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www.tvsubtitles.net

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- good morning,
greendale community college.

3
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This is your dean
reminding you

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That among your school's
prestigious alumni

5
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Is mr. Luis guzman,
celebrated actor

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And model
puerto-rican american.

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This friday, we will be
dedicating a statue of guzman

8
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And unveiling
our brand-new school song.

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So boy,
I don't know about you,

10
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But this sure feels like
a real college to me.

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- greendale, greendale,

12
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Greendale!

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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

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- ah! jeff, jeff.

15
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Good morning!

16
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How is student life,
my dry-witted friend?

17
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- probably the same
as teacher life,

18
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But less tragic,
because I get to leave.

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- very dry.
very witty.

20
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Not a great friend.

21
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Listen, I wanted to ask you
about that young lady

22
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In your spanish class.

23
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You know, the blonde
with the pouty, strident

24
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Cate blanchett sexuality
and the ridiculous name?

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- britta?
- that's it, that's it.

26
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Imagine living with that.
can you imagine?

27
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Unbelievable.

28
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Anyway, are you two an item,
and if so,

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Would that item be
impervious to sabotage?

30
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- you know, you have
the savoir faire of a hyena.

31
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How is it that you
and james bond

32
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Come from the same island?

33
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- message received.

34
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I'll just wait for you
to finish striking out first.

35
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- cheers.
- m.a.s.h.

36
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- fawlty towers.
game over.

37
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Have a nice day.

38
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- do you think luis guzman

39
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Will ever come
to visit his statue?

40
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If so, I'd like to ask him
about his movie choices,

41
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particularly carlito's way,
the cowboy way, the hard way,

42
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and q&a.

43
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- yeah, luis guzman is
on a private jet from hollywood,

44
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Because he can't wait to have
that conversation with you.

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- really?
how does he know about me?

46
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- because he called me
on my cell phone.

47
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- why would a movie actor
call you?

48
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- you don't know?
- no.

49
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- I'm president
obama's nephew.

50
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- you never mentioned that.

51
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- I didn't know
if I could trust you.

52
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But now it's time
to tell you everything—

53
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Starting with me
inventing the ferrari.

54
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- so... I guess
the cell phone number

55
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You put on the study group's
contact sheet was fake,

56
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Which I just learned
in the awkward conclusion

57
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Of a month-long text message
affair with a dude from boulder.

58
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- sorry.
- that's okay.

59
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Just give me
your real number.

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I'll cleanse my palate while
kevin rethinks his marriage.

61
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I'll give you my number
if you promise not to use it

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In any other context
than friendship.

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- uh... pass.

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silencio, por favor.

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Star burns—
that means you.

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- my name's alex, dude.

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- well, maybe you should
spend five hours

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Sculpting that
in your face.

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All right, last night
I graded your tests.

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I'm sure you wanna know
how you did, right?

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- yes, I would.
- well, I'm not gonna tell you.

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Until I find out
who did... this!

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- what is that?

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- it's a tiny piece of paper,
okay?

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That's all it is.
tiny piece of paper.

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Containing all the information
covered on the test.

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Otherwise known
as a crib sheet.

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Who did it, huh?

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Marianne?

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grandpa?

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Jackee?

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Kumar?

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There's one asian stereotype
that does apply to me.

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Whoever did this
insulted my honor.

85
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And they've got 24 hours
to come forward,

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Or mr. Miyagi here
will wax off everyone's score

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and the whole class
gets a cero!

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'cept you, toby.

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- the only difference between
señor chang and stalin

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Is that I know
who señor chang is.

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- did you hear him call me
jackee

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Like I'm some black
female caricature?

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If the good lord
hadn't been watching,

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I'd have slapped him
upside the head.

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- who do you guys think
cheated?

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- flattering.

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But if I'm gonna cheat,

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I'm not gonna write
information from a book

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Onto a piece of paper.

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That's practically learning,
for god's sakes.

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Whoever made that crib sheet
wasn't a real cheater.

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Just... insecure and naive.

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- I may be naive,
but I'm not stupid.

104
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- well, I may be stupid,

105
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But I'm not trying
to look like I'm not.

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- well, I may be a genius,
but I'm not a lesbian.

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Who cares who made
the crib sheet?

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The only real cheater

109
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Is the guy who's threatening
everyone with a zero.

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- you're right!
it's so unfair.

111
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And I can't handle
this kind of stress right now.

