1 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,505 Annie, two gifts? 2 00:00:05,556 --> 00:00:06,839 Thank you. 3 00:00:06,891 --> 00:00:08,475 Well, I wanted to get the baby a doll 4 00:00:08,543 --> 00:00:10,944 and since the father might be Andre or Chang, 5 00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:13,196 I wanted all ethnic bases covered. 6 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:16,416 So there's a little African-American girl. 7 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:22,289 And there's a very nice letter from the manufacturer 8 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,124 promising to expand their selection. 9 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,026 Oh, is everyone enjoying their egg rolls 10 00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:27,827 and/or Mieliepap. 11 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,764 A traditional maize porridge popular in Ghana? 12 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,133 Annie, you are aware that baby showers can be race neutral. 13 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,635 Yes, thank you, Annie, for trying to be inclusive, 14 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:39,723 but, um, regardless of any biological happenstance, 15 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,758 this baby will be raised by Andre and I. 16 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,511 That's right. And I seem to recall a story 17 00:00:44,579 --> 00:00:46,012 about a man named Joseph 18 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,014 who happily raised a baby that wasn't his. 19 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,917 History's greatest chump. 20 00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:53,053 We're talking about Joe Kennedy, right? 21 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,438 It's cool. If it's mine, I'll be a lovable uncle. 22 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,191 Okay, a creepy uncle. Final offer. 23 00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,393 This is from me and Troy. 24 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,828 When your child is a lone scavenger 25 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,129 in the nuclear wasteland, 26 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,731 clean water will be worth its weight in gold. 27 00:01:04,782 --> 00:01:06,899 Yeah, we wanted to get him a sawed-off shotgun, 28 00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:09,736 but those are pretty expensive already. 29 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:11,371 Sorry. You people eat this stuff? 30 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:13,106 I've never seen that stuff in my life. 31 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,442 You know, you really shouldn't say "you people." 32 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,443 Oh, it's okay. 33 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,611 Pierce was having trouble 34 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,212 quitting offensive phrases cold Turkey, 35 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,747 so we've created a bargaining system. 36 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:23,783 We traded "you people" for some of his other favorite phrases. 37 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:27,220 Yeah, I really got... Jewish-personed out of that one. 38 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:30,140 - Here, open mine. - Thank you. 39 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,829 Oh, a cigar cutter, 40 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,264 "Max" magazine, and hot sauce. 41 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,265 It's a theme gift. 42 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,567 Yeah, I believe the theme is 43 00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:42,102 "stuff lying around my apartment." 44 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,436 Sorry I'm late. 45 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,989 Can I get a ni hao up in this hizzy? 46 00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,458 Why is everyone in this school obsessed with race? 47 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,744 White-people problems. 48 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,246 Ooh, that looks fun. 49 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,548 Oh, Troy, Abed, who was that cute guy 50 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,350 that I saw you outside with earlier? 51 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,952 Oh, that's Lukka. That's our new friend. 52 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,087 - He's in Troy's history class. - Oh, yeah, he's awesome. 53 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,756 He has an accent. He rolls his own cigarettes. 54 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,357 And he plays the same video games as us. 55 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:05,458 We like him a lot. 56 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,294 So you're not allowed to bone him. 57 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,096 You just guaranteed she'll bone him. 58 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,432 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 59 00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:14,484 Mmm. Ugh, who am I kidding? 60 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,770 I should be putting this right on my thighs. 