1
00:00:02,866 --> 00:00:05,277
We was camping,
and we was eating,

2
00:00:05,654 --> 00:00:08,725
and it was a mountain lion jump
all the way down and eat my leg.

3
00:00:09,864 --> 00:00:13,221
I think a mountain lion jump
down and eat someone's grammar.

4
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:14,686
The auto-tune
remix is way better.

5
00:00:14,687 --> 00:00:16,489
Go to related videos. - Uh-huh.

6
00:00:16,490 --> 00:00:21,377
We was... we was camping, camping,
we was eeeeeeating, eating...

7
00:00:21,378 --> 00:00:23,870
- Professor?
- Oh, Annie, please don't start.

8
00:00:23,871 --> 00:00:24,918
We've been through this.

9
00:00:24,919 --> 00:00:27,302
Anthropology is the
study of humanity.

10
00:00:27,303 --> 00:00:28,627
Nothing is off topic.

11
00:00:28,802 --> 00:00:30,733
No, it's just,
I've seen this one.

12
00:00:30,788 --> 00:00:33,395
Put in "car crash camel toe."

13
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:38,350
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
"Ski lift ninja crotch rip."

14
00:00:38,453 --> 00:00:40,831
Whoo! I'm a ski lift ninja!

15
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,042
Oh!

16
00:00:46,056 --> 00:00:48,069
Look, Dolly Parton
eating a hot dog.

17
00:00:48,169 --> 00:00:49,652
- Stop that!
- Yeah.

18
00:00:50,013 --> 00:00:51,327
I can do what I want.

19
00:00:51,583 --> 00:00:53,835
Uh, what happens
if you type in "God"?

20
00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,128
Boo!

21
00:00:56,454 --> 00:00:58,037
No, no, no, no, no.
Do not boo her.

22
00:00:58,038 --> 00:01:01,180
This subject's lack of
definition cuts both ways.

23
00:01:01,207 --> 00:01:03,779
If farts are fair game, so is God.

24
00:01:04,403 --> 00:01:06,182
Top hit, "God of farts."

25
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,561
- You ask for it...
- It balances out.

26
00:01:11,523 --> 00:01:13,385
That's blasphemous.
Who wants to see that?

27
00:01:13,386 --> 00:01:16,559
- 17 million people.
- Oh.

28
00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:19,389
There were nine people
at my church last night.

29
00:01:24,340 --> 00:01:25,824
Auto-tune God of farts. - Yeah!

30
00:01:25,825 --> 00:01:27,879
Yeah!
way ahead of you.

31
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:08,388
Abed, guess who's got two thumbs

32
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,452
and has an exciting career
opportunity for you?

33
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,185
This guy.

34
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,797
I'm pointing my thumbs at God.

35
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,605
I'm using one thumb
to say that's great.

36
00:02:16,606 --> 00:02:18,424
Um, I told my
pastor about YouTube

37
00:02:18,425 --> 00:02:19,865
and how there's no light
there for the kids,

38
00:02:19,866 --> 00:02:21,217
and our church wants to sponsor

39
00:02:21,218 --> 00:02:23,322
the making of a viral video
with a Christian message.

40
00:02:23,323 --> 00:02:25,413
Ha! What are you gonna do,
"rapping Jesus"?

41
00:02:25,414 --> 00:02:26,521
Pierce, please just step aside

42
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,930
and make room for
a new generation.

43
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:31,187
Um, Abed, would you like to
make a Christian YouTube?

44
00:02:31,188 --> 00:02:32,179
I know you're Muslim.

45
00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:33,331
As a Muslim,
I'd be happy to do it.

46
00:02:33,332 --> 00:02:34,648
As a filmmaker, no way.

47
00:02:34,649 --> 00:02:36,023
I'm a storyteller, not a preacher.

48
00:02:36,024 --> 00:02:39,100
Well, the Bible has been called
the greatest story ever told.

