1 00:00:03,934 --> 00:00:05,536 Oh, what are you guys doing together, 2 00:00:05,537 --> 00:00:07,058 Just the two of you? We're gonna raise money 3 00:00:07,059 --> 00:00:08,652 On the quad to help with the oil spill. 4 00:00:08,653 --> 00:00:11,581 We're making this display to show how serious the problem is. 5 00:00:11,582 --> 00:00:13,803 Oh, yeah. Each drop represents 6 00:00:13,804 --> 00:00:16,558 10,000 gallons of oil. 7 00:00:18,439 --> 00:00:19,951 Ooh! Oh... 8 00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:21,943 I'm so glad this tragedy overshadowed haiti. 9 00:00:21,944 --> 00:00:23,111 I didn't have any ideas for that. 10 00:00:23,112 --> 00:00:24,919 Yay to having fun in pairs! 11 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,545 What up, party people? 12 00:00:26,546 --> 00:00:28,056 Oh, you got a band-aid on your arm. 13 00:00:28,057 --> 00:00:29,244 You should be more careful shaving. 14 00:00:29,245 --> 00:00:31,839 I wax, dummy. This is from a blood test. 15 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,482 Oh, no... I knew it. 16 00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:34,742 Things are going too well for you. 17 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,660 Oh, no, no. Just a physical. 18 00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:38,658 Even a ferrari needs a tune-up. 19 00:00:39,115 --> 00:00:40,420 You guys moonshiners now? 20 00:00:40,421 --> 00:00:42,051 No, just the two of them. 21 00:00:42,052 --> 00:00:43,710 We're raising money for the oil spill. 22 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,017 Did you even know there was one? 23 00:00:45,018 --> 00:00:47,396 Uh, yeah, I have the aol home page bookmarked. 24 00:00:47,397 --> 00:00:48,886 Did you even know about the ostrich 25 00:00:48,887 --> 00:00:50,349 That raised the tiger cub? 26 00:00:52,781 --> 00:00:55,285 - Troy, what's wrong? - I just saw a dead body. 27 00:00:55,933 --> 00:00:57,871 I told you not to use the east stairwell. 28 00:00:57,872 --> 00:00:59,574 My pastor said it's meth season. 29 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,500 You know I'm living with Pierce now, so... 30 00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:03,848 This morning I went to do laundry in the garage, 31 00:01:03,849 --> 00:01:06,314 And I found his mom... dead. 32 00:01:06,315 --> 00:01:08,932 - oh! - Troy, that's terrible! 33 00:01:08,933 --> 00:01:11,376 Well, she had been in bad shape for a while. 34 00:01:11,727 --> 00:01:14,440 So I guess she crawled out there to die like a cat. 35 00:01:16,215 --> 00:01:18,082 I've never been that close to a dead body before. 36 00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:19,677 - oh! - Oh, pumpkin! 37 00:01:20,673 --> 00:01:22,541 She was so cold and gray. 38 00:01:23,573 --> 00:01:24,848 I saw her underwear! 39 00:01:34,918 --> 00:01:37,086 Jeez... who died? 40 00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:40,121 Pierce, we're so sorry to hear about your mom. 41 00:01:40,122 --> 00:01:41,554 - why? - Losing a loved one 42 00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:43,091 Is always difficult. 43 00:01:43,092 --> 00:01:45,377 What? My mom isn't dead. 44 00:01:45,378 --> 00:01:46,811 But when Troy found her, he said that... 45 00:01:46,812 --> 00:01:49,223 well, her heart, lungs, kidneys, and brain 46 00:01:49,224 --> 00:01:50,311 Stopped working. 47 00:01:50,312 --> 00:01:52,794 And another way of saying that would be... 48 00:01:52,795 --> 00:01:54,443 she's used up her organic body. 49 00:01:54,444 --> 00:01:57,639 By... dying in it. 50 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,332 Wrong. She's alive. 51 00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:03,336 Mom was a part of my buddhist church. 52 00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:06,120 She's a level five laser lotus, same as me. 53 00:02:06,121 --> 00:02:08,391 When a level five's body stops functioning, 54 00:02:08,392 --> 00:02:10,680 It's vaporized in the temple of renewal 55 00:02:10,681 --> 00:02:13,091 And stored in an energon pod. 56 00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:15,742 In a few years, when our technology advances, 57 00:02:15,743 --> 00:02:17,199 They'll extract her body vapors 58 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,994 And recondense it to a solid state. 59 00:02:18,995 --> 00:02:20,059 And before you know it, 60 00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:23,666 Mom'll be back in the kitchen making Troy and me sandwiches. 61 00:02:24,867 --> 00:02:25,762 Ha. 62 00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,869 Pumpkin! It's okay! 63 00:02:34,712 --> 00:02:37,014 Did you guys hear about that turtle in china? 