1 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:07,337 Hey, Britta. What's you gonna... nittah? 2 00:00:07,538 --> 00:00:08,638 Good mood, bad rhyme, 3 00:00:09,206 --> 00:00:11,371 And is that a carb on your plate? 4 00:00:11,439 --> 00:00:13,338 I got a "B" on my nutrition final, 5 00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:16,565 And I am celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony. 6 00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:19,453 Nice. I'm knitting something for my new cat. 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,343 It's been two weeks since I lost Suzie B., 8 00:00:21,411 --> 00:00:22,873 So I figured it was time to move on. 9 00:00:22,941 --> 00:00:25,436 Not being an animal lover, I assume it'll be nice 10 00:00:25,502 --> 00:00:26,900 To start over with a fresh kitten. 11 00:00:26,967 --> 00:00:29,096 Fresh kitten? I go to a shelter 12 00:00:29,164 --> 00:00:32,260 and rescue an animal that genuinely needs my help. 13 00:00:32,328 --> 00:00:34,059 Okay? 14 00:00:34,127 --> 00:00:36,466 Why do you think I am knitting a tiny, little eye patch? 15 00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:38,565 Excuse me. Hi. 16 00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:40,034 We're in High School, 17 00:00:40,102 --> 00:00:41,633 But we're here taking some classes for college credit. 18 00:00:41,701 --> 00:00:43,738 - Well, all right. Way to be go-getters. 19 00:00:43,806 --> 00:00:45,074 Thanks. 20 00:00:45,142 --> 00:00:46,977 So we were— we were just wondering... 21 00:00:47,044 --> 00:00:48,744 Can you tell us exactly what you did 22 00:00:48,812 --> 00:00:49,946 In your lives to end up here 23 00:00:50,013 --> 00:00:52,579 So that we don't make the same mistakes? 24 00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:55,479 Because if I end up 35 25 00:00:55,547 --> 00:00:57,614 And celebrating a "b" 26 00:00:57,681 --> 00:01:00,180 In nutrition in community college, 27 00:01:00,248 --> 00:01:01,646 I'll kill myself. 28 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:04,878 - Watch it. - Yeah, watch it. 29 00:01:04,946 --> 00:01:06,610 Or what, Schmitty? 30 00:01:06,677 --> 00:01:08,876 Schmitty! 31 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,708 You gonna knit me something sad 32 00:01:10,776 --> 00:01:12,109 In your house full of cats with no furniture? 33 00:01:12,176 --> 00:01:14,542 Listen, it is a studio apartment, 34 00:01:14,610 --> 00:01:16,177 And knitting is hip. 35 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,476 Winona Ryder knits. 36 00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:20,812 Who? 37 00:01:20,879 --> 00:01:22,645 Schmitty! Schmitty. 38 00:01:22,712 --> 00:01:24,444 - Schmits! - Schmitty. 39 00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:27,646 I have done things with my life. 40 00:01:27,714 --> 00:01:28,713 Awesome things. 41 00:01:28,781 --> 00:01:30,414 I've been to 14 countries. 42 00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,914 I helped build a school in Kenya. 43 00:01:32,982 --> 00:01:35,148 I once met sting at a cracker barrel. 44 00:01:35,216 --> 00:01:37,149 Why are you letting a bunch of teenagers get to you? 45 00:01:37,216 --> 00:01:39,516 I don't even remember what they said. 46 00:01:39,584 --> 00:01:40,550 It just rolled off my back— 47 00:01:40,617 --> 00:01:42,884 Would you stop tuning that guitar? 48 00:01:42,952 --> 00:01:44,952 You are 105 years old! 49 00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:47,920 Tell me exactly what you did with your life to end up here 50 00:01:47,987 --> 00:01:49,720 So I don't make the same mistakes! 51 00:01:51,622 --> 00:01:54,356 Excuse me! 52 00:01:54,423 --> 00:01:56,123 But it's springtime, and I thought 53 00:01:56,191 --> 00:01:57,556 I might woo a few chicks. 54 00:02:13,996 --> 00:02:15,728 Hey, hey, hey. 55 00:02:15,796 --> 00:02:17,062 What the— hey! 56 00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:18,363 Hey! What? 57 00:02:22,663 --> 00:02:24,230 What the hell? 58 00:02:24,298 --> 00:02:27,264 Sorry. 59 00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:28,331 Animal house. 60 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,131 A reference my ears applaud. 61 00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:31,231 I couldn't resist. 62 00:02:31,299 --> 00:02:32,331 Smashing the guitar of someone 63 00:02:32,398 --> 00:02:33,598 Singing a cloying love song 64 00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:35,166 Was on my quintessential college experience list. 65 00:02:35,233 --> 00:02:36,832 - Your what? - It's a list of everything 66 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,033 That movies have taught me 67 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,766 Comprises a successful first year at college. 