1 00:00:01,549 --> 00:00:04,107 It's Valentine's week, 2 00:00:04,108 --> 00:00:07,942 when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, 3 00:00:08,145 --> 00:00:11,137 delivering your gift to that special someone. 4 00:00:11,348 --> 00:00:14,681 But remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, 5 00:00:14,885 --> 00:00:19,379 so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent. 6 00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:22,051 I'm chaperoning tomorrow's dance. 7 00:00:22,259 --> 00:00:24,352 You should come. Maybe your study buds will go. 8 00:00:24,561 --> 00:00:27,052 What's the blonde's name? Bitter, Butter, Beetlejuice? 9 00:00:27,264 --> 00:00:30,233 Britta. Yeah, she says Valentine's Day ritualizes a connection 10 00:00:30,434 --> 00:00:33,926 between affection and candy so girls can learn the ropes of prostitution. 11 00:00:34,138 --> 00:00:35,435 Translation, no date. 12 00:00:35,639 --> 00:00:37,573 I'm gonna join you at that dance. 13 00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:40,972 But as a novice boyfriend, could I get a map of the minefield known as 14 00:00:41,178 --> 00:00:43,237 women's Valentine expectations? 15 00:00:43,447 --> 00:00:46,541 Every day of the year, I want you to do what makes you happy. 16 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:49,216 Tomorrow, I'm gonna be happy spending the night 17 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:50,682 with an insatiable statistics professor. 18 00:00:56,992 --> 00:00:58,619 Jeff, it's the Registrar's Office. 19 00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:02,024 Seems you were wrong about paying tuition with airline miles. 20 00:01:02,231 --> 00:01:03,220 We're gonna need a check... 21 00:01:03,432 --> 00:01:04,421 Message deleted. 22 00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:08,501 Jeff Winger, I am calling you. 23 00:01:11,273 --> 00:01:14,037 You're probably, whatever. 24 00:01:14,243 --> 00:01:17,508 So, what's up? Heh. 25 00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:20,744 Oh, it's the Cupid Being. Ooh! 26 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,508 Now it has arrows. That's safe. 27 00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:26,500 Oh! It's from that cook with the long beard in the cafeteria. 28 00:01:26,611 --> 00:01:27,600 I guess when he said, 29 00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,040 "I'm gonna get you," 30 00:01:29,247 --> 00:01:30,975 um, he meant chocolates. 31 00:01:32,665 --> 00:01:35,657 A flower from Vaughn. He's away on a vision quest. 32 00:01:36,861 --> 00:01:38,055 You got something, Abed? 33 00:01:38,262 --> 00:01:40,059 Another muffin basket from another actress 34 00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:42,664 who wants to be in my next film. Does that work? 35 00:01:42,867 --> 00:01:45,131 Yep. Meryl Streep has two Oscars because of her baking. 36 00:01:45,336 --> 00:01:47,065 Oh, that's sarcasm but I forgot to inflect. 37 00:01:47,271 --> 00:01:48,738 This sounds way more like sarcasm. 38 00:01:48,939 --> 00:01:51,032 Inflection is so interesting. 39 00:01:51,242 --> 00:01:53,233 That big bag at the bottom. Is that for me? 40 00:01:54,745 --> 00:01:58,010 Anything in there for Troy? Troy Barnes. 41 00:01:58,215 --> 00:01:59,739 Barnes, comma, Troy? 42 00:02:01,285 --> 00:02:02,718 Who cares about getting things? 43 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,184 It destroys the true meaning of Valentine's Day. 44 00:02:05,389 --> 00:02:07,550 The birth of St. Valentine's. Oh, good. 45 00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:10,056 Now it has arrows. That's safe. 46 00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:12,388 Sorry I'm late. It's okay. 47 00:02:12,596 --> 00:02:14,962 Actually, you look very early. Oh, God, I'm really late. 48 00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:16,929 Yes, you are. Yeah. See you later. 49 00:02:17,134 --> 00:02:19,102 That's all right. We'll see you guys. 50 00:02:19,303 --> 00:02:23,467 Can I get you something? Water? Smelling salts? 51 00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,699 An alibi for Cobain's suicide? 52 00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:28,435 No, but you could help yourself to a shorter forehead, 53 00:02:28,646 --> 00:02:31,171 a non-Keebler nose, and shutting up. 54 00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:33,680 Hmm. That stings. I mean, not the words. 