64 00:02:37,621 --> 00:02:39,225 Two packs a day. 65 00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:46,562 Give me the hope to run out of steam 66 00:02:46,641 --> 00:02:49,960 Somebody said we could be here 67 00:02:50,021 --> 00:02:54,069 We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year 68 00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:58,212 I can't count the reasons I should stay 69 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:03,572 One by one they all just fade away 70 00:03:03,993 --> 00:03:08,013 Sync by YYeTs.net 71 00:03:10,997 --> 00:03:12,715 look, if you guys just let me get to the can opener, 72 00:03:12,716 --> 00:03:13,764 I can feed you. 73 00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:15,093 We have to do something about Pierce. 74 00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:17,190 He really thinks his mom isn't dead. 75 00:03:17,361 --> 00:03:19,112 He's gone crazy. 76 00:03:19,289 --> 00:03:20,143 - ... er? 77 00:03:20,144 --> 00:03:22,396 He won't even let us have a memorial service. 78 00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:24,249 I was halfway done with the collage. 79 00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:25,922 He hasn't cried yet, and from what I've been told, 80 00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:28,379 That's not normal. Who's normal, Abed? 81 00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:30,399 Well, baptists are, but that's beside the point. 82 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,735 Everybody has some sort of service for the departed... 83 00:03:32,736 --> 00:03:35,167 Eskimos, witch doctors, jewish people. 84 00:03:35,168 --> 00:03:36,446 Oh, cool. We made the list. 85 00:03:36,447 --> 00:03:39,134 The point being, death needs to be coped with, 86 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,245 Not ignored, otherwise, why did mankind 87 00:03:41,246 --> 00:03:42,930 Concoct all these religions? 88 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,963 - you wanna rephrase that? - Oh, I'm sorry... humankind. 89 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,058 You think you're real smart, don't you? 90 00:03:47,059 --> 00:03:49,429 Guys, guys, guys. Did we learn nothing 91 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,666 From last christmas? 92 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,973 I don't see much difference between Pierce's religion 93 00:03:52,974 --> 00:03:54,129 And anybody else's. 94 00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:55,127 Well, then you're not listening, 95 00:03:55,128 --> 00:03:56,682 Because his has lasers. 96 00:03:56,683 --> 00:03:59,489 Look, you guys make fun of me for not caring about religion, 97 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,882 But at least I'm dedicated enough to not caring 98 00:04:01,883 --> 00:04:04,202 To let you have your own beliefs. 99 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,704 Can't Pierce have his? 100 00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:09,026 Can't you be cool like me? 101 00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:11,597 Hello? 102 00:04:11,905 --> 00:04:14,015 He ends so many of his speeches that way. 103 00:04:15,309 --> 00:04:17,861 - morning, guys. - Morning, Pierce. 104 00:04:18,177 --> 00:04:20,068 How's mom? - terrific. 105 00:04:20,069 --> 00:04:22,209 Her body's being vaporized as we speak. 106 00:04:22,266 --> 00:04:23,765 What does that feel like? 107 00:04:23,766 --> 00:04:25,270 They say it's the greatest feeling ever. 108 00:04:25,271 --> 00:04:28,475 Like the second when the fudge on your sunday is still hot 109 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:31,480 Or when you're the first one to break in a new boob job. 110 00:04:31,481 --> 00:04:34,196 Also, you're free from the burden of your earthly body. 111 00:04:34,197 --> 00:04:35,255 It is a burden. 112 00:04:35,256 --> 00:04:38,255 Greetings, class! I am dr. Ian duncan. 113 00:04:38,256 --> 00:04:41,048 Now, I don't normally teach anthropology, 114 00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:44,383 But apparently professor bauer tried to strangle mr. Winger 115 00:04:44,489 --> 00:04:46,890 And has been put on administrative leave with pay. 116 00:04:46,891 --> 00:04:51,261 So... what is anthropology? 117 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,004 Seriously, does anyone know? 118 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:59,673 - you, in the boobs. - It's the study of humanity. 