1 00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:02,537 Don't forget, Greendale. 2 00:00:02,537 --> 00:00:03,914 It's the last day 3 00:00:02,537 --> 00:00:03,914 to sign up 4 00:00:03,914 --> 00:00:05,791 for a spring 5 00:00:03,914 --> 00:00:05,791 semester elective. 6 00:00:05,791 --> 00:00:09,169 Horseback riding, 7 00:00:05,791 --> 00:00:09,169 waterskiing, fencing. 8 00:00:09,169 --> 00:00:12,422 Those are just a few classes 9 00:00:09,169 --> 00:00:12,422 we can afford to offer 10 00:00:12,422 --> 00:00:14,341 if enough people 11 00:00:12,422 --> 00:00:14,341 pay to learn hopscotch. 12 00:00:14,341 --> 00:00:16,135 Oh, they've got a class 13 00:00:14,341 --> 00:00:16,135 on jokes. 14 00:00:16,135 --> 00:00:19,262 Don't take that. I dropped it 15 00:00:16,135 --> 00:00:19,262 after the lesson on setups. 16 00:00:19,262 --> 00:00:22,016 The professor is so old... 17 00:00:24,143 --> 00:00:27,479 So many classes. 18 00:00:24,143 --> 00:00:27,479 I don't know what to choose. 19 00:00:27,479 --> 00:00:29,397 I'll give you the advice 20 00:00:27,479 --> 00:00:29,397 my father gave me 21 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,899 the night 22 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,899 I lost my virginity. 23 00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:33,610 "Just pick one. 24 00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:33,610 They all cost the same." 25 00:00:33,610 --> 00:00:36,780 You could take "The Actor 26 00:00:33,610 --> 00:00:36,780 Inside" with me and Troy. 27 00:00:38,032 --> 00:00:39,407 How'd you get dragged 28 00:00:38,032 --> 00:00:39,407 into that one? 29 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,576 Our dance teacher 30 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,576 encourages us 31 00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:44,203 to take acting to tap 32 00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:44,203 into our emotions, 33 00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:46,915 so Troy and I both decided 34 00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:46,915 to take it together. 35 00:00:46,915 --> 00:00:48,375 Hm. Foosball was full? 36 00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:50,209 On the wait list. 37 00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:50,209 Don't give up. 38 00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:52,004 I was on the wait list 39 00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:52,004 for this class 40 00:00:52,004 --> 00:00:53,296 for a year and I got in. 41 00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:55,215 "Who Indeed: 42 00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:55,215 A Critical Analysis 43 00:00:55,215 --> 00:00:57,342 of Television's 44 00:00:55,215 --> 00:00:57,342 Who's the Boss? " 45 00:00:57,342 --> 00:00:58,844 The professor is the author. 46 00:00:58,844 --> 00:01:00,512 We got him? 47 00:00:58,844 --> 00:01:00,512 I know. 48 00:01:00,512 --> 00:01:02,222 So, what are you taking, 49 00:01:00,512 --> 00:01:02,222 Jeff? 50 00:01:02,222 --> 00:01:04,683 While you are expanding 51 00:01:02,222 --> 00:01:04,683 your minds and souls, 52 00:01:04,683 --> 00:01:07,895 I'll be expanding my liver 53 00:01:04,683 --> 00:01:07,895 in Italian Wine Tasting. 54 00:01:09,063 --> 00:01:11,314 I'm taking that one too. 55 00:01:11,314 --> 00:01:13,358 How do you say "ha, ha" 56 00:01:11,314 --> 00:01:13,358 in Italian? 57 00:01:13,358 --> 00:01:15,652 I'll look it up. 58 00:01:13,358 --> 00:01:15,652 Come on, it'll be fun. 59 00:01:15,652 --> 00:01:16,904 I can give you pointers. 60 00:01:16,904 --> 00:01:18,989 I was a lawyer at 61 00:01:16,904 --> 00:01:18,989 a top-tier law firm. 62 00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:20,824 When I wasn't shielding 63 00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:20,824 the wealthy, 64 00:01:20,824 --> 00:01:22,576 I was drinking 65 00:01:20,824 --> 00:01:22,576 their finest wines. 66 00:01:22,576 --> 00:01:25,162 You have your own wine cellar? 67 00:01:22,576 --> 00:01:25,162 Pierce does. 68 00:01:25,162 --> 00:01:26,955 And it's "ha, ha." 69 00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:29,750 Anyone can have a cellar. 70 00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:29,750 It's what's in it. 71 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:32,293 Pierce's has a special gym 72 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:32,293 with swings and saddles. 73 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,253 Uh, we don't... We don't discuss 74 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,253 the special gym. 75 00:01:34,253 --> 00:01:36,840 Attention, please. 76 00:01:34,253 --> 00:01:36,840 Attention, please. 77 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:41,302 All elective forms must be in 78 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:41,302 by the end of the day. 79 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:43,304 Oh, nice job, Manuel. 80 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,807 And good news, 81 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,807 there's still plenty of room 82 00:01:45,807 --> 00:01:47,726 in my PA 83 00:01:45,807 --> 00:01:47,726 Announcements class. 84 00:01:47,726 --> 00:01:49,603 Just 10 bucks an hour. 85 00:01:49,603 --> 00:01:51,063 [THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" 86 00:01:49,603 --> 00:01:51,063 PLAYING] 87 00:02:20,217 --> 00:02:21,927 You're taking this too? 88 00:02:20,217 --> 00:02:21,927 Hell, yeah. 89 00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:24,596 You got drunk ladies, 90 00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:24,596 fancy bathrooms 91 00:02:24,596 --> 00:02:26,640 and a room full 92 00:02:24,596 --> 00:02:26,640 of free coats. 