What are you doing?
Oh.
- Ashy... - Gordon, what are you doing?
You and I are the best.
We're the best.
And it just makes sense to me.
I want you to marry me.
Speak up!
Will you marry me, Ash?
Gordon, will you please get up?
This is not our night.
You're embarrassing him, darling.
It's okay, it's okay. Please, just get up.
- Really? - Yeah.
'Cause we can... we can talk about this later.
Thanks. Um, she was a referral.
- Okay. - Thank you.
And this is... Gordon Crapp?
Ash, hi.
Are you okay?
- You sure this is okay? - Yeah. Yeah.
I just... I asked for any doctor and they gave me you.
Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
- How's Colin? - He's great.
- Yeah? - He's great. Yeah.
- His legs work now. - Do they? - No.
I was trying to think how long it's been.
Is it t... three years?
Ah, wow.
Yeah, that fits, actually,
because I got back from Warrnambool,
like, six months ago.
- Six months ago? - Mm-hm.
Wow.
Yeah.
You look, um...
Sorry, is he staying? Are you staying?
Um, yeah, he's an intern. He's shadowing me.
- I'm shadowing her. - Yes. I said that, Brendan!
I think we'd better crack on.
Um, so, Gordon, what seems to be the problem?
Uh, no problem. Uh...
We just got bought out by a bigger company
and they're making us do insurance medicals
and, uh, I just put it off for as long as I could.
Aw. Doesn't sound like you.
Hmm.
So you sold the brewery? That's sad.
Yep, yep. Can't fight the moonlight.
Right. What about all the, um, money your dad left you?
Uh, yeah, I made some pretty poor investment choices,
uh, at that time.
It, um... Yeah, it turns out ax throwing and drinking don't mix.
- But wasn't it $500,000? - Yeah.
I wasn't really thinking straight for a while there
after the, um...
Hello, Brendan.
Sorry, did he not do the new patient paperwork?
No, he didn't, but it's fine.
Did you get sent an email?
You should have got a link via HotDoc.
- HotDoc? - Yeah, HotDoc.
It's just a server. HotDoc.
- He said that he didn't do it. - We have to do it now, then.
- No, I can fill it in later. - But there's a...
There was a whole meeting this morning about...
Okay, Brendan!
Yep, let's, uh... let's HotDoc. Let's go.
I can ask the questions if you just wanna fill it in, Ash.
It's Dr. Molden.
But you said I...
It's Dr. Molden.
Do you need an interpreter?
Obviously not.
Okay.
Are you of Aboriginal or Torres Strait Island descent?
Again, obviously not.
It's not obvious. I'm 5%-7% Cantonese.
Oh.
Congratulations?
- Thanks. - Right.
- Marital status? - You don't have to answer that.
Single, married, de facto,
separated, divorced, widowed?
Single.
- Good, fine. - Yep.
It doesn't matter, though.
- Can we skip some? - Okay.
Uh...
Are you sexually active?
You don't have to answer that, but, you know, are you?
Y-yes.
Fine. Uh, don't worry about the next one.
Just tick a box.
Are you having insertive anal, insertive oral,
insertive vaginal, insertive penile?
Please stop.
Receptive anal, receptive oral,
receptive vaginal, receptive penile?
What is receptive penile? What is that, docking?
I guess receptive penile is
you're putting your penis into something.
I would have thought that would be insertive penile, no?
- No. - Right.
So what's insertive vaginal?
- Scissoring. - Oh.
Um... no, I'm not scissoring.
Okay.
Not scissoring.
- Any oral? - Ever?
Just skip it, Brendan!
How often do you feel helpless and that the world
would be better off without you?
Seriously?
Never, sometimes, often, very often?
Just the regular sad amount.
Okay, I'm just gonna call it.
- Are you happy with... - Brendan.
We clearly have some history.
I think it would be good if we could have some time alone.
Medical history?
Just read the room, mate.
You should have booked a double appointment.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize it would take this long.
Sorry about that. It's just...
What the fuck are you doing?
Doing the mini puzzle.
Go away!
He drives me fucking mental.
- Is he here all the time? - Yeah, no, just this week.
Okay. So, listen, just take it back.
You've been back in town for six months
and you... you never thought to call?
I mean, to check on Colin or anything?
I just haven't been able to, Gordon.
It's not that I don't miss him.
Oh, there he is. I know that photo.
Oh, there I am. Sorry.
- Put my things back. - Yeah, sorry.
Anyway, now that you are back,
um, do you want to do, like, a shared custody thing for Colin?
We can.
I... I can't, Gordon.
Why can't you?
My circumstances right now, I'm not able to do that.