119 00:04:59,778 --> 00:05:00,706 Wow! 120 00:05:01,359 --> 00:05:03,966 Wow. I thought psychology was a racket. 121 00:05:04,947 --> 00:05:06,346 Well, well. 122 00:05:07,409 --> 00:05:09,745 I heard there was a drunk limey 123 00:05:09,746 --> 00:05:10,964 Teachin' this class. 124 00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:12,992 I'm not actually drunk, and I can prove it. 125 00:05:12,993 --> 00:05:15,462 I blew beneath the legal limit just this morning. 126 00:05:15,463 --> 00:05:16,504 That's reassuring. 127 00:05:16,505 --> 00:05:18,469 Also, I would like everyone here to know 128 00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:21,249 That this man assaulted me last year. 129 00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,221 And I have a restraining order 130 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:26,083 So I can have him expelled if he comes within... 131 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:27,662 25... 132 00:05:27,733 --> 00:05:28,775 feet. 133 00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:30,828 - Abed. - Yep. 134 00:05:41,744 --> 00:05:43,856 Proceed, dr. Teeth. 135 00:05:44,155 --> 00:05:48,778 It is the single largest disaster in recorded history. 136 00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:52,304 It is worse than 50 exxon valdez spills! 137 00:05:52,305 --> 00:05:54,080 You don't have to yell at us. 138 00:05:54,082 --> 00:05:56,754 Nobody is on the other side of this issue. 139 00:05:57,860 --> 00:06:00,316 And the pelicans are covered in oil. 140 00:06:00,317 --> 00:06:02,903 Everyone likes pelicans. They bring babies. 141 00:06:03,022 --> 00:06:05,240 - that's storks. - Oh, right. 142 00:06:05,253 --> 00:06:07,633 Well... we still like them! 143 00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:09,791 Yeah, we do. Um... 144 00:06:10,112 --> 00:06:11,344 I'm gonna give you... 145 00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:13,813 Another 20. - oh! 146 00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:16,047 Thank you so much! 147 00:06:19,288 --> 00:06:20,801 I'm here for my test results... 148 00:06:21,054 --> 00:06:22,774 If you haven't framed them yet. 149 00:06:23,273 --> 00:06:24,950 - Hi, gorgeous. - Jeff. 150 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,176 You have something very infectious. 151 00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:28,938 What? - charm! 152 00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:31,238 You got me, jackie. 153 00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:33,263 Seriously, everything looks great. 154 00:06:33,264 --> 00:06:34,772 You're an incredible specimen. 155 00:06:34,773 --> 00:06:37,126 Even your moles look like little hearts. 156 00:06:37,307 --> 00:06:38,571 The only thing I would suggest... 157 00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,241 Go see a doctor and get a prescription 158 00:06:40,242 --> 00:06:42,143 For cholesterol medication. 159 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,551 Your cholesterol's a little high. 160 00:06:45,552 --> 00:06:47,663 It's no big deal. Eat some egg whites. 161 00:06:47,664 --> 00:06:49,725 But I-I don't understand. 162 00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:52,482 Wait, did I accidentally tell you you have aids? 163 00:06:52,483 --> 00:06:53,604 'cause I've done that before. 164 00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:54,705 - it doesn't... I mean- - It doesn't... 165 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,335 I treat my body like a temple! 166 00:06:56,336 --> 00:06:58,382 Well, I can't be the first person to tell you 167 00:06:58,383 --> 00:07:00,455 That the temple doesn't last forever. 168 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,122 I mean, it's made of hamburger. 169 00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:04,391 This is a... this is a temple of doom. 170 00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:06,539 And you know what? Like the real temple of doom, 171 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:08,535 It represents the inconvenient fact 172 00:07:08,536 --> 00:07:09,820 That all good things... 173 00:07:09,821 --> 00:07:12,438 Be they people or movie franchises... 174 00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:15,546 Eventually collapse into sagging, sloppy, 175 00:07:15,547 --> 00:07:18,048 Rotten piles of hard to follow nonsense. 176 00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:19,751 I need to be alone. 177 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,640 Uh... you can do that by leaving. 178 00:07:29,259 --> 00:07:30,639 Whoo. Okay. 179 00:07:30,781 --> 00:07:31,891 Let's get goin'! 