1 00:00:01,257 --> 00:00:02,455 So I go into the bathroom with Tom... 2 00:00:03,455 --> 00:00:06,752 And we both, you know... take 'em out. 3 00:00:06,859 --> 00:00:10,712 And I say, "Size more? Try size less." 4 00:00:12,523 --> 00:00:13,875 - Wow. - Wow. 5 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:16,637 I wanna go to rehab and compare penises with famous people. 6 00:00:16,638 --> 00:00:18,219 All in good time, kiddo. 7 00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:21,780 Well, uh, Pierce, we're very glad to have you back. 8 00:00:21,781 --> 00:00:23,536 I'm assuming. You? 9 00:00:24,584 --> 00:00:26,688 So... What should we do now? 10 00:00:29,399 --> 00:00:30,708 Well, I don't wanna be that guy, 11 00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:33,570 but I guess we should start studying Anthropology. 12 00:00:34,004 --> 00:00:35,094 Okay. 13 00:00:35,771 --> 00:00:38,166 Okay. Um... 14 00:00:39,764 --> 00:00:41,949 Chapter four. 15 00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:45,050 - Hello! - Oh, thank God! 16 00:00:45,051 --> 00:00:46,296 Yes! 17 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:47,519 Oh, my God. 18 00:00:48,202 --> 00:00:49,670 - Thank you. - What is it, dean? 19 00:00:49,671 --> 00:00:52,172 Oh, haha. I have exciting news. 20 00:00:52,173 --> 00:00:53,937 Vice president Joe Biden 21 00:00:53,938 --> 00:00:56,615 has been visiting community colleges across the country 22 00:00:56,616 --> 00:01:00,013 as part of his "Biden Time Talkin' 'Bout Teachin'" tour. 23 00:01:00,014 --> 00:01:01,977 Mm, folksy, yet progressive. 24 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,273 He does walk that line. 25 00:01:03,274 --> 00:01:06,330 Anyway, his tour is taking him to this neck of the woods, 26 00:01:06,331 --> 00:01:09,584 And at 5:00 P.M. today, he is stopping by Greendale! 27 00:01:10,215 --> 00:01:11,856 Eat that, city college and wash it down 28 00:01:11,857 --> 00:01:13,825 with a nice tall glass of suck it. 29 00:01:13,891 --> 00:01:15,370 The vice president is coming. 30 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,058 That explains the people I've noticed 31 00:01:17,059 --> 00:01:18,856 covertly surveilling the campus this week. 32 00:01:18,857 --> 00:01:19,980 Must be Secret Service. 33 00:01:19,981 --> 00:01:22,402 Oh, Abed, will your reality ever come out on Blu-Ray 34 00:01:22,403 --> 00:01:24,696 - so we can enjoy it? - We've been made. 35 00:01:24,722 --> 00:01:27,552 Only problem: Mr. Biden is supposed to be meeting 36 00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,906 with the dean... 37 00:01:29,101 --> 00:01:30,787 And the head of our student government, 38 00:01:30,788 --> 00:01:33,115 which in its current form doesn't exist. 39 00:01:33,116 --> 00:01:37,164 So we have seven hours to elect a student president. 40 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,027 Ah, what am I gonna wear? 41 00:01:39,028 --> 00:01:42,466 I mean, I could borrow my sister's Uncle Sam outfit. 42 00:01:42,939 --> 00:01:44,298 It's tailored for ladies 43 00:01:44,299 --> 00:01:47,049 but what else can I do on such short notice? 44 00:01:47,117 --> 00:01:49,161 Well, you can not dress up like Uncle Sam. 45 00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:51,661 Or admit you don't have a sister. 46 00:01:51,662 --> 00:01:53,508 We're electing a student president. 47 00:01:53,509 --> 00:01:54,381 I wanna run! 48 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,330 I have so many ideas for improving the school. 49 00:01:56,331 --> 00:01:58,553 Improving Greendale takes more than ideas, Annie. 50 00:01:58,554 --> 00:02:01,367 It takes time, gasoline, matches. 51 00:02:01,368 --> 00:02:02,887 Mm, nice. 52 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,697 Well, news flash, Jeff. Some of us care about more 53 00:02:05,698 --> 00:02:08,000 than just fixing our hair and sculpting our abs. 54 00:02:08,001 --> 00:02:09,934 Wow. You got me pegged. 55 00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,230 Democracy. What a ruse. 56 00:02:12,231 --> 00:02:13,896 There's no such thing as a system in which 57 00:02:13,897 --> 00:02:16,874 - the masses hold any... - Everyone wants you to shut up. 58 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,487 And yet I won't. Case in point. 59 00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:30,949 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 60 00:02:49,313 --> 00:02:52,686 We tend to take democracy for granted in America. 61 00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:56,399 But the fact is men have fought and died 62 00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:00,229 for the sacred right we exercise today. 63 00:03:00,864 --> 00:03:03,977 So anyone who wants to be president, 64 00:03:03,978 --> 00:03:06,680 line up by the ice cream machine. 