1
00:00:01,907 --> 00:00:04,174
A small fading remnant of a star.

2
00:00:05,243 --> 00:00:07,303
- A white dwarf.
- That's right!

3
00:00:07,428 --> 00:00:08,785
I used a memory technique.

4
00:00:08,953 --> 00:00:11,996
Dwarves hate being called midgets,
and midgets are small.

5
00:00:13,602 --> 00:00:16,802
And... what does a star turn into
after it collapses?

6
00:00:17,156 --> 00:00:19,003
- A movie of the week.
- Black hole.

7
00:00:19,288 --> 00:00:22,007
Right! You could be an astronomer.

8
00:00:22,175 --> 00:00:25,093
As far as I'm concerned,
only one black hole's worth studying.

9
00:00:28,073 --> 00:00:31,391
It's called Sagittarius A,
is located in the center of our galaxy,

10
00:00:31,559 --> 00:00:33,476
and has the density of 40 suns.

11
00:00:35,929 --> 00:00:37,429
Just like my weiner.

12
00:00:37,909 --> 00:00:39,774
You said weiner.
That's funny.

13
00:00:39,979 --> 00:00:42,569
Pierce and Troy didn't get along,
now they bond through adolescence.

14
00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:44,237
Shut up, fart head?

15
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,147
Look at this group
having some kind of meeting

16
00:00:50,272 --> 00:00:53,128
and being so diverse.
There is just... Boy!

17
00:00:53,398 --> 00:00:55,582
There is just one of every kind of you,
isn't there?

18
00:00:55,750 --> 00:00:58,543
We are missing a pipsqueak,
but we don't want one, so beat it.

19
00:00:59,021 --> 00:01:00,295
That's the Dean.

20
00:01:01,306 --> 00:01:03,146
Are you kidding?
Sorry.

21
00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:05,884
- Just my luck.
- It's okay. Don't let me interrupt.

22
00:01:06,555 --> 00:01:09,616
Sometimes I just roll around campus
like a little football.

23
00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:11,291
I can't believe this.

24
00:01:11,477 --> 00:01:14,749
Here I am in a random conversation
about football,

25
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:18,878
and I'm talking to Troy Barnes,
star quarterback from Riverside High...

26
00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:22,192
Did you know
that Greendale has a football team?

27
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,110
Did you know they had a football?

28
00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:25,987
Very funny.

29
00:01:27,039 --> 00:01:30,166
I was sorry to hear about your injury.
But now that you have recovered,

30
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,827
we would love for you to play
for the Human Beings.

31
00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:35,163
The team's name is the Human Beings?

32
00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:38,910
My idea. It was the Greendale Grizzlies,
but I thought...

33
00:01:40,089 --> 00:01:42,837
a lot of these students have been called
animals their whole lives.

34
00:01:43,428 --> 00:01:45,673
Unfortunately,
I dunno what to do about the mascot.

35
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,383
I can help you with that.

36
00:01:47,771 --> 00:01:49,886
I have a wealth of experience
in image management,

37
00:01:50,054 --> 00:01:52,847
icon development,
and Y2K preparedness.

38
00:01:53,256 --> 00:01:55,206
Well, aren't you found money?

39
00:01:55,537 --> 00:01:59,311
All of your friends are lining up
to turn Greendale around.

40
00:01:59,436 --> 00:02:01,689
- How about you?
- He isn't interested in football.

41
00:02:01,948 --> 00:02:04,567
Getting injured in keg stand
was the best thing to him.

42
00:02:05,553 --> 00:02:06,736
Yoko ono much?

43
00:02:08,678 --> 00:02:10,240
Bros before hoes, Troy.

44
00:02:10,991 --> 00:02:14,759
Listen, man. No offense,
but I was the best, I finished on top.

45
00:02:15,139 --> 00:02:16,746
I wouldn't play for this school.

46
00:02:17,008 --> 00:02:19,822
Dean, I'm sure
Troy will sign up for football

47
00:02:19,947 --> 00:02:23,951
if and when some accident damages
the part of his brain that feels pride.

