1
00:00:04,635 --> 00:00:06,660
I booked a sketch artist,
an improv troupe,

2
00:00:06,871 --> 00:00:09,601
and a laser projecting
a burning pelvis onto the ceiling.

3
00:00:09,807 --> 00:00:11,672
A laser? Well, this isn't
gonna be your mother's

4
00:00:11,876 --> 00:00:13,571
sexually transmitted disease
awareness fair.

5
00:00:15,012 --> 00:00:16,809
You've been quite
the little helper, Annie.

6
00:00:17,014 --> 00:00:19,005
STD fair, guys. Catch knowledge.

7
00:00:20,930 --> 00:00:27,004
Do you want subtitles for any video?

8
00:00:28,325 --> 00:00:30,418
You think you're better than me?
No.

9
00:00:30,628 --> 00:00:33,188
You stick to quoting movie lines,
I'll stick to sports.

10
00:00:33,397 --> 00:00:37,527
Trying to reduce my referencing.
Well, you're not moving into sports.

11
00:00:37,735 --> 00:00:41,296
You and I are playing
real basketball, right now.

12
00:00:41,505 --> 00:00:43,803
Sounds fun.
No, it doesn't.

13
00:00:44,008 --> 00:00:45,339
And it won't be.

14
00:00:45,543 --> 00:00:47,738
Catch knowledge.
Sorry, not interested

15
00:00:47,945 --> 00:00:50,470
in ignoring your
very important cause.

16
00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:52,376
Hi, I'm Jeff Winger.

17
00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,312
Oh, Sabrina is my new secretary.

18
00:00:54,518 --> 00:00:57,248
Secretary is a little
degrading to women.

19
00:00:57,454 --> 00:00:59,081
I help the dean do office-y things.

20
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:00,882
Oh, gender saved.

21
00:01:01,091 --> 00:01:04,254
My casual friend and I are gonna
have a non-romantic breakfast

22
00:01:04,461 --> 00:01:07,055
if you'd like to join us.
Cafeteria's closed.

23
00:01:07,264 --> 00:01:08,925
Fortune cookie?
Isn't it great?

24
00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:12,933
Greendale is the latest campus to
catch a case of public-health fever.

25
00:01:13,137 --> 00:01:16,971
You know the toilets in the women's
bathrooms don't have seats, right?

26
00:01:17,174 --> 00:01:20,007
Because they keep getting stolen.
Sabrina, take a note.

27
00:01:20,211 --> 00:01:22,679
I want hidden cameras
in every stall.

28
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:25,143
Problem solved.

29
00:01:25,349 --> 00:01:28,182
"You will get AIDS."
Flip it over.

30
00:01:28,986 --> 00:01:31,011
"Unless you go to the STD fair."

31
00:01:31,655 --> 00:01:33,418
I wrote that.

32
00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:35,285
Congratu... Horrible.

33
00:01:36,727 --> 00:01:38,285
See you later.

34
00:01:38,495 --> 00:01:39,928
Catch knowledge.

35
00:01:46,637 --> 00:01:50,596
Jeff, you and I are friends, right?
Okay.

36
00:01:50,975 --> 00:01:54,103
You may have noticed
a recent change in my demeanor.

37
00:01:54,311 --> 00:01:56,779
I haven't.
Well, I have a new girlfriend.

38
00:01:56,981 --> 00:02:00,781
She is super-smart,
if you know what I mean.

39
00:02:00,985 --> 00:02:03,818
I always know what you mean.
Can't wait for you to meet her.

40
00:02:04,021 --> 00:02:05,716
You know, when you
catch a big fish,

41
00:02:05,923 --> 00:02:09,120
you wanna stuff her
and put her on the mantle.

42
00:02:09,927 --> 00:02:11,918
How about tonight?
I doubt it.

43
00:02:12,129 --> 00:02:15,064
Troy and I played basketball. It's fun.
Don't gloat.

44
00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:18,497
It's impossible to guard you.
Your eyes are too gentle and mysterious.

45
00:02:19,436 --> 00:02:23,497
Hey, guys, Jeff and I are double-dating
tonight with my new girlfriend.

46
00:02:23,707 --> 00:02:24,901
Ooh!

47
00:02:25,542 --> 00:02:26,975
You got that from "I doubt it"?

48
00:02:27,177 --> 00:02:29,304
Pierce has got a girlfriend.

