1 00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:11,161 Why does being a librarian make her even hotter? 2 00:00:11,162 --> 00:00:12,299 They're keepers of knowledge. 3 00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,976 She holds the answers to all of our questions, 4 00:00:13,977 --> 00:00:14,610 like, "will you marry me," 5 00:00:14,611 --> 00:00:16,618 and "why are there still libraries." 6 00:00:16,619 --> 00:00:19,052 I wanna be a book. She can pick me up. 7 00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,191 Flip through my pages. 8 00:00:20,192 --> 00:00:22,310 Make sure nobody drew wieners in me. 9 00:00:23,429 --> 00:00:25,207 Hey, maybe if we're too loud, she'll shush us. 10 00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:26,020 Okay. 11 00:00:26,386 --> 00:00:27,432 Books! 12 00:00:27,938 --> 00:00:29,286 Pretend like you're asleep. 13 00:00:33,217 --> 00:00:34,052 Jeff. 14 00:00:34,053 --> 00:00:35,467 What do you do when you and your best friend 15 00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,190 wanna ask the same girl to the Valentine's dance, 16 00:00:37,191 --> 00:00:38,345 but neither of you have dibs 17 00:00:38,346 --> 00:00:40,045 because you both fell in love with her at first sight? 18 00:00:40,046 --> 00:00:42,436 Well, I don't believe in dibs or love at first sight 19 00:00:42,437 --> 00:00:45,280 or love or best friends or doing things. 20 00:00:45,281 --> 00:00:46,418 But it's good you brought this to me. 21 00:00:46,419 --> 00:00:47,738 You're gonna have to open your heart one day, Jeff. 22 00:00:47,739 --> 00:00:48,548 What happens if I don't? 23 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,168 I miss the heart opening deadline? 24 00:00:50,169 --> 00:00:52,143 Valentine's Crapentine's. 25 00:00:53,117 --> 00:00:54,770 Opening my heart is on my list. 26 00:00:56,536 --> 00:00:57,126 Pierce? 27 00:00:57,127 --> 00:00:58,684 - Mm-hmm. - What was that? 28 00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,672 - Gum. - Why aren't you chewing? 29 00:01:00,673 --> 00:01:03,889 Because I'm using my mouth for this dumb conversation. 30 00:01:08,061 --> 00:01:09,030 Bye. 31 00:01:09,859 --> 00:01:12,802 That's my friend page. She's cool, but... Whatever. 32 00:01:12,927 --> 00:01:15,113 - She's cute. - Oh, Troy. 33 00:01:15,272 --> 00:01:16,755 Before you go barking up that tree, 34 00:01:16,756 --> 00:01:19,162 I have to tell you that she might not be interested. 35 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:20,714 Why wouldn't she be... 36 00:01:21,035 --> 00:01:23,239 Oh! Is she... 37 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,260 A friend of Ellen? 38 00:01:25,261 --> 00:01:27,502 Yes, Annie. But you can say the word. 39 00:01:27,503 --> 00:01:30,308 Page is a... Lesbian. 40 00:01:35,584 --> 00:01:37,986 Pierce, as someone who's been calling me a lesbian 41 00:01:37,987 --> 00:01:39,237 for the last year and a half, 42 00:01:39,238 --> 00:01:41,210 I'm sure that you don't have anything to say 43 00:01:41,211 --> 00:01:43,115 about me being friends with one. 44 00:01:43,457 --> 00:01:44,820 Nothing off the cuff. 45 00:01:45,145 --> 00:01:47,672 What I do have is a prepared statement. 46 00:01:47,872 --> 00:01:57,882 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 47 00:02:02,473 --> 00:02:05,682 give me the hope to run out of steam 48 00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:08,909 somebody said we could be here 49 00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:13,114 we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year 50 00:02:13,115 --> 00:02:17,563 I can't count the reasons I should stay 51 00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:22,401 one by one they all just fade away 52 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,524 "And in summation, 53 00:02:27,525 --> 00:02:28,610 "good luck... 54 00:02:29,519 --> 00:02:31,133 And bon appetit." 55 00:02:35,207 --> 00:02:36,886 Many, many paragraphs of that 56 00:02:36,887 --> 00:02:38,457 were oddly supportive. 57 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,968 Wait till you hear the one I have for you. 58 00:02:43,845 --> 00:02:45,814 Okay. I know that wasn't gum. 59 00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,883 You're right. It was an awesome exit pill. 60 00:02:48,884 --> 00:02:51,116 Zip! Zop! Zooey! 