180 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,027 Those paps aren't gonna smear themselves. 181 00:07:34,962 --> 00:07:38,842 There is no god! 182 00:07:39,094 --> 00:07:41,467 Tell us how you really feel. Am I right? 183 00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:50,702 Morning, Jeff. 184 00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:51,990 Did you get the results of your blood test? 185 00:07:51,991 --> 00:07:54,008 - I'm fine. - I figured. 186 00:07:54,930 --> 00:07:56,641 Thank you for wising us up yesterday. 187 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,967 We were being judgmental about Pierce's religion. 188 00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:00,132 But the fact is, Jesus... 189 00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:02,231 the fact is, everyone's dying. 190 00:08:03,243 --> 00:08:04,552 And we all have these little notions 191 00:08:04,553 --> 00:08:05,681 That we're the exception, 192 00:08:05,682 --> 00:08:07,754 But we're as wrong as we are dead. 193 00:08:11,967 --> 00:08:13,095 That's nice. 194 00:08:16,189 --> 00:08:18,058 How's it going with the little side project 195 00:08:18,059 --> 00:08:19,864 That just the two of you are doing? 196 00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:22,963 It's great. I made $236, 197 00:08:22,964 --> 00:08:24,138 Plus Britta's makes... 198 00:08:24,139 --> 00:08:27,483 Well, all totaled, we're close to 250, right, Britta? 199 00:08:28,365 --> 00:08:30,184 Greendale cares about this issue. 200 00:08:30,185 --> 00:08:31,849 Yeah. I don't think that's it. 201 00:08:31,938 --> 00:08:33,697 - what do you mean? - Come on, annie. 202 00:08:33,698 --> 00:08:34,929 You know guys are giving you money 203 00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:37,629 Because of the whole sexy schoolgirl routine. 204 00:08:38,008 --> 00:08:39,948 - I have a routine? - Yeah. 205 00:08:39,949 --> 00:08:42,776 You know, the one where you use posture as an excuse 206 00:08:42,777 --> 00:08:44,003 To stick out your chest 207 00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:46,269 And you laugh at guys' unfunny jokes, 208 00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:47,398 Pretending not to know 209 00:08:47,399 --> 00:08:49,912 That they have a sock at home with your name on it. 210 00:08:50,703 --> 00:08:53,397 Um... that's me, 211 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:55,676 And if a guy wants to make a puppet of me, 212 00:08:55,677 --> 00:08:57,224 That's hardly your concern. 213 00:08:57,225 --> 00:08:59,091 Well, I just may be an outsider here 214 00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:01,072 Because I was never called to participate, 215 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,062 But it seems to me that Britta's upset 216 00:09:03,063 --> 00:09:05,582 Because she's raising less money than you. 217 00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:06,769 Yeah, I'm raising less money 218 00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:09,360 Because I'm not jump-starting date rapists. 219 00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:12,096 Bitter much? 220 00:09:12,097 --> 00:09:13,944 Say "Bitter much" Much? 221 00:09:13,945 --> 00:09:17,658 Say say "Bitter much much" Much? 222 00:09:21,837 --> 00:09:24,245 It's not my fault. I used to wear a back brace. 223 00:09:24,392 --> 00:09:25,382 That's why. 224 00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:28,374 What's with the lava lamp? 225 00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:32,238 It's not a lava lamp. It's my mom. 226 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,882 Ha ho ho! Snap! 227 00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:35,272 Wait... what? 228 00:09:35,273 --> 00:09:37,878 The temple finished vaporizing her. 229 00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,913 This is mom's energon pod. 230 00:09:40,624 --> 00:09:42,511 And that's her vapor in those little bubbles. 231 00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:44,231 I'm sure that thing was free, right? 232 00:09:44,232 --> 00:09:46,340 Energon doesn't grow on trees, Jeff. 233 00:09:46,341 --> 00:09:49,375 It's harvested by super bees in a buddhist meteor crater. 234 00:09:49,376 --> 00:09:50,998 Which is at the foot of mount sky mall 235 00:09:50,999 --> 00:09:52,598 In the sharper image valley? 236 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,950 Sorry, I overslept. 237 00:09:54,951 --> 00:09:57,730 The sidewalk is more comfortable than it looks. 