1
00:00:04,721 --> 00:00:06,386
Jake, will you join me
in Terry's office?

2
00:00:06,422 --> 00:00:08,639
Oh, private rendezvous, huh?

3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,928
This whole trying to make a baby thing

4
00:00:09,964 --> 00:00:12,057
has got you super freak... hey, Terry!

5
00:00:12,093 --> 00:00:13,090
What's up, dude?

6
00:00:13,126 --> 00:00:14,276
What did you think was happening?

7
00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,710
He clearly thought you were
gonna have secret sex in here.

8
00:00:16,746 --> 00:00:18,864
What? Inappropes, much?

9
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:21,134
I did not think that. Amy did.

10
00:00:21,169 --> 00:00:22,502
She texted me about it. See? Proof.

11
00:00:22,537 --> 00:00:24,437
- Anyway, what's up, Lieutenant?
- Santiago and I

12
00:00:24,472 --> 00:00:26,506
are going to an administration workshop

13
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:28,441
- for the NYPD:
- And it's voluntary,

14
00:00:28,476 --> 00:00:30,376
so only the cool kids
are going to be there.

15
00:00:30,411 --> 00:00:31,416
I love you so much. Continue.

16
00:00:31,452 --> 00:00:33,446
Anyways, you're in charge for the day.

17
00:00:33,481 --> 00:00:34,581
Oh, boy. Here comes the lecture.

18
00:00:34,616 --> 00:00:37,216
"Be responsible, Jake. Don't
do anything crazy or fun."

19
00:00:37,251 --> 00:00:39,152
There's no lecture. I trust you.

20
00:00:39,187 --> 00:00:40,719
Well, but there always
used to be a lecture.

21
00:00:40,754 --> 00:00:42,321
Yeah, well, you're not the same

22
00:00:42,356 --> 00:00:44,623
immature, rebellious kid you used to be.

23
00:00:44,658 --> 00:00:46,192
Didn't you and Amy just buy

24
00:00:46,227 --> 00:00:47,793
a family-friendly midsize sedan?

25
00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,296
In a rebellious color...
champagne... which is an alcohol.

26
00:00:50,331 --> 00:00:51,830
And let's not forget,
I wanted to have sex

27
00:00:51,865 --> 00:00:52,865
in your office just now.

28
00:00:52,901 --> 00:00:54,500
Yeah, to have a baby
and become a father!

29
00:00:54,535 --> 00:00:55,474
Yeah, he turned it around on me.

30
00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:57,836
It's not bad that I trust you more now.

31
00:00:57,871 --> 00:00:59,338
Plus, there's not even that much

32
00:00:59,373 --> 00:01:00,339
for you guys to do today.

33
00:01:00,374 --> 00:01:02,808
I mean, the squad is on
reserve parade duty.

34
00:01:02,843 --> 00:01:04,477
- Your job is to sit around.
- Good point.

35
00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:05,678
Besides, what's the worst thing

36
00:01:05,713 --> 00:01:07,464
a responsible guy like me could do?

37
00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:09,382
Buckle your butts, everyone!

38
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,217
The Jimmy Jab Games are back!

39
00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:30,185
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com

40
00:01:31,538 --> 00:01:33,605
Squad, today we write a new chapter

41
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,606
in the history of the Nine-Nine.

42
00:01:34,641 --> 00:01:36,575
And that chapter begins
with the word "Jimmy,"

43
00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:37,842
and ends with the word "Jab."

44
00:01:37,877 --> 00:01:39,074
That chapter's only two words long.

45
00:01:39,110 --> 00:01:40,579
No, there's a lot of words in between.

46
00:01:40,614 --> 00:01:41,846
It's a long chapter. The point is,

47
00:01:41,881 --> 00:01:43,415
today we compete against one another

48
00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:44,516
in a series of games,

49
00:01:44,551 --> 00:01:45,550
and this year's winner

50
00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:48,319
receives one day's paid vacation,

51
00:01:48,355 --> 00:01:49,588
courtesy of Officer Mark.

52
00:01:49,623 --> 00:01:51,789
You said you needed that day
for a private matter.

53
00:01:51,824 --> 00:01:53,191
You know what?
You shouldn't even be here.

54
00:01:53,226 --> 00:01:54,292
Everyone say, "Thank you, Officer Mark.

55
00:01:54,327 --> 00:01:56,294
- Bye, Officer Mark."
- Thank you, Officer Mark.

56
00:01:56,329 --> 00:01:57,295
Bye, Officer Mark.

57
00:01:57,330 --> 00:01:59,663
- Now, who's ready to compete?
- Count me in.

58
00:01:59,699 --> 00:02:02,169
I could really use this day off
to spend some time with my husband.

59
00:02:02,635 --> 00:02:03,767
Oh, please. We all have loved ones.

60
00:02:03,802 --> 00:02:05,536
You're not getting any sympathy
just because you're gay.

61
00:02:05,571 --> 00:02:06,737
Rosa, I don't think he was...

62
00:02:06,772 --> 00:02:08,639
No, I was. She saw right through me.

63
00:02:08,674 --> 00:02:12,610
Nevertheless, I will destroy you all.

64
00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:13,877
Copy that. I love your intensity.

65
00:02:13,912 --> 00:02:15,712
Now, Gina is gone,
so we're out of a host.