Right, okay.
Well, he thinks you're dead.
Tell him I'm not.
Okay.
Oh, you know what, I'll take this to another doctor. Yeah.
- Yeah, it's probably best. - Yeah.
Um, sorry, I should have...
Uh... it's good to see you, though.
You too, Gordon.
Okay. 'Bye.
Oh, my God.
Ash!
Hey!
Oh! Oh, hey!
- Did you just see me then? - Did I...
Did you just see me and then keep walking?
I did, yeah, 'cause I'm...
Sorry, I just wasn't sure if, like, you were waiting for me.
Uh, no, I-I-I finished with...
They... they found someone else for me, another doctor.
I did all the paperwork and everything
and I just took a while and I just got stuck here scrolling.
Now you're up to date.
You done for the day?
- Yes, I am finished. - Okay.
For today.
Okay.
Uh, probably gonna get a drink with your intern, then?
Try a bit of receptive penile?
Yeah. I do love penile.
I know you do.
Anyway...
Hey, Ash?
Uh, this doesn't have to be awkward between us.
Like, we can be mates.
You know, if you want to call, like, to see Colin or anything,
anytime, you can, you know.
Um, okay. Yeah, yeah.
- I'll... I'll think about it. - Okay.
Not going to lose that, are you?
What's that?
The giant water bottle in your... in your hand.
Oh, no, yep.
We've gone way too far with these things.
It's really heavy.
It looks it.
- Anyway... - It's good to see you, Gordy.
- You too. - Like, really good.
You look good.
So do you.
Say hi to, um, Brett and Chiara for me.
I will, yeah. And say hi to your mum for me.
She'll bloody love that.
Is she still with... Lee?
- Lee? - Lee, yeah.
Uh-huh. They got married.
- No! - Yeah, it was beautiful.
- I'll bet. - It was a beautiful day.
- Yeah. Okay. - Yeah.
Hey, remember that, um, men's movement they had?
That, like, occult thing they did?
Oh, yeah.
- That was crazy. - It was.
Are they still doing it?
I th...
Uh...
I am the man of the house.
I'm the man of the house.
I am the man of the house.
I don't believe you, Eric.
I am the man of the house.
- Again. - I am the man of the house.
Mouse of the house, more like.
I am the man of the house.
Are you now? That's sweet.
I am the man of the house, you fucking bitch!
And there it is.
Sit down, Eric. Oh!
I think we found something important here today.
'Bitch' was a bit much, but that was more yang
than I've seen out of the lot of you put together,
so something to think about.
Ah, mmm, yang. Male energy.
Another fantastic session, everyone.
And for your homework, I would like you to think about
a misunderstood villain in history.
Perhaps Jack the Ripper, Rolf Harris,
or entrepreneur Jeffrey Epstein.
And tell us what it is about them that interests you,
and why.
All right, dismissed.
Oh, oh, just a reminder
that, uh, fees are due the first Friday of every month.
We're not a charity, people. Right?
Actually, yeah, yes, we are. We are a charity.
A registered charity.
Mm-hm. Uh-huh. Tea for Genre.
Yep, yep, yep. Mummy's watching.
Did he look the same?
Eerily so. Maybe better.
God, he's got great hair.
What, does he have like a girlfriend or anything?
Marital status was single, but sexually active.
Genre! What's your plan?
What do you think that means?
- It can mean anything. - I know!
Half for Mum? Half for Mummy?
Mummy!
Oh, I think I have to change his outfit.
It's not really working with the colors of the product.
Product?
Yeah, we got sent these toys,
and I have to make a post.
Okay, whatever.
Do you think I could have him here, though?
- Who? - Colin!
Hello!
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Yeah, anyway, I'm off gluten, feeling good!
Hi!
Hi, bubba!
- Hello, my love. - Mmm.
Mmm.
- Hey, Meggles. - Hello.
Hey, Genny. How are you, mate?
How'd you go?
Yeah, really good, really good.
Uh...
2.58.
Kilometers?
Yep. Km's. Want to see my route?
No, it's okay. No.
Okay. Yeah. That's a loop. You crushed it, bub.
Go have a shower.
Shower, okay.
Have you spoken to him yet?
David? What about?
He's always here.
He lives here.
And he just went for a run.
Yeah, okay, well, could he get a job, maybe?
He... Hey, he's working on it. Come on!
I just... I...
I think I'm just missing the baby bubble a little bit.
Like, I don't mind you here,
but I just want our baby bubble back with Rumi and Genre.
He's 18 months old.
Yeah.
Like, when does the bubble normally end?
- The baby bubble? - Yeah.