61 00:02:44,048 --> 00:02:45,699 Watch out, Abed. There's a guy on your six. 62 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,517 That's why I'm taking out my nine millimeter. 63 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,635 Please. 64 00:02:48,703 --> 00:02:50,103 In my country, we give nine millimeter 65 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,905 to little girl for sweet 16. 66 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,840 - Try grenade launcher. - Cool. 67 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,678 Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. 68 00:02:58,729 --> 00:03:00,547 Knock, knock. 69 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,382 Hey, I was just stopping by. 70 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,217 Oh, is this a bad time? 71 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,218 Yeah. 72 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,386 Gentlemen, it's no way 73 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,254 to treat a girl that looks this way. 74 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,289 Come in. 75 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,074 - I'm Lukka. - Britta. 76 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:12,492 Like, uh, Britney Spears. 77 00:03:12,543 --> 00:03:14,411 Exactly like Britney Spears. 78 00:03:20,584 --> 00:03:22,268 Britta was just leaving. 79 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,586 No, no, no, stay. 80 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,872 Visit with your friends. I must go anyway. 81 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:28,174 - Oh! - Yes, I'm cooking Podvarak. 82 00:03:28,225 --> 00:03:30,276 - Oh, I've never had that. - I could make for you. 83 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,262 Okay, I'll give you my number. 84 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,848 You are her boyfriends? 85 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,517 I love these guys. 86 00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,569 They make funny with their mouths. 87 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,187 Here you go. 88 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:44,057 - I leave. - Okay. 89 00:03:44,125 --> 00:03:45,158 What? 90 00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,026 - He asked me out. - You're not allowed. 91 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,428 - Not allowed? - You'll ruin him. 92 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,763 - I'll ruin him? - Stop repeating. 93 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,414 Stop rep... rimanding me, 94 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:52,766 and explain why I'll ruin him. 95 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,801 Britta, you date guys that we think are cool, 96 00:03:54,869 --> 00:03:56,703 and when you decide you don't like them anymore, 97 00:03:56,771 --> 00:03:58,037 you tell us horrible things about them 98 00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:59,038 that we can never unhear. 99 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,240 Name one guy I did that with. 100 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,109 - That one dude, tall Kyle. - Jeff. 101 00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:04,611 Jeff? I ruined Jeff? 102 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,546 Oh, you mean Jeff "nipple play" winger? 103 00:04:06,597 --> 00:04:08,581 No, as you can see, we're still hanging out with him. 104 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,116 How's it going, Jeff? 105 00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:11,384 Promise me you won't date Lukka, 106 00:04:11,435 --> 00:04:12,752 and I'll give you one of these. 107 00:04:12,803 --> 00:04:14,637 It's a sweatshirt I made 108 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,623 for everyone who was part of the paintball adventure last year. 109 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:17,991 You should have given me 110 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,592 one of those a long time ago. I kicked your asses. 111 00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,982 Don't date Lukka. 112 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,667 "Hit my genie bottle"? 113 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,603 What the... what was that? 114 00:04:30,654 --> 00:04:31,988 Ooh, ooh, Jeff, Jeff, 115 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,990 I was, um, hoping you can help me with something? 116 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,242 Sure. Let's have a look here. 117 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,994 Let's see, uh, pieces of paper, 118 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,579 stapled together, lot of writing. 119 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,080 I'm afraid this is as far as I can go. 120 00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:42,916 No, no, no, I don't want you to read it, Jeff. 121 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,751 I want you to help me get Chang to sign it. 122 00:04:44,802 --> 00:04:46,052 It's a little something-something 123 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,170 I had an attorney draw up. 124 00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,454 This little something-something 125 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,023 is a forfeiture of parental rights. 126 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,891 Mm-hmm. Better safe than sorry. 