49
00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:41,306
Ben Lyons said the same
thing about I am legend.

50
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,392
Oh, well, I'll have
to rent that, then.

51
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,254
- Whoa.
- What?

52
00:02:47,722 --> 00:02:49,229
That's a lot of
pasta for no veggies.

53
00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:50,806
You're not in
charge of what I eat.

54
00:02:50,807 --> 00:02:52,515
That's true. Britta!

55
00:02:56,798 --> 00:02:59,013
And some damn broccoli, please.

56
00:02:59,281 --> 00:03:01,205
Pierce has been
acting out a lot lately.

57
00:03:01,206 --> 00:03:02,525
Maybe you should talk to him.

58
00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:04,946
How is that my job?

59
00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:07,032
Aren't you, like, the dad?

60
00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:09,294
Would the dad walk away
from this conversation?

61
00:03:09,714 --> 00:03:10,625
No?

62
00:03:11,068 --> 00:03:11,931
Ah!

63
00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:17,431
You're having cookies for lunch?

64
00:03:17,432 --> 00:03:19,669
- Yeah.
- Hey, you didn't pay for those.

65
00:03:19,712 --> 00:03:20,980
Call a cop.

66
00:03:23,802 --> 00:03:25,202
Heads up, gay wads.

67
00:03:25,203 --> 00:03:27,305
- Hey!
- Cookies!

68
00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:32,834
What are you looking at?

69
00:03:33,278 --> 00:03:34,322
Your face.

70
00:03:34,323 --> 00:03:36,489
That's what you're
supposed to look at.

71
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:37,723
So?

72
00:03:37,724 --> 00:03:39,379
So? You gonna sit down or what?

73
00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:42,853
Oh, no, I usually sit
with the younger people.

74
00:03:42,854 --> 00:03:45,343
Well, la de da de da.

75
00:03:45,344 --> 00:03:47,296
No, no, we watch
videos on "youtune,"

76
00:03:47,297 --> 00:03:49,765
and you guys probably don't
even know what that is.

77
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:50,809
We don't care.

78
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:51,930
Pierce, are you looking for us?

79
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,731
We're sitting over there.
I can see!

80
00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:56,242
Sheesh! Did you take your pills?

81
00:03:56,243 --> 00:03:58,537
- Ooh!
- Mama's boy.

82
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:01,026
We're having a private
conversation here.

83
00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:02,912
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Um, hi.

84
00:04:02,913 --> 00:04:05,547
I'm... I'm Britta, Pierce's...
Pbbt!

85
00:04:06,797 --> 00:04:08,938
Very nice meeting you guys.

86
00:04:11,515 --> 00:04:13,672
"Very nice meeting you guys."

87
00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:17,332
She's a lesbian.

88
00:04:25,472 --> 00:04:26,582
- Shirley.
- Hmm?

89
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:29,069
- I read the new testament.
- The whole thing?

90
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,437
You know, being
raised by TV and movies,

91
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,149
I always thought that
Jesus just walked on water

92
00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:33,574
and told people not
to have abortions,

93
00:04:33,575 --> 00:04:35,078
but it's so much cooler than that.

94
00:04:35,101 --> 00:04:38,071
He was like E.T., Edward Scissorhands,
and Marty McFly combined.

95
00:04:38,922 --> 00:04:40,400
I would love to
make a Jesus movie.

96
00:04:40,401 --> 00:04:42,431
Oh, Abed, that's wonderful!

97
00:04:42,437 --> 00:04:43,674
What do you think we should do?

98
00:04:43,675 --> 00:04:45,357
It needs to be cool and addictive,

99
00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:47,646
like that video of the
kitten falling asleep.

100
00:04:47,647 --> 00:04:48,561
Absolutely.

101
00:04:48,562 --> 00:04:49,606
But the story's
been told to death,

102
00:04:49,607 --> 00:04:51,048
so I want to approach
it in a new way.