93 00:02:27,933 --> 00:02:29,226 Sorry I'm late, man. 94 00:02:29,226 --> 00:02:31,228 I brought you a present. 95 00:02:31,228 --> 00:02:33,855 Oh. From before 96 00:02:31,228 --> 00:02:33,855 your chin dimple filled in. 97 00:02:33,855 --> 00:02:37,734 Uh, excuse me. 98 00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,236 So sorry. 99 00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,236 Hm. 100 00:02:40,279 --> 00:02:41,738 Whoa. 101 00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:43,991 Who is the dumpling 102 00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:43,991 with the nice Asian pair? 103 00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:46,493 That's the first time sexism 104 00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:46,493 made me hungry, 105 00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:48,078 but she is something. 106 00:02:48,078 --> 00:02:50,329 I fear I may have 107 00:02:48,078 --> 00:02:50,329 to let her see me nude. 108 00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:51,999 I might have to take 109 00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:51,999 a shot myself. 110 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,210 What's funny? 111 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,210 Why would a woman 112 00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,753 want a Plymouth on blocks 113 00:02:56,753 --> 00:03:00,174 when she could have a Testarossa 114 00:02:56,753 --> 00:03:00,174 with a six-speed stick? 115 00:03:00,174 --> 00:03:02,759 Because my stick 116 00:03:00,174 --> 00:03:02,759 is ribbed for her pleasure. 117 00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:06,513 I think those are wrinkles. 118 00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:06,513 Let that breathe. 119 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,561 Lingering scent, full body, 120 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,856 perfect nose. 121 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,856 Very nice wine. 122 00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:19,193 I was talking about you. 123 00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:19,193 Jeff Winger. 124 00:03:19,193 --> 00:03:20,694 Wu Mei Hong Long. 125 00:03:20,694 --> 00:03:22,988 Oh, what a lovely name 126 00:03:20,694 --> 00:03:22,988 for a lovely... 127 00:03:22,988 --> 00:03:24,948 Uh... Not interested. 128 00:03:24,948 --> 00:03:28,409 Please take weird haircut, 129 00:03:24,948 --> 00:03:28,409 stupid grin, 130 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,996 and go sniff 131 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,996 another dog's ass. 132 00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:35,209 Heh, heh. 133 00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:35,209 The red dragon ordered 134 00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:38,170 a Number 37 with a side 135 00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:38,170 of pork-fried snap. 136 00:03:41,715 --> 00:03:44,301 When you get up close, 137 00:03:41,715 --> 00:03:44,301 she's very homely. 138 00:03:46,845 --> 00:03:48,513 This is gonna be fun. 139 00:03:48,513 --> 00:03:49,931 I can't wait till 140 00:03:48,513 --> 00:03:49,931 we choose stage names. 141 00:03:49,931 --> 00:03:51,308 Which do you think 142 00:03:49,931 --> 00:03:51,308 is better, 143 00:03:51,308 --> 00:03:54,144 Trevor St. McGoodbody 144 00:03:51,308 --> 00:03:54,144 or David? 145 00:03:54,144 --> 00:03:55,854 Don't think you have 146 00:03:54,144 --> 00:03:55,854 to worry about that. 147 00:03:55,854 --> 00:03:58,023 This is about introspection. 148 00:03:59,066 --> 00:04:00,984 Drag. 149 00:04:03,111 --> 00:04:05,239 Less of a drag. 150 00:04:05,239 --> 00:04:06,656 Quiet! 151 00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:11,119 Form a trust circle around me 152 00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:11,119 and sit on the floor. 153 00:04:11,119 --> 00:04:13,330 A trust circle? 154 00:04:11,119 --> 00:04:13,330 It's just a circle. 155 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:14,873 It's a circle. Sit down. 156 00:04:17,792 --> 00:04:21,421 Acting is revealing, 157 00:04:17,792 --> 00:04:21,421 expression. 158 00:04:21,421 --> 00:04:26,843 When we release pain, 159 00:04:21,421 --> 00:04:26,843 we become visible to each other, 160 00:04:26,843 --> 00:04:29,512 and that is an actor's job. 161 00:04:29,512 --> 00:04:33,350 That and, you know, 162 00:04:29,512 --> 00:04:33,350 pretending to be other people. 163 00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:34,434 Let's start with you. 164 00:04:36,353 --> 00:04:37,854 Access and share with us 165 00:04:37,854 --> 00:04:40,399 a profoundly deep 166 00:04:37,854 --> 00:04:40,399 and painful memory. 167 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:43,860 I'm on the playground. 168 00:04:44,945 --> 00:04:46,405 Stop taunting me. 169 00:04:48,031 --> 00:04:50,825 I just want to go 170 00:04:48,031 --> 00:04:50,825 on the swings! 171 00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:54,704 Good. Early childhood 172 00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:54,704 is a treasure trove of pain. 173 00:04:54,704 --> 00:04:56,164 That happened this morning. 