65 00:03:06,681 --> 00:03:09,920 Your applause will determine who gets into the primaries. 66 00:03:09,921 --> 00:03:13,291 And yes, this is a ladies Uncle Sam outfit. 67 00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:15,966 It's my sister's. It was last-minute. 68 00:03:15,967 --> 00:03:17,046 I had no choice. 69 00:03:17,047 --> 00:03:19,237 I wonder if that's the same sister that tweets me 70 00:03:19,238 --> 00:03:21,248 to ask if I think her brother's cute. 71 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:22,591 Jeff, what happened to 72 00:03:22,592 --> 00:03:24,399 that pile of campaign fliers I gave you? 73 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,622 I hung 'em all up. 74 00:03:28,302 --> 00:03:29,479 Real nice. 75 00:03:29,544 --> 00:03:31,262 Is it too much to ask you to pitch in? 76 00:03:31,263 --> 00:03:33,858 I'm sorry, Annie. I'm not the worker bee type. 77 00:03:33,859 --> 00:03:36,620 I'm more of a silverback gorilla with the claws a lion, 78 00:03:36,621 --> 00:03:39,276 the teeth of a shark, and the quiet dignity of a tortoise. 79 00:03:39,277 --> 00:03:41,639 All right. First up is this fella. 80 00:03:41,730 --> 00:03:42,963 Let's go. Come on. 81 00:03:42,964 --> 00:03:44,379 All right, tell everybody your name. 82 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:46,220 - Garrett. - Okay, Garrett. 83 00:03:46,221 --> 00:03:48,128 And why do you want to be president? 84 00:03:48,129 --> 00:03:51,310 I wanted ice cream, so I got in line... 85 00:03:51,311 --> 00:03:54,344 Okay, okay. He wanted ice cream. 86 00:03:54,345 --> 00:03:55,657 So what do we say, gang? 87 00:03:55,658 --> 00:03:56,863 Does he make it to the next round? 88 00:03:56,864 --> 00:03:58,263 By applause. 89 00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,597 Oh! We've got our first nominee. 90 00:04:01,598 --> 00:04:02,858 All right, the bar has been set. 91 00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:05,193 All right, stand to the side. Stand to the side. 92 00:04:05,758 --> 00:04:06,949 You know what? 93 00:04:06,950 --> 00:04:09,272 At least worker bees can set aside their egos 94 00:04:09,273 --> 00:04:11,479 and join together to support a larger cause. 95 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,251 Oh, right, because politics are all about larger causes. 96 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:16,519 Face it, Annie. 97 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:21,481 Politics are all about ego, popularity, and parlor tricks. 98 00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:22,862 Don't kid a lawyer. 99 00:04:23,449 --> 00:04:25,600 Well, if I see one, I won't. 100 00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:30,038 Oh, it's a girl! Look at this. 101 00:04:30,039 --> 00:04:32,284 She's got a yellow shirt and a hat. 102 00:04:32,285 --> 00:04:33,511 Who are you, sweetie? 103 00:04:33,512 --> 00:04:34,639 Uh, Vicki. 104 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,691 Who's up for some Vicki, huh? 105 00:04:36,893 --> 00:04:39,607 Abed Nadir, I'm special agent Robin Vohlers. 106 00:04:39,608 --> 00:04:40,481 This is special agent Keenlan 107 00:04:40,482 --> 00:04:41,971 of the United States Secret Service. 108 00:04:41,972 --> 00:04:44,307 Will you submit to a search of your personal belongings? 109 00:04:44,308 --> 00:04:45,362 Sure. 110 00:04:47,805 --> 00:04:49,557 If I may ask, how did you notice 111 00:04:49,558 --> 00:04:50,845 the campus was being observed? 112 00:04:50,846 --> 00:04:52,982 I guess I noticed because I'm used to being the only observer. 113 00:04:53,111 --> 00:04:56,247 Well, we're not used to being noticed. 114 00:04:56,579 --> 00:04:58,000 That sounds a little sad. 115 00:05:00,157 --> 00:05:01,338 He's clean. 116 00:05:02,892 --> 00:05:04,811 Although I could issue a warning 117 00:05:04,812 --> 00:05:06,635 for this bootleg of The Last Airbender. 118 00:05:06,636 --> 00:05:07,964 Where were you a week ago? 119 00:05:11,492 --> 00:05:12,575 You can keep it. 120 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,505 Well, another one makes the cut. 121 00:05:15,506 --> 00:05:17,034 Congratulations, Leonard. 122 00:05:17,697 --> 00:05:19,529 Oh, yes, wonderful. 123 00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:22,044 Next up, Annie Edison. 124 00:05:24,717 --> 00:05:26,769 My name is Annie Edison. 125 00:05:26,770 --> 00:05:29,569 And if elected, I promise to make Greendale 126 00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:32,985 the signature community college of the entire western 127 00:05:32,986 --> 00:05:36,253 - 3/4 of the Greendale area. - Annie! 128 00:05:36,254 --> 00:05:40,542 Oh, whoa! Looks like you're in the running, Annie. 