61 00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:53,335 Bye! 62 00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:04,702 We gotta do something about Pierce and those pain killers. 63 00:03:04,703 --> 00:03:06,506 He's recovering 64 00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:08,729 dude can moonwalk! 65 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,678 Now, I'm sure he's almost through his prescription. 66 00:03:10,679 --> 00:03:12,051 Besides, he's a baby boom. 67 00:03:12,052 --> 00:03:13,089 They invented drugs. 68 00:03:13,090 --> 00:03:14,948 Yeah, they also invented TV. 69 00:03:14,949 --> 00:03:16,686 Have you seen him control one of those? 70 00:03:16,687 --> 00:03:18,653 Intervention. Intervention, intervention. 71 00:03:18,654 --> 00:03:20,312 - Count me out. - We can't count you out. 72 00:03:20,313 --> 00:03:20,988 He listens to you. 73 00:03:20,989 --> 00:03:22,907 Well, he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. 74 00:03:22,908 --> 00:03:24,922 Go get their dumb asses to help you. 75 00:03:25,495 --> 00:03:26,715 - Back it up! - Okay, Jeff. 76 00:03:26,716 --> 00:03:29,042 You are clearly in a bad space today. 77 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,984 But Pierce is our friend, 78 00:03:30,985 --> 00:03:33,997 and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum... Are you? 79 00:03:33,998 --> 00:03:36,424 Why does everyone leap to defend that band 80 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:37,864 so aggressively? 81 00:03:37,865 --> 00:03:39,842 And how much stuff do we have to go through this year 82 00:03:39,843 --> 00:03:41,408 before my friendship stops being questioned? 83 00:03:41,409 --> 00:03:42,579 Well, maybe friendship 84 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,858 is about going through a lot of stuff, Jeff. 85 00:03:44,859 --> 00:03:47,814 And maybe BNL has two Billboard awards to your zero. 86 00:03:47,815 --> 00:03:50,224 Oh, okay. They're... they're BNL now. 87 00:03:50,225 --> 00:03:52,588 We use shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. 88 00:03:52,589 --> 00:03:54,138 That's how fundamental they are. 89 00:03:54,139 --> 00:03:55,171 - Yeah. - Yeah! 90 00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:57,800 You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? 91 00:03:57,801 --> 00:04:00,493 Some space. Maybe I do too. 92 00:04:00,494 --> 00:04:02,730 You know what? Maybe we all need some space 93 00:04:02,731 --> 00:04:04,020 to pull the knife out of the back 94 00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:06,102 of the most celebrated Canadian alt rock band 95 00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:08,690 of the mid-nineties, you selfish, jaded ass! 96 00:04:08,691 --> 00:04:11,083 This... is a fight! 97 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,033 We... are fighting! 98 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:16,638 Jeff. Hello! 99 00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:18,316 I hear you're fighting with your study group. 100 00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:20,006 - Correct. - Now, you won't know this, 101 00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:22,912 being American, but tonight Liverpool are playing... 102 00:04:22,913 --> 00:04:24,257 Manchester United. 103 00:04:24,258 --> 00:04:26,620 I am a stylish American, professor. 104 00:04:26,621 --> 00:04:28,852 I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004. 105 00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,479 Ah! Then it's destiny. 106 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,792 God gave you a British friend and a massive TV for a reason. 107 00:04:33,793 --> 00:04:36,594 Oh, it's Valentine's Day, and even though we're fighting, 108 00:04:36,595 --> 00:04:38,756 I did promise the study group I'd go to the dance... 109 00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:40,609 You promised the study group? Whip, crack! 110 00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:42,376 I'll see you at precisely 6:30, 111 00:04:42,377 --> 00:04:45,101 or as the English call it, gravedigger's biscuits. 112 00:04:45,102 --> 00:04:45,994 Okay? 113 00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:57,238 That moonwalk back there was streets ahead, buddy. 114 00:04:57,245 --> 00:04:58,586 Hey, thanks, buddy. 