127 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,359 Why do you need me to make Chang 128 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,477 sign away his hypothetical baby? 129 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,295 Isn't he sort of living with you? 130 00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:58,181 - Not cool, Shirley. - You have a rapport with him... 131 00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,532 Not cool, Shirley. 132 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,518 Besides, as your friend, can I tell you, 133 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:02,969 don't poke that bear. 134 00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,354 I mean, I think right now 135 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,272 you're as protected as you can get. 136 00:05:06,323 --> 00:05:07,740 I don't see Chang as being 137 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:08,942 a real hands-on baby daddy. 138 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,027 Oh, so now we're all in the business 139 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,413 of knowing what's going on in Chang's head, huh? 140 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,697 Huh? 141 00:05:19,503 --> 00:05:21,320 Fine. For the child. 142 00:05:21,372 --> 00:05:23,039 - God bless you. - Not lately. 143 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,847 Oh, I'm, um... Oh, I'm so sorry, 144 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:34,267 but could you just not tell Troy and Abed 145 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,535 that we went out tonight? 146 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,170 No problem. 147 00:05:37,238 --> 00:05:39,239 It's just, um... They're just really worried 148 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,741 if you and I, you know, see each other 149 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,343 that it's somehow gonna affect your friendship with them. 150 00:05:44,395 --> 00:05:46,312 Hey, don't worry. Don't worry. 151 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,514 I can keep a secret. 152 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,949 I'm from the Balkans. 153 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,252 There are many things I try not to talk about. 154 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:55,855 Lukka... 155 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,390 I knew it. 156 00:05:57,458 --> 00:06:00,026 I knew there was pain in there. 157 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,360 Just so you know, 158 00:06:01,412 --> 00:06:03,229 you can talk to me about anything. 159 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,567 So much killing... 160 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:11,204 The corpses stacked like firewood, 161 00:06:11,272 --> 00:06:13,439 the rivers red with their blood... 162 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,041 I miss it so much. 163 00:06:15,092 --> 00:06:17,277 Oh, Lukka. 164 00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,896 Mm. Wait, just, um... Just to clarify, 165 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,380 when you say you miss it, 166 00:06:21,432 --> 00:06:23,549 it's like... like you have survivor's guilt, 167 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,435 like you wish you were back over there 168 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:26,786 defending the motherland, right? 169 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,722 Yes, I-I miss cleansing our fields and forests 170 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,791 of the unclean people who stole my country. 171 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:35,762 I miss the smell of the villages burning. 172 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:41,401 I miss the way they used to run from our tanks in fear. 173 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,771 Ah, damn it. 174 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,123 My neighbor is jazz musician. 175 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,775 Hey, Spencer, come on, man. 176 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,543 I got woman in here! 177 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,212 Great. 178 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,914 He really knows how to kill the mood. 179 00:07:00,638 --> 00:07:02,889 What are you doing? Did you look for a job today? 180 00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:04,123 I was going to, 181 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,942 but I noticed your coffee table's wobbly, 182 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,695 so I decided to fix it. 183 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,897 Ugh! 184 00:07:10,965 --> 00:07:13,733 It must be the floor. 185 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,868 Don't saw the floor. Don't saw anything. 186 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:19,122 I'm tired of confiscating saws. Give me that. 187 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:23,076 Take this. 188 00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:25,244 "Parental rights"? 189 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,747 - You're adopting me? - It's from Shirley. 190 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,582 It gives her and Andre the baby. 191 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,451 Sign it. 192 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,086 Oh, and if anyone asks, 193 00:07:33,137 --> 00:07:35,388 this was my most convincing speech ever. 194 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:44,514 Why are you crying? 