49
00:02:29,513 --> 00:02:30,946
That's great. What does she do?

50
00:02:31,148 --> 00:02:32,137
She's an escort.

51
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:33,844
Oh.

52
00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:35,780
Some mysteries solve themselves.

53
00:02:35,986 --> 00:02:38,819
No, no, no, that's just her profession.
She doesn't escort me.

54
00:02:39,023 --> 00:02:41,651
No, no. I met her
in my Marketing class.

55
00:02:42,192 --> 00:02:44,752
And I'm taking Doreen
to Annie's mixer tonight.

56
00:02:44,962 --> 00:02:47,294
You mean the STD fair.
Catch knowledge.

57
00:02:47,498 --> 00:02:50,934
Taking a call girl to an STD fair?
There's a joke here.

58
00:02:51,135 --> 00:02:54,263
So, Jeff, dust off that black book
and rustle up a honey, huh?

59
00:02:54,471 --> 00:02:57,304
Is there a pill that makes
the word "no" clearer?

60
00:02:57,508 --> 00:03:00,705
Well, it is pretty short notice.
Probably couldn't get a date anyway.

61
00:03:01,178 --> 00:03:02,839
Ooh.

62
00:03:03,047 --> 00:03:04,378
I'm sure you're right.

63
00:03:04,581 --> 00:03:05,946
Ooh.

64
00:03:06,150 --> 00:03:09,551
Maybe it has something to do with crabs.
They're like a food but also a disease?

65
00:03:09,753 --> 00:03:11,914
I wonder, Jeff,
for all your feather flashing,

66
00:03:12,122 --> 00:03:14,181
when was the last time
you actually scored?

67
00:03:14,391 --> 00:03:17,053
I don't know the precise date,
Pierce, because I'm not you.

68
00:03:17,261 --> 00:03:19,229
So there's no receipt.

69
00:03:19,430 --> 00:03:21,057
Ooh.
Ehh.

70
00:03:21,465 --> 00:03:22,454
Oh, come on.

71
00:03:22,666 --> 00:03:25,965
Shouldn't take pot shots at some
woman because you can't get a date.

72
00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:28,832
I can get dates any time I want.

73
00:03:29,039 --> 00:03:32,475
What is this, some kind of joke?
No, this is.

74
00:03:32,676 --> 00:03:35,304
"Don't eat the crab dip." Yeah.

75
00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:39,406
Ahh! You hear that, Annie?

76
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:41,277
That's the sound of
STDs screaming,

77
00:03:41,485 --> 00:03:43,510
"No, stop being so aware of us."

78
00:03:45,356 --> 00:03:46,880
And it's all thanks to you.

79
00:03:47,091 --> 00:03:50,026
I was voted "most likely to succeed"
at my rehab clinic.

80
00:03:50,227 --> 00:03:52,627
Well, in recognition
of all your hard work,

81
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:57,199
I have decided that you should
conduct the condom demonstration.

82
00:03:57,401 --> 00:04:00,495
You're gonna be center stage
showing everyone

83
00:04:00,704 --> 00:04:02,296
how to put a condom on a, uh...

84
00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:04,770
Well, what my dad called
a Jimmy Carter.

85
00:04:05,209 --> 00:04:08,007
Um, I don't know if
I'm the right person.

86
00:04:08,212 --> 00:04:09,577
Don't worry. Not a real one.

87
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:12,442
No, it's an anatomically correct
model, you know.

88
00:04:12,649 --> 00:04:16,210
But trust me, eyes closed,
you can't tell the difference.

89
00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:19,253
Mmm. Okay.

90
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:27,590
Hey, it's Jeff Winger.

91
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:32,094
Well, I wanted to see
what you were doing tonight.

92
00:04:33,303 --> 00:04:34,463
Do I know your name?

93
00:04:34,671 --> 00:04:37,538
What kind of question is that?
Of course I know.

94
00:04:38,142 --> 00:04:39,666
Well, if I answer now,

95
00:04:39,877 --> 00:04:43,142
you'll never learn
a valuable lesson about trust,

96
00:04:43,347 --> 00:04:45,110
Jennifer.

97
00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:46,878
Crap. Ugh.

98
00:04:47,751 --> 00:04:50,219
Pierce really got to you, huh?