129 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:44,082 Looks like it is hard not to be. Next up... 130 00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:45,676 I'm sorry. Hey, I got the heat, I gotta go. 131 00:05:46,673 --> 00:05:49,808 I believe that humankind need not be governed. 132 00:05:54,423 --> 00:05:55,683 I don't care. 133 00:05:57,195 --> 00:05:59,423 Well, it's good to know there's a floor on this thing. 134 00:05:59,424 --> 00:06:01,755 Thank you, miss Perry. 135 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,617 Oh, Annie, I'm so proud of you. 136 00:06:04,618 --> 00:06:06,143 People love you. 137 00:06:06,144 --> 00:06:08,568 I believe this campus is a good place, 138 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,862 filled with good people who just need someone 139 00:06:10,863 --> 00:06:12,337 to protect their interests. 140 00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,439 Jeff Winger! 141 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:19,396 My name is Jeff. I'm no politician. 142 00:06:19,397 --> 00:06:20,795 I'm just a fella. 143 00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:24,827 I think that beer should be cold and boots should be dusty. 144 00:06:25,048 --> 00:06:27,031 I think 9/11 was bad. 145 00:06:27,161 --> 00:06:31,405 And freedom, well, I think that's just a little bit better. 146 00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:35,510 Whoo! Yeah! 147 00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:52,018 The countdown has begun. 148 00:06:52,019 --> 00:06:53,955 And at 5:00 tonight, one student will be president 149 00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,434 while the rest will simply be. 150 00:06:55,435 --> 00:06:57,447 For Greendale campus TV, I'm Abed Nadir. 151 00:06:57,448 --> 00:07:00,966 I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. What? That's my name. 152 00:07:00,967 --> 00:07:02,879 As we head into the first round of the debates, 153 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,383 there are eight candidates in the lead. 154 00:07:04,384 --> 00:07:07,152 Annie Edison... smart, attractive, but easily vexed. 155 00:07:07,153 --> 00:07:08,830 - Leonard Rodriguez... - Did he change his last name? 156 00:07:08,831 --> 00:07:10,157 Yeah, he's trying to court the Hispanic vote. 157 00:07:10,158 --> 00:07:11,363 Alex "Starburns" Osbourne... 158 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,033 Creepy. Seems Greek. Possible drug dealer. 159 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,510 - Jeff Winger. - Crowd favorite. 160 00:07:15,511 --> 00:07:16,556 They call him Hot Wings. 161 00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:18,131 - Magnitude. - Short for Magnetic Attitude. 162 00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:19,390 He's a one-man party. 163 00:07:19,391 --> 00:07:21,124 Pierce Hawthorne. The wizard of wet wipes. 164 00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:22,147 I live with that dude. 165 00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:24,002 He's got night terrors and a rotary phone. 166 00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:25,615 - Garrett. - That guy's just a mess. 167 00:07:25,616 --> 00:07:27,015 It's like God spilled a person. 168 00:07:27,016 --> 00:07:30,053 - And Vicki. - Yellow shirt, hat. 169 00:07:30,054 --> 00:07:33,249 Girl... you know, you gotta ask yourself right now, Abed. 170 00:07:33,935 --> 00:07:36,512 - What's up with politics? - Yeah, yeah. 171 00:07:36,513 --> 00:07:37,644 You're precisely right, Troy. 172 00:07:37,645 --> 00:07:38,841 You know, I hear they're getting ready to start, 173 00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:40,712 so we'll turn it over to coverage of the debates. 174 00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:46,588 Who's that? 175 00:07:46,589 --> 00:07:48,920 Special agent Vohlers. United States Secret Service. 176 00:07:49,191 --> 00:07:51,564 Do you just constantly have your own little side adventures? 177 00:07:51,565 --> 00:07:52,512 Yep. 178 00:07:53,296 --> 00:07:54,434 Me too. 179 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,091 Hmm. 180 00:08:00,092 --> 00:08:01,864 Jeff, knock it off. 181 00:08:01,865 --> 00:08:03,104 You're not running sincerely. 182 00:08:03,105 --> 00:08:04,872 You're not even interested in student government. 183 00:08:04,873 --> 00:08:06,793 I know, and yet, the people love me. 184 00:08:06,794 --> 00:08:09,225 It's almost as if politics were a huge joke. 185 00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:11,101 Okay, look. 186 00:08:11,102 --> 00:08:12,974 I'm sorry I asked you to hang my fliers, 187 00:08:12,975 --> 00:08:14,974 but I suggest you drop out right now, 188 00:08:14,975 --> 00:08:16,309 because not only will I beat you, 189 00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:17,456 I will make you cry. 190 00:08:17,457 --> 00:08:18,421 Mmm. 191 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,953 Oh, I feel a slight ego 192 00:08:20,954 --> 00:08:22,055 blowing in from the east. 193 00:08:22,056 --> 00:08:23,817 You're gonna feel my foot blowing in from the south. 