112
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I'm already overwhelmed
by my duties

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On the school song committee.
- are you a musician?

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- eew. No.
I hired a local composer.

115
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But he's quite a handful.

116
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- well, I guess that's
your fault, isn't it?

117
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- it is?
- you've got an accomplished

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Pianist and songwriter
sitting 3 feet away from you.

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I wrote the jingle

120
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For hawthorne wipe's
moist towelettes.

121
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I would have done
your song for free.

122
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Smooth move, metamucil.
- troy could do the school song.

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Troy invited rap music,

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And he's related to danny glover
and president obama.

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- abed, have you been
racist this whole time

126
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While I'm telling
everybody at church

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What a sweet little
caramel angel you are?

128
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- hey, man, that stuff
I said this morning wasn't true.

129
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I was just messin' with you.
- you were lying?

130
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- yeah, as a joke.

131
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You've never had anybody
mess with you before?

132
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- yes. Just kidding.
no. Like that?

133
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This isn't a table.

134
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Ha ha!
that's funny.

135
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- remember when we used to
study spanish?

136
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- pierce!
- yo.

137
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- I talked to the dean,

138
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And he said you can write
greendale's school song.

139
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- well, that's more like it.

140
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- you know the statue
dedication is this friday.

141
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So you have to have it done
by then.

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- this friday?
this friday?

143
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- if that's not enough time—
- no, no, no!

144
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You really don't know much
about genius, do you?

145
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Yes, I can do it by friday.
- great!

146
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There's a piano
in the rehearsal space,

147
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And I'll help you out
however I can.

148
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You're gonna do
an awesome job!

149
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- I know!

150
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- so... this is the last chance

151
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For the cheater
to be an adult

152
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and face la musica...

153
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Or everyone fails.
- no!

154
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- you got ten seconds...

155
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Starting now.

156
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no!

157
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I've never...
gotten a zero before.

158
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- I did it.
- britta!

159
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- well, you really took your
sweet time with that one, baby.

160
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- how dare you terrorize a class
by threatening their grades.

161
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It's not that easy to get human
beings to turn on each other.

162
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- turn on her!

163
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- ow!

164
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real mature!

165
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- that's right.
we are mature!

166
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Too mature
to sit in a class

167
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With a cheating,
lying poop-face!

168
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Okay. Time to learn
some formal greetings.

169
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- so...

170
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Wow.

171
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- yeah, I bet
you're enjoying this.

172
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- yeah, well,
when we first met,

173
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Like you were up here
and I was here, and now...

174
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Oh, wait, I gave a quarter
to a dirty bum today.

175
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- what do you think
they're gonna do to me?

176
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- well, we're not gonna
buy you an ice cream.

177
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Hi. Dean pelton.

178
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What an entrance
I got to make there.

179
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You would be britta perry.

180
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I just spoke with señor chang,

181
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And I'm afraid greendale
takes this kinda thing

182
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Very seriously.

183
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much like a university would!

184
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Your case will be reviewed

185
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By a disciplinary tribunal
tomorrow

186
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:04,848
In borchart hall.

187
00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:06,917
You could be facing
expulsion.

188
00:07:06,984 --> 00:07:08,418
- isn't borchart hall
the pool?

189
00:07:08,485 --> 00:07:10,754
- there is an olympic-sized
pool there, yes,

190
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But we will be next to it,

191
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using
its $6,000 judge's table!

192
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- uh, is she allowed
to have counsel?

193
00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:19,128
I mean, I may not be
a practicing lawyer anymore,

194
00:07:19,195 --> 00:07:21,498
But relative to this place,
I'm alan dershowitz.

195
00:07:21,565 --> 00:07:23,634
- oh, okay, ouch,
and yes.

196
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If you'd like,
you may represent her.

197
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Dean you later.

198
00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:29,071
- I'm not gonna sit
while some hokey tribunal

199
00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:31,274
Gets its jollies judging me.

200
00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:33,075
- hey, if you show up with me,
follow my lead,

201
00:07:33,142 --> 00:07:35,211
And deny everything,
you'll walk.

202
00:07:35,278 --> 00:07:36,446
That's the winger guarantee.

203
00:07:36,513 --> 00:07:37,681
- I get it.

204
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,081
You think
you're gonna save my bacon

205
00:07:39,148 --> 00:07:40,383
Using your lawyer powers

206
00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:42,586
And send me into fits
of grateful arousal.