99
00:04:50,654 --> 00:04:55,284
It has been a dry spell. But it's been a
while since I've tried. So I'm trying.

100
00:04:55,492 --> 00:04:59,053
Yeah, I can see that.
This is a lot of outgoing calls.

101
00:04:59,263 --> 00:05:00,890
"Car Wash Redhead."

102
00:05:01,098 --> 00:05:03,191
"Tube Top R.E.M. Concert."

103
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,595
"Juror Number 6."
That sounds above board.

104
00:05:05,803 --> 00:05:08,465
At least you have "Mommy" in here.
That's not my mom.

105
00:05:08,672 --> 00:05:10,663
Dude, not cool.

106
00:05:10,874 --> 00:05:14,002
You saying "dude" is not cool.

107
00:05:14,211 --> 00:05:15,200
What are you doing?

108
00:05:17,147 --> 00:05:19,012
"Hot Blonde Spanish Class"?

109
00:05:19,216 --> 00:05:20,205
You're welcome.

110
00:05:20,417 --> 00:05:22,351
This is the phone book
of a man in his 20s.

111
00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:26,455
The women literally have
no identities. It's pretty shallow.

112
00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:28,421
You're right.

113
00:05:28,625 --> 00:05:30,957
I can't believe I haven't
seen it before now.

114
00:05:31,528 --> 00:05:34,088
Whatever. I'm gonna go
study with Shirley.

115
00:05:34,298 --> 00:05:36,789
Well, I'll be here,
rethinking my way of life.

116
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,126
Mm.

117
00:05:42,139 --> 00:05:43,936
Call "Mommy."

118
00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:46,507
Guys, I have a problem.

119
00:05:47,845 --> 00:05:50,814
The dean wants me to demonstrate
proper use of a condom

120
00:05:51,014 --> 00:05:55,815
at the stupid fair, by putting one on
a mannequin's stupid thingamabob.

121
00:05:56,386 --> 00:06:00,288
It's a big honor
but I'm gonna screw it up.

122
00:06:00,491 --> 00:06:03,722
Well, it's easy enough to practice.
Britta, do you have a banana?

123
00:06:03,927 --> 00:06:07,385
This is an anatomically correct model
I'll be handling.

124
00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:11,728
Real whatchamacallits
are nothing like bananas.

125
00:06:11,935 --> 00:06:13,459
Are they?

126
00:06:14,271 --> 00:06:16,432
Have you never seen one?
Shh!

127
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:20,132
Annie, being a virgin in this day
and age is something to be proud of.

128
00:06:20,344 --> 00:06:21,402
You're like a unicorn.

129
00:06:21,845 --> 00:06:24,541
I'm not a unicorn.

130
00:06:24,948 --> 00:06:27,815
I had relations with
my high school boyfriend.

131
00:06:28,018 --> 00:06:31,146
We did it to Madonna's Erotica
on the floor of his walk-in closet.

132
00:06:31,355 --> 00:06:34,188
But he wouldn't let me look at it.

133
00:06:34,391 --> 00:06:37,758
He cried after and during.

134
00:06:38,195 --> 00:06:39,423
He's gay now.

135
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:40,858
I think he was gay then.

136
00:06:41,064 --> 00:06:43,464
So you never seen one
when you were growing up?

137
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:46,830
Like, you know, on the Internet,
in a picture, or Harvey Keitel's?

138
00:06:47,037 --> 00:06:51,303
I've caught glimpses but I've never
got a real good look at one.

139
00:06:51,508 --> 00:06:54,306
What I need to do is practice
on the actual model.

140
00:06:54,511 --> 00:06:56,342
But the dean has it
locked in his office.

141
00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:58,845
Okay, that's easy.
We'll go to him, ask him if we...

142
00:06:59,049 --> 00:07:02,780
No. This is really embarrassing.
I don't want anyone to know.

143
00:07:02,986 --> 00:07:06,183
I just wanna figure out how to do it
and get it over with.

144
00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:07,880
The dean is counting on me,

145
00:07:08,091 --> 00:07:10,616
and I want him to know
that I'm someone he can trust.

146
00:07:12,629 --> 00:07:14,995
We have to break into his office.

147
00:07:15,899 --> 00:07:18,959
I actually have no problem with that.
I think I could do that.

148
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,765
Oh, hello, Jeffrey.
Hi, Pierce.