194 00:08:23,818 --> 00:08:24,989 Bring it on, Ponce de Leon. 195 00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:26,830 I'm gonna, Greg Muldunna. 196 00:08:28,111 --> 00:08:29,152 It's a real guy. 197 00:08:29,153 --> 00:08:30,342 He owns a mattress store downtown. 198 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,586 You can look it up. 199 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,519 Hey, Vicki. 200 00:08:34,638 --> 00:08:35,722 Psst! 201 00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:39,221 Vicki, look at me. Psst! 202 00:08:40,106 --> 00:08:42,206 - I'm going to crush you. - Pierce! 203 00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:43,001 Stop that! 204 00:08:43,002 --> 00:08:44,406 I'm gonna eat your brains, Vicki. 205 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,236 I'm gonna slurp 'em right out of that melon 206 00:08:46,237 --> 00:08:46,991 you call a head. 207 00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:48,739 A reminder to all candidates: 208 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:50,806 Your microphones are currently on. 209 00:08:50,807 --> 00:08:53,025 Well, they better be, 'cause I'm on fire up here. 210 00:08:54,051 --> 00:08:56,028 You freak people out, you know that? 211 00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,485 You look weird... 212 00:08:58,415 --> 00:08:59,783 Because of your overbite. 213 00:08:59,784 --> 00:09:01,998 Okay, let's just get started. 214 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:06,081 Welcome to the Greendale Community College presidential debate. 215 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:10,187 Candidates, if elected, what will you do? 216 00:09:10,407 --> 00:09:11,498 Oh, Annie? 217 00:09:11,499 --> 00:09:14,215 I'm running on a platform of school improvement. 218 00:09:14,216 --> 00:09:16,485 If I'm elected, the black mold 219 00:09:16,486 --> 00:09:18,768 will be removed from the east stairwell. 220 00:09:18,769 --> 00:09:21,642 The assailant known only as "the asscrack bandit" 221 00:09:21,643 --> 00:09:23,322 will be brought to justice. 222 00:09:23,323 --> 00:09:25,744 And I will balance the school's budget 223 00:09:25,745 --> 00:09:28,604 by eliminating administrative redundancies. 224 00:09:29,630 --> 00:09:31,407 Okay. I'm in the room. 225 00:09:31,408 --> 00:09:33,281 Thank you, miss Edison. 226 00:09:33,412 --> 00:09:34,379 Mr. Winger? 227 00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:36,142 Well, that's an important question. 228 00:09:36,338 --> 00:09:39,310 And it's important to students like Jeremy, 229 00:09:39,311 --> 00:09:41,924 who told me today that he is majoring in Astronomy 230 00:09:41,925 --> 00:09:43,991 and is supporting two children. 231 00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:46,983 It's an important question to Maria, 232 00:09:46,984 --> 00:09:49,830 who's a beautiful Latina born in Nicaragua, 233 00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:51,479 working in the cafeteria. 234 00:09:51,578 --> 00:09:53,518 What will I do, dean? 235 00:09:53,519 --> 00:09:56,615 Well, these people don't want me to say what I'll do. 236 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,677 They want me to do what I'll say. 237 00:09:59,678 --> 00:10:00,757 Oh. 238 00:10:03,284 --> 00:10:05,378 They love it when you shuffle the words around. 239 00:10:05,921 --> 00:10:07,133 Magnitude? 240 00:10:07,294 --> 00:10:08,454 Pop! Pop! 241 00:10:08,455 --> 00:10:09,698 Oh, no! 242 00:10:11,888 --> 00:10:13,110 Same question. 243 00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:14,324 Same answer. 244 00:10:14,373 --> 00:10:15,445 Pop! Pop! 245 00:10:15,446 --> 00:10:16,664 Oh! 246 00:10:18,498 --> 00:10:20,414 Mind if I ask you a few questions, Mr. Nadir? 247 00:10:20,415 --> 00:10:21,367 Okay. 248 00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,535 Was there a specific reason 249 00:10:22,536 --> 00:10:24,151 you had to repeat the first grade? 250 00:10:24,152 --> 00:10:25,639 Well, from what I'm told, 251 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:26,849 I didn't know how to use scissors, 252 00:10:26,850 --> 00:10:27,953 I sat in the middle of the seesaw, 253 00:10:27,954 --> 00:10:28,759 and I always found the distinction 254 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,389 between duck and goose to be very arbitrary. 255 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,099 Couldn't you just pick the sixth kid every time? 256 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,305 That's what I... 257 00:10:34,161 --> 00:10:35,435 Would have done. 258 00:10:35,659 --> 00:10:37,047 I went with four. 259 00:10:39,216 --> 00:10:41,513 Geez, get a room, you two. 260 00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:44,338 Pierce Hawthorne, your platform? 