207
00:07:42,653 --> 00:07:44,922
- I can neither confirm
nor deny that.

208
00:07:44,988 --> 00:07:47,056
See how good I am?

209
00:07:49,158 --> 00:07:50,694
- hey, troy.
did you hear?

210
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,564
All dogs are blue now.

211
00:07:53,630 --> 00:07:55,732
Every single dog
in the world is blue.

212
00:07:59,068 --> 00:08:00,236
I'm just messing with you.

213
00:08:00,303 --> 00:08:01,905
- yeah, I know,
but let me explain to you

214
00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:03,941
A few things
about how this works.

215
00:08:04,007 --> 00:08:06,275
Uh, first of all,
I cannot be got,

216
00:08:06,342 --> 00:08:08,311
Because I am not gullible
like you.

217
00:08:08,377 --> 00:08:10,747
Secondly,
you are not good at this,

218
00:08:10,814 --> 00:08:13,817
Because you are not believable
in your face, okay?

219
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:16,285
Your face? it's bad.
- okay.

220
00:08:16,352 --> 00:08:17,854
- um, also...

221
00:08:17,921 --> 00:08:19,756
You gotta ride the line
between believable and—

222
00:08:19,823 --> 00:08:21,525
- [high-pitched warble,
humming]

223
00:08:21,592 --> 00:08:23,192
- what are you writing in?

224
00:08:23,259 --> 00:08:24,428
- it's a notepad.

225
00:08:24,494 --> 00:08:25,862
- yeah, but what are—
what language?

226
00:08:25,929 --> 00:08:27,464
- it's probably arabic.

227
00:08:36,707 --> 00:08:39,743
- all right, I am convening
this disciplinary tribunal

228
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:42,311
At our state-of-the-art
judge's table,

229
00:08:42,378 --> 00:08:44,848
Which has
its own built-in sound system,

230
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,416
So take that yale.

231
00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:49,686
Our judges include myself,
uh, dean craig pelton.

232
00:08:49,753 --> 00:08:51,387
- professor ian duncan.

233
00:08:51,455 --> 00:08:53,523
- professor ben chang.

234
00:08:53,590 --> 00:08:55,759
- uh, no, you're a teacher.
you're not a professor.

235
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,127
- maybe because
I don't look like ron weasley.

236
00:08:58,194 --> 00:08:59,128
- that's the difference.

237
00:08:59,195 --> 00:09:00,764
That's the qualifying factor.

238
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,065
- gentlemen, point of order.

239
00:09:02,131 --> 00:09:04,300
How can señor chang
be one of the judges?

240
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:05,836
He's the one
accusing my client.

241
00:09:05,902 --> 00:09:07,704
- yeah, well, you got
prince charles over here,

242
00:09:07,771 --> 00:09:09,039
Who's your drinking buddy.

243
00:09:09,106 --> 00:09:10,741
- oh, got me.

244
00:09:10,807 --> 00:09:12,576
- well, it sounds
like there are two biases,

245
00:09:12,643 --> 00:09:14,343
One on each side,
and I go both ways.

246
00:09:14,411 --> 00:09:15,746
Oh, let's strike that.

247
00:09:15,812 --> 00:09:18,247
Lashonda, can we please
strike that?

248
00:09:18,314 --> 00:09:21,618
I am impartial,
so it should all work out.

249
00:09:21,685 --> 00:09:23,319
Okay. Let's begin.

250
00:09:23,386 --> 00:09:27,189
- fine. The tribunal calls
teacher chang.

251
00:09:27,256 --> 00:09:28,892
- okay, just keep it up
frost/nixon.

252
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,326
- I was planning
on doing that.

253
00:09:30,394 --> 00:09:31,762
Cleared my whole day.

254
00:09:31,828 --> 00:09:34,965
Uh, mr. Chang,
could you remind us

255
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:36,533
Of the events
of yesterday?

256
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,802
- with great pleasure.
it was a tuesday,

257
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,405
Uh, crack of dawn,
5:58 a.m.

258
00:09:41,471 --> 00:09:43,840
I got up,
I took my morning deuce,

259
00:09:43,907 --> 00:09:45,241
I made a breakfast
consisting of..

260
00:09:51,615 --> 00:09:52,849
Mm, nah.

261
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,727
hi, almost done.

262
00:10:03,794 --> 00:10:05,395
- oh, good.