115 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,359 - Hey, Pierce! - Hey, it's you! 116 00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:04,992 Yeah. The tiny man you see when you take enough pills. 117 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,131 We have a good time, don't we, Pierce? 118 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,365 - I ain't hurtin'. - And you wanna keep this going, 119 00:05:09,366 --> 00:05:11,460 right, 'cause... I'm sure you've noticed 120 00:05:11,461 --> 00:05:13,413 the prescription is almost done. 121 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,692 Ah. Ha. I don't think the doctor... 122 00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:17,426 Doctor, you know, I know he won't... 123 00:05:17,427 --> 00:05:19,620 Pierce, if doctors are so smart, 124 00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:21,470 why are there millions of 'em? 125 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,104 Look in your hand. 126 00:05:27,397 --> 00:05:29,302 It's Valentine's, buddy. 127 00:05:30,306 --> 00:05:31,327 Be mine. 128 00:05:35,896 --> 00:05:37,229 Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir. 129 00:05:37,230 --> 00:05:39,734 - My associate Troy Barnes. - Charmed, I'm sure. 130 00:05:39,826 --> 00:05:41,146 Are you the guys that keep staring at me 131 00:05:41,147 --> 00:05:42,670 and intermittently yelling out, "books"? 132 00:05:42,671 --> 00:05:44,517 The very same. We are both interested 133 00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:45,919 in taking you to the Valentine's dance, 134 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,648 but we are also best friends with each other. 135 00:05:47,649 --> 00:05:49,754 It is of utmost importance we protect that friendship 136 00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,066 from the stresses of courting you, 137 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,209 so we're trying to be as direct 138 00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:53,546 and aboveboard about this as possible. 139 00:05:53,547 --> 00:05:54,950 Will you go to the dance with one of us, 140 00:05:54,951 --> 00:05:56,761 and if so, which one? 141 00:05:57,655 --> 00:05:59,467 We need to get something straight first. 142 00:05:59,824 --> 00:06:02,043 This is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. 143 00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:05,510 But... I don't know either one of you. 144 00:06:05,511 --> 00:06:06,619 Give us a moment. 145 00:06:08,714 --> 00:06:10,424 Dude, I need to eat those tacos. 146 00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,770 New proposal: Get to know us at the dance 147 00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:14,987 and decide there which of us you'd like to see again. 148 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:17,114 Okay. Deal. 149 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,075 Nice. 150 00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:20,241 What's in the briefcase? 151 00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,270 Oh. Tacos. 152 00:06:23,308 --> 00:06:24,369 You want one? 153 00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:25,118 No. 154 00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:27,186 Great. We really wanted them. 155 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,571 Yeah. We're gonna eat them. 156 00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:32,424 So like... Would you change clothes in front of her? 157 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,907 Annie, I know your lack of world experience 158 00:06:34,908 --> 00:06:37,189 creates curiosity, but questions like that 159 00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:39,166 can make you seem a little bit homophobic. 160 00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:40,752 It's homophobic to ask questions? 161 00:06:40,753 --> 00:06:43,444 If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, 162 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,746 haven't you already answered your own question? 163 00:06:46,511 --> 00:06:47,115 Have I? 164 00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:49,457 Don't know. Not a homophobe. 165 00:06:51,248 --> 00:06:53,203 Oh. There's Page. 166 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,573 Should I ask her 500 questions about being a lesbian? 