195 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,865 Ugh. 196 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,434 Don't tell me you actually wanted to be a father. 197 00:07:48,485 --> 00:07:50,837 I don't know. 198 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,689 Maybe. 199 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,441 I mean, what if this is my last chance? 200 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:58,544 I mean, between you and me, I don't Chang a lot of chicks. 201 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:01,381 But fathers are responsible. They have jobs. 202 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,583 You, you crash on people's couches 203 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,885 and twitch in your sleep like a dog dreaming of a rabbit. 204 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,754 It's real! You don't... 205 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,889 Wait. 206 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:14,794 So you're saying if I get a job and my own apartment, 207 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,831 Shirley might let me be part of my baby's life? 208 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,736 Yes. 209 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:27,106 That's exactly what I'm saying. 210 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,575 - So does that mean I can...? - Go for it. 211 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,512 Where do you keep getting these? 212 00:08:38,994 --> 00:08:40,528 Hey, guys, where are you going? 213 00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:41,829 We're grabbing lunch 214 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,364 for a marathon video game session with Lukka. 215 00:08:43,415 --> 00:08:45,866 Lots of fork foods... don't want to grease up the troops. 216 00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:47,785 Oh, speaking of Lukka, 217 00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:50,037 how much do you guys know about him, anyway? 218 00:08:50,105 --> 00:08:51,472 - Why? - Did you start dating him, 219 00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:53,574 and now you want to tell us horrible things about him? 220 00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:55,276 What? No. 221 00:08:55,343 --> 00:08:57,078 Good, 'cause Lukka's gonna teach us how to break the will 222 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,612 of an entire village by killing their livestock 223 00:08:58,680 --> 00:08:59,964 and desecrating their places of worship. 224 00:09:00,048 --> 00:09:01,081 That sounds horrific. 225 00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:03,117 Ugh. Girls are so un-desensitized. 226 00:09:07,389 --> 00:09:10,224 Jeffrey. 227 00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:11,792 - Hey, guys. - Hey, man. 228 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:13,494 Hi. So, um, how'd that little talk go 229 00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:14,495 with Chang last night? 230 00:09:14,563 --> 00:09:15,596 Yeah, about that, Shirley, 231 00:09:15,664 --> 00:09:17,164 I gave my most convincing speech ever, 232 00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:18,766 - and it didn't take. - Didn't take? 233 00:09:18,834 --> 00:09:20,367 We're not giving him a perm, Jeff. 234 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:21,819 We just need to him to sign a contract. 235 00:09:21,903 --> 00:09:24,038 Well, "need" is... Is a strong word. 236 00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,772 I think Shirley would feel more comfortable 237 00:09:25,824 --> 00:09:27,174 if we had something in writing. 238 00:09:27,242 --> 00:09:29,777 However, I believe that we can handle 239 00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:31,879 whatever obstacle comes our way. 240 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,497 Aw, baby. 241 00:09:33,582 --> 00:09:36,634 Well, good, good morning, everybody. 242 00:09:36,718 --> 00:09:38,152 Did you see the stock market today? 243 00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,955 Up, down... Pick a direction, huh? 244 00:09:41,022 --> 00:09:42,590 Man, I don't know about you guys, 245 00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:44,592 but I've been circling these want ads all morning. 246 00:09:44,659 --> 00:09:47,961 Now, who wants to take a break and build a birdhouse? 247 00:09:48,013 --> 00:09:49,597 Chang, what's going on? 248 00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:50,931 I'm just getting my act together. 249 00:09:50,982 --> 00:09:52,132 I got a baby coming. 250 00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:54,134 I can almost hear the pitter-patter 251 00:09:54,186 --> 00:09:56,637 of little Chinese feet across the treetops. 252 00:09:56,688 --> 00:09:58,105 And when that happens, 253 00:09:58,156 --> 00:10:00,608 I got to be the best dad I can be. 254 00:10:00,659 --> 00:10:02,159 Right, Jeff, huh? 255 00:10:02,244 --> 00:10:04,195 Come on, don't leave me hanging, 256 00:10:04,279 --> 00:10:05,679 my main mentor. 257 00:10:05,747 --> 00:10:07,481 Oh, hey, is that a reason to leave? 258 00:10:07,532 --> 00:10:09,033 - Hmm? - Jeffrey? Excuse me. 259 00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:10,651 Jeffrey! 260 00:10:10,702 --> 00:10:12,819 Let me ask you a question, dad-to-dad. 261 00:10:12,871 --> 00:10:15,706 Why do I have to put the vcr on three 262 00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:17,725 Bon is on five? 263 00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:19,210 Hmm? 264 00:10:19,294 --> 00:10:21,879 Jeff! Jeffrey! 