48
00:02:24,365 --> 00:02:27,115
- Until then, would you excuse us?
- Well...

49
00:02:27,338 --> 00:02:30,195
if you change your mind,
the field is always open.

50
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,338
Figuratively speaking.
Wednesdays and Sundays,

51
00:02:32,463 --> 00:02:34,848
it's used as parking overflow
for the mega-church.

52
00:02:37,048 --> 00:02:40,019
Let's meet the minimum requirements
for a language credit, shall we?

53
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,022
Yes, but I need to go
to the bathroom first.

54
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,774
No, I don't have to go.

55
00:02:46,171 --> 00:02:47,521
I'll go with you.

56
00:02:52,264 --> 00:02:53,324
She's offended?

57
00:02:53,985 --> 00:02:55,034
Girls go in groups.

58
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:57,745
Did you learn nothing
from stand-up comedy in the '90s?

59
00:02:57,914 --> 00:03:00,103
I'm familiar with the concept.
I'm just...

60
00:03:00,228 --> 00:03:02,654
If it's important to Shirley,
I'll go with her next time.

61
00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:05,753
I'm willing to try
some more mainstream feminine stuff.

62
00:03:05,922 --> 00:03:09,215
Well, then you should know
that nothing says "I'm a woman"

63
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:13,289
- like doing it with me.
- Nothing says, "I'm a pig" like you.

64
00:03:14,529 --> 00:03:16,306
Will they or won't they?
Sexual tension.

65
00:03:16,474 --> 00:03:18,182
It makes the group uncomfortable

66
00:03:18,352 --> 00:03:20,852
when you talk about us
like we're characters in a show.

67
00:03:21,108 --> 00:03:22,405
That's sort of my gimmick.

68
00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:25,154
But we did lean
on that pretty hard last week.

69
00:03:25,279 --> 00:03:26,774
I can lay low for an episode.

70
00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:34,024
api.OpenSubtitles.org is deprecated, please
implement REST API from OpenSubtitles.com

71
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,453
You sure you made the right call
on the football team?

72
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:41,618
It looks like they won something once.

73
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:44,584
"Most valued customer.
Henderson trophy cases."

74
00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:48,779
So we should still study
a little more astronomy later.

75
00:03:48,904 --> 00:03:51,924
Maybe over some Milky Ways
or some Mars bars.

76
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,352
Or pancakes!

77
00:03:55,216 --> 00:03:57,928
"I'm Jeff.
And I'm a student at Greendale."

78
00:03:58,715 --> 00:04:00,015
That's not good.

79
00:04:00,685 --> 00:04:03,482
Wood undergoes
rapid oxidation

80
00:04:03,607 --> 00:04:07,043
because it reacts
spontaneously to...

81
00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,175
Seriously,
we've talked about this.

82
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,625
You got to turn off
your cell...

83
00:04:14,358 --> 00:04:16,741
- That's mine. My bad.
- I'm going to the bathroom.

84
00:04:17,654 --> 00:04:19,077
Would you like to come with me?

85
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,168
Well, yes, I would.

86
00:04:21,909 --> 00:04:22,872
That's nice!

87
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:24,707
Okay, what's it called?

88
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:26,675
Antoni... An... Hold on.

89
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,750
Does anyone have a pen?
Pen?

90
00:04:29,271 --> 00:04:30,528
No one has a pen.

91
00:04:30,653 --> 00:04:32,634
Why would you not bring a pen
to class?

92
00:04:32,759 --> 00:04:34,859
Idiot.
No, you're not an idiot.

93
00:04:35,873 --> 00:04:38,996
I had my blinker on about 5 minutes,
and this no-good, clearly bald

94
00:04:39,121 --> 00:04:41,405
but trying to hide it
with a bandana loser swooped right in.

95
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:43,403
- Couldn't believe.
- Maybe he didn't see you.

96
00:04:43,528 --> 00:04:46,428
- He saw me!
- Maybe he had his blinker on too.