66
00:02:15,747 --> 00:02:16,880
Me! Please, me.

67
00:02:16,915 --> 00:02:18,109
It's my time to shine.

68
00:02:18,145 --> 00:02:19,550
It's my "Greatest Showman" moment.

69
00:02:19,585 --> 00:02:20,689
Charles, you can't.

70
00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:22,214
You know who else they told "You can't"?

71
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:23,954
Lettie Lutz, the bearded lady.

72
00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:26,462
But then, Mr. Barnum gave her a stage.

73
00:02:26,925 --> 00:02:28,259
Give me my stage, Jacob.

74
00:02:28,294 --> 00:02:29,660
Wait, so you're the bearded lady?

75
00:02:29,695 --> 00:02:32,145
No! I'm Barnum, you're Zac Efron,

76
00:02:32,181 --> 00:02:33,785
and everyone else is one of my freaks.

77
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,302
Look, I would love
to give you the hosting duties

78
00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:37,401
so you can work through
whatever weird fantasy this is,

79
00:02:37,436 --> 00:02:38,735
but we need at least six players

80
00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:39,806
and the host can't play.

81
00:02:39,842 --> 00:02:41,386
Then I'll find someone to replace me.

82
00:02:41,507 --> 00:02:44,006
I promise you will have
your circus, Mr. Barnum.

83
00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:45,575
- I thought you were Barnum.
- No!

84
00:02:45,610 --> 00:02:47,154
I'm the greatest showman!

85
00:02:48,664 --> 00:02:50,164
Isn't that Barnum?

86
00:02:50,348 --> 00:02:52,649
Debbie, ah, just who I was looking for.

87
00:02:52,684 --> 00:02:54,850
Oh, no. Am I in your seat?
I'll sit on the floor.

88
00:02:54,885 --> 00:02:56,761
Wh-what? No. No, don't do that.

89
00:02:56,987 --> 00:02:58,454
No, I was just wondering

90
00:02:58,489 --> 00:02:59,989
if you would like to take my place

91
00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:01,624
in a little squad competition today.

92
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:04,794
Mm. I can't do competitions.
I'm anti-dexterous.

93
00:03:04,829 --> 00:03:06,429
- Hmm?
- It's when neither hand

94
00:03:06,464 --> 00:03:09,100
- is good at anything.
- Oh, Debbie.

95
00:03:09,659 --> 00:03:11,193
I was once like you.

96
00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:13,969
A bashful beat cop with long, curly hair

97
00:03:14,004 --> 00:03:15,505
and no confidence at all.

98
00:03:15,540 --> 00:03:18,352
That's impossible. You're so suave.

99
00:03:18,388 --> 00:03:19,642
Sure, now I am.

100
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,611
But I came a long way,

101
00:03:21,646 --> 00:03:23,779
and I did it by challenging myself

102
00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:25,538
to do things I never thought I could.

103
00:03:25,916 --> 00:03:28,050
This is your chance
to find that confidence.

104
00:03:28,085 --> 00:03:29,805
- I don't know.
- Debbie...

105
00:03:30,572 --> 00:03:31,587
trust me.

106
00:03:32,293 --> 00:03:33,316
Okay.

107
00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:36,146
But only because I trust everyone.

108
00:03:36,994 --> 00:03:39,661
So, Diaz, I've never been more excited.

109
00:03:39,696 --> 00:03:41,530
My first time playing the Jimmy Jabs,

110
00:03:41,565 --> 00:03:42,732
and I'm destined to win.

111
00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:43,799
Look at my competition.

112
00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:45,000
Little Miss Hay For Brains.

113
00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:46,068
The Hay Brains,

114
00:03:46,103 --> 00:03:48,070
and King Brain Made of Hay.

115
00:03:48,105 --> 00:03:49,304
Well, you're forgetting about me.

116
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:50,572
- I'm also your competition.
- Yes,

117
00:03:50,607 --> 00:03:52,541
but you don't normally
care about games like these.

118
00:03:52,576 --> 00:03:54,576
Well, I do care about this game.

119
00:03:54,611 --> 00:03:56,754
And you're gonna lose because
my brains aren't made of hay.

120
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,856
My brains are made of brains.

121
00:04:00,177 --> 00:04:01,287
Oh, ho.

122
00:04:01,901 --> 00:04:03,335
The perfect retort.

123
00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:05,988
Gather up, it's Jimmy Jab time!

124
00:04:06,023 --> 00:04:07,889
Ooh, are you doing opening ceremonies?

125
00:04:07,924 --> 00:04:09,424
Yeah, and you might wanna leave

126
00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:10,759
before things get too crazy.

127
00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:12,561
A little plausible deniability.

128
00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,230
Actually, I wanna record 'em.

129
00:04:14,266 --> 00:04:15,701
May you can teach other precincts

130
00:04:15,737 --> 00:04:17,499
how to throw their own versions
to boost morale.

131
00:04:17,534 --> 00:04:18,700
No, I'm not a teacher.

132
00:04:18,735 --> 00:04:20,902
I'm a class clown/bad boy
with a heart of gold. Whatever.

133
00:04:20,937 --> 00:04:22,086
Charles, just start.

134
00:04:22,423 --> 00:04:25,126
Ladies and gentlemen.

135
00:04:25,905 --> 00:04:27,171
The moment you've been waiting for.

