headphones. 601 00:20:17,226 --> 00:20:19,591 So you can eat your lunch and stare at your phone 602 00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:22,224 and you won't have to see or hear anyone you work with. 603 00:20:22,259 --> 00:20:25,024 - It's perfect. - It's... it's absolutely perfect. 604 00:20:25,059 --> 00:20:27,223 We're so glad you like it. 605 00:20:27,583 --> 00:20:29,457 And just to be sure, I'm not gonna get shot. 606 00:20:29,492 --> 00:20:31,575 Oh, my God, Gary. Yes! You won't get shot! 607 00:20:32,258 --> 00:20:33,623 Yeah, I stole those coins. 608 00:20:33,658 --> 00:20:35,190 Can't believe you bought that whole story. 609 00:20:35,225 --> 00:20:37,023 They underestimated you, Randy, 610 00:20:37,058 --> 00:20:38,923 just as they underestimated Raymond Holt. 611 00:20:38,958 --> 00:20:40,424 Well, you guys haven't been that great to me either. 612 00:20:40,459 --> 00:20:42,128 Well, you got to teach people 613 00:20:42,164 --> 00:20:44,324 how you want to be treated, Randy. Dr. Phil, RIP. 614 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:45,822 The point is, Captain Holt 615 00:20:45,858 --> 00:20:47,066 solved the case when no one else could. 616 00:20:47,102 --> 00:20:49,485 He's actually been stealing from these archives for years. 617 00:20:49,521 --> 00:20:50,983 You've been asleep at the wheel, Allister. 618 00:20:51,019 --> 00:20:52,237 - You're an embarrassment. - Really? 619 00:20:52,273 --> 00:20:53,438 Well, at least I've never confused 620 00:20:53,474 --> 00:20:55,506 St. Augustine with Boethius. 621 00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:58,089 Oh, who gives a rat's ass about Boethius, Wesley? 622 00:20:58,125 --> 00:20:59,368 What are you doing, Kevin? 623 00:20:59,404 --> 00:21:01,303 - I am creating a kerfuffle. - Oh, damn. 624 00:21:01,339 --> 00:21:03,588 Sure, my husband is a hot piece of ass, 625 00:21:03,624 --> 00:21:05,356 but he is so much more than just that. 626 00:21:05,391 --> 00:21:08,023 Raymond Holt is as smart as anyone in this department, 627 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,890 but he chooses to use his intelligence 628 00:21:09,925 --> 00:21:12,229 to make our city a better place. 629 00:21:13,391 --> 00:21:16,153 One day, I hope to live up to the standard you set. 630 00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:19,622 You make me want to have a wetter brain. 631 00:21:19,657 --> 00:21:21,219 Oh, Kevin. 632 00:21:24,058 --> 00:21:25,755 Y'all are hella specific.