97
00:04:46,626 --> 00:04:49,842
Maybe. So you...
got any family, Britta?

98
00:04:49,967 --> 00:04:51,217
Yeah, whatever.

99
00:04:52,404 --> 00:04:54,028
Think my mom
might visit this weekend.

100
00:04:54,153 --> 00:04:56,170
She and I are gonna get makeovers
at that spa...

101
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:59,195
Makeovers.
They sure have us programmed, right?

102
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,303
I am a female pleasure unit.

103
00:05:01,428 --> 00:05:03,656
I require a new coat of paint.

104
00:05:04,528 --> 00:05:07,591
- Just something I thought might be fun.
- Here's something I think might be fun.

105
00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:11,466
Find out the number of makeup companies
that are owned by women.

106
00:05:11,783 --> 00:05:13,823
I'll save you the trouble.
It's zero.

107
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:16,582
But of course you're saying,
"Britta, aren't you a hypocrite?

108
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:20,277
"You're plastered with glitter and goo
from head to toe, like the rest of us."

109
00:05:20,402 --> 00:05:23,080
Well, I also pay income tax
and pull over for cops,

110
00:05:23,205 --> 00:05:25,143
but that doesn't mean I support...

111
00:05:28,112 --> 00:05:30,905
Thanks for offering to help
design the new mascot.

112
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,484
- I have been a little stumped.
- That's no problem.

113
00:05:33,718 --> 00:05:36,968
By the way, I took the liberty
of thumbnailing a Human Being prototype

114
00:05:37,093 --> 00:05:40,508
which I modeled
after Da Vinci's Vitruvian man.

115
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,344
The penis is a little small,
I think.

116
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,538
I think it's...

117
00:05:45,706 --> 00:05:47,331
It... looks a lot like you.

118
00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:52,356
Here's the thing.
If we are the Human Beings, you know,

119
00:05:52,726 --> 00:05:56,458
and we have a white guy as a mascot,
what message are we sending?

120
00:05:56,583 --> 00:06:00,051
Our symbol should reflect the diversity
of our school and our species.

121
00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:01,929
So... black?

122
00:06:02,311 --> 00:06:04,582
No, because we're not
the Greendale Blacks,

123
00:06:04,707 --> 00:06:07,216
or the Greendale Asians
or any other creed.

124
00:06:07,341 --> 00:06:09,541
We are the Greendale Human Beings.

125
00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,066
Sorry to disturb you.

126
00:06:14,217 --> 00:06:17,651
Who are clearly looking at a drawing
of Pierce doing jumping Jacks.

127
00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:21,226
- Dean, a quick download, please?
- Absolutely. Excuse me.

128
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,730
Fill me in later.

129
00:06:27,832 --> 00:06:29,582
I'll go with a pencil.

130
00:06:30,278 --> 00:06:31,528
First of all...

131
00:06:31,718 --> 00:06:34,715
- I'm flattered.
- You're a very photogenic man.

132
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,548
Is that real bed head,
or do you put something in there?

133
00:06:37,716 --> 00:06:40,482
- Crispy.
- Thinking about the disembodied heads,

134
00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:42,965
I thought, where's the heart?
The soul?

135
00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:45,225
Where's the different poster design?

136
00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:47,553
I did think those
were less than personable,

137
00:06:47,678 --> 00:06:50,484
which is why
I went with the full bodies

138
00:06:50,609 --> 00:06:52,859
in these mailers we have going out.

139
00:06:54,390 --> 00:06:56,984
Mailers?
I didn't give permission for this.

140
00:06:58,023 --> 00:07:01,155
Did you not read the release agreement
on the back of your registration form?

141
00:07:02,409 --> 00:07:04,993
I'm starting to see
why someone used to be a lawyer.

142
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:08,451
- Up top!
- If someone from the outside...

143
00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:13,408
If someone were to find out
I am a student at a community college,

144
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:16,755
that could have a negative impact
on my future career.

145
00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,111
Goodness.