167 00:06:56,574 --> 00:06:58,790 Or should I just treat her like a normal person? 168 00:06:58,791 --> 00:07:01,154 That's a question you can ask. 169 00:07:07,237 --> 00:07:08,844 - Hey. - Hi. 170 00:07:10,705 --> 00:07:12,773 - I'm not a lesbian. - Oh! 171 00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:14,806 - I'm not either. - Oh. 172 00:07:15,204 --> 00:07:17,149 But it's cool that you're friends with one. 173 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,262 Oh. 174 00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:19,927 Page isn't a lesbian. 175 00:07:19,928 --> 00:07:21,320 She just likes hanging out with Britta, 176 00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:23,877 because it makes her feel cool to have a lesbian friend. 177 00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:27,789 But... Britta's not a lesbian. She thinks that Page is. 178 00:07:32,876 --> 00:07:34,265 Guess what, Annie. 179 00:07:34,285 --> 00:07:36,854 Page and I are going to the dance together. 180 00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:39,307 Hope I stay straight, right? 181 00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,669 Oh, sorry. My friend's a tad homophobic, 182 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,212 so I was doing a bit. 183 00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:53,657 Pretty exciting first half. 184 00:07:53,658 --> 00:07:55,914 Yeah, 0-0. Electrifying. 185 00:07:55,915 --> 00:07:58,460 Aw. Worried that your six-headed ball and chain 186 00:07:58,461 --> 00:07:59,869 will be calling? 187 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:00,883 Fine. 188 00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:06,592 That's better, you big slut. 189 00:08:13,899 --> 00:08:15,030 It's Chang! 190 00:08:15,031 --> 00:08:16,247 Chang? Why? 191 00:08:16,248 --> 00:08:17,046 I don't know! 192 00:08:17,047 --> 00:08:18,903 I can hear you guys. 193 00:08:19,106 --> 00:08:20,153 What are you doing here, Chang, 194 00:08:20,154 --> 00:08:21,535 and how do you know where I live? 195 00:08:21,536 --> 00:08:23,056 I can answer both of those questions 196 00:08:23,057 --> 00:08:25,288 by returning your driver's license. 197 00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:30,486 Ha! 198 00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:31,535 There it is! 199 00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:33,376 Man U. versus Liverpool! 200 00:08:33,377 --> 00:08:34,685 For God's sake, just let him in. 201 00:08:34,686 --> 00:08:37,337 He's wearing the right colors and everything. 202 00:08:37,704 --> 00:08:39,643 - Come in. - Don't mind if I Chang! 203 00:08:39,754 --> 00:08:42,249 Heh heh. Hey, man, check this out. 204 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:43,317 Ya-haa! 205 00:08:44,781 --> 00:08:46,873 Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! 206 00:08:54,697 --> 00:08:56,437 Anyway, the thing I was going to show you guys 207 00:08:56,438 --> 00:08:57,265 is pretty cool. 208 00:08:57,266 --> 00:08:59,164 I'm ignoring you and watching soccer. 209 00:08:59,165 --> 00:09:00,684 Just sit down, Chang. 210 00:09:00,685 --> 00:09:03,091 There's space for three fannies on this sofa. 211 00:09:03,092 --> 00:09:05,563 Hey. In England, fanny means vagina, right? 212 00:09:05,564 --> 00:09:07,986 In England, everything means vagina. 213 00:09:09,911 --> 00:09:11,212 I'm gonna make it up to you, Winger. 214 00:09:11,213 --> 00:09:14,446 Even though, like I said, weird place to put a lamp. 215 00:09:14,649 --> 00:09:17,827 - But let me order a pizza. - Ooh, I love pizza! 216 00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:20,255 In england we call them Italian fannies. 217 00:09:20,256 --> 00:09:21,462 I'm hookin' us up! 218 00:09:22,031 --> 00:09:23,738 - Cellie... - Ah. Go use the landline. 219 00:09:23,739 --> 00:09:26,771 Landline? Okay, grandma Bell. 220 00:09:29,008 --> 00:09:31,713 Star-burns, it's Chang. 221 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,532 Remember that pizza you owe me? 222 00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:35,723 Well, it's time to pay up. 223 00:09:36,337 --> 00:09:38,735 Party at Winger's. Tonight. 224 00:09:40,002 --> 00:09:41,401 Yeah, you can tell people. 