174 00:04:59,918 --> 00:05:01,128 You're up. 175 00:05:01,128 --> 00:05:02,963 Me? Um... 176 00:05:02,963 --> 00:05:04,172 I don't think... 177 00:05:04,172 --> 00:05:06,007 I don't want you to think. 178 00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:08,176 Feel. Go back. 179 00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:11,679 Dig in, emotilize. 180 00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:11,679 Something hurt you. 181 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:14,599 Um... 182 00:05:14,599 --> 00:05:17,060 I was captain of 183 00:05:14,599 --> 00:05:17,060 my high school football team. 184 00:05:18,728 --> 00:05:24,151 It was very hard 185 00:05:18,728 --> 00:05:24,151 being popular. 186 00:05:24,985 --> 00:05:26,236 What a loser. 187 00:05:26,236 --> 00:05:27,988 Okay, great. Next person. 188 00:05:27,988 --> 00:05:30,407 I've always felt 189 00:05:27,988 --> 00:05:30,407 somehow ignored, 190 00:05:30,407 --> 00:05:32,533 almost invisible. 191 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,953 Every time I go to say 192 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,953 something, somebody... 193 00:05:34,953 --> 00:05:36,746 My uncle put his finger 194 00:05:34,953 --> 00:05:36,746 in my no-no. 195 00:05:38,497 --> 00:05:41,709 What? Oh, my God. 196 00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:46,965 This. This is where 197 00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:46,965 acting begins. 198 00:05:54,806 --> 00:05:59,144 Welcome to A Critical Analysis 199 00:05:54,806 --> 00:05:59,144 of Who's the Boss? 200 00:05:59,144 --> 00:06:01,146 I am Professor 201 00:05:59,144 --> 00:06:01,146 Peter Sheffield, 202 00:06:01,146 --> 00:06:07,027 and I'd like to begin 203 00:06:01,146 --> 00:06:07,027 with a simple question: 204 00:06:07,027 --> 00:06:08,445 Who was the boss? 205 00:06:13,158 --> 00:06:14,951 Yes. 206 00:06:13,158 --> 00:06:14,951 Angela. 207 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,165 Oh, well, class dismissed. 208 00:06:21,958 --> 00:06:24,211 No, calm down. Calm down. 209 00:06:24,211 --> 00:06:28,340 I'm sorry, um, Mr...? 210 00:06:24,211 --> 00:06:28,340 Abed. 211 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:31,968 The answer is not quite 212 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:31,968 that simple, Mr. Abed. 213 00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:33,887 Few are. 214 00:06:33,887 --> 00:06:38,599 Now, if everyone could please 215 00:06:33,887 --> 00:06:38,599 turn to Page 12 in my book. 216 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,394 Ahem, loser. 217 00:06:40,394 --> 00:06:42,521 You have to finish 218 00:06:40,394 --> 00:06:42,521 that by tomorrow? 219 00:06:42,521 --> 00:06:43,813 Yeah, 220 00:06:42,521 --> 00:06:43,813 but it's a page-turner. 221 00:06:43,813 --> 00:06:45,357 I'm on the chapter 222 00:06:43,813 --> 00:06:45,357 where 223 00:06:45,357 --> 00:06:47,359 he traces Tony Micelli's 224 00:06:45,357 --> 00:06:47,359 genealogy to Caesar. 225 00:06:47,359 --> 00:06:49,277 Better than wine tasting 226 00:06:47,359 --> 00:06:49,277 with Pierce. 227 00:06:49,277 --> 00:06:50,611 Refused pinot noir, 228 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,322 thought it was French 229 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,322 for "black penis." 230 00:06:52,322 --> 00:06:56,575 And he's late, again. 231 00:06:52,322 --> 00:06:56,575 It's not your fault. 232 00:06:56,575 --> 00:06:57,702 It's not your fault. 233 00:06:57,702 --> 00:07:00,663 Thank you. 234 00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,374 He'll be here. 235 00:07:02,374 --> 00:07:04,167 He wouldn't miss a chance 236 00:07:02,374 --> 00:07:04,167 to say something offensive. 237 00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:06,711 Man's gonna run out of ways 238 00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:06,711 to shock people. 239 00:07:06,711 --> 00:07:09,506 Everybody, this is Wu Mei, 240 00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:11,508 and we're getting married. 241 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:15,136 But it's not gonna be today. 242 00:07:19,099 --> 00:07:22,352 So you're getting married 243 00:07:19,099 --> 00:07:22,352 to that beautiful young thing? 244 00:07:22,352 --> 00:07:24,563 Well, uh, stranger things 245 00:07:22,352 --> 00:07:24,563 have happened. 246 00:07:24,563 --> 00:07:26,106 No. No, they haven't. 247 00:07:26,106 --> 00:07:27,607 You said you guys 248 00:07:26,106 --> 00:07:27,607 just met? 249 00:07:27,607 --> 00:07:29,943 Yesterday after 250 00:07:27,607 --> 00:07:29,943 wine tasting class 251 00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:31,611 I mentioned that 252 00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:31,611 her breasts were larger 253 00:07:31,611 --> 00:07:34,655 than most Asian women, 254 00:07:31,611 --> 00:07:34,655 and we just got to talking. 255 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,951 Turns out Pierce 256 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,951 has been to China many times. 257 00:07:37,951 --> 00:07:40,412 To get fireworks 258 00:07:37,951 --> 00:07:40,412 too dangerous for Mexico. 259 00:07:40,412 --> 00:07:42,497 No. I go to visit my factory. 260 00:07:42,497 --> 00:07:45,250 Hawthorne Wipes are the 261 00:07:42,497 --> 00:07:45,250 number-one towelette in Asia. 262 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,960 After a few minutes, 263 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,588 we both just knew we were 264 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,588 meant to be together forever. 