103
00:04:51,049 --> 00:04:53,720
We need a Jesus movie for
the post post-modern world.

104
00:04:54,031 --> 00:04:57,082
Like Jesus as a rapper?

105
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:57,958
No.

106
00:04:58,814 --> 00:05:00,027
I want to tell the story of Jesus

107
00:05:00,028 --> 00:05:02,627
from the perspective of a filmmaker
exploring the life of Jesus.

108
00:05:02,628 --> 00:05:05,575
That sounds very
appealing to filmmakers.

109
00:05:05,576 --> 00:05:07,732
See, in the filmmaker's film,
Jesus is a filmmaker

110
00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,213
trying to find God
with his camera.

111
00:05:09,214 --> 00:05:11,312
But then the filmmaker realizes
that he's actually Jesus

112
00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:12,882
and he's being filmed
by God's camera.

113
00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:14,361
And it goes like that
forever in both directions,

114
00:05:14,362 --> 00:05:15,221
like a mirror in a mirror,

115
00:05:15,222 --> 00:05:16,575
because all of the
filmmakers are Jesus,

116
00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:19,927
and all their cameras are God,
and the movie is called Abed.

117
00:05:21,198 --> 00:05:22,420
All caps.

118
00:05:22,421 --> 00:05:25,447
Filmmaking beyond film.
A metafilm.

119
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:26,888
My masterpiece.

120
00:05:26,889 --> 00:05:31,252
- But I don't like it.
- Well, that's okay.

121
00:05:31,253 --> 00:05:33,237
You know, you're reacting the
way the world did to Jesus.

122
00:05:34,173 --> 00:05:35,616
I'm reacting the
way the world does

123
00:05:35,617 --> 00:05:38,133
to movies about making
movies about making movies.

124
00:05:38,134 --> 00:05:39,349
I mean, come on, Charlie Kaufman,

125
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:41,220
some of us have work
in the morning, damn.

126
00:05:41,229 --> 00:05:42,848
Does this mean you don't
want to work on the movie?

127
00:05:43,422 --> 00:05:45,027
This means there is no movie.

128
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,032
This is the movie.

129
00:05:54,569 --> 00:05:56,808
The game is Jacks
and deuces wild.

130
00:05:56,809 --> 00:05:59,901
Except if the dean comes in,
and then it's bingo.

131
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:04,605
Keep it. I've got another one.

132
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:09,506
If you get caught with that, just
say it's your 90th birthday.

133
00:06:09,507 --> 00:06:11,272
Suddenly, it's adorable.

134
00:06:12,427 --> 00:06:13,396
That's right.

135
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,238
All right, now.
What is this again?

136
00:06:16,955 --> 00:06:18,560
B-19.

137
00:06:18,561 --> 00:06:20,473
No. B-19, my butt.

138
00:06:20,474 --> 00:06:22,876
I told you guys no poker,
all right?

139
00:06:22,877 --> 00:06:24,794
Shut this down!

140
00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:27,353
Shut your mouth down, fruit.

141
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:30,386
Oh, hey, unacceptable,
and none of your business,

142
00:06:30,387 --> 00:06:31,658
and barely the whole truth.

143
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,084
All right, everyone go home.

144
00:06:34,085 --> 00:06:36,613
- Excuse me, mister?
- What, Pierce?

145
00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:38,268
What year is it?

146
00:06:38,269 --> 00:06:39,165
What?

147
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,803
Poker helps him remember.

148
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:43,855
Veronica.

149
00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:56,103
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

150
00:06:56,113 --> 00:06:57,183
You are okay, kid.

151
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,655
Go ahead and deal. Let's go.

152
00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:02,059
Jesus, did you really die
for our sins? That's dopey.

153
00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:03,664
Oh, uh, dope.

154
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:07,459
Ooh, freudian slip, perhaps due
to my feeling kind of dopey.

155
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:08,869
Do the line, atheist.