136
00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:29,151
Wow, he went full "Showman."

137
00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:31,613
I present to you six freaks,

138
00:04:31,648 --> 00:04:33,715
who, through a series
of elaborate games,

139
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:35,950
will be eliminated one by one

140
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,094
until a champion is crowned.

141
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:40,376
And that champion shall...

142
00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:42,791
inherit my circus.

143
00:04:42,826 --> 00:04:44,526
- And get a day off.
- I was getting there, Ro-Ro.

144
00:04:44,561 --> 00:04:45,761
- Let me have my fun.
- Yeah, Ro-Ro,

145
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:46,762
let him have his fun.

146
00:04:46,797 --> 00:04:49,130
As always, we start the games

147
00:04:49,165 --> 00:04:52,867
by lighting the ceremonial
bagel of destiny.

148
00:04:52,902 --> 00:04:57,038
Ah, it's actually
the baguette of destiny

149
00:04:57,073 --> 00:05:00,141
because this year, we're
throwing caution to the wind.

150
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:01,826
Charles, flame me.

151
00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:11,085
And with that, we commence...

152
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:12,887
my ten minute opening performance.

153
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,593
Wow, this is a really long performance.

154
00:05:19,628 --> 00:05:21,062
Charles pulled off a costume change.

155
00:05:21,097 --> 00:05:22,197
I wouldn't say he pulled it off.

156
00:05:22,232 --> 00:05:24,305
He accidentally got bottomless
in front of all of us.

157
00:05:24,341 --> 00:05:25,340
- Yeah.
- Peralta,

158
00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:27,068
how about we make these games
a little more exciting

159
00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:28,837
- with a wager?
- Ooh, interesting.

160
00:05:28,872 --> 00:05:30,671
- What'd you have in mind?
- If you win,

161
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:31,939
I'll do your paperwork for a year.

162
00:05:31,974 --> 00:05:33,974
- Go on.
- If I win, I get your new car.

163
00:05:34,009 --> 00:05:35,142
You're joking, right?

164
00:05:35,177 --> 00:05:36,276
Why? Because you can't imagine

165
00:05:36,311 --> 00:05:39,012
someone bitchin' like me
driving a lame family sedan?

166
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,289
No, because Jake
would never bet our car.

167
00:05:41,325 --> 00:05:42,791
Yeah, I would never do that.

168
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,084
But also, it's not lame.

169
00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:45,919
It's the color of an alcohol.
Everyone's talking about it.

170
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,688
No, Jake, it's a super lame car.

171
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:48,656
But I don't mind.

172
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:49,757
My ex-step-son
kicked me out of the house,

173
00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:51,992
and I need a place to crash
with air conditioning.

174
00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:53,513
Look, the bet is not happening.

175
00:05:53,549 --> 00:05:55,249
Sorry, Amy, but this is
between Jake and me.

176
00:05:55,419 --> 00:05:57,197
Dude, what happened to the cool guy

177
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,667
that liked to make bets
with his best bud?

178
00:05:59,702 --> 00:06:01,168
Okay, Hitchcock, drop it.

179
00:06:01,203 --> 00:06:03,203
Jake doesn't do
that kind of thing anymore.

180
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,105
- He's an adult now.
- Hitchcock, you're on!

181
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:06,173
- He is?
- I am?

182
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,676
I don't know. Yes! Yes, you are.

183
00:06:08,711 --> 00:06:10,010
Damn it, my pants.

184
00:06:10,045 --> 00:06:12,112
Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away.

185
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:13,202
Oh, damn.

186
00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:14,509
Wow, who knew?

187
00:06:14,866 --> 00:06:16,718
He really is the greatest showman.

188
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,401
What the hell are you doing?

189
00:06:21,437 --> 00:06:22,846
Why did you just bet our new car?

190
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,053
Because it's fun.

191
00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:25,288
And because it's who I am.

192
00:06:25,324 --> 00:06:26,423
I mean, remember all those crazy bets

193
00:06:26,459 --> 00:06:27,706
we used to make when you were
falling in love with me?

194
00:06:27,742 --> 00:06:30,126
I remember the bets we made
when I found you obnoxious

195
00:06:30,161 --> 00:06:31,462
and difficult to be around.

196
00:06:31,498 --> 00:06:33,096
Yes, those bets. See, you remember.

197
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,369
- This is just like that.
- Hey, Santiago, it's time to head out.

198
00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:36,371
Actually, I'm not leaving.

199
00:06:36,407 --> 00:06:37,699
I'm gonna stay for the games.

200
00:06:37,735 --> 00:06:39,970
Ohh, look who's coming around already.

201
00:06:40,005 --> 00:06:41,972
- We're gonna have fun.
- No, this isn't fun.

202
00:06:42,007 --> 00:06:44,140
A voluntary
administration workshop is fun.

203
00:06:44,175 --> 00:06:46,676
Yeah, I hear it ends with
a six page self-assessment.

204
00:06:46,711 --> 00:06:47,777
Oh, come on, Terry!

205
00:06:47,812 --> 00:06:48,800
You don't have to rub it in!

206
00:06:49,014 --> 00:06:50,981
Welcome to the first competition.

207
00:06:51,016 --> 00:06:54,187
Which one of you will meet your maker?

208
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:57,035
Be sure not to foul out,

209
00:06:57,188 --> 00:06:59,356
or you will meet your end.