225 00:09:41,633 --> 00:09:42,897 Cool. Cool. 226 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:45,675 Hey, uh, wingding at Winger's. 227 00:09:46,978 --> 00:09:48,257 So Mariah, what you get with me 228 00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:49,645 is the complete package... 229 00:09:49,646 --> 00:09:52,063 HBO, Showtime, Starz, Starz black. 230 00:09:52,064 --> 00:09:53,225 Sounds expensive. 231 00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,625 With all due respect to my friend here, 232 00:09:54,626 --> 00:09:55,559 if you go with me, 233 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,215 you can expect this on the dance floor. 234 00:10:02,223 --> 00:10:04,156 Go, go, go, go, go. 235 00:10:04,157 --> 00:10:06,445 Go, go, go, go, go! 236 00:10:10,028 --> 00:10:11,811 I feel like everyone's staring. 237 00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:12,636 Not that I care. 238 00:10:12,637 --> 00:10:14,695 Well, of course they're staring. 239 00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:15,655 They've probably never seen 240 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:18,834 a straight girl and a lesbian so comfortable together. 241 00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,116 Exactly. 242 00:10:21,598 --> 00:10:23,084 Those two were talking about us. 243 00:10:23,584 --> 00:10:25,991 Well, let's give them something to really talk about. 244 00:10:27,316 --> 00:10:28,906 - Let's do it. - Okay. 245 00:10:32,442 --> 00:10:33,519 - 'Scuse us. - Hi. 246 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:34,557 Hi. Sorry. 247 00:10:44,389 --> 00:10:45,889 Cool music, huh? 248 00:10:50,579 --> 00:10:52,237 Oh, nice call, ref! 249 00:10:52,238 --> 00:10:53,551 Bite my banger! 250 00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:56,583 Jeff, something's up with your toothbrush, man. 251 00:10:56,584 --> 00:10:58,722 - What the hell? - I had to get cleaned up. 252 00:10:58,723 --> 00:10:59,759 Why? 253 00:11:01,643 --> 00:11:03,221 Oh, yeah! 254 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:05,533 Pizza time! 255 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,763 - Leonard? - Where are the white women at? 256 00:11:07,764 --> 00:11:09,500 No. There are no white women here, Leonard. 257 00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:10,951 This is not a party! 258 00:11:10,952 --> 00:11:12,897 Don't tell that to Magnitude. 259 00:11:12,898 --> 00:11:14,126 Who's Magnitude? 260 00:11:14,127 --> 00:11:15,941 Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! 261 00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:16,986 Pop, pop! 262 00:11:16,987 --> 00:11:18,271 Pop, pop! 263 00:11:18,795 --> 00:11:19,881 Bam! 264 00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:21,142 Bam! 265 00:11:21,143 --> 00:11:23,053 Come on in. What's up, what's up? 266 00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:25,577 What's up? Looking good, looking good. 267 00:11:25,892 --> 00:11:28,627 That's my analysis of the Saw movie franchise. 268 00:11:29,303 --> 00:11:30,195 That about does it, 269 00:11:30,196 --> 00:11:32,041 so I think it's time for you to choose. 270 00:11:36,023 --> 00:11:37,840 Abed, could you get us some punch? 271 00:11:37,841 --> 00:11:38,814 On it. 272 00:11:41,029 --> 00:11:42,730 You guys are really cute together. 273 00:11:43,639 --> 00:11:44,143 Thank you. 274 00:11:44,144 --> 00:11:46,604 But you know, having to... 275 00:11:46,896 --> 00:11:48,093 Actually choose, I... 276 00:11:48,094 --> 00:11:50,209 Hey. We both agreed to this. 277 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,806 We're both very comfortable with each other, 278 00:11:51,807 --> 00:11:53,746 - so I won't be... - No. I choose you, Troy. 279 00:11:55,962 --> 00:11:56,865 Punch. 280 00:11:57,942 --> 00:11:59,583 - Hey, Abed. - Hey. 281 00:11:59,728 --> 00:12:00,756 I, um... 282 00:12:00,833 --> 00:12:03,479 She... Just... She chose me. 283 00:12:05,045 --> 00:12:07,218 Cool. You can have this then. 284 00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:09,238 Thank you, Mariah. Have a great night. 285 00:12:17,343 --> 00:12:18,404 That's great! 286 00:12:18,727 --> 00:12:19,671 Pierce? 287 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,343 You go straight to hell! 288 00:12:21,737 --> 00:12:22,711 Wh... 289 00:12:23,747 --> 00:12:24,623 Ha... 290 00:12:24,773 --> 00:12:25,700 Oh, I'm sorry, Annie. 