55 00:02:33,884 --> 00:02:36,648 The clouds of bourbon vapor forming them. 56 00:02:36,854 --> 00:02:40,119 Heh. A girlfriend from my anarchist days was in town 57 00:02:40,324 --> 00:02:42,724 and we drank. Everything. 58 00:02:42,927 --> 00:02:45,896 Yeah. And then you said, "I should call Jeff." 59 00:02:46,097 --> 00:02:50,500 Yeah, because the first thing I do when I'm having fun is think about... 60 00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:55,161 Jeff Winger, I am calling you. 61 00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:58,137 You're probably, whatever. 62 00:02:58,342 --> 00:03:00,207 So, what's up? 63 00:03:00,411 --> 00:03:01,639 The drunk dial. 64 00:03:01,846 --> 00:03:04,474 So much subtext. So much intrigue. 65 00:03:04,682 --> 00:03:08,482 So much of what the kids are calling BCI. 66 00:03:08,686 --> 00:03:11,780 That's, uh, Booty Call Implication. 67 00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:19,553 Oh... 68 00:03:19,864 --> 00:03:22,025 What happened to Britta? Justice. 69 00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:26,169 Having spent the year denying her attraction to me just to be alternative, 70 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:32,002 Britta called me at 3 a.m. just to ask, "What's up?" 71 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:34,200 A drunk dial? Was it BCI? 72 00:03:34,412 --> 00:03:36,640 Booty call with a capital B. 73 00:03:36,641 --> 00:03:38,351 Mm. This can't be good. It's no biggie. 74 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:39,614 We give each other crap all the time. 75 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:43,017 Well, that's the point. What crap can she give now that you hold the cards? 76 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,021 You shifted the balance like in a sitcom when one character sees another one naked. 77 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,387 Is that really a sitcom staple? 78 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:52,122 No. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm Abed, I never watch TV. 79 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:05,938 Now, we all know that in English, the rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo." 80 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,638 In español, the gallo says: 81 00:04:15,357 --> 00:04:17,018 What? I'm teaching. 82 00:04:23,145 --> 00:04:25,443 Aha! I knew you were holding back. 83 00:04:25,648 --> 00:04:28,412 Oh! It's from the girl I'm dating. 84 00:04:28,618 --> 00:04:30,108 Yeah, I met her in biology. 85 00:04:30,319 --> 00:04:32,844 She was looking for geology and misread the sign. 86 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,751 Yeah, I said, "We do not study countries in here." Heh. 87 00:04:35,958 --> 00:04:39,325 Yeah, she's... She's dumb, but... But sweet. 88 00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:42,622 Yeah, mine's from Danielle. She's, uh... Uh... 89 00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:45,096 A lovely lady in my marketing class. 90 00:04:45,635 --> 00:04:46,966 We're sleeping together. 91 00:04:47,169 --> 00:04:49,535 They sound like very lucky ladies. 92 00:04:49,739 --> 00:04:51,138 Yeah, they're not made up. 93 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,808 Beep-beep! Oh, my God, what's going on? Beep-beep-beep! 94 00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:56,240 My bull crap meter's going crazy. 95 00:04:56,445 --> 00:04:59,414 Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! 96 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:03,010 It's these presents you've obviously sent yourselves 97 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,244 to make it look like you have girlfriends. 98 00:05:05,454 --> 00:05:06,716 That's ridiculous. 99 00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:10,620 This is obviously your handwriting, Mr. Tremor. 100 00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:13,052 And yours is signed, "Love, Troy"? 101 00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:16,497 I tell you, this is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen in the classroom. 102 00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:23,705 Look at him over there, cutting the gristle off his steak 103 00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:27,105 as ruthlessly as he cut off Troy and Pierce's dignity. 104 00:05:27,678 --> 00:05:29,942 Ew! Now he's eating the gristle. 