265 00:07:49,588 --> 00:07:52,006 Or at least until 266 00:07:49,588 --> 00:07:52,006 she gets heavy. 267 00:07:52,006 --> 00:07:55,135 And now we must leave you. 268 00:07:55,135 --> 00:07:59,347 Many plans to make. 269 00:07:55,135 --> 00:07:59,347 Yes, yes, big plans. 270 00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:03,143 Well, what are we gonna do? 271 00:08:03,143 --> 00:08:04,561 Plan an engagement party. 272 00:08:04,561 --> 00:08:06,813 You out of your mind? 273 00:08:04,561 --> 00:08:06,813 This is a scam. 274 00:08:06,813 --> 00:08:08,940 She's after his money 275 00:08:06,813 --> 00:08:08,940 or a green card. 276 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:10,733 They seem to like 277 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:10,733 each other. 278 00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:13,111 Pierce married three 279 00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:13,111 of his wives after a month. 280 00:08:13,111 --> 00:08:14,571 Maybe he's just a romantic. 281 00:08:14,571 --> 00:08:16,573 Not that you would 282 00:08:14,571 --> 00:08:16,573 understand romance. 283 00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:18,366 Don't preach to me 284 00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:18,366 about romance. 285 00:08:18,366 --> 00:08:20,160 I had a three-way 286 00:08:18,366 --> 00:08:20,160 in a hot air balloon. 287 00:08:21,453 --> 00:08:23,871 Fine. 288 00:08:21,453 --> 00:08:23,871 Guess I'll do it myself. 289 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,499 Ready to go? 290 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,499 Mm-hm. 291 00:08:25,499 --> 00:08:28,293 Boy, he seems 292 00:08:25,499 --> 00:08:28,293 really worked up. 293 00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:32,464 Hey, don't take on his pain. 294 00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:32,464 Tend your own garden. 295 00:08:36,384 --> 00:08:38,845 I'll see you in class. 296 00:08:41,139 --> 00:08:43,558 What's going on? 297 00:08:41,139 --> 00:08:43,558 Oh, um... 298 00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:44,643 I didn't have 299 00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:44,643 a painful experience 300 00:08:44,643 --> 00:08:45,977 to share in acting class, 301 00:08:45,977 --> 00:08:48,563 so I said my uncle 302 00:08:45,977 --> 00:08:48,563 tried to touch my butt. 303 00:08:48,563 --> 00:08:51,566 Britta's attracted to pain. 304 00:08:48,563 --> 00:08:51,566 Helps her pretend to be healthy. 305 00:08:51,566 --> 00:08:52,775 Really? 306 00:08:51,566 --> 00:08:52,775 Yeah. 307 00:08:52,775 --> 00:08:54,068 I hadn't noticed. 308 00:08:52,775 --> 00:08:54,068 Troy? 309 00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,488 Hm? 310 00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,488 Nothing good can come of this. 311 00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:58,532 Yeah. 312 00:08:58,532 --> 00:09:01,535 I'll have to think hard about 313 00:08:58,532 --> 00:09:01,535 how to defuse the situation. 314 00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:04,245 No, Uncle Lucius, 315 00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:04,245 I don't wanna play 316 00:09:04,245 --> 00:09:05,664 in the laundry room! 317 00:09:05,664 --> 00:09:09,834 My emotions! My emotions! 318 00:09:14,005 --> 00:09:17,133 That was really beautiful. 319 00:09:14,005 --> 00:09:17,133 Actors dismissed. 320 00:09:18,176 --> 00:09:19,427 Uh, for homework, 321 00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:22,763 drink a glass of cognac 322 00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:22,763 in a bathtub. 323 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:27,435 Troy, I feel like I'm seeing 324 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:27,435 a whole different side of you. 325 00:09:27,435 --> 00:09:29,354 There's just 326 00:09:27,435 --> 00:09:29,354 so much darkness. 327 00:09:30,397 --> 00:09:34,150 And my soul is darkening, 328 00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:37,654 and my heart is mad 329 00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:37,654 at my kidneys, and... 330 00:09:37,654 --> 00:09:39,989 My mouth... 331 00:09:43,910 --> 00:09:46,120 See you tomorrow. 332 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,543 Um, hello. 333 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,543 Oh, hi. 334 00:09:51,543 --> 00:09:53,169 I'm glad you could come. 335 00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:55,547 Please sit. 336 00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:55,547 Okay. 337 00:09:55,547 --> 00:09:58,299 I felt like we got off 338 00:09:55,547 --> 00:09:58,299 on the wrong foot, 339 00:09:58,299 --> 00:10:01,386 and I wanted to offer you 340 00:09:58,299 --> 00:10:01,386 my other foot. 341 00:10:01,386 --> 00:10:04,889 First, let me say 342 00:10:01,386 --> 00:10:04,889 how happy I am for you both. 343 00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:06,725 Your parents must be 344 00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:06,725 so excited. 345 00:10:06,725 --> 00:10:09,728 Are they coming to the wedding? 346 00:10:06,725 --> 00:10:09,728 Oh, they would not miss it. 347 00:10:09,728 --> 00:10:12,522 My mother will make 348 00:10:09,728 --> 00:10:12,522 the customary shark's fin soup, 349 00:10:12,522 --> 00:10:16,943 and my father will get drunk and 350 00:10:12,522 --> 00:10:16,943 make bad impression of Borat. 