265 00:10:21,963 --> 00:10:25,633 I know you not gonna make a pregnant woman run. 266 00:10:28,603 --> 00:10:30,304 I know you not gonna make a pregnant woman 267 00:10:30,372 --> 00:10:34,275 walk this distance between us. 268 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,743 So I ask you to help me, 269 00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:37,228 and you take that as an opportunity 270 00:10:37,312 --> 00:10:38,845 to get Chang out of your apartment? 271 00:10:38,897 --> 00:10:40,397 Hey, who am I to stand in the way 272 00:10:40,482 --> 00:10:42,216 of someone trying to put their life together? 273 00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:43,868 - What am I, daytime television? - Very cute, Jeff. 274 00:10:43,952 --> 00:10:45,452 Well, how cute is it gonna be 275 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,288 when that lunatic is dangling my baby 276 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,023 over a lion cage on alternate weekends? 277 00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:51,158 Could be pretty cute. Are they baby lions? 278 00:10:51,226 --> 00:10:53,360 New low, Jeff, even for you. 279 00:10:53,411 --> 00:10:55,963 Shirley... 280 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,432 Right. I'm not gonna make a pregnant woman storm off? 281 00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,668 Mm-mm. 282 00:11:00,719 --> 00:11:02,069 Look at them run. 283 00:11:02,137 --> 00:11:04,038 They must die like the maggots that they are. 284 00:11:04,105 --> 00:11:05,739 Whoa, Lukka, I didn't know we got extra points 285 00:11:05,807 --> 00:11:07,208 - for killing villagers. - He's amazing. 286 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,009 And I thought I knew everything about this game. 287 00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,594 Britta. 288 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:11,612 Hi, Lukka. 289 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,514 - No! - Unbelievable. 290 00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:15,482 Guys, calm down. I'm just here 291 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:19,687 for my "trekkies do it in the final frontier" hat. 292 00:11:19,754 --> 00:11:20,688 That's my hat. 293 00:11:20,739 --> 00:11:22,056 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 294 00:11:22,123 --> 00:11:23,490 - Are you sure? - Yep. 295 00:11:27,746 --> 00:11:31,098 Hey, Lukka, you are really good at this game, 296 00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:34,702 and there must be a reason that you are so good at this game. 297 00:11:34,769 --> 00:11:37,171 Britta, though your flirtation technique is hilarious, 298 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,255 it's distracting. 299 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:40,341 Lukka is kicking serious ass right now. 300 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,076 He just set fire to a farmers market. 301 00:11:42,143 --> 00:11:44,345 Bang, bang, you're dead! 302 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,648 Save your tears for your dog mother in hell! 303 00:11:49,217 --> 00:11:51,251 Okay, fine. 304 00:11:51,303 --> 00:11:53,887 Wait a minute. 305 00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:56,307 You have DVD blu-ray disc 306 00:11:56,391 --> 00:11:58,525 "The Final Kickening." 307 00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,827 You let me borrow, no? 308 00:11:59,894 --> 00:12:01,195 Ah, no can do, Lukka. Sorry. 309 00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,396 Thanks to guys like Pierce 310 00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:04,164 who kept writing "this side up" on all my disks, 311 00:12:04,232 --> 00:12:06,033 I have a strict no-lending policy on my DVDs. 312 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,469 What would happen if somebody broke that rule? 313 00:12:08,536 --> 00:12:10,654 They'd be dead to me forever. 314 00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:12,740 Maybe we watch "The Final Kickening" 315 00:12:12,807 --> 00:12:13,741 together sometime. 316 00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,960 Yes, Lukka, maybe we do. 317 00:12:16,044 --> 00:12:18,345 May... Be... 318 00:12:18,413 --> 00:12:21,015 We... Do. 319 00:12:21,082 --> 00:12:25,119 Would you please leave? 320 00:12:25,186 --> 00:12:26,453 I don't want to play anymore. 321 00:12:26,521 --> 00:12:28,255 - I feel sick. - She's strange. 322 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,194 Hey, Chang, can I talk to you for a second? 323 00:12:34,262 --> 00:12:36,630 Sorry, can't talk till I see my face in this. 324 00:12:36,681 --> 00:12:38,932 Well, can I give you some advice... 325 00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:40,234 Dad-to-dad? 326 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:41,568 Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. 327 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,604 My pipe. Okay. 328 00:12:46,408 --> 00:12:47,941 What's on your mind, neighbor? 329 00:12:48,009 --> 00:12:49,827 Look, I think it's great that you're trying to get 330 00:12:49,911 --> 00:12:51,161 your life together, right? 331 00:12:51,246 --> 00:12:53,197 But for your sake and for Shirley's, 332 00:12:53,281 --> 00:12:55,115 I think you just need to relax a little. 333 00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,950 Oh, I see what's going on. 334 00:12:57,018 --> 00:12:58,318 You're scared. 335 00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:59,987 Feel me coming up on your tail, huh? 336 00:13:00,055 --> 00:13:01,221 No... no, no. 337 00:13:01,289 --> 00:13:04,291 Man, listen, I've been a father for 11 years, 338 00:13:04,342 --> 00:13:06,193 and a good one for 9 of those. 