291 00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,562 I... I've been... I don't know. 292 00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:29,948 I've been going through all these mood swings lately. 293 00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:31,997 You understand we care about you, right? 294 00:12:32,859 --> 00:12:33,761 Okay? 295 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,369 Okay. 296 00:12:37,558 --> 00:12:38,560 Well, look. 297 00:12:38,561 --> 00:12:39,785 Here's the deal. 298 00:12:39,786 --> 00:12:42,949 I am not sharing you with them. 299 00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:44,988 So before this goes further, 300 00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,886 you have a choice to make, my friend. 301 00:12:50,573 --> 00:12:53,212 Ha ha! Look at the lesbians. 302 00:12:56,595 --> 00:12:57,531 Lesbians! 303 00:12:57,532 --> 00:12:58,816 - Screw you! - Screw you! 304 00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:04,324 No, no. 305 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,603 - I don't care what they say. - Oh, I don't either. 306 00:13:06,604 --> 00:13:08,647 I just wish it wasn't such an issue for them. 307 00:13:08,648 --> 00:13:10,365 Yeah, but that starts with us. 308 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,094 It starts... With us. 309 00:13:28,209 --> 00:13:30,343 - I've never done this before. - Me neither. 310 00:13:30,612 --> 00:13:31,900 Wait! What? 311 00:13:34,785 --> 00:13:35,788 So... 312 00:13:36,778 --> 00:13:38,688 Curious about one thing. 313 00:13:39,474 --> 00:13:41,014 What was wrong with Abed? 314 00:13:41,027 --> 00:13:43,348 Well, I mean, he did talk about the Saw movies 315 00:13:43,349 --> 00:13:44,413 for two hours. 316 00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,455 Yeah, but there are eight of them, 317 00:13:46,456 --> 00:13:48,005 and they're two hours apiece, 318 00:13:48,006 --> 00:13:50,014 and the first one did redefine the genre, and... 319 00:13:50,015 --> 00:13:52,514 Troy, I would love to be his friend. 320 00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:53,873 I know you would. It's incredible. 321 00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,977 But romantically, he's... 322 00:13:57,564 --> 00:13:59,161 You know. 323 00:14:01,170 --> 00:14:03,613 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! 324 00:14:05,239 --> 00:14:07,495 - What happened? - She called you weird! 325 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,649 - I am weird. - Not as weird as her! 326 00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,648 Who the hell is Nicholas Nickleby? 327 00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:13,647 She wouldn't shut up about it. 328 00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:14,854 Mm. I know. 329 00:14:17,235 --> 00:14:18,825 There's someone out there for us. 330 00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:22,110 Happy Valentine's Day. 331 00:14:22,832 --> 00:14:23,893 It is now. 332 00:14:32,587 --> 00:14:34,353 - Ignore her. - Okay. 333 00:14:38,065 --> 00:14:39,671 It's weird, but I've never heard of Magnitude 334 00:14:39,672 --> 00:14:40,880 before tonight. 335 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,804 He's a one-man party! 336 00:14:43,065 --> 00:14:44,928 You're always busy with your study group. 337 00:14:44,929 --> 00:14:46,594 Well, he's not with them tonight. 338 00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,816 Oh, yeah! 339 00:14:49,044 --> 00:14:50,611 I thought you quit drinking, Duncan. 340 00:14:50,612 --> 00:14:52,090 False alarm on that one. 341 00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,634 Oh, yeah! 342 00:14:54,022 --> 00:14:55,096 Pop, pop! 343 00:14:55,097 --> 00:14:57,115 Ha ho! Pop, pop! 344 00:14:57,116 --> 00:15:01,971 - Pop pop pop pop pop pop! - Pop pop pop pop pop pop! 345 00:15:04,627 --> 00:15:06,166 I never said I was a lesbian. 346 00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,900 Why didn't you just ask me? 347 00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:09,839 Oh, what am I, a homophobe? 348 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,591 I don't care about people's preferences. 