210
00:06:59,391 --> 00:07:00,357
We don't know what the game is,

211
00:07:00,392 --> 00:07:01,457
so these puns don't work.

212
00:07:01,492 --> 00:07:02,997
It's a meat throwing challenge.

213
00:07:03,033 --> 00:07:06,218
All of the expired cold cuts
from the kitchen refrigerator

214
00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:08,771
are under this tarp.

215
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:09,766
Voila!

216
00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:12,451
You will toss a meat of your choosing

217
00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:15,883
at the break room window
from ten feet away.

218
00:07:16,063 --> 00:07:18,418
If it sticks to the glass,
well, then you move on.

219
00:07:18,454 --> 00:07:20,629
- If it doesn't, then you're a...
- Cold cut?

220
00:07:20,665 --> 00:07:22,298
Yes, now you're getting it.
Thank you, Rosa.

221
00:07:23,670 --> 00:07:25,739
- Yah!
- Jake sticks it.

222
00:07:25,848 --> 00:07:27,213
Amy sticks it.

223
00:07:27,885 --> 00:07:29,041
Scully sticks it.

224
00:07:29,202 --> 00:07:30,705
Hitchcock sticks it.

225
00:07:31,596 --> 00:07:33,629
Holt old school sticks it.

226
00:07:33,695 --> 00:07:34,761
Ro-Ro sticks it.

227
00:07:34,905 --> 00:07:36,703
Debbie... where's Debbie?

228
00:07:38,464 --> 00:07:41,196
I can't do this, Charles.
I didn't even grab a meat.

229
00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:44,400
I'm not some expert
cold cut thrower like you.

230
00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:47,221
Everyone, I need a second
for a freak in trouble.

231
00:07:47,438 --> 00:07:49,738
Debbie, I once stood here
in front of this squad

232
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,205
- and felt like I didn't belong.
- But...

233
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,507
But nothing. This is your chance

234
00:07:52,542 --> 00:07:53,508
to do something great.

235
00:07:53,543 --> 00:07:54,910
Debbie, this is your moment.

236
00:07:54,945 --> 00:07:57,706
Take it, and stick this meat.

237
00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:00,390
- Is this turkey?
- Yes.

238
00:08:00,578 --> 00:08:01,953
I'm very allergic to turkey.

239
00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:05,219
- Hold her down!
- Ahh!

240
00:08:06,381 --> 00:08:07,381
So Debbie's out.

241
00:08:07,417 --> 00:08:09,257
But she'll be fine, thanks to her purse

242
00:08:09,292 --> 00:08:10,359
full of EpiPens.

243
00:08:10,518 --> 00:08:12,527
And now, that brings us
to the end of round one,

244
00:08:12,562 --> 00:08:15,627
which mean it is time for another song.

245
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,740
So I bet you're wondering
how I did so well

246
00:08:26,775 --> 00:08:28,943
- in that last competition.
- Actually, I was impressed

247
00:08:28,978 --> 00:08:30,001
you didn't eat any of the meat.

248
00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:31,060
Well, I don't deserve all the credit.

249
00:08:31,096 --> 00:08:32,896
Scully, show 'em
what we're working with.

250
00:08:32,932 --> 00:08:35,161
This is Dorothy, my pill box.

251
00:08:37,065 --> 00:08:38,532
- Good God.
- My friend here

252
00:08:38,568 --> 00:08:40,188
has dozens of medications prescribed

253
00:08:40,223 --> 00:08:41,223
for all of his ailments.

254
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,392
They make him normal.

255
00:08:42,428 --> 00:08:44,461
They make me limitless.

256
00:08:44,497 --> 00:08:46,598
This blood thinner
can suppress appetite.

257
00:08:46,878 --> 00:08:49,679
This eczema pill can cause
extreme muscle spasms.

258
00:08:49,715 --> 00:08:50,798
Which is pretty inconvenient,

259
00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:52,933
unless you need to hurl meat
across the room.

260
00:08:52,968 --> 00:08:55,370
My God. He's doping.

261
00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:56,653
Welcome to the big leagues.

262
00:08:57,973 --> 00:08:59,306
Well, looks like things

263
00:08:59,341 --> 00:09:00,941
just got a little more interesting.

264
00:09:00,976 --> 00:09:02,409
No, they got worse.

265
00:09:02,444 --> 00:09:04,378
Amy, it's like Torrance
from "Bring It On" says,

266
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,580
"You'll never be the best
until you win against the best.

267
00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:07,841
Didn't they lose in the end?

268
00:09:07,877 --> 00:09:09,116
Yeah, but this is different.

269
00:09:09,151 --> 00:09:10,250
Hitchcock isn't nearly as good

270
00:09:10,285 --> 00:09:11,218
as the East Compton Clovers.

271
00:09:11,253 --> 00:09:13,595
It's like, where's your head at?

272
00:09:13,806 --> 00:09:15,568
It's gonna be fine.
It might not be fine.

273
00:09:15,991 --> 00:09:17,958
Diaz, congratulations on moving on

274
00:09:17,993 --> 00:09:20,962
to the second round,
said I, sarcastically.

275
00:09:20,998 --> 00:09:22,121
Oh, you're still in this.

276
00:09:22,157 --> 00:09:24,598
I knew a uniformed officer
had been eliminated,

277
00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:26,233
I just couldn't remember which one.

