I think I'm failing
Psychopharmacology.
Why are you taking that?
I thought it was a class
about crazy farm animals, okay?
Let's finish the unit.
I don't wanna be late for lunch.
Amar is to love, right?
Oh, speaking of love,
Shirley, how's it going
with the sexy dreadlock guy?
Oh, I'm sure I don't have
a chance with him.
Abed and I talked to him
by the vending machine.
He asked about you.
He specifically asked about me?
When Annie brought you up,
he asked, "Who is that?"
Abed.
Oh.
What?
That's what he said.
Abed, your social skills
aren't exactly streets ahead.
You know what I mean?
I don't.
You're not alone in this case.
Pierce.
Stop trying to coin the phrase,
"Streets ahead."
Trying?
Coined and minted.
Been there, coined that.
"Streets ahead"
is verbal wildfire.
Does it just mean cool,
or is it supposed to be
like miles ahead?
If you have to ask,
you're streets behind.
Okay. We can banter
if we wanna banter.
But I'm leaving for lunch early.
Me too.
Me three.
Streets ahead.
Man, you guys really love
these stupid chicken fingers.
They're the only good thing
in the cafeteria.
I haven't had one in weeks.
They run out so fast.
If God were edible,
not that I'm Catholic,
but if it was cool to eat God,
he'd be a chicken finger.
Mm-hm.
Well, I wouldn't know.
I'm a vegetarian.
Oh, shocker.
Yeah.
If you guys knew
how they treated
the animals that you're eating,
you would eat them even faster
to put them
out of their misery.
And then
you would throw up.
I don't know,
maybe I'm feeling
extra protective
of animals today
because my cat is sick.
Oh, a cat?
That's awful.
He has diabetes.
He can't even make it
to the litter box.
Chicken run.
Whoo!
I'm afraid that I'm gonna
have to put her to sleep and...
Mm-hm.
Aw, go on.
God bless you.
Save some for me!
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
Troy.
I can hear those
fingers calling my name.
Troy.
Troy, Troy.
Did you get my text message?
Um, I think it's...
Hi.
I gotta stop hanging
out with her.
She sounds like
a chicken finger.
Again?
Outrageous.
At least apologize.
How can you just stand there
like a mute idiot?
Well, throat surgery might
humanize you.
It doesn't make
this acceptable.
So cute.
And I don't even normally
like dreadlocks.
Hello.
His dreadlocks remind me
of the Predator.
Which is weird
because you're doing
the actual hunting,
and you seem invisible to him.
Abed, you know what I do?
Before I talk, I ask myself,
"What am I about to say?
And how might it affect
each person listening?"
I'm really glad you said that.
The idea that you compulsively
filter yourself
makes your lack of flavor
kind of a flavor.
Sorry, guys,
they ran out again.
Something's gotta be done.
Oh, I love chicken fingers.
Hey.
Oh, you're the man.
What the hell, man?
That's half our problem
right there.
Star-Burns works the fryer
and skims fingers.
No way.
He gives them to people
just so they'll act like he
isn't Star-Burns.
Well, I may not eat meat,
but I am not gonna eat
that injustice.
Let's complain.
Yeah.
We complain, he gets a warning,
learns to be sneakier.
I say we knock him out
of the kitchen,
replace him with one
of our own all in one move.
Then we're the ones
with the chicken.
It's like a mafia movie.
As far back as I can remember,
I always wanted to be
in a mafia movie.
Cool.
That's exactly what it's like.
And you get the most
important job.
You're gonna be fry cook.
Watching
different movies.
You worked in your dad's
restaurant.
Apply for the job
after we get Star-Burns fired.
I don't know.
I don't know about the firing.
I think he really relies
on that income.
Yeah, man.
Every day you flock
like sheep and wait in line
for a broken promise
from a dirty system.
Back in those days,
Jeff was the guy
that made things happen.
He always knew what to say,
and when to slap the table.
You wanna be sheep,
keep flocking.
You wanna be wolves,
form a pack.
And that was it.
It was that simple.
At that moment,
we stopped being a family
and started being a family
in italics.
Britta got cozy
with Star-Burns.
Can I touch both of...? Oh.