68 00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,667 Bond with a group of loveable misfits. 69 00:02:41,735 --> 00:02:43,900 - Check. - Take on the school bully. 70 00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:45,500 - Check. - Make out with the hottest girl 71 00:02:45,568 --> 00:02:47,067 On campus. - Check-a-rooni. 72 00:02:49,735 --> 00:02:51,400 Unfortunately, the school year's almost over, 73 00:02:51,468 --> 00:02:52,834 And there's a bunch of stuff left on the list. 74 00:02:52,902 --> 00:02:53,934 Well, I'll help you finish it. 75 00:02:54,002 --> 00:02:55,101 I'll be like your Morgan Freeman. 76 00:02:55,169 --> 00:02:56,434 Like in the bucket list. 77 00:02:56,502 --> 00:02:57,434 The what? 78 00:02:57,502 --> 00:02:59,034 Stand up for a second. 79 00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:03,134 Uh, over here. 80 00:03:03,202 --> 00:03:05,667 Stand there. Okay, turn around. 81 00:03:10,001 --> 00:03:11,933 What the hell? 82 00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:13,301 Pantsing someone was on my list. 83 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:14,768 It would have been better if you were wearing 84 00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:16,768 The standard giant hearts on underwear, but I'll take it. 85 00:03:16,835 --> 00:03:17,835 Oh, yeah? 86 00:03:17,902 --> 00:03:19,401 Well, I hope getting pantsed 87 00:03:19,469 --> 00:03:20,702 Is on your list. 88 00:03:20,769 --> 00:03:22,435 Ha-ha! 89 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,502 It is. 90 00:03:27,171 --> 00:03:30,237 What's so funny? 91 00:03:30,303 --> 00:03:31,669 This! 92 00:03:35,703 --> 00:03:37,302 Oh! Um. 93 00:03:41,737 --> 00:03:42,669 Get it? 94 00:03:44,503 --> 00:03:54,493 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 95 00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,636 - Finally. - No. 96 00:03:58,704 --> 00:04:02,004 Pierce, Shirley is way too angry to talk to you right now. 97 00:04:02,071 --> 00:04:04,370 Yeah, you'll have to apologize later. 98 00:04:04,438 --> 00:04:05,503 Apologize? For what? 99 00:04:05,571 --> 00:04:07,137 She—she should apologize to me. 100 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,470 She ruined my joke. 101 00:04:13,405 --> 00:04:15,638 Oh, my God. 102 00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:17,739 There's a grandpa schlip-schlap. 103 00:04:17,806 --> 00:04:20,006 "Have you seen my Schmitty, Sonny?" 104 00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:22,806 "Help me. I'm gonna crap my pants." 105 00:04:22,874 --> 00:04:23,840 - "Someone help me." - Oh! 106 00:04:23,908 --> 00:04:25,273 Seriously, nutrition, 107 00:04:25,341 --> 00:04:26,974 This is your life? 108 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:28,941 Actually, I was a lawyer. 109 00:04:29,008 --> 00:04:30,407 Looks like that went well. 110 00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:31,607 And now you hang out 111 00:04:31,675 --> 00:04:33,741 With schlip-schlap and schlap-skank. 112 00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:37,274 Oh, my God, is she wearing a discman? 113 00:04:39,209 --> 00:04:41,240 How could you do this to me? 114 00:04:41,308 --> 00:04:44,108 What? Discmans are retro. 115 00:04:44,176 --> 00:04:45,941 Oh, is retro when you're 30 116 00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:49,974 And broke and can't afford an iPod, Schmitty? 117 00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:53,340 - Oh, bug-a-bah. 118 00:04:53,408 --> 00:04:56,007 I think Schmitty means loser. 119 00:04:56,075 --> 00:04:57,440 We know! 120 00:04:57,508 --> 00:04:58,841 You may come back in now. 121 00:04:58,908 --> 00:05:00,507 I have something to say. 122 00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:03,808 This better be a good apology. 123 00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:05,241 This has been a long time coming, 124 00:05:05,308 --> 00:05:07,175 And we have all joked around and rolled our eyes at him, 125 00:05:07,242 --> 00:05:09,075 But there has been a transgression today, 126 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,708 And I will no longer continue 127 00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:12,575 To be a part of the group with this man. 128 00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:14,308 Just skip to the "I'm sorry." 129 00:05:14,376 --> 00:05:16,942 You are pathological, and you will never change. 130 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:19,842 Huh. That is the pot calling the kettle... 131 00:05:19,909 --> 00:05:21,809 A kettle, okay. 132 00:05:21,876 --> 00:05:23,575 Oh, you can say black, Pierce. 