351 00:10:16,943 --> 00:10:19,446 Oh, so your parents don't mind 352 00:10:16,943 --> 00:10:19,446 having a son-in-law 353 00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:20,697 roughly their age? 354 00:10:20,697 --> 00:10:25,159 No. Pierce is a beautiful, 355 00:10:20,697 --> 00:10:25,159 wise man, 356 00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:26,994 very gentle soul. 357 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,163 Let me tell you that 358 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,163 I am a lawyer, 359 00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,165 so if you need 360 00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,165 any help at all, 361 00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:34,252 navigating the whole green card, 362 00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:34,252 immigration hassle... 363 00:10:34,252 --> 00:10:36,337 I am dual citizen already. 364 00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:39,424 Oh. If you'd like me 365 00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:39,424 to look at the prenup... 366 00:10:39,424 --> 00:10:41,134 I assume you have one. 367 00:10:41,134 --> 00:10:44,053 Yes, but my father's lawyers 368 00:10:41,134 --> 00:10:44,053 will take care of this. 369 00:10:44,053 --> 00:10:47,848 After all, we must protect 370 00:10:44,053 --> 00:10:47,848 our family fortune. 371 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:51,978 Hm. Now I'm stumped. 372 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:51,978 Excuse me? 373 00:10:51,978 --> 00:10:53,688 Uh... It was... 374 00:10:53,688 --> 00:10:55,231 That means it was very nice 375 00:10:53,688 --> 00:10:55,231 talking to you. 376 00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:57,233 Oh. Okay, if you say so. 377 00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:59,902 Okay. Bye. 378 00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:59,902 Okay, goodbye. 379 00:11:01,362 --> 00:11:03,740 Why were you grilling her? 380 00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:07,076 I'm gonna bust 381 00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:07,076 into her apartment. 382 00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:08,369 Do you have any 383 00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:08,369 grappling hooks? 384 00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,121 Maybe Pierce 385 00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,121 found his soul mate. 386 00:11:10,121 --> 00:11:12,373 How can you say those things 387 00:11:10,121 --> 00:11:12,373 without irony? 388 00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,542 That's why they call me 389 00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,542 irony-free Annie. 390 00:11:14,542 --> 00:11:17,253 Mm, trust me, 391 00:11:14,542 --> 00:11:17,253 that's not what they call you. 392 00:11:24,427 --> 00:11:26,638 Yes? Oh. 393 00:11:26,638 --> 00:11:28,431 Mr. Abed. 394 00:11:26,638 --> 00:11:28,431 What can I do for you? 395 00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:30,099 I finished your book, 396 00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:30,099 professor. 397 00:11:30,099 --> 00:11:31,850 I've been watching 398 00:11:30,099 --> 00:11:31,850 Who's the Boss? 399 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,102 There's something 400 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,102 you overlooked. 401 00:11:33,102 --> 00:11:36,773 Mr. Abed, 402 00:11:33,102 --> 00:11:36,773 will you look at my wall? 403 00:11:36,773 --> 00:11:38,316 Mm-hm. 404 00:11:36,773 --> 00:11:38,316 What do you see? 405 00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:39,526 Photographs. 406 00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:39,526 Of what? 407 00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:41,110 You. 408 00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:41,110 With whom? 409 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,903 Tony Danza, Judith Light, 410 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,903 Alyssa Milano, 411 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,573 Who's the Boss caterer 412 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,573 Gordon "Giddy-up" Galligan. 413 00:11:45,573 --> 00:11:48,576 I have studied this show, 414 00:11:45,573 --> 00:11:48,576 Mr Abed. 415 00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:51,954 I am not a fan, 416 00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:51,954 I am not a groupie, 417 00:11:51,954 --> 00:11:54,624 I am an academic. 418 00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:57,084 When I ask the question, 419 00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:57,084 "Who's the boss?" 420 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,628 it is a rhetorical question. 421 00:11:58,628 --> 00:12:00,505 When I ask the question beyond 422 00:11:58,628 --> 00:12:00,505 the question, 423 00:12:00,505 --> 00:12:02,089 "What is a boss?"... 424 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,675 I really think it's Angela, 425 00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:05,510 because if it's a boss 426 00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:05,510 you're looking at... 427 00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:06,969 Enough! 428 00:12:06,969 --> 00:12:09,514 I would like you to leave. 429 00:12:06,969 --> 00:12:09,514 My mind is open. 430 00:12:09,514 --> 00:12:11,391 Open as the door 431 00:12:09,514 --> 00:12:11,391 to Mona's bedroom. 