156
00:07:08,870 --> 00:07:11,194
Jesus, did you really
die for our sins?

157
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:12,627
That's dope.

158
00:07:13,303 --> 00:07:14,673
You think that's dope?

159
00:07:14,674 --> 00:07:18,161
Check out these... beatitudes.

160
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,193
Blessed be the peacemakers,
word to the meek,

161
00:07:27,194 --> 00:07:31,643
the kingdom of heaven is open all
week, Jesus and me were... oh!

162
00:07:31,956 --> 00:07:33,520
I have arrived!

163
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:36,316
I am watched, as I am watching.

164
00:07:36,777 --> 00:07:40,276
I am audience and creation.

165
00:07:42,236 --> 00:07:44,387
The earth shall know my power!

166
00:07:44,538 --> 00:07:46,275
Abed, what are you doing?

167
00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:48,695
Oh, great! You blew the take!

168
00:07:48,696 --> 00:07:50,968
No, no, keep rolling.

169
00:07:52,313 --> 00:07:53,838
This can all be part of it.

170
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:56,634
There are no takes.

171
00:07:56,831 --> 00:07:58,168
There is no viewer.

172
00:07:58,921 --> 00:08:00,362
The film is the story.

173
00:08:00,363 --> 00:08:01,862
The story is us.

174
00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,499
We are the film.

175
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,729
It's totally meta.

176
00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:08,555
Well, let's get back to our
non-meta production, shall we?

177
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:10,682
Come on. - No,
I want to watch this.

178
00:08:10,683 --> 00:08:12,017
Troy, there's no time.

179
00:08:12,569 --> 00:08:14,909
Then, we quit. Right, Britta?

180
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:18,038
I don't even believe in God,
but I love me some Abed.

181
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,052
Yeah.

182
00:08:20,169 --> 00:08:21,270
Wait, wait.

183
00:08:35,311 --> 00:08:38,121
"The story of the
story is the story."

184
00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:40,370
Sure, that'll play
in poughkeepsie.

185
00:08:40,511 --> 00:08:43,300
I heard some theaters are
gonna show it in reverse.

186
00:08:43,301 --> 00:08:45,933
I heard it's the same
movie backward and forward.

187
00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:48,215
I heard the deleted
scenes are the scenes

188
00:08:48,216 --> 00:08:50,427
and the scenes are
the deleted scenes.

189
00:08:50,428 --> 00:08:52,478
I heard Jesus died for our sins.

190
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,212
Oh, hey, guys,

191
00:08:54,638 --> 00:08:57,186
the director's answering
questions in the cafeteria,

192
00:08:57,187 --> 00:08:59,838
and it both is and isn't
part of the movie!

193
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,155
- Ah!
- Get a table!

194
00:09:04,031 --> 00:09:07,268
Abed, are we all in
the movie right now?

195
00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:11,902
We are all in a movie,
even when there are no cameras.

196
00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:14,687
When will the movie be released?

197
00:09:15,249 --> 00:09:16,743
When is life released?

198
00:09:17,798 --> 00:09:19,728
Every minute of our lives
is a world premiere,

199
00:09:19,729 --> 00:09:21,590
and my father has already
bought the popcorn.

200
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:22,792
Whoa!

201
00:09:23,386 --> 00:09:26,880
Excuse me, Abed, but you
aren't actually trying to say

202
00:09:26,881 --> 00:09:29,445
that you're Jesus, are you?

203
00:09:29,706 --> 00:09:31,738
I am who you say I am.

204
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,058
Oh, man.

205
00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:38,026
Okay, yeah, ooh, it's meta now.

206
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:39,429
Except here's the thing.

207
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:41,675
I'm a devout Christian,
and you guys

208
00:09:41,676 --> 00:09:44,615
are feeding into this
poor boy's delusions.

209
00:09:44,616 --> 00:09:48,205
So cool! She's an actual
real life pharisee!