105 00:05:30,147 --> 00:05:32,809 I'm so sick of Chang. Always tearing people down, 106 00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:34,882 making them feel horrible about themselves. 107 00:05:35,106 --> 00:05:37,973 Somebody needs to humiliate him the way he humiliated our boys. 108 00:05:38,176 --> 00:05:40,838 Mustache, get me a juice box. 109 00:05:41,045 --> 00:05:43,946 Now. And that somebody is us. 110 00:05:46,651 --> 00:05:49,552 You can vomit onto this food because it already smells like it. 111 00:05:49,754 --> 00:05:53,246 Heh-heh. Yeah, totally. Heh-heh-heh. 112 00:05:55,157 --> 00:05:57,557 My law firm went on a retreat to Disney World once, 113 00:05:57,759 --> 00:06:02,696 and I got so drunk that I got into a fight with animatronic Ben Franklin. 114 00:06:02,898 --> 00:06:04,229 Why are you telling me this? 115 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:06,367 Well, the point is that when I'm sober, 116 00:06:06,568 --> 00:06:09,469 I don't secretly hate Ben Franklin or even think about him, 117 00:06:09,671 --> 00:06:11,502 so you drunk dialing me? 118 00:06:11,706 --> 00:06:14,834 It's not like a big deal. My God. You're pitying me now. 119 00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:18,570 Well, you're acting really weird. I'll talk to you in class, okay? 120 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,543 Just leave me alone till then. 121 00:06:23,954 --> 00:06:25,819 Beep-beep-beep! 122 00:06:26,023 --> 00:06:27,888 What is going on here? 123 00:06:28,092 --> 00:06:30,925 Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! 124 00:06:31,128 --> 00:06:32,720 My doody meter's going crazy. 125 00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:35,364 Okay, cut, cut, cut. Leo, I'm not feeling it. 126 00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:37,659 I really need to believe that you're holding an imaginary doody meter. 127 00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:41,395 The problem is not me. It's you and your stupid script. 128 00:06:41,605 --> 00:06:42,970 Idiot. 129 00:06:43,174 --> 00:06:44,573 That's the anger. Use it. 130 00:06:45,843 --> 00:06:47,435 Wow. One Papa John's commercial 131 00:06:47,645 --> 00:06:48,634 and he thinks he's Christian Bale. 132 00:06:48,846 --> 00:06:50,473 Look, uh, you were right. 133 00:06:50,681 --> 00:06:53,514 Britta is totally weird around me. It does feel like I saw her naked. 134 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,363 It's a resonant premise. Tony even saw Angela naked 135 00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:57,036 on the opening credits of Who's the Boss? 136 00:06:57,237 --> 00:06:58,932 And did Tony do something to fix that? 137 00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:01,107 I don't know. I could never get past the opening credits. 138 00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:03,173 But when Chandler saw Rachel naked on Friends, 139 00:07:03,377 --> 00:07:05,072 to even the score Rachel needed to see Chandler's penis. 140 00:07:05,579 --> 00:07:08,241 All right. I'll show Britta my penis. 141 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,132 Jeff, please don't waste my time. I lose my Chang to Cub Scouts in 20 minutes. 142 00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:14,673 So... So, what? To even the score, I have to drunk dial her? 143 00:07:14,877 --> 00:07:17,675 Isn't that absurdly simplistic? Would it even work? 144 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,578 Yes, and maybe. Oh. 145 00:07:19,579 --> 00:07:23,037 No room for error. She'd have to believe it was real. 146 00:07:23,249 --> 00:07:24,692 Have you ever acted drunk before? 147 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,325 I can totally do it. 148 00:07:26,326 --> 00:07:30,057 I'm fine. I can drive. I can totally drive right now. 149 00:07:30,263 --> 00:07:31,787 Give me my keys. That's enough. 150 00:07:31,998 --> 00:07:34,020 No, hold on a second. All right. 151 00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:35,343 I don't care. 152 00:07:36,044 --> 00:07:37,671 No, seriously, give me my keys. 153 00:07:39,014 --> 00:07:40,504 Okay, that's a wrap, people. 154 00:07:41,632 --> 00:07:44,757 I want you to be at my place at 4 so we can work on this. 155 00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:47,272 Well, no, I can't do that. Here's why. 156 00:07:47,273 --> 00:07:48,706 Dumbest idea ever. 157 00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:51,161 Jeff, you know Britta's defining weakness. She cuts and runs. 158 00:07:51,368 --> 00:07:54,132 Do this half-assed and fail, she may leave, then we all lose her. 159 00:07:54,338 --> 00:07:56,135 That's not gonna happen. Not on my watch. 