432 00:12:11,391 --> 00:12:13,184 It's a shame yours isn't. 433 00:12:11,391 --> 00:12:13,184 I beg your pardon? 434 00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:18,356 You know, 435 00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:18,356 I just got a wonderful idea. 436 00:12:18,356 --> 00:12:21,609 Why don't you teach 437 00:12:18,356 --> 00:12:21,609 the next class? 438 00:12:21,609 --> 00:12:25,530 That way you can share 439 00:12:21,609 --> 00:12:25,530 your open mind with everybody. 440 00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:27,073 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 441 00:12:27,073 --> 00:12:28,742 Pew! 442 00:12:30,326 --> 00:12:31,910 I couldn't be more touched 443 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:33,413 you threw us 444 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:33,413 an engagement party. 445 00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:35,331 You said if we didn't, 446 00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:35,331 you'd slash our tires. 447 00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:39,001 Ha, ha, ha. She is funny. 448 00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:39,001 Like Oprah. 449 00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:40,587 Oprah's not a comedienne. 450 00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:44,716 No, you are funny, 451 00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:44,716 and you are like Oprah. 452 00:12:44,716 --> 00:12:46,593 Heh, heh, heh. Yeah. 453 00:12:44,716 --> 00:12:46,593 What? 454 00:12:46,593 --> 00:12:48,762 Thank you. 455 00:12:46,593 --> 00:12:48,762 Pierce. 456 00:12:48,762 --> 00:12:50,971 I'd like to offer 457 00:12:48,762 --> 00:12:50,971 sincere congratulations. 458 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,850 It's hard to find people 459 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,850 you can stand, 460 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:55,810 let alone someone 461 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:55,810 willing to stomach 462 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,271 your imminent dementia 463 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,271 and present incontinence. 464 00:12:58,271 --> 00:13:01,315 Thank you, Jeff. 465 00:12:58,271 --> 00:13:01,315 I just hope she can satisfy me. 466 00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:04,235 I'm like an insatiable baboon 467 00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:04,235 in the bedroom. 468 00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:06,821 Don't sell yourself short. 469 00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:06,821 You're a baboon everywhere. 470 00:13:10,116 --> 00:13:12,786 Seems like yesterday me and 471 00:13:10,116 --> 00:13:12,786 Abed dined and ditched here. 472 00:13:18,249 --> 00:13:21,502 Here, hold this. 473 00:13:18,249 --> 00:13:21,502 Bah. What is this? 474 00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:23,922 I carry spare apps 475 00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:23,922 in case the staff's racist. 476 00:13:23,922 --> 00:13:26,716 Where's a napkin? 477 00:13:23,922 --> 00:13:26,716 Here you go. 478 00:13:26,716 --> 00:13:28,551 Oh, thanks. 479 00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:29,886 Check that out. 480 00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:32,680 Hats off to Pierce 481 00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:32,680 and the hot red dragon. 482 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,474 Why do you keep calling 483 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,474 her that? 484 00:13:34,474 --> 00:13:36,183 "Hong Long" means 485 00:13:34,474 --> 00:13:36,183 "red dragon." 486 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,435 That's her middle name. 487 00:13:37,435 --> 00:13:39,312 In China, they put 488 00:13:37,435 --> 00:13:39,312 the last name first. 489 00:13:39,312 --> 00:13:41,564 I mean, 490 00:13:39,312 --> 00:13:41,564 they're nuts over there. 491 00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:50,281 Thank you all for coming. 492 00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:50,281 I know it seems fast, 493 00:13:50,281 --> 00:13:52,742 but when you find 494 00:13:50,281 --> 00:13:52,742 the right person, you know. 495 00:13:52,742 --> 00:13:55,411 I know because I've found 496 00:13:52,742 --> 00:13:55,411 the right person seven times. 497 00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:58,205 So the drinks are on me, 498 00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:58,205 but stick to the crappy stuff. 499 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,541 I don't wanna get cornholed 500 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,541 on the bar tab. 501 00:14:00,541 --> 00:14:04,671 Pierce, you can't just 502 00:14:00,541 --> 00:14:04,671 throw around a term like that. 503 00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:08,633 Cornhole. Cornhole. 504 00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:08,633 Cornhole. 505 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:11,719 Pierce, Troy was molested. 506 00:14:11,719 --> 00:14:13,763 Cool. 507 00:14:14,889 --> 00:14:17,517 Troy, we didn't know. 508 00:14:17,517 --> 00:14:20,019 Troy, do you need me 509 00:14:17,517 --> 00:14:20,019 to recommend a support group? 510 00:14:20,019 --> 00:14:23,314 Hey, he's not a victim. 511 00:14:20,019 --> 00:14:23,314 You're a survivor. 