210
00:09:48,268 --> 00:09:50,786
Hey, bitch, why don't you
go back to your temple?

211
00:09:50,787 --> 00:09:51,705
Yeah!

212
00:09:52,475 --> 00:09:55,041
Why don't you all
stop confusing Jesus

213
00:09:55,042 --> 00:09:58,178
with an egotistical
filmmaking lunatic?

214
00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:02,299
I forgive her.

215
00:10:19,073 --> 00:10:21,657
So, how's your film going, Abed?

216
00:10:21,658 --> 00:10:22,885
Blasphemously.

217
00:10:22,886 --> 00:10:25,253
It's not blasphemy to say
that we are God, Shirley.

218
00:10:26,071 --> 00:10:27,423
First Corinthians:

219
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:31,908
"He who unites himself with the
lord is one with him in spirit."

220
00:10:31,909 --> 00:10:33,754
Did you just
scripture me, Muslim?

221
00:10:34,032 --> 00:10:35,220
Jesus was Jewish.

222
00:10:35,221 --> 00:10:36,914
Are you ever gonna let that go?

223
00:10:36,972 --> 00:10:39,211
Hey. No religious talk.

224
00:10:41,489 --> 00:10:42,714
Somebody's late.

225
00:10:43,255 --> 00:10:44,766
What is that in your pocket?

226
00:10:45,425 --> 00:10:47,617
Jeff, Britta,
Pierce is smoking cigars.

227
00:10:49,479 --> 00:10:51,042
What's it to you, butt-breath?

228
00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:52,687
Look at your eyes.

229
00:10:52,688 --> 00:10:54,106
Have you been out all
night with those hipsters?

230
00:10:54,107 --> 00:10:55,163
Hipsters?

231
00:10:55,164 --> 00:10:57,236
That pack of old people that
hang out in the cafeteria.

232
00:10:57,237 --> 00:10:59,312
People call them hipsters 'cause
they all have hip replacements.

233
00:10:59,313 --> 00:11:00,694
They do not.

234
00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:02,932
Leonard could probably
kick your ass.

235
00:11:03,933 --> 00:11:04,887
Leonard?

236
00:11:05,512 --> 00:11:07,073
You're hanging out with Leonard?

237
00:11:07,455 --> 00:11:08,506
You know I hate him.

238
00:11:08,507 --> 00:11:10,751
So? Everybody hates him.

239
00:11:10,752 --> 00:11:12,095
That's why he's cool.

240
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,290
You people don't get it.

241
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:16,542
Well, Pierce, I'm not
sure that I want to get it,

242
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:17,955
and I think you ought
to take a break

243
00:11:17,956 --> 00:11:19,036
from these new friends of yours.

244
00:11:19,037 --> 00:11:20,587
They've got you all riled up.

245
00:11:20,588 --> 00:11:22,040
That's what Leonard
said you'd say.

246
00:11:22,041 --> 00:11:24,758
Well, Leonard is not a
part of this study group,

247
00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:26,744
so you apologize right now to...

248
00:11:27,065 --> 00:11:28,270
what? Ah!

249
00:11:28,428 --> 00:11:29,617
I'm not your father!

250
00:11:29,618 --> 00:11:30,890
I never said you were!

251
00:11:31,193 --> 00:11:32,982
- Where are you going?
- Out!

252
00:11:34,481 --> 00:11:36,624
When did Pierce become awesome?

253
00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:38,649
I am gonna shut you down,
you know that?

254
00:11:38,650 --> 00:11:40,377
- I do.
- Oh! Oh, I get it!

255
00:11:40,378 --> 00:11:41,506
I'm supposed to shut you down.

256
00:11:41,507 --> 00:11:42,836
Well, I'm not gonna do it.
Don't.

257
00:11:42,837 --> 00:11:44,168
- I won't.
- Good.

258
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:45,230
I am gonna shut you down.