133 00:05:23,643 --> 00:05:25,842 I'm a black woman. The cat is out the bag. 134 00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:27,308 You have literally identified me 135 00:05:27,376 --> 00:05:29,375 To strangers as "the black woman." 136 00:05:29,442 --> 00:05:30,441 Out of context. 137 00:05:30,509 --> 00:05:32,575 Context is everything. 138 00:05:32,643 --> 00:05:34,808 I call the other women "flat-butt" 139 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,508 And "the one abed wants to nail." 140 00:05:39,175 --> 00:05:40,908 So what's the context 141 00:05:40,975 --> 00:05:43,141 For constantly referring to me as a lesbian? 142 00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:45,373 If the wallet chain fits. 143 00:05:45,441 --> 00:05:47,073 I'm just trying to help you find yourself. 144 00:05:47,141 --> 00:05:50,006 At least he doesn't think that Shirley's my mom anymore. 145 00:05:50,074 --> 00:05:51,139 He thinks that we're cousins. 146 00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:52,338 You're not? 147 00:05:52,406 --> 00:05:53,605 He still assumes I'm a terrorist. 148 00:05:53,673 --> 00:05:55,005 If you're not, I'm sorry. 149 00:05:55,073 --> 00:05:56,505 And if you are, I'm a hero. 150 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,338 I'm willing to take that chance. 151 00:05:58,406 --> 00:06:00,405 You said I have a crafty, Jew brain. 152 00:06:00,474 --> 00:06:02,172 Nobody knows how to take a compliment anymore. 153 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,338 Look, either he leaves the group, 154 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,472 Or I do. 155 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,472 You just dug your own grave. 156 00:06:23,406 --> 00:06:26,006 Hey. What's up? 157 00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:27,738 They kicked me out of the group. 158 00:06:27,806 --> 00:06:29,838 Damn. Want to buy some cookies? 159 00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:33,638 Ten bucks a box. 160 00:06:34,972 --> 00:06:36,738 Have you seen a Chinese kid? 161 00:06:42,538 --> 00:06:44,038 Twerps. 162 00:06:48,566 --> 00:06:51,499 Oh, hey, Pierce. How's it going? 163 00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:54,033 - Unrepentant child. - Such a child. 164 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,466 Ooh, here comes stinky turd face. 165 00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:58,466 Remember, we don't stop till he's crying. 166 00:06:58,534 --> 00:07:00,499 - Oh, check out franken-mom. 167 00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,666 Ooh, use that. No wedding ring. 168 00:07:02,734 --> 00:07:04,000 He's a child of divorce. 169 00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:07,499 We can make fun of him for coming from a broken home. 170 00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:09,198 I don't care if this gets dirty. 171 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:10,832 He asked for it. 172 00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:11,966 You're right. 173 00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:14,398 Get ready to meet Jeff Winger, esquire, 174 00:07:14,465 --> 00:07:17,431 Attorney at "ah, snap." 175 00:07:17,499 --> 00:07:19,130 It'll be better than that. 176 00:07:19,198 --> 00:07:21,865 Hey, clearasil, 177 00:07:21,932 --> 00:07:23,564 What time your mommy's picking you up? 178 00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:24,965 After she's done shooting 179 00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:27,664 The real housewives of Greendale county? 180 00:07:27,732 --> 00:07:28,965 "after she's done shooting 181 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:30,932 The real housewives of Greendale county." 182 00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:32,364 Duh! 183 00:07:32,432 --> 00:07:34,098 That's a clever retort. 184 00:07:34,165 --> 00:07:35,765 "that's a clever retort." duh. 185 00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:38,165 - Brilliant. - "Brilliant." duh. 186 00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:39,598 Your parents are divorced. 187 00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:42,065 Oh, "your parents are divorced." 188 00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:43,165 Duh! 189 00:07:43,232 --> 00:07:45,598 Duh! 190 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,165 Schmitty. 191 00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:48,165 Forget it. Come on. 192 00:07:48,232 --> 00:07:50,165 Come on. Forget that... 193 00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:51,932 - Duh! - Where you going, Schmitty? 194 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,631 - Duh! - I'm sorry, little Schmitty. 