261 00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,093 My platform will be one high enough 262 00:10:46,094 --> 00:10:48,081 to push Vicki off to her death. 263 00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,208 Ugh! 264 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:50,849 Vicki! 265 00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,458 It looks like Vicki is out of the race. 266 00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:53,931 Oh, well, then I am too. 267 00:10:53,932 --> 00:10:55,368 I was only here to get back at her 268 00:10:55,369 --> 00:10:56,909 for not lending me a pencil. 269 00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,597 Okay. Wow. 270 00:10:59,002 --> 00:10:59,790 Uh, well... 271 00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,374 Can we get back on track here? 272 00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,412 I just want to get the black mold 273 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,191 out of the east stairwell. 274 00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:09,216 I just want to clean up Greendale. 275 00:11:09,217 --> 00:11:10,946 Are you saying Greendale is dirty? 276 00:11:10,947 --> 00:11:13,009 Oh, boo. 277 00:11:13,041 --> 00:11:14,797 - Boo. - Well... 278 00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:16,874 Of course it's dirty. 279 00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:18,032 Everyone knows that. 280 00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:19,253 I don't, Annie. 281 00:11:19,764 --> 00:11:21,167 I think it's clean. 282 00:11:21,277 --> 00:11:22,955 I think it's the cleanest school 283 00:11:22,956 --> 00:11:24,746 in the entire country. 284 00:11:24,929 --> 00:11:25,758 You know it is. 285 00:11:25,759 --> 00:11:26,533 Looks like Jeff Winger's really 286 00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:27,755 got this thing in the bag. 287 00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:28,687 Sure does, Troy. 288 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,790 Say what you will about this or that, 289 00:11:29,791 --> 00:11:31,093 but people just like the guy. 290 00:11:31,656 --> 00:11:34,855 Read my lips... 291 00:11:35,387 --> 00:11:37,976 No matter what you're told... 292 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:41,290 We have to clean the mold. 293 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,139 No matter what you're told... 294 00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:46,621 We have to clean the mold! 295 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:47,699 That's right, people! 296 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,939 No matter what you're told... 297 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:52,089 We have to clean the mold. 298 00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:52,892 - Come on. - Yeah! 299 00:11:52,893 --> 00:11:54,565 Well, this is interesting. 300 00:11:54,566 --> 00:11:55,919 Annie Edison has reduced her platform 301 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,573 to one issue and turned that issue into a sound bite. 302 00:11:58,574 --> 00:12:01,552 And it rhymes and people love it. 303 00:12:01,692 --> 00:12:03,455 This election's become a real horse race. 304 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,541 According to our polls, the campus is almost 305 00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:06,544 evenly divided. 306 00:12:06,545 --> 00:12:08,004 Now keep in mind the margin of error 307 00:12:08,005 --> 00:12:09,244 on this thing is about 98%. 308 00:12:09,245 --> 00:12:09,982 Could be higher. 309 00:12:09,983 --> 00:12:11,121 We don't even know how to do margins of error. 310 00:12:11,122 --> 00:12:12,280 We talked to two people at a vending machine. 311 00:12:12,281 --> 00:12:13,959 Well, I'm being told we're taking a quick break, 312 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,447 - but stay tuned. - They have to stay tuned. 313 00:12:15,448 --> 00:12:17,204 - It's closed circuit television. - Don't know what that means. 314 00:12:17,205 --> 00:12:18,461 And we're out. 315 00:12:20,488 --> 00:12:21,839 Can I get an apple juice, please? 316 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,212 Freshly squeezed this time or so help me God, Maurice. 317 00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:26,330 Abed, those guys in the suits 318 00:12:26,331 --> 00:12:29,013 are trashing your dorm room real bad, bro. 319 00:12:37,232 --> 00:12:38,156 What are you doing? 320 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,542 Random spot check, Mr. Nadir. 