149
00:07:26,209 --> 00:07:30,236
I was just going into the fair
to wait for my smoking-hot date.

150
00:07:30,447 --> 00:07:31,846
That's nice.
How about you?

151
00:07:32,049 --> 00:07:35,883
Were you ever able to, you know,
come up with a date?

152
00:07:36,086 --> 00:07:38,179
No, no, because I didn't try,

153
00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:41,255
because taking a date
to an STD fair would be lame.

154
00:07:41,458 --> 00:07:44,552
Don't worry about it, kid.
You're going through a dry spell.

155
00:07:44,761 --> 00:07:49,391
From my experience, they don't last
any more than 12, 13 years.

156
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:50,965
Excuse me.

157
00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:57,501
No gonorrhea,
please, please, please.

158
00:07:57,708 --> 00:07:59,335
No gonorrhea.

159
00:07:59,543 --> 00:08:01,306
Ow! It burns.

160
00:08:01,511 --> 00:08:02,705
Oh! That's gonna hurt.
Gross.

161
00:08:02,913 --> 00:08:06,610
Dean, your assistant, is she single?
What are her likes and dislikes?

162
00:08:06,817 --> 00:08:09,684
Yes, on single.
She likes hip-hop and horses.

163
00:08:09,886 --> 00:08:11,979
Dislikes beards and...
Yeah, I was done talking.

164
00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:20,023
Is it me or are horses
the most beautiful creatures?

165
00:08:20,230 --> 00:08:22,494
They're so majestic.
Totally.

166
00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:25,964
Just this morning, when I was shaving
and listening to the new Jay-Z,

167
00:08:26,169 --> 00:08:29,036
I was thinking how I wanna
squeeze in a gallop this weekend.

168
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,433
Do you own a horse?

169
00:08:31,842 --> 00:08:34,310
Can you ever really own a horse?

170
00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:39,173
Pierce.
Yeah?

171
00:08:39,383 --> 00:08:40,441
This is Sabrina.

172
00:08:40,651 --> 00:08:42,380
Thirty seconds
after you walked away,

173
00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:45,054
I asked her to be my date
and she said yes.

174
00:08:45,555 --> 00:08:47,648
You must have a great personality.
Thank you.

175
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:50,520
Congratulations, Jeff, you proved me wrong.
You got a girl.

176
00:08:50,727 --> 00:08:51,819
Yeah, I did.
Oh.

177
00:08:52,663 --> 00:08:54,722
This is Doreen.
Ready for our double-date?

178
00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:57,627
Yes, I am.
Wait, how'd you do that?

179
00:09:01,438 --> 00:09:04,134
Is this the best safe-sex fair
or what?

180
00:09:04,341 --> 00:09:05,740
Ha-ha-ha!
Check out these condoms.

181
00:09:05,942 --> 00:09:08,410
All along the side it says,
"Greendale."

182
00:09:08,612 --> 00:09:10,978
Exclamation point, my idea.

183
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:19,079
Wow. Me, in a dune buggy, with syphilis.
This is going on the fridge.

184
00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:22,156
Heh, heh. Look how gorgeous
Doreen is tonight.

185
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,057
Hey, can we...?

186
00:09:25,262 --> 00:09:27,787
Let's lay out our plans
for the evening.

187
00:09:27,998 --> 00:09:29,989
You wingman me, I wingman you.

188
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,260
Maybe we split up
for a little hoo-ha

189
00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:38,134
and then meet in the morning
for eggs and details.

190
00:09:38,341 --> 00:09:42,107
That sounds like the worst
combination plate ever.

191
00:09:42,913 --> 00:09:44,346
Thanks.
Argh!

192
00:09:44,548 --> 00:09:47,608
I can't believe you beat me again.

193
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:49,649
Do you want my stuffed animal?
Gah!

194
00:09:51,922 --> 00:09:53,856
We're arm wrestling.

195
00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:58,616
Like Stallone in Over the Top. I don't know the rules.
Don't I need a semi-truck and a son?

196
00:09:58,829 --> 00:10:02,424
The rules are, "You suck." Let's go.

197
00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:05,133
Uh, I wanna wait for a more inspiring
song. This score isn't right.

198
00:10:06,837 --> 00:10:08,236
There we go.

199
00:10:32,562 --> 00:10:36,089
Oh, my God.