195 00:07:54,699 --> 00:07:57,631 - Mimicry is the lowest form— - Stop talking. 196 00:07:58,865 --> 00:08:00,030 Stop talking. Duh! 197 00:08:03,498 --> 00:08:05,797 Hey, you two. 198 00:08:05,864 --> 00:08:07,029 What is that? 199 00:08:07,097 --> 00:08:08,597 Billy. City college's mascot. 200 00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:11,030 Stealing a rival school's mascot was part of Abed's list. 201 00:08:11,098 --> 00:08:12,631 - Check. - Bringing a goat 202 00:08:12,699 --> 00:08:14,764 To our study group— that's a great idea, Troy. 203 00:08:14,832 --> 00:08:17,197 Thanks. Must have been hard for you to say that. 204 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,064 It's called sarcasm, Troy. 205 00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,064 Ask the goat to explain it to you. 206 00:08:23,098 --> 00:08:24,497 Why do I feel like I'm being dissed? 207 00:08:24,565 --> 00:08:26,130 Because you are being dissed. 208 00:08:26,198 --> 00:08:27,497 Why are you two dissing Troy? 209 00:08:27,565 --> 00:08:28,798 Because they no longer have Pierce. 210 00:08:28,865 --> 00:08:30,631 What? 211 00:08:30,699 --> 00:08:32,364 Pierce's universally recognized social flaws 212 00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:34,364 Made him the scapegoat, a lightning rod. 213 00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:36,130 Now he's gone, so there's lightning everywhere. 214 00:08:36,198 --> 00:08:37,364 That sounds dangerous. 215 00:08:37,431 --> 00:08:38,731 My Uncle was struck by lightning. 216 00:08:38,798 --> 00:08:40,197 You think it'd give you superpowers, 217 00:08:40,265 --> 00:08:42,131 But now he just masturbates in theaters. 218 00:08:42,198 --> 00:08:43,198 It's very dangerous. 219 00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:44,565 We've lost our Cliff Clavin. 220 00:08:44,633 --> 00:08:46,965 Our George Costanza. Our turtle. 221 00:08:47,032 --> 00:08:49,198 Or Johnny drama. Or e. 222 00:08:49,265 --> 00:08:51,866 Man, that show is sloppy. So what's gonna happen? 223 00:08:51,933 --> 00:08:53,198 It's only a matter of time before one of us 224 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,933 Takes Pierce's place. 225 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,533 Well, I sure as hell am not gonna be the new Pierce. 226 00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:03,633 And if all we need is an escape-goat, 227 00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:05,633 I think we should just let this one go. 228 00:09:05,701 --> 00:09:07,666 Sometimes you've got to be pretending, Troy. 229 00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,032 Maybe the new Pierce is Britta. 230 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,432 Yeah, right. 231 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:11,765 How do you pronounce bagel again? 232 00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:14,865 - Bah-gel. - She calls bagels bah-gels. 233 00:09:14,933 --> 00:09:17,197 We do make fun of a lot of what you do and say. 234 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,097 Yeah. Right to my face, 235 00:09:19,164 --> 00:09:21,864 'cause I can take it, unlike a certain someone else. 236 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,832 Come on, everybody, let's not make fun of Annie. 237 00:09:27,899 --> 00:09:29,998 No, no, I don't want anybody's pity. 238 00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:31,432 You know, come to think of it, after Pierce, 239 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,799 You're the most bigoted. What? 240 00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:33,866 Mm. 241 00:09:33,934 --> 00:09:34,866 When you found out I was Jewish, 242 00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:36,132 You invited me to a pool party 243 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,499 That turned out to be a baptism. 244 00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:39,533 Well, excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven. 245 00:09:39,601 --> 00:09:41,700 Ooh, what about abed? Abed's weird. 246 00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:45,032 No, it's not abed. 247 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,633 He's all right. We like abed. 248 00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:48,266 Guys, have you considered 249 00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:50,833 The new Pierce concept is stupid? 250 00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:53,499 Spoken like the new Pierce. 251 00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,932 - You're right. - I am not the new Pierce. 