146
00:07:20,642 --> 00:07:24,360
Look what we have stumbled onto...
an opportunity to help each other out.

147
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:27,307
I suppose I wouldn't need
this promotional campaign

148
00:07:27,475 --> 00:07:30,642
if I could announce to the press
Troy Barnes is playing football here.

149
00:07:31,825 --> 00:07:34,064
I think he's been pretty clear
about declining that offer.

150
00:07:34,233 --> 00:07:36,112
If you said "jump",
he'd say "how high?"

151
00:07:36,237 --> 00:07:38,511
If you said "stop",
he'd say "hammertime".

152
00:07:38,636 --> 00:07:41,363
- You starting to get what I mean?
- No. I need another example.

153
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,210
You know, I didn't realize before,

154
00:07:44,335 --> 00:07:46,993
we should send those
out to local businesses.

155
00:07:49,156 --> 00:07:50,156
Law firms.

156
00:07:50,922 --> 00:07:51,922
Lawyer...

157
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:54,346
companies?

158
00:07:55,596 --> 00:07:56,596
Legal...

159
00:07:58,683 --> 00:07:59,714
gatherings?

160
00:07:59,882 --> 00:08:01,716
- You trying to blackmail me?
- I think so.

161
00:08:01,885 --> 00:08:02,985
Gentlemen...

162
00:08:03,361 --> 00:08:06,061
I present to you
the Greendale Human Being.

163
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,807
That's a falcon with a gun.

164
00:08:10,847 --> 00:08:12,435
Now it's a falcon with an erection.

165
00:08:21,858 --> 00:08:23,408
He's just laying low.

166
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,811
- You going to the bathroom?
- Yes.

167
00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,830
- I'll go with you.
- You know what? I'm good.

168
00:08:31,694 --> 00:08:34,236
She probably just, you know,
had to go number two.

169
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,826
- What's the closest planet to Earth?
- Planet Hollywood.

170
00:08:42,938 --> 00:08:46,497
That's not the right answer.
But it shows how fun astronomy can be.

171
00:08:47,251 --> 00:08:50,795
- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- We're studying, so Troy's busy.

172
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:54,131
Well, the galaxy's not going anywhere.
I'll bring him back.

173
00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:57,800
You ever miss being a quarterback?

174
00:08:58,115 --> 00:09:00,193
I miss being the best at something.

175
00:09:00,318 --> 00:09:01,918
I miss having a coach.

176
00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:05,179
I miss knowing what to think.

177
00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:06,935
You still know what to think.

178
00:09:07,666 --> 00:09:08,875
- Good.
- For instance,

179
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,107
after the Dean talked to you,
you and I were thinking the same thing.

180
00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:13,525
He looks like Moby!

181
00:09:13,694 --> 00:09:16,403
We were thinking...
what if Troy did play for Greendale?

182
00:09:16,801 --> 00:09:19,443
You'd be surprised at how many
of your favorite football players

183
00:09:19,568 --> 00:09:21,449
got started at community college.

184
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,118
Really? Name one.

185
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:25,670
- Who's your favorite player?
- Me.

186
00:09:26,248 --> 00:09:30,544
Maybe you and I should go check out
the Greendale thunderdome.

187
00:09:36,752 --> 00:09:38,402
The dome arrives later.

188
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:40,223
It comes with thunder.

189
00:09:40,522 --> 00:09:42,429
Let me tell you
a little secret about me.

190
00:09:42,822 --> 00:09:44,527
Every day on my way to school,

191
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,262
I drive through downtown
past the courthouse

192
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:50,247
just to get a glimpse of the world
that I once ruled.

193
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:53,558
And I just wanna jump out of my car,
run up the steps

194
00:09:53,683 --> 00:09:56,562
and exploit the legal system for profit.
But I can't.

195
00:09:56,687 --> 00:09:58,757
I'm locked out of my old kingdom.

196
00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:01,197
You're not.
You see what I'm saying?