160 00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:57,773 That's a deal breaker. Saddle up. 161 00:07:57,975 --> 00:08:00,443 Sorry I lost my cool. Just quit smoking. 162 00:08:01,078 --> 00:08:04,445 Kid's gonna be a star. He's a young "the Asian guy from Lost." 163 00:08:06,481 --> 00:08:07,539 Try it again. 164 00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:10,911 Come on. You're a big guy. 165 00:08:13,488 --> 00:08:14,921 Action. 166 00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,722 Hey, Britta. Your call got me thinking, 167 00:08:20,723 --> 00:08:22,326 and thinking got me drinking. 168 00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:23,624 Stop. That was terrible. 169 00:08:23,829 --> 00:08:25,319 What? Mm-mm. 170 00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:28,431 You know, I can get drunk alone if that's what helps people act. 171 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,329 Well, that's your problem, Jeff. You've been acting your whole life. Okay? 172 00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:34,096 Time to pass that act up and find the actor playing you. 173 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,740 Oh, they are gonna love you in California. 174 00:08:39,711 --> 00:08:40,700 Do you like Britta? 175 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,574 Sure, who doesn't? Over half the people that meet her. 176 00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:47,041 They can be put off by her vacuous mannequin face, 177 00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:49,413 and her Jodie Foster severity. 178 00:08:49,855 --> 00:08:50,844 But you're different. Uh... 179 00:08:51,056 --> 00:08:53,183 You know. She's no barrel of monkeys. 180 00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:56,019 She... She wants everyone to be honest but she lies to herself. 181 00:08:56,228 --> 00:08:58,219 She's seen the world but doesn't get it. 182 00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:00,557 She has more fights about stuff that doesn't matter 183 00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:02,460 than a YouTube comment section. 184 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:07,871 She's passionate, which I find stupid but entertaining. 185 00:09:07,872 --> 00:09:09,165 Attractive? 186 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:10,155 It was only attraction at first 187 00:09:10,368 --> 00:09:11,892 because she bothered to play hard to get. 188 00:09:13,002 --> 00:09:16,417 - I'm happy with Michelle. - Yeah, Slater is low maintenance. 189 00:09:16,502 --> 00:09:17,241 The lowest. 190 00:09:17,242 --> 00:09:20,042 Britta, irritating, impossible, unpredictable, and she didn't like you, 191 00:09:20,118 --> 00:09:21,494 so it felt useless to like her. 192 00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:25,363 Slater likes you how you are, expects nothing from you. You're safe from change. 193 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,123 And passion. 194 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,733 Watch it. Watch what? 195 00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:32,701 A phony drunk-dial soaked in phony pity that insults Britta even more? 196 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,898 Or a believable performance informed by feeling? 197 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:41,444 You know, I am sure you're a good director, 198 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,479 but you are a horrible drinking buddy. 199 00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:46,083 I mean, I can't feel things with you studying me 200 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,277 like a beige praying mantis. 201 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,122 You're right. 202 00:09:56,563 --> 00:10:00,021 I thought you never drank. Scorsese drank with De Niro. 203 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,470 It's not for me. It's for the audience. 204 00:10:57,456 --> 00:10:59,424 All right, class, turn to page... Whoa. 205 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:02,219 Looks like the law firm of Seacrest and Slumdog 206 00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:05,123 is taking the day off. 207 00:11:06,942 --> 00:11:09,701 Ooh. Another special delivery 208 00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:12,762 from Troy and Pierce's imaginary lovers? 