Yeah.
He lowered his guard.
He was gone.
I mean, the way Jeff saw it,
by not respecting us,
Star-Burns had basically
brought it on himself.
And when his job opened up,
we did what we had to do
to keep the list of applicants
to a minimum.
I had worked
in my dad's restaurant,
so I had an impressive
résumé.
It's very impressive.
Especially your reference.
Just give them a call
right now.
But we weren't taking
any chances.
The fix was in.
Trump Tower, this is Donald.
Well, he can deep-fry
the hell out of chicken.
Troy even applied
for the same job
and gave the world's
worst interview.
Just to make me look better,
and that was that.
This was the glorious time.
No more racing to
the cafeteria. No more lines.
To us, lines were for suckers,
hacks, sheep.
We were wolves.
And we had the chicken
to prove it.
To victory.
It feels unfamiliar,
but it tastes like chicken.
Hi.
Hello.
You guys are lucky.
They're always running out.
Would you like one?
The name's Shirley, memorize it.
I will, Shirley.
See that, ladies? The universe
goes by supply and demand.
The more you take and use,
the more it sends.
Somebody's been
taking extra.
What's in that container?
Eight fingers.
Abed.
Abed's study group.
Why you giving Chang chicken?
We have an agreement.
If you get caught skimming,
you get fired.
We all go back to eating
like Britta.
Yeah, we put you in that job.
I dressed like a crazy pharaoh
for you, man.
You make the fingers, Abed,
not the decisions.
I'm sorry.
It's okay, buddy.
But just remember,
these things have power.
So just let me know
next time you have
any more agreements,
all right?
I agreed to give Chang
eight fingers per lunch
in exchange for a 10 percent
bump on every test for us.
Oh.
Okay,
Abed makes the fingers
and the decisions.
Yeah, I'm gonna pass
Spanish class.
At Greendale, they were always
out of chicken fingers.
So whoever could get them
had power.
I the guy was in the apron,
so I came up with a system.
Pretty soon half the chicken
at Greendale
was going out the side door.
Everybody in our crew
had a job.
T-Bone was the bag man.
He'd move the fingers
to a storeroom
where two girls
did the packaging.
We could trust them
not to eat the supply
because Britta
was a vegetarian.
And Shirley figured that if
she stole, she'd go to hell.
They'd hand the stuff
out the window to Annie.
She was the leg man,
the distributor.
The crazy thing was,
it was their food.
And we were stealing it
and giving it back to them
like it was a big favor.
Nobody asked any questions,
because Pierce's experience
as a CEO
had taught him how to keep
the wheels from squeaking.
I had it all worked out
on a schedule.
You know,
I've never been fired.
The minute
you thought about busting us
was the minute
you had chicken in your hand.
It's just insulting
that you're eating
his chicken fingers
in front of me.
Everyone had their hand out.
Everyone wanted what we had.
Oh. Well, here you go.
And Jeff had the most
important job of all.
He was at the top.
He was the boss.
He was our leader.
What the hell is going on?
AV kids hooked it up.
Abed supplied
the whole department
with chicken fingers.
You think that's good,
check out my posse
and Troy's monkey.
Troy, why do you have a monkey?
It's an animal
that looks like a dude.
Why don't I have
10 of them?
Guys, look at
what Abed scored for me.
It has a million zippers,
and it was free.
Oh, robot.
I am a robot.
I am programmed
to love this backpack.
This is insane.
More insane than programming
them to replace auto workers?
What?
Okay, okay, if you're not
in this study group, please...
No, no.
That means you, sexy dreadlocks.
Britta's hairdresser.
What?
Pierce's hackneyed entourage.
Hackneyed?
You see the turban guy?
Yes...
in a '90s ski movie
that featured an entourage.
Don't you think
this is getting out of hand?
We won't get caught. We have
campus security on the take.
Abed's got it all figured out.
Well, that's a relief.
Yeah, it's pretty cool
being friends with
the biggest man on campus.
Isn't that right,
Annie's Boobs?
Please rename that thing.
This time,
not with a contest on Twitter.
It's his Twitter account.
He can do what he wants.
They are my body parts.