259
00:11:45,231 --> 00:11:46,129
Good.

260
00:11:51,818 --> 00:11:53,198
You should have seen his face.

261
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,142
He was terrified.

262
00:11:55,578 --> 00:11:57,936
You're his worst nightmare now.

263
00:11:57,937 --> 00:11:59,728
You're old and you
don't give a damn.

264
00:11:59,729 --> 00:12:00,734
Booyah!

265
00:12:08,713 --> 00:12:10,755
Don't make eye contact,
and we'll be fine.

266
00:12:13,003 --> 00:12:14,446
Mmm, here comes the boss!

267
00:12:15,091 --> 00:12:18,082
- The dean has got a date.
- What a lovely couple.

268
00:12:18,083 --> 00:12:19,830
Please, give us a break,
will you?

269
00:12:19,831 --> 00:12:22,385
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh!

270
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:25,402
I don't want to see you hipsters
when I come back out here!

271
00:12:25,403 --> 00:12:27,207
Go! Run, run. We made them angry.

272
00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:29,772
We've made them angry.
Hey, he left his keys.

273
00:12:29,773 --> 00:12:31,933
Ooh, who's up for a joyride?

274
00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:34,204
- Hell yeah.
- Oh, I don't know.

275
00:12:34,205 --> 00:12:36,145
We could get into some
serious trouble here.

276
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:37,094
Oh, come on.

277
00:12:37,095 --> 00:12:40,514
We get caught, we can just
pretend we're disoriented,

278
00:12:40,515 --> 00:12:42,160
and he can give us a ride home.

279
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:45,740
Where am I? What year is it?

280
00:12:47,737 --> 00:12:49,036
But we've all been drinking.

281
00:12:49,037 --> 00:12:51,240
Oh, grow a schmekel.

282
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,570
Okay, everyone,
this is the last scene.

283
00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:57,963
I want to thank you all for
contributing in your small way

284
00:12:57,964 --> 00:13:00,356
to the greatest film ever made.

285
00:13:00,357 --> 00:13:03,761
And on the seventh day,
Shirley shut down production.

286
00:13:03,762 --> 00:13:05,273
Abed, Shirley has informed me

287
00:13:05,274 --> 00:13:06,624
that you are using
school equipment

288
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:09,289
on school property to
make a religious film.

289
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:11,307
She has filed an
official complaint,

290
00:13:11,308 --> 00:13:13,751
invoking the separation
of church and state.

291
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,716
I pointed out the
irony to her already.

292
00:13:15,717 --> 00:13:17,397
Don't give a crap.
Let's be ironic.

293
00:13:17,398 --> 00:13:18,288
Shut it down. - Okay.

294
00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:21,232
Abed, are you making
a religious film?

295
00:13:21,612 --> 00:13:23,407
All movies are religious to me.

296
00:13:23,647 --> 00:13:26,993
Nice. But is it a
movie about Jesus?

297
00:13:26,994 --> 00:13:29,362
Is the matrix? Is Robocop?

298
00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:31,165
Is superman returns?

299
00:13:31,355 --> 00:13:33,992
All stories are about
death and resurrection.

300
00:13:33,993 --> 00:13:36,064
I've got one.
Wrath of Khan, hmm?

301
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:36,855
That's a good one.

302
00:13:36,856 --> 00:13:39,485
Spock sacrifices himself
for the crew and gets reborn.

303
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,230
How captivating was
Ricardo Montalban in that?

304
00:13:42,231 --> 00:13:45,652
Except in Abed's film,
the character's name isn't Spock!

305
00:13:45,961 --> 00:13:48,754
That's true. It's Abed.

306
00:13:48,755 --> 00:13:52,090
Oh. I'm getting
creative goose bumps here.

307
00:13:52,102 --> 00:13:53,888
I love Charlie Kaufman.