209 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,665 Wait a minute. Uhn. 210 00:11:18,871 --> 00:11:21,465 That one's for me. Heh-heh-heh. 211 00:11:21,673 --> 00:11:24,767 All right. Oh, yeah. Huh. Chh-chh. 212 00:11:27,446 --> 00:11:29,676 Wow. It's from Princeton. 213 00:11:29,882 --> 00:11:32,077 They want to make me associate professor 214 00:11:32,284 --> 00:11:34,912 of the Spanish Department? 215 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,918 They're telling me I can name my price? Oh, my God. 216 00:11:38,457 --> 00:11:40,425 At Princeton? Come on. 217 00:11:40,626 --> 00:11:44,187 You two idiots really thought I'd fall for this, huh? 218 00:11:44,396 --> 00:11:49,356 This is your pathetic attempt to punish me for humiliating you. 219 00:11:49,724 --> 00:11:52,522 But we didn't do it. Save it. 220 00:11:55,496 --> 00:11:59,432 As punishment, because you two obviously don't have any girlfriends, 221 00:11:59,634 --> 00:12:04,003 escort me to the Valentine's Dance wearing elegant ladies' pantsuits. 222 00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:05,900 Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, right. 223 00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:08,257 You'll do it or you fail my class. 224 00:12:08,539 --> 00:12:11,133 You can't do that. Have you met me? 225 00:12:11,342 --> 00:12:14,675 I mean it. Tonight, you are my bitches. 226 00:12:20,518 --> 00:12:22,645 Holy crap. 227 00:12:23,321 --> 00:12:25,118 Abed. 228 00:12:26,524 --> 00:12:28,287 Abed? 229 00:12:39,704 --> 00:12:41,069 It's 3:00. 230 00:12:41,272 --> 00:12:42,933 What happened? 231 00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:45,472 The last thing I remember 232 00:12:46,177 --> 00:12:49,169 is you were dancing like that girl in the movie 233 00:12:50,948 --> 00:12:52,882 Kids In Detention? Breakfast Club? 234 00:12:53,084 --> 00:12:55,848 Dear God. What have you done to me? 235 00:12:56,053 --> 00:12:59,147 Wait, did I call Britta? 236 00:13:00,191 --> 00:13:03,024 Where's my phone? Got it. 237 00:13:03,861 --> 00:13:05,522 You made two outgoing calls. 238 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:08,096 One to Britta, one to your girlfriend. 239 00:13:08,299 --> 00:13:09,926 I don't remember either of them. 240 00:13:10,134 --> 00:13:11,123 Neither do I. 241 00:13:12,737 --> 00:13:15,797 And I don't remember the name of the girl in The Breakfast Club. 242 00:13:16,173 --> 00:13:17,765 Mary. 243 00:13:18,209 --> 00:13:19,904 Margaret. 244 00:13:20,311 --> 00:13:22,336 Molly Ringworm? 245 00:13:23,514 --> 00:13:24,538 You broke me. 246 00:13:30,099 --> 00:13:32,659 I still can't believe I'm a size 14. 247 00:13:32,868 --> 00:13:36,531 I know the 12 was a little tight but I could have pulled it off. 248 00:13:36,972 --> 00:13:38,872 You guys really going through with this? 249 00:13:39,074 --> 00:13:40,974 We have to. He'll fail us. 250 00:13:41,177 --> 00:13:43,702 But we're gonna find out who wrote that letter. We have leads. 251 00:13:43,913 --> 00:13:46,939 Yeah. It was written on fake Princeton letterhead. So whoever wrote it, 252 00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:49,310 worked at Princeton, ran out of stationary, 253 00:13:49,518 --> 00:13:51,076 and didn't have time to go to the store. 254 00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:53,619 Um, you guys? Uh-uh! Uh. 255 00:13:54,223 --> 00:13:55,247 What? 256 00:13:57,059 --> 00:13:58,549 Women's sizes run slimmer. 257 00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:01,321 I'm sure you're a 12 everywhere that it counts. 258 00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,760 Well, I'll take every little victory I can get right now. 259 00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:09,452 You look about ready to marry Courtney Love. 260 00:14:11,076 --> 00:14:13,044 That's the reverse of my zinger from before. 261 00:14:13,245 --> 00:14:16,874 Okay, please stop shouting, all right? I feel like that person in that TV show. 262 00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:19,741 Do you remember calling me last night? 263 00:14:20,852 --> 00:14:22,376 Yeah. Why? 264 00:14:22,787 --> 00:14:24,846 Are we cool? Oh, yeah. 265 00:14:25,056 --> 00:14:28,082 Have a seat, Drunky Brewster. Let's study. 