Like, isn't it the first few weeks? Isn't that the bubble?
No, Ash, it never ends.
What?
I'm his mother.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll talk to David.
Um, he'll get a job.
Thank you.
Anyway, but should I text him?
Like, should I text Gordon so that I can see Colin?
So, you didn't soak that stuff after he had his blowout?
No.
No, no.
Good job, bubba.
Good job!
Uh, Rumes...
What? What... what now?
What, is Bubba off the table now? What?
No, we're not gonna say "good job" anymore, remember?
What is this? Some more Instagram parenting tips?
Fucking hell.
It's TikTok, actually.
And you think it's helping, but it's actually not.
It's not actually helping a child's self-esteem.
What about my self-esteem?
Rumi, I cannot parent you both.
I've got self-esteem problems as well. Everyone's got it.
It's all good. It's all good.
Good? That's, yeah, helpful.
- What is... - Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, that's James.
James is at the front door.
Hey, Genre is so fucking overstimulated right now.
I'll handle it. I'll handle it.
And no more drop-ins, all right?
You tell him it is pre-planned or nothing.
Mm-hm.
Love you.
Love you too.
Hey.
- Hi. - Ahh.
Where's my boy?
Not your boy, James.
No, no, but, um, how is he?
I just bought him a cute little outfit. Is he around?
No, he's not around.
Sounds like he's around.
He is around, but he's currently overstimulated, so...
Look, we talked about how it might be confusing for you
to be buying him presents.
Oh, this isn't a present. It's his birthright.
- Ha! - He needs a team.
Swannies!
That's nice, but he can choose his own team
when he's older, okay?
Well, he was born in Sydney, so this is his team.
That might be the team that he was assigned at birth.
- Swannies are a great team. - Yep. It's not the point.
I've already bought him a Matildas jersey, anyway.
Oh, sure, that's fine. I mean, that's women's soccer.
- Just call it soccer. - Okay. Well, is he around?
- Can I see him? - No.
Look, James,
when you agreed to be our donor,
we were very clear about how you were not his parent.
Yeah, I'm not. I'm just like a fun uncle sperm friend.
Never, ever say that again.
Look, please only come around when invited,
otherwise we will have to get the lawyers involved, okay?
- I'm sorry. - Okay. Great.
Still good to babysit on Friday?
- Absolutely. - Yeah, great.
Hmm!
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Love you, little man.
Well, these cunts are talking about taking
January off the sauce.
Then you've got, what, Dry July, Ocsober,
they're talking about Don't Drink So March.
We've got to get these fucks guzzling again, eh?
- Definitely. It's ethical, yeah. - Ethical City.
Yeah, we're on it, boss.
Um, anyway, mate, I think that's probably it for today?
- Yeah, thanks, Jared. - All right. Thank you. Bye.
Thanks for, um, getting those medicals done.
I'd hate to sack youse.
Same.
Anyway, you've got a lot on, mate, so we'll let you go.
Seriously, Echo Park is my little baby
and I've always got time.
'Cause I'm a good daddy,
I've always got time for my little babies.
- Yep. - Yep.
- Right. - And, like, Daddy's hands-off.
Daddy's not... do things without Daddy,
but just babies have to check.
- Babies just check with Daddy. - Yep.
- Cool. - Does that make sense?
- Mm-hm. - Yeah, absolutely.
Yep.
Explain it for me.
Explain it?
What's my name?
- Uh, Jared? -Jared. - Daddy? Jared. -No.
- He wants to be called Daddy. - Oh.
- Yeah, but call me Daddy. - Yep.
- And we love Daddy. - Uh-huh.
Bad babies get a smack, you know?
Yeah, well, we'll see you next quarter.
- Yeah. - Or every six months.
- Yeah, Quarterly City. - Yep.
I did have another idea.
Idea City.
Can you stop with the city shit?
So I just, um, got back from L.A. in the United States.
- Yep. - Mm-hm.
And, uh, just trip of a lifetime.
They're doing this functional beer.
Did I tell you about that?
Okay, yes. I don't know about that, actually, Jared. We...
No, no, no. So they... What it is they're cutting out carbs.
Oh, we talked about it.
You're putting in your electrolytes, your aminos,
your antioxidants, a bit of spirulina.
It's unmarketable, remember?
Because we can't advertise beer as healthy
'cause we'll get sued.
Who's... who's saying it's healthy, RFK?
- Right. - All right.
- Okay. - I'm not.
- Okay... - I'm not.
I'm saying we have had this conversation.
No, Daddy's not, Daddy's saying
you can detox and retox at the same time.
Yeah, we could call it tox.
That's fucking it, Brett.