349 00:15:11,592 --> 00:15:12,781 You so care. 350 00:15:12,782 --> 00:15:14,663 You are clearly just hanging out with me 351 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,116 because you thought I was gay. 352 00:15:16,117 --> 00:15:18,387 So? What were you doing with me? 353 00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,594 Hey, what does it matter, you know? 354 00:15:20,595 --> 00:15:21,748 We're both just humans 355 00:15:21,749 --> 00:15:24,082 trying to make our way through this crazy world. 356 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,639 You're the worst! 357 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,448 - What? - And for the record, 358 00:15:27,449 --> 00:15:28,930 I never thought you were cool. 359 00:15:28,931 --> 00:15:31,007 I only thought you were a lesbian. 360 00:15:39,614 --> 00:15:40,820 Page is straight. 361 00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:43,157 Really? 362 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,504 Well... 363 00:15:45,892 --> 00:15:47,080 When she was gay 364 00:15:47,637 --> 00:15:50,053 I thought it was really cool of you to make out with her. 365 00:15:50,929 --> 00:15:52,309 Thanks, Annie. 366 00:15:54,311 --> 00:15:55,637 Kiss! 367 00:15:57,570 --> 00:15:58,527 Annie! 368 00:16:04,432 --> 00:16:06,371 Oh, thanks, man. Just leave those. 369 00:16:06,372 --> 00:16:08,698 - I'll get them in the morning. - It's okay. 370 00:16:10,876 --> 00:16:12,218 Are you wearing my underwear? 371 00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:15,135 Oh. I just needed a pair while I did some laundry here. 372 00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:16,824 I don't have a washing machine. 373 00:16:19,183 --> 00:16:20,341 What the hell? 374 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:22,572 Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't get mad, don't get mad! 375 00:16:24,528 --> 00:16:26,581 I'm homeless, Jeff, okay? 376 00:16:26,698 --> 00:16:28,138 When my wife found out about Shirley and me, 377 00:16:28,139 --> 00:16:30,307 she kicked me out... For good this time! 378 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,477 My whole life is in this dishwasher, man! 379 00:16:33,955 --> 00:16:36,358 Well, some of it's also soaking in your bathtub. 380 00:16:38,436 --> 00:16:38,887 Oh... 381 00:16:38,888 --> 00:16:40,756 So wasted and sleepy. 382 00:16:41,363 --> 00:16:43,179 I could probably just crash here and, you know, 383 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,627 I can start looking for a place in the morning. 384 00:16:47,343 --> 00:16:50,202 What... You orchestrated this entire party 385 00:16:50,203 --> 00:16:52,387 just so you could weasel your way into staying here! 386 00:16:52,388 --> 00:16:53,570 You weren't even going to notice. 387 00:16:53,571 --> 00:16:55,067 Hey, Jeff, don't kill the messenger, 388 00:16:55,068 --> 00:16:58,068 but you have four hermit crabs in your bathroom sink. 389 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,977 You'll fall in love with them. I named one Jeff. 390 00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,912 How long did you actually think you were gonna stay here? 391 00:17:02,913 --> 00:17:06,024 Just a month. Three... Tops. 392 00:17:06,237 --> 00:17:08,436 I mean... how long is your lease? 393 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,317 Way to go, idiots! 394 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,358 All right, everybody out. 395 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:26,477 I'm not kidding. 396 00:17:27,162 --> 00:17:28,369 It's been very interesting 397 00:17:28,370 --> 00:17:31,750 getting to know you all much, much better. 398 00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:34,441 Star-burns, Leonard, Magnitude. 399 00:17:34,442 --> 00:17:35,486 Pop, pop 400 00:17:35,906 --> 00:17:39,265 swizzle, scandalous, C Dubb, Tim. 401 00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,296 Mighty D. Glisten. 402 00:17:41,297 --> 00:17:42,974 Good night, everyone. Faster. Move it. 403 00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:43,940 Thank you. 404 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:45,814 Well... 405 00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,040 I hope you found tonight therapeutic, 406 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:50,848 because I would love to pretend that that was my plan. 407 00:17:51,787 --> 00:17:52,756 Well, I actually started to have fun 408 00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:55,081 until that maniac tried to move in. 409 00:17:55,279 --> 00:17:58,463 What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? 