197
00:10:01,937 --> 00:10:05,373
- You're saying I could be a lawyer.
- I'm saying you're a football player!

198
00:10:05,498 --> 00:10:07,120
- It's in your blood!
- That's racist!

199
00:10:07,311 --> 00:10:08,705
- Your soul.
- Racist.

200
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:09,998
- Your eyes?
- Gay?

201
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,583
- That's homophobic.
- Black.

202
00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:13,334
- That's racist!
- Damn.

203
00:10:13,503 --> 00:10:15,587
When you played, you were a God.

204
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:17,547
Now you're not playing,
and you're not.

205
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,278
I'd tell you to do the math,
but math isn't important.

206
00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:22,093
The only thing important is this.

207
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:25,686
- But Annie said...
- That Benjamin Button was compelling.

208
00:10:25,811 --> 00:10:28,311
Look, she's a smart girl,
but sometimes she's just wrong.

209
00:10:28,436 --> 00:10:29,636
85... go long!

210
00:10:30,410 --> 00:10:33,903
It's like a drug, isn't it?
Feel it, Troy. Throw it!

211
00:10:35,541 --> 00:10:36,998
The scoreboard lights up.

212
00:10:37,123 --> 00:10:38,936
There will be a scoreboard there.

213
00:10:39,061 --> 00:10:41,124
It's complete!
Nice catch!

214
00:10:41,638 --> 00:10:44,937
The girls, the glory,
the scouts, the career!

215
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,262
It starts when you join this team.

216
00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:50,914
- Is that linebacker a pregnant woman?
- Look, you can meet them later.

217
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:53,625
But this decision has to be yours,
T-Bone.

218
00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:56,252
And this decision has to be yes.

219
00:10:56,624 --> 00:10:58,062
How did you know about T-Bone?

220
00:10:58,187 --> 00:11:01,591
Because you're a football player,
and your name begins with "T".

221
00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:05,783
Your name... begins...

222
00:11:06,373 --> 00:11:07,305
with "T".

223
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,560
Are you finished?

224
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:18,086
I have to go, but apparently,

225
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,361
I failed yesterday's tryouts
for the position of bathroom companion.

226
00:11:22,061 --> 00:11:26,060
- I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.
- You didn't hurt my feelings.

227
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,310
I don't need to go to the bathroom
with other people.

228
00:11:28,435 --> 00:11:30,286
Was trying to throw you a bone.
I like you.

229
00:11:31,622 --> 00:11:33,059
You can keep that bone.

230
00:11:33,184 --> 00:11:36,251
Listening to a story about a stranger
pissing me off and taking his side?

231
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:39,567
You can't talk about your own business,
but you insinuate my mama's a robot.

232
00:11:39,692 --> 00:11:41,416
Because she and I want makeovers.

233
00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:42,966
That is the ladies' room,

234
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:46,934
a place where ladies go to share,
listen, support each other and...

235
00:11:47,059 --> 00:11:48,909
discreetly eliminate waste.

236
00:11:49,373 --> 00:11:52,308
And I like you too.
Even like that you're a little hard.

237
00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:55,310
But if you can't learn
to be soft in there,

238
00:11:55,807 --> 00:11:57,407
you need to pee alone.

239
00:11:59,498 --> 00:12:01,234
I've peed alone my whole life.

240
00:12:03,498 --> 00:12:05,348
Women have always hated me.

241
00:12:05,948 --> 00:12:07,747
I don't even know how it started.

242
00:12:07,872 --> 00:12:10,722
Maybe it was when I got boobs
before everyb...

243
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:13,871
Not out here.

244
00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:16,372
In there.

245
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:22,088
Troy, Troy, the wonder boy!
You dropped your books, Poindexter.

246
00:12:23,386 --> 00:12:26,886
- I've been waiting for an hour.
- It's all right, I'm worth it.