278
00:09:26,268 --> 00:09:28,826
Okay, we're both great
at insults. Let's move on.

279
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,703
Tell me, why do you wanna
win this game so badly?

280
00:09:31,823 --> 00:09:34,724
Honestly... I guess I still feel like

281
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,655
my parents don't accept my sexuality.

282
00:09:37,612 --> 00:09:39,346
And winning this
will let me prove to myself

283
00:09:39,381 --> 00:09:41,584
that as long as I feel good
about who I am,

284
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,689
that's all that matters.

285
00:09:44,519 --> 00:09:46,153
That's a load of dung.

286
00:09:46,188 --> 00:09:48,155
You processed that parent stuff
a year ago.

287
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,424
You're right, we're going
to drag brunch this Sunday.

288
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:55,095
No. There's something private
that is fueling you.

289
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:56,795
And when I find that private fuel,

290
00:09:56,831 --> 00:09:58,959
I will extract it
to use as my private fuel

291
00:09:58,995 --> 00:10:00,331
in my private fuel tank.

292
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,868
Then I will have a full tank
of private fuel,

293
00:10:02,904 --> 00:10:05,389
and you will have an empty tank
of private...

294
00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:06,964
Rosa.

295
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,487
Welcome to K-9 Hide-and-Seek.

296
00:10:09,778 --> 00:10:11,511
You'll be given five minutes to hide,

297
00:10:11,546 --> 00:10:13,345
during which time Officer Frisbee

298
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,717
will be learning your scent.

299
00:10:14,753 --> 00:10:16,348
Whoever he finds first is out.

300
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,117
- How'd you get our clothes?
- Doesn't matter.

301
00:10:18,152 --> 00:10:19,351
Now, hide, freaks!

302
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,976
Hide from the society that shunned you!

303
00:10:25,259 --> 00:10:26,850
What? Why aren't you hiding?
Are you quitting?

304
00:10:26,886 --> 00:10:28,448
Oh, no, quite the opposite.

305
00:10:28,843 --> 00:10:31,141
This little guy keeps
Scully's liver from imploding,

306
00:10:31,177 --> 00:10:32,476
but it has a neat side effect.

307
00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:34,579
It also masks your natural odor

308
00:10:34,615 --> 00:10:36,416
and makes you smell like a dead fish.

309
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:38,370
- Ew.
- Who's got two stinky thumbs

310
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,958
that stink like rotten salmon?

311
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,787
This stinky guy.

312
00:10:41,823 --> 00:10:42,845
You suck.

313
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:46,678
Ready or not, here comes my hellhound!

314
00:11:00,925 --> 00:11:01,941
I'm a mop.

315
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:03,929
Shh.

316
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,228
The flattop has left the big top.

317
00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:07,883
Uh, wait, where's Jake?

318
00:11:07,919 --> 00:11:08,867
Well, there's a TV cart

319
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,401
suspiciously in the middle of the room,

320
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,536
that ceiling tile's out of place,

321
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:14,072
and he said he was going
to hide somewhere reckless,

322
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,074
so I'm guessing he's up there.

323
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,510
That's right, Amy. I'm in the ceiling.

324
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,411
Unlike you boring, old fogies,

325
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,947
I found the craziest...

326
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,745
Don't worry.

327
00:11:27,352 --> 00:11:29,571
My bones and ribs broke my fall.

328
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,583
Time for our next competition,

329
00:11:33,618 --> 00:11:34,817
So if you're not staying here,
The Hellevator.

330
00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:38,554
You see, normally, our elevator
can hold up to 12 freaks.

331
00:11:38,589 --> 00:11:40,257
But what if it's filled with boxes,

332
00:11:40,292 --> 00:11:42,097
and those freaks are wearing bomb suits?

333
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,427
Well then, its capacity drops to four.

334
00:11:44,462 --> 00:11:47,864
Oh, but Mr. Barnum,
there are five freaks here.

335
00:11:47,899 --> 00:11:49,732
Whatever shall we do?

336
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:50,901
That's the twist.

337
00:11:50,936 --> 00:11:52,735
You have to fight for your spot.

338
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,007
And once those elevator doors close,

339
00:11:55,043 --> 00:11:56,639
one of you will be out.

340
00:11:56,674 --> 00:12:00,576
Oh, did I mention, you have
to do it all in bomb suits?

341
00:12:00,611 --> 00:12:02,345
Yes, that was one of
the first things you mentioned.

342
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,455
Oh, sorry.
I was thinking of my next song.

343
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:07,073
Anyway, suit up, freaks!

344
00:12:09,987 --> 00:12:11,621
- You're pretty hurt, huh?
- Yeah.

345
00:12:11,656 --> 00:12:12,855
It's very exciting.

346
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:14,490
I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit.

347
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,692
I mean, sure, I can't lift my arms,

348
00:12:15,728 --> 00:12:17,748
but Seabiscuit won
without even having arms.

349
00:12:18,161 --> 00:12:20,076
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know. I fell.

350
00:12:20,112 --> 00:12:21,331
We're already married.
It doesn't matter.

351
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,537
Well, you guys are in for a beating.

352
00:12:22,573 --> 00:12:24,467
What, is that some kind of kidney pill?

353
00:12:24,502 --> 00:12:26,041
It's to reduce my various swellings.