263
00:10:05,462 --> 00:10:06,763
- you can tell the dean
I'll have a song

264
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,532
That'll make the devil
poop god's pants.

265
00:10:08,598 --> 00:10:11,233
- that's exciting.

266
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:12,803
Mind if I hear
what you got so far?

267
00:10:12,869 --> 00:10:14,738
- well, uh, yeah, sure.

268
00:10:14,805 --> 00:10:18,374
I, uh—I'll probably open
with something like this. Uh...

269
00:10:19,543 --> 00:10:21,011
You know, a note like that.

270
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,448
And end
with a note like that.

271
00:10:24,514 --> 00:10:26,083
Uh, the words,
I can't tell you.

272
00:10:26,149 --> 00:10:29,186
You know, the rest
is really a surprise.

273
00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:30,954
- I'm just a little worried.

274
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,354
I keep hearing
the same two notes,

275
00:10:32,422 --> 00:10:34,624
And your sheet music

276
00:10:34,691 --> 00:10:36,093
Looks like
a chinese takeout menu.

277
00:10:36,159 --> 00:10:39,162
- a musician sees music
in everything, annie.

278
00:10:39,228 --> 00:10:41,565
I mean, it could be...

279
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:48,605
You see?
I mean, it just comes out.

280
00:10:48,672 --> 00:10:50,040
You know what? you really
shouldn't be here right now.

281
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,307
- what?

282
00:10:51,373 --> 00:10:54,077
- you are inside
a throbbing, cosmic womb

283
00:10:54,144 --> 00:10:55,645
Of creativity,

284
00:10:55,712 --> 00:10:57,814
And when this baby
starts kicking,

285
00:10:57,881 --> 00:11:00,217
I cannot be responsible
for your sanity.

286
00:11:00,282 --> 00:11:02,251
I know it sounds funny,

287
00:11:02,318 --> 00:11:03,820
But let me
play you out, okay?

288
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,425
Playing you out now,
this song.

289
00:11:08,492 --> 00:11:10,660
You know, like on stage?
playing you out, okay?

290
00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:12,496
Thanks for coming.
bye-bye.

291
00:11:23,607 --> 00:11:25,374
- and then she yelled,
"screw you,"

292
00:11:25,442 --> 00:11:27,444
Or, "screw education,"
or something like that,

293
00:11:27,511 --> 00:11:28,879
And then she stormed
out of the room

294
00:11:28,945 --> 00:11:31,014
In her high-heel boots
like it was tampon time...

295
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,616
If you know what I mean.

296
00:11:32,682 --> 00:11:34,350
- objection.
I don't know what he means.

297
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,086
- please don't
encourage him, winger.

298
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,954
Do you have
any more questions?

299
00:11:38,021 --> 00:11:39,489
- the defense calls
britta perry.

300
00:11:39,556 --> 00:11:42,025
- now, are those
the high-heel boots

301
00:11:42,092 --> 00:11:43,493
He was talking about?
- yes.

302
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,728
- are they comfortable?
- yeah.

303
00:11:44,795 --> 00:11:46,062
- I'm just curious.
they're cute.

304
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:47,531
- thank you.
- miss perry...

305
00:11:47,597 --> 00:11:49,232
Did you make
that crib sheet?

306
00:11:49,298 --> 00:11:50,901
- no.

307
00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:52,435
- she confessed!

308
00:11:52,502 --> 00:11:54,404
- she confessed to protect
her classmates,

309
00:11:54,471 --> 00:11:57,841
Because you were threatening
to flunk everyone!

310
00:11:57,908 --> 00:11:59,276
- you did what?

311
00:11:59,341 --> 00:12:02,479
- oh, shut your pompous vortex
of overlapping fangs!

312
00:12:02,546 --> 00:12:04,447
- hey, british dentistry
is not on trial.

313
00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:06,116
- dean pelton,
I move this case

314
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,617
Be thrown out of...

315
00:12:07,684 --> 00:12:08,718
The pool area!

316
00:12:08,785 --> 00:12:09,753
- well, it certainly—

317
00:12:14,424 --> 00:12:15,892
Well, it certainly sounds
to me

318
00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:17,928
That this young lady's
only crime

319
00:12:17,994 --> 00:12:20,263
Is being a hero
and wanting to be taller.

320
00:12:20,329 --> 00:12:21,498
This tribunal is adjourned.