339 00:13:06,261 --> 00:13:07,728 Now, I'm there when they're sick. 340 00:13:07,796 --> 00:13:09,897 I pick 'em up from school, help 'em with their homework. 341 00:13:09,964 --> 00:13:12,032 See, Chang, it's not how you act, 342 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,801 it's what you do. 343 00:13:13,852 --> 00:13:15,269 Well, I do. 344 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:19,172 You think that pool table put aluminum siding on itself? 345 00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:20,574 Ow. 346 00:13:20,642 --> 00:13:23,310 Uh, yeah, see, that's not what I'm talking about. 347 00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:25,979 It just ripped. 348 00:13:26,047 --> 00:13:29,149 I'll go ahead and consider that point missed. 349 00:13:32,153 --> 00:13:33,554 I got your text. What's going on? 350 00:13:33,621 --> 00:13:35,155 Something terrible has happened. 351 00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:36,907 My "The Final Kickening" DVD 352 00:13:36,991 --> 00:13:37,958 is missing. 353 00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:38,992 Oh, that's awful. 354 00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:41,028 Somebody took it? Who would... 355 00:13:41,096 --> 00:13:44,031 Wait. "Kickmuncher 3"? 356 00:13:44,099 --> 00:13:47,301 Wasn't that the movie that Lukka was...? 357 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,470 You don't think...? 358 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,338 Unless... 359 00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,807 You don't suppose...? However... 360 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:54,942 No. 361 00:13:55,009 --> 00:13:56,443 That would mean that you guys 362 00:13:56,511 --> 00:13:59,446 would have to stop hanging out... no! 363 00:13:59,514 --> 00:14:01,899 We have video of you taking the DVD, Britta. 364 00:14:01,983 --> 00:14:03,751 What? 365 00:14:10,258 --> 00:14:12,259 You have a security camera in your room? 366 00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:13,861 It's for an extremely thorough documentary 367 00:14:13,912 --> 00:14:15,062 I'm making on my life. 368 00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:16,630 It's mostly footage of me watching dailies, 369 00:14:16,698 --> 00:14:18,098 but every once in a while it comes in handy. 370 00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:19,533 I don't understand why you would do this 371 00:14:19,601 --> 00:14:20,701 and then try to pin it on Lukka. 372 00:14:20,769 --> 00:14:22,402 Now you're just ruining cool guys for fun. 373 00:14:22,454 --> 00:14:23,904 It's just cruelty, Britta. 374 00:14:23,972 --> 00:14:26,140 You're inhuman. You're an inhuman person. 375 00:14:26,207 --> 00:14:27,240 You're a monster. 376 00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:28,609 Lukka's a monster for realsies. 377 00:14:28,676 --> 00:14:30,377 I did this so you guys would stop hanging out with him. 378 00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:31,578 He's a war criminal! 379 00:14:31,646 --> 00:14:33,313 You're embarrassing yourself, Britta. 380 00:14:33,381 --> 00:14:35,082 In what war is he a criminal... 381 00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:37,251 The battle for our affections? 382 00:14:37,318 --> 00:14:39,636 Uh, how about the genocide in the Balkans? 383 00:14:39,721 --> 00:14:40,954 Hmm, yeah, you would say that. 384 00:14:41,022 --> 00:14:43,640 You just got caught red-handed borrowing a DVD 385 00:14:43,725 --> 00:14:46,326 without permission. 386 00:14:47,946 --> 00:14:49,480 You guys have to believe me. 387 00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:52,900 He's so much worse than tall Kyle! 388 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,294 Hey, Jefe. 389 00:15:04,379 --> 00:15:05,629 Hola. 390 00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:07,247 What are you doing? Who are these tiny people? 391 00:15:07,315 --> 00:15:09,166 I picked up Shirley's kids from school, 392 00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,118 and I'm helping them with their Spanish homework. 393 00:15:11,186 --> 00:15:12,669 - Hey, kids. - Ooh! 394 00:15:12,754 --> 00:15:15,639 Ow. Watch the cardigan. 395 00:15:15,723 --> 00:15:17,007 What? Why? 396 00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:18,525 To prove I'm a responsible dad. 397 00:15:18,593 --> 00:15:19,860 This proves you're a kidnapper. 398 00:15:19,928 --> 00:15:22,095 - What the hell's wrong with you? - I am nuts, Jeff! 399 00:15:22,147 --> 00:15:23,347 Get with the program! 400 00:15:23,431 --> 00:15:24,731 Oh, my God. What have I done? 401 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,401 I can't believe I actually said you could be a father. 402 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:28,802 - I can be. - Oh, no, you can't. 403 00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:31,021 You can't be anything, and you never will. 404 00:15:31,105 --> 00:15:32,706 I pretended to have faith in you 405 00:15:32,774 --> 00:15:35,108 to get you off my couch and out of my apartment. 406 00:15:35,176 --> 00:15:37,194 Now, call Shirley and beg forgiveness. 407 00:15:37,278 --> 00:15:39,696 Kids, why don't you get your stuff together? 408 00:15:39,781 --> 00:15:41,865 I'll take you home. 409 00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:44,868 Who's Shirley? 410 00:15:44,953 --> 00:15:46,987 Shirley's your mom, dumb-ass. 411 00:15:47,055 --> 00:15:48,322 Our mom's name is Loquanda. 412 00:15:48,389 --> 00:15:50,424 Hey, hey, that's racist. 