238 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,862 Drunk. Glug, glug, glug. 239 00:09:59,863 --> 00:10:02,352 Shut up. So where did we get to yesterday? 240 00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:03,761 You are drunk and stupid. 241 00:10:03,762 --> 00:10:06,167 Actually, ben, I do have a wee big of a headache, 242 00:10:06,168 --> 00:10:07,394 So if you could just... 243 00:10:12,835 --> 00:10:14,890 Isn't that interesting? 244 00:10:14,891 --> 00:10:16,591 I have a right to be here, sir. 245 00:10:16,613 --> 00:10:17,870 Oh, you do, you do, 246 00:10:17,871 --> 00:10:21,484 And I do hope you have very good hearing. 247 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:24,447 Bastard! 248 00:10:26,343 --> 00:10:28,580 So, where did we get to yesterday? 249 00:10:28,581 --> 00:10:30,276 We were talking about humanity, 250 00:10:30,277 --> 00:10:33,972 Which starts with birth and ends with death. 251 00:10:33,973 --> 00:10:34,834 True. 252 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,509 All life ends in death, which we, as a species, 253 00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:40,647 Are cursed with knowing, resulting in... 254 00:10:42,029 --> 00:10:44,293 Something. 255 00:10:44,908 --> 00:10:47,738 Again, this is really not my field. 256 00:10:47,739 --> 00:10:49,579 Professor, what would you say 257 00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:51,284 Might be the difference between 258 00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:53,926 A religion and... A cult? 259 00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:56,137 Why don't we open that question to the floor, 260 00:10:56,138 --> 00:10:57,181 Since I don't know 261 00:10:57,182 --> 00:10:59,151 And the book for this class is expensive? 262 00:10:59,152 --> 00:11:01,820 Well, I would say a cult might, for instance, 263 00:11:01,821 --> 00:11:04,328 Sell you a tube of jell-o 264 00:11:04,515 --> 00:11:07,296 And tell you your mother is in it. 265 00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:09,617 - Jeffrey! - I see... are we thinly veiling 266 00:11:09,618 --> 00:11:11,587 A personal conflict and passing it off as a lesson? 267 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,227 'cause if so, please continue. 268 00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:16,316 Reformed neo-buddhism is not a cult! 269 00:11:16,317 --> 00:11:18,344 It is a new way of looking at the world, 270 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,984 Emphasizing empowerment. 271 00:11:20,176 --> 00:11:22,355 - like a video game? - Yes, Troy. 272 00:11:22,356 --> 00:11:23,756 Very much like a video game. 273 00:11:23,838 --> 00:11:25,868 You gain levels, and at a certain point, 274 00:11:25,869 --> 00:11:28,410 You actually can eat a ghost. 275 00:11:28,411 --> 00:11:30,284 What? I wanna eat a ghost! 276 00:11:30,285 --> 00:11:32,625 No. No, do not let him pollute your brain 277 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:33,735 With this crap, Troy. 278 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,633 - it's okay to ask questions. - I have a question. 279 00:11:36,634 --> 00:11:38,839 You said your mother went from a solid to a vapor. 280 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,774 Do people in your religion ever take liquid form, 281 00:11:40,775 --> 00:11:41,787 Like the creatures in the abyss 282 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:42,937 Or children's tylenol? 283 00:11:43,479 --> 00:11:44,430 That's a good question. 284 00:11:44,431 --> 00:11:46,995 Actually, when buddha returns, 285 00:11:46,996 --> 00:11:48,500 We all take liquid form 286 00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:52,013 And merge into a shimmering ocean of knowledge. 287 00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:55,573 Which, according to scripture, tastes like hawaiian punch. 288 00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:57,791 I do like hawaiian punch. 289 00:11:57,792 --> 00:11:58,805 Hey, if you're really curious, 290 00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:00,961 Come to my church's open hive tomorrow. 291 00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:04,081 You know, wine, beer, free credit checks. 292 00:12:04,082 --> 00:12:05,671 How much wine and beer per person? 293 00:12:05,672 --> 00:12:07,681 - oh, come on! - We're having a con... what? 294 00:12:07,682 --> 00:12:10,199 Excuse me. Is this anesthesiology? 295 00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:12,842 Yes. Yes, it is. 296 00:12:12,843 --> 00:12:14,012 Just go with this. 297 00:12:14,138 --> 00:12:16,743 It's really sad. Anything helps. 