321 00:12:39,543 --> 00:12:40,734 Stay out of our way. 322 00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:41,888 Nothing suspicious. 323 00:12:41,889 --> 00:12:43,767 Glenn, bring the car around. 324 00:12:48,011 --> 00:12:49,033 What are you looking for, Robin? 325 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:51,235 Fertilizer, car battery, PVC piping, 326 00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:52,348 anything suspicious. 327 00:12:52,349 --> 00:12:53,791 Because you think I'm suspicious? 328 00:12:55,715 --> 00:12:58,365 Or because you wish I was suspicious, 329 00:12:58,366 --> 00:12:59,664 so that you would have an excuse to see more of me. 330 00:12:59,665 --> 00:13:00,724 This was a random spot check. 331 00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,535 - Do you like me? - That's not really relevant. 332 00:13:04,572 --> 00:13:05,955 That's close enough. 333 00:13:06,615 --> 00:13:07,865 Are you sure? 334 00:13:09,068 --> 00:13:10,520 You smell like nice soap. 335 00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:12,652 I have to go. 336 00:13:15,765 --> 00:13:17,173 I'm sorry you weren't a more obvious 337 00:13:17,174 --> 00:13:19,014 potential threat to the country. 338 00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:27,303 People are pretty excited about this black mold issue. 339 00:13:27,304 --> 00:13:28,057 We'll see. 340 00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,184 For my closing statement, I'm thinking 341 00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:31,044 about smashing a watermelon with a hammer. 342 00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:33,323 Jeff, if I admit politics are stupid, 343 00:13:33,324 --> 00:13:34,979 will you stop making them stupid? 344 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,352 You're gonna split the vote and Starburns 345 00:13:36,353 --> 00:13:37,570 is gonna end up president. 346 00:13:37,571 --> 00:13:39,933 I'm the only one up here who's trying to get something done. 347 00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:42,459 And you deserve to be allowed to do it? 348 00:13:42,534 --> 00:13:44,796 You're entitled to be president? 349 00:13:44,937 --> 00:13:47,169 The gloves are coming off. You understand me? 350 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:49,654 I have an audio-visual presentation. 351 00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:50,835 Wow. I'm shaking. 352 00:13:50,836 --> 00:13:52,696 You should be. You should be. 353 00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:55,352 All right, let us resume. 354 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,131 Star-burns, we haven't heard from you 355 00:13:58,132 --> 00:13:59,481 on this black mold issue. 356 00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:01,492 Yeah, I actually withdraw my candidacy. 357 00:14:01,493 --> 00:14:04,030 I fear a political career will shine 358 00:14:04,031 --> 00:14:06,055 a negative light on my drug dealing. 359 00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:07,289 Thank you. 360 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:11,061 Dean, before this election stops being about the issues, 361 00:14:11,062 --> 00:14:13,296 I have a question for my opponents. 362 00:14:13,701 --> 00:14:15,324 What's your favorite color? 363 00:14:15,325 --> 00:14:17,039 Mine's a three-way tie. 364 00:14:17,214 --> 00:14:20,538 Red, white, and blue. 365 00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:23,807 Magnitude, a response? 366 00:14:23,808 --> 00:14:25,414 I think you know, dean. 367 00:14:26,295 --> 00:14:28,126 Pop! Pop! 368 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,390 Oh, I set him up. 369 00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:35,769 I have an audio-visual presentation, dean. 370 00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:37,302 Oh, well, that sounds interesting. 371 00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:38,748 What's your presentation, Annie? 372 00:14:38,749 --> 00:14:41,044 My presentation is a copy of Jeff Winger's 373 00:14:41,045 --> 00:14:44,675 1997 audition tape for MTV's The Real World. 374 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,141 What? What? 375 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,407 Let's just roll it. Thanks. 376 00:14:50,076 --> 00:14:52,219 Hey, I'm Jeff Winger and I'd love 377 00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,768 to be on MTV's Real World: Seattle. 378 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,261 So check this out. 379 00:15:11,761 --> 00:15:13,131 Where the hell did you get that? 380 00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:15,976 Folks, who do you want shaking Joe Biden's hand 381 00:15:15,977 --> 00:15:17,380 at 5:00 P.M.? 382 00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:19,691 Me or... 383 00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:22,785 Shut up! I was, like, 19. 