413 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:53,093 Wait. Is your mom's name really Loquanda? 414 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,028 Yeah. You said you were a friend of hers. 415 00:15:55,096 --> 00:15:57,397 Why didn't you know that, dumb-ass? 416 00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:59,165 I do! I... 417 00:15:59,217 --> 00:16:01,268 Just playing a educational game with you! 418 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:03,103 - Right. - Don't give me that lip. 419 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,872 Hey, kids, you mind waiting in the hallway? 420 00:16:04,939 --> 00:16:07,474 - Yeah, no problem. - Go ahead. 421 00:16:07,525 --> 00:16:09,543 I want you to understand something while I'm gone. 422 00:16:09,611 --> 00:16:11,345 You are a horrible human being, 423 00:16:11,412 --> 00:16:13,981 and I will never feel sorry for you again. 424 00:16:14,048 --> 00:16:15,282 I don't care what happens to you, 425 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,285 and when I get back, I want you gone. 426 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,586 Oh, believe me, 427 00:16:19,654 --> 00:16:22,789 I will definitely be far, far away from here. 428 00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:29,396 Hi, policeman, how much do you pay 429 00:16:29,464 --> 00:16:32,599 for anonymous tips about kidnappings? 430 00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:48,106 Here's your wallet, keys, and pasties. 431 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,724 They're nipple guards for running. 432 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,025 Olympic athletes use them. 433 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,544 Buddy, I worked at a maximum-security prison 434 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:53,912 for seven years, 435 00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:55,780 and those are still the gayest thing I've ever seen. 436 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,149 Well, I find that hard to believe. 437 00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:00,235 Jeffrey, I spoke to the boys' mother. 438 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:02,220 She's not gonna press charges. Are you okay? 439 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,388 Oh, I'm fine. 440 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,173 I spent the night learning arts and crafts 441 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,908 from my cell mate, Chabo. 442 00:17:06,976 --> 00:17:08,326 Did you know you can make an ashtray 443 00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,195 using only a cigarette and a snitch's forehead? 444 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,464 Yeah. 445 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,800 Look, uh, Shirley, I'm... 446 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,502 I'm sorry I tried to capitalize 447 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,304 on your situation with Chang. 448 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:20,772 Apology accepted. 449 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,707 Punishment is time served. 450 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,476 There's no cell on earth that can hold Chang! 451 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:27,211 I know this place's secrets. 452 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:30,515 Winger! Thank God you're all right! 453 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,817 I've been looking all... Hey, Tracy. What's up, baby? 454 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,435 Why are they arresting Chang? 455 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,321 I thought you said Loquanda wasn't pressing charges. 456 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,522 Mm-hmm, not against Jeff, 457 00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:39,073 but I talked her into going after Chang 458 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,458 for child endangerment. 459 00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:42,427 Shirley, he could get three to five years for that. 460 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,162 Are you sure that's what you want? 461 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,597 Because if we put our heads together, 462 00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:47,031 we could be rid of him for 20 to life. 463 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,867 - Really? - Oh, absolutely. 464 00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:50,335 All I'd have to do is testify 465 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,036 that he tried to sell those kids to me 466 00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:54,072 and throw in the fact that he was teaching them Spanish, 467 00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,573 and any d.A. Worth his salt 468 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,075 can make a case for human trafficking. 469 00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,594 I like how you thinking. 470 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,079 What is wrong with you two? 471 00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,580 Why are you doing this to Chang? 472 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,349 Andre, I'm doing this for us. 473 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,750 We have a second chance for our family, 474 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,218 and I just want everything to be perfect. 