266 00:14:29,227 --> 00:14:31,161 Hey, balance restored, I guess. 267 00:14:31,363 --> 00:14:33,263 Movie reference. 268 00:14:50,081 --> 00:14:51,708 Hey there. 269 00:14:52,117 --> 00:14:54,176 Happy Valentine's Day. 270 00:14:54,386 --> 00:14:56,616 I've been calling you. Yeah, I know. 271 00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,757 I figured I'd just let it go to voicemail in case you had the wrong number again. 272 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,625 Elaborate? Oh, you don't remember 273 00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:03,919 calling me at 4 in the morning 274 00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:07,062 and hanging up when you realized I wasn't Britta? 275 00:15:07,063 --> 00:15:08,463 I guess not. 276 00:15:10,699 --> 00:15:12,189 Michelle. 277 00:15:12,401 --> 00:15:13,959 Michelle, um, 278 00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:18,534 I was trying to call Britain to order you toffees. 279 00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:20,037 Now that might sound dumb, 280 00:15:20,242 --> 00:15:24,542 but I needed to open with it to make the truth less ridiculous. 281 00:15:28,183 --> 00:15:30,947 Two nights ago, Britta drunk-dialed me, 282 00:15:31,153 --> 00:15:33,417 and it embarrassed her and made her sad, 283 00:15:33,622 --> 00:15:35,988 and the only way for her to get her power back 284 00:15:36,191 --> 00:15:38,785 was for me to get believably drunk and leave her 285 00:15:38,994 --> 00:15:40,655 an equally embarrassing message. 286 00:15:40,862 --> 00:15:43,023 It sure seems like you and Britta are friends 287 00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:45,932 the way my mom's pool cleaner was my uncle. 288 00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:47,730 Have you had sex with her? Not even a little. 289 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,495 What doesn't make sense is that you did all this work 290 00:15:50,496 --> 00:15:53,226 to put a smile on her face but can't pick up ice cream 291 00:15:53,432 --> 00:15:55,923 for Law and Order night because it feels too marriage-y. 292 00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:57,499 First of all, Chubby Hubby? 293 00:15:57,703 --> 00:15:59,330 I mean, could you pick a scarier flavor? 294 00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:05,479 Let's talk about this later. I need to chaperone something. 295 00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:29,679 There he is. Oh. 296 00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:33,386 You know, I thought I'd be embarrassed. Now I'm just scared. 297 00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:36,719 I am seriously reconsidering how much I want this language credit. 298 00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:37,952 Remember what we said? 299 00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:41,332 Never let him see us cry. 300 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,761 Right. 301 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,868 Okay, one, two... 302 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,698 Wait. Keep your coats on. 303 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:49,703 We're the ones that sent the letter to Chang. 304 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:51,239 What? 305 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,705 You work... You work at Princeton? 306 00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:54,811 We were mad at him for humiliating you. 307 00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:59,006 Well, nice fix, Tweedledum and even Tweedlerdum. 308 00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:02,744 Look, we're gonna tell Chang the truth, 309 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,213 and we'll pay the price. 310 00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:06,822 Wait. 311 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,422 We can't make you do that. No, he's right. 312 00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:12,653 First we gotta get out of these pantsuits then you can put them on. 313 00:17:12,864 --> 00:17:16,163 Look, Pierce, this whole thing started because you and I were ashamed 314 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,392 we didn't have ladies that cared about us. 315 00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:20,901 And the good news is we obviously do. 316 00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:26,639 The bad news is that it makes it our manly duty to protect them tonight. 