252 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,166 You said the world wide Web. 253 00:09:58,233 --> 00:10:00,299 Damn the old Pierce. Oh, he makes me so mad. 254 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,965 - You're Pierce's cousin. - Don't double Pierce me. 255 00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:03,098 And you're the triple Pierce. 256 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:04,964 - That's so unfair. - Guys, guys. 257 00:10:05,032 --> 00:10:07,332 I can't believe I'm gonna utter these words, 258 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:10,296 But we need Pierce in this group. 259 00:10:10,364 --> 00:10:12,264 But we can't ask Shirley to let him back in. 260 00:10:12,332 --> 00:10:14,464 That would be so insensitive. 261 00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:16,264 Well, maybe he'll admit he's wrong... 262 00:10:16,331 --> 00:10:20,497 Two, three, four. Uh, not! 263 00:10:24,065 --> 00:10:25,931 We need Pierce. 264 00:10:25,999 --> 00:10:28,599 Just stick to the script and make it sincere. 265 00:10:28,666 --> 00:10:29,732 It's not gonna be sincere 266 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,266 Because I'm pretending to apologize. 267 00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:32,533 Okay, but you're not getting back in the group 268 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,833 Unless she thinks you're sincere. 269 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,599 Stubborn fool. 270 00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:37,499 Can we hurry this up? 271 00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:39,199 Troy and I are pledging the cool fraternity, 272 00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,032 And unbeknownst to us, we're actually the target of ridicule 273 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,532 And don't have a chance in hell of getting in. 274 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,733 Yeah. They're making us walk around 275 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,265 With pretzels in our butts. 276 00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:47,265 I put mustard on mine like an idiot. 277 00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:50,432 Okay, Pierce, you can do this. 278 00:10:50,499 --> 00:10:53,498 Oh, boy. 279 00:11:00,998 --> 00:11:02,765 What's he... 280 00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,864 Yup. 281 00:11:09,932 --> 00:11:11,131 Shirley, I know you don't want to hear 282 00:11:11,199 --> 00:11:13,198 What I have to say, 283 00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:14,533 But I owe you this. 284 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,032 From the moment we first met, 285 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,100 I knew you were gonna be— - Seriously! 286 00:11:20,435 --> 00:11:24,000 Oh, Shirley! 287 00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:26,100 You are unbelievable! 288 00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:27,900 I'm not wearing my contacts. These are mine. 289 00:11:27,968 --> 00:11:29,734 Give them to me. Oh, but I'm a bag guy. 290 00:11:29,802 --> 00:11:31,701 You even have the same bag, so I thought, you know... 291 00:11:31,769 --> 00:11:33,500 That's right, 'cause nothing is ever your fault. 292 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,567 You know what, screw you. 293 00:11:34,635 --> 00:11:35,601 I don't even owe you an apology. 294 00:11:35,668 --> 00:11:37,234 They wrote this. 295 00:11:39,902 --> 00:11:41,568 Just pretend like you asleep. 296 00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:42,802 Just pretend like you asleep. 297 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,502 Thank you! 298 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:45,702 Now I fully understand 299 00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:47,636 Where I have always stood. 300 00:11:47,704 --> 00:11:48,969 I'm entitled to my pride 301 00:11:49,036 --> 00:11:50,703 Until it gets in the way of what you guys want. 302 00:11:52,203 --> 00:11:53,569 Got nothing to say? 303 00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:54,902 Well, I do. 304 00:11:54,970 --> 00:11:56,336 I'm out of the group. 305 00:11:56,404 --> 00:11:58,470 - What—Shirley! - Shirley! 306 00:11:58,538 --> 00:11:59,803 Oh, Shirley, don't go. Please. 307 00:11:59,871 --> 00:12:03,571 - Uh-oh, sassy, black Schmitty's out of the group. 308 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,337 Oh, no. Not the group. 309 00:12:05,405 --> 00:12:07,670 Poor, sad, little Schmitties. 310 00:12:07,738 --> 00:12:11,136 Can't all of us little Schmitties get along? 