Know what I don't appreciate?
I do not consent to this.
You'll be begging
for his company.
I own that.
I wouldn't threaten a monkey.
They have more lactic acid
than us.
Shared my chicken with him.
Talk to the backpack.
You're the worst, Annie.
Streets ahead.
Now, where's he going?
Uh, hello?
Line starts behind you.
Oh, he's cool.
Six fingers every Wednesday.
Cool. And what can you offer?
I have a bicycle.
And I teach beginner's tennis.
Cool, okay.
Six fingers Wednesdays,
all right.
We'll be in touch, Janel.
Thank you, Abed.
You're welcome.
Hey, Jeff.
Hey, buddy.
It's quite a setup
you got here.
Yeah,
I'm pretty excited about it.
It turns out everyone has needs
and everyone has functions.
Look, I've been thinking.
Maybe I need to hit
the big red button
and bring an end
to this operation.
I mean, it's been fun,
but it's out of control now.
Am I right?
I don't know.
The entire campus
is controlled by our group.
Our group is controlled
by chicken,
and the chicken is controlled
by me.
Float?
I'm good.
Abed,
the mafia movie is over.
I'm not doing a mafia movie.
I don't need to use
movies or TV shows
to talk to people anymore.
I needed them
because the day-to-day world
made no sense to me,
but now everyone's speaking
the same language:
chicken.
I understand people
and they understand me.
People are gonna get tired of
chicken. I'm tired of chicken.
You're not tired of chicken.
You miss the taste of control.
Well, that's crazy.
Is it?
The very thing that drove you
to this room
is what would prevent you
from properly running
this machine.
Or even being a cog in it,
your ego.
I see. I see.
This has been about me
the whole time.
You want a shot
at the Jeff Winger throne?
You better bring
a powerful ass.
Oh, and for your information,
I don't have an ego.
My Facebook photo
is a landscape.
You're the best, Eduardo.
Thank you all for coming.
Can we make this quick?
I need to give a banana
to Annie's Boobs.
Abed is drunk
with chicken power.
He's gone from lovable
Johnny Five to evil HAL.
Hal Holb...
Not Hal Holbrook.
What are you saying?
You all have to stop working
for him.
Let this operation dry up
and let his wheels spin down.
At which point you would be
in charge again, right?
What?
This is so sad.
You're jealous of Abed
because he's providing for us.
I'm concerned about Abed because
he won't listen to reason.
Won't listen to your reason.
Why should he?
Jeff's so not...
Say, "Streets ahead,"
and die.
Streets ahead.
You wanna boss me around?
Get me an entourage.
Get Troy a monkey.
That's what a real boss does.
We probably shouldn't
be talking to him
without checking with Abed.
I'm trying him.
He's not picking up.
What did you do with him?
I don't believe
what greedy sellouts
you people turned out to be.
I'm not gonna stand
and be ignored.
Shh. Voicemail. Hey, Abed!
Jeff says you're not
listening to him.
Does that mean we shouldn't
listen to him either?
Oh, also, should we make special
jackets for our crime family?
Like blazers with
chicken finger patches.
I don't know,
long message, I'm sorry.
That's it.
Oh!
Abed!
I'm walking out
this door right now.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
For real.
Good.
I'm not gonna look back.
Mm-hm.
Goodbye.
Abed.
Hi, hi, yeah.
Yeah, I got you fired.
You deserved it.
Maybe, maybe not.
The question is,
what do they deserve?
Key to the kitchen.
There's a valve on the back
of the chicken fryer
that's not made anymore.
Now, say someone
were to remove it.
The fryer wouldn't work.
Forever.
How petty do you think I am?
Jeff leaving the family
didn't turn out
to be a problem.
Okay, I think we're
set for the quiz.
Yep.
See you guys in class.
Oh, wait, before you go.
Oh, free notebooks.
But the family's success
started to go to their heads.
They didn't have college ruled?
No, sorry.
It's okay.
Abed?
Yeah?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure.
We have a situation.
Hey.
Who is this?
Travis. You wanted someone
in your entourage named Travis.
Show him your license.
Travis is his middle name.
I go by Travis.
No, you go by the door.
See you, Travis.