512 00:14:29,779 --> 00:14:32,072 Yeah, about that. 513 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:35,159 I wasn't so much "molested" 514 00:14:35,159 --> 00:14:37,996 as much as I "made it up." 515 00:14:37,996 --> 00:14:39,497 What? 516 00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:42,166 We're gonna laugh so hard 517 00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:42,166 about this later. 518 00:14:42,166 --> 00:14:44,251 I'd like to propose a toast. 519 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:49,340 Wu Mei Hong Long, better known 520 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:49,340 as Mei Hong Long Wu, 521 00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:52,218 is not only 522 00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:52,218 not a Greendale student, 523 00:14:52,218 --> 00:14:54,804 she works 524 00:14:52,218 --> 00:14:54,804 for Red Dragon Wipes, 525 00:14:54,804 --> 00:14:57,640 the number-two wipe in Asia, 526 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,227 currently attempting 527 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,227 a takeover of Hawthorne Wipes. 528 00:15:01,227 --> 00:15:03,229 So please, 529 00:15:01,227 --> 00:15:03,229 raise your glasses, 530 00:15:03,229 --> 00:15:06,649 to saving Pierce from 531 00:15:03,229 --> 00:15:06,649 the clutches of a corporate spy. 532 00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:08,985 And to me for being 533 00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:08,985 attractive enough 534 00:15:08,985 --> 00:15:14,073 to get a girl like her 535 00:15:08,985 --> 00:15:14,073 under normal circumstances. 536 00:15:14,073 --> 00:15:17,577 Very impressive, Veronica Mars. 537 00:15:14,073 --> 00:15:17,577 You learned how to use Google. 538 00:15:17,577 --> 00:15:19,871 And you learned to fight 539 00:15:17,577 --> 00:15:19,871 your desire for me. 540 00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:23,249 Oh, stick it. You suck. 541 00:15:24,709 --> 00:15:26,544 Wait, wait, wait. 542 00:15:27,754 --> 00:15:29,255 [RECORD SCRATCHES 543 00:15:27,754 --> 00:15:29,255 OVER SPEAKER] 544 00:15:29,255 --> 00:15:31,049 Record scratch app. 545 00:15:39,933 --> 00:15:42,101 Where'd everybody go? 546 00:15:42,101 --> 00:15:43,519 Most people went home. 547 00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:46,146 The rest went with Chang 548 00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:46,146 to have a ketchup fight. 549 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,483 I better get back there before 550 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,483 he starts playing monkey drop. 551 00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:51,110 Don't ask. 552 00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:53,320 Oh, uh... 553 00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:53,320 Do you wanna come? 554 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,074 Why would I wanna go 555 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,074 anywhere with Judas Winger? 556 00:15:56,074 --> 00:15:57,867 You're mad? 557 00:15:56,074 --> 00:15:57,867 You should thank me. 558 00:15:57,867 --> 00:16:00,703 For what? 559 00:15:57,867 --> 00:16:00,703 Ruining my relationship? 560 00:16:00,703 --> 00:16:02,246 What relationship? 561 00:16:02,246 --> 00:16:04,331 You just met the woman, 562 00:16:02,246 --> 00:16:04,331 and the entire thing was a lie. 563 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,667 She was just using you 564 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,667 to get your company. 565 00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:09,295 And I was just using her 566 00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:09,295 to get her company in the sack. 567 00:16:09,295 --> 00:16:11,380 People use each other, 568 00:16:09,295 --> 00:16:11,380 Jeff. 569 00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:14,467 It doesn't mean that there 570 00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:14,467 aren't feelings that go with it. 571 00:16:14,467 --> 00:16:16,135 I liked her. 572 00:16:16,135 --> 00:16:18,846 She was busty. 573 00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:22,016 I thought we had something. 574 00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:22,016 I was trying to help you. 575 00:16:22,016 --> 00:16:23,434 I think what you were 576 00:16:22,016 --> 00:16:23,434 trying to do 577 00:16:23,434 --> 00:16:26,270 is prove that 578 00:16:23,434 --> 00:16:26,270 no woman could want me. 579 00:16:37,323 --> 00:16:38,532 You're here. 580 00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:41,327 Look, Britta, 581 00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:41,327 I'm really sorry. 582 00:16:41,327 --> 00:16:44,580 Troy, kissing you was a mistake. 583 00:16:41,327 --> 00:16:44,580 It will never happen again. 584 00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,333 Good. 585 00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,751 Before my ex-boyfriend Pablo 586 00:16:48,751 --> 00:16:50,837 was arrested for forging 587 00:16:48,751 --> 00:16:50,837 church relics, 588 00:16:50,837 --> 00:16:52,964 he accused me 589 00:16:50,837 --> 00:16:52,964 of only being attracted 590 00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:55,299 to a certain kind of guy. 591 00:16:55,299 --> 00:16:56,926 It was hard 592 00:16:55,299 --> 00:16:56,926 to understand him, though. 593 00:16:56,926 --> 00:16:58,803 He was huffed up 594 00:16:56,926 --> 00:16:58,803 on paint thinners. 595 00:16:58,803 --> 00:17:02,348 Well, maybe someday you'll fall 596 00:16:58,803 --> 00:17:02,348 for someone who's healthy. 