247
00:12:27,011 --> 00:12:28,917
Hip, hop, body don't stop

248
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:30,934
Riverside got the broom,
don't need a mop

249
00:12:31,059 --> 00:12:33,200
Put your team in a box,
put a ribbon on top

250
00:12:33,325 --> 00:12:36,060
We're not John Kerry
'cause we don't flip-flop

251
00:12:36,653 --> 00:12:40,657
Why you doing a conservative high school
shamefully outdated fight rap?

252
00:12:40,808 --> 00:12:43,776
- Have you been playing football?
- Threw the skin around couple of times.

253
00:12:44,061 --> 00:12:45,211
Still got it.

254
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,575
But you knew we had
an astronomy test tomorrow.

255
00:12:50,743 --> 00:12:51,677
Class blows.

256
00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:55,806
What I need to know about the universe
is that I'm at the center of it.

257
00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,265
Bing, bong, sing along

258
00:12:58,390 --> 00:13:00,632
Your team's Al Gore
'cause your views are wrong

259
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:06,497
Don't become this person again.
This isn't the real you.

260
00:13:06,622 --> 00:13:08,092
This is the arrogant Jock

261
00:13:08,262 --> 00:13:10,677
that totally ignored the only people
that truly liked him

262
00:13:10,802 --> 00:13:12,974
for non-superficial reasons
but couldn't say anything

263
00:13:13,099 --> 00:13:15,249
because their parents are bigots!

264
00:13:16,740 --> 00:13:19,057
Football is bad for you, Troy.

265
00:13:21,656 --> 00:13:22,982
Jeff said you'd say that.

266
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:25,693
What now?

267
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,249
I think if we add in
a little bit of Phylicia Rashad,

268
00:13:33,374 --> 00:13:36,537
- we'll be in better shape.
- That beige is a little light.

269
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,909
We are developing
the perfect mascot.

270
00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:47,482
No stereotypical identifiers
from any race or gender.

271
00:13:48,269 --> 00:13:50,858
This is a chart of the features
we're staying away from...

272
00:13:50,983 --> 00:13:52,483
Pan-asian eye folds,

273
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,890
- irish chins, women's breasts.
- Is that Seal?

274
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,747
That is our human color wheel.

275
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,853
It goes from Seal to Seal's teeth.

276
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:05,066
- So?
- Not being racist is the new racism.

277
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,735
What happened to the prototype?

278
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:09,737
I left the nose in the kiln.

279
00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:13,950
So... Troy is gonna play football.

280
00:14:14,952 --> 00:14:16,953
Which means
I'll be getting rid of these.

281
00:14:17,442 --> 00:14:19,913
I won't mail these out,
but they are staying with me

282
00:14:20,038 --> 00:14:22,308
until the press announces
that Troy is a part of the team.

283
00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:24,682
And I want him
at that pep rally tonight.

284
00:14:24,807 --> 00:14:28,631
Reporters are gonna be there.
We're gonna unveil the new mascot.

285
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,000
And things are finally
going to start turning around.

286
00:14:32,576 --> 00:14:35,169
My ex-therapist is gonna think twice

287
00:14:35,294 --> 00:14:37,223
before he makes fun of my job!

288
00:14:37,556 --> 00:14:38,725
Here it is. Still hot.

289
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,496
I'm gonna get some more coffee.
You want anything?

290
00:14:42,621 --> 00:14:45,314
A Desmond Tutu with just enough cream
to make it a Lou Diamond Phillips.

291
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:46,482
La bamba.

292
00:14:56,384 --> 00:14:57,725
I've been following you.

293
00:14:57,850 --> 00:14:59,598
How much did the Dean pay you?

294
00:14:59,723 --> 00:15:02,350
I'm not having a conversation
with someone who emerges from a bush.

295
00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:05,775
- Because I'm right?
- Because I'm not in a commercial.

296
00:15:07,613 --> 00:15:09,274
The Dean has pictures of me, okay?

297
00:15:09,974 --> 00:15:11,276
Horrible pictures of me...

298
00:15:12,098 --> 00:15:13,445
attending his school.

299
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:17,661
And for that you'd convince Troy
to flush life down footballs toilet?