308
00:13:53,889 --> 00:13:55,444
I need to run into
editing for one second,

309
00:13:55,445 --> 00:13:56,757
but if you want,
we can grab you a chair

310
00:13:56,758 --> 00:13:58,036
and you can watch a take.

311
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:00,837
I would love that.

312
00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:02,659
I've never watched a take before.

313
00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:04,913
This is exciting. - Uh, you...

314
00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:10,196
say what you will about Abed,
but the man cannot be killed.

315
00:14:12,147 --> 00:14:13,893
I mean, it's almost
like he's Jesus.

316
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,265
I got it.

317
00:14:15,848 --> 00:14:17,348
I don't think we
should be driving.

318
00:14:17,349 --> 00:14:20,565
I mean, we're all,
you know, old and groggy.

319
00:14:20,566 --> 00:14:22,594
God, stop worrying.

320
00:14:22,706 --> 00:14:24,936
Richard flew zeroes
during the big one.

321
00:14:25,783 --> 00:14:26,875
What do you mean, "flew zeroes"?

322
00:14:26,876 --> 00:14:27,918
He's not Japanese.

323
00:14:27,919 --> 00:14:30,400
Well, what did you fly
during the big one, rich?

324
00:14:30,818 --> 00:14:32,063
Where am I?

325
00:14:32,064 --> 00:14:33,617
Oh, come on.
Stop farting around.

326
00:14:33,618 --> 00:14:35,926
Seriously,
I don't know where I am.

327
00:14:36,633 --> 00:14:37,898
What year is it?

328
00:14:39,684 --> 00:14:40,867
How do I drive?

329
00:14:58,012 --> 00:14:59,024
Let's bail.

330
00:14:59,442 --> 00:15:00,780
Wait a minute.
What about Richard?

331
00:15:00,781 --> 00:15:03,212
Screw Richard!
It's every man for himself!

332
00:15:11,805 --> 00:15:13,161
Richard, are you all right?

333
00:15:13,628 --> 00:15:16,640
Well, am I Richard?

334
00:15:17,063 --> 00:15:17,883
Yes.

335
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,067
Then I'm fine.

336
00:15:19,142 --> 00:15:21,655
But who were those
people that ran away?

337
00:15:21,656 --> 00:15:22,907
Our friends?

338
00:15:23,851 --> 00:15:25,118
That's a good question.

339
00:15:25,263 --> 00:15:26,221
Oh.

340
00:15:28,019 --> 00:15:29,097
What is?

341
00:15:33,672 --> 00:15:36,438
There are no takes.
There is no viewer.

342
00:15:37,392 --> 00:15:40,160
The film is the story.
The story is us.

343
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:42,900
We are the film.

344
00:15:44,696 --> 00:15:46,930
So, what do you think?

345
00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:49,489
I need to take a walk.

346
00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:06,943
Dear God, my movie is
the worst piece of crap

347
00:16:06,944 --> 00:16:08,640
I have ever seen
in my entire life.

348
00:16:10,043 --> 00:16:11,508
How could I have been so blind?

349
00:16:12,192 --> 00:16:13,870
It's a self-indulgent,
adolescent mess.

350
00:16:13,871 --> 00:16:15,255
I can barely sit through it.

351
00:16:17,037 --> 00:16:17,933
And now, with all this hype,

352
00:16:17,934 --> 00:16:19,603
I've got a real snakes
on a plane brewing.

353
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:22,213
The critics are gonna crucify me.

354
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:24,166
My career will be
over before it begins.

355
00:16:25,422 --> 00:16:28,375
God, if you're out there,
I know I don't deserve it,

356
00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:29,693
but I need your help.

357
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,499
Please take this
project away from me.

358
00:16:32,141 --> 00:16:34,614
Make it rain, send a meteor,

359
00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:37,588
anything. Please?

360
00:16:38,602 --> 00:16:39,770
Now?

361
00:16:44,372 --> 00:16:47,055
Okay, I get it.
This is what I deserve.