321
00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:23,033
- wait! I cheated!
- and we're back.

322
00:12:23,099 --> 00:12:25,635
- objection. My client
did not cheat.

323
00:12:25,702 --> 00:12:26,803
- yes, I did.

324
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:29,639
- yes, she did...

325
00:12:29,706 --> 00:12:31,408
But why?

326
00:12:31,474 --> 00:12:33,844
That's the real question,
isn't it?

327
00:12:38,248 --> 00:12:40,150
The world wasn't
the only thing that changed

328
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,218
On september 11th.

329
00:12:41,284 --> 00:12:42,419
- oh, come on.

330
00:12:42,485 --> 00:12:43,520
- five-minute recess?

331
00:12:43,587 --> 00:12:45,121
- no, no. There's nothing

332
00:12:45,188 --> 00:12:46,790
In the bylaws about recesses,
all right?

333
00:12:46,857 --> 00:12:48,792
The wheels of justice here
don't stop

334
00:12:48,859 --> 00:12:50,427
Just because you—aah!

335
00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:51,995
Time out! time out!

336
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,797
Save the table!
save the table!

337
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:57,968
Beginning transmission.

338
00:12:58,034 --> 00:12:59,803
The primary purpose seems
to be male bonding,

339
00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:01,271
And the attitude
during conveyance

340
00:13:01,338 --> 00:13:03,707
Of the random deceit is
apparently of great importance.

341
00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:06,176
The humanoid is approximately
5'10" in height.

342
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,644
- what are you doing?

343
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:09,479
- oh, hey. Troy.

344
00:13:09,546 --> 00:13:10,814
I didn't see you.

345
00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:12,616
Um, how long
were you standing there?

346
00:13:12,682 --> 00:13:15,218
- you trying to mess
with me?

347
00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:16,186
- yes,
that's what I was doing.

348
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,721
You got me.

349
00:13:17,787 --> 00:13:20,123
I was just messing with you,
but I guess I blew it again.

350
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:21,992
- yeah.

351
00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:23,560
You did.

352
00:13:32,736 --> 00:13:34,571
- man, don't turn your back
on me.

353
00:13:34,638 --> 00:13:35,906
- it is on
like donkey kong!

354
00:13:35,972 --> 00:13:38,308
Have you got
a problem with me?

355
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:40,076
- I don't like the fact
that you're walking around here

356
00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:42,445
Like you're better than me
in front of my students.

357
00:13:42,512 --> 00:13:44,114
- I'm sorry. Do you mind if we
have this conversation

358
00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:46,049
In a room with less balls?

359
00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:52,722
You're very confident,
I'll say that.

360
00:13:52,789 --> 00:13:54,591
- but you shouldn't be.

361
00:13:54,658 --> 00:13:55,992
- what are you doing
out there?

362
00:13:56,059 --> 00:13:58,094
- you know I have a problem
with dishonesty.

363
00:13:58,161 --> 00:14:00,630
- you're on trial
for cheating!

364
00:14:00,697 --> 00:14:02,666
Fa—look, we'll be fine.

365
00:14:02,732 --> 00:14:04,367
I just have to
go back out there

366
00:14:04,434 --> 00:14:06,269
And make the case
that you're a good person—

367
00:14:06,336 --> 00:14:07,704
- you don't know that.

368
00:14:07,771 --> 00:14:08,939
You're just doing all of this

369
00:14:09,005 --> 00:14:09,973
'cause you want to
sleep with me

370
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,141
I mean,
you said it yourself.

371
00:14:11,207 --> 00:14:12,642
You don't even want to
be my friend.

372
00:14:12,709 --> 00:14:14,077
- wait a minute.

373
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,146
Wait, is that
what you thought I meant?

374
00:14:16,212 --> 00:14:17,714
Britta, look at me.

375
00:14:17,781 --> 00:14:18,848
Look at me!
- I am.

376
00:14:18,915 --> 00:14:20,951
- no, look how handsome
my face is.

377
00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:22,852
If all I wanted was sex,

378
00:14:22,919 --> 00:14:24,154
I could get it
from plenty of women

379
00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:26,122
Without having to go through
all this crap.

380
00:14:26,189 --> 00:14:27,991
I'm here because I like you,

381
00:14:28,058 --> 00:14:31,061
And I—I'd be psyched
to be your friend.