200
00:10:40,837 --> 00:10:42,566
You broke my hand, you bastard.

201
00:10:58,188 --> 00:10:59,815
I can't do anything with this.

202
00:11:00,023 --> 00:11:02,116
No, let me see that.

203
00:11:03,627 --> 00:11:05,356
Oh, I can see through the door.

204
00:11:06,930 --> 00:11:09,524
Oh, yeah, there she blows.

205
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,667
I wanna see, I wanna see.
Shh!

206
00:11:11,868 --> 00:11:13,529
Okay, go, go, go. Go ahead.

207
00:11:15,305 --> 00:11:19,241
I'm the one that needs to see.
Okay, okay, okay.

208
00:11:19,676 --> 00:11:21,143
It's okay.

209
00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:26,983
Oh, boy.

210
00:11:29,019 --> 00:11:32,511
Oh, I had it wrong.

211
00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:34,520
Is that considered large?

212
00:11:34,724 --> 00:11:36,282
Oh, no.
Yes.

213
00:11:38,728 --> 00:11:41,196
What in the reverse Porky's
is going on here?

214
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:46,067
You know, Doreen
speaks six languages.

215
00:11:46,269 --> 00:11:48,794
You should hear her
order wine in French.

216
00:11:49,005 --> 00:11:51,803
Hey, honey, say,
"cabernet sauvigonenon."

217
00:11:52,008 --> 00:11:54,875
Pierce, you're embarrassing me.
You know a lot about wine?

218
00:11:55,078 --> 00:11:58,411
Well, I did have a client
who owned a vineyard in Napa.

219
00:11:58,615 --> 00:12:02,483
He was into S&M and merlot
so we called it S&M&M.

220
00:12:04,554 --> 00:12:06,681
Honey, you're boring
the crap out of Jeff.

221
00:12:07,724 --> 00:12:10,158
Be right back.
I have to make tinkles.

222
00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:14,191
Well then, I'm gonna go
get us another round.

223
00:12:15,498 --> 00:12:18,160
You know, you are not
what I expected.

224
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:21,166
You're smart, you're classy,
you're not wearing go-go boots.

225
00:12:21,371 --> 00:12:22,395
They're in the shop.

226
00:12:23,106 --> 00:12:24,801
You know,
despite what people think,

227
00:12:25,008 --> 00:12:28,705
I actually spend
most of my time talking.

228
00:12:28,912 --> 00:12:31,107
As men get older, they wanna
spend time with someone

229
00:12:31,314 --> 00:12:33,179
they can have a real
conversation with.

230
00:12:33,383 --> 00:12:36,841
That is going to suck.
"Going to," Jeff?

231
00:12:37,053 --> 00:12:38,350
Come on, Sabrina's cute,

232
00:12:38,822 --> 00:12:42,588
but she thinks that Monty Python
is the evil snake from Harry Potter.

233
00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:46,592
Trust me, I know girls I can converse
with who are way more annoying.

234
00:12:46,796 --> 00:12:50,095
I will take "tinkles" over
"we need to talk" every time.

235
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,961
Hey, babe.

236
00:12:52,168 --> 00:12:53,999
Ready to show me that Lexus?

237
00:12:54,204 --> 00:12:56,695
I thought you'd never ask.

238
00:12:58,308 --> 00:13:01,800
Doreen, it was very nice
to meet you.

239
00:13:02,412 --> 00:13:03,709
You can do better.

240
00:13:11,054 --> 00:13:12,351
Here.

241
00:13:12,555 --> 00:13:15,149
Oh, they already left?
What a couple of nincompoops.

242
00:13:15,992 --> 00:13:18,825
Before I buy dinner, I have to ask.

243
00:13:19,029 --> 00:13:21,759
Is there any lovemaking
on the table?

244
00:13:22,332 --> 00:13:24,095
We're through, Pierce.

245
00:13:24,301 --> 00:13:27,202
I'm gonna go to the bar
and you can join me if you'd like.

246
00:13:27,404 --> 00:13:29,770
And we can still have
a lovely evening,

247
00:13:29,973 --> 00:13:31,998
but it will cost you 200 bucks.

248
00:13:39,582 --> 00:13:41,948
That is a pretty big discount.

249
00:13:57,734 --> 00:14:00,794
I had no idea alcohol
would make people horny.

250
00:14:01,004 --> 00:14:02,631
It makes me sleepy. I don't...