384 00:15:22,786 --> 00:15:25,975 We've all been 19, Jeff, and none of us did this. 385 00:15:26,106 --> 00:15:27,124 None of us. 386 00:15:29,132 --> 00:15:30,562 Pop! Pop! 387 00:15:31,171 --> 00:15:32,332 I hate you! 388 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:33,870 I hate this school! 389 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,116 And I hope you all get black mold poisoning! 390 00:15:37,117 --> 00:15:38,030 Oh, Jeffrey, no! 391 00:15:38,031 --> 00:15:40,204 I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! 392 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:41,713 Oh, Jeffrey, no. 393 00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:54,377 Are you in here? 394 00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:57,170 Yeah, to be alone. 395 00:15:57,171 --> 00:15:59,546 I've already established the men's room doesn't work. 396 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,372 You have an apartment. 397 00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:02,576 There are people in the parking lot 398 00:16:02,577 --> 00:16:03,973 singing that song. 399 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,213 I went too far. 400 00:16:06,645 --> 00:16:07,647 I'm sorry. 401 00:16:07,648 --> 00:16:09,571 I didn't know it would be that bad. 402 00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:10,820 You knew. 403 00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:12,119 You didn't care. 404 00:16:12,462 --> 00:16:13,476 But don't apologize. 405 00:16:13,477 --> 00:16:15,159 I got what I deserved. 406 00:16:15,648 --> 00:16:18,976 I am a gross, jaded adult 407 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:20,829 with control issues that couldn't let 408 00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:24,393 a young, bright, idealistic kid run for president. 409 00:16:27,825 --> 00:16:29,869 Wait, isn't there a final round of debates? 410 00:16:30,141 --> 00:16:31,994 Yeah. I... 411 00:16:32,874 --> 00:16:33,682 You guys! 412 00:16:33,683 --> 00:16:34,482 You're missing it! 413 00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:36,218 Troy, I'm out. 414 00:16:36,224 --> 00:16:37,157 Me too. 415 00:16:37,158 --> 00:16:38,799 I withdrew my candidacy. 416 00:16:38,861 --> 00:16:40,525 Nobody that treats a friend the way that I did 417 00:16:40,526 --> 00:16:42,088 is fit to represent the student body. 418 00:16:42,089 --> 00:16:44,113 Uh, yeah, I know you're both out. 419 00:16:44,114 --> 00:16:45,641 I'm saying you're missing it. 420 00:16:45,642 --> 00:16:47,908 It's the political showdown of the century. 421 00:16:47,909 --> 00:16:49,006 Come on. 422 00:16:49,038 --> 00:16:50,392 Pop! Pop! 423 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,767 Pop! Pop! 424 00:16:53,665 --> 00:16:55,049 Pop! Pop! 425 00:16:55,692 --> 00:16:57,162 Pop! Pop! 426 00:16:57,218 --> 00:16:58,769 You should have stayed in the running. 427 00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,253 You're the only real candidate. 428 00:17:00,254 --> 00:17:03,341 No, I was just another jerk trying to win a contest. 429 00:17:03,642 --> 00:17:05,009 You were right the whole time. 430 00:17:05,010 --> 00:17:06,690 I just couldn't admit it until I saw you 431 00:17:06,691 --> 00:17:08,619 running away crying. 432 00:17:09,022 --> 00:17:10,042 Yay. 433 00:17:10,043 --> 00:17:12,673 I care what you think about me, you know? 434 00:17:12,674 --> 00:17:15,746 Yeah, well, I care what you think about me. 435 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,573 That's why this happened. 436 00:17:17,574 --> 00:17:19,010 Okay, well... 437 00:17:20,274 --> 00:17:22,084 Resolved, then. 438 00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:24,178 Resolved. 439 00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:29,467 When we seek to destroy others, 440 00:17:29,677 --> 00:17:31,639 we often hurt our self. 441 00:17:32,811 --> 00:17:36,340 Because it is the self that wants to be destroyed. 442 00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:39,367 Pierce, you're not usually so poignant. 443 00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:43,198 Well, Vicki finally lent me her pencil. 444 00:17:43,199 --> 00:17:44,831 Oh, my God! Pierce! 445 00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:46,385 Go to the health center! 446 00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:47,804 Yeah. 447 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:51,154 Well, we've finally reached the end of election road. 448 00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:53,252 Arguments have been made, pops have been popped. 