317 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,107 Oh! That's nice 318 00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:30,338 but we really can't let you do that. 319 00:17:30,548 --> 00:17:33,073 No, he's right. He's right. 320 00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:35,809 Step aside. Oh. 321 00:17:36,921 --> 00:17:39,253 Let's handle this like men. Yeah. 322 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:46,054 Whoo. Ladies. 323 00:17:46,062 --> 00:17:49,395 They're going to be okay, right? Get in my Mercedes. 324 00:17:49,599 --> 00:17:51,658 Just look away, baby. 325 00:17:54,270 --> 00:17:56,067 Just look away. 326 00:18:14,557 --> 00:18:17,321 Whoa. Looking for someone? 327 00:18:18,728 --> 00:18:19,990 Yeah. 328 00:18:20,396 --> 00:18:22,057 Slater. Heh. 329 00:18:22,465 --> 00:18:23,830 Very funny. 330 00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:27,360 You know, when you called me last night and invited me to the dance, 331 00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:29,504 I was shocked. 332 00:18:29,706 --> 00:18:31,571 And thrilled. 333 00:18:33,776 --> 00:18:35,243 Are you okay? 334 00:18:36,579 --> 00:18:37,978 Yeah. 335 00:18:38,181 --> 00:18:39,170 No. No. 336 00:18:39,382 --> 00:18:41,942 Look, I'm sorry. 337 00:18:42,151 --> 00:18:47,041 Uh, I don't... I don't remember asking you to the dance. I don't remember anything. 338 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,636 And now Slater knows about all the drunk-dialing stuff, 339 00:18:49,845 --> 00:18:53,281 and I'm in the doghouse. And if she finds out about this, it's over. 340 00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:56,315 So, again, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. 341 00:18:56,518 --> 00:18:58,850 And you are messing with me right now, aren't you? 342 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:02,148 I knew you didn't remember anything from that phone call last night. 343 00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:06,385 You got dressed up just to see me sweat? 344 00:19:06,595 --> 00:19:08,825 Oh, believe me. You're worth it. 345 00:19:09,031 --> 00:19:10,658 Sorry. Just chaperoning. Enjoy the dance. 346 00:19:10,866 --> 00:19:11,855 Wait, Michelle. 347 00:19:12,701 --> 00:19:15,033 Jeff, what's left to say? 348 00:19:16,005 --> 00:19:18,473 Uh... I... I don't know. 349 00:19:18,707 --> 00:19:20,538 I... I do. 350 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,637 He said it last night. 351 00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:31,349 So look, I am really into Michelle. 352 00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:35,990 And I don't wanna screw it up. She's a perfect girlfriend. 353 00:19:36,191 --> 00:19:37,886 And I want you to be as happy as me 354 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,585 because you're, like, my favorite friend, so... Ha-ha-ha. 355 00:19:41,797 --> 00:19:44,891 I'm sorry. Abed just made a turtle face. 356 00:19:46,035 --> 00:19:49,562 In his defense, Abed's turtle face is really funny. 357 00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:53,132 Thanks, Britta. Yeah, thanks. 358 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,070 Yeah. 359 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,345 That was the first 20 seconds of a 40-minute message. 360 00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:02,416 Very informative. 361 00:20:05,154 --> 00:20:08,555 Happy Valentine's Day, perfect boyfriend. 362 00:20:09,091 --> 00:20:11,559 Yeah, that's me. 363 00:20:28,106 --> 00:20:30,836 Man, I cannot wait to get out of these ridiculous outfits. 364 00:20:31,043 --> 00:20:32,908 Woof! I know, yeah. 365 00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:36,411 What are you doing? I'm parked over here. 366 00:20:36,615 --> 00:20:38,105 Oh, uh, well... Uh... 367 00:20:38,851 --> 00:20:41,183 Heh-heh. Come on. 368 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,784 Um... What the hell is this? 369 00:20:43,989 --> 00:20:45,286 We're going to get frozen yogurt. Aah. 370 00:20:45,491 --> 00:20:47,789 I'm not gay, man. They close in seven minutes. 371 00:20:47,993 --> 00:20:49,085 I could have driven you. 372 00:20:49,862 --> 00:20:51,625 You said he hated fro-yo. 373 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,263 Just drive. 374 00:20:56,602 --> 00:20:57,591 Slut!