311 00:12:11,204 --> 00:12:12,235 Show me! Would you please hurry up? 312 00:12:12,303 --> 00:12:13,435 I am late for my bikini wax. 313 00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:14,702 Hurry, please. Who was that? 314 00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:17,102 - A punk-ass who needs to be destroyed. 315 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:18,801 And I just figured out how. 316 00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:21,235 Um, can we focus on what's important here? 317 00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:22,768 Shirley thinks we don't care about her. 318 00:12:22,835 --> 00:12:24,834 No, no, you're right. You're right. 319 00:12:24,902 --> 00:12:26,301 You're right. That's totally more important. 320 00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:27,934 I just—I just thought of one thing. 321 00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:29,501 You need to bang that kid's mom. 322 00:12:29,569 --> 00:12:32,469 Um, after we fix everything with Shirley. 323 00:12:32,536 --> 00:12:33,736 Whoa! 324 00:12:33,802 --> 00:12:35,269 Yes, yes, yes, we'll deal with Shirley, 325 00:12:35,336 --> 00:12:36,535 But that's brilliant! I know. 326 00:12:36,603 --> 00:12:38,468 Because then anything that he says about you... 327 00:12:38,536 --> 00:12:40,434 He'll be saying to a dude that banged his mom! 328 00:12:40,502 --> 00:12:41,934 Oh, my God, you guys. 329 00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:43,833 - Sorry. Shirley. - Shirley. 330 00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:45,734 - Okay. - Yes! 331 00:13:05,427 --> 00:13:06,660 All right, bye, everybody. 332 00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:08,426 Have a great day. 333 00:13:08,494 --> 00:13:09,627 Be right here at 3:00, please. 334 00:13:09,695 --> 00:13:13,160 I'm in a hurry. 335 00:13:13,228 --> 00:13:16,193 Excuse me. 336 00:13:16,261 --> 00:13:17,294 Sorry to bother you. 337 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:18,494 You don't happen to have 338 00:13:18,562 --> 00:13:20,127 An extra bottle of sports drink, do you? 339 00:13:20,645 --> 00:13:22,010 Actually, I do. 340 00:13:22,077 --> 00:13:23,809 Here you go. Oh, thanks. 341 00:13:23,877 --> 00:13:25,410 Gotta hydrate, right? 342 00:13:25,478 --> 00:13:27,610 But obviously you know. You work out. 343 00:13:27,678 --> 00:13:30,176 Well, I try to keep things where they should be. 344 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,577 I think I might be where should I be. 345 00:13:36,678 --> 00:13:38,842 I don't know about your robot, abed. 346 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:40,076 Boobatron's great. 347 00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:41,476 And once someone spills bong water 348 00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:42,976 On his circuitry and he comes alive, 349 00:13:43,044 --> 00:13:44,409 He's gonna make us the coolest guys on campus 350 00:13:44,477 --> 00:13:45,510 And help us get babes. 351 00:13:45,578 --> 00:13:47,076 Those are real babes 352 00:13:47,144 --> 00:13:49,110 Who will really laugh at us. 353 00:13:49,178 --> 00:13:51,943 Hey. You're my friend, right? 354 00:13:52,010 --> 00:13:53,276 Friends are supposed to help each other, 355 00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:54,676 No matter what! 356 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,176 Okay. 357 00:13:58,243 --> 00:14:00,577 Ridiculous situation descending into heavy-handed drama 358 00:14:00,644 --> 00:14:02,043 For the illusion of story. 359 00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:04,742 Ch-ch-ch-ch. Check. 360 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,243 What? That was awesome. 361 00:14:07,311 --> 00:14:08,644 All right, I am back in. 362 00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:10,043 Cool. 363 00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:12,076 All right, here we go. 364 00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:18,542 Just so you know, I'm Shirley. 365 00:14:18,610 --> 00:14:19,841 Wouldn't want you reaching for me 366 00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:23,841 Should you get a hankering for pancakes. 367 00:14:23,909 --> 00:14:26,308 I'm old, and I do not see well. 368 00:14:26,376 --> 00:14:27,475 And you already won, so shut it. 369 00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:28,875 I won? Oh, no. 370 00:14:28,943 --> 00:14:30,142 They want you in the group, and I quit, 371 00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:31,276 So you go ahead and hang with them. 372 00:14:31,344 --> 00:14:33,042 No, thanks. 373 00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:34,909 I'm sick of the way that group treats me. 374 00:14:34,976 --> 00:14:35,975 Preaching to the choir. 