449 00:17:53,253 --> 00:17:55,320 Hearts have been stirred, perhaps broken. 450 00:17:55,753 --> 00:17:58,086 The only thing that remains is to tally the vote 451 00:17:58,087 --> 00:18:00,265 in this matchup between the youthful, 452 00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:02,001 charismatic Magnitude, 453 00:18:02,002 --> 00:18:03,941 and the Leonard "the Human Raisin" Rodriguez. 454 00:18:03,942 --> 00:18:05,904 Two men fighting for the same piece of earth. 455 00:18:06,184 --> 00:18:08,158 One recently born. One soon to die. 456 00:18:08,159 --> 00:18:10,873 A competition reflecting the pointlessness of life. 457 00:18:11,669 --> 00:18:13,549 Pull up, Abed. You're in a nosedive. 458 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,633 I'm being told now that dean Pelton 459 00:18:15,634 --> 00:18:16,551 is prepared to announce a winner. 460 00:18:16,552 --> 00:18:18,484 We take you now live to across the room. 461 00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:21,040 Okay. Here we go. 462 00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:22,701 Thank you, Sergio. 463 00:18:22,784 --> 00:18:24,685 With 11 votes cast... 464 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,811 11? Come on, people. 465 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,963 The landslide winner of the student election 466 00:18:31,964 --> 00:18:36,136 with seven votes is... 467 00:18:36,137 --> 00:18:37,567 South Park. 468 00:18:38,479 --> 00:18:40,334 Okay. You know what? 469 00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:42,388 I seem to recall this is why we abolished 470 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,124 student government in the first place. 471 00:18:44,125 --> 00:18:46,913 This is exactly what happened ten years ago. 472 00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:50,412 Hey, how hard is it to get rid of black mold? 473 00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,785 What do we need, buckets and sponges? 474 00:18:53,515 --> 00:18:55,682 I don't actually know. 475 00:18:56,347 --> 00:18:57,639 We'll look it up. 476 00:18:58,964 --> 00:19:00,127 M'lady. 477 00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,596 Well, there you have it. 478 00:19:01,597 --> 00:19:03,049 In a shocking write-in upset, 479 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:05,428 the Comedy Central cartoon series South Park 480 00:19:05,429 --> 00:19:08,055 has been elected president of the Greendale student body. 481 00:19:08,056 --> 00:19:09,929 Not that shocking to me. I voted for it. 482 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:10,926 - For real? - Mm-hmm. 483 00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:12,368 Me too. Aww. 484 00:19:12,468 --> 00:19:14,145 We can never stop being friends. 485 00:19:14,536 --> 00:19:15,904 As the confetti gets swept away 486 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,553 and we begin gearing up for next year's election, 487 00:19:17,554 --> 00:19:19,771 for GCTV, I'm Abed Nadir saying, 488 00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:20,549 "Did you know you could make napalm 489 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,419 out of common dish soap and cat food?" 490 00:19:22,874 --> 00:19:24,028 What? 491 00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:25,226 Why would you say that? 492 00:19:32,845 --> 00:19:34,524 - Vohlers. - Hmm? 493 00:19:34,525 --> 00:19:35,506 Yeah. 494 00:19:37,432 --> 00:19:38,142 I'm sorry, sir. 495 00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:39,656 We're gonna have to move on to city college. 496 00:19:39,657 --> 00:19:41,963 Apparently there's an elevated threat level at Greendale. 497 00:19:42,132 --> 00:19:42,958 But don't worry. 498 00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:45,618 I'll check it out... Personally. 499 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:46,655 Whatever. 500 00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:52,526 I had a dream I was the regular president. 501 00:19:58,729 --> 00:20:00,443 You've done so much for our city. 502 00:20:00,444 --> 00:20:04,342 Kickpuncher, is there anything that we can give you? 503 00:20:05,082 --> 00:20:07,373 Don't call me Kickpuncher. 504 00:20:07,511 --> 00:20:10,032 Call me... David. 505 00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:22,998 This was fun. 506 00:20:24,422 --> 00:20:25,464 Maybe you can observe me having dinner 507 00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:26,867 next time you're in town. 508 00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:28,908 Honk twice for "yes," once for "no." 509 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:35,273 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 510 00:20:35,473 --> 00:20:45,463 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com