That's... that's you... Oh, you're my favorite baby.
Tox City.
Yeah. No, don't do that one. The first one, man.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
I fucking knew you guys would figure it.
Fucking geniuses.
And then we, um... we did the... we did the Vegas drive.
We saw "Chaplin" Roan.
And we saw, um...
'Cause she was down for the Oscars or something.
But they're all...
Hello?
Oh, fuck. Are you frozen?
That really pisses me off
'cause I got my connection fixed after last time
and then I sent them down to fix yours.
So, there should be no problems. The NBN...
We've got the NBN. We've got fibre to the node.
Brett, did you just move, mate?
That... Chiara blinked. She did blink.
All right. All right. I've lost you, bugger it.
All right. Daddy out.
- Oh, God! Thank God! - Oh!
- My God. - My eyes were watering, man.
- Oh, my back. - Oh, you know what?
It wasn't a complete waste of time. I got my Kegels done.
Hey, can I do my merch pitch now?
Uh, yep, yep.
Okay, go on, Bretty. What's your pitch?
All right.
First thing, thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
for being here today.
I know you all lead busy lives.
Okay, just cut to the chase.
Uh...
You messed me up.
I do it, all right?
I do all our totes, T-shirts, all of our merch.
Cut out the middleman.
You want to see an example?
Ba-bam!
An acrostic poem.
Don't you have two T's?
Yeah, but it felt like
the natural end, you know?
Hey.
- Fucking what? - Wake up, Jeff.
Sorry, yep. Guys, go. Hey?
What's... what's going on?
Yeah, I saw... I saw Ash,
and, um, it was really weird to see her again.
Uh, it's thrown me a bit.
You're fucking joking.
Yeah.
- No way, bro. - Yeah.
I know.
Oh!
Fucking hell! What was that?
It's okay, Colin. He asked for it.
You told me to slap you across the face
next time you wanted to call her.
I didn't call her. She was the doctor I went to see.
Oh, yep. She's a doctor now? Yep.
Jesus Christ, Brett!
That was fucking full on. You can't do that.
- Yes, he can. - I did.
Okay, new rule. No hitting me or throwing shit at me.
Even if you asked for it?
No hitting or throwing.
But you asked for it.
No hitting or throwing things at me.
- And my hand kind of hurts now. - Yeah, actually.
- Gets a bit zingy, doesn't it? - Thanks.
When I hit my kids, same thing. Stings.
- Hurt him more than it hurt you. - Yep.
So funny. My ex came in today.
Oh, the one with the dog?
- Yeah. - How was that?
Fine. It was good.
You know, Mon and I are still friends.
- Yep. - Yeah. I'm cool with exes.
I think it's beautiful.
I was thinking I might get in touch with him
just to see my dog again.
But I assume that, like, you wouldn't wanna come or anything
'cause of your allergies.
Well, show me a pic. It's all about the fur.
Oh, okay.
Um-doo-ma-ma-mam.
How is that?
Nah. I can't.
Oh, really?
I mean, it'd be fine if it was, like, a groodle,
a labradoodle, any of the oodles, really.
Okay. That's a shame.
And I can still, like, go alone, though, can't I?
I mean, I could dose up on meds, wear a protective layer.
No, that's such a lot. You don't have to do that.
No, I'll do it. It's okay.
I'll come with you.
Great.
Be probably good to get out of the house.
Oh, yeah.
How is the... the job search going?
Good. It's just...
It's really hard to get people to invest
in an inner-city trout farm.
Inner-city trout farm. Pftt! Ha!
Yeah. I guess 'cause the sea's so close.
I mean, just think
of all the high-end Japanese restaurants in Sydney.
- Totally. - Gold mind.
- What'd you say? - Gold mind.
Goldmine?
Yeah, it's a gold mind.
Gold mind?
Gold... mind.
Tell me, did the fish market ever call back about the job?
I just... I don't really want to work for Big Fish.
Okay.
I mean, I could, though, really.
I could make some contacts.
Disrupt from within.
Yeah, get in there.
Undermind them.
I think it's undermine.
No, I know, I was just saying.
You're good to come and watch me play pickleball later, yeah?
Um... did I say I would?
- Yeah. - Great. I'll be there.
Can I drive? I want to get my hours up.
Yep.
Ow!
Can you do that outside?
Yeah.
- Hey. - Yep.
You haven't fucking texted her, have you?
No, mate. Language.
Don't do this shit again, Gordon.
I won't, mate.
You gained 10 kilos.
You started gambling again.
- Middy, Jack? - Please.
You grew a bushranger's beard. Do you remember?
Can you change that, please?