298 00:12:16,744 --> 00:12:18,740 So just anything you could give would be... 299 00:12:24,218 --> 00:12:25,250 hey! 300 00:12:25,251 --> 00:12:28,238 I like need you to save the pelicans. 301 00:12:28,239 --> 00:12:30,690 They're all feathery and pelicany. 302 00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:32,578 I wuv them. 303 00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:35,779 Thank you! 304 00:12:37,728 --> 00:12:40,481 Wow. It really is easy to raise money 305 00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:42,042 When you sell out your gender. 306 00:12:43,212 --> 00:12:44,509 I'm sure it's even easier 307 00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:46,363 When you're not standing next to this. 308 00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,693 Hey, jerk! You're stupid! 309 00:12:48,694 --> 00:12:50,330 Gimme money. I know more than you. 310 00:12:50,331 --> 00:12:52,300 Oh, I don't know anything. 311 00:12:52,301 --> 00:12:53,956 I need boys. 312 00:12:53,957 --> 00:12:56,411 Saving the planet makes my back hurt. 313 00:12:56,412 --> 00:12:58,454 Oh, I obviously don't need guys for anything. 314 00:12:58,455 --> 00:13:01,141 That's why I wear stripper boots during the day 315 00:13:01,142 --> 00:13:03,281 And eat only celery and mustard for lunch! 316 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:06,254 - oh, I never stop smiling. - I never start! 317 00:13:06,255 --> 00:13:08,190 My sweaters keep shrinking! 318 00:13:08,191 --> 00:13:11,972 I get up an hour early to ever-so-slightly curl my hair. 319 00:13:17,441 --> 00:13:19,549 Yeah, you're both so different. 320 00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:20,840 Skinny bitches. 321 00:13:20,861 --> 00:13:22,780 Hello, billionaire boys club. 322 00:13:23,739 --> 00:13:25,684 Mind if I ask what happened in class today? 323 00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:28,383 You pulled 40 minutes of anesthesiology out of your ass. 324 00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:29,552 Yeah, I did. 325 00:13:29,835 --> 00:13:32,272 But, uh, I meant your elderly friend. 326 00:13:34,345 --> 00:13:36,928 Do you know how many times I haven't eaten a donut? 327 00:13:36,929 --> 00:13:38,667 - I do not. - How much I got teased 328 00:13:38,668 --> 00:13:41,234 In grade school for dabbing my pizza with napkins? 329 00:13:41,799 --> 00:13:42,823 I've suffered. 330 00:13:43,227 --> 00:13:44,928 I've denied myself. - mm-hmm. 331 00:13:44,929 --> 00:13:47,164 Because the rules said if I did that, 332 00:13:47,165 --> 00:13:48,643 I would live longer. 333 00:13:48,644 --> 00:13:50,662 But then, halfway through the game, 334 00:13:50,828 --> 00:13:54,190 I get this little update that it doesn't matter what I do. 335 00:13:54,256 --> 00:13:55,865 I could eat powdered bran every day 336 00:13:55,866 --> 00:13:57,339 While you suck down figgy pudding, 337 00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,367 And I still might die first. 338 00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:02,792 It's unfair! I want my donuts back. 339 00:14:02,936 --> 00:14:06,450 Well, I think you're being a little childish, and... 340 00:14:07,489 --> 00:14:09,233 Hold on a sec. I need to use my force field 341 00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:10,844 To prevent chang from getting food. 342 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,439 Where were we? Look... 343 00:14:43,479 --> 00:14:46,258 The way I see it, while claiming to have no religion, 344 00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:48,997 You were actually devoutly worshipping yourself. 345 00:14:48,998 --> 00:14:51,599 And now that your god has high cholesterol, 346 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,285 You're trying to kick Pierce's in the balls. 347 00:14:57,050 --> 00:14:58,009 You're right. 348 00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:01,423 All I've been trying to do is crush Pierce's faith 349 00:15:01,424 --> 00:15:03,038 To feel better about dying. 350 00:15:03,039 --> 00:15:03,966 And... 351 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,986 and now that I realize that that was my goal... 352 00:15:05,987 --> 00:15:06,856 mm-hmm? 353 00:15:07,363 --> 00:15:09,667 I can really roll up my sleeves 354 00:15:09,668 --> 00:15:10,630 And get it done. 355 00:15:10,631 --> 00:15:11,909 - there it is. - Thank you! 356 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:12,894 You're welcome. 357 00:15:13,423 --> 00:15:16,595 No, that wasn't what I- actually, I don't care. 358 00:15:19,299 --> 00:15:21,083 He girls, guess who found buddha. 