382
00:14:31,127 --> 00:14:32,696
I just didn't want to take
sex off the table

383
00:14:32,762 --> 00:14:34,831
Without doing
my due diligence.

384
00:14:34,898 --> 00:14:36,299
- I actually believe you.

385
00:14:36,366 --> 00:14:38,301
- well, why wouldn't you?
- I don't know.

386
00:14:38,368 --> 00:14:40,670
I guess... same reason
that I cheated.

387
00:14:40,737 --> 00:14:44,474
I... just have more experience
being worthless.

388
00:14:44,541 --> 00:14:46,376
I think I left that
crib sheet on the floor

389
00:14:46,444 --> 00:14:47,811
Because I wanted
to get caught.

390
00:14:47,877 --> 00:14:49,479
I'm so used to
screwing everything up

391
00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:51,247
I just wanted
to get it over with.

392
00:14:51,314 --> 00:14:54,918
- wait.
I think we have our defense.

393
00:14:54,985 --> 00:14:56,753
Gentlemen...

394
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,188
My client is insane.

395
00:14:58,254 --> 00:15:00,156
- what?

396
00:15:04,478 --> 00:15:05,812
- gentlemen, I'm sure
you suspected...

397
00:15:05,878 --> 00:15:08,616
That ms. Perry was pretty odd
before the recess.

398
00:15:08,682 --> 00:15:10,850
But if you could've heard
all the stuff

399
00:15:10,917 --> 00:15:12,385
She just told me
in the shower,

400
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,887
You would realize
she is all the way out

401
00:15:14,954 --> 00:15:17,023
Of her entire damn mind.

402
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,891
She doesn't want to succeed

403
00:15:18,958 --> 00:15:20,927
Because she doesn't think
she can.

404
00:15:20,994 --> 00:15:24,431
So she goes out of her way
to fail.

405
00:15:24,498 --> 00:15:25,798
That's crazy!

406
00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:27,800
But...

407
00:15:27,867 --> 00:15:29,536
Do we really want
to make it a crime

408
00:15:29,603 --> 00:15:31,438
To be crazy at greendale?

409
00:15:31,505 --> 00:15:32,939
I mean, look at us.

410
00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:36,075
I mean, you two are arguing
about status at a college

411
00:15:36,142 --> 00:15:37,977
That correspondence schools
make fun of.

412
00:15:38,044 --> 00:15:41,749
Dean, you want so bad
for this place to be ivy league

413
00:15:41,814 --> 00:15:45,018
That you are putting us
at risk of electrocution.

414
00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:47,987
Everyone on this campus
is nuts.

415
00:15:48,054 --> 00:15:50,457
- not me!
- oh, come on, leonard.

416
00:15:50,524 --> 00:15:52,693
If you're gonna argue with me,
put on a bathing suit.

417
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,094
- busted.

418
00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:58,666
- if you want to rehabilitate
your fellow inmate,

419
00:15:58,732 --> 00:16:01,702
you need to sentence her
to staying here with us.

420
00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:04,638
Because if crazy people
can't be at greendale,

421
00:16:04,705 --> 00:16:06,873
Where are we supposed to go?

422
00:16:12,345 --> 00:16:13,846
I'll recommend
that the accused

423
00:16:13,913 --> 00:16:15,815
Be fully exonerated.

424
00:16:15,882 --> 00:16:17,383
On the condition
that she receives

425
00:16:17,451 --> 00:16:19,018
Psychological counseling
on a weekly basis

426
00:16:19,085 --> 00:16:21,020
From a trained
mental health professional.

427
00:16:21,087 --> 00:16:23,256
Thinking maybe fridays,
nine-ish, something like that.

428
00:16:23,323 --> 00:16:24,824
All in favor say "aye."
aye.

429
00:16:24,891 --> 00:16:26,460
- yes!
- wait, what?

430
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,928
- that just happened.

431
00:16:45,011 --> 00:16:46,245
- greetings, abed.

432
00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:47,715
- greetings, commander.

433
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:50,818
- t-t-tell me
about the one they call troy.

434
00:16:50,883 --> 00:16:52,519
- well, he is
rather arrogant

435
00:16:52,586 --> 00:16:54,320
And has no mercy
for weaker beings.

436
00:16:54,387 --> 00:16:56,289
- stop. Stop doing this
right now.

437
00:16:56,356 --> 00:16:57,591
- whoa, whoa, whoa.

438
00:16:57,658 --> 00:16:59,393
I'm not an alien.