Abed?
Yep?
No, no, no.
My monkey hates
this caviar.
Troy, isn't that...?
They were spoiled, fat, lazy.
I'd given them everything
and somehow
I'd lost their respect.
So I did the only thing
I could think of.
I did what I thought
Jeff would do.
I sent them a message.
[DEREK & THE DOMINOES'
"LAYLA PLAYING]
Somebody's backpack.
These were the bad times.
There he is.
Jeff, Jeff.
Jeff.
Jeff, Abed killed my backpack.
I caught him stuffing
my man full of chicken.
Tyler Perry has movies
about why that's wrong.
That little Arab
is off his rocker.
He released Annie's Boobs.
Annie's Boobs could be anywhere.
Could be...
We got it.
The monkey's name
is Annie's Boobs.
Look what Abed did to my hair.
I feel terrible for all of you.
Wait, no, I don't, because
I warned you about all this.
You were so high on your
backpacks and hairstyles,
you accused me of being jealous.
You were right.
But what can we do?
I'm sorry, you brushed over
that first part.
Together.
You were right.
Now, what you can do
is go home
and write that
on your bathroom mirror.
Wouldn't that make it
like I was right?
Yeah.
I don't have a mirror.
It's not reversed
because you're the...
You'd have the mirror
behind you.
And I would like...
As for Abed,
for his sake, I guess
I'll have to take him out.
Poor little guy.
Oh, good, that's nice.
Abed.
What are you doing?
Making Tater Tots.
You were right,
people got sick of chicken,
but I was close. I just need
a new food, new system.
I'm gonna experiment
with jalapeño poppers,
then Zucchini Zircles.
I don't get it.
It's not that complicated, Jeff.
Replaced the C in circle
with a Z for zucchini.
No, I mean,
why are you here?
You said you were close?
What were you close to?
To the group?
To people?
Don't do a special episode
about me.
Oh. I wouldn't dream of it.
Everyone else needs my help.
That's what people don't get,
is that they need to get me.
I need to be able to connect
to people like you can,
and then I can make
everyone happy.
Do you know why I'm here?
You got caught
with a fake degree.
They started using that
on Law & Order.
Total rip-off.
I'm here to dismantle
the fryer.
To cut your power off
at its source.
Don't you see
what happened?
I manipulated the group into
getting you the fry cook job
so I could have some chicken.
And you turned it all into a way
to make everyone like you.
Made me ashamed of myself,
made me jealous.
Maybe this is
a special episode.
It's pretty alarming behavior.
Yeah.
There's specialists
you could talk to.
Maybe I should do that.
In the meantime,
let's make a deal.
I'll help you connect
with people,
and you help me do a better job
with them.
Like Knight Rider.
Exactly.
Like Knight Rider.
Deal.
I'll put on a leather jacket,
make out with an aerobics
instructor. Pull around front,
startle passers-by with
your ability to talk.
Maybe we should just stay here
and have a plate
of chicken fingers.
Cool.
Can we eat them
while sitting on a table
like in Sixteen Candles?
Pick one reference, Abed.
Sixteen Candles.
And just like that,
the mafia movie was over.
I quit the fry cook job,
somewhat for the sake
of the family,
but mostly for the sake
of Jeff's ego, poor guy.
Things went back to normal.
Everyone's back to being
a bunch of regular schnooks.
And I'm back to being a weirdo.
Back to watching
from the outside for now.
There's still not enough
chicken fingers.
No way, no seriously.
What?
As soon as our family
moved out,
a new syndicate moved in
to take its place.
But you know what they'll never
make a replacement for?
Friends.
Okay, thank you.
That's great, Abed.
But could you
just answer the question?
What was it?
Do you know
who might have stolen
a box of hairnets
from the kitchen?
Someone with hair.
I'm gonna write that down.
Ready?
Oh, that's nice.
Never been done.
Here I come.
Back up the same staircase.
It's good.
Double escalator.
Wow. I haven't seen that before.
How did you think of that?
And now for our signature trick.
Awesome elevator.
No.
I can't do it.
I got babies.
I gotta get home.
It's their loss.
Yeah.
That was awesome.
Yeah.