359 00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:22,111 - hey. - Hi. 360 00:15:22,687 --> 00:15:25,147 We're on our way to Pierce's buddhist open hive. 361 00:15:25,148 --> 00:15:27,182 But first I'm taking these fellows for ice cream 362 00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:29,892 As an apology for questioning Pierce's faith. 363 00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:32,631 Pierce says there's this 69th flavor I need to try. 364 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,918 I am excited. 365 00:15:34,282 --> 00:15:35,595 Hey, guys, my car's over there. 366 00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:36,639 Cool. 367 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,384 Guess what. 368 00:15:38,866 --> 00:15:40,604 I'm not actually taking them for ice cream. 369 00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:42,748 I am taking them to the county morgue 370 00:15:42,749 --> 00:15:44,970 Where I have confirmed that Pierce's mother's 371 00:15:44,971 --> 00:15:46,798 Very un-vaporized corpse 372 00:15:46,799 --> 00:15:49,179 Will be lying on a stainless steel slab 373 00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,333 For all to see. 374 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,904 Surprise! Welcome to reality. 375 00:15:52,905 --> 00:15:54,148 Welcome to death. 376 00:15:54,177 --> 00:15:55,582 - have fun. - Good luck. 377 00:15:56,025 --> 00:15:57,004 Wow. 378 00:15:57,281 --> 00:15:58,860 You guys are real downers. 379 00:15:58,895 --> 00:16:00,514 I can't believe I made out with both of you. 380 00:16:01,032 --> 00:16:01,938 Ugh. 381 00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,521 I'll check the basket. 382 00:16:05,242 --> 00:16:06,345 Sorry. 383 00:16:06,346 --> 00:16:08,129 I almost arched my back a little. 384 00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:09,446 I know you hate that. 385 00:16:09,447 --> 00:16:12,080 No, I should count it. Since I'm a calculating bitch. 386 00:16:12,081 --> 00:16:13,636 No, I should, since I'm the one 387 00:16:13,637 --> 00:16:15,319 Who's whoring out our gender! 388 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,078 Give that back to me. I'm gonna count it! 389 00:16:17,079 --> 00:16:18,858 Let go! - gimme that! 390 00:16:26,733 --> 00:16:28,290 Oh, yeah? Think this is funny? 391 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,294 You think it's funny? Get off of me! 392 00:16:30,295 --> 00:16:32,796 You little brat! - oh! 393 00:16:34,931 --> 00:16:35,963 I hate you! 394 00:16:36,681 --> 00:16:39,308 Now, this is why I came to america. 395 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,376 Maybe we should listen to some music. 396 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:43,651 No problem. 397 00:16:43,778 --> 00:16:45,761 I brought the jam book from the Pierce mobile. 398 00:16:45,762 --> 00:16:47,135 I could play some of the old stuff, 399 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,675 But you guys would make fun of me. 400 00:16:49,713 --> 00:16:50,493 So... 401 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:54,136 I'll throw ya... A bone and put in some loggins. 402 00:16:54,137 --> 00:16:55,840 This ice cream place is far. 403 00:16:55,904 --> 00:16:57,900 Trust me. It's worth it. 404 00:16:59,057 --> 00:17:00,130 What's this? 405 00:17:00,131 --> 00:17:01,635 This is mom's handwriting. 406 00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:04,101 Is that what you were doing in the garage, 407 00:17:04,102 --> 00:17:05,221 You silly goose? 408 00:17:05,222 --> 00:17:09,679 She spent her last moments alive making a cd? 409 00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:12,075 That's gangster! 410 00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:15,382 Pierce, you found the CD, 411 00:17:15,383 --> 00:17:17,797 Which means... I'm dead. 412 00:17:17,798 --> 00:17:18,524 Vaporized. 413 00:17:18,525 --> 00:17:22,003 I'm not vaporized. I'm gone, Pierce. 414 00:17:22,384 --> 00:17:24,157 Gone forever and... 415 00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,779 That's how I like it. 416 00:17:27,919 --> 00:17:31,881 Life is only worth a damn because it's short. 417 00:17:32,325 --> 00:17:35,785 It's designed to be consumed, used, 418 00:17:35,786 --> 00:17:39,246 spent, lived, felt. 419 00:17:39,247 --> 00:17:41,758 We're supposed to fill it with every mistake 420 00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:44,344 And miracle we can manage. 421 00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,589 And then we're supposed to let go. 422 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:51,830 I can't force you to do that for yourself, Pierce. 