362
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,383
I'll finish it up.

363
00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:51,641
Hi, I'm Pierce Hawthorne's
emergency contact.

364
00:17:51,642 --> 00:17:53,014
- You're here to pick him up?
- No, no.

365
00:17:53,015 --> 00:17:55,429
I'm here to be removed
as his emergency contact.

366
00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:59,109
- One second.
- Hey, I got a class!

367
00:18:00,001 --> 00:18:01,097
Where is everybody?

368
00:18:01,349 --> 00:18:02,839
Is anyone coming to get Leonard?

369
00:18:03,491 --> 00:18:05,973
No. Nobody comes
for him anymore.

370
00:18:06,207 --> 00:18:08,346
His kids asked us to
stop calling them.

371
00:18:09,657 --> 00:18:11,244
Why do you think
he acts like that?

372
00:18:16,624 --> 00:18:18,071
So we're in prison, right?

373
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:21,526
All right, bring him out.

374
00:18:23,044 --> 00:18:25,273
Over here, Pierce.
Come on. Book.

375
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:28,177
Hey.

376
00:18:28,178 --> 00:18:29,388
Go wait in the car.

377
00:18:30,024 --> 00:18:30,832
It wasn't my fault.

378
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:33,380
Go. Wait. In. The. Car.

379
00:18:36,041 --> 00:18:37,027
Ooh!

380
00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:40,941
you want me to
change that or not?

381
00:18:40,942 --> 00:18:42,110
I guess not.

382
00:18:42,836 --> 00:18:44,359
Uh, but, um,
could you do me a favor?

383
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,231
Could you add Britta
Perry as a contact?

384
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:48,880
P-e-r-r-y.

385
00:18:49,102 --> 00:18:50,934
And would you give her a call
a couple of times a week?

386
00:18:50,935 --> 00:18:52,494
She gets pretty worried about him.

387
00:18:53,070 --> 00:18:55,783
And, uh, she works days,
so make sure you call at night.

388
00:19:13,727 --> 00:19:15,762
Everyone thinks what you
did was destined to happen,

389
00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:18,565
that it was proof that
God was making my movie,

390
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,306
a movie so good,
it could never exist.

391
00:19:20,671 --> 00:19:22,686
They think I'm a genius,
and they think you're a villain.

392
00:19:26,369 --> 00:19:27,552
You heard me praying.

393
00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:29,766
I don't know what you mean.

394
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,705
Oh, this is gonna be good!

395
00:19:32,706 --> 00:19:37,074
Abed sent me a new link, and that
man knows his video virality.

396
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:40,805
So you're just gonna drop all
pretense of actually teaching us?

397
00:19:40,806 --> 00:19:42,456
Yeah. Here we go.

398
00:19:42,993 --> 00:19:45,714
Blessed be the peacemakers,
word to the meek,

399
00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:48,685
the kingdom of heaven
is open all week.

400
00:19:48,686 --> 00:19:50,171
You finished my movie.

401
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,877
I don't know what you mean.

402
00:19:57,387 --> 00:19:58,408
You humble me.

403
00:19:59,516 --> 00:20:00,963
You humble me too.

404
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:13,064
Okay, open your books, because
Abed has broken the Internet.

405
00:20:21,227 --> 00:20:22,256
Great.

406
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:26,615
So which one of us is gonna
head home and change?

407
00:20:29,932 --> 00:20:31,104
Hilarious.

408
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,258
So you guys bought
one of my outfits

409
00:20:33,259 --> 00:20:37,240
and then staked out my apartment
every day until I wore it?

410
00:20:37,275 --> 00:20:38,766
That's not pathetic.

411
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:40,010
Okay.

412
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,563
Well.

413
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,406
Good job.

414
00:20:43,729 --> 00:20:46,144
I guess I'm heading
home to change now.

415
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:49,716
Oh, I hit traffic.
Did I miss it?

416
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:59,906
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