475 00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:10,088 Baby, that's what you wanted the first time around. 476 00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,557 You did everything in your power to make everything perfect, 477 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,758 and look what happened. 478 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,093 Are you trying to tell me you cheated 479 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,728 because I wanted what was best for our family? 480 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:19,163 No, I cheated because I was a coward. 481 00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:21,599 But you took me back, because while I was gone, 482 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,402 somehow you learned to accept the bad with the good. 483 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,504 Oh, that's the Greendale effect. 484 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,640 Our school motto is "lower your standards." 485 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,459 Look, look, I know you are ashamed 486 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,911 about what happened with Chang. 487 00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,913 Hell, I am too, all right? 488 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,247 But locking that little man up 489 00:18:36,298 --> 00:18:38,516 is not gonna make our lives any less crazy. 490 00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:41,119 It'll only make prison crazier. 491 00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:42,654 I guess you're right. 492 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,623 It's impossible to keep the chaos from your lives. 493 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,392 I mean, we learned that in that movie 494 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,927 we saw with all those dinosaurs. 495 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,763 - Jurassic Park? - No, it's complicated. 496 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,267 Okay, okay, time-out. 497 00:18:56,318 --> 00:18:58,403 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 498 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,905 I'm sorry to you, you, officer baby. 499 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,273 Come on! 500 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:05,276 No! No! No! 501 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:15,253 Britta? 502 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,689 What? You guys want me to ruin something for you? 503 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,757 Come on, you're being dramatic. 504 00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:25,330 We asked Lukka a few questions after what you said. 505 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,231 He told us about his time in the army 506 00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:28,833 and... 507 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,568 The things he did. 508 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,737 I'm never gonna get some of those images out of my head. 509 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,238 If I ever go to the Balkans, 510 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,474 I'm bringing some serious cheat codes and walk-throughs. 511 00:19:36,525 --> 00:19:37,775 Why didn't you tell us sooner? 512 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,043 Because I didn't want to be the one 513 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,645 to ruin another guy for you guys. 514 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,680 Britta, there's a difference between telling us 515 00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,015 a guy likes nipple play 516 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:47,452 and telling us a guy makes hats out of babies. 517 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,820 I guess the reason this happened 518 00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,856 is because we've been riding you kind of hard lately. 519 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,592 How about from now on, we promise to go easier on you, 520 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,060 if you promise not to tell us 521 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,996 any details about the guys you're dating, 522 00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,564 unless they've committed genocide. 523 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,865 Or if they're left-handed. 524 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,001 I want to know about that. I'm making a chart. 525 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,385 Deal. 526 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,374 I guess I ruined game night. 527 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:10,808 I tend to ruin stuff. 528 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,410 - Come on. - You do not. 529 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,145 You want to watch catfish with us? 530 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,264 Was that the movie where the guy flirts with the girl online, 531 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:20,251 but then it turns out that it's a fat, old woman? 532 00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,186 Oh. Sorry. 533 00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:23,821 It's cool. 534 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,491 Maybe it's about catfish. 535 00:21:02,332 --> 00:21:04,700 Well, this was fun.