354
00:12:26,077 --> 00:12:27,136
Basically, it's just speed.

355
00:12:27,171 --> 00:12:28,970
- That's illegal, and...
- Ack-ack-ack-ack!

356
00:12:29,005 --> 00:12:30,806
Okay, here we go, everyone.

357
00:12:30,841 --> 00:12:34,148
The game begins
when the elevator doors ding.

358
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:36,845
Are you ready for the Hellevator?

359
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:39,348
Buckle up. The juice is loose!

360
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,284
Here we go, Hitchcock!

361
00:12:43,319 --> 00:12:44,486
What the?

362
00:12:48,324 --> 00:12:49,725
Jake, let me in, let me in! Are you in?

363
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,460
Amy, I'm not gonna make it!

364
00:12:51,495 --> 00:12:53,294
You just go for the day off.
You've earned it.

365
00:12:53,329 --> 00:12:54,529
No, we're gonna lose the car!

366
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:55,797
Oh, crap! Right, the car.

367
00:12:55,832 --> 00:12:57,232
Oh, no, we're gonna lose the car!

368
00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:58,661
Hell no, we won't!

369
00:13:00,737 --> 00:13:02,108
She "Armageddon'd" me.

370
00:13:02,295 --> 00:13:04,049
I don't know what that means.

371
00:13:06,241 --> 00:13:08,570
Another love's sacrifice,

372
00:13:08,611 --> 00:13:10,411
and another lover reborn.

373
00:13:10,446 --> 00:13:12,246
These games truly have it all.

374
00:13:12,282 --> 00:13:14,097
And now, a quick intermission

375
00:13:14,138 --> 00:13:16,417
for one of my legendary costume changes.

376
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,219
All right, come on, Charles.

377
00:13:19,254 --> 00:13:21,689
Quick change, no time for touch-ups.

378
00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:23,005
We're running long.

379
00:13:23,859 --> 00:13:25,760
- Ow!
- Oh, Debbie.

380
00:13:25,795 --> 00:13:27,828
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm just recovering

381
00:13:27,863 --> 00:13:29,029
from the EpiPen.

382
00:13:29,064 --> 00:13:30,664
I'm sorry I messed everything up.

383
00:13:30,699 --> 00:13:32,666
I'm just not cut out
for this high-stakes world

384
00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:33,970
of having fun with friends.

385
00:13:34,006 --> 00:13:36,603
First off, if you think you
messed this up, you're crazy.

386
00:13:36,638 --> 00:13:37,871
Nothing can mess up the performance

387
00:13:37,906 --> 00:13:38,931
I'm putting on out there.

388
00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:41,441
Secondly, what you did
today was incredible.

389
00:13:41,476 --> 00:13:43,675
I got disqualified immediately.

390
00:13:44,947 --> 00:13:47,847
Did I ever tell you the story
of my Jimmy Jabs humiliation?

391
00:13:47,882 --> 00:13:50,683
No. You pretty much
never talked to me till today.

392
00:13:50,718 --> 00:13:54,354
Well, it was 2009,
it was the opening ceremonies

393
00:13:54,389 --> 00:13:55,755
and I couldn't be more excited.

394
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,724
I even got my hair styled
just for the event.

395
00:13:58,007 --> 00:14:00,027
Charles, flame me.

396
00:14:01,729 --> 00:14:03,763
I was out before the games even began.

397
00:14:03,798 --> 00:14:06,633
But I wouldn't change
that moment for the world

398
00:14:06,668 --> 00:14:10,437
because it made me realize
that not even flames

399
00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:12,438
can grind me down to dust.

400
00:14:12,473 --> 00:14:15,774
There is a place for us,
for we are glorious.

401
00:14:15,809 --> 00:14:19,578
- You are the bearded lady.
- We are all the bearded lady.

402
00:14:19,613 --> 00:14:21,880
Now ask yourself what have
you always wanted to do,

403
00:14:21,915 --> 00:14:23,649
- but were too scared to try?
- Sing.

404
00:14:23,684 --> 00:14:24,951
- What?
- I wanna sing

405
00:14:24,986 --> 00:14:27,247
- in front of everyone.
- Okay, little lady,

406
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,786
you get that voice warmed up

407
00:14:28,821 --> 00:14:31,089
because you are doing
the closing ceremonies.

408
00:14:31,124 --> 00:14:33,502
I can't. I haven't prepared.

409
00:14:33,538 --> 00:14:34,939
I don't even know the song.

410
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,829
Welcome to show business.
It waits for no one.

411
00:14:37,864 --> 00:14:39,108
You're on in an hour.

412
00:14:39,665 --> 00:14:42,067
So Diaz, I figured out
why you wanna win.

413
00:14:42,102 --> 00:14:43,634
I hacked your work calendar.

414
00:14:43,669 --> 00:14:44,622
Those calendars are public.

415
00:14:44,658 --> 00:14:45,903
Everyone on the system has access.

416
00:14:45,938 --> 00:14:47,072
I hacked it. I'm a hacker.

417
00:14:47,107 --> 00:14:49,640
Anyhow, you took a vacation 14 days ago,

418
00:14:49,675 --> 00:14:52,577
and yet, you already
want another day off?

419
00:14:52,612 --> 00:14:55,981
Odd, unless you need it for a unique,

420
00:14:56,016 --> 00:14:57,815
once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.