597 00:17:02,348 --> 00:17:05,101 Someone who, 598 00:17:02,348 --> 00:17:05,101 other than his irrational fear 599 00:17:05,101 --> 00:17:08,896 of automatic toilets, 600 00:17:05,101 --> 00:17:08,896 is normal. 601 00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:13,442 Who would like to begin 602 00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:13,442 today? 603 00:17:13,442 --> 00:17:15,486 I would. 604 00:17:15,486 --> 00:17:17,113 With a confession. 605 00:17:17,113 --> 00:17:20,116 My uncle never stuck 606 00:17:17,113 --> 00:17:20,116 his finger in my plop-plop. 607 00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:23,577 I know, 608 00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:23,577 I'm bummed about it too. 609 00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:25,245 I'm sorry. 610 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:29,542 I wanna be interesting. 611 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:29,542 I wanna fit in with you guys. 612 00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:32,753 I wanna be able to be 613 00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:32,753 an actor. 614 00:17:41,971 --> 00:17:45,391 The pain of not having 615 00:17:41,971 --> 00:17:45,391 enough pain 616 00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:47,476 is still pain, young man. 617 00:17:47,476 --> 00:17:51,605 That may sound like 618 00:17:47,476 --> 00:17:51,605 an easy resolution, but... 619 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:53,566 we're not writers. 620 00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:56,235 We're actors. 621 00:17:57,820 --> 00:18:00,781 Story doesn't matter here. 622 00:18:03,159 --> 00:18:07,538 All that matters 623 00:18:03,159 --> 00:18:07,538 is our time... 624 00:18:08,497 --> 00:18:11,291 in the spotlight. 625 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:14,045 And so, by all known definitions 626 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:14,045 of the word "boss," 627 00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:15,922 I.e., one with authority 628 00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:15,922 over another, 629 00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:17,882 in nine of 11 630 00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:17,882 possible fields 631 00:18:17,882 --> 00:18:20,801 in which one might teach, 632 00:18:17,882 --> 00:18:20,801 employ, guide, 633 00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:22,929 oversee, 634 00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:22,929 and-or hold dominion, 635 00:18:22,929 --> 00:18:24,680 the empirically 636 00:18:22,929 --> 00:18:24,680 provable answer 637 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:28,601 to the question 638 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:28,601 "who's the boss?" is... 639 00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:33,189 Angela Bower. 640 00:18:42,573 --> 00:18:45,492 Class dismissed. 641 00:18:53,876 --> 00:18:57,004 Class dismissed! 642 00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:10,684 There's a path you take 643 00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:10,684 and a path untaken. 644 00:19:12,186 --> 00:19:15,606 The choice is up to you, 645 00:19:12,186 --> 00:19:15,606 my friend. 646 00:19:40,965 --> 00:19:43,926 I wonder why Jeff and Abed 647 00:19:40,965 --> 00:19:43,926 didn't show. 648 00:19:43,926 --> 00:19:46,137 I don't know about Abed, 649 00:19:46,137 --> 00:19:48,889 but I'm sure Jeff just 650 00:19:46,137 --> 00:19:48,889 found another life to destroy. 651 00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,808 You thinking 652 00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,808 about studying acting? 653 00:19:50,808 --> 00:19:52,601 I'm auditioning 654 00:19:50,808 --> 00:19:52,601 for Garrity's 655 00:19:52,601 --> 00:19:54,895 all-black production 656 00:19:52,601 --> 00:19:54,895 of Fiddler on the Roof. 657 00:19:54,895 --> 00:19:58,524 It's called Fiddla Please. 658 00:19:58,524 --> 00:20:01,152 What's she doing here? 659 00:19:58,524 --> 00:20:01,152 I asked her to come. 660 00:20:01,152 --> 00:20:04,238 I was thinking maybe you two 661 00:20:01,152 --> 00:20:04,238 were meant to be together. 662 00:20:04,238 --> 00:20:06,532 You're both rude, 663 00:20:04,238 --> 00:20:06,532 deceitful and racist, 664 00:20:06,532 --> 00:20:09,451 and you both come 665 00:20:06,532 --> 00:20:09,451 from moist-wipe dynasties. 666 00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:11,245 I think having that much 667 00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:11,245 in common 668 00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:13,122 justifies at least one 669 00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:13,122 real date. 670 00:20:14,623 --> 00:20:16,334 I guess we could go to dinner. 671 00:20:14,623 --> 00:20:16,334 You're paying. 672 00:20:16,334 --> 00:20:18,794 You're dressing slutty. 673 00:20:16,334 --> 00:20:18,794 Fine. 674 00:20:18,794 --> 00:20:21,463 How about Mexican? 675 00:20:18,794 --> 00:20:21,463 How about Thai? 676 00:20:21,463 --> 00:20:23,465 They're like 677 00:20:21,463 --> 00:20:23,465 Chinese Mexicans. 678 00:20:23,465 --> 00:20:25,885 Heh. So true. 679 00:20:23,465 --> 00:20:25,885 Hm. 680 00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:54,288 Someone drop 681 00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:54,288 an Old Testament beat. 682 00:20:58,292 --> 00:21:00,169 Dreidels.