423 00:17:52,177 --> 00:17:55,464 But you can't force me to stay. 424 00:17:55,753 --> 00:17:59,196 And if you unscrew the top of that stupid thing, 425 00:17:59,197 --> 00:18:01,728 You'll see it was made in china. 426 00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:03,501 I love you, son. 427 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:05,510 Good-bye. 428 00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:08,589 I'll play myself out. 429 00:18:17,206 --> 00:18:18,195 Whew. 430 00:18:18,317 --> 00:18:19,696 Well, that proves one thing. 431 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,990 That woman was really losing her marbles 432 00:18:23,048 --> 00:18:24,200 Toward the end. 433 00:18:29,387 --> 00:18:32,575 You... seriously still think she's in there? 434 00:18:32,576 --> 00:18:33,669 Why wouldn't I? 435 00:18:37,436 --> 00:18:38,459 No reason. 436 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,741 So... where's this ice cream place? 437 00:18:44,742 --> 00:18:46,906 - yeah. - Oh... um... 438 00:18:47,098 --> 00:18:49,367 You know, the... I think I... 439 00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:51,086 Actually saw a better one back there. 440 00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:54,765 The place I was gonna take you was... kinda depressing. 441 00:18:57,277 --> 00:19:00,129 Oh, can we get a little more sawdust on that storm gutter? 442 00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,171 Thank you! 443 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,519 I'm sorry... - I'm sorry too. 444 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,210 I just got jealous of you. 445 00:19:07,211 --> 00:19:09,342 No, but you totally called me on what I was doing, 446 00:19:09,343 --> 00:19:11,575 And... I only kissed Jeff 447 00:19:11,576 --> 00:19:12,865 Because I wanted to see if I could do it 448 00:19:12,866 --> 00:19:15,083 Because I wanna be cool and sexy like you. 449 00:19:15,084 --> 00:19:16,564 I can't believe how gross I am. 450 00:19:16,565 --> 00:19:19,017 I only slept with Jeff because I hate myself, 451 00:19:19,018 --> 00:19:21,129 And that's why I got after you for raising money. 452 00:19:21,130 --> 00:19:22,613 I'm twice as gross. 453 00:19:22,614 --> 00:19:24,685 And you know the reason 454 00:19:24,686 --> 00:19:27,705 That we raised more money in five minutes of oil wrestling 455 00:19:27,706 --> 00:19:29,573 Than we did in two days of fundraising? 456 00:19:29,574 --> 00:19:31,686 Because... men are even grosser? 457 00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:34,494 And when we forget that, they win. 458 00:19:38,698 --> 00:19:39,875 Yeah. All right. 459 00:19:39,876 --> 00:19:41,108 All right, all right. 460 00:19:41,771 --> 00:19:42,960 Yeah, do it. 461 00:19:43,032 --> 00:19:45,002 Oh, so you got actual ice cream. 462 00:19:45,003 --> 00:19:47,224 Yeah. With peanut butter and hot fudge. 463 00:19:47,504 --> 00:19:50,208 What the hell, right? Nobody lives forever. 464 00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:51,818 No offense. 465 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:54,180 Nah, think what you want. It's a free country. 466 00:19:54,634 --> 00:19:56,476 I barely saw you this week, Abed. 467 00:19:56,477 --> 00:19:57,722 What have you been up to? 468 00:19:58,610 --> 00:19:59,943 - not much. - Hmm. 469 00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:01,901 What? 470 00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:03,873 Whoa! Busted! 25 feet! 471 00:20:03,874 --> 00:20:06,097 Which puts you in violation 472 00:20:06,098 --> 00:20:09,071 Of this restraining order I filed against you 473 00:20:09,072 --> 00:20:12,026 For abusing me with your restraining order! 474 00:20:14,471 --> 00:20:17,157 Mutually assured destruction. 475 00:20:18,571 --> 00:20:20,526 Well played, Chang. 476 00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:21,541 Thank you. 477 00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:22,606 Uh... 478 00:20:24,288 --> 00:20:25,370 That means a lot. 479 00:20:25,371 --> 00:20:26,850 Do you mind getting a quick photo of me 480 00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,390 With the oily coeds? 481 00:20:28,407 --> 00:20:29,556 Center button. - okay. 482 00:20:29,557 --> 00:20:31,471 - you're the man. - Yeah, no problem. 483 00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:33,710 Wha-whaaaat? 484 00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,237 It was a mislead. 485 00:20:59,278 --> 00:21:01,126 That's the whole point of inception. 486 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:02,852 Subversion of reality. 487 00:21:09,158 --> 00:21:11,319 He hasn't seen it yet!