300
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:20,035
Britta's right,
you are the most selfish person alive!

301
00:15:20,204 --> 00:15:23,911
And all that is gonna end right now.
I'm telling him what friend you are.

302
00:15:24,036 --> 00:15:26,333
Maybe you should tell him
you're hopelessly in love with him.

303
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:31,838
High school must have been tough, huh?
Waiting for a superstar to notice you.

304
00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:33,457
But here... here...

305
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,760
he's all alone,
and he needs so much help!

306
00:15:36,929 --> 00:15:40,514
Did you enroll in all of his classes,
or you worried that might freak him out?

307
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,099
The important thing
is that you are there for him.

308
00:15:43,224 --> 00:15:46,224
The important thing is that
you are the only one there for him.

309
00:15:46,349 --> 00:15:48,223
You don't really care
what he wants...

310
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,973
as long as you don't have to share him
with the rest of the world.

311
00:15:51,098 --> 00:15:53,944
Because, really,
you are just as selfish as I am.

312
00:15:54,973 --> 00:15:57,173
You're just not as good at it yet.

313
00:15:58,617 --> 00:15:59,767
You're right.

314
00:16:00,538 --> 00:16:02,638
I could never be as good as you.

315
00:16:02,849 --> 00:16:04,496
Probably because I actually care.

316
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,750
Profound,
but technically meaningless.

317
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:12,051
Don't bother trying that thing
women do where they walk away

318
00:16:12,176 --> 00:16:15,576
and make the guy feel like crap,
because it won't happen!

319
00:16:19,902 --> 00:16:20,902
Damn it.

320
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:27,210
Will you please come
to the bathroom with me?

321
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,361
Where's Shirley?

322
00:16:36,847 --> 00:16:38,113
Shirley's not coming.

323
00:16:38,473 --> 00:16:39,698
But I'm here...

324
00:16:40,514 --> 00:16:41,914
to listen... girl.

325
00:16:44,912 --> 00:16:47,847
Why do we inflict so much pain
on ourselves for men?

326
00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:48,972
I don't...

327
00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:51,334
know... sweetie.

328
00:16:52,037 --> 00:16:53,060
Maybe...

329
00:16:53,814 --> 00:16:56,814
it's because men
make the world go round?

330
00:16:57,854 --> 00:16:58,854
Kleenex?

331
00:17:03,771 --> 00:17:04,871
I've been...

332
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,350
I've been infatuated with Troy.

333
00:17:08,347 --> 00:17:09,644
Now he's joining football.

334
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,646
He'll have his pick of the litter
and...

335
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,080
I'll never get to be with him!

336
00:17:17,090 --> 00:17:18,033
Screw him!

337
00:17:18,158 --> 00:17:20,697
There are guys out there
that would kill to be with you.

338
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:23,908
And if Troy isn't one of them,
that's him failing your standards.

339
00:17:24,033 --> 00:17:25,118
You got that?

340
00:17:26,848 --> 00:17:27,998
You're right.

341
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:29,664
I can't control him.

342
00:17:30,396 --> 00:17:31,708
If I truly cared about him,

343
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,410
I wouldn't want to.

344
00:17:36,540 --> 00:17:38,597
Thanks for talking to me, Britta.

345
00:17:38,722 --> 00:17:39,716
It really helped.

346
00:17:40,098 --> 00:17:41,009
Seriously?

347
00:17:42,515 --> 00:17:43,715
Who's my girl?

348
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:49,472
I did it, I did it!

349
00:17:49,597 --> 00:17:51,121
Yes, you did!

350
00:17:56,736 --> 00:17:59,003
Human Beings, Human Beings!

351
00:18:05,836 --> 00:18:07,660
- Don't go in there, man.
- What?

352
00:18:07,785 --> 00:18:10,598
You got the most
you were ever gonna get out of football.

353
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:14,727
A life of disillusionment and depression
begins on the other side of that door.

354
00:18:15,348 --> 00:18:17,128
Is this your first pep rally
or something?