251
00:14:02,839 --> 00:14:03,828
Dean?
Yeah.

252
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,565
We have a 597 currently
going on in your office.

253
00:14:06,776 --> 00:14:10,610
597? There's a dog-fighting ring
in my office?

254
00:14:10,814 --> 00:14:11,974
No.

255
00:14:12,983 --> 00:14:16,214
Okay, I'm just gonna turn him around
and we're gonna cover him up.

256
00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:18,683
Okay, ladies, I am shocked

257
00:14:18,888 --> 00:14:21,220
at the reverse Porky's
that has happened here.

258
00:14:21,424 --> 00:14:25,053
I don't see what the big deal is.
Annie needed to look at the model of the pen...

259
00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:28,128
Okay, the P-word has
entered into play.

260
00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:31,528
That's exactly why I wanted Gayle,
our school counselor here,

261
00:14:31,735 --> 00:14:34,295
and Monique, who's keeping
record, to ensure

262
00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:37,905
we discuss these sensitive topics
in a legally appropriate manner.

263
00:14:38,108 --> 00:14:39,905
I think everyone should say "penis"

264
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:43,409
so we can take away the
negative power of the word, yeah?

265
00:14:43,613 --> 00:14:44,875
So everybody.

266
00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:47,208
Penis.
She didn't say it.

267
00:14:47,417 --> 00:14:50,318
Now why did you break in
to see the penis?

268
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,648
Wow, I really do feel more
comfortable saying that now, Gayle.

269
00:14:53,857 --> 00:14:58,817
I just wanna focus on the girl
who won't say "penis."

270
00:15:07,871 --> 00:15:11,500
This is a judgment-free zone,
so express yourself.

271
00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:17,904
You know what?

272
00:15:18,114 --> 00:15:20,947
I don't want to express myself.

273
00:15:21,951 --> 00:15:26,752
I don't wanna sit in a room
full of people and say the P-word.

274
00:15:26,956 --> 00:15:28,685
I like being repressed.

275
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:33,090
I am totally comfortable being
uncomfortable with my sexuality.

276
00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:37,933
And maybe, just maybe, if everyone
were a little more like me,

277
00:15:38,134 --> 00:15:41,069
we wouldn't have to have
an STD fair.

278
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:43,398
You go, girl.
That's my pumpkin.

279
00:15:43,973 --> 00:15:44,997
Mm-hm.

280
00:15:45,942 --> 00:15:48,433
By the way, now that I've gotten
a good look at one,

281
00:15:48,645 --> 00:15:50,772
I don't see what all the fuss
was about.

282
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:54,381
A giant thumb in a turtleneck.
Whoop-dee-doo!

283
00:16:03,726 --> 00:16:07,958
You have a really awesome body.
You probably hear that all the time.

284
00:16:08,164 --> 00:16:09,358
Not as much as I should.

285
00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:13,060
Ohh. Professor.

286
00:16:15,071 --> 00:16:16,663
What?

287
00:16:16,873 --> 00:16:17,931
I'm not a professor.

288
00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:21,405
But you're at Greendale
and you're old.

289
00:16:22,245 --> 00:16:23,269
I'm a student.

290
00:16:23,847 --> 00:16:24,905
Yikers.

291
00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:28,050
Yeah. It's pretty much
yikers for me too.

292
00:16:28,251 --> 00:16:33,279
Well, I guess I can make
an exception, professor.

293
00:16:40,697 --> 00:16:43,962
You know, I can't do this.

294
00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:45,498
What?

295
00:16:45,702 --> 00:16:46,794
But this is your car.

296
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,335
Keep it.
But...

297
00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:57,278
Yes, yes, yes.

298
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,040
How do you like those apples?

299
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:03,845
I don't like those apples.
I'm so upset.

300
00:17:04,053 --> 00:17:06,613
It was just a fluke
I won those other games.

301
00:17:06,823 --> 00:17:08,188
Troy.

302
00:17:10,293 --> 00:17:14,229
Wow, this may be the only STD fair
to actually spread STDs. Ha, ha.

303
00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:15,897
Shut up, Ben.

304
00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:20,399
Condom water balloon fight!

305
00:17:23,773 --> 00:17:25,400
What the hell?

306
00:17:25,608 --> 00:17:26,836
Dude, these are leaking.