439
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:01,127
- I never thought
you were.

440
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,062
But this is insane, okay?

441
00:17:03,129 --> 00:17:05,699
Those are credible
alien hand movements.

442
00:17:05,766 --> 00:17:06,999
You invented
a whole language.

443
00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:08,602
I'm pretty sure
you rented a green screen.

444
00:17:08,669 --> 00:17:10,002
- yeah.

445
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:11,204
- it would be less creepy

446
00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,673
If you were
actually an alien.

447
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,873
- this is what friends do.

448
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:17,243
- no.

449
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,713
From now on, abed,

450
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:21,615
friends don't mess
with each other.

451
00:17:23,049 --> 00:17:24,384
- okay?
- cool.

452
00:17:24,451 --> 00:17:25,552
- cool?
- cool. Bam bam!

453
00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,355
- garrett, it's over.
he knows.

454
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,657
- we will stick things
in his butt.

455
00:17:32,158 --> 00:17:33,694
- you're getting
a little sloppy.

456
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,094
- we went over-budget.
- mm.

457
00:17:45,304 --> 00:17:48,409
I've got it.

458
00:17:54,848 --> 00:17:56,182
Oh!

459
00:18:06,427 --> 00:18:07,861
I'm a fraud, annie.

460
00:18:07,927 --> 00:18:11,465
I'm no more of a songwriter
than you or billy joel.

461
00:18:11,532 --> 00:18:13,834
- but what about
the hawthorne wipes jingle?

462
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:16,369
- oh, yeah, yeah,
sure, the haw—

463
00:18:16,437 --> 00:18:18,137
You want to hear it?
here.

464
00:18:28,014 --> 00:18:30,116
- that's she'll be coming
around the mountain.

465
00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:32,185
- I know!
I steal everything.

466
00:18:32,251 --> 00:18:34,287
You backed the wrong horse.
I got nothing.

467
00:18:34,353 --> 00:18:37,458
- pierce, you're musical.
you're creative.

468
00:18:37,524 --> 00:18:39,560
You can do this.
I believe in you.

469
00:18:39,626 --> 00:18:41,194
- well, you shouldn't.
I quit.

470
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:44,096
- you listen up, pierce!

471
00:18:44,163 --> 00:18:45,432
I'm gonna tell you
what my mother told me

472
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,768
When I wanted
to quit cheerleading.

473
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,604
You're not very pretty,
you have no boobs,

474
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,539
And you can't do a basket toss
to save your life,

475
00:18:52,606 --> 00:18:54,741
But you made a commitment.

476
00:18:54,808 --> 00:18:56,610
So pick up
your pompoms, pierce,

477
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,278
Stuff your bra,
and get ready for the team bus

478
00:18:59,345 --> 00:19:02,348
To forget you at a taco bell,
because life is tough.

479
00:19:02,416 --> 00:19:03,884
But we soldier on,

480
00:19:03,951 --> 00:19:06,620
And that's
just the way it goes.

481
00:19:09,255 --> 00:19:12,091
- gonna play myself out.

482
00:19:14,661 --> 00:19:16,597
- the way it goes.

483
00:19:16,663 --> 00:19:18,632
That's it.

484
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:22,903
One, two, luis guzman! oh!

485
00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:25,472
oh, oh!

486
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,474
You know, greendale
may never be...

487
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,976
- just don't talk to me
for a while.

488
00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:30,744
- no problem.
just glad you're here.

489
00:19:30,811 --> 00:19:33,614
- I'd like to introduce
our student, pierce hawthorne,

490
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,950
Who's written greendale
its own school song.

491
00:19:37,016 --> 00:19:38,819
Pierce, okay.

492
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,787
- thank you, dean,
thank you.

493
00:19:40,854 --> 00:19:41,989
This song goes out
to annie.

494
00:19:42,054 --> 00:19:43,690
- oh.

495
00:19:43,757 --> 00:19:45,659
- for believing in me.

496
00:20:03,075 --> 00:20:04,444
- is this bruce hornsby?
- yep.

497
00:20:04,511 --> 00:20:05,712
- does he know he stole it?

498
00:20:05,779 --> 00:20:07,213
- I don't think so.
let him enjoy it.

499
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,815
- can we get sued?
- not sure.

500
00:20:12,686 --> 00:20:14,353
- yeah, they got us.

501
00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:35,609
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com