355
00:18:18,228 --> 00:18:21,934
You told me football was
the most important thing in the world.

356
00:18:22,277 --> 00:18:25,679
Well, buckle up. I was exaggerating.
It's kinda my gimmick.

357
00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:28,098
- Let me tell you...
- No, I tell you.

358
00:18:28,284 --> 00:18:31,384
You know that keg flip
that cost me my scholarship?

359
00:18:32,409 --> 00:18:33,770
I hurt myself on purpose.

360
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:34,938
What?

361
00:18:35,063 --> 00:18:38,487
There was a scout coming
to the final game at Riverside and...

362
00:18:38,612 --> 00:18:41,361
I couldn't take the pressure,
so I took the easy way out.

363
00:18:42,732 --> 00:18:46,032
But when you showed me that field,
I saw there was nothing to worry.

364
00:18:46,157 --> 00:18:49,285
I could play football for the fun of it.
Have you seen these guys?

365
00:18:49,410 --> 00:18:52,706
- There is nowhere to go but up.
- Dude, we have feelings.

366
00:18:53,472 --> 00:18:55,936
I don't know about you,
but I know I ended up here

367
00:18:56,061 --> 00:18:58,811
because things weren't that great
out there.

368
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:02,749
You should try accepting
where you're at.

369
00:19:02,874 --> 00:19:05,074
Take a pottery class or something.

370
00:19:06,404 --> 00:19:08,304
Greendale, we're number one!

371
00:19:08,429 --> 00:19:10,509
Nancy Pelosi is no fun!

372
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,870
I've decided to support Troy.

373
00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:26,281
They deploy things in football, right?
I went for rhyme over clarity.

374
00:19:26,721 --> 00:19:29,199
I'm really sorry about before.

375
00:19:30,074 --> 00:19:32,379
- I just think we were both wrong.
- Really?

376
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,541
Because I'm an 18-year-old girl,
and you made me cry in public.

377
00:19:36,596 --> 00:19:38,043
Maybe I was a little more wrong.

378
00:19:38,439 --> 00:19:42,015
I should grow up
and make peace with being here.

379
00:19:42,288 --> 00:19:44,674
It's not like Greendale's gonna kill me
or anything.

380
00:19:46,123 --> 00:19:47,123
Holy crap!

381
00:19:47,804 --> 00:19:50,680
Sorry. Say hello
to our ethnically neutral mascot...

382
00:19:51,329 --> 00:19:53,517
The Greendale Human Being.

383
00:19:54,022 --> 00:19:55,894
The costume makes it difficult
for him to see.

384
00:19:57,714 --> 00:19:59,173
He can't move his mouth either.

385
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:02,207
Take it from me,
that's human for "Hello".

386
00:20:02,566 --> 00:20:05,528
- Let's get you into the pep rally!
- Great idea. Let's do it!

387
00:20:07,408 --> 00:20:11,088
- We've solved racism. What's next?
- Let's do something for little people.

388
00:20:11,213 --> 00:20:13,545
- Or albinos!
- Little albinos.

389
00:20:13,807 --> 00:20:17,407
This has the potential
to be a uniquely Greendale experience.

390
00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:19,063
Milady.

391
00:20:20,571 --> 00:20:21,571
Milord.

392
00:20:36,746 --> 00:20:39,504
- Attention, students, this is Abed...
- And the disco spider...

393
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,129
Here at Greendale...

394
00:20:41,317 --> 00:20:42,567
Say what?

395
00:20:42,881 --> 00:20:45,128
A few quick announcements.
Announcement number one:

396
00:20:45,253 --> 00:20:47,681
all announcements will be cool
starting right now.

397
00:20:47,806 --> 00:20:50,574
Announcement number two: butt soup.

398
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:52,942
Announcement number three:

399
00:20:53,067 --> 00:20:55,867
I am not Haji from Johnny Quest,
Jeff Winger.

400
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,012
In security news, you got to start
locking the door so we don't get in.

401
00:21:01,255 --> 00:21:11,255
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