375 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:38,241 - Tell you what I'm not gonna miss— 376 00:14:38,309 --> 00:14:39,841 Abed and Troy's silly little games. 377 00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:41,608 Grow up, already. 378 00:14:41,675 --> 00:14:43,041 And by the way, 379 00:14:43,109 --> 00:14:44,108 Thanks for including me. 380 00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:45,241 Please, you think Annie and Britta 381 00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:46,341 Invite me when they take 382 00:14:46,409 --> 00:14:47,609 Those little weekend trips to the mall? 383 00:14:47,675 --> 00:14:49,975 They just think of me as some sort of mom. 384 00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:51,341 They both need to learn some manners, 385 00:14:51,409 --> 00:14:52,975 And, you know what, Annie needs to stop dating Vaughn. 386 00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:54,575 He is cute, but he is not the kind of boy 387 00:14:54,642 --> 00:14:55,674 I envisioned her ending up with. 388 00:14:55,742 --> 00:14:57,174 No matter how hard you try, 389 00:14:57,242 --> 00:14:59,442 You can never be as cool or funny as they are. 390 00:14:59,509 --> 00:15:03,075 It's called respect, and no one ever gave me diddly. 391 00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:05,409 Except me. 392 00:15:05,477 --> 00:15:07,576 I respect you more than anyone else in the group. 393 00:15:07,643 --> 00:15:09,608 Which is why you pantsed me? 394 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:13,243 Well, but, you see, that wasn't wrong. 395 00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:14,443 Oh, for heaven's sakes, 396 00:15:14,511 --> 00:15:17,477 You are such a arrogant, self-righteous ass. 397 00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:19,177 And you are a strong, dignified woman 398 00:15:19,244 --> 00:15:21,110 Who's raising a family, a bigger accomplishment 399 00:15:21,178 --> 00:15:23,110 Than anybody else in that room. 400 00:15:23,178 --> 00:15:24,444 And nobody can ever strip you of that, 401 00:15:24,511 --> 00:15:26,077 Not even me. 402 00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:28,642 - You really believe that? - Yes. 403 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,176 And that's why you think pantsing me wasn't wrong? 404 00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:32,609 It wasn't. 405 00:15:35,343 --> 00:15:38,208 Hmm. 406 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:44,074 What are you doing? 407 00:15:44,142 --> 00:15:45,574 Did I misread that? 408 00:15:49,243 --> 00:15:51,175 Oh, here, let me just do that. 409 00:15:51,243 --> 00:15:53,075 You sure you don't want some vodka? 410 00:15:53,143 --> 00:15:54,375 Oh, I'm good. I'm good. 411 00:15:54,443 --> 00:15:55,642 I'm at school. 412 00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:57,209 At 2:00 P.M. 413 00:15:57,277 --> 00:16:00,377 Did someone just take a Schmitty? 414 00:16:00,445 --> 00:16:03,776 Hey. Looks like you'll be calling somebody daddy soon. 415 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:08,276 Or at least your mom will be tonight. 416 00:16:16,877 --> 00:16:19,609 - Dude, you are so pathetic. - Mark? 417 00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:21,510 Mom, I've been pwning this loser all week, 418 00:16:21,577 --> 00:16:23,609 And he thinks that he can get back at me through you. 419 00:16:23,677 --> 00:16:25,310 What? Pwning? 420 00:16:25,377 --> 00:16:26,443 Pwning. 421 00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:28,043 Do you even know what it means? 422 00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:30,675 Oh, I see what's going on here. 423 00:16:30,743 --> 00:16:33,042 Look, I don't want to come between a son 424 00:16:33,109 --> 00:16:35,941 And his beautiful, vivacious mom. 425 00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:38,640 Oh, my God, you are pathetic. 426 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:40,840 Yeah. So's the dumb whore who's in on it. 427 00:16:40,908 --> 00:16:42,607 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 428 00:16:42,674 --> 00:16:43,807 I gotta tell you, Chantel, 429 00:16:43,875 --> 00:16:48,108 You have raised a terrible human being. 430 00:16:48,176 --> 00:16:49,308 We're better than this. 431 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,842 No, you're not! 432 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,776 I raised a winner who will continue to crush 433 00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:56,310 Junior college losers like you. 434 00:16:56,378 --> 00:16:59,344 Ooh! Schmitty! 435 00:16:59,412 --> 00:17:01,877 I'm sorry. This is a matter of pride. 