No, you look like a fat Ned Kelly.
I love it.
You've got kids. What's wrong with you?
Yeah, they don't bring me as much joy as this does.
- Very good. - I didn't mind the beard.
- Thank you, Jackie boy. - Very unhelpful, Jack.
- Hey, uh... - Yeah?
Can you focus... focus on me for a sec?
- I've got to tell you something. - Yep, let's focus on you.
Um, I recently had a swathe of tests.
Well, it's either gonna be a swathe or a raft.
Please shut up, because this is important.
I'm sorry, what's wrong?
I've been diagnosed.
Oh, Christ.
With... ADHD.
What? What?
Jesus Christ, Chi. Oh, my God.
Yeah, okay, and?
And? What do you mean, and?
Well, I thought it was cancer, Chi.
And it's... Who ca... You're in your 40s.
It's not like you're in Year 8 maths distracting everybody.
This is a really big deal to me, Gordon.
It would've been nice to know when I was in Year 8.
My parents made me run a lot. I was always running.
Always running.
"Run, run, Chiara. Go down to the park and run it out."
- Okay, okay. - Run what out?
Okay, Chi. It's okay. I'm sorry.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
But yes, obviously you've got ADHD, Chi.
It's what makes you so fun. You've got so much energy.
You know? It's a good thing. It's all right. You're okay.
- Thanks for sharing. - No, it's okay.
Hey, but I'm telling you because my doctor says
- I need to slow down. - Right. - Okay?
So, I'm actually gonna go to the office now,
and I'm just gonna do the orders.
- No, no. - So, you have to do payroll.
No, I hate payroll.
Yeah, well, figure it out, Gordon.
- I'm gonna repair it myself. - What? Now?
- Yep. - Oh, for f...
- Bretty, Bretty, Bretty, Bretty. - Hey.
Um, can you stay a bit longer today
because Chiara has ADHD now?
She's always had that.
Yeah, no shit.
Actually, you can't keep asking me
to do things for you last minute.
- What? - I have a date with Carmen.
No, no, no, don't tell me
you're still interacting with that thing.
Carmen's not a thing.
No, Carmen is... is either a Russian bot
or a 15-year-old called Lachy in his parents' basement in Perth.
Okay? That's the truth.
Okay, think what you want.
But Carmen is real, and what we have is real.
Okay, well, listen, just do me a favor.
Just don't give her your bank details.
Or mine.
Uh...
- Okay? - Okay. Yeah.
Okay. Have fun.
- But she's real? - Yep.
All right? Hey, old boy.
Happy for you, Brett.
Thanks, Jackie.
- Is this his mail-order bride? - Yeah.
You can't say that, mate. You can't say that.
It's... it's all on the phone. It's a whole thing.
But basically, yes.
Had a mate who had one of those.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, brought her over in '93.
- Yeah? - Had a Hampton Wick.
Hampton Wick?
A dick.
Right.
Still together.
That's lovely for them.
Hey? That's nice. It's a good story.
Mm.
Argh!
Come on, David. Come on, David. Yes, David!
Come on, David. Come on, David. No, David!
Fucking hell. Oh, my God.
- Hey, David? - What?
I'm just gonna... I'm gonna come back and pick you up, okay?
Yeah, okay. Fine.
Oh, cheese and rice!
I'm... Hi. No, you go.
Yeah, come on.
Hey, there she is.
Hi, darling.
Hey.
Hey, your hair looks great.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- It's not too short? - No.
Shit. Shit.
She always takes too much off.
Nah. Sexy.
Ooh. Mwah!
- Oh, that's sad. - Oh, my God.
It's getting worse around here.
No, no, no. They might be crazy.
It's okay, it's okay.
Hello? Hi there.
Sorry to bother, I was just gonna say,
if you need to use a bathroom...
.. or even if you need,
like, a shower later tonight,
you can just... you just go across there.
I just... I run a local business.
Just trying to help the community.
Oh, God, is... is that a cup of urine?
Oh, no, I think that's wine.
- Okay. Can we go now? - Yep.
Um, anyway, if you want, like, a m... meal too,
we have hot food as well.
- Just leave it. - Okay.
Um...
Colly, get off there. What's... what's going on?
Anyway, you just tell them Gordon sent you.
Fuck off, cunt!
Oh, that's lovely.
Never mind.
- Okay. Yeah. - Let's go.
Yep, okay.
Colly.
- Gordon. - Anyway...
You've got such a big heart.
Oh, thanks, Chels.
But they could have had a knife. Don't do that again.
Okay.
Fucking hell.
No, it looks great.
God, she's got good hair.
Fuck.