421
00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:01,302
Perhaps a proposal
to your girlfriend Jocelyn.

422
00:15:01,787 --> 00:15:03,009
- What?
- You've been dating for a year,

423
00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:04,322
you've met each other's parents,

424
00:15:04,357 --> 00:15:06,675
and you just got your nails done

425
00:15:06,711 --> 00:15:09,742
to present her with a ring.

426
00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:12,663
- Jocelyn broke up with me.
- What?

427
00:15:12,698 --> 00:15:14,117
I want the day off so I can sit alone

428
00:15:14,153 --> 00:15:15,967
and listen to death metal
and get my head right.

429
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,183
But what about my nail polish solve?

430
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:19,704
Getting my nails done
made me feel better

431
00:15:19,739 --> 00:15:22,507
- for a second.
- Ahh!

432
00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:24,108
This is a trick to throw me off.

433
00:15:24,143 --> 00:15:26,217
I bet things
are better than ever and you...

434
00:15:26,306 --> 00:15:27,306
Oh.

435
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:29,073
You really are crying.

436
00:15:30,049 --> 00:15:33,518
Welcome to my most sadistic creation.

437
00:15:33,553 --> 00:15:36,521
The tangled nightmare of extension cords

438
00:15:36,556 --> 00:15:38,305
that lives in our supply closet.

439
00:15:38,341 --> 00:15:42,526
Your mission is to untangle
your lamp's cord, plug it in,

440
00:15:42,561 --> 00:15:45,662
and then pull yourself to it
on your dolly and turn it on.

441
00:15:45,697 --> 00:15:48,031
Oh, nice. Hitchcock's
coming down from the speed.

442
00:15:48,066 --> 00:15:49,365
I have a chance.

443
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,195
Freaks, begin!

444
00:15:53,204 --> 00:15:55,064
Jake!

445
00:15:57,153 --> 00:15:58,570
- What is that?
- Grab the top one

446
00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:00,273
- and yank the bottom one!
- Oh, thank God

447
00:16:00,309 --> 00:16:01,382
that's what she meant.

448
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,912
Although, I'm open
to whatever you wanna try.

449
00:16:02,948 --> 00:16:04,047
Here we go.

450
00:16:04,082 --> 00:16:05,515
Diaz, I wanna apologize.

451
00:16:06,064 --> 00:16:07,498
I'm not talking to you.

452
00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:09,686
Oh, oh, Amy, it worked!

453
00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:11,555
- The banging worked!
- What? No!

454
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:12,785
Here we go.

455
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:14,286
Go.

456
00:16:18,095 --> 00:16:19,094
Gotcha.

457
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,195
You're never gonna catch me.

458
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,666
Yes, I did it!

459
00:16:23,701 --> 00:16:25,067
And Hitchcock's gonna lose!

460
00:16:25,102 --> 00:16:26,702
Rosa and Holt are gonna beat him.

461
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:28,212
Rosa, stop. I give up.

462
00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:30,505
I want you to know I'm sorry for prying.

463
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,305
Win this thing, and enjoy your day off.

464
00:16:32,341 --> 00:16:34,176
And if you ever want
a friend to sit with you

465
00:16:34,211 --> 00:16:37,012
and silently listen to death metal,

466
00:16:37,047 --> 00:16:39,590
just know I'm always here.

467
00:16:40,223 --> 00:16:42,133
Okay. I'd like that.

468
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:45,220
Ah, no! What are you freaks doing?

469
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:46,461
We're leaving the competition.

470
00:16:46,497 --> 00:16:48,891
Some things are more important
than a game.

471
00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:50,959
No, they're not!
Wait, where are you going?

472
00:16:50,994 --> 00:16:52,662
Don't leave! We need you to...

473
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,203
Why does the ceiling hate me?

474
00:17:02,226 --> 00:17:03,793
I don't get it.
Why did you make this bet

475
00:17:03,828 --> 00:17:06,029
- in the first place?
- I don't know.

476
00:17:06,064 --> 00:17:07,163
Terry kept saying all that stuff

477
00:17:07,198 --> 00:17:08,164
about how I matured,

478
00:17:08,199 --> 00:17:10,099
and I got worried
I was becoming a boring adult.

479
00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:11,701
You are not a boring adult.

480
00:17:11,736 --> 00:17:13,823
No. I am.

481
00:17:14,405 --> 00:17:15,504
You wanna know why I really wanted

482
00:17:15,539 --> 00:17:16,996
that year of no paperwork?

483
00:17:17,032 --> 00:17:18,041
It's so if we did get pregnant,

484
00:17:18,076 --> 00:17:20,008
I would have more time
to help with the baby.

485
00:17:20,378 --> 00:17:22,145
- Aww.
- No, save your "aww."

486
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,480
I don't deserve it. I'm just
some boring, responsible guy

487
00:17:24,515 --> 00:17:25,982
that's about to lose our car.

488
00:17:26,017 --> 00:17:28,351
- You're still pretty irresponsible.
- Aww.

489
00:17:28,386 --> 00:17:30,386
You're just saying that
'cause you're my wife.

490
00:17:30,421 --> 00:17:31,888
No, I'm not.

491
00:17:31,923 --> 00:17:33,389
Yesterday, you took the batteries

492
00:17:33,424 --> 00:17:34,824
out of our smoke detector

493
00:17:34,859 --> 00:17:36,791
to put in your Big Mouth Billy Bass.