436 00:17:05,145 --> 00:17:06,477 What are you looking at? 437 00:17:06,544 --> 00:17:09,743 "what are you looking at?" duh! 438 00:17:13,911 --> 00:17:18,177 "what are you looking at? Duh!" duh! 439 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,777 School his ass, mark. 440 00:17:19,845 --> 00:17:23,344 "school his ass, mark." duh! 441 00:17:23,412 --> 00:17:25,643 Duh. 442 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,810 Duh. Duh. Duh. 443 00:17:26,877 --> 00:17:29,144 - Duh! D-d-duh! Duh! 444 00:17:43,477 --> 00:17:44,543 Why are Jeff and Britta 445 00:17:44,611 --> 00:17:46,010 Making fun of those handicapped kids? 446 00:17:46,078 --> 00:17:48,576 They don't even realize how much they need us. 447 00:18:10,912 --> 00:18:12,278 Why are they doing this? 448 00:18:12,346 --> 00:18:13,611 I don't know if you've noticed, 449 00:18:13,678 --> 00:18:15,044 But Jeff and Britta have the two most fragile egos 450 00:18:15,112 --> 00:18:16,345 Of the group. 451 00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:19,145 These kids will pretty much destroy them. 452 00:18:26,679 --> 00:18:29,511 Hey! 453 00:18:29,579 --> 00:18:31,079 - What are you doing? - What the hell? 454 00:18:31,146 --> 00:18:33,079 Hey, you didn't say duh! 455 00:18:33,147 --> 00:18:35,012 - We win. - No. 456 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,512 You're the Schmitties. 457 00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,545 No, no, we're minors. 458 00:18:38,613 --> 00:18:40,012 - Yeah. - I'm calling the cops. 459 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,879 No, you're not. 460 00:18:41,947 --> 00:18:44,679 You have already embarrassed me by getting pwned. 461 00:18:44,746 --> 00:18:47,679 Don't be such a girl. Go. 462 00:18:47,746 --> 00:18:49,679 - Yeah. See that. - Yes. Suck it! 463 00:18:49,746 --> 00:18:51,012 - Duh. Yeah. - Schmitty face! 464 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,778 And we showed you, high schoolers! 465 00:18:52,846 --> 00:18:56,778 Congratulations on your victory. 466 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,711 Thank you, Annie. 467 00:18:58,778 --> 00:19:00,111 Yeah, thank you. 468 00:19:00,179 --> 00:19:01,278 And thanks, you guys. 469 00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:02,311 Any time. 470 00:19:02,378 --> 00:19:04,111 Look, Pierce and I are considering 471 00:19:04,178 --> 00:19:06,743 Rejoining the group, and maybe we can all be 472 00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:07,810 A little more mature. 473 00:19:07,878 --> 00:19:09,310 I hear that. 474 00:19:09,377 --> 00:19:11,143 Abed, I've had enough of this list. 475 00:19:11,211 --> 00:19:12,542 Doing this stuff isn't fun. 476 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,909 It just feels forced. 477 00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:16,342 Fine. I'll deactivate boobatron. 478 00:19:16,409 --> 00:19:17,775 But trust me, classic college experiences 479 00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:20,175 Never happen organically. 480 00:19:26,909 --> 00:19:28,275 Food fight! 481 00:19:28,342 --> 00:19:29,474 Oh, no! 482 00:20:26,271 --> 00:20:28,602 Are you sure it's the name of my grade school 483 00:20:28,670 --> 00:20:30,636 And my favorite soft drink? Yup. Pretty sure. 484 00:20:31,203 --> 00:20:32,871 George Washington lemon fresca. 485 00:20:33,938 --> 00:20:35,103 That's a horrible porn name. 486 00:20:35,171 --> 00:20:36,270 I don't make the rules. 487 00:20:36,337 --> 00:20:37,370 What's yours? 488 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,837 Henry David Thoreau diet squirt. 489 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:39,971 Oh, that's good. 490 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,071 Hello, Henry David Thoreau diet squirt. 491 00:20:42,139 --> 00:20:43,471 How many pornos have you been in? 492 00:20:43,538 --> 00:20:46,005 6,012. How many pornos have you been in, 493 00:20:46,073 --> 00:20:47,338 George Washington lemon fresca? 494 00:20:47,406 --> 00:20:49,139 2,019. It's my first week. 495 00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,471 Impressive. 496 00:20:50,539 --> 00:20:51,438 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 497 00:20:54,773 --> 00:20:57,806 Someone here order a pizza? 498 00:20:57,873 --> 00:20:59,239 Is it you guys? 499 00:20:59,306 --> 00:21:00,839 It has extra sausage. 500 00:21:00,907 --> 00:21:03,839 - No. - It's big and hot. 501 00:21:03,907 --> 00:21:05,405 That's my pizza. 502 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,272 But you took longer than 30 minutes, 503 00:21:07,340 --> 00:21:10,105 So I'm not paying. 504 00:21:10,106 --> 00:21:13,602 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 505 00:21:13,701 --> 00:21:16,233 Downloaded from www.bierdopje.com