307
00:17:27,043 --> 00:17:29,011
Ho-ho-ho! Oh, my God.

308
00:17:29,212 --> 00:17:31,578
That's why you don't
print things on condoms.

309
00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:34,807
Everyone's getting preggers
and it's all your fault.

310
00:17:42,258 --> 00:17:43,418
Oh, man.

311
00:17:43,626 --> 00:17:46,561
Troy, all the condoms are faulty.

312
00:17:46,763 --> 00:17:50,426
As the best athlete on campus,
I need you to run to my office

313
00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:53,568
and make an announcement
before everyone leaves.

314
00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:58,730
Dean, I am not the best
athlete on campus.

315
00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:01,567
Abed is.

316
00:18:01,778 --> 00:18:04,542
I know you let me win the race.
But you didn't say anything.

317
00:18:04,747 --> 00:18:08,444
That's because
I wanted it to be true.

318
00:18:09,085 --> 00:18:12,077
You're a really good friend.
No, Abed.

319
00:18:14,591 --> 00:18:16,286
You are.
For the love of God, run.

320
00:18:16,492 --> 00:18:18,050
Okay.

321
00:18:18,895 --> 00:18:20,123
Go, Abed, go.

322
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,491
Before people sex one another.

323
00:18:27,337 --> 00:18:28,429
There he is.

324
00:18:28,972 --> 00:18:30,940
Back already. Detail time?

325
00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:32,767
I stopped.

326
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:35,911
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I mean, she's hot.

327
00:18:36,112 --> 00:18:38,410
I think this place is sapping
my life force.

328
00:18:38,615 --> 00:18:42,642
Oh, it's not Greendale, Jeff, it's you.
You're becoming more mature.

329
00:18:42,852 --> 00:18:44,479
A man reaches a point in his life

330
00:18:44,687 --> 00:18:48,214
where he stops looking for
a place to hang his underwear

331
00:18:48,424 --> 00:18:50,824
and starts looking for a place
to hang his hat.

332
00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:56,597
Oh, I'm sorry. I was waiting for that
to become inappropriate or racist.

333
00:18:56,799 --> 00:18:58,699
What happened to Doreen?

334
00:18:58,901 --> 00:19:00,300
Oh, uh,

335
00:19:00,503 --> 00:19:03,097
she said if I wanted to continue,
I would have to pay.

336
00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:05,973
Oh, man, that is rough.

337
00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:07,506
No, it was a wake-up call.

338
00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:10,304
Doreen is a very special lady.
I did not treat her right.

339
00:19:10,947 --> 00:19:12,505
I have stuff to work on, you know?

340
00:19:13,349 --> 00:19:14,680
You'll get there.

341
00:19:16,452 --> 00:19:18,784
We're both gonna get there.

342
00:19:20,556 --> 00:19:21,989
Here's to being better men.

343
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,293
Cheers.

344
00:19:26,629 --> 00:19:28,961
So can I borrow 200 bucks?

345
00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:33,497
Tell Doreen I say hi.

346
00:19:35,305 --> 00:19:37,705
You know, for 220, I can get...

347
00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:40,432
I'll give you 250 if
you don't finish telling me.

348
00:19:40,643 --> 00:19:42,372
Now I can get it twice.

349
00:19:42,578 --> 00:19:45,513
Ah, college.
Best years of our lives.

350
00:19:48,151 --> 00:19:49,209
Oop.

351
00:20:15,378 --> 00:20:17,039
Attention, Greendale students.

352
00:20:17,246 --> 00:20:19,009
Don't use the condoms.

353
00:20:19,215 --> 00:20:23,982
If you're going to have sex tonight,
don't use condoms.

354
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:33,092
"The characteristic of an acid
to donate or accept a proton"

355
00:20:33,296 --> 00:20:35,764
cannot be quantified
for individual species.

356
00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:38,092
Comparing two
donor-acceptor systems,

357
00:20:38,301 --> 00:20:43,568
"the proton transposition
HA plus H2O..."

358
00:20:59,021 --> 00:21:01,455
Abed?
Yeah, Troy?

359
00:21:02,024 --> 00:21:03,992
Can you get me a glass of water?

360
00:21:04,193 --> 00:21:05,558
Sure.

361
00:21:07,463 --> 00:21:09,454
Thank you, Abed.

362
00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:20,235
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