494
00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:38,365
- You noticed.
- Yeah.

495
00:17:38,718 --> 00:17:40,518
- In a bad way.
- Yeah.

496
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:43,174
Now get up, and win this bet.

497
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:45,113
- You can do this.
- Yeah, you're right.

498
00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:46,969
- I can do this.
- Yeah.

499
00:17:49,804 --> 00:17:51,240
Yeah, I maybe can't do this.

500
00:17:51,275 --> 00:17:53,308
The time has come for the grand finale,

501
00:17:53,343 --> 00:17:54,409
the obstacle course.

502
00:17:54,444 --> 00:17:56,078
This is gonna be rough.

503
00:17:56,113 --> 00:17:58,080
Turns out, taking a ton of random pills

504
00:17:58,115 --> 00:17:59,414
is really bad for you.

505
00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:01,016
Everything hurts.

506
00:18:01,051 --> 00:18:03,185
Yeah, I'm like 50/50 gonna die.

507
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:06,154
On your mark, get set,
dazzle me, freaks!

508
00:18:07,242 --> 00:18:10,929
First, you must make your way
past the barricade hurdles.

509
00:18:11,127 --> 00:18:12,894
After the hurdles,

510
00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:15,229
you must fish a dollar coin
out of our gross,

511
00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:18,032
clogged-up sink of nightmares.

512
00:18:19,101 --> 00:18:21,068
- Ahh!
- Ew.

513
00:18:21,103 --> 00:18:23,104
You use that money to buy a hot dog.

514
00:18:23,139 --> 00:18:24,406
After you eat the entire dog,

515
00:18:24,441 --> 00:18:25,940
you'll return to the break room,

516
00:18:25,975 --> 00:18:27,174
where you must extract an olive

517
00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:29,745
from the windpipe
of a Heimlich practice dummy.

518
00:18:30,246 --> 00:18:32,213
Why are you using your mouth
for everything?

519
00:18:32,248 --> 00:18:33,915
The winner will be the first person

520
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:35,945
to sit in the Ringmaster's throne.

521
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:38,520
Uh-oh, surprise twist!

522
00:18:38,555 --> 00:18:40,855
To get to the throne,
you must break through

523
00:18:40,890 --> 00:18:42,589
- a breach training door.
- What?

524
00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:44,257
Why are you making this so hard on me?

525
00:18:44,292 --> 00:18:45,392
It's all for the show, Jake.

526
00:18:45,427 --> 00:18:47,027
The greatest show on Earth!

527
00:18:47,062 --> 00:18:49,050
All right, fine. I can do this.

528
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,314
For my wife.

529
00:19:01,276 --> 00:19:02,300
Ah, it didn't work.

530
00:19:02,336 --> 00:19:04,277
My skeleton feels like
it's made of Skittles.

531
00:19:04,312 --> 00:19:06,947
- I can't do it, Amy.
- Yes, you can, okay?

532
00:19:06,982 --> 00:19:08,482
You just need a little energy.

533
00:19:08,517 --> 00:19:10,216
And Debbie's EpiPens
are full of adrenaline.

534
00:19:10,251 --> 00:19:11,885
- Is that a smart thing to do?
- Probably not,

535
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,795
but sometimes it's good
to be a little irresponsible.

536
00:19:13,831 --> 00:19:14,888
You're gonna make me sick.

537
00:19:14,923 --> 00:19:16,256
It's better than losing our car.

538
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:19,426
I mean, is it? 'Cause...

539
00:19:19,461 --> 00:19:21,148
I will never die!

540
00:19:23,131 --> 00:19:25,098
- Yeah!
- Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

541
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:27,267
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo!
- Jake is champion!

542
00:19:27,302 --> 00:19:29,436
Congratulations, you inherit the circus!

543
00:19:29,471 --> 00:19:31,882
I did it! I don't want the circus.

544
00:19:37,945 --> 00:19:39,112
- You like it?
- Not at all.

545
00:19:39,147 --> 00:19:40,513
- You can leave.
- Not a chance.

546
00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:45,151
The show is over, lessons were learned,

547
00:19:45,186 --> 00:19:46,186
tears were cried.

548
00:19:46,221 --> 00:19:47,653
Just remember, freaks,

549
00:19:47,688 --> 00:19:50,457
the real freak is the freak inside.

550
00:19:50,492 --> 00:19:53,683
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Debbie Fogel.

551
00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:26,418
Well, that was weird.

552
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,622
Whoa-ho-ho, you hear that?

553
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,229
It's the total silence of people reeling

554
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:32,898
from the performance of a lifetime.

555
00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:34,465
- How does it feel?
- Incredible.

556
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,235
- I've never been that loud.
- That's what most singing is.

557
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,070
And with more practice,
you'll only get louder.

558
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,705
Do you really think they liked it?

559
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,809
It doesn't matter
what other people think.

560
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,410
What matters is that you can do anything

561
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,045
you put your mind to,
because in the end,

562
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,425
my bearded lady,
the beard was under you,

563
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,805
the greatest showman.

564
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,009
You're right. I can do anything.

565
00:21:03,998 --> 00:21:06,126
Anything I put my mind to.

566
00:21:11,651 --> 00:21:15,651
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com