410 00:17:58,604 --> 00:17:59,792 Is it my height? 411 00:17:59,899 --> 00:18:02,553 Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty? 412 00:18:02,554 --> 00:18:03,497 I don't know. 413 00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:05,380 But being as how you're halfway through 414 00:18:05,381 --> 00:18:07,955 your second year at Greendale, you may want to 415 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,674 either stop resisting 416 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,615 or admit that you're actually starting to enjoy it. 417 00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:14,157 Well, you assume I enjoy it 418 00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:16,255 because you think you'd enjoy it. 419 00:18:16,256 --> 00:18:19,040 That's true. I am very lonely. 420 00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:24,425 You want a, uh, nice little taste 421 00:18:24,426 --> 00:18:26,073 of what you're missing in a relationship 422 00:18:26,074 --> 00:18:27,330 with six nutcases? 423 00:18:27,331 --> 00:18:29,332 - Yeah! - Let's turn on my phone 424 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:30,902 and listen to the 39 messages 425 00:18:30,903 --> 00:18:32,348 they left tonight. 426 00:18:32,938 --> 00:18:35,602 You have no new messages. 427 00:18:37,336 --> 00:18:39,574 Huh. That's... 428 00:18:41,011 --> 00:18:41,944 Huh. 429 00:18:42,708 --> 00:18:44,022 Since you've got it turned on, 430 00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,315 why don't you call me a cab and then pay for it? 431 00:18:46,639 --> 00:18:48,270 Must have been some kind of trouble. 432 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,171 Ah... 433 00:18:50,689 --> 00:18:52,407 What a relief that would be. 434 00:18:54,308 --> 00:18:55,478 Tell you what, if you need me, 435 00:18:55,479 --> 00:18:57,813 I'm gonna be waiting for my cab down here. 436 00:18:59,444 --> 00:19:00,952 Having a special nap. 437 00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:13,103 Oh! 438 00:19:28,855 --> 00:19:30,769 Thanks, bro. I'll be gone in the morning. 439 00:19:31,185 --> 00:19:32,774 Yeah. Whatever. 440 00:19:32,775 --> 00:19:34,878 Okay. Maybe I stay a while. 441 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,198 - Thirsty. - Don't push it. 442 00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:41,447 All right... 443 00:19:42,308 --> 00:19:44,665 It might not shock you guys to hear the real reason 444 00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:46,243 we had a fight today... 445 00:19:47,596 --> 00:19:49,463 It wasn't about the Barenaked Ladies. 446 00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:51,849 Although I do have some unresolved issues there. 447 00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:55,051 Caring about a person can be scary. 448 00:19:55,223 --> 00:19:59,038 Caring about six people can be a horrifying embarrassing nightmare. 449 00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:00,262 At least for me. 450 00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,453 But if I can't say it today, 451 00:20:02,454 --> 00:20:03,996 when can I say it? 452 00:20:04,841 --> 00:20:06,215 I love you, guys. 453 00:20:06,910 --> 00:20:08,407 Oh, and, Pierce... 454 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,914 Take it from an expert... 455 00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:12,589 These knuckleheads are right outside your heart. 456 00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:14,254 Let them in. 457 00:20:15,003 --> 00:20:16,304 Before it's too late. 458 00:20:18,131 --> 00:20:19,563 Happy Valentine's Day. 459 00:20:26,613 --> 00:20:28,818 - Be mine? - Right! Yes! 460 00:20:33,349 --> 00:20:35,048 - Love you. - Amazing! 461 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,314 You're cute? 462 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:43,258 No, wait. 463 00:20:45,441 --> 00:20:47,793 - Kiss me. - There has got to be a way 464 00:20:47,794 --> 00:20:49,757 to make money off of this! 465 00